{"id":302454,"date":"2012-02-08T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-02-08T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/tests-of-love-part-1\/"},"modified":"2012-02-08T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2012-02-08T17:00:00","slug":"tests-of-love-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tests-of-love-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Tests of Love, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>12 tests that let you know whether or not you truly have been hit by Cupid&#8217;s arrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.94M","filesize_raw":"24053289","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[4213,2991],"podcast_series":[7287],"cwp_profile":[3049],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302454","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-love","tag-sex","podcast_series-love-sex-and-lasting-relationships","cwp_profile-chip-ingram","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302454\/tests-of-love-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302454\/tests-of-love-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"YrsyZoYOFe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tests-of-love-part-1\/\">Tests of Love, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tests-of-love-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=YrsyZoYOFe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Tests of Love, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"YrsyZoYOFe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can you know if you're really in love and if the person you think you're in love with, is really the right person?\u00a0 Here is some solid advice from Chip Ingram.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0You need enough time with a person to see the person in multiple venues and it's not an emotionally-infatuated motivated decision.\u00a0 Like anything, you can\u2019t run <em>one<\/em> test on a car and say, \u201cThe car is drivable.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cTest of Time\u201d is going to be one crucial one.\u00a0 You take that and begin to evaluate, \u201cIs this relationship on solid ground or is this infatuation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 So, how can you tell the difference between the real ooey-gooey feelings and the counterfeit?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember a number of years ago, we were talking with Dawson McAllister who had come and was a guest on our program.\u00a0 He said one of the questions he gets most often from teenagers is the question of, \u201cHow can I know if this\u2014if my boyfriend, my girlfriend\u2014is the one?\u00a0 How can I know if I'm <em>really <\/em>in love?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cMaybe it was the number-one question.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought later, \u201cI'm not sure that's just teenagers asking that question.\u201d\u00a0 I think a lot of us ask that question, up until the point we get married.\u00a0 We wonder, \u201cHow can I know if this is\u201d\u2014I remember the day I got married, going, \u201cCan I know this for sure?\u201d\u00a0 Here I am, about to walk down the aisle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and I'm thinking, \u201cHow does anybody make this decision for a lifetime?\u00a0 She may change\u201d\u2014and she did, by the way\u2014\u201cand I may change\u201d\u2014and I have, too.\u00a0 How do you know if this is the person and you're going to be able to make it work for a lifetime?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know we have the \u201cDoctor of Love\u201d with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 <em>I'm<\/em> the \u201cDoctor of Love\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, excuse me, Bob.\u00a0 You\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chip is the \u201cDuke of Love\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Duke\u2014the \u201cDuke of Love\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You like that one?\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> (sings) \u201cDuke, duke, duke, duke of love, love, love, duke of love\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my, this is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's so fun to be with you guys, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Chip Ingram joins us again.\u00a0 He came back for a third day.\u00a0 This is quite astounding.\u00a0 He has written a new book called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>In his book, he has the \u201cTests of Love\u201d\u2014the \u201cTests of Love\u201d.\u00a0 You actually describe 12 qualities to test people of whether or not they're in love or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we've included all 12 of these on our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If you want to go to FamilyLife.com and take the test, it's there 24\/7; but I want to see how many of these 12 we can hit, Chip, on our broadcast today.\u00a0 What's the first one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first one is the \u201cTest of Time\u201d.\u00a0 Love grows, and all growth requires time.\u00a0 Infatuation may come on suddenly.\u00a0 It's just\u2014\u201cBoom!\u201d\u2014these feelings.\u00a0 Remember the old song\u2014since we're so musical\u2014 (sings) \u201cHello, I love you.\u00a0 Won't you tell me your name?