{"id":302504,"date":"2012-04-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-04-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle\/"},"modified":"2012-04-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-04-18T15:00:00","slug":"equipping-your-sons-for-battle","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle\/","title":{"rendered":"Equipping Your Sons for Battle"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Would your son know what do to if he was propositioned by a member of the opposite sex?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-04-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.08M","filesize_raw":"25254630","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2835,2836,2855],"tags":[5206,5207],"podcast_series":[7870],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302504","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-boys","category-raising-girls","category-teens","tag-aggressive-girls","tag-passive-boys","podcast_series-aggressive-girls","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302504\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302504\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WM6ayjfC4R\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle\/\">Equipping Your Sons for Battle<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/equipping-your-sons-for-battle\/embed\/#?secret=WM6ayjfC4R\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Equipping Your Sons for Battle&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WM6ayjfC4R\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-04-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-04-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0They've got that blond surfer look and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They're homeschooled.\u00a0 They've got great character.\u00a0 They're doing well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But there are girls, all over the beach, who want their names, and their phone numbers, and their Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because they think those boys are pretty cute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 In fact, it was\u2014that was one of the families that contacted me, after I finished writing my book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date,<\/em> and said, \"Hey, this is real good for interviewing our daughter's date; but what about our sons?\u00a0 There are some girls who are pretty aggressive toward our sons, and we'd like some help on that matter.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I ran across an article on the website, Christiansinglestoday.com\u2014not associated with <em>FamilyLife Today\u2014<\/em>but nonetheless, I want to attribute this appropriately.\u00a0 Jason Illian wrote this article, that is subtitled, \u201cVultures, Wolves, Christian Women and Other Aggressive Animals\u201d.\u00a0 The name of the article is \"Let us Prey\"\u2014P-r-e-y.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe writes, \"Not long ago, I went dancing with some buddies of mine. As I was tearing up the dance floor with moves discarded from an old Michael Jackson video, I noticed my dance partner smiling at me.\u00a0 We had just met that night; but after chatting about church and our mutual love for writing, I figured she'd be a fun and relatively safe date for the evening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAs we were dancing, she smiled and tried to tell me something.\u00a0 Of course, the bass was so loud that my intestines were rattling, and it was impossible to hear her.\u00a0 As I bent down to hear what she was saying, she lunged and latched onto my lips like a malfunctioning Hoover<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShocked and a little scared, I pulled away and stumbled off the dance floor like a newborn giraffe.\u00a0 One of my friends, who had been watching from a distance, asked what happened.\u00a0 After explaining the <em>Twilight Zone<\/em> experience with Leech Woman, he asked why I didn't pull away quicker.\u00a0 I responded, 'Because she had my lower lip between her teeth.'\"\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That kind of sets the tone for what you want to talk about today; doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let's move it from the humorous down to where most of our listeners are living.\u00a0 In fact, Cynthia wrote us a number of months ago.\u00a0 She said, \"Hello, gentlemen.\u00a0 After listening to your <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em> program today, I am wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhile I agree with your points today, I have a seventh-grade son.\u00a0 Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. Please address this issue.\u00a0 What was true of dating years ago is definitely no longer true.\u00a0 Thank you for your broadcast. I do enjoy and learn from them.\u00a0 Sincerely, Cynthia.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is what's interesting about Cynthia's situation.\u00a0 Her son is in seventh grade.\u00a0 She's keeping tabs of things right now; but there is coming a day when her son won't be in the seventh grade and when she won't have as tight a rein on him.\u00a0 She's\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. doubt.\u00a0 That's what she's saying, though, Bob.\u00a0 \u201cHow do I equip my 13-, 14-year-old son to be able to not just survive\u2014but thrive as he moves through the adolescent years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is there a way to do this with a 13-, 14-year-old so that when these girls come and flirt, and bat their eyes, and come on \"like a malfunctioning Hoover,\" that the boy knows what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Let me just give you some of the practical aspects of a plan to equip your sons as they move through the adolescent years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, I would engage in these conversations with your son at an early age.\u00a0 You need to be building their character through the elementary years; but when they turn 10, 11, 12\u2014those years are what I call, \"The last of the golden years.\"\u00a0 They provide an opportunity to drive a truckload of truth about character development, and choices, and wisdom into your son's life to prepare him for what he is going to face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most practical ways we've created, here at FamilyLife, is <em>Passport to Purity<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>.\u00a0 I've got a file, Bob, that's about an inch thick of letters from young men who have been through <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> with their dads.