{"id":302671,"date":"2013-01-17T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-17T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/essentials\/"},"modified":"2013-01-17T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2013-01-17T17:00:00","slug":"essentials","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/essentials\/","title":{"rendered":"Essentials"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Thinking about getting married?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-01-17.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.46M","filesize_raw":"22503552","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[4882,4186,5245],"podcast_series":[7472],"cwp_profile":[8887],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302671","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-engaged","tag-getting-married","tag-how-to-have-a-marriage-that-works","podcast_series-five-guidelines-for-a-successful-marriage","cwp_profile-tom-nelson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302671\/essentials","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302671\/essentials","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qHLV7kh2JQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/essentials\/\">Essentials<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/essentials\/embed\/#?secret=qHLV7kh2JQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Essentials&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qHLV7kh2JQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-01-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-01-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you're single, and you've been thinking about getting married to a special someone, there are some non-negotiables you need to consider.\u00a0 Here is one of them from pastor and author, Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife\u2014have to be on the same page on who God is because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything\u2014is your perception of God.\u00a0 If you marry a non-believer, you do not even interpret the universe the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 What are some of the other non-negotiables you ought to keep in mind if you\u2019re thinking about getting married?\u00a0 Stay with us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about them today.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 If you are single, or you know someone who is, and you've ever thought, \"I wonder if I'll get married.\u00a0 I wonder what it takes to make a marriage work.\"\u00a0 Well, I tell you what\u2014today and tomorrow, we've got a guy who's got the answers for you to that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A straight-shooter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, man!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He's a great friend of this ministry.\u00a0 His name is Tommy Nelson.\u00a0 He's the senior pastor at Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and he shares the passion that we have for healthy marriages and families.\u00a0 In fact, if Tommy Nelson were here with us today, I can just about guarantee you that he would join with us in saying:\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019re getting married, you ought to go to one of the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaways as a part of your premarital preparation.\u00a0 If you\u2019re already married, you ought to go to do some preventive maintenance on your marriage.\u00a0 And if you\u2019ve been, it wouldn\u2019t hurt for you to go back through it again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, in a couple of weeks, we\u2019re going to be kicking off our spring season for the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities all across the country, this spring, starting off with Dennis Rainey speaking at the Gaylord National Hotel in Washington, DC, the weekend before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Then, I\u2019m going to be at the Hershey Conference Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania, the weekend after Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 And we\u2019ve got events like this going on throughout the spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur team got together and said, \u201cLet\u2019s offer an incentive for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners this week to encourage them to sign up now for one of these upcoming events.\u201d\u00a0 If you sign up, this week or next week, and identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, when you pay the regular price for your registration, your spouse comes at no additional cost.\u00a0 It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer; but we have to hear from you either this week or next week, and you have to let us know that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re signing up online, when you come to the box that says, \u201cPromotional Code<em>\u201d,<\/em> type in my name\u2014type in \u201cBOB\u201d.\u00a0 Or, when you call, just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You will qualify for the special buy one\/get one free offer.\u00a0 You can attend any of the upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this spring and do a little preventive maintenance in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you\u2019re going to hear couples who are honest and transparent, and who have walked through some of the same issues that all of us walk through in marriage, and have figured out what the Scriptures have to say about how to have a strong, and healthy, and God-honoring marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike the guy we\u2019re going to hear from today, the speakers you\u2019ll hear at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> do not mince words.\u00a0 That\u2019s true of Tommy.\u00a0 He\u2019s just a good ol\u2019 boy from Waco, Texas, who just kind of says it plain and then moves on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He does, and he's a man after my own heart.\u00a0 He had an opportunity to speak to a number of collegians, over 2,000.\u00a0 Bob, if I was given the same shot to speak at 2,000 collegians, I would pick the same topic:\u00a0 \u201cHow do you decide who you marry?\u00a0\u00a0 Five guidelines for a successful marriage\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, here's what folks ought to do.\u00a0 If you know someone who doesn't go to church\u2014a single young man\u2014maybe it's a brother, a sister, a nephew, a niece, somebody at work\u2014pick up your cell phone and call them right now.\u00a0 Say, \"Hey, listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 They've got a guy who is a straight-shooter who is going to be sharing \u2018Five Guidelines for a Successful Marriage.