{"id":302615,"date":"2012-10-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-10-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/red-light-green-light\/"},"modified":"2012-10-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-10-17T15:00:00","slug":"red-light-green-light","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/red-light-green-light\/","title":{"rendered":"Red Light, Green Light"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating again has its pluses and minuses. When do you know to take caution?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-17.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.31M","filesize_raw":"22349245","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2813],"tags":[4018],"podcast_series":[7905],"cwp_profile":[3078,3300,3059],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302615","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-recovering-from-divorce","tag-dating","podcast_series-dating-and-the-single-parent","cwp_profile-rob-and-rhonda-bugh","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-sabrina-beasley-mcdonald","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302615\/red-light-green-light","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302615\/red-light-green-light","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"BF3CqApkvd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/red-light-green-light\/\">Red Light, Green Light<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/red-light-green-light\/embed\/#?secret=BF3CqApkvd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Red Light, Green Light&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"BF3CqApkvd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are a single parent, maybe you\u2019ve started dating, maybe you\u2019ve gone to an online dating site, and maybe you\u2019ve found a person who looks he or she could be the perfect match.\u00a0 Ron Deal says, \u201cHang on, a minute.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some online dating programs actually help give you a running start at meeting somebody.\u00a0 People need to understand that that is only \u201cfit, as a couple\u201d.\u00a0 It may not show you they are \u201cfit, as a family\u201d.\u00a0 Those are two separate issues.\u00a0 You meet somebody that way.\u00a0 It does not tell you whether or not there is a fit there, as a family.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 There are a lot of things a single parent ought to think about before he or she starts to date again\u2014whether you are looking online or any place else for a spouse.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Now, I remember awhile back\u2014this was some time ago when I had heard about a woman who had been widowed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how long it was after her husband had died, but she had started dating somebody.\u00a0 The way I heard that she was dating somebody was from a lot of her friends, talking about her dating somebody.\u00a0 They were concerned.\u00a0 It was too soon; or they saw indicators, in that relationship, that they didn\u2019t think she was seeing.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know the details to know enough of what was going on; but I had to wonder, \u201cWas she aware of the issues, or were her friends hypersensitive to things that they didn\u2019t need to be\u2014were they just gossiping?\u00a0 What was going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I had a situation where a friend had gone through a divorce.\u00a0 He started dating pretty soon after the divorce, and I went to him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be careful here.\u00a0 Allow some time to occur.\u201d\u00a0 I think it\u2019s easy for someone who has been married before to be lonely\u2014to fall prey to that loneliness.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve talked about, here, this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, to want to fill the gap, to fix it, and to start dating someone and marry them.\u00a0 As a result, end up in a blended family situation.\u00a0 <br><br>We have, really, someone who isn\u2019t in a blended family himself, Ron Deal, but has more than 25 years\u2019 experience in the blended-family relationship arena.\u00a0 Ron, how did you get started, in the first place, in this blended family issue?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019m the male obstetrician of the stepfamily world.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold it.\u00a0 Let me stop and think about that one for a second.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Never delivered that baby myself, but I do know something about the process.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the reasons that we\u2019ve surrounded ourselves with other guests on this program who can talk about their world experience.\u00a0 My experience is as a counselor and as a family minister, coming to the table, wanting to help families do blended family life well, preventing problems, and enhancing and growing their relationships.\u00a0 We want to help people do this wisely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned earlier you brought some of your friends into the broadcast who have had experience here.\u00a0 Sabrina Beasley joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Sabrina, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s a freelance writer, and she\u2019s a single-parent mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old.\u00a0 Her husband was killed in a car wreck in 2010.\u00a0 It was not really your choice to be at this table with us today.\u00a0 Was it, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, it was a tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Also, joining us are Rob and Rhonda Bugh who are from Wheaton, Illinois.\u00a0 Rhonda is a pediatrician.\u00a0 Rob\u2019s a pastor of Wheaton Bible Church.\u00a0 Together, they have seven children.\u00a0 They definitely have a blended family.\u00a0 Welcome back to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk about the character, Ron, as we talk about someone who is thinking about dating again and perhaps a remarriage.\u00a0 What should a single woman\u2014single man\u2014who has already got some children, be looking for in the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 First and foremost, you want somebody who is more in love with Jesus than they\u2019ll ever be in love with you.\u00a0 You want somebody who is going to be your discipling partner in the process of life and marriage.\u00a0 If they don\u2019t have those values, then, to be unequally yoked with them just makes no sense because it\u2019s not just your life that\u2019s on the line.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about, \u201cThere\u2019s another generation of lives that are on the line.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to say, \u201cBeware of dating someone who just all of a sudden got religion because they found you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just because you\u2019re in a garage, doesn\u2019t make you a car.\u00a0 Just because you go to church, doesn\u2019t mean that you actually espouse a Christian worldview and lifestyle.\u00a0 We have to be very discerning about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, there are some folks who have been divorced; and they are thinking, \u201cI thought I had that last time.\u00a0 When I met that person, I thought they loved Jesus; and I was fooled.\u201d\u00a0 I guess there is no way to have a guarantee; but anything you\u2019d say, \u201cLook for this,\u201d so you won\u2019t get fooled again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, obviously, you want to see their fruit; right?\u00a0 You want to see how they live their life.\u00a0 You want to talk to their\u2014not just their family, because they are probably biased in their favor, but their friends.\u00a0 You want to know what kind of relationship history they have had\u2014personal, intimate relationships, dating, marriage, and otherwise\u2014but also, extended relationships, work relationships.