{"id":302597,"date":"2012-09-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/next-stop-eros\/"},"modified":"2012-09-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-18T15:00:00","slug":"next-stop-eros","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/next-stop-eros\/","title":{"rendered":"Next Stop:  Eros"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Respect for our husbands has far-reaching effects, especially in the bedroom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.8M","filesize_raw":"23910434","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[5223,4819,2991],"podcast_series":[7901],"cwp_profile":[3382],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302597","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-family-living","tag-roles","tag-sex","podcast_series-31-days-to-a-happy-husband","cwp_profile-arlene-pellicane","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302597\/next-stop-eros","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302597\/next-stop-eros","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HnyOqhBXVz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/next-stop-eros\/\">Next Stop:  Eros<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/next-stop-eros\/embed\/#?secret=HnyOqhBXVz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Next Stop:  Eros&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HnyOqhBXVz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane believes that intimacy in marriage is not just a service or a function that a wife performs for her husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 For us women, it\u2019s to say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t just for him, but this is really great for us.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for our kids.\u201d\u00a0 This is an all-around great thing because sometimes we think, \u201cAh, sex is just something we do for the men.\u201d\u00a0 We need to embrace that\u2014\u201cYou know what?\u00a0\u00a0 God made this for me, too;\u201d and that it is a man <em>and<\/em> a woman coming together.\u00a0 The more we can get in touch with that, the more both the husband and the wife will be happy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 18<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 You knew if we were talking about how wives can help their husbands be happy husbands, we\u2019d eventually get around to this subject; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Did you ever think to ask our guest how she happened to come up with all of this wisdom about making husbands into happy husbands?\u00a0 Did you ask her that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think you ought to ask her that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 First of all, I\u2019ll introduce her to our audience.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Arlene, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s written a book called <em>31 Days to a Perfect Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s who I\u2019m married to\u2014the perfect husband!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s not the name of the book\u2014<em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 She\u2019s a graduate of Biola, Regent University.\u00a0 She\u2019s a writer, a speaker, and married to James.\u00a0 Is James happy right now?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is pretty happy.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot of pressure being the happy husband because people ask him\u2014from the book\u2014\u201cAre you really happy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, back to Bob\u2019s question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Where\u2019d you come up with this wisdom?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2014my husband, really, because he is an outspoken man.\u00a0 He\u2019s not afraid to say what he needs.\u00a0 He\u2019s Italian\u2014from New York.\u00a0 He does not hedge; he does not haw.\u00a0 He just tells me.\u00a0 He\u2019ll say, \u201cHoney, a lot of men are afraid to say this to their wife; but I\u2019m going to tell you,\u201d and he tells me.\u00a0 Then, he says, \u201cA lot of men feel this way.\u00a0 You should write about it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 So, a lot of the content from the book comes from my husband.\u00a0 I also interviewed many, many men\u2014like Bob Lepine, right over here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what I was going for!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Come on!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She goes right to her husband.\u00a0 I\u2019m going, \u201cWell, wait, what about me?!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I completely fell for that one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had no idea; did you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had no idea.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell the editors to edit that out.\u00a0 [Laughter]<br><br>You talk about five areas, though.\u00a0 If a wife can begin to really think about this and ask God\u2014in and through her\u2014to begin to create these five things in her marriage, she really can see her husband be more content.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like the word, \u201chappy\u201d.\u00a0 I think I like the word, \u201ccontent\u201d, better because the Apostle Paul talked about it.\u00a0 He talked about how he was content when he had a lot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and he learned how to be content when he had a little; but in all things, he had learned how to be content in Christ.\u00a0 Really, that\u2019s what a wife\u2019s trying to really provide for her husband\u2014is an environment where he can learn how to be content, as a man, in who he is in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShare with our listeners the five areas in your book.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The DREAM areas; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The DREAM areas\u2014they make the word, DREAM.\u00a0 \u201cD\u201d is domestic tranquility.\u00a0 \u201cR\u201d is respect.\u00a0 \u201cE\u201d is <em>eros<\/em>.\u00a0 \u201cA\u201d is attraction, and \u201cM\u201d is mutual activities\u2014you\u2019ve got to have fun together, still.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 So, here\u2019s the question.\u00a0 Which, of any of those, did Bob contribute to; if any?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ah, yes.\u00a0 He probably contributed to three out of the five letters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Three out of five.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, really?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Give me a high five; right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you five.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you five.\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the three are?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you\u2019re putting me on the spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s not going to remember that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll remember the context of the quotes.\u00a0 Then, I\u2019ll have to think of what letters they are.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think we have time for that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s my question for you.\u00a0 Of the five, is there one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I can say this, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, no.\u00a0 Maybe you shouldn\u2019t, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can say this, though.\u00a0 Bob is <em>the<\/em> first person quoted in the book\u2014in the Introduction.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that right?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The very first person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even see that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014of all the wonderful people I interviewed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There we go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014he is the very first in the Introduction.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t even alphabetical order; so there we go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s on\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014page 11.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s on page 483.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Page 11, \u201cI like what host, Bob Lepine, of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> says, \u2018Our role is not to figure out how to fix our spouse.\u00a0 Our role is, \u201cHow do we reflect Christ in the marriage?\u201d\u2019\u201d\u00a0 Look at Bob Lepine\u2014words of wisdom\u2014framing the book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you know how many books we are going to get here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> that have you quoted in the first 11 pages?