{"id":302464,"date":"2012-02-20T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-20T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/should-we-have-a-baby\/"},"modified":"2012-02-20T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-02-20T17:00:00","slug":"should-we-have-a-baby","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/should-we-have-a-baby\/","title":{"rendered":"Should We Have a Baby?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Isn&#8217;t it time you started your family?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.03M","filesize_raw":"24146183","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2833],"tags":[5194,5196,5195],"podcast_series":[7671],"cwp_profile":[3228],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302464","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-godly-legacy","tag-baby","tag-have-children","tag-start-your-family","podcast_series-start-your-family","cwp_profile-steve-and-candice-watters","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302464\/should-we-have-a-baby","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302464\/should-we-have-a-baby","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LoVFNf9fTQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/should-we-have-a-baby\/\">Should We Have a Baby?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/should-we-have-a-baby\/embed\/#?secret=LoVFNf9fTQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Should We Have a Baby?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LoVFNf9fTQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Did you think consciously\u2014because there are a lot of people today who are thinking, \u201cYou look at marriage in kind of two phases\u2014there\u2019s the long \u2018just us\u2019 phase; and then, there\u2019s the \u2018have children before the clock quits ticking\u2019 phase.\u201d I mean, that\u2019s how a lot of folks are thinking about it.\u00a0 Did you ever think, \u201cWell, let\u2019s go ten years; and then we\u2019ll think about having kids\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, really didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Barbara began to change my attitude about children, and they started coming one right after another\u2014six in ten years. Before we knew it, we had a quiver full. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what I\u2019m talking about with folks, who are now thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, today, it\u2019s a different ball game. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s a two-stage deal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is.\u00a0 We have a couple here, who have started out their marriage in that ball game.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us.\u00a0 Steve, Candice, welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thanks a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Thank You.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve works for <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>\u00ae.\u00a0 He, along with his wife, Candice started boundless.org, which is a ministry of <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s a cool website. Way to go! I mean, you guys get some great stuff on boundless.\u00a0 You really do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0They\u2019ve authored a number of books and have had a number of babies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Four of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Four babies, and one in heaven!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s the question for you, Steve.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you started your marriage, did you have a heart like Bob, where you thought, \u2018I\u2019m going to be a great daddy.\u00a0 I love kids.\u00a0 I think it would be cool\u2019 or were you like me, clueless?\u201d\u00a0 I was clueless.\u00a0 I really was\u2014about children.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was clueless.\u00a0\u00a0 I actually worried that kids wouldn\u2019t like me because I had hung out with nephews, and nieces, and other kids and just couldn\u2019t connect.\u00a0 It was not the cool, camp-counselor type.\u00a0\u00a0 I just worried that it was going to be older than water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Candice, when you married him, did you know this; or, had he kind of sweet- talked you into thinking he loved kids and you were going to have\u2014?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, no, no! He told me what he just told you, but I reassured him that I thought to the contrary.\u00a0 He\u2019d be a great dad because I had a great dad.\u00a0 I knew what made a great dad.\u00a0 I knew Steve had the qualities and that, once we had our own children, I just had faith that he was going to rise to the occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you thinking, \u201cGet married and then have kids?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, \u201cLet\u2019s go for it;\u201d or were you thinking, \u201cThis ought to be done in two stages,\u201d like so many couples are thinking today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0We didn\u2019t have the ten-year-long first phase in mind, but we did think we would wait a while.\u00a0 We wanted to get married.\u00a0 We had brought so much debt together, when we got married, because of our grad loans, and our Visa\u2019s\u00ae--our Visa\u2019s to pay for the lattes when we were <em>in<\/em> grad school.\u00a0 So\u2014(Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Our wedding was, \u201cWill you, \u2018Visa\u2019, take this \u2018Graduate School Loan\u2019\u2014?\u201d You know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0So, you were the voice of reason in the midst of all this mound of debt you were facing?\u00a0 You thought reason would win out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I did because Candice and I would have these conversations.\u00a0 We\u2019d talk about short-term plans and long-term plans. You know, when she started talking about having a baby, I thought, \u201cWell, yes, that makes sense long-term; but right now, \u2018Boy, look at this debt.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe got married around the average age most couples do\u2014late 20s\u2014and had about the average amount of consumer debt and graduate school debt. You look at that; and you think, \u201cWe have a lot of work to do before we\u2019re ready for kids.\u201d\u00a0 Then too, had just moved to this great state, Colorado, and thought, \u201cWe have some adventures to have before we shift gears and are all focused on baby stuff.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Then something happened.\u00a0 My sister called, and she had been married a year longer than I had been.\u00a0 She announced she was pregnant with their first.\u00a0 I was so excited for her, but I found myself sobbing.\u00a0 I hung up the phone, and I was just bawling.\u00a0 Steve said, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Honey?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cKatie\u2019s pregnant.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhy are you so upset?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cBecause I want to have a baby, too.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like something just clicked inside of me, and these maternal instincts started to kick in.\u00a0 I was married, and we were deliberately stopping the potential for babies.\u00a0 Suddenly, that was bothersome to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I look at this generation of young families starting out\u2014and what Bob is talking about here\u2014a decade of waiting.\u00a0 How do you all think that came about?