{"id":302593,"date":"2012-09-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do\/"},"modified":"2012-09-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-12T15:00:00","slug":"breaking-up-is-hard-to-do","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking Up is Hard to Do"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Live long enough, and someone will likely break your heart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.5M","filesize_raw":"22542532","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[4018],"podcast_series":[7900],"cwp_profile":[3226],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302593","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-dating","podcast_series-picking-up-the-pieces","cwp_profile-lou-priolo","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302593\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302593\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"g9DvuT6tPC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do\/\">Breaking Up is Hard to Do<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do\/embed\/#?secret=g9DvuT6tPC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Breaking Up is Hard to Do&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"g9DvuT6tPC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ever been in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex and you liked them, but you started to lose that loving feeling?\u00a0 What do you do?\u00a0 Here\u2019s author Lou Priolo.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s like what Jesus told the church in Revelation, Chapter 2.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 They fell out of love with Him.\u00a0 What did He say?\u00a0 He said, \u201cI want you to reach down into the depths of your love cup and stir up these warm fuzzies...\u201d\u00a0 Is that what He said?\u00a0 No, He told them three things.\u00a0 He said, \u201cRemember the way it used to be.\u00a0 Repent.\u00a0 Change your thinking and the direction of your life, and do your first works.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 So how do we pick up the pieces when a relationship starts to unravel?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Back in high school, college, did you ever get dumped?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes.\u00a0 Oh yes, numerous times.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there a big dump experience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yes.\u00a0 There was a young lady that I was after.\u00a0 I was pursuing her; and in a healthy way, I felt like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and she couldn\u2019t respond.\u00a0 She was headed in another direction\u2014unfortunately, with another guy; and I didn\u2019t win her heart.\u00a0 In fact, I lost her heart.\u00a0 In the process, it was a very valuable lesson for me, spiritually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today\u2014what you can learn from the process of breaking up, whether with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.\u00a0 Whatever it may be, you can learn some lessons, spiritually, in your relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reason that I was particularly drawn, not just to this subject but to this particular book, is because every chapter in the book has a reference to a pop song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was going to point that out.\u00a0 I thought it was really\u2014we\u2019ve had some authors\u2014in fact, I just want to introduce Lou to our audience, and I want to ask him a question.\u00a0 Lou Priolo joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Lou, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s always good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is a popular guest and has been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> before.\u00a0 He is the Director of the Center for Biblical Counseling at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, Alabama.\u00a0 He has two daughters and lives in Alabama with his wife Kim.\u00a0 The name of the book is called <em>Picking Up the Pieces.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Lou, you\u2019re a counselor with more than 25 years\u2019 experience.\u00a0 You see people, from all walks of life, who need a spiritual and emotional wheel alignment because they\u2019ve been dumped\u2014maybe in a marriage, maybe in a dating relationship, maybe even in an affair.\u00a0 What do you see people going through when they\u2019ve been dumped?\u00a0 Describe where they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are so many emotions that people experience when they go through a break-up\u2014especially, if they\u2019re the dumpee rather than the dumper\u2014but everything from guilt, to loneliness, to despair, to grief, to hopelessness.\u00a0 There are all kinds of anxiety, depression\u2014dozens of emotions that people experience typically, in one way or another, when they\u2019ve lost someone they love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, the biggest one probably is grief.\u00a0 They\u2019ve lost something\u2014someone that\u2019s very important to them.\u00a0 If it was a marriage, they lost more than the person\u2014they lost companionship, they lost financial security.\u00a0 There\u2019s just a lot involved when you lose a spouse.\u00a0 I wrote the book in the hopes of ministering to the various emotional pains and hurts that people go through when they experience a romantic break-up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would think if it\u2019s a break-up of a marriage relationship, it\u2019s even more profound and severe than if it\u2019s two folks who have been dating, although emotions are intense in both cases; but when somebody\u2019s pledged to love, honor and cherish for as long as you both shall live and then they renege, that\u2019s hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a good friend who has been married for several decades and just lost a spouse to divorce.\u00a0 This person is full of sadness, grief.\u00a0 It seems like shame is a big issue, too\u2014just ashamed that the marriage ended because it was something that this person never dreamed would happen in their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then, especially, when you\u2019re a Christian.\u00a0 We all know that a marriage is a very difficult thing to get out of without sinning.\u00a0 There\u2019s not only guilt for whatever a person might have done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage but then the state of shame that goes along so often with being a divorced Christian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s a fundamental rejection that happens here.\u00a0 One of the reasons we feel so bad is because somebody who had said to us, \u201cI am drawn to you.\u00a0 I like you.\u00a0 I am attracted to you,\u201d is now saying, \u201cI reject you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s hard for any of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s probably closer to betrayal in most cases than just rejection.\u00a0 It\u2019s a tough thing to go through.