{"id":302563,"date":"2012-07-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/dad-as-an-encourager\/"},"modified":"2012-07-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-25T15:00:00","slug":"dad-as-an-encourager","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dad-as-an-encourager\/","title":{"rendered":"Dad as an Encourager"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dad, are you dropping the ball where your family is concerned?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.03M","filesize_raw":"22053003","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2833,2806],"tags":[4698,4096],"podcast_series":[7312],"cwp_profile":[3176],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302563","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-godly-legacy","category-spiritual-development","tag-manhood","tag-mentoring","podcast_series-anchoring-your-family-in-christ","cwp_profile-steve-farrar","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302563\/dad-as-an-encourager","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302563\/dad-as-an-encourager","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ou2AdXBrJ6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dad-as-an-encourager\/\">Dad as an Encourager<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dad-as-an-encourager\/embed\/#?secret=ou2AdXBrJ6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Dad as an Encourager&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ou2AdXBrJ6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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concerned?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, ladies and gentlemen, what an unbelievable finish to an unbelievable game!\u00a0 After being completely dominated by their children in the first half of this game, the parents, under the superb tutelage of Coach Steve Farrar, fought their way back; and on the last play of the game, tied up the score with their children\u2014sending this game into overtime.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means that each team will leave the field for a few minutes for additional coaching tips.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go down, right now, to our man on the field\u2014that would be Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 Dennis, are you there?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m there, Bob.\u00a0 It\u2019s been an exciting game.\u00a0 We were really down at halftime.\u00a0 They had the dads\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right, Dennis!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 We\u2019re going back in the locker room.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to go back to the locker room with Coach Vince Lombardi\u2014I mean\u2014Coach Steve Farrar, [Laughter] author of <em>Point Man<\/em> and also a new book that Steve has written called <em>Anchor Man: How a Father Can Anchor His Family in Christ for the Next 100 Years<\/em>.\u00a0 That\u2019s a good book to take into the locker room, Bob, to talk about how you can pull out an overtime victory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Coach, you\u2019ve got us to the point where we tied it up in regulation.\u00a0 We\u2019re back on your playbook at page 62, and we\u2019re going through the coaching tips.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got some more for us today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, there are 50 here, Bob.\u00a0 He\u2019s got plenty more, I promise you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ll be here for three weeks.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Another tip for kids\u2014and you\u2019ve got to start early with this because it takes them a long time\u2014is coach them to do a job right, the first time.\u00a0 If you\u2019re taking out the trash, take it out right.\u00a0 If you\u2019re picking up your room, pick it up right.\u00a0 I just went through this before I came up here with my 17-year-old.\u00a0 He got it 97 percent done, but three percent.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow long is this going to take?\u201d \u2014but you know, \u201cHe\u2019ll get it.\u00a0 He\u2019ll get it.\u201d\u00a0 Teach them to do the job right, the very first time around.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCoach them\u2014here\u2019s another one\u2014\u201cCoach them to open the door for their mother.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ah, that\u2019s a good one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a good one; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You bet!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCoach them to share their victories, their joys, their sorrows, their defeats, their hurts with you.\u201d\u00a0 The way you do that is by listening.\u00a0 David said, \u201cI love the Lord because He hears my voice.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I was a communications major in college.\u00a0 It dawned on me several years after I graduated that I did not have one course on listening.\u00a0 Although, for communication to take place, somebody\u2019s got to talk and someone\u2019s got to listen.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t even offer a course on listening.\u00a0 Good dads know how to listen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We tend to be, as dads\u2014we tend to be lecturers.\u00a0 We tend to think our job is to fix it and give you the answer and move on\u2014rather than to hear what you are going through.