{"id":302656,"date":"2012-12-25T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-12-25T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/are-you-adopted-part-1\/"},"modified":"2012-12-25T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-12-25T17:00:00","slug":"are-you-adopted-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Adopted? Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Her mother had died years earlier and her father was gravely ill. But Lois was about to get the shock of her life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.99M","filesize_raw":"25153281","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[2712,5136],"podcast_series":[7921],"cwp_profile":[9286],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302656","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adoption","tag-foster-care","podcast_series-are-you-adopted","cwp_profile-lois-rabey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302656\/are-you-adopted-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302656\/are-you-adopted-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"S1DXn2mFEt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-1\/\">Are You Adopted? Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-you-adopted-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=S1DXn2mFEt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Are You Adopted? Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"S1DXn2mFEt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Lois Rabey\u2019s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s, he started asking her an unusual question. He would look at her and say, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s Lois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right before he got sick\u2014up to that time\u2014he would say, \u201cYou are my daughter!\u201d with a kind of passion that I couldn\u2019t explain.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do that with my own children.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t keep reaffirming to them, \u201cYou are my daughter.\u201d\u00a0 That was evident.\u00a0 On Saturday, when I called the four people, I said the same thing to each one of them.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you know?\u201d\u00a0 Every one of them said, \u201cI don\u2019t know any details.\u00a0 All I know is that you\u2019re adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine being 47 years old and learning for the first time, ever, that you were adopted.\u00a0 That\u2019s the story we\u2019re going to hear today.\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us; and Merry Christmas, by the way, for those of you who are tuned in today on Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Merry Christmas!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019ll just let you in on the truth.\u00a0 We\u2019re not actually working on Christmas.\u00a0 We\u2019re home with our families; but thanks to the magic of recorded media, we\u2019re able to provide today\u2019s program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re going to hear a great story today.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to tip off what\u2019s about to happen too much here, Bob; but you\u2019re going to hear a great story that really has a connection to Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I don\u2019t know if you remember this; but actually, we first heard this story many years ago.\u00a0 We had a guest who we had invited in\u2014Lois Rabey.\u00a0 We were talking with her about a book that she had written called <em>The Snare<\/em>; and just in the middle of conversation with her, \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014we just asked her a little bit about her story.\u00a0 We found out some things that were remarkable.\u00a0 We said, \u201cWell, can we talk to you about that on-air?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the story you\u2019re going to hear today comes from a conversation we had with Lois Rabey.\u00a0 Lois and her husband Steve live in Colorado Springs.\u00a0 They\u2019re both authors\u2014they\u2019ve written for periodicals, written a number of books\u2014both separately and together.\u00a0 We think you\u2019re going to enjoy this story on Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in Wilmington, Delaware.\u00a0 My parents were both from Delaware.\u00a0 They were moral people.\u00a0 We went to church and so forth, but not that kind of a Christian environment growing up.\u00a0 I became a believer when I was a teenager at a Bible camp.\u00a0 My dad\u2014I had a very strained relationship with my father.\u00a0 He was a very strict disciplinarian.\u00a0 He was a very angry man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBasically, had a very close relationship with my mother and a very\u2014we would have called it codependent\u2014if we\u2019d had the words when I was growing up\u2014relationship with my father.\u00a0 Our house revolved around not making daddy angry.\u00a0 It was a stressful kind of situation.\u00a0 I feel like accepting Christ, as a teenager, was a lot of what allowed me to not rebel or walk away from that.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m supposed to honor them, so I\u2019ll try to be a good daughter.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Did you ever have anything, growing up, that caused you to think, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m adopted?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0I really did not.\u00a0 There was one instance\u2014when I was probably eight years old\u2014where I remember neighborhood children kind of taunting me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re adopted;\u201d but I ran home crying.\u00a0 My mother reassured me that I was not adopted\u2014that if I had been, it would be very special\u2014but of course I wasn\u2019t\u2014I was their own.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there was really no indication; in fact, quite the opposite.\u00a0 My adopted parents did things like reinforcing\u2014you know, \u201cYou have hands, like your grandfather,\u201d \u2014my grandfather was an artist\u2014and, \u201cYou have this, like So-and-so.\u201d\u00a0 So there was not anything evident to me that would have told me I was adopted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Brothers and sisters? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, no; only child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When we go places with our family, people are, all the time, saying, \u201cJohn looks just like you,\u201d \u201cJimmy looks just like you.\u201d\u00a0 Did people say that about you and your parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, they didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Yet, you know\u2014it\u2019s funny\u2014I\u2019ve read some books, since I found out about my adoption.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read some books that talk about characteristics of adopted children.\u00a0 A number of those characteristics were in evident in my life; but because it was my life, it felt normal.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know, until looking back, what those things meant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0For instance, when my older daughter found out that I was adopted\u2014she was away in college, and I called her and told her.\u00a0 She was not terribly surprised.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy are you not surprised?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m so shocked!\u00a0 Why are you not surprised?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWell you know, Nanny\u201d \u2014which was my mother to her\u2014 \u201cyou know, Nanny used to tell us all these stories;\u201d \u2014she was a great storyteller\u2014\u201cbut she never told us anything about when you were born.