{"id":302595,"date":"2012-09-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/married-to-a-liar\/"},"modified":"2012-09-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-14T15:00:00","slug":"married-to-a-liar","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/married-to-a-liar\/","title":{"rendered":"Married to a Liar"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you totally honest with your spouse? Are they totally honest with you?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-14.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.25M","filesize_raw":"23330061","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2873],"tags":[5102],"podcast_series":[7900],"cwp_profile":[3226],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302595","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-honesty","podcast_series-picking-up-the-pieces","cwp_profile-lou-priolo","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302595\/married-to-a-liar","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302595\/married-to-a-liar","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2JRs0giRnh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/married-to-a-liar\/\">Married to a Liar<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/married-to-a-liar\/embed\/#?secret=2JRs0giRnh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Married to a Liar&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2JRs0giRnh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-14.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-14.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0See, I think back to lying, as a child; and I got away with it more than I got caught.\u00a0 That just reinforces, \u201cHey, this works.\u00a0 I can do this.\u201d\u00a0 I had to be broken of that pattern, not through conscience, but through Scripture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we have a guest who I\u2019ll bet he\u2019s heard a few lies over the past few years because you\u2019ve been in counseling for more than a quarter century.\u00a0 Lou Priolo joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Lou, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Yes, with a possible exception of judges and police officers, I probably get lied to more than anybody else in Montgomery, Alabama.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, isn\u2019t that interesting?\u00a0 Some people wouldn\u2019t\u2014they wouldn\u2019t necessarily associate a counselor getting lied to a lot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, initially, people are not always willing, until they trust you, to put all their cards on the table; and remember, one of the most common types of lies is concealment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That brings us to really what I want us to talk about today because I\u2019ve been at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways\u2014had people come up to me and say, \u201cI\u2019m married to a liar.\u00a0 My wife regularly does not tell me the truth.\u00a0 What do I do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, that\u2019s kind of a stumper.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you don\u2019t have trust, when you can\u2019t count on the fact that the person sitting across the table from you, whom you pledge to love, honor, and cherish, is telling you the truth about something\u2014how do you make a relationship work when trust is not there, at that level, when lying is a regular part of the relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s very difficult.\u00a0 The truth is you will not be able to have any significant level of real intimacy and a real, close relationship.\u00a0 You can have a superficial relationship; but in order to really experience the intimacy that the Bible says a husband and a wife should have, there needs to be truthfulness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed.\u00a0 Before the Fall, they could be totally open, totally honest, totally frank with each other.\u00a0 Then, sin occurs.\u00a0 Now, we want to cover up.\u00a0 We want to not disclose to our spouse the information that he or she has a biblical need to know because of our pride, or fear, or other things.\u00a0 It really messes up our intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You cite a survey that went all the way back to 1988 that indicated, at that time, we lie about 13 times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The average guy lies that often?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirteen times a week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright?<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A new survey that indicates we lie\u2014what is it?\u2014up to 200 times a day?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean that\u2019s a lot of lies.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s delicious!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t eat another bite.\u201d\u00a0 Did you ever say that?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cSo glad you dropped by.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t doing a thing.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe baby is just beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cPut the map away, Honey.\u00a0 I know exactly how to get there.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about the oath that we are encouraged to take when we\u2019re sworn in.\u00a0 \u201cDo you swear\u201d\u2014or affirm\u2014\u201cto tell the truth, the <em>whole truth<\/em>, and nothing but the truth?\u201d\u00a0 Why is that?\u00a0 Well, because you can tell the truth and you can leave something out and mislead people by not giving all of the data, as I said, that they have a biblical need to know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that oath pretty much covers all manifestations of lies, except possibly insinuation, which was probably left out of the oath for the benefit of the lawyers.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s the point.\u00a0 If our intent is to deceive another person, to mislead them, to either not tell or to shade truth\u2014if, in our heart, we want the other person misled, we\u2019re lying; aren\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so now, back to my original question.\u00a0 If I\u2019m married to a person and this is that pattern in that person\u2019s life\u2014you said, \u201cWe can\u2019t really have intimacy unless that person confronts their lying.\u201d\u00a0 If I\u2019m the one married to the liar, is there anything I can <em>do<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s going to depend largely if the person\u2014the liar\u2014to whom you\u2019re married, is a professing believer or not.\u00a0 Certainly, if he or she is a believer, then, yes, you have to go through the process of confronting him\u2014possibly getting other people involved\u2014but the bottom line is the person has got to, as it says in Ephesians,\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Chapter 4, \u201cPut away his lying and become a teller of the truth,\u201d \u2014which, again, it\u2019s not going to happen overnight.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll point it out if I know it\u2019s happening; but when he comes home and I say, \u201cYou\u2019re late.