{"id":302694,"date":"2013-03-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-04T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage\/"},"modified":"2013-03-04T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-03-04T17:00:00","slug":"dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Dr. Love&#8217;s Prescription for a Happy Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Is it love, or is it the flu?&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-03-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.9M","filesize_raw":"25065865","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[5251,4213,4714],"podcast_series":[7932],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302694","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-cruise","tag-love","tag-romance","podcast_series-love-like-you-mean-it-a-cruise-with-a-purpose","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302694\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302694\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"c2UloBu6Rq\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage\/\">Dr. Love&#8217;s Prescription for a Happy Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dr-loves-prescription-for-a-happy-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=c2UloBu6Rq\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Dr. Love&#8217;s Prescription for a Happy Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"c2UloBu6Rq\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-03-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-03-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Angry voices of an arguing couple]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What happens when toxins get released into the marital bloodstream? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong> In the past, I would get angry with my husband when I felt that he wasn\u2019t allowing me to have my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What happens when there\u2019s anger, or wrath, or malice, or slander, or abusive speech? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> I never finished a conversation with anybody until I met my wife because whenever the conversation would go in a direction that my dad didn\u2019t like, he\u2019d storm out of the room. I didn\u2019t know you could talk through something all the way through until the end. I never saw it before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not enough for a couple to try to cleanse the marriage from the toxins. You\u2019ve got to know what to replace those toxins with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> My sister\u2014she forgave her husband for the infidelity in their marriage. Now, they\u2019re back together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Today, we\u2019ll hear about the toxins that can invade a marriage; and we\u2019ll find out how you can restore your marital health. That\u2019s coming up. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob\u2014Bob\u2014Bob, is this studio moving? [Laughter] It feels like\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you still feeling it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019m still rocking. I\u2019m still rocking a bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was about\u2014what was it? Three weeks ago, I guess, that we were onboard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I should be over this by now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You should. We were on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><em><sup>\u2122<\/sup><\/em> marriage cruise with about a thousand couples who joined us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was amazingly stable, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We thought, this week, we would give listeners an opportunity to hear a little bit of what our guests heard as they joined us onboard the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about just a moment here\u2014we started on Monday and left port, I guess, about 5 o\u2019clock on Monday afternoon\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and sailed all the way down to Key West, which was not that far. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not that far, but a great stop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a great stop. Then, we sailed all night and arrived the next afternoon at Cozumel\u2014in Mexico\u2014an island. That was really fun and clean and\u2014by the way, I did something there that I\u2019ve never done in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I went scuba diving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> With tanks\u2014with tanks on the back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara and I went\u2014with tanks on the back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Twenty-five feet\u2014that\u2019s how far I went down. You know, it was pretty cool. You can do a lot of things for the first time. For those who are listening to us, who have never been on a cruise, this would be the cruise of a lifetime to go and celebrate your 5<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary\u2014 10<sup>th<\/sup>, 20<sup>th<\/sup>, 25<sup>th<\/sup>, 50<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had some folks who had been married more than 50 years on the boat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, I was thinking, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got an anniversary coming up this year or next year that ends in either a \u201c0\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d\u201410, 15, 20, 25\u2014whatever it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great way to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you ought to come. The thing I love about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise is that it\u2019s a little different atmosphere. Out by the pool, people are wearing a little bit more clothing than you normally would see on a cruise. The music that is playing onboard the boat is Christian music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> By the time the week is over, Bob, the crew are kind of\u2014they\u2019re kind of stunned by so many people who are nice to them. I will tell a story, before the broadcast is over today, about a woman by the name of Claire from Ireland. It\u2019s a great story, but we need to hear a message you gave on Monday night. This is the day we boarded the ship. As we left port at 5:30, Bob Lepine was joining some musicians on stage, giving a message about how to love and how to love like you mean it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and just before we hear a portion from this message, if you are interested in joining us onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise next year, February 10<sup>th<\/sup> through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s week of 2014\u2014the prices for the cabins go up in two weeks. So, we wanted to let you know if you\u2019d like to join us, now is the best time to get in touch with us and find out how you can come along before the price increase. Already, 50 percent of the cabins are sold out. So, we\u2019d encourage you to call this week. