{"id":302585,"date":"2012-09-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-terrible-turning-point\/"},"modified":"2012-09-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-09-05T15:00:00","slug":"a-terrible-turning-point","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-terrible-turning-point\/","title":{"rendered":"A Terrible Turning Point"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>She and her husband were considered &#8220;experts&#8221; in marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.18M","filesize_raw":"25349756","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10361,2849,2813],"tags":[4561,4033],"podcast_series":[7898],"cwp_profile":[8940],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302585","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-busyness-and-stress","category-drifting-apart","category-recovering-from-divorce","tag-brokeness","tag-divorce","podcast_series-begin-again-believe-again","cwp_profile-sharon-hersh","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302585\/a-terrible-turning-point","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302585\/a-terrible-turning-point","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"P6P5ZYrn44\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-terrible-turning-point\/\">A Terrible Turning Point<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-terrible-turning-point\/embed\/#?secret=P6P5ZYrn44\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Terrible Turning Point&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"P6P5ZYrn44\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you ever ignored warning signs until it was too late?\u00a0 That\u2019s what happened to Sharon Hersh with her marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 I knew our marriage was in trouble.\u00a0 I knew that there was no camaraderie, there were no connections.\u00a0 I knew they were not in our marriage, but I really, truly believed our marriage would never end.\u00a0 I think that fueled my arrogance and my pride and my unwillingness to tell the truth and ask for help and stop this thing before it completely derailed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Sharon Hersh joins us today to talk about how her marriage derailed and how she got her life and her faith back on track.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 For years as I\u2019ve talked to people about our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, I\u2019ve talked about the fact that we try to provide couples who come with some practical help for their marriage\u2014no matter what the state of their marriage is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think we\u2019ve got some things that we can offer there.\u00a0 Then, to provide some hope because there are a lot of couples who come, and the hope bank is overdrawn.\u00a0 There are not a whole lot of assets left in the hope meter, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No doubt about it.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019ve got a letter here from a listener who was listening to WORD in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> has been heard on that station all the way back to the beginning\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when we launched back in 1992.\u00a0 By the way, as a listener, you ought to know we\u2019re coming up on our 20<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary.\u00a0 Bob and I together for 20 years, can you believe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can you believe?\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But anyway, this listener wrote about how she and her husband started their marriage at ages 18 and 19, had been married for 17 years, she said, \u201cWith a lot of pure determination and a whole lot of yelling,\u201d and had a little boy.\u00a0 He brought a lot of joy to their relationship, but their marriage rocked along, wasn\u2019t doing well.\u00a0 They heard how a listener could win a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> there on WORD.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Station was doing some kind of a contest or something?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some kind of promotion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and she said, \u201cI won!\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cIt came in the midst of our marriage getting worse and louder and louder and louder.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I want to read to you what she had to say.\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe decided the Charlotte conference was the one for us.\u00a0 We stayed in a beautiful, little bed and breakfast; with open hearts attended the conference.\u00a0 For the first time in our marriage, we talked about our marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s an interesting statement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe talked about God and how He got us to this point.\u00a0 We said things we\u2019d never said before.\u00a0 For the first time in our marriage, I saw my husband as a man of God; and the most amazing thing happened: we prayed together for the very first time ever.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe are now two weeks out from the conference, and we are still praying and talking.\u00a0 Believe me when I say this was not a great time for us because I was recently unemployed and money in our savings was running very thin; but we are no longer fighting.\u00a0 Instead we are praying, talking, and laughing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, listen to this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cMy son said during his evening prayers the other night, \u2018God, I don\u2019t know what You did to my mommy and daddy, but thank You for making them love each other again and stop yelling at each other.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe concludes her letter.\u00a0 She says, \u201cThat says it all.\u00a0 I just want to thank WORD FM for saving my marriage and allowing my husband and me to find our way back to the arms of Christ.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is really fascinating what a little bit of help and a fresh dose of hope can do for a married couple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Scriptures bring hope.\u00a0 They bring life.