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s my question for you.\u00a0 Of the DREAM\u2014of the domestic tranquility, respect, <em>eros<\/em>, attraction, and the doing stuff together, the mutuality\u2014is there one of those that\u2019s bigger than the other four?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the \u201cE\u201d.\u00a0 I hate to say it, as a woman.\u00a0 The \u201cE\u201d, <em>eros<\/em>, the sex piece is so important.\u00a0 I would say the \u201cE\u201d and the \u201cR\u201d \u2014and they\u2019re related.\u00a0 The respect and the\u2014I will tell you\u2014my husband\u2014after I thought, \u201cI\u2019m doing a good job respecting my husband.\u00a0 I speak well of him in public.\u00a0 I think well of him.\u201d\u00a0 I asked him one day, \u201cSweetheart, do I do a good job of respecting you?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYes, but you know where you really show the respect?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhere do I show the respect?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIn the bedroom.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cIn the where?!\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhen a man says he needs something\u2014and for many men, it is physical intimacy\u2014then, the wife is either unresponsive, or unenthusiastic, or all these things.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThen,\u201d he says, \u201cyou feel disrespected.\u00a0 So, you didn\u2019t listen to what I said.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cThose are very closely related.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good news is, for us wives, again, according to my sweet husband, James, is\u2014he said, \u201cBut the sex piece is really easy to fix because if you and your husband can just talk\u201d\u2014and this I know was opening a can of worms\u2014\u201cbut if you can talk and really\u201d\u2014this doesn\u2019t have to be rocket science\u2014\u201cbut you can get together on this topic, it\u2019ll fix some many other things in your marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually write and say in your book that a lot of women view this area like an allergy?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 My son, Ethan, had a nut allergy when he was real little; but as he grew older, we thought, \u201cLet\u2019s try.\u201d\u00a0 He would still be like, \u201cOh, I\u2019m scared.\u00a0 I\u2019m scared,\u201d even though we tested him and it was okay to eat a peanut.\u00a0 He can\u2019t eat a cashew, but he can eat a peanut.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, we, women, we\u2019ve been raised\u2014those of us who have been raised in the church, and the way that you would want your daughter to be raised\u2014we\u2019ve been told, \u201cSex is bad.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to have sex.\u00a0 People who are promiscuous have sex.\u00a0 You don\u2019t dress that way.\u00a0 People who are in the movies dress that way.\u00a0 You don\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 Then, you become married.\u00a0 And you know, \u201cOh, now, it\u2019s a green light, green light,\u201d but you still feel allergic to sex.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not talk about it.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not wear something sexy in the bedroom.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not experiment.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not do any of those things,\u201d \u2014it is like an allergy, you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, as women, we have to think like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 I want to learn more about this.\u201d\u00a0 For men, apparently, this is very easy; but for many women\u2014not all\u2014but for many women, it\u2019s a struggle because you think, \u201cOh, I\u2019m not in the mood as much as he is in the mood.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a struggle for many marriages.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a point here that goes beyond marriage\u2014and that is, as you are raising your kids, you need to raise them with a healthy, biblical view of sexuality so that it\u2019s not, \u201cBad,\u201d \u201cBad,\u201d \u201cBad; now, \u201cFlip the switch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; right.\u00a0 \u201cNow, it\u2019s good!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I have to tell you this story.\u00a0 It\u2019s not exactly on the subject; but then, again, it really is about a healthy perspective of sex.\u00a0 I got a phone call yesterday from a friend who had just completed <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with his 10-and-half-year-old son.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> is a father\/son getaway or a mother\/daughter getaway that\u2019s in a box.\u00a0 It\u2019s got CD\u2019s where we walk through issues of peer pressure, self esteem, convictions, sexuality.\u00a0 It\u2019s got the \u201cbirds and the bees\u201d talk in there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis father had just had this weekend getaway with his son.\u00a0 The son had heard about the birds and the bees for the first time in his life.\u00a0 The son was coming back from the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> weekend with his dad.\u00a0 He turned to his dad and said, \u201cDad, when you get married, do you <em>have<\/em> to have sex?\u00a0 Is that something you <em>have<\/em> to do?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 You know, I laughed about that when that guy told me that because that\u2019s what we, as parents, should be passing on to our sons and daughters\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014a healthy, biblical view of sex\u2014being created by God\u2014and that it is good to bring that perspective into a marriage relationship; but the world is really distorting and twisting.\u00a0 It\u2019s making it difficult for men and women to have a right perspective about sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s interesting to me that you went to this as kind of a foundational issue.\u00a0 I think, in part, because it\u2019s important for men; but I think also it\u2019s so deep and profound.\u00a0 We live in a culture that has made romance, intimacy, and sexuality so shallow; but our whole selves are involved in this coming together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why Mary Ann and I have had the kind of conversation you and your husband had where I\u2019ve said to her, \u201cYou know, you can be saying nice things to me throughout the day.\u00a0 You can be saying, \u2018That was smart,\u2019 \u2018You are so\u2014I love this about you;\u2019 and at the end of the day, when I say, \u201cSo, are you interested?\u201d and you go, \u201cNot tonight,\u201d I go, \u201cWell, why did you lie to me all day long?\u201d because that\u2019s what it feels like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because the connection is so strong there.\u00a0 For women, it\u2019s just that heart connection.\u00a0 It\u2019s, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re good;\u201d but the man\u2014he learns by body connection.\u00a0 Now, I interviewed Joyce and Cliff Penner, who are the sex therapists.\u00a0 Boy, they set me straight on a lot of topics.\u00a0 I would ask them questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cHow does a woman become more in the mood for sex?\u201d because you hear that all the time:\u00a0 \u201cHow can a woman cultivate her appetite for sex more?\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cYou know, we would ask a different question.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 They said, \u201cWe would ask the question, \u2018How can a woman get in touch with her sexual being and have sex more for herself than as a pressure from her husband?\u2019 because\u201d \u2014she said\u2014 \u201cif they just do it out of duty, out of obligation, \u2018Because I have to,\u2019 then, it might work short-term, but it won\u2019t work long-term.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, this made me\u2014all spinning in my mind\u2014 \u201cOkay, so I have to think about this.\u201d\u00a0 For us, women, it\u2019s to say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This isn\u2019t just for him.\u00a0 I\u2019m not just having sex for him, but I\u2019m having sex because this is really great for us.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for me.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for him.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for our kids.\u201d\u00a0 This is an all-around great thing because sometimes we think, \u201cAh, sex is just what we do for the men.\u201d\u00a0 We need to embrace that\u2014 \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This is for me.\u00a0 God made this for me, too;\u201d and that is a man <em>and<\/em> a woman coming together.\u00a0 The more we can get in touch with that, the more both the husband and the wife will be happy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is good for the marriage.