{"id":302650,"date":"2012-12-13T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-12-13T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/coming-out-of-the-clouds\/"},"modified":"2012-12-13T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-12-13T17:00:00","slug":"coming-out-of-the-clouds","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-out-of-the-clouds\/","title":{"rendered":"Coming Out of the Clouds"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a forty something woman, Rhonda found herself widowed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.94M","filesize_raw":"23009313","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2936],"tags":[4820],"podcast_series":[7918],"cwp_profile":[3078],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302650","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-remarriage","tag-cancer","podcast_series-when-the-bottom-drops-out","cwp_profile-rob-and-rhonda-bugh","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302650\/coming-out-of-the-clouds","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302650\/coming-out-of-the-clouds","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"chnw2oot5D\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-out-of-the-clouds\/\">Coming Out of the Clouds<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-out-of-the-clouds\/embed\/#?secret=chnw2oot5D\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Coming Out of the Clouds&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"chnw2oot5D\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was not long after Rhonda Williams had lost her husband to cancer that her pastor also lost his wife to a fatal disease.\u00a0 Then, months later, all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, something started to happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 All of a sudden, we were a little more intentional in trying to sit together and talk together; and yes, that heart rate goes up\u2014all those hormones that we all know about started again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re catching up with each other: \u201cHow you doing?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 We have this amazing commonality in the death of our spouses, and that was a huge magnet.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, December 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Rob and Rhonda Bugh join us today to share with us their surprising, unexpected love story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, Mary Ann and I have had the opportunity, over the last\u2014more than a year now\u2014to walk with a friend who became a widow last year.\u00a0 The adjustment to the new normal is\u2014you don\u2019t just flip a switch and get there.\u00a0 It is a journey, and it\u2019s moment by moment; but along the way, God shows up, gives grace, and you get there.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And to a widow who has children and is young enough to remarry\u2014that makes it an even bigger adjustment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when that takes place.\u00a0 We have a couple here who are sharing their story with us.\u00a0 Rob and Rhonda Bugh join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob has written a book called <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s subtitled <em>Finding Grace in the Depths of Disappointment<\/em>.\u00a0 There\u2019s a reason why he\u2019s written that book.\u00a0 His wife of 27 years, Carol, died of cancer.\u00a0 They had four children in their family, at the time.\u00a0 He ended up marrying Rhonda, who had been married to Rob\u2019s best friend.\u00a0 You were married to Tom for 25 years.\u00a0 You had three children.\u00a0 You\u2019re a pediatrician.\u00a0 He was a surgeon, and he died of cancer.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to ask both of you, \u201cAfter you\u2019d been through this valley\u201d\u2014I mean, for both of you, it was a quick valley from the time of diagnosis to death was pretty rapid\u2014\u201cHow long before either one of you had any thought of even considering someone else?\u201d\u00a0 Rob, you are smiling.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Rhonda?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really never thought of remarrying after Tom died.\u00a0 Both of my grandmothers were widows at 45.\u00a0 I just assumed I was another widow in our family.\u00a0 As most widows and widowers will tell you, \u201cWhen you lose your spouse, you are in this cloud, this fog, that you seem to be in for a period of time\u201d\u2014and everybody is different.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2014my personal experience is I was in this fog, and many times, amazing forgetfulness until about 18 months after Tom died.\u00a0 It was a very clear, lucid time.\u00a0 It was the beginning of December.\u00a0 It was as if this veil lifted, and there was this clarity of thought.\u00a0 There was this new joy that seemed to take over.\u00a0 I could decorate for Christmas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What caused it?\u00a0 What caused it to occur?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I assume that it was God\u2019s timing.\u00a0 It just happened, and it\u2014and I know that it probably happens at different times for different people; but for me, it was very clear when I felt better.\u00a0 It was shortly after that that the Lord brought Rob into my life.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hang on.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to get there too quickly.\u00a0 I want to come back to the lifting of the cloud.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you feel guilty that you were starting to experience joy again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t recall ever feeling guilty.\u00a0 I felt this heaviness lifted off my shoulders.\u00a0 I felt like I could breathe again, and I could start doing life.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I felt guilty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a sense of somehow betraying Tom\u2019s memory by having joy reemerge in your life?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the question I wanted to ask\u2014and again, this is totally unfair.\u00a0 So, you\u2019re just going to have to forgive me.\u00a0 You\u2019re a pediatrician\u2014you forgive kids for all kinds of stuff.\u00a0 You\u2019re sitting out in the congregation, underneath the teaching of your pastor, Rob Bugh.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have a conscious thought?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all\u2014he was my pastor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you\u2019d seen him lose his wife.\u00a0 You watched him walk the same valley you\u2019d walked.\u00a0 In fact, in the midst of your common grief, did you ever reach out to him and say, \u201cI know what\u2019s going on\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it was an awkward time.