{"id":302544,"date":"2012-06-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged\/"},"modified":"2012-06-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-06-21T15:00:00","slug":"advice-for-the-romantically-challenged","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged\/","title":{"rendered":"Advice for the Romantically Challenged"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So you think you&#8217;re ship shape in the romance department, right?  Think again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-06-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"19.98M","filesize_raw":"20948139","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4714],"podcast_series":[7881],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302544","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-romance","podcast_series-romance-for-dummies","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302544\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302544\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fPzTY34phy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged\/\">Advice for the Romantically Challenged<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/advice-for-the-romantically-challenged\/embed\/#?secret=fPzTY34phy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Advice for the Romantically Challenged&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fPzTY34phy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"So you think you're ship shape in the romance department, right? Think again.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-06-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a difference between love in marriage and romance; right?\u00a0 The truth is there is never going to be much romance unless you figure out how to get the love part right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say romance is the little things, and little things can add up to be a part of true love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like the candy coating of an M&amp;M<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\u00a0 You know, like the chocolate would be the true love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 True love is the day-to-day commitment that you have as husband and wife to serve each other\u2014to love each other, even when you don\u2019t feel like loving each other\u2014and just the day-to-day activity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 21<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about cultivating romance in marriage by understanding what real love looks like.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Bob, we had so many people who enjoyed the first half of your message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It Cruise\u2122<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\u2014\u201cRomance for Dummies\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You gave ten tips for the romantically-challenged.\u00a0 Back, by popular demand, is not the same message, but the second half\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part Two of the message.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014of the message that you gave earlier.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and this was, as you said, on the 2012 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\u00a0 We wanted to make sure that our listeners knew that the 2013 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> is starting to fill up.\u00a0 So, if you\u2019ve even thought about joining us Valentine\u2019s week of 2013\u2014to be with Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 Mary Ann and I are going to be on the cruise.\u00a0 Voddie Baucham is going to be back with us again this year.\u00a0 Dr. Eric Mason is joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 All kinds of entertainment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we\u2019ve got Anthony Evans, who is going to be onboard.\u00a0 Denver &amp; the Mile High Orchestra, Sara Groves, the guys from 321 Improv are going to be there.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s a fun event; but our focus for the event is your marriage relationship and how that marriage relationship can be strengthened, and what the Bible has to say about building strong, healthy relationships, that go the distance and that honor Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur team was telling me recently, \u201cWe\u2019re starting to sell out.\u201d\u00a0 I had asked them if we could do something special for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, just to encourage them to go ahead and sign up and make sure they\u2019re with us Valentine\u2019s week of 2013.\u00a0 So, between now and Monday, June 25<sup>th<\/sup>, when you get in touch with us, let us know you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and you\u2019d like to come along with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign up at the regular price, your spouse comes at half-price.\u00a0 Now, this is the only time we\u2019re making a special offer available this year.\u00a0 It\u2019s only good between now and Monday, the 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 So, if you\u2019re interested, get in touch with us.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click on the link for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\u00a0 All the details about the special offer are available there, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and you\u2019d like information about the special offer that we\u2019re making for the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\u00a0 Again, the offer expires Monday, June 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 So, get in touch with us.\u00a0 We\u2019d love to have you on next year\u2019s cruise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As we\u2019ve mentioned, you kicked off the cruise, on Monday night, with a message on \u201cRomance for Dummies\u201d.\u00a0 You gave the ten tips\u2014actually, you gave 11 tips.