{"id":302625,"date":"2012-11-06T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-11-06T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/disarming-the-affair\/"},"modified":"2012-11-06T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-11-06T17:00:00","slug":"disarming-the-affair","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/disarming-the-affair\/","title":{"rendered":"Disarming the Affair"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Judy Starr&#8217;s emotional affair was strong, but was her commitment to her husband stronger?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-11-06.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.38M","filesize_raw":"26617080","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2863],"tags":[4968,4874],"podcast_series":[7367],"cwp_profile":[8906],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302625","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-emotional-affair","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-the-enticement-of-the-forbidden","cwp_profile-judy-starr","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302625\/disarming-the-affair","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302625\/disarming-the-affair","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1vCsrhj3uE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/disarming-the-affair\/\">Disarming the Affair<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/disarming-the-affair\/embed\/#?secret=1vCsrhj3uE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Disarming the Affair&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1vCsrhj3uE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-11-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-11-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is it possible that you could be pulled out of your marriage\u2014that you would wind up unfaithful to your husband or to your wife?\u00a0 Judy Starr didn\u2019t think that was possible until she found herself being tempted.\u00a0 Looking back, she thinks she sees at least one reason why she was vulnerable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In this society, it's very easy for a friendship to grow quickly\u2014beyond the bounds that God intends for a friendship with another man, for instance.\u00a0 If I find myself looking forward to sharing something with another man, rather than my husband, that's definitely a red flag.\u00a0 I need to focus on sharing all the things that are important in my life with my husband, first and foremost, so those needs for intimacy are met in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 6<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have you taken the steps you need to take to protect your marriage against possible infidelity?\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us. It could happen to anyone; couldn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The temptation\u2014the lure\u2014to be unfaithful, to step away from your marriage vows, to sail off into the sunset, to visit Fantasy Island, to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014whether emotionally or sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are all vulnerable to that kind of temptation\u2014the temptation to be unfaithful\u2014again, whether it\u2019s an emotional affair or a physical affair.\u00a0 If we are going to\u2014well, once we realize that we're vulnerable, then, maybe, we can begin to take some steps to reduce our vulnerability.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I'm grateful for our guest on today's broadcast.\u00a0 She has shown tremendous courage in coming forth and telling this story.\u00a0 In fact, I have to tell you, Judy, when I first heard this story, I said, \"She did what?\u00a0 She's a fellow Campus Crusade for Christ staff member.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You've known her husband for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have, and I've known of Judy for a number of years.\u00a0 She's worked in The<em> Jesus <\/em>Film Project and has had a great ministry, in various locations around the world\u2014more than 40 countries\u2014showing the<em> Jesus <\/em>film.\u00a0 I just have to say to you, Judy, I really applaud your courage in writing this book, <em>The Enticement of the Forbidden<\/em>, because in it, you share the story of how\u2014in the midst of a ministry project\u2014of showing the<em> Jesus <\/em>film, throughout the Caribbean\u2014you developed an emotional attraction for a sea captain of a small boat\u2014a catamaran.\u00a0 How big was it?\u00a0 Like 30\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-nine-foot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-nine feet\u2014a sailboat.\u00a0 You're sailing in that blue water of the Caribbean.\u00a0 There are sunsets, there are ocean breezes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can hear the steel drums in the background.\u00a0 It's the whole scene; isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a setup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here she is\u2014on a spiritual mission\u2014falling for a sea captain.\u00a0 Puppy love is trampling all over your heart and your marriage to your husband, Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, it came to a point where you actually confessed to the captain your feelings for him.\u00a0 You were seriously considering abandoning your marriage, your ministry, and remaining in the Caribbean and being with this man; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 I had come to the point where I was considering giving up everything and staying in the Caribbean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But a phone call to a friend kind of provided a spiritual shock treatment to reengage your hard heart.\u00a0 You hung up from that phone call with that friend after she'd reminded you of what the Scriptures say and what's true.\u00a0 What did you think, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I call it a \"transfusion of reality\" because she hit me, broadside, with the truth.\u00a0 I really needed to hear it, at that point.\u00a0 When I hung up, I still wasn't sure what I was going to do; but by the time morning came around, I decided to get on a plane and head home.\u00a0 I had already told Stottler a little bit of my feelings, at that point; but when I arrived home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, wait a second\u2014you told him a little bit of your feelings about what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had told him a little bit about feeling attracted to the captain, but he had no idea that I was considering possibly even leaving him and staying in the Caribbean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What did he say when you told him you were attracted to the sea captain?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think\u2014he, of course, was very surprised; but he trusted me so much that he assumed that I would handle it well and not do anything stupid!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you were in the process of doing something stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was very much in the process!\u00a0 I was galloping toward stupidity; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You flew back to California.\u00a0 You arrived there.