\u00a0 Some people would actually argue it\u2019s more difficult to go through a divorce than through the death of a spouse because, when someone dies, eventually, you know the person is not coming back.\u00a0 When you\u2019re the dumpee\u2014and your spouse leaves, and you still want the relationship to work, and day in and day out for months and sometimes years, you\u2019re hoping for reconciliation\u2014it\u2019s a lot more difficult to let go in those situations\u2014and even biblically, sometimes, it\u2019s the right thing to do to continue to have hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing that, in your counseling practice, you don\u2019t typically see somebody college-age or young adult who was in a long-term relationship, and they broke up, and now they\u2019re depressed, and they\u2019re coming for that.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s more often somebody who has been abandoned by a spouse, \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014or somebody who is\u2014at one level, an affair is the same kind of rejection.\u00a0 It\u2019s a break-up, even though you may still be married to that person; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 We do see more situations where people are coming in the hopes of saving their marriage.\u00a0 Sometimes they come after the marriage is pretty much gone, and they want to come for counseling for a so-called divorce-recovery kind of counseling.\u00a0 We help them through the book and through individual counseling\u2014 understand what they\u2019ve done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage.\u00a0 We want them to have a clear conscience.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll often send them back, actually.\u00a0 It\u2019s not always possible to do this; but where it\u2019s possible, we\u2019ll send them back to clear their conscience and ask forgiveness.\u00a0 Now, we\u2019re talking about even the dumpee, even the person who was faithful to the relationship.\u00a0 We want them to go back, if possible, clear their conscience, so that from that point forward they will know that they\u2019ve done everything within their power to make right what they\u2019ve done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we go forward from there because, again, they feel guilty.\u00a0 One of the issues we have to deal with in their life is guilt\u2014not guilt for terminating the relationship\u2014that was often done by the other person\u2014but guilt for the things that they know that they did to contribute to that relationship, even though they\u2019re the dumpee, not the dumper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So wait just a second.\u00a0 I have a friend who found out in her marriage that the man she thought was her faithful, godly, loving husband was a serial philanderer.\u00a0 She had no idea; and all of a sudden, it explodes.\u00a0 She finds out he\u2019s been with a number of women.\u00a0 You\u2019re saying that you would counsel her to go back and seek his forgiveness for something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would, at least, have her take a look.\u00a0 There\u2019s an inventory, actually in one of the appendices in the book; but I would have her take a look at the beam in her own eyes\u2014to remove it first, even if it ends up being only a splinter\u2014to acknowledge her small contribution to the breakdown of the marriage, even though it may only be two or three percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou notice I have not used the word \u201cinnocent\u201d partner.\u00a0 Nobody is innocent.\u00a0 We\u2019re all guilty.\u00a0 I\u2019ve used the word \u201cfaithful\u201d partner and \u201cunfaithful\u201d.\u00a0 I think, even for the faithful partner, it\u2019s important to go back and to acknowledge\u2014ask forgiveness for those things that the faithful partner has done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage, even though it may be a very, very small percent\u2014because the Bible tells us over and over again of the importance of having a clear conscience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you know how counter-cultural\u2014you\u2019re talking, \u201cI\u2019m going back\u2014my two percent\u2014\u2018I\u2019d like to ask for your forgiveness, you lousy, no-good\u2019\u201d \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we wouldn\u2019t exactly encourage them to do it that way because, at the end of the day, I want you to have a clear conscience.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI even use the illustration of a purple heart.\u00a0 I say, \u201cYou know, when this thing is over, whether you reconcile with your spouse or not, the more purple hearts you have,\u201d \u2014purple heart, meaning being wounded in the line of duty, wounded in the line of being a faithful Christian in the process, perhaps even of trying to reconcile the marriage\u2014 \u201cwhen it\u2019s over, if you\u2019re able to save the marriage by God\u2019s grace, you\u2019ll be thankful for being wounded in the line of duty.\u00a0 If the marriage doesn\u2019t work out, you\u2019ll know and the people in your future will know, that you went the second and the third mile doing everything possible to clear your conscience\u2014everything possible\u2014if it is even possible to reconcile this relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to be defended, but I want to defend your position for just a moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Please do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because I\u2019m just sitting here thinking of a person who right now is really in a deep valley because of a divorce.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this act you\u2019re talking about is possible right now; but for that person, ultimately, to be able to regain the emotional stability, and strength, and spiritual stamina to go and fulfill Romans, Chapter 12, verse 18, \u201cIf possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re going to clear up all the past.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean everything is going to be all pristine, and perfect, and you\u2019re going to reconcile; but what it does do, and what I can see happening here, is at a point\u2014again, not instantly\u2014it may be a matter of months, maybe even years before this occurs\u2014but at the point it occurs, it releases that person from the shame, the guilt, and the emotion of carrying the weight of feeling like, \u201cI did something to help cause my spouse to have an affair, to cause them to leave me, to reject me, to choose another person over me; and I want to clear that up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if the other person is not able, for any number of reasons\u2014if it is possible, and it\u2019s not always possible \u2014as much as depends on you, live at peace with all men.\u00a0 Even if the person is not able to go back and actually ask the other person\u2019s forgiveness, knowing that through the counseling process they have evaluated the specific things that they have done to contribute to the breakdown of that marriage will better prepare them for their future and future relationships.