\u00a0 The 11th tip is this message\u2014that the quality of your romance, as it enhances your relationship with your spouse, will encourage the sexual dimension of your marriage relationship.\u00a0 Let\u2019s listen to Dr. Love, Bob Lepine, from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, those are ten, but I really have to get to number 11 because we have to talk about the fact that there is a correlation between romance and sex.\u00a0 Now, I mean taking the time to cultivate a warm, tender, romantic relationship will most often improve the frequency and the quality of your sexual relationship.\u00a0 In other words, good sex doesn\u2019t lead to good romance; good romance leads to good sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my co-workers had some thoughts on this.\u00a0 One of them said, \u201cLong periods of no sex in marriage do not promote romance.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019d agree with that; right?\u00a0 I mean\u2014I said, \u201cWhat do you mean long periods?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, if you are a guy, that\u2019s measured in hours.\u00a0 If you\u2019re a woman, it\u2019s weeks or months.\u201d\u00a0 But, going for long periods of time, without having sex, does not promote good romance; and it\u2019s usually different things to different people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the next few thoughts came from women.\u00a0 One woman said, \u201cYou need to remove everything from your bedroom that doesn\u2019t have to do with either sleep or romance.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cLaundry, toys, and clutter have to go; and lingerie, candles, and body oils need to stay.\u201d\u00a0 Then, she said, \u201cIf you\u2019re tempted to sleep in a sweatshirt and sweat pants, get rid of them.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cFlirt with your spouse and have fun flirting.\u00a0 Send him mushy love letters, emails, and voice mails at work.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIf you are going to flirt with him,\u201d she said, \u201cyou better follow through; alright?\u00a0 Don\u2019t flirt and say, \u2018No, I didn\u2019t mean that\u2014no!\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s just mean; okay?\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 She said, \u201cProverbs 13:12 says, \u2018Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.\u00a0 So, if you\u2019re going to flirt, fulfill the longing.\u00a0 It\u2019s life-giving.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, she pointed this out.\u00a0 She said, \u201cBy the way, there are women at your husband\u2019s office who know how to flirt with him.\u00a0 So, why don\u2019t you out-do them?\u201d\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ll go on.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDo you know any women who use sex as a weapon?\u00a0 When you refuse to have intimate relations with your husband because you didn\u2019t get your way\u2014that\u2019s unfair, and it\u2019s mean.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cNot only that, but it\u2019s a sin.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Corinthians 7:5 says, \u201cDon\u2019t deprive one another, except by mutual consent and then, only for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer.\u00a0 Then come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.\u201d\u00a0 That verse is really saying that you are not to use sex as a weapon against one another.\u00a0 I\u2019ve talked to couples where this has been an issue in their marriage.\u00a0 It\u2019s really a sin to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the last three of these tips came from men.\u00a0 I had a co-worker who said, \u201cYou know, over time, I\u2019ve learned that cooking dinner for the family, cleaning the dishes, and putting the kids to bed means more than a dozen roses and a cheesy card to my wife;\u201d or put another way, he said, \u201cI\u2019ve learned that the little, green light on the dishwasher is a real turn-on for her if I\u2019m the one who set it.\u201d\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, another co-worker said, \u201cSome of the best marriage advice we ever got was buying a massage table.\u00a0 That was a great marital investment.\u201d\u00a0 So, you may want to consider that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Then, I loved this one.\u00a0 A guy said, \u201cThe key ingredient for romance for us having lots of undistracted time together where we can talk about anything without interruptions in the shower.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want you to understand that all of this stuff that we\u2019ve talked about this evening related to romance.\u00a0 All of these tips, all of these ideas, can be helpful in cultivating a more romantic relationship but only\u2014listen to me\u2014only if your relationship is planted in the right soil to begin with\u2014only if it\u2019s being built on the right foundation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, being romantic with one another is not an event that you do and, then, you store it away until the next time you are feeling romantic again.\u00a0 Being romantic\u2014expressing your care and love for one another\u2014is something that should be a part of the fabric of our life.\u00a0 If you are not doing that, we need to start doing that.\u00a0 Some of you are saying, \u201cWell, the reason I\u2019m not doing that is because my spouse doesn\u2019t do it for me.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you\u2019re in the downward spiral.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve got to be the one who steps forward and says, \u201cI\u2019m going to start expressing.\u201d\u00a0 Even if you get shutdown, or rebuffed, or rebuked the first time\u2014even if there is sarcasm, you just need to keep at it and express to your spouse your love and your care.\u00a0 You know how flowers need the right conditions in order to bloom.\u00a0 Romance is the same way.