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say: \u201cI\u2019d like more information about the cruise. We\u2019re interested in joining you.\u201d Get the details and plan to join us. Dr. Gary Chapman is going to be with us next year. He\u2019s the author of the book, <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Crawford Loritts, who is pastor in Atlanta, Georgia, will be joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got music from people like Nicole C. Mullen. Building 429 is going to be there. They\u2019ve got a great line up of musical artists who are going to be with us. So, it really is a fun trip. We\u2019d love to have you along. If you sign up this week, before the price increase, we\u2019ll include you as a part of our studio audience in a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> taping session we\u2019re going to do onboard the ship. So, find out more. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you left out a couple of other speakers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, you and me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. You and me\u2014we\u2019re going to be there as well. Karen Loritts is going to be there, as well. Ron Deal is going to be back with us, talking to blended families. I mean, it\u2019s a great line up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And here\u2019s King of Love, Bob Lepine, speaking on how to love like you mean it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The thing I learned about romance from pop songs in the 60s and the 70s\u2014probably the biggest thing came from Felix Cavaliere and the Young Rascals. Mr. Cavaliere was experiencing health problems, and he says it in his song. He says, \u201cI was feeling so bad. I asked my family doctor just what I had. I said, \u2018Doctor, Mr. MD, can you tell me what\u2019s ailing me?\u2019 He said, \u2018Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What you need,\u2019 he said, \u2018is good lovin\u2019.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s where we learned that there is actually a connection between how you feel and romance. In fact, we have somebody, onboard this ship with us this week, who recognized this connection between how we feel and romance, many years ago, and wrote a song about it. Would you welcome my friend, Steven Curtis Chapman, ladies and gentleman? Bring him out here. [Clapping] Here he is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Hey, everybody. How we doing? [Clapping]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, Stevie\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014tell us what you\u2019ve learned about romance and physical health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Okay. Yes, well, this was actually prior to me meeting the love of my life. I\u2019ll expound upon that later tonight in my concert, if you can be here for that. But I\u2014early on, I discovered this connection with a girl that I had gone to a ball game\u2014I grew up in Kentucky\u2014and football games, you know, Friday night high school football games. So, I wrote this song after a very moving time, we\u2019ll say, in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Singing about symptoms that could be love or the flu] [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Steven Curtis Chapman, ladies and gentlemen! [Cheering]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, you\u2019ve heard people described as hot-blooded; right? There is something in the bloodstream that determines just what your marital health looks like. In fact, I want to put a slide up here on the screen. Show us this slide, if you would. This is a look, close-up look, at what the red blood cells look like inside your bloodstream; but what scientists have uncovered recently is that, in the midst of these red blood cells, they\u2019re actually some romance cells. Show us a close-up here, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe call it <em>intimous pasinot\u00e9s<\/em> right there. [Laughter] There\u2019s actually been some correlation found that these cells do better with conditions like\u2014good hygiene, male- patterned baldness can actually affect these cells, shopping has an impact on these cells, buying new clothes\u2014but here\u2019s the breakthrough we have for you today\u2014we have found a conclusive study that shows what causes these cells to shrivel up and what causes them to thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, our romance cells are vulnerable to a number of toxins that get released into our bloodstream; and our heart starts to pound, and it drains the romance cells of their potency. These toxins that inhibit our romance cells make us less attractive to one another. So, interestingly, the primary toxins we\u2019re going to talk about tonight were first mentioned by the Apostle Paul in the Book of Colossians. In Chapter 3, he talked about the things that cause romance to be drained out of a relationship. Look at this passage: \u201cNow, you also,\u201d he says, \u201cput these toxins aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth; and do not lie to one another since you have laid aside the old self and its evil practices.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to look at is these six toxins in the marital bloodstream that can drain the romance right out of your marriage. So, let\u2019s look at them, one at a time. The first toxin is\u2014actually, we\u2019ll put them together\u2014anger and wrath. They really are\u2014they fit together. Two different toxins, but they\u2019re closely-related. You really sometimes can\u2019t tell the two of them apart. Anger is that ongoing feeling of hostility toward another person; and wrath is when it explodes\u2014when it bubbles up\u2014and when it comes out in some way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might wonder, \u201cWhere does this toxin come from? How does anger and wrath get injected into your marital bloodstream?\u201d Well, most often, people experience the toxic anger, in a marital relationship, when one of two things has happened\u2014either when they start to feel hurt\u2014and they get angry as a way to defend themselves against the hurt they are feeling. In other words: \u201cYou are hurting me\u2014with something you said, something you did, something that bothered me\u2014and my response to that is try to get angry. My hope is, \u2018If I get angry with you, it\u2019ll put you on notice not to hurt me like that again.