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, that is the most ridiculous thought in the world; and here 20 years later, Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re still singing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and I still know the words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's the idea that I can actually be in love with someone, and I don't even know them.\u00a0 The first test of genuine love\u2014now, you can have feelings, chemistry, infatuation; but it's <em>time<\/em> that lets you know whether you're really in love\u2014\u201cIs this the real thing or just a feeling?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know exactly what you're talking about, Chip, because people ask me, \u201cHow do you know when it's been enough time?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWith Mary Ann, I knew that when I had seen her in times where she was not very attractive,\u201d\u2014her attitude wasn't particularly attractive; she wasn't somebody that you really wanted to spend a lot of time with\u2014\u201cand I still wanted to spend time with her.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought, \u201cSomething's wrong.\u00a0 I must have fallen here,\u201d because even when life wasn't good, I still wanted to be with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, how long did you date Mary Ann before you actually proposed to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we dated for four-and-a-half years, but I'd probably seen that side of her in the first six\u2014no, maybe nine months.\u00a0 It may have taken nine months before I saw her on a really bad day.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cNo one would want to spend time with a woman like this today,\u201d but I still did.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cSomething's up here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it's very important to know, \u201cAre there exceptions?\u00a0 Are people going to give you anecdotal things who have been married 42 years\u2014\u2018It was six weeks\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Of course, there are exceptions.\u00a0 Does God work in different ways?\u00a0 Of course, He does.\u00a0 By and large, what we're saying is you need enough time with the person to see the person in multiple venues and it's not an emotionally-infatuated motivated decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is there are 12 tests.\u00a0 Like anything, you can't run <em>one<\/em> test on a car and say, \u201cThe car is drivable.\u201d\u00a0 The \u201cTest of Time\u201d is going to be one crucial one, but you take that along with the other 11 tests and begin to evaluate, \u201cIs this relationship on solid ground or is this infatuation?\u00a0 Is this just ooey-gooey feelings that, \u2018I've got chemistry; and, Hey!\u00a0 It sure feels good,\u2019 but this is going to be gone in six to nine months and this is <em>not <\/em>going to be the basis for a lasting relationship?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You may have dated somebody for three years.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that they\u2019re the right person, just because you\u2019ve gone that long.\u00a0 The second test you talk about is a \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It's a \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d, and I think they're interrelated because love grows out of the appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person.\u00a0 Infatuation may arise from an acquaintance with only a few or only one of these characteristics.\u00a0 So, you get attracted to one thing, and your heart explodes\u2014and it's true.\u00a0 Let's identify, let's not get so spiritual here.\u00a0 It happens.\u00a0 Everything <em>feels<\/em> wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're making me need to lie down here.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask both you guys, \u201cHow much of your wives did you know at the point you asked her to marry you?\u201d\u00a0 Now, looking back\u2014let's just apply this \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d.\u00a0 How well did you know her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will say I knew my wife <em>very<\/em> well.\u00a0 There was a lot on the line.\u00a0 We knew each other <em>extremely<\/em> well for two years, but what I will say\u2014this is interesting\u2014the first time I saw her, I had a light go off.\u00a0 There was some chemistry, and I literally slammed on the brakes and said, \u201cYou know something?\u00a0 I need\u201d\u2014because I had been through a few relationships, and I wasn't going to deny that there was an <em>immediate<\/em> attraction.\u00a0 She had this\u2014in my mind's eye\u2014long blond hair, blue dress, and I can tell you where she was standing; okay?\u00a0 So, I mean, I'm not discounting\u2014but what I learned the hard way was\u2014I'd had that same experience with a lot of girls; and they weren't the right ones.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I stopped.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI will not\u201d\u2014and here's the principle\u2014\u201cI will not allow my emotions to engage or my mind to pursue until I get to know this person, her relationship with God, how she relates to family, how she treats other people, her commitments, her loyalty.