{"id":302614,"date":"2012-10-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-10-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-realities-of-dating-again\/"},"modified":"2012-10-16T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-10-16T15:00:00","slug":"the-realities-of-dating-again","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-realities-of-dating-again\/","title":{"rendered":"The Realities of Dating Again"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you ready to date again?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.57M","filesize_raw":"26809180","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2813],"tags":[4018],"podcast_series":[7905],"cwp_profile":[3078,3300,3059],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302614","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-recovering-from-divorce","tag-dating","podcast_series-dating-and-the-single-parent","cwp_profile-rob-and-rhonda-bugh","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-sabrina-beasley-mcdonald","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302614\/the-realities-of-dating-again","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302614\/the-realities-of-dating-again","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tD3OFC98fI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-realities-of-dating-again\/\">The Realities of Dating Again<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-realities-of-dating-again\/embed\/#?secret=tD3OFC98fI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Realities of Dating Again&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tD3OFC98fI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina Beasley and Rob Bugh never expected they would be single parents.\u00a0 Sabrina is a single parent today.\u00a0 Rob was a single parent for a time.\u00a0 He is remarried; and they both agree dating, as a single parent, can get really complicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Everything is different, the second time around.\u00a0 When I met my husband, I didn\u2019t have any children.\u00a0 Now, I have two more lives that are completely affected by this other person I bring in.\u00a0 If he has children, their lives are affected by my children\u2014by me.\u00a0 It\u2019s just an entire web of situations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only are there all sorts of threads or lines in this web, many of them are competing.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s competing allegiances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s blended-family expert, Ron Deal, has just written a book on this subject.\u00a0 He thinks single parents, who are thinking about dating, need all the help they can get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s a right way to do this.\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying, \u201cKnow what reality is and be educated about it so that you can make wise choices.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 There may not be just one right way to date, as a single parent; but there are some things you should be alert to.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about those today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We\u2019ve kind of jumped in, this week, to talking about the issue of single parents reentering the dating environment\u2014considering marriage again.\u00a0 We really haven\u2019t pulled back to ask the question, \u201cShould they be doing that in the first place?\u201d\u00a0 I think it\u2019s good to just pull back and say, \u201cAre there some folks who\u2014they\u2019ve got some things they ought to take care of before they venture out into dating?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are a number of issues related to that if there has been a divorce.\u00a0 Certainly, if one of the spouses died\u2014that\u2019s a separate set of issues\u2014but we have with us a guest who knows everything about all these subjects and can answer them\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 100 percent accurately and biblically.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Ron Deal joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have been set up, brother, right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Everything?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron is the director\u2014the new director of FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Family Ministries.\u00a0 He\u2019s been married to Nan since 1986, has three sons, has authored five books\u2014and the latest is called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>.\u00a0 He brought a ton of his friends with him into the studio.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 They know everything.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of them is a senior pastor\u2014Rob Bugh joins us, along with his wife, Rhonda.\u00a0 Welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda is a pediatrician, and Rob is a senior pastor of Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois.\u00a0 Also, joining us is Sabrina Beasley, former FamilyLife employee.\u00a0 Good to see you again, Sabrina.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s a single parent mom.\u00a0 Her husband was killed in a car wreck in 2010, and she\u2019s now a freelance writer.\u00a0 <br><br>Let\u2019s go to the subject that Bob was talking about.\u00a0 Just to\u2014this is going to be \u201cStump Ron Deal\u201d broadcast here.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It won\u2019t be hard.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say that you are <em>not<\/em> an advocate of remarriage.\u00a0 What are you an advocate for?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to be honest.\u00a0 Writing this book was the most difficult book that I\u2019ve written.\u00a0 All the other books are on stepfamily living and becoming a healthy, blended family.\u00a0 This book was kind of the prequel to all of those\u2014where we back up and we say: \u201cOkay, so, you\u2019re dating\u2014you\u2019re thinking about dating.\u00a0 How do you date well?\u00a0 How do you include the kids in that process?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody once said about me, during a radio interview, that I was an advocate for remarriage.\u00a0 It kind of caught my attention.\u00a0 I began to ponder that a little bit and think about it.\u00a0 What I realized is I\u2019m not really sure that I\u2019m an advocate for remarriage or not.\u00a0 I\u2019m an advocate for healthy, blended family relationships and remarriages that go the distance and bring glory to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf love, in the form of romantic relationship, does not come to a single parent again, they need to know that they still have God\u2019s blessing on them and their home.\u00a0 They can still do their kids a wonderful service in raising them in the Lord.\u00a0 Yes, there will be challenges.\u00a0 There will be realities they don\u2019t necessarily want to live with, or would not have wished for their children; but they can do a good job!\u00a0 They don\u2019t <em>have<\/em> to go out and get remarried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina, I\u2019m looking down the table at you.\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering, \u201cHow does that make you feel, as a single-parent mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it gives me hope.\u00a0 It also scares me a little bit.\u00a0 I want to get remarried.\u00a0 I do want my children to have a father-figure in their lives.\u00a0 I do want someone with them that will love them; but when I was first widowed, I was praying.\u00a0 I said, \u201cLord, I really want someone to be here.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, I really had a wonderful relationship with my husband.