{"id":302564,"date":"2012-07-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/deciding-to-discipline\/"},"modified":"2012-07-26T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-26T15:00:00","slug":"deciding-to-discipline","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/deciding-to-discipline\/","title":{"rendered":"Deciding to Discipline"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>God can use any man fully committed to Him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.26M","filesize_raw":"26491326","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2833,2806],"tags":[4759,4698,4096],"podcast_series":[7312],"cwp_profile":[3176],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302564","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-godly-legacy","category-spiritual-development","tag-discipline","tag-manhood","tag-mentoring","podcast_series-anchoring-your-family-in-christ","cwp_profile-steve-farrar","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302564\/deciding-to-discipline","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302564\/deciding-to-discipline","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Gs50Wp1KAx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/deciding-to-discipline\/\">Deciding to Discipline<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/deciding-to-discipline\/embed\/#?secret=Gs50Wp1KAx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Deciding to Discipline&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Gs50Wp1KAx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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Farrar is convinced that one of the reasons he is walking with Christ today is because his father has been faithful as an anchor man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 My dad is 75 years old.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t talked with him today\u2014I\u2019ll guarantee you my dad got up at 5:30 this morning, went downstairs, turned on the coffee maker, went over, got his <em>Thompson Chain Reference Bible<\/em>, got his coffee, went upstairs, spent the first hour this morning in the Word and prayer.\u00a0 My dad prayed for me this morning, I\u2019ll guarantee you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 26<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 One of the ways we can anchor our children in Christ, as dads, is by praying faithfully for them.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition of our broadcast.\u00a0 We\u2019re here with Coach Rainey and Coach Farrar.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had a couple of days of coaching tips from Coach Farrar.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019ve had several requests from some of our female listeners, \u201cPlease, do not take us back\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cNo more football!\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cto the locker room\u2014to the locker room for any more coaching tips.\u201d\u00a0 They appreciate the help for their husbands; but it gets a little smelly in the locker room, down there where we\u2019ve been for the past couple of days.\u00a0 Bob, of course, is referring to Steve Farrar who joins us here, for a fourth day, here on the broadcast.\u00a0 Steve, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 Great to be back with you guys.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve is an author of numerous books, speaks all around the country for men\u2019s groups, and is the founder and chairman of the Men\u2019s Leadership Ministries, which is based out of Bryan-College Station, Texas, and is married to his wife Mary, and has three children.\u00a0 In fact, for a number of years, Steve, you spoke at our FamilyLife marriage conferences, all around the country.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, sometimes, folks look at a guy like you, and they look at your ministry, and they think, \u201cI could never do that;\u201d but they don\u2019t know what God could do through them if they\u2019ll just be obedient to Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The point of your book, <em>Anchor Man<\/em>, is that every man God is using to anchor his family for a generation, or two, or three\u2014for the next century.\u00a0 His obedience to Christ and his commitment to his family can set the course of a family for a century.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 I think one of the things that happens\u2014as we talk about this\u2014I don\u2019t want to give anyone the sense that there is a magic formula.\u00a0 Jim Cymbala, pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, has a great line.\u00a0 Jim said\u2014and you know Jim went into the inner city, took a dying church\u2014less than 20 people\u2014and nobody in their right mind would have done that, but it was an obedience issue.\u00a0 God led him there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJim\u2019s line is, \u201cOver the years, I\u2019ve learned that God is greatly attracted to weakness.\u201d\u00a0 You see\u2014none of us like to be weak.\u00a0 Sometimes, when you write books, Dennis, and when you\u2019re on the radio, people think, \u201cOh, that guys got it together.\u201d\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 We don\u2019t have it together.\u00a0 There is great weakness in our lives.\u00a0 If there was no weakness, we wouldn\u2019t have to depend on Christ.\u00a0 This is all about Jesus Christ, but He puts us in situations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you are in situations today where you are absolutely beyond yourself.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know what you\u2019re going to do next.\u00a0 You\u2019re not sure if you\u2019re going to make it through dinner.