\u00a0 It sounds kind of trite to admit that; but over our 40 years of marriage, there is a sense in which two people who\u2014when you don\u2019t come together as a couple, you can become isolated, both be living your independent lives.\u00a0 There\u2019s a need just to come back, so that you\u2019re not tempted by the world.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk about this.\u00a0 You talk about how a woman can affair-proof her marriage\u2014now, everybody knows that these are the three principles that James gave you.\u00a0 [Laughter] You\u2019re passing them on to other wives, at this point; but share those three with our listeners, if you would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first one is the have fun\u2014have fun together.\u00a0 James and I\u2014the last Valentine\u2019s Day, we went out to a park.\u00a0 He had\u2014the kids were with my parents.\u00a0 It was at night.\u00a0 We\u2014he pulled out root beer floats. It was very sweet.\u00a0 He put out a blanket on the grass there, and he told me to lie down.\u00a0 We were going to kiss.\u00a0 I thought to myself, \u201cWe\u2019re in the park, laying down kissing!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere could\u2014we are the people that the families will point at and say, \u201cOh, shield your eyes, children, from these people!\u201d\u00a0 I was so nervous.\u00a0 He looked at me and he said, \u201cSweetheart, when we were dating, we would go to a park, and sit on a blanket, and kiss, and it was no problem.\u00a0 Now, we\u2019re married and I can\u2019t kiss you on a blanket in the park?!\u201d\u00a0 We, wives\u2014we have to get back in touch with having fun; right?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at Bob.\u00a0 Bob and I are going, \u201cWhere\u2019s the nearest park?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 All you need\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just hope I don\u2019t run in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014is a park and a blanket.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014I just hope Barbara and I don\u2019t run into Mary Ann and Bob at the park.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have to wrap up today\u2019s <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little bit early?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 See, it is working.\u00a0 See, have fun.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 What are the other two?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Then, the second one is to build sexual tension.\u00a0 You write a note, \u201cHey, Thursday night\u2019s going to be great!\u201d\u00a0 You text him, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m really looking forward to seeing you tonight.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHoney, are you ready for a surprise tonight?\u201d\u2014or whatever.\u00a0 Do something that\u2019s fun, that\u2019s unexpected, that\u2019s creative.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take much at all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Then, the last thing is to be open in your relationship enough so that you could admit attraction if you felt attraction for another person or if your husband did because, you know, many times we want to sweep that under the rug.\u00a0 \u201cThat would be terrible!\u201d\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to tell them, but what happens then?\u00a0 You think about it.\u00a0 Then, it grows into something else; but if you could just say, \u201cHoney, there\u2019s this guy I met at the gym.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know\u2014he keeps talking to me.\u00a0 I kind of\u2014let\u2019s talk about this.\u201d\u00a0 You can kill those things before they grow into anything larger than that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you saying\u2014if James came to you and said, \u201cSee that woman over there?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cShe is cute!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, and, see, here\u2019s the deal.\u00a0 See, we, women, we don\u2019t want that!\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to hear it.\u00a0 We have to be willing to say, \u201cOkay\u201d\u2014kind of detach ourselves and not get so defensive and say, \u201cWell\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want him to say that to you, \u201cShe\u2019s cute over there,\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 If he\u2019s struggling with it.\u00a0 Now, if he\u2019s just thinking, \u201cOh, she\u2019s cute,\u201d I mean no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Keep it to yourself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Keep it to yourself!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But if he\u2019s thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve kind of been thinking about that girl.\u00a0 She\u2019s kind of cute.\u201d\u00a0 I would want to know, \u201cWhy is my husband thinking about some other girl that\u2019s not me?\u201d\u00a0 Why do I want to stick my head in the sand and pretend I don\u2019t know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s flip the issue of attraction for a woman.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait, wait; wait.\u00a0 I want to know if you\u2014do you ever say to Barbara\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cShe\u2019s cute\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 About another woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 When I\u2019m struggling with something, I\u2019ve had that conversation with Barbara.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t bother her.\u00a0 I mean\u2014we\u2019ve now\u2014we\u2019re four decades into this relationship\u2014and it is like, \u201cI\u2019m glad you trusted me with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll pray for you.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s good for her to be aware of that.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take the issue of attraction.\u00a0 Let\u2019s flip it and let\u2019s say, \u201cHow can a woman express attraction toward her husband?\u201d because you write about the adulterous woman in Proverbs 5 through 7\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who is twisting the pearls, she\u2019s winking her eyes, she\u2019s luring a guy off the dark street into a bedroom that\u2019s got scented bed sheets and all.\u00a0 That\u2019s all about a woman expressing attraction, being aggressive toward a man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We can flip that and make that into a very positive way for the married woman.\u00a0 If the married woman did these things\u2014the adulterous woman said, \u201cCome here.\u201d She\u2019s waiting for him.\u00a0 She\u2019s looking out waiting for\u2014so, if we had that anticipation of actually waiting for our husband\u2014Wow!\u2014wouldn\u2019t a husband like that?\u00a0 Feeling like, \u201cMy wife\u2019s been waiting to be intimate with me.\u00a0 Wow, that\u2019s fantastic!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>She tells him kind\u2014you know\u2014good words about him.\u00a0 She\u2019s just verbally\u2014she\u2019s affirming him.\u00a0 She dresses sexy.\u00a0 One thing that James thought, when we got married, \u201cOh, she\u2019s going to be coming home in Victoria\u2019s Secret every night.\u201d\u00a0 Then, all of a sudden, you\u2019re in t-shirts and baggy sweats.\u00a0 You think, \u201cWhat happened to this?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 For a woman to say, \u201cOh, like that adulterous woman in bed, I\u2019ll dress sexy for you.\u201d\u00a0 For a woman to use those same tactics\u2014but instead of using them for evil to use them for good\u2014if a man feels like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 My wife is just pouring on this love to me.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll be realistic.\u00a0 This is not an everyday kind of thing.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 But if, on a regular basis, this man feels wanted, he feels like this is special time\u2014 \u201cMy wife pursues me,\u201d \u2014he\u2019s going to be very happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, we do have some listeners\u2014we\u2019ve heard from them\u2014who\u2019ve said, \u201cHonestly, in our marriage, the interest is more with me, as the wife, than it is with my husband.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried these things, and he is nonresponsive.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s your counsel to that wife?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 They\u2014it is surprising because many times we think it\u2019s the man\u2014but sometimes it\u2019s the woman, and it\u2019s the man who is not responsive.\u00a0 From what I heard from different people, the consensus was to not push yourself on that man because as you push yourself on him, he\u2019s going to retract more.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead, look for those open doors of opportunity, if you will.