{"id":302596,"date":"2012-09-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility\/"},"modified":"2012-09-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-17T15:00:00","slug":"giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving the Gift of Domestic Tranquility"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Would others describe your home as peaceful?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.48M","filesize_raw":"26713049","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[5223,4819],"podcast_series":[7901],"cwp_profile":[3382],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302596","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-family-living","tag-roles","podcast_series-31-days-to-a-happy-husband","cwp_profile-arlene-pellicane","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302596\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302596\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ADkCucAEVk\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility\/\">Giving the Gift of Domestic Tranquility<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/giving-the-gift-of-domestic-tranquility\/embed\/#?secret=ADkCucAEVk\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Giving the Gift of Domestic Tranquility&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ADkCucAEVk\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the keys to a happy marriage is to have a happy husband.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane says, \u201cWe need to understand there\u2019s a difference between a self-absorbed man and a happy husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we can learn how to serve our husbands, we can be more content with the role that we play.\u00a0 That\u2019s going to rub off on our husbands.\u00a0 So, when I say a happy husband, I mean a husband that is not ignored, a husband that\u2019s not second to the children, a husband that\u2014if he says he has a need\u2014we don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, well, you\u2019re just a man.\u201d\u00a0 So, a husband, who is heard, respected, cared for\u2014and I believe that husbands are not as complicated as wives\u2014if they get that, they\u2019re going to be pretty happy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Before you go thinking that today\u2019s program is all about how a woman can become a slave to her husband\u2014hang on.\u00a0 Stay with us.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m really excited about this broadcast today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the name of the book we\u2019re going to be talking about is <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 Now, why wouldn\u2019t I be happy about that?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is there something that needs to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think I need to call Barbara!\u00a0 This is a good subject we\u2019ve got today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you\u2019re happy; aren\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Every day is a happy day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara and I just celebrated our 40<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Congratulations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that.\u00a0 She\u2019s been a great wife, and she could\u2019ve used this book early on.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because you weren\u2019t all that happy early on?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 This is one of these conversations that is going to equip a lot of wives to better understand their husbands, and it\u2019s going to help husbands know how to articulate their needs to their wives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We should just say, because anytime we have a conversation like this, there are some folks who say, \u201cWhen are you going to talk to the men about what they need to do?\u201d\u00a0 We try to do that.\u00a0 In fact, I think we\u2019ve been doing that pretty hard here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we have.\u00a0 We\u2019ve written a little book called <em>Stepping Up:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>.\u00a0 If you\u2019re a man, and you haven\u2019t read that book, and if you haven\u2019t heard about the new video series that we\u2019ve got coming out for men\u2014it\u2019s a 10-session video series that is designed for small groups, big groups, father\/son\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a video event we\u2019re putting together.\u00a0 Again, all of it\u2019s designed to challenge men to step up and be men.\u00a0 So\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, actually, we\u2019re giving it to the men a lot harder than the women because we\u2019re only spending one session today on this, and we\u2019ve got a 10-week series for the men.\u00a0 <br><br>Arlene Pellicane joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Do you have a book, Arlene, that\u2019s going to be coming out called <em>31 Days<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014<em>to a Happy Wife<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I think that\u2019s a good title.\u00a0 I had a husband say, \u201cOh, <em>31<\/em> <em>Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 You don\u2019t even need 31 days.\u00a0 You only need \u2018Day 1: Sleep, Day 2: Sex, and Day 3: Food!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Does that sound pretty good?\u00a0 But he said, \u201cIf you had to do for a wife, that that would be like <em>War and Peace<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 That was the challenge to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene is a graduate of Biola; also, has her masters in Journalism from Regent University.\u00a0 She\u2019s a writer, a speaker, wife of one husband, James, lives in San Diego, along with their three children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start out in your book\u2014you\u2019ve got five areas that you talk about for husbands to be happy\u2014but before you give those, you have to tell the wedding story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have a great wedding story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I love a great wedding story, and you\u2019ve got one\u2014I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever heard of anything like this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had our professor, our college M.Div.\u2014he was James\u2019s M.Div. professor, Dr. Charles Holman.\u00a0 He was going to do the ceremony.\u00a0 This was only his second wedding.\u00a0 I was not concerned about this.\u00a0 We were fine.\u00a0 Here he was about to do the service, and the service began.\u00a0 All the music was playing.\u00a0 Everything was just right.\u00a0 I was standing out in the hallway, waiting for my <em>big moment<\/em>.\u00a0 The bridesmaids had not entered the building.\u00a0 My aunt was playing the piano, and there was a break in the music.\u00a0 When the music broke, the pastor took that as his cue to start.\u00a0 Dr. Holman started saying, \u201cDearly, beloved, here we are gathered\u201d\u00a0 I thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re not even in there yet?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not even in the room!\u00a0 I was still in the hallway.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThe wedding is starting without me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s up there with the groom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Only!<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Who does he think he\u2019s going to marry?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Only.\u00a0 Then, his wife\u2014we have heard was saying, [in a concerned tone] \u201cSomebody, please, stop him!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But nobody could stop him.\u00a0 He got through the whole thing.\u00a0 He got to the point that he said, \u201cNow, who gives this woman to this man in marriage?\u201d\u00a0 He looked down, and he only saw my husband-to-be.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhere\u2019s Peter?\u201d\u2014who is my dad because he\u2019s supposed to answer that question; right?!\u00a0 He\u2019s still not clueing in, \u201cThe bride is not there.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s looking for Peter.\u00a0 He\u2019s looking for the answer to the question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, he says, \u201cOh my; oh my.\u201d\u00a0 Then, the music starts.\u00a0 The door flies open.\u00a0 They kick the bridesmaids down the aisle.\u00a0 I come down the aisle.\u00a0 He saved himself so gloriously.\u00a0 He said, \u201c<em>Now<\/em>, we are ready to begin the wedding.