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s very, very important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really releases them from the downward spiral of grief, and shame, and just continuing to implode as a person; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The person who comes into your office after a break-up, whether it\u2019s a divorce or\u2014and maybe we should stop and talk about how adultery factors in an intact marriage because you define, even if the marriage is intact, if there\u2019s been adultery, there\u2019s been a break-up of some kind; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Typically, what happens\u2014is the first thing\u2014there\u2019s a breakdown in the one-flesh relationship.\u00a0 The couple doesn\u2019t function as a one-flesh unit.\u00a0 They actually stop communicating.\u00a0 They stop doing the things that they used to do to foster that one-flesh relationship.\u00a0 They stop revealing who they are to each other.\u00a0 They stop communicating at an intimate level.\u00a0 Once that happens, it\u2019s just a downward spiral.\u00a0 Whenever you see this adulterous affair situation going on, invariably, first there was a breakdown in the one-flesh intimacy between the husband and the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We talk at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>about isolation and that marriage was designed by God for oneness; but if we don\u2019t break this cycle you\u2019re talking about, two people who are isolated are set up to be convinced of anything, including a relationship with someone outside the marriage.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if somebody comes into your office and says, \u201cI just learned that my wife has been unfaithful for many months with somebody.\u00a0 It all came to light.\u00a0 I\u2019m devastated.\u00a0 I can\u2019t eat.\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep.\u00a0 I want to make the marriage work, but I\u2019m hurting.\u00a0 I\u2019m angry.\u00a0 It\u2019s like an emotional explosion has gone off.\u201d\u00a0 Where do you start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, probably the first place to start, if I only have the person who is the faithful individual, is to make sure they understand about forgiveness.\u00a0 Now, sometimes forgiveness means you have to do what Jesus said you should do in Luke 17:3 and confront the other person; but the most important thing there initially is to deal with the bitterness and the anger that has crept in\u2014but more important than that, what we will try to do is to bring in the unfaithful partner.\u00a0 Usually, thankfully, in the counseling that I do, most of the time we have both\u2014in which case, I will explain to the unfaithful partner that he has got to do two things.\u00a0 I\u2019ll sort of maybe tell this story:\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll say, \u201cWhen you met Nancy, you opened the bank account.\u00a0 You invested a lot of time, and effort, and thought into her bank account.\u00a0 You share your life with her, you share your table with her, you share your bed with her, and you share your body with her.\u00a0 You guys share everything, and you were basically putting all of your investments in her bank account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, then, one day you get this flyer in the mail from First Federal Freda.\u00a0 You notice that she\u2019s giving a better interest rate and has a few more perks going on.\u00a0 You ended up taking some of the things that you invested in Nancy\u2019s bank account and started putting them over in Freda\u2019s bank account.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, now, you\u2019ve got to do two things, if you want this marriage to work.\u00a0 First, you\u2019ve got to close the second bank account.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to close the bank account that you have with Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Terminate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Terminate it, as quickly as possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just a side issue here\u2014I had a friend who needed some counseling in a situation.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWould you go see a counselor friend of mine?\u201d\u00a0 My counselor buddy said, \u201cOnly if that guy breaks off the relationship he\u2019s got with the woman outside his marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He would not see him until he closed the bank account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you say, \u201cClose the account,\u201d you mean close the account and don\u2019t go visit the branch\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because somebody will say, \u201cYes, I closed the account; but I still go by and see Freda, from time to time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Remember, the first thing is to close the bank account; but that\u2019s where most counseling fails because they just want you to close the bank account.\u00a0 That\u2019s not enough; okay?\u00a0 It\u2019s like Jesus said, \u201cWhere your treasure is, your heart will be also.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve got treasures in one bank account, you\u2019ve got treasures in another bank account\u2014you\u2019ve got feelings for both women.\u00a0 You not only have to close that bank account, you\u2019ve got to systematically invest what you took from Nancy and gave to Freda and put it back into Nancy\u2019s account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cBut I don\u2019t have feelings for Nancy anymore.\u00a0 My feelings are for Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well here\u2019s the thing with Freda.\u00a0 Freda\u2019s bank is located on an island in the South Pacific.\u00a0 It\u2019s beautiful.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fantasy.\u00a0 There\u2019s very little reality that takes place with Freda.\u00a0 It\u2019s all about the affair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s excitement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; and the other one, Nancy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A lot of real life attached to that one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, man.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s got bundles of clothes, and bills, and snotty-nosed kids.\u00a0 You wonder why one bank account gets the investment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it\u2019s guilt-free!\u00a0 The consequences\u2014the wages of sin is death.\u00a0 Sin produces misery, and not only that; but do you really think God is going to <em>bless<\/em> this unholy relationship that God hates and that is causing so much pain and sorrow for your wife and for your children? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the guy who says, \u201cI know that\u2019s the right thing to do, but my feelings are just so skewed at this point.\u00a0 I\u2019m just so drawn to Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, do you remember when you fell in love with your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 How did that happen?