\u00a0 It\u2019s in those realms that you\u2019re going to have a sense of who the person is and how they really live their life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, let me just repeat a principle we\u2019ve said on the previous broadcast.\u00a0 Time is your friend.\u00a0 Anybody can be fooled\u2014any of us can be fooled for a short period of time, but in the extended dating process\u2014this allows you to see what\u2019s real.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 History is the keyword I want our listener to hear.\u00a0 It\u2019s not <em>recent<\/em> history.\u00a0 It\u2019s a decade of history.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve watched some people run.\u00a0 They start to hear somebody raise a caution flag and say, \u201cYou need to be aware of this;\u201d and they just tune it out.\u00a0 They so want it to work\u2014that if they hear a bad report, they just kind of dismiss it and go, \u201cWell, that\u2019s just your opinion,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019ve never seen that.\u201d\u00a0 You really have to kind of pull back and go, \u201cI\u2019m going to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly;\u201d right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only that\u2014can I just say\u2014not only that.\u00a0 A lot of single parents that have been divorced\u2014or maybe don\u2019t have any children\u2014you\u2019ve been divorced.\u00a0 You think you don\u2019t deserve somebody good the next time around.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got this mentality of, \u201cI\u2019ve messed up.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been married, and here I\u2019ve ruined myself.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I just have to take whatever I can get.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve really identified with the story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible.\u00a0 My mother-in-law was also widowed and never remarried.\u00a0 Now, I\u2019m widowed.\u00a0 Here we are together\u2014kind of on this journey.\u00a0 I\u2019ve come to look for what we call the kinsman redeemer.\u00a0 That\u2019s what Boaz is called in the Scripture.\u00a0 I\u2019m not looking for my actual kinsman\u2014someone I\u2019m related to\u2014but I\u2019m looking for that brother in Christ who is the one who is supposed to be there\u2014who can take care of us, who will be there.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to settle for anything less than my kinsman redeemer\u2014the one that God has called, and the one that God has placed in my path, and to seek Him out.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to remember that Boaz was Ruth\u2019s second marriage; but yet, he is the one through whom was brought the line of Christ.\u00a0 So, a second marriage is not lesser than the first.\u00a0 A second marriage can be that great marriage that you\u2019ve wanted to have all along, whether you\u2019re divorced or widowed, like I am.\u00a0 A second marriage isn\u2019t necessarily something that you have to settle for.\u00a0 You have to find that one God has called you to be with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob, you\u2019re a senior pastor of a large church near Chicago.\u00a0 I think we have to talk about, here, how important the Church is in the whole process of a single parent beginning to date somebody again.\u00a0 As you\u2019ve observed singles in your church, especially single parents, what cautions would you have for them?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would say this really isn\u2019t a dating-thing\u2014it\u2019s a discipleship-thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s a Gospel-Jesus-thing.\u00a0 We want to be all in, flat out, totally committed to our Lord and Savior, who gave everything for us, and to the extent as the book of Hebrews says.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of us that are single\u2014whether we\u2019re single or married, it really doesn\u2019t matter\u2014but if we\u2019re a single parent and we\u2019re wrestling with, \u201cWhat does God have for us? What\u2019s another chapter?\u201d to the extent we fix our eyes on Jesus\u2014we will be okay.\u00a0 We will be okay in our singleness.\u00a0 If God brings a person in our lives, we will then be in a spiritual place where we can evaluate that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, ultimately, I think this is an issue of the heart.\u00a0 I think this is a lordship-thing.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a matter of living in submission to the wonder of Christ\u2019s love.\u00a0 What I\u2019ve found, Dennis, is to the extent people do that\u2014then, they place themselves in a position to make good decisions and to be attracted to people who are likeminded.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know Ron writes about this in his book.\u00a0 I can imagine there are some single parents who start dating; but the problem is, as you\u2019re dating, you begin to see some\u2014 what you call, yellow flags and red flags.\u00a0 I think this is really important for a single woman or a single man who is about to enter into a remarried and a blended family situation to know because the blended marriage\u2014the blended family is not easier.\u00a0 It\u2019s much more difficult.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me say something about the yellow flags that most people are going to automatically know; right?\u00a0 There are yellow flags like\u2014they have some really bad habits.\u00a0 Things like they have some character issues: They\u2019re quick to temper, they\u2019re harsh, or they are easy to anger.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen that get played out in their other relationships.\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard stories about it.\u00a0 You need to take note of that.\u00a0 You need to back up.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I really want to attend to the familyness yellow flags because I really think a lot of single parents\u2014or somebody dating a single parent\u2014those are the ones\u2014those are our blind spots.\u00a0 Here\u2019s one of those that\u2019s related to familyness issues:\u00a0 It\u2019s when this person you\u2019re dating\u2014let\u2019s say you\u2019re a single parent\u2014and the person you are dating\u2014 you find that they keep trying to alter the nature of your relationship with your children.\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you, \u201cThat is a huge, huge yellow flag\u2014if not a red stoplight.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean, \u201calter the nature of your relationship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou know, you really\u2014your relationship with your daughter\u2014you guys are a little too close.\u00a0 You really ought to spend less time with your daughter,\u201d or, \u201cIt\u2019s interesting to me.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat is that?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou and your son\u2014you guys are just alike.\u00a0 I\u2019m not\u2014you know, you ought to let him go his own way.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the other person starts trying to coach <em>you<\/em> about the nature of your relationship\u2014I\u2019m not talking about parenting.\u00a0 It is one thing\u2014sometimes, this other person can speak into our parenting.\u00a0 They can be an outside voice and say, \u201cYou know, it kind of looks like your daughter is getting the best of you with this one.\u00a0 You need to think about how\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Sure, that\u2019s helpful input; alright?\u00a0 <br><br>I\u2019m talking about they\u2019re trying to put space in your relationship and make you less close.\u00a0 Oftentimes, that\u2019s somebody who is trying to find their way into your heart and push your child out of your heart.