\u00a0 Real, deep, lasting, passionate romance flourishes in the hearts that have been radically transformed by an understanding of the supernatural love that God has for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn order for you to love somebody else well, you have to first understand the love of God for you.\u00a0 It\u2019s once you understand the love of God for you\u2014now, you know how to love somebody else well.\u00a0 In loving somebody else well, the blossoms of romance start to emerge on the tree of your marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInside Mary Ann\u2019s wedding band, if you were to look at the engraving with a magnifying glass, you would see 1 John 4:19, which says this, \u201cWe love because He first loved us.\u201d That\u2019s true.\u00a0 In every relationship, our ability to love one another is dependent on our understanding of God\u2019s love for us.\u00a0 The more you understand, the more you meditate on, the more you focus on and believe God\u2019s love for you, the more you are filled up and able to pour out love for another person.\u00a0 In fact, I want you to follow me, here.\u00a0 If you have romance issues, you probably really have love issues.\u00a0 If you want more romance in your marriage, you need to focus on the love in your marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are two passages in the Bible that I want us to look at, just briefly, before we wrap things up here tonight.\u00a0 The Book of First John tells you there are two tests to determine whether a person is a genuine child of God because there are imposters among us.\u00a0 There are those who proclaim that they are children of God, and they are not.\u00a0 There are some people who think they are children of God, and they are not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we have to understand, \u201cHow to do we know if somebody really is a child of God?\u00a0 How do we know if we really are a child of God?\u201d\u00a0 John writes in First John and gives us the answer to that question.\u00a0 He says the first way you know if somebody is really a child of God\u2014it\u2019s a theological test\u2014do they believe the right stuff about Jesus?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they don\u2019t believe the right stuff about Jesus, if they don\u2019t believe the revelation of God about Himself and about His Son, then, they are not Christians, no matter what else they tell you.\u00a0 That\u2019s why you can meet people who are nice, and kind, and good, and decent people who are not Christians because they don\u2019t believe what the Bible reveals as true about who Jesus is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first test is the theological test, but the second test is the relational test.\u00a0 Not only do they believe the right stuff, but they have the right kind of love for one another.\u00a0 Somebody can believe all the right things; but if their life is absent of love, the Bible tells us that their expression of their faith is worthless.\u00a0 Faith without works is dead.\u00a0 The Bible tells you that that love is a clanging cymbal, or it\u2019s a noisy gong.\u00a0 So, we have to have the right beliefs; but then, we also have to have the right love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where First John comes in.\u00a0 First John 4:7 says this: \u201cBeloved, let us love one another, for love is from God.\u00a0 Whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.\u201d\u00a0 You see the source there.\u00a0 First of all, \u201cBeloved, let us love one another,\u201d\u2014suggestion or command?\u00a0 It\u2019s a command.\u00a0 Does that say, \u201cLove one another when the feelings are there?\u201d\u00a0 No.\u00a0 Does it say, \u201cLove one another when the mood hits you?\u201d\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It is a command to be actively loving one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBeloved, let us love one another.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the command.\u00a0 How do we do that?\u00a0 Love is from God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.\u201d\u00a0 When you are born of God and know God, He fills you up with love and the love spills out of you to other people.\u00a0 So, if you have a love problem in your marriage, you have a God problem in your marriage.\u00a0 If you have a romance problem, you have love problem.\u00a0 If you have a love problem, you have a God problem because the more you know and understand the love of God for you, the more you are able to demonstrate and manifest love for one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, First John 4: 10 says, \u201cIn this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.\u201d\u00a0 John is saying love is not some warm, sentimental feeling that God has for you.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that God looks and goes, \u201cOh, you just make Me feel so special.\u00a0 I just love you so much.\u201d\u00a0 No.\u00a0 In fact, the Bible says, \u201cWhile we were still rebels and enemies against God, God loved us.\u00a0 He sent His Son to die for us to demonstrate His love for us while we were still hostile toward Him.\u201d\u00a0 What kind of love is that?\u00a0 What would your marriage look like if, while you were still hostile toward one another, one of you stepped out and said, \u201cI am going to love you; I\u2019m going to love you, sacrificially.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to love you with kindness and sacrifice\u201d?\u00a0 <br><br>You see, love is not all about the romantic feelings.\u00a0 It\u2019s about commitment and self-sacrifice for one another.\u00a0 The test of love is, \u201cAre we sacrificing for the one we love?\u00a0 Are we giving up our lives, our own desires, for the one we love?\u201d\u00a0 The only way that\u2019s going to happen is if you meditate on and contemplate the love that God has for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more you think about God\u2019s love for you, demonstrated in Christ dying on a cross to forgive your sins, to renew your life, to give you life that you didn\u2019t have before\u2014the more you capture that\u2014the more filled up with love you become because that\u2019s the only response that\u2019s logical to what God has done.