\u00a0 Shortly, after Tom died, my oldest son was struggling with the loss of his father.\u00a0 He was in a difficult place and fairly rebellious.\u00a0 Finally, in August, I called Rob for help.\u00a0 Rob had sort of disappeared from my life.\u00a0 Tom was his best friend; but all of a sudden, Tom died, and I never saw Rob again.\u00a0 I can let Rob explain why he felt uncomfortable with that, but I felt abandoned by my pastor.\u00a0 My children, actually, had some of the same feelings, \u201cWhere did Rob go?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I had been there with Tom faithfully; but when Tom died, I got concerned about male\/female boundaries and got really busy in ministry.\u00a0 I, frankly, just wasn\u2019t there for her.\u00a0 I moved on and let the press of life push and pull me in a direction that led me away from Rhonda.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when Rhonda and I started to talk, she sat down with me one time and said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to be really honest with you.\u00a0 Here\u2019s how I feel.\u201d\u00a0 She was spot on, and I was really wrong.\u00a0 God was beginning to change me in this area through the death of my wife, and all the time we spent in cancer hospitals, and just seeing another side of life that I had stepped into but would always quickly step out of, as a lead pastor in a large church.\u00a0 I just had too many other things coming at me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just wonder, \u201cWere you in a cloud?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was certainly that going on.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just didn\u2019t have it to give.\u00a0 I\u2019m not trying to make an excuse for why you weren\u2019t engaging there; but I mean, it\u2019s not like you had zero going on in your life.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 Suddenly, I was a single-parent of four kids; but it\u2019s not too hard to pick up the phone and call and say, \u201cHow are you doing, Rhonda?\u00a0 How are the kids?\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until December, after the fog lifted\u2014now, we didn\u2019t have any idea of any of this\u2014I didn\u2019t\u2014that we finally reconnected through some friends that were mutual friends of ours.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019ve just got to ask you about this because I know about this dinner you had\u2014this setup dinner from somebody on the elder board.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Don\u2019t say setup, Bob.\u00a0 The chairman of our elder board and his wife\u2014we all got together\u2014we always got together at the end of the year.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Their motives were pure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They\u2014and actually, they were horrified at the thought of Rhonda and me starting to date because of how much pain Rhonda had been in and how raw I still was.\u00a0 We were just getting together.\u00a0 One other couple couldn\u2019t come.\u00a0 Jim and Sandy set it up at a restaurant.\u00a0 I got there.\u00a0 Rhonda was a little late because of work.\u00a0 She walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 I looked at her, and I saw Rhonda in a way I\u2019d never seen her before.\u00a0 I felt like God was saying, \u201cHow stupid do you have to be, Rob?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, there had been people\u2014from almost the time your wife died\u2014there had been people in the church thinking, \u201cWell, this is obvious!\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe not.\u00a0 How many people go to your church?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have about 5,000.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there had been people in the church\u2014trust me!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Trust me.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why are you laughing, Rhonda?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This had been\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Had some of them said something to you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014this had been talked about in small groups and prayer groups around the church.\u00a0 I guarantee you.\u00a0 \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be something if Rob and Rhonda got\u2014I mean, they just\u201d\u2014you know that buzz had been happening; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know one of my favorite authors is a guy by the name of Mark Buchanan\u2014tells this wonderful story about the fall of the Iron Curtain and the line was, \u201cWell, we\u2019ve got a bunch of older women in this country that have been praying for decades.\u00a0 Is it really that surprising that the Iron Curtain has fallen?\u201d\u00a0 We had a bunch of older\u2014[Laughter]\u2014mature, godly women who were praying\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014for the Iron Curtain between the two of you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that this woman would rescue the now single-parent senior pastor from doing something absurd like moving to Southern California and deciding to surf the rest of his life or something.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we now know who to blame on the cloud part, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly; exactly!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there were lots and lots of people\u2014and think about it from one perspective.\u00a0 I mean, when a senior pastor loses his wife, and he starts to date, and think about remarriage\u2014how potentially divisive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and controversial that can be in a local church.\u00a0 There was none of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what did you do after you said, \u201cWow!\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014she walks in\u2014were you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I started talking to her, in the presence of Jim and Sandy, our friends, and just had this conversation.\u00a0 I was thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u00a0 Could this\u201d\u2014you know?\u00a0 You\u2019re kind of walking through all of these things in your mind, and you\u2019re still kind of reeling.\u00a0 You\u2019re coming off 27 years of almost perfect\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long had your wife been gone?\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Carol had been gone four months\u2014just four months.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And these were just thoughts that I was having alone.\u00a0 Now, Carol and I got engaged after five months.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, we see what kind of guy you are.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My girls keep reminding me of that: \u201cDad, this wasn\u2019t that surprising, frankly, because this is the way you tend to operate.