\u00a0 That\u2019s because He wants you dependent on Him.\u00a0 He\u2019ll get you through dinner.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that same pastor, Jim Cymbala, had a daughter who was a prodigal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That prodigal drove him to that point of weakness that we\u2019re talking about here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, the Bible says that when we are weak, He is made strong.\u00a0 It\u2019s in our weakness that God\u2019s strength is perfected.\u00a0 That\u2019s where we get the consistency and perseverance to be obedient to what God calls us to.\u00a0 Steve, one of the things you talk about in your book\u2014that God does call us to as anchor men\u2014is the assignment to provide consistent discipline.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got to tell you, \u201cOne of the hardest things I\u2019ve done as a dad is to be consistent in my discipline with my children because they keep asking for it day in and day out.\u201d\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Disciplining is a hard chore.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your kids ask\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014for discipline?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014they ask for it.\u00a0 They don\u2019t come up and say, \u201cDad, will you discipline me?\u201d\u00a0 They ask for it by being disobedient, on a regular basis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, I love the quote that you have at the beginning of this chapter.\u00a0 The chapter is entitled, \u201cTaming Your Barbarians\u201d.\u00a0 What mother hasn\u2019t felt that?\u00a0 You quote John Owen, and he\u2019s a great writer.\u00a0 He said this, \u201cWe ought, as much, to pray for a blessing on our daily rod as upon our daily bread.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 I like that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s a great line.\u00a0 You go back to Deuteronomy 6, and this idea of\u2014we talk about anchor men and leading your family for a hundred years.\u00a0 That Deuteronomy 6 passage\u2014he says to men, \u201cSo that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD.\u201d\u00a0 The fear of the Lord is a pivotal principle that runs through the Word of God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou cannot have a society that functions well without the fear of the Lord.\u00a0 Why is America in such deep trouble?\u00a0 Why have we lost where we used to be?\u00a0 We\u2019ve lost the fear of the Lord.\u00a0 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.\u00a0 Why do we read about court decisions and get upset?\u2014because there is no wisdom because we\u2019ve lost the fear of the Lord.\u00a0 You know, the Scripture says, \u201cThe fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,\u201d \u201cThe fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,\u201d \u201cThe fear of the Lord prolongs life.\u201d\u00a0 You can work your way with a concordance.\u00a0 Take the phrase, \u201cFear of the Lord\u201d, and go through Proverbs.\u00a0 There are so many benefits that come from the fear of the Lord.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy point in this is this, \u201cWhere does a child learn the fear of the Lord?\u201d\u00a0 Fathers are told to instill the fear of the Lord, not only to their sons, but to the next generation.\u00a0 I think the fear of the Lord\u2014and this is going to startle some listeners.\u00a0 Before a child will learn the fear of the Lord, they must first learn the fear of a father.\u00a0\u00a0 They say, \u201cWait a minute.\u00a0 What do you mean the fear of a father?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn one of the programs this week, we called my dad, just out of the blue.\u00a0 I mentioned my dad.\u00a0 I said he got up this morning, as he always does, and 5:30 was in the Word.\u00a0 Bob, you stopped me and said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your dad\u2019s phone number?\u201d\u00a0 So, we called my dad\u2014and it was crazy\u2014got my dad on the line.\u00a0 Sure enough, he\u2014that\u2019s what he did this morning.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful for my dad because my dad taught me the fear of the Lord, but the way I learned the fear of the Lord was by first learning the fear of my dad.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say that, and you\u2019ve seen it in this culture.\u00a0 Some people have the wrong kind of fear because their fathers have been the wrong kinds of fathers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 They\u2019re abusive fathers, and we are not talking about that.\u00a0 Thanks for the clarification, Bob.\u00a0 There are some people that are terrified of their fathers.\u00a0 That has nothing to do with the fear of the Lord.\u00a0 What we are talking about is awe\u2014is a respect.\u00a0 Nevertheless, there is a fear there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you an illustration.\u00a0 I can remember San Mateo High School, my junior year, after a football game.\u00a0 Friday night\u2014two of my buddies pull up.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got a trunk, full of beer.\u00a0 There were three gals in the car\u2014one that would be available for me.\u00a0 You guys know the drill.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Steve, let\u2019s go!\u00a0 Come on.\u201d\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 There was something in me, \u201cYou know\u2014that might be interesting.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI pondered it for about a nanosecond; and I said, \u201cTell you what\u2014you guys go on.\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cOh, no.