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 There\u2019s a part where they need some fixing, and they need some coaching; but they need an open heart.\u00a0 They need to know they can get inside.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to guys at our conferences that, \u201cWhen your kids hit adolescence\u201412, 13, somewhere in there\u2014something is going to happen.\u00a0 Your kids, when they hit adolescence, are either going to go to their peers\u2014and together with their peers, critique you and your wife\u2014or when your kids hit adolescence, they are going to go to you and your wife.\u00a0 Together, with their parents, they are going to critique their peers.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what we want to have happen is for our kids to come to us and critique the peers.\u00a0 How do you ensure that will happen?\u2014by listening to them when they are young\u2014by having an open-door policy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The way you end up listening to them is you pursue them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a mistake if a parent thinks a teenager is really going to pursue them during the most self-centered time of their entire lives.\u00a0 A teenager is very self-absorbed.\u00a0 So, a father has got to realize that, \u201cIf you\u2019re going to listen, you not only got to be there, but we got to be all there.\u201d\u00a0 You got to be pursuing them around the issues they\u2019re facing.\u00a0 As you ask questions and you get an answer, you don\u2019t just take the answer for face value.\u00a0 You may peel the onion a little deeper.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I asked my daughter, who\u2019d been out to the fair, what kind of evening it had been.\u00a0 She just, all of a sudden, got this funny look on her face.\u00a0 So, I asked another question; and the face got a little funnier.\u00a0 What happened, as a result of that, was we had a good conversation around some issues that she saw while she was at the fair, that would never have occurred if I had taken the little, \u201cYes,\u201d answer or the little, \u201cIt was okay,\u201d or, \u201cWe had fun,\u201d-type of experience.\u00a0 It gave me a chance to really debrief around a situation that was very helpful to her, as a young lady.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember when my daughter and I were out looking at colleges together.\u00a0 We would get done visiting a college.\u00a0 I\u2019d say, \u201cWell, what did you think, Honey?\u201d\u00a0 She would kind of get this look on her face like she wasn\u2019t sure how to answer that.\u00a0 Finally, she started saying to me, \u201cAsk questions, Dad.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ask the general question, \u2018What did you think,\u2019 but ask a bunch of specific questions because I can get there.\u00a0 Ask me the abstract\u2014\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s what we tend to do, as parents.\u00a0 Rather than asking specifics, we say, \u201cHow was the evening?\u00a0 How was your day at school?\u201d\u00a0 We don\u2019t say, \u201cTell me about what you learned in Science today.\u00a0 Tell me about the kids you talked to at lunch today.\u201d\u00a0 Those specifics will help our children unlock and communicate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and dads are the worst at this.\u00a0 We are notorious for the two-minute answer.\u00a0 We don\u2019t give the Technicolor<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, full report of what took place.\u00a0 We\u2019d rather boil it down to its essence, and that bites us when it comes to a teenager.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s another coaching tip?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s a big one for all of us.\u00a0 \u201cCoach them to do what\u2019s right when no one else is around because Jesus is always around.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus will reward them because they have character.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great proverb\u2014Proverb 15, verse 3, says, \u201cThe eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomeone asked my youngest boy, Josh, a few months ago, about character.\u00a0 I just happened to be there, and I have to tell you it was one of those moments where I was very grateful for the Lord.\u00a0 They asked him about character and what it was.\u00a0 Josh said to them\u2014he said, \u201cWell, there\u2019s a difference between character and reputation.\u00a0 Reputation is what people think you are.\u00a0 Character is what you are when no one else is around.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThank You, Lord\u2014that he picked that up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This next one you\u2019ve already touched on; but is there something else you feel like, Head Coach Farrar, that a dad needs to teach his son about pornography?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, when my guys were little, I used an analogy\u2014and this is going to be a little offensive, perhaps; but it should be offensive.\u00a0 In our conversation about pornography\u2014and I was talking to John and, then, later, Josh, about how we are as men\u2014and, \u201cTo see a lady without clothes on\u2014that\u2019s attractive to us; but you can\u2019t get in that habit.\u201d\u00a0 One of the things I said to John\u2014I said, \u201cJohn,\u201d\u2014this is pretty gross\u2014\u201ccould you ever be so thirsty that you\u2019d go in and get water out the toilet and drink it?\u201d\u00a0 He goes, \u201cOh, Dad!