\u201d\u00a0 The rest of the wedding was flawless, but it started without me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 Weddings, really, are a dime a dozen in terms of how they start and how they go.\u00a0 What makes them classic\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014are these moments!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The whole\u2014all the people watching\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No one\u2019s going to forget that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know\u2014should they laugh?\u00a0 Should they be mortified?\u00a0 It was very nervous.\u00a0 They kind of went [nervous laughter] like this\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, let\u2019s go to your book.\u00a0 You have five sections in your book.\u00a0 Just quickly give our listeners a rundown of these five areas that you believe are really important for a husband to be \u201chappy\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene<\/strong>:\u00a0 These areas will be very easy to remember because they form the word, DREAM, because so many times, we start with that dream in marriage; but then real life kicks in and it becomes more of this dull-routine thing.\u00a0 So, taking the word, DREAM, the \u201cD\u201d is domestic tranquility.\u00a0 The \u201cR\u201d is respect.\u00a0 The \u201cE\u201d is <em>eros<\/em>.\u00a0 The \u201cA\u201d is attraction, and the \u201cM\u201d is mutual activities.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright, now, let\u2019s go to the first one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014domestic tranquility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s where you start.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>A peaceful home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 A peaceful home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what a man is really looking for?\u00a0 <strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, you think of it.\u00a0 The man\u2014he\u2019s been out all day.\u00a0 He\u2019s been slaying his dragons.\u00a0 He\u2019s stressed; and he wants to come to a home where he feels loved, and appreciated, and wanted.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, for the women, we think, \u201cWell, that\u2019s really nice.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been home all day with these crazy kids, and my laundry, and my to-do list.\u00a0 I\u2019m supposed to have a peaceful home with my husband when he comes home.\u201d\u00a0 So, I understand that.\u00a0 I have three kids.\u00a0 They are two, five, and seven.\u00a0 There are many times where it\u2019s not necessarily peaceful when he walks in the door.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thought there is, for us, first of all to recognize, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 When my husband comes home, I want it to be a place where he enjoys being.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s enjoyable?\u00a0 Well, it can be crazy.\u00a0 It can be loud, but it\u2019s got to have that sense of peace and that domestic tranquility that there is peace in the home.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, sometimes that means disciplining my kids and making sure that we are right before he walks in that door.\u00a0 It means picking up.\u00a0 We know, \u201cOkay, you can\u2019t pick up the whole house, but you can pick up from the garage to the dinner table.\u201d\u00a0 Get that kind of cleaned up a little bit, and get you kids involved in doing that so that when he walks in the home, he feels like, \u201cOh, I\u2019m glad I\u2019m here,\u201d instead of like, \u201cThis is a nightmare.\u00a0 I should have stayed at work an hour later.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It sounds like what you\u2019re saying is that there ought to be some purposefulness and some thought to this entry point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know about when your husband\u2019s going to come home.\u00a0 If you just do a little bit of planning and preparation, you can make that entry a happy one.\u00a0 That sets the tone for the rest of the evening; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 It sounds like it\u2019s overwhelming; but if you just say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to clear the entryway, and I\u2019m going to put on a little lipstick.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to greet him with a hug, and a smile, and say, \u2018Honey, we\u2019re so glad you\u2019re here.\u00a0 Welcome to the zoo.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 But let it be something that he\u2019s happy to be there; and he feels like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 They took some effort to welcome me home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to give some men some advice because there are some husbands listening to us right now that are going, \u201cOh, yes!\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m getting a copy of this book and taking it home tonight!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI know what my lecture is tonight when I arrive home.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to pull out the big guns on this deal.\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s my advice to that husband\u2014you need to take care of the kids for a long weekend\u2014a Friday afternoon, all day Saturday, all day Sunday\u2014so your wife comes back Sunday night.\u00a0 After you do that, then, you can have this conversation.\u00a0\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once you have a little empathy for what goes on around the house all day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you.\u00a0 I did this more than once.\u00a0 The first time I did it, I was praying for my wife\u2019s return.\u00a0 But your point is you have to make your home livable\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014where both the kids and the adults can live there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to step in here because I\u2019m imagining some wives who are going, \u201cOkay, look.\u00a0 Why is it my job to make sure that the house is picked up?\u00a0 He\u2019s adding to the clutter with how he lives.\u00a0 He drops his clothes here and does this.\u00a0 In fact, the whole premise of your book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>, makes it sound like I\u2019m supposed to be his domestic slave.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll have to think about that one, Bob!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Well, I think that so much of it is service.\u00a0 It\u2019s true.\u00a0 Sometimes, it does not make sense.\u00a0 It\u2019s true:\u00a0 \u201cI work.\u00a0 My husband works.\u00a0 There\u2019s a mess.\u00a0 Why do I have to do it?\u201d\u00a0 If you look at it that way, all these moments become, \u201cWhy do I have to do this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it becomes, \u201cWe are a team.\u00a0 We work together as a team.\u00a0 The husband brings something.\u00a0 The wife brings something to the table.\u00a0 This is a way I can serve my family,\u201d whether it is appreciated or not, God sees you.\u00a0 God sees what you\u2019re doing, and He will reward you for the service that you are giving.\u00a0 If we could elevate ourselves\u2014perhaps, instead of feeling like, \u201cI\u2019m this maid around here,\u201d \u2014but instead, to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m the one who tidies up.\u00a0 God\u2019s watching.\u00a0 I\u2019m proud of what we\u2019re doing here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That really is good.\u00a0 I want to go to kind of the theme of your book.\u00a0 I still want to talk about this domestic tranquility, but I want to better understand what your goal is\u2014a happy husband?\u00a0 Happiness tends to denote circumstance.\u00a0 You\u2019re really talking about something, I think, more related to contentment.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the domestic tranquility is talking about\u2014at least to me, as a man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 That happiness\u2014it can be seen as something that\u2019s\u2014\u201cOh, we had a great day at work; so, we\u2019re happy!\u00a0 We got this great money; we\u2019re happy!\u2014but to say that happiness is a choice that we can give to each other as a gift.\u00a0 For instance, in a marriage, you can be happy, as a choice, for your husband.\u00a0 A lot of the book is about actually helping the wife to be happy because, usually, when the wife is happy, the husband is pretty happy, too.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the book\u2014if we can learn how to serve our husbands, if we can learn how to be at peace with our homes, be at peace with us, as wives, we can be more content with the role that we play\u2014that\u2019s going to rub off on our husbands.