{"id":302560,"date":"2012-07-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/romancing-your-husband\/"},"modified":"2012-07-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-20T15:00:00","slug":"romancing-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/romancing-your-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Romancing Your Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Judy Rossi helps wives understand their husband&#8217;s romantic needs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.84M","filesize_raw":"30242119","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862,2831],"tags":[4403,4819,4730,4920],"podcast_series":[7888],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302560","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-bible-study","tag-roles","tag-submission","tag-womanhood","podcast_series-enhancing-your-marriage","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302560\/romancing-your-husband","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302560\/romancing-your-husband","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wrYBSQDWmu\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/romancing-your-husband\/\">Romancing Your Husband<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/romancing-your-husband\/embed\/#?secret=wrYBSQDWmu\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Romancing Your Husband&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wrYBSQDWmu\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 At FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve said for years that physical intimacy in marriage is a thermometer, not a thermostat.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t adjust the temperature of a relationship.\u00a0 It simply measures what\u2019s going on in the rest of your marriage. Here\u2019s Judy Rossi.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 As I began to follow God in my marriage, respecting my husband and responding to him in a good way\u2014in a healthy way\u2014it strengthened this whole sexual atmosphere.\u00a0 Waking up in the morning, as soon as your feet hit the ground, you\u2019re setting the stage\u2014or you can be\u2014for a warm connect between the two of you, that can end up in sexual intimacy or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019re looking to reignite passion in your marriage relationship, maybe the first place to look is outside of the bedroom.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Remember back when you and Barbara wrote the book, <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Half of the book was you talking to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014well, some of it was you talking to guys about what they needed to do to really express love and care for their wives\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but you also talked to the ladies about what they needed to understand about a man; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That book was one of the most painful things\u2014it was not that I was twisting my wife\u2019s arm all the way through it.\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s really interesting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How was the romance in your marriage when that book was over?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was\u2014it had better times.\u00a0 You would think, if you were writing about it and thinking about it, you\u2019d both be better at it.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Anyway, let\u2019s talk to our guest today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why did I even bring that up; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, why did you?\u00a0 Judy Rossi joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a whole chapter\u2014a series of chapters\u2014in your Bible study for women, Judy, <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>, where you talk about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 I want you to know I\u2019m not going to ask you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not twisting anybody\u2019s arm here on anything.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019re not going to ask you those questions.\u00a0 Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Good to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy and John have been married for 37 years.\u00a0 John\u2019s a retired Army officer.\u00a0 As a result, Judy has found herself teaching Bible studies to both military wives and civilians.\u00a0 You developed this Bible study for women and have been teaching it since 1986.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to hear what you have to say about this subject because you agree with one of the things Barbara and I wrote in our book\u2014that you said a woman doesn\u2019t understand her husband\u2019s need for physical intimacy anymore than a man understands his wife\u2019s need for affection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unpack that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, I discovered that the more sexually satisfied my hubby was, the more he responded to my emotional need.\u00a0 It was a wonderful discovery.\u00a0 I also discovered that the more my emotional need was being met by my husband, the more desirous I was to be sexually-intimate.\u00a0 So, I see that as\u2014you know those infinity signs\u2014it just kind of flows.\u00a0 If I\u2019m more sexually-intimate with my guy, he is going to be more emotionally- intimate with me; and it continues on in that same vein.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you started to look at what the Scriptures have to say about this\u2014to provide counsel to wives in this area of their relationship, what did you find?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I found it an eye-opener in two ways.\u00a0 One was that I was raised to think that sex was all a man\u2019s world.\u00a0 The other thing that I found astounding was that God had something really important to say about it.\u00a0 He had a plan for married, sexual intimacy; and it\u2019s not chapters and chapters.\u00a0 It is three verses.\u00a0 It\u2019s in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 3 through 5.\u00a0 I learned that there\u2019s a principle of need.\u00a0 I learned that there\u2019s a principle of authority.\u00a0 I learned that there was a principle of habit.\u00a0 All three of these things were vital to a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve heard many women say to me, \u201cOh, sex isn\u2019t the biggest deal in a marriage;\u201d but after I finished reading these three Scriptures, I disagreed.\u00a0 I have to tell you, I disagreed, somewhat sadly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, I don\u2019t know if we\u2019ve ever read this passage on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Maybe we have; but I just wanted to read this in case somebody is wondering, \u201cWhat\u2019s in the Bible?\u201d\u00a0 First Corinthians 7, verses 3 through 5, \u201cLet the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise, also the wife to her husband.\u00a0 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.\u00a0 Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.\u00a0 Do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again, so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can you unpack those three principles?