\u00a0 Did you get shot with some kind of arrow from the outside and, all of a sudden, you had these warm fuzzies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Umm, it felt a little like that; but no, looking back on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\u00a0 How did you get all those feelings?\u00a0 You created those romantic feelings in your own heart by what you did for her, and to her, and with her.\u00a0 If she was doing the same things, then the feelings grew!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, what happens in these cases, typically, is the person stops courting, stops making those investments into the bank account.\u00a0 The feelings start to wane, and they start to develop over here.\u00a0 The bottom line is\u2014it is like what Jesus told the church in Revelation, Chapter 2.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 They fell out of love with Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\u2014 \u201clost your first love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 What did He say?\u00a0 He said, \u201cI want you to reach down into the depths of your love cup and stir up all of these warm fuzzies...\u201d\u00a0 Is that what He said?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He told them three things.\u00a0 He said, \u201cRemember the way you used to be.\u00a0 Repent.\u00a0 Change your thinking, and the direction of your life, and do your first works.\u201d\u00a0 If you are willing to do the things that you used to do, to think the things that you used to do, in time, your feelings for Freda will atrophy and your feelings for Nancy will develop stronger, even than they were from the beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the bottom line, \u201cIf you allowed this thing to happen\u2014if this thing happened\u2014your marriage was not as strong as it could be.\u201d\u00a0 I could tell you\u2014the overwhelming majority of people that we see and we counsel\u2014who have been going through adulterous affairs\u2014on the other side of it, their marriages are stronger than they were at the beginning because, for the first time, they\u2019ve really committed themselves to a biblical view of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so here\u2019s what you have to do if you\u2019re a listener and you find yourself being double-minded\u2014you\u2019ve got two different bank accounts.\u00a0 First of all, you have to cancel your flight to the South Pacific to visit Freda\u2019s place; and you have to terminate that relationship.\u00a0 Quite honestly, you ought to do it in the presence of a same-sex friend, who can hold you accountable and say, \u201cIf you pick up a phone, you are an idiot!\u00a0 You can\u2019t go there.\u00a0 You can\u2019t call her.\u00a0 You can\u2019t continue to go visit that branch of the bank.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I think you have to take stock of your relationship with God and figure out, \u201cHow did you get there in the first place?\u201d\u00a0 Use the pain the sin brought you to drive you back to your relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 And then third, you need to do the deeds you did at first.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA part of what would help you do that\u2014and I\u2019m going to get practical here, Bob\u2014I would say to the couple that\u2019s going through this, \u201cGo to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because it will give you the blueprints, it will give you some practical projects that will empower you to rebuild some romance, to rebuild some trust, to learn how to forgive going forward, and practically speaking, build oneness in your relationship rather than isolation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just give testimony to that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve counseled a number of people, through our counseling center, who, in the process of trying to rebuild a marriage, just like we\u2019re talking about, went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 They\u2019ve come back with glowing reports of how helpful it was to their marriage and to the whole restoration process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s interesting because, over the years, we\u2019ve had a number of couples who were in a real dark spot in their marriage\u2014for whatever reason, whether it was marital infidelity, or any number of issues that caused them to drift toward isolation.\u00a0 God has used the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in a lot of those situations to bring those couples back, not just temporarily, but to realign and readjust the direction of their marriage so that today they can give testimony to the fact that their marriage is better than it ever was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re just kicking off, right now, our fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link you find there to find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou will also find information about Lou Priolo\u2019s helpful book, <em>Picking Up the Pieces: Recovering from Broken Relationships<\/em>.\u00a0 We have the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 Order a copy from us when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just with some friends who were sharing with me about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> programs that they\u2019ve heard and that God has used in their family\u2014programs on parenting teens, marriage-related programming, just programs about relationships in general that have been helpful\u2014and that they have passed the word along to other friends.\u00a0 They\u2019ve shared transcripts of our program or told folks how they can download or listen to our program online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who spread the word about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and pass along information about what you\u2019ve heard to friends who may benefit from this program, and we appreciate those of you who help make this program possible with your funding of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 More than 60 percent of our annual revenue comes from folks, like you, who help support the program with a donation from time to time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to support the ministry, we\u2019d like to send, as a thank-you gift, a CD of a message presented to women called \u201cWhat Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d<em>.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I had the opportunity, a number of months ago, to be with a group of women and talk about that subject pretty openly\u2014pretty transparently\u2014about how we think as guys and things we wish our wives understood more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat CD is our gift to you this month when you make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and press the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; and we\u2019ll send you the CD automatically.