\u00a0 The more filled up with love you become, the more you start to manifest the fruit of the Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, patience\u2014which, by the way, those are really romantic, attractive things.\u00a0 Grumpiness and distracted\u2014no.\u00a0 Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control\u2014those are turn-ons; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst John 4:16, \u201cWe\u2019ve come to know and believe the love that God has for us.\u00a0 God is love.\u00a0 Whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in Him.\u201d\u00a0 As you abide in God, you come to know His love.\u00a0 It spills out of you.\u00a0 Then, verse 20 says, \u201cIf anyone says, \u2018I love God\u2019 and hates his brother, he\u2019s a liar.\u201d\u00a0 I want to apply that in marriage.\u00a0 If anyone says, \u201cI love God, but I hate my spouse,\u201d\u2014he\u2019s a liar\u2014not a liar about hating his spouse.\u00a0 He\u2019s a liar about saying he loves God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt says this commandment we have from Him, \u201cWhoever loves God must also love his brother\u201d\u2014commandment.\u00a0 You may read that and think, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t hate my spouse.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2014yes, I\u2019m okay.\u00a0 I can tolerate him.\u201d\u00a0 Listen\u2014there are a lot of places in Scripture where the Bible teaches us that failing to love someone is the same as hating that person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you fail to love another person, Jesus says, \u201cYou must hate your father, mother, brother, sister.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s not saying you need to go out and hate them.\u00a0 He\u2019s saying, \u201cYou must love Me so much that your love for them looks like hate.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus said, \u201cI know you say, \u2018Well, I\u2019ve never murdered anybody,\u2019 but have you ever said, \u2018You fool\u2019?\u00a0 Have you ever said <em>raca<\/em> toward another person?\u00a0 Have you ever hated somebody in your heart?\u00a0 Then, you have committed murder toward them.\u00a0 This is serious stuff!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you love your spouse?\u00a0 First of all, do you love God?\u00a0 Are you filled up with the love that He has for you?\u00a0 Do you understand that?\u00a0 Have you gotten your mind around that yet?\u00a0 Do you understand what Christ demonstrated for us by dying and giving Himself up for us\u2014the love that is contained there?\u00a0 He did it because He loves you.\u00a0 Let that love fill you up, so that it spills out.\u00a0 When it spills out and you are loving one another in marriage, romance starts to blossom, in all kinds of unexpected ways.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a last passage I want to direct our attention to. It\u2019s a familiar one.\u00a0 It is First Corinthians 13\u2014that famous love passage.\u00a0 There are four verses in there\u2014verses 4, 5, 6, and 7\u2014that talk about what love should look like.\u00a0 What are the qualities of real biblical love?\u00a0 Let me just read the passage:\u00a0 \u201cLove is patient and kind.\u00a0 Love does not envy or boast.\u00a0 It\u2019s not arrogant or rude.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t insist on its own way.\u00a0 It\u2019s not irritable or resentful.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t rejoice at wrongdoing.\u00a0 It rejoices with the truth.\u00a0 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.\u00a0 Love never ends.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody, one time, as I was hearing that passage taught, said, \u201cHere\u2019s what I want you do.\u00a0 I want you to read back through that, and I want you to take the word, \u201clove\u201d, out of it.\u00a0 I want you to put your name in there.\u201d\u00a0 I want you to read that passage and think about it in the context of your marriage relationship.\u00a0 Then, I\u2019m going to do it with my name, just so you can hear that; but you put your name in there and see, \u201cDoes this describe you?\u201d\u00a0 If I went up to somebody and I said, \u201cI want to describe Bob to you.\u00a0 Bob is patient and kind.\u201d\u00a0 Would they go, \u201cWho are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob is patient and kind.\u00a0 Bob doesn\u2019t envy or boast.\u00a0 Bob is not arrogant or rude.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t insist on his own way in marriage.\u00a0 He is not irritable in marriage\u2014not resentful.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t rejoice in wrongdoing, he rejoices with the truth.\u00a0 Bob bears all things in marriage.\u00a0 He believes all things\u2014believes the best about Mary Ann.\u00a0 He hopes all things.\u00a0 He endures all things.\u00a0 Bob\u2019s love never ends, never fails.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoy, you know what?\u00a0 I started being a liar, back on verse 4 when I was reading that.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a long way to go in our love for one another; don\u2019t we?\u00a0 If you\u2014if this love doesn\u2019t define you\u2014describe you\u2014if this is not growingly true about you in your marriage relationship with one another, you need to do two things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, you need to go to God, and you need to repent.\u00a0 You need to say, \u201cGod, I\u2019m not the kind of person You have called me to be.\u201d\u00a0 God has sent His Son not just to forgive your sins but to transform you.\u00a0 He gave you a new heart; and that new heart, that is available to you, is a transformed heart that can make you more and more into the kind of person that He wants you to be.\u00a0 If this is not what\u2019s growing in you, then, you need to go to God and say, \u201cGod, I\u2019m not the person I need to be.\u00a0 Help me.