\u00a0 How come you\u2019re late?\u201d and he says, \u201cOh, my boss came in,\u201d I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s true or not.\u00a0 I can\u2019t point it out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Generally speaking, the Bible says, in 1 Corinthians 13, that love believes the best.\u00a0 In the absence of evidence to the contrary, we should believe the best.\u00a0 If there are ten interpretations of something that somebody says, nine of them are bad; and only one of them is good.\u00a0 In the absence of evidence to the contrary, if we love them, we are going to believe the best about them.\u00a0 However, if there is a growing mountain of evidence that the person is not a truth-teller, then, we\u2019re not really being uncharitable if we don\u2019t believe him because he has proven himself to be a liar.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As I was reading this little book that you\u2019ve written called, <em>Deception<\/em>, I was fascinated to see all the various kinds of lies that we can utter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The funny thing is, Dennis, after the book was published, I found two more.\u00a0 So, I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think this will help people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in recognizing maybe what Bob was talking about here.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to list them all because it\u2019s impossible; but first of all, there is inference or insinuation, concealment, hidden agenda, perjury, fabrication.\u00a0 Here\u2019s one that can get people\u2014flattery\u2014back to, \u201cOh, you don\u2019t look a day over 40,\u201d\u2014verbalizing suspicions or faults, conclusions\u2014that\u2019s an interesting one\u2014diversion, having an argument and diverting away from the issue or the truth.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, wait.\u00a0 That\u2019s a lie\u2014to divert?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 If your purpose is to mislead people; yes, it could very well be a lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Another one is partial truth.\u00a0 That goes back to the oath illustration, \u201cThe whole truth and <em>nothing <\/em>but the truth.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This next one I am just going to say real quickly\u2014[spoken quickly] exaggeration, because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Speaking hyperbolically.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014Yes; covering up past sins.\u00a0 I know a wife who was asked by her husband, before they were married, about her past.\u00a0 She did not share that she\u2019d been involved, and had gotten pregnant, and had an abortion.\u00a0 It came out, more than a decade later, in their marriage.\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s concealment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ve got to admit on this one\u2014I have to stop you on this next one that you list\u2014kidding, teasing, and joking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cLike fire brands, arrows, and death, so is he who deceives his neighbor and says, \u2018Was I not joking?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a favorite proverb at our house when our kids were growing up because our kids would always throw out, \u201cI was just kidding!\u201d\u00a0 We would make them recite the Proverbs that says, \u201cLike a mad man shooting fire brands or arrows.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 So, what about an uncle?\u00a0 I had an uncle who\u2014he was a tease\u2014and it was a way of having fun.\u00a0 I never ever equated his teasing with lying.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, the idea behind that\u2014it\u2019s not a sin if it\u2019s obvious that the person is kidding or it\u2019s obvious that the person is not being truthful with you.\u00a0 It\u2019s sort of like when you go to a football game; okay?\u2014or a basketball game.\u00a0 The players fake each other out.\u00a0 They mislead each other.\u00a0 You go to a play; okay?\u00a0 You are misled.\u00a0 You are paying money to go see a play, and you know that the actors are purposely misleading you.\u00a0 If you understand, up front, that there\u2019s intent to deceive, or mislead, or to jest, or to joke, that\u2019s not really a lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, then.\u00a0 I have to have you weigh in on this situation with Dennis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh boy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know what you\u2019re going\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014what you\u2019re going to bring up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because he\u2019s been\u2014he\u2019s had this come up before, and I\u2019d like you to adjudicate.\u00a0 It was approaching Christmas, and Dennis wanted to kind of do a little surprise with his wife\u2014whisk her off to New York for a little getaway\u2014but he wanted it to be a surprise.\u00a0 So, he told her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there\u2019s absolutely no truth in the statement?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, he told her that they were going to this conference in San Antonio.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes, there was no truth to what he was saying;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but he was doing it for a surprise!\u00a0 Is that okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know the Bible says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cStrong mead belongs to those who are mature, to those who by reason of use have their senses, their consciences, exercised to discern both good and evil.\u201d\u00a0 Having said that, my conscience never would have allowed me to say that to my wife; but I don\u2019t want to be your judge about that, brother.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve told that story a number of times here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019ve already apologized to Barbara and to our audience for being a bad example here.\u00a0 Some of our listeners, though, are not laughing about something like a surprise party.\u00a0 They\u2019re married to a habitual lying\u2014a deceiving manipulator.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Maybe, an unbeliever.\u00a0 Now, it\u2019s a whole different ball game\u2014isn\u2019t it?\u2014if the person doesn\u2019t profess faith in Christ and you\u2019re in a covenant relationship with somebody who routinely lies to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The sad thing is, or the interesting thing is, most of the lies that were told in the Bible initially succeeded.\u00a0 I mean, there are so many examples of lying in the Bible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could almost say, tongue-in-cheek, \u201cThe Bible is filled with lies,\u201d because there are many lies explained in the Bible.\u00a0 The majority of them successfully duped their victims, initially.\u00a0 When they were found out, often, it was because of some kind of miraculous God-thing that revealed the truth.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very hard thing to defend against; but the bottom line is\u2014you\u2019re not unloving, you\u2019re not wrong\u2014if you don\u2019t trust somebody who habitually lies to you.