\u00a0 You kind of went through that\u2014the first one was a principle of need.\u00a0 What is that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The principle of need is saying that, as a wife, I\u2019m responsible for meeting my husband\u2019s needs; and as a husband, he is responsible for meeting my needs, even though they are at different times and different places.\u00a0 When I know my husband has a need, God calls me to meet that need.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn so doing, there\u2019s that fulfillment that takes place.\u00a0 I think a more important part of that is it stretches that part of me\u2014that denying-self part of me that says, \u201cI have to be this selfless person to bless my husband, whose need needs to be met right now.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very gratifying, in a marriage, to meet each other\u2019s needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, as the Bible speaks to needs, it says, \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good thing,\u201d because it takes two people who can do their own thing individually and be very successful as individuals; but you didn\u2019t get married to be two individuals who do their own things for the rest of their lives.\u00a0 It\u2019s that need that causes them to come back together for moments of intimacy, and romance, and of fulfillment that are not intended to be captured anywhere else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If the principle is that we both have needs and we\u2019re given to one another to satisfy\u2014to meet those needs in an appropriate, God-sanctioned way\u2014then, what\u2019s the principle of authority?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the principle of authority means that my husband can tag me anytime he wants to and say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s hear how the tag game goes.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 How does that play out in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, it plays out rather well.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 My husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can see your husband, over your shoulder, who is listening to these\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is he smiling widely?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s nodding his head, both thumbs up.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got an all-systems-go here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; the beauty of authority is that my body is not my own.\u00a0 It belongs to my husband.\u00a0 So, when my husband has this need, I lovingly offer my body to him.\u00a0 Again, this wonderful mutuality that God established in these three principles was that my husband\u2019s body isn\u2019t his own, either.\u00a0 That when I desire his body, I can ask for that.\u00a0 I can initiate.\u00a0 That\u2019s giving me\u2014this has freed a lot of women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in my class, who\u2019d say to me, \u201cYou mean I can initiate sex?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAbsolutely, you can initiate sex.\u00a0 Your husband has probably been hoping you would initiate sex.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s our bodies so belong to each other that we can be that free to say, \u201cOh, man!\u00a0 I\u2019ll meet you upstairs at 9:30, after we bathe the kids,\u201d or sending him that email or receiving that email from him that says\u2014that adds that little smiley face and that tells me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re on notice.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been tagged.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cI\u2019m on notice.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been tagged.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re it!\u201d\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, here is my question.\u00a0 The wife, who would hear this and she would say, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve read that verse that says, \u2018Your body is not your own.\u2019\u00a0 I\u2019ve thought, \u2018Well, doesn\u2019t that mean that if my husband says, \u201cHow about tonight?\u201d\u2014I think, \u2018Well, I\u2019d like your body to go cool down a little bit,\u2019 \u2014that I can put him on notice that now is not the time.\u00a0 Can I never have a headache?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know\u2014I know the difference between having a headache and having a headache.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, okay, let\u2019s move it out of the headache realm to exhaustion.\u00a0 I think when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s valid.\u00a0 I think our husbands, again, who are to see us from that love of a servant-leader perspective\u2014he\u2019s going to understand when we\u2019re really exhausted; but the beauty of having that relationship that is that deep is to say, \u201cBut tomorrow morning\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You know, rescheduling\u2014so he knows that he\u2019s not just being put off or put down.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s okay for a wife to say, \u201cSweetheart, to be the woman that you want me to be right now, I just don\u2019t have it in me; but I want to be that woman.\u00a0 Let\u2019s rendezvous again after I\u2019ve slept.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it is absolutely okay to say that.\u00a0 I have also said, in my mind\u2014again, our self-talk.\u00a0 A woman\u2019s self-talk can take her down\u2014pick a road.\u00a0 When I\u2019ve seen that\u2014that look on my guy\u2019s face\u2014and I might be thinking, \u201cOh, man!\u00a0 I\u2019m really wiped out,\u201d and that still, small voice says, \u201cYes, but I am your energy.\u00a0 Bless your husband.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m amazed at the energy that I do have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I have to be very discerning about when I\u2019m just going with my self-talk\u2014about, \u201cOh, I\u2019m too tired,\u201d \u201cThis is just\u2014\u201d, \u201cI\u2019ve got this to do tonight.\u00a0 Besides, I haven\u2019t written this; and I haven\u2019t done that, and the kids\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 I could come up with every excuse in the book to keep putting it off.\u00a0 I\u2019ve also found that when I\u2019ve spoken this kind of, \u201cOkay, Lord, help me bless my guy tonight,\u201d I\u2019ve never been disappointed.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had\u2014we\u2019ve both been blessed.\u00a0 So, absolutely, when there\u2019s\u2014there is always a legitimate out-time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve talked about the principle of need and also the principle of authority.\u00a0 This next principle is also found in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7.\u00a0 It talks about not forsaking coming together.\u00a0 It\u2019s talking about making it a habit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How have you practiced that in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I didn\u2019t early on.\u00a0 My habit was to deprive.