\u2019\u201d You see how that works? Some of you have experienced that. You are hurting. So, you get angry as a way to try to keep your spouse from repeating the behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there are different ways that we <em>deal<\/em> with anger and wrath. Some of us are spewers\u2014we\u2019re blowers. We just\u2014when we feel it, everybody knows it; okay? Others of us are stuffers. I am from the stuffer family with anger and wrath. When I get angry, instead of getting loud, I get quiet. Instead of letting you know it, <em>obviously<\/em>, I\u2019m a little more subtle. I think it\u2019s more spiritual that way; right? [Laughter] I mean, we have this idea that somehow silence is a little more spiritual\u2014it is not spiritual! It\u2019s just\u2014that kind of passive anger is no better than explosive anger. Honestly, in our relationship\u2014Mary Ann and I\u2014have experienced these times of anger in our\u2014where both of us, we get quiet. We just kind of treat each other with an almost a condescending tone in our voice, if we speak at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I remember, one time, we were flying down to meet with other FamilyLife speakers, who speak at our Weekend to <em>Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. I was supposed to lead the retreat with the group of speakers. There, in the Atlanta airport, I figured I\u2019d better start talking to my wife again if I was going to lead the marital retreat we were going on here. [Laughter] I\u2019m just being honest! We\u2019ve had those moments in the Atlanta Hartsfield Airport. I can take you to the gate and show you where we had to get it out on the floor and start to deal with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger and wrath come when we\u2019ve been hurt; and we either get really quiet, or we get loud. So, that\u2019s anger and wrath. The next toxin is malice. Malice usually\u2014we hear that talked about in legal arenas, where we talk about the absence of malice\u2014the person didn\u2019t have evil intent when they did it. That\u2019s what malice is. Malice is having evil intent toward somebody and wanting to act out in anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for example, I remember a guy that I was mad at. I remember, lying in bed at night, thinking about how I\u2019d like to fly to the city where this guy lived and let all the air out of all four of his tires in the parking lot; okay? I didn\u2019t want to do anything really harmful\u2014just enough to really tick the guy off. That\u2019s malicious. That\u2019s what\u2014I wanted to act out on my anger in a way that did harm to the other person\u2014not necessarily physical harm\u2014but something that would annoy him\u2014something that would cause him some injury, some loss. That\u2019s malice, and it\u2019s toxic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next toxin is slander. Slander is when you say things that tear another person down. You make degrading comments. You might slander somebody, intentionally, or you might say something that you didn\u2019t realize was slanderous until it came out of your mouth. Then, you\u2019re trying to pull it back in. You can\u2019t do it; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve all heard when we were kids, \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones but\u201d\u2014what?\u2014[Audience] \u201cwords will never hurt me.\u201d That\u2019s a lie; isn\u2019t it? And some of you have said words to one another that were slanderous speech\u2014that brought hurt into your relationship\u2014and there is no way to get the words back. Can there be healing for that hurt? There can be; but once it\u2019s out, it lodges deep in our soul. That\u2019s slander. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, tied to slander is this idea of abusive speech that Paul talks about. Let me ask you a really simple question. Abusive speech\u2014when you are profane with your spouse, when you curse one another\u2014and some of you do this in the midst of anger\u2014one of the ways you express it is through cursing one another. That\u2019s abusive speech. When you tear another person down\u2014when you berate another person, when you start to talk about character, or appearance, or you start to say things that are designed to hurt somebody else\u2014that\u2019s abusive speech. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProbably the most\u2014the best example I can give you of abusive speech\u2014this is the trump card of abusive speech. When you are in the middle of an argument and you\u2019re saying things that are hurting one another, the one card you can pull out of your back pocket and throw on the table that can\u2019t be trumped\u2014you know what it is? \u201cMaybe it would be better if we\u2019d never gotten married.\u201d \u201cMaybe we ought to just get a divorce.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t hurt anybody more deeply than that. You can\u2019t hurt anybody more deeply than to go to the core of your marital covenant and suggest that that ought to be undone. Marriage, which is supposed to be two becoming one before God in a covenant relationship\u2014a commitment to one another that is supposed to provide a safety and security\u2014supposed to provide us love and supposed to provide us this unconditional acceptance\u2014when you play the, \u201cMaybe we ought to get a divorce\u201d card, that\u2019s abusive speech. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say to some of you\u2014because you\u2019ve played that card in your marriage before\u2014an action point for you is to sit down, across from your spouse, and just say: \u201cYou know, I know I said that. I know I\u2019ve said it before. I realize that\u2019s a sin before God to threaten that covenant. So, I\u2019m going to ask you to forgive me. I have asked God to forgive me, and I want to tell you right here, \u2018I will never say that again.\u2019\u201d That would be a healthy action point for some of you here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast toxin I want to talk about is the toxin of lying. Now, let me define this toxin because you think you know what lying means; or at least, I did. I thought lying is when you tell somebody something that\u2019s not true. Well, that\u2019s lying; but it\u2019s more than that. When you go to court, they say to you, \u201cDo you promise to tell the truth\u2026\u201d\u2014right? But then, they don\u2019t quit there. They say, \u201c\u2026the whole truth and nothing but the truth?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned this one time when I had been to the grocery store\u2014I came home from the grocery story. Mary Ann said, \u201cWhat did you get?\u201d I shared with her most of what I got. There were a few items I did not want her to know about, particularly\u2014items I didn\u2019t want her getting into. I didn\u2019t want her to know I was getting into them either; okay? I don\u2019t remember whether it was ice cream, or chips, or a combination thereof\u2014but something like that\u2014that she didn\u2019t need to mess with; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the thing I didn\u2019t realize is that the grocery store had started printing out itemized lists of what you bought at the store. When I didn\u2019t throw away the evidence, she found it and said, \u201cYou didn\u2019t mention these chips and the ice cream that you got.