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, you shouldn\u2019t trust somebody who lies to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not 100 percent; no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How do you guard your heart in that situation?\u00a0 I mean, you\u2019re in a marriage relationship\u2014how do you keep from being taken advantage of?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you have to be truthful.\u00a0 I mean, sounds ironic; but I think you need to say, \u201cHoney, you\u2019ve lied to me so many times.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, but I just don\u2019t trust you anymore.\u00a0 You\u2019re not trustworthy.\u00a0 You\u2019re not dependable.\u00a0 You\u2019re not reliable.\u201d\u00a0 If he\u2019s a Christian, \u201cYou\u2019re \u2018Yes\u2019 is not yes; your \u2018No\u2019 is not no,\u201d \u2014using biblical terminology\u2014however, you want to do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you just, up front, tell the person, \u201cUntil you start becoming a teller of the truth, our relationship is in some areas going to be stalled; and it\u2019s going to hurt us.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to hurt our children.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want to trust you.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to trust you as much as I can.\u00a0 I do love you.\u201d\u00a0 If it\u2019s a wife, \u201cI will continue to be a dutiful wife to you; but the bottom line is, unless you stop lying, I am not going to be able to trust you.\u201d\u00a0 Let the other person know, in no uncertain terms, that he cannot be trusted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the person says, \u201cOkay, I recognize this.\u00a0 You\u2019re right.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\u00a0 \u201cYou have to become a teller of the truth.<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough\u2014I mean, you don\u2019t lie 100 percent of time.\u00a0 I mean, if I asked you last night, \u2018Would you like your favorite pizza for dinner?\u2019\u00a0 You would tell me, \u2018Yes.\u2019\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t lie.\u00a0 Just because you don\u2019t lie 24\/7, doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re not a liar.\u00a0 You can stop for a minute or two, or a day or two.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to be good enough until you learn how to continuously, regularly, exclusively, speak the truth in love.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That person, who has had a pattern in his or her life of not telling the truth, is that going to be a pattern that\u2019s going to be\u2014it\u2019s going to have to be broken over time?\u00a0 You can\u2019t, again, flip a switch\u2014can you?\u2014and all of a sudden become a truth-teller?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can happen quicker than most people realize, but right.\u00a0 It\u2019s going\u2014it\u2019s very unusual that a person will just be able to stop\u2014come to a screeching halt\u2014because a lot of times\u2014you know, there are so many different ways to lie.\u00a0 Like, for example, you didn\u2019t mention the \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d lie.\u00a0 We say, \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d when we know.\u00a0 Well, several times, you know, Rahab said, \u201cI don\u2019t know where the man went.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know where my brother is.\u00a0 Am I my brother\u2019s keeper?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many different varieties\u2014styles\u2014of lying that a liar sometimes doesn\u2019t even realize the extent to which he\u2019s lying.\u00a0 So, yes, Bob, it\u2019s going to be very difficult for him to stop.\u00a0 He\u2019s probably not going to be able to stop overnight.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to take time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if your wife comes to you and says, \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d what do you say, Lou?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If it does? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course, you say, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If she says, \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d and you\u2019re about to go out somewhere, you just say, \u201cYes, it does\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you could say\u2014you could say, \u201cSweetheart, it\u2019s not the most flattering dress you have.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 I was going to say, Lou, far be it from me to correct you, as the counselor, at this point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I say I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m a New Yorker.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not from the South where you all have this polite stuff going on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bless your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Polite.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve been talking about biblical counsel.\u00a0 I would give you some biblical counsel in return.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cSpeaking the truth in love,\u201d and there is a way to speak the truth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so, teach me.\u00a0 You counsel me.\u00a0 How would I tell my wife she\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would just say to her, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, you\u2019ve got other dresses that make you look better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\u00a0 That\u2019s a much better way to say it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s\u2014I just wouldn\u2019t say, \u201cYes, you look fat.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 That would not be good.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not go well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not go well for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in the South or in the North.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid the cold winds blow wherever that goes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do we do when we read stories in the Bible, like Jacob and Esau\u2014we see Jacob deceiving his brother\u2014and it appears to be the plan of God for that to happen?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the plan of God for Jesus Christ to die on the cross involved murder.\u00a0 So, God decrees that people will sin to accomplish His will.\u00a0 He is sovereign, even over the sins over all of us, but it does not take away our culpability.\u00a0 It still is wrong to lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, Jacob wasn\u2019t fulfilling his destiny.\u00a0 He would have been the one who was in the position over his brother because that\u2019s what God had said from the beginning, whether he lied to make that happen or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, one thing we haven\u2019t talked about, and it seemed like our kids did it naturally.\u00a0 Is what do you do with children who lie?