{"id":302657,"date":"2012-12-26T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-12-26T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/are-you-adopted-part-2\/"},"modified":"2012-12-26T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-12-26T17:00:00","slug":"are-you-adopted-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Adopted? Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lois had been lied to for 48 years. Was it God&#8217;s will that she found out the truth now?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"32.42M","filesize_raw":"33993392","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[2712,5136],"podcast_series":[7921],"cwp_profile":[9286],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302657","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adoption","tag-foster-care","podcast_series-are-you-adopted","cwp_profile-lois-rabey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302657\/are-you-adopted-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302657\/are-you-adopted-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"XUuB4empxx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-2\/\">Are You Adopted? Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=XUuB4empxx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Are You Adopted? Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"XUuB4empxx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Lois Rabey was 47 years old when she learned for the first time that she had been adopted.\u00a0 Her mother was already dead; her father was developing Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 Lois had to wonder, \u201cWhy did my mom and dad keep this information from me?\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s Lois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 For me, the attitude was that\u2014when a child is adopted\u2014you don\u2019t tell anybody because you\u2019re covering up this very shameful thing instead of saying, \u201cThis was a result of something that somebody chose to do\u2014a parent, choosing to relinquish a child\u2014may be a great act of love and not covering up shame.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 26<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What happens in your 40s when you learn that who you thought you were is not exactly who you are?\u00a0 Lois Rabey joins us today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of a story today that takes us to a unique circumstance.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear from Lois Rabey, who was a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> many years ago.\u00a0 She shared with us, Dennis, about her experience when she was in her 40s.\u00a0 Her mom had died; her dad was developing Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 As he started to lose memory, he started asking her the question.\u00a0 He said, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 She had been an only child; but to her knowledge, her mom and dad were her mom and dad.\u00a0 She had never known anything differently.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And when her dad asked that question, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d she said to him, \u201cWell, no, Daddy, it\u2019s me.\u00a0 It\u2019s Lois.\u201d\u00a0 He kept asking the question, and it made her wonder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really set her off on a mission to try to find out if there was something behind that.\u00a0 As I recall, it was her uncle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She started calling relatives.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDaddy has started talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 That\u2019s when the relatives, who had all apparently been sworn to secrecy, started opening up and telling her the story that, in fact, she had been adopted.\u00a0 She learns this for the first time in her 40s.\u00a0 All kinds of questions come flooding into her heart and into her mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes; and here\u2019s the thing\u2014being adopted really comes with a package of a little bit of an identity crisis\u2014of wanting to know, \u201cWho are my biological parents?\u00a0 Where am I from?\u00a0 What were they like?\u00a0 Who are they genetically?\u00a0 Who am I?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I mirror who they are?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a young person, who is a teenager\u2014that can be an identity crisis, at a certain level\u2014but here\u2019s a woman\u2014fully grown; a mother herself\u2014who has grown up under one set of assumptions.\u00a0 Now, the rug is pulled out from under her.\u00a0 This can be a different identity crisis for someone who\u2019s adult\u2014who\u2019s mature, who\u2019s got all of life wired\u2014and now, all of a sudden, the rug is pulled out from under you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear from Lois today how she processed that news as she learned it and about the quest she went on to see what she could discover about her biological parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I accepted Christ when I was 13\u2014and part of the context of accepting Christ\u2014I was at a Bible camp.\u00a0 I heard the Gospel, and I accepted Christ.\u00a0 Part of the context was that God, to me, was a father figure who was more accepting than my human father.\u00a0 My dad was tough and angry.\u00a0 So, I didn\u2019t compare God to him; God was the opposite for me.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure why that happened for me that way, but it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I got this information, I think that I had been used to a lifetime of saying, \u201cMy identity of where I\u2019m accepted is in my relationship with Christ.\u00a0 It\u2019s not in my relationship with my parents.\u201d\u00a0 So, it\u2019s almost the spiritual counterpart had been active in order for me to relate okay with my adoptive parents.\u00a0 Had there been a little bit more positive in that, I think it would have been tougher.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a tougher time when I think about my mother and the fact that my mother didn\u2019t tell me the truth.\u00a0 I think that not knowing the truth is the toughest thing.\u00a0 How could my mother\u2014who I felt real close to, and was very sweet, and loving, and kind\u2014never, ever have told me the truth?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, your struggle is not so much with the identity issue but with feelings of betrayal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, with feelings of betrayal.\u00a0 From the standpoint of the identity, it\u2019s feeling like you\u2019re a second-class citizen\u2014a person who is somehow less-deserving.\u00a0 Now, part of this is because of the court system and the way things work.\u00a0 I had a judge say to me, on the phone\u2014the judge answered the phone, which I\u2019m not sure why she answered the phone.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t usually, but she answered one day when I called.