\u00a0 Come on, let\u2019s go.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo, no.\u00a0 You guys go.\u201d\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t I go with them?\u00a0 Let me tell you why.\u00a0 I knew that somehow, someway in his omniscience, my dad would find out that I did it.\u00a0 I\u2019m dead serious.\u00a0 I can remember it like it was yesterday.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It just wasn\u2019t worth it.\u00a0 I was 17; but you see, I wanted to live to be 18.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 What I\u2019m saying is, knowing that I\u2019d have to face my dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steven:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014kept me from doing something very, very stupid and very, very foolish.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, what you\u2019re talking about here, as you\u2019re talking about the fear of the Lord\u2014and there are a lot of things encompassed around this principle from the Bible\u2014but it\u2019s a respect for authority.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t have respect for authority, you are not going to be obedient.\u00a0 Secondly, it\u2019s submission to authority.\u00a0 It\u2019s learning how to put yourself under authority, without kicking and screaming\u2014realizing that\u2014that\u2019s where life comes from.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird, I believe the fear of the Lord is living your life in the presence of God.\u00a0 You laughed about it, Steve; but you talked about your dad and his omniscience\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014would find out.\u00a0 You know God knows everything.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, He does.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Living your life in the fear of the Lord means we practice His presence.\u00a0 Finally, the fear of the Lord, I believe, leads us to understand that for every act, there are consequences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve just got to jump on the soapbox, here, for a second.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll get off, Bob.\u00a0 Excuse me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to keep you off of it, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you\u2019re dead on to this, Steve.\u00a0 Mary Ann and I were walking\u2014I\u2019ll never forget\u2014walking down the street together in San Antonio a few years back.\u00a0 I said to her, \u201cI\u2019m not sure our children fear me, and I think that\u2019s probably not right.\u00a0 I think they probably should.\u201d\u00a0 She looked at me like, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 We had this discussion; but here\u2019s where it turned.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOur children will learn to fear and respect me when they see you, as my wife, showing them how to do that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I wasn\u2019t trying to whip her into some submissive state, but I really do think this principle is profound.\u00a0 I think that moms\u2014I think that wives need to understand that what they model for their children, by talking honorably about their father, \u201cYou need to be careful around your dad and be respectful of your dad.\u00a0 Don\u2019t talk that way to your father.\u201d\u00a0 Then, modeling it in the way they relate, in front of the children, to dad.\u00a0 If they are contradictory, if they are provoking their father, in front of them, they are setting their kids up to not have any fear of Dad.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re talking about an attitude of respect that a wife conveys and that kids pick up on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was thinking back to the old movies.\u00a0 You remember the old movie where there would be a family of eight kids, and Dad was this patriarch.\u00a0 Mom would say, \u201cShhh!\u00a0 Dad\u2019s coming home.\u00a0 Shhh!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 She\u2019d be there, trying to get everything right for Dad.\u00a0 You remember\u2014in <em>Mary Poppins<\/em>\u2014when the dad gets home from the bank, and they are getting the house all cleaned up because, \u201cDad\u2019s coming home, and he likes things\u2014he wants the paper there.\u00a0 He wants it just\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you can look at that and say, \u201cA lot of men have abused their office;\u201d and that\u2019s one reason, I think, we\u2019ve lost the fear of him.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to recapture a holy sense of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know\u2014there are some guys that want that, expect it, and demand it.\u00a0 Those are the guys that don\u2019t get it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right and don\u2019t deserve it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s like when we moved to Texas\u2014one of my sons was on a pee-wee football league.\u00a0 The first thing this coach gets up, and does, and says to these kids is, \u201cGuys, if there is one thing I demand, it is respect.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThis guy doesn\u2019t know leadership from the back of his head.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t get up and demand respect; you live it.\u00a0 You live your life, and respect is the by-product.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, today, in many men, they are trying to be pals with their kids\u2014buddies.\u00a0 As a result, their kids don\u2019t have that sense of awe that we\u2019re speaking about here, for that authority.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s kind of a foundational issue as we\u2019ve described it.