\u2019\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to tell you something\u2014all singles are interested in this\u2014even those who are outside the church and may not have a relationship with Christ.\u00a0 Well, this is one way we can kind of ease them toward God and His plan for their lives.\u00a0 Let's listen to Tommy Nelson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Marriage\u2014being loved, romance, passion, affection.\u00a0 There's not a one of you here that hasn't thought of it, hasn't dreamed about it, planned about it\u2014yes, schemed about it.\u00a0 [Audience Laughter]\u00a0 Many of us have been hurt in those relationships\u2014dating, whatever\u2014that lead up to it.\u00a0 It's the fireplace of life.\u00a0 You know, a home is a nice place to be.\u00a0 The fireplace is the place of warmth, the place of tenderness.\u00a0 The place of affection takes place around that fireplace.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn life, marriage, the romance, the passion of marriage\u2014that's the spice.\u00a0 That's the beauty of living.\u00a0 God is trinity\u2014He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.\u00a0 He has never been alone.\u00a0 He has eternally been communicable.\u00a0 He makes us in His image, and we long to love and we long to be loved.\u00a0 From the moment that we are born, we are reaching outward.\u00a0 We are not natural hermits.\u00a0 We long for someone to reach out and touch us.\u00a0 \u201cIt is not good for that man to be alone.\u201d\u00a0 The most intimate of all relationships you can have are in the differences of a man and woman that mesh in all ways.\u00a0 It is marvelous that two become one flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it follows that anything that is that intimate is also something that can be the most deadly, painful, frightening relationship in your entire existence.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, you can implode a society by the implosion of a marriage and of a home.\u00a0 Immorality, breakups\u2014aren't those a joy?\u00a0 To be going with somebody and then to be told, \"You're not the person.\u00a0 I don't want it to continue.\"\u00a0 That is painful.\u00a0 Being done wrong, being defrauded, divorced, abuse, alienation within marriage\u2014that is a heartbreaking thing, and it filters down to the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, marriage is a deadly, horrific privilege that God gives us.\u00a0 It can be the charm of your life, or it can be the bane of your entire existence.\u00a0 Students, when your marriage is in trouble, you don\u2019t cordon it off into a little area\u2014which means it doesn\u2019t matter if you have a high-grade point, if you have a great job, if you make great money, if you\u2019ve got great talents, if you are marvelously successful in what you do.\u00a0 When you come into a home that is rent and is in pain\u2014I mean, it is red dye.\u00a0 It floods your entire existence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you a question.\u00a0 I want you to be honest\u2014not to look around.\u00a0 \u201cHow many of you desperately want to have a marriage that is better than your parents\u2019?\u00a0 Would you raise your hand if you want a marriage better than your parents\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s pretty good.\u00a0 \u201cHow many of you\u2014if your marriage is no better than your parents\u2019\u2014it was good enough that if your marriage is no better than your parents\u2019, you will be wonderfully satisfied if it\u2019s only as good as your parents\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have watched marriages, I have counseled them, and I have taught \u201cThe Song of Solomon\u201d for years.\u00a0 I've worked in the pastorate, now, for almost 30 years.\u00a0 I've seen them come, and I've seen them go.\u00a0 I have a marriage that is more good than bad; all right?\u00a0 I've got a wonderful union with a wonderful woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to give you five things.\u00a0 When these are resident in you, you are going to have a good marriage.\u00a0 I'm going to give you five things that have to take place between you and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife.\u00a0 You have to be alerted to them right now; all right?\u00a0 I don't want to be dogmatic on this, but I'm the only one right\u2014 [Audience Laughter] \u2014because I have counseled the heartache that arises from the lack thereof.\u00a0 I don't give these to you merely because of <em>a priori <\/em>reasoning from the Bible.\u00a0 I give them to you out of <em>a posteriori<\/em> observation of pain.\u00a0 If I was an atheist, I would still give you these same five things because I have watched them take place in couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 1:\u00a0 There has to be a theological unity.\u00a0 You and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife\u2014have to be on the same page on who God is because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything\u2014is your perception of God.\u00a0 They don't simply have to be a Christian, but they have to line up on the major particulars.\u00a0 If you are an evangelical, and you see it in a certain way, and you marry a charismatic, you're going to have some struggles.\u00a0 But, major league\u2014if you marry a non-believer\u2014you do not even interpret the universe the same\u2014marriage or morality.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Genesis 24\u2014that's one of the longest chapters in the book of Genesis\u2014and it's finding a mate for Isaac.\u00a0 When Abraham sends out Eliazar, his servant, he says, \"You swear to me, by God, you will not take a Canaanite woman.\u00a0 You'll go back to the little pocket of monotheism.\u00a0 That woman has to believe in God and be willing to follow Him.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, God provided a woman that was beautiful of form and face, which is usually the top of a man's prayer list; but she better be someone that is on the same page, theologically, as to who God is because that is the fountain\u2014the matrix\u2014out of which you interpret the universe\u2014man\u2014male, female\u2014kids, marriage, and morality.\u00a0 Am I right?\u00a0 That's why in Exodus 34 and Deuteronomy 7\u2014it is part of the covenant of God of Israel\u2014\u201cYou do not take an unbeliever.\u201d\u00a0 That's why Ezra and Nehemiah, at the end of the Old Testament canon, had to do mass putting away of pagan wives\u2014because Israel fell into it.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, the taking of a pagan mate is considered\u2014Malachi, Chapter 2\u2014\u201can act of\u201d, and I quote, \"treachery.