\u00a0 I loved him so deeply.\u00a0 We were best friends.\u00a0 I was praying, \u201cGod, I want that again.\u00a0 I want that for my kids.\u00a0 I want that for myself.\u201d\u00a0 I heard the Lord say, \u201cWait for Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater on, I was thinking about Abraham and Sarah\u2014when He told Sarah that she was going to have a baby.\u00a0 She waited, and she waited, and she waited.\u00a0 Eventually, she thought, \u201cMaybe God meant that he would have a baby and not me.\u201d\u00a0 She went into her servant, Hagar, and said, \u201cHere, I want you to sleep with my husband so we can have this promise child.\u201d\u00a0 She ended up with Ishmael.\u00a0\u00a0 Then, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want an Ishmael marriage.\u00a0 I want an Isaac marriage.\u201d\u00a0 I want the marriage that God wants me to have.\u00a0 I want the man that God brings to me to be a godly man\u2014the man that God wants\u2014His will\u2014and not just a panic or some way of saying, \u201cHow can I fulfill this?\u00a0 How can I make this happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good thing is\u2014when I read Ron\u2019s book and when I talked to him\u2014that took the panic away because now\u2014God made parenting a two-person job for a reason.\u00a0 It\u2019s very, very hard.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very difficult to do it by yourself.\u00a0 Single parenting is the hardest job on the planet.\u00a0 There\u2019s not someone there to help you: \u201cHand me that pillow,\u201d \u201cGo see what\u2019s wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Even at five o\u2019clock, when a husband walks in the door, everything changes.\u00a0 As soon as that man walks in at five o\u2019clock, it\u2019s dispersed.\u00a0 The work is dispersed.\u00a0 Suddenly, there is someone else for them to talk to.\u00a0 There\u2019s someone else for them to say, \u201cHey, Daddy, look at this.\u00a0 Look at what I did.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalking to Ron and reading his book made me realize that I don\u2019t have to worry about it.\u00a0 I can do a good job.\u00a0 I can do this on my own.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, let me illustrate this from my own experience.\u00a0 I was a product of single-parent home.\u00a0 My father and mother were divorced.\u00a0 Then, when I was 13, my father died.\u00a0 My mother was an amazingly strong-minded woman who invested the best years of her life\u2014when she could have been out dating, when she could have been out chasing some other dreams\u2014into her children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe poured herself into the three of us\u2014my brother, my sister, and myself.\u00a0 It was a beautiful thing to behold\u2014especially now, after a couple decades have gone by and as a pastor\u2014because of my experience and then, because in my adult life, I became a single parent\u2014I really want to be an advocate for single parents, especially single moms.\u00a0 You are not second-class citizens.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can do this in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 God will give you the grace to get through this hard spot\u2014\u201cTough assignment?\u201d\u00a0 To be sure.\u00a0 \u201cDoable?\u201d\u00a0 In Christ, all things are possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Always be leery of anybody who gives you a black-and-white answer to the future of your life:\u00a0 \u201cYou should do this.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou should do that.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou should get married.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t get married.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t do that in this book.\u00a0 <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> is about helping people make wise choices\u2014based on truth, based on good information about the process of becoming a couple again and becoming a family again\u2014a very different kind of family\u2014that is, a stepfamily.\u00a0 I just try to educate people as to what those challenges are so they can make good choices.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I love about what your mother did, Rob, is that she dedicated herself to raising her children and seeing that through.\u00a0 For many people, they do that until the children leave home.\u00a0 Then, they begin to look elsewhere at dating relationships.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s a right way to do this.\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying, \u201cKnow what reality is, and go in with your eyes open, and be educated about it so that you can make wise choices\u201d\u2014not, inadvertently, harmful choices for you, especially for your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, following a death of a spouse, there\u2019s a period of time\u2014we don\u2019t know how long that is.\u00a0 It\u2019s different for different people\u2014a period where the issue of grief and responding to grief\u2014you kind of need to do your work before you really start to even think about\u2014as we\u2019ve already talked about, Sabrina, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get to the hardware store and get a replacement part for the one that\u2019s gone missing here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Following a divorce, there are a whole myriad of other issues\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that somebody\u2019s got to work their way through\u2014navigate their way through\u2014before they ought to even begin thinking about entering the dating situation again.\u00a0 There are relationships that have been damaged.\u00a0 There is reconciliation that may need to take place.\u00a0 There are all kinds of things that go into this process.\u00a0 I\u2019ve just watched too many people that are kind of like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get fixed\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and that\u2019s a dangerous path to be on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s one thing to be pulled into a love relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s another thing to be pushed into it.\u00a0 I think the push of pain\u2014when you\u2019re in the pit of pain and you are hurting over death or divorce\u2014whatever that story is\u2014it tends to push us towards something that makes us feel better.\u00a0 We talk about people on the rebound.\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s what that is.\u00a0 It is pain pushing them towards a relationship that they might not be in if they didn\u2019t have pain, back\u2014behind them\u2014pushing.\u00a0 You do have to slow down.\u00a0 You do have to spend some time healing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just add a little caveat to that because I think that there\u2019s this misnomer that, \u201cOnce you\u2019ve healed, now, you\u2019re ready to move forward.\u201d\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s the little reality within that\u2014only, when you move forward and you start dating again, will you really uncover some new layers to your pain.\u00a0 It\u2019s only then that you might begin to feel fearful of investing a relationship.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve been through a terrible divorce, and you\u2019ve been burned, and now you have to find yourself trusting another person again with your heart and your soul, it\u2019s only when you get into the depth of that relationship that you uncover, \u201cAh, there\u2019s still a part of me that\u2019s afraid.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we talk about that in <em>Dating and the Single <\/em>Parent\u2014and what do you do with that fear, and acknowledging it, rather than just being a victim of it.