\u00a0 Let me tell you\u2014that will bring a tremendous amount of conflict.\u00a0 That will destroy any stepfamily, in a hurry.\u00a0 So, you begin to see that sort of thing\u2014it\u2019s time to back way up on that relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some other yellow flags I want you to comment on.\u00a0 What if a young lady, like Sabrina\u2014got a couple of children\u2014is dating a guy.\u00a0 Maybe she has a friend in the church who starts talking to the guy, and maybe does a little interview of him and finds out the guy, perhaps, is using pornography or has a problem with pornography.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s a, \u201cSlow down; back up,\u201d in a big sort of a way\u2014simply because that\u2019s not going to go away.\u00a0 If he is working on that, if that is part of his discipleship journey\u2014 then you\u2019re going to see fruit, as he tries to manage that sin in his life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve got some other red light issues\u2014things you say, \u201cThis ought to be\u2014This is over,\u201d-kind of issue.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Parenting differences.\u00a0 I\u2019m here to tell you.\u00a0 People get married because they fall in love with a person, but they divorce because they don\u2019t know how to be a family.\u00a0 If the other person has a parenting style that is the polar opposite, for example, of yours\u2014they are laissez-faire\u2014let the kids do what they want, when they want, how they want\u2014and you\u2019re a by-the-book kind of parent.\u00a0 You are going to have conflict, after conflict, after conflict.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care how much you love that person, as an individual.\u00a0 You will not get along as parents, and you will just reap all kinds of chaos in your home.\u00a0 That should be a red stoplight.\u00a0 <br><br>I realize what I just said to people is, \u201cYou should not marry somebody if you can\u2019t be parents.\u201d\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t sound very romantic, and it\u2019s not; but I\u2019m just trying to help you!\u00a0 It\u2019s to your benefit and for the benefit of your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to deal with this once you get married.\u00a0 So, you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You might as well deal with it on the frontend rather than at the back.\u00a0 You can pay now, or you can pay later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s better to pay now.\u00a0 Here\u2019s another red flag\u2014a horrible ex-spouse.\u00a0 I realize this is kind of unfair, but people just need to understand the complexity of the stepfamily home.\u00a0 If you are dating somebody who has a horrible ex-spouse and that person is going to wreak all kinds of havoc in your life, you really ought to think twice about continuing to date them.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize that that\u2019s not the person you are dating; but that person has a whole lot of power in your home, over the course of your life\u2014even, over your kids, your schedules, and your finances\u2014on and on it goes.\u00a0 They will create lots of stress in your world, and you might think twice about not moving forward with that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We really haven\u2019t said this, but I think\u2014I hope everybody understands, \u201cIf you find out that the person you\u2019re dating isn\u2019t a believer or is just kind of superficial in their faith, that\u2019s a knockout; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 It\u2019s a red flag.\u00a0 It\u2019s a stoplight.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to move forward with that relationship.\u00a0 Another red flag is, \u201cLet\u2019s hurry up and get married.\u201d\u00a0 What that person is saying is, \u201cI\u2019m desperate.\u00a0 I need you to fulfill me\u2014only when we\u2019re married is life going to be good again for me, my kids, you and your kids\u201d\u2014whatever the case may be.\u00a0 That is a huge, huge warning sign.\u00a0 You ought to back up from that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, this almost goes without saying\u2014although, in today\u2019s culture, maybe not\u2014how about, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just move in together?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, that gets bantered around; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing, to me, that more and more in our culture, we keep trying to find ways of being in relationship with somebody without having to be in relationship with somebody.\u00a0 So, we have cohabiting in relationships.\u00a0 We have stay-over relationships\u2014which are, \u201cWe both maintain our separate residences; but I stay at your place two nights a week, and you stay at my place two nights a week.\u00a0 We have our individual places the other nights.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of those are people trying to make half-hearted commitments but have the full benefit of a committed relationship.\u00a0 It just simply does not work.\u00a0 It does not work.\u00a0 You\u2019re shooting yourself in the foot; and you\u2019re teaching your children the wrong thing about morality, choices, and decisions that will extend into their spiritual lives\u2014just don\u2019t do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What about the single parent who has just re-upped for another six months with their online dating service?\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina is laughing at you, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your take on that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you just re-up, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you done that, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have done it.\u00a0 I have done some online dating, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Let\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014let\u2019s hear\u2014well, let\u2019s hear what Ron would tell her.\u00a0 Okay, before she makes true confessions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She may not say anything after Ron\u2019s done.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, here are my thoughts about it.\u00a0 First of all, I do think that some online dating programs, actually, help give you a running start at meeting somebody.\u00a0 My emphasis is on that.\u00a0 You meet somebody that way.\u00a0 It does not tell you whether or not there is a fit there, as a couple; alright?\u00a0 But very importantly, people need to understand that that is only \u201cfit, as a couple\u201d.\u00a0 It may not show you they are \u201cfit, as a family\u201d.\u00a0 Those are two separate issues.\u00a0 You have to be wiser than the online dating service.\u00a0 That\u2019s number one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, lots of people who meet through online services live in two different parts of the universe.\u00a0 When there are kids involved, and we\u2019re talking about you continue this relationship\u2014you live five states away from each other\u2014and to make the relationship actually work\u2014to get married, somebody is going to have to move their kids to another place.\u00a0 Let me tell you, I think that\u2019s a red light for a lot of people.\u00a0 It is a deal breaker.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are asking your children to make lots and lots of changes for your dating, romantic relationship.\u00a0 I think you ought to rethink that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, Sabrina, true confessions.\u00a0 What happened?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or what is happening?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you what\u2019s funny is that someone had finally set me up on another date with someone that I knew that I did not want to marry.\u00a0 I got to the point where I said, \u201cOh!\u00a0 We\u2019ve hit desperation now.