\u00a0 My habit was to avoid.\u00a0 My habit was also to use sex as punishment if I just happened to be ticked with John, at any point in time.\u00a0 When I read that verse 5\u2014about it being a habit in our marriage\u2014I began to understand that that\u2019s what solidified our oneness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat third principle was being so responsive to each other.\u00a0 God calls us to participate in this deepest level of intimacy with each other, only to be interrupted when we participate together in our deepest level of intimacy with God.\u00a0 When I thought about that, I thought, \u201cWell, that put sex, in general, on a real high standard with God.\u201d\u00a0 I really had to think about where I was vis-\u00e0-vis this principle of habit because I had failed John over and over.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a matter of fact, I used to take pride in saying to him, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve never said, \u2018No,\u2019 to John.\u201d\u00a0 Well, I didn\u2019t have to say, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019d be on my face, or it\u2019d be in my body language; and he\u2019d know, \u201cOh, don\u2019t approach!\u201d\u00a0 I was convicted about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Amplified Version\u2014when it says, \u201cDo not defraud, refuse, or deprive.\u201d\u00a0 When we think about those words\u2014and you can refuse your husband with or without words\u2014I noted that habit was important to John.\u00a0 It was important to my husband.\u00a0 Now, it had to become important to me because it was important to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you talk about this principle of habit.\u00a0 I\u2019m just trying to get practical.\u00a0 Are you saying, whether you feel like it or not, you need to make a habit out of this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t say that.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 God said that; and He gives no caveats, \u201cDo not deprive,\u201d except for when we, together, as a couple, join in mutual prayer for a season\u2014that season of our prayer and fasting.\u00a0 Perhaps, that season is\u2014who knows how long?\u00a0 Then, we\u2019re not distracted by our sexual desires, our sexual needs, because we\u2019re focusing on whatever that prayer requirement is that is called by God.\u00a0 Afterwards, we come back together again and make sure we seal the deal so that Satan doesn\u2019t do his dirty work in our relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot of tension in this area in a lot of marriages because\u2014there are a lot of reasons why\u2014but in some cases, it\u2019s because a wife is struggling with bitterness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014anger, resentment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if there are areas in our marriages that are tough or broken, I believe that sexual intimacy can keep the doors open to begin to heal those areas.\u00a0 Typically, sex is the first thing that goes when disagreements take place.\u00a0 So, I personally have got to forgive.\u00a0 Maybe, I need to go and ask my husband\u2019s forgiveness because God will say, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t just your guy\u201d\u2014and open up that door again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to continue to move this to the practical,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but I don\u2019t want to overstep bounds here; but I do want to ask you a good question.\u00a0 You are a Bible teacher.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been teaching thousands of women the Scriptures.\u00a0 This is one of the major areas you have talked to women about in their marriages\u2014about making romance a priority.\u00a0 Share with our listeners two or three of the most romantic things you\u2019ve done for John.\u00a0 John\u2019s head just came up, and he\u2019s nodding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; one of my favorite things to do is to prepare a garden picnic or a carpet picnic, rather.\u00a0 We have a fireplace.\u00a0 If he\u2019s working outside the home that day, I\u2019ll build a fire.\u00a0 I\u2019ll put the little settees out on the floor, and set that picnic up, and turn the lights down low, and set the stage.\u00a0 Then, the rest is history or future.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s another one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like emails.\u00a0 One time, John came home.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember what started the conversation or what even caused the question; but he looked at me and he said, \u201cDon\u2019t you ever think about sex?\u201d\u00a0 Honestly, I probably didn\u2019t even have to answer the question because my look\u2014my face, said it all\u2014because it\u2019s not a woman\u2019s habit to think about\u2014I think sex tends to occupy a man\u2019s mind more.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was, again, one of those still, small voices that God used in my soul to say, \u201cNow, Judy, you\u2019ve got to start thinking more about this in order to make it happen more.\u201d\u00a0 So, I would set the stage with a cryptic email, or I would put a note in his lunch or something like that\u2014that would give him the notice\u2014if you will\u2014that things were going to be looking really good when he got home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to tell you this story really quickly; and then, I want to ask John to come in here and finish and give us the third one.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to give you about 90 seconds, John, to think through what you want to share\u2014what Judy has done to add romance and spice to your marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut back during the World Series<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014there was a guy I was texting, back and forth, about the World Series.\u00a0 I thought he accidentally sent me one of those cryptic messages about\u2014and he wrote me and said, \u201cThis wasn\u2019t intended for you.\u201d\u00a0 The first time I read it, it was like, \u201cOh my!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Then, I reread it.\u00a0 It really wasn\u2019t the cryptic message that I thought it was.\u00a0 It was a funny moment.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve got this guy for the rest of his life, if I want to;\u201d but it really wasn\u2019t that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, John, I want you to set the record straight.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, number three is based on one of the fundamental aspects of my masculine nature\u2014and all of our guy masculine natures\u2014and that is that we are very visual creatures.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take very much eye candy to make us realize that the saliva glands are working or whatever other glands we\u2019re discussing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA number of years ago, at an earlier time in our marriage, I made an occasion out of getting a particularly attractive negligee as a Christmas present.\u00a0 I almost had to sort of twist her arm and say, \u201cWhen are you going to try on your Christmas present?\u00a0 When are you going to try on your Christmas present?