{"id":302557,"date":"2012-07-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/things-to-consider\/"},"modified":"2012-07-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-07-17T15:00:00","slug":"things-to-consider","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-to-consider\/","title":{"rendered":"Things to Consider"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If the wife makes more money than the husband, why shouldn&#8217;t she make the living while her husband watches the kids?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.2M","filesize_raw":"27477452","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[4819,5219,4621],"podcast_series":[7887],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302557","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-roles","tag-stay-at-home-dad","tag-stay-at-home-mom","podcast_series-stay-at-home-dads","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302557\/things-to-consider","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302557\/things-to-consider","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"dq12AjxUew\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-to-consider\/\">Things to Consider<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-to-consider\/embed\/#?secret=dq12AjxUew\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Things to Consider&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"dq12AjxUew\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Some families today are breaking with cultural norms and traditions and deciding that Mom will be the provider and Dad will stay at home and raise the kids. Dennis\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRainey says the long-term implications of that decision are consequential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve watched a number of couples make this decision.\u00a0 In their 20s, it was fun and kind of novel. In their 30s, it was okay. When they hit the 40s, they hit a wall; and they wake up, one day, angry.\u00a0 And they don\u2019t get over it, especially the women.\u00a0 They get angry at the price they\u2019ve paid, at the loss of being a mom, and at the man who was supposed to provide. They are looking at him, and they\u2019re evaluating him.\u00a0 They say, \u201cHe\u2019s running around, having a lot of fun; and he\u2019s become passive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, July 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, is there something really wrong with making the decision for your family\u2014Mom is the provider and Dad stays home to take care of the kids?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. So, you\u2019re going to take on \u201cMr. Mom\u201d today; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I\u2019m not going to take on anybody.\u00a0 <em>Mr. Mom<\/em> was a movie that had the actor, Michael Keaton, in it.\u00a0 He had to stay home for a period of time because he lost a job; but it wasn\u2019t a permanent decision between him and his wife.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t become a stay-at-home dad on a long-term basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to talk about today is probably best illustrated by Becky, who wrote me on Facebook\u00ae.\u00a0 She said, \u201cMy husband has been a stay-at-home dad. He calls himself a homemaker, which he is. I work full-time, and it works great for our family. He does the homeschooling of our kids, as well. I think, when you look at this, you need to see how\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has gifted each of you and not go by what society expects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe got a lot of flack when we decided to do this, mostly from the Christian community. It was quite disheartening. My husband and I are in partnership to raise our family. Our kids are well-adjusted. They are actively involved at church and love Jesus Christ.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What we\u2019ve already heard you say is that, as you look at this, you don\u2019t see it as a black-and-white issue, with an absolute sense\u2014that it is always right or always wrong\u2014for a dad to be at home as a stay-at-home dad; but you do think there is some biblical wisdom we can apply.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to say that it is not wrong, 100 percent of the time, to stay at home, as a dad.\u00a0 It\u2019s not right, 100 percent of the time, to stay at home. I think some people are making that decision for the wrong reasons. I think some people are making that decision without understanding where it is going to take them, without understanding what it is going to do to their kids, and without understanding what it is going to do to their marriage, to their family, to their relationships, to them and their identity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019m running ahead of myself, at this point, and throwing the stone too soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have four questions that I would ask a couple who would be considering this kind of lifestyle. The first question really gets near the heart of the matter, in my opinion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, what are the values that this decision represents for your marriage, your family, and your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, Bob, I believe it is a value decision.\u00a0 As I\u2019ve heard a lot of people make the decision, I think that money and standard of living is ultimately driving\u2014not all, not all, certainly, not all\u2014but is driving a number of folks to make this decision so that they can provide a standard of living that provides a lot of comfort and freedom for their family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, you\u2019re saying that is a factor for some couples. They are just looking at the raw economics of it.\u00a0 They are saying the wife can make a whole lot more money than the husband can.\u00a0 So, doesn\u2019t it just make sense\u2014if she\u2019s earning and he\u2019s staying home so that you can enjoy the financial benefits?\u00a0 If that is a couple\u2019s primary motivation, you\u2019re suggesting that couple really needs to pull back and say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think they need to evaluate seriously because I think that can be and often is a faulty value system to make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, also, another value is that of fulfillment.