\u00a0 Give us some crash helmets.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda, did you notice at that dinner that he seemed particularly friendly?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I must have still had a little bit of that fog\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Little cloud left?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, cloud left because\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And anger.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t, at the time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what was your first phone call for a date?\u00a0 How long, Mr. Five-Months?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We got together on New Year\u2019s Day with the same friends and our family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be the next day.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014like we always did.\u00a0 We started to talk.\u00a0 There were a couple sparks going off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold it!\u00a0 Hold it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In whom; in whom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s when I would say the sparks started\u2014was the next day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It took her less than 24 hours.\u00a0 Now, hear that!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019s vindicated.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean\u2014I rest my case!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish this wasn\u2019t radio, at this point, because he\u2019s looking kind of cocky at this point.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell me about the sparks going off, Rhonda.\u00a0 I just wondered\u2014the next day when you\u2019re having a conversation and you\u2019re starting to feel things you haven\u2019t felt in a <em>long time<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 All of a sudden, we were a little more intentional in trying to sit together and talk together.\u00a0 Yes, that heart rate goes up\u2014all those hormones that we all know about started again.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re catching up with each other.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you doing?\u00a0 What are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 We have this amazing commonality in the death of our spouses, and that was a huge magnet.\u00a0 I wanted to hear from Rhonda how she was doing\u2014as a pastor, but also, as a friend\u2014what she could teach me as I was on the frontend of my journey of grieving.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were there any of your more learned church members coming forward to kind of go, \u201cHey, you need to be careful here.\u00a0 You could be two lonely people meeting on an island\u201d\u2014out of concern for you, as their pastor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some people, along the way\u2014when Rhonda and I, in January and February, began to spend some time together, talking and trying to figure out: \u201cWhat is this thing?\u201d, \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d, \u201cWhat are we really thinking?\u201d, and to kind of get our toes in the water of this potential, new relationship\u2014there were a couple of people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tend to be really open, and I do life through relationships.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a bunch of really close friends, and I would talk to them about this.\u00a0 They would say, \u201cReally; already?\u201d; but most of them were, \u201cWow!\u00a0 Do you think God could possibly be in this?\u201d or, \u201cMan, this could make a lot of sense.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob, if you, as a pastor, knew somebody whose wife had been gone for five months and he starting to show an interest in a woman, would you be a guy who says, \u201cReally, already?\u201d or would you be a guy who says, \u201cI wonder if God\u2019s in this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would be a guy that would probably say both.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 In light of the almost five years of remarriage now that we\u2019ve experienced and all the adjustments\u2014and especially the adjustments for our kids\u2014and our kids have remarkable relationships with one another.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cYou know, give this some time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where Ron Deal has been a big help in his writing and his counsel to both Rhonda and I\u2014just saying, \u201cHey, think about this.\u00a0 Look before you leap.\u00a0 What about this?\u201d because it\u2019s not a Rob and Rhonda in a remarriage\u2014it\u2019s a Rob and Rob\u2019s kids and Rhonda and Rhonda\u2019s kids\u2019 thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the church that Rob pastors and the whole big community.\u00a0 I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014you guys, as much as anybody, have got a web here that people affected by the romance that sparked between the two of you.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just think of it in terms of \u201cthe two of us\u201d.\u00a0 You have to think of it in that broader context; don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it didn\u2019t help when I would talk to different people about this\u2014elders, who would say, \u201cWell, you know?\u00a0 We\u2019ve been praying that you two would get together.\u201d\u00a0 There was a lot of that.\u00a0 A lot of people at Wheaton Bible Church were praying that we would get together\u2014I mean a lot.\u00a0 It was an amazing thing to behold.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m going to ask the question that everybody in your church wanted to ask you but probably wasn\u2019t courageous enough to do; and it may be the end of our relationship, Rob, right here.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 When did you kiss her?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [Ahh!]\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m asking the wrong person.\u00a0 Rhonda, you\u2019re the one who smiled.\u00a0 You remember it.\u00a0 Rob doesn\u2019t!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, dear.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking\u2014I know the place, the time.\u00a0 It was approximately six weeks later.\u00a0 We were talking\u2014and his body language\u2014he was getting a little closer.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWould you like to kiss me?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, you did!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 I could tell\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because I would not have\u2014I would not have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I asked him if he would like to kiss me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And why did you ask that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because he wouldn\u2019t have, I don\u2019t think; and I could tell that he wanted to.