\u00a0 When I say a happy husband, I mean a husband that\u2019s not ignored, a husband that\u2019s not second to the children, a husband that\u2014 if he says he has a need\u2014we don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re just a man.\u201d\u00a0 A husband, who is heard, respected, cared for\u2014and I believe that husbands are not as complicated as wives\u2014if they get that, they\u2019re going to be pretty happy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the ways you talk about better providing that type of contented atmosphere in your home is\u00a0 to get in your husband\u2019s shoes\u2014to kind of walk a mile in his shoes, kind of get where he is and what he\u2019s battling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you do that with your husband, James?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sometimes, I would think, \u201cWow!\u201d\u00a0 If we were having tension about something, I\u2019d think, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t like you very much.\u201d\u00a0 I just thought in my mind, \u201cWell, he\u2019s probably thinking, \u2018I don\u2019t like you very much, either.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So, that\u2014even just that small click in my mind to say, \u201cThis is my perspective, but what is his perspective?\u201d\u00a0 Really, before you defend yourself, to pause and to think, \u201cWhat is he really trying to communicate here?\u00a0 Is there any truth in what he\u2019s saying?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTypically, I have found when you get defensive, it\u2019s because it hits something that\u2019s true in your life.\u00a0 If he said something about the home and I got defensive, it\u2019s because, yes, my house is kind of a mess.\u00a0 I need to take care of it\u2014you know?\u00a0 So, to be able to say, \u201cI want to listen to what you have to say,\u201d \u2014putting myself in his shoes, trying to understand, \u201cWhere is he coming from?\u201d\u00a0 That helped me a lot.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is James a neat freak?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s not!\u00a0 He\u2019s not.\u00a0 He\u2019s\u2014we have a very similar level of neatness.\u00a0 We like things picked up, but he is definitely not a neat freak; but he is a realtor.\u00a0 He looks at neat homes all day long.\u00a0 So, when he comes home to our home, it\u2019d be nice for him to be able to see a countertop or something like that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This subject that you talk about at the beginning of the book\u2014the whole idea of domestic tranquility.\u00a0 You\u2019re not just talking about having the house picked up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s more to it than that; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We talk about having a visible calm, which is your surroundings; but the invisible calm is more important.\u00a0 That is so much that the woman\u2014the wife\u2014that we learn how to be at peace with God, our family, our circumstance; so that when our husband comes home, he comes home to an invisible calm that\u2019s perhaps even more important than the picked-up house.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you\u2019re messing with little children or, for that matter, you\u2019ve got a bunch of teenagers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014a lot is happening in life.\u00a0 There can be a tendency for a husband, when he comes home, where he kind of feels like he\u2019s low man on the totem pole.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, in your book, you refer to it as \u201cTaking a Number\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Take a number.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014like going to Baskin-Robbins<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you take a number, if you\u2019re in line.\u00a0 Of course, that was probably years ago.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was thinking of the DMV\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s no\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you went to Baskin-Robbins.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\u00a0 Let\u2019s go to Baskin-Robbins!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can a wife help her husband not feel like he\u2019s taking a number?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right because the needs are still there; but to be able to recognize\u2014you know, \u201cWhen we were first courting\u201d\u2014a lot of the book is about thinking back\u2014\u201cWhen we were courting, how did I treat this man?\u00a0 How can I go back to that?\u201d\u00a0 When you\u2019re courting, it\u2019s like all your attention, your affection, your consideration went toward that man; but now, you have children.\u00a0 All that consideration, attention, affection now goes to the kids.\u00a0 Then, the husband kind of gets the leftovers of that.\u00a0 The husband is not going to say, \u201cExcuse me, could you help me?\u201d because he feels like, \u201cOh, she\u2019s already overwhelmed.\u00a0 Why do I want to put one more thing on her list?\u201d but he is still crying out for that attention.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven by doing something small of\u2014for me, if my husband is working in his home office\u2014I try to think, \u201cWell, bring him a glass of cold water.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s nothing, but it\u2019s something.\u00a0 It takes me 20 seconds; but it shows, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of you.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s writing a note, maybe it\u2019s telling your husband\u2014we\u2019ll talk about the \u201cE\u201d, the <em>eros<\/em>, later\u2014but it\u2019s telling your husband, \u201cWe have to schedule this because we have kids, but next Thursday we\u2019re going to have some special time together,\u201d so the husband doesn\u2019t feel like, \u201cI\u2019m just one of many here,\u201d but that he feels really honored.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be very small things.\u00a0 It can be\u2014when you are at the dinner table\u2014and you put your arm around his shoulders.\u00a0 It can be very small things that you do throughout the day; but you\u2019re constantly thinking, \u201cHow can I make my man important in this home?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to put a double underline under this because I\u2019ve had this conversation with Barbara before.\u00a0 There\u2019s not a lot throughout the day that comes into a man\u2019s life that\u2019s saying to him, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You really are number one!\u00a0 I really was looking forward to seeing you,\u201d at least there shouldn\u2019t be\u2014alright?\u2014especially with the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There needs to be one person, one woman, in a man\u2019s life who is saying, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about you today.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go do something together.\u00a0 Let\u2019s spend some time together tonight.\u201d\u00a0 Those are important words\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014for a husband to hear.\u00a0 Now, the interesting thing that you wrote about is that sometimes a husband can show you attention.\u00a0 Your husband did.\u00a0 He told you he wanted to put the kids to bed early one night, and you weren\u2019t that excited about his agenda for that evening; were you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure; right; right.\u00a0 We have to kind of clue into some things, as well.\u00a0 So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was the massage he wanted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to give you.\u00a0 Tell that story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 So many times we have this to-do list!\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s so important to us women that we get these things done.\u00a0 So, my husband like\u2014people say, \u201cBe a good husband.\u00a0 Take care of the kids.\u201d\u00a0 He did that!\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to give you a massage tonight.\u201d\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t even\u2014this wasn\u2019t even the lure for love-making.\u00a0 He just said, \u201cI want to give you a massage.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOkay,\u201d but what did I do?\u00a0 I stayed up.\u00a0 I did dishes because I don\u2019t like having the dishes in the sink.\u00a0 I did all these things.\u00a0 When I went upstairs, he was already too tired.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you come up earlier?