\u00a0 And yet you always told us about\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You know, I, like most women\u2014my children know exactly, minute for minute, what happened the day they were born.\u00a0 I talk about the day that my children were born.\u00a0 She picked up that my mother didn\u2019t do that.\u00a0 My adoptive parents didn\u2019t die until I was in my late 40s; and all my life, I never asked them one question about my birth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, several years after your mother passed away, you had one of what has to be the greatest shocking revelations that you\u2019d ever had in your entire life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it certainly was, to say the least.\u00a0 I had been in California, visiting my daughter.\u00a0 We were coming home.\u00a0 On a Sunday night, I arrived back in Colorado.\u00a0 Steve\u2014my husband Steve\u2014said he\u2019d gotten a phone call that day from my father.\u00a0 My father sounded strange and was saying things like, \u201cI don\u2019t know where the freezer is.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll call first thing in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 Well, before I could even call to see what was happening\u2014where he was living in an assisted living apartment\u2014they called me and they said, \u201cYour dad woke up.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t know any of us.\u00a0 He\u2019s 30 years in the past.\u00a0 He thinks he\u2019s back in Delaware.\u00a0 Get down here, right away!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter and I got down there.\u00a0 We walked into his room.\u00a0 He was lying on a bed in this apartment he lived in, with people around the bed, trying to comfort him.\u00a0 He looked up at me, and shaking, he said, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo Daddy, I\u2019m not adopted.\u201d\u00a0 I kind of patted him on the arm because he was confused about everything else\u2014so, I thought he was confused about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was on a Monday.\u00a0 During the course of that week, he was hospitalized.\u00a0 He was diagnosed as having severe dementia.\u00a0 It looks like a late case of Alzheimer\u2019s, but it wasn\u2019t Alzheimer\u2019s because it came on quickly.\u00a0 Every time I re-entered a room, during that week, he would say to me, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d \u2014kind of frantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, how old were you, at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Forty-seven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Forty-seven years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Almost 47 years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And with him asking that question, was that triggering anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I do a real slow take.\u00a0 I mean, initially, no.\u00a0 I mean, it had been 47 years of being reaffirmed the other way, in the opposite direction.\u00a0 Plus, it wasn\u2019t just once a day.\u00a0 With short-term memory loss\u2014I\u2019d go out of the room; I\u2019d come back in the room\u2014he couldn\u2019t remember I was there; and he\u2019d do the same thing, all over again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, on Thursday, my daughter and I were driving back home.\u00a0 We got in the car and I said, \u201cYou know, Laura\u2014\u201d and she interrupted me.\u00a0 She said, \u201cYes, Mom, it is very strange that Pop keeps asking you that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I got home, I called the nurse\u2014his floor nurse that day.\u00a0 I told her who I was.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDoes he talk about my being adopted?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh yes, all the time.\u00a0 Of course, he assures us he loves you as much, \u2014\u201d you know, the typical language.\u00a0 I was quiet; and she said, \u201cWhy did you ask that?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cBecause this is the first I\u2019ve heard of it.\u201d\u00a0 So, that was on Thursday, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Hang on.\u00a0 That\u2019s the first you\u2019d heard of it.\u00a0 What did you do after you hung up the phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I don\u2019t know that I knew what to do with it.\u00a0 I thought I needed to verify it.\u00a0 Part of this, see, was in the context of him being very confused about everything.\u00a0 I mean, he thought that Roosevelt was the President.\u00a0 So, I still didn\u2019t feel like, \u201cYes, this is reality.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were giving him the benefit of the doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; right.\u00a0 And then, the fact that he was so very confused\u2014that maybe this was part of a matter of being confused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, did you even allow it as a possibility to consider?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, I did.\u00a0 I did allow it.\u00a0 I thought what I needed to do was I needed to confirm it with somebody who\u2019s rational.\u00a0 On Saturday morning, I called, for instance, an uncle I had not seen since I was ten years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve got to stop you and ask you, \u201cYou didn\u2019t talk to Steve about this?\u00a0 Do you remember the conversation you had with him about this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t remember the conversation, but I do remember that my initial feeling was relief because of the strained relationship I had with my dad.\u00a0 Prior to this incident, about a year before, I spent some time with a friend of mine, who\u2019s a counselor in Colorado Springs.\u00a0 I said to this man, \u201cI need to come and see you because there is something wrong in my relationship with my dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just wanted to know the truth.\u00a0 I remember saying\u2014kind of crying out to God\u2014\u201cI just want to know what the truth is and there is something\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Part of what my conversations with Steve and with my children were\u2014 that, \u201cIf this is true, it explains his possessiveness\u2014my dad\u2019s possessiveness.\u00a0 It explains his control.\u201d\u00a0 My father used to say to me, right before he got sick\u2014up to that time\u2014he would say, \u201cYou are my daughter!\u201d with a kind of passion that I couldn\u2019t explain.\u00a0 I mean, I didn\u2019t do that with my own children. I didn\u2019t keep reaffirming to them, \u201cYou are my daughter.\u201d\u00a0 That was evident.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt answered questions for me.\u00a0 There was an element of, \u201cPerhaps this is going to reveal the truth that I\u2019ve been asking for\u2014that would never have been revealed to me if he hadn\u2019t gotten sick.\u201d\u00a0 There was confusion in the first few days, but there was not any concrete feeling of, \u201cThis is real.\u201d\u00a0 On Saturday, when I called the four people, I said the same thing to each one of them.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about....\u201d\u00a0 I told them what happened to him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you know?\u201d\u00a0 Every one of them said, \u201cI don\u2019t know any details.\u00a0 All I know is that you\u2019re adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith the first phone call\u2014it was an uncle of mine that I had not talked to since I was ten years old.\u00a0 He was listed in the phone book.\u00a0 With the first\u2014hearing a human voice say to me, \u201cAll I know is that you\u2019re adopted,\u201d\u2014there was a sense of shock\u2014mixed feelings of anger, abandonment, understanding\u2014understanding why they did it, understanding why there was such paranoia about family secrecy when I was growing up\u2014a lot of things that surrounded my growing up that I had never really understood\u2014you know, \u201cWhat are you so paranoid about?