\u00a0 That\u2019s gross!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cYou bet it\u2019s gross; but what you need to understand, John, is that pornography and looking at that kind of stuff is like putting toilet water in your mind.\u00a0 It\u2019s dirty water.\u00a0 The thing about it is, John, something you look at when you\u2019re 12\u2014something you look at when you\u2019re 14\u2014you remember when you\u2019re 80.\u00a0 See, and that\u2019s\u2014and you want to keep your mind pure and clean.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiterally, John had a situation in his life, a few years ago, where he was with some buddies, in a van, going back from a game.\u00a0 Somebody put in a pornographic tape; and his natural inclination, when he saw it, he covered his eyes.\u00a0 It was a natural instinct because it had been instilled in him early.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, that\u2019s good that you put this in terms of a coach because we can\u2019t control our children to do what\u2019s right always.\u00a0 As they grow up, they have to make it their own choice\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but we can be a coach.\u00a0 What\u2019s a coach doing when the running back has got the ball and running down the sidelines toward the end zone?\u00a0 He\u2019s yelling his fool head off, \u201cKeep going!\u00a0 Keep going!\u00a0 I\u2019m for you!\u00a0 I\u2019m cheering you on!\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what dads need to do with their kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I was reminded, this weekend, in a meeting we had with two other parents.\u00a0 This dad\u2014his gift is encouragement.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at a set of circumstances with my child through my eyes\u2014this dad is looking at it through his eyes.\u00a0 My eyes may be to think about the standards and calling young people to high standards.\u00a0 This dad\u2019s strength and spiritual gift\u2014he has is encouragement and cheering that child on.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 I think we both left that meeting\u2014a set of two parents there\u2014both raising standards and also raising encouragement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>A coach is an encourager.\u00a0 He\u2019s cheering a child on when he makes a right choice because it\u2019s tough to be a teenager today.\u00a0 They need to know you\u2019re for them.\u00a0 You recognize their right choice, and you are thrilled that they are growing up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, you praise them.\u00a0 I remember the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference.\u00a0 In the section on dad, there was a phrase in there, \u201cPraise them for their character.\u201d\u00a0 When you see those character choices being made, praise them.\u00a0 Get out the red plate.\u00a0 Ring the bell.\u00a0 Do whatever you have\u2014I mean, we get excited when our kids learn to hit a curve ball; but when they hit a moral curve ball, we need to jump up and just go crazy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s another one, \u201cCoach them not to lie before they get into the habit.\u201d\u00a0 The other thing about lying is, \u201cMake the consequences for lying severe.\u201d\u00a0 Lying will destroy their lives.\u00a0 Lying is a corrosive.\u00a0 What does lying do?\u00a0 It destroys trust.\u00a0 Can I make that anymore clear?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I heard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Give me 45 minutes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know I heard someone say once\u2014and I thought this was interesting.\u00a0 They said, \u201cIf it\u2019s hard for someone to lie, it\u2019s hard for them to do any kind of sin.\u201d\u00a0 If it\u2019s easy for them to lie, then, they can sin and think, \u2018I can cover that up;\u2019 but if it\u2019s hard to lie, there\u2019s that natural checkpoint that, \u201cIf I\u2019m caught, I have to tell the truth.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s one of those restrainers that keep us from sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The core of lying is deceit, and wrapped all around deceit is hiding.\u00a0 It\u2019s hiding the truth, or hiding from the truth, or denying the truth.\u00a0 If we don\u2019t teach our children to embrace the truth, we are training them, in my opinion, to grow up to be\u2014maybe successful basketball players, football players, maybe moms and dads\u2014who are deceitful, who can\u2019t be trusted\u2014as you said, Steve.\u00a0 But you have to train at the very core of that character issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a couple of times in a child\u2019s life when this is really important.\u00a0 We\u2019ve found that children go through a lying phase, somewhere around four or five and then, again, at nine, 10, 11\u2014just around some major change points.\u00a0 It\u2019s very important that you work hard\u2014just as you\u2019ve coached us here, Coach Farrar\u2014to really nip that lying in the bud before\u2014before it becomes a habit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, I think there is one other phase that can come about.\u00a0 That\u2019s around the 16-year-old phase because when they get their driver\u2019s license and they want the freedom, sometimes, there\u2019s hedging on the truth because they think if they tell the whole truth, they\u2019re not going to be able to do what they want to do.\u00a0 So, all the facts aren\u2019t given.