\u00a0 So, I\u2019ve got to open up my world\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we apologize if he\u2019s listening right now.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 I said, \u201cI have to open up my world to more.\u201d\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t really narrow as much as it opens it up.\u00a0 That is what\u2019s dangerous about it because now you\u2019re <em>exposed<\/em> to a whole world.\u00a0 Now, there are sites like eHarmony<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that are very restrictive.\u00a0 They try to do a good job of making that a very narrow focus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are other sites\u2014including Christian dating sites\u2014that are even more dangerous because you assume everyone on there is a Christian.\u00a0 They are all pretending to put on this white robe; and you find out they\u2019re whitewashed tombs, on the inside.\u00a0 It\u2019s a nerve-wracking experience.\u00a0 I have met nice people\u2014genuine, solid believers that are good people; but I\u2019ve met a whole lot of scary ones, too.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne guy\u2014I thought I was going to have to call the police and get a restraining order on.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know if he was going to show up at my house.\u00a0 Like I told him, I have to be both nurturer and protector of my children, as a single parent.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have a husband, in my home, to play that role\u2014to be the protector.\u00a0 Now, that\u2019s up to me.\u00a0 When you open up yourself on that online world, I\u2019m easily found; and he found me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI found out later, through some mutual friends, that he\u2019s not the danger that I thought he was; but I will tell you\u2014he came across that way\u2014very aggressively\u2014was even saying at the beginning, \u201cI hope I\u2019m not going too fast for you, but....\u201d and laying out our future together after we had one conversation, over e-mail, talking about how he was going to be there for me and be this shoulder to cry on.\u00a0\u00a0 Those are the kinds of people you can meet there that are in that desperate mode to, \u201cLet\u2019s get married.\u00a0 Let\u2019s push this thing off.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t know who they are, and they\u2019re manipulating you to try to get into a relationship there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just picturing one of my daughters being a single parent.\u00a0 It would be easy for a single, young lady, being a single mom\u2014that\u2019s a tough assignment\u2014to be preyed upon.\u00a0 I think, really, talking about, again, the importance of the local church and the local church engaging with that single parent as he or she is raising the children\u2014engaging in the decision of the character of the people you date, affirming who they are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think they have their own setup at Wheaton Bible.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you have a complete single dating service that you\u2019ve got set up?\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Think about Rhonda\u2019s case\u2014the senior pastor of her church, where she\u2019d been there years before I\u2019d been there.\u00a0 The senior pastor of her church was preying on her, as a single.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Praying over her.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 P-R-A-Y, P-R-E-Y.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I want our listeners to hear.\u00a0 Marriage is a commitment.\u00a0 Marriage is hard work.\u00a0 Marriage is a spiritual relationship that is tied to our own discipleship journey as individuals.\u00a0 If you\u2019re going to remarry after a death, after a divorce, you need to do the hard work of preparation.\u00a0 That\u2019s where Ron\u2019s book really provides the experience of his 25 years in this area of talking with folks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPersonally, Ron, I\u2019m really thrilled you\u2019ve written it because I think there are a lot of poor decisions that are made out of panic, out of fear, out of loneliness.\u00a0 You really help someone know how to build their house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, at the right time, after you\u2019ve read the book and things are moving along, wouldn\u2019t hurt to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae;<\/sup> don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a great idea.\u00a0 In fact, I sat down with someone the other day.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to build your marriage one of two ways.\u00a0 You are either both going to be building your marriage off of two different sets of blueprints, or you\u2019re going to be building it off the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 What the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> will give you\u2014over a Friday night, all day Saturday, and a half day Sunday\u2014it\u2019ll give you the biblical blueprints for the major issues you are going to face in marriage; and it will equip you both to have the same vocabulary, the same lexicon.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be able to have the conversations.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean it will make marriage easy; but it will make it possibly successful, according to God\u2019s design.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have project times that we do at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014projects for couples who are married and projects for couples who are in a remarriage situation.\u00a0 So, if you\u2019re past the dating phase, and you are remarried, and you\u2019re trying to work some things out, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> has some ways to help you do that\u2014have a number of those events taking place this weekend, and again next weekend, and all through the month of November.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city, near where you live, so you can attend.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY about more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Also, get information about the book that we\u2019ve been talking about this week\u2014Ron Deal\u2019s new book, <em>Dating and the Single <\/em>Parent\u2014which we also have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 You can order a copy of the book, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 The title of the book, again, is <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, by Ron Deal.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, this month, we are making available some of Ron Deal\u2019s resources for blended and stepfamilies as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 The costs associated with this program\u2014we don\u2019t run commercials for it.\u00a0 The only way we can pay the bills is if folks, like you, help us out with those costs.\u00a0 We appreciate it when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation, this month, you can request a resource from Ron Deal\u2014 either his book, <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>, or some conversations that we\u2019ve had with Ron on CD about stepmoms and stepdads and how they can win in their roles as stepmoms and stepdads.\u00a0\u00a0 Again, those resources are our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who rally around us and partner with us in this ministry, and we always appreciate hearing from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when\u2014well, guess who\u2019s going to be here\u2014Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth are going to join us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about their love, their romance, some of the early years of their marriage, some of the challenging times they\u2019ve been through, as a couple.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, you see them, and you think, \u201cOh, what a life!