\"\u00a0 So the Apostle Paul says, \"Be married to whomever you wish, only in the Lord.\"\u00a0 They're on the same page.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, can a Christian student do this?\u00a0 Listen.\u00a0 Girls get nervous.\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many girls I have seen that hit into their mid-20s and feel their biological clock running, their emotional needs reaching out, and a guy isn\u2019t there.\u00a0 Here comes a non-Christian; and a girl simply says, \u201cI\u2019ve got to take what I can get,\u201d and will drop her standards.\u00a0 Christian men get antsy.\u00a0 Now, they can still reproduce into their 60s\u2014they\u2019re not worried about being fathers\u2014but they\u2019ve got this sex drive that\u2019s beating within them.\u00a0 Here comes that girl, and she looks good.\u00a0 She feels good.\u00a0 Don\u2019t think that a man can\u2019t become like Ulysses, approaching the Siren\u2019s Island over here, and not have to strap himself to the mast.\u00a0 We can do strange, injurious things.\u00a0\u00a0 There\u2019s not a one of you here\u2014that under the heat of being young and longing for marriage\u2014can set aside what you know to be true and marry a non-believer.\u00a0 I can give you names, events, and dates where I\u2019ve seen it happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing single and being alone is a struggle.\u00a0 I was married at 24.\u00a0 I knew what it was to be out of college, longing for a wife and not to have one.\u00a0 It's tough to be single\u2014to be lonely.\u00a0 I'll tell you what's tougher\u2014it's to be married and be lonely\u2014to be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to on the major issues.\u00a0 When you are single, there is light at the end of your tunnel\u2014that is the providence and the timing of God.\u00a0 \"There is a time and procedure for every delight,\" Solomon said, \"when a man's trouble is heavy upon him.\"\u00a0 Times will get better; you just keep trusting.\u00a0 But when you are in a king-size bed with a mate you can\u2019t relate to, now you\u2019re in with some major league troubles in beseeching God to change, at the very heart-level, this person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 2:\u00a0 There has to be a moral unity\u2014meaning that they can't merely both be Christians.\u00a0 They both must be under the auspices of the Lordship of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 If you have a man that takes his dictums from his flesh, even though he can recite the Gospel and give the time of his testimony, we've got a problem.\u00a0 There has to be a moral unity\u2014a North Star that doesn't move.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife has changed in her appearance.\u00a0 She has changed in a lot of things since we were married in 1974; but my wife has not changed\u2014she has only grown in her relationship to God.\u00a0 Girls, my wife and I made a vow that we would never spend a day out of the Bible before we got married because we knew that what attracted us to us was character.\u00a0 That character was because of the person of God and His Word.\u00a0 If we got away from Him, we lost, essentially, what attracted us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen, men can never be husbands until they have been brides.\u00a0 Until they have been the bride of Christ, they can't be your husband or any woman's husband because the qualities that you want in a man are going to be qualities of love, kindness, tenderness, gentleness, honesty\u2014those are qualities that are in God\u2014visited upon men.\u00a0 So, if that man is superficial with God, you have no guarantee that that man is going to maintain those qualities.\u00a0 There are some men who can simply never, ever be married.\u00a0 They can have dogs and cats; but they can't have a human in that household because when a man isn't submitted to the Lordship of Christ, he will become irresponsible or abusive\u2014and both of those will drive you crazy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you check that man for his faithfulness in church, his faithfulness to his mother and his father, his commitment to moral purity.\u00a0 Look for those things in him because that's the North Star that gives you a reasonable assurance of his character.\u00a0 That's the fountain out of which will grow your affection\u2014is the continuity of that character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen, watch that girl.\u00a0 If that girl has a problem with her authority of her parents, if she has a problem with her teachers\u2014why do you think you will put one of these on [ring] and she will look to you and say, \"My head and my sovereign.\"\u00a0 Do you really think that will happen?\u00a0 Don't you do it.\u00a0 There are some women who can never, ever be married because of that very thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhenever you get a man\u2014whenever you get a woman\u2014that is resistant to Genesis, Chapter 1\u2014who God is\u2014you can't have Genesis, Chapter 2\u2014marriage.\u00a0 First, Adam sees God.\u00a0 First, Eve sees God.\u00a0 Then, they see each other.\u00a0 Amen?\u00a0 Now, if they don't have this, they're still going to have the longing to be married.\u00a0 This is what a carnal, fleshly kind of person must do\u2014they must create an illusion of spirituality or they must create a diversion.\u00a0 The illusion means that you know the songs, you attend the functions; but in the quiet of the home, you show who you are.\u00a0 Diversion means that you take the glance away from the heart to the car, the clothes, and all the paraphernalia.\u00a0 Can human beings be diverted by things like that?\u00a0 They can be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 3:\u00a0 There has to be a ministerial unity.\u00a0 You have to be going approximately the same direction.\u00a0 If I've got this girl over here\u2014and I've seen it happen\u2014this committed Christian woman, who loves the Lord, loves His Word, loves to see people come to faith.\u00a0 She is attracted to this guy who simply wants to make a million before he is 30.\u00a0 They're pulling two different directions.\u00a0 She has heavenly values.\u00a0 He has temporal, physical values.\u00a0 We're going to have a division in that home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you where I met my wife.\u00a0 I share some of this in \u201cThe Song of Solomon\u201d conference.\u00a0 It was at a Campus Crusade\u2014that's where I was discipled in college.\u00a0 I remember seeing her as the girl that was the go-to girl of Campus Crusade.\u00a0 When anything needed to be done, they went to my wife-to-be.\u00a0 I remember sitting at conferences and watching her.\u00a0 I can still see her, sitting at the back, taking notes.