\u00a0 I would have given you a massage.\u201d\u00a0 Then\u2014you can imagine how lame I felt, \u201cI did the dishes.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s thinking, \u201cYou picked doing the dishes over doing a massage?\u00a0 I would have happily done the dishes tomorrow morning.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 So many times, we\u2014women\u2014we whine, we complain, we fuss; but sometimes, our man is trying to be really nice to us.\u00a0 Yet, we still are stuck in our old patterns.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene, I think there are some women who are listening who are going, \u201cI could do what you\u2019re talking about if I felt like my husband was on the same page.\u00a0 Honestly, it sounds like your husband\u2019s a great guy.\u00a0 He wants to give you a massage.\u00a0 He puts the kids to bed.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 It\u2019s like, \u201cWho is this guy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI can make him a happy husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He said he would do the dishes tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean\u2014\u201dHello!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know, there are some wives who have tried some of what you\u2019re talking about; and they just feel like, \u201cI\u2019m getting nowhere.\u00a0 I get no response.\u00a0 He\u2019s in there with ESPN, and I\u2019m tired of trying.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s your word to them?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first word is try for the Lord\u2014to all those efforts, all that love, all those things that you are trying to do for him\u2014let your focus be, \u201cGod, I\u2019m doing this as unto You.\u201d\u00a0 You know\u2014all those submission passages.\u00a0 Those are the wives\u2019 least favorite verses\u2014right?\u2014in the Bible\u2014but it\u2019s, \u201cSubmit to your husband, <em>as to the Lord<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can turn those behaviors and say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I am banking on my reward coming from God.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to keep loving this man.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be patient with him.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to take care of him.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to love him, even if he ignores me, he\u2019s mean to me\u2014you know?\u2014he\u2019s short with me.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to keep loving him.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere will come a time where that man will break.\u00a0 There will\u2014something will happen, and it may be the <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>\u2014that might be the start; but you might say, \u201cI had to read the book 12 times before my husband budged!\u201d\u00a0 But if we wait for the husband to do something magical to change, we will be so disappointed, and we\u2019ll give up; but if we honestly say, \u201cGod, I know it\u2019s Your will for me to serve my husband in marriage.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to do it.\u201d\u00a0 If we can do it with that attitude, I\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s very nice.\u00a0 It\u2019s philosophical.\u00a0 It sounds good.\u00a0 In the real world, how does that play out because you so want to give up when things like that happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think talking to godly girlfriends could help\u2014not the kind that bring your husband down and want to talk with you about how he\u2019s such a this and he\u2019s such a that\u2014but women who really care, who can pray with you for that husband.\u00a0 If you gang up on that man with prayer and with a lot of love, he\u2019s going to be affected, even if he doesn\u2019t show it. He will be affected.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you stand before God, you\u2019re not going to give account for what your husband did; you will give account for what <em>you<\/em> did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and as you\u2019ve been talking about that wife, who is in a marriage that\u2014well, the guy is not all that loveable\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014humanly-speaking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I was thinking of Romans 12.\u00a0 If there are some wives and, for that matter, husbands who haven\u2019t read this recently, they ought to read Romans, Chapter 12, verses nine through the end of the chapter.\u00a0 Let me just cherry pick some phrases out of here:\u00a0 \u201c...as much as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNever paying back evil for evil...\u201d, \u201cNot trying to get even...\u201d,\u00a0 \u201c...live in harmony with one another,\u201d\u00a0 \u201c...try to outdo one another in showing honor,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet your love be genuine.\u201d\u00a0 Those are all great exhortations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s kind of, in essence, summarized in Philippians 2, where it talks about, \u201cDon\u2019t merely look out for your own interest, look out for the interests of others.\u201d\u00a0 If you want to look out for your own interest only, marriage is not a good relationship to be in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 To do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just looked a young couple in the eye\u2014that I performed some marriage preparation counseling for\u2014and I told them\u2014I said, \u201cYou know\u2014you are about to enter in to a relationship that demands death to self.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what makes a good marriage, and the Scriptures speak to that repeatedly.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 On opening night at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways, we talk about the things that threaten marital oneness.\u00a0 Really, when you get to the bottom-line, selfishness is at the core of what it is that drives us into isolation from one another.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to address that because, for both husband and wife, that\u2019s at the core.\u00a0 The only solution for that core is a spiritual solution.\u00a0 It\u2019s a reprioritization of your life to say, \u201cWhat matters to God is what matters most to me, and that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to live.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s on that foundation that the kinds of things we\u2019ve talked about today and the kinds of things you talk about in your book, Arlene, can be built.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been talking about happy husbands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArlene\u2019s written a book called <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how you can get a copy.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; and we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had an opportunity\u2014this was a number of months ago.\u00a0 I was speaking at an event for women and doing a breakout session on \u201cWhat Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 I had a chance just to talk, as a man, to these women about how we think as guys about what\u2019s important to us as husbands\u2014about how a wife can honor, respect, love, serve, affirm, encourage her husband.\u00a0 I got great response from the wives who were there.\u00a0 I think it was helpful for them to hear from a man about how they could please the Lord and please their husband.\u00a0 It\u2019s a part of what we do in marriage is\u2014 \u201cHow can we serve one another in a marriage relationship?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are making a copy of that CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>, available to those of you who are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are listener-supported.\u00a0 The fact that we\u2019re on the air today is because, in the past, we\u2019ve had folks, like you, who have contacted us and said, \u201cWe believe in what you\u2019re doing.\u00a0 We want to see it continue;\u201d and they\u2019ve made a donation.\u00a0 We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those folks; and we want to ask you if you would consider making a donation today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, make an online donation, we will automatically send you a copy of this CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 If you do that, be sure to ask for the CD.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s the CD for wives.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 Let me just say how much we appreciate your partnership with us.