{"id":302459,"date":"2012-02-13T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-13T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language\/"},"modified":"2012-02-13T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-02-13T17:00:00","slug":"speaking-your-wifes-love-language","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language\/","title":{"rendered":"Speaking Your Wife&#8217;s Love Language"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Men&#8211;you fill up the car with gas, but have you checked the gauge of your wife&#8217;s love tank lately?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-13.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.25M","filesize_raw":"25426674","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902],"tags":[4213,5192],"podcast_series":[7857],"cwp_profile":[3353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302459","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","tag-love","tag-love-language","podcast_series-speaking-your-spouses-love-language","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302459\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302459\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"96hIujBDWy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language\/\">Speaking Your Wife&#8217;s Love Language<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/speaking-your-wifes-love-language\/embed\/#?secret=96hIujBDWy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Speaking Your Wife&#8217;s Love Language&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"96hIujBDWy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Many couples who are deeply in love with each other still experience problems in trying to communicate their love to each other. Here\u2019s Dr. Gary Chapman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I believe there are literally thousands of couples in this country, many of them Christians, who are as sincere as they can be. They are loving each other, but they\u2019re not connecting. So, the husband says, \u201cI don\u2019t understand a woman. I get out there, and work all week long, and bring home the money.\u00a0 Every Saturday, I wash the car and I mow the grass. Most women would be glad to have a man like me.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 The woman is <em>dying<\/em> for quality time.\u00a0 \u201cSit on the couch and talk to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 13th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, we\u2019ll get helpful input from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Gary Chapman on how we can do a better job of saying, \u201cI love you,\u201d to our spouse in a way that he or she can understand what we\u2019re trying to say.\u00a0 Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, did you get the chocolates for Mary Ann?\u00a0 Have you done it, Bob?\u00a0 I mean, tell the truth, now.\u00a0 Tell the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The truth is that Mary Ann and I are not going to be together on Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a sad fact.\u00a0 Our schedule\u2014It\u2019s a busy year for us.\u00a0 Mary Ann has just gotten back from international travel, and I have just left for some international travel.\u00a0 In fact, this week, you and I both are on the FamilyLife \u201cLove Like You Mean It\u201d marriage cruise.\u00a0 You\u2019re there with Barbara; I\u2019m there alone.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a miserable place to be <em>alone.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 With a thousand couples! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A thousand!\u00a0 Count them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I\u2019m there to minister to them around marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Doing your duty.\u00a0 What a man you are, Bob!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will be in regular touch with my wife.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll be sending little messages back and forth to one another while I\u2019m gone this week because it\u2019s the \u201cWeek of Love\u201d and you do those kinds of things; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do those kinds of things.\u00a0 Because it\u2019s a \u201cWeek of Love\u201d, we\u2019re going to find out what real love <em>is<\/em> and what real love <em>does.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m just wondering.\u00a0 Do you think there\u2019s anybody on the planet who doesn\u2019t know what the five love languages are?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There might be a tribe somewhere in Antarctica\u2014(Laughter)\u2014but I doubt it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Gary Chapman\u2019s book, <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>\u2014and it has probably been translated into whatever they speak in Antarctica\u2014it is a bestseller.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a bestseller for years.\u00a0 I remember reading it, and I found it helpful because Mary Ann and I don\u2019t naturally speak the same love language.\u00a0 My way of receiving love is\u2014I like words of affirmation and I like physical touch.\u00a0 She likes acts of service.\u00a0 So, I can say all the words I want; but if I don\u2019t pick up a rake and do something, I haven\u2019t spoken love to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe can do all the nice things for me she wants; but if she doesn\u2019t say, \u201cYou are such a stud!\u201d, then she hasn\u2019t spoken love to me; you know?\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m just being honest.\u00a0 That\u2019s how we are.\u00a0 When I first heard Gary Chapman unpack this idea of love languages, it was very helpful for our marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Gary Chapman is a pastor, speaker, and author (for those who have never heard of him\u2014if you\u2019re listening in Antarctica right now).\u00a0 He holds a PhD from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and has written a book that has sold more than 5 million copies.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Five Love Languages.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It has been translated into 36 languages.\u00a0 He has written a number of other books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, he\u2019s the Senior Associate Pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.\u00a0 He and his wife Karolyn have two adult children and two grandchildren.\u00a0 Awhile back, he spoke at a FamilyLife event that had like\u2014what was it?\u2014like 18,000 people at this event?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There were multiple thousands of people.\u00a0 As our listeners are about to hear, Gary has a little bit\u2014if you\u2019ve never heard him speak before, he got a little bit of a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A Yankee accent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little bit of a drawl, as we like to say!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong>\u00a0[Recorded message] I want to speak today on the two most difficult and misunderstood words in the English language. One is love. The other is anger. Now we <em>all<\/em> remember how it started; right?\u00a0 You guys remember the day when you walked down the hallway and she came out of class. You said to yourself, \u201cOooh!\u201d\u00a0 I call that little experience the tingles. It\u2019s the tingles that motivate us to ask someone out for a hamburger.\u00a0 It gets tinglier and tinglier.\u00a0 One night, when the moon is right, one of you will say, \u201cYou know, I think I could love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s what you call, \u201cTesting the waters.\u201d\u00a0 You want to see if they are feeling what you are feeling. If they give you a positive response, the next time the moon is right, one of you will actually say the words, [whispered] \u201cI love you.\u201d\u00a0 You wait for them to say, [whispered] \u201cI love you, too.\u201d\u00a0 Wooo!\u00a0 Now, you know you\u2019ve got it because you said it out loud!\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom that point on, you literally get <em>obsessed<\/em> with each other. You can\u2019t get them off your mind! I\u2019m not putting down that experience that we commonly call \u201cfalling in love.\u201d It\u2019s a wonderful experience. I\u2019m just saying it\u2019s not the foundation for marriage because it\u2019s temporary.\u00a0 I want to speak to you in the first part of my message on how to keep the emotional love alive. Then, I want to talk to you about how to resolve those conflicts that are a normal part of married life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter almost 30 years now of marriage and family counseling, I am convinced there are only five basic languages of love. Only five ways to express love emotionally. Now, there are many dialects. I discuss those in my book, but only five languages. I want to share them with you and I want to show you how they work in a marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove language number one\u2014words of affirmation\u2014words that build up.\u00a0 First Corinthians, Chapter 8, in verse 1:\u00a0 \u201cLove edifies. Love builds up.\u201d\u00a0 We look for words that build up the other person.\u00a0 Now, ladies, I don\u2019t want you to raise your hand; but I want to ask the question, \u201cHas he said anything like this to you in the last week, \u2018You look nice in that dress.\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, guys, I don\u2019t want you to raise your hand; but I want to ask the question, \u201cHas she said anything like this to you in the last week, \u2018Ooh, do you ever look tough tonight!\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I can tell that\u2019s new for some of you ladies. Let\u2019s try that out loud.\u00a0 All the ladies, here we go.\u00a0 \u201cOoh, do you ever look tough tonight!\u201d\u00a0 Woo!\u00a0 Try that on some night!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many men sit in my office and say to me,\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDr. Chapman, I don\u2019t ever get any words of affirmation. I get out there and bust myself all day long.\u00a0 She never says a positive word to me.\u201d\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many ladies say the same thing.\u00a0 \u201cDr. Chapman, I give it everything I\u2019ve got; and he never says a positive word.\u00a0 All he does is criticize.\u201d\u00a0 Do you understand why the Bible says, \u201cLife and death are in the tongue\u201d?\u2014words of affirmation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second love language is gifts. It is universal to give gifts as an expression of love. The best-known verse in all the Bible is John 3:16, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His uniquely begotten Son\u201d and that through Him we might have another gift\u2014the gift of eternal life. God is a gift-giver. If we love, we give gifts. They don\u2019t have to be expensive gifts. Haven\u2019t we always said, \u201cIt\u2019s the thought that counts\u201d? But I remind you, it is not the thought left in your head that counts. It\u2019s the gift that came out of the thought in your head.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third love language is acts of service. First John 3:18, \u201cLove not in word only, but in deed.\u201d\u00a0 <em>Do something<\/em> to show your love. Cooking a meal is an act of service. You remember the old saying, \u201cThe way to a man\u2019s heart is through his stomach\u201d?\u00a0 There is some truth to that. The way to a woman\u2019s heart is through the restaurant door. Yes! (Laughter)\u00a0 Washing dishes is an act of service. Who washes dishes at your house?\u00a0 Assuming someone cooks.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Vacuuming floors is an act of service. Putting gas in the car they drive. Changing the baby\u2019s diaper\u2014Wooo, big act of service!\u00a0\u00a0 Anything that you know they would like for you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four is sharing quality time.\u00a0 Mark, Chapter 3, verse 14, says of Jesus, \u201cHe ordained twelve\u201d (we call them the 12 disciples).\u00a0 He set them apart.\u00a0 Listen to this\u2014\u201cthat He might be with them and then send them forth to preach.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus preached to the multitudes, but He gave quality time to 12 men. By quality time, I mean giving the person your <em>undivided<\/em> attention. I <em>don\u2019t<\/em> mean sitting on the couch, watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off. Have you ever tried that?\u00a0 TV off\u2014looking at each other and talking to each other\u2014or taking a walk down the road, just the two of you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber five is physical touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch.\u00a0 Mark, Chapter 10, verses 13 through 16, \u201cThey brought the little children to Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 You remember what the disciples said?\u00a0 \u201cGet rid of these kids. Can\u2019t you tell He\u2019s too busy for kids?\u201d\u00a0 What did Jesus say?\u00a0 \u201cBring the children to Me, for of such is the Kingdom of God.\u201d\u00a0 The next verse says, \u201cHe put his hands on them and blessed them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhysical touch\u2014a powerful, powerful communicator. That\u2019s why we pick up the babies, and hold the babies, and cuddle the babies, and say all those silly words\u2014physical touch. I n marriage, I\u2019m talking about holding hands. I\u2019m talking about kissing. I\u2019m talking about embracing. I\u2019m taking about sexual intercourse. I\u2019m talking about a hand on their leg as you drive down the road. I\u2019m talking about tripping them as they walk by. (Laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about physical touch!\u00a0 I can demonstrate the power of physical touch right now.\u00a0 Would you just reach out and touch your spouse?\u00a0 Anywhere.\u00a0 Just touch.\u00a0 Now, I didn\u2019t say, \u201cPoke\u201d! I said, \u201cTouch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, break it up!\u00a0 Now, listen to me carefully. Out of those five love languages, every one of us, young or old, has what I call a <em>primary<\/em> love language.\u00a0 One of those five is more important to you than all the others. Now, you like all of them; but if you had to give up one\u2014you would give up this one, or this one; but not this one!\u00a0 This is the one that <em>really<\/em> makes you feel loved.\u00a0 When your spouse does that, you feel loved\u2014that is your <em>primary<\/em> love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, once in a while, someone says to me, \u201cI don\u2019t know, Gary. I think two of those are just about equal for me.\u201d My answer is, \u201cFine. We\u2019ll give you two love languages. We\u2019ll call you bilingual!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 But <em>most <\/em>of us have a primary love language, a secondary love language. The other three fall in line under that. Please listen to me carefully.\u00a0 <em>Almost never<\/em> do a husband and wife have the same love language. By <em>nature<\/em>, we <em>speak our<\/em> language. Whatever makes us feel loved, we tend to do that for our spouse. But if that is not his or her primary language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me illustrate. I had a pastor who called me some time ago. He said, \u201cDr. Chapman, my wife and I have been married 17 years.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been in the ministry 17 years.\u00a0 I have read lots of books, trying to help other people with their marriages.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never read a book that changed my own life the way your book, <em>The Five Love Languages,<\/em> did.\u00a0 My wife and I read that book and <em>immediately<\/em> realized that for <em>17 years<\/em>, we had not spoken each other\u2019s primary language.\u00a0 My wife\u2019s language is gifts. My language is words of affirmation.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor 17 years, my wife has been giving me gifts.\u00a0 You should see my closet.\u00a0 It\u2019s filled with stuff I\u2019ve never opened.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to her along the way, \u2018Why do you keep bringing home all this stuff?\u00a0 I don\u2019t need this stuff\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said, \u201cFor 17 years, I have been giving her words of affirmation. I would tell her how good-looking she is. I tell her what a good mother she is. In fact, sometimes I have poured it on so strongly that my wife has said to me, \u2018Would you please knock it off?\u2019 You understand what she\u2019s been feeling for 17 years, \u2018Cut the talk!\u00a0 Where are the gifts?\u00a0 Talk is cheap!\u00a0 \u201cI love you. I love you.\u201d Where are the gifts?\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cDr. Chapman, I\u2019m ashamed to tell you this, but I\u2019m going to tell you because it might help somebody.\u00a0 In 17 years of marriage, the only gift I ever remember giving my wife after the ring\u2014one year, early on, I did buy her a lemon squeezer. Other than that, I\u2019ve never bought the woman a gift. My philosophy has been, \u2018Let her buy her own gifts and she\u2019ll like them.\u2019\u00a0 I thought that was fine!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t misunderstand me. Some wives <em>prefer<\/em> to buy their own gifts. They get tired taking his back and exchanging them, but not if her love language is gifts.\u00a0 If her primary language is gifts, it really doesn\u2019t matter <em>what<\/em> he gives. It\u2019s the fact that he did it! So, he said, \u201cI called my sister. My sister has been going with me, teaching me to buy gifts.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019ve given my wife a gift every week for the last 13 weeks. Dr. Chapman, you wouldn\u2019t believe the woman. She is smiling again. I\u2019ve never seen the woman this happy.\u00a0 She is now giving me <em>words<\/em> of affirmation. She tells me how good-looking I am. She tells me what a good speaker I am.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI haven\u2019t felt this good in 17 years!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou understand what happened? They finally connected. You know what I believe?\u00a0 I believe there are literally thousands of couples in this country, many of them Christians, who are as sincere as they can be, at least in the early years of marriage. They <em>are<\/em> loving each other, but they are not connecting.\u00a0 So, the husband says, \u201cI don\u2019t understand a woman.\u00a0 I get out there, and work all week long, and bring home the money.\u00a0 Every Saturday, I wash the car and I mow the grass.\u00a0 Most women would be glad to have a man like me.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 The woman is <em>dying <\/em>for quality time.\u00a0 \u201cSit on the couch and talk to me!\u201d\u00a0 He is sincere, but he is missing her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you understand what I am saying?\u00a0 Do you understand why I would say that what I have just shared with you could literally save thousands of marriages?\u00a0 Literally, thousands of marriages could be revolutionized overnight!\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take long to do it. We choose to love in the power of the Holy Spirit, about which we\u2019ve heard all morning. Then, we apply this principle and we spend our energy in the way that is most meaningful to our spouse. The love tank fills up. The emotional warmth comes back to the marriage. Then, we can process our conflicts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0[Studio]\u00a0 Well, we have been listening to the first part of a message from Dr. Gary Chapman.\u00a0 Again, for some of our listeners\u2014these concepts\u2014they are going to go, \u201cI\u2019ve heard it; I\u2019ve read the book.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard Dr. Chapman speak on this before.\u201d\u00a0 But, you know what?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t hurt to hear it again.\u00a0 I mean, even for me, just to have a reminder of what makes sense to my wife.\u00a0 If I want to say to her, \u201cHoney, I love you,\u201d I want to make sure I\u2019m saying that in her language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For some of us, the old saying, \u201cYou have less need of being taught than you do of being reminded.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We need to be reminded from time to time and do a little study.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re going to put these five principles on our website\u2014if you don\u2019t get them all right now.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the assignment for all the men and women, who are married, who are listening\u2014and the singles who are, maybe, in a serious dating relationship.\u00a0 There are a few of these that you can appropriately use as love languages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTake these five and ask your spouse to rank them:\u00a0 number one; number two; number three; and beyond that doesn\u2019t really count.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve got three of them, that\u2019s plenty of homework for you right there.\u00a0 Then, what I want you to do is\u2014after they\u2019ve ranked them\u2014figure out one thing\u2014one application of how you can meet your wife\u2019s, or your husband\u2019s, need to be communicated with, in his or her love language, in a way that truly affirms and encourages them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And all five of those, as you said, are on the website.\u00a0 In fact, the transcript of this message is on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well.\u00a0 If you want to review what Dr. Chapman talked about and see the list of five, you can do that by going to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The assignment that Dennis has given us is also available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019ve got copies of Dr. Chapman\u2019s book, <em>The Five Love Languages, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 I can\u2019t imagine that anybody doesn\u2019t have a copy of the book; but if you haven\u2019t read the book, it\u2019s worth reading.\u00a0 It\u2019s very practical in how we can express our love to one another.\u00a0 I\u2019ll also mention Dr. Chapman\u2019s got a new book called <em>Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage. <\/em>\u00a0We\u2019ve got that in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these resources.\u00a0 There\u2019s also information online about our upcoming season of FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaways, where you can hear practical, biblical counsel for how to build a stronger marriage relationship.\u00a0 We have thousands of couples who\u2019ll be joining us this spring in cities all across the country.\u00a0 Find out when the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is going to be in a city near where you live by going to FamilyLIfeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s not a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway happening near you, why don\u2019t you host your own <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u00ae video event?\u00a0 It\u2019s a Friday night\/Saturday event.\u00a0 You can host it at your local church or in another setting, if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Invite friends over and spend a weekend focusing on marriage.\u00a0 The video event has already happened in thousands of locations across the country.\u00a0 We\u2019re getting <em>great <\/em>feedback from those who have done an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event (either attended one or hosted one).\u00a0 Find out more about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> on our website as well\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com is the website.\u00a0 Or call toll-free, 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we always like to take just a minute to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to the folks who make our daily program possible (those of you who, from time to time or on a regular basis, help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today).<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Your financial support is what makes this program possible.\u00a0 We are very grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank-you gift of a couple of books that we\u2019ve put together\u2014one for husbands, one for wives\u2014both of them offering suggestions on how you can express your love for one another more effectively.\u00a0 It ties in with what we were hearing about from Dr. Chapman today.\u00a0 Along with the books, we\u2019ve got some prayer cards we\u2019ll send you\u2014one for a husband and one for a wife\u2014so you can more effectively pray for one another.\u00a0 Again, these resources are just our way of saying, \u201cThanks for joining us, here, in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, all you have to do is click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 Fill out the online donation form, and we\u2019ll be sure to get these resources out to you; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You can make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the resources on romance.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about and we\u2019ll be happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate you.\u00a0 It\u2019s always great to hear from you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about some of the wrong ways to try to resolve conflict in marriage.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear Part Two of Gary Chapman\u2019s message on building a stronger marriage.\u00a0 That\u2019s tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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fill up the car with gas, but have you checked the gauge of your wife's love tank lately?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Many couples who are deeply in love with each other still experience problems in trying to communicate their love to each other. Here\u2019s Dr. Gary Chapman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I believe there are literally thousands of couples in this country, many of them Christians, who are as sincere as they can be. They are loving each other, but they\u2019re not connecting. So, the husband says, \u201cI don\u2019t understand a woman. I get out there, and work all week long, and bring home the money.\u00a0 Every Saturday, I wash the car and I mow the grass. Most women would be glad to have a man like me.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 The woman is <em>dying<\/em> for quality time.\u00a0 \u201cSit on the couch and talk to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 13th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, we\u2019ll get helpful input from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Gary Chapman on how we can do a better job of saying, \u201cI love you,\u201d to our spouse in a way that he or she can understand what we\u2019re trying to say.\u00a0 Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, did you get the chocolates for Mary Ann?\u00a0 Have you done it, Bob?\u00a0 I mean, tell the truth, now.\u00a0 Tell the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The truth is that Mary Ann and I are not going to be together on Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a sad fact.\u00a0 Our schedule\u2014It\u2019s a busy year for us.\u00a0 Mary Ann has just gotten back from international travel, and I have just left for some international travel.\u00a0 In fact, this week, you and I both are on the FamilyLife \u201cLove Like You Mean It\u201d marriage cruise.\u00a0 You\u2019re there with Barbara; I\u2019m there alone.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a miserable place to be <em>alone.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 With a thousand couples! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A thousand!\u00a0 Count them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I\u2019m there to minister to them around marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Doing your duty.\u00a0 What a man you are, Bob!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will be in regular touch with my wife.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll be sending little messages back and forth to one another while I\u2019m gone this week because it\u2019s the \u201cWeek of Love\u201d and you do those kinds of things; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do those kinds of things.\u00a0 Because it\u2019s a \u201cWeek of Love\u201d, we\u2019re going to find out what real love <em>is<\/em> and what real love <em>does.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m just wondering.\u00a0 Do you think there\u2019s anybody on the planet who doesn\u2019t know what the five love languages are?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There might be a tribe somewhere in Antarctica\u2014(Laughter)\u2014but I doubt it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Gary Chapman\u2019s book, <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em>\u2014and it has probably been translated into whatever they speak in Antarctica\u2014it is a bestseller.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a bestseller for years.\u00a0 I remember reading it, and I found it helpful because Mary Ann and I don\u2019t naturally speak the same love language.\u00a0 My way of receiving love is\u2014I like words of affirmation and I like physical touch.\u00a0 She likes acts of service.\u00a0 So, I can say all the words I want; but if I don\u2019t pick up a rake and do something, I haven\u2019t spoken love to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe can do all the nice things for me she wants; but if she doesn\u2019t say, \u201cYou are such a stud!\u201d, then she hasn\u2019t spoken love to me; you know?\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m just being honest.\u00a0 That\u2019s how we are.\u00a0 When I first heard Gary Chapman unpack this idea of love languages, it was very helpful for our marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Gary Chapman is a pastor, speaker, and author (for those who have never heard of him\u2014if you\u2019re listening in Antarctica right now).\u00a0 He holds a PhD from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and has written a book that has sold more than 5 million copies.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Five Love Languages.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It has been translated into 36 languages.\u00a0 He has written a number of other books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, he\u2019s the Senior Associate Pastor of Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.\u00a0 He and his wife Karolyn have two adult children and two grandchildren.\u00a0 Awhile back, he spoke at a FamilyLife event that had like\u2014what was it?\u2014like 18,000 people at this event?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There were multiple thousands of people.\u00a0 As our listeners are about to hear, Gary has a little bit\u2014if you\u2019ve never heard him speak before, he got a little bit of a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A Yankee accent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little bit of a drawl, as we like to say!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong>\u00a0[Recorded message] I want to speak today on the two most difficult and misunderstood words in the English language. One is love. The other is anger. Now we <em>all<\/em> remember how it started; right?\u00a0 You guys remember the day when you walked down the hallway and she came out of class. You said to yourself, \u201cOooh!\u201d\u00a0 I call that little experience the tingles. It\u2019s the tingles that motivate us to ask someone out for a hamburger.\u00a0 It gets tinglier and tinglier.\u00a0 One night, when the moon is right, one of you will say, \u201cYou know, I think I could love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s what you call, \u201cTesting the waters.\u201d\u00a0 You want to see if they are feeling what you are feeling. If they give you a positive response, the next time the moon is right, one of you will actually say the words, [whispered] \u201cI love you.\u201d\u00a0 You wait for them to say, [whispered] \u201cI love you, too.\u201d\u00a0 Wooo!\u00a0 Now, you know you\u2019ve got it because you said it out loud!\u00a0 (Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom that point on, you literally get <em>obsessed<\/em> with each other. You can\u2019t get them off your mind! I\u2019m not putting down that experience that we commonly call \u201cfalling in love.\u201d It\u2019s a wonderful experience. I\u2019m just saying it\u2019s not the foundation for marriage because it\u2019s temporary.\u00a0 I want to speak to you in the first part of my message on how to keep the emotional love alive. Then, I want to talk to you about how to resolve those conflicts that are a normal part of married life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter almost 30 years now of marriage and family counseling, I am convinced there are only five basic languages of love. Only five ways to express love emotionally. Now, there are many dialects. I discuss those in my book, but only five languages. I want to share them with you and I want to show you how they work in a marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove language number one\u2014words of affirmation\u2014words that build up.\u00a0 First Corinthians, Chapter 8, in verse 1:\u00a0 \u201cLove edifies. Love builds up.\u201d\u00a0 We look for words that build up the other person.\u00a0 Now, ladies, I don\u2019t want you to raise your hand; but I want to ask the question, \u201cHas he said anything like this to you in the last week, \u2018You look nice in that dress.\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, guys, I don\u2019t want you to raise your hand; but I want to ask the question, \u201cHas she said anything like this to you in the last week, \u2018Ooh, do you ever look tough tonight!\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I can tell that\u2019s new for some of you ladies. Let\u2019s try that out loud.\u00a0 All the ladies, here we go.\u00a0 \u201cOoh, do you ever look tough tonight!\u201d\u00a0 Woo!\u00a0 Try that on some night!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many men sit in my office and say to me,\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDr. Chapman, I don\u2019t ever get any words of affirmation. I get out there and bust myself all day long.\u00a0 She never says a positive word to me.\u201d\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you how many ladies say the same thing.\u00a0 \u201cDr. Chapman, I give it everything I\u2019ve got; and he never says a positive word.\u00a0 All he does is criticize.\u201d\u00a0 Do you understand why the Bible says, \u201cLife and death are in the tongue\u201d?\u2014words of affirmation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second love language is gifts. It is universal to give gifts as an expression of love. The best-known verse in all the Bible is John 3:16, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His uniquely begotten Son\u201d and that through Him we might have another gift\u2014the gift of eternal life. God is a gift-giver. If we love, we give gifts. They don\u2019t have to be expensive gifts. Haven\u2019t we always said, \u201cIt\u2019s the thought that counts\u201d? But I remind you, it is not the thought left in your head that counts. It\u2019s the gift that came out of the thought in your head.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third love language is acts of service. First John 3:18, \u201cLove not in word only, but in deed.\u201d\u00a0 <em>Do something<\/em> to show your love. Cooking a meal is an act of service. You remember the old saying, \u201cThe way to a man\u2019s heart is through his stomach\u201d?\u00a0 There is some truth to that. The way to a woman\u2019s heart is through the restaurant door. Yes! (Laughter)\u00a0 Washing dishes is an act of service. Who washes dishes at your house?\u00a0 Assuming someone cooks.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Vacuuming floors is an act of service. Putting gas in the car they drive. Changing the baby\u2019s diaper\u2014Wooo, big act of service!\u00a0\u00a0 Anything that you know they would like for you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four is sharing quality time.\u00a0 Mark, Chapter 3, verse 14, says of Jesus, \u201cHe ordained twelve\u201d (we call them the 12 disciples).\u00a0 He set them apart.\u00a0 Listen to this\u2014\u201cthat He might be with them and then send them forth to preach.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus preached to the multitudes, but He gave quality time to 12 men. By quality time, I mean giving the person your <em>undivided<\/em> attention. I <em>don\u2019t<\/em> mean sitting on the couch, watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off. Have you ever tried that?\u00a0 TV off\u2014looking at each other and talking to each other\u2014or taking a walk down the road, just the two of you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber five is physical touch. We have long known the emotional power of physical touch.\u00a0 Mark, Chapter 10, verses 13 through 16, \u201cThey brought the little children to Jesus.\u201d\u00a0 You remember what the disciples said?\u00a0 \u201cGet rid of these kids. Can\u2019t you tell He\u2019s too busy for kids?\u201d\u00a0 What did Jesus say?\u00a0 \u201cBring the children to Me, for of such is the Kingdom of God.\u201d\u00a0 The next verse says, \u201cHe put his hands on them and blessed them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhysical touch\u2014a powerful, powerful communicator. That\u2019s why we pick up the babies, and hold the babies, and cuddle the babies, and say all those silly words\u2014physical touch. I n marriage, I\u2019m talking about holding hands. I\u2019m talking about kissing. I\u2019m talking about embracing. I\u2019m taking about sexual intercourse. I\u2019m talking about a hand on their leg as you drive down the road. I\u2019m talking about tripping them as they walk by. (Laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about physical touch!\u00a0 I can demonstrate the power of physical touch right now.\u00a0 Would you just reach out and touch your spouse?\u00a0 Anywhere.\u00a0 Just touch.\u00a0 Now, I didn\u2019t say, \u201cPoke\u201d! I said, \u201cTouch.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, break it up!\u00a0 Now, listen to me carefully. Out of those five love languages, every one of us, young or old, has what I call a <em>primary<\/em> love language.\u00a0 One of those five is more important to you than all the others. Now, you like all of them; but if you had to give up one\u2014you would give up this one, or this one; but not this one!\u00a0 This is the one that <em>really<\/em> makes you feel loved.\u00a0 When your spouse does that, you feel loved\u2014that is your <em>primary<\/em> love language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, once in a while, someone says to me, \u201cI don\u2019t know, Gary. I think two of those are just about equal for me.\u201d My answer is, \u201cFine. We\u2019ll give you two love languages. We\u2019ll call you bilingual!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 But <em>most <\/em>of us have a primary love language, a secondary love language. The other three fall in line under that. Please listen to me carefully.\u00a0 <em>Almost never<\/em> do a husband and wife have the same love language. By <em>nature<\/em>, we <em>speak our<\/em> language. Whatever makes us feel loved, we tend to do that for our spouse. But if that is not his or her primary language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me illustrate. I had a pastor who called me some time ago. He said, \u201cDr. Chapman, my wife and I have been married 17 years.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been in the ministry 17 years.\u00a0 I have read lots of books, trying to help other people with their marriages.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never read a book that changed my own life the way your book, <em>The Five Love Languages,<\/em> did.\u00a0 My wife and I read that book and <em>immediately<\/em> realized that for <em>17 years<\/em>, we had not spoken each other\u2019s primary language.\u00a0 My wife\u2019s language is gifts. My language is words of affirmation.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor 17 years, my wife has been giving me gifts.\u00a0 You should see my closet.\u00a0 It\u2019s filled with stuff I\u2019ve never opened.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to her along the way, \u2018Why do you keep bringing home all this stuff?\u00a0 I don\u2019t need this stuff\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said, \u201cFor 17 years, I have been giving her words of affirmation. I would tell her how good-looking she is. I tell her what a good mother she is. In fact, sometimes I have poured it on so strongly that my wife has said to me, \u2018Would you please knock it off?\u2019 You understand what she\u2019s been feeling for 17 years, \u2018Cut the talk!\u00a0 Where are the gifts?\u00a0 Talk is cheap!\u00a0 \u201cI love you. I love you.\u201d Where are the gifts?\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cDr. Chapman, I\u2019m ashamed to tell you this, but I\u2019m going to tell you because it might help somebody.\u00a0 In 17 years of marriage, the only gift I ever remember giving my wife after the ring\u2014one year, early on, I did buy her a lemon squeezer. Other than that, I\u2019ve never bought the woman a gift. My philosophy has been, \u2018Let her buy her own gifts and she\u2019ll like them.\u2019\u00a0 I thought that was fine!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t misunderstand me. Some wives <em>prefer<\/em> to buy their own gifts. They get tired taking his back and exchanging them, but not if her love language is gifts.\u00a0 If her primary language is gifts, it really doesn\u2019t matter <em>what<\/em> he gives. It\u2019s the fact that he did it! So, he said, \u201cI called my sister. My sister has been going with me, teaching me to buy gifts.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI\u2019ve given my wife a gift every week for the last 13 weeks. Dr. Chapman, you wouldn\u2019t believe the woman. She is smiling again. I\u2019ve never seen the woman this happy.\u00a0 She is now giving me <em>words<\/em> of affirmation. She tells me how good-looking I am. She tells me what a good speaker I am.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI haven\u2019t felt this good in 17 years!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou understand what happened? They finally connected. You know what I believe?\u00a0 I believe there are literally thousands of couples in this country, many of them Christians, who are as sincere as they can be, at least in the early years of marriage. They <em>are<\/em> loving each other, but they are not connecting.\u00a0 So, the husband says, \u201cI don\u2019t understand a woman.\u00a0 I get out there, and work all week long, and bring home the money.\u00a0 Every Saturday, I wash the car and I mow the grass.\u00a0 Most women would be glad to have a man like me.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 The woman is <em>dying <\/em>for quality time.\u00a0 \u201cSit on the couch and talk to me!\u201d\u00a0 He is sincere, but he is missing her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you understand what I am saying?\u00a0 Do you understand why I would say that what I have just shared with you could literally save thousands of marriages?\u00a0 Literally, thousands of marriages could be revolutionized overnight!\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t take long to do it. We choose to love in the power of the Holy Spirit, about which we\u2019ve heard all morning. Then, we apply this principle and we spend our energy in the way that is most meaningful to our spouse. The love tank fills up. The emotional warmth comes back to the marriage. Then, we can process our conflicts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0[Studio]\u00a0 Well, we have been listening to the first part of a message from Dr. Gary Chapman.\u00a0 Again, for some of our listeners\u2014these concepts\u2014they are going to go, \u201cI\u2019ve heard it; I\u2019ve read the book.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard Dr. Chapman speak on this before.\u201d\u00a0 But, you know what?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t hurt to hear it again.\u00a0 I mean, even for me, just to have a reminder of what makes sense to my wife.\u00a0 If I want to say to her, \u201cHoney, I love you,\u201d I want to make sure I\u2019m saying that in her language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For some of us, the old saying, \u201cYou have less need of being taught than you do of being reminded.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We need to be reminded from time to time and do a little study.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re going to put these five principles on our website\u2014if you don\u2019t get them all right now.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the assignment for all the men and women, who are married, who are listening\u2014and the singles who are, maybe, in a serious dating relationship.\u00a0 There are a few of these that you can appropriately use as love languages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTake these five and ask your spouse to rank them:\u00a0 number one; number two; number three; and beyond that doesn\u2019t really count.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve got three of them, that\u2019s plenty of homework for you right there.\u00a0 Then, what I want you to do is\u2014after they\u2019ve ranked them\u2014figure out one thing\u2014one application of how you can meet your wife\u2019s, or your husband\u2019s, need to be communicated with, in his or her love language, in a way that truly affirms and encourages them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And all five of those, as you said, are on the website.\u00a0 In fact, the transcript of this message is on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well.\u00a0 If you want to review what Dr. Chapman talked about and see the list of five, you can do that by going to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The assignment that Dennis has given us is also available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019ve got copies of Dr. Chapman\u2019s book, <em>The Five Love Languages, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 I can\u2019t imagine that anybody doesn\u2019t have a copy of the book; but if you haven\u2019t read the book, it\u2019s worth reading.\u00a0 It\u2019s very practical in how we can express our love to one another.\u00a0 I\u2019ll also mention Dr. Chapman\u2019s got a new book called <em>Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage. <\/em>\u00a0We\u2019ve got that in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these resources.\u00a0 There\u2019s also information online about our upcoming season of FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaways, where you can hear practical, biblical counsel for how to build a stronger marriage relationship.\u00a0 We have thousands of couples who\u2019ll be joining us this spring in cities all across the country.\u00a0 Find out when the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>is going to be in a city near where you live by going to FamilyLIfeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the link for the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s not a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway happening near you, why don\u2019t you host your own <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u00ae video event?\u00a0 It\u2019s a Friday night\/Saturday event.\u00a0 You can host it at your local church or in another setting, if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Invite friends over and spend a weekend focusing on marriage.\u00a0 The video event has already happened in thousands of locations across the country.\u00a0 We\u2019re getting <em>great <\/em>feedback from those who have done an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event (either attended one or hosted one).\u00a0 Find out more about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> on our website as well\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com is the website.\u00a0 Or call toll-free, 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we always like to take just a minute to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to the folks who make our daily program possible (those of you who, from time to time or on a regular basis, help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today).<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Your financial support is what makes this program possible.\u00a0 We are very grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank-you gift of a couple of books that we\u2019ve put together\u2014one for husbands, one for wives\u2014both of them offering suggestions on how you can express your love for one another more effectively.\u00a0 It ties in with what we were hearing about from Dr. Chapman today.\u00a0 Along with the books, we\u2019ve got some prayer cards we\u2019ll send you\u2014one for a husband and one for a wife\u2014so you can more effectively pray for one another.\u00a0 Again, these resources are just our way of saying, \u201cThanks for joining us, here, in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, all you have to do is click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 Fill out the online donation form, and we\u2019ll be sure to get these resources out to you; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You can make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the resources on romance.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about and we\u2019ll be happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate you.\u00a0 It\u2019s always great to hear from you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about some of the wrong ways to try to resolve conflict in marriage.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear Part Two of Gary Chapman\u2019s message on building a stronger marriage.\u00a0 That\u2019s tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302459","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302459"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302459"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302459"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302459"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302459"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302459"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302459"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}