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because they point people back to the One who designed marriage and family in the first place\u2014God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us today who has a unique story related to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 Sharon Hersh joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Sharon, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is good to be with you both.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sharon is a really good friend.\u00a0 We\u2019ve\u2014well, we\u2019ve been friends now for\u2014what?\u2014almost 20 years?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, almost as long as you and Bob have been together.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a frightening thought.\u00a0 She\u2019s a licensed counselor on the Front Range near Denver, Colorado.\u00a0 She\u2019s a speaker, an author, and lives there.\u00a0 She\u2019s an empty-nester now, and she has written a book that I really found quite interesting.\u00a0 It\u2019s titled <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>.\u00a0 We just heard a story about someone who was beginning again and believing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 As Bob said, got a \u201cdose of hope,\u201d and I guess this book is kind of my story of finding hope\u2014sometimes just a little dose of hope and sometimes big buckets of it along the way in a journey that I would have never chosen for myself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think I can look back from this point and know that, although some choices were not necessarily what God directed but out of sinful choices, out of foolish choices, out of situations that I had no power in, God has been able to weave together a story where I truly do believe\u2014no matter where you\u2019re at\u2014there is a chance to begin again and believe again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were at a point in your life years ago when hope was low\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in just about every area of your life, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Dennis alluded to it.\u00a0 My husband and I were speakers for FamilyLife over ten years ago; and we spoke at those <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> for about three years.\u00a0 At the end of every conference, that last session on Sunday afternoon, my husband would kind of stop the audience and say, \u201cSharon, look at me, just look at me.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI promise I will never be unfaithful to you, I will never divorce you, I am married to you for life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think back on that now and know how carelessly I regarded those words.\u00a0 Sometimes I was half listening.\u00a0 Sometimes I was rolling my eyes thinking about the fight that we had the night before because, truly, our marriage was not a marriage to remember at that time.\u00a0 There were some bumps along the way and some work that we never did, like this couple that you read about was willing to begin very much to humble themselves, and we had not done that work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, probably at that time we were living pretty parallel lives, each kind of doing our own thing.\u00a0 I suspect there are a lot of couples out there that live in that situation where they\u2019re not really connecting, they\u2019re not praying together, they\u2019re not talking about their marriage together.\u00a0 Actually, I\u2019ve learned that can be as dangerous and as perilous as some overt behaviors that tend to destroy and erode marriages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, when your husband would stand on the platform at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and say \u201cHere\u2019s my promise,\u201d it was almost like lines in a play more than it was a husband and wife being transparent in front of the audience?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am afraid so.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t want to make this about him because this really is the story of my own journey.\u00a0 So, it was\u2014I was an actor in that play as well and neglected my marriage and really did not have the time or the energy to humbly do the work that is so often required in marriages.\u00a0 So, as a result, our marriage drifted even further into perilous territory.\u00a0 I suspect that my husband felt lonely because I was busy.\u00a0 I was busy writing books and speaking at FamilyLife marriage conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, my husband began to talk to someone else and found what he believed was a soul mate; that revelation began for me a journey over the past twelve years that has truly been, as I said earlier, one I would have never chosen.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe that it was God\u2019s design that our marriage fail because it has certainly hurt a lot of people besides just the two of us.\u00a0 But I do think that God has used the brokenness, the failure, and the many experiences along the way to really lead me to Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you so clueless about what was taking place that when he asked for the divorce, you were completely stunned?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and no.\u00a0 I think I was very arrogant in thinking that there would never be anybody else.\u00a0 So, I did.\u00a0 I took those words for granted, and I knew our marriage was in trouble.\u00a0 I knew that there was no camaraderie.\u00a0 There was no connection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of the things that we talk about at the conferences, I knew they were not in our marriage; but I really, truly believed our marriage would never end.\u00a0 I think that fueled my arrogance and my pride and my unwillingness to tell the truth and ask for help and stop this thing before it completely derailed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re supposed to, in a marriage relationship, be able to rely on that covenant commitment that you\u2019ve made to one another; but there is a difference between relying on that and taking your marriage for granted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014as a result of knowing that that\u2019s in place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 This did happen.\u00a0 I really did think and say probably a hundred times, \u201cI never thought this would happen to me.