\u201d Now, had I told her the truth when I told her what I got at the store? Yes\u2014the whole truth? No. And what did that do? That made Mary Ann think: \u201cWhat else is he keeping from me? What else can\u2019t I trust him for? What other seeds are being sown in that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you see how this toxin threatens romance in a marriage? Listen\u2014if there is somebody who has anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech, and lying in the marriage\u2014that\u2019s not a turn-on; okay? Nobody looks at that guy and goes: \u201cBoy, I\u2019m just really\u2014I\u2019m feeling it right now!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cYou know\u2014you are angry and all that\u2014you\u2019re slandering me. Yes! Boy, can we hold hands?\u201d Nobody wants to do that; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s what happens when these toxins get released into the bloodstream\u2014they go right to work on the romance cells in the marriage. They start to attach themselves to those healthy romance cells. Then, they drain all the color and all of the passion out of the cells. And those cells shrink, and shut down, and start to die. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to step in here. We\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you\u2019re not letting them hear all the message\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because it would take longer than we have, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It would. The entire message is available on audio CD. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019re interested in getting a copy of the complete message because after we talked about the toxins, I spent some time talking about the antibodies that need to be released into the marital bloodstream to clean up the toxins\u2014and how you need to inject kindness, and compassion, and humility, gentleness, and patience into your marriage so that you don\u2019t just try to detoxify\u2014but you, actually, replace those toxins with something healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, let me just read you a couple of quotes here. Here\u2019s one from a couple married 23 years. They rated their marriage, after the cruise, a \u201c9\u201d. This person said: \u201cThe cruise had the right balance of speaker sessions, concerts, food,...\u201d\u2014by the way, it was recommended, Bob, that we rename the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise the Eat Like You Mean It cruise. She goes on to say, \u201c...sun and excursions\u2014plenty of time to do them. We are even closer than when we started and plan to bring some people back with us next year.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s one who said, before the cruise, they were a \u201c1\u201d; after the cruise, they were a \u201c9\u201d. \u201cA miracle was worked in both of us, and we were able to release the dead things and renew our love and commitment to our marriage after we both were ready to quit.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said you wanted to tell the story about Claire, from Ireland. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. There was a woman, Carol, who was getting a facial on the cruise; and as she talked to Claire\u2014the woman from Ireland who was working in the salon, performing the facial\u2014Claire said, \u201cAre you guys all in the same church or the\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You all related? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201crelated or something?\u201d Carol said, \u201cNo.\u201d She said, \u201cWell, are you all in the same family?\u201d Carol said, \u201cWell, kind of.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s the family of Jesus Christ because of what He\u2019s done for us.\u201d Claire said, \u201cWell, I\u2019d like to know how to be a part of that family. Could you explain to me how I could be a part of that family because what I\u2019m seeing around here really makes me want to be in that family?\u201d Carol said she began to immediately pray, as the facial was continuing to work its way out. After it was over, she led Claire to faith in Jesus Christ. The next day, she gave her a book. The next day, they got her in a Bible study onboard the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I tell you, Bob, it really is an exciting time of ministry, not only in our guests who come, but also in the crew members. <br><br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and as we\u2019ve said, if you\u2019ve got a special occasion coming up\u2014an anniversary that ends with a \u201c0\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d\u2014this might be the year to do something very special and join us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 50 percent of the cabins have already been reserved for next year; and the price goes up in a couple of weeks, on March 15<sup>th<\/sup>. So, if you want to join us, you need to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link where you can get more information. I know this is a significant investment, but there is no better investment to make than in your marriage\u2014to do something special\u2014to make a memory. This will be a memory that will last a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a vacation with a purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, there\u2019s a lot of entertainment. There are a lot of fun things to do when you hit port and even as we\u2019re at sea. But we\u2019re going to have two full days at sea next year. You have to know folks\u2014that may sound like, \u201cNo! I want to go on a cruise so that I can go to a port.\u201d Really, I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people who have done cruises in the past\u2014they like the day at sea the best because your choices are narrowed to some of the most fabulous choices you could ever imagine: speakers\u2014you\u2019d have to travel across the country to be able to hear\u2014optional seminars, first-run movies\u2014that we give people a kind of speak peek at\u2014just all kinds of fun things to do onboard the ship\u2014not to mention sleeping in and just having some walks and talks with the love of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, once again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY if you need more information. And we hope you\u2019ll think about it. We\u2019d love to have you join us. We\u2019d love to meet you and love to get to spend a week with you next Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014February 10<sup>th<\/sup> through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>, leaving from Miami\u2014the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise for 2014. Get more information, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear a second message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. We\u2019re going to hear from Dr. Eric Mason who spoke from Psalm 51 onboard the cruise about what repentance looks like in a marriage relationship\u2014the characteristics of repentant spouse. We\u2019ll hear a portion of his message tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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it love, or is it the flu?