\u00a0 You have to be aware of your fears so that you can manage them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda, you were with your husband, Tom, for 25 years.\u00a0 Rob, you were with your wife, Carol, for 27 years.\u00a0 Rhonda, what I want to know, \u201cWas there a lot of fear in you about venturing out into a relationship, like Ron\u2019s talking about here?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Initially, no.\u00a0 Both of my grandmothers were widowed at 45.\u00a0 I just assumed I was going to be another widow, for the rest of my life.\u00a0 I actually really never thought about dating, at that point.\u00a0 Where the fear came in was when Rob and I were courting\u2014he was courting me\u2014we were dating.\u00a0 The thought of being married to a senior pastor terrified me.\u00a0 I\u2019d look at his check lists; and I\u2019d say, \u201cI know how to be married to a doctor.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to be married to a senior pastor.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, wait a second\u2014a doctor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, well, my husband\u2014my first husband was a surgeon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But his schedule, I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; I got that.\u00a0 I know how to do that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to be married to a senior pastor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which\u2014there were fears\u2014now, we\u2019re talking\u2014this is in the area of fear\u2014there were all sorts of fears of, \u201cWhat will those expectations be, for me\u2014that as a pediatrician, I will be unable to meet.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do play the piano; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so, that qualification was met.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know you played the piano.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, what we\u2019re saying here is, \u201cJust because you know how to do marriage with one person doesn\u2019t mean you know how to do marriage with another person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And just because you know how to parent your children, doesn\u2019t mean you know how to parent their children; or that they\u2019re going to know how to parent your children.\u00a0 That\u2019s the familyness factors that are unforeseen.\u00a0 Really, only when you begin dating\u2014when you begin exploring relationships and possibilities\u2014will you come face-to-face with these realities.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of what <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> is about\u2014is helping people navigate that journey.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things that I want to make sure we speak to, at some level\u2014some people are single again because of some sin patterns in their life\u2014not just because they\u2019ve been wounded\u2014but because they\u2019ve made choices that are sinful choices.\u00a0 There\u2019s got to be some diving into that and addressing that before you try to start anything up again; right?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am a huge advocate for divorce-recovery ministries, for grief-share ministries\u2014where people take time to explore\u2014to look in the mirror.\u00a0 Again, only when you start into a new relationship, are you going to have to look into that mirror again.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t assume that just because you graduated from divorce-care that you are now ready, full-fledged, for diving into a new relationship.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s what life is about.\u00a0 God uses our relationships to force us to look in the mirror.\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s discipleship at its best.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage, and parenting, and dating cause us to think of ourselves, again, in light of who God is, and who we\u2019re called to be in Christ, and recognizing our frailties so that we can continue to bring those to the cross and try to better ourselves so that we can be better for this next relationship.\u00a0 Or if you recognize that, \u201cBoy, I\u2019ve got work to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need to be bringing me to a relationship with somebody else.\u00a0 That\u2019s not fair to them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to pull back and just really focus on who I am.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s one of the things you talk about in your book\u2014is the marriage amnesia\u2014where people have a terrible marriage\u2014then, they bring it into their next relationship.\u00a0 They don\u2019t ever address what went on the first-time around.\u00a0\u00a0 I think, in a situation like mine, where I had a wonderful marriage, I need some marriage amnesia to say, \u201cThis is not going to be the same situation.\u00a0 This is a different person, a different relationship, a different scenario.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we talked about, last time, was how\u2014when you don\u2019t have any children, the relationship is one-on-one\u2014but then, when you have children\u2014if you think about it like a spider web, or a string, and you just keep attaching it, and attaching, and attaching between the different relationships\u2014there\u2019s a whole web to consider.\u00a0 Now, \u201cHow is this going to affect my children?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow is this going to affect everything?\u201d\u00a0 Everything is different, the second time around.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I met my husband, I didn\u2019t have any children.\u00a0 Now, I have two more lives that are completely affected by this other person I bring in.\u00a0 If he has children, their lives are affected by my children\u2014by me.\u00a0 It\u2019s just an entire web of situations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t know whether your marriage with David would have continued to be as spectacular today as it was the day he died.\u00a0 You think it would; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you also don\u2019t know that the next person you marry\u2014should God bring that person into your life, at whatever phase you\u2019re in\u2014it may not be as spectacular as your first marriage was.\u00a0 That\u2019s okay, at some level; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s actually worse than that because\u2014not only are there all sorts of threads or lines in this web\u2014many of them are competing.\u00a0 So, there is competing allegiances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s not a web; it\u2019s cables, then?\u00a0 Huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, exactly.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got to be strong because you really don\u2019t know\u2014until you get into a remarriage\u2014a blended family\u2014how the anger has worked itself out, is working itself out, or will work itself out.\u00a0 We, I think, we tend to downplay this issue of anger\u2014which is a reality for all of us, even as the best Christ-followers.\u00a0 When there has been a bitter divorce, or there\u2019s been a death, and there\u2019s grief, and there is anger, and there\u2019s feelings of loss and frustration\u2014that\u2019s very much a process that, I think, is lifelong.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 What are being illustrated in their stories are these two very important principles for dating single parents.\u00a0 One is, \u201cDating is not necessarily indicative of what real stepfamily life is going to be like;\u201d okay?