\u00a0 Is it merely the practical issues of debt, getting a bigger house, being able to establish a standard of living?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s a big driver; but people don\u2019t want to just do it because their parents and grandparents did it.\u00a0 They really want this sense of, \u201cThis is absolutely the right thing to do and the right time to do it.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a pretty high-pressure position\u2014that, \u201cAll the stars have to align before it\u2019s finally right,\u201d versus parents and grandparents who said, \u201cWell, this is what you do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s okay if you get married at 19 and you take ten years because you\u2019re still very much in the child-bearing years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But Candice, you know the age is creeping upward\u2014mid-20s, later in the 20s.\u00a0 So, if you wait ten years\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You may just find that you can\u2019t have kids.\u00a0 We got married at what\u2019s now the average age of 27\u2014almost 27.\u00a0 For us to say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to wait five years,\u201d puts us well into our 30s.\u00a0 It was interesting that, when I got to the age where we had said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to wait,\u201d I started having some secondary fertility problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just look at that, and our story, and I think, \u201cIf someone hadn\u2019t come along and challenged us, there\u2019s a chance we might not have had kids; or, we might have only had one baby.\u201d\u00a0 The tragedy is\u2014couples who say, \u201cWe want to have kids, but we\u2019re going to wait.\u201d Then, when they decide they are ready, they realize they <em>can\u2019t<\/em> have kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to go back to something you said. You said, \u201cYou know, it is okay if you get married at 19 and you wait until you\u2019re 29 because you still are very much in the child- bearing stage.\u201d\u00a0 If somebody came to you\u2014young couple just got married\u2014she\u2019s 19, he\u2019s 20\u2014and they said, \u201cWe think we\u2019re going to wait ten years because we\u2019ll still have plenty of child-bearing left.\u201d\u00a0 Would you say, \u201cThat is a good plan\u2014go for it\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Because it\u2019s not just a matter of whether you\u2019re still going to be fertile or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, it\u2019s a matter of getting on with life and what a marriage and, ultimately, a family are all about.\u00a0 I think God commanded us in Genesis, Chapter 1, to \u201cBe fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth....\u201d\u00a0 A lot of people think this is the one part of the command of God we\u2019ve gotten right.\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s not just having children\u2014it\u2019s having godly children.\u00a0 It\u2019s about having children who are messengers, carrying the Gospel of Jesus Christ to succeeding generations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, back to your question, Bob, \u201cIf you got married when you were 19\u201d\u2014I think a couple of years to get your marriage legs under you and then begin your family is appropriate.\u00a0 That way, you can enjoy your grandchildren.\u00a0 You know, Barbara and I\u2014we\u2019re enjoying our grandchildren.\u00a0 It\u2019s a hoot\u2014it really is fun!\u00a0 If we would have waited to have children, it would have meant we would have been delaying the privilege of spoiling, and ministering to, and building into the lives of our grandchildren.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my dad was telling me he got married at 19; and they had kids quickly.\u00a0 He was telling us\u2014he said, \u201cYou know, people do the math and say, \u2018Well, if we get married at this age, let\u2019s see, we\u2019ll be about here when the kids go to college.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cDo the math for the grandparents, too, because kids need grandparents in life who can get down on the floor with them and still be able to get back up.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is it\u2014again, back to it\u2014why would somebody who gets married, whether it\u2019s at 19 or at 29\u2014We\u2019ve talked about the debt issue being one of those things that folks say, \u201cWell, I\u2019m not sure we should have kids yet.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s bigger than that though; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it a <em>fear<\/em> thing more than a debt thing?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, when Candice and I were talking about it, this older couple had come alongside and started talking about fertility and other issues.\u00a0 I really focused on the <em>money<\/em> because that was a good way for me to hide some of the other fears that I had.\u00a0 I enjoyed getting married, and I was excited about all the new benefits of life by being a married person. But I knew things were really going to change when kids came along\u2014the time I enjoyed with Candice, the intimacy we enjoyed, the ability to finish a conversation.\u00a0 All those kind of things were going to change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew I was going to have to give up a lot of freedoms and things I enjoyed from the pre-kids years.\u00a0 So, it was real easy for me to talk about, \u201cOh, let\u2019s get our financial house in order.\u00a0 Let\u2019s do all these things (that sounded noble),\u201d because I could hide some of those other fears.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014which had its root in some selfishness.\u00a0 Is that what I hear you saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A little bit.\u00a0 I think guys out there respect what\u2019s expected of marriage and kids.\u00a0 Most guys know something\u2019s going to have to change, but they\u2019re intimidated by that new responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, here we have Mr. Reason over here\u2014Steve; right Candice?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He\u2019s married to this powerful woman, who is slyly smiling, knowing that she can change the course of the river of his heart.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Of history!\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s like, \u201cYou don\u2019t know what you\u2019re in for, Buster!\u201d\u00a0 How did it happen?\u00a0 You went for a walk, actually, didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We went for a walk with the same couple who mentored us when we were dating.\u00a0 I was walking with Mary, and Hugh and Steve were walking behind us.\u00a0 We were walking through this park in Colorado\u2014Ute Valley Park.\u00a0 There were signs, along the path, that said, \u201cBeware of rattlesnakes\u201d.\u00a0 I know, Steve will tell you, that he was thinking\u2014what did you say, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I was more afraid of the conversation I was hearing in front of me than I was those rattlesnakes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Babies, fertility, and timing, and all this kind of stuff.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, Mary and I were talking and she just said, \u201cSo are you thinking about having kids?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019d been married about six months at this point.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, yes, we want kids someday; but you know, we have things we need to accomplish.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, what are you waiting for?