\u201d\u2014that kind of thing.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a sense of understanding.\u00a0 There was relief that I wasn\u2019t crazy\u2014that there was something that I knew that was wrong\u2014which was basically a huge lie about me.\u00a0 So, there was shock.\u00a0 There was a huge\u2014just a huge question mark of, \u201cWell then, who am I?\u201d It was a very mixed bag.\u00a0 With the relief, were all these other things, and the sense of, \u201cI have been lied to!\u201d\u00a0 What do you do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You flash back to being eight years old and your mom saying, \u201cOh no, you\u2019re not adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes; and at the same time, I have real trouble being angry with her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if maybe it\u2019s because, at that point, she was already gone; but I really understand the mentality from that day and age.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s hard for me, when I think about being an adult.\u00a0 For instance, you know, when I had my children and there was a question about blood type, they thought I had A negative blood.\u00a0 I remember getting mad at my parents, saying, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you ever tell me?\u201d\u00a0 They were in an absolute state; and you know, they didn\u2019t tell me because that wasn\u2019t information they were given when I was born.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know any of that, and I think that might have been a time when they could have told me.\u00a0 My mother was an adult diabetic.\u00a0 I went through testing for diabetes\u2014hypoglycemia, all that stuff\u2014and they let me do all that rather than tell me the truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, at the same time, I think that our lives would have been\u2014certainly, my relationship with my dad\u2014would have been much better, much calmer, if I had known.\u00a0 I think that their fear\u2014it also showed me how fear really overruled any kind of reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0When you say, \u201cIf you had known,\u201d \u2014if you had known from the beginning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0You know, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I had somebody ask me that the other day\u2014in talking about, \u201cWhen should children be told that they\u2019re adopted?\u201d\u00a0 I think it would be\u2014it\u2019s very hard for me to imagine knowing that when I was growing up because they had such a mission to convince me of the opposite.\u00a0 But certainly, by the time of, say, I\u2019m having my own children and there\u2019s things like heredity and health issues\u2014and those kinds of things start to come into play\u2014that would have been good to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You said you didn\u2019t hold it against your mother because she was dead.\u00a0 At this point, your father was still alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Well, and see, my mother was not angry. I didn\u2019t have a difficult relationship with my mother.\u00a0 I had a difficult relationship with my father.\u00a0 So, I think that that probably plays into it, too.\u00a0 He was the one that tried to demand that I be like him, and I\u2019m really not like him at all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, I felt\u2014I mean, I know a lot of people who are not like their parents\u2014so I didn\u2019t ever think that that meant that I was adopted.\u00a0 I just felt that we were different.\u00a0 But I couldn\u2019t understand his demanding this of me\u2014needing to be like him\u2014and that as an adult\u2014at the age of 46, almost 47 years old\u2014his identity being very wrapped up in being my father. That was all a real mystery to me, until I found this out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once you had talked to two people who said, \u201cYes, you were adopted,\u201d why did you call the other two?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe disbelief.\u00a0 Maybe part of it was disbelief.\u00a0 Frankly, there was another time, later, I petitioned the court in Delaware to have records, which I still don\u2019t have.\u00a0 There was a few months\u2019 time that passed from the first phone call till the time that I got a phone call\u2014and somebody said\u2014this woman got on the phone and she said, \u201cI have your record in front of me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was really the moment when I felt anger\u2014that this record of who I really am existed and had existed all my life\u2014and I didn\u2019t know about it.\u00a0 Other people knew about it\u2014this woman had it in front of her.\u00a0 She had all this information about me\u2014that I still don\u2019t have.\u00a0 I felt very\u2014I felt very abandoned, at that point, and left out of a loop that\u2019s a rather significant loop.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to come back to that in a moment; but I want you to take us to the bedside when you walked back into your dad\u2019s hospital room, at that point, and talked to him about this new information you\u2019d come upon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I went back.\u00a0 He was sitting in a chair.\u00a0 He was not in bed.\u00a0 He was sitting in a chair, and I pulled up a chair in front of him.\u00a0 I just took both of his hands, and he looked up.\u00a0 I just said, \u201cDaddy, I want you to know that I know.\u201d\u00a0 He looked a little afraid; and I said, \u201cI know I\u2019m adopted.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe just started sobbing.\u00a0 I started crying.\u00a0 He was shaking and sobbing; and this was not my father\u2019s normal stance.\u00a0 Normally, he was angry\u2014he would have been swearing at me\u2014but he was completely dissolved, crying.\u00a0 I just hugged him and said, \u201cI\u2019m not leaving.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to go anywhere.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry you felt you had to keep that a secret all my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the first time in my life that I remember being with him and feeling like this knot inside of me\u2014this thing that was wrong\u2014wasn\u2019t there anymore.\u00a0 It was very positive; it was very freeing; it was very sad because he didn\u2019t have the mental capability to really tell me much of anything.\u00a0 He felt tremendous relief.\u00a0 I mean, he really cried, and cried, and cried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was a very mixed feeling of relief, sadness, and wishing things had been different.\u00a0 I think back\u2014I\u2019ve thought back many times\u2014\u201cWhat could I have done differently?\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I could have done anything because I didn\u2019t have any clue as to what the truth really was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Did his dementia continue until his death?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 In fact, I learned a lot about dementia; and one thing is, it\u2019s not reversible.\u00a0 He died in October of \u201995.\u00a0 He spent\u2014from the time he was sick, until his death\u2014in a psychiatric nursing home.\u00a0 It was the only time in my life where I had a relationship with him, where I wasn\u2019t afraid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did he ever say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d?\u00a0 Was he ever able to form the words to comfort your soul?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 He didn\u2019t do that.\u00a0 I did try to find out from him what he remembered.\u00a0 He would talk about the day they picked me up at the hospital, and that I came right from the hospital to be with them.