\u00a0 The way things go during the dating period\u2014the way kids respond and react, the way you feel about one another\u2019s children and about how there\u2019s harmony between us and parenting and values and so forth\u2014when the rubber meets the road, it gets lived-out differently\u2014the emotions change, and the behavioral responses from children often change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring the dating season, you just need to know, going in, that you\u2019re never really sure how it\u2019s going to pan out.\u00a0 So, time is your friend.\u00a0 Go slowly.\u00a0 Work at a pace that is conducive toward building a foundation.\u00a0 Then, make decisions about marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to dial it back to, even before dating, and just ask the question, \u201cWho is the person, whom you would say to, \u2018You probably shouldn\u2019t even be thinking about dating yet\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 The person who has just recently gone through a loss\u2014a tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Divorce, death\u2014either one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Whatever that story is\u2014if it is recent, you don\u2019t need to be jumping into a new relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Recent as in six months, a year?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019m going to, \u201cYes;\u201d but let me just say, \u201cIt\u2019s different for everybody.\u201d\u00a0 I used to try to put time frames on how long you should wait and, then, how long you should date.\u00a0 Let me tell you, I have been humbled; right?\u00a0 I am not that smart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll meet wonderful people who started dating within a month, and they\u2019ve been married now for 50 years.\u00a0 There are always rule-breakers to things; but in general, I just think you need to slow down and deal with the pain.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not dealing with the pain, you\u2019re moving on to a new relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s an illusion that the pain has gone away, and it hasn\u2019t; alright?\u00a0\u00a0 You really have to do yourself the favor, and do your kids the favor, of doing due diligence in dealing with that pain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the person who hasn\u2019t processed all of that yet\u2014in whatever time frame that takes, whether it takes months or years\u2014if you haven\u2019t processed the loss, if you haven\u2019t processed the grief, if you haven\u2019t dealt with the sin issues that may or may not be present there\u2014you probably ought to set dating aside for right now and be focused on that for the time being.\u00a0 Is that what you\u2019re saying?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what I\u2019m saying.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s good to say, not only to the person who has gone through the loss, but it\u2019s good to say to their family and their friends who try to set them up.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve talked today, I kept coming back to a passage I\u2019ve quoted frequently in the past two or three years, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s how Jesus closed the Sermon on the Mount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe talked about two kinds of houses\u2014one built on a rock and one built on the sand.\u00a0 The one built on the sand was the one who heard Christ\u2019s teachings and ignored them, and his house fell.\u00a0 When the storms and the floods came, that house perished; but the house that was built on the rock\u2014that did what Christ called that person to do, and obeyed Him\u2014was a home that withstood the storms.\u00a0 It may have had some lost shingles, along the way, from the winds and maybe some paint peeling on the house because it had been in storms; but it lasted.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m hearing us say, here, is that if there is ever a time in a person\u2019s life when they need to go back to their spiritual roots\u2014it\u2019s when they\u2019ve, perhaps, lost a spouse to death, divorce.\u00a0 You just don\u2019t want to make a decision and leave God out.\u00a0 He needs to be at the center of this.\u00a0 You need to surround yourself with wise counselors, with godly friends\u2014who won\u2019t just set you up\u2014but who will be looking for other people who fear God and who want to be obedient to Jesus Christ.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this is not a time for you to isolate yourself and think, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not going to have my friends around me, my community around me, people who are speaking into my life, spiritually.\u201d\u00a0 Those are the folks you need to help you walk this path and to give you wise counsel, in the process, because there is so much going on in your own heart and life that you may not be able to see through some of the fog there.\u00a0 A little wise counsel, along the way, can be very helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about the book that Ron Deal has just written, called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s good, wise counsel.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s best if it\u2019s people who know you, and know your circumstance, and know your personality.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you want to lean into first, but a book like Ron\u2019s book\u2014I think can really help you, as you weigh through questions like, \u201cAm I ready to start dating again?\u201d and, \u201cWhat do I say to the kids about dating?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I know this time?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I deal with fears?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I deal with emotions, and loss, and grief, and all of those things?\u201d\u00a0 Ron addresses that in the book, <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, which we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of Ron\u2019s book.\u00a0 Let me just suggest, because I know we\u2019ve got a lot of listeners who are happily married and not dating anybody; but I bet you know somebody at work or at church who is single, for whatever reason.\u00a0 Get them a copy of this book and say, \u201cI heard about it on the radio.\u00a0 I was listening to a show.\u00a0 I thought it would be helpful for you.\u00a0 Wanted you to know I\u2019m praying for you.\u201d\u00a0 You may be able to open up a spiritual conversation with that person\u2014if the person doesn\u2019t know Christ\u2014and it\u2019s a great way to minister to folks who do know Christ.\u00a0 <br><br>So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Get a copy of <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> by Ron Deal.\u00a0 We have a number of resources, from Ron, available at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you\u2019re in a blended or a remarriage and you need some help\u2014you need some counsel\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out what\u2019s available; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Ask about the resources from Ron Deal:\u00a0 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I should also mention that, this month, we\u2019re making available resources from Ron Deal for those folks who can help us with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Again, whether it\u2019s for you or a friend you know, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d.\u00a0 Make a donation to help underwrite the costs associated with producing and syndicating this program.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for that donation.\u00a0 When you make a donation, you can select from either Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>, or some CD\u2019s\u2014conversations we\u2019ve had with Ron about being a smart stepdad or being a smart stepmom.