\u201d\u00a0 Even in that statement, there\u2019s a lot of pride because every marriage is vulnerable and every person is at risk to take our loneliness, our frustration, or disappointment and turn it toward something other than God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of the Scriptures that say, \u201cLet him who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to stop you here because I want our listeners to hear what you said about arrogance.\u00a0 In your arrogance, you didn\u2019t ask for others to help.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, I just want to pause there for a moment because if you would have asked any of those who were on the speaker team with you, you know within a heartbeat they would have been by your side; they would have reached out to help and said, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all struggled.\u00a0 Let\u2019s figure out how we get out of this ditch and we move forward.\u201d\u00a0 But because help was not asked for, help never came.\u00a0 <br><br>We\u2019ve got to be speaking to some people right now who need help.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t characterize themselves as arrogant like you did; but twelve years from now they may look back and say\u2014like you are here\u2014\u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I really was self sufficient.\u00a0 I really was arrogant.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI was allowing this thing to slide off in a ditch deeper and deeper and deeper and take our family with it without just raising the hand and crying out not only to God but also to friends at church, people that you\u2019ve had an impact in their lives or peers or maybe even those you respect to say, \u2018Would you help us?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re right on, Dennis.\u00a0 I think the whole concept of <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>, which sounds good --we all want those new beginnings, fresh starts, an infusion of faith into our hearts and souls; but that doesn\u2019t happen without first saying, \u201cHelp.\u00a0 I need someone.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think one of the reasons we wanted to have this conversation with you is, first of all, because it can be a cautionary tale to those who are in a marriage where they ought to be raising the white flag and saying, \u201cHey, we need a little help over here.\u201d\u00a0 But the other reason is because there are a lot of people who are in the middle of the journey that you have already walked through.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not that you\u2019re not still on a journey\u2014we all are\u2014but they\u2019re in the shadow land, and you\u2019ve seen some sunlight on that trail.\u00a0 They need to hear from you that you can make it through the shadows to back to where there was sun.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause from 2001, from the time that your husband said, \u201cThis is over,\u201d until the time when you started to begin again and believe again\u2014how long a period of time would you say that was where you were just really wondering, \u201cDoes life ever get any better than this, because it\u2019s pretty bad?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you would think that being told that you were getting a divorce and that your marriage was falling apart would immediately send you scurrying to get help and hope and figure out some things in your life; but as anyone who has had their lives fall through the cracks knows, unfortunately, we humans are prone to do other things like find blame or justify our own behaviors or prove that we\u2019re right or protect our image at all costs because \u201cI\u2019ve got to still stay in ministry or keep my work going\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, my journey, my process of healing probably took longer than most people\u2019s because that pride remained.\u00a0 It took a few years for me to really get to a point where I said, \u201cI give up.\u00a0 I surrender.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Take me back to those few years before you were saying, \u201cI give up.\u201d\u00a0 What kinds of things were you saying?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was not wanting to look at it.\u00a0 So, I was feeling somewhat the urgency of being a single mother all of the sudden of two pre-teenagers and doing all the driving and all of the work at home and trying to figure out how maybe I could make a living.\u00a0 So, I was not opening my bills.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t open bills for six months.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recommend that to anyone who is listening.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We call this phase denial, don\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or despair because I often would end the day by pulling the blankets up over my head as I laid in bed and truly pray, \u201cGod, help me not to wake up tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, this is a trained counselor that\u2019s speaking here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it is.\u00a0 Just because you know things in your head and you can advise others, it takes something else for that to seep into your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things it takes is a lot of cracks.\u00a0 So, God was allowing the cracks to form in my veneer, in my persona.\u00a0 Initially, I thought it was because really He didn\u2019t care; and if my world broke into pieces, then it was probably my fault or I could blame my husband for it.\u00a0 But really, He needed those cracks to form, so that He could seep into them and begin to not just be something I talked about but be a part of me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there was a chipping away that was taking place as God had to peel through some of the protective layers you had\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014wrapped around yourself.\u00a0 Is there a way for somebody to accelerate that process?\u00a0 I mean the person who is in it who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m pulling the blanket up over my head at night and going, \u2018I don\u2019t want to wake up,\u2019 and life is miserable.\u00a0 I never thought I\u2019d find myself here.\u00a0 It\u2019s all his fault, or it\u2019s all her fault,\u201d or whatever.\u00a0 Is there a way for them to get down the path quicker?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that way is, just as we spoke, to ask for help, to acknowledge, \u201cI am failing.