\u00a0 In your book, you lay out some very specific, very practical principles for discipline.\u00a0 Just coach us here as husbands, and as dads, as anchor men.\u00a0 What are some things that we can do that are effective ways of disciplining our children so that we do show love and respect for them but that they show love for us?\u00a0 I think you\u2019ve got ten tips that you give in the book.\u00a0 Just share them with our listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 The ten tips, quite frankly, came right out of Proverbs.\u00a0 Number one:\u00a0 \u201cStart early in disciplining your child.\u201d\u00a0 Anne Ortlund had a great line.\u00a0 She had a title of a book called <em>Children Are Wet Cement<\/em>.\u00a0 You can\u2019t wait until the cement is dry.\u00a0 You have got to shape them while the cement is freshly-poured. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Two, three, four years old\u2014you talking about that early?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 If you read James Dobson\u2014we\u2019ve all appreciated\u2014he\u2019s written some of the best books on discipline.\u00a0 Jim talks about the fact that you start 16-, 18-months.\u00a0 Now, you\u2019re not going to discipline an 18-month-old child the way you do an eight-year-old\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but the principle that not letting that will get the upper hand.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to start early.\u00a0 You have those teenage battles.\u00a0 The time to win the teenage battles is when they\u2019re two, three, and four.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, if you lose them when they\u2019re two, three, and four, you\u2019ll really pay the price when they\u2019re teenagers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Dennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s the second tip?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to win early.\u00a0 That\u2019s not the second tip.\u00a0 That\u2019s just a comment.\u00a0 The second tip is this, \u201cUse discipline for training, not humiliation or venting anger.\u201d\u00a0 This is where we have to be in control.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have power as parents, but we\u2014you know God has all power, but the great thing about God is God has power over His power.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t use it randomly.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t have a temper.\u00a0 So, when we discipline, it has to be for a specific purpose.\u00a0 We are trying to train kids; we\u2019re not trying to abuse kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, in fact, if you find yourself losing your temper, losing control, that\u2019s the time to back off and not be involved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t control yourself, then, don\u2019t try to control a child.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to get control of yourself first.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The third principle:\u00a0 \u201cDeal swiftly with disrespect.\u201d\u00a0 When I went out for football, my freshman year, I was 5\u2019 7\u201d, weighed 135 pounds.\u00a0 Twelve months later, football rolls around, I\u2019m 6\u20193\u201d; I weighed 180.\u00a0 That was a year of a lot of growth.\u00a0 We do two-a-days.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you ladies\u2014you\u2019re not familiar with this.\u00a0 When you start football, you practice in the morning; and then, you go back in the afternoon.\u00a0 It\u2019s a horrendous experience.\u00a0 Your body is so sore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI come home from two-a-days.\u00a0 I walk in the house.\u00a0 My mom says, \u201cSteve\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m so sore I can hardly move.\u00a0 She says, \u201cSteve, I have some ladies coming over.\u00a0 I need you to sweep out the garage.\u201d\u00a0 Now, the first thought in my mind was, \u201cAre these ladies going to eat in the garage?\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t say that, but, \u201cWhat does that have to do with anything?\u201d\u00a0 The garage needed to\u2014I said, \u201cMom, you know what?\u00a0 I\u2019m dying.\u00a0 Can I just do that later?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI need you to do it now.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cMom, please, I\u2019m just aching\u201d\u2014she said, \u201cSteve, do it now.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019m 6\u20193.\u00a0 I\u2019m 180.\u00a0 I look down on my mom, and I said, \u201cYou know what, Mom?\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to do it.\u00a0 I\u2019ll catch it later.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, but I\u2019m just feeling\u2014I don\u2019t feel good.\u201d\u00a0 I walk in, get my sandwich; and I was feeling pretty good.\u00a0 Then, I hear my dad drive up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judgment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 My dad came in the house.\u00a0 \u201cSteve, come over here.\u00a0 I want you to have a seat.\u201d\u00a0 We sat on the blue sofa\u2014never forget this as long as I live.\u00a0 My dad looked at me and he said, \u201cYou know, Steve, I want you to have a happy life.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what he said, \u201c\u2014a happy life.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m kind of looking at him; but he said, \u201cI want you to know this\u2014if you ever talk to your mother like that again, I\u2019ll pull you off that football team so fast it\u2019ll make your head spin.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Nobody loves football more than my dad, but there are some things that are more important than football to my dad.