\u201d\u00a0 That really sort of was a transition point.\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll let Judy tell the rest of that story about how appealing to my visual nature became a fun thing for her, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it was\u2014and they were lovely gowns.\u00a0 Not only did I feel lovely in them because he saw me as lovely in them\u2014I never bought another gown.\u00a0 He buys my gowns.\u00a0 For me, that\u2019s very romantic, now.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how many guys would have to be hog-tied before they ever went in to buy a woman\u2019s gown.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, no.\u00a0 Guys would be willing to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s wonderful about that.\u00a0 This, for me, freed me even to exercise that principle of authority a little more.\u00a0 You know, to put on that gown and say, \u201cI want you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHey, Buster.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 John, I wanted to ask you.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve been talking about this subject, one of the things that I realized is, because of your involvement in the military, there are long periods of time where you, as a husband, are away and having to exercise self-control.\u00a0 That\u2019s a challenge for a lot of men\u2014a lot of military guys, guys on business trips.\u00a0 How did you prepare yourself for that?\u00a0 How did you deal with that when that was the reality you were living with?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly, a timely question in today\u2019s day and age with everything that\u2019s pervasive in the media today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and with nine-month deployments in Afghanistan or somewhere else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 I mean, recalling those days in uniform, where you were leaving for extended periods of time\u2014on extended training missions or operational deployments\u2014the ability to access the temptations is very limited.\u00a0 That\u2019s a challenge when you\u2019re in the midst of the Mojave Desert, doing a six-week NTC rotation against the OPFOR.\u00a0 There\u2019s just no internet; and you can\u2019t go down to the candy store and pick up a <em>Playboy <\/em>magazine.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the ability to access what would be enticing and then, facilitate gratification is a little bit of a challenge.\u00a0 So, in my time in uniform, it wasn\u2019t that difficult.\u00a0 The realities of the duty schedule are such that you\u2019re working 20 out of 24 hours in a day.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s not a lot of time.\u00a0 It is in my post-active duty lifetime, where I\u2019ve been working in commercial business and you\u2019re away on the standard business trip in the hotel room with the 200 TV channels\u2014it becomes a much more challenging thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI go back to some of the fundamental principles\u2014that you\u2019ve got to stay focused on the Scripture.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to stay very connected\u2014and that\u2019s phone calls, and texts, and e-mails.\u00a0 Of course, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century, that\u2019s easy to do.\u00a0 I can be a thousand miles away from her, but I can be five seconds away from her.\u00a0 So, we can stay connected and keep that emotion\u2014the strength of the emotional connection there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And be honest about what you\u2019re being tempted by and the challenges of being alone in those moments.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, let me ask you this.\u00a0 A lot of us look back on those first months of marriage when the passion is high and it\u2019s all new.\u00a0 We think, \u201cBoy, those were the days.\u201d\u00a0 If you could take where you are today and go back and infuse some of that; would you do it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 I tell you what.\u00a0 My guy and I\u2014we have gone deeper in our years emotionally, sexually, spiritually.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t trade a day for those early days.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful that John and I have hung in there for the 37 years\u2014hoping for 37 more because I know we\u2019ll go deeper still.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say Barbara and I have found the same thing to be true.\u00a0 Looking back on those years, I\u2019d hate to go back there.\u00a0 There was so much of that\u2014that was white hot\u2014but it was six miles wide and one inch deep; you know?\u00a0 Today, there is a depth to our relationship that is going the distance.\u00a0 For us, now, 39 years of marriage, six children, five of whom are married, 18 grandchildren\u2014I mean, our lives are really full in a lot of different dimensions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just reflect, back on you two\u2014as you\u2019ve shared here about your ministry to women, Judy, and you supporting her, John in that.\u00a0 You guys are leaving a great legacy.\u00a0 You are a great model of a couple.\u00a0 John, who has given your adult career life\u2014most of it\u2014to the military and serving our nation and protecting our families\u2014I want to say, \u201cThank you for that;\u201d but you, Judy\u2014standing alongside him in that endeavor\u2014and now, he\u2019s standing alongside you as you are both impacting a lot of lives.\u00a0 I just want to express my admiration of you guys\u2014my respect\u2014and just grateful that you joined us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Hope you\u2019ll come back and join us again some time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We would love to.\u00a0 Thank you so much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we really hope there\u2019ll be a lot of women who will be getting together in kitchens and living rooms, all across the country, this fall, opening their copy of <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>\u2014going through it together, either on an informal basis or, if you want to do it, as a part of the women\u2019s ministry at your church.\u00a0 Get more information about Judy\u2019s study.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Enhancing Your Marriage: A Woman\u2019s Bible Study<\/em>.\u00a0 We have information at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Go to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Look for the workbook, <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>; or if you have questions, call, toll-free.\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY is the toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs always, we want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> financially\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without you.\u00a0 Many of you have in the past either gone to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation or you\u2019ve called us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and made a donation over the phone.\u00a0 We are grateful for that support.