\u00a0 I am scared.\u00a0 I am angry.\u00a0 I am filled with overwhelming emotions that I don\u2019t know what to do about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCertainly, one of the other things that prolonged my healing process is I relapsed in my addiction.\u00a0 I\u2019m a recovering alcoholic, and when my marriage fell apart, I foolishly thought I could make the process easier by numbing myself a little bit.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m not the only one who thinks that because our culture thrives on really wanting to make the pain go away as quickly as possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just to comment on that, not all the folks who numb the pain use drugs and alcohol.\u00a0 There are tons of addictions in this culture today to do just what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, because the other thing I numbed myself with was work.\u00a0 So, in the first five years after my divorce, I wrote five books.\u00a0 I look back on that now and think, \u201cWhat was I doing?\u201d\u00a0 I should have been focusing on sitting and sorting through what had happened and what my part was in it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, whether through alcohol, initially, which fortunately some friends and pastor picked up on that pretty quickly and confronted me about it\u2014that actually became a significant part of my journey because that led me to deal with my alcoholism in a way that I never had before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my very first book that we talked about on this program years ago, I talked about my alcoholism; but I had never\u2014once again, that was something that I saw in my life and I took a hold of it and I fixed it.\u00a0 But when my marriage fell apart and I turned to this familiar, destructive behavior, I could not fix myself with the self that got me into this mess.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I began to attend a twelve-steps program, which really was instrumental in my healing and beginning to talk about things in an honest, open way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Pretty humbling to walk into one of those twelve-step programs and say, \u201cI need help.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, and I can\u2019t say it was\u2014it\u2019s just hard that one time.\u00a0 It has been hard at various times in my life since then to walk into a room and admit\u2014maybe not with alcohol but with some other behavior\u2014\u201cI am trying to run from the pain, and I need help.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think\u2014just hearing your story makes me sad, Sharon.\u00a0 To think that we knew you and yet we didn\u2019t know, and we weren\u2019t able to help in those moments; but it also just reminds me of a couple of other things too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one: We\u2019re all broken.\u00a0 There\u2019s not a listener, there\u2019s not a host or co-host or guest on today\u2019s broadcast who is not broken.\u00a0 We all have our issues.\u00a0 We all have our struggles.\u00a0 We\u2019re all in need of the grace of God as found in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, and you said it numerous times on this broadcast, we need to ask for help\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014first of all, with God, crying out to God and admitting you can\u2019t do it.\u00a0 \u201cGod be merciful to me, a sinner.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe you need to cry out for the help that really will determine your eternal destiny, your relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 You need to ask God to forgive your sins and cleanse you and make you a new creature in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>But you may already be a Christian and just need to ask God freshly\u2014say, \u201cGod, I\u2019ve gone my own way too long.\u00a0 I need your help,\u201d but you also need to ask other people for help.\u00a0 You need to articulate that to the body of Christ, other believers, and let them step into your life and make a difference.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, I want to remind our listeners, there is hope.\u00a0 The same God who raised His Son, Jesus Christ, from the dead and defeated death\u2014if He can do that, there is no problem you have, no circumstance you\u2019re facing, where He is too weak, where He can\u2019t break through and be the God of all hope in your life and be the God of those new beginnings we talked about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know there are times when folks are on this dark path, when honestly you don\u2019t even want to read a book like this, because it\u2019s\u2014you\u2019re just not ready to hear it yet; but there does come a point where you\u2019ve got to look up and say, \u201cOkay, how am I going to get from where I am to where I need to be?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s when a book like <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>, I think, can be helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got copies of Sharon\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife<\/em><em>Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Our listeners can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the book.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s called <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em> by Sharon Hersh.\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can find out more about the book or order from us online; or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA while back we had an opportunity to talk with Leslie Vernick, who is also a counselor and an author.\u00a0 We talked about emotionally destructive relationships, those hard relationships that may be with an extended-family member, maybe with somebody outside your family.\u00a0 What do you do when you\u2019re pressed into one of those?\u00a0 How do you respond?\u00a0 How do you honor God in the midst of that?\u00a0 Well, that conversation is on audio CD.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we would love to send you a copy of that conversation as our way of saying thank you for your financial support.\u00a0 We are listener-supported.\u00a0 Your contributions help cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Again, when you make a donation this week, if you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, I CARE, make an online donation, we\u2019ll automatically send you the CD of our conversation with Leslie Vernick.