\u201d\u00a0 You know, they\u2019ve had their times of tragedy.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about some of the times you may not have heard about tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today\u2014his name is Keith Lynch\u2014and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a great day.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.31M"],"filesize_raw":["22349245"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302615.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302615.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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again has its pluses and minuses. When do you know to take caution?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are a single parent, maybe you\u2019ve started dating, maybe you\u2019ve gone to an online dating site, and maybe you\u2019ve found a person who looks he or she could be the perfect match.\u00a0 Ron Deal says, \u201cHang on, a minute.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some online dating programs actually help give you a running start at meeting somebody.\u00a0 People need to understand that that is only \u201cfit, as a couple\u201d.\u00a0 It may not show you they are \u201cfit, as a family\u201d.\u00a0 Those are two separate issues.\u00a0 You meet somebody that way.\u00a0 It does not tell you whether or not there is a fit there, as a family.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 There are a lot of things a single parent ought to think about before he or she starts to date again\u2014whether you are looking online or any place else for a spouse.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Now, I remember awhile back\u2014this was some time ago when I had heard about a woman who had been widowed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how long it was after her husband had died, but she had started dating somebody.\u00a0 The way I heard that she was dating somebody was from a lot of her friends, talking about her dating somebody.\u00a0 They were concerned.\u00a0 It was too soon; or they saw indicators, in that relationship, that they didn\u2019t think she was seeing.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know the details to know enough of what was going on; but I had to wonder, \u201cWas she aware of the issues, or were her friends hypersensitive to things that they didn\u2019t need to be\u2014were they just gossiping?\u00a0 What was going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I had a situation where a friend had gone through a divorce.\u00a0 He started dating pretty soon after the divorce, and I went to him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be careful here.\u00a0 Allow some time to occur.\u201d\u00a0 I think it\u2019s easy for someone who has been married before to be lonely\u2014to fall prey to that loneliness.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve talked about, here, this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, to want to fill the gap, to fix it, and to start dating someone and marry them.\u00a0 As a result, end up in a blended family situation.\u00a0 <br><br>We have, really, someone who isn\u2019t in a blended family himself, Ron Deal, but has more than 25 years\u2019 experience in the blended-family relationship arena.\u00a0 Ron, how did you get started, in the first place, in this blended family issue?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019m the male obstetrician of the stepfamily world.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold it.\u00a0 Let me stop and think about that one for a second.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Never delivered that baby myself, but I do know something about the process.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the reasons that we\u2019ve surrounded ourselves with other guests on this program who can talk about their world experience.\u00a0 My experience is as a counselor and as a family minister, coming to the table, wanting to help families do blended family life well, preventing problems, and enhancing and growing their relationships.\u00a0 We want to help people do this wisely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned earlier you brought some of your friends into the broadcast who have had experience here.\u00a0 Sabrina Beasley joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Sabrina, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s a freelance writer, and she\u2019s a single-parent mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old.\u00a0 Her husband was killed in a car wreck in 2010.\u00a0 It was not really your choice to be at this table with us today.\u00a0 Was it, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, it was a tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Also, joining us are Rob and Rhonda Bugh who are from Wheaton, Illinois.\u00a0 Rhonda is a pediatrician.\u00a0 Rob\u2019s a pastor of Wheaton Bible Church.\u00a0 Together, they have seven children.\u00a0 They definitely have a blended family.\u00a0 Welcome back to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk about the character, Ron, as we talk about someone who is thinking about dating again and perhaps a remarriage.\u00a0 What should a single woman\u2014single man\u2014who has already got some children, be looking for in the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 First and foremost, you want somebody who is more in love with Jesus than they\u2019ll ever be in love with you.\u00a0 You want somebody who is going to be your discipling partner in the process of life and marriage.\u00a0 If they don\u2019t have those values, then, to be unequally yoked with them just makes no sense because it\u2019s not just your life that\u2019s on the line.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about, \u201cThere\u2019s another generation of lives that are on the line.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to say, \u201cBeware of dating someone who just all of a sudden got religion because they found you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just because you\u2019re in a garage, doesn\u2019t make you a car.\u00a0 Just because you go to church, doesn\u2019t mean that you actually espouse a Christian worldview and lifestyle.\u00a0 We have to be very discerning about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, there are some folks who have been divorced; and they are thinking, \u201cI thought I had that last time.\u00a0 When I met that person, I thought they loved Jesus; and I was fooled.\u201d\u00a0 I guess there is no way to have a guarantee; but anything you\u2019d say, \u201cLook for this,\u201d so you won\u2019t get fooled again?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, obviously, you want to see their fruit; right?\u00a0 You want to see how they live their life.\u00a0 You want to talk to their\u2014not just their family, because they are probably biased in their favor, but their friends.\u00a0 You want to know what kind of relationship history they have had\u2014personal, intimate relationships, dating, marriage, and otherwise\u2014but also, extended relationships, work relationships.\u00a0 It\u2019s in those realms that you\u2019re going to have a sense of who the person is and how they really live their life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, let me just repeat a principle we\u2019ve said on the previous broadcast.\u00a0 Time is your friend.\u00a0 Anybody can be fooled\u2014any of us can be fooled for a short period of time, but in the extended dating process\u2014this allows you to see what\u2019s real.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 History is the keyword I want our listener to hear.\u00a0 It\u2019s not <em>recent<\/em> history.\u00a0 It\u2019s a decade of history.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve watched some people run.\u00a0 They start to hear somebody raise a caution flag and say, \u201cYou need to be aware of this;\u201d and they just tune it out.