\u00a0 He kept reassuring me about how much they loved me; and all of that, which I knew.\u00a0 I knew that, even when I was growing up and he was angry.\u00a0 I knew that he loved me, but he didn\u2019t say he was sorry.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t really part of his consciousness to talk about\u2014being able to discern whether he should have told me or not.\u00a0 That was never really there; and I\u2019m not sure he was capable of that, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you been able to forgive? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Oh yes, I really do feel like I\u2019ve been able to forgive.\u00a0 It\u2019s been interesting to try and piece together\u2014you know, when people say to me, \u201cHow do you really feel?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s still such a mixed bag for me.\u00a0 There\u2019s still so much information I don\u2019t have, and I think the primary thing I feel is outside\u2014I just feel outside.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like everybody has a history.\u00a0 This is a typical way for adoptees to feel, too; but most people do know some information from growing up because they\u2019ve been told that they\u2019re adopted.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t have that.\u00a0 So, I feel kind of outside of a rather large community of people; and I still don\u2019t have any information on that\u2014or not much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it finally began to sink in that this was for real, this was who you are, did you immediately think, \u201cI want to know more.\u00a0 I have to dig in here and solve this mystery\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, but with limitations.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have any desire to knock on somebody\u2019s door and ruin their lives right now.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to go knock on my mother\u2019s door, if she\u2019s alive, and say, \u201cHi.\u00a0 I\u2019m your long-lost daughter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if you found out the identity of your mother today, wouldn\u2019t you contact her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would like to contact her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d do it directly or use an arbitrator so she could protect herself if she wanted to, but there are answers to questions.\u00a0 But I also know that, as you get the answer to one question, it creates another one because I did find out I have a sibling.\u00a0 The court gave me some non-identifying information.\u00a0 I have a sibling, two years older than I am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s a man or a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A boy or a girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It\u2019s much more likely that person is still alive than even a parent might be.\u00a0 I have a lot of curiosity about that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been an only child all my life.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always wanted brothers or sisters; and then, I find out there\u2019s at least one out there.\u00a0 I would love to know that.\u00a0 I\u2019d love to know genealogy.\u00a0 I\u2019d love to know, \u201cAm I really Italian?\u201d\u2014which my husband thinks I am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your sibling has the same father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 According to the birth certificate, but I don\u2019t know\u2014my birth mother put her husband as my father on the birth certificate, but he abandoned her before I was born.\u00a0 One of the people that I called and asked if they knew if I was adopted, they said to me that my birth mother had had an affair with somebody coming back from World War II\u2014which would fit with where I lived and the timeframe\u2014and that either one or both of those people were married, and that\u2019s why I was given up for adoption.\u00a0\u00a0 So, that would fit.\u00a0 If she were still married at that time, she certainly would have put her husband\u2019s name on a birth certificate anyway.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m not convinced that that\u2019s actually the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation we had a number of years ago with Lois Rabey\u2014really, a remarkable story.\u00a0 The thing that has stuck with me from that story\u2014and by the way, we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of that story tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the thing that has always stuck with me about that conversation is that\u2014as many questions as Lois has had and still has about her birth mom, and her birth dad, and siblings, and kind of what her identity is, who her identity is\u2014she has found that what\u2019s more important than her biological identity is her spiritual identity\u2014that her sense of self comes more from what God has to say is true about her than what the genealogist would say is true about her.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we have Christmas to thank for that.\u00a0 Christmas is the celebration of the One who became flesh and dwelt among us\u2014Emmanuel, Jesus Christ\u2014who came to give us a new identity\u2014a name\u2014and to adopt us into His family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s only fitting that we have a story of adoption, here on Christmas Day, because, ultimately, that was the Father\u2019s heart as He had a young couple go to a manger in Bethlehem, over 2,000 years ago, and give birth to the King of kings, the Lord of lords\u2014our Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019ve asked people for years\u2014in audiences, you\u2019ve said, \u201cHow many of you in this room are adopted?\u201d\u00a0 A few hands will go up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Usually, two or three hands, out of a 100 people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you read from Ephesians, Chapter 1; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, where it talks about God predestining us to be adopted as His children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you ask the question, \u201cOkay, now, how many of you are adopted?\u201d and a lot more hands go up, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reality is\u2014God sends His Son into the world, as John says, \u201cNot to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him,\u201d\u2014that we might become the adopted children of the King.\u00a0 He is our older brother.\u00a0 We are joint-heirs\u2014co-inheritors, with Him, as adopted sons and daughters of the King\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014<em>if<\/em>\u2014<em>if<\/em>, \u2014and I want to say it a third time\u2014<em>if<\/em> we have placed out faith in Him and received the gift of eternal life, as found in His Son, Jesus Christ.\u00a0 You know, here it is\u2014Christmas.\u00a0 What better day to make a commitment to Christ?\u00a0 If you find yourself listening to this broadcast alone\u2014perhaps, tuning in\u2014in hopes of finding some comfort or companionship, here on the radio\u2014maybe, the real comfort and companionship you need is in a real relationship with Almighty God that was made possible by the message of Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, there is a link there that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d.\u00a0 It really does spell out what are the only two options for any of us about how we\u2019re going to live\u2014about the choice that is before us.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on that link.\u00a0 Ask yourself this question, \u201cWhich path am I on?\u00a0 Am I on the path that leads to a relationship with God through Jesus, or am I on a different path?