\u00a0 You sat down with your husband; and you told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.\u00a0 I decided that I needed to tell him everything that had transpired in my heart\u2014all the things that I had been considering.\u00a0 He, of course, was upset, angry\u2014a little bit.\u00a0 We cried a lot.\u00a0 We began to pray a lot and determined to work through the damage that I had so quickly done, in tearing down our marriage, in these four months in the Caribbean.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, how many years had you been married, at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Five-and-a-half.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Five-and-a-half years, into your marriage, you confessed this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did he process it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Stottler is such a godly man.\u00a0 He was a little angry, of course; but he really worked through it well, and just said he would commit with me, to work through what I needed to do, and prayed with me, and helped me be honest about the things I needed to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe cried a lot.\u00a0 I determined that I would not withhold anything from him\u2014that I really needed our marriage based on honesty, on every level\u2014committed to that, and worked through that.\u00a0 When things would come back up, I would talk with him again.\u00a0 He patiently would listen, and we just cried a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I need to ask you this question\u2014this is backtracking, just a bit\u2014but as this relationship with the sea captain unfolded, did you, at any point, reflect back on your marriage vows that you had made, before God, to Stottler?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is such a great question.\u00a0 I didn't.\u00a0 In fact, the one question that Holly asked me\u2014that got me the most\u2014was when she reminded me of my vows.\u00a0 She saved that for the very last thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, Holly is who you called\u2014the accountability partner\u2014who set you straight on that phone that day?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\u00a0 That's right.\u00a0 When she reminded me of my vows\u2014to me, vows are very serious.\u00a0 I have always thought that, \u201cIf my word couldn\u2019t be trusted, I couldn\u2019t be trusted.\u201d\u00a0 When she reminded me that I had a vow\u2014a promise before the Lord and before Stottler\u2014it was really, at that point, that I pretty much came to the decision, \u201cThis is a done deal.\u201d\u00a0 The decision has already been made, five-and-a-half years ago; and I don't have a choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0In your living room, in California, as you are unfolding this information to your husband, were you broken by the depth of what your heart had entertained?\u00a0 Did you see it for the sin it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think that unfolded, a little bit at a time.\u00a0 I made a choice, by my will, to come back.\u00a0 It had nothing to do with my feelings.\u00a0 My heart was still in the Caribbean, with the captain, at that point.\u00a0 My emotions, towards my husband, were fairly dead, at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I came back, by a choice of my will, to walk in obedience with the Lord\u2014as we began working through this, over time\u2014and I determined, every day, to come back, before the Lord, to restore that fellowship and to have God soften my hardened heart.\u00a0 Then, over time, He began revealing the depth of my fallen nature and showing me that I am capable of any sin in the Book.\u00a0 That's when it really hit me of how desperately I needed the Lord, every single day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you have doubts about what you were doing, even as you were doing it?\u00a0 Was there a part of you going, \u201cGo back to the Caribbean\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure, there were times that I wondered if I\u2019d made the right choice; but I think, bottom line, I knew I had because I knew God\u2019s Word is always right.\u00a0 All that God wants for us is good and right, even though it might seem painful, at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you ever call Eric again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I called him one time to ask for his forgiveness and tell him I wouldn\u2019t be contacting him again\u2014so that that chapter would be closed, and would be dealt with correctly, and asking and receiving his forgiveness for what I had done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you began, at that point, a process of rebuilding a marriage that had gone into the ditch.\u00a0 That's how you like to describe it; isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, all four wheels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I'll correct that.\u00a0 She is describing a marriage where there are three wheels in the ditch.\u00a0 The final wheel is sexual.\u00a0 It's when that relationship moves from just being emotional to being consummated sexually\u2014that's when all four wheels are in the ditch.\u00a0 Generally, you need a wrecker to pull you out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I need to say something here, too, because, Judy, I think there are some people\u2014that if it's only three wheels in the ditch\u2014if nothing has happened, sexually\u2014they'll pull back and go, \"Well, okay, yes.\u00a0 It was bad; but, at least, we weren't physical.\"\u00a0 It's almost like, \"I didn't really sin because we never were sexual together.\"\u00a0 You look back on this, and you say, \"Oh, I sinned!\u00a0 I sinned, big time.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, absolutely, because an emotional affair is as damaging to a marriage relationship as a physical one because it hits the core of the relationship\u2014which is the soul and spirit of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You promised to be faithful to each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn't just a physical faithfulness\u2014it was an emotional faithfulness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, I know there is something you believe in strongly, that I also\u2014and so does Bob\u2014so all three of us, here, are going to preach this for a few moments.\u00a0 People, who are listening, need to back up because you are about to hear something that you may not agree with.\u00a0 It's pretty controversial.\u00a0 You have actually had some people push back about your idea of having no secrets in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 I have.\u00a0 The longer I think about this\u2014and it's, actually, tested in my life\u2014the more strongly I believe in it.\u00a0 I call it the \"no secrets\" policy.\u00a0 It's anything, in my marriage, that would affect that marriage\u2014anything that my husband needs to know that would cause potential damage in the marriage\u2014feelings toward somebody else, past sins with somebody else, past affairs, anything like that\u2014because I believe that if the marriage is not based on honesty, even for situations in the past, then it won't be based on honesty, in the future.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod calls us to have truth, in the inmost being of our lives.