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about a woman who feels more fulfilled in the marketplace than she does at home and may say, \u201cMy husband is more gifted to stay home than I am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>He\u2019s more of a nurturer. He likes the home environment.\u00a0 I go stir-crazy when\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m around that.\u201d I remember talking to a wife, one time, who said, \u201cIf I was at home, I would be a raving lunatic. It would not be good for our family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right. You talk about the consequences of all these decisions. First, you make your decisions and then your decisions make you. I talked to one person who said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve watched a number of couples make this decision.\u00a0 In their 20s, it was fun and kind of novel. In their 30s, it was okay. When they hit the 40s, they hit a wall.\u201d\u00a0 This person said, \u201cThey wake up, one day, angry.\u00a0 And they don\u2019t get over it, especially the women.\u00a0 They get angry at the price they\u2019ve paid, at the loss of being a mom, and at the man who was supposed to provide. They are looking at him, and they\u2019re evaluating him.\u00a0 They say, \u2018He\u2019s become passive; and he\u2019s just having a good time because the kids are now teenagers and don\u2019t really demand a lot of his time.\u00a0 So, he\u2019s running around, having a lot of fun.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what has to happen here is\u2014I think you have to step back and you have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat are the values that we embrace as a couple, and what are the kinds of values we want to represent our family?\u00a0 That really leads me to a second question, \u201cIs the world pressing you into its mold as a man, as a woman, as a father, as a mother, and as a family?\u201d\u00a0 Romans 12:1-2 says, \u201cDon\u2019t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 The Scripture calls men, clearly, to be the heads of their homes\u2014not a Gestapo head, not a dictator, but a servant leader of their wives and their children.\u00a0 Making money does not represent the power for a man to be the head of his home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Making money isn\u2019t how you demonstrate leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, it is one way that you can provide for your family; but because you make the most money or provide the money for the family, isn\u2019t the primary reason why a man is to be the head of his home. He\u2019s to be the head of his home because in the Bible\u2014it clearly established a man as the leader of his home and called him to give up himself\u2014to deny himself to follow Christ, and to lay down his rights to love his wife and his children.\u00a0 In some cases, Bob, it is a heavy mantle for a man to wear\u2014to have to be that provider and to care for his family in extraordinary ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, some of our listeners heard you quote Romans 12:1-2\u2014where you said, \u201cDo not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,\u201d\u2014and they would say, \u201cNow, Dennis, if I\u2019m being conformed to this world, I\u2019m going to embrace these traditional roles. I mean, the world has established the role of the husband in the work place and the wife at home. Isn\u2019t that being conformed to this world if I just jump in and say, \u2018Okay that\u2019s how it has to be for us\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t think the world was the one who established that. I think that was established, in Scripture, in Ephesians, Chapter 5, verse 23, where it says, \u201cFor the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.\u201d\u00a0 I think, if there is anything we need to be suspicious of today, it is anything that seeks to undermine the pattern that is found in the Scriptures\u2014of God giving men clear responsibility to love, lead, serve, and deny themselves on behalf of their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, the first two questions you are calling couples to look at\u2014as they are evaluating\u2014\u201cWhat ought to be our response to this?\u201d and, \u201cIs this the right way for us to organize our family?\u201d\u00a0 Question number one:\u00a0 \u201cWhat do we value?\u00a0 What are the priorities that we are trying to establish here, and what is important to us?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuestion number two is the question of, \u201cAre we kicking against a biblical design? Are we being pressed by the culture into an unbiblical mold?\u201d You really just have to pull back and say, \u201cAre we taking our cues from the Scriptures and what it would teach us, or are we taking our cues from the culture we live in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know I\u2019ve been strident here. I know some of our listeners have recoiled at that, and I\u2019ll get some mail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is some bristling taking place, even as you speak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I realize that; but I said earlier, \u201cI do not believe that a stay-at-home dad can do it and feel like it is right, 100 percent of the time. I don\u2019t think you could say it is wrong, 100 percent of the time. Are there cases where this can occur and should occur? I think it is possible. I really do. I think it happens; okay? I\u2019m saying, \u2018For this to become normative in the Christian family has huge consequences.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat leads me to the third question or the third issue. \u201cWill this decision ultimately create an identity crisis?\u201d Will it create an identity crisis for men--of what true masculinity is and his responsibility to work and to provide for his family?\u00a0 Will it also create a crisis of identity for a woman\u2014who she is and how God has hardwired her as a nurturer--one who cares about the next generation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI visited some of the websites for stay-at-home dads and read some of the comments. I have to say I really had compassion on a group of dads because you could sense it in their writing. They were wondering, \u201cWho are we? I go to PTA meetings at school, and\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m there with a bunch of moms. Who am I? How do I relate to them? Where are the other men I have a chance to relate to?