\u00a0 Maybe one\u2014and I\u2019m not thinking one of my children\u2014but I am thinking of a child in a family right now who just seems like a habitual liar\u2014has got a pattern, a sin pattern, here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you recommend?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve spent a lot of time, so far, describing the different kinds of lies; but we didn\u2019t do a whole lot of, because of time, talk about how to solve the problem.\u00a0 Basically, it\u2019s a matter of first convicting the child of the wrongfulness of the lie\u2014to help him to understand what his specific style of lying is.\u00a0 We all have our own unique styles of sinning and our own unique styles of lying\u2014liars have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have to first identify, \u201cWhat kind of lies am I most likely to tell?\u201d\u00a0 Then, we have to make it our goal or teach the child, in this case, to make it his goal to be a teller of the truth.\u00a0 We have to explain to him or to her that trust is lost\u2014and to understand that forgiveness may be granted for a lie\u2014but there may be consequences and, not the least of which will be, a certain loss of trust.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have said to many counselees who struggle with lying, \u201cBob, I want you to imagine what it\u2019s going to be like someday\u2014maybe three or four months from now, maybe a year from now when\u2014as you walk down the street, people will say\u2014instead of saying, \u2018There goes Bob Lepine.\u00a0 He is undependable.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t always tell the truth\u2019\u2014they say, \u2018There goes Bob Lepine.\u00a0 He\u2019s the most truthful man of integrity I have ever met.\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to make it your goal, not just to stop lying.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to make it your goal to understand how important it is to be a man of integrity, how important it is for your \u201cYes\u201d to be yes, to imagine what it will be like someday when you are known as a truth-teller rather than a liar.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are other things I mention in the book\u2014like helping them understand all of the other consequences involved with lying.\u00a0 Of course, we have to talk about the fact that, whatever the sin pattern in our life, apart from God\u2019s grace, apart from the Gospel of Jesus Christ, none of us are able to change.\u00a0 We have to point them to Christ, help them to understand that apart from His grace, His Word, His working in their heart, they are not going to be able to change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you ended there, Lou, because I feel like the Christian life is a lifetime process of God taking this onion, called Dennis Rainey, and stripping layer after layer of deceit, lies, selfishness\u2014I mean, just the list seems endless\u2014but where you just ended is where we all must camp and rest in.\u00a0 That is that the cross represents the finished work\u2014the grace of God poured out through Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who gave Himself up for us\u2014so that we would be declared, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It says in John 1, \u201cAnd we beheld His glory, full of grace and truth.\u201d\u00a0 The truth reminds us that we lie, but the grace doesn\u2019t just cover our lies\u2014it erases.\u00a0 It erases the shame and gives us forgiveness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really appreciate\u2014I appreciate you and your ministry.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you take us back to the Bible.\u00a0 I\u2019m also glad that you\u2019re teachable around how to tell your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014about that dress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to be a good counselee if I\u2019m going to be a good counselor.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thing I really appreciate about the booklet that you\u2019ve written on lying is just how practical it is.\u00a0 In fact, all of the booklets that you have written as a part of this series\u2014there\u2019s one on lying, one on manipulation.\u00a0 I think those are the two that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014very wise, practical, biblical counsel on subjects that can be very hard subjects for folks, relationally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on the resources that Lou Priolo has written on these subjects and others.\u00a0 Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is our website.\u00a0 You can also order by phone.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like the booklet on lying, call us to request it.\u00a0 Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, when we tackle a subject like we\u2019ve talked about today\u2014or earlier this week, we talked about infidelity, unfaithfulness in a marriage relationship\u2014today, we talked about lying\u2014we often hear from listeners who tell us that these are the kinds of issues they\u2019re experiencing in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 Sometimes, they feel alone.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou would like to think that, within the context of a local church, there\u2019d be an opportunity for transparency and for there to be some healthy community around issues like this; but we\u2019re always encouraged when we find out that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can be a part of helping people think rightly about the challenges they\u2019re facing by pointing you back to what the Bible has to say about these things.\u00a0 That\u2019s our goal, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who make this program possible\u2014who are partners with us in accomplishing that goal.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported.\u00a0 Without your support, we could not do what we do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your financial support of this ministry,\u201d we\u2019re sending out copies of a CD message called \u201cWhat Husband Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 It\u2019s a candid message for women about how men think and about what men need.\u00a0 It\u2019s a message I got a chance to share with a number of wives, several months ago.\u00a0 The response was very encouraging.\u00a0 So, we thought we would make this CD available.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do to receive it is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send the CD out to you automatically when you make your donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the CD when you call us so that we know that you\u2019d like to receive it.\u00a0 Again, our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your support of the ministry.\u00a0 We do appreciate you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and we hope you can join us back on Monday.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about happy husbands.\u00a0 Do you have a happy husband?\u00a0 Would you like to help your husband be a happy husband?\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s better than the alternative; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s been out all day.