\u00a0 I believe it\u2019s essential for us to practice what God calls me, as an individual, to do and trust that He will take care of my mate\u2019s response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, let me say something\u2014as you say that, and I agree with you\u2014but let me say something to those people, anxious to tell the truth\u2014those folks who want to unburden their own hearts or souls, at this point\u2014those who might rush in and dump truth on their mate.\u00a0 You need to make sure that you\u2019ve been prayerful before you go to speak to your husband\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014that you look for the right time, the right setting, the right words, the right occasion.\u00a0 It may take a process of time for all of this to happen.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t want any of our listeners to think, \u201cBoy, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 Tonight, when my husband gets home, I\u2019m calling him in the living room.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell him every dark sin I\u2019ve ever committed.\u201d It may happen over a period of time.\u00a0 It may happen through a process of becoming known by another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you may need to have some spiritual protections built into your marriage\u2014 such as another couple, who might go through the process with you of processing what's been shared\u2014 because, as you just said, Bob, the person who shares the failure can feel relief\u2014but what is now your relief from your shame becomes the other person's to forgive.\u00a0 You can turn your marriage into a toxic waste dump of sin, and of mistakes, and overwhelm the other person.\u00a0 I think you really need to seek godly, wise counsel before backing the dump truck up and unleashing a load of this stuff that could overwhelm your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree.\u00a0 It's also really important that, when we do share, we share from a heart of brokenness over our sin\u2014that it's not just for my relief\u2014but it's really for the purpose of protecting my marriage, as well, with a real sense of brokenness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a great point.\u00a0 Once you'd come clean with your husband\u2014you\u2019d had that day where you'd told the truth about everything that had gone on\u2014a lot of people will look at a time like that and say, \"Well, that's good.\u00a0 We've taken care of that.\u00a0 We can move on.\"\u00a0 The process was just beginning.\u00a0 It wasn't over; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 It really starts from there\u2014in learning how to protect our marriage, from that point on\u2014and how to build walls of protection around our marriage, for the rest of our married life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what did you do after that?\u00a0 You began a process\u2014what were the next steps in the process?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, the first thing was to cut off all contact with the captain.\u00a0 There couldn't be any continuing contact.\u00a0 Then, also, I began making our marriage the priority that God intended it to be, in the first place.\u00a0 I had allowed work to overshadow that.\u00a0 So, I really focused on our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even though it was Christian work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a real danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And it happens all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 What else did you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I also really worked on rebuilding trust.\u00a0 Anytime I felt like there was something that Stottler would want to know, or needed to know, or wanted to ask, I would give him that opportunity; or I would share with him things that I felt like were important for him to know so that he really sensed that I wasn't trying to hide anything\u2014that I really wanted to rebuild trust in our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0What would be an example of what you might have shared with him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If he came in\u2014for instance\u2014and I had just hung up the phone, he might wonder who I was talking with.\u00a0 I would always be sure and tell him, \"Oh, I was just talking with Holly,\" \u2014for instance\u2014so that he would know that there wasn't any continuing contact with the captain.\u00a0 I wasn't hiding anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did he become overly suspicious or jealous after all this occurred?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He didn't.\u00a0 He's an amazing man, but I imagine that easily happens in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I'm sure\u2014I don't want to interrupt what you were going through\u2014but I'm sure he had his own process that he had to go through, in terms of pressing ahead for your marriage to be back where both of you wanted it to be; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He did.\u00a0 He's so committed to the marriage, though, that he did whatever it took, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, what other kinds of things were you doing?\u00a0 How could you really reestablish the trust with Stottler?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, there are basic things that I think any marriage needs to do to really build walls of protection around them\u2014not only to reestablish trust\u2014but for the future of that marriage.\u00a0 The very first thing is, of course, our times with the Lord, individually.\u00a0 I don't believe there is anything more important that protects our marriage than our individual time with the Lord\u2014making sure that we're yielded to Him and willing to do anything that He tells us to, every day.\u00a0 That is absolutely the most important thing that we can daily do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, also, is the whole issue of learning to protect our relationship with other men\u2014how we respond to other men\u2014because in this society, it's such a lax situation between men and women and the friendships that grow.\u00a0 It's very easy for a friendship to grow\u2014 quickly beyond the bounds that God intends for a friendship with another man, for instance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can you tell, now, as you look at friendships with men you know from church or men who are involved in ministry with you\u2014where are the walls that keep it at an appropriate friendship versus an inappropriate friendship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I call it building an \"invisible wall\".\u00a0 Certainly, one of the first things is not sharing personal, private information\u2014anything that should be exclusively for my husband and for that relationship.\u00a0 Also, if I find myself looking forward to sharing something with another man, rather than my husband, that's definitely a red flag.