\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-03-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Angry voices of an arguing couple]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What happens when toxins get released into the marital bloodstream? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong> In the past, I would get angry with my husband when I felt that he wasn\u2019t allowing me to have my way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What happens when there\u2019s anger, or wrath, or malice, or slander, or abusive speech? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> I never finished a conversation with anybody until I met my wife because whenever the conversation would go in a direction that my dad didn\u2019t like, he\u2019d storm out of the room. I didn\u2019t know you could talk through something all the way through until the end. I never saw it before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not enough for a couple to try to cleanse the marriage from the toxins. You\u2019ve got to know what to replace those toxins with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> My sister\u2014she forgave her husband for the infidelity in their marriage. Now, they\u2019re back together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Today, we\u2019ll hear about the toxins that can invade a marriage; and we\u2019ll find out how you can restore your marital health. That\u2019s coming up. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob\u2014Bob\u2014Bob, is this studio moving? [Laughter] It feels like\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you still feeling it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019m still rocking. I\u2019m still rocking a bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was about\u2014what was it? Three weeks ago, I guess, that we were onboard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I should be over this by now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You should. We were on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><em><sup>\u2122<\/sup><\/em> marriage cruise with about a thousand couples who joined us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was amazingly stable, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We thought, this week, we would give listeners an opportunity to hear a little bit of what our guests heard as they joined us onboard the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, let\u2019s talk about just a moment here\u2014we started on Monday and left port, I guess, about 5 o\u2019clock on Monday afternoon\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and sailed all the way down to Key West, which was not that far. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not that far, but a great stop. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It was a great stop. Then, we sailed all night and arrived the next afternoon at Cozumel\u2014in Mexico\u2014an island. That was really fun and clean and\u2014by the way, I did something there that I\u2019ve never done in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I went scuba diving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> With tanks\u2014with tanks on the back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara and I went\u2014with tanks on the back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Twenty-five feet\u2014that\u2019s how far I went down. You know, it was pretty cool. You can do a lot of things for the first time. For those who are listening to us, who have never been on a cruise, this would be the cruise of a lifetime to go and celebrate your 5<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary\u2014 10<sup>th<\/sup>, 20<sup>th<\/sup>, 25<sup>th<\/sup>, 50<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had some folks who had been married more than 50 years on the boat. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, I was thinking, \u201cIf you\u2019ve got an anniversary coming up this year or next year that ends in either a \u201c0\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d\u201410, 15, 20, 25\u2014whatever it is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great way to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you ought to come. The thing I love about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise is that it\u2019s a little different atmosphere. Out by the pool, people are wearing a little bit more clothing than you normally would see on a cruise. The music that is playing onboard the boat is Christian music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> By the time the week is over, Bob, the crew are kind of\u2014they\u2019re kind of stunned by so many people who are nice to them. I will tell a story, before the broadcast is over today, about a woman by the name of Claire from Ireland. It\u2019s a great story, but we need to hear a message you gave on Monday night. This is the day we boarded the ship. As we left port at 5:30, Bob Lepine was joining some musicians on stage, giving a message about how to love and how to love like you mean it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and just before we hear a portion from this message, if you are interested in joining us onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise next year, February 10<sup>th<\/sup> through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>\u2014it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s week of 2014\u2014the prices for the cabins go up in two weeks. So, we wanted to let you know if you\u2019d like to join us, now is the best time to get in touch with us and find out how you can come along before the price increase. Already, 50 percent of the cabins are sold out. So, we\u2019d encourage you to call this week. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say: \u201cI\u2019d like more information about the cruise. We\u2019re interested in joining you.\u201d Get the details and plan to join us. Dr. Gary Chapman is going to be with us next year. He\u2019s the author of the book, <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Crawford Loritts, who is pastor in Atlanta, Georgia, will be joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got music from people like Nicole C. Mullen. Building 429 is going to be there. They\u2019ve got a great line up of musical artists who are going to be with us. So, it really is a fun trip. We\u2019d love to have you along. If you sign up this week, before the price increase, we\u2019ll include you as a part of our studio audience in a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> taping session we\u2019re going to do onboard the ship. So, find out more. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you left out a couple of other speakers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, you and me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s right. You and me\u2014we\u2019re going to be there as well. Karen Loritts is going to be there, as well. Ron Deal is going to be back with us, talking to blended families. I mean, it\u2019s a great line up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And here\u2019s King of Love, Bob Lepine, speaking on how to love like you mean it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The thing I learned about romance from pop songs in the 60s and the 70s\u2014probably the biggest thing came from Felix Cavaliere and the Young Rascals. Mr. Cavaliere was experiencing health problems, and he says it in his song. He says, \u201cI was feeling so bad. I asked my family doctor just what I had. I said, \u2018Doctor, Mr. MD, can you tell me what\u2019s ailing me?\u2019 He said, \u2018Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What you need,\u2019 he said, \u2018is good lovin\u2019.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s where we learned that there is actually a connection between how you feel and romance. In fact, we have somebody, onboard this ship with us this week, who recognized this connection between how we feel and romance, many years ago, and wrote a song about it. Would you welcome my friend, Steven Curtis Chapman, ladies and gentleman? Bring him out here. [Clapping] Here he is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Hey, everybody. How we doing? [Clapping]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, Stevie\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Yes, sir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014tell us what you\u2019ve learned about romance and physical health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong> Okay. Yes, well, this was actually prior to me meeting the love of my life. I\u2019ll expound upon that later tonight in my concert, if you can be here for that. But I\u2014early on, I discovered this connection with a girl that I had gone to a ball game\u2014I grew up in Kentucky\u2014and football games, you know, Friday night high school football games. So, I wrote this song after a very moving time, we\u2019ll say, in my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Singing about symptoms that could be love or the flu] [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Steven Curtis Chapman, ladies and gentlemen! [Cheering]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, you\u2019ve heard people described as hot-blooded; right? There is something in the bloodstream that determines just what your marital health looks like. In fact, I want to put a slide up here on the screen. Show us this slide, if you would. This is a look, close-up look, at what the red blood cells look like inside your bloodstream; but what scientists have uncovered recently is that, in the midst of these red blood cells, they\u2019re actually some romance cells. Show us a close-up here, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe call it <em>intimous pasinot\u00e9s<\/em> right there. [Laughter] There\u2019s actually been some correlation found that these cells do better with conditions like\u2014good hygiene, male- patterned baldness can actually affect these cells, shopping has an impact on these cells, buying new clothes\u2014but here\u2019s the breakthrough we have for you today\u2014we have found a conclusive study that shows what causes these cells to shrivel up and what causes them to thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, our romance cells are vulnerable to a number of toxins that get released into our bloodstream; and our heart starts to pound, and it drains the romance cells of their potency. These toxins that inhibit our romance cells make us less attractive to one another. So, interestingly, the primary toxins we\u2019re going to talk about tonight were first mentioned by the Apostle Paul in the Book of Colossians. In Chapter 3, he talked about the things that cause romance to be drained out of a relationship. Look at this passage: \u201cNow, you also,\u201d he says, \u201cput these toxins aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth; and do not lie to one another since you have laid aside the old self and its evil practices.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to look at is these six toxins in the marital bloodstream that can drain the romance right out of your marriage. So, let\u2019s look at them, one at a time. The first toxin is\u2014actually, we\u2019ll put them together\u2014anger and wrath. They really are\u2014they fit together. Two different toxins, but they\u2019re closely-related. You really sometimes can\u2019t tell the two of them apart. Anger is that ongoing feeling of hostility toward another person; and wrath is when it explodes\u2014when it bubbles up\u2014and when it comes out in some way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might wonder, \u201cWhere does this toxin come from? How does anger and wrath get injected into your marital bloodstream?\u201d Well, most often, people experience the toxic anger, in a marital relationship, when one of two things has happened\u2014either when they start to feel hurt\u2014and they get angry as a way to defend themselves against the hurt they are feeling. In other words: \u201cYou are hurting me\u2014with something you said, something you did, something that bothered me\u2014and my response to that is try to get angry. My hope is, \u2018If I get angry with you, it\u2019ll put you on notice not to hurt me like that again.