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you your choice of those resources when you make a donation to support the ministry this month.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make an online donation.\u00a0\u00a0 Just be sure to ask about what the blended family resources are.\u00a0 We\u2019ll walk you through that as you make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we want to talk about online dating, and whether that\u2019s a good idea, and how you navigate that, and a lot more to talk about as we talk about dating and being a single parent.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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you ready to date again?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-10-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina Beasley and Rob Bugh never expected they would be single parents.\u00a0 Sabrina is a single parent today.\u00a0 Rob was a single parent for a time.\u00a0 He is remarried; and they both agree dating, as a single parent, can get really complicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Everything is different, the second time around.\u00a0 When I met my husband, I didn\u2019t have any children.\u00a0 Now, I have two more lives that are completely affected by this other person I bring in.\u00a0 If he has children, their lives are affected by my children\u2014by me.\u00a0 It\u2019s just an entire web of situations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only are there all sorts of threads or lines in this web, many of them are competing.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s competing allegiances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2019s blended-family expert, Ron Deal, has just written a book on this subject.\u00a0 He thinks single parents, who are thinking about dating, need all the help they can get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s a right way to do this.\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying, \u201cKnow what reality is and be educated about it so that you can make wise choices.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 There may not be just one right way to date, as a single parent; but there are some things you should be alert to.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about those today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We\u2019ve kind of jumped in, this week, to talking about the issue of single parents reentering the dating environment\u2014considering marriage again.\u00a0 We really haven\u2019t pulled back to ask the question, \u201cShould they be doing that in the first place?\u201d\u00a0 I think it\u2019s good to just pull back and say, \u201cAre there some folks who\u2014they\u2019ve got some things they ought to take care of before they venture out into dating?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are a number of issues related to that if there has been a divorce.\u00a0 Certainly, if one of the spouses died\u2014that\u2019s a separate set of issues\u2014but we have with us a guest who knows everything about all these subjects and can answer them\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 100 percent accurately and biblically.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Ron Deal joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have been set up, brother, right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Everything?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron is the director\u2014the new director of FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Family Ministries.\u00a0 He\u2019s been married to Nan since 1986, has three sons, has authored five books\u2014and the latest is called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>.\u00a0 He brought a ton of his friends with him into the studio.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 They know everything.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of them is a senior pastor\u2014Rob Bugh joins us, along with his wife, Rhonda.\u00a0 Welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda is a pediatrician, and Rob is a senior pastor of Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois.\u00a0 Also, joining us is Sabrina Beasley, former FamilyLife employee.\u00a0 Good to see you again, Sabrina.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s a single parent mom.\u00a0 Her husband was killed in a car wreck in 2010, and she\u2019s now a freelance writer.\u00a0 <br><br>Let\u2019s go to the subject that Bob was talking about.\u00a0 Just to\u2014this is going to be \u201cStump Ron Deal\u201d broadcast here.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It won\u2019t be hard.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say that you are <em>not<\/em> an advocate of remarriage.\u00a0 What are you an advocate for?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to be honest.\u00a0 Writing this book was the most difficult book that I\u2019ve written.\u00a0 All the other books are on stepfamily living and becoming a healthy, blended family.\u00a0 This book was kind of the prequel to all of those\u2014where we back up and we say: \u201cOkay, so, you\u2019re dating\u2014you\u2019re thinking about dating.\u00a0 How do you date well?\u00a0 How do you include the kids in that process?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody once said about me, during a radio interview, that I was an advocate for remarriage.\u00a0 It kind of caught my attention.\u00a0 I began to ponder that a little bit and think about it.\u00a0 What I realized is I\u2019m not really sure that I\u2019m an advocate for remarriage or not.\u00a0 I\u2019m an advocate for healthy, blended family relationships and remarriages that go the distance and bring glory to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf love, in the form of romantic relationship, does not come to a single parent again, they need to know that they still have God\u2019s blessing on them and their home.\u00a0 They can still do their kids a wonderful service in raising them in the Lord.\u00a0 Yes, there will be challenges.\u00a0 There will be realities they don\u2019t necessarily want to live with, or would not have wished for their children; but they can do a good job!\u00a0 They don\u2019t <em>have<\/em> to go out and get remarried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sabrina, I\u2019m looking down the table at you.\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering, \u201cHow does that make you feel, as a single-parent mom of a four-year-old and a two-year-old?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it gives me hope.\u00a0 It also scares me a little bit.\u00a0 I want to get remarried.\u00a0 I do want my children to have a father-figure in their lives.\u00a0 I do want someone with them that will love them; but when I was first widowed, I was praying.\u00a0 I said, \u201cLord, I really want someone to be here.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, I really had a wonderful relationship with my husband.\u00a0 I loved him so deeply.\u00a0 We were best friends.\u00a0 I was praying, \u201cGod, I want that again.\u00a0 I want that for my kids.\u00a0 I want that for myself.\u201d\u00a0 I heard the Lord say, \u201cWait for Me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater on, I was thinking about Abraham and Sarah\u2014when He told Sarah that she was going to have a baby.\u00a0 She waited, and she waited, and she waited.\u00a0 Eventually, she thought, \u201cMaybe God meant that he would have a baby and not me.\u201d\u00a0 She went into her servant, Hagar, and said, \u201cHere, I want you to sleep with my husband so we can have this promise child.\u201d\u00a0 She ended up with Ishmael.\u00a0\u00a0 Then, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want an Ishmael marriage.