\u00a0 She said to me, very sarcastically, \u201cThe state of Delaware cannot afford to find <em>your mother<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 The connotation is that, \u201cThere\u2019s a bad seed, and you\u2019re part of that.\u00a0 Therefore, there are rights that you don\u2019t have that the rest of us get to have.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my response to that is not to say, \u201cI want to see complete open adoption\u2014complete change\u2014all this stuff.\u201d\u00a0 But I do think that, somewhere in the system, there needs to be care given to how adoptees are talked to, how they\u2019re treated\u2014the messages that we\u2019re sending to them because the identity that is attached to you is that you are tainted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How has this changed how Lois Rabey thinks about herself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I\u2019ve had a lot of wonderful fantasies about what my life could have come from; and that\u2019s real typical, too.\u00a0 It adds a little drama, and I like drama\u2014so, that\u2019s okay.\u00a0 But, I think, in terms of how I feel about myself\u2014there are two parallel lines that happened.\u00a0 One is\u2014I prayed that God would reveal the truth to me about my relationship with my father.\u00a0 That happened, rather dramatically.\u00a0 So, I tend to think that I need to be careful about how I pray because that prayer was answered.\u00a0 I really do not think that my father would have ever told me if he had not had a mental situation happen to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing\u2014 that is right along with that is\u2014this free-floating anxiety\u2014that\u2019s probably too strong a word\u2014but lack of identity issue\u2014lack of being \u201cin\u201d anywhere, lack of being part of\u2014completely part of any kind of a community.\u00a0 There\u2019s a little sense of detachment or disassociation\u2014that the only place where I feel real secure identity is on a spiritual-level.\u00a0 On a human-level, there is a sense of, \u201cI don\u2019t belong.\u00a0 The world is not open to me to know who I am because I got here in a way I shouldn\u2019t have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s say, right now, we had your birth mother here in the studio and you could only ask her three questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What three questions would you ask?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, how I was conceived, what my ethnic heritage is\u2014I\u2019m not real sure why I\u2019m so curious about that, but I am\u2014and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You get one more.\u00a0 This is a cruel, cruel exercise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, this is really cruel\u2014if she remembers me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t ask her the why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mean why she gave me up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I guess I feel like I\u2019d have the answer to that if I knew what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 On a ten-point scale\u2014ten being, \u201cGlad\u201d \u2014are you glad you found out the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, 11; absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if you go another ten years without learning anything more?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, if I never know any more, it\u2019s worth knowing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even in the midst of the identity crisis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois: <\/strong>\u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 There\u2019s no comparison between the identity crisis and what I felt before in not knowing\u2014in knowing something was wrong\u2014but not knowing what.\u00a0 There is no comparison.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you say to parents who are raising children who are adopted today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think the biggest thing\u2014and this seems to be what adoptive parents fear the most\u2014is to not consider a child\u2019s desire to know about their birth, or to meet a birth parent, as a betrayal of their love for the adoptive parent.\u00a0 Recognize, on the frontend of an adoption, that it is not the same thing as bearing a child.\u00a0 I mean, I certainly believe that you can love an adopted child as much as you can love a child that you bear; but it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s the same thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, that being something different isn\u2019t something negative and that that child deserves to know the truth\u2014and that that isn\u2019t something that they have to be afraid of\u2014for the child to know the truth\u2014so that there\u2019s not so much shame connected.\u00a0 You know, when the judge said to me\u2014talked about, \u201cYour mother\u2014\u201d what\u2019s translated to me is, \u201cTremendous shame.\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s where we need to relieve adopted children from bearing the burden of shame that they grow up with that people put on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about that for a second.\u00a0 How would a parent do that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By being truthful\u2014number one\u2014and being able to recognize that people make mistakes.\u00a0 There are consequences in mistakes, but that a human life is more than just a consequence of a mistake\u2014that it\u2019s a person that, obviously, God ordained to be alive, and that they have value, and that the way that they happen to be born does not predetermine the rest of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t shape their character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are God\u2019s handiwork.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, and that a parent\u2014choosing to relinquish a child\u2014may be a great act of love and not covering up shame.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had 30 minutes with your mom\u2014who\u2019s now deceased\u2014the mother who adopted you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 What would I ask her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would start by reassuring her that I did understand why she didn\u2019t tell me and that I\u2019m sorry she carried that secret because I think it really inhibited her life and our life together.\u00a0 So, I\u2019d really want her to know that I wish she hadn\u2019t felt she had to do that; but I understand why she did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But you understand why she did\u2014why did she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Because, in that day and age, it was covered up.\u00a0 Then, I think the reason they did it was\u2014they were fearful that I would leave.\u00a0 Part of that was because of my relationship with my dad.