\u201d\u00a0 Because I had finally learned, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I'm going to do this God's way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those are the knowledge kinds of things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014you were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0When I saw her in a Bible study, when I saw her respond under tough times, when I saw her go through, in her case, a horrendous situation and her heart for God, it was then that I knew that little light of attraction\u2014there was some real basis for it, underneath the ground.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s where I want to\u2014I just wish I could reach through the radio and gently grab a young man or a young lady\u2019s hands and say, \u201cNow, listen carefully.\u00a0 Look me in the eyes and listen very carefully.\u00a0 Just because what you see you like, doesn\u2019t mean you are seeing everything the other person or about that other person, that they need to share with you.\u00a0 If they are hiding things from you, if there are things about their lives that are taking place\u201d\u2014and here\u2019s the real wild card in this, \u201cHow do you know?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How do you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know a couple whose daughter married a young man, who had a <em>horrific<\/em> problem with credit cards.\u00a0 He had tens of thousands of dollars of indebtedness with credit cards.\u00a0 I know another situation where a young man was addicted to pornography, another one to alcohol, to drugs.\u00a0 I mean there are issues in people\u2019s lives that are hidden because we all want to be loved; and we so want to be loved that sometimes we can be guilty of hiding the truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to a single person listening, \u201cYou need to ask the other person\u201d\u2014if you\u2019re into these \u201cTests of Love\u201d\u2014\u201cask them, \u2018Do you have anything\u2014any kind of knowledge about yourself that you are hiding from me?\u00a0 Is there something about you from your past, from your present, that you haven't shared with me that you think I need to know?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the problems here is not just that they're hiding\u2014when you are infatuated, if you think you're in love\u2014when you're infatuated, you look through a lens that, \u201cYou don't want to see it.\u201d\u00a0 So, that's why it's so important that you look at all 12 because it's not just that, \u201cI don\u2019t\u201d\u2014if there is anything that's not very appealing, when I'm infatuated, I just say, \u201cOh, that will be better,\u201d or, \u201cWhen we get married,\u201d or\u2014you know,\u00a0 \u201cPeople say, \u2018That's a problem.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 When other people are telling you, \u201cThis is an issue,\u201d\u2014people who really know you\u2014you need to listen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways to test that, to find out this deal, is to look at the third test.\u00a0 The third test is \u201cFocus\u201d.\u00a0 Because love has an other-centered focus\u2014it's outgoing.\u00a0 It results in sharing.\u00a0 Infatuation is self-centered.\u00a0 When you have these feelings and you're thinking about the \u201cTest of Time\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m thinking about the knowledge of this person\u2014When a person is infatuated, the issue is, \u201cHow do I look?\u00a0 What do you think about my hair?\u00a0 Should I wear these shoes or those shoes?\u00a0 Do you think we ought to go here or go there?\u00a0 I don't know?\u00a0 Will he like this?\u00a0 I wonder if she\u2019ll like that.\u00a0 Should I wear my muscle t-shirt, or do you think I ought to wear just the other one?\u201d\u2014and on, and on, and on, and on.\u00a0 Guess where the focus is?\u00a0 When you're infatuated, the focus is on you.\u00a0 If you are all uptight and totally consumed with how you come off, I have news for you.\u00a0 \u201cYou are infatuated, but you're not in love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your focus is, \u201cI wonder what <em>she's<\/em> feeling.\u00a0 I wonder what's going on.\u00a0 What would help <em>her<\/em> on this date?\u00a0 You know, I know she's struggling in school.\u00a0 I think I'll swing by and get her a chicken sandwich on the way.\u00a0 You know, I'd like to go out tonight; but I think the best thing to do is just drop it off and I'll pray for her.\u00a0 I'm going to head\u00a0 back to the dorm.\u201d\u00a0 That's the kind of attitude that tells you, you know, \u201cI care about this person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chip, if your daughter\u2014let's say she was 25 years old, and you maybe had a suspicion that perhaps the guy she is dating has his focus in the wrong place\u2014he's pretty self-absorbed.\u00a0 How would you coach her?\u00a0 How would you help her get outside of that infatuation, those feelings, to be able to see what's really going on in the guy's life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to share very, very honestly here because I think we better do most all of that training on the frontend.\u00a0 My experience is, even as her father\u2014my best friends\u2014people I have been involved with in ministry\u2014when infatuation hits, if you haven't thought this through and talked about it in advance, I'm telling you, people literally shut down and will not hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would say is I would go through this test with her, and I would give her a few tests to throw at this guy to find out, \u201cIs he in love with the feelings, or does he really care about her?