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And did you want him to?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was dead meat, at that point.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did that seal the deal?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The deal had been sealed when she walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the deal had been sealed when she walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 How long did it take to move to the wedding?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A year.\u00a0 We got married the following December.\u00a0 So, we\u2014the sparks happened in December of 2006, and we got married in December of 2007.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, for committed followers of Christ who are walking down this path\u2014who have had marriage before\u2014that\u2019s a long time.\u00a0 That\u2019s a long time to say, \u201cWe will keep our passions in check.\u201d\u00a0 How did you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, and it isn\u2019t.\u00a0 You know, we love Ron Deal and his ministry.\u00a0 One of the things that Rob and I have really felt, after being married and gone through a lot of the difficulty with parenting a blended family, is the question of, \u201cShould we have waited longer?\u201d\u00a0 Both, Rob and I, would agree that a year was probably not enough time to make an easy transition into a blended family.\u00a0 You find out when reality hits and the family has to bond together\u2014a lot of disappointment comes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on the one hand, it seemed like a long time\u2014and to control passion and keep our physical relationship intact, we felt that we needed to get married when we did.\u00a0 We felt that it was very clear that God was directing our relationship.\u00a0 We had been married a long time.\u00a0 When you\u2019ve been married a long time, you miss the physical relationship.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, all of that said, we got married a year after we started dating.\u00a0 If we were to do it again, I think we both agree that it would have been wiser to wait to see how each of us parents each other\u2019s children, over a longer period of time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really agree.\u00a0 It would have been wiser\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but it\u2019s better to marry than to burn; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Than to burn; right!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The other\u2014it\u2019s just tension.\u00a0 As Rhonda has articulated, that was a constant source of conversation\u2014a stress point for us.\u00a0 Yet, I had to do life in the context of a larger community.\u00a0 So, I really had to watch my life and what we were doing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if the church wasn\u2019t paying attention, God was.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Amen!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to hear more of your story and how you guys navigated the grief but also the hard knocks of bringing two nations\u2014two nations together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you talk about that some in the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0\u00a0 In fact, you may know someone who has had a bottom-dropping experience\u2014somebody who is a friend of yours, somebody who has experienced cracks in the foundation of their life in the last year.\u00a0 You may want to get them a copy of this book as a gift.\u00a0 The title is <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>, and you can order a copy from us when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>, when you get in touch with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, I have\u2014I\u2019ve never been to Alaska.\u00a0 I know, Dennis, you\u2019ve been to Alaska; but we got an email, not long ago, from a listener who listens to us in Anchorage and said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have been blessed so many times by you folks.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been incarcerated for the last three and a half years; and my wife and I have gone through a lot of difficulties in our marriage, as a result.\u00a0 I have six months remaining in my sentence, and we desire to continue with our marriage; but there are situations and obstacles we\u2019re going to have to face.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we get out, we would covet your prayers in all of this; and I just want to thank you for your work, your ministry, your commitment to marriages and families.\u00a0 I have done a lot to destroy mine and to hurt a lot of people; and I pray that God will give my wife and I strength to continue to heal our marriage and for me to become the man of God that she needs me to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s humbling for us to think that God uses this program in so many ways in the lives of so many folks in so many different situations.\u00a0 In reality, it is the faithful declaration of His Word, empowered by His Spirit\u2014that is what does the work.\u00a0 And we appreciate those of you who partner with us to help make that possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019re facing a little bit of a dilemma right now because, over the past several months, we\u2019ve seen a drop in donations to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> from our radio listeners.\u00a0 As a result, we\u2019ve had to pull back in some areas, turn some things off, and set some things aside for awhile.\u00a0 What happens here, at the end of the year, will give us an indication of whether we can start some of those things back up again or whether we\u2019re going to have to make additional cuts.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re asking you to, first of all, pray for us; and then, secondly, do whatever you can do to help us with a yearend donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good news is, when you make a yearend donation, here in the last few days of 2012, that donation is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to a total of what is now $3.6 million.\u00a0 Our matching-gift fund has grown to that amount, and we hope to be able to take full advantage of those matching-gift funds.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re asking you, consider making a $25, or a $50, or a $100, or whatever you can do\u2014make a donation, here at yearend.\u00a0 When you do, that donation is going to be doubled\u2014matched dollar-for-dollar.\u00a0 All you have to do is go online and give at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation by phone.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do and thanks for praying for us, as well.