\u00a0 With my dad being kind of angry and difficult, I think that my mother would have been very afraid to tell me\u2014for fear that I would leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Do you think, if you had found out at age 17, you would have gone on a search?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0No, I don\u2019t think I would have.\u00a0 I think a lot of that would have been based on what it would have done to them, and I wouldn\u2019t have; but I would want to know how they came to adopt me\u2014you know\u2014the circumstances of that for them\u2014how they decided to adopt a child at all, why she couldn\u2019t apparently have children because she loved children and was\u2014I mean, wonderful grandparents to my children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I mean, I almost wouldn\u2019t take the time\u2014if I had only 30 minutes.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t take the time to say, \u201cWhy did you not tell me?\u201d because I think I really do understand that.\u00a0 So, I\u2019d want to know more about how she felt and how she felt about me being her daughter.\u00a0 Did she really have a peace about that?\u00a0 There seemed to be more peace from my mom than from my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Lois, I found it interesting\u2014as you responded to Bob\u2019s question about if you had found out when you were 17\u2014\u201cWould you have thought about leaving?\u201d\u00a0 I found your answer to be a powerful statement on behalf of even an imperfect family\u2014of the power of a family to bond, even in the midst of dysfunction, lies, deceit\u2014but nonetheless, a caring family that loved you and that grafted you in, and that raised you, and cared for you.\u00a0 That love had evidently been communicated enough to you that you wouldn\u2019t even think of leaving, at that point, and rejecting that family in search of your birth mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t have.\u00a0 I think part of what I\u2019m able to see is that, when I was 17, we didn\u2019t have the tools, then, that we have now.\u00a0 What was happening, then, with an angry father in the house, we didn\u2019t talk about.\u00a0 I mean, the word codependency wasn\u2019t even coined yet.\u00a0 What people did was\u2014you tried to get along.\u00a0 So, a lot of things were covered up; but I really fully believe that they loved me the best way they knew how.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean that as an excuse for some of his behavior but to understand that he was doing what he could with what he had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you now, once a week, think to yourself, \u201cI wonder the background?\u201d\u00a0 Is it one of those nagging things that just kind of always\u2014when you\u2019re lying in bed at night\u2014it just comes to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not nagging as much as it is curious.\u00a0 Steve, my husband, and I were in England and Ireland recently.\u00a0 When we go places, I try to identify.\u00a0 I do this identification game of, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m from here.\u201d\u00a0 I miss that.\u00a0 I miss being able to have a sense of a heritage and a sense of, \u201cThese are places I came from,\u201d\u2014that kind of a thing.\u00a0 But it\u2019s more on a curiosity level than a nagging level.\u00a0 I pursue a search in a very laidback fashion, compared to a lot of people.\u00a0 I think that is based more on the way I feel spiritually than the way I feel pragmatically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you found out that I\u2019ve been fascinated with is that the name you\u2019ve grown up with is not the name you were given.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your name?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 My birth name is Rose Marie Reynolds.\u00a0 The funny thing about that is that, growing up, my maiden name was Cornwell.\u00a0 I always wanted a normal name because kids made fun of that name.\u00a0 Then, when an abnormal name would be helpful in a search, I find out that my birth name is Reynolds, which is almost as common as Smith or Jones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s Rose Marie Reynolds.\u00a0 I love roses.\u00a0 That was the only association I could get with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does it feel\u2014to find out that the name you were given at birth is not the name you\u2019ve lived with\u2014that would feel a little weird to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but that actually felt like a positive because I thought, \u201cWell, at least my mother thought enough of me.\u201d\u00a0 That is a big question, \u201cWhat did my mother think of me\u2014to be able to give me away?\u201d\u00a0 At least, she thought enough of me to give me a name\u2014so that, if she thinks of me, she thinks of me with that name.\u00a0 That\u2019s a plus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you think you\u2019re going to find your mom? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I really don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I do not want to sound trite and over-spiritualize this.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t\u2014 but because of the way God answered my prayer of, \u201cPlease tell me the truth,\u201d I really believe that, if God wants me to know, and I move along a particular path to try to find out, then He\u2019ll let me know.\u00a0 If He doesn\u2019t; then, I\u2019ll find out the other side of this life\u2014if it even makes any difference.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s not a dramatically- plaguing drive for me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Contrast that perspective with an article that appeared in <em>Newsweek<\/em>, May of \u201996, by G. William Troxler.\u00a0 It is an essay by this gentleman, who is as you are.\u00a0 He is adopted, but unable to open the files that contain the information\u2014the genetic information that will allow him to find out where he came from.\u00a0 In this article, he talks about how he took an eight-month sabbatical\u2014a full-time quest\u2014where he scrutinized tax records, birth certificates, divorce filings, old newspapers, high school yearbooks in about 100 different counties \u201con a good day\u201d\u2014he said\u2014scanning 200,000 handwritten records.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI do not recommend this activity unless myopia is one of the more significant life goals that you have.\u201d\u00a0 He has written more than 3,000 letters to individuals who might know of his mother.\u00a0 The internet has yielded no answers, neither has the Library of Congress, nor the Family History Center of the Mormon Church.\u00a0 He\u2019s even hired a private investigator\u2014all in vain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get a different feeling from reading his essay.\u00a0 He\u2019s angry.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t have an eternal perspective of what\u2019s taking place in his life.\u00a0 Lois, I think all of us, in our hearts, reach out to you to share the complexity, the crisis\u2014the identity crisis\u2014you find yourself in.