\u00a0 I need to focus on sharing all the things that are important in my life with my husband\u2014first and foremost\u2014so those needs for intimacy are met in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had a situation where you were thinking, \"I'm kind of looking forward to sharing this with somebody,\" and the red flag popped up, what would you do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At this point\u2014if it continued several times, and I'd dealt with it, but those emotions continued in my heart\u2014I would pray about it, and wait for the right time, and then tell Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also believe that you have to build some protective walls in the workplace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 The workplace is one of the first places that women, now, are being drawn to men because there are so many women in the workforce these days.\u00a0 It's so easy for us, as women\u2014now, we go to lunch with the men we work with.\u00a0 You're in contact with your boss.\u00a0 You're dressed your best.\u00a0 You're working with other men on the same important projects\u2014the same driving kind-of-thing, all day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time you come home, you've already shared your heart with everybody else.\u00a0 You have nothing that you need to share with your husband anymore.\u00a0 We need to be so careful, again, of saving\u2014those kinds of intimacies and those things that are exciting in our lives\u2014to be able to share with our husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, you seem like a very modest person; all right?\u00a0 This next protection says you should dress modestly, as you interact with the opposite sex.\u00a0 When you were in this relationship with the sea captain, did you begin to change the way you dressed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I'm caught!\u00a0 I did!\u00a0 It's amazing because I never, ever in my life, dressed like I did on the boat.\u00a0 I bought blouses that were much lower, skirts that were much higher, solely with the intent of attracting the captain; and I never dress like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, I have to wonder\u2014where was Stottler in all this?\u00a0 Did he not see the transformation, before his very eyes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think he's so trusting and such a loving husband\u2014and I've found, too, that husbands, a lot of times, don't want to admit that this is going on before them. I think that's another reason why it's so important for us to tell them our tendencies towards things like this so that they will realize this is a serious issue in my life.\u00a0 \u201cI'm tempted this way,\u201d and, \u201cThis happens sometimes.\u201d\u00a0 So, \u201cWhen these things happen, be aware.\u00a0 This is something you need to ask me about,\u201d because I think, a lot of times, husbands are just very trusting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think what you're uncovering here is that, at the core of an emotional affair, is the desire for attention.\u00a0 It meets a need in a woman's life, unlike anything else.\u00a0 Clothing is a way of getting attention toward you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 You bet.\u00a0 And, too, if we allow those needs to be met, outside our marriage, then, of course, we're going to be attracted to somebody.\u00a0 That's why it's so important for us to talk with our husbands about the needs that we have\u2014for attention, for time with him, for making our marriage the priority it's supposed to be\u2014because those needs need to be met, within the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, I really appreciate your willingness to be transparent.\u00a0 We really put you on the spot, not more than half a dozen times, [Laughter]\u00a0 this week, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I also really am encouraged by what you've written in your book, here.\u00a0 I just need to say to listeners\u2014who are caught or who find themselves entertaining this idea\u2014get a copy of Judy's book because you can't afford to play with the fire that can destroy your marriage, your family, and your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJudy, again, we introduced you by saying this\u2014I just appreciate your transparency, your openness, and your courage in sharing your story with our listeners.\u00a0 I also appreciate your work with the<em> Jesus <\/em>film\u2014you and Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you have to know that what you\u2019ve shared with us this week is going to have an impact.\u00a0 It\u2019s already had an impact in lives of couples who are there\u2014they\u2019re dangerously close\u2014they\u2019ve maybe walked over the edge on this one\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s just been a good warning for those who haven\u2019t even thought that this could be possible in their relationship.\u00a0 This is something that could happen to anybody.\u00a0 \u201cLet him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.\u201d\u00a0 Every one of us is vulnerable in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why it\u2019s important for us to have a strategy together, as a couple\u2014the things we\u2019ve been talking about here today.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of the interview we did, a while back, with Jerry Jenkins, who wrote the <em>Left Behind <\/em>books.\u00a0 He wrote a book, where he outlined the hedges that he and his wife had put around their marriage relationship to protect themselves from this very thing because they both recognized that they were vulnerable.\u00a0 I\u2019d encourage listeners, \u201cGet a copy of that book.\u00a0 Read through it together, determine what your strategy is going to be, as a couple, so that this doesn\u2019t happen to you\u2014so that you don\u2019t even get near the edge of temptation, like Judy did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on some of the resources we have available.\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com is our website; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY: 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>Hedges<\/em>,when you call us; or if you\u2019re on the website, look around for some of the articles we have available\u2014some of the resources that we have that can help you in this important area in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I don\u2019t know if your family has any regular traditions that are a part of your celebration of Thanksgiving.\u00a0 Of course, we\u2019re about to celebrate Thanksgiving, here in the United States.\u00a0 A lot of families have food traditions or activities that you do together, as a family.\u00a0 I know a number of families have used Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em>, or the audio book that our team put together that tells the Thanksgiving story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of families use that\u2014listen to that as they\u2019re traveling every year\u2014or just as they\u2019re driving around town in the car, getting ready for Thanksgiving.\u00a0 This week, we wanted to make that audio book available as a thank-you gift to those of you who are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We depend on your donations for this ministry to continue.\u00a0 The cost for producing and syndicating this program is covered by folks, like you, who help support the work we do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe cost for keeping the website up and going\u2014all that we do there\u2014again, that\u2019s covered by folks, like you, who help support all that we\u2019re doing.