\u00a0 If you sense that, \u201cOh, he\u2019s kind of softening right now,\u201d or, \u201cOh, he\u2019s even mildly interested,\u201d \u2014to look for those places of opportunity.\u00a0 Talk to him then, or try to do these things then.\u00a0 Look for that green light for him.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t see it, I\u2019d say pray for that green light for him and then, pray that you could have this conversation with him.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the problems that can be causing that is pornography.\u00a0 Do you have any advice for a wife who is\u2014well, perhaps, she\u2019s suspicious\u2014maybe she\u2019s come in and he\u2019s clicked off the screen quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014or she\u2019s found an image on a screen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How would you advise that wife?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would tell that wife to pray first because it is a spiritual battle.\u00a0 One person that I interviewed battled very long and hard with pornography.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhen you turn that pornography on, it\u2019s like turning on a satanic realm of\u2014you know there are strongholds there.\u00a0 It is a powerful, spiritual force that you need to pray about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to that wife, \u201cFirst, you pray.\u00a0 You pray for God\u2019s blessing in your home.\u00a0 You pray that God will fill your home.\u00a0 You pray all those things.\u00a0 Then, you look for that opportunity to talk with your husband about it.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very awkward.\u00a0 It\u2019s very difficult.\u00a0 Sometimes, there\u2019s never a right time; but you ask him\u2014it\u2019s very important to be straight with each other\u2014\u201cIs this something that you struggle with?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to tell me the truth.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf he says it is, then, you go to counseling, perhaps.\u00a0 You find an accountability group for your husband.\u00a0 You start getting at the root of what the problem is.\u00a0 Sometimes, it\u2019s because it\u2019s something that the husband and wife can fix together.\u00a0 If he can be more fulfilled in his sexual life with his wife, that will subside; but other times, the wife could be doing all that she can sexually for him, and he\u2019s still going to pornography.\u00a0 What\u2019s that wife supposed to do?\u00a0 I think the role of a counselor and the role of him wanting the help or an accountability group to break this thing.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 More than likely, it\u2019s not going to be a wife who fixes her husband in this area.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be her husband deciding he is ready to do business with God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and he\u2019s ready to be honest\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014with, at least one other man\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who he\u2019s going to give access to his life, where he can ask him the hard questions, at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And loving him well in this situation doesn\u2019t mean enabling him to continue or being silent about the issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good point.\u00a0 I also want to underscore something you said, Arlene.\u00a0 If a husband is off into pornography, it does not mean that a wife has failed in her role as a lover and as the man\u2019s wife.\u00a0 This is a sexually-saturated culture we\u2019re in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast night, I was watching a sporting event; and Barbara was already in bed.\u00a0 There was an image that came on the screen.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cIsn\u2019t this interesting?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, we\u2019re primetime here.\u00a0 This was a sporting event that families could easily be viewing.\u00a0 The image that was there, to me, was a precursor of pornography.\u00a0 It was a baited hook, \u201cTake the next step. Go to the next image.\u00a0 Go online.\u00a0 Go looking.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br>I think men today, as never before, really need to take a step back from what they are allowing into their home.\u00a0 Put some filters on.\u00a0 I\u2019m really proud of my sons and my sons-in-law who have a clicker in their hands when they are watching TV.\u00a0 Perhaps, their sons or daughters are in the room\u2014they\u2019ll click away or they\u2019ll tell their sons to hide their faces.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s impossible to get away from it totally; but this is something that men need to take responsibility for.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have the channel number for the weather channel memorized.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a good idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Typically, it\u2019s a pretty\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Safe place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014safe place you can go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, good one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about\u2014there\u2019s a story we tell in the video series that we put together for <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> about a guy who\u2019s on a social networking site, late at night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And an old friend pops on and says, \u201cHey, I didn\u2019t know you were on here.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s right there with, \u201cAm I going to follow this?\u201d\u00a0 The bait is on the hook.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Don\u2019t tell them\u2014don\u2019t tell them what happens because it\u2019s really well-done and it\u2019s so real.\u00a0 This is what\u2019s happening to a lot of men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, I think what we\u2019re talking about here, Arlene, is we\u2019re talking about men getting honest with other men.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we\u2019ve created this video event for men called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>.\u00a0 It gives men a chance to connect with other men; and maybe, for the first time in their lives, get real, get honest, and turn away from something that\u2019s got a powerful grip in their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The <em>Stepping Up<\/em> series is available now as a ten-part series.\u00a0 There are some men\u2019s groups that are starting to go through it.\u00a0 In January, on Super Bowl Saturday, we\u2019re hoping to have hundreds of locations around the country hosting a one- day <em>Stepping Up<\/em> event in local churches.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll be talking more about that in the weeks to come; but if you\u2019d like to find out more about the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> material that is available\u2014not just the book that Dennis has written\u2014but now, the video components that are being added to that, as well\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link that says, \u201cStepping Up\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is also where you\u2019ll find information about Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 That book is in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, as well.\u00a0 Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is our website; or if you\u2019d like to order a copy of Arlene\u2019s book, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, I\u2019m going to be in Indianapolis for the <em>True Woman \u201912<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> event that our friend, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and the <em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> ministry is hosting.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be emceeing that event, as I\u2019ve had the honor to do at a number of past <em>True Woman<\/em> events.\u00a0 In fact, a few years ago, I got an opportunity to speak to the women about \u201cWhat Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 I had a chance to talk about how we think as guys and what it is that a man is hoping for from a wife\u2014how she can honor, and respect, and serve, and love him well.\u00a0 I think the women were encouraged by what I had to share.\u00a0 I got a lot of positive feedback.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are making the CD of that message available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 We depend on your support to continue the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 The cost of producing and syndicating this program is borne by folks, like you, who call in or go online and make a donation to support the ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation this month, we\u2019ll send you a copy of that CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation, just ask for a copy of the CD so we know that you\u2019d like to receive it.