\u201d\u00a0 Give him some opportunities where he has to exercise a focus, and a focus that's sacrificial, and you find out pretty quickly where people's hearts are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have given young ladies this advice in similar situations.\u00a0 I have said, \u201cI am less interested in how the guy you're spending time with treats you.\u00a0 I'm more interested in finding out how does he treats his mother, how does he treat the waitress at the restaurant, how does he treat <em>other<\/em> people who are <em>less significant<\/em> to him, and who he is not pursuing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf he's rude to the lady at the restaurant when she says, \u201cHow's the food?\u201d, if he shouts at his mom, you just need to be aware that one day, he's going to be rude to you.\u00a0 He's going to shout at you because he's not going to be pursuing you any longer.\u00a0 Don't be fooled into thinking that the way he\u2014\u201cI know he's got a problem with his mom, but he <em>loves me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Well, one day, he is not going to love you.\u00a0 He's going to shout at you, and he's going to be rude to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Here is where Chip's advice, I think, is really important.\u00a0 If you, as a single person, are \u201cin love\u201d or you're being swept away into this deep, swift stream called infatuation, it's almost like you need to have another person outside the relationship, like your father, like your mother, like someone who is a godly mentor in your local church, who you could go to and say, \u201cNow, I really need you to help me make sure my head is screwed on straight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Can I tell you a great story related to that?\u00a0 There was a young woman I know who, a number of years ago, decided that God was calling her into a mission-field environment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe got her affairs together and went off to the mission field.\u00a0 She came home on furlough.\u00a0 She had been on the mission field for two years, and she came to the elders at her church and was reporting on her experience of being on the mission field.\u00a0 She was talking about a new assignment, being in a new medical facility, and one of the doctors there that was going to be a co-worker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the elders just kind of\u2014his antennae went up, and he said, \u201cIs there something starting to happen between you and the doctor?\u201d\u00a0 Her eyes got wide, kind of like, \u201cHow did you know?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, as a matter of fact, yes, we have become friends.\u00a0 We have started talking about the possibility of getting married.\u201d\u00a0 Well, she actually came back to the elders and said, \u201cListen, I want you men to be a part of the process.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe've been talking, and he'd like to come over and would like to meet you.\u00a0 We'd like you to ask him questions and find out about his life and his character.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe've decided that unless we have your go-ahead, we're not going to get married.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, some people may hear that and go, \u201cOh, this sounds like a pretty legalistic situation.\u201d\u00a0 No, nobody was making her do this.\u00a0 She was just saying, \u201cI want to be so sure about where I'm headed that I\u2019d like to get a bunch of godly men, the elders of my church, to help me out in this situation.\u00a0 If you see a problem, let me know; and I\u2019ll call it off.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I've got a very present application for this because it's not just\u2014I know we're focusing on single people, and we've got a broad listening audience.\u00a0 I want to say something to parents because the time to really do this\u2014we just went through this, okay?\u00a0 My daughter has heard this twice.\u00a0 My daughter has her own copy of this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014highlighted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014highlighted.\u00a0 We moved to Atlanta; and my daughter, by admission, she looks like her mom.\u00a0 She's very beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How old is she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0She's 16.\u00a0 It was a group-type thing\u2014new school, public high school, and this guy, with a group, wants to be involved in taking her to this event.\u00a0 It wasn't quite pairing off, but you know my antennas are going up.\u00a0 I'm asking this, this, this, and that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe're at the supper table.\u00a0 Now, listen carefully, parents.\u00a0 We're at the supper table.\u00a0 That means you have to eat together.\u00a0 Second, we're talking.\u00a0 You've got to talk.\u00a0 Third is, this information is out.\u00a0 We've gone through it together.\u00a0 So, I've got opportunity and access.\u00a0 That's one of the reasons why you need to do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says this; and as she is talking, I said to her, \u201cWhat about this guy?\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know, I found out a little bit about his background; and he was not a committed believer at this point, and it was just a group.