\u00a0 My wife was always at the back.\u00a0 She was always serving.\u00a0 That's what made me fall in love with her.\u00a0 This woman wanted to serve God.\u00a0 I wanted to serve God.\u00a0 We just kind of came together, running the same direction.\u00a0 There was love, there was passion; but we have helped each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe has two ministries that she runs.\u00a0 She takes the wives of international students\u2014North Texas University has 2,000 international students.\u00a0 Their wives, a lot of times, are the most lonely of people because they're out-of-step in this foreign culture.\u00a0 My wife says, \"You come to me.\u00a0 I'll show you how to keep a checkbook, how to shop at Tom Thumb.\u00a0 I'll show you how to drive, without killing people,\" \u2014if you know any international students.\u00a0 [Audience Laughter]\u00a0 She'll show them how to drive, she'll show them how to shop, and she will show them how to take care of their children.\u00a0 As she goes along, the basis by which she teaches them is guess what?\u2014the Bible.\u00a0 So, every Thursday morning, my home was displaced because my wife had 30 international women there, doing ministry.\u00a0 Now, that's the kind of woman that I married\u2014theological, moral, and ministerial unity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, we've been listening to the pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas, Tommy Nelson, talking about how to build a successful marriage.\u00a0 There are some married folks listening to this and going, \"Yes, I wish I'd heard some of this before I got married because it would have helped to know\u2014at least, just to know, on the frontend, that maybe we were out of sync in some of these areas.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you find you're out of sync in some of these areas, it doesn't mean you quit and go find somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0It just means that you may have some adjustments you've got to make that are a little harder than other people have to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, have you ever been to a vacation area where you've seen tandem bicycles?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, yes, the bicycle built for two; sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There you go.\u00a0 You have, usually the guy in the front, who is steering, and directing, and having to pull more on the pedals, and his wife behind him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0She's helping to keep the thing going, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 She's providing balance.\u00a0 They're talking, and they're having fun as they're going in the same direction.\u00a0 It wasn't designed for two people to go in two different directions.\u00a0 One person wasn't meant to break off and take a right-hand fork\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Take the mountain route while the other one takes the low road; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I mean, that's where you run into trouble.\u00a0 That's why this advice that Tommy Nelson is giving young people is so important.\u00a0 Spiritually speaking, it is so important that a couple, as they begin their marriage relationship, have theological agreement, moral agreement, and a spiritual direction in terms of their focus and their ministry direction, together, as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t know how many of our listeners realize this; but our <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways\u2014that started back, in 1976\u2014were originally designed for the audience that Tommy was talking to today.\u00a0 It was designed for singles\u2014people who were thinking about getting married.\u00a0 Our objective was to get them ready for the challenges that they were going to face in marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver the years, the couples who went through it started asking if they could come back and go through the material again because they thought they might pay a little more careful attention now that they\u2019d actually experienced a few of these bumps in the road.\u00a0 Now, we have more married couples who attend the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway than we have engaged couples.\u00a0 But the engaged couples who come\u2014we still have a couple of breakout sessions on Saturday for those couples\u2014to help them think through:\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAm I making the right decision?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow do I approach marriage in a way that\u2019s going to honor God?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I get ready for the realities of marriage, as a single person?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be hosting dozens of these <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways, this spring, in cities all across the country.\u00a0 In fact, we start off the weekend before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Dennis is going to be at the Gaylord National Hotel in Washington, DC.\u00a0 The next weekend, I\u2019m going to be at the Hershey Lodge in Hershey, Pennsylvania\u2014just a couple of days after Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Then, throughout the spring, in city after city, we\u2019ll be hosting <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways for married couples and for engaged couples.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week and next week, we\u2019re offering <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners a special opportunity to sign up for one of these <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 When you register for yourself at the regular rate, your spouse comes free\u2014as long as you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and sign up before January 27<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Take advantage of the special offer by going online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the icon for the \u201c<em>Weekend for Remember\u201d. <\/em>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you register online, just type my name\u2014type \u201cBOB\u201d in the promo code box.\u00a0 That way, we\u2019ll know you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get you registered over the phone.\u00a0 Just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em>\u201d or, \u201cBob told me to call.\u201d\u00a0 When you sign up for yourself at the regular rate, your spouse comes free; or your fianc\u00e9 comes free, if you\u2019re coming as an engaged couple.