\u00a0 Yet, we have tremendous admiration for being reminded of our spiritual perspective\u2014that frankly, that\u2019s the way we all ought to live.\u00a0 We\u2019re all pilgrims who haven\u2019t landed where we really belong.\u00a0 In a sense, you\u2019re almost like an Old Testament book, reminding us of a great spiritual truth that God is trying to impress on all of us:\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re all passing through\u2014we just think we have roots here.\u00a0 Our real home is in another place, where we will bear another name, and we will see Him face-to-face.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, today, we\u2019ve been listening to the second part of a conversation we had, a number of years ago, with Lois Rabey, who had, at that point, just a couple of years\u2019 prior learned that she had been adopted.\u00a0 I think the point you made, as you drew that interview to a conclusion, Dennis\u2014the point that our identity is, ultimately, rooted spiritually more than biologically.\u00a0 That\u2019s the message for all of us; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re made in God\u2019s image.\u00a0 If you want to find out who you are, you look in the Book.\u00a0 You look in the Bible and find out Who He is and that you\u2019re in His family.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a home in heaven, if you\u2019ve placed your faith in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I said what I said at the conclusion of that interview.\u00a0 Our real identity has not yet been revealed.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to see Him face-to-face, and we\u2019re going to be at home in heaven.\u00a0 Frankly, the older I get, the more I look forward to that.\u00a0 Heaven looks better and better all the time.\u00a0 There is less here on this earth to keep me here, other than fulfilling what He\u2019s called me to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had the opportunity, earlier this year, to meet some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners who live in western Nebraska.\u00a0 As I met them and got to know them, they shared with me that, in their family of five children, one of the five is a child that they had adopted from an eastern European country.\u00a0 They said, \u201cPart of the reason we adopted that child was because we heard you guys talking about adoption on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>We\u2019d thought about it, we\u2019d talked about it, but God just used that to kind of nudge us in that direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cIt\u2019s one of the hardest things we\u2019ve ever done.\u201d\u00a0 They said, in fact, \u201cWe were very glad when we heard Barbara talking on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014<em>,<\/em>\u201d \u2014your wife, Barbara\u2014\u201ctalking about adoption.\u00a0 She talked about the challenges of raising a child who had been adopted.\u201d\u00a0 This mom said, \u201cI was so glad to hear another mom say, \u2018This has been hard,\u2019 because it\u2019s been hard for us, as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I got all done with that conversation, I said, \u201cWould you do it again?\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cOh, yes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not a hesitation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s no question about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then they said this, \u201cIn fact, we\u2019re thinking about adopting another one.\u201d\u00a0 Here they are\u2014they\u2019ve got five kids\u2014and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cMaybe our house is big enough for another one.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe you\u2019re in need of considering a call by God to add to your family; or maybe you\u2019re in need of considering a call by God to represent the orphan in your church.\u00a0 We have a dream of having literally thousands of churches, all across the country, that have orphan care, foster care, and adoption ministries that are led by individuals who want to give voice to those that have none.\u00a0 I think the organization that has the greatest message and, frankly, the best chance of making a difference in the lives of orphans is the Church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have resources, here at FamilyLife, that were developed by a division of FamilyLife\u2014Hope for Orphans<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that are designed to equip you to start an orphan care ministry in your church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you click on the link for \u201cHope for Orphans\u201d, that will take you to an area of our website where you can see all that is available to help you get involved, individually, or launch an orphan care ministry in your church.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you have any questions, give us a call.\u00a0 Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Bob, and when they go on the website, check out:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>Launching an Orphan\u2019s Ministry in Your Church.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a small book that just lays out some very simple steps that you can go through.\u00a0 It\u2019s really not that difficult to do.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s one of the most rewarding things you can possibly do, as an individual or as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you know, a week from now, it\u2019s going to be 2013.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be in a new year.\u00a0 Anything you\u2019d like to say about the last few days of 2012 and about the matching-gift opportunity that\u2019s before us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d love to do that.\u00a0 All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check on the thermometer that\u2019s there.\u00a0 It shows what our current match is\u2014how much money has been put up by a group of families who want to keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station and in ministry around the country.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see, by looking at the thermometer, that we\u2019re way short of the\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s chilly.\u00a0 The mercury is down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s down, and we need your help.\u00a0 I need your help.\u00a0 I\u2019d say, \u201cIf you agree with what <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is doing on behalf of orphans, on behalf of marriages, families, legacies\u2014 equipping you in life\u2019s most important commitments\u2014then, I\u2019d encourage you\u2014really, there\u2019s no gift that\u2019s too small.\u00a0 You can make a gift and help us take full advantage of this match.\u00a0 The end of the year is approaching, and we need more people to step up and stand with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can make a donation online, or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us, here, in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if you\u2019ve already helped, let me say, \u201cThanks for your help in the past.