\u00a0 We appreciate it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear about some of the bumps in the road as Rob and Rhonda Bugh began to forge a new family from the ashes of two families that had gone through pain and loss.\u00a0 And we\u2019re going to see if our friend, Ron Deal, can come in and join us tomorrow, as well, as we talk about these things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.94M"],"filesize_raw":["23009313"],"_edit_lock":["1747850090:47000"],"_g_feedback_shortcode_99d7627c14764136408a776d2e88894339d64380":["\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Name\" type=\"name\"  required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Email\" type=\"email\" required=\"true\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Website\" type=\"url\" \/]\n\t\t\t\t[contact-field label=\"Message\" type=\"textarea\" 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a forty something woman, Rhonda found herself widowed.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-12-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was not long after Rhonda Williams had lost her husband to cancer that her pastor also lost his wife to a fatal disease.\u00a0 Then, months later, all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, something started to happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 All of a sudden, we were a little more intentional in trying to sit together and talk together; and yes, that heart rate goes up\u2014all those hormones that we all know about started again\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re catching up with each other: \u201cHow you doing?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 We have this amazing commonality in the death of our spouses, and that was a huge magnet.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, December 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Rob and Rhonda Bugh join us today to share with us their surprising, unexpected love story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, Mary Ann and I have had the opportunity, over the last\u2014more than a year now\u2014to walk with a friend who became a widow last year.\u00a0 The adjustment to the new normal is\u2014you don\u2019t just flip a switch and get there.\u00a0 It is a journey, and it\u2019s moment by moment; but along the way, God shows up, gives grace, and you get there.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And to a widow who has children and is young enough to remarry\u2014that makes it an even bigger adjustment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when that takes place.\u00a0 We have a couple here who are sharing their story with us.\u00a0 Rob and Rhonda Bugh join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob has written a book called <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s subtitled <em>Finding Grace in the Depths of Disappointment<\/em>.\u00a0 There\u2019s a reason why he\u2019s written that book.\u00a0 His wife of 27 years, Carol, died of cancer.\u00a0 They had four children in their family, at the time.\u00a0 He ended up marrying Rhonda, who had been married to Rob\u2019s best friend.\u00a0 You were married to Tom for 25 years.\u00a0 You had three children.\u00a0 You\u2019re a pediatrician.\u00a0 He was a surgeon, and he died of cancer.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to ask both of you, \u201cAfter you\u2019d been through this valley\u201d\u2014I mean, for both of you, it was a quick valley from the time of diagnosis to death was pretty rapid\u2014\u201cHow long before either one of you had any thought of even considering someone else?\u201d\u00a0 Rob, you are smiling.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Rhonda?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really never thought of remarrying after Tom died.\u00a0 Both of my grandmothers were widows at 45.\u00a0 I just assumed I was another widow in our family.\u00a0 As most widows and widowers will tell you, \u201cWhen you lose your spouse, you are in this cloud, this fog, that you seem to be in for a period of time\u201d\u2014and everybody is different.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2014my personal experience is I was in this fog, and many times, amazing forgetfulness until about 18 months after Tom died.\u00a0 It was a very clear, lucid time.\u00a0 It was the beginning of December.\u00a0 It was as if this veil lifted, and there was this clarity of thought.\u00a0 There was this new joy that seemed to take over.\u00a0 I could decorate for Christmas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What caused it?\u00a0 What caused it to occur?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I assume that it was God\u2019s timing.\u00a0 It just happened, and it\u2014and I know that it probably happens at different times for different people; but for me, it was very clear when I felt better.\u00a0 It was shortly after that that the Lord brought Rob into my life.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hang on.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to get there too quickly.\u00a0 I want to come back to the lifting of the cloud.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you feel guilty that you were starting to experience joy again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t recall ever feeling guilty.\u00a0 I felt this heaviness lifted off my shoulders.\u00a0 I felt like I could breathe again, and I could start doing life.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I felt guilty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a sense of somehow betraying Tom\u2019s memory by having joy reemerge in your life?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the question I wanted to ask\u2014and again, this is totally unfair.\u00a0 So, you\u2019re just going to have to forgive me.\u00a0 You\u2019re a pediatrician\u2014you forgive kids for all kinds of stuff.\u00a0 You\u2019re sitting out in the congregation, underneath the teaching of your pastor, Rob Bugh.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have a conscious thought?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all\u2014he was my pastor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you\u2019d seen him lose his wife.\u00a0 You watched him walk the same valley you\u2019d walked.\u00a0 In fact, in the midst of your common grief, did you ever reach out to him and say, \u201cI know what\u2019s going on\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it was an awkward time.\u00a0 Shortly, after Tom died, my oldest son was struggling with the loss of his father.\u00a0 He was in a difficult place and fairly rebellious.\u00a0 Finally, in August, I called Rob for help.\u00a0 Rob had sort of disappeared from my life.\u00a0 Tom was his best friend; but all of a sudden, Tom died, and I never saw Rob again.\u00a0 I can let Rob explain why he felt uncomfortable with that, but I felt abandoned by my pastor.