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make your donation over the phone, and just mention that you\u2019d like a copy of the audio CD on destructive relationships.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your partnership with us here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue to hear about Sharon Hersh\u2019s journey from disappointment, hurt, betrayal, to a place where she could begin again and believe again.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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and her husband were considered \"experts\" in marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-09-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you ever ignored warning signs until it was too late?\u00a0 That\u2019s what happened to Sharon Hersh with her marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 I knew our marriage was in trouble.\u00a0 I knew that there was no camaraderie, there were no connections.\u00a0 I knew they were not in our marriage, but I really, truly believed our marriage would never end.\u00a0 I think that fueled my arrogance and my pride and my unwillingness to tell the truth and ask for help and stop this thing before it completely derailed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Sharon Hersh joins us today to talk about how her marriage derailed and how she got her life and her faith back on track.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 For years as I\u2019ve talked to people about our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, I\u2019ve talked about the fact that we try to provide couples who come with some practical help for their marriage\u2014no matter what the state of their marriage is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think we\u2019ve got some things that we can offer there.\u00a0 Then, to provide some hope because there are a lot of couples who come, and the hope bank is overdrawn.\u00a0 There are not a whole lot of assets left in the hope meter, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No doubt about it.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019ve got a letter here from a listener who was listening to WORD in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> has been heard on that station all the way back to the beginning\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when we launched back in 1992.\u00a0 By the way, as a listener, you ought to know we\u2019re coming up on our 20<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary.\u00a0 Bob and I together for 20 years, can you believe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can you believe?\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But anyway, this listener wrote about how she and her husband started their marriage at ages 18 and 19, had been married for 17 years, she said, \u201cWith a lot of pure determination and a whole lot of yelling,\u201d and had a little boy.\u00a0 He brought a lot of joy to their relationship, but their marriage rocked along, wasn\u2019t doing well.\u00a0 They heard how a listener could win a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> there on WORD.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Station was doing some kind of a contest or something?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some kind of promotion\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and she said, \u201cI won!\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cIt came in the midst of our marriage getting worse and louder and louder and louder.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I want to read to you what she had to say.\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe decided the Charlotte conference was the one for us.\u00a0 We stayed in a beautiful, little bed and breakfast; with open hearts attended the conference.\u00a0 For the first time in our marriage, we talked about our marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s an interesting statement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe talked about God and how He got us to this point.\u00a0 We said things we\u2019d never said before.\u00a0 For the first time in our marriage, I saw my husband as a man of God; and the most amazing thing happened: we prayed together for the very first time ever.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe are now two weeks out from the conference, and we are still praying and talking.\u00a0 Believe me when I say this was not a great time for us because I was recently unemployed and money in our savings was running very thin; but we are no longer fighting.\u00a0 Instead we are praying, talking, and laughing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, listen to this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cMy son said during his evening prayers the other night, \u2018God, I don\u2019t know what You did to my mommy and daddy, but thank You for making them love each other again and stop yelling at each other.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe concludes her letter.\u00a0 She says, \u201cThat says it all.\u00a0 I just want to thank WORD FM for saving my marriage and allowing my husband and me to find our way back to the arms of Christ.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is really fascinating what a little bit of help and a fresh dose of hope can do for a married couple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Scriptures bring hope.\u00a0 They bring life.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because they point people back to the One who designed marriage and family in the first place\u2014God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us today who has a unique story related to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 Sharon Hersh joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Sharon, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is good to be with you both.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sharon is a really good friend.\u00a0 We\u2019ve\u2014well, we\u2019ve been friends now for\u2014what?\u2014almost 20 years?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, almost as long as you and Bob have been together.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a frightening thought.\u00a0 She\u2019s a licensed counselor on the Front Range near Denver, Colorado.