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We\u2019d encourage you to head there and click the link that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019d encourage you to join us back here again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Lois Rabey\u2019s story, where, after learning late-in-life that she was adopted, she went on a journey to try to find out what she could learn about her birth mom.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a Merry Christmas!\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.99M"],"filesize_raw":["25153281"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302656.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302656.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 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mother had died years earlier and her father was gravely ill. But Lois was about to get the shock of her life.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Lois Rabey\u2019s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s, he started asking her an unusual question. He would look at her and say, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s Lois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right before he got sick\u2014up to that time\u2014he would say, \u201cYou are my daughter!\u201d with a kind of passion that I couldn\u2019t explain.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do that with my own children.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t keep reaffirming to them, \u201cYou are my daughter.\u201d\u00a0 That was evident.\u00a0 On Saturday, when I called the four people, I said the same thing to each one of them.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you know?\u201d\u00a0 Every one of them said, \u201cI don\u2019t know any details.\u00a0 All I know is that you\u2019re adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine being 47 years old and learning for the first time, ever, that you were adopted.\u00a0 That\u2019s the story we\u2019re going to hear today.\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us; and Merry Christmas, by the way, for those of you who are tuned in today on Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Merry Christmas!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019ll just let you in on the truth.\u00a0 We\u2019re not actually working on Christmas.\u00a0 We\u2019re home with our families; but thanks to the magic of recorded media, we\u2019re able to provide today\u2019s program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re going to hear a great story today.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to tip off what\u2019s about to happen too much here, Bob; but you\u2019re going to hear a great story that really has a connection to Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I don\u2019t know if you remember this; but actually, we first heard this story many years ago.\u00a0 We had a guest who we had invited in\u2014Lois Rabey.\u00a0 We were talking with her about a book that she had written called <em>The Snare<\/em>; and just in the middle of conversation with her, \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014we just asked her a little bit about her story.\u00a0 We found out some things that were remarkable.\u00a0 We said, \u201cWell, can we talk to you about that on-air?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the story you\u2019re going to hear today comes from a conversation we had with Lois Rabey.\u00a0 Lois and her husband Steve live in Colorado Springs.\u00a0 They\u2019re both authors\u2014they\u2019ve written for periodicals, written a number of books\u2014both separately and together.\u00a0 We think you\u2019re going to enjoy this story on Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in Wilmington, Delaware.\u00a0 My parents were both from Delaware.\u00a0 They were moral people.\u00a0 We went to church and so forth, but not that kind of a Christian environment growing up.\u00a0 I became a believer when I was a teenager at a Bible camp.\u00a0 My dad\u2014I had a very strained relationship with my father.\u00a0 He was a very strict disciplinarian.\u00a0 He was a very angry man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBasically, had a very close relationship with my mother and a very\u2014we would have called it codependent\u2014if we\u2019d had the words when I was growing up\u2014relationship with my father.\u00a0 Our house revolved around not making daddy angry.\u00a0 It was a stressful kind of situation.\u00a0 I feel like accepting Christ, as a teenager, was a lot of what allowed me to not rebel or walk away from that.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m supposed to honor them, so I\u2019ll try to be a good daughter.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Did you ever have anything, growing up, that caused you to think, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m adopted?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0I really did not.\u00a0 There was one instance\u2014when I was probably eight years old\u2014where I remember neighborhood children kind of taunting me and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re adopted;\u201d but I ran home crying.\u00a0 My mother reassured me that I was not adopted\u2014that if I had been, it would be very special\u2014but of course I wasn\u2019t\u2014I was their own.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, there was really no indication; in fact, quite the opposite.\u00a0 My adopted parents did things like reinforcing\u2014you know, \u201cYou have hands, like your grandfather,\u201d \u2014my grandfather was an artist\u2014and, \u201cYou have this, like So-and-so.\u201d\u00a0 So there was not anything evident to me that would have told me I was adopted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Brothers and sisters? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, no; only child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When we go places with our family, people are, all the time, saying, \u201cJohn looks just like you,\u201d \u201cJimmy looks just like you.\u201d\u00a0 Did people say that about you and your parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, they didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Yet, you know\u2014it\u2019s funny\u2014I\u2019ve read some books, since I found out about my adoption.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read some books that talk about characteristics of adopted children.\u00a0 A number of those characteristics were in evident in my life; but because it was my life, it felt normal.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know, until looking back, what those things meant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0For instance, when my older daughter found out that I was adopted\u2014she was away in college, and I called her and told her.\u00a0 She was not terribly surprised.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy are you not surprised?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m so shocked!\u00a0 Why are you not surprised?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWell you know, Nanny\u201d \u2014which was my mother to her\u2014 \u201cyou know, Nanny used to tell us all these stories;\u201d \u2014she was a great storyteller\u2014\u201cbut she never told us anything about when you were born.\u00a0 And yet you always told us about\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You know, I, like most women\u2014my children know exactly, minute for minute, what happened the day they were born.\u00a0 I talk about the day that my children were born.\u00a0 She picked up that my mother didn\u2019t do that.\u00a0 My adoptive parents didn\u2019t die until I was in my late 40s; and all my life, I never asked them one question about my birth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, several years after your mother passed away, you had one of what has to be the greatest shocking revelations that you\u2019d ever had in your entire life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it certainly was, to say the least.