\u00a0 My children, actually, had some of the same feelings, \u201cWhere did Rob go?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I had been there with Tom faithfully; but when Tom died, I got concerned about male\/female boundaries and got really busy in ministry.\u00a0 I, frankly, just wasn\u2019t there for her.\u00a0 I moved on and let the press of life push and pull me in a direction that led me away from Rhonda.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when Rhonda and I started to talk, she sat down with me one time and said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to be really honest with you.\u00a0 Here\u2019s how I feel.\u201d\u00a0 She was spot on, and I was really wrong.\u00a0 God was beginning to change me in this area through the death of my wife, and all the time we spent in cancer hospitals, and just seeing another side of life that I had stepped into but would always quickly step out of, as a lead pastor in a large church.\u00a0 I just had too many other things coming at me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just wonder, \u201cWere you in a cloud?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was certainly that going on.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just didn\u2019t have it to give.\u00a0 I\u2019m not trying to make an excuse for why you weren\u2019t engaging there; but I mean, it\u2019s not like you had zero going on in your life.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 Suddenly, I was a single-parent of four kids; but it\u2019s not too hard to pick up the phone and call and say, \u201cHow are you doing, Rhonda?\u00a0 How are the kids?\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until December, after the fog lifted\u2014now, we didn\u2019t have any idea of any of this\u2014I didn\u2019t\u2014that we finally reconnected through some friends that were mutual friends of ours.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019ve just got to ask you about this because I know about this dinner you had\u2014this setup dinner from somebody on the elder board.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Don\u2019t say setup, Bob.\u00a0 The chairman of our elder board and his wife\u2014we all got together\u2014we always got together at the end of the year.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Their motives were pure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They\u2014and actually, they were horrified at the thought of Rhonda and me starting to date because of how much pain Rhonda had been in and how raw I still was.\u00a0 We were just getting together.\u00a0 One other couple couldn\u2019t come.\u00a0 Jim and Sandy set it up at a restaurant.\u00a0 I got there.\u00a0 Rhonda was a little late because of work.\u00a0 She walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 I looked at her, and I saw Rhonda in a way I\u2019d never seen her before.\u00a0 I felt like God was saying, \u201cHow stupid do you have to be, Rob?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, there had been people\u2014from almost the time your wife died\u2014there had been people in the church thinking, \u201cWell, this is obvious!\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe not.\u00a0 How many people go to your church?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have about 5,000.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there had been people in the church\u2014trust me!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Trust me.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why are you laughing, Rhonda?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This had been\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Had some of them said something to you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014this had been talked about in small groups and prayer groups around the church.\u00a0 I guarantee you.\u00a0 \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be something if Rob and Rhonda got\u2014I mean, they just\u201d\u2014you know that buzz had been happening; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know one of my favorite authors is a guy by the name of Mark Buchanan\u2014tells this wonderful story about the fall of the Iron Curtain and the line was, \u201cWell, we\u2019ve got a bunch of older women in this country that have been praying for decades.\u00a0 Is it really that surprising that the Iron Curtain has fallen?\u201d\u00a0 We had a bunch of older\u2014[Laughter]\u2014mature, godly women who were praying\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014for the Iron Curtain between the two of you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that this woman would rescue the now single-parent senior pastor from doing something absurd like moving to Southern California and deciding to surf the rest of his life or something.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we now know who to blame on the cloud part, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly; exactly!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there were lots and lots of people\u2014and think about it from one perspective.\u00a0 I mean, when a senior pastor loses his wife, and he starts to date, and think about remarriage\u2014how potentially divisive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and controversial that can be in a local church.\u00a0 There was none of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what did you do after you said, \u201cWow!\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014she walks in\u2014were you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I started talking to her, in the presence of Jim and Sandy, our friends, and just had this conversation.\u00a0 I was thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u00a0 Could this\u201d\u2014you know?\u00a0 You\u2019re kind of walking through all of these things in your mind, and you\u2019re still kind of reeling.\u00a0 You\u2019re coming off 27 years of almost perfect\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long had your wife been gone?\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Carol had been gone four months\u2014just four months.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And these were just thoughts that I was having alone.\u00a0 Now, Carol and I got engaged after five months.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, we see what kind of guy you are.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My girls keep reminding me of that: \u201cDad, this wasn\u2019t that surprising, frankly, because this is the way you tend to operate.\u00a0 Give us some crash helmets.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda, did you notice at that dinner that he seemed particularly friendly?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I must have still had a little bit of that fog\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Little cloud left?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, cloud left because\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And anger.