\u201d\u00a0 We said, \u201cWell, we have all this <em>debt;<\/em> and I just started this great <em>job<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe just looked at me, stopped, and said, \u201cCandice, how do you know that when you decide you\u2019re ready, you\u2019ll still be fertile?\u201d\u00a0 I just stopped because I had never had anybody challenge me on that.\u00a0 I\u2019d never had anyone suggest to me that maybe there were some limits to what my body could do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis notion wasn\u2019t out there in the popular culture the way it is more now.\u00a0 People are more aware of this now, but I think the other thing\u2014people are aware of all these stories and headlines of, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 40\u201d, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 45\u201d, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 60!\u201d\u00a0 You think, \u201cWe have technology.\u00a0 We have medicine.\u00a0 We can make our bodies do whatever we want them to do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, this comes back to the birth control culture, and it\u2019s that issue of control.\u00a0 We think if we can turn our fertility off when we want and say, \u201cNo,\u201d to babies, that we can just as easily turn it back on and say, \u201cYes,\u201d to babies.\u00a0 Sadly, for many, many couples, they\u2019re finding out too late that there is no control.\u00a0 It\u2019s an illusion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, at six months you are having this conversation; and she\u2019s challenging you.\u00a0 Did you go home that night and say, \u201cWe have to get going, Steve.\u00a0 Come on!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn\u2019t quite that fast, Bob.\u00a0 We went back to the apartment and had a conversation as couples.\u00a0 Steve was able to share his anxieties, and that was really good for me to hear.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize, from a male perspective, what it means for a man to become a dad\u2014and this notion that, \u201cI\u2019m really going to have to be a provider.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to have to step up as the protector,\u201d because that role really kicks in, once you start having babies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s a key question for you, Steve.\u00a0 Did you have a mortgage that demanded both of you having to work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not yet, but we did a few months later.\u00a0 It was one of these things where we went into the mortgage knowing, \u201cI should probably just qualify on my salary;\u201d but then, they kept showing us all the upgrades\u2014all the nice things you could get.\u00a0 We thought, \u201cWell, surely we could go ahead and do that; and then we\u2019ll figure something out. \u201c \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We should pray about that.\u00a0 We should go off and do a prayer retreat.\u201d We scheduled a prayer retreat.\u00a0 Then, we got so excited; we went ahead and signed the papers before the prayer retreat.\u00a0 We said, \u201cWe\u2019ll just go to the prayer retreat\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ask God to bless us.\u00a0 Father, forgive us!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it was two months after that we found out we were pregnant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is the disclaimer, \u201cDon\u2019t do what we did!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is a morality play.\u00a0 This is a warning.\u00a0 That is some serious pressure because I realized we were putting ourselves in a position where I wasn\u2019t going to be able to easily take on all that responsibility to give Candice the option of bowing out of the workplace so that she could concentrate on being a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, as you are talking about this, I\u2019m thinking back to the early 1980s when Mary Ann and I were married.\u00a0 She\u2019d had a job as a nurse.\u00a0 Nurses were making pretty decent money.\u00a0 I was in radio; okay? Radio guys were not making a whole lot of money.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do the math.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I had the thought about how it all works out until after she had showed up at the station one day and said, \u201cGuess what\u2014we\u2019re going to have a baby!\u201d\u00a0 It was probably a few months after that I was starting to go, \u201cNow, wait!\u00a0 If she comes home, after she quits nursing, we go from two mouths and two incomes to three mouths and one income.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Welfare!\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I do remember thinking, \u201cHow does that work?\u201d\u00a0 Then, there\u2019s something about\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s faith or just na\u00efve optimism\u2014but I just thought, \u201cYou know, the Lord will work it out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s probably both, really.\u00a0 There\u2019s some naivet\u00e9 there.\u00a0 I just met you, Bob; and I just can tell\u2014sensing!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Trust me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve known him for a while; it\u2019s okay!\u00a0 We all have that side to us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, God is the provider!\u00a0 He is our example of what provision looks like.\u00a0 He owns it all\u2014everything comes from Him, everything\u2019s through Him, and for His glory.\u00a0 I think, what you see, when you start to submit to His plan and His design for marriage, which is fruitfulness, you recognize that He rewards those who obey Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank goodness He\u2019s gracious and forgiving, too, because, I think, what we\u2019ve seen is\u2014we, in our experience, and so many of our friends\u2019 experience, we\u2019ve seen God provide; but we\u2019ve also had to learn some lessons.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had to realize His stewardship principles make sense, even if it takes you a while to come back around to them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here was the big shift that happened for us after our daughter, Amy, was born.\u00a0 I remember thinking this through because I was doing the math and trying to figure out, \u201cHow is this going to work?\u201d and going, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll trust the Lord.\u201d\u00a0 But what I remember happening is\u2014before Amy was born, we were much more fluid with our money and self-indulgent with our money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, we had this house; and I thought it would be cool to build a deck out on the back of this house.\u00a0 So we did!\u00a0 I mean, we could.\u00a0 So we did.\u00a0 When Amy was born, all of a sudden the things that I was most interested in were less about us and more about the \u201cnew us\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy priorities started to change and God, again, supplied; but all of a sudden, we weren\u2019t spending money as selfishly as we had.\u00a0 It was okay; I didn\u2019t need the stuff I thought I needed when we were single.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t eat out as much.\u00a0 Life changed for us, and the money reflected some of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How did your priorities change in terms of Mary Ann working after the baby was born?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we did talk about, \u201cWhat was her preference?\u00a0 What was her desire?\u00a0 What did she want to do?