\u00a0 In fact, today\u2019s program is possible because you\u2019ve done that in past years, and we appreciate your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, can we ask you to consider making that contribution today?\u00a0 Again, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We are always happy to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what a husband can do to anchor his family in Christ for a hundred years.\u00a0 Steve Farrar is going to join us to talk about dad as an anchor man.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.84M"],"filesize_raw":["30242119"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302560.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302560.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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Rossi helps wives understand their husband's romantic needs.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 At FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve said for years that physical intimacy in marriage is a thermometer, not a thermostat.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t adjust the temperature of a relationship.\u00a0 It simply measures what\u2019s going on in the rest of your marriage. Here\u2019s Judy Rossi.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 As I began to follow God in my marriage, respecting my husband and responding to him in a good way\u2014in a healthy way\u2014it strengthened this whole sexual atmosphere.\u00a0 Waking up in the morning, as soon as your feet hit the ground, you\u2019re setting the stage\u2014or you can be\u2014for a warm connect between the two of you, that can end up in sexual intimacy or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019re looking to reignite passion in your marriage relationship, maybe the first place to look is outside of the bedroom.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Remember back when you and Barbara wrote the book, <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em>?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Half of the book was you talking to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014well, some of it was you talking to guys about what they needed to do to really express love and care for their wives\u2014\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but you also talked to the ladies about what they needed to understand about a man; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That book was one of the most painful things\u2014it was not that I was twisting my wife\u2019s arm all the way through it.\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s really interesting\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How was the romance in your marriage when that book was over?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was\u2014it had better times.\u00a0 You would think, if you were writing about it and thinking about it, you\u2019d both be better at it.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Anyway, let\u2019s talk to our guest today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why did I even bring that up; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, why did you?\u00a0 Judy Rossi joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a whole chapter\u2014a series of chapters\u2014in your Bible study for women, Judy, <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>, where you talk about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 I want you to know I\u2019m not going to ask you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not twisting anybody\u2019s arm here on anything.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019re not going to ask you those questions.\u00a0 Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Good to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy and John have been married for 37 years.\u00a0 John\u2019s a retired Army officer.\u00a0 As a result, Judy has found herself teaching Bible studies to both military wives and civilians.\u00a0 You developed this Bible study for women and have been teaching it since 1986.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to hear what you have to say about this subject because you agree with one of the things Barbara and I wrote in our book\u2014that you said a woman doesn\u2019t understand her husband\u2019s need for physical intimacy anymore than a man understands his wife\u2019s need for affection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unpack that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, I discovered that the more sexually satisfied my hubby was, the more he responded to my emotional need.\u00a0 It was a wonderful discovery.\u00a0 I also discovered that the more my emotional need was being met by my husband, the more desirous I was to be sexually-intimate.\u00a0 So, I see that as\u2014you know those infinity signs\u2014it just kind of flows.\u00a0 If I\u2019m more sexually-intimate with my guy, he is going to be more emotionally- intimate with me; and it continues on in that same vein.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you started to look at what the Scriptures have to say about this\u2014to provide counsel to wives in this area of their relationship, what did you find?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I found it an eye-opener in two ways.\u00a0 One was that I was raised to think that sex was all a man\u2019s world.\u00a0 The other thing that I found astounding was that God had something really important to say about it.\u00a0 He had a plan for married, sexual intimacy; and it\u2019s not chapters and chapters.\u00a0 It is three verses.\u00a0 It\u2019s in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 3 through 5.\u00a0 I learned that there\u2019s a principle of need.\u00a0 I learned that there\u2019s a principle of authority.\u00a0 I learned that there was a principle of habit.\u00a0 All three of these things were vital to a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve heard many women say to me, \u201cOh, sex isn\u2019t the biggest deal in a marriage;\u201d but after I finished reading these three Scriptures, I disagreed.\u00a0 I have to tell you, I disagreed, somewhat sadly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, I don\u2019t know if we\u2019ve ever read this passage on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Maybe we have; but I just wanted to read this in case somebody is wondering, \u201cWhat\u2019s in the Bible?\u201d\u00a0 First Corinthians 7, verses 3 through 5, \u201cLet the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise, also the wife to her husband.\u00a0 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.\u00a0 Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.\u00a0 Do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again, so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can you unpack those three principles?\u00a0 You kind of went through that\u2014the first one was a principle of need.\u00a0 What is that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The principle of need is saying that, as a wife, I\u2019m responsible for meeting my husband\u2019s needs; and as a husband, he is responsible for meeting my needs, even though they are at different times and different places.\u00a0 When I know my husband has a need, God calls me to meet that need.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn so doing, there\u2019s that fulfillment that takes place.