\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019ll pull you off that\u201d\u2014I knew he would.\u00a0 He had the credibility capital built up.\u00a0 He also said to me\u2014he said, \u201cI don\u2019t talk to your mother like that.\u00a0 You will never ever again, in your life, speak to her in that tone of voice.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cThe other thing you need to realize.\u00a0 This is not an issue between you and your mother.\u00a0 This is an issue between you and me.\u201d\u00a0 He went on another 25, 30 minutes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you go clean out the garage, at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes and quickly.\u00a0 There\u2014my dad demanded respect for my mom.\u00a0 What is funny is\u2014I\u2019ve got two teenage sons.\u00a0 One of them grew nine inches in nine months, a couple years ago.\u00a0 We had a similar situation\u2014kind of a smart remark.\u00a0 I dealt with it.\u00a0 I said\u2014we were watching it for about a week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was on a trip.\u00a0 I come home.\u00a0 I found out the smart remark had been made again, got my son out of bed.\u00a0 I came in late from California, about one in the morning.\u00a0 Found out about this, got him out of bed, sat down with him.\u00a0 I looked at him, and I said\u2014and it was John.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t mind me telling this story.\u00a0 I said, \u201cJohn, you know what?\u00a0 I want you to have a happy life.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I said to him, \u201cThis is not\u2014John, you need to understand something.\u00a0 If you ever talk to your mother like that again, I\u2019ll pull you off that basketball team so fast it\u2019ll make your head spin.\u00a0 I don\u2019t talk to your mother like that.\u00a0 You will never talk to her again like that.\u00a0 The other thing, John\u2014you need to realize this is not an issue between you and your mother.\u00a0 This is an issue between you and me.\u201d\u00a0 You know, guys, it was all I could do to keep from cracking up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe funny thing about this whole story is this\u2014in 30 years, John\u2019s going to be sitting down with his son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure he is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and saying, \u201cI want you to have a happy life.\u201d\u00a0 You see, but what\u2019s the principle we\u2019re talking about here?\u00a0 My dad dealt swiftly with disrespect.\u00a0 You have\u2014this is a non-negotiable.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we\u2019re hearing in all of these principles about discipline is a father who is INVOLVED\u2014involvement, step-in.\u00a0 Even if you don\u2019t know where you\u2019re going, and what you\u2019re doing, and you don\u2019t have a story from your own life\u2014like you had, to go to the bank on\u2014step in there and swiftly engage your child around these issues because they need a daddy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even daughters, as they hit certain times\u2014get in those early teenage years.\u00a0 Sometimes, they\u2019ll think mom\u2019s not cool.\u00a0 Rachel\u2019s a sweetheart.\u00a0 She\u2019s a great kid.\u00a0 She went through a period of time\u2014Mary could do nothing right.\u00a0 Finally, I had to sit down with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cRach, listen, Sweetheart, you don\u2019t see this, but I want to tell you something\u2014your mom can\u2019t do anything right in your eyes, right now.\u00a0 I know you love Mom; but everything she does, you are critiquing.\u00a0 Your big deal is you don\u2019t think she\u2019s cool.\u00a0 I want to tell you something.\u00a0 I think Mom\u2019s cool.\u00a0 I think Mom is real cool.\u00a0 I think Mom is sharp; and in your heart, you do to.\u00a0 So, you know what?\u00a0 We\u2019re just not going to do that anymore.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s all I needed to say, and the tears started flowing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where dads step in and\u2014it\u2019s really an issue of protection.\u00a0 You demand respect for your wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think you\u2019ve illustrated one other thing that\u2019s profound and shouldn\u2019t be missed.\u00a0 That is that when your dad set you down on the blue sofa, he wasn\u2019t just talking to you\u2014he was talking to your son, John.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Look at that.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t thought of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 He was being an anchor man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not only was he talking to your son, John, but he was talking to John\u2019s son because you\u2019re right\u2014John will someday have that whole discussion with his son.\u00a0 It all happened because a dad invested.\u00a0 He was an anchor man, and that goes on for a hundred years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In all these things we\u2019re discussing here\u2014we\u2019re talking about dads assuming their responsibility to provide, to protect, to set a course for their families.\u00a0 A lot of times, we think of that in terms of monetary provision, provision of homes, material provisions; but Steve, what you\u2019ve illustrated so beautifully here\u2014as we shape the character of the next generation\u2014you\u2019re providing the moral basis, the moral foundation that is going to determine the choices your sons and daughters make in the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what every man needs to hear in this.