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t, at the time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what was your first phone call for a date?\u00a0 How long, Mr. Five-Months?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We got together on New Year\u2019s Day with the same friends and our family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be the next day.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014like we always did.\u00a0 We started to talk.\u00a0 There were a couple sparks going off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold it!\u00a0 Hold it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In whom; in whom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s when I would say the sparks started\u2014was the next day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It took her less than 24 hours.\u00a0 Now, hear that!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0\u00a0 He\u2019s vindicated.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean\u2014I rest my case!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish this wasn\u2019t radio, at this point, because he\u2019s looking kind of cocky at this point.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell me about the sparks going off, Rhonda.\u00a0 I just wondered\u2014the next day when you\u2019re having a conversation and you\u2019re starting to feel things you haven\u2019t felt in a <em>long time<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 All of a sudden, we were a little more intentional in trying to sit together and talk together.\u00a0 Yes, that heart rate goes up\u2014all those hormones that we all know about started again.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re catching up with each other.\u00a0 \u201cHow are you doing?\u00a0 What are you feeling?\u201d\u00a0 We have this amazing commonality in the death of our spouses, and that was a huge magnet.\u00a0 I wanted to hear from Rhonda how she was doing\u2014as a pastor, but also, as a friend\u2014what she could teach me as I was on the frontend of my journey of grieving.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were there any of your more learned church members coming forward to kind of go, \u201cHey, you need to be careful here.\u00a0 You could be two lonely people meeting on an island\u201d\u2014out of concern for you, as their pastor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some people, along the way\u2014when Rhonda and I, in January and February, began to spend some time together, talking and trying to figure out: \u201cWhat is this thing?\u201d, \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d, \u201cWhat are we really thinking?\u201d, and to kind of get our toes in the water of this potential, new relationship\u2014there were a couple of people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tend to be really open, and I do life through relationships.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a bunch of really close friends, and I would talk to them about this.\u00a0 They would say, \u201cReally; already?\u201d; but most of them were, \u201cWow!\u00a0 Do you think God could possibly be in this?\u201d or, \u201cMan, this could make a lot of sense.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob, if you, as a pastor, knew somebody whose wife had been gone for five months and he starting to show an interest in a woman, would you be a guy who says, \u201cReally, already?\u201d or would you be a guy who says, \u201cI wonder if God\u2019s in this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would be a guy that would probably say both.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 In light of the almost five years of remarriage now that we\u2019ve experienced and all the adjustments\u2014and especially the adjustments for our kids\u2014and our kids have remarkable relationships with one another.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cYou know, give this some time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where Ron Deal has been a big help in his writing and his counsel to both Rhonda and I\u2014just saying, \u201cHey, think about this.\u00a0 Look before you leap.\u00a0 What about this?\u201d because it\u2019s not a Rob and Rhonda in a remarriage\u2014it\u2019s a Rob and Rob\u2019s kids and Rhonda and Rhonda\u2019s kids\u2019 thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the church that Rob pastors and the whole big community.\u00a0 I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014you guys, as much as anybody, have got a web here that people affected by the romance that sparked between the two of you.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just think of it in terms of \u201cthe two of us\u201d.\u00a0 You have to think of it in that broader context; don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it didn\u2019t help when I would talk to different people about this\u2014elders, who would say, \u201cWell, you know?\u00a0 We\u2019ve been praying that you two would get together.\u201d\u00a0 There was a lot of that.\u00a0 A lot of people at Wheaton Bible Church were praying that we would get together\u2014I mean a lot.\u00a0 It was an amazing thing to behold.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m going to ask the question that everybody in your church wanted to ask you but probably wasn\u2019t courageous enough to do; and it may be the end of our relationship, Rob, right here.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 When did you kiss her?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 [Ahh!]\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m asking the wrong person.\u00a0 Rhonda, you\u2019re the one who smiled.\u00a0 You remember it.\u00a0 Rob doesn\u2019t!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, dear.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking\u2014I know the place, the time.\u00a0 It was approximately six weeks later.\u00a0 We were talking\u2014and his body language\u2014he was getting a little closer.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWould you like to kiss me?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, you did!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 I could tell\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because I would not have\u2014I would not have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I asked him if he would like to kiss me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And why did you ask that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because he wouldn\u2019t have, I don\u2019t think; and I could tell that he wanted to.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And did you want him to?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was dead meat, at that point.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did that seal the deal?