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to sign up; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and plan to be with us for one of these upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Tommy Nelson is going to be back with us.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to talk about the importance of compatibility in a relationship.\u00a0 Just how important is it for the two of you to be compatible?\u00a0 Not as important as commitment, but it\u2019s not insignificant either.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear Tommy Nelson\u2019s thoughts on that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.46M"],"filesize_raw":["22503552"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302671.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302671.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 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about getting married?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2013-01-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you're single, and you've been thinking about getting married to a special someone, there are some non-negotiables you need to consider.\u00a0 Here is one of them from pastor and author, Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife\u2014have to be on the same page on who God is because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything\u2014is your perception of God.\u00a0 If you marry a non-believer, you do not even interpret the universe the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 What are some of the other non-negotiables you ought to keep in mind if you\u2019re thinking about getting married?\u00a0 Stay with us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about them today.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 If you are single, or you know someone who is, and you've ever thought, \"I wonder if I'll get married.\u00a0 I wonder what it takes to make a marriage work.\"\u00a0 Well, I tell you what\u2014today and tomorrow, we've got a guy who's got the answers for you to that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A straight-shooter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, man!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He's a great friend of this ministry.\u00a0 His name is Tommy Nelson.\u00a0 He's the senior pastor at Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and he shares the passion that we have for healthy marriages and families.\u00a0 In fact, if Tommy Nelson were here with us today, I can just about guarantee you that he would join with us in saying:\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019re getting married, you ought to go to one of the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>marriage getaways as a part of your premarital preparation.\u00a0 If you\u2019re already married, you ought to go to do some preventive maintenance on your marriage.\u00a0 And if you\u2019ve been, it wouldn\u2019t hurt for you to go back through it again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, in a couple of weeks, we\u2019re going to be kicking off our spring season for the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities all across the country, this spring, starting off with Dennis Rainey speaking at the Gaylord National Hotel in Washington, DC, the weekend before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Then, I\u2019m going to be at the Hershey Conference Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania, the weekend after Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 And we\u2019ve got events like this going on throughout the spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur team got together and said, \u201cLet\u2019s offer an incentive for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners this week to encourage them to sign up now for one of these upcoming events.\u201d\u00a0 If you sign up, this week or next week, and identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, when you pay the regular price for your registration, your spouse comes at no additional cost.\u00a0 It\u2019s a buy one\/get one free offer; but we have to hear from you either this week or next week, and you have to let us know that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re signing up online, when you come to the box that says, \u201cPromotional Code<em>\u201d,<\/em> type in my name\u2014type in \u201cBOB\u201d.\u00a0 Or, when you call, just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You will qualify for the special buy one\/get one free offer.\u00a0 You can attend any of the upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this spring and do a little preventive maintenance in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you\u2019re going to hear couples who are honest and transparent, and who have walked through some of the same issues that all of us walk through in marriage, and have figured out what the Scriptures have to say about how to have a strong, and healthy, and God-honoring marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLike the guy we\u2019re going to hear from today, the speakers you\u2019ll hear at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> do not mince words.\u00a0 That\u2019s true of Tommy.\u00a0 He\u2019s just a good ol\u2019 boy from Waco, Texas, who just kind of says it plain and then moves on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He does, and he's a man after my own heart.\u00a0 He had an opportunity to speak to a number of collegians, over 2,000.\u00a0 Bob, if I was given the same shot to speak at 2,000 collegians, I would pick the same topic:\u00a0 \u201cHow do you decide who you marry?\u00a0\u00a0 Five guidelines for a successful marriage\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, here's what folks ought to do.\u00a0 If you know someone who doesn't go to church\u2014a single young man\u2014maybe it's a brother, a sister, a nephew, a niece, somebody at work\u2014pick up your cell phone and call them right now.\u00a0 Say, \"Hey, listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 They've got a guy who is a straight-shooter who is going to be sharing \u2018Five Guidelines for a Successful Marriage.\u2019\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to tell you something\u2014all singles are interested in this\u2014even those who are outside the church and may not have a relationship with Christ.\u00a0 Well, this is one way we can kind of ease them toward God and His plan for their lives.\u00a0 Let's listen to Tommy Nelson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Marriage\u2014being loved, romance, passion, affection.\u00a0 There's not a one of you here that hasn't thought of it, hasn't dreamed about it, planned about it\u2014yes, schemed about it.\u00a0 [Audience Laughter]\u00a0 Many of us have been hurt in those relationships\u2014dating, whatever\u2014that lead up to it.