\u00a0 He\u2019s been slaying his dragons.\u00a0 He\u2019s stressed, and he wants to come to a home where he feels loved, and appreciated, and wanted.\u00a0 When my husband comes home, I want it to be a place where he enjoys being.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane is going to join us to talk about what a wife can do to make her husband happy.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that Monday.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.25M"],"filesize_raw":["23330061"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302595.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302595.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 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you totally honest with your spouse? Are they totally honest with you?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0See, I think back to lying, as a child; and I got away with it more than I got caught.\u00a0 That just reinforces, \u201cHey, this works.\u00a0 I can do this.\u201d\u00a0 I had to be broken of that pattern, not through conscience, but through Scripture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we have a guest who I\u2019ll bet he\u2019s heard a few lies over the past few years because you\u2019ve been in counseling for more than a quarter century.\u00a0 Lou Priolo joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Lou, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Yes, with a possible exception of judges and police officers, I probably get lied to more than anybody else in Montgomery, Alabama.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, isn\u2019t that interesting?\u00a0 Some people wouldn\u2019t\u2014they wouldn\u2019t necessarily associate a counselor getting lied to a lot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, initially, people are not always willing, until they trust you, to put all their cards on the table; and remember, one of the most common types of lies is concealment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That brings us to really what I want us to talk about today because I\u2019ve been at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways\u2014had people come up to me and say, \u201cI\u2019m married to a liar.\u00a0 My wife regularly does not tell me the truth.\u00a0 What do I do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, that\u2019s kind of a stumper.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you don\u2019t have trust, when you can\u2019t count on the fact that the person sitting across the table from you, whom you pledge to love, honor, and cherish, is telling you the truth about something\u2014how do you make a relationship work when trust is not there, at that level, when lying is a regular part of the relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s very difficult.\u00a0 The truth is you will not be able to have any significant level of real intimacy and a real, close relationship.\u00a0 You can have a superficial relationship; but in order to really experience the intimacy that the Bible says a husband and a wife should have, there needs to be truthfulness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed.\u00a0 Before the Fall, they could be totally open, totally honest, totally frank with each other.\u00a0 Then, sin occurs.\u00a0 Now, we want to cover up.\u00a0 We want to not disclose to our spouse the information that he or she has a biblical need to know because of our pride, or fear, or other things.\u00a0 It really messes up our intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You cite a survey that went all the way back to 1988 that indicated, at that time, we lie about 13 times\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The average guy lies that often?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirteen times a week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright?<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A new survey that indicates we lie\u2014what is it?\u2014up to 200 times a day?!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean that\u2019s a lot of lies.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s delicious!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t eat another bite.\u201d\u00a0 Did you ever say that?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cSo glad you dropped by.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t doing a thing.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe baby is just beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cPut the map away, Honey.\u00a0 I know exactly how to get there.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about the oath that we are encouraged to take when we\u2019re sworn in.\u00a0 \u201cDo you swear\u201d\u2014or affirm\u2014\u201cto tell the truth, the <em>whole truth<\/em>, and nothing but the truth?\u201d\u00a0 Why is that?\u00a0 Well, because you can tell the truth and you can leave something out and mislead people by not giving all of the data, as I said, that they have a biblical need to know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that oath pretty much covers all manifestations of lies, except possibly insinuation, which was probably left out of the oath for the benefit of the lawyers.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s the point.\u00a0 If our intent is to deceive another person, to mislead them, to either not tell or to shade truth\u2014if, in our heart, we want the other person misled, we\u2019re lying; aren\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so now, back to my original question.\u00a0 If I\u2019m married to a person and this is that pattern in that person\u2019s life\u2014you said, \u201cWe can\u2019t really have intimacy unless that person confronts their lying.\u201d\u00a0 If I\u2019m the one married to the liar, is there anything I can <em>do<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s going to depend largely if the person\u2014the liar\u2014to whom you\u2019re married, is a professing believer or not.\u00a0 Certainly, if he or she is a believer, then, yes, you have to go through the process of confronting him\u2014possibly getting other people involved\u2014but the bottom line is the person has got to, as it says in Ephesians,\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Chapter 4, \u201cPut away his lying and become a teller of the truth,\u201d \u2014which, again, it\u2019s not going to happen overnight.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll point it out if I know it\u2019s happening; but when he comes home and I say, \u201cYou\u2019re late.\u00a0 How come you\u2019re late?\u201d and he says, \u201cOh, my boss came in,\u201d I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s true or not.\u00a0 I can\u2019t point it out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Generally speaking, the Bible says, in 1 Corinthians 13, that love believes the best.\u00a0 In the absence of evidence to the contrary, we should believe the best.\u00a0 If there are ten interpretations of something that somebody says, nine of them are bad; and only one of them is good.\u00a0 In the absence of evidence to the contrary, if we love them, we are going to believe the best about them.