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI want to be able to come home, if I can,\u201d and I said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s what I\u2019d love for you to be able to do.\u201d\u00a0 So, we stepped out on that to say, \u201cI\u2019m not sure how it\u2019s going to work; but we\u2019re going to take that step, knowing that she\u2019s a nurse.\u00a0 If she needs to get back in the job market\u2014if there\u2019s something that comes up\u2014\u201d\u00a0 I was pretty committed\u2014once I saw her at home with the baby, once she was at home with the baby\u2014if that meant, \u201cYou have to downsize,\u201d if that meant, \u201cYou have to make some adjustments\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were ready to do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were just looking at it saying, \u201cThis is good, and we\u2019d rather have this than a bigger house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve, you and Candice, you decided to have a child.\u00a0 Did you clear all these issues off the table before you got pregnant?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, in fact, I think there was an excitement we saw in all the new technology that was making it possible to work from home.\u00a0 We thought, \u201cWow!\u00a0 Well, maybe we can keep living the lifestyle we\u2019re living, and enjoying all the things we\u2019re enjoying, and just keep bringing in her income through an at-home work situation.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe got a great opportunity.\u00a0 She was an on-line editor from home; but we then started dealing with this idea that, \u201cIt\u2019s hard to fit this new life, even with her working from home, into two full-throttle careers\u2014trying to keep going and trying to live the same lifestyle.\u201d\u00a0 It was eventually a train wreck.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Eventually, you found out, \u201cYou can\u2019t have it all.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We had another baby.\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s one of these things that we\u2019ve heard in our generation, \u201cYou can\u2019t have it all.\u201d\u00a0 We knew that, in our grandparents\u2019 generation, women realized that their place was in the home; and they didn\u2019t have the great opportunities in the workplace.\u00a0 The next generation\u2014they realized they had great opportunities in the workplace.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, it was our generation who kind of missed out on mom because she was out in the workplace.\u00a0 Then the next generation said, \u201cWell, surely there\u2019s a way you can pull all those things together.\u201d\u00a0 We heard a lot in our generation, \u201cMaybe you can\u2019t quite have it all;\u201d but we thought, \u201cMaybe, if you\u2019re creative enough\u2014maybe, if you use some technology\u201d\u2014and all these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ninety percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, so we came up with the phrase, \u201cYou can kind of have it all;\u201d but, in doing that, we recognized, \u201cYou can only be so creative.\u00a0 You can only use so much technology.\u00a0 Eventually, there is something that has to give because this new life is expecting something of you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started reading some things about what our peers were going through and realized the struggle was, \u201cPeople want to hold onto as much of the before-child-years experience and lifestyle when the kids come along.\u201d\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t quite work\u2014that you have to sacrifice something.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those babies want all of you\u2014you are their favorite toy.\u00a0 They don\u2019t care about the stuff; they don\u2019t need the designer stroller and the designer everything.\u00a0 They just want Mommy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, when we started having children, what I was unprepared for was how a child really is like a parent\u2019s heart walking around\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Out there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014walking around, outside their body.\u00a0 It reorients your universe!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you let it\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think in the right direction\u2014around denial of self, towards something much bigger on a grander scale than you could ever imagine.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, when I got a copy of your book and I started looking at it\u2014<em>Start Your Family<\/em>\u2014I thought, \u201cThat is a book whose time has come,\u201d because I\u2019m really concerned about a generation of young families today who are starting their marriage in the wrong direction\u2014not really thinking about how their decisions are determining when they\u2019re going to be able to do what you talk about in your book, <em>Start Your Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You all are really giving them solid, wise counsel when it comes to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think the book gives courage, too.\u00a0 I mean, there are a lot of young couples who look at their circumstances; and they think to themselves, \u201cWe just couldn\u2019t think about starting a family right now, given the circumstances we\u2019re facing.\u201d\u00a0 Some of that may be legitimate, but some of it may be based in fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou address that in the book.\u00a0 We have copies of the book, <em>Start Your Family, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 We would not recommend that parents get a copy of this book and send it to your daughter or your son-in-law, or your son or your daughter-in-law, as a gentle hint about grandchildren; but we do think a lot of young couples would benefit from reading what Steve and Candice have written here in the book, <em>Start Your Family. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can also call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY; that's 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, let us know that you\u2019d like a copy of the book, <em>Start Your Family<\/em>; and we\u2019ll make arrangements to get a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just had the opportunity to be with a number of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 It was great to spend some time with folks who are regular listeners to this program and to hear some of the feedback from them about how God uses this daily radio program in their lives and in their marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those stories are just remarkable; and I thought to myself, \u201cI need to remember to say, \u2018Thank you,\u2019 to those listeners who make this program possible,\u201d\u2014those of you who make donations to help cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program.\u00a0 We couldn\u2019t do it without you, and we appreciate it.\u00a0 I wish you could have heard some of the stories we just heard recently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you, \u201cIf God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life, in your marriage, can we ask you to consider making a donation to help support the program?\u201d\u00a0 When you make a donation this week, we\u2019d love to send you a CD that features a message from our friends, Tim and Joy Downs\u2014a message they presented about a year ago to some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 It was a message about marital intimacy; and that CD is our thank-you gift, this week, when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, when you go to the website.