\u00a0 I want an Isaac marriage.\u201d\u00a0 I want the marriage that God wants me to have.\u00a0 I want the man that God brings to me to be a godly man\u2014the man that God wants\u2014His will\u2014and not just a panic or some way of saying, \u201cHow can I fulfill this?\u00a0 How can I make this happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good thing is\u2014when I read Ron\u2019s book and when I talked to him\u2014that took the panic away because now\u2014God made parenting a two-person job for a reason.\u00a0 It\u2019s very, very hard.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very difficult to do it by yourself.\u00a0 Single parenting is the hardest job on the planet.\u00a0 There\u2019s not someone there to help you: \u201cHand me that pillow,\u201d \u201cGo see what\u2019s wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Even at five o\u2019clock, when a husband walks in the door, everything changes.\u00a0 As soon as that man walks in at five o\u2019clock, it\u2019s dispersed.\u00a0 The work is dispersed.\u00a0 Suddenly, there is someone else for them to talk to.\u00a0 There\u2019s someone else for them to say, \u201cHey, Daddy, look at this.\u00a0 Look at what I did.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalking to Ron and reading his book made me realize that I don\u2019t have to worry about it.\u00a0 I can do a good job.\u00a0 I can do this on my own.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, let me illustrate this from my own experience.\u00a0 I was a product of single-parent home.\u00a0 My father and mother were divorced.\u00a0 Then, when I was 13, my father died.\u00a0 My mother was an amazingly strong-minded woman who invested the best years of her life\u2014when she could have been out dating, when she could have been out chasing some other dreams\u2014into her children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe poured herself into the three of us\u2014my brother, my sister, and myself.\u00a0 It was a beautiful thing to behold\u2014especially now, after a couple decades have gone by and as a pastor\u2014because of my experience and then, because in my adult life, I became a single parent\u2014I really want to be an advocate for single parents, especially single moms.\u00a0 You are not second-class citizens.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can do this in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 God will give you the grace to get through this hard spot\u2014\u201cTough assignment?\u201d\u00a0 To be sure.\u00a0 \u201cDoable?\u201d\u00a0 In Christ, all things are possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Always be leery of anybody who gives you a black-and-white answer to the future of your life:\u00a0 \u201cYou should do this.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou should do that.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou should get married.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t get married.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t do that in this book.\u00a0 <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> is about helping people make wise choices\u2014based on truth, based on good information about the process of becoming a couple again and becoming a family again\u2014a very different kind of family\u2014that is, a stepfamily.\u00a0 I just try to educate people as to what those challenges are so they can make good choices.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I love about what your mother did, Rob, is that she dedicated herself to raising her children and seeing that through.\u00a0 For many people, they do that until the children leave home.\u00a0 Then, they begin to look elsewhere at dating relationships.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying there\u2019s a right way to do this.\u00a0 I\u2019m just saying, \u201cKnow what reality is, and go in with your eyes open, and be educated about it so that you can make wise choices\u201d\u2014not, inadvertently, harmful choices for you, especially for your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron, following a death of a spouse, there\u2019s a period of time\u2014we don\u2019t know how long that is.\u00a0 It\u2019s different for different people\u2014a period where the issue of grief and responding to grief\u2014you kind of need to do your work before you really start to even think about\u2014as we\u2019ve already talked about, Sabrina, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get to the hardware store and get a replacement part for the one that\u2019s gone missing here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Following a divorce, there are a whole myriad of other issues\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that somebody\u2019s got to work their way through\u2014navigate their way through\u2014before they ought to even begin thinking about entering the dating situation again.\u00a0 There are relationships that have been damaged.\u00a0 There is reconciliation that may need to take place.\u00a0 There are all kinds of things that go into this process.\u00a0 I\u2019ve just watched too many people that are kind of like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get fixed\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and that\u2019s a dangerous path to be on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s one thing to be pulled into a love relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s another thing to be pushed into it.\u00a0 I think the push of pain\u2014when you\u2019re in the pit of pain and you are hurting over death or divorce\u2014whatever that story is\u2014it tends to push us towards something that makes us feel better.\u00a0 We talk about people on the rebound.\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s what that is.\u00a0 It is pain pushing them towards a relationship that they might not be in if they didn\u2019t have pain, back\u2014behind them\u2014pushing.\u00a0 You do have to slow down.\u00a0 You do have to spend some time healing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just add a little caveat to that because I think that there\u2019s this misnomer that, \u201cOnce you\u2019ve healed, now, you\u2019re ready to move forward.\u201d\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s the little reality within that\u2014only, when you move forward and you start dating again, will you really uncover some new layers to your pain.\u00a0 It\u2019s only then that you might begin to feel fearful of investing a relationship.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve been through a terrible divorce, and you\u2019ve been burned, and now you have to find yourself trusting another person again with your heart and your soul, it\u2019s only when you get into the depth of that relationship that you uncover, \u201cAh, there\u2019s still a part of me that\u2019s afraid.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we talk about that in <em>Dating and the Single <\/em>Parent\u2014and what do you do with that fear, and acknowledging it, rather than just being a victim of it.\u00a0 You have to be aware of your fears so that you can manage them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Rhonda, you were with your husband, Tom, for 25 years.\u00a0 Rob, you were with your wife, Carol, for 27 years.\u00a0 Rhonda, what I want to know, \u201cWas there a lot of fear in you about venturing out into a relationship, like Ron\u2019s talking about here?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Initially, no.\u00a0 Both of my grandmothers were widowed at 45.\u00a0 I just assumed I was going to be another widow, for the rest of my life.\u00a0 I actually really never thought about dating, at that point.\u00a0 Where the fear came in was when Rob and I were courting\u2014he was courting me\u2014we were dating.