\u00a0 I had been in California, visiting my daughter.\u00a0 We were coming home.\u00a0 On a Sunday night, I arrived back in Colorado.\u00a0 Steve\u2014my husband Steve\u2014said he\u2019d gotten a phone call that day from my father.\u00a0 My father sounded strange and was saying things like, \u201cI don\u2019t know where the freezer is.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll call first thing in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 Well, before I could even call to see what was happening\u2014where he was living in an assisted living apartment\u2014they called me and they said, \u201cYour dad woke up.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t know any of us.\u00a0 He\u2019s 30 years in the past.\u00a0 He thinks he\u2019s back in Delaware.\u00a0 Get down here, right away!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter and I got down there.\u00a0 We walked into his room.\u00a0 He was lying on a bed in this apartment he lived in, with people around the bed, trying to comfort him.\u00a0 He looked up at me, and shaking, he said, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo Daddy, I\u2019m not adopted.\u201d\u00a0 I kind of patted him on the arm because he was confused about everything else\u2014so, I thought he was confused about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was on a Monday.\u00a0 During the course of that week, he was hospitalized.\u00a0 He was diagnosed as having severe dementia.\u00a0 It looks like a late case of Alzheimer\u2019s, but it wasn\u2019t Alzheimer\u2019s because it came on quickly.\u00a0 Every time I re-entered a room, during that week, he would say to me, \u201cAre you adopted?\u201d \u2014kind of frantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, how old were you, at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Forty-seven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Forty-seven years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Almost 47 years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And with him asking that question, was that triggering anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I do a real slow take.\u00a0 I mean, initially, no.\u00a0 I mean, it had been 47 years of being reaffirmed the other way, in the opposite direction.\u00a0 Plus, it wasn\u2019t just once a day.\u00a0 With short-term memory loss\u2014I\u2019d go out of the room; I\u2019d come back in the room\u2014he couldn\u2019t remember I was there; and he\u2019d do the same thing, all over again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, on Thursday, my daughter and I were driving back home.\u00a0 We got in the car and I said, \u201cYou know, Laura\u2014\u201d and she interrupted me.\u00a0 She said, \u201cYes, Mom, it is very strange that Pop keeps asking you that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when I got home, I called the nurse\u2014his floor nurse that day.\u00a0 I told her who I was.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDoes he talk about my being adopted?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh yes, all the time.\u00a0 Of course, he assures us he loves you as much, \u2014\u201d you know, the typical language.\u00a0 I was quiet; and she said, \u201cWhy did you ask that?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cBecause this is the first I\u2019ve heard of it.\u201d\u00a0 So, that was on Thursday, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Hang on.\u00a0 That\u2019s the first you\u2019d heard of it.\u00a0 What did you do after you hung up the phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I don\u2019t know that I knew what to do with it.\u00a0 I thought I needed to verify it.\u00a0 Part of this, see, was in the context of him being very confused about everything.\u00a0 I mean, he thought that Roosevelt was the President.\u00a0 So, I still didn\u2019t feel like, \u201cYes, this is reality.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were giving him the benefit of the doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; right.\u00a0 And then, the fact that he was so very confused\u2014that maybe this was part of a matter of being confused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, did you even allow it as a possibility to consider?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, I did.\u00a0 I did allow it.\u00a0 I thought what I needed to do was I needed to confirm it with somebody who\u2019s rational.\u00a0 On Saturday morning, I called, for instance, an uncle I had not seen since I was ten years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve got to stop you and ask you, \u201cYou didn\u2019t talk to Steve about this?\u00a0 Do you remember the conversation you had with him about this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t remember the conversation, but I do remember that my initial feeling was relief because of the strained relationship I had with my dad.\u00a0 Prior to this incident, about a year before, I spent some time with a friend of mine, who\u2019s a counselor in Colorado Springs.\u00a0 I said to this man, \u201cI need to come and see you because there is something wrong in my relationship with my dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just wanted to know the truth.\u00a0 I remember saying\u2014kind of crying out to God\u2014\u201cI just want to know what the truth is and there is something\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Part of what my conversations with Steve and with my children were\u2014 that, \u201cIf this is true, it explains his possessiveness\u2014my dad\u2019s possessiveness.\u00a0 It explains his control.\u201d\u00a0 My father used to say to me, right before he got sick\u2014up to that time\u2014he would say, \u201cYou are my daughter!\u201d with a kind of passion that I couldn\u2019t explain.\u00a0 I mean, I didn\u2019t do that with my own children. I didn\u2019t keep reaffirming to them, \u201cYou are my daughter.\u201d\u00a0 That was evident.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt answered questions for me.\u00a0 There was an element of, \u201cPerhaps this is going to reveal the truth that I\u2019ve been asking for\u2014that would never have been revealed to me if he hadn\u2019t gotten sick.\u201d\u00a0 There was confusion in the first few days, but there was not any concrete feeling of, \u201cThis is real.\u201d\u00a0 On Saturday, when I called the four people, I said the same thing to each one of them.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about....\u201d\u00a0 I told them what happened to him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cDaddy is talking about my adoption,\u201d which was true.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you know?\u201d\u00a0 Every one of them said, \u201cI don\u2019t know any details.\u00a0 All I know is that you\u2019re adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith the first phone call\u2014it was an uncle of mine that I had not talked to since I was ten years old.\u00a0 He was listed in the phone book.\u00a0 With the first\u2014hearing a human voice say to me, \u201cAll I know is that you\u2019re adopted,\u201d\u2014there was a sense of shock\u2014mixed feelings of anger, abandonment, understanding\u2014understanding why they did it, understanding why there was such paranoia about family secrecy when I was growing up\u2014a lot of things that surrounded my growing up that I had never really understood\u2014you know, \u201cWhat are you so paranoid about?\u201d\u2014that kind of thing.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a sense of understanding.\u00a0 There was relief that I wasn\u2019t crazy\u2014that there was something that I knew that was wrong\u2014which was basically a huge lie about me.\u00a0 So, there was shock.\u00a0 There was a huge\u2014just a huge question mark of, \u201cWell then, who am I?\u201d It was a very mixed bag.\u00a0 With the relief, were all these other things, and the sense of, \u201cI have been lied to!