\u00a0 She\u2019s a speaker, an author, and lives there.\u00a0 She\u2019s an empty-nester now, and she has written a book that I really found quite interesting.\u00a0 It\u2019s titled <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>.\u00a0 We just heard a story about someone who was beginning again and believing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 As Bob said, got a \u201cdose of hope,\u201d and I guess this book is kind of my story of finding hope\u2014sometimes just a little dose of hope and sometimes big buckets of it along the way in a journey that I would have never chosen for myself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think I can look back from this point and know that, although some choices were not necessarily what God directed but out of sinful choices, out of foolish choices, out of situations that I had no power in, God has been able to weave together a story where I truly do believe\u2014no matter where you\u2019re at\u2014there is a chance to begin again and believe again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were at a point in your life years ago when hope was low\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in just about every area of your life, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Dennis alluded to it.\u00a0 My husband and I were speakers for FamilyLife over ten years ago; and we spoke at those <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em> for about three years.\u00a0 At the end of every conference, that last session on Sunday afternoon, my husband would kind of stop the audience and say, \u201cSharon, look at me, just look at me.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI promise I will never be unfaithful to you, I will never divorce you, I am married to you for life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think back on that now and know how carelessly I regarded those words.\u00a0 Sometimes I was half listening.\u00a0 Sometimes I was rolling my eyes thinking about the fight that we had the night before because, truly, our marriage was not a marriage to remember at that time.\u00a0 There were some bumps along the way and some work that we never did, like this couple that you read about was willing to begin very much to humble themselves, and we had not done that work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, probably at that time we were living pretty parallel lives, each kind of doing our own thing.\u00a0 I suspect there are a lot of couples out there that live in that situation where they\u2019re not really connecting, they\u2019re not praying together, they\u2019re not talking about their marriage together.\u00a0 Actually, I\u2019ve learned that can be as dangerous and as perilous as some overt behaviors that tend to destroy and erode marriages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, when your husband would stand on the platform at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and say \u201cHere\u2019s my promise,\u201d it was almost like lines in a play more than it was a husband and wife being transparent in front of the audience?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am afraid so.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t want to make this about him because this really is the story of my own journey.\u00a0 So, it was\u2014I was an actor in that play as well and neglected my marriage and really did not have the time or the energy to humbly do the work that is so often required in marriages.\u00a0 So, as a result, our marriage drifted even further into perilous territory.\u00a0 I suspect that my husband felt lonely because I was busy.\u00a0 I was busy writing books and speaking at FamilyLife marriage conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, my husband began to talk to someone else and found what he believed was a soul mate; that revelation began for me a journey over the past twelve years that has truly been, as I said earlier, one I would have never chosen.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe that it was God\u2019s design that our marriage fail because it has certainly hurt a lot of people besides just the two of us.\u00a0 But I do think that God has used the brokenness, the failure, and the many experiences along the way to really lead me to Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you so clueless about what was taking place that when he asked for the divorce, you were completely stunned?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and no.\u00a0 I think I was very arrogant in thinking that there would never be anybody else.\u00a0 So, I did.\u00a0 I took those words for granted, and I knew our marriage was in trouble.\u00a0 I knew that there was no camaraderie.\u00a0 There was no connection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of the things that we talk about at the conferences, I knew they were not in our marriage; but I really, truly believed our marriage would never end.\u00a0 I think that fueled my arrogance and my pride and my unwillingness to tell the truth and ask for help and stop this thing before it completely derailed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re supposed to, in a marriage relationship, be able to rely on that covenant commitment that you\u2019ve made to one another; but there is a difference between relying on that and taking your marriage for granted\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014as a result of knowing that that\u2019s in place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 This did happen.\u00a0 I really did think and say probably a hundred times, \u201cI never thought this would happen to me.\u201d\u00a0 Even in that statement, there\u2019s a lot of pride because every marriage is vulnerable and every person is at risk to take our loneliness, our frustration, or disappointment and turn it toward something other than God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of the Scriptures that say, \u201cLet him who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to stop you here because I want our listeners to hear what you said about arrogance.\u00a0 In your arrogance, you didn\u2019t ask for others to help.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, I just want to pause there for a moment because if you would have asked any of those who were on the speaker team with you, you know within a heartbeat they would have been by your side; they would have reached out to help and said, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all struggled.