\u00a0 Thanks for your support of this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue our conversation on what it is that causes husbands to be happy husbands.\u00a0 You knew we\u2019d get around to it sooner or later\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about intimacy tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.48M"],"filesize_raw":["26713049"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302596.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302596.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px 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others describe your home as peaceful?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the keys to a happy marriage is to have a happy husband.\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane says, \u201cWe need to understand there\u2019s a difference between a self-absorbed man and a happy husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we can learn how to serve our husbands, we can be more content with the role that we play.\u00a0 That\u2019s going to rub off on our husbands.\u00a0 So, when I say a happy husband, I mean a husband that is not ignored, a husband that\u2019s not second to the children, a husband that\u2014if he says he has a need\u2014we don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, well, you\u2019re just a man.\u201d\u00a0 So, a husband, who is heard, respected, cared for\u2014and I believe that husbands are not as complicated as wives\u2014if they get that, they\u2019re going to be pretty happy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Before you go thinking that today\u2019s program is all about how a woman can become a slave to her husband\u2014hang on.\u00a0 Stay with us.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m really excited about this broadcast today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the name of the book we\u2019re going to be talking about is <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 Now, why wouldn\u2019t I be happy about that?!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is there something that needs to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think I need to call Barbara!\u00a0 This is a good subject we\u2019ve got today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you\u2019re happy; aren\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Every day is a happy day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara and I just celebrated our 40<sup>th<\/sup> Anniversary.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Congratulations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that.\u00a0 She\u2019s been a great wife, and she could\u2019ve used this book early on.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because you weren\u2019t all that happy early on?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 This is one of these conversations that is going to equip a lot of wives to better understand their husbands, and it\u2019s going to help husbands know how to articulate their needs to their wives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We should just say, because anytime we have a conversation like this, there are some folks who say, \u201cWhen are you going to talk to the men about what they need to do?\u201d\u00a0 We try to do that.\u00a0 In fact, I think we\u2019ve been doing that pretty hard here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we have.\u00a0 We\u2019ve written a little book called <em>Stepping Up:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>.\u00a0 If you\u2019re a man, and you haven\u2019t read that book, and if you haven\u2019t heard about the new video series that we\u2019ve got coming out for men\u2014it\u2019s a 10-session video series that is designed for small groups, big groups, father\/son\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a video event we\u2019re putting together.\u00a0 Again, all of it\u2019s designed to challenge men to step up and be men.\u00a0 So\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, actually, we\u2019re giving it to the men a lot harder than the women because we\u2019re only spending one session today on this, and we\u2019ve got a 10-week series for the men.\u00a0 <br><br>Arlene Pellicane joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Do you have a book, Arlene, that\u2019s going to be coming out called <em>31 Days<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014<em>to a Happy Wife<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I think that\u2019s a good title.\u00a0 I had a husband say, \u201cOh, <em>31<\/em> <em>Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 You don\u2019t even need 31 days.\u00a0 You only need \u2018Day 1: Sleep, Day 2: Sex, and Day 3: Food!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Does that sound pretty good?\u00a0 But he said, \u201cIf you had to do for a wife, that that would be like <em>War and Peace<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 That was the challenge to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene is a graduate of Biola; also, has her masters in Journalism from Regent University.\u00a0 She\u2019s a writer, a speaker, wife of one husband, James, lives in San Diego, along with their three children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start out in your book\u2014you\u2019ve got five areas that you talk about for husbands to be happy\u2014but before you give those, you have to tell the wedding story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have a great wedding story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I love a great wedding story, and you\u2019ve got one\u2014I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever heard of anything like this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had our professor, our college M.Div.\u2014he was James\u2019s M.Div. professor, Dr. Charles Holman.\u00a0 He was going to do the ceremony.\u00a0 This was only his second wedding.\u00a0 I was not concerned about this.\u00a0 We were fine.\u00a0 Here he was about to do the service, and the service began.\u00a0 All the music was playing.\u00a0 Everything was just right.\u00a0 I was standing out in the hallway, waiting for my <em>big moment<\/em>.\u00a0 The bridesmaids had not entered the building.\u00a0 My aunt was playing the piano, and there was a break in the music.\u00a0 When the music broke, the pastor took that as his cue to start.\u00a0 Dr. Holman started saying, \u201cDearly, beloved, here we are gathered\u201d\u00a0 I thought\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re not even in there yet?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not even in the room!\u00a0 I was still in the hallway.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThe wedding is starting without me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s up there with the groom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Only!<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Who does he think he\u2019s going to marry?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Only.\u00a0 Then, his wife\u2014we have heard was saying, [in a concerned tone] \u201cSomebody, please, stop him!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 But nobody could stop him.\u00a0 He got through the whole thing.\u00a0 He got to the point that he said, \u201cNow, who gives this woman to this man in marriage?\u201d\u00a0 He looked down, and he only saw my husband-to-be.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhere\u2019s Peter?\u201d\u2014who is my dad because he\u2019s supposed to answer that question; right?!\u00a0 He\u2019s still not clueing in, \u201cThe bride is not there.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s looking for Peter.\u00a0 He\u2019s looking for the answer to the question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, he says, \u201cOh my; oh my.\u201d\u00a0 Then, the music starts.\u00a0 The door flies open.\u00a0 They kick the bridesmaids down the aisle.\u00a0 I come down the aisle.\u00a0 He saved himself so gloriously.\u00a0 He said, \u201c<em>Now<\/em>, we are ready to begin the wedding.\u201d\u00a0 The rest of the wedding was flawless, but it started without me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 Weddings, really, are a dime a dozen in terms of how they start and how they go.\u00a0 What makes them classic\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014are these moments!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The whole\u2014all the people watching\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No one\u2019s going to forget that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know\u2014should they laugh?\u00a0 Should they be mortified?\u00a0 It was very nervous.\u00a0 They kind of went [nervous laughter] like this\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, let\u2019s go to your book.