\u00a0 However, if there is a growing mountain of evidence that the person is not a truth-teller, then, we\u2019re not really being uncharitable if we don\u2019t believe him because he has proven himself to be a liar.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As I was reading this little book that you\u2019ve written called, <em>Deception<\/em>, I was fascinated to see all the various kinds of lies that we can utter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The funny thing is, Dennis, after the book was published, I found two more.\u00a0 So, I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think this will help people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in recognizing maybe what Bob was talking about here.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to list them all because it\u2019s impossible; but first of all, there is inference or insinuation, concealment, hidden agenda, perjury, fabrication.\u00a0 Here\u2019s one that can get people\u2014flattery\u2014back to, \u201cOh, you don\u2019t look a day over 40,\u201d\u2014verbalizing suspicions or faults, conclusions\u2014that\u2019s an interesting one\u2014diversion, having an argument and diverting away from the issue or the truth.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, wait.\u00a0 That\u2019s a lie\u2014to divert?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 If your purpose is to mislead people; yes, it could very well be a lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Another one is partial truth.\u00a0 That goes back to the oath illustration, \u201cThe whole truth and <em>nothing <\/em>but the truth.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This next one I am just going to say real quickly\u2014[spoken quickly] exaggeration, because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Speaking hyperbolically.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014Yes; covering up past sins.\u00a0 I know a wife who was asked by her husband, before they were married, about her past.\u00a0 She did not share that she\u2019d been involved, and had gotten pregnant, and had an abortion.\u00a0 It came out, more than a decade later, in their marriage.\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s concealment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ve got to admit on this one\u2014I have to stop you on this next one that you list\u2014kidding, teasing, and joking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cLike fire brands, arrows, and death, so is he who deceives his neighbor and says, \u2018Was I not joking?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a favorite proverb at our house when our kids were growing up because our kids would always throw out, \u201cI was just kidding!\u201d\u00a0 We would make them recite the Proverbs that says, \u201cLike a mad man shooting fire brands or arrows.\u201d\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 So, what about an uncle?\u00a0 I had an uncle who\u2014he was a tease\u2014and it was a way of having fun.\u00a0 I never ever equated his teasing with lying.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, the idea behind that\u2014it\u2019s not a sin if it\u2019s obvious that the person is kidding or it\u2019s obvious that the person is not being truthful with you.\u00a0 It\u2019s sort of like when you go to a football game; okay?\u2014or a basketball game.\u00a0 The players fake each other out.\u00a0 They mislead each other.\u00a0 You go to a play; okay?\u00a0 You are misled.\u00a0 You are paying money to go see a play, and you know that the actors are purposely misleading you.\u00a0 If you understand, up front, that there\u2019s intent to deceive, or mislead, or to jest, or to joke, that\u2019s not really a lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, then.\u00a0 I have to have you weigh in on this situation with Dennis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh boy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know what you\u2019re going\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014what you\u2019re going to bring up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because he\u2019s been\u2014he\u2019s had this come up before, and I\u2019d like you to adjudicate.\u00a0 It was approaching Christmas, and Dennis wanted to kind of do a little surprise with his wife\u2014whisk her off to New York for a little getaway\u2014but he wanted it to be a surprise.\u00a0 So, he told her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there\u2019s absolutely no truth in the statement?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, he told her that they were going to this conference in San Antonio.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Yes, there was no truth to what he was saying;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but he was doing it for a surprise!\u00a0 Is that okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know the Bible says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cStrong mead belongs to those who are mature, to those who by reason of use have their senses, their consciences, exercised to discern both good and evil.\u201d\u00a0 Having said that, my conscience never would have allowed me to say that to my wife; but I don\u2019t want to be your judge about that, brother.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve told that story a number of times here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019ve already apologized to Barbara and to our audience for being a bad example here.\u00a0 Some of our listeners, though, are not laughing about something like a surprise party.\u00a0 They\u2019re married to a habitual lying\u2014a deceiving manipulator.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Maybe, an unbeliever.\u00a0 Now, it\u2019s a whole different ball game\u2014isn\u2019t it?\u2014if the person doesn\u2019t profess faith in Christ and you\u2019re in a covenant relationship with somebody who routinely lies to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 The sad thing is, or the interesting thing is, most of the lies that were told in the Bible initially succeeded.\u00a0 I mean, there are so many examples of lying in the Bible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could almost say, tongue-in-cheek, \u201cThe Bible is filled with lies,\u201d because there are many lies explained in the Bible.\u00a0 The majority of them successfully duped their victims, initially.\u00a0 When they were found out, often, it was because of some kind of miraculous God-thing that revealed the truth.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very hard thing to defend against; but the bottom line is\u2014you\u2019re not unloving, you\u2019re not wrong\u2014if you don\u2019t trust somebody who habitually lies to you.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, you shouldn\u2019t trust somebody who lies to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not 100 percent; no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How do you guard your heart in that situation?\u00a0 I mean, you\u2019re in a marriage relationship\u2014how do you keep from being taken advantage of?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you have to be truthful.\u00a0 I mean, sounds ironic; but I think you need to say, \u201cHoney, you\u2019ve lied to me so many times.