\u00a0 That\u2019s one we\u2019ve run into here recently, that we\u2019re working on a little bit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, if the punishment for lying is severe, they understand that, \u201cIf I cover it, I\u2019ll get in a lot of trouble.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019ll take their medicine often, at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, the other thing I\u2019ve got to let our kids know is, \u201cYour sin will find you out.\u00a0 You cannot cover it.\u00a0 It will come out.\u201d\u00a0 Better for you\u2014whenever we tell the truth, whenever we admit sin, whenever we quit covering up\u2014we outflank the enemy.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t have anything on me anymore when I tell the truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, Coach, back to the playbook here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCoach them that some things are more important than sports, although sports are important.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Coach them that some things are more important, like Sunday worship.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing, to me, how many parents are caving on this issue.\u00a0 You know, \u201cHey, football is important,\u201d \u201cBasketball\u201d\u2014but let me tell you something, \u201cThere are some things that are absolute priorities.\u201d\u00a0 Dad needs to set the pace.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you live in a major league town\u2014and I know you live near a major league town\u2014there are lots of folks who have made Sunday the day you go to the home games.\u00a0 If church has to be sacrificed, \u201cWell, this is only a few times a year;\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just think we have to watch this.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to get hard-nosed and legalistic about it, but I think the thing that has to come across to our kids\u2014there are certain things in life that are a priority, and you live it out.\u00a0 In areas where the Scripture isn\u2019t black and white, we\u2019ve got to come up with these things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, back to sports here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019m looking at the clock\u2014and Coach Farrar, I need five of the best coaching tips left in this list because we\u2019re about to go out on the field, and it\u2019s sudden death.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean, whoever scores first is going to win the big game.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, here\u2019s a biggie, \u201cCoach them to say, \u2018No,\u2019 to movies that their friends\u2014even their Christian friends\u2014are going to.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s tough!\u00a0 I think it\u2019s\u2014we fight this all the time.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Dad, can I go see\u2014all the kids from a Christian school are going.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve gotten to a point\u2014I\u2019ve had to say to my boys, at certain times, \u201cListen, I can\u2019t help it if your Christian friends have lousy fathers.\u00a0 Excuse me.\u00a0 Just because a guy can write a check to a Christian school doesn\u2019t mean he\u2019s doing his job.\u00a0 If he\u2019s not aware\u2014Listen, I\u2019d love for you to go see that movie, but I know what\u2019s in that movie.\u00a0 I know that movie is going to do damage.\u00a0 Now, when you\u2019re 18 and you\u2019re out of here, you\u2019re going to make your own choices;\u201d but I think this is something where we can\u2019t allow other people to call the shots in our family.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to call the shot.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to find out who\u2019s doing the survey that these teenagers all tap into that says, \u201cEverybody is going to see this,\u201d because, in reality, no such survey exists.\u00a0 There are a whole lot of Christian parents that aren\u2019t bowing their knee\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to all these different movies coming out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, quickly, more tips, more tips.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCoach your son to be a gentleman.\u00a0 Coach him how to handle a relationship with a young lady; and conversely, coach your daughter to be a lady.\u201d\u00a0 I remember\u2014Dennis would use the illustration about taking his daughter out on a date and going through the whole nine yards.\u00a0 He\u2019d knock on the door, open the door, and take her in the car.\u00a0 See, that\u2019s coaching.\u00a0 That\u2019s showing social graces.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you another one, \u201cCoach them that when you say, \u2018No,\u2019 you mean no.\u201d\u00a0 Here\u2019s this line, \u201cIf I have to tell you one more time, \u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Well, why would you tell them one more time?\u00a0 You\u2019ve said it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What did the first time mean?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 What did the first time mean?\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s a matter of drawing lines, drawing parameters.\u00a0 When you\u2019re consistent, they\u2019ll get the message.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 My father-in-law gave me a poster that I have on my lamp at home that says, \u201cWhat part of the word, \u2018No,\u2019 is it that you don\u2019t understand?