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You can make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just ask for a copy of the CD, \u201cWhat Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d when you make your donation by phone.\u00a0 We do appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>We couldn\u2019t do what we do without you.\u00a0 Thanks very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Lou Priolo about how you mend what was broken in a relationship, and how you deal with the hurt and pain in your own heart, as well.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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long enough, and someone will likely break your heart.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ever been in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex and you liked them, but you started to lose that loving feeling?\u00a0 What do you do?\u00a0 Here\u2019s author Lou Priolo.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s like what Jesus told the church in Revelation, Chapter 2.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 They fell out of love with Him.\u00a0 What did He say?\u00a0 He said, \u201cI want you to reach down into the depths of your love cup and stir up these warm fuzzies...\u201d\u00a0 Is that what He said?\u00a0 No, He told them three things.\u00a0 He said, \u201cRemember the way it used to be.\u00a0 Repent.\u00a0 Change your thinking and the direction of your life, and do your first works.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 So how do we pick up the pieces when a relationship starts to unravel?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Back in high school, college, did you ever get dumped?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes.\u00a0 Oh yes, numerous times.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there a big dump experience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yes.\u00a0 There was a young lady that I was after.\u00a0 I was pursuing her; and in a healthy way, I felt like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and she couldn\u2019t respond.\u00a0 She was headed in another direction\u2014unfortunately, with another guy; and I didn\u2019t win her heart.\u00a0 In fact, I lost her heart.\u00a0 In the process, it was a very valuable lesson for me, spiritually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today\u2014what you can learn from the process of breaking up, whether with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.\u00a0 Whatever it may be, you can learn some lessons, spiritually, in your relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reason that I was particularly drawn, not just to this subject but to this particular book, is because every chapter in the book has a reference to a pop song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was going to point that out.\u00a0 I thought it was really\u2014we\u2019ve had some authors\u2014in fact, I just want to introduce Lou to our audience, and I want to ask him a question.\u00a0 Lou Priolo joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Lou, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s always good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is a popular guest and has been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> before.\u00a0 He is the Director of the Center for Biblical Counseling at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, Alabama.\u00a0 He has two daughters and lives in Alabama with his wife Kim.\u00a0 The name of the book is called <em>Picking Up the Pieces.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Lou, you\u2019re a counselor with more than 25 years\u2019 experience.\u00a0 You see people, from all walks of life, who need a spiritual and emotional wheel alignment because they\u2019ve been dumped\u2014maybe in a marriage, maybe in a dating relationship, maybe even in an affair.\u00a0 What do you see people going through when they\u2019ve been dumped?\u00a0 Describe where they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are so many emotions that people experience when they go through a break-up\u2014especially, if they\u2019re the dumpee rather than the dumper\u2014but everything from guilt, to loneliness, to despair, to grief, to hopelessness.\u00a0 There are all kinds of anxiety, depression\u2014dozens of emotions that people experience typically, in one way or another, when they\u2019ve lost someone they love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, the biggest one probably is grief.\u00a0 They\u2019ve lost something\u2014someone that\u2019s very important to them.\u00a0 If it was a marriage, they lost more than the person\u2014they lost companionship, they lost financial security.\u00a0 There\u2019s just a lot involved when you lose a spouse.\u00a0 I wrote the book in the hopes of ministering to the various emotional pains and hurts that people go through when they experience a romantic break-up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would think if it\u2019s a break-up of a marriage relationship, it\u2019s even more profound and severe than if it\u2019s two folks who have been dating, although emotions are intense in both cases; but when somebody\u2019s pledged to love, honor and cherish for as long as you both shall live and then they renege, that\u2019s hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a good friend who has been married for several decades and just lost a spouse to divorce.\u00a0 This person is full of sadness, grief.\u00a0 It seems like shame is a big issue, too\u2014just ashamed that the marriage ended because it was something that this person never dreamed would happen in their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then, especially, when you\u2019re a Christian.\u00a0 We all know that a marriage is a very difficult thing to get out of without sinning.\u00a0 There\u2019s not only guilt for whatever a person might have done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage but then the state of shame that goes along so often with being a divorced Christian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s a fundamental rejection that happens here.\u00a0 One of the reasons we feel so bad is because somebody who had said to us, \u201cI am drawn to you.\u00a0 I like you.\u00a0 I am attracted to you,\u201d is now saying, \u201cI reject you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s hard for any of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s probably closer to betrayal in most cases than just rejection.\u00a0 It\u2019s a tough thing to go through.\u00a0 Some people would actually argue it\u2019s more difficult to go through a divorce than through the death of a spouse because, when someone dies, eventually, you know the person is not coming back.\u00a0 When you\u2019re the dumpee\u2014and your spouse leaves, and you still want the relationship to work, and day in and day out for months and sometimes years, you\u2019re hoping for reconciliation\u2014it\u2019s a lot more difficult to let go in those situations\u2014and even biblically, sometimes, it\u2019s the right thing to do to continue to have hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing that, in your counseling practice, you don\u2019t typically see somebody college-age or young adult who was in a long-term relationship, and they broke up, and now they\u2019re depressed, and they\u2019re coming for that.