\u00a0 Let\u2019s figure out how we get out of this ditch and we move forward.\u201d\u00a0 But because help was not asked for, help never came.\u00a0 <br><br>We\u2019ve got to be speaking to some people right now who need help.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t characterize themselves as arrogant like you did; but twelve years from now they may look back and say\u2014like you are here\u2014\u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I really was self sufficient.\u00a0 I really was arrogant.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI was allowing this thing to slide off in a ditch deeper and deeper and deeper and take our family with it without just raising the hand and crying out not only to God but also to friends at church, people that you\u2019ve had an impact in their lives or peers or maybe even those you respect to say, \u2018Would you help us?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re right on, Dennis.\u00a0 I think the whole concept of <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>, which sounds good --we all want those new beginnings, fresh starts, an infusion of faith into our hearts and souls; but that doesn\u2019t happen without first saying, \u201cHelp.\u00a0 I need someone.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think one of the reasons we wanted to have this conversation with you is, first of all, because it can be a cautionary tale to those who are in a marriage where they ought to be raising the white flag and saying, \u201cHey, we need a little help over here.\u201d\u00a0 But the other reason is because there are a lot of people who are in the middle of the journey that you have already walked through.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not that you\u2019re not still on a journey\u2014we all are\u2014but they\u2019re in the shadow land, and you\u2019ve seen some sunlight on that trail.\u00a0 They need to hear from you that you can make it through the shadows to back to where there was sun.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause from 2001, from the time that your husband said, \u201cThis is over,\u201d until the time when you started to begin again and believe again\u2014how long a period of time would you say that was where you were just really wondering, \u201cDoes life ever get any better than this, because it\u2019s pretty bad?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you would think that being told that you were getting a divorce and that your marriage was falling apart would immediately send you scurrying to get help and hope and figure out some things in your life; but as anyone who has had their lives fall through the cracks knows, unfortunately, we humans are prone to do other things like find blame or justify our own behaviors or prove that we\u2019re right or protect our image at all costs because \u201cI\u2019ve got to still stay in ministry or keep my work going\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, my journey, my process of healing probably took longer than most people\u2019s because that pride remained.\u00a0 It took a few years for me to really get to a point where I said, \u201cI give up.\u00a0 I surrender.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Take me back to those few years before you were saying, \u201cI give up.\u201d\u00a0 What kinds of things were you saying?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was not wanting to look at it.\u00a0 So, I was feeling somewhat the urgency of being a single mother all of the sudden of two pre-teenagers and doing all the driving and all of the work at home and trying to figure out how maybe I could make a living.\u00a0 So, I was not opening my bills.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t open bills for six months.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recommend that to anyone who is listening.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We call this phase denial, don\u2019t we?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or despair because I often would end the day by pulling the blankets up over my head as I laid in bed and truly pray, \u201cGod, help me not to wake up tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, this is a trained counselor that\u2019s speaking here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it is.\u00a0 Just because you know things in your head and you can advise others, it takes something else for that to seep into your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things it takes is a lot of cracks.\u00a0 So, God was allowing the cracks to form in my veneer, in my persona.\u00a0 Initially, I thought it was because really He didn\u2019t care; and if my world broke into pieces, then it was probably my fault or I could blame my husband for it.\u00a0 But really, He needed those cracks to form, so that He could seep into them and begin to not just be something I talked about but be a part of me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, there was a chipping away that was taking place as God had to peel through some of the protective layers you had\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014wrapped around yourself.\u00a0 Is there a way for somebody to accelerate that process?\u00a0 I mean the person who is in it who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m pulling the blanket up over my head at night and going, \u2018I don\u2019t want to wake up,\u2019 and life is miserable.\u00a0 I never thought I\u2019d find myself here.\u00a0 It\u2019s all his fault, or it\u2019s all her fault,\u201d or whatever.\u00a0 Is there a way for them to get down the path quicker?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that way is, just as we spoke, to ask for help, to acknowledge, \u201cI am failing.\u00a0 I am scared.\u00a0 I am angry.\u00a0 I am filled with overwhelming emotions that I don\u2019t know what to do about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCertainly, one of the other things that prolonged my healing process is I relapsed in my addiction.\u00a0 I\u2019m a recovering alcoholic, and when my marriage fell apart, I foolishly thought I could make the process easier by numbing myself a little bit.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m not the only one who thinks that because our culture thrives on really wanting to make the pain go away as quickly as possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just to comment on that, not all the folks who numb the pain use drugs and alcohol.