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who are able to, from time to time, make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 This week, if you can make a donation, we\u2019d love to send you the <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em> audio book, as our thank-you gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make your online donation.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 When you make your donation, request the Thanksgiving audio book.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, we just want to say how much we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019ll introduce you to Kelly Brown.\u00a0 She is a remarkable woman, who was married to a remarkable man, who gave his life, in defense of our country.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear her story tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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Starr's emotional affair was strong, but was her commitment to her husband stronger?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-11-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is it possible that you could be pulled out of your marriage\u2014that you would wind up unfaithful to your husband or to your wife?\u00a0 Judy Starr didn\u2019t think that was possible until she found herself being tempted.\u00a0 Looking back, she thinks she sees at least one reason why she was vulnerable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In this society, it's very easy for a friendship to grow quickly\u2014beyond the bounds that God intends for a friendship with another man, for instance.\u00a0 If I find myself looking forward to sharing something with another man, rather than my husband, that's definitely a red flag.\u00a0 I need to focus on sharing all the things that are important in my life with my husband, first and foremost, so those needs for intimacy are met in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 6<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have you taken the steps you need to take to protect your marriage against possible infidelity?\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us. It could happen to anyone; couldn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The temptation\u2014the lure\u2014to be unfaithful, to step away from your marriage vows, to sail off into the sunset, to visit Fantasy Island, to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014whether emotionally or sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are all vulnerable to that kind of temptation\u2014the temptation to be unfaithful\u2014again, whether it\u2019s an emotional affair or a physical affair.\u00a0 If we are going to\u2014well, once we realize that we're vulnerable, then, maybe, we can begin to take some steps to reduce our vulnerability.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I'm grateful for our guest on today's broadcast.\u00a0 She has shown tremendous courage in coming forth and telling this story.\u00a0 In fact, I have to tell you, Judy, when I first heard this story, I said, \"She did what?\u00a0 She's a fellow Campus Crusade for Christ staff member.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You've known her husband for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have, and I've known of Judy for a number of years.\u00a0 She's worked in The<em> Jesus <\/em>Film Project and has had a great ministry, in various locations around the world\u2014more than 40 countries\u2014showing the<em> Jesus <\/em>film.\u00a0 I just have to say to you, Judy, I really applaud your courage in writing this book, <em>The Enticement of the Forbidden<\/em>, because in it, you share the story of how\u2014in the midst of a ministry project\u2014of showing the<em> Jesus <\/em>film, throughout the Caribbean\u2014you developed an emotional attraction for a sea captain of a small boat\u2014a catamaran.\u00a0 How big was it?\u00a0 Like 30\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-nine-foot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-nine feet\u2014a sailboat.\u00a0 You're sailing in that blue water of the Caribbean.\u00a0 There are sunsets, there are ocean breezes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can hear the steel drums in the background.\u00a0 It's the whole scene; isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a setup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here she is\u2014on a spiritual mission\u2014falling for a sea captain.\u00a0 Puppy love is trampling all over your heart and your marriage to your husband, Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, it came to a point where you actually confessed to the captain your feelings for him.\u00a0 You were seriously considering abandoning your marriage, your ministry, and remaining in the Caribbean and being with this man; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 I had come to the point where I was considering giving up everything and staying in the Caribbean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0But a phone call to a friend kind of provided a spiritual shock treatment to reengage your hard heart.\u00a0 You hung up from that phone call with that friend after she'd reminded you of what the Scriptures say and what's true.\u00a0 What did you think, at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I call it a \"transfusion of reality\" because she hit me, broadside, with the truth.\u00a0 I really needed to hear it, at that point.\u00a0 When I hung up, I still wasn't sure what I was going to do; but by the time morning came around, I decided to get on a plane and head home.\u00a0 I had already told Stottler a little bit of my feelings, at that point; but when I arrived home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, wait a second\u2014you told him a little bit of your feelings about what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had told him a little bit about feeling attracted to the captain, but he had no idea that I was considering possibly even leaving him and staying in the Caribbean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What did he say when you told him you were attracted to the sea captain?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think\u2014he, of course, was very surprised; but he trusted me so much that he assumed that I would handle it well and not do anything stupid!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you were in the process of doing something stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was very much in the process!\u00a0 I was galloping toward stupidity; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You flew back to California.\u00a0 You arrived there.\u00a0 You sat down with your husband; and you told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.\u00a0 I decided that I needed to tell him everything that had transpired in my heart\u2014all the things that I had been considering.\u00a0 He, of course, was upset, angry\u2014a little bit.\u00a0 We cried a lot.\u00a0 We began to pray a lot and determined to work through the damage that I had so quickly done, in tearing down our marriage, in these four months in the Caribbean.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, how many years had you been married, at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Five-and-a-half.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Five-and-a-half years, into your marriage, you confessed this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did he process it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Stottler is such a godly man.