\u00a0 Not only do they find out about the birds and the bees, or maybe hear the story reinforced over the weekend, but they also are aided by a discussion with their father about how far they are going to go with the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Passport to Purity<\/em> and a related book that you can also purchase, called <em>So You're About to be a Teenager<\/em>, help create a vocabulary\u2014a common vocabulary\u2014in a language for a father and a son so that they can carry on this conversation about how they are relating to the opposite sex, all the way through the adolescent years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that's important.\u00a0 You don't just have your weekend, or have them read this book, and say, \"Whew, done with that.\u00a0 Don't need to talk about it anymore;\" right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, exactly, Bob.\u00a0 In fact, what will happen is you'll be able to have these discussions with them, during this age period; but they're going to stop talking about it.\u00a0 In fact, they're going to want you to stop talking about it.\u00a0 As a dad, you can't afford to ignore it.\u00a0 You have to enter into the issue and engage with them, I think, all the way through the adolescent years, on into college, and beyond into adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so you start having the conversation early.\u00a0 You keep on having it.\u00a0 Is that going to take care of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 In fact, there is one other little parenthesis that is going to seem a bit odd here.\u00a0 When your son moves through adolescence and perhaps has a job in a public place\u2014not only do you have to train him to withstand temptations from the opposite sex\u2014but, you know\u2014it's an interesting day in which we are alive.\u00a0 You need to be training your sons to know what to do if a guy of the same sex makes a play for your son.\u00a0 Somehow, have a dialog with your son so that you can talk about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, again, is where, as followers of Christ, we need to give our sons a healthy perspective of real manhood, but also a respect for the dignity of the other person, regardless of the lifestyle they have chosen.\u00a0 On <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we don't think the lifestyle of homosexuality is appropriate.\u00a0 In fact, we think the Bible is clear in teaching against that just like it teaches against adultery.\u00a0 Perhaps, you may be a light to help bring them out of that darkness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second thing that every father and mother needs to do together is they need to know where the dangers are as your son is moving into adolescence.\u00a0 Then, clearly set your own family's boundaries for how you are going to handle those dangers; for instance, cell phones.\u00a0 Are you just going to give unlimited minutes to your son?\u00a0 Are you going to check where the phone calls are coming from ever?\u00a0 Do you feel like you have the right to check that\u2014to see the numbers he is calling, the numbers that are calling him?\u00a0 I think those are all within the rights of a parent to be able to inspect with their son or, for that matter, their daughter\u2014to know what's going on there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one is being alone with the opposite sex.\u00a0 You have to decide at what point are you willing to allow your son to be alone in a car, be alone taking a walk, be alone at another party, be alone at a party at somebody else's house.\u00a0 You could just keep on going down the line.\u00a0 You have to decide.\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 What's important is not what I believe, but what do you believe?\u00a0 Where are you going to draw the lines to protect your son?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFacebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>--how much time are you going to allow your son to spend on that?\u00a0 Are you going to be on Facebook?\u00a0 I've talked to parents who have gotten on Facebook.\u00a0 They have been surprised at what young ladies are sharing about themselves on Facebook.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrankly, Bob, they've shared it with me.\u00a0 I thought there were filters in these social networking locations that prevented words like that from being used on a teenager's Facebook page, but you know what?\u00a0 It's not there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, we've talked to a lot of parents.\u00a0 Our counsel is that, \u201cIf your kids are going to have a Facebook site, you need to have access to it.\u00a0 You need to have their password.\u201d\u00a0 If you're going to say, \"Okay, you can use your computer, and you can sleep here, and you can eat our food, but we've got your Facebook password, or you're not on Facebook.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 I'm going to touch on another thing that's pretty controversial\u2014that's spying on your kids.\u00a0 There are some parents who think it's wrong.\u00a0 I know some parents who have software on their computer, and on their children's computer, that gives a snapshot of where their sons are going as they surf the Web, who they're talking to, what they're talking about, what the conversations are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You know some parents like that; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I do know some parents.\u00a0 You have a smile on your face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And, \u201cOur kids know that that's on our computer, and that's okay.\u00a0 They understand that that's part of the safeguard for all of us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Has that been helpful, as you've raised your sons\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014through adolescence, especially in this area with young ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I'll tell you what has been interesting is\u2014that even though they know, they don't always remember that that's there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's the key, Bob.\u00a0 I almost said it a while ago.\u00a0 Tell them that you've got it, and they'll forget it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0They sure will.\u00a0 They get caught up in the moment and just think, \u201cNobody's paying any attention.\u00a0 It's just us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014and, \u201cYou would never look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \u201cI'm sorry\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \u201cDad's busy.\u00a0 He doesn't have time to look.\u201d\u00a0 Well, I know some very busy dads who are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We find time for this kind of thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We do.\u00a0 It can keep your son or, for that matter, your daughter out of a very, very deep ditch.