\u00a0 There are tons of addictions in this culture today to do just what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, because the other thing I numbed myself with was work.\u00a0 So, in the first five years after my divorce, I wrote five books.\u00a0 I look back on that now and think, \u201cWhat was I doing?\u201d\u00a0 I should have been focusing on sitting and sorting through what had happened and what my part was in it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, whether through alcohol, initially, which fortunately some friends and pastor picked up on that pretty quickly and confronted me about it\u2014that actually became a significant part of my journey because that led me to deal with my alcoholism in a way that I never had before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my very first book that we talked about on this program years ago, I talked about my alcoholism; but I had never\u2014once again, that was something that I saw in my life and I took a hold of it and I fixed it.\u00a0 But when my marriage fell apart and I turned to this familiar, destructive behavior, I could not fix myself with the self that got me into this mess.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I began to attend a twelve-steps program, which really was instrumental in my healing and beginning to talk about things in an honest, open way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Pretty humbling to walk into one of those twelve-step programs and say, \u201cI need help.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, and I can\u2019t say it was\u2014it\u2019s just hard that one time.\u00a0 It has been hard at various times in my life since then to walk into a room and admit\u2014maybe not with alcohol but with some other behavior\u2014\u201cI am trying to run from the pain, and I need help.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think\u2014just hearing your story makes me sad, Sharon.\u00a0 To think that we knew you and yet we didn\u2019t know, and we weren\u2019t able to help in those moments; but it also just reminds me of a couple of other things too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one: We\u2019re all broken.\u00a0 There\u2019s not a listener, there\u2019s not a host or co-host or guest on today\u2019s broadcast who is not broken.\u00a0 We all have our issues.\u00a0 We all have our struggles.\u00a0 We\u2019re all in need of the grace of God as found in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, and you said it numerous times on this broadcast, we need to ask for help\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sharon<\/strong><strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014first of all, with God, crying out to God and admitting you can\u2019t do it.\u00a0 \u201cGod be merciful to me, a sinner.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe you need to cry out for the help that really will determine your eternal destiny, your relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 You need to ask God to forgive your sins and cleanse you and make you a new creature in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>But you may already be a Christian and just need to ask God freshly\u2014say, \u201cGod, I\u2019ve gone my own way too long.\u00a0 I need your help,\u201d but you also need to ask other people for help.\u00a0 You need to articulate that to the body of Christ, other believers, and let them step into your life and make a difference.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, I want to remind our listeners, there is hope.\u00a0 The same God who raised His Son, Jesus Christ, from the dead and defeated death\u2014if He can do that, there is no problem you have, no circumstance you\u2019re facing, where He is too weak, where He can\u2019t break through and be the God of all hope in your life and be the God of those new beginnings we talked about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know there are times when folks are on this dark path, when honestly you don\u2019t even want to read a book like this, because it\u2019s\u2014you\u2019re just not ready to hear it yet; but there does come a point where you\u2019ve got to look up and say, \u201cOkay, how am I going to get from where I am to where I need to be?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s when a book like <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em>, I think, can be helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got copies of Sharon\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife<\/em><em>Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Our listeners can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the book.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s called <em>Begin Again, Believe Again<\/em> by Sharon Hersh.\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can find out more about the book or order from us online; or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA while back we had an opportunity to talk with Leslie Vernick, who is also a counselor and an author.\u00a0 We talked about emotionally destructive relationships, those hard relationships that may be with an extended-family member, maybe with somebody outside your family.\u00a0 What do you do when you\u2019re pressed into one of those?\u00a0 How do you respond?\u00a0 How do you honor God in the midst of that?\u00a0 Well, that conversation is on audio CD.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we would love to send you a copy of that conversation as our way of saying thank you for your financial support.\u00a0 We are listener-supported.\u00a0 Your contributions help cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Again, when you make a donation this week, if you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, I CARE, make an online donation, we\u2019ll automatically send you the CD of our conversation with Leslie Vernick.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make your donation over the phone, and just mention that you\u2019d like a copy of the audio CD on destructive relationships.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your partnership with us here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue to hear about Sharon Hersh\u2019s journey from disappointment, hurt, betrayal, to a place where she could begin again and believe again.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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