\u00a0 I think a more important part of that is it stretches that part of me\u2014that denying-self part of me that says, \u201cI have to be this selfless person to bless my husband, whose need needs to be met right now.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very gratifying, in a marriage, to meet each other\u2019s needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, as the Bible speaks to needs, it says, \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good thing,\u201d because it takes two people who can do their own thing individually and be very successful as individuals; but you didn\u2019t get married to be two individuals who do their own things for the rest of their lives.\u00a0 It\u2019s that need that causes them to come back together for moments of intimacy, and romance, and of fulfillment that are not intended to be captured anywhere else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If the principle is that we both have needs and we\u2019re given to one another to satisfy\u2014to meet those needs in an appropriate, God-sanctioned way\u2014then, what\u2019s the principle of authority?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the principle of authority means that my husband can tag me anytime he wants to and say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s hear how the tag game goes.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 How does that play out in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, it plays out rather well.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 My husband\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can see your husband, over your shoulder, who is listening to these\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is he smiling widely?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s nodding his head, both thumbs up.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got an all-systems-go here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; the beauty of authority is that my body is not my own.\u00a0 It belongs to my husband.\u00a0 So, when my husband has this need, I lovingly offer my body to him.\u00a0 Again, this wonderful mutuality that God established in these three principles was that my husband\u2019s body isn\u2019t his own, either.\u00a0 That when I desire his body, I can ask for that.\u00a0 I can initiate.\u00a0 That\u2019s giving me\u2014this has freed a lot of women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014in my class, who\u2019d say to me, \u201cYou mean I can initiate sex?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cAbsolutely, you can initiate sex.\u00a0 Your husband has probably been hoping you would initiate sex.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s our bodies so belong to each other that we can be that free to say, \u201cOh, man!\u00a0 I\u2019ll meet you upstairs at 9:30, after we bathe the kids,\u201d or sending him that email or receiving that email from him that says\u2014that adds that little smiley face and that tells me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re on notice.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been tagged.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014\u201cI\u2019m on notice.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been tagged.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re it!\u201d\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, here is my question.\u00a0 The wife, who would hear this and she would say, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve read that verse that says, \u2018Your body is not your own.\u2019\u00a0 I\u2019ve thought, \u2018Well, doesn\u2019t that mean that if my husband says, \u201cHow about tonight?\u201d\u2014I think, \u2018Well, I\u2019d like your body to go cool down a little bit,\u2019 \u2014that I can put him on notice that now is not the time.\u00a0 Can I never have a headache?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know\u2014I know the difference between having a headache and having a headache.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, okay, let\u2019s move it out of the headache realm to exhaustion.\u00a0 I think when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s valid.\u00a0 I think our husbands, again, who are to see us from that love of a servant-leader perspective\u2014he\u2019s going to understand when we\u2019re really exhausted; but the beauty of having that relationship that is that deep is to say, \u201cBut tomorrow morning\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You know, rescheduling\u2014so he knows that he\u2019s not just being put off or put down.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s okay for a wife to say, \u201cSweetheart, to be the woman that you want me to be right now, I just don\u2019t have it in me; but I want to be that woman.\u00a0 Let\u2019s rendezvous again after I\u2019ve slept.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it is absolutely okay to say that.\u00a0 I have also said, in my mind\u2014again, our self-talk.\u00a0 A woman\u2019s self-talk can take her down\u2014pick a road.\u00a0 When I\u2019ve seen that\u2014that look on my guy\u2019s face\u2014and I might be thinking, \u201cOh, man!\u00a0 I\u2019m really wiped out,\u201d and that still, small voice says, \u201cYes, but I am your energy.\u00a0 Bless your husband.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m amazed at the energy that I do have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I have to be very discerning about when I\u2019m just going with my self-talk\u2014about, \u201cOh, I\u2019m too tired,\u201d \u201cThis is just\u2014\u201d, \u201cI\u2019ve got this to do tonight.\u00a0 Besides, I haven\u2019t written this; and I haven\u2019t done that, and the kids\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 I could come up with every excuse in the book to keep putting it off.\u00a0 I\u2019ve also found that when I\u2019ve spoken this kind of, \u201cOkay, Lord, help me bless my guy tonight,\u201d I\u2019ve never been disappointed.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had\u2014we\u2019ve both been blessed.\u00a0 So, absolutely, when there\u2019s\u2014there is always a legitimate out-time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve talked about the principle of need and also the principle of authority.\u00a0 This next principle is also found in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7.\u00a0 It talks about not forsaking coming together.\u00a0 It\u2019s talking about making it a habit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How have you practiced that in your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I didn\u2019t early on.\u00a0 My habit was to deprive.\u00a0 My habit was to avoid.\u00a0 My habit was also to use sex as punishment if I just happened to be ticked with John, at any point in time.\u00a0 When I read that verse 5\u2014about it being a habit in our marriage\u2014I began to understand that that\u2019s what solidified our oneness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat third principle was being so responsive to each other.\u00a0 God calls us to participate in this deepest level of intimacy with each other, only to be interrupted when we participate together in our deepest level of intimacy with God.