\u00a0 Make your donation online, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of the CD; or, call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the CD from Tim and Joy Downs when you make that donation.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about starting your family.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about some of the couples who would love to start a family and, for whatever reason, just haven\u2019t been able to.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that and talk about what the Bible has to say about that tomorrow with Steve and Candice Watters.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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it time you started your family?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Did you think consciously\u2014because there are a lot of people today who are thinking, \u201cYou look at marriage in kind of two phases\u2014there\u2019s the long \u2018just us\u2019 phase; and then, there\u2019s the \u2018have children before the clock quits ticking\u2019 phase.\u201d I mean, that\u2019s how a lot of folks are thinking about it.\u00a0 Did you ever think, \u201cWell, let\u2019s go ten years; and then we\u2019ll think about having kids\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No, really didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Barbara began to change my attitude about children, and they started coming one right after another\u2014six in ten years. Before we knew it, we had a quiver full. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what I\u2019m talking about with folks, who are now thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, today, it\u2019s a different ball game. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s a two-stage deal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is.\u00a0 We have a couple here, who have started out their marriage in that ball game.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us.\u00a0 Steve, Candice, welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thanks a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Thank You.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve works for <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>\u00ae.\u00a0 He, along with his wife, Candice started boundless.org, which is a ministry of <em>Focus on the Family<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s a cool website. Way to go! I mean, you guys get some great stuff on boundless.\u00a0 You really do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0They\u2019ve authored a number of books and have had a number of babies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Four of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Four babies, and one in heaven!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s the question for you, Steve.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you started your marriage, did you have a heart like Bob, where you thought, \u2018I\u2019m going to be a great daddy.\u00a0 I love kids.\u00a0 I think it would be cool\u2019 or were you like me, clueless?\u201d\u00a0 I was clueless.\u00a0 I really was\u2014about children.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was clueless.\u00a0\u00a0 I actually worried that kids wouldn\u2019t like me because I had hung out with nephews, and nieces, and other kids and just couldn\u2019t connect.\u00a0 It was not the cool, camp-counselor type.\u00a0\u00a0 I just worried that it was going to be older than water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Candice, when you married him, did you know this; or, had he kind of sweet- talked you into thinking he loved kids and you were going to have\u2014?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, no, no! He told me what he just told you, but I reassured him that I thought to the contrary.\u00a0 He\u2019d be a great dad because I had a great dad.\u00a0 I knew what made a great dad.\u00a0 I knew Steve had the qualities and that, once we had our own children, I just had faith that he was going to rise to the occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you thinking, \u201cGet married and then have kids?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, \u201cLet\u2019s go for it;\u201d or were you thinking, \u201cThis ought to be done in two stages,\u201d like so many couples are thinking today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0We didn\u2019t have the ten-year-long first phase in mind, but we did think we would wait a while.\u00a0 We wanted to get married.\u00a0 We had brought so much debt together, when we got married, because of our grad loans, and our Visa\u2019s\u00ae--our Visa\u2019s to pay for the lattes when we were <em>in<\/em> grad school.\u00a0 So\u2014(Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Our wedding was, \u201cWill you, \u2018Visa\u2019, take this \u2018Graduate School Loan\u2019\u2014?\u201d You know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0So, you were the voice of reason in the midst of all this mound of debt you were facing?\u00a0 You thought reason would win out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I did because Candice and I would have these conversations.\u00a0 We\u2019d talk about short-term plans and long-term plans. You know, when she started talking about having a baby, I thought, \u201cWell, yes, that makes sense long-term; but right now, \u2018Boy, look at this debt.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe got married around the average age most couples do\u2014late 20s\u2014and had about the average amount of consumer debt and graduate school debt. You look at that; and you think, \u201cWe have a lot of work to do before we\u2019re ready for kids.\u201d\u00a0 Then too, had just moved to this great state, Colorado, and thought, \u201cWe have some adventures to have before we shift gears and are all focused on baby stuff.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Then something happened.\u00a0 My sister called, and she had been married a year longer than I had been.\u00a0 She announced she was pregnant with their first.\u00a0 I was so excited for her, but I found myself sobbing.\u00a0 I hung up the phone, and I was just bawling.\u00a0 Steve said, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Honey?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cKatie\u2019s pregnant.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhy are you so upset?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cBecause I want to have a baby, too.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like something just clicked inside of me, and these maternal instincts started to kick in.\u00a0 I was married, and we were deliberately stopping the potential for babies.\u00a0 Suddenly, that was bothersome to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I look at this generation of young families starting out\u2014and what Bob is talking about here\u2014a decade of waiting.\u00a0 How do you all think that came about?\u00a0 Is it merely the practical issues of debt, getting a bigger house, being able to establish a standard of living?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s a big driver; but people don\u2019t want to just do it because their parents and grandparents did it.\u00a0 They really want this sense of, \u201cThis is absolutely the right thing to do and the right time to do it.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a pretty high-pressure position\u2014that, \u201cAll the stars have to align before it\u2019s finally right,\u201d versus parents and grandparents who said, \u201cWell, this is what you do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s okay if you get married at 19 and you take ten years because you\u2019re still very much in the child-bearing years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But Candice, you know the age is creeping upward\u2014mid-20s, later in the 20s.