\u00a0 You have five sections in your book.\u00a0 Just quickly give our listeners a rundown of these five areas that you believe are really important for a husband to be \u201chappy\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene<\/strong>:\u00a0 These areas will be very easy to remember because they form the word, DREAM, because so many times, we start with that dream in marriage; but then real life kicks in and it becomes more of this dull-routine thing.\u00a0 So, taking the word, DREAM, the \u201cD\u201d is domestic tranquility.\u00a0 The \u201cR\u201d is respect.\u00a0 The \u201cE\u201d is <em>eros<\/em>.\u00a0 The \u201cA\u201d is attraction, and the \u201cM\u201d is mutual activities.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright, now, let\u2019s go to the first one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014domestic tranquility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s where you start.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>A peaceful home\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 A peaceful home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what a man is really looking for?\u00a0 <strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, you think of it.\u00a0 The man\u2014he\u2019s been out all day.\u00a0 He\u2019s been slaying his dragons.\u00a0 He\u2019s stressed; and he wants to come to a home where he feels loved, and appreciated, and wanted.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, for the women, we think, \u201cWell, that\u2019s really nice.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been home all day with these crazy kids, and my laundry, and my to-do list.\u00a0 I\u2019m supposed to have a peaceful home with my husband when he comes home.\u201d\u00a0 So, I understand that.\u00a0 I have three kids.\u00a0 They are two, five, and seven.\u00a0 There are many times where it\u2019s not necessarily peaceful when he walks in the door.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thought there is, for us, first of all to recognize, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 When my husband comes home, I want it to be a place where he enjoys being.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s enjoyable?\u00a0 Well, it can be crazy.\u00a0 It can be loud, but it\u2019s got to have that sense of peace and that domestic tranquility that there is peace in the home.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, sometimes that means disciplining my kids and making sure that we are right before he walks in that door.\u00a0 It means picking up.\u00a0 We know, \u201cOkay, you can\u2019t pick up the whole house, but you can pick up from the garage to the dinner table.\u201d\u00a0 Get that kind of cleaned up a little bit, and get you kids involved in doing that so that when he walks in the home, he feels like, \u201cOh, I\u2019m glad I\u2019m here,\u201d instead of like, \u201cThis is a nightmare.\u00a0 I should have stayed at work an hour later.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It sounds like what you\u2019re saying is that there ought to be some purposefulness and some thought to this entry point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know about when your husband\u2019s going to come home.\u00a0 If you just do a little bit of planning and preparation, you can make that entry a happy one.\u00a0 That sets the tone for the rest of the evening; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 It sounds like it\u2019s overwhelming; but if you just say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to clear the entryway, and I\u2019m going to put on a little lipstick.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to greet him with a hug, and a smile, and say, \u2018Honey, we\u2019re so glad you\u2019re here.\u00a0 Welcome to the zoo.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 But let it be something that he\u2019s happy to be there; and he feels like, \u201cWow!\u00a0 They took some effort to welcome me home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to give some men some advice because there are some husbands listening to us right now that are going, \u201cOh, yes!\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m getting a copy of this book and taking it home tonight!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI know what my lecture is tonight when I arrive home.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to pull out the big guns on this deal.\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s my advice to that husband\u2014you need to take care of the kids for a long weekend\u2014a Friday afternoon, all day Saturday, all day Sunday\u2014so your wife comes back Sunday night.\u00a0 After you do that, then, you can have this conversation.\u00a0\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once you have a little empathy for what goes on around the house all day?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you.\u00a0 I did this more than once.\u00a0 The first time I did it, I was praying for my wife\u2019s return.\u00a0 But your point is you have to make your home livable\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014where both the kids and the adults can live there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to step in here because I\u2019m imagining some wives who are going, \u201cOkay, look.\u00a0 Why is it my job to make sure that the house is picked up?\u00a0 He\u2019s adding to the clutter with how he lives.\u00a0 He drops his clothes here and does this.\u00a0 In fact, the whole premise of your book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>, makes it sound like I\u2019m supposed to be his domestic slave.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll have to think about that one, Bob!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Well, I think that so much of it is service.\u00a0 It\u2019s true.\u00a0 Sometimes, it does not make sense.\u00a0 It\u2019s true:\u00a0 \u201cI work.\u00a0 My husband works.\u00a0 There\u2019s a mess.\u00a0 Why do I have to do it?\u201d\u00a0 If you look at it that way, all these moments become, \u201cWhy do I have to do this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it becomes, \u201cWe are a team.\u00a0 We work together as a team.\u00a0 The husband brings something.\u00a0 The wife brings something to the table.\u00a0 This is a way I can serve my family,\u201d whether it is appreciated or not, God sees you.\u00a0 God sees what you\u2019re doing, and He will reward you for the service that you are giving.\u00a0 If we could elevate ourselves\u2014perhaps, instead of feeling like, \u201cI\u2019m this maid around here,\u201d \u2014but instead, to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m the one who tidies up.\u00a0 God\u2019s watching.\u00a0 I\u2019m proud of what we\u2019re doing here.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That really is good.\u00a0 I want to go to kind of the theme of your book.\u00a0 I still want to talk about this domestic tranquility, but I want to better understand what your goal is\u2014a happy husband?\u00a0 Happiness tends to denote circumstance.\u00a0 You\u2019re really talking about something, I think, more related to contentment.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the domestic tranquility is talking about\u2014at least to me, as a man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 That happiness\u2014it can be seen as something that\u2019s\u2014\u201cOh, we had a great day at work; so, we\u2019re happy!\u00a0 We got this great money; we\u2019re happy!\u2014but to say that happiness is a choice that we can give to each other as a gift.\u00a0 For instance, in a marriage, you can be happy, as a choice, for your husband.\u00a0 A lot of the book is about actually helping the wife to be happy because, usually, when the wife is happy, the husband is pretty happy, too.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the book\u2014if we can learn how to serve our husbands, if we can learn how to be at peace with our homes, be at peace with us, as wives, we can be more content with the role that we play\u2014that\u2019s going to rub off on our husbands.\u00a0 When I say a happy husband, I mean a husband that\u2019s not ignored, a husband that\u2019s not second to the children, a husband that\u2014 if he says he has a need\u2014we don\u2019t say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re just a man.\u201d\u00a0 A husband, who is heard, respected, cared for\u2014and I believe that husbands are not as complicated as wives\u2014if they get that, they\u2019re going to be pretty happy!