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate, very much, your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to have you as a part of the team, and we appreciate your standing with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We hope you can be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane is going to be here again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk more about how a wife can honor and affirm her husband.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.8M"],"filesize_raw":["23910434"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302597.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302597.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 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for our husbands has far-reaching effects, especially in the bedroom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane believes that intimacy in marriage is not just a service or a function that a wife performs for her husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 For us women, it\u2019s to say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t just for him, but this is really great for us.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for our kids.\u201d\u00a0 This is an all-around great thing because sometimes we think, \u201cAh, sex is just something we do for the men.\u201d\u00a0 We need to embrace that\u2014\u201cYou know what?\u00a0\u00a0 God made this for me, too;\u201d and that it is a man <em>and<\/em> a woman coming together.\u00a0 The more we can get in touch with that, the more both the husband and the wife will be happy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 18<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 You knew if we were talking about how wives can help their husbands be happy husbands, we\u2019d eventually get around to this subject; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Did you ever think to ask our guest how she happened to come up with all of this wisdom about making husbands into happy husbands?\u00a0 Did you ask her that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think you ought to ask her that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 First of all, I\u2019ll introduce her to our audience.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Arlene, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s written a book called <em>31 Days to a Perfect Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s who I\u2019m married to\u2014the perfect husband!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s not the name of the book\u2014<em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 She\u2019s a graduate of Biola, Regent University.\u00a0 She\u2019s a writer, a speaker, and married to James.\u00a0 Is James happy right now?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is pretty happy.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot of pressure being the happy husband because people ask him\u2014from the book\u2014\u201cAre you really happy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, back to Bob\u2019s question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Where\u2019d you come up with this wisdom?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2014my husband, really, because he is an outspoken man.\u00a0 He\u2019s not afraid to say what he needs.\u00a0 He\u2019s Italian\u2014from New York.\u00a0 He does not hedge; he does not haw.\u00a0 He just tells me.\u00a0 He\u2019ll say, \u201cHoney, a lot of men are afraid to say this to their wife; but I\u2019m going to tell you,\u201d and he tells me.\u00a0 Then, he says, \u201cA lot of men feel this way.\u00a0 You should write about it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 So, a lot of the content from the book comes from my husband.\u00a0 I also interviewed many, many men\u2014like Bob Lepine, right over here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what I was going for!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Come on!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She goes right to her husband.\u00a0 I\u2019m going, \u201cWell, wait, what about me?!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I completely fell for that one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had no idea; did you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had no idea.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell the editors to edit that out.\u00a0 [Laughter]<br><br>You talk about five areas, though.\u00a0 If a wife can begin to really think about this and ask God\u2014in and through her\u2014to begin to create these five things in her marriage, she really can see her husband be more content.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like the word, \u201chappy\u201d.\u00a0 I think I like the word, \u201ccontent\u201d, better because the Apostle Paul talked about it.\u00a0 He talked about how he was content when he had a lot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and he learned how to be content when he had a little; but in all things, he had learned how to be content in Christ.\u00a0 Really, that\u2019s what a wife\u2019s trying to really provide for her husband\u2014is an environment where he can learn how to be content, as a man, in who he is in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShare with our listeners the five areas in your book.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The DREAM areas; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The DREAM areas\u2014they make the word, DREAM.\u00a0 \u201cD\u201d is domestic tranquility.\u00a0 \u201cR\u201d is respect.\u00a0 \u201cE\u201d is <em>eros<\/em>.\u00a0 \u201cA\u201d is attraction, and \u201cM\u201d is mutual activities\u2014you\u2019ve got to have fun together, still.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 So, here\u2019s the question.\u00a0 Which, of any of those, did Bob contribute to; if any?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ah, yes.\u00a0 He probably contributed to three out of the five letters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Three out of five.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, really?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Give me a high five; right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you five.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you five.\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the three are?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you\u2019re putting me on the spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s not going to remember that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll remember the context of the quotes.\u00a0 Then, I\u2019ll have to think of what letters they are.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think we have time for that.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s my question for you.\u00a0 Of the five, is there one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I can say this, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, no.\u00a0 Maybe you shouldn\u2019t, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can say this, though.\u00a0 Bob is <em>the<\/em> first person quoted in the book\u2014in the Introduction.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that right?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The very first person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even see that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014of all the wonderful people I interviewed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There we go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014he is the very first in the Introduction.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t even alphabetical order; so there we go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s on\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014page 11.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s on page 483.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Page 11, \u201cI like what host, Bob Lepine, of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> says, \u2018Our role is not to figure out how to fix our spouse.\u00a0 Our role is, \u201cHow do we reflect Christ in the marriage?\u201d\u2019\u201d\u00a0 Look at Bob Lepine\u2014words of wisdom\u2014framing the book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you know how many books we are going to get here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> that have you quoted in the first 11 pages?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s my question for you.\u00a0 Of the DREAM\u2014of the domestic tranquility, respect, <em>eros<\/em>, attraction, and the doing stuff together, the mutuality\u2014is there one of those that\u2019s bigger than the other four?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the \u201cE\u201d.\u00a0 I hate to say it, as a woman.\u00a0 The \u201cE\u201d, <em>eros<\/em>, the sex piece is so important.\u00a0 I would say the \u201cE\u201d and the \u201cR\u201d \u2014and they\u2019re related.