\u00a0 A couple of other boundaries\u2014Are you going to allow your girls to call guys?\u00a0 Are you going to allow your son, when he's 13- or 14-years-old, maybe in the eighth grade, to receive a bunch of phone calls from girls?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen one of our sons was that age, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, it was like he posted his phone number on a bulletin board at school.\u00a0 Now, today, we've got the internet.\u00a0 These kids are indiscriminate about how they share their phone numbers, sometimes in that situation, and with cell phones.\u00a0 I mean, all of a sudden, the phone was ringing off the hook every evening.\u00a0 It wasn't one girl.\u00a0 There were like a dozen girls calling our son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can sit down with your son\u2014you can say, \"Son, look, there's a difference between a girl who calls and says, \u2018I forgot what the homework assignment is.\u00a0 Can you tell me what page it's on?'\u00a0 You say, \u2018Yes, it's on \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tpage 37.\u00a0 We're supposed to read 37 to 40.\u2019\u00a0 If that's the end of the conversation, no harm; no foul.\u00a0 We don't consider that to be a problem.\u201d\u00a0 But some girls will forget what page the homework assignment is on and, rather than calling a girlfriend to ask, they call your son to ask\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Who just happens to be a hunk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And once they've got that information, they also say, \"Oh, by the way, did you\"\u2014All of a sudden, they're into the rest of the conversation.\u00a0 You can help your son recognize the difference between an information phone call and a relational phone call.\u00a0 It's those relational phone calls that they need to say, \"Got to go; bye.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yup, and you need to do that.\u00a0 A parent needs to exercise both his and her authority to step into your son's life, at that point.\u00a0 In my situation, with our son, I answered the phone after about a week of this.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou know, our son is here; but I really think it\u2019s inappropriate for girls to keep on calling our son without a purpose.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI really like you\u2014think you\u2019re a great young lady\u2014and just wanted you to know that.\u201d\u00a0 It was like I put that out on the newswire and broadcast it because it instantly shut down the network.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought you\u2019d lost phone service at the house; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 All of a sudden, everything is quiet, once again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask you about that because one of the things I\u2019ve been wondering, when you wrote the book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>, you encouraged dads to sit down and have a very candid, heart-to-heart conversation, man-to-man, with a young man who is thinking about taking your daughter out on a date.\u00a0 Well, what about aggressive girls who are pursuing your sons?\u00a0 Would you encourage a dad or a mom to sit down with a young woman, across the table, heart-to-heart, and have that same kind of conversation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have received emails from some of our listeners who have done that.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 My hat goes off to them that they have found the delicate balance of how a little meeting like that may be appropriate.\u00a0 For me, I was never able emotionally, spiritually, morally.\u00a0 Somehow, it didn\u2019t feel like it was my responsibility to meet with another father\u2019s daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I would do before I had the conversation, if there was a girl who was really being aggressive, is I think I would have Barbara call the other young lady\u2019s mother, or I would call the father and have a conversation.\u00a0 Now, in some of these situations, there may not be a father to call; and it may be totally inappropriate.\u00a0 But I have made some phone calls to some young men who have been inappropriately relating to my daughter.\u00a0 So, I think there might be a situation when that would be both appropriate and right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you did pick up the phone and have just a brief conversation with some of these girls, when they were pursuing your sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just one.\u00a0 That was all it took.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all it took.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all it took.\u00a0 I want to move on to another important area\u2014that's training your son to know what to watch out for.\u00a0 First of all\u2014immodest dress\u2014help your son, and maybe talk with your son, about what immodest dress is.\u00a0 Ask him if he knows what it is, and you know that he knows; but I'd have it father-to-son about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'd also talk to him about the words young ladies use, and flirting, and how he is to respond to flirting, because for a lot of younger men, under the age of, say, 15, they don't know what to do with this.\u00a0 You train them in what to do with it\u2014\u201cHow do you absorb it?\u201d\u00a0 Then, \u201cHow do you steer around it, and move another direction, and steer clear of a girl who really is coming after you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Can I say something about that because I remember being in the ninth grade.\u00a0 There was a girl in the ninth grade, who had kind of a crush on me.\u00a0 Honestly, I didn't like her that much; but I liked her having a crush on me.\u00a0 You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And there were times when she would maybe be flirting with me.\u00a0 I would think, \"This is kind of annoying.\"\u00a0 Then, there would be times when she wasn't flirting with me.\u00a0 I started thinking, \"I wonder why she's not flirting with me?\"\u00a0 I mean, I remember thinking I didn't want her to flirt; but then when she wasn't\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You kind of liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I wanted it again, and so I'd start to move a little closer.\u00a0 She'd flirt a little, then I'd pull back away.