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s more often somebody who has been abandoned by a spouse, \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014or somebody who is\u2014at one level, an affair is the same kind of rejection.\u00a0 It\u2019s a break-up, even though you may still be married to that person; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 We do see more situations where people are coming in the hopes of saving their marriage.\u00a0 Sometimes they come after the marriage is pretty much gone, and they want to come for counseling for a so-called divorce-recovery kind of counseling.\u00a0 We help them through the book and through individual counseling\u2014 understand what they\u2019ve done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage.\u00a0 We want them to have a clear conscience.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll often send them back, actually.\u00a0 It\u2019s not always possible to do this; but where it\u2019s possible, we\u2019ll send them back to clear their conscience and ask forgiveness.\u00a0 Now, we\u2019re talking about even the dumpee, even the person who was faithful to the relationship.\u00a0 We want them to go back, if possible, clear their conscience, so that from that point forward they will know that they\u2019ve done everything within their power to make right what they\u2019ve done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we go forward from there because, again, they feel guilty.\u00a0 One of the issues we have to deal with in their life is guilt\u2014not guilt for terminating the relationship\u2014that was often done by the other person\u2014but guilt for the things that they know that they did to contribute to that relationship, even though they\u2019re the dumpee, not the dumper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So wait just a second.\u00a0 I have a friend who found out in her marriage that the man she thought was her faithful, godly, loving husband was a serial philanderer.\u00a0 She had no idea; and all of a sudden, it explodes.\u00a0 She finds out he\u2019s been with a number of women.\u00a0 You\u2019re saying that you would counsel her to go back and seek his forgiveness for something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would, at least, have her take a look.\u00a0 There\u2019s an inventory, actually in one of the appendices in the book; but I would have her take a look at the beam in her own eyes\u2014to remove it first, even if it ends up being only a splinter\u2014to acknowledge her small contribution to the breakdown of the marriage, even though it may only be two or three percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou notice I have not used the word \u201cinnocent\u201d partner.\u00a0 Nobody is innocent.\u00a0 We\u2019re all guilty.\u00a0 I\u2019ve used the word \u201cfaithful\u201d partner and \u201cunfaithful\u201d.\u00a0 I think, even for the faithful partner, it\u2019s important to go back and to acknowledge\u2014ask forgiveness for those things that the faithful partner has done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage, even though it may be a very, very small percent\u2014because the Bible tells us over and over again of the importance of having a clear conscience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you know how counter-cultural\u2014you\u2019re talking, \u201cI\u2019m going back\u2014my two percent\u2014\u2018I\u2019d like to ask for your forgiveness, you lousy, no-good\u2019\u201d \u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we wouldn\u2019t exactly encourage them to do it that way because, at the end of the day, I want you to have a clear conscience.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI even use the illustration of a purple heart.\u00a0 I say, \u201cYou know, when this thing is over, whether you reconcile with your spouse or not, the more purple hearts you have,\u201d \u2014purple heart, meaning being wounded in the line of duty, wounded in the line of being a faithful Christian in the process, perhaps even of trying to reconcile the marriage\u2014 \u201cwhen it\u2019s over, if you\u2019re able to save the marriage by God\u2019s grace, you\u2019ll be thankful for being wounded in the line of duty.\u00a0 If the marriage doesn\u2019t work out, you\u2019ll know and the people in your future will know, that you went the second and the third mile doing everything possible to clear your conscience\u2014everything possible\u2014if it is even possible to reconcile this relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to be defended, but I want to defend your position for just a moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Please do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because I\u2019m just sitting here thinking of a person who right now is really in a deep valley because of a divorce.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this act you\u2019re talking about is possible right now; but for that person, ultimately, to be able to regain the emotional stability, and strength, and spiritual stamina to go and fulfill Romans, Chapter 12, verse 18, \u201cIf possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re going to clear up all the past.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean everything is going to be all pristine, and perfect, and you\u2019re going to reconcile; but what it does do, and what I can see happening here, is at a point\u2014again, not instantly\u2014it may be a matter of months, maybe even years before this occurs\u2014but at the point it occurs, it releases that person from the shame, the guilt, and the emotion of carrying the weight of feeling like, \u201cI did something to help cause my spouse to have an affair, to cause them to leave me, to reject me, to choose another person over me; and I want to clear that up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if the other person is not able, for any number of reasons\u2014if it is possible, and it\u2019s not always possible \u2014as much as depends on you, live at peace with all men.\u00a0 Even if the person is not able to go back and actually ask the other person\u2019s forgiveness, knowing that through the counseling process they have evaluated the specific things that they have done to contribute to the breakdown of that marriage will better prepare them for their future and future relationships.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s very, very important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really releases them from the downward spiral of grief, and shame, and just continuing to implode as a person; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The person who comes into your office after a break-up, whether it\u2019s a divorce or\u2014and maybe we should stop and talk about how adultery factors in an intact marriage because you define, even if the marriage is intact, if there\u2019s been adultery, there\u2019s been a break-up of some kind; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Typically, what happens\u2014is the first thing\u2014there\u2019s a breakdown in the one-flesh relationship.