\u00a0 When I thought about that, I thought, \u201cWell, that put sex, in general, on a real high standard with God.\u201d\u00a0 I really had to think about where I was vis-\u00e0-vis this principle of habit because I had failed John over and over.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a matter of fact, I used to take pride in saying to him, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve never said, \u2018No,\u2019 to John.\u201d\u00a0 Well, I didn\u2019t have to say, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019d be on my face, or it\u2019d be in my body language; and he\u2019d know, \u201cOh, don\u2019t approach!\u201d\u00a0 I was convicted about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Amplified Version\u2014when it says, \u201cDo not defraud, refuse, or deprive.\u201d\u00a0 When we think about those words\u2014and you can refuse your husband with or without words\u2014I noted that habit was important to John.\u00a0 It was important to my husband.\u00a0 Now, it had to become important to me because it was important to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you talk about this principle of habit.\u00a0 I\u2019m just trying to get practical.\u00a0 Are you saying, whether you feel like it or not, you need to make a habit out of this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t say that.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 God said that; and He gives no caveats, \u201cDo not deprive,\u201d except for when we, together, as a couple, join in mutual prayer for a season\u2014that season of our prayer and fasting.\u00a0 Perhaps, that season is\u2014who knows how long?\u00a0 Then, we\u2019re not distracted by our sexual desires, our sexual needs, because we\u2019re focusing on whatever that prayer requirement is that is called by God.\u00a0 Afterwards, we come back together again and make sure we seal the deal so that Satan doesn\u2019t do his dirty work in our relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot of tension in this area in a lot of marriages because\u2014there are a lot of reasons why\u2014but in some cases, it\u2019s because a wife is struggling with bitterness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014anger, resentment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if there are areas in our marriages that are tough or broken, I believe that sexual intimacy can keep the doors open to begin to heal those areas.\u00a0 Typically, sex is the first thing that goes when disagreements take place.\u00a0 So, I personally have got to forgive.\u00a0 Maybe, I need to go and ask my husband\u2019s forgiveness because God will say, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t just your guy\u201d\u2014and open up that door again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to continue to move this to the practical,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014but I don\u2019t want to overstep bounds here; but I do want to ask you a good question.\u00a0 You are a Bible teacher.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been teaching thousands of women the Scriptures.\u00a0 This is one of the major areas you have talked to women about in their marriages\u2014about making romance a priority.\u00a0 Share with our listeners two or three of the most romantic things you\u2019ve done for John.\u00a0 John\u2019s head just came up, and he\u2019s nodding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes; one of my favorite things to do is to prepare a garden picnic or a carpet picnic, rather.\u00a0 We have a fireplace.\u00a0 If he\u2019s working outside the home that day, I\u2019ll build a fire.\u00a0 I\u2019ll put the little settees out on the floor, and set that picnic up, and turn the lights down low, and set the stage.\u00a0 Then, the rest is history or future.\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s another one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like emails.\u00a0 One time, John came home.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember what started the conversation or what even caused the question; but he looked at me and he said, \u201cDon\u2019t you ever think about sex?\u201d\u00a0 Honestly, I probably didn\u2019t even have to answer the question because my look\u2014my face, said it all\u2014because it\u2019s not a woman\u2019s habit to think about\u2014I think sex tends to occupy a man\u2019s mind more.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was, again, one of those still, small voices that God used in my soul to say, \u201cNow, Judy, you\u2019ve got to start thinking more about this in order to make it happen more.\u201d\u00a0 So, I would set the stage with a cryptic email, or I would put a note in his lunch or something like that\u2014that would give him the notice\u2014if you will\u2014that things were going to be looking really good when he got home.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to tell you this story really quickly; and then, I want to ask John to come in here and finish and give us the third one.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to give you about 90 seconds, John, to think through what you want to share\u2014what Judy has done to add romance and spice to your marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut back during the World Series<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014there was a guy I was texting, back and forth, about the World Series.\u00a0 I thought he accidentally sent me one of those cryptic messages about\u2014and he wrote me and said, \u201cThis wasn\u2019t intended for you.\u201d\u00a0 The first time I read it, it was like, \u201cOh my!\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 Then, I reread it.\u00a0 It really wasn\u2019t the cryptic message that I thought it was.\u00a0 It was a funny moment.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019ve got this guy for the rest of his life, if I want to;\u201d but it really wasn\u2019t that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, John, I want you to set the record straight.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, number three is based on one of the fundamental aspects of my masculine nature\u2014and all of our guy masculine natures\u2014and that is that we are very visual creatures.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take very much eye candy to make us realize that the saliva glands are working or whatever other glands we\u2019re discussing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA number of years ago, at an earlier time in our marriage, I made an occasion out of getting a particularly attractive negligee as a Christmas present.\u00a0 I almost had to sort of twist her arm and say, \u201cWhen are you going to try on your Christmas present?\u00a0 When are you going to try on your Christmas present?\u201d\u00a0 That really sort of was a transition point.\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll let Judy tell the rest of that story about how appealing to my visual nature became a fun thing for her, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it was\u2014and they were lovely gowns.\u00a0 Not only did I feel lovely in them because he saw me as lovely in them\u2014I never bought another gown.\u00a0 He buys my gowns.\u00a0 For me, that\u2019s very romantic, now.