\u00a0 We were doing this dance for quite a while; and I found myself right where a lot of young men are\u2014going, \"I can spot this; but I've got to be honest, I kind of like it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the things, Bob, that surprised me about this subject\u2014I had a number of moms call me and tell me that it seems like there is a trend from older young ladies to go after, or play, or flirt with younger boys\u2014like a 16-year-old, 17-year-old girl flirting with a 13- or 14-year-old young man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's the heady stuff for a young man of having an older woman, an older girl, who he may go to school with, who is paying him attention\u2014like you're talking about.\u00a0 You have to help a young man process through those feelings, like you expressed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you do with them, son?\u201d\u2014how you turn away from them, and how you avoid the snare, and the uncomfortable nature of this relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And in junior high and high school\u2014if a girl, who is a couple of years older, a couple of classes ahead of you, starts to pay attention to you, again, you kind of feel like, \"I must be really mature for her to pay attention to me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Another thing that you need to tell your son to watch out for is a girl's touch.\u00a0 If you read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7\u2014at a key place in there, it talks about how she uses touch to lure the young man into her bedroom.\u00a0 For a teenage boy, to be touched by a girl, can be electrifying.\u00a0 He just needs to understand what's taking place in his body\u2014how it works, and what that is all about;\u00a0 but that, again, Second Timothy 2:22\u2014he needs to flee youthful lusts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen one last thing about what to watch out for is the two kinds of kisses.\u00a0 In Proverbs 7, I believe it's the adulteress woman who\u2014the picture is she grabs the young man by his face\u2014she has both of her hands up, and she grabs his face.\u00a0 It says, \u201cShe brazenly kisses him.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that's not a peck on the cheek.\u00a0 It is a passionate kiss that demands a sexual response.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA young boy needs to be taught there are two kinds of kisses\u2014the kiss of a mother and a father\u2014that\u2019s one\u2014and then, the kiss of a young lady.\u00a0 Kiss number one, which is a non-passionate kiss, can quickly move to kiss number two\u2014a passionate kiss\u2014in a hurry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And of the two kinds of kisses that a young woman might offer, just tell your son to prefer neither; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's what Spurgeon said of the two evils\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Choose neither.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Choose neither.\u00a0 You know, what we've been talking about, though, here, Bob, is really the noble adventure of being a parent.\u00a0 In preparing for these broadcasts, one of the things that occurred to me, in the process of raising two sons and four daughters, is my sons were party to a lot of conversations, at the dinner table, after I had interviewed a young man, either after school that day or the night before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe'd sit around and de-brief at the dinner table.\u00a0 They would hear these conversations about me talking to young men about treating a woman with nobility, and dignity, and keeping their hands off of them\u2014everything I talk about in the book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I think, in the process, Benjamin and Samuel\u2014undoubtedly, learned a great deal about controlling their own passion, learning what to look out for with the opposite sex\u2014as we talked honestly about how boys and girls are wired and how they move into adolescence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe key thing, in all this that we're talking about here, is that a parent be intentional\u2014that he be purposeful\u2014that you, as a mom, are in there, in your son's life, talking to him about these matters, and how young ladies act, and how they can behave, and teaching him what to do when a young lady is aggressive, and how he can get out of that situation.\u00a0 Maybe, if need be, brainstorm with him about ways that he can unplug from the relationship gracefully, while still showing respect for her, and also maintaining his own nobility as a young man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, of course, all of this is predicated on the idea that your son wants to honor God\u2014that you have been talking with him about the Gospel\u2014about a relationship with Christ, and what it looks like to live your life to try to honor Christ, to respond to God\u2019s grace in your life by living humbly and obediently before Him.\u00a0 The reason that you have a strategy here is because you want to please God with your life, and with your behavior, and with your actions.\u00a0 I think we have to keep that sentiment, front and center, with our sons, as they experience what we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have outlined strategies for moms and dads to follow in the new book that you\u2019ve written, which is called <em>Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It includes seven conversations that parents ought to be having with their sons.\u00a0 The book is brand-new.\u00a0 We\u2019re anxious to get it out to as many people as possible.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, this week, you can receive a copy when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 When you make an online donation, we will automatically send you, not only the <em>Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys<\/em> book, but also Dennis\u2019s book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>, which is designed for parents of teenage girls.\u00a0 Whether you have sons or daughters, you will find these books helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, to make an online donation.\u00a0 You can also make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 All you have to do is call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 When you do call to make a donation, mention that you\u2019d like to receive the books that we were talking about on the radio.\u00a0 Our team will make arrangements to get those to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say, \u201cThanks for your support.\u201d\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported; and your financial contributions make it possible for us to be on the air on this station, on our network of stations all across the country, and online at FamilyLifeToday.com, all around the world.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us in helping to make those resources possible for the hundreds of thousands of people who tune in or find us online each week.