\u00a0 So, if you wait ten years\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You may just find that you can\u2019t have kids.\u00a0 We got married at what\u2019s now the average age of 27\u2014almost 27.\u00a0 For us to say, \u201cWe\u2019re going to wait five years,\u201d puts us well into our 30s.\u00a0 It was interesting that, when I got to the age where we had said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to wait,\u201d I started having some secondary fertility problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just look at that, and our story, and I think, \u201cIf someone hadn\u2019t come along and challenged us, there\u2019s a chance we might not have had kids; or, we might have only had one baby.\u201d\u00a0 The tragedy is\u2014couples who say, \u201cWe want to have kids, but we\u2019re going to wait.\u201d Then, when they decide they are ready, they realize they <em>can\u2019t<\/em> have kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to go back to something you said. You said, \u201cYou know, it is okay if you get married at 19 and you wait until you\u2019re 29 because you still are very much in the child- bearing stage.\u201d\u00a0 If somebody came to you\u2014young couple just got married\u2014she\u2019s 19, he\u2019s 20\u2014and they said, \u201cWe think we\u2019re going to wait ten years because we\u2019ll still have plenty of child-bearing left.\u201d\u00a0 Would you say, \u201cThat is a good plan\u2014go for it\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 No, I wouldn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Because it\u2019s not just a matter of whether you\u2019re still going to be fertile or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, it\u2019s a matter of getting on with life and what a marriage and, ultimately, a family are all about.\u00a0 I think God commanded us in Genesis, Chapter 1, to \u201cBe fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth....\u201d\u00a0 A lot of people think this is the one part of the command of God we\u2019ve gotten right.\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s not just having children\u2014it\u2019s having godly children.\u00a0 It\u2019s about having children who are messengers, carrying the Gospel of Jesus Christ to succeeding generations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, back to your question, Bob, \u201cIf you got married when you were 19\u201d\u2014I think a couple of years to get your marriage legs under you and then begin your family is appropriate.\u00a0 That way, you can enjoy your grandchildren.\u00a0 You know, Barbara and I\u2014we\u2019re enjoying our grandchildren.\u00a0 It\u2019s a hoot\u2014it really is fun!\u00a0 If we would have waited to have children, it would have meant we would have been delaying the privilege of spoiling, and ministering to, and building into the lives of our grandchildren.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my dad was telling me he got married at 19; and they had kids quickly.\u00a0 He was telling us\u2014he said, \u201cYou know, people do the math and say, \u2018Well, if we get married at this age, let\u2019s see, we\u2019ll be about here when the kids go to college.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cDo the math for the grandparents, too, because kids need grandparents in life who can get down on the floor with them and still be able to get back up.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is it\u2014again, back to it\u2014why would somebody who gets married, whether it\u2019s at 19 or at 29\u2014We\u2019ve talked about the debt issue being one of those things that folks say, \u201cWell, I\u2019m not sure we should have kids yet.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s bigger than that though; isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it a <em>fear<\/em> thing more than a debt thing?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, when Candice and I were talking about it, this older couple had come alongside and started talking about fertility and other issues.\u00a0 I really focused on the <em>money<\/em> because that was a good way for me to hide some of the other fears that I had.\u00a0 I enjoyed getting married, and I was excited about all the new benefits of life by being a married person. But I knew things were really going to change when kids came along\u2014the time I enjoyed with Candice, the intimacy we enjoyed, the ability to finish a conversation.\u00a0 All those kind of things were going to change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew I was going to have to give up a lot of freedoms and things I enjoyed from the pre-kids years.\u00a0 So, it was real easy for me to talk about, \u201cOh, let\u2019s get our financial house in order.\u00a0 Let\u2019s do all these things (that sounded noble),\u201d because I could hide some of those other fears.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014which had its root in some selfishness.\u00a0 Is that what I hear you saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A little bit.\u00a0 I think guys out there respect what\u2019s expected of marriage and kids.\u00a0 Most guys know something\u2019s going to have to change, but they\u2019re intimidated by that new responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, here we have Mr. Reason over here\u2014Steve; right Candice?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He\u2019s married to this powerful woman, who is slyly smiling, knowing that she can change the course of the river of his heart.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Of history!\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s like, \u201cYou don\u2019t know what you\u2019re in for, Buster!\u201d\u00a0 How did it happen?\u00a0 You went for a walk, actually, didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We went for a walk with the same couple who mentored us when we were dating.\u00a0 I was walking with Mary, and Hugh and Steve were walking behind us.\u00a0 We were walking through this park in Colorado\u2014Ute Valley Park.\u00a0 There were signs, along the path, that said, \u201cBeware of rattlesnakes\u201d.\u00a0 I know, Steve will tell you, that he was thinking\u2014what did you say, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I was more afraid of the conversation I was hearing in front of me than I was those rattlesnakes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Babies, fertility, and timing, and all this kind of stuff.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, Mary and I were talking and she just said, \u201cSo are you thinking about having kids?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019d been married about six months at this point.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, yes, we want kids someday; but you know, we have things we need to accomplish.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, what are you waiting for?\u201d\u00a0 We said, \u201cWell, we have all this <em>debt;<\/em> and I just started this great <em>job<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe just looked at me, stopped, and said, \u201cCandice, how do you know that when you decide you\u2019re ready, you\u2019ll still be fertile?\u201d\u00a0 I just stopped because I had never had anybody challenge me on that.\u00a0 I\u2019d never had anyone suggest to me that maybe there were some limits to what my body could do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis notion wasn\u2019t out there in the popular culture the way it is more now.\u00a0 People are more aware of this now, but I think the other thing\u2014people are aware of all these stories and headlines of, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 40\u201d, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 45\u201d, \u201cFirst-Time Mom at 60!