\u00a0 They so want it to work\u2014that if they hear a bad report, they just kind of dismiss it and go, \u201cWell, that\u2019s just your opinion,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019ve never seen that.\u201d\u00a0 You really have to kind of pull back and go, \u201cI\u2019m going to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly;\u201d right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only that\u2014can I just say\u2014not only that.\u00a0 A lot of single parents that have been divorced\u2014or maybe don\u2019t have any children\u2014you\u2019ve been divorced.\u00a0 You think you don\u2019t deserve somebody good the next time around.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got this mentality of, \u201cI\u2019ve messed up.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been married, and here I\u2019ve ruined myself.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I just have to take whatever I can get.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019ve really identified with the story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible.\u00a0 My mother-in-law was also widowed and never remarried.\u00a0 Now, I\u2019m widowed.\u00a0 Here we are together\u2014kind of on this journey.\u00a0 I\u2019ve come to look for what we call the kinsman redeemer.\u00a0 That\u2019s what Boaz is called in the Scripture.\u00a0 I\u2019m not looking for my actual kinsman\u2014someone I\u2019m related to\u2014but I\u2019m looking for that brother in Christ who is the one who is supposed to be there\u2014who can take care of us, who will be there.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to settle for anything less than my kinsman redeemer\u2014the one that God has called, and the one that God has placed in my path, and to seek Him out.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to remember that Boaz was Ruth\u2019s second marriage; but yet, he is the one through whom was brought the line of Christ.\u00a0 So, a second marriage is not lesser than the first.\u00a0 A second marriage can be that great marriage that you\u2019ve wanted to have all along, whether you\u2019re divorced or widowed, like I am.\u00a0 A second marriage isn\u2019t necessarily something that you have to settle for.\u00a0 You have to find that one God has called you to be with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rob, you\u2019re a senior pastor of a large church near Chicago.\u00a0 I think we have to talk about, here, how important the Church is in the whole process of a single parent beginning to date somebody again.\u00a0 As you\u2019ve observed singles in your church, especially single parents, what cautions would you have for them?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would say this really isn\u2019t a dating-thing\u2014it\u2019s a discipleship-thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s a Gospel-Jesus-thing.\u00a0 We want to be all in, flat out, totally committed to our Lord and Savior, who gave everything for us, and to the extent as the book of Hebrews says.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of us that are single\u2014whether we\u2019re single or married, it really doesn\u2019t matter\u2014but if we\u2019re a single parent and we\u2019re wrestling with, \u201cWhat does God have for us? What\u2019s another chapter?\u201d to the extent we fix our eyes on Jesus\u2014we will be okay.\u00a0 We will be okay in our singleness.\u00a0 If God brings a person in our lives, we will then be in a spiritual place where we can evaluate that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, ultimately, I think this is an issue of the heart.\u00a0 I think this is a lordship-thing.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a matter of living in submission to the wonder of Christ\u2019s love.\u00a0 What I\u2019ve found, Dennis, is to the extent people do that\u2014then, they place themselves in a position to make good decisions and to be attracted to people who are likeminded.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know Ron writes about this in his book.\u00a0 I can imagine there are some single parents who start dating; but the problem is, as you\u2019re dating, you begin to see some\u2014 what you call, yellow flags and red flags.\u00a0 I think this is really important for a single woman or a single man who is about to enter into a remarried and a blended family situation to know because the blended marriage\u2014the blended family is not easier.\u00a0 It\u2019s much more difficult.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me say something about the yellow flags that most people are going to automatically know; right?\u00a0 There are yellow flags like\u2014they have some really bad habits.\u00a0 Things like they have some character issues: They\u2019re quick to temper, they\u2019re harsh, or they are easy to anger.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen that get played out in their other relationships.\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard stories about it.\u00a0 You need to take note of that.\u00a0 You need to back up.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I really want to attend to the familyness yellow flags because I really think a lot of single parents\u2014or somebody dating a single parent\u2014those are the ones\u2014those are our blind spots.\u00a0 Here\u2019s one of those that\u2019s related to familyness issues:\u00a0 It\u2019s when this person you\u2019re dating\u2014let\u2019s say you\u2019re a single parent\u2014and the person you are dating\u2014 you find that they keep trying to alter the nature of your relationship with your children.\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you, \u201cThat is a huge, huge yellow flag\u2014if not a red stoplight.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean, \u201calter the nature of your relationship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou know, you really\u2014your relationship with your daughter\u2014you guys are a little too close.\u00a0 You really ought to spend less time with your daughter,\u201d or, \u201cIt\u2019s interesting to me.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat is that?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou and your son\u2014you guys are just alike.\u00a0 I\u2019m not\u2014you know, you ought to let him go his own way.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the other person starts trying to coach <em>you<\/em> about the nature of your relationship\u2014I\u2019m not talking about parenting.\u00a0 It is one thing\u2014sometimes, this other person can speak into our parenting.\u00a0 They can be an outside voice and say, \u201cYou know, it kind of looks like your daughter is getting the best of you with this one.\u00a0 You need to think about how\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Sure, that\u2019s helpful input; alright?\u00a0 <br><br>I\u2019m talking about they\u2019re trying to put space in your relationship and make you less close.\u00a0 Oftentimes, that\u2019s somebody who is trying to find their way into your heart and push your child out of your heart.\u00a0 Let me tell you\u2014that will bring a tremendous amount of conflict.\u00a0 That will destroy any stepfamily, in a hurry.\u00a0 So, you begin to see that sort of thing\u2014it\u2019s time to back way up on that relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some other yellow flags I want you to comment on.\u00a0 What if a young lady, like Sabrina\u2014got a couple of children\u2014is dating a guy.\u00a0 Maybe she has a friend in the church who starts talking to the guy, and maybe does a little interview of him and finds out the guy, perhaps, is using pornography or has a problem with pornography.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s a, \u201cSlow down; back up,\u201d in a big sort of a way\u2014simply because that\u2019s not going to go away.\u00a0 If he is working on that, if that is part of his discipleship journey\u2014 then you\u2019re going to see fruit, as he tries to manage that sin in his life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve got some other red light issues\u2014things you say, \u201cThis ought to be\u2014This is over,\u201d-kind of issue.