\u00a0 Thank you for standing with us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tomorrow, we are going to talk about how you and your family can engage in some meaningful discipleship\u2014some family times together that are fun, engaging, interactive, and where the kids can learn some important spiritual truth, as well.\u00a0 Kurt and Olivia Bruner are going to join us tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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had been lied to for 48 years. Was it God's will that she found out the truth now?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Lois Rabey was 47 years old when she learned for the first time that she had been adopted.\u00a0 Her mother was already dead; her father was developing Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 Lois had to wonder, \u201cWhy did my mom and dad keep this information from me?\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s Lois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 For me, the attitude was that\u2014when a child is adopted\u2014you don\u2019t tell anybody because you\u2019re covering up this very shameful thing instead of saying, \u201cThis was a result of something that somebody chose to do\u2014a parent, choosing to relinquish a child\u2014may be a great act of love and not covering up shame.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 26<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What happens in your 40s when you learn that who you thought you were is not exactly who you are?\u00a0 Lois Rabey joins us today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of a story today that takes us to a unique circumstance.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear from Lois Rabey, who was a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> many years ago.\u00a0 She shared with us, Dennis, about her experience when she was in her 40s.\u00a0 Her mom had died; her dad was developing Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 As he started to lose memory, he started asking her the question.\u00a0 He said, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 She had been an only child; but to her knowledge, her mom and dad were her mom and dad.\u00a0 She had never known anything differently.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And when her dad asked that question, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d she said to him, \u201cWell, no, Daddy, it\u2019s me.\u00a0 It\u2019s Lois.\u201d\u00a0 He kept asking the question, and it made her wonder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really set her off on a mission to try to find out if there was something behind that.\u00a0 As I recall, it was her uncle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She started calling relatives.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDaddy has started talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 That\u2019s when the relatives, who had all apparently been sworn to secrecy, started opening up and telling her the story that, in fact, she had been adopted.\u00a0 She learns this for the first time in her 40s.\u00a0 All kinds of questions come flooding into her heart and into her mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes; and here\u2019s the thing\u2014being adopted really comes with a package of a little bit of an identity crisis\u2014of wanting to know, \u201cWho are my biological parents?\u00a0 Where am I from?\u00a0 What were they like?\u00a0 Who are they genetically?\u00a0 Who am I?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I mirror who they are?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a young person, who is a teenager\u2014that can be an identity crisis, at a certain level\u2014but here\u2019s a woman\u2014fully grown; a mother herself\u2014who has grown up under one set of assumptions.\u00a0 Now, the rug is pulled out from under her.\u00a0 This can be a different identity crisis for someone who\u2019s adult\u2014who\u2019s mature, who\u2019s got all of life wired\u2014and now, all of a sudden, the rug is pulled out from under you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear from Lois today how she processed that news as she learned it and about the quest she went on to see what she could discover about her biological parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I accepted Christ when I was 13\u2014and part of the context of accepting Christ\u2014I was at a Bible camp.\u00a0 I heard the Gospel, and I accepted Christ.\u00a0 Part of the context was that God, to me, was a father figure who was more accepting than my human father.\u00a0 My dad was tough and angry.\u00a0 So, I didn\u2019t compare God to him; God was the opposite for me.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure why that happened for me that way, but it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I got this information, I think that I had been used to a lifetime of saying, \u201cMy identity of where I\u2019m accepted is in my relationship with Christ.\u00a0 It\u2019s not in my relationship with my parents.\u201d\u00a0 So, it\u2019s almost the spiritual counterpart had been active in order for me to relate okay with my adoptive parents.\u00a0 Had there been a little bit more positive in that, I think it would have been tougher.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a tougher time when I think about my mother and the fact that my mother didn\u2019t tell me the truth.\u00a0 I think that not knowing the truth is the toughest thing.\u00a0 How could my mother\u2014who I felt real close to, and was very sweet, and loving, and kind\u2014never, ever have told me the truth?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, your struggle is not so much with the identity issue but with feelings of betrayal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, with feelings of betrayal.\u00a0 From the standpoint of the identity, it\u2019s feeling like you\u2019re a second-class citizen\u2014a person who is somehow less-deserving.\u00a0 Now, part of this is because of the court system and the way things work.\u00a0 I had a judge say to me, on the phone\u2014the judge answered the phone, which I\u2019m not sure why she answered the phone.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t usually, but she answered one day when I called.\u00a0 She said to me, very sarcastically, \u201cThe state of Delaware cannot afford to find <em>your mother<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 The connotation is that, \u201cThere\u2019s a bad seed, and you\u2019re part of that.\u00a0 Therefore, there are rights that you don\u2019t have that the rest of us get to have.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my response to that is not to say, \u201cI want to see complete open adoption\u2014complete change\u2014all this stuff.