\u00a0 It's the fireplace of life.\u00a0 You know, a home is a nice place to be.\u00a0 The fireplace is the place of warmth, the place of tenderness.\u00a0 The place of affection takes place around that fireplace.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn life, marriage, the romance, the passion of marriage\u2014that's the spice.\u00a0 That's the beauty of living.\u00a0 God is trinity\u2014He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.\u00a0 He has never been alone.\u00a0 He has eternally been communicable.\u00a0 He makes us in His image, and we long to love and we long to be loved.\u00a0 From the moment that we are born, we are reaching outward.\u00a0 We are not natural hermits.\u00a0 We long for someone to reach out and touch us.\u00a0 \u201cIt is not good for that man to be alone.\u201d\u00a0 The most intimate of all relationships you can have are in the differences of a man and woman that mesh in all ways.\u00a0 It is marvelous that two become one flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it follows that anything that is that intimate is also something that can be the most deadly, painful, frightening relationship in your entire existence.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, you can implode a society by the implosion of a marriage and of a home.\u00a0 Immorality, breakups\u2014aren't those a joy?\u00a0 To be going with somebody and then to be told, \"You're not the person.\u00a0 I don't want it to continue.\"\u00a0 That is painful.\u00a0 Being done wrong, being defrauded, divorced, abuse, alienation within marriage\u2014that is a heartbreaking thing, and it filters down to the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, marriage is a deadly, horrific privilege that God gives us.\u00a0 It can be the charm of your life, or it can be the bane of your entire existence.\u00a0 Students, when your marriage is in trouble, you don\u2019t cordon it off into a little area\u2014which means it doesn\u2019t matter if you have a high-grade point, if you have a great job, if you make great money, if you\u2019ve got great talents, if you are marvelously successful in what you do.\u00a0 When you come into a home that is rent and is in pain\u2014I mean, it is red dye.\u00a0 It floods your entire existence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you a question.\u00a0 I want you to be honest\u2014not to look around.\u00a0 \u201cHow many of you desperately want to have a marriage that is better than your parents\u2019?\u00a0 Would you raise your hand if you want a marriage better than your parents\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s pretty good.\u00a0 \u201cHow many of you\u2014if your marriage is no better than your parents\u2019\u2014it was good enough that if your marriage is no better than your parents\u2019, you will be wonderfully satisfied if it\u2019s only as good as your parents\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have watched marriages, I have counseled them, and I have taught \u201cThe Song of Solomon\u201d for years.\u00a0 I've worked in the pastorate, now, for almost 30 years.\u00a0 I've seen them come, and I've seen them go.\u00a0 I have a marriage that is more good than bad; all right?\u00a0 I've got a wonderful union with a wonderful woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to give you five things.\u00a0 When these are resident in you, you are going to have a good marriage.\u00a0 I'm going to give you five things that have to take place between you and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife.\u00a0 You have to be alerted to them right now; all right?\u00a0 I don't want to be dogmatic on this, but I'm the only one right\u2014 [Audience Laughter] \u2014because I have counseled the heartache that arises from the lack thereof.\u00a0 I don't give these to you merely because of <em>a priori <\/em>reasoning from the Bible.\u00a0 I give them to you out of <em>a posteriori<\/em> observation of pain.\u00a0 If I was an atheist, I would still give you these same five things because I have watched them take place in couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 1:\u00a0 There has to be a theological unity.\u00a0 You and your future husband\u2014you and your future wife\u2014have to be on the same page on who God is because He is your reference point for how you act, for how you perceive the universe, for how you perceive man, children, everything\u2014is your perception of God.\u00a0 They don't simply have to be a Christian, but they have to line up on the major particulars.\u00a0 If you are an evangelical, and you see it in a certain way, and you marry a charismatic, you're going to have some struggles.\u00a0 But, major league\u2014if you marry a non-believer\u2014you do not even interpret the universe the same\u2014marriage or morality.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Genesis 24\u2014that's one of the longest chapters in the book of Genesis\u2014and it's finding a mate for Isaac.\u00a0 When Abraham sends out Eliazar, his servant, he says, \"You swear to me, by God, you will not take a Canaanite woman.\u00a0 You'll go back to the little pocket of monotheism.\u00a0 That woman has to believe in God and be willing to follow Him.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, God provided a woman that was beautiful of form and face, which is usually the top of a man's prayer list; but she better be someone that is on the same page, theologically, as to who God is because that is the fountain\u2014the matrix\u2014out of which you interpret the universe\u2014man\u2014male, female\u2014kids, marriage, and morality.\u00a0 Am I right?\u00a0 That's why in Exodus 34 and Deuteronomy 7\u2014it is part of the covenant of God of Israel\u2014\u201cYou do not take an unbeliever.\u201d\u00a0 That's why Ezra and Nehemiah, at the end of the Old Testament canon, had to do mass putting away of pagan wives\u2014because Israel fell into it.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, the taking of a pagan mate is considered\u2014Malachi, Chapter 2\u2014\u201can act of\u201d, and I quote, \"treachery.\"\u00a0 So the Apostle Paul says, \"Be married to whomever you wish, only in the Lord.\"\u00a0 They're on the same page.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, can a Christian student do this?\u00a0 Listen.\u00a0 Girls get nervous.\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many girls I have seen that hit into their mid-20s and feel their biological clock running, their emotional needs reaching out, and a guy isn\u2019t there.\u00a0 Here comes a non-Christian; and a girl simply says, \u201cI\u2019ve got to take what I can get,\u201d and will drop her standards.\u00a0 Christian men get antsy.