\u00a0 The thought of being married to a senior pastor terrified me.\u00a0 I\u2019d look at his check lists; and I\u2019d say, \u201cI know how to be married to a doctor.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to be married to a senior pastor.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, wait a second\u2014a doctor?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, well, my husband\u2014my first husband was a surgeon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But his schedule, I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; I got that.\u00a0 I know how to do that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to be married to a senior pastor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which\u2014there were fears\u2014now, we\u2019re talking\u2014this is in the area of fear\u2014there were all sorts of fears of, \u201cWhat will those expectations be, for me\u2014that as a pediatrician, I will be unable to meet.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do play the piano; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so, that qualification was met.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know you played the piano.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, what we\u2019re saying here is, \u201cJust because you know how to do marriage with one person doesn\u2019t mean you know how to do marriage with another person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Rhonda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And just because you know how to parent your children, doesn\u2019t mean you know how to parent their children; or that they\u2019re going to know how to parent your children.\u00a0 That\u2019s the familyness factors that are unforeseen.\u00a0 Really, only when you begin dating\u2014when you begin exploring relationships and possibilities\u2014will you come face-to-face with these realities.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of what <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> is about\u2014is helping people navigate that journey.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things that I want to make sure we speak to, at some level\u2014some people are single again because of some sin patterns in their life\u2014not just because they\u2019ve been wounded\u2014but because they\u2019ve made choices that are sinful choices.\u00a0 There\u2019s got to be some diving into that and addressing that before you try to start anything up again; right?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am a huge advocate for divorce-recovery ministries, for grief-share ministries\u2014where people take time to explore\u2014to look in the mirror.\u00a0 Again, only when you start into a new relationship, are you going to have to look into that mirror again.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t assume that just because you graduated from divorce-care that you are now ready, full-fledged, for diving into a new relationship.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s what life is about.\u00a0 God uses our relationships to force us to look in the mirror.\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s discipleship at its best.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage, and parenting, and dating cause us to think of ourselves, again, in light of who God is, and who we\u2019re called to be in Christ, and recognizing our frailties so that we can continue to bring those to the cross and try to better ourselves so that we can be better for this next relationship.\u00a0 Or if you recognize that, \u201cBoy, I\u2019ve got work to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need to be bringing me to a relationship with somebody else.\u00a0 That\u2019s not fair to them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to pull back and just really focus on who I am.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s one of the things you talk about in your book\u2014is the marriage amnesia\u2014where people have a terrible marriage\u2014then, they bring it into their next relationship.\u00a0 They don\u2019t ever address what went on the first-time around.\u00a0\u00a0 I think, in a situation like mine, where I had a wonderful marriage, I need some marriage amnesia to say, \u201cThis is not going to be the same situation.\u00a0 This is a different person, a different relationship, a different scenario.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we talked about, last time, was how\u2014when you don\u2019t have any children, the relationship is one-on-one\u2014but then, when you have children\u2014if you think about it like a spider web, or a string, and you just keep attaching it, and attaching, and attaching between the different relationships\u2014there\u2019s a whole web to consider.\u00a0 Now, \u201cHow is this going to affect my children?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow is this going to affect everything?\u201d\u00a0 Everything is different, the second time around.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I met my husband, I didn\u2019t have any children.\u00a0 Now, I have two more lives that are completely affected by this other person I bring in.\u00a0 If he has children, their lives are affected by my children\u2014by me.\u00a0 It\u2019s just an entire web of situations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t know whether your marriage with David would have continued to be as spectacular today as it was the day he died.\u00a0 You think it would; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you also don\u2019t know that the next person you marry\u2014should God bring that person into your life, at whatever phase you\u2019re in\u2014it may not be as spectacular as your first marriage was.\u00a0 That\u2019s okay, at some level; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s actually worse than that because\u2014not only are there all sorts of threads or lines in this web\u2014many of them are competing.\u00a0 So, there is competing allegiances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s not a web; it\u2019s cables, then?\u00a0 Huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, exactly.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got to be strong because you really don\u2019t know\u2014until you get into a remarriage\u2014a blended family\u2014how the anger has worked itself out, is working itself out, or will work itself out.\u00a0 We, I think, we tend to downplay this issue of anger\u2014which is a reality for all of us, even as the best Christ-followers.\u00a0 When there has been a bitter divorce, or there\u2019s been a death, and there\u2019s grief, and there is anger, and there\u2019s feelings of loss and frustration\u2014that\u2019s very much a process that, I think, is lifelong.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 What are being illustrated in their stories are these two very important principles for dating single parents.\u00a0 One is, \u201cDating is not necessarily indicative of what real stepfamily life is going to be like;\u201d okay?\u00a0 The way things go during the dating period\u2014the way kids respond and react, the way you feel about one another\u2019s children and about how there\u2019s harmony between us and parenting and values and so forth\u2014when the rubber meets the road, it gets lived-out differently\u2014the emotions change, and the behavioral responses from children often change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring the dating season, you just need to know, going in, that you\u2019re never really sure how it\u2019s going to pan out.\u00a0 So, time is your friend.\u00a0 Go slowly.\u00a0 Work at a pace that is conducive toward building a foundation.