\u00a0 The respect and the\u2014I will tell you\u2014my husband\u2014after I thought, \u201cI\u2019m doing a good job respecting my husband.\u00a0 I speak well of him in public.\u00a0 I think well of him.\u201d\u00a0 I asked him one day, \u201cSweetheart, do I do a good job of respecting you?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYes, but you know where you really show the respect?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhere do I show the respect?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIn the bedroom.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cIn the where?!\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhen a man says he needs something\u2014and for many men, it is physical intimacy\u2014then, the wife is either unresponsive, or unenthusiastic, or all these things.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThen,\u201d he says, \u201cyou feel disrespected.\u00a0 So, you didn\u2019t listen to what I said.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cThose are very closely related.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe good news is, for us wives, again, according to my sweet husband, James, is\u2014he said, \u201cBut the sex piece is really easy to fix because if you and your husband can just talk\u201d\u2014and this I know was opening a can of worms\u2014\u201cbut if you can talk and really\u201d\u2014this doesn\u2019t have to be rocket science\u2014\u201cbut you can get together on this topic, it\u2019ll fix some many other things in your marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually write and say in your book that a lot of women view this area like an allergy?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 My son, Ethan, had a nut allergy when he was real little; but as he grew older, we thought, \u201cLet\u2019s try.\u201d\u00a0 He would still be like, \u201cOh, I\u2019m scared.\u00a0 I\u2019m scared,\u201d even though we tested him and it was okay to eat a peanut.\u00a0 He can\u2019t eat a cashew, but he can eat a peanut.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Well, we, women, we\u2019ve been raised\u2014those of us who have been raised in the church, and the way that you would want your daughter to be raised\u2014we\u2019ve been told, \u201cSex is bad.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to have sex.\u00a0 People who are promiscuous have sex.\u00a0 You don\u2019t dress that way.\u00a0 People who are in the movies dress that way.\u00a0 You don\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 Then, you become married.\u00a0 And you know, \u201cOh, now, it\u2019s a green light, green light,\u201d but you still feel allergic to sex.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not talk about it.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not wear something sexy in the bedroom.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not experiment.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s not do any of those things,\u201d \u2014it is like an allergy, you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, as women, we have to think like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 I want to learn more about this.\u201d\u00a0 For men, apparently, this is very easy; but for many women\u2014not all\u2014but for many women, it\u2019s a struggle because you think, \u201cOh, I\u2019m not in the mood as much as he is in the mood.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a struggle for many marriages.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a point here that goes beyond marriage\u2014and that is, as you are raising your kids, you need to raise them with a healthy, biblical view of sexuality so that it\u2019s not, \u201cBad,\u201d \u201cBad,\u201d \u201cBad; now, \u201cFlip the switch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; right.\u00a0 \u201cNow, it\u2019s good!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I have to tell you this story.\u00a0 It\u2019s not exactly on the subject; but then, again, it really is about a healthy perspective of sex.\u00a0 I got a phone call yesterday from a friend who had just completed <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with his 10-and-half-year-old son.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> is a father\/son getaway or a mother\/daughter getaway that\u2019s in a box.\u00a0 It\u2019s got CD\u2019s where we walk through issues of peer pressure, self esteem, convictions, sexuality.\u00a0 It\u2019s got the \u201cbirds and the bees\u201d talk in there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis father had just had this weekend getaway with his son.\u00a0 The son had heard about the birds and the bees for the first time in his life.\u00a0 The son was coming back from the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> weekend with his dad.\u00a0 He turned to his dad and said, \u201cDad, when you get married, do you <em>have<\/em> to have sex?\u00a0 Is that something you <em>have<\/em> to do?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 You know, I laughed about that when that guy told me that because that\u2019s what we, as parents, should be passing on to our sons and daughters\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014a healthy, biblical view of sex\u2014being created by God\u2014and that it is good to bring that perspective into a marriage relationship; but the world is really distorting and twisting.\u00a0 It\u2019s making it difficult for men and women to have a right perspective about sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s interesting to me that you went to this as kind of a foundational issue.\u00a0 I think, in part, because it\u2019s important for men; but I think also it\u2019s so deep and profound.\u00a0 We live in a culture that has made romance, intimacy, and sexuality so shallow; but our whole selves are involved in this coming together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why Mary Ann and I have had the kind of conversation you and your husband had where I\u2019ve said to her, \u201cYou know, you can be saying nice things to me throughout the day.\u00a0 You can be saying, \u2018That was smart,\u2019 \u2018You are so\u2014I love this about you;\u2019 and at the end of the day, when I say, \u201cSo, are you interested?\u201d and you go, \u201cNot tonight,\u201d I go, \u201cWell, why did you lie to me all day long?\u201d because that\u2019s what it feels like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because the connection is so strong there.\u00a0 For women, it\u2019s just that heart connection.\u00a0 It\u2019s, \u201cOkay, we\u2019re good;\u201d but the man\u2014he learns by body connection.\u00a0 Now, I interviewed Joyce and Cliff Penner, who are the sex therapists.\u00a0 Boy, they set me straight on a lot of topics.\u00a0 I would ask them questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cHow does a woman become more in the mood for sex?\u201d because you hear that all the time:\u00a0 \u201cHow can a woman cultivate her appetite for sex more?\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cYou know, we would ask a different question.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 They said, \u201cWe would ask the question, \u2018How can a woman get in touch with her sexual being and have sex more for herself than as a pressure from her husband?\u2019 because\u201d \u2014she said\u2014 \u201cif they just do it out of duty, out of obligation, \u2018Because I have to,\u2019 then, it might work short-term, but it won\u2019t work long-term.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, this made me\u2014all spinning in my mind\u2014 \u201cOkay, so I have to think about this.\u201d\u00a0 For us, women, it\u2019s to say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This isn\u2019t just for him.\u00a0 I\u2019m not just having sex for him, but I\u2019m having sex because this is really great for us.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for me.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for him.\u00a0 It\u2019s great for our kids.\u201d\u00a0 This is an all-around great thing because sometimes we think, \u201cAh, sex is just what we do for the men.\u201d\u00a0 We need to embrace that\u2014 \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This is for me.\u00a0 God made this for me, too;\u201d and that is a man <em>and<\/em> a woman coming together.\u00a0 The more we can get in touch with that, the more both the husband and the wife will be happy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is good for the marriage.\u00a0 It sounds kind of trite to admit that; but over our 40 years of marriage, there is a sense in which two people who\u2014when you don\u2019t come together as a couple, you can become isolated, both be living your independent lives.\u00a0 There\u2019s a need just to come back, so that you\u2019re not tempted by the world.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk about this.\u00a0 You talk about how a woman can affair-proof her marriage\u2014now, everybody knows that these are the three principles that James gave you.