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Parenting differences.\u00a0 I\u2019m here to tell you.\u00a0 People get married because they fall in love with a person, but they divorce because they don\u2019t know how to be a family.\u00a0 If the other person has a parenting style that is the polar opposite, for example, of yours\u2014they are laissez-faire\u2014let the kids do what they want, when they want, how they want\u2014and you\u2019re a by-the-book kind of parent.\u00a0 You are going to have conflict, after conflict, after conflict.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care how much you love that person, as an individual.\u00a0 You will not get along as parents, and you will just reap all kinds of chaos in your home.\u00a0 That should be a red stoplight.\u00a0 <br><br>I realize what I just said to people is, \u201cYou should not marry somebody if you can\u2019t be parents.\u201d\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t sound very romantic, and it\u2019s not; but I\u2019m just trying to help you!\u00a0 It\u2019s to your benefit and for the benefit of your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to deal with this once you get married.\u00a0 So, you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You might as well deal with it on the frontend rather than at the back.\u00a0 You can pay now, or you can pay later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s better to pay now.\u00a0 Here\u2019s another red flag\u2014a horrible ex-spouse.\u00a0 I realize this is kind of unfair, but people just need to understand the complexity of the stepfamily home.\u00a0 If you are dating somebody who has a horrible ex-spouse and that person is going to wreak all kinds of havoc in your life, you really ought to think twice about continuing to date them.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize that that\u2019s not the person you are dating; but that person has a whole lot of power in your home, over the course of your life\u2014even, over your kids, your schedules, and your finances\u2014on and on it goes.\u00a0 They will create lots of stress in your world, and you might think twice about not moving forward with that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We really haven\u2019t said this, but I think\u2014I hope everybody understands, \u201cIf you find out that the person you\u2019re dating isn\u2019t a believer or is just kind of superficial in their faith, that\u2019s a knockout; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 It\u2019s a red flag.\u00a0 It\u2019s a stoplight.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to move forward with that relationship.\u00a0 Another red flag is, \u201cLet\u2019s hurry up and get married.\u201d\u00a0 What that person is saying is, \u201cI\u2019m desperate.\u00a0 I need you to fulfill me\u2014only when we\u2019re married is life going to be good again for me, my kids, you and your kids\u201d\u2014whatever the case may be.\u00a0 That is a huge, huge warning sign.\u00a0 You ought to back up from that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, this almost goes without saying\u2014although, in today\u2019s culture, maybe not\u2014how about, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just move in together?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, that gets bantered around; doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing, to me, that more and more in our culture, we keep trying to find ways of being in relationship with somebody without having to be in relationship with somebody.\u00a0 So, we have cohabiting in relationships.\u00a0 We have stay-over relationships\u2014which are, \u201cWe both maintain our separate residences; but I stay at your place two nights a week, and you stay at my place two nights a week.\u00a0 We have our individual places the other nights.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of those are people trying to make half-hearted commitments but have the full benefit of a committed relationship.\u00a0 It just simply does not work.\u00a0 It does not work.\u00a0 You\u2019re shooting yourself in the foot; and you\u2019re teaching your children the wrong thing about morality, choices, and decisions that will extend into their spiritual lives\u2014just don\u2019t do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What about the single parent who has just re-upped for another six months with their online dating service?\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina is laughing at you, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your take on that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you just re-up, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you done that, Sabrina?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have done it.\u00a0 I have done some online dating, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Let\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014let\u2019s hear\u2014well, let\u2019s hear what Ron would tell her.\u00a0 Okay, before she makes true confessions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She may not say anything after Ron\u2019s done.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, here are my thoughts about it.\u00a0 First of all, I do think that some online dating programs, actually, help give you a running start at meeting somebody.\u00a0 My emphasis is on that.\u00a0 You meet somebody that way.\u00a0 It does not tell you whether or not there is a fit there, as a couple; alright?\u00a0 But very importantly, people need to understand that that is only \u201cfit, as a couple\u201d.\u00a0 It may not show you they are \u201cfit, as a family\u201d.\u00a0 Those are two separate issues.\u00a0 You have to be wiser than the online dating service.\u00a0 That\u2019s number one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, lots of people who meet through online services live in two different parts of the universe.\u00a0 When there are kids involved, and we\u2019re talking about you continue this relationship\u2014you live five states away from each other\u2014and to make the relationship actually work\u2014to get married, somebody is going to have to move their kids to another place.\u00a0 Let me tell you, I think that\u2019s a red light for a lot of people.\u00a0 It is a deal breaker.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are asking your children to make lots and lots of changes for your dating, romantic relationship.\u00a0 I think you ought to rethink that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, Sabrina, true confessions.\u00a0 What happened?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or what is happening?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you what\u2019s funny is that someone had finally set me up on another date with someone that I knew that I did not want to marry.\u00a0 I got to the point where I said, \u201cOh!\u00a0 We\u2019ve hit desperation now.\u00a0 So, I\u2019ve got to open up my world\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we apologize if he\u2019s listening right now.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 I said, \u201cI have to open up my world to more.\u201d\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t really narrow as much as it opens it up.\u00a0 That is what\u2019s dangerous about it because now you\u2019re <em>exposed<\/em> to a whole world.\u00a0 Now, there are sites like eHarmony<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that are very restrictive.\u00a0 They try to do a good job of making that a very narrow focus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are other sites\u2014including Christian dating sites\u2014that are even more dangerous because you assume everyone on there is a Christian.\u00a0 They are all pretending to put on this white robe; and you find out they\u2019re whitewashed tombs, on the inside.\u00a0 It\u2019s a nerve-wracking experience.