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it is one of the reasons why this convention for stay-at-home dads occurs every year. I think that is why they gather together. They are looking for other men they can identify with to be able to have a sense of self-respect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Whenever I think about this issue, I go to passages like 1Timothy, Chapter 5, where Paul tells Timothy to instruct men--that if a man fails to provide for his family and for those of his household, he is worse than an unbeliever.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cIf a person....\u201d He doesn\u2019t say\u2014it is not \u201cman\u201d, in a generic-sense.\u00a0 It\u2019s pretty clearly understood that the man is providing for his household. There seems to be a clear instruction to men that the provision role is something that rests with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That passage you are talking about in 1 Timothy is actually talking about widows and how men are to provide for their extended family; but I think the principle can be applied here\u2014that a man needs to assume the responsibility to be that one who does provide for his family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a man doesn\u2019t work, when a man is not employed permanently, he will not thrive. I\u2019ve watched it, Bob. Men who don\u2019t work, men who don\u2019t provide for their families will end up losing self-respect. They will end up with a lot of confusion about what it means to be a man. They will end up becoming, in many cases, passive; and they will start to coast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to read\u2014my friend, Robert Lewis, who works here, at FamilyLife--in his book, <em>New <\/em>Eve\u2014I want to read what he said here.\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor men, this spells an identity crisis of the first order. A <em>Newsweek <\/em>article bears this out. For, with few exceptions, stay-at-home dads, who were interviewed, confessed their dislike of this new role. Why? Because from earliest boyhood, males fix their eyes on the broader world, outside the home, where they have a God-made hunger for adventure and accomplishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWomen, too, are exhilarated by success; but for men, it\u2019s the very stuff of life.\u00a0 Men, who aren\u2019t conquering turf God has called them to, are not merely standing still.\u00a0 They are losing ground, and their masculine soul, in the process. Something dies inside a man when he gives up on authentic manhood and settles for something less than the call that lies within them. His manhood becomes hollow.\u00a0 When a man surrenders his life and leadership to a woman, as Adam did to Eve, both inevitably hate it in the end.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those are pretty strong words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think we also need to talk about that provider woman in a family--the one who is out in the marketplace.\u00a0 She is going to have to wrestle with Titus, Chapter 2, where older women are instructed to teach younger women to be lovers of their husbands, lovers at home, and trainers of their children.\u00a0 Now, a woman may say, \u201cI can work in the marketplace and do those things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I would say we are not disputing that; but there is a primary responsibility here, and your job is going to pull you away from that a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And again, we are not picking up another stone and throwing it at working moms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, we are not addressing the two-parent working household. We are really talking about that situation where mom has taken on the mantle of provision and dad is saying, \u201cI\u2019ll just stay home and keep the house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it is back to what my friend said. It\u2019s what is going to make her angry in the end. Is she really going to be happy with her identity and with how that gets expressed because I do think there is a hard-wiring issue here of how God created us, male and female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me go onto a fourth question I would encourage couples to ask, \u201cWhat is the message you are sending to your sons and daughters by having Dad stay at home and take care of the kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are modeling something; aren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You really are.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a dad who never worked\u2014never provided for his family.\u00a0 The wife struggled to provide for the kids.\u00a0 There were four kids in the family.\u00a0 Those kids grew up wondering, \u201cWhat is the responsibility of a dad if he doesn\u2019t get out and work?\u201d\u00a0 This dad didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I won\u2019t get into what he did, but he didn\u2019t go to work.\u00a0 As a result, those four kids\u2014as they\u2019ve grown up and married\u2014have all struggled, from an identity standpoint, with either being a man and, \u201cHow you do provide for your family,\u201d or with being a woman\u2014a wife and a mother\u2014and how to relate to a man who is something different than their frame of reference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also reminds me of another story\u2014that is really at the other end of the spectrum\u2014of a father who had a very lucrative job\u2014made a lot of money, had season tickets to the Dallas Cowboys games\u2014and was laid off.\u00a0 He came home and told his kids.\u00a0 They were initially ashamed as they watched their father take a job that paid significantly less. He even worked alongside some teenagers\u2014in a form of employment that he could find because of the economic situation in their community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe son of the father reflected back, as a young man. He said, \u201cWhen I initially saw that, I was ashamed of my father because he had taken this job;\u201d but he said, \u201cThen, I began to realize that what he had really embraced here was his responsibility to work and to provide for his family.\u00a0 Then, I began to be extremely proud of my dad and respected him, as I watched him take a second job because he didn\u2019t quickly find another job where he was able to earn enough money to provide for the family.