\u201d\u00a0 But I do think that, somewhere in the system, there needs to be care given to how adoptees are talked to, how they\u2019re treated\u2014the messages that we\u2019re sending to them because the identity that is attached to you is that you are tainted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How has this changed how Lois Rabey thinks about herself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I\u2019ve had a lot of wonderful fantasies about what my life could have come from; and that\u2019s real typical, too.\u00a0 It adds a little drama, and I like drama\u2014so, that\u2019s okay.\u00a0 But, I think, in terms of how I feel about myself\u2014there are two parallel lines that happened.\u00a0 One is\u2014I prayed that God would reveal the truth to me about my relationship with my father.\u00a0 That happened, rather dramatically.\u00a0 So, I tend to think that I need to be careful about how I pray because that prayer was answered.\u00a0 I really do not think that my father would have ever told me if he had not had a mental situation happen to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing\u2014 that is right along with that is\u2014this free-floating anxiety\u2014that\u2019s probably too strong a word\u2014but lack of identity issue\u2014lack of being \u201cin\u201d anywhere, lack of being part of\u2014completely part of any kind of a community.\u00a0 There\u2019s a little sense of detachment or disassociation\u2014that the only place where I feel real secure identity is on a spiritual-level.\u00a0 On a human-level, there is a sense of, \u201cI don\u2019t belong.\u00a0 The world is not open to me to know who I am because I got here in a way I shouldn\u2019t have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s say, right now, we had your birth mother here in the studio and you could only ask her three questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, wow!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What three questions would you ask?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, how I was conceived, what my ethnic heritage is\u2014I\u2019m not real sure why I\u2019m so curious about that, but I am\u2014and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You get one more.\u00a0 This is a cruel, cruel exercise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, this is really cruel\u2014if she remembers me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t ask her the why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mean why she gave me up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I guess I feel like I\u2019d have the answer to that if I knew what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 On a ten-point scale\u2014ten being, \u201cGlad\u201d \u2014are you glad you found out the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, 11; absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if you go another ten years without learning anything more?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, if I never know any more, it\u2019s worth knowing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even in the midst of the identity crisis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois: <\/strong>\u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 There\u2019s no comparison between the identity crisis and what I felt before in not knowing\u2014in knowing something was wrong\u2014but not knowing what.\u00a0 There is no comparison.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you say to parents who are raising children who are adopted today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think the biggest thing\u2014and this seems to be what adoptive parents fear the most\u2014is to not consider a child\u2019s desire to know about their birth, or to meet a birth parent, as a betrayal of their love for the adoptive parent.\u00a0 Recognize, on the frontend of an adoption, that it is not the same thing as bearing a child.\u00a0 I mean, I certainly believe that you can love an adopted child as much as you can love a child that you bear; but it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s the same thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, that being something different isn\u2019t something negative and that that child deserves to know the truth\u2014and that that isn\u2019t something that they have to be afraid of\u2014for the child to know the truth\u2014so that there\u2019s not so much shame connected.\u00a0 You know, when the judge said to me\u2014talked about, \u201cYour mother\u2014\u201d what\u2019s translated to me is, \u201cTremendous shame.\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s where we need to relieve adopted children from bearing the burden of shame that they grow up with that people put on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about that for a second.\u00a0 How would a parent do that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By being truthful\u2014number one\u2014and being able to recognize that people make mistakes.\u00a0 There are consequences in mistakes, but that a human life is more than just a consequence of a mistake\u2014that it\u2019s a person that, obviously, God ordained to be alive, and that they have value, and that the way that they happen to be born does not predetermine the rest of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t shape their character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are God\u2019s handiwork.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, and that a parent\u2014choosing to relinquish a child\u2014may be a great act of love and not covering up shame.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had 30 minutes with your mom\u2014who\u2019s now deceased\u2014the mother who adopted you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 What would I ask her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would start by reassuring her that I did understand why she didn\u2019t tell me and that I\u2019m sorry she carried that secret because I think it really inhibited her life and our life together.\u00a0 So, I\u2019d really want her to know that I wish she hadn\u2019t felt she had to do that; but I understand why she did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But you understand why she did\u2014why did she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Because, in that day and age, it was covered up.\u00a0 Then, I think the reason they did it was\u2014they were fearful that I would leave.\u00a0 Part of that was because of my relationship with my dad.\u00a0 With my dad being kind of angry and difficult, I think that my mother would have been very afraid to tell me\u2014for fear that I would leave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Do you think, if you had found out at age 17, you would have gone on a search?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0No, I don\u2019t think I would have.\u00a0 I think a lot of that would have been based on what it would have done to them, and I wouldn\u2019t have; but I would want to know how they came to adopt me\u2014you know\u2014the circumstances of that for them\u2014how they decided to adopt a child at all, why she couldn\u2019t apparently have children because she loved children and was\u2014I mean, wonderful grandparents to my children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I mean, I almost wouldn\u2019t take the time\u2014if I had only 30 minutes.