\u201d\u00a0 You think, \u201cWe have technology.\u00a0 We have medicine.\u00a0 We can make our bodies do whatever we want them to do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, this comes back to the birth control culture, and it\u2019s that issue of control.\u00a0 We think if we can turn our fertility off when we want and say, \u201cNo,\u201d to babies, that we can just as easily turn it back on and say, \u201cYes,\u201d to babies.\u00a0 Sadly, for many, many couples, they\u2019re finding out too late that there is no control.\u00a0 It\u2019s an illusion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, at six months you are having this conversation; and she\u2019s challenging you.\u00a0 Did you go home that night and say, \u201cWe have to get going, Steve.\u00a0 Come on!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn\u2019t quite that fast, Bob.\u00a0 We went back to the apartment and had a conversation as couples.\u00a0 Steve was able to share his anxieties, and that was really good for me to hear.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize, from a male perspective, what it means for a man to become a dad\u2014and this notion that, \u201cI\u2019m really going to have to be a provider.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to have to step up as the protector,\u201d because that role really kicks in, once you start having babies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s a key question for you, Steve.\u00a0 Did you have a mortgage that demanded both of you having to work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not yet, but we did a few months later.\u00a0 It was one of these things where we went into the mortgage knowing, \u201cI should probably just qualify on my salary;\u201d but then, they kept showing us all the upgrades\u2014all the nice things you could get.\u00a0 We thought, \u201cWell, surely we could go ahead and do that; and then we\u2019ll figure something out. \u201c \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We should pray about that.\u00a0 We should go off and do a prayer retreat.\u201d We scheduled a prayer retreat.\u00a0 Then, we got so excited; we went ahead and signed the papers before the prayer retreat.\u00a0 We said, \u201cWe\u2019ll just go to the prayer retreat\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ask God to bless us.\u00a0 Father, forgive us!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it was two months after that we found out we were pregnant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is the disclaimer, \u201cDon\u2019t do what we did!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is a morality play.\u00a0 This is a warning.\u00a0 That is some serious pressure because I realized we were putting ourselves in a position where I wasn\u2019t going to be able to easily take on all that responsibility to give Candice the option of bowing out of the workplace so that she could concentrate on being a mom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, as you are talking about this, I\u2019m thinking back to the early 1980s when Mary Ann and I were married.\u00a0 She\u2019d had a job as a nurse.\u00a0 Nurses were making pretty decent money.\u00a0 I was in radio; okay? Radio guys were not making a whole lot of money.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do the math.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I had the thought about how it all works out until after she had showed up at the station one day and said, \u201cGuess what\u2014we\u2019re going to have a baby!\u201d\u00a0 It was probably a few months after that I was starting to go, \u201cNow, wait!\u00a0 If she comes home, after she quits nursing, we go from two mouths and two incomes to three mouths and one income.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Welfare!\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I do remember thinking, \u201cHow does that work?\u201d\u00a0 Then, there\u2019s something about\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s faith or just na\u00efve optimism\u2014but I just thought, \u201cYou know, the Lord will work it out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s probably both, really.\u00a0 There\u2019s some naivet\u00e9 there.\u00a0 I just met you, Bob; and I just can tell\u2014sensing!\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Trust me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve known him for a while; it\u2019s okay!\u00a0 We all have that side to us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, God is the provider!\u00a0 He is our example of what provision looks like.\u00a0 He owns it all\u2014everything comes from Him, everything\u2019s through Him, and for His glory.\u00a0 I think, what you see, when you start to submit to His plan and His design for marriage, which is fruitfulness, you recognize that He rewards those who obey Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank goodness He\u2019s gracious and forgiving, too, because, I think, what we\u2019ve seen is\u2014we, in our experience, and so many of our friends\u2019 experience, we\u2019ve seen God provide; but we\u2019ve also had to learn some lessons.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had to realize His stewardship principles make sense, even if it takes you a while to come back around to them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here was the big shift that happened for us after our daughter, Amy, was born.\u00a0 I remember thinking this through because I was doing the math and trying to figure out, \u201cHow is this going to work?\u201d and going, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll trust the Lord.\u201d\u00a0 But what I remember happening is\u2014before Amy was born, we were much more fluid with our money and self-indulgent with our money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, we had this house; and I thought it would be cool to build a deck out on the back of this house.\u00a0 So we did!\u00a0 I mean, we could.\u00a0 So we did.\u00a0 When Amy was born, all of a sudden the things that I was most interested in were less about us and more about the \u201cnew us\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy priorities started to change and God, again, supplied; but all of a sudden, we weren\u2019t spending money as selfishly as we had.\u00a0 It was okay; I didn\u2019t need the stuff I thought I needed when we were single.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t eat out as much.\u00a0 Life changed for us, and the money reflected some of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How did your priorities change in terms of Mary Ann working after the baby was born?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we did talk about, \u201cWhat was her preference?\u00a0 What was her desire?\u00a0 What did she want to do?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI want to be able to come home, if I can,\u201d and I said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s what I\u2019d love for you to be able to do.\u201d\u00a0 So, we stepped out on that to say, \u201cI\u2019m not sure how it\u2019s going to work; but we\u2019re going to take that step, knowing that she\u2019s a nurse.\u00a0 If she needs to get back in the job market\u2014if there\u2019s something that comes up\u2014\u201d\u00a0 I was pretty committed\u2014once I saw her at home with the baby, once she was at home with the baby\u2014if that meant, \u201cYou have to downsize,\u201d if that meant, \u201cYou have to make some adjustments\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were ready to do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were just looking at it saying, \u201cThis is good, and we\u2019d rather have this than a bigger house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve, you and Candice, you decided to have a child.