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI realize, as I grew up and became a man, what a gift my dad had given to me by modeling self-denial and moving into a tough situation to have to provide for his family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d ask anyone who is doing this\u2014as you make this decision for your daughters and how they relate to a man, later on\u2014for your sons and who they become as husbands, fathers, and breadwinners in the family\u2014are you modeling something you want, from a generational standpoint, to be passed down to succeeding generations?\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a tough question, Bob; but I think it\u2019s one that is worth really considering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope what I have done here is\u2014is hopefully leave enough room for someone to disagree with me or to take on some of these issues, and make a decision, and to ultimately say, \u201cThis is God\u2019s will for me and for us, as a couple, and for our family, in Christ Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 You know what I say to you?\u00a0 \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 That is your decision.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to make it;\u201d but I do think there is a rebellion against God, occurring in this world, against His design for marriage and for the family.\u00a0 I think the world wants to distort what it means to be a godly man, a godly husband, and a godly father\u2014and the same for being a woman, wife, and mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just don\u2019t hear a lot of people speaking up today on behalf of God\u2019s design and being willing to take the shots that come with it because it\u2019s not a popular message, necessarily; but you know what?\u00a0 We aren\u2019t called to popularity. This book right here, the Bible\u2014it calls us to live in a counter-cultural lifestyle.\u00a0 It calls us to embrace the truth of Scripture and to pass it on generationally to others, who, hopefully, will pass it on to their kids.\u00a0 We are involved in a generational war for the soul of the family, and we need to win it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 And the only we are going to win it is exactly as you have said\u2014by pointing people back to Scripture. We have to have our hearts and minds soaking in and saturated with what the Bible has to say about how we are to live\u2014first of all, as transformed people, whose lives have been radically altered because of our relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then what that transformed life looks like\u2014in our marriage relationships, as we raise our children, and as we think through the kind of issue we\u2019ve been talking about here today. You are right. There are going to be folks who hear us talking about this subject this week\u2014in fact, there have already been some who have gone to our website and looked at the transcripts of these programs.\u00a0 They have typed in where they disagree with what you are saying or why they think your view is the wrong view.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s fine to engage in that kind of dialog and that kind of debate, but we have to keep pressing one another back to the Scriptures. What does the Bible say? What do we learn from Scripture about the husband\u2019s role and the wife\u2019s role and how we are to live that out in a marriage relationship? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk, at length, about what a man\u2019s role in a family ought to be, what a man\u2019s role in the society ought to be in the book, that you\u2019ve written, called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You don\u2019t address this issue of stay-at-home dads in that book, specifically; but you do address dads as providers and what that provisionary role ought to look like in a family.\u00a0 Again, I want to encourage our listeners, if you don\u2019t have a copy of Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood, <\/em>get a copy.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how you can order the book from us, online.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then make note of Saturday, August 4<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 There are going to be churches all around the country that are hosting the Stepping Up National Men\u2019s Simulcast with James MacDonald, Crawford Loritts, Robert Lewis, and Dennis Rainey\u2014all speaking at the event.\u00a0 You can find a church in your area that is hosting the event and sign up to join them\u2014be a part of that Saturday event; or, if there\u2019s not a church in your area hosting the event, there\u2019s still time for you to sign up and be a host site for the Stepping UpNational Men\u2019s Simulcast.\u00a0 Again, find out more about the event when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Call us, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever stopped to think about what goes into producing a radio program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014 the recording engineers who work to capture the interviews that we do or the discussions that we have, the folks who provide the transcripts, those folks who have to load the audio so it can be syndicated to our network of radio stations, all around the country, or made available as a podcast online.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a lot of work that goes into the production of each day\u2019s program, and we have a dedicated staff that works very hard to make sure that we\u2019re getting the job done and to do it as cost-effectively as possible; but there is still a cost associated with producing and syndicating this program.\u00a0 You may wonder, \u201cWho pays that cost?\u201d\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s folks, like you, who help provide the financial support this ministry needs to produce and syndicate this program.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we ask you, \u201cIf God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life, then we\u2019d ask you to consider being a part of the financial team that helps pay for the production costs of this program.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can do that by making a donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it means when we say we are listener-supported.\u00a0 Folks, like you, respond\u2014make a contribution.\u00a0 We just want to stop and say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who have done that in the past and ask those of you, who have maybe never made a contribution, to consider doing that today.\u00a0 Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation.\u00a0 We do appreciate your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to go from talking about men in the family to talking about a wife\u2019s role and a mom\u2019s role in the family.\u00a0 Judy Rossi joins us tomorrow as we explore that subject.\u00a0 Hope you can be here with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.2M"],"filesize_raw":["27477452"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302557.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302557.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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the wife makes more money than the husband, why shouldn't she make the living while her husband watches the kids?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-07-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Some families today are breaking with cultural norms and traditions and deciding that Mom will be the provider and Dad will stay at home and raise the kids. Dennis\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRainey says the long-term implications of that decision are consequential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve watched a number of couples make this decision.\u00a0 In their 20s, it was fun and kind of novel. In their 30s, it was okay. When they hit the 40s, they hit a wall; and they wake up, one day, angry.\u00a0 And they don\u2019t get over it, especially the women.\u00a0 They get angry at the price they\u2019ve paid, at the loss of being a mom, and at the man who was supposed to provide. They are looking at him, and they\u2019re evaluating him.\u00a0 They say, \u201cHe\u2019s running around, having a lot of fun; and he\u2019s become passive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, July 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, is there something really wrong with making the decision for your family\u2014Mom is the provider and Dad stays home to take care of the kids?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us. So, you\u2019re going to take on \u201cMr. Mom\u201d today; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I\u2019m not going to take on anybody.\u00a0 <em>Mr. Mom<\/em> was a movie that had the actor, Michael Keaton, in it.\u00a0 He had to stay home for a period of time because he lost a job; but it wasn\u2019t a permanent decision between him and his wife.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t become a stay-at-home dad on a long-term basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to talk about today is probably best illustrated by Becky, who wrote me on Facebook\u00ae.\u00a0 She said, \u201cMy husband has been a stay-at-home dad. He calls himself a homemaker, which he is. I work full-time, and it works great for our family. He does the homeschooling of our kids, as well. I think, when you look at this, you need to see how\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has gifted each of you and not go by what society expects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe got a lot of flack when we decided to do this, mostly from the Christian community. It was quite disheartening. My husband and I are in partnership to raise our family. Our kids are well-adjusted. They are actively involved at church and love Jesus Christ.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What we\u2019ve already heard you say is that, as you look at this, you don\u2019t see it as a black-and-white issue, with an absolute sense\u2014that it is always right or always wrong\u2014for a dad to be at home as a stay-at-home dad; but you do think there is some biblical wisdom we can apply.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to say that it is not wrong, 100 percent of the time, to stay at home, as a dad.\u00a0 It\u2019s not right, 100 percent of the time, to stay at home. I think some people are making that decision for the wrong reasons. I think some people are making that decision without understanding where it is going to take them, without understanding what it is going to do to their kids, and without understanding what it is going to do to their marriage, to their family, to their relationships, to them and their identity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I\u2019m running ahead of myself, at this point, and throwing the stone too soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have four questions that I would ask a couple who would be considering this kind of lifestyle. The first question really gets near the heart of the matter, in my opinion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, what are the values that this decision represents for your marriage, your family, and your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, Bob, I believe it is a value decision.\u00a0 As I\u2019ve heard a lot of people make the decision, I think that money and standard of living is ultimately driving\u2014not all, not all, certainly, not all\u2014but is driving a number of folks to make this decision so that they can provide a standard of living that provides a lot of comfort and freedom for their family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, you\u2019re saying that is a factor for some couples. They are just looking at the raw economics of it.\u00a0 They are saying the wife can make a whole lot more money than the husband can.\u00a0 So, doesn\u2019t it just make sense\u2014if she\u2019s earning and he\u2019s staying home so that you can enjoy the financial benefits?\u00a0 If that is a couple\u2019s primary motivation, you\u2019re suggesting that couple really needs to pull back and say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think they need to evaluate seriously because I think that can be and often is a faulty value system to make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, also, another value is that of fulfillment.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about a woman who feels more fulfilled in the marketplace than she does at home and may say, \u201cMy husband is more gifted to stay home than I am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>He\u2019s more of a nurturer. He likes the home environment.\u00a0 I go stir-crazy when\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m around that.\u201d I remember talking to a wife, one time, who said, \u201cIf I was at home, I would be a raving lunatic. It would not be good for our family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right. You talk about the consequences of all these decisions. First, you make your decisions and then your decisions make you. I talked to one person who said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve watched a number of couples make this decision.