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The deal had been sealed when she walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the deal had been sealed when she walked into the restaurant.\u00a0 How long did it take to move to the wedding?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A year.\u00a0 We got married the following December.\u00a0 So, we\u2014the sparks happened in December of 2006, and we got married in December of 2007.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, for committed followers of Christ who are walking down this path\u2014who have had marriage before\u2014that\u2019s a long time.\u00a0 That\u2019s a long time to say, \u201cWe will keep our passions in check.\u201d\u00a0 How did you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, and it isn\u2019t.\u00a0 You know, we love Ron Deal and his ministry.\u00a0 One of the things that Rob and I have really felt, after being married and gone through a lot of the difficulty with parenting a blended family, is the question of, \u201cShould we have waited longer?\u201d\u00a0 Both, Rob and I, would agree that a year was probably not enough time to make an easy transition into a blended family.\u00a0 You find out when reality hits and the family has to bond together\u2014a lot of disappointment comes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on the one hand, it seemed like a long time\u2014and to control passion and keep our physical relationship intact, we felt that we needed to get married when we did.\u00a0 We felt that it was very clear that God was directing our relationship.\u00a0 We had been married a long time.\u00a0 When you\u2019ve been married a long time, you miss the physical relationship.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, all of that said, we got married a year after we started dating.\u00a0 If we were to do it again, I think we both agree that it would have been wiser to wait to see how each of us parents each other\u2019s children, over a longer period of time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really agree.\u00a0 It would have been wiser\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but it\u2019s better to marry than to burn; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Than to burn; right!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The other\u2014it\u2019s just tension.\u00a0 As Rhonda has articulated, that was a constant source of conversation\u2014a stress point for us.\u00a0 Yet, I had to do life in the context of a larger community.\u00a0 So, I really had to watch my life and what we were doing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if the church wasn\u2019t paying attention, God was.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Amen!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to hear more of your story and how you guys navigated the grief but also the hard knocks of bringing two nations\u2014two nations together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you talk about that some in the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0\u00a0 In fact, you may know someone who has had a bottom-dropping experience\u2014somebody who is a friend of yours, somebody who has experienced cracks in the foundation of their life in the last year.\u00a0 You may want to get them a copy of this book as a gift.\u00a0 The title is <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>, and you can order a copy from us when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>When the Bottom Drops Out<\/em>, when you get in touch with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Now, I have\u2014I\u2019ve never been to Alaska.\u00a0 I know, Dennis, you\u2019ve been to Alaska; but we got an email, not long ago, from a listener who listens to us in Anchorage and said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have been blessed so many times by you folks.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been incarcerated for the last three and a half years; and my wife and I have gone through a lot of difficulties in our marriage, as a result.\u00a0 I have six months remaining in my sentence, and we desire to continue with our marriage; but there are situations and obstacles we\u2019re going to have to face.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we get out, we would covet your prayers in all of this; and I just want to thank you for your work, your ministry, your commitment to marriages and families.\u00a0 I have done a lot to destroy mine and to hurt a lot of people; and I pray that God will give my wife and I strength to continue to heal our marriage and for me to become the man of God that she needs me to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s humbling for us to think that God uses this program in so many ways in the lives of so many folks in so many different situations.\u00a0 In reality, it is the faithful declaration of His Word, empowered by His Spirit\u2014that is what does the work.\u00a0 And we appreciate those of you who partner with us to help make that possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019re facing a little bit of a dilemma right now because, over the past several months, we\u2019ve seen a drop in donations to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> from our radio listeners.\u00a0 As a result, we\u2019ve had to pull back in some areas, turn some things off, and set some things aside for awhile.\u00a0 What happens here, at the end of the year, will give us an indication of whether we can start some of those things back up again or whether we\u2019re going to have to make additional cuts.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re asking you to, first of all, pray for us; and then, secondly, do whatever you can do to help us with a yearend donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good news is, when you make a yearend donation, here in the last few days of 2012, that donation is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to a total of what is now $3.6 million.\u00a0 Our matching-gift fund has grown to that amount, and we hope to be able to take full advantage of those matching-gift funds.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re asking you, consider making a $25, or a $50, or a $100, or whatever you can do\u2014make a donation, here at yearend.\u00a0 When you do, that donation is going to be doubled\u2014matched dollar-for-dollar.\u00a0 All you have to do is go online and give at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation by phone.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do and thanks for praying for us, as well.\u00a0 We appreciate it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear about some of the bumps in the road as Rob and Rhonda Bugh began to forge a new family from the ashes of two families that had gone through pain and loss.\u00a0 And we\u2019re going to see if our friend, Ron Deal, can come in and join us tomorrow, as well, as we talk about these things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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