\u00a0 He was a little angry, of course; but he really worked through it well, and just said he would commit with me, to work through what I needed to do, and prayed with me, and helped me be honest about the things I needed to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe cried a lot.\u00a0 I determined that I would not withhold anything from him\u2014that I really needed our marriage based on honesty, on every level\u2014committed to that, and worked through that.\u00a0 When things would come back up, I would talk with him again.\u00a0 He patiently would listen, and we just cried a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I need to ask you this question\u2014this is backtracking, just a bit\u2014but as this relationship with the sea captain unfolded, did you, at any point, reflect back on your marriage vows that you had made, before God, to Stottler?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is such a great question.\u00a0 I didn't.\u00a0 In fact, the one question that Holly asked me\u2014that got me the most\u2014was when she reminded me of my vows.\u00a0 She saved that for the very last thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, Holly is who you called\u2014the accountability partner\u2014who set you straight on that phone that day?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\u00a0 That's right.\u00a0 When she reminded me of my vows\u2014to me, vows are very serious.\u00a0 I have always thought that, \u201cIf my word couldn\u2019t be trusted, I couldn\u2019t be trusted.\u201d\u00a0 When she reminded me that I had a vow\u2014a promise before the Lord and before Stottler\u2014it was really, at that point, that I pretty much came to the decision, \u201cThis is a done deal.\u201d\u00a0 The decision has already been made, five-and-a-half years ago; and I don't have a choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0In your living room, in California, as you are unfolding this information to your husband, were you broken by the depth of what your heart had entertained?\u00a0 Did you see it for the sin it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think that unfolded, a little bit at a time.\u00a0 I made a choice, by my will, to come back.\u00a0 It had nothing to do with my feelings.\u00a0 My heart was still in the Caribbean, with the captain, at that point.\u00a0 My emotions, towards my husband, were fairly dead, at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I came back, by a choice of my will, to walk in obedience with the Lord\u2014as we began working through this, over time\u2014and I determined, every day, to come back, before the Lord, to restore that fellowship and to have God soften my hardened heart.\u00a0 Then, over time, He began revealing the depth of my fallen nature and showing me that I am capable of any sin in the Book.\u00a0 That's when it really hit me of how desperately I needed the Lord, every single day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you have doubts about what you were doing, even as you were doing it?\u00a0 Was there a part of you going, \u201cGo back to the Caribbean\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure, there were times that I wondered if I\u2019d made the right choice; but I think, bottom line, I knew I had because I knew God\u2019s Word is always right.\u00a0 All that God wants for us is good and right, even though it might seem painful, at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you ever call Eric again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I called him one time to ask for his forgiveness and tell him I wouldn\u2019t be contacting him again\u2014so that that chapter would be closed, and would be dealt with correctly, and asking and receiving his forgiveness for what I had done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you began, at that point, a process of rebuilding a marriage that had gone into the ditch.\u00a0 That's how you like to describe it; isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, all four wheels.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I'll correct that.\u00a0 She is describing a marriage where there are three wheels in the ditch.\u00a0 The final wheel is sexual.\u00a0 It's when that relationship moves from just being emotional to being consummated sexually\u2014that's when all four wheels are in the ditch.\u00a0 Generally, you need a wrecker to pull you out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I need to say something here, too, because, Judy, I think there are some people\u2014that if it's only three wheels in the ditch\u2014if nothing has happened, sexually\u2014they'll pull back and go, \"Well, okay, yes.\u00a0 It was bad; but, at least, we weren't physical.\"\u00a0 It's almost like, \"I didn't really sin because we never were sexual together.\"\u00a0 You look back on this, and you say, \"Oh, I sinned!\u00a0 I sinned, big time.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, absolutely, because an emotional affair is as damaging to a marriage relationship as a physical one because it hits the core of the relationship\u2014which is the soul and spirit of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You promised to be faithful to each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn't just a physical faithfulness\u2014it was an emotional faithfulness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, I know there is something you believe in strongly, that I also\u2014and so does Bob\u2014so all three of us, here, are going to preach this for a few moments.\u00a0 People, who are listening, need to back up because you are about to hear something that you may not agree with.\u00a0 It's pretty controversial.\u00a0 You have actually had some people push back about your idea of having no secrets in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 I have.\u00a0 The longer I think about this\u2014and it's, actually, tested in my life\u2014the more strongly I believe in it.\u00a0 I call it the \"no secrets\" policy.\u00a0 It's anything, in my marriage, that would affect that marriage\u2014anything that my husband needs to know that would cause potential damage in the marriage\u2014feelings toward somebody else, past sins with somebody else, past affairs, anything like that\u2014because I believe that if the marriage is not based on honesty, even for situations in the past, then it won't be based on honesty, in the future.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod calls us to have truth, in the inmost being of our lives.\u00a0 I believe it\u2019s essential for us to practice what God calls me, as an individual, to do and trust that He will take care of my mate\u2019s response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, let me say something\u2014as you say that, and I agree with you\u2014but let me say something to those people, anxious to tell the truth\u2014those folks who want to unburden their own hearts or souls, at this point\u2014those who might rush in and dump truth on their mate.\u00a0 You need to make sure that you\u2019ve been prayerful before you go to speak to your husband\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014that you look for the right time, the right setting, the right words, the right occasion.\u00a0 It may take a process of time for all of this to happen.