\u00a0 Thanks for your part in helping to make that happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how the reality of this aggressive girl situation is not something that\u2019s new in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century.\u00a0 It goes all the way back to the book of Genesis.\u00a0 Barbara Rainey is going to join us tomorrow, as well, to talk about how moms can be involved in these conversations with their sons.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.08M"],"filesize_raw":["25254630"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302504.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302504.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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your son know what do to if he was propositioned by a member of the opposite sex?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-04-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0They've got that blond surfer look and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They're homeschooled.\u00a0 They've got great character.\u00a0 They're doing well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But there are girls, all over the beach, who want their names, and their phone numbers, and their Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because they think those boys are pretty cute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 In fact, it was\u2014that was one of the families that contacted me, after I finished writing my book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date,<\/em> and said, \"Hey, this is real good for interviewing our daughter's date; but what about our sons?\u00a0 There are some girls who are pretty aggressive toward our sons, and we'd like some help on that matter.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I ran across an article on the website, Christiansinglestoday.com\u2014not associated with <em>FamilyLife Today\u2014<\/em>but nonetheless, I want to attribute this appropriately.\u00a0 Jason Illian wrote this article, that is subtitled, \u201cVultures, Wolves, Christian Women and Other Aggressive Animals\u201d.\u00a0 The name of the article is \"Let us Prey\"\u2014P-r-e-y.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe writes, \"Not long ago, I went dancing with some buddies of mine. As I was tearing up the dance floor with moves discarded from an old Michael Jackson video, I noticed my dance partner smiling at me.\u00a0 We had just met that night; but after chatting about church and our mutual love for writing, I figured she'd be a fun and relatively safe date for the evening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAs we were dancing, she smiled and tried to tell me something.\u00a0 Of course, the bass was so loud that my intestines were rattling, and it was impossible to hear her.\u00a0 As I bent down to hear what she was saying, she lunged and latched onto my lips like a malfunctioning Hoover<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cShocked and a little scared, I pulled away and stumbled off the dance floor like a newborn giraffe.\u00a0 One of my friends, who had been watching from a distance, asked what happened.\u00a0 After explaining the <em>Twilight Zone<\/em> experience with Leech Woman, he asked why I didn't pull away quicker.\u00a0 I responded, 'Because she had my lower lip between her teeth.'\"\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That kind of sets the tone for what you want to talk about today; doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let's move it from the humorous down to where most of our listeners are living.\u00a0 In fact, Cynthia wrote us a number of months ago.\u00a0 She said, \"Hello, gentlemen.\u00a0 After listening to your <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em> program today, I am wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhile I agree with your points today, I have a seventh-grade son.\u00a0 Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. Please address this issue.\u00a0 What was true of dating years ago is definitely no longer true.\u00a0 Thank you for your broadcast. I do enjoy and learn from them.\u00a0 Sincerely, Cynthia.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is what's interesting about Cynthia's situation.\u00a0 Her son is in seventh grade.\u00a0 She's keeping tabs of things right now; but there is coming a day when her son won't be in the seventh grade and when she won't have as tight a rein on him.\u00a0 She's\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. doubt.\u00a0 That's what she's saying, though, Bob.\u00a0 \u201cHow do I equip my 13-, 14-year-old son to be able to not just survive\u2014but thrive as he moves through the adolescent years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is there a way to do this with a 13-, 14-year-old so that when these girls come and flirt, and bat their eyes, and come on \"like a malfunctioning Hoover,\" that the boy knows what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Let me just give you some of the practical aspects of a plan to equip your sons as they move through the adolescent years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all, I would engage in these conversations with your son at an early age.\u00a0 You need to be building their character through the elementary years; but when they turn 10, 11, 12\u2014those years are what I call, \"The last of the golden years.\"\u00a0 They provide an opportunity to drive a truckload of truth about character development, and choices, and wisdom into your son's life to prepare him for what he is going to face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most practical ways we've created, here at FamilyLife, is <em>Passport to Purity<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>.\u00a0 I've got a file, Bob, that's about an inch thick of letters from young men who have been through <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> with their dads.\u00a0 Not only do they find out about the birds and the bees, or maybe hear the story reinforced over the weekend, but they also are aided by a discussion with their father about how far they are going to go with the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Passport to Purity<\/em> and a related book that you can also purchase, called <em>So You're About to be a Teenager<\/em>, help create a vocabulary\u2014a common vocabulary\u2014in a language for a father and a son so that they can carry on this conversation about how they are relating to the opposite sex, all the way through the adolescent years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that's important.\u00a0 You don't just have your weekend, or have them read this book, and say, \"Whew, done with that.\u00a0 Don't need to talk about it anymore;\" right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, exactly, Bob.