\u00a0 Then, make decisions about marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to dial it back to, even before dating, and just ask the question, \u201cWho is the person, whom you would say to, \u2018You probably shouldn\u2019t even be thinking about dating yet\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 The person who has just recently gone through a loss\u2014a tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Divorce, death\u2014either one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Whatever that story is\u2014if it is recent, you don\u2019t need to be jumping into a new relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Recent as in six months, a year?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019m going to, \u201cYes;\u201d but let me just say, \u201cIt\u2019s different for everybody.\u201d\u00a0 I used to try to put time frames on how long you should wait and, then, how long you should date.\u00a0 Let me tell you, I have been humbled; right?\u00a0 I am not that smart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll meet wonderful people who started dating within a month, and they\u2019ve been married now for 50 years.\u00a0 There are always rule-breakers to things; but in general, I just think you need to slow down and deal with the pain.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not dealing with the pain, you\u2019re moving on to a new relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s an illusion that the pain has gone away, and it hasn\u2019t; alright?\u00a0\u00a0 You really have to do yourself the favor, and do your kids the favor, of doing due diligence in dealing with that pain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the person who hasn\u2019t processed all of that yet\u2014in whatever time frame that takes, whether it takes months or years\u2014if you haven\u2019t processed the loss, if you haven\u2019t processed the grief, if you haven\u2019t dealt with the sin issues that may or may not be present there\u2014you probably ought to set dating aside for right now and be focused on that for the time being.\u00a0 Is that what you\u2019re saying?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what I\u2019m saying.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s good to say, not only to the person who has gone through the loss, but it\u2019s good to say to their family and their friends who try to set them up.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve talked today, I kept coming back to a passage I\u2019ve quoted frequently in the past two or three years, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s how Jesus closed the Sermon on the Mount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe talked about two kinds of houses\u2014one built on a rock and one built on the sand.\u00a0 The one built on the sand was the one who heard Christ\u2019s teachings and ignored them, and his house fell.\u00a0 When the storms and the floods came, that house perished; but the house that was built on the rock\u2014that did what Christ called that person to do, and obeyed Him\u2014was a home that withstood the storms.\u00a0 It may have had some lost shingles, along the way, from the winds and maybe some paint peeling on the house because it had been in storms; but it lasted.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m hearing us say, here, is that if there is ever a time in a person\u2019s life when they need to go back to their spiritual roots\u2014it\u2019s when they\u2019ve, perhaps, lost a spouse to death, divorce.\u00a0 You just don\u2019t want to make a decision and leave God out.\u00a0 He needs to be at the center of this.\u00a0 You need to surround yourself with wise counselors, with godly friends\u2014who won\u2019t just set you up\u2014but who will be looking for other people who fear God and who want to be obedient to Jesus Christ.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this is not a time for you to isolate yourself and think, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not going to have my friends around me, my community around me, people who are speaking into my life, spiritually.\u201d\u00a0 Those are the folks you need to help you walk this path and to give you wise counsel, in the process, because there is so much going on in your own heart and life that you may not be able to see through some of the fog there.\u00a0 A little wise counsel, along the way, can be very helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about the book that Ron Deal has just written, called <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s good, wise counsel.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s best if it\u2019s people who know you, and know your circumstance, and know your personality.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you want to lean into first, but a book like Ron\u2019s book\u2014I think can really help you, as you weigh through questions like, \u201cAm I ready to start dating again?\u201d and, \u201cWhat do I say to the kids about dating?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I know this time?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I deal with fears?\u201d and, \u201cHow do I deal with emotions, and loss, and grief, and all of those things?\u201d\u00a0 Ron addresses that in the book, <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em>, which we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of Ron\u2019s book.\u00a0 Let me just suggest, because I know we\u2019ve got a lot of listeners who are happily married and not dating anybody; but I bet you know somebody at work or at church who is single, for whatever reason.\u00a0 Get them a copy of this book and say, \u201cI heard about it on the radio.\u00a0 I was listening to a show.\u00a0 I thought it would be helpful for you.\u00a0 Wanted you to know I\u2019m praying for you.\u201d\u00a0 You may be able to open up a spiritual conversation with that person\u2014if the person doesn\u2019t know Christ\u2014and it\u2019s a great way to minister to folks who do know Christ.\u00a0 <br><br>So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Get a copy of <em>Dating and the Single Parent<\/em> by Ron Deal.\u00a0 We have a number of resources, from Ron, available at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you\u2019re in a blended or a remarriage and you need some help\u2014you need some counsel\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out what\u2019s available; or call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Ask about the resources from Ron Deal:\u00a0 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I should also mention that, this month, we\u2019re making available resources from Ron Deal for those folks who can help us with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Again, whether it\u2019s for you or a friend you know, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d.\u00a0 Make a donation to help underwrite the costs associated with producing and syndicating this program.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for that donation.\u00a0 When you make a donation, you can select from either Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Remarriage Checkup<\/em>, or some CD\u2019s\u2014conversations we\u2019ve had with Ron about being a smart stepdad or being a smart stepmom.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you your choice of those resources when you make a donation to support the ministry this month.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make an online donation.\u00a0\u00a0 Just be sure to ask about what the blended family resources are.\u00a0 We\u2019ll walk you through that as you make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we want to talk about online dating, and whether that\u2019s a good idea, and how you navigate that, and a lot more to talk about as we talk about dating and being a single parent.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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