\u2019\u201d You see how that works? Some of you have experienced that. You are hurting. So, you get angry as a way to try to keep your spouse from repeating the behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there are different ways that we <em>deal<\/em> with anger and wrath. Some of us are spewers\u2014we\u2019re blowers. We just\u2014when we feel it, everybody knows it; okay? Others of us are stuffers. I am from the stuffer family with anger and wrath. When I get angry, instead of getting loud, I get quiet. Instead of letting you know it, <em>obviously<\/em>, I\u2019m a little more subtle. I think it\u2019s more spiritual that way; right? [Laughter] I mean, we have this idea that somehow silence is a little more spiritual\u2014it is not spiritual! It\u2019s just\u2014that kind of passive anger is no better than explosive anger. Honestly, in our relationship\u2014Mary Ann and I\u2014have experienced these times of anger in our\u2014where both of us, we get quiet. We just kind of treat each other with an almost a condescending tone in our voice, if we speak at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I remember, one time, we were flying down to meet with other FamilyLife speakers, who speak at our Weekend to <em>Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. I was supposed to lead the retreat with the group of speakers. There, in the Atlanta airport, I figured I\u2019d better start talking to my wife again if I was going to lead the marital retreat we were going on here. [Laughter] I\u2019m just being honest! We\u2019ve had those moments in the Atlanta Hartsfield Airport. I can take you to the gate and show you where we had to get it out on the floor and start to deal with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger and wrath come when we\u2019ve been hurt; and we either get really quiet, or we get loud. So, that\u2019s anger and wrath. The next toxin is malice. Malice usually\u2014we hear that talked about in legal arenas, where we talk about the absence of malice\u2014the person didn\u2019t have evil intent when they did it. That\u2019s what malice is. Malice is having evil intent toward somebody and wanting to act out in anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for example, I remember a guy that I was mad at. I remember, lying in bed at night, thinking about how I\u2019d like to fly to the city where this guy lived and let all the air out of all four of his tires in the parking lot; okay? I didn\u2019t want to do anything really harmful\u2014just enough to really tick the guy off. That\u2019s malicious. That\u2019s what\u2014I wanted to act out on my anger in a way that did harm to the other person\u2014not necessarily physical harm\u2014but something that would annoy him\u2014something that would cause him some injury, some loss. That\u2019s malice, and it\u2019s toxic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next toxin is slander. Slander is when you say things that tear another person down. You make degrading comments. You might slander somebody, intentionally, or you might say something that you didn\u2019t realize was slanderous until it came out of your mouth. Then, you\u2019re trying to pull it back in. You can\u2019t do it; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve all heard when we were kids, \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones but\u201d\u2014what?\u2014[Audience] \u201cwords will never hurt me.\u201d That\u2019s a lie; isn\u2019t it? And some of you have said words to one another that were slanderous speech\u2014that brought hurt into your relationship\u2014and there is no way to get the words back. Can there be healing for that hurt? There can be; but once it\u2019s out, it lodges deep in our soul. That\u2019s slander. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, tied to slander is this idea of abusive speech that Paul talks about. Let me ask you a really simple question. Abusive speech\u2014when you are profane with your spouse, when you curse one another\u2014and some of you do this in the midst of anger\u2014one of the ways you express it is through cursing one another. That\u2019s abusive speech. When you tear another person down\u2014when you berate another person, when you start to talk about character, or appearance, or you start to say things that are designed to hurt somebody else\u2014that\u2019s abusive speech. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProbably the most\u2014the best example I can give you of abusive speech\u2014this is the trump card of abusive speech. When you are in the middle of an argument and you\u2019re saying things that are hurting one another, the one card you can pull out of your back pocket and throw on the table that can\u2019t be trumped\u2014you know what it is? \u201cMaybe it would be better if we\u2019d never gotten married.\u201d \u201cMaybe we ought to just get a divorce.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t hurt anybody more deeply than that. You can\u2019t hurt anybody more deeply than to go to the core of your marital covenant and suggest that that ought to be undone. Marriage, which is supposed to be two becoming one before God in a covenant relationship\u2014a commitment to one another that is supposed to provide a safety and security\u2014supposed to provide us love and supposed to provide us this unconditional acceptance\u2014when you play the, \u201cMaybe we ought to get a divorce\u201d card, that\u2019s abusive speech. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say to some of you\u2014because you\u2019ve played that card in your marriage before\u2014an action point for you is to sit down, across from your spouse, and just say: \u201cYou know, I know I said that. I know I\u2019ve said it before. I realize that\u2019s a sin before God to threaten that covenant. So, I\u2019m going to ask you to forgive me. I have asked God to forgive me, and I want to tell you right here, \u2018I will never say that again.\u2019\u201d That would be a healthy action point for some of you here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast toxin I want to talk about is the toxin of lying. Now, let me define this toxin because you think you know what lying means; or at least, I did. I thought lying is when you tell somebody something that\u2019s not true. Well, that\u2019s lying; but it\u2019s more than that. When you go to court, they say to you, \u201cDo you promise to tell the truth\u2026\u201d\u2014right? But then, they don\u2019t quit there. They say, \u201c\u2026the whole truth and nothing but the truth?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI learned this one time when I had been to the grocery store\u2014I came home from the grocery story. Mary Ann said, \u201cWhat did you get?\u201d I shared with her most of what I got. There were a few items I did not want her to know about, particularly\u2014items I didn\u2019t want her getting into. I didn\u2019t want her to know I was getting into them either; okay? I don\u2019t remember whether it was ice cream, or chips, or a combination thereof\u2014but something like that\u2014that she didn\u2019t need to mess with; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the thing I didn\u2019t realize is that the grocery store had started printing out itemized lists of what you bought at the store. When I didn\u2019t throw away the evidence, she found it and said, \u201cYou didn\u2019t mention these chips and the ice cream that you got.\u201d Now, had I told her the truth when I told her what I got at the store? Yes\u2014the whole truth? No. And what did that do? That made Mary Ann think: \u201cWhat else is he keeping from me? What else can\u2019t I trust him for? What other seeds are being sown in that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you see how this toxin threatens romance in a marriage? Listen\u2014if there is somebody who has anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech, and lying in the marriage\u2014that\u2019s not a turn-on; okay? Nobody looks at that guy and goes: \u201cBoy, I\u2019m just really\u2014I\u2019m feeling it right now!