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the ways you talk about better providing that type of contented atmosphere in your home is\u00a0 to get in your husband\u2019s shoes\u2014to kind of walk a mile in his shoes, kind of get where he is and what he\u2019s battling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you do that with your husband, James?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sometimes, I would think, \u201cWow!\u201d\u00a0 If we were having tension about something, I\u2019d think, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t like you very much.\u201d\u00a0 I just thought in my mind, \u201cWell, he\u2019s probably thinking, \u2018I don\u2019t like you very much, either.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So, that\u2014even just that small click in my mind to say, \u201cThis is my perspective, but what is his perspective?\u201d\u00a0 Really, before you defend yourself, to pause and to think, \u201cWhat is he really trying to communicate here?\u00a0 Is there any truth in what he\u2019s saying?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTypically, I have found when you get defensive, it\u2019s because it hits something that\u2019s true in your life.\u00a0 If he said something about the home and I got defensive, it\u2019s because, yes, my house is kind of a mess.\u00a0 I need to take care of it\u2014you know?\u00a0 So, to be able to say, \u201cI want to listen to what you have to say,\u201d \u2014putting myself in his shoes, trying to understand, \u201cWhere is he coming from?\u201d\u00a0 That helped me a lot.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is James a neat freak?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s not!\u00a0 He\u2019s not.\u00a0 He\u2019s\u2014we have a very similar level of neatness.\u00a0 We like things picked up, but he is definitely not a neat freak; but he is a realtor.\u00a0 He looks at neat homes all day long.\u00a0 So, when he comes home to our home, it\u2019d be nice for him to be able to see a countertop or something like that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This subject that you talk about at the beginning of the book\u2014the whole idea of domestic tranquility.\u00a0 You\u2019re not just talking about having the house picked up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s more to it than that; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We talk about having a visible calm, which is your surroundings; but the invisible calm is more important.\u00a0 That is so much that the woman\u2014the wife\u2014that we learn how to be at peace with God, our family, our circumstance; so that when our husband comes home, he comes home to an invisible calm that\u2019s perhaps even more important than the picked-up house.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you\u2019re messing with little children or, for that matter, you\u2019ve got a bunch of teenagers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014a lot is happening in life.\u00a0 There can be a tendency for a husband, when he comes home, where he kind of feels like he\u2019s low man on the totem pole.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, in your book, you refer to it as \u201cTaking a Number\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Take a number.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014like going to Baskin-Robbins<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you take a number, if you\u2019re in line.\u00a0 Of course, that was probably years ago.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was thinking of the DMV\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s no\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you went to Baskin-Robbins.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\u00a0 Let\u2019s go to Baskin-Robbins!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can a wife help her husband not feel like he\u2019s taking a number?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right because the needs are still there; but to be able to recognize\u2014you know, \u201cWhen we were first courting\u201d\u2014a lot of the book is about thinking back\u2014\u201cWhen we were courting, how did I treat this man?\u00a0 How can I go back to that?\u201d\u00a0 When you\u2019re courting, it\u2019s like all your attention, your affection, your consideration went toward that man; but now, you have children.\u00a0 All that consideration, attention, affection now goes to the kids.\u00a0 Then, the husband kind of gets the leftovers of that.\u00a0 The husband is not going to say, \u201cExcuse me, could you help me?\u201d because he feels like, \u201cOh, she\u2019s already overwhelmed.\u00a0 Why do I want to put one more thing on her list?\u201d but he is still crying out for that attention.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven by doing something small of\u2014for me, if my husband is working in his home office\u2014I try to think, \u201cWell, bring him a glass of cold water.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s nothing, but it\u2019s something.\u00a0 It takes me 20 seconds; but it shows, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of you.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s writing a note, maybe it\u2019s telling your husband\u2014we\u2019ll talk about the \u201cE\u201d, the <em>eros<\/em>, later\u2014but it\u2019s telling your husband, \u201cWe have to schedule this because we have kids, but next Thursday we\u2019re going to have some special time together,\u201d so the husband doesn\u2019t feel like, \u201cI\u2019m just one of many here,\u201d but that he feels really honored.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be very small things.\u00a0 It can be\u2014when you are at the dinner table\u2014and you put your arm around his shoulders.\u00a0 It can be very small things that you do throughout the day; but you\u2019re constantly thinking, \u201cHow can I make my man important in this home?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to put a double underline under this because I\u2019ve had this conversation with Barbara before.\u00a0 There\u2019s not a lot throughout the day that comes into a man\u2019s life that\u2019s saying to him, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You really are number one!\u00a0 I really was looking forward to seeing you,\u201d at least there shouldn\u2019t be\u2014alright?\u2014especially with the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There needs to be one person, one woman, in a man\u2019s life who is saying, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about you today.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go do something together.\u00a0 Let\u2019s spend some time together tonight.\u201d\u00a0 Those are important words\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014for a husband to hear.\u00a0 Now, the interesting thing that you wrote about is that sometimes a husband can show you attention.\u00a0 Your husband did.\u00a0 He told you he wanted to put the kids to bed early one night, and you weren\u2019t that excited about his agenda for that evening; were you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure; right; right.\u00a0 We have to kind of clue into some things, as well.\u00a0 So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was the massage he wanted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to give you.\u00a0 Tell that story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 So many times we have this to-do list!\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s so important to us women that we get these things done.\u00a0 So, my husband like\u2014people say, \u201cBe a good husband.\u00a0 Take care of the kids.\u201d\u00a0 He did that!\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m going to give you a massage tonight.\u201d\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t even\u2014this wasn\u2019t even the lure for love-making.\u00a0 He just said, \u201cI want to give you a massage.\u201d\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOkay,\u201d but what did I do?\u00a0 I stayed up.\u00a0 I did dishes because I don\u2019t like having the dishes in the sink.\u00a0 I did all these things.\u00a0 When I went upstairs, he was already too tired.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you come up earlier?\u00a0 I would have given you a massage.\u201d\u00a0 Then\u2014you can imagine how lame I felt, \u201cI did the dishes.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s thinking, \u201cYou picked doing the dishes over doing a massage?\u00a0 I would have happily done the dishes tomorrow morning.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 So many times, we\u2014women\u2014we whine, we complain, we fuss; but sometimes, our man is trying to be really nice to us.\u00a0 Yet, we still are stuck in our old patterns.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene, I think there are some women who are listening who are going, \u201cI could do what you\u2019re talking about if I felt like my husband was on the same page.