\u00a0 In their 20s, it was fun and kind of novel. In their 30s, it was okay. When they hit the 40s, they hit a wall.\u201d\u00a0 This person said, \u201cThey wake up, one day, angry.\u00a0 And they don\u2019t get over it, especially the women.\u00a0 They get angry at the price they\u2019ve paid, at the loss of being a mom, and at the man who was supposed to provide. They are looking at him, and they\u2019re evaluating him.\u00a0 They say, \u2018He\u2019s become passive; and he\u2019s just having a good time because the kids are now teenagers and don\u2019t really demand a lot of his time.\u00a0 So, he\u2019s running around, having a lot of fun.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what has to happen here is\u2014I think you have to step back and you have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat are the values that we embrace as a couple, and what are the kinds of values we want to represent our family?\u00a0 That really leads me to a second question, \u201cIs the world pressing you into its mold as a man, as a woman, as a father, as a mother, and as a family?\u201d\u00a0 Romans 12:1-2 says, \u201cDon\u2019t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 The Scripture calls men, clearly, to be the heads of their homes\u2014not a Gestapo head, not a dictator, but a servant leader of their wives and their children.\u00a0 Making money does not represent the power for a man to be the head of his home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Making money isn\u2019t how you demonstrate leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, it is one way that you can provide for your family; but because you make the most money or provide the money for the family, isn\u2019t the primary reason why a man is to be the head of his home. He\u2019s to be the head of his home because in the Bible\u2014it clearly established a man as the leader of his home and called him to give up himself\u2014to deny himself to follow Christ, and to lay down his rights to love his wife and his children.\u00a0 In some cases, Bob, it is a heavy mantle for a man to wear\u2014to have to be that provider and to care for his family in extraordinary ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, some of our listeners heard you quote Romans 12:1-2\u2014where you said, \u201cDo not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,\u201d\u2014and they would say, \u201cNow, Dennis, if I\u2019m being conformed to this world, I\u2019m going to embrace these traditional roles. I mean, the world has established the role of the husband in the work place and the wife at home. Isn\u2019t that being conformed to this world if I just jump in and say, \u2018Okay that\u2019s how it has to be for us\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t think the world was the one who established that. I think that was established, in Scripture, in Ephesians, Chapter 5, verse 23, where it says, \u201cFor the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.\u201d\u00a0 I think, if there is anything we need to be suspicious of today, it is anything that seeks to undermine the pattern that is found in the Scriptures\u2014of God giving men clear responsibility to love, lead, serve, and deny themselves on behalf of their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, the first two questions you are calling couples to look at\u2014as they are evaluating\u2014\u201cWhat ought to be our response to this?\u201d and, \u201cIs this the right way for us to organize our family?\u201d\u00a0 Question number one:\u00a0 \u201cWhat do we value?\u00a0 What are the priorities that we are trying to establish here, and what is important to us?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuestion number two is the question of, \u201cAre we kicking against a biblical design? Are we being pressed by the culture into an unbiblical mold?\u201d You really just have to pull back and say, \u201cAre we taking our cues from the Scriptures and what it would teach us, or are we taking our cues from the culture we live in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know I\u2019ve been strident here. I know some of our listeners have recoiled at that, and I\u2019ll get some mail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is some bristling taking place, even as you speak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I realize that; but I said earlier, \u201cI do not believe that a stay-at-home dad can do it and feel like it is right, 100 percent of the time. I don\u2019t think you could say it is wrong, 100 percent of the time. Are there cases where this can occur and should occur? I think it is possible. I really do. I think it happens; okay? I\u2019m saying, \u2018For this to become normative in the Christian family has huge consequences.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat leads me to the third question or the third issue. \u201cWill this decision ultimately create an identity crisis?\u201d Will it create an identity crisis for men--of what true masculinity is and his responsibility to work and to provide for his family?\u00a0 Will it also create a crisis of identity for a woman\u2014who she is and how God has hardwired her as a nurturer--one who cares about the next generation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI visited some of the websites for stay-at-home dads and read some of the comments. I have to say I really had compassion on a group of dads because you could sense it in their writing. They were wondering, \u201cWho are we? I go to PTA meetings at school, and\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m there with a bunch of moms. Who am I? How do I relate to them? Where are the other men I have a chance to relate to?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it is one of the reasons why this convention for stay-at-home dads occurs every year. I think that is why they gather together. They are looking for other men they can identify with to be able to have a sense of self-respect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Whenever I think about this issue, I go to passages like 1Timothy, Chapter 5, where Paul tells Timothy to instruct men--that if a man fails to provide for his family and for those of his household, he is worse than an unbeliever.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t say, \u201cIf a person....\u201d He doesn\u2019t say\u2014it is not \u201cman\u201d, in a generic-sense.