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t take the time to say, \u201cWhy did you not tell me?\u201d because I think I really do understand that.\u00a0 So, I\u2019d want to know more about how she felt and how she felt about me being her daughter.\u00a0 Did she really have a peace about that?\u00a0 There seemed to be more peace from my mom than from my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Lois, I found it interesting\u2014as you responded to Bob\u2019s question about if you had found out when you were 17\u2014\u201cWould you have thought about leaving?\u201d\u00a0 I found your answer to be a powerful statement on behalf of even an imperfect family\u2014of the power of a family to bond, even in the midst of dysfunction, lies, deceit\u2014but nonetheless, a caring family that loved you and that grafted you in, and that raised you, and cared for you.\u00a0 That love had evidently been communicated enough to you that you wouldn\u2019t even think of leaving, at that point, and rejecting that family in search of your birth mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t have.\u00a0 I think part of what I\u2019m able to see is that, when I was 17, we didn\u2019t have the tools, then, that we have now.\u00a0 What was happening, then, with an angry father in the house, we didn\u2019t talk about.\u00a0 I mean, the word codependency wasn\u2019t even coined yet.\u00a0 What people did was\u2014you tried to get along.\u00a0 So, a lot of things were covered up; but I really fully believe that they loved me the best way they knew how.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean that as an excuse for some of his behavior but to understand that he was doing what he could with what he had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you now, once a week, think to yourself, \u201cI wonder the background?\u201d\u00a0 Is it one of those nagging things that just kind of always\u2014when you\u2019re lying in bed at night\u2014it just comes to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not nagging as much as it is curious.\u00a0 Steve, my husband, and I were in England and Ireland recently.\u00a0 When we go places, I try to identify.\u00a0 I do this identification game of, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m from here.\u201d\u00a0 I miss that.\u00a0 I miss being able to have a sense of a heritage and a sense of, \u201cThese are places I came from,\u201d\u2014that kind of a thing.\u00a0 But it\u2019s more on a curiosity level than a nagging level.\u00a0 I pursue a search in a very laidback fashion, compared to a lot of people.\u00a0 I think that is based more on the way I feel spiritually than the way I feel pragmatically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you found out that I\u2019ve been fascinated with is that the name you\u2019ve grown up with is not the name you were given.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your name?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 My birth name is Rose Marie Reynolds.\u00a0 The funny thing about that is that, growing up, my maiden name was Cornwell.\u00a0 I always wanted a normal name because kids made fun of that name.\u00a0 Then, when an abnormal name would be helpful in a search, I find out that my birth name is Reynolds, which is almost as common as Smith or Jones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s Rose Marie Reynolds.\u00a0 I love roses.\u00a0 That was the only association I could get with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does it feel\u2014to find out that the name you were given at birth is not the name you\u2019ve lived with\u2014that would feel a little weird to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but that actually felt like a positive because I thought, \u201cWell, at least my mother thought enough of me.\u201d\u00a0 That is a big question, \u201cWhat did my mother think of me\u2014to be able to give me away?\u201d\u00a0 At least, she thought enough of me to give me a name\u2014so that, if she thinks of me, she thinks of me with that name.\u00a0 That\u2019s a plus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you think you\u2019re going to find your mom? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I really don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I do not want to sound trite and over-spiritualize this.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t\u2014 but because of the way God answered my prayer of, \u201cPlease tell me the truth,\u201d I really believe that, if God wants me to know, and I move along a particular path to try to find out, then He\u2019ll let me know.\u00a0 If He doesn\u2019t; then, I\u2019ll find out the other side of this life\u2014if it even makes any difference.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s not a dramatically- plaguing drive for me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Contrast that perspective with an article that appeared in <em>Newsweek<\/em>, May of \u201996, by G. William Troxler.\u00a0 It is an essay by this gentleman, who is as you are.\u00a0 He is adopted, but unable to open the files that contain the information\u2014the genetic information that will allow him to find out where he came from.\u00a0 In this article, he talks about how he took an eight-month sabbatical\u2014a full-time quest\u2014where he scrutinized tax records, birth certificates, divorce filings, old newspapers, high school yearbooks in about 100 different counties \u201con a good day\u201d\u2014he said\u2014scanning 200,000 handwritten records.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI do not recommend this activity unless myopia is one of the more significant life goals that you have.\u201d\u00a0 He has written more than 3,000 letters to individuals who might know of his mother.\u00a0 The internet has yielded no answers, neither has the Library of Congress, nor the Family History Center of the Mormon Church.\u00a0 He\u2019s even hired a private investigator\u2014all in vain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get a different feeling from reading his essay.\u00a0 He\u2019s angry.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t have an eternal perspective of what\u2019s taking place in his life.\u00a0 Lois, I think all of us, in our hearts, reach out to you to share the complexity, the crisis\u2014the identity crisis\u2014you find yourself in.\u00a0 Yet, we have tremendous admiration for being reminded of our spiritual perspective\u2014that frankly, that\u2019s the way we all ought to live.\u00a0 We\u2019re all pilgrims who haven\u2019t landed where we really belong.\u00a0 In a sense, you\u2019re almost like an Old Testament book, reminding us of a great spiritual truth that God is trying to impress on all of us:\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re all passing through\u2014we just think we have roots here.\u00a0 Our real home is in another place, where we will bear another name, and we will see Him face-to-face.