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t want any of our listeners to think, \u201cBoy, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 Tonight, when my husband gets home, I\u2019m calling him in the living room.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell him every dark sin I\u2019ve ever committed.\u201d It may happen over a period of time.\u00a0 It may happen through a process of becoming known by another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you may need to have some spiritual protections built into your marriage\u2014 such as another couple, who might go through the process with you of processing what's been shared\u2014 because, as you just said, Bob, the person who shares the failure can feel relief\u2014but what is now your relief from your shame becomes the other person's to forgive.\u00a0 You can turn your marriage into a toxic waste dump of sin, and of mistakes, and overwhelm the other person.\u00a0 I think you really need to seek godly, wise counsel before backing the dump truck up and unleashing a load of this stuff that could overwhelm your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree.\u00a0 It's also really important that, when we do share, we share from a heart of brokenness over our sin\u2014that it's not just for my relief\u2014but it's really for the purpose of protecting my marriage, as well, with a real sense of brokenness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a great point.\u00a0 Once you'd come clean with your husband\u2014you\u2019d had that day where you'd told the truth about everything that had gone on\u2014a lot of people will look at a time like that and say, \"Well, that's good.\u00a0 We've taken care of that.\u00a0 We can move on.\"\u00a0 The process was just beginning.\u00a0 It wasn't over; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 It really starts from there\u2014in learning how to protect our marriage, from that point on\u2014and how to build walls of protection around our marriage, for the rest of our married life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what did you do after that?\u00a0 You began a process\u2014what were the next steps in the process?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, the first thing was to cut off all contact with the captain.\u00a0 There couldn't be any continuing contact.\u00a0 Then, also, I began making our marriage the priority that God intended it to be, in the first place.\u00a0 I had allowed work to overshadow that.\u00a0 So, I really focused on our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even though it was Christian work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a real danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And it happens all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 What else did you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I also really worked on rebuilding trust.\u00a0 Anytime I felt like there was something that Stottler would want to know, or needed to know, or wanted to ask, I would give him that opportunity; or I would share with him things that I felt like were important for him to know so that he really sensed that I wasn't trying to hide anything\u2014that I really wanted to rebuild trust in our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0What would be an example of what you might have shared with him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If he came in\u2014for instance\u2014and I had just hung up the phone, he might wonder who I was talking with.\u00a0 I would always be sure and tell him, \"Oh, I was just talking with Holly,\" \u2014for instance\u2014so that he would know that there wasn't any continuing contact with the captain.\u00a0 I wasn't hiding anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did he become overly suspicious or jealous after all this occurred?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He didn't.\u00a0 He's an amazing man, but I imagine that easily happens in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I'm sure\u2014I don't want to interrupt what you were going through\u2014but I'm sure he had his own process that he had to go through, in terms of pressing ahead for your marriage to be back where both of you wanted it to be; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He did.\u00a0 He's so committed to the marriage, though, that he did whatever it took, as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, what other kinds of things were you doing?\u00a0 How could you really reestablish the trust with Stottler?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, there are basic things that I think any marriage needs to do to really build walls of protection around them\u2014not only to reestablish trust\u2014but for the future of that marriage.\u00a0 The very first thing is, of course, our times with the Lord, individually.\u00a0 I don't believe there is anything more important that protects our marriage than our individual time with the Lord\u2014making sure that we're yielded to Him and willing to do anything that He tells us to, every day.\u00a0 That is absolutely the most important thing that we can daily do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, also, is the whole issue of learning to protect our relationship with other men\u2014how we respond to other men\u2014because in this society, it's such a lax situation between men and women and the friendships that grow.\u00a0 It's very easy for a friendship to grow\u2014 quickly beyond the bounds that God intends for a friendship with another man, for instance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can you tell, now, as you look at friendships with men you know from church or men who are involved in ministry with you\u2014where are the walls that keep it at an appropriate friendship versus an inappropriate friendship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I call it building an \"invisible wall\".\u00a0 Certainly, one of the first things is not sharing personal, private information\u2014anything that should be exclusively for my husband and for that relationship.\u00a0 Also, if I find myself looking forward to sharing something with another man, rather than my husband, that's definitely a red flag.\u00a0 I need to focus on sharing all the things that are important in my life with my husband\u2014first and foremost\u2014so those needs for intimacy are met in that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had a situation where you were thinking, \"I'm kind of looking forward to sharing this with somebody,\" and the red flag popped up, what would you do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At this point\u2014if it continued several times, and I'd dealt with it, but those emotions continued in my heart\u2014I would pray about it, and wait for the right time, and then tell Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also believe that you have to build some protective walls in the workplace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 The workplace is one of the first places that women, now, are being drawn to men because there are so many women in the workforce these days.\u00a0 It's so easy for us, as women\u2014now, we go to lunch with the men we work with.\u00a0 You're in contact with your boss.\u00a0 You're dressed your best.\u00a0 You're working with other men on the same important projects\u2014the same driving kind-of-thing, all day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time you come home, you've already shared your heart with everybody else.