\u00a0 In fact, what will happen is you'll be able to have these discussions with them, during this age period; but they're going to stop talking about it.\u00a0 In fact, they're going to want you to stop talking about it.\u00a0 As a dad, you can't afford to ignore it.\u00a0 You have to enter into the issue and engage with them, I think, all the way through the adolescent years, on into college, and beyond into adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so you start having the conversation early.\u00a0 You keep on having it.\u00a0 Is that going to take care of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 In fact, there is one other little parenthesis that is going to seem a bit odd here.\u00a0 When your son moves through adolescence and perhaps has a job in a public place\u2014not only do you have to train him to withstand temptations from the opposite sex\u2014but, you know\u2014it's an interesting day in which we are alive.\u00a0 You need to be training your sons to know what to do if a guy of the same sex makes a play for your son.\u00a0 Somehow, have a dialog with your son so that you can talk about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, again, is where, as followers of Christ, we need to give our sons a healthy perspective of real manhood, but also a respect for the dignity of the other person, regardless of the lifestyle they have chosen.\u00a0 On <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we don't think the lifestyle of homosexuality is appropriate.\u00a0 In fact, we think the Bible is clear in teaching against that just like it teaches against adultery.\u00a0 Perhaps, you may be a light to help bring them out of that darkness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second thing that every father and mother needs to do together is they need to know where the dangers are as your son is moving into adolescence.\u00a0 Then, clearly set your own family's boundaries for how you are going to handle those dangers; for instance, cell phones.\u00a0 Are you just going to give unlimited minutes to your son?\u00a0 Are you going to check where the phone calls are coming from ever?\u00a0 Do you feel like you have the right to check that\u2014to see the numbers he is calling, the numbers that are calling him?\u00a0 I think those are all within the rights of a parent to be able to inspect with their son or, for that matter, their daughter\u2014to know what's going on there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one is being alone with the opposite sex.\u00a0 You have to decide at what point are you willing to allow your son to be alone in a car, be alone taking a walk, be alone at another party, be alone at a party at somebody else's house.\u00a0 You could just keep on going down the line.\u00a0 You have to decide.\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 What's important is not what I believe, but what do you believe?\u00a0 Where are you going to draw the lines to protect your son?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFacebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>--how much time are you going to allow your son to spend on that?\u00a0 Are you going to be on Facebook?\u00a0 I've talked to parents who have gotten on Facebook.\u00a0 They have been surprised at what young ladies are sharing about themselves on Facebook.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrankly, Bob, they've shared it with me.\u00a0 I thought there were filters in these social networking locations that prevented words like that from being used on a teenager's Facebook page, but you know what?\u00a0 It's not there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, we've talked to a lot of parents.\u00a0 Our counsel is that, \u201cIf your kids are going to have a Facebook site, you need to have access to it.\u00a0 You need to have their password.\u201d\u00a0 If you're going to say, \"Okay, you can use your computer, and you can sleep here, and you can eat our food, but we've got your Facebook password, or you're not on Facebook.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 I'm going to touch on another thing that's pretty controversial\u2014that's spying on your kids.\u00a0 There are some parents who think it's wrong.\u00a0 I know some parents who have software on their computer, and on their children's computer, that gives a snapshot of where their sons are going as they surf the Web, who they're talking to, what they're talking about, what the conversations are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You know some parents like that; huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I do know some parents.\u00a0 You have a smile on your face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And, \u201cOur kids know that that's on our computer, and that's okay.\u00a0 They understand that that's part of the safeguard for all of us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Has that been helpful, as you've raised your sons\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014through adolescence, especially in this area with young ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I'll tell you what has been interesting is\u2014that even though they know, they don't always remember that that's there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's the key, Bob.\u00a0 I almost said it a while ago.\u00a0 Tell them that you've got it, and they'll forget it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0They sure will.\u00a0 They get caught up in the moment and just think, \u201cNobody's paying any attention.\u00a0 It's just us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2014and, \u201cYou would never look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \u201cI'm sorry\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, \u201cDad's busy.\u00a0 He doesn't have time to look.\u201d\u00a0 Well, I know some very busy dads who are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0We find time for this kind of thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0We do.\u00a0 It can keep your son or, for that matter, your daughter out of a very, very deep ditch.\u00a0 A couple of other boundaries\u2014Are you going to allow your girls to call guys?\u00a0 Are you going to allow your son, when he's 13- or 14-years-old, maybe in the eighth grade, to receive a bunch of phone calls from girls?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen one of our sons was that age, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, it was like he posted his phone number on a bulletin board at school.\u00a0 Now, today, we've got the internet.\u00a0 These kids are indiscriminate about how they share their phone numbers, sometimes in that situation, and with cell phones.\u00a0 I mean, all of a sudden, the phone was ringing off the hook every evening.\u00a0 It wasn't one girl.