\u00a0 The couple doesn\u2019t function as a one-flesh unit.\u00a0 They actually stop communicating.\u00a0 They stop doing the things that they used to do to foster that one-flesh relationship.\u00a0 They stop revealing who they are to each other.\u00a0 They stop communicating at an intimate level.\u00a0 Once that happens, it\u2019s just a downward spiral.\u00a0 Whenever you see this adulterous affair situation going on, invariably, first there was a breakdown in the one-flesh intimacy between the husband and the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We talk at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>about isolation and that marriage was designed by God for oneness; but if we don\u2019t break this cycle you\u2019re talking about, two people who are isolated are set up to be convinced of anything, including a relationship with someone outside the marriage.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if somebody comes into your office and says, \u201cI just learned that my wife has been unfaithful for many months with somebody.\u00a0 It all came to light.\u00a0 I\u2019m devastated.\u00a0 I can\u2019t eat.\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep.\u00a0 I want to make the marriage work, but I\u2019m hurting.\u00a0 I\u2019m angry.\u00a0 It\u2019s like an emotional explosion has gone off.\u201d\u00a0 Where do you start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, probably the first place to start, if I only have the person who is the faithful individual, is to make sure they understand about forgiveness.\u00a0 Now, sometimes forgiveness means you have to do what Jesus said you should do in Luke 17:3 and confront the other person; but the most important thing there initially is to deal with the bitterness and the anger that has crept in\u2014but more important than that, what we will try to do is to bring in the unfaithful partner.\u00a0 Usually, thankfully, in the counseling that I do, most of the time we have both\u2014in which case, I will explain to the unfaithful partner that he has got to do two things.\u00a0 I\u2019ll sort of maybe tell this story:\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll say, \u201cWhen you met Nancy, you opened the bank account.\u00a0 You invested a lot of time, and effort, and thought into her bank account.\u00a0 You share your life with her, you share your table with her, you share your bed with her, and you share your body with her.\u00a0 You guys share everything, and you were basically putting all of your investments in her bank account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, then, one day you get this flyer in the mail from First Federal Freda.\u00a0 You notice that she\u2019s giving a better interest rate and has a few more perks going on.\u00a0 You ended up taking some of the things that you invested in Nancy\u2019s bank account and started putting them over in Freda\u2019s bank account.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, now, you\u2019ve got to do two things, if you want this marriage to work.\u00a0 First, you\u2019ve got to close the second bank account.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to close the bank account that you have with Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Terminate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Terminate it, as quickly as possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just a side issue here\u2014I had a friend who needed some counseling in a situation.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWould you go see a counselor friend of mine?\u201d\u00a0 My counselor buddy said, \u201cOnly if that guy breaks off the relationship he\u2019s got with the woman outside his marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He would not see him until he closed the bank account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you say, \u201cClose the account,\u201d you mean close the account and don\u2019t go visit the branch\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014because somebody will say, \u201cYes, I closed the account; but I still go by and see Freda, from time to time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Remember, the first thing is to close the bank account; but that\u2019s where most counseling fails because they just want you to close the bank account.\u00a0 That\u2019s not enough; okay?\u00a0 It\u2019s like Jesus said, \u201cWhere your treasure is, your heart will be also.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve got treasures in one bank account, you\u2019ve got treasures in another bank account\u2014you\u2019ve got feelings for both women.\u00a0 You not only have to close that bank account, you\u2019ve got to systematically invest what you took from Nancy and gave to Freda and put it back into Nancy\u2019s account.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cBut I don\u2019t have feelings for Nancy anymore.\u00a0 My feelings are for Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well here\u2019s the thing with Freda.\u00a0 Freda\u2019s bank is located on an island in the South Pacific.\u00a0 It\u2019s beautiful.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fantasy.\u00a0 There\u2019s very little reality that takes place with Freda.\u00a0 It\u2019s all about the affair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s excitement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; and the other one, Nancy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A lot of real life attached to that one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, man.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s got bundles of clothes, and bills, and snotty-nosed kids.\u00a0 You wonder why one bank account gets the investment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it\u2019s guilt-free!\u00a0 The consequences\u2014the wages of sin is death.\u00a0 Sin produces misery, and not only that; but do you really think God is going to <em>bless<\/em> this unholy relationship that God hates and that is causing so much pain and sorrow for your wife and for your children? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the guy who says, \u201cI know that\u2019s the right thing to do, but my feelings are just so skewed at this point.\u00a0 I\u2019m just so drawn to Freda.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, do you remember when you fell in love with your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 How did that happen?\u00a0 Did you get shot with some kind of arrow from the outside and, all of a sudden, you had these warm fuzzies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Umm, it felt a little like that; but no, looking back on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\u00a0 How did you get all those feelings?\u00a0 You created those romantic feelings in your own heart by what you did for her, and to her, and with her.\u00a0 If she was doing the same things, then the feelings grew!