\u00a0 Honestly, it sounds like your husband\u2019s a great guy.\u00a0 He wants to give you a massage.\u00a0 He puts the kids to bed.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 It\u2019s like, \u201cWho is this guy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI can make him a happy husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He said he would do the dishes tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean\u2014\u201dHello!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know, there are some wives who have tried some of what you\u2019re talking about; and they just feel like, \u201cI\u2019m getting nowhere.\u00a0 I get no response.\u00a0 He\u2019s in there with ESPN, and I\u2019m tired of trying.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s your word to them?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first word is try for the Lord\u2014to all those efforts, all that love, all those things that you are trying to do for him\u2014let your focus be, \u201cGod, I\u2019m doing this as unto You.\u201d\u00a0 You know\u2014all those submission passages.\u00a0 Those are the wives\u2019 least favorite verses\u2014right?\u2014in the Bible\u2014but it\u2019s, \u201cSubmit to your husband, <em>as to the Lord<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can turn those behaviors and say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I am banking on my reward coming from God.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to keep loving this man.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be patient with him.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to take care of him.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to love him, even if he ignores me, he\u2019s mean to me\u2014you know?\u2014he\u2019s short with me.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to keep loving him.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere will come a time where that man will break.\u00a0 There will\u2014something will happen, and it may be the <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>\u2014that might be the start; but you might say, \u201cI had to read the book 12 times before my husband budged!\u201d\u00a0 But if we wait for the husband to do something magical to change, we will be so disappointed, and we\u2019ll give up; but if we honestly say, \u201cGod, I know it\u2019s Your will for me to serve my husband in marriage.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to do it.\u201d\u00a0 If we can do it with that attitude, I\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s very nice.\u00a0 It\u2019s philosophical.\u00a0 It sounds good.\u00a0 In the real world, how does that play out because you so want to give up when things like that happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think talking to godly girlfriends could help\u2014not the kind that bring your husband down and want to talk with you about how he\u2019s such a this and he\u2019s such a that\u2014but women who really care, who can pray with you for that husband.\u00a0 If you gang up on that man with prayer and with a lot of love, he\u2019s going to be affected, even if he doesn\u2019t show it. He will be affected.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you stand before God, you\u2019re not going to give account for what your husband did; you will give account for what <em>you<\/em> did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and as you\u2019ve been talking about that wife, who is in a marriage that\u2014well, the guy is not all that loveable\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014humanly-speaking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I was thinking of Romans 12.\u00a0 If there are some wives and, for that matter, husbands who haven\u2019t read this recently, they ought to read Romans, Chapter 12, verses nine through the end of the chapter.\u00a0 Let me just cherry pick some phrases out of here:\u00a0 \u201c...as much as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNever paying back evil for evil...\u201d, \u201cNot trying to get even...\u201d,\u00a0 \u201c...live in harmony with one another,\u201d\u00a0 \u201c...try to outdo one another in showing honor,\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLet your love be genuine.\u201d\u00a0 Those are all great exhortations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s kind of, in essence, summarized in Philippians 2, where it talks about, \u201cDon\u2019t merely look out for your own interest, look out for the interests of others.\u201d\u00a0 If you want to look out for your own interest only, marriage is not a good relationship to be in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 To do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just looked a young couple in the eye\u2014that I performed some marriage preparation counseling for\u2014and I told them\u2014I said, \u201cYou know\u2014you are about to enter in to a relationship that demands death to self.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what makes a good marriage, and the Scriptures speak to that repeatedly.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 On opening night at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways, we talk about the things that threaten marital oneness.\u00a0 Really, when you get to the bottom-line, selfishness is at the core of what it is that drives us into isolation from one another.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to address that because, for both husband and wife, that\u2019s at the core.\u00a0 The only solution for that core is a spiritual solution.\u00a0 It\u2019s a reprioritization of your life to say, \u201cWhat matters to God is what matters most to me, and that\u2019s how I\u2019m going to live.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s on that foundation that the kinds of things we\u2019ve talked about today and the kinds of things you talk about in your book, Arlene, can be built.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been talking about happy husbands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArlene\u2019s written a book called <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how you can get a copy.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; and we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Arlene Pellicane\u2019s book, <em>31 Days to a Happy Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had an opportunity\u2014this was a number of months ago.\u00a0 I was speaking at an event for women and doing a breakout session on \u201cWhat Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 I had a chance just to talk, as a man, to these women about how we think as guys about what\u2019s important to us as husbands\u2014about how a wife can honor, respect, love, serve, affirm, encourage her husband.\u00a0 I got great response from the wives who were there.\u00a0 I think it was helpful for them to hear from a man about how they could please the Lord and please their husband.\u00a0 It\u2019s a part of what we do in marriage is\u2014 \u201cHow can we serve one another in a marriage relationship?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are making a copy of that CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>, available to those of you who are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are listener-supported.\u00a0 The fact that we\u2019re on the air today is because, in the past, we\u2019ve had folks, like you, who have contacted us and said, \u201cWe believe in what you\u2019re doing.\u00a0 We want to see it continue;\u201d and they\u2019ve made a donation.\u00a0 We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those folks; and we want to ask you if you would consider making a donation today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, make an online donation, we will automatically send you a copy of this CD, <em>What Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew about Men<\/em>; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 If you do that, be sure to ask for the CD.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s the CD for wives.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 Let me just say how much we appreciate your partnership with us.\u00a0 Thanks for your support of this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue our conversation on what it is that causes husbands to be happy husbands.\u00a0 You knew we\u2019d get around to it sooner or later\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about intimacy tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302596"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302596"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302596"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}