\u00a0 There were like a dozen girls calling our son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can sit down with your son\u2014you can say, \"Son, look, there's a difference between a girl who calls and says, \u2018I forgot what the homework assignment is.\u00a0 Can you tell me what page it's on?'\u00a0 You say, \u2018Yes, it's on \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tpage 37.\u00a0 We're supposed to read 37 to 40.\u2019\u00a0 If that's the end of the conversation, no harm; no foul.\u00a0 We don't consider that to be a problem.\u201d\u00a0 But some girls will forget what page the homework assignment is on and, rather than calling a girlfriend to ask, they call your son to ask\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Who just happens to be a hunk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And once they've got that information, they also say, \"Oh, by the way, did you\"\u2014All of a sudden, they're into the rest of the conversation.\u00a0 You can help your son recognize the difference between an information phone call and a relational phone call.\u00a0 It's those relational phone calls that they need to say, \"Got to go; bye.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Yup, and you need to do that.\u00a0 A parent needs to exercise both his and her authority to step into your son's life, at that point.\u00a0 In my situation, with our son, I answered the phone after about a week of this.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou know, our son is here; but I really think it\u2019s inappropriate for girls to keep on calling our son without a purpose.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cI really like you\u2014think you\u2019re a great young lady\u2014and just wanted you to know that.\u201d\u00a0 It was like I put that out on the newswire and broadcast it because it instantly shut down the network.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought you\u2019d lost phone service at the house; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 All of a sudden, everything is quiet, once again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask you about that because one of the things I\u2019ve been wondering, when you wrote the book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>, you encouraged dads to sit down and have a very candid, heart-to-heart conversation, man-to-man, with a young man who is thinking about taking your daughter out on a date.\u00a0 Well, what about aggressive girls who are pursuing your sons?\u00a0 Would you encourage a dad or a mom to sit down with a young woman, across the table, heart-to-heart, and have that same kind of conversation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have received emails from some of our listeners who have done that.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 My hat goes off to them that they have found the delicate balance of how a little meeting like that may be appropriate.\u00a0 For me, I was never able emotionally, spiritually, morally.\u00a0 Somehow, it didn\u2019t feel like it was my responsibility to meet with another father\u2019s daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I would do before I had the conversation, if there was a girl who was really being aggressive, is I think I would have Barbara call the other young lady\u2019s mother, or I would call the father and have a conversation.\u00a0 Now, in some of these situations, there may not be a father to call; and it may be totally inappropriate.\u00a0 But I have made some phone calls to some young men who have been inappropriately relating to my daughter.\u00a0 So, I think there might be a situation when that would be both appropriate and right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you did pick up the phone and have just a brief conversation with some of these girls, when they were pursuing your sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just one.\u00a0 That was all it took.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all it took.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all it took.\u00a0 I want to move on to another important area\u2014that's training your son to know what to watch out for.\u00a0 First of all\u2014immodest dress\u2014help your son, and maybe talk with your son, about what immodest dress is.\u00a0 Ask him if he knows what it is, and you know that he knows; but I'd have it father-to-son about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'd also talk to him about the words young ladies use, and flirting, and how he is to respond to flirting, because for a lot of younger men, under the age of, say, 15, they don't know what to do with this.\u00a0 You train them in what to do with it\u2014\u201cHow do you absorb it?\u201d\u00a0 Then, \u201cHow do you steer around it, and move another direction, and steer clear of a girl who really is coming after you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Can I say something about that because I remember being in the ninth grade.\u00a0 There was a girl in the ninth grade, who had kind of a crush on me.\u00a0 Honestly, I didn't like her that much; but I liked her having a crush on me.\u00a0 You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0And there were times when she would maybe be flirting with me.\u00a0 I would think, \"This is kind of annoying.\"\u00a0 Then, there would be times when she wasn't flirting with me.\u00a0 I started thinking, \"I wonder why she's not flirting with me?\"\u00a0 I mean, I remember thinking I didn't want her to flirt; but then when she wasn't\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You kind of liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I wanted it again, and so I'd start to move a little closer.\u00a0 She'd flirt a little, then I'd pull back away.\u00a0 We were doing this dance for quite a while; and I found myself right where a lot of young men are\u2014going, \"I can spot this; but I've got to be honest, I kind of like it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the things, Bob, that surprised me about this subject\u2014I had a number of moms call me and tell me that it seems like there is a trend from older young ladies to go after, or play, or flirt with younger boys\u2014like a 16-year-old, 17-year-old girl flirting with a 13- or 14-year-old young man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's the heady stuff for a young man of having an older woman, an older girl, who he may go to school with, who is paying him attention\u2014like you're talking about.\u00a0 You have to help a young man process through those feelings, like you expressed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you do with them, son?