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, what happens in these cases, typically, is the person stops courting, stops making those investments into the bank account.\u00a0 The feelings start to wane, and they start to develop over here.\u00a0 The bottom line is\u2014it is like what Jesus told the church in Revelation, Chapter 2.\u00a0 Remember?\u00a0 They fell out of love with Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\u2014 \u201clost your first love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 What did He say?\u00a0 He said, \u201cI want you to reach down into the depths of your love cup and stir up all of these warm fuzzies...\u201d\u00a0 Is that what He said?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He told them three things.\u00a0 He said, \u201cRemember the way you used to be.\u00a0 Repent.\u00a0 Change your thinking, and the direction of your life, and do your first works.\u201d\u00a0 If you are willing to do the things that you used to do, to think the things that you used to do, in time, your feelings for Freda will atrophy and your feelings for Nancy will develop stronger, even than they were from the beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the bottom line, \u201cIf you allowed this thing to happen\u2014if this thing happened\u2014your marriage was not as strong as it could be.\u201d\u00a0 I could tell you\u2014the overwhelming majority of people that we see and we counsel\u2014who have been going through adulterous affairs\u2014on the other side of it, their marriages are stronger than they were at the beginning because, for the first time, they\u2019ve really committed themselves to a biblical view of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so here\u2019s what you have to do if you\u2019re a listener and you find yourself being double-minded\u2014you\u2019ve got two different bank accounts.\u00a0 First of all, you have to cancel your flight to the South Pacific to visit Freda\u2019s place; and you have to terminate that relationship.\u00a0 Quite honestly, you ought to do it in the presence of a same-sex friend, who can hold you accountable and say, \u201cIf you pick up a phone, you are an idiot!\u00a0 You can\u2019t go there.\u00a0 You can\u2019t call her.\u00a0 You can\u2019t continue to go visit that branch of the bank.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I think you have to take stock of your relationship with God and figure out, \u201cHow did you get there in the first place?\u201d\u00a0 Use the pain the sin brought you to drive you back to your relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 And then third, you need to do the deeds you did at first.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA part of what would help you do that\u2014and I\u2019m going to get practical here, Bob\u2014I would say to the couple that\u2019s going through this, \u201cGo to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because it will give you the blueprints, it will give you some practical projects that will empower you to rebuild some romance, to rebuild some trust, to learn how to forgive going forward, and practically speaking, build oneness in your relationship rather than isolation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just give testimony to that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve counseled a number of people, through our counseling center, who, in the process of trying to rebuild a marriage, just like we\u2019re talking about, went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 They\u2019ve come back with glowing reports of how helpful it was to their marriage and to the whole restoration process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s interesting because, over the years, we\u2019ve had a number of couples who were in a real dark spot in their marriage\u2014for whatever reason, whether it was marital infidelity, or any number of issues that caused them to drift toward isolation.\u00a0 God has used the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in a lot of those situations to bring those couples back, not just temporarily, but to realign and readjust the direction of their marriage so that today they can give testimony to the fact that their marriage is better than it ever was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re just kicking off, right now, our fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link you find there to find out more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou will also find information about Lou Priolo\u2019s helpful book, <em>Picking Up the Pieces: Recovering from Broken Relationships<\/em>.\u00a0 We have the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 Order a copy from us when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just with some friends who were sharing with me about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> programs that they\u2019ve heard and that God has used in their family\u2014programs on parenting teens, marriage-related programming, just programs about relationships in general that have been helpful\u2014and that they have passed the word along to other friends.\u00a0 They\u2019ve shared transcripts of our program or told folks how they can download or listen to our program online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who spread the word about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and pass along information about what you\u2019ve heard to friends who may benefit from this program, and we appreciate those of you who help make this program possible with your funding of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 More than 60 percent of our annual revenue comes from folks, like you, who help support the program with a donation from time to time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to support the ministry, we\u2019d like to send, as a thank-you gift, a CD of a message presented to women called \u201cWhat Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d<em>.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I had the opportunity, a number of months ago, to be with a group of women and talk about that subject pretty openly\u2014pretty transparently\u2014about how we think as guys and things we wish our wives understood more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat CD is our gift to you this month when you make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and press the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, to make an online donation; and we\u2019ll send you the CD automatically.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You can make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just ask for a copy of the CD, \u201cWhat Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew about Men\u201d when you make your donation by phone.\u00a0 We do appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>We couldn\u2019t do what we do without you.\u00a0 Thanks very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Lou Priolo about how you mend what was broken in a relationship, and how you deal with the hurt and pain in your own heart, as well.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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