\u00a0 Did you clear all these issues off the table before you got pregnant?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, in fact, I think there was an excitement we saw in all the new technology that was making it possible to work from home.\u00a0 We thought, \u201cWow!\u00a0 Well, maybe we can keep living the lifestyle we\u2019re living, and enjoying all the things we\u2019re enjoying, and just keep bringing in her income through an at-home work situation.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe got a great opportunity.\u00a0 She was an on-line editor from home; but we then started dealing with this idea that, \u201cIt\u2019s hard to fit this new life, even with her working from home, into two full-throttle careers\u2014trying to keep going and trying to live the same lifestyle.\u201d\u00a0 It was eventually a train wreck.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Eventually, you found out, \u201cYou can\u2019t have it all.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We had another baby.\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s one of these things that we\u2019ve heard in our generation, \u201cYou can\u2019t have it all.\u201d\u00a0 We knew that, in our grandparents\u2019 generation, women realized that their place was in the home; and they didn\u2019t have the great opportunities in the workplace.\u00a0 The next generation\u2014they realized they had great opportunities in the workplace.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, it was our generation who kind of missed out on mom because she was out in the workplace.\u00a0 Then the next generation said, \u201cWell, surely there\u2019s a way you can pull all those things together.\u201d\u00a0 We heard a lot in our generation, \u201cMaybe you can\u2019t quite have it all;\u201d but we thought, \u201cMaybe, if you\u2019re creative enough\u2014maybe, if you use some technology\u201d\u2014and all these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ninety percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, so we came up with the phrase, \u201cYou can kind of have it all;\u201d but, in doing that, we recognized, \u201cYou can only be so creative.\u00a0 You can only use so much technology.\u00a0 Eventually, there is something that has to give because this new life is expecting something of you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started reading some things about what our peers were going through and realized the struggle was, \u201cPeople want to hold onto as much of the before-child-years experience and lifestyle when the kids come along.\u201d\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t quite work\u2014that you have to sacrifice something.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those babies want all of you\u2014you are their favorite toy.\u00a0 They don\u2019t care about the stuff; they don\u2019t need the designer stroller and the designer everything.\u00a0 They just want Mommy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, when we started having children, what I was unprepared for was how a child really is like a parent\u2019s heart walking around\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Out there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014walking around, outside their body.\u00a0 It reorients your universe!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you let it\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think in the right direction\u2014around denial of self, towards something much bigger on a grander scale than you could ever imagine.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, when I got a copy of your book and I started looking at it\u2014<em>Start Your Family<\/em>\u2014I thought, \u201cThat is a book whose time has come,\u201d because I\u2019m really concerned about a generation of young families today who are starting their marriage in the wrong direction\u2014not really thinking about how their decisions are determining when they\u2019re going to be able to do what you talk about in your book, <em>Start Your Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You all are really giving them solid, wise counsel when it comes to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think the book gives courage, too.\u00a0 I mean, there are a lot of young couples who look at their circumstances; and they think to themselves, \u201cWe just couldn\u2019t think about starting a family right now, given the circumstances we\u2019re facing.\u201d\u00a0 Some of that may be legitimate, but some of it may be based in fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou address that in the book.\u00a0 We have copies of the book, <em>Start Your Family, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 We would not recommend that parents get a copy of this book and send it to your daughter or your son-in-law, or your son or your daughter-in-law, as a gentle hint about grandchildren; but we do think a lot of young couples would benefit from reading what Steve and Candice have written here in the book, <em>Start Your Family. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can also call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY; that's 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, let us know that you\u2019d like a copy of the book, <em>Start Your Family<\/em>; and we\u2019ll make arrangements to get a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just had the opportunity to be with a number of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 It was great to spend some time with folks who are regular listeners to this program and to hear some of the feedback from them about how God uses this daily radio program in their lives and in their marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those stories are just remarkable; and I thought to myself, \u201cI need to remember to say, \u2018Thank you,\u2019 to those listeners who make this program possible,\u201d\u2014those of you who make donations to help cover the costs of producing and syndicating this daily radio program.\u00a0 We couldn\u2019t do it without you, and we appreciate it.\u00a0 I wish you could have heard some of the stories we just heard recently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you, \u201cIf God has used <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life, in your marriage, can we ask you to consider making a donation to help support the program?\u201d\u00a0 When you make a donation this week, we\u2019d love to send you a CD that features a message from our friends, Tim and Joy Downs\u2014a message they presented about a year ago to some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 It was a message about marital intimacy; and that CD is our thank-you gift, this week, when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, when you go to the website.\u00a0 Make your donation online, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of the CD; or, call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the CD from Tim and Joy Downs when you make that donation.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about starting your family.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about some of the couples who would love to start a family and, for whatever reason, just haven\u2019t been able to.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that and talk about what the Bible has to say about that tomorrow with Steve and Candice Watters.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302464"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302464"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302464"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302464"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}