\u00a0 Now, they can still reproduce into their 60s\u2014they\u2019re not worried about being fathers\u2014but they\u2019ve got this sex drive that\u2019s beating within them.\u00a0 Here comes that girl, and she looks good.\u00a0 She feels good.\u00a0 Don\u2019t think that a man can\u2019t become like Ulysses, approaching the Siren\u2019s Island over here, and not have to strap himself to the mast.\u00a0 We can do strange, injurious things.\u00a0\u00a0 There\u2019s not a one of you here\u2014that under the heat of being young and longing for marriage\u2014can set aside what you know to be true and marry a non-believer.\u00a0 I can give you names, events, and dates where I\u2019ve seen it happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing single and being alone is a struggle.\u00a0 I was married at 24.\u00a0 I knew what it was to be out of college, longing for a wife and not to have one.\u00a0 It's tough to be single\u2014to be lonely.\u00a0 I'll tell you what's tougher\u2014it's to be married and be lonely\u2014to be lonely in a king-size bed with a person there that you cannot relate to on the major issues.\u00a0 When you are single, there is light at the end of your tunnel\u2014that is the providence and the timing of God.\u00a0 \"There is a time and procedure for every delight,\" Solomon said, \"when a man's trouble is heavy upon him.\"\u00a0 Times will get better; you just keep trusting.\u00a0 But when you are in a king-size bed with a mate you can\u2019t relate to, now you\u2019re in with some major league troubles in beseeching God to change, at the very heart-level, this person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 2:\u00a0 There has to be a moral unity\u2014meaning that they can't merely both be Christians.\u00a0 They both must be under the auspices of the Lordship of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 If you have a man that takes his dictums from his flesh, even though he can recite the Gospel and give the time of his testimony, we've got a problem.\u00a0 There has to be a moral unity\u2014a North Star that doesn't move.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife has changed in her appearance.\u00a0 She has changed in a lot of things since we were married in 1974; but my wife has not changed\u2014she has only grown in her relationship to God.\u00a0 Girls, my wife and I made a vow that we would never spend a day out of the Bible before we got married because we knew that what attracted us to us was character.\u00a0 That character was because of the person of God and His Word.\u00a0 If we got away from Him, we lost, essentially, what attracted us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen, men can never be husbands until they have been brides.\u00a0 Until they have been the bride of Christ, they can't be your husband or any woman's husband because the qualities that you want in a man are going to be qualities of love, kindness, tenderness, gentleness, honesty\u2014those are qualities that are in God\u2014visited upon men.\u00a0 So, if that man is superficial with God, you have no guarantee that that man is going to maintain those qualities.\u00a0 There are some men who can simply never, ever be married.\u00a0 They can have dogs and cats; but they can't have a human in that household because when a man isn't submitted to the Lordship of Christ, he will become irresponsible or abusive\u2014and both of those will drive you crazy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you check that man for his faithfulness in church, his faithfulness to his mother and his father, his commitment to moral purity.\u00a0 Look for those things in him because that's the North Star that gives you a reasonable assurance of his character.\u00a0 That's the fountain out of which will grow your affection\u2014is the continuity of that character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen, watch that girl.\u00a0 If that girl has a problem with her authority of her parents, if she has a problem with her teachers\u2014why do you think you will put one of these on [ring] and she will look to you and say, \"My head and my sovereign.\"\u00a0 Do you really think that will happen?\u00a0 Don't you do it.\u00a0 There are some women who can never, ever be married because of that very thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhenever you get a man\u2014whenever you get a woman\u2014that is resistant to Genesis, Chapter 1\u2014who God is\u2014you can't have Genesis, Chapter 2\u2014marriage.\u00a0 First, Adam sees God.\u00a0 First, Eve sees God.\u00a0 Then, they see each other.\u00a0 Amen?\u00a0 Now, if they don't have this, they're still going to have the longing to be married.\u00a0 This is what a carnal, fleshly kind of person must do\u2014they must create an illusion of spirituality or they must create a diversion.\u00a0 The illusion means that you know the songs, you attend the functions; but in the quiet of the home, you show who you are.\u00a0 Diversion means that you take the glance away from the heart to the car, the clothes, and all the paraphernalia.\u00a0 Can human beings be diverted by things like that?\u00a0 They can be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 3:\u00a0 There has to be a ministerial unity.\u00a0 You have to be going approximately the same direction.\u00a0 If I've got this girl over here\u2014and I've seen it happen\u2014this committed Christian woman, who loves the Lord, loves His Word, loves to see people come to faith.\u00a0 She is attracted to this guy who simply wants to make a million before he is 30.\u00a0 They're pulling two different directions.\u00a0 She has heavenly values.\u00a0 He has temporal, physical values.\u00a0 We're going to have a division in that home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you where I met my wife.\u00a0 I share some of this in \u201cThe Song of Solomon\u201d conference.\u00a0 It was at a Campus Crusade\u2014that's where I was discipled in college.\u00a0 I remember seeing her as the girl that was the go-to girl of Campus Crusade.\u00a0 When anything needed to be done, they went to my wife-to-be.\u00a0 I remember sitting at conferences and watching her.\u00a0 I can still see her, sitting at the back, taking notes.\u00a0 My wife was always at the back.\u00a0 She was always serving.\u00a0 That's what made me fall in love with her.\u00a0 This woman wanted to serve God.\u00a0 I wanted to serve God.\u00a0 We just kind of came together, running the same direction.\u00a0 There was love, there was passion; but we have helped each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe has two ministries that she runs.\u00a0 She takes the wives of international students\u2014North Texas University has 2,000 international students.\u00a0 Their wives, a lot of times, are the most lonely of people because they're out-of-step in this foreign culture.