\u00a0 This assignment God has given us is not optional.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just decide to do it one day and then, not for a week.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to hang in there.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to be there.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to shape that child\u2019s conscience because if you don\u2019t, the world will.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, again, I just want to make sure we\u2019re continuing to reinforce the idea that while all of this is an essential part of the assignment that God has given us as parents\u2014and it is essential\u2014but ultimately, the transformation that needs to happen in your child\u2019s life is a work of the Spirit.\u00a0 <br><br>What we\u2019re doing as parents\u2014and I heard a Bible teacher say this recently\u2014what we do as parents, here, is we put kindling around your child and hope that God will light a spark there that will flare up and flame up.\u00a0 That\u2019s really\u2014as you talk about shaping the conscience, as you talk about discipline and cultivating all of this, you\u2019re really praying, all the while, that God would do a spiritually-transforming work in your child\u2019s life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou be diligent to do what God\u2019s called you to do as a parent, but don\u2019t mistake moral behavior for spiritual regeneration because they are not the same thing.\u00a0 You can have a child, who is displaying the right kind of moral characteristics; but if God hasn\u2019t done a heart-work in that child, it\u2019s all for naught.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the Pharisees tried to get people to do.\u00a0 There are really two aspects of being an anchor man.\u00a0 One, is that you do all you need to do, as a dad, to point your kids in the right direction; and then, the other aspect is that you pray faithfully to ask God to transform your child\u2019s heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Steve\u2019s book, <em>Anchor Man<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of this book.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call us, toll-free.\u00a0 Ask about the book, <em>Anchor Man<\/em>.\u00a0 You can order from us when you call 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re excited about what\u2019s going to be taking place, a week from Saturday\u2014the National Men\u2019s Simulcast, that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is hosting.\u00a0 It originates in Chicago; and it\u2019s going to be simulcast in churches all around the country.\u00a0 It starts Saturday morning at 9 A.M., Eastern; 8 A.M., Central time.\u00a0 It\u2019s a four-hour-long simulcast.\u00a0 I know there are churches in a lot of communities that are hosting this event.\u00a0 They would love to have you show up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>In fact, if you get together with a group of other guys, why don\u2019t all of you attend the simulcast at a nearby location, at a local church in your area?\u00a0 If there\u2019s not a local church in your area, hosting this national simulcast, there is still an opportunity for your church to be a simulcast host location.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out how you can be a host site for the National Men\u2019s Simulcast next Saturday from 9 until 1 Eastern time; 8 to noon Central time; and then, there are Mountain and West Coast time releases, as well.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how you can participate; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We\u2019ll answer any questions that you might have about the National Men\u2019s Simulcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is all a part of a larger effort that we\u2019ve got going on, this year at FamilyLife, to call men to be men.\u00a0 It started with Dennis\u2019 book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got the National Men\u2019s Simulcast.\u00a0 Then, we\u2019ve got a new ten-part video series that we\u2019re releasing a few months from now, and the <em>Stepping Up <\/em>Men\u2019s Event Kit that we\u2019re putting together, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to thank those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You help make all of this possible\u2014this daily radio program and all of our efforts, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 This month, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation of any amount, we\u2019d love to send you a couple of CD\u2019s\u2014a message from Dennis about men stepping up to be men and a message from Dennis\u2019 wife Barbara Rainey, about how a wife can help her husband step up and be the man God\u2019s called him to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do to receive the CD\u2019s is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI CARE\u201d, and make an online donation.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send those to you automatically; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 When you do that, ask how you can receive the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> CD\u2019s, and we\u2019ll be happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 We appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about men having a generational vision, not being focused on next week, or next month, or even next year, but looking to the next decade and beyond\u2014and thinking long-term about your family, even after you\u2019re no longer on the scene.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that with Steve Farrar tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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