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, but I just don\u2019t trust you anymore.\u00a0 You\u2019re not trustworthy.\u00a0 You\u2019re not dependable.\u00a0 You\u2019re not reliable.\u201d\u00a0 If he\u2019s a Christian, \u201cYou\u2019re \u2018Yes\u2019 is not yes; your \u2018No\u2019 is not no,\u201d \u2014using biblical terminology\u2014however, you want to do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you just, up front, tell the person, \u201cUntil you start becoming a teller of the truth, our relationship is in some areas going to be stalled; and it\u2019s going to hurt us.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to hurt our children.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want to trust you.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to trust you as much as I can.\u00a0 I do love you.\u201d\u00a0 If it\u2019s a wife, \u201cI will continue to be a dutiful wife to you; but the bottom line is, unless you stop lying, I am not going to be able to trust you.\u201d\u00a0 Let the other person know, in no uncertain terms, that he cannot be trusted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the person says, \u201cOkay, I recognize this.\u00a0 You\u2019re right.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\u00a0 \u201cYou have to become a teller of the truth.<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s not enough\u2014I mean, you don\u2019t lie 100 percent of time.\u00a0 I mean, if I asked you last night, \u2018Would you like your favorite pizza for dinner?\u2019\u00a0 You would tell me, \u2018Yes.\u2019\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t lie.\u00a0 Just because you don\u2019t lie 24\/7, doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re not a liar.\u00a0 You can stop for a minute or two, or a day or two.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to be good enough until you learn how to continuously, regularly, exclusively, speak the truth in love.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That person, who has had a pattern in his or her life of not telling the truth, is that going to be a pattern that\u2019s going to be\u2014it\u2019s going to have to be broken over time?\u00a0 You can\u2019t, again, flip a switch\u2014can you?\u2014and all of a sudden become a truth-teller?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can happen quicker than most people realize, but right.\u00a0 It\u2019s going\u2014it\u2019s very unusual that a person will just be able to stop\u2014come to a screeching halt\u2014because a lot of times\u2014you know, there are so many different ways to lie.\u00a0 Like, for example, you didn\u2019t mention the \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d lie.\u00a0 We say, \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d when we know.\u00a0 Well, several times, you know, Rahab said, \u201cI don\u2019t know where the man went.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know where my brother is.\u00a0 Am I my brother\u2019s keeper?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many different varieties\u2014styles\u2014of lying that a liar sometimes doesn\u2019t even realize the extent to which he\u2019s lying.\u00a0 So, yes, Bob, it\u2019s going to be very difficult for him to stop.\u00a0 He\u2019s probably not going to be able to stop overnight.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to take time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if your wife comes to you and says, \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d what do you say, Lou?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If it does? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course, you say, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If she says, \u201cDoes this dress make me look fat?\u201d and you\u2019re about to go out somewhere, you just say, \u201cYes, it does\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you could say\u2014you could say, \u201cSweetheart, it\u2019s not the most flattering dress you have.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 I was going to say, Lou, far be it from me to correct you, as the counselor, at this point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I say I would say, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I\u2019m a New Yorker.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not from the South where you all have this polite stuff going on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bless your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Polite.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve been talking about biblical counsel.\u00a0 I would give you some biblical counsel in return.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cSpeaking the truth in love,\u201d and there is a way to speak the truth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so, teach me.\u00a0 You counsel me.\u00a0 How would I tell my wife she\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would just say to her, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, you\u2019ve got other dresses that make you look better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\u00a0 That\u2019s a much better way to say it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s\u2014I just wouldn\u2019t say, \u201cYes, you look fat.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 That would not be good.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not go well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would not go well for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in the South or in the North.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid the cold winds blow wherever that goes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do we do when we read stories in the Bible, like Jacob and Esau\u2014we see Jacob deceiving his brother\u2014and it appears to be the plan of God for that to happen?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the plan of God for Jesus Christ to die on the cross involved murder.\u00a0 So, God decrees that people will sin to accomplish His will.\u00a0 He is sovereign, even over the sins over all of us, but it does not take away our culpability.\u00a0 It still is wrong to lie.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, Jacob wasn\u2019t fulfilling his destiny.\u00a0 He would have been the one who was in the position over his brother because that\u2019s what God had said from the beginning, whether he lied to make that happen or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, one thing we haven\u2019t talked about, and it seemed like our kids did it naturally.\u00a0 Is what do you do with children who lie?\u00a0 Maybe one\u2014and I\u2019m not thinking one of my children\u2014but I am thinking of a child in a family right now who just seems like a habitual liar\u2014has got a pattern, a sin pattern, here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you recommend?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve spent a lot of time, so far, describing the different kinds of lies; but we didn\u2019t do a whole lot of, because of time, talk about how to solve the problem.\u00a0 Basically, it\u2019s a matter of first convicting the child of the wrongfulness of the lie\u2014to help him to understand what his specific style of lying is.