\u00a0 [Laughter] You\u2019re passing them on to other wives, at this point; but share those three with our listeners, if you would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first one is the have fun\u2014have fun together.\u00a0 James and I\u2014the last Valentine\u2019s Day, we went out to a park.\u00a0 He had\u2014the kids were with my parents.\u00a0 It was at night.\u00a0 We\u2014he pulled out root beer floats. It was very sweet.\u00a0 He put out a blanket on the grass there, and he told me to lie down.\u00a0 We were going to kiss.\u00a0 I thought to myself, \u201cWe\u2019re in the park, laying down kissing!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere could\u2014we are the people that the families will point at and say, \u201cOh, shield your eyes, children, from these people!\u201d\u00a0 I was so nervous.\u00a0 He looked at me and he said, \u201cSweetheart, when we were dating, we would go to a park, and sit on a blanket, and kiss, and it was no problem.\u00a0 Now, we\u2019re married and I can\u2019t kiss you on a blanket in the park?!\u201d\u00a0 We, wives\u2014we have to get back in touch with having fun; right?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at Bob.\u00a0 Bob and I are going, \u201cWhere\u2019s the nearest park?\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 All you need\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just hope I don\u2019t run in\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014is a park and a blanket.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014I just hope Barbara and I don\u2019t run into Mary Ann and Bob at the park.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have to wrap up today\u2019s <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little bit early?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 See, it is working.\u00a0 See, have fun.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 What are the other two?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Then, the second one is to build sexual tension.\u00a0 You write a note, \u201cHey, Thursday night\u2019s going to be great!\u201d\u00a0 You text him, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m really looking forward to seeing you tonight.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHoney, are you ready for a surprise tonight?\u201d\u2014or whatever.\u00a0 Do something that\u2019s fun, that\u2019s unexpected, that\u2019s creative.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take much at all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Then, the last thing is to be open in your relationship enough so that you could admit attraction if you felt attraction for another person or if your husband did because, you know, many times we want to sweep that under the rug.\u00a0 \u201cThat would be terrible!\u201d\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to tell them, but what happens then?\u00a0 You think about it.\u00a0 Then, it grows into something else; but if you could just say, \u201cHoney, there\u2019s this guy I met at the gym.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know\u2014he keeps talking to me.\u00a0 I kind of\u2014let\u2019s talk about this.\u201d\u00a0 You can kill those things before they grow into anything larger than that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you saying\u2014if James came to you and said, \u201cSee that woman over there?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cShe is cute!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, and, see, here\u2019s the deal.\u00a0 See, we, women, we don\u2019t want that!\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to hear it.\u00a0 We have to be willing to say, \u201cOkay\u201d\u2014kind of detach ourselves and not get so defensive and say, \u201cWell\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want him to say that to you, \u201cShe\u2019s cute over there,\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 If he\u2019s struggling with it.\u00a0 Now, if he\u2019s just thinking, \u201cOh, she\u2019s cute,\u201d I mean no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Keep it to yourself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Keep it to yourself!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But if he\u2019s thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve kind of been thinking about that girl.\u00a0 She\u2019s kind of cute.\u201d\u00a0 I would want to know, \u201cWhy is my husband thinking about some other girl that\u2019s not me?\u201d\u00a0 Why do I want to stick my head in the sand and pretend I don\u2019t know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s flip the issue of attraction for a woman.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait, wait; wait.\u00a0 I want to know if you\u2014do you ever say to Barbara\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cShe\u2019s cute\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 About another woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 When I\u2019m struggling with something, I\u2019ve had that conversation with Barbara.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t bother her.\u00a0 I mean\u2014we\u2019ve now\u2014we\u2019re four decades into this relationship\u2014and it is like, \u201cI\u2019m glad you trusted me with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll pray for you.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s good for her to be aware of that.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take the issue of attraction.\u00a0 Let\u2019s flip it and let\u2019s say, \u201cHow can a woman express attraction toward her husband?\u201d because you write about the adulterous woman in Proverbs 5 through 7\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who is twisting the pearls, she\u2019s winking her eyes, she\u2019s luring a guy off the dark street into a bedroom that\u2019s got scented bed sheets and all.\u00a0 That\u2019s all about a woman expressing attraction, being aggressive toward a man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We can flip that and make that into a very positive way for the married woman.\u00a0 If the married woman did these things\u2014the adulterous woman said, \u201cCome here.\u201d She\u2019s waiting for him.\u00a0 She\u2019s looking out waiting for\u2014so, if we had that anticipation of actually waiting for our husband\u2014Wow!\u2014wouldn\u2019t a husband like that?\u00a0 Feeling like, \u201cMy wife\u2019s been waiting to be intimate with me.\u00a0 Wow, that\u2019s fantastic!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>She tells him kind\u2014you know\u2014good words about him.\u00a0 She\u2019s just verbally\u2014she\u2019s affirming him.\u00a0 She dresses sexy.\u00a0 One thing that James thought, when we got married, \u201cOh, she\u2019s going to be coming home in Victoria\u2019s Secret every night.\u201d\u00a0 Then, all of a sudden, you\u2019re in t-shirts and baggy sweats.\u00a0 You think, \u201cWhat happened to this?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 For a woman to say, \u201cOh, like that adulterous woman in bed, I\u2019ll dress sexy for you.\u201d\u00a0 For a woman to use those same tactics\u2014but instead of using them for evil to use them for good\u2014if a man feels like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 My wife is just pouring on this love to me.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll be realistic.\u00a0 This is not an everyday kind of thing.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 But if, on a regular basis, this man feels wanted, he feels like this is special time\u2014 \u201cMy wife pursues me,\u201d \u2014he\u2019s going to be very happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, we do have some listeners\u2014we\u2019ve heard from them\u2014who\u2019ve said, \u201cHonestly, in our marriage, the interest is more with me, as the wife, than it is with my husband.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried these things, and he is nonresponsive.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s your counsel to that wife?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 They\u2014it is surprising because many times we think it\u2019s the man\u2014but sometimes it\u2019s the woman, and it\u2019s the man who is not responsive.\u00a0 From what I heard from different people, the consensus was to not push yourself on that man because as you push yourself on him, he\u2019s going to retract more.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead, look for those open doors of opportunity, if you will.\u00a0 If you sense that, \u201cOh, he\u2019s kind of softening right now,\u201d or, \u201cOh, he\u2019s even mildly interested,\u201d \u2014to look for those places of opportunity.\u00a0 Talk to him then, or try to do these things then.\u00a0 Look for that green light for him.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t see it, I\u2019d say pray for that green light for him and then, pray that you could have this conversation with him.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the problems that can be causing that is pornography.