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which letter?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s a couple more, Steve, I\u2019ve got to get you to cover here.\u00a0 It\u2019s coaching tip 40 and 41.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Forty is, \u201cCoach them to know what to look for in a husband.\u201d\u00a0 I think our daughters\u2014here\u2019s what happens:\u00a0 When they hit 15, 16, these young men will start circling your house.\u00a0 I use that term very carefully\u2014like buzzards.\u00a0 These young men are going to want to come into your daughter\u2019s life and build relationships.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what happens\u2014I think our daughters take the grid of their father\u2019s life, and the grid of their father\u2019s example\u2014and every young man that comes through that grid\u2014if a guy comes into her life and he is disrespectful to her, he\u2019s going to bounce off of the grid of your example.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne more, Bob, I think\u2014I saw you coming.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I saw you blindside me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He just put on his coach\u2019s hat there.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t resist it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I saw him coming after me, Dennis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a guy takes them out and starts to take advances physically, he\u2019s going to bounce off the grid of the example of your life.\u00a0 You\u2019ll probably put a contract out on the guy\u2019s life because you\u2019re a protector.\u00a0 See\u2014then, when a young man who come in who knows Jesus Christ, respects her\u2014he loves the Lord, he comes from a godly family, he\u2019s going to fit the grid\u2014he\u2019s going to fit the model of what she should be looking for because she\u2019s lived with it for 18,19, 20 years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The other day, I said to my oldest daughter, \u201cHoney, when the time comes that you start looking at a young man as a prospective husband\u201d\u2014I said, \u201cWhat qualities that you\u2019ve seen in me will you want him to have?\u201d\u00a0 She started listing a few, and I wasn\u2019t asking for personal affirmation.\u00a0 I was coaching here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Then, I said, \u201cWhat qualities have you seen in me that you\u2019ll hope he doesn\u2019t have?\u201d\u00a0 It sparked a great conversation around what we look for, what we do, and helped her thinking about what will be one of the most significant choices she\u2019ll ever make in her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, what about the young men?\u00a0 What should they look for in a wife?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we really need to talk to our guys about this.\u00a0 I remember being\u2014Josh and I went to Chick-fil-A<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\u00a0 We were grabbing a sandwich.\u00a0 I said, just out of the blue\u2014I said, \u201cSo, Josh, hey, you\u2019re 12.\u00a0 In ten years, you\u2019re going to be 22.\u00a0 You might some find some gal when you\u2019re 22\u2014it might be 24.\u00a0 What are you going to look for?\u00a0 What\u2019s your list?\u00a0 What are the things that are important to you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just started talking.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, Dad, it\u2019s got to be somebody like Mom.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay; well, tell me about Mom.\u00a0 What\u2019s most important about Mom?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, Mom really loves the Lord.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u00a0 That\u2019s got to be number one, man.\u00a0 What\u2019s another thing?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, there\u2019s really got to be integrity there.\u201d\u00a0 We just started going down the list.\u00a0 Then, I think we can help them and say, \u201cLet me tell you a trap.\u00a0 Some guys\u2014all they can see is the outside beauty.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, the packaging.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know\u2014\u201cOh, man!\u00a0 Look at her.\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 Wow!\u201d\u00a0 Let me tell you something, man, \u201cThat lasts about three days.\u00a0 Then, you\u2019re in this for 50 years.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to look on the inside, and you\u2019ve got to find a gal that is committed to Jesus Christ, and you\u2019ve got to find a gal that loves Him with all her heart because you\u2019re going to get in situations that there\u2019s going to be nobody else in the world you can turn to, except her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hear the bands playing out there.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to give them 47 quick, Coach.\u00a0 You\u2019ve only got 30 seconds to give it to them.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to rush onto the field.\u00a0 <br><br><strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCoach them that Daddy will never, ever, ever leave Mommy\u2014ever!\u201d\u00a0 If you give your kids that, you\u2019ve given them 95 percent.\u00a0 You can forget most of the rest of this\u2014you give them that\u2014your kids are going to be more secure, more emotionally well- adjusted than their peers because they live in an environment of consistency and security.