\u00a0 I have met nice people\u2014genuine, solid believers that are good people; but I\u2019ve met a whole lot of scary ones, too.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne guy\u2014I thought I was going to have to call the police and get a restraining order on.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know if he was going to show up at my house.\u00a0 Like I told him, I have to be both nurturer and protector of my children, as a single parent.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have a husband, in my home, to play that role\u2014to be the protector.\u00a0 Now, that\u2019s up to me.\u00a0 When you open up yourself on that online world, I\u2019m easily found; and he found me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI found out later, through some mutual friends, that he\u2019s not the danger that I thought he was; but I will tell you\u2014he came across that way\u2014very aggressively\u2014was even saying at the beginning, \u201cI hope I\u2019m not going too fast for you, but....\u201d and laying out our future together after we had one conversation, over e-mail, talking about how he was going to be there for me and be this shoulder to cry on.\u00a0\u00a0 Those are the kinds of people you can meet there that are in that desperate mode to, \u201cLet\u2019s get married.\u00a0 Let\u2019s push this thing off.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t know who they are, and they\u2019re manipulating you to try to get into a relationship there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just picturing one of my daughters being a single parent.\u00a0 It would be easy for a single, young lady, being a single mom\u2014that\u2019s a tough assignment\u2014to be preyed upon.\u00a0 I think, really, talking about, again, the importance of the local church and the local church engaging with that single parent as he or she is raising the children\u2014engaging in the decision of the character of the people you date, affirming who they are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think they have their own setup at Wheaton Bible.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you have a complete single dating service that you\u2019ve got set up?\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Think about Rhonda\u2019s case\u2014the senior pastor of her church, where she\u2019d been there years before I\u2019d been there.\u00a0 The senior pastor of her church was preying on her, as a single.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Praying over her.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 P-R-A-Y, P-R-E-Y.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I want our listeners to hear.\u00a0 Marriage is a commitment.\u00a0 Marriage is hard work.\u00a0 Marriage is a spiritual relationship that is tied to our own discipleship journey as individuals.\u00a0 If you\u2019re going to remarry after a death, after a divorce, you need to do the hard work of preparation.\u00a0 That\u2019s where Ron\u2019s book really provides the experience of his 25 years in this area of talking with folks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPersonally, Ron, I\u2019m really thrilled you\u2019ve written it because I think there are a lot of poor decisions that are made out of panic, out of fear, out of loneliness.\u00a0 You really help someone know how to build their house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, at the right time, after you\u2019ve read the book and things are moving along, wouldn\u2019t hurt to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae;<\/sup> don\u2019t you think?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a great idea.\u00a0 In fact, I sat down with someone the other day.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to build your marriage one of two ways.\u00a0 You are either both going to be building your marriage off of two different sets of blueprints, or you\u2019re going to be building it off the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 What the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> will give you\u2014over a Friday night, all day Saturday, and a half day Sunday\u2014it\u2019ll give you the biblical blueprints for the major issues you are going to face in marriage; and it will equip you both to have the same vocabulary, the same lexicon.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be able to have the conversations.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean it will make marriage easy; but it will make it possibly successful, according to God\u2019s design.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have project times that we do at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u2014projects for couples who are married and projects for couples who are in a remarriage situation.\u00a0 So, if you\u2019re past the dating phase, and you are remarried, and you\u2019re trying to work some things out, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> has some ways to help you do that\u2014have a number of those events taking place this weekend, and again next weekend, and all through the month of November.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city, near where you live, so you can attend.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY about more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Also, get information about the book that we\u2019ve been talking about this week\u2014Ron Deal\u2019s new book, <em>Dating and the Single <\/em>Parent\u2014which we also have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 You can order a copy of the book, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 The title of the book, again, is <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, by Ron Deal.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, this month, we are making available some of Ron Deal\u2019s resources for blended and stepfamilies as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 The costs associated with this program\u2014we don\u2019t run commercials for it.\u00a0 The only way we can pay the bills is if folks, like you, help us out with those costs.\u00a0 We appreciate it when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation; or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation, this month, you can request a resource from Ron Deal\u2014 either his book, <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>, or some conversations that we\u2019ve had with Ron on CD about stepmoms and stepdads and how they can win in their roles as stepmoms and stepdads.\u00a0\u00a0 Again, those resources are our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who rally around us and partner with us in this ministry, and we always appreciate hearing from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when\u2014well, guess who\u2019s going to be here\u2014Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth are going to join us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about their love, their romance, some of the early years of their marriage, some of the challenging times they\u2019ve been through, as a couple.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, you see them, and you think, \u201cOh, what a life!\u201d\u00a0 You know, they\u2019ve had their times of tragedy.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about some of the times you may not have heard about tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today\u2014his name is Keith Lynch\u2014and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a great day.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302615","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302615"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302615"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302615"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302615"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302615"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302615"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302615"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}