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cYou know\u2014you are angry and all that\u2014you\u2019re slandering me. Yes! Boy, can we hold hands?\u201d Nobody wants to do that; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s what happens when these toxins get released into the bloodstream\u2014they go right to work on the romance cells in the marriage. They start to attach themselves to those healthy romance cells. Then, they drain all the color and all of the passion out of the cells. And those cells shrink, and shut down, and start to die. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to step in here. We\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And you\u2019re not letting them hear all the message\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because it would take longer than we have, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It would. The entire message is available on audio CD. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019re interested in getting a copy of the complete message because after we talked about the toxins, I spent some time talking about the antibodies that need to be released into the marital bloodstream to clean up the toxins\u2014and how you need to inject kindness, and compassion, and humility, gentleness, and patience into your marriage so that you don\u2019t just try to detoxify\u2014but you, actually, replace those toxins with something healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes, let me just read you a couple of quotes here. Here\u2019s one from a couple married 23 years. They rated their marriage, after the cruise, a \u201c9\u201d. This person said: \u201cThe cruise had the right balance of speaker sessions, concerts, food,...\u201d\u2014by the way, it was recommended, Bob, that we rename the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise the Eat Like You Mean It cruise. She goes on to say, \u201c...sun and excursions\u2014plenty of time to do them. We are even closer than when we started and plan to bring some people back with us next year.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s one who said, before the cruise, they were a \u201c1\u201d; after the cruise, they were a \u201c9\u201d. \u201cA miracle was worked in both of us, and we were able to release the dead things and renew our love and commitment to our marriage after we both were ready to quit.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said you wanted to tell the story about Claire, from Ireland. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. There was a woman, Carol, who was getting a facial on the cruise; and as she talked to Claire\u2014the woman from Ireland who was working in the salon, performing the facial\u2014Claire said, \u201cAre you guys all in the same church or the\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You all related? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201crelated or something?\u201d Carol said, \u201cNo.\u201d She said, \u201cWell, are you all in the same family?\u201d Carol said, \u201cWell, kind of.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s the family of Jesus Christ because of what He\u2019s done for us.\u201d Claire said, \u201cWell, I\u2019d like to know how to be a part of that family. Could you explain to me how I could be a part of that family because what I\u2019m seeing around here really makes me want to be in that family?\u201d Carol said she began to immediately pray, as the facial was continuing to work its way out. After it was over, she led Claire to faith in Jesus Christ. The next day, she gave her a book. The next day, they got her in a Bible study onboard the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I tell you, Bob, it really is an exciting time of ministry, not only in our guests who come, but also in the crew members. <br><br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and as we\u2019ve said, if you\u2019ve got a special occasion coming up\u2014an anniversary that ends with a \u201c0\u201d or a \u201c5\u201d\u2014this might be the year to do something very special and join us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 50 percent of the cabins have already been reserved for next year; and the price goes up in a couple of weeks, on March 15<sup>th<\/sup>. So, if you want to join us, you need to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link where you can get more information. I know this is a significant investment, but there is no better investment to make than in your marriage\u2014to do something special\u2014to make a memory. This will be a memory that will last a lifetime. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s a vacation with a purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, there\u2019s a lot of entertainment. There are a lot of fun things to do when you hit port and even as we\u2019re at sea. But we\u2019re going to have two full days at sea next year. You have to know folks\u2014that may sound like, \u201cNo! I want to go on a cruise so that I can go to a port.\u201d Really, I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people who have done cruises in the past\u2014they like the day at sea the best because your choices are narrowed to some of the most fabulous choices you could ever imagine: speakers\u2014you\u2019d have to travel across the country to be able to hear\u2014optional seminars, first-run movies\u2014that we give people a kind of speak peek at\u2014just all kinds of fun things to do onboard the ship\u2014not to mention sleeping in and just having some walks and talks with the love of your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, once again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY if you need more information. And we hope you\u2019ll think about it. We\u2019d love to have you join us. We\u2019d love to meet you and love to get to spend a week with you next Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014February 10<sup>th<\/sup> through the 14<sup>th<\/sup>, leaving from Miami\u2014the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise for 2014. Get more information, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear a second message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. We\u2019re going to hear from Dr. Eric Mason who spoke from Psalm 51 onboard the cruise about what repentance looks like in a marriage relationship\u2014the characteristics of repentant spouse. We\u2019ll hear a portion of his message tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302694"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302694"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302694"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302694"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}