\u00a0 Still, she was going\u2014you know, we've got real clear guidelines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0I asked her something.\u00a0 I said, \u201cAnnie, do you have any feelings at all toward this guy?\u201d\u00a0 It got real quiet around the table.\u00a0 I mean, that's a pretty uncomfortable question to ask a 16-year-old; but she's a neat, mature girl.\u00a0 She looked at me and goes, \u201cYes, I kind of like him.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay, let's think this through,\u201d because we were talking about should this happen or shouldn't, or why, or when.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 So, you don't think he's really walking with the Lord; right?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes, but it's a group thing,\u201d and she gave me all the reasons and just the event.\u00a0 I said, \u201cSo, aren't you putting yourself in a difficult position, and aren't you then setting him up for failure because what if he's attracted to you?\u201d\u00a0 You've already made a pre-decision about any kind of relationship with any guy that's not totally committed to the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked through this together, and at the end of the whole dinner, my daughter leaned back and said, \u201cYes, you know, they're just feelings.\u201d\u00a0 We then walked through what was the right thing to do; but it was because we had the test.\u00a0 It was open season, and we're talking about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to tell most parents is, \u201cWe have to walk through these tests with our kids, and this has to be open season information, where it's as natural to talk about this as, \u2018And, by the way, do you want some more iced tea?\u00a0 Pass the butter.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 If we don't, once they get locked into the infatuation, then you become the enemy, parents.\u00a0 Then, you're, \u201cPrying into my life.\u00a0 <em>You<\/em> don't understand.\u201d\u00a0 Then, guess what?\u00a0 When they align that, when your feelings get pitted against that, then, it's you and God. We set ourselves up, and the Enemy comes in\u2014and he literally is robbing our kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014out of our Christian homes because the normal kid who doesn't watch much TV, that doesn't go to <em>bad<\/em> movies, is shot through with this.\u00a0 They walk out of the checkout stand, and there's <em>People<\/em>, there's <em>Cosmo,<\/em> there's even nighttime TV.\u00a0 Well, guess what?\u00a0 We have got to\u2014you know, I'm preaching your stuff.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Preach it.\u00a0 Preach it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0We have got to get inside the heart of the families.\u00a0 Moms and dads, this starts at 12, 13, 14\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014not when they\u2019re 15, 16, 17\u2014going to do anything remotely close to dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The questions you're talking about going through with our kids are the \u201cTests of Love\u201d that are in your book, and we've got them on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Parents can use them as part of the dinnertime conversation.\u00a0 Don't wait until your daughter is 16 to start talking about it.\u00a0 Start talking about it when they're eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 See, I already had her heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 We pre-agreed on this commitment.\u00a0 She had heard it.\u00a0 We had talked about it.\u00a0 Yet, with all of that, at the moment of truth, when a young man came in to sweep her off her feet\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hello.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014her emotions were tilting to the left\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and it wasn't until\u2014I literally felt like I was, in the moment at the table, pulling her back to center\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were in a wrestling match.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014the light came back on, and it was like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cOh, yes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014thank you, Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had to go into the ring, and actually go to my daughter's corner, where she was in the ring, and say, \u201cSweetheart, I'm not fighting you.\u00a0 I'm in your corner, and I'm pulling you in the direction you need to go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are really two exhortations we've talked about today.\u00a0 The first one, as you've well said here, Chip, is to moms and dads to not be negligent\u2014don't be passive.\u00a0 You <em>must<\/em> enter into these discussions when they're young.\u00a0 Tell them when they're six, seven, and eight that you're going to interview these young men, you're going to talk with them about who they're dating and the caliber of the opposite sex they're going out with, and you're going to have an opinion there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, secondly, if you're single, if you\u2019re 8 years old, 16, 26, 45\u2014doesn\u2019t matter\u2014if you\u2019re single, you need to make sure you have some godly, mature people in your life\u2014preferably, your parents\u2014but some godly, mature, spiritual people in your life who are looking out for your best interