{"id":302461,"date":"2012-02-15T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-15T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception\/"},"modified":"2012-02-15T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-02-15T17:00:00","slug":"caught-in-a-web-of-deception","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception\/","title":{"rendered":"Caught in a Web of Deception"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chris Beall, along with his wife, Cindy, talks about his addiction to pornography.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.76M","filesize_raw":"23869535","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903,2844],"tags":[5193,2989,4390],"podcast_series":[7858],"cwp_profile":[9261],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302461","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","category-pornography","tag-healing-your-marriage","tag-pornography","tag-trust","podcast_series-healing-your-marriage-when-trust-is-broken","cwp_profile-chris-and-cindy-beall","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302461\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302461\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Mq18PVMah1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception\/\">Caught in a Web of Deception<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caught-in-a-web-of-deception\/embed\/#?secret=Mq18PVMah1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Caught in a Web of Deception&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Mq18PVMah1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall had been married a couple of years.\u00a0 There were facing some of the typical adjustments couples face in the early years of marriage.\u00a0 There was some low-level tension there.\u00a0 What Cindy didn\u2019t know is that Chris had brought a sin pattern into their marriage\u2014a pattern that had begun when, at the age of eight, he had first been exposed to pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 The internet was just coming out.\u00a0 So, if things weren\u2019t good at home, in the sense that we weren\u2019t really relating well\u2014and now, the internet is here.\u00a0 Now, you don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to spend any money.\u00a0 When I\u2019m by myself\u2014when she\u2019s not here\u2014instant and anonymous access, right from your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall join us today to talk about how Chris\u2019s pattern of sin eventually took their marriage right up to the edge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I think there are a lot of us who look at couples sitting around us in church or in our neighborhood and we think, \u201cLooks like everything is fine there.\u201d\u00a0 I think there are a lot of couples in their own marriage looking at each other and going, \u201cI think we\u2019re doing fine;\u201d and we don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on beneath the surface.\u00a0 Oftentimes there are some issues there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are.\u00a0 It\u2019s dangerous to make assumptions about what is going on in somebody else\u2019s marriage.\u00a0 You just don\u2019t know.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear a story today that is really a compelling one.\u00a0 We are going to hear from Cindy Beall, who is the author of a book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.<\/em>\u00a0 Her husband also joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0Chris, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy and Chris live in Oklahoma City where Chris is the Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv.\u00a0 Cindy is a wife, and a mom, and a published author.\u00a0 They have three children together.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been married now almost 20 years; right?\u00a0 I just want to know how you met, Cindy.\u00a0 Where did you guys first connect?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We met at Southwest Texas State University down in San Marcos, Texas.\u00a0 I saw him from across a crowded room, literally, and thought he was cute.\u00a0 Then he smiled and I realized, \u201cOh, my goodness.\u00a0 He has crooked teeth!\u201d\u00a0 Not kidding.\u00a0 Seriously, that\u2019s exactly\u2014I\u2019m very sorry, Honey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Man, she\u2019s hatin\u2019 on my teeth.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I did think that.\u00a0 I was so shallow back then; but then, eventually, when we talked and I said, \u201cWhat are you going to do after college?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get braces.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, get braces.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Get braces so I can date you; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Babe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014therapy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then he said, \u201cI\u2019d like to go to seminary.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI just want to get closer to God.\u201d\u00a0 So, that was the springboard.\u00a0 That\u2019s what took off and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you knew that was a line; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 You were just throwing out the seminary line because you were in a Bible study; and you said if you say, \u201cseminary\u2014\u201d to cute girls, they\u2019ll fall for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 In retrospect, it seems that way.\u00a0 Boy, it was some years ago.\u00a0 I was a brand-new Christian.\u00a0 I had just met the Lord through Campus Crusade and saw Cindy singing at a Baptist Student Union.\u00a0 They were kind of like the \u201cother\u201d people on campus.\u00a0 It was great.\u00a0 I saw her singing.\u00a0 I was just taken with her, and it was kind of fast.\u00a0 We met, had our first date, and the morning after our first date, I put a down-payment on a ring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you tell her that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 She had a class to get to, and I just went and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (Laughing)\u00a0 She was busy; so I didn\u2019t mention it to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 She had something else to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you smitten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Had you made the promise of straightened teeth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not yet\u2014I had not realized it was that big of an issue until, actually, today.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it happens here on \u201cFamilyLife Counseling\u201d<em>.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So where did you go on your date?\u00a0 I mean, if it was that spectacular of a date, Cindy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some guys going, \u201cI want to take my girlfriend to that place.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The big place was Chili\u2019s in south Austin.\u00a0 Big Chili\u2019s.\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s it, followed by\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s where the magic happens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014ice cream and\u2014we had a conversation and realized that\u2014well, at least I realized\u2014that of all the things that was on my list\u2014you know, college students tend to make a list of what they want in a spouse.\u00a0 She not only met all of those things; but she created new categories, just in the conversation of talking with her, that I didn\u2019t know I wanted until I met her.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat on earth would I be waiting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re sweet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to the ring store I went.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here we are later.\u00a0 You have three sons.\u00a0 I just have to tell you\u2014they\u2019re nowhere near this age\u2014but let\u2019s say one of them comes to you and said, \u201cDad, I\u2019ve put a down-payment on a ring.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been out with this girl one time.\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re grounded.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy, you grew up in a Christian home; and Chris, you grew up in a church-going home, but not a home where you heard the Gospel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, it was while you were growing up in your home that you had a first exposure that would set you on a course that would rock your world later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\u00a0 Eight years old\u2014I saw a magazine under my dad\u2019s bed.\u00a0 I had never seen pornography, nudity, up to that point.\u00a0 Just all the emotions that go along with that\u2014you know, there\u2019s a little bit of guilt going on, there\u2019s an incredible amount of curiosity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI lost my dad a couple of years ago; but he\u2019s been so incredible, just in the years prior to his death, of just kind of talking through things in life that he deeply regret\u2014things in life that I deeply regret\u2014but in the midst of really, really bad things\u2014what God has done through that pain.\u00a0 But that really did open a window to a struggle with pornography that would last all of my childhood and most of my adult life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Today, the average age a boy is being exposed to pornography; and this is almost unimaginable, is eight.\u00a0 That\u2019s the <em>average<\/em> age.\u00a0 So, that means a bunch of them are finding out a whole lot younger, and a bunch a whole lot later\u2014not all that later.\u00a0 Explain to our listeners what that encounter did to you as a boy\u2014because you don\u2019t have a category emotionally\u2014from a maturity standpoint, a morality standpoint\u2014to even process what it is you just looked at.\u00a0 What did it do to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, a couple things I think are really interesting.\u00a0 I think men are very unique in that we are so incredibly visual.\u00a0 I am 40 years old; 32 years later, I can tell you detail for detail the images that I saw on that very first day.\u00a0 They are stuck in my mind in high definition.\u00a0 It\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> how those things can be burned into your brain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, also, I think our brains are kind of like Wikipedia\u00ae, you know.\u00a0 The definition continues to change with the latest entry.\u00a0 So, without having a conversation about sex or sexuality, all of a sudden, I\u2019m beginning to define, in my very young mind, about what sex is\u2014in a very, very distorted way.\u00a0 You take your mind and you twist it in a way with those images a couple notches off where it should be\u2014where God has purposed it to be\u2014and it leads down just a crazy, destructive path.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did it impact your view and your respect of women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Growing up, I didn\u2019t really have the opportunity to have the interest from women.\u00a0 I was kind of the dorky kid, you know, so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are we back to the teeth again? Is that the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe.\u00a0 The social life in high school wasn\u2019t great, and so\u2014but, in a way, I would just become reclusive, if you will.\u00a0 I would spend time, not just with that magazine, but there was a kid whose brother worked at a gas station.\u00a0 He would bring old versions, old issues of magazines from the gas station to the neighborhood.\u00a0 So, growing up, there was a constant supply to just keep filling this thing in my brain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was this a weekly kind of, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go out to the fort and look at the magazine,\u201d kind of thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, pretty much.\u00a0 Me and a couple of my friends in the neighborhood would go and look at it.\u00a0 I would say it was kind of a form of distorted entertainment, you know.\u00a0 We\u2019d go there, and we\u2019d look at it, we\u2019d talk about it.\u00a0 I think where I really experienced the effect of it toward women was in college.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time I had gone to school, with that new sense of freedom, women are very objectified.\u00a0 It\u2019s just kind of a non-stop\u2014not knowing the Lord\u2014non-stop drink-fest, party, womanizing thing.\u00a0 I think it affected my view of women dramatically in those days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, rather than thinking, \u201cHow could I get to know a young lady, and form a relationship with her, and cultivate a friendship?\u201d, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cHow could I pick up a girl?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; and, \u201cI wonder what she looks like.\u201d\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It\u2019s very, very shallow and very, very physical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think about this culture of young people that are growing up in junior high, high school, and college\u2014it\u2019s a hook-up culture, where they\u2019re not connecting relationally.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a pure physical deal, and they\u2019re not even thinking it is sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Well, one of the things, that when you talk about this generation, that scares me a bit is that\u2014you know, my generation, the internet only came out toward the latter part of mid-college to young adulthood.\u00a0 There was still a significant period of our life that access was really limited.\u00a0 You\u2019d have to go somewhere and buy something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell now, if you think about it, you have a generation of people, not just men anymore\u2014men and women who have a stronghold of sexual sin related to pornography\u2014who now have kids with smart phones.\u00a0\u00a0 They have broadband access 24\/7 <em>wherever <\/em>they go.\u00a0 I fear a sexual tsunami is coming because you have parents who never fully experienced freedom in this area, now with kids who have access to it.\u00a0 It could be a scary thing that the church is going to have to deal with and face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy, when you met this cute guy at the Bible study who said, \u201cI want to go to seminary because I just want to get to know God better,\u201d you had no idea that tucked away in a suitcase, back in the back, was this addiction\u2014this compulsion to look at pornography.\u00a0 Chris, I presume this was still going on in college\u2014now, maybe, at an accelerated rate that you were feeding your mind on this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You didn\u2019t know any of that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, of course not.\u00a0 Nobody certainly talked about it.\u00a0 We knew about the magazines, but you had to go to the store and buy them.\u00a0 Most of the stores had the little sheet on the cover, and you couldn\u2019t see everything.\u00a0 I had no idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you dated, there was nothing to indicate\u2014he was a gentleman; he was a nice guy; and all of this was being done in secret and in private.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 No idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And your own father, your own father was rock-solid as a believer; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 My parents were believers.\u00a0 Yet, I don\u2019t know, honestly\u2014I have no idea if my father looked at things like that.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t know anything about that because this is not something that we talked about, ever.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s hard enough for people to talk about pornography addictions in 2011; they\u2019re <em>surely<\/em> not going to talk in 1975.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your presumption when you met Chris was, \u201cHe\u2019s a guy who is pure.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t do those kinds of things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 He knew Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I say that because if that was the case when you met Chris, how many young women, meeting a young guy who says, \u201cI love the Lord and I want to follow Christ,\u201d and he\u2019s on the college campus\u2014they go, \u201cWell, I\u2019m sure he\u2019s not looking at porn.\u201d\u00a0 Odds are, Chris, he is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 The percentages say he probably is or <em>has<\/em> struggled with that on some level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So he\u2019s bringing that into the relationship.\u00a0 What would be your advice for young ladies who are single?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you ask the question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHave you looked at porn today?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo, I haven\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHave you looked at it yesterday?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, get in their face because here\u2019s the deal\u2014if you don\u2019t ask beforehand, you\u2019re going to be asking eventually.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe that every single man on earth has looked at porn because there are some men who have said, \u201cThat\u2019s just not what I have looked at.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s great, but the statistics don\u2019t lie.\u00a0 It\u2019s out there; people are looking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t do that on the first date at Chili\u2019s would you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Say, \u201cHey, looked at porn today?\u201d\u00a0 But at some point in your relationship, as it\u2019s starting to grow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If Cindy had said to you in college\u2014I don\u2019t know how you would have answered if she had said, \u201cHave you looked at porn in the last week?\u201d\u00a0 Would you have manned up and said, \u201cWell, you know, wow that\u2019s a hard question.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back then, I don\u2019t think that I would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019d have lied to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 I probably would have, yes; because the thing is, the deception was really, in my opinion, the bigger issue.\u00a0 The Bible says that Satan is not the father of lust, not the father of greed\u2014he\u2019s the father of lies.\u00a0 I think, that in the context of deception\u2014the context of lying to ourselves\u2014and for guys, that looks like managing these secret things and then giving off a different perception to other people.\u00a0 Perception management is just a polite way of lying\u2014of saying, \u201cYou\u2019re\u2014you\u2019re lying.\u201d\u00a0 To get to the point to be truly honest was the very thing I needed to do to get free, I believe, according to James.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part of the reason I ask these questions is because I agree with you.\u00a0 The young woman ought to say, \u201cHave you looked at porn?\u201d\u2014and then she ought to expect that the guy, if he says, \u201cNo,\u201d may have just lied to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you may have to circle back around and even say, \u201cYou know, I know that\u2019s a hard conversation to have.\u00a0 You may have felt uncomfortable, but I think we need to be honest about this.\u00a0 So, if you want to change your answer, let\u2019s talk about it later.\u201d\u00a0 I think you have to press it a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, especially if the relationship is headed toward marriage.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I want young ladies to know, and I think parents need to train their daughters to think this way and to understand this.\u00a0 For you, as a young man, the thought\u2014now, I don\u2019t want to put words in your mouth that are not true; but I want you to say, \u201cTrue,\u201d or, \u201cFalse.\u201d\u00a0 Is this an accurate statement?\u00a0 \u201cYou probably, as you moved toward the altar, never thought about having a conversation with her about how you had gotten off into pornography and what a part of your life that was.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 Or wrong?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 In fact, I would say every time I looked at pornography was the last time I was going to look at pornography.\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 I would always make those promises to myself that, \u201cI don\u2019t need to bring that up because I stumbled last week or yesterday, but I\u2019m never going to look at that stuff again.\u201d\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 You\u2019re constantly trying to convince yourself, \u201cThat\u2019s it.\u00a0 No more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 A young lady, who is listening to us right now, goes, \u201cReally?!\u00a0 You really think that way?!\u201d\u00a0 I want her to understand that is the way guys think.\u00a0 They segment their lives.\u00a0 They push this over in a corner.\u00a0 They sweep it under the rug; and they say, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m not going to do that again.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to bite me again, and I\u2019m not bringing it into the marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You probably thought, \u201cOnce I\u2019m married, then who needs pornography?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Issue solved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure it surprised you, at some point, and I don\u2019t know how long it was into your marriage\u2014three months, six months, a year before you started looking online again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the thing for us is, the first year of marriage was very, very difficult\u2014just because you\u2019re living together, you know\u2014(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re young and stupid.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re stupid.\u00a0 We have no idea how to relate to each other, and it was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was your rookie season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was terrible!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Awful.\u00a0 It was awful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then, at the same time, the internet was just coming out.\u00a0 So, it was just\u2014if things weren\u2019t good at home, in the sense that we weren\u2019t really relating well\u2014all these wild\u2014the whole \u201cChili\u2019s burning bush moment\u201d, and now you\u2019re in reality of paying bills, and, \u201cHow does she squeeze the toothpaste tube?\u201d\u2014and now, the internet is here.\u00a0 Now, you don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to spend any money.\u00a0 When I\u2019m by myself\u2014when she\u2019s not here\u2014instant and anonymous access, right from your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you guys had been through some marriage preparation counseling and had a relationship with a mentoring couple, in that first year of marriage, what difference would it have made?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The world.\u00a0 Oh my goodness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Monumental; monumental.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It would have been amazing.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we have a couple of young couples that we\u2019re pouring into because we\u2019re like, \u201cYou\u2019re about to get married, and we\u2019re going to give you everything that we can.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re like, \u201cAre you sure we\u2019re doing okay?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, you\u2019re about where we were at year five, so you\u2019re going to be good.\u201d\u00a0 It would have changed everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was recently asked by a dad whose daughter was about to be popped the question.\u00a0 He knew that he was about to have a young man knock at the door and say, \u201cMr. So and So, could I have a conversation with you?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cDennis, I know you\u2019d have a few thoughts about what I ought to talk with him about.\u201d\u00a0 So I ticked off several things he ought to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, he needs to have a series of conversations with the young man.\u00a0 By the way, one of the conversations that he ought to have is asking him about his involvement in pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not if.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not if, but how much\u2014to what extent?\u00a0 The second thing, before they got married\u2014they would need to go to the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third thing is to go through <em>Preparing for Marriage\u00ae<\/em>, which is a workbook we sell to engaged couples to go through.\u00a0 Go through it with a mentoring couple who will then walk you through the first 12 to 18 months of your marriage, meeting with you monthly.\u00a0 It\u2019s just the opportunity to take the pressure off and to allow a third party to have the conversations with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you guys had had that third party, walking into your marriage, you could have said at that point, as you just said here instantly, \u201cIt was awful!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThis is awful!\u00a0 Help us!\u201d\u00a0 What would have been the area you would have cried out for help?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think just learning to be with someone.\u00a0 You know, when you get married, that first year is\u2014you become one.\u00a0 When the preacher says the vows, you become one in the sight of God.\u00a0 The problem is you still have two bodies.\u00a0 You have four arms and you only need two.\u00a0 You have four legs; you only need two.\u00a0 You have to start a serious spiritual amputation here, and that hurts!\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to go through; but you don\u2019t want to because, \u201cThis arm is really good, and you\u2019re asking me to get rid of it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just this whole struggle, and I just think that learning to compromise\u2014I mean, you\u2019ve <em>got<\/em> to compromise.\u00a0 Learning to think about your spouse more than you think about yourself\u2014thinking about how to meet<em> his <\/em>needs and not always just be thinking about your own.\u00a0 Marriage is a very selfless thing\u2014that it takes time to get good at.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 We went to a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>probably a couple of years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>\u00a0I think it was two years in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Two years into the marriage, and I believe you were speaking at this one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It changed.\u00a0 It was a good change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was as though we were hearing these principles for the very first time, and that really helped us.\u00a0 There were clearly still issues that I had to deal with; but that helped us so monumentally in just learning how to communicate\u2014how to fight well, things like that.\u00a0 It was life-changing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, as we\u2019re going to hear the rest of the story, there came a moment of crisis that was like detonating an atomic bomb, a nuclear device in your marriage.\u00a0 As Bob said, it goes back to this incident when you were eight years old that ended up being stuffed in a suitcase and brought into the marriage as excess baggage; but it ended up putting your marriage near the brink of disaster.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it ended up where trust had to be reestablished.\u00a0 That\u2019s one of the reasons you\u2019re sharing your story with others because you have talked to enough couples who have been, maybe not at the same place you were, but a place where trust was broken in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 They\u2019ve wondered, \u201cIs it possible for that trust to ever be rebuilt or restored?\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve walked the path and can tell them, \u201cYes, it is possible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book called <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken<\/em>.\u00a0 We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 You can find out more about the book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken,<\/em> when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Look for information on Cindy Beall\u2019s book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken<\/em>.\u00a0 Or call toll-free for more information, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have seen how the power of stories like the one we\u2019re hearing today can have an impact on folks\u2019 lives.\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve been so encouraged over the years to hear from listeners who have gotten in touch with us and said, \u201cThis particular series...\u201d, \u201cWhat this guest shared...\u201d, \u201cWhat Dennis talked about...God used it in a profound way in our marriage relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was with some friends, not long ago, and the man was telling me about a series we had done on a similar subject.\u00a0 We\u2019d been talking about pornography and sexual sin.\u00a0 He said, \u201cGod used it to bring conviction in my own heart and life and to bring a turning point in our marriage relationship,\u201d before it got to the point where your relationship got to.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re grateful to hear about how God uses this program in folks\u2019 lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate it when you get in touch with us and let us know that God is using <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>in your marriage.\u00a0 We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who make all of this possible with your support of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Your financial gifts are what sustain this program.\u00a0 You help pay for the syndication and production costs for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we appreciate that support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d love to send you a couple of cards that we\u2019ve put together to help you pray for one another as a couple.\u00a0 When you make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, just ask for these prayer cards.\u00a0 Actually, if you make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, we\u2019ll send the prayer cards out to you as our way of saying, \u201cThanks for your support.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation, just ask if you can receive those prayer cards.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you one for you and one for your spouse.\u00a0\u00a0 Praying for one another is one of the ways that we can help protect and strengthen our marriage relationship.\u00a0 We want to help you in that regard.\u00a0 We appreciate your help and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Thanks for partnering with us in this effort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall are going to be here again.\u00a0 Things got worse before they got better for the two of them.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.76M"],"filesize_raw":["23869535"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302461.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302461.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 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Beall, along with his wife, Cindy, talks about his addiction to pornography.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall had been married a couple of years.\u00a0 There were facing some of the typical adjustments couples face in the early years of marriage.\u00a0 There was some low-level tension there.\u00a0 What Cindy didn\u2019t know is that Chris had brought a sin pattern into their marriage\u2014a pattern that had begun when, at the age of eight, he had first been exposed to pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 The internet was just coming out.\u00a0 So, if things weren\u2019t good at home, in the sense that we weren\u2019t really relating well\u2014and now, the internet is here.\u00a0 Now, you don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to spend any money.\u00a0 When I\u2019m by myself\u2014when she\u2019s not here\u2014instant and anonymous access, right from your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 15<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall join us today to talk about how Chris\u2019s pattern of sin eventually took their marriage right up to the edge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I think there are a lot of us who look at couples sitting around us in church or in our neighborhood and we think, \u201cLooks like everything is fine there.\u201d\u00a0 I think there are a lot of couples in their own marriage looking at each other and going, \u201cI think we\u2019re doing fine;\u201d and we don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on beneath the surface.\u00a0 Oftentimes there are some issues there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are.\u00a0 It\u2019s dangerous to make assumptions about what is going on in somebody else\u2019s marriage.\u00a0 You just don\u2019t know.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear a story today that is really a compelling one.\u00a0 We are going to hear from Cindy Beall, who is the author of a book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.<\/em>\u00a0 Her husband also joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0Chris, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy and Chris live in Oklahoma City where Chris is the Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv.\u00a0 Cindy is a wife, and a mom, and a published author.\u00a0 They have three children together.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been married now almost 20 years; right?\u00a0 I just want to know how you met, Cindy.\u00a0 Where did you guys first connect?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We met at Southwest Texas State University down in San Marcos, Texas.\u00a0 I saw him from across a crowded room, literally, and thought he was cute.\u00a0 Then he smiled and I realized, \u201cOh, my goodness.\u00a0 He has crooked teeth!\u201d\u00a0 Not kidding.\u00a0 Seriously, that\u2019s exactly\u2014I\u2019m very sorry, Honey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Man, she\u2019s hatin\u2019 on my teeth.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I did think that.\u00a0 I was so shallow back then; but then, eventually, when we talked and I said, \u201cWhat are you going to do after college?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get braces.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, get braces.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Get braces so I can date you; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Babe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014therapy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then he said, \u201cI\u2019d like to go to seminary.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI just want to get closer to God.\u201d\u00a0 So, that was the springboard.\u00a0 That\u2019s what took off and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you knew that was a line; didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 You were just throwing out the seminary line because you were in a Bible study; and you said if you say, \u201cseminary\u2014\u201d to cute girls, they\u2019ll fall for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 In retrospect, it seems that way.\u00a0 Boy, it was some years ago.\u00a0 I was a brand-new Christian.\u00a0 I had just met the Lord through Campus Crusade and saw Cindy singing at a Baptist Student Union.\u00a0 They were kind of like the \u201cother\u201d people on campus.\u00a0 It was great.\u00a0 I saw her singing.\u00a0 I was just taken with her, and it was kind of fast.\u00a0 We met, had our first date, and the morning after our first date, I put a down-payment on a ring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you tell her that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 She had a class to get to, and I just went and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (Laughing)\u00a0 She was busy; so I didn\u2019t mention it to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 She had something else to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you smitten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Had you made the promise of straightened teeth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not yet\u2014I had not realized it was that big of an issue until, actually, today.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it happens here on \u201cFamilyLife Counseling\u201d<em>.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So where did you go on your date?\u00a0 I mean, if it was that spectacular of a date, Cindy\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some guys going, \u201cI want to take my girlfriend to that place.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The big place was Chili\u2019s in south Austin.\u00a0 Big Chili\u2019s.\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s it, followed by\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s where the magic happens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014ice cream and\u2014we had a conversation and realized that\u2014well, at least I realized\u2014that of all the things that was on my list\u2014you know, college students tend to make a list of what they want in a spouse.\u00a0 She not only met all of those things; but she created new categories, just in the conversation of talking with her, that I didn\u2019t know I wanted until I met her.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat on earth would I be waiting for?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re sweet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to the ring store I went.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here we are later.\u00a0 You have three sons.\u00a0 I just have to tell you\u2014they\u2019re nowhere near this age\u2014but let\u2019s say one of them comes to you and said, \u201cDad, I\u2019ve put a down-payment on a ring.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been out with this girl one time.\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re grounded.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy, you grew up in a Christian home; and Chris, you grew up in a church-going home, but not a home where you heard the Gospel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, it was while you were growing up in your home that you had a first exposure that would set you on a course that would rock your world later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\u00a0 Eight years old\u2014I saw a magazine under my dad\u2019s bed.\u00a0 I had never seen pornography, nudity, up to that point.\u00a0 Just all the emotions that go along with that\u2014you know, there\u2019s a little bit of guilt going on, there\u2019s an incredible amount of curiosity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI lost my dad a couple of years ago; but he\u2019s been so incredible, just in the years prior to his death, of just kind of talking through things in life that he deeply regret\u2014things in life that I deeply regret\u2014but in the midst of really, really bad things\u2014what God has done through that pain.\u00a0 But that really did open a window to a struggle with pornography that would last all of my childhood and most of my adult life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Today, the average age a boy is being exposed to pornography; and this is almost unimaginable, is eight.\u00a0 That\u2019s the <em>average<\/em> age.\u00a0 So, that means a bunch of them are finding out a whole lot younger, and a bunch a whole lot later\u2014not all that later.\u00a0 Explain to our listeners what that encounter did to you as a boy\u2014because you don\u2019t have a category emotionally\u2014from a maturity standpoint, a morality standpoint\u2014to even process what it is you just looked at.\u00a0 What did it do to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, a couple things I think are really interesting.\u00a0 I think men are very unique in that we are so incredibly visual.\u00a0 I am 40 years old; 32 years later, I can tell you detail for detail the images that I saw on that very first day.\u00a0 They are stuck in my mind in high definition.\u00a0 It\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> how those things can be burned into your brain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, also, I think our brains are kind of like Wikipedia\u00ae, you know.\u00a0 The definition continues to change with the latest entry.\u00a0 So, without having a conversation about sex or sexuality, all of a sudden, I\u2019m beginning to define, in my very young mind, about what sex is\u2014in a very, very distorted way.\u00a0 You take your mind and you twist it in a way with those images a couple notches off where it should be\u2014where God has purposed it to be\u2014and it leads down just a crazy, destructive path.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did it impact your view and your respect of women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Growing up, I didn\u2019t really have the opportunity to have the interest from women.\u00a0 I was kind of the dorky kid, you know, so\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are we back to the teeth again? Is that the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe.\u00a0 The social life in high school wasn\u2019t great, and so\u2014but, in a way, I would just become reclusive, if you will.\u00a0 I would spend time, not just with that magazine, but there was a kid whose brother worked at a gas station.\u00a0 He would bring old versions, old issues of magazines from the gas station to the neighborhood.\u00a0 So, growing up, there was a constant supply to just keep filling this thing in my brain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was this a weekly kind of, \u201cHey, let\u2019s go out to the fort and look at the magazine,\u201d kind of thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, pretty much.\u00a0 Me and a couple of my friends in the neighborhood would go and look at it.\u00a0 I would say it was kind of a form of distorted entertainment, you know.\u00a0 We\u2019d go there, and we\u2019d look at it, we\u2019d talk about it.\u00a0 I think where I really experienced the effect of it toward women was in college.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time I had gone to school, with that new sense of freedom, women are very objectified.\u00a0 It\u2019s just kind of a non-stop\u2014not knowing the Lord\u2014non-stop drink-fest, party, womanizing thing.\u00a0 I think it affected my view of women dramatically in those days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, rather than thinking, \u201cHow could I get to know a young lady, and form a relationship with her, and cultivate a friendship?\u201d, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cHow could I pick up a girl?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right; and, \u201cI wonder what she looks like.\u201d\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It\u2019s very, very shallow and very, very physical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think about this culture of young people that are growing up in junior high, high school, and college\u2014it\u2019s a hook-up culture, where they\u2019re not connecting relationally.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a pure physical deal, and they\u2019re not even thinking it is sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Well, one of the things, that when you talk about this generation, that scares me a bit is that\u2014you know, my generation, the internet only came out toward the latter part of mid-college to young adulthood.\u00a0 There was still a significant period of our life that access was really limited.\u00a0 You\u2019d have to go somewhere and buy something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell now, if you think about it, you have a generation of people, not just men anymore\u2014men and women who have a stronghold of sexual sin related to pornography\u2014who now have kids with smart phones.\u00a0\u00a0 They have broadband access 24\/7 <em>wherever <\/em>they go.\u00a0 I fear a sexual tsunami is coming because you have parents who never fully experienced freedom in this area, now with kids who have access to it.\u00a0 It could be a scary thing that the church is going to have to deal with and face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cindy, when you met this cute guy at the Bible study who said, \u201cI want to go to seminary because I just want to get to know God better,\u201d you had no idea that tucked away in a suitcase, back in the back, was this addiction\u2014this compulsion to look at pornography.\u00a0 Chris, I presume this was still going on in college\u2014now, maybe, at an accelerated rate that you were feeding your mind on this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You didn\u2019t know any of that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, of course not.\u00a0 Nobody certainly talked about it.\u00a0 We knew about the magazines, but you had to go to the store and buy them.\u00a0 Most of the stores had the little sheet on the cover, and you couldn\u2019t see everything.\u00a0 I had no idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you dated, there was nothing to indicate\u2014he was a gentleman; he was a nice guy; and all of this was being done in secret and in private.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 No idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And your own father, your own father was rock-solid as a believer; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 My parents were believers.\u00a0 Yet, I don\u2019t know, honestly\u2014I have no idea if my father looked at things like that.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t know anything about that because this is not something that we talked about, ever.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s hard enough for people to talk about pornography addictions in 2011; they\u2019re <em>surely<\/em> not going to talk in 1975.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your presumption when you met Chris was, \u201cHe\u2019s a guy who is pure.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t do those kinds of things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 He knew Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I say that because if that was the case when you met Chris, how many young women, meeting a young guy who says, \u201cI love the Lord and I want to follow Christ,\u201d and he\u2019s on the college campus\u2014they go, \u201cWell, I\u2019m sure he\u2019s not looking at porn.\u201d\u00a0 Odds are, Chris, he is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 The percentages say he probably is or <em>has<\/em> struggled with that on some level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So he\u2019s bringing that into the relationship.\u00a0 What would be your advice for young ladies who are single?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you ask the question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHave you looked at porn today?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo, I haven\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHave you looked at it yesterday?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, get in their face because here\u2019s the deal\u2014if you don\u2019t ask beforehand, you\u2019re going to be asking eventually.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe that every single man on earth has looked at porn because there are some men who have said, \u201cThat\u2019s just not what I have looked at.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s great, but the statistics don\u2019t lie.\u00a0 It\u2019s out there; people are looking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t do that on the first date at Chili\u2019s would you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Say, \u201cHey, looked at porn today?\u201d\u00a0 But at some point in your relationship, as it\u2019s starting to grow\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If Cindy had said to you in college\u2014I don\u2019t know how you would have answered if she had said, \u201cHave you looked at porn in the last week?\u201d\u00a0 Would you have manned up and said, \u201cWell, you know, wow that\u2019s a hard question.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back then, I don\u2019t think that I would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019d have lied to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 I probably would have, yes; because the thing is, the deception was really, in my opinion, the bigger issue.\u00a0 The Bible says that Satan is not the father of lust, not the father of greed\u2014he\u2019s the father of lies.\u00a0 I think, that in the context of deception\u2014the context of lying to ourselves\u2014and for guys, that looks like managing these secret things and then giving off a different perception to other people.\u00a0 Perception management is just a polite way of lying\u2014of saying, \u201cYou\u2019re\u2014you\u2019re lying.\u201d\u00a0 To get to the point to be truly honest was the very thing I needed to do to get free, I believe, according to James.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part of the reason I ask these questions is because I agree with you.\u00a0 The young woman ought to say, \u201cHave you looked at porn?\u201d\u2014and then she ought to expect that the guy, if he says, \u201cNo,\u201d may have just lied to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you may have to circle back around and even say, \u201cYou know, I know that\u2019s a hard conversation to have.\u00a0 You may have felt uncomfortable, but I think we need to be honest about this.\u00a0 So, if you want to change your answer, let\u2019s talk about it later.\u201d\u00a0 I think you have to press it a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, especially if the relationship is headed toward marriage.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I want young ladies to know, and I think parents need to train their daughters to think this way and to understand this.\u00a0 For you, as a young man, the thought\u2014now, I don\u2019t want to put words in your mouth that are not true; but I want you to say, \u201cTrue,\u201d or, \u201cFalse.\u201d\u00a0 Is this an accurate statement?\u00a0 \u201cYou probably, as you moved toward the altar, never thought about having a conversation with her about how you had gotten off into pornography and what a part of your life that was.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 Or wrong?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 In fact, I would say every time I looked at pornography was the last time I was going to look at pornography.\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 I would always make those promises to myself that, \u201cI don\u2019t need to bring that up because I stumbled last week or yesterday, but I\u2019m never going to look at that stuff again.\u201d\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 You\u2019re constantly trying to convince yourself, \u201cThat\u2019s it.\u00a0 No more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 A young lady, who is listening to us right now, goes, \u201cReally?!\u00a0 You really think that way?!\u201d\u00a0 I want her to understand that is the way guys think.\u00a0 They segment their lives.\u00a0 They push this over in a corner.\u00a0 They sweep it under the rug; and they say, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m not going to do that again.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to bite me again, and I\u2019m not bringing it into the marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You probably thought, \u201cOnce I\u2019m married, then who needs pornography?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Issue solved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure it surprised you, at some point, and I don\u2019t know how long it was into your marriage\u2014three months, six months, a year before you started looking online again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the thing for us is, the first year of marriage was very, very difficult\u2014just because you\u2019re living together, you know\u2014(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re young and stupid.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019re stupid.\u00a0 We have no idea how to relate to each other, and it was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was your rookie season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was terrible!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Awful.\u00a0 It was awful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then, at the same time, the internet was just coming out.\u00a0 So, it was just\u2014if things weren\u2019t good at home, in the sense that we weren\u2019t really relating well\u2014all these wild\u2014the whole \u201cChili\u2019s burning bush moment\u201d, and now you\u2019re in reality of paying bills, and, \u201cHow does she squeeze the toothpaste tube?\u201d\u2014and now, the internet is here.\u00a0 Now, you don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to spend any money.\u00a0 When I\u2019m by myself\u2014when she\u2019s not here\u2014instant and anonymous access, right from your own home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you guys had been through some marriage preparation counseling and had a relationship with a mentoring couple, in that first year of marriage, what difference would it have made?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 The world.\u00a0 Oh my goodness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Monumental; monumental.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It would have been amazing.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we have a couple of young couples that we\u2019re pouring into because we\u2019re like, \u201cYou\u2019re about to get married, and we\u2019re going to give you everything that we can.\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019re like, \u201cAre you sure we\u2019re doing okay?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cYes, you\u2019re about where we were at year five, so you\u2019re going to be good.\u201d\u00a0 It would have changed everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was recently asked by a dad whose daughter was about to be popped the question.\u00a0 He knew that he was about to have a young man knock at the door and say, \u201cMr. So and So, could I have a conversation with you?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cDennis, I know you\u2019d have a few thoughts about what I ought to talk with him about.\u201d\u00a0 So I ticked off several things he ought to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, he needs to have a series of conversations with the young man.\u00a0 By the way, one of the conversations that he ought to have is asking him about his involvement in pornography.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not if.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not if, but how much\u2014to what extent?\u00a0 The second thing, before they got married\u2014they would need to go to the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third thing is to go through <em>Preparing for Marriage\u00ae<\/em>, which is a workbook we sell to engaged couples to go through.\u00a0 Go through it with a mentoring couple who will then walk you through the first 12 to 18 months of your marriage, meeting with you monthly.\u00a0 It\u2019s just the opportunity to take the pressure off and to allow a third party to have the conversations with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you guys had had that third party, walking into your marriage, you could have said at that point, as you just said here instantly, \u201cIt was awful!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThis is awful!\u00a0 Help us!\u201d\u00a0 What would have been the area you would have cried out for help?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think just learning to be with someone.\u00a0 You know, when you get married, that first year is\u2014you become one.\u00a0 When the preacher says the vows, you become one in the sight of God.\u00a0 The problem is you still have two bodies.\u00a0 You have four arms and you only need two.\u00a0 You have four legs; you only need two.\u00a0 You have to start a serious spiritual amputation here, and that hurts!\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to go through; but you don\u2019t want to because, \u201cThis arm is really good, and you\u2019re asking me to get rid of it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just this whole struggle, and I just think that learning to compromise\u2014I mean, you\u2019ve <em>got<\/em> to compromise.\u00a0 Learning to think about your spouse more than you think about yourself\u2014thinking about how to meet<em> his <\/em>needs and not always just be thinking about your own.\u00a0 Marriage is a very selfless thing\u2014that it takes time to get good at.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 We went to a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>probably a couple of years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>\u00a0I think it was two years in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 Two years into the marriage, and I believe you were speaking at this one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It changed.\u00a0 It was a good change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was as though we were hearing these principles for the very first time, and that really helped us.\u00a0 There were clearly still issues that I had to deal with; but that helped us so monumentally in just learning how to communicate\u2014how to fight well, things like that.\u00a0 It was life-changing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, as we\u2019re going to hear the rest of the story, there came a moment of crisis that was like detonating an atomic bomb, a nuclear device in your marriage.\u00a0 As Bob said, it goes back to this incident when you were eight years old that ended up being stuffed in a suitcase and brought into the marriage as excess baggage; but it ended up putting your marriage near the brink of disaster.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it ended up where trust had to be reestablished.\u00a0 That\u2019s one of the reasons you\u2019re sharing your story with others because you have talked to enough couples who have been, maybe not at the same place you were, but a place where trust was broken in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 They\u2019ve wondered, \u201cIs it possible for that trust to ever be rebuilt or restored?\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve walked the path and can tell them, \u201cYes, it is possible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book called <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken<\/em>.\u00a0 We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 You can find out more about the book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken,<\/em> when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Look for information on Cindy Beall\u2019s book, <em>Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken<\/em>.\u00a0 Or call toll-free for more information, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have seen how the power of stories like the one we\u2019re hearing today can have an impact on folks\u2019 lives.\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve been so encouraged over the years to hear from listeners who have gotten in touch with us and said, \u201cThis particular series...\u201d, \u201cWhat this guest shared...\u201d, \u201cWhat Dennis talked about...God used it in a profound way in our marriage relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was with some friends, not long ago, and the man was telling me about a series we had done on a similar subject.\u00a0 We\u2019d been talking about pornography and sexual sin.\u00a0 He said, \u201cGod used it to bring conviction in my own heart and life and to bring a turning point in our marriage relationship,\u201d before it got to the point where your relationship got to.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re grateful to hear about how God uses this program in folks\u2019 lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate it when you get in touch with us and let us know that God is using <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>in your marriage.\u00a0 We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who make all of this possible with your support of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Your financial gifts are what sustain this program.\u00a0 You help pay for the syndication and production costs for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we appreciate that support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d love to send you a couple of cards that we\u2019ve put together to help you pray for one another as a couple.\u00a0 When you make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, just ask for these prayer cards.\u00a0 Actually, if you make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, we\u2019ll send the prayer cards out to you as our way of saying, \u201cThanks for your support.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation, just ask if you can receive those prayer cards.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you one for you and one for your spouse.\u00a0\u00a0 Praying for one another is one of the ways that we can help protect and strengthen our marriage relationship.\u00a0 We want to help you in that regard.\u00a0 We appreciate your help and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Thanks for partnering with us in this effort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Chris and Cindy Beall are going to be here again.\u00a0 Things got worse before they got better for the two of them.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear more about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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