\u00a0 We all have our own unique styles of sinning and our own unique styles of lying\u2014liars have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have to first identify, \u201cWhat kind of lies am I most likely to tell?\u201d\u00a0 Then, we have to make it our goal or teach the child, in this case, to make it his goal to be a teller of the truth.\u00a0 We have to explain to him or to her that trust is lost\u2014and to understand that forgiveness may be granted for a lie\u2014but there may be consequences and, not the least of which will be, a certain loss of trust.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have said to many counselees who struggle with lying, \u201cBob, I want you to imagine what it\u2019s going to be like someday\u2014maybe three or four months from now, maybe a year from now when\u2014as you walk down the street, people will say\u2014instead of saying, \u2018There goes Bob Lepine.\u00a0 He is undependable.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t always tell the truth\u2019\u2014they say, \u2018There goes Bob Lepine.\u00a0 He\u2019s the most truthful man of integrity I have ever met.\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to make it your goal, not just to stop lying.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to make it your goal to understand how important it is to be a man of integrity, how important it is for your \u201cYes\u201d to be yes, to imagine what it will be like someday when you are known as a truth-teller rather than a liar.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are other things I mention in the book\u2014like helping them understand all of the other consequences involved with lying.\u00a0 Of course, we have to talk about the fact that, whatever the sin pattern in our life, apart from God\u2019s grace, apart from the Gospel of Jesus Christ, none of us are able to change.\u00a0 We have to point them to Christ, help them to understand that apart from His grace, His Word, His working in their heart, they are not going to be able to change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you ended there, Lou, because I feel like the Christian life is a lifetime process of God taking this onion, called Dennis Rainey, and stripping layer after layer of deceit, lies, selfishness\u2014I mean, just the list seems endless\u2014but where you just ended is where we all must camp and rest in.\u00a0 That is that the cross represents the finished work\u2014the grace of God poured out through Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who gave Himself up for us\u2014so that we would be declared, \u201cNot guilty.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It says in John 1, \u201cAnd we beheld His glory, full of grace and truth.\u201d\u00a0 The truth reminds us that we lie, but the grace doesn\u2019t just cover our lies\u2014it erases.\u00a0 It erases the shame and gives us forgiveness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really appreciate\u2014I appreciate you and your ministry.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you take us back to the Bible.\u00a0 I\u2019m also glad that you\u2019re teachable around how to tell your wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014about that dress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to be a good counselee if I\u2019m going to be a good counselor.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thing I really appreciate about the booklet that you\u2019ve written on lying is just how practical it is.\u00a0 In fact, all of the booklets that you have written as a part of this series\u2014there\u2019s one on lying, one on manipulation.\u00a0 I think those are the two that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center\u2014very wise, practical, biblical counsel on subjects that can be very hard subjects for folks, relationally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on the resources that Lou Priolo has written on these subjects and others.\u00a0 Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is our website.\u00a0 You can also order by phone.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like the booklet on lying, call us to request it.\u00a0 Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329; 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, when we tackle a subject like we\u2019ve talked about today\u2014or earlier this week, we talked about infidelity, unfaithfulness in a marriage relationship\u2014today, we talked about lying\u2014we often hear from listeners who tell us that these are the kinds of issues they\u2019re experiencing in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 Sometimes, they feel alone.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou would like to think that, within the context of a local church, there\u2019d be an opportunity for transparency and for there to be some healthy community around issues like this; but we\u2019re always encouraged when we find out that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can be a part of helping people think rightly about the challenges they\u2019re facing by pointing you back to what the Bible has to say about these things.\u00a0 That\u2019s our goal, here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who make this program possible\u2014who are partners with us in accomplishing that goal.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported.\u00a0 Without your support, we could not do what we do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your financial support of this ministry,\u201d we\u2019re sending out copies of a CD message called \u201cWhat Husband Wished Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d.\u00a0 It\u2019s a candid message for women about how men think and about what men need.\u00a0 It\u2019s a message I got a chance to share with a number of wives, several months ago.\u00a0 The response was very encouraging.\u00a0 So, we thought we would make this CD available.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do to receive it is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send the CD out to you automatically when you make your donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the CD when you call us so that we know that you\u2019d like to receive it.\u00a0 Again, our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your support of the ministry.\u00a0 We do appreciate you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and we hope you can join us back on Monday.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about happy husbands.\u00a0 Do you have a happy husband?\u00a0 Would you like to help your husband be a happy husband?\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s better than the alternative; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s been out all day.\u00a0 He\u2019s been slaying his dragons.\u00a0 He\u2019s stressed, and he wants to come to a home where he feels loved, and appreciated, and wanted.\u00a0 When my husband comes home, I want it to be a place where he enjoys being.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Arlene Pellicane is going to join us to talk about what a wife can do to make her husband happy.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that Monday.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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