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how many guys would have to be hog-tied before they ever went in to buy a woman\u2019s gown.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, no.\u00a0 Guys would be willing to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s wonderful about that.\u00a0 This, for me, freed me even to exercise that principle of authority a little more.\u00a0 You know, to put on that gown and say, \u201cI want you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHey, Buster.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 John, I wanted to ask you.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve been talking about this subject, one of the things that I realized is, because of your involvement in the military, there are long periods of time where you, as a husband, are away and having to exercise self-control.\u00a0 That\u2019s a challenge for a lot of men\u2014a lot of military guys, guys on business trips.\u00a0 How did you prepare yourself for that?\u00a0 How did you deal with that when that was the reality you were living with?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly, a timely question in today\u2019s day and age with everything that\u2019s pervasive in the media today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and with nine-month deployments in Afghanistan or somewhere else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 I mean, recalling those days in uniform, where you were leaving for extended periods of time\u2014on extended training missions or operational deployments\u2014the ability to access the temptations is very limited.\u00a0 That\u2019s a challenge when you\u2019re in the midst of the Mojave Desert, doing a six-week NTC rotation against the OPFOR.\u00a0 There\u2019s just no internet; and you can\u2019t go down to the candy store and pick up a <em>Playboy <\/em>magazine.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, the ability to access what would be enticing and then, facilitate gratification is a little bit of a challenge.\u00a0 So, in my time in uniform, it wasn\u2019t that difficult.\u00a0 The realities of the duty schedule are such that you\u2019re working 20 out of 24 hours in a day.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s not a lot of time.\u00a0 It is in my post-active duty lifetime, where I\u2019ve been working in commercial business and you\u2019re away on the standard business trip in the hotel room with the 200 TV channels\u2014it becomes a much more challenging thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI go back to some of the fundamental principles\u2014that you\u2019ve got to stay focused on the Scripture.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to stay very connected\u2014and that\u2019s phone calls, and texts, and e-mails.\u00a0 Of course, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century, that\u2019s easy to do.\u00a0 I can be a thousand miles away from her, but I can be five seconds away from her.\u00a0 So, we can stay connected and keep that emotion\u2014the strength of the emotional connection there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And be honest about what you\u2019re being tempted by and the challenges of being alone in those moments.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Judy, let me ask you this.\u00a0 A lot of us look back on those first months of marriage when the passion is high and it\u2019s all new.\u00a0 We think, \u201cBoy, those were the days.\u201d\u00a0 If you could take where you are today and go back and infuse some of that; would you do it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 I tell you what.\u00a0 My guy and I\u2014we have gone deeper in our years emotionally, sexually, spiritually.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t trade a day for those early days.\u00a0 I\u2019m grateful that John and I have hung in there for the 37 years\u2014hoping for 37 more because I know we\u2019ll go deeper still.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say Barbara and I have found the same thing to be true.\u00a0 Looking back on those years, I\u2019d hate to go back there.\u00a0 There was so much of that\u2014that was white hot\u2014but it was six miles wide and one inch deep; you know?\u00a0 Today, there is a depth to our relationship that is going the distance.\u00a0 For us, now, 39 years of marriage, six children, five of whom are married, 18 grandchildren\u2014I mean, our lives are really full in a lot of different dimensions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just reflect, back on you two\u2014as you\u2019ve shared here about your ministry to women, Judy, and you supporting her, John in that.\u00a0 You guys are leaving a great legacy.\u00a0 You are a great model of a couple.\u00a0 John, who has given your adult career life\u2014most of it\u2014to the military and serving our nation and protecting our families\u2014I want to say, \u201cThank you for that;\u201d but you, Judy\u2014standing alongside him in that endeavor\u2014and now, he\u2019s standing alongside you as you are both impacting a lot of lives.\u00a0 I just want to express my admiration of you guys\u2014my respect\u2014and just grateful that you joined us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Hope you\u2019ll come back and join us again some time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Judy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We would love to.\u00a0 Thank you so much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we really hope there\u2019ll be a lot of women who will be getting together in kitchens and living rooms, all across the country, this fall, opening their copy of <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>\u2014going through it together, either on an informal basis or, if you want to do it, as a part of the women\u2019s ministry at your church.\u00a0 Get more information about Judy\u2019s study.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Enhancing Your Marriage: A Woman\u2019s Bible Study<\/em>.\u00a0 We have information at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Go to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Look for the workbook, <em>Enhancing Your Marriage<\/em>; or if you have questions, call, toll-free.\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY is the toll-free number\u20141-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs always, we want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> financially\u2014couldn\u2019t do it without you.\u00a0 Many of you have in the past either gone to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation or you\u2019ve called us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and made a donation over the phone.\u00a0 We are grateful for that support.\u00a0 In fact, today\u2019s program is possible because you\u2019ve done that in past years, and we appreciate your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, can we ask you to consider making that contribution today?\u00a0 Again, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We are always happy to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what a husband can do to anchor his family in Christ for a hundred years.\u00a0 Steve Farrar is going to join us to talk about dad as an anchor man.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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