\u00a0 It\u2019s pretty clearly understood that the man is providing for his household. There seems to be a clear instruction to men that the provision role is something that rests with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right. That passage you are talking about in 1 Timothy is actually talking about widows and how men are to provide for their extended family; but I think the principle can be applied here\u2014that a man needs to assume the responsibility to be that one who does provide for his family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a man doesn\u2019t work, when a man is not employed permanently, he will not thrive. I\u2019ve watched it, Bob. Men who don\u2019t work, men who don\u2019t provide for their families will end up losing self-respect. They will end up with a lot of confusion about what it means to be a man. They will end up becoming, in many cases, passive; and they will start to coast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to read\u2014my friend, Robert Lewis, who works here, at FamilyLife--in his book, <em>New <\/em>Eve\u2014I want to read what he said here.\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor men, this spells an identity crisis of the first order. A <em>Newsweek <\/em>article bears this out. For, with few exceptions, stay-at-home dads, who were interviewed, confessed their dislike of this new role. Why? Because from earliest boyhood, males fix their eyes on the broader world, outside the home, where they have a God-made hunger for adventure and accomplishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWomen, too, are exhilarated by success; but for men, it\u2019s the very stuff of life.\u00a0 Men, who aren\u2019t conquering turf God has called them to, are not merely standing still.\u00a0 They are losing ground, and their masculine soul, in the process. Something dies inside a man when he gives up on authentic manhood and settles for something less than the call that lies within them. His manhood becomes hollow.\u00a0 When a man surrenders his life and leadership to a woman, as Adam did to Eve, both inevitably hate it in the end.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those are pretty strong words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think we also need to talk about that provider woman in a family--the one who is out in the marketplace.\u00a0 She is going to have to wrestle with Titus, Chapter 2, where older women are instructed to teach younger women to be lovers of their husbands, lovers at home, and trainers of their children.\u00a0 Now, a woman may say, \u201cI can work in the marketplace and do those things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I would say we are not disputing that; but there is a primary responsibility here, and your job is going to pull you away from that a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And again, we are not picking up another stone and throwing it at working moms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, we are not addressing the two-parent working household. We are really talking about that situation where mom has taken on the mantle of provision and dad is saying, \u201cI\u2019ll just stay home and keep the house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it is back to what my friend said. It\u2019s what is going to make her angry in the end. Is she really going to be happy with her identity and with how that gets expressed because I do think there is a hard-wiring issue here of how God created us, male and female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me go onto a fourth question I would encourage couples to ask, \u201cWhat is the message you are sending to your sons and daughters by having Dad stay at home and take care of the kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are modeling something; aren\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You really are.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a dad who never worked\u2014never provided for his family.\u00a0 The wife struggled to provide for the kids.\u00a0 There were four kids in the family.\u00a0 Those kids grew up wondering, \u201cWhat is the responsibility of a dad if he doesn\u2019t get out and work?\u201d\u00a0 This dad didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I won\u2019t get into what he did, but he didn\u2019t go to work.\u00a0 As a result, those four kids\u2014as they\u2019ve grown up and married\u2014have all struggled, from an identity standpoint, with either being a man and, \u201cHow you do provide for your family,\u201d or with being a woman\u2014a wife and a mother\u2014and how to relate to a man who is something different than their frame of reference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also reminds me of another story\u2014that is really at the other end of the spectrum\u2014of a father who had a very lucrative job\u2014made a lot of money, had season tickets to the Dallas Cowboys games\u2014and was laid off.\u00a0 He came home and told his kids.\u00a0 They were initially ashamed as they watched their father take a job that paid significantly less. He even worked alongside some teenagers\u2014in a form of employment that he could find because of the economic situation in their community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe son of the father reflected back, as a young man. He said, \u201cWhen I initially saw that, I was ashamed of my father because he had taken this job;\u201d but he said, \u201cThen, I began to realize that what he had really embraced here was his responsibility to work and to provide for his family.\u00a0 Then, I began to be extremely proud of my dad and respected him, as I watched him take a second job because he didn\u2019t quickly find another job where he was able to earn enough money to provide for the family.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI realize, as I grew up and became a man, what a gift my dad had given to me by modeling self-denial and moving into a tough situation to have to provide for his family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d ask anyone who is doing this\u2014as you make this decision for your daughters and how they relate to a man, later on\u2014for your sons and who they become as husbands, fathers, and breadwinners in the family\u2014are you modeling something you want, from a generational standpoint, to be passed down to succeeding generations?