\u00a0 Give them that, guys.\u00a0 Don\u2019t go anywhere.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me ask you, just before we go back out on the field.\u00a0 You\u2019re looking at the game, all across the country\u2014you\u2019re talking to dads.\u00a0 \u201cDo we have a chance to win this game?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I mean, we have a chance, but we\u2019ve always been in the minority.\u00a0 We need to understand that.\u00a0 The majority has never been moral.\u00a0 There\u2019s always been a remnant.\u00a0 When they went into the Promises Land, they were surrounded by pagan cultures, against God.\u00a0 They were called to build godly homes in the midst of that.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we\u2019re called to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what?\u00a0 There\u2019s always hope.\u00a0 I can\u2019t go change the nation by myself.\u00a0 I change it in my family.\u00a0 I change it by relationships.\u00a0 I change it by following Christ.\u00a0 God\u2019s doing this\u2014there are millions of homes that are doing this.\u00a0 I take care of my family.\u00a0 God\u2019s looking at the big picture.\u00a0 There are all kinds of hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think what Steve is saying is, \u201cThis is not a home game.\u00a0 This game is on the road, and we\u2019re playing in front of a hostile crowd.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 You can win on the road\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014if you\u2019ve got a good game plan.\u00a0 That\u2019s what men need to have\u2014in Steve\u2019s book, <em>Anchor Man<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 If a listener is interested, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order the book from us, online, if you like.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, if you\u2019d prefer: 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask how you can get a copy of the book, <em>Anchor Man<\/em>, by Steve Farrar.\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, keep in mind, we\u2019ve got an event coming up for husbands, and dads, and for men.\u00a0 It takes place, not this Saturday, but a week from Saturday.\u00a0 It\u2019s the Stepping Up<sup>\u2122<\/sup>National Men\u2019s Simulcast.\u00a0 It originates in Chicago and is going to be simulcast in churches all across the country on Saturday morning, August 4<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to attend this event, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find a list of churches that are participating as simulcast sites.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s still time, I\u2019m told, if you\u2019d like to sign up your church as a host church for the National Men\u2019s Simulcast:\u00a0 James MacDonald, Crawford Loritts, Robert Lewis, Dennis Rainey\u2014the worship team from Harvest Bible Chapel is going to lead us in worship that day.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a lot planned for the day.\u00a0 It\u2019s a four-hour National Simulcast for Men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can either attend by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and finding a church near you that is a host site; or if you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, you can sign your church up to be a host site, if you don\u2019t find one nearby.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve got any questions, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; and we\u2019ll see if we can answer those for you.\u00a0 You just need to know our commitment to this issue\u2014helping men step up and be the men that God\u2019s called us to be as men\u2014is something that we\u2019re very focused on as a ministry, currently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to make, not only this daily radio program possible, but all that we\u2019re trying to do to call men to be men, to strengthen marriages and families.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support that makes all of that possible.\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported, and the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program comes from folks, like you, who help defray those costs by making a donation.\u00a0 <br><br>This month, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you two CD\u2019s\u2014a CD from Dennis Rainey, talking about men stepping up and embracing biblical manhood, and a CD from Barbara Rainey for wives about how a wife can help her husband step up and be the man that God\u2019s called him to be.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019ll send you those CD\u2019s when you make a donation, this month, to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014just click the \u201cI CARE\u201d button that you see there and make an online donation.\u00a0 When you do, we\u2019ll send you those CD\u2019s automatically; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the two CD\u2019s on <em>Stepping Up<\/em>.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send those out to you.\u00a0 We appreciate your support for the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and it\u2019s always great to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow when Steve Farrar is going to join us again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about a dad\u2019s role in providing a framework of discipline in the home.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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