\u00a0 Send Your Spirit to do a work in my life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the second thing you need to do is\u2014you need to go to your spouse\u2014maybe, even on this cruise\u2014and say, \u201cI haven\u2019t been loving you well.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t been loving you the way I should be loving you.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t describe me.\u00a0 I am irritable.\u00a0 I am proud.\u00a0 I do boast.\u00a0 I do insist on my own way.\u00a0 I am unkind, and I want to change.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, the two of you need to pray, and you need to ask God\u2014and I would tell you this, \u201cLook, don\u2019t go on a love improvement program; but instead, consider the Cross\u2014think about what God did for you.\u00a0 Meditate on the work of Christ on the Cross for you.\u00a0 Let God fill you up with love as you consider His love for you, so that that love will pour out of you to another person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Here\u2019s the last think I want to share with you tonight.\u00a0 A friend of mine, when I asked about romantic tips, he sent this email to me.\u00a0 He said, \u201cThe most powerful and life- changing principle related to romance that I\u2019ve learned in my 20 years of marriage is this:\u00a0 Romance is never so alive and fulfilling in our marriage as when I am actively pursuing my relationship with God\u2014when I\u2019m leading my wife, especially praying with her\u2014leading our children, spiritually.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor my wife\u2014she would say it this way, \u2018When I\u2019m respecting my husband, when I\u2019m serving him, when I\u2019m leading our children spiritually\u2014.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 This man went on to say, \u201cMy wife has said on numerous occasions that when I\u2019m pursuing God, it makes me irresistibly attractive to her.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what?\u00a0 You want to know how to see romance blossom in your marriage\u2014to get the spark back?\u00a0 Run hard and fast after God and see if that doesn\u2019t rekindle the spark between the two of you, as you both grow in grace, and in love, and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPray with me.\u00a0 \u201cFather, my hope and my prayer is that my brothers and sisters, here tonight, would learn and grow in love this week as they think about You, as they think about the Cross, as they think about what You\u2019ve done to demonstrate Your love for us.\u00a0 Lord Jesus, we thank You for the love that You\u2019ve demonstrated.\u00a0 We ask You to make us more and more into the image of Your Son.\u00a0 We pray in Your Name.\u00a0 Amen.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve been listening today to Part Two of a message from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in 2012\u2014a message on romance.\u00a0 This was the night before Valentine\u2019s Day that I presented this message.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cYou probably need some tips to get you ready for the next day.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Prime the pump, absolutely.\u00a0 In fact, I was thinking of your last point there, Bob\u2014just talking about running hard, in the same direction, after God.\u00a0 If you think about it, the whole romantic dimension of the marriage relationship is a whole lot easier if you\u2019re both running in the same direction, at the same pace, toward the same finish line.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there is a lot to be said for having a sense of mission, a purpose, walking with God together.\u00a0 You\u2019re not going to do it perfectly, but He shows us how two imperfect people can forgive each other, and restore the relationship, and build into that relationship.\u00a0 That\u2019s all a part of enjoying romance, as a couple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, next year in 2013, we are heading to Key West and then Cozumel.\u00a0 We start the cruise on Monday\u2014I think it is February 11<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Then, we\u2019re done on Friday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 So, we\u2019ll celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day onboard the cruise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I mentioned, there is a special offer available for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners that expires Monday, June 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to take advantage of this special offer, you sign up and pay the regular price for your registration and your spouse comes at half-price.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to take advantage of this special offer\u2014and the details of the offer are online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call for more information at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You have to identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Again, it expires Monday, June 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 For all the information, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Join Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Mary Ann and I, Voddie Baucham and his wife, Dr. Eric Mason, Priscilla Shirer, Tony Evans, Denver &amp; the Mile High Orchestra, Sara Groves\u2014lots of folks are going to be with us on the 2013 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\u00a0 We\u2019d love to have you along.\u00a0 The details of the special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners are online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call for more information, 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to share with you a conversation that took place onboard our recent <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise with our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick, who were along with us\u2014a couple of <em>Courageous<\/em> movie-makers.\u00a0 We\u2019ll share that conversation tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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