\u201d\u00a0 What do you do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You flash back to being eight years old and your mom saying, \u201cOh no, you\u2019re not adopted.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes; and at the same time, I have real trouble being angry with her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if maybe it\u2019s because, at that point, she was already gone; but I really understand the mentality from that day and age.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s hard for me, when I think about being an adult.\u00a0 For instance, you know, when I had my children and there was a question about blood type, they thought I had A negative blood.\u00a0 I remember getting mad at my parents, saying, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you ever tell me?\u201d\u00a0 They were in an absolute state; and you know, they didn\u2019t tell me because that wasn\u2019t information they were given when I was born.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know any of that, and I think that might have been a time when they could have told me.\u00a0 My mother was an adult diabetic.\u00a0 I went through testing for diabetes\u2014hypoglycemia, all that stuff\u2014and they let me do all that rather than tell me the truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, at the same time, I think that our lives would have been\u2014certainly, my relationship with my dad\u2014would have been much better, much calmer, if I had known.\u00a0 I think that their fear\u2014it also showed me how fear really overruled any kind of reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0When you say, \u201cIf you had known,\u201d \u2014if you had known from the beginning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0You know, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I had somebody ask me that the other day\u2014in talking about, \u201cWhen should children be told that they\u2019re adopted?\u201d\u00a0 I think it would be\u2014it\u2019s very hard for me to imagine knowing that when I was growing up because they had such a mission to convince me of the opposite.\u00a0 But certainly, by the time of, say, I\u2019m having my own children and there\u2019s things like heredity and health issues\u2014and those kinds of things start to come into play\u2014that would have been good to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You said you didn\u2019t hold it against your mother because she was dead.\u00a0 At this point, your father was still alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Well, and see, my mother was not angry. I didn\u2019t have a difficult relationship with my mother.\u00a0 I had a difficult relationship with my father.\u00a0 So, I think that that probably plays into it, too.\u00a0 He was the one that tried to demand that I be like him, and I\u2019m really not like him at all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, I felt\u2014I mean, I know a lot of people who are not like their parents\u2014so I didn\u2019t ever think that that meant that I was adopted.\u00a0 I just felt that we were different.\u00a0 But I couldn\u2019t understand his demanding this of me\u2014needing to be like him\u2014and that as an adult\u2014at the age of 46, almost 47 years old\u2014his identity being very wrapped up in being my father. That was all a real mystery to me, until I found this out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once you had talked to two people who said, \u201cYes, you were adopted,\u201d why did you call the other two?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe disbelief.\u00a0 Maybe part of it was disbelief.\u00a0 Frankly, there was another time, later, I petitioned the court in Delaware to have records, which I still don\u2019t have.\u00a0 There was a few months\u2019 time that passed from the first phone call till the time that I got a phone call\u2014and somebody said\u2014this woman got on the phone and she said, \u201cI have your record in front of me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was really the moment when I felt anger\u2014that this record of who I really am existed and had existed all my life\u2014and I didn\u2019t know about it.\u00a0 Other people knew about it\u2014this woman had it in front of her.\u00a0 She had all this information about me\u2014that I still don\u2019t have.\u00a0 I felt very\u2014I felt very abandoned, at that point, and left out of a loop that\u2019s a rather significant loop.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to come back to that in a moment; but I want you to take us to the bedside when you walked back into your dad\u2019s hospital room, at that point, and talked to him about this new information you\u2019d come upon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I went back.\u00a0 He was sitting in a chair.\u00a0 He was not in bed.\u00a0 He was sitting in a chair, and I pulled up a chair in front of him.\u00a0 I just took both of his hands, and he looked up.\u00a0 I just said, \u201cDaddy, I want you to know that I know.\u201d\u00a0 He looked a little afraid; and I said, \u201cI know I\u2019m adopted.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe just started sobbing.\u00a0 I started crying.\u00a0 He was shaking and sobbing; and this was not my father\u2019s normal stance.\u00a0 Normally, he was angry\u2014he would have been swearing at me\u2014but he was completely dissolved, crying.\u00a0 I just hugged him and said, \u201cI\u2019m not leaving.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to go anywhere.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry you felt you had to keep that a secret all my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was the first time in my life that I remember being with him and feeling like this knot inside of me\u2014this thing that was wrong\u2014wasn\u2019t there anymore.\u00a0 It was very positive; it was very freeing; it was very sad because he didn\u2019t have the mental capability to really tell me much of anything.\u00a0 He felt tremendous relief.\u00a0 I mean, he really cried, and cried, and cried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was a very mixed feeling of relief, sadness, and wishing things had been different.\u00a0 I think back\u2014I\u2019ve thought back many times\u2014\u201cWhat could I have done differently?\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I could have done anything because I didn\u2019t have any clue as to what the truth really was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Did his dementia continue until his death?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 In fact, I learned a lot about dementia; and one thing is, it\u2019s not reversible.\u00a0 He died in October of \u201995.\u00a0 He spent\u2014from the time he was sick, until his death\u2014in a psychiatric nursing home.\u00a0 It was the only time in my life where I had a relationship with him, where I wasn\u2019t afraid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did he ever say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d?\u00a0 Was he ever able to form the words to comfort your soul?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 He didn\u2019t do that.\u00a0 I did try to find out from him what he remembered.\u00a0 He would talk about the day they picked me up at the hospital, and that I came right from the hospital to be with them.\u00a0 He kept reassuring me about how much they loved me; and all of that, which I knew.\u00a0 I knew that, even when I was growing up and he was angry.\u00a0 I knew that he loved me, but he didn\u2019t say he was sorry.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t really part of his consciousness to talk about\u2014being able to discern whether he should have told me or not.\u00a0 That was never really there; and I\u2019m not sure he was capable of that, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you been able to forgive? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0Oh yes, I really do feel like I\u2019ve been able to forgive.\u00a0 It\u2019s been interesting to try and piece together\u2014you know, when people say to me, \u201cHow do you really feel?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s still such a mixed bag for me.\u00a0 There\u2019s still so much information I don\u2019t have, and I think the primary thing I feel is outside\u2014I just feel outside.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like everybody has a history.\u00a0 This is a typical way for adoptees to feel, too; but most people do know some information from growing up because they\u2019ve been told that they\u2019re adopted.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t have that.\u00a0 So, I feel kind of outside of a rather large community of people; and I still don\u2019t have any information on that\u2014or not much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it finally began to sink in that this was for real, this was who you are, did you immediately think, \u201cI want to know more.\u00a0 I have to dig in here and solve this mystery\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, but with limitations.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have any desire to knock on somebody\u2019s door and ruin their lives right now.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to go knock on my mother\u2019s door, if she\u2019s alive, and say, \u201cHi.\u00a0 I\u2019m your long-lost daughter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if you found out the identity of your mother today, wouldn\u2019t you contact her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would like to contact her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d do it directly or use an arbitrator so she could protect herself if she wanted to, but there are answers to questions.\u00a0 But I also know that, as you get the answer to one question, it creates another one because I did find out I have a sibling.\u00a0 The court gave me some non-identifying information.\u00a0 I have a sibling, two years older than I am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s a man or a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A boy or a girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It\u2019s much more likely that person is still alive than even a parent might be.\u00a0 I have a lot of curiosity about that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been an only child all my life.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always wanted brothers or sisters; and then, I find out there\u2019s at least one out there.\u00a0 I would love to know that.\u00a0 I\u2019d love to know genealogy.\u00a0 I\u2019d love to know, \u201cAm I really Italian?\u201d\u2014which my husband thinks I am.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your sibling has the same father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lois:<\/strong>\u00a0 According to the birth certificate, but I don\u2019t know\u2014my birth mother put her husband as my father on the birth certificate, but he abandoned her before I was born.\u00a0 One of the people that I called and asked if they knew if I was adopted, they said to me that my birth mother had had an affair with somebody coming back from World War II\u2014which would fit with where I lived and the timeframe\u2014and that either one or both of those people were married, and that\u2019s why I was given up for adoption.\u00a0\u00a0 So, that would fit.\u00a0 If she were still married at that time, she certainly would have put her husband\u2019s name on a birth certificate anyway.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m not convinced that that\u2019s actually the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation we had a number of years ago with Lois Rabey\u2014really, a remarkable story.\u00a0 The thing that has stuck with me from that story\u2014and by the way, we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of that story tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the thing that has always stuck with me about that conversation is that\u2014as many questions as Lois has had and still has about her birth mom, and her birth dad, and siblings, and kind of what her identity is, who her identity is\u2014she has found that what\u2019s more important than her biological identity is her spiritual identity\u2014that her sense of self comes more from what God has to say is true about her than what the genealogist would say is true about her.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we have Christmas to thank for that.\u00a0 Christmas is the celebration of the One who became flesh and dwelt among us\u2014Emmanuel, Jesus Christ\u2014who came to give us a new identity\u2014a name\u2014and to adopt us into His family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s only fitting that we have a story of adoption, here on Christmas Day, because, ultimately, that was the Father\u2019s heart as He had a young couple go to a manger in Bethlehem, over 2,000 years ago, and give birth to the King of kings, the Lord of lords\u2014our Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019ve asked people for years\u2014in audiences, you\u2019ve said, \u201cHow many of you in this room are adopted?\u201d\u00a0 A few hands will go up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Usually, two or three hands, out of a 100 people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you read from Ephesians, Chapter 1; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, where it talks about God predestining us to be adopted as His children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you ask the question, \u201cOkay, now, how many of you are adopted?\u201d and a lot more hands go up, at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reality is\u2014God sends His Son into the world, as John says, \u201cNot to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him,\u201d\u2014that we might become the adopted children of the King.\u00a0 He is our older brother.\u00a0 We are joint-heirs\u2014co-inheritors, with Him, as adopted sons and daughters of the King\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014<em>if<\/em>\u2014<em>if<\/em>, \u2014and I want to say it a third time\u2014<em>if<\/em> we have placed out faith in Him and received the gift of eternal life, as found in His Son, Jesus Christ.\u00a0 You know, here it is\u2014Christmas.\u00a0 What better day to make a commitment to Christ?\u00a0 If you find yourself listening to this broadcast alone\u2014perhaps, tuning in\u2014in hopes of finding some comfort or companionship, here on the radio\u2014maybe, the real comfort and companionship you need is in a real relationship with Almighty God that was made possible by the message of Christmas Day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, there is a link there that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d.\u00a0 It really does spell out what are the only two options for any of us about how we\u2019re going to live\u2014about the choice that is before us.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on that link.\u00a0 Ask yourself this question, \u201cWhich path am I on?\u00a0 Am I on the path that leads to a relationship with God through Jesus, or am I on a different path?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We\u2019d encourage you to head there and click the link that says, \u201cTwo Ways to Live\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019d encourage you to join us back here again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Lois Rabey\u2019s story, where, after learning late-in-life that she was adopted, she went on a journey to try to find out what she could learn about her birth mom.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a Merry Christmas!\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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