\u00a0 Do you have any advice for a wife who is\u2014well, perhaps, she\u2019s suspicious\u2014maybe she\u2019s come in and he\u2019s clicked off the screen quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014or she\u2019s found an image on a screen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How would you advise that wife?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would tell that wife to pray first because it is a spiritual battle.\u00a0 One person that I interviewed battled very long and hard with pornography.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhen you turn that pornography on, it\u2019s like turning on a satanic realm of\u2014you know there are strongholds there.\u00a0 It is a powerful, spiritual force that you need to pray about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to that wife, \u201cFirst, you pray.\u00a0 You pray for God\u2019s blessing in your home.\u00a0 You pray that God will fill your home.\u00a0 You pray all those things.\u00a0 Then, you look for that opportunity to talk with your husband about it.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very awkward.\u00a0 It\u2019s very difficult.\u00a0 Sometimes, there\u2019s never a right time; but you ask him\u2014it\u2019s very important to be straight with each other\u2014\u201cIs this something that you struggle with?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to tell me the truth.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf he says it is, then, you go to counseling, perhaps.\u00a0 You find an accountability group for your husband.\u00a0 You start getting at the root of what the problem is.\u00a0 Sometimes, it\u2019s because it\u2019s something that the husband and wife can fix together.\u00a0 If he can be more fulfilled in his sexual life with his wife, that will subside; but other times, the wife could be doing all that she can sexually for him, and he\u2019s still going to pornography.\u00a0 What\u2019s that wife supposed to do?\u00a0 I think the role of a counselor and the role of him wanting the help or an accountability group to break this thing.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 More than likely, it\u2019s not going to be a wife who fixes her husband in this area.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be her husband deciding he is ready to do business with God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and he\u2019s ready to be honest\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014with, at least one other man\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who he\u2019s going to give access to his life, where he can ask him the hard questions, at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And loving him well in this situation doesn\u2019t mean enabling him to continue or being silent about the issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good point.\u00a0 I also want to underscore something you said, Arlene.\u00a0 If a husband is off into pornography, it does not mean that a wife has failed in her role as a lover and as the man\u2019s wife.\u00a0 This is a sexually-saturated culture we\u2019re in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast night, I was watching a sporting event; and Barbara was already in bed.\u00a0 There was an image that came on the screen.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cIsn\u2019t this interesting?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, we\u2019re primetime here.\u00a0 This was a sporting event that families could easily be viewing.\u00a0 The image that was there, to me, was a precursor of pornography.\u00a0 It was a baited hook, \u201cTake the next step. Go to the next image.\u00a0 Go online.\u00a0 Go looking.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br>I think men today, as never before, really need to take a step back from what they are allowing into their home.\u00a0 Put some filters on.\u00a0 I\u2019m really proud of my sons and my sons-in-law who have a clicker in their hands when they are watching TV.\u00a0 Perhaps, their sons or daughters are in the room\u2014they\u2019ll click away or they\u2019ll tell their sons to hide their faces.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s impossible to get away from it totally; but this is something that men need to take responsibility for.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have the channel number for the weather channel memorized.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a good idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Typically, it\u2019s a pretty\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Safe place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014safe place you can go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, good one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about\u2014there\u2019s a story we tell in the video series that we put together for <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> about a guy who\u2019s on a social networking site, late at night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And an old friend pops on and says, \u201cHey, I didn\u2019t know you were on here.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s right there with, \u201cAm I going to follow this?\u201d\u00a0 The bait is on the hook.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Don\u2019t tell them\u2014don\u2019t tell them what happens because it\u2019s really well-done and it\u2019s so real.\u00a0 This is what\u2019s happening to a lot of men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, I think what we\u2019re talking about here, Arlene, is we\u2019re talking about men getting honest with other men.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we\u2019ve created this video event for men called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>.\u00a0 It gives men a chance to connect with other men; and maybe, for the first time in their lives, get real, get honest, and turn away from something that\u2019s got a powerful grip in their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The <em>Stepping Up<\/em> series is available now as a ten-part series.\u00a0 There are some men\u2019s groups that are starting to go through it.\u00a0 In January, on Super Bowl Saturday, we\u2019re hoping to have hundreds of locations around the country hosting a one- day <em>Stepping Up<\/em> event in local churches.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll be talking more about that in the weeks to come; but if you\u2019d like to find out more about the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> material that is available\u2014not just the book that Dennis has written\u2014but now, the video components that are being added to that, as well\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link that says, \u201cStepping Up\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is also where you\u2019ll find information about Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 That book is in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, as well.\u00a0 Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is our website; or if you\u2019d like to order a copy of Arlene\u2019s book, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, I\u2019m going to be in Indianapolis for the <em>True Woman \u201912<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> event that our friend, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and the <em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> ministry is hosting.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be emceeing that event, as I\u2019ve had the honor to do at a number of past <em>True Woman<\/em> events.\u00a0 In fact, a few years ago, I got an opportunity to speak to the women about \u201cWhat Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 I had a chance to talk about how we think as guys and what it is that a man is hoping for from a wife\u2014how she can honor, and respect, and serve, and love him well.\u00a0 I think the women were encouraged by what I had to share.\u00a0 I got a lot of positive feedback.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are making the CD of that message available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 We depend on your support to continue the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 The cost of producing and syndicating this program is borne by folks, like you, who call in or go online and make a donation to support the ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation this month, we\u2019ll send you a copy of that CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation, just ask for a copy of the CD so we know that you\u2019d like to receive it.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate, very much, your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to have you as a part of the team, and we appreciate your standing with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We hope you can be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane is going to be here again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk more about how a wife can honor and affirm her husband.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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