\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a tough question, Bob; but I think it\u2019s one that is worth really considering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope what I have done here is\u2014is hopefully leave enough room for someone to disagree with me or to take on some of these issues, and make a decision, and to ultimately say, \u201cThis is God\u2019s will for me and for us, as a couple, and for our family, in Christ Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 You know what I say to you?\u00a0 \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 That is your decision.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to make it;\u201d but I do think there is a rebellion against God, occurring in this world, against His design for marriage and for the family.\u00a0 I think the world wants to distort what it means to be a godly man, a godly husband, and a godly father\u2014and the same for being a woman, wife, and mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just don\u2019t hear a lot of people speaking up today on behalf of God\u2019s design and being willing to take the shots that come with it because it\u2019s not a popular message, necessarily; but you know what?\u00a0 We aren\u2019t called to popularity. This book right here, the Bible\u2014it calls us to live in a counter-cultural lifestyle.\u00a0 It calls us to embrace the truth of Scripture and to pass it on generationally to others, who, hopefully, will pass it on to their kids.\u00a0 We are involved in a generational war for the soul of the family, and we need to win it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 And the only we are going to win it is exactly as you have said\u2014by pointing people back to Scripture. We have to have our hearts and minds soaking in and saturated with what the Bible has to say about how we are to live\u2014first of all, as transformed people, whose lives have been radically altered because of our relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then what that transformed life looks like\u2014in our marriage relationships, as we raise our children, and as we think through the kind of issue we\u2019ve been talking about here today. You are right. There are going to be folks who hear us talking about this subject this week\u2014in fact, there have already been some who have gone to our website and looked at the transcripts of these programs.\u00a0 They have typed in where they disagree with what you are saying or why they think your view is the wrong view.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s fine to engage in that kind of dialog and that kind of debate, but we have to keep pressing one another back to the Scriptures. What does the Bible say? What do we learn from Scripture about the husband\u2019s role and the wife\u2019s role and how we are to live that out in a marriage relationship? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou talk, at length, about what a man\u2019s role in a family ought to be, what a man\u2019s role in the society ought to be in the book, that you\u2019ve written, called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You don\u2019t address this issue of stay-at-home dads in that book, specifically; but you do address dads as providers and what that provisionary role ought to look like in a family.\u00a0 Again, I want to encourage our listeners, if you don\u2019t have a copy of Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood, <\/em>get a copy.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how you can order the book from us, online.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then make note of Saturday, August 4<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 There are going to be churches all around the country that are hosting the Stepping Up National Men\u2019s Simulcast with James MacDonald, Crawford Loritts, Robert Lewis, and Dennis Rainey\u2014all speaking at the event.\u00a0 You can find a church in your area that is hosting the event and sign up to join them\u2014be a part of that Saturday event; or, if there\u2019s not a church in your area hosting the event, there\u2019s still time for you to sign up and be a host site for the Stepping UpNational Men\u2019s Simulcast.\u00a0 Again, find out more about the event when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Call us, toll-free, at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever stopped to think about what goes into producing a radio program like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014 the recording engineers who work to capture the interviews that we do or the discussions that we have, the folks who provide the transcripts, those folks who have to load the audio so it can be syndicated to our network of radio stations, all around the country, or made available as a podcast online.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a lot of work that goes into the production of each day\u2019s program, and we have a dedicated staff that works very hard to make sure that we\u2019re getting the job done and to do it as cost-effectively as possible; but there is still a cost associated with producing and syndicating this program.\u00a0 You may wonder, \u201cWho pays that cost?\u201d\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s folks, like you, who help provide the financial support this ministry needs to produce and syndicate this program.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we ask you, \u201cIf God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life, then we\u2019d ask you to consider being a part of the financial team that helps pay for the production costs of this program.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can do that by making a donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it means when we say we are listener-supported.\u00a0 Folks, like you, respond\u2014make a contribution.\u00a0 We just want to stop and say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who have done that in the past and ask those of you, who have maybe never made a contribution, to consider doing that today.\u00a0 Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation.\u00a0 We do appreciate your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to go from talking about men in the family to talking about a wife\u2019s role and a mom\u2019s role in the family.\u00a0 Judy Rossi joins us tomorrow as we explore that subject.\u00a0 Hope you can be here with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302557","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302557"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302557"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302557"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302557"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}