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, today, we\u2019ve been listening to the second part of a conversation we had, a number of years ago, with Lois Rabey, who had, at that point, just a couple of years\u2019 prior learned that she had been adopted.\u00a0 I think the point you made, as you drew that interview to a conclusion, Dennis\u2014the point that our identity is, ultimately, rooted spiritually more than biologically.\u00a0 That\u2019s the message for all of us; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re made in God\u2019s image.\u00a0 If you want to find out who you are, you look in the Book.\u00a0 You look in the Bible and find out Who He is and that you\u2019re in His family.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a home in heaven, if you\u2019ve placed your faith in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I said what I said at the conclusion of that interview.\u00a0 Our real identity has not yet been revealed.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to see Him face-to-face, and we\u2019re going to be at home in heaven.\u00a0 Frankly, the older I get, the more I look forward to that.\u00a0 Heaven looks better and better all the time.\u00a0 There is less here on this earth to keep me here, other than fulfilling what He\u2019s called me to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had the opportunity, earlier this year, to meet some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners who live in western Nebraska.\u00a0 As I met them and got to know them, they shared with me that, in their family of five children, one of the five is a child that they had adopted from an eastern European country.\u00a0 They said, \u201cPart of the reason we adopted that child was because we heard you guys talking about adoption on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>We\u2019d thought about it, we\u2019d talked about it, but God just used that to kind of nudge us in that direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cIt\u2019s one of the hardest things we\u2019ve ever done.\u201d\u00a0 They said, in fact, \u201cWe were very glad when we heard Barbara talking on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014<em>,<\/em>\u201d \u2014your wife, Barbara\u2014\u201ctalking about adoption.\u00a0 She talked about the challenges of raising a child who had been adopted.\u201d\u00a0 This mom said, \u201cI was so glad to hear another mom say, \u2018This has been hard,\u2019 because it\u2019s been hard for us, as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I got all done with that conversation, I said, \u201cWould you do it again?\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cOh, yes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not a hesitation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s no question about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then they said this, \u201cIn fact, we\u2019re thinking about adopting another one.\u201d\u00a0 Here they are\u2014they\u2019ve got five kids\u2014and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cMaybe our house is big enough for another one.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe you\u2019re in need of considering a call by God to add to your family; or maybe you\u2019re in need of considering a call by God to represent the orphan in your church.\u00a0 We have a dream of having literally thousands of churches, all across the country, that have orphan care, foster care, and adoption ministries that are led by individuals who want to give voice to those that have none.\u00a0 I think the organization that has the greatest message and, frankly, the best chance of making a difference in the lives of orphans is the Church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have resources, here at FamilyLife, that were developed by a division of FamilyLife\u2014Hope for Orphans<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that are designed to equip you to start an orphan care ministry in your church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you click on the link for \u201cHope for Orphans\u201d, that will take you to an area of our website where you can see all that is available to help you get involved, individually, or launch an orphan care ministry in your church.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you have any questions, give us a call.\u00a0 Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Bob, and when they go on the website, check out:\u00a0\u00a0 <em>Launching an Orphan\u2019s Ministry in Your Church.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a small book that just lays out some very simple steps that you can go through.\u00a0 It\u2019s really not that difficult to do.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s one of the most rewarding things you can possibly do, as an individual or as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you know, a week from now, it\u2019s going to be 2013.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be in a new year.\u00a0 Anything you\u2019d like to say about the last few days of 2012 and about the matching-gift opportunity that\u2019s before us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d love to do that.\u00a0 All you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check on the thermometer that\u2019s there.\u00a0 It shows what our current match is\u2014how much money has been put up by a group of families who want to keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station and in ministry around the country.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see, by looking at the thermometer, that we\u2019re way short of the\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s chilly.\u00a0 The mercury is down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s down, and we need your help.\u00a0 I need your help.\u00a0 I\u2019d say, \u201cIf you agree with what <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is doing on behalf of orphans, on behalf of marriages, families, legacies\u2014 equipping you in life\u2019s most important commitments\u2014then, I\u2019d encourage you\u2014really, there\u2019s no gift that\u2019s too small.\u00a0 You can make a gift and help us take full advantage of this match.\u00a0 The end of the year is approaching, and we need more people to step up and stand with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can make a donation online, or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us, here, in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if you\u2019ve already helped, let me say, \u201cThanks for your help in the past.\u00a0 Thank you for standing with us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tomorrow, we are going to talk about how you and your family can engage in some meaningful discipleship\u2014some family times together that are fun, engaging, interactive, and where the kids can learn some important spiritual truth, as well.\u00a0 Kurt and Olivia Bruner are going to join us tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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