\u201d\u2014how you turn away from them, and how you avoid the snare, and the uncomfortable nature of this relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And in junior high and high school\u2014if a girl, who is a couple of years older, a couple of classes ahead of you, starts to pay attention to you, again, you kind of feel like, \"I must be really mature for her to pay attention to me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Another thing that you need to tell your son to watch out for is a girl's touch.\u00a0 If you read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7\u2014at a key place in there, it talks about how she uses touch to lure the young man into her bedroom.\u00a0 For a teenage boy, to be touched by a girl, can be electrifying.\u00a0 He just needs to understand what's taking place in his body\u2014how it works, and what that is all about;\u00a0 but that, again, Second Timothy 2:22\u2014he needs to flee youthful lusts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen one last thing about what to watch out for is the two kinds of kisses.\u00a0 In Proverbs 7, I believe it's the adulteress woman who\u2014the picture is she grabs the young man by his face\u2014she has both of her hands up, and she grabs his face.\u00a0 It says, \u201cShe brazenly kisses him.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that's not a peck on the cheek.\u00a0 It is a passionate kiss that demands a sexual response.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA young boy needs to be taught there are two kinds of kisses\u2014the kiss of a mother and a father\u2014that\u2019s one\u2014and then, the kiss of a young lady.\u00a0 Kiss number one, which is a non-passionate kiss, can quickly move to kiss number two\u2014a passionate kiss\u2014in a hurry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And of the two kinds of kisses that a young woman might offer, just tell your son to prefer neither; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's what Spurgeon said of the two evils\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Choose neither.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Choose neither.\u00a0 You know, what we've been talking about, though, here, Bob, is really the noble adventure of being a parent.\u00a0 In preparing for these broadcasts, one of the things that occurred to me, in the process of raising two sons and four daughters, is my sons were party to a lot of conversations, at the dinner table, after I had interviewed a young man, either after school that day or the night before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe'd sit around and de-brief at the dinner table.\u00a0 They would hear these conversations about me talking to young men about treating a woman with nobility, and dignity, and keeping their hands off of them\u2014everything I talk about in the book, <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I think, in the process, Benjamin and Samuel\u2014undoubtedly, learned a great deal about controlling their own passion, learning what to look out for with the opposite sex\u2014as we talked honestly about how boys and girls are wired and how they move into adolescence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe key thing, in all this that we're talking about here, is that a parent be intentional\u2014that he be purposeful\u2014that you, as a mom, are in there, in your son's life, talking to him about these matters, and how young ladies act, and how they can behave, and teaching him what to do when a young lady is aggressive, and how he can get out of that situation.\u00a0 Maybe, if need be, brainstorm with him about ways that he can unplug from the relationship gracefully, while still showing respect for her, and also maintaining his own nobility as a young man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, of course, all of this is predicated on the idea that your son wants to honor God\u2014that you have been talking with him about the Gospel\u2014about a relationship with Christ, and what it looks like to live your life to try to honor Christ, to respond to God\u2019s grace in your life by living humbly and obediently before Him.\u00a0 The reason that you have a strategy here is because you want to please God with your life, and with your behavior, and with your actions.\u00a0 I think we have to keep that sentiment, front and center, with our sons, as they experience what we\u2019re talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have outlined strategies for moms and dads to follow in the new book that you\u2019ve written, which is called <em>Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It includes seven conversations that parents ought to be having with their sons.\u00a0 The book is brand-new.\u00a0 We\u2019re anxious to get it out to as many people as possible.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, this week, you can receive a copy when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 When you make an online donation, we will automatically send you, not only the <em>Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys<\/em> book, but also Dennis\u2019s book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>, which is designed for parents of teenage girls.\u00a0 Whether you have sons or daughters, you will find these books helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, to make an online donation.\u00a0 You can also make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 All you have to do is call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then, the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 When you do call to make a donation, mention that you\u2019d like to receive the books that we were talking about on the radio.\u00a0 Our team will make arrangements to get those to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say, \u201cThanks for your support.\u201d\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported; and your financial contributions make it possible for us to be on the air on this station, on our network of stations all across the country, and online at FamilyLifeToday.com, all around the world.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us in helping to make those resources possible for the hundreds of thousands of people who tune in or find us online each week.\u00a0 Thanks for your part in helping to make that happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how the reality of this aggressive girl situation is not something that\u2019s new in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century.\u00a0 It goes all the way back to the book of Genesis.\u00a0 Barbara Rainey is going to join us tomorrow, as well, to talk about how moms can be involved in these conversations with their sons.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302504","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302504"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302504"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302504"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302504"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}