\u00a0 My wife says, \"You come to me.\u00a0 I'll show you how to keep a checkbook, how to shop at Tom Thumb.\u00a0 I'll show you how to drive, without killing people,\" \u2014if you know any international students.\u00a0 [Audience Laughter]\u00a0 She'll show them how to drive, she'll show them how to shop, and she will show them how to take care of their children.\u00a0 As she goes along, the basis by which she teaches them is guess what?\u2014the Bible.\u00a0 So, every Thursday morning, my home was displaced because my wife had 30 international women there, doing ministry.\u00a0 Now, that's the kind of woman that I married\u2014theological, moral, and ministerial unity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, we've been listening to the pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas, Tommy Nelson, talking about how to build a successful marriage.\u00a0 There are some married folks listening to this and going, \"Yes, I wish I'd heard some of this before I got married because it would have helped to know\u2014at least, just to know, on the frontend, that maybe we were out of sync in some of these areas.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you find you're out of sync in some of these areas, it doesn't mean you quit and go find somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0It just means that you may have some adjustments you've got to make that are a little harder than other people have to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, have you ever been to a vacation area where you've seen tandem bicycles?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, yes, the bicycle built for two; sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There you go.\u00a0 You have, usually the guy in the front, who is steering, and directing, and having to pull more on the pedals, and his wife behind him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0She's helping to keep the thing going, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 She's providing balance.\u00a0 They're talking, and they're having fun as they're going in the same direction.\u00a0 It wasn't designed for two people to go in two different directions.\u00a0 One person wasn't meant to break off and take a right-hand fork\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Take the mountain route while the other one takes the low road; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I mean, that's where you run into trouble.\u00a0 That's why this advice that Tommy Nelson is giving young people is so important.\u00a0 Spiritually speaking, it is so important that a couple, as they begin their marriage relationship, have theological agreement, moral agreement, and a spiritual direction in terms of their focus and their ministry direction, together, as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t know how many of our listeners realize this; but our <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways\u2014that started back, in 1976\u2014were originally designed for the audience that Tommy was talking to today.\u00a0 It was designed for singles\u2014people who were thinking about getting married.\u00a0 Our objective was to get them ready for the challenges that they were going to face in marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver the years, the couples who went through it started asking if they could come back and go through the material again because they thought they might pay a little more careful attention now that they\u2019d actually experienced a few of these bumps in the road.\u00a0 Now, we have more married couples who attend the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway than we have engaged couples.\u00a0 But the engaged couples who come\u2014we still have a couple of breakout sessions on Saturday for those couples\u2014to help them think through:\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAm I making the right decision?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow do I approach marriage in a way that\u2019s going to honor God?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I get ready for the realities of marriage, as a single person?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be hosting dozens of these <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways, this spring, in cities all across the country.\u00a0 In fact, we start off the weekend before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Dennis is going to be at the Gaylord National Hotel in Washington, DC.\u00a0 The next weekend, I\u2019m going to be at the Hershey Lodge in Hershey, Pennsylvania\u2014just a couple of days after Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 Then, throughout the spring, in city after city, we\u2019ll be hosting <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways for married couples and for engaged couples.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week and next week, we\u2019re offering <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners a special opportunity to sign up for one of these <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 When you register for yourself at the regular rate, your spouse comes free\u2014as long as you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and sign up before January 27<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Take advantage of the special offer by going online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the icon for the \u201c<em>Weekend for Remember\u201d. <\/em>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you register online, just type my name\u2014type \u201cBOB\u201d in the promo code box.\u00a0 That way, we\u2019ll know you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get you registered over the phone.\u00a0 Just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em>\u201d or, \u201cBob told me to call.\u201d\u00a0 When you sign up for yourself at the regular rate, your spouse comes free; or your fianc\u00e9 comes free, if you\u2019re coming as an engaged couple.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to sign up; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and plan to be with us for one of these upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Tommy Nelson is going to be back with us.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to talk about the importance of compatibility in a relationship.\u00a0 Just how important is it for the two of you to be compatible?\u00a0 Not as important as commitment, but it\u2019s not insignificant either.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear Tommy Nelson\u2019s thoughts on that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2013 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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