\u00a0 You have nothing that you need to share with your husband anymore.\u00a0 We need to be so careful, again, of saving\u2014those kinds of intimacies and those things that are exciting in our lives\u2014to be able to share with our husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, you seem like a very modest person; all right?\u00a0 This next protection says you should dress modestly, as you interact with the opposite sex.\u00a0 When you were in this relationship with the sea captain, did you begin to change the way you dressed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I'm caught!\u00a0 I did!\u00a0 It's amazing because I never, ever in my life, dressed like I did on the boat.\u00a0 I bought blouses that were much lower, skirts that were much higher, solely with the intent of attracting the captain; and I never dress like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, I have to wonder\u2014where was Stottler in all this?\u00a0 Did he not see the transformation, before his very eyes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think he's so trusting and such a loving husband\u2014and I've found, too, that husbands, a lot of times, don't want to admit that this is going on before them. I think that's another reason why it's so important for us to tell them our tendencies towards things like this so that they will realize this is a serious issue in my life.\u00a0 \u201cI'm tempted this way,\u201d and, \u201cThis happens sometimes.\u201d\u00a0 So, \u201cWhen these things happen, be aware.\u00a0 This is something you need to ask me about,\u201d because I think, a lot of times, husbands are just very trusting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think what you're uncovering here is that, at the core of an emotional affair, is the desire for attention.\u00a0 It meets a need in a woman's life, unlike anything else.\u00a0 Clothing is a way of getting attention toward you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 You bet.\u00a0 And, too, if we allow those needs to be met, outside our marriage, then, of course, we're going to be attracted to somebody.\u00a0 That's why it's so important for us to talk with our husbands about the needs that we have\u2014for attention, for time with him, for making our marriage the priority it's supposed to be\u2014because those needs need to be met, within the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, I really appreciate your willingness to be transparent.\u00a0 We really put you on the spot, not more than half a dozen times, [Laughter]\u00a0 this week, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I also really am encouraged by what you've written in your book, here.\u00a0 I just need to say to listeners\u2014who are caught or who find themselves entertaining this idea\u2014get a copy of Judy's book because you can't afford to play with the fire that can destroy your marriage, your family, and your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJudy, again, we introduced you by saying this\u2014I just appreciate your transparency, your openness, and your courage in sharing your story with our listeners.\u00a0 I also appreciate your work with the<em> Jesus <\/em>film\u2014you and Stottler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you have to know that what you\u2019ve shared with us this week is going to have an impact.\u00a0 It\u2019s already had an impact in lives of couples who are there\u2014they\u2019re dangerously close\u2014they\u2019ve maybe walked over the edge on this one\u2014or maybe, it\u2019s just been a good warning for those who haven\u2019t even thought that this could be possible in their relationship.\u00a0 This is something that could happen to anybody.\u00a0 \u201cLet him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.\u201d\u00a0 Every one of us is vulnerable in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why it\u2019s important for us to have a strategy together, as a couple\u2014the things we\u2019ve been talking about here today.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of the interview we did, a while back, with Jerry Jenkins, who wrote the <em>Left Behind <\/em>books.\u00a0 He wrote a book, where he outlined the hedges that he and his wife had put around their marriage relationship to protect themselves from this very thing because they both recognized that they were vulnerable.\u00a0 I\u2019d encourage listeners, \u201cGet a copy of that book.\u00a0 Read through it together, determine what your strategy is going to be, as a couple, so that this doesn\u2019t happen to you\u2014so that you don\u2019t even get near the edge of temptation, like Judy did.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on some of the resources we have available.\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com is our website; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY: 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>Hedges<\/em>,when you call us; or if you\u2019re on the website, look around for some of the articles we have available\u2014some of the resources that we have that can help you in this important area in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I don\u2019t know if your family has any regular traditions that are a part of your celebration of Thanksgiving.\u00a0 Of course, we\u2019re about to celebrate Thanksgiving, here in the United States.\u00a0 A lot of families have food traditions or activities that you do together, as a family.\u00a0 I know a number of families have used Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em>, or the audio book that our team put together that tells the Thanksgiving story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of families use that\u2014listen to that as they\u2019re traveling every year\u2014or just as they\u2019re driving around town in the car, getting ready for Thanksgiving.\u00a0 This week, we wanted to make that audio book available as a thank-you gift to those of you who are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We depend on your donations for this ministry to continue.\u00a0 The cost for producing and syndicating this program is covered by folks, like you, who help support the work we do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe cost for keeping the website up and going\u2014all that we do there\u2014again, that\u2019s covered by folks, like you, who help support all that we\u2019re doing.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who are able to, from time to time, make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 This week, if you can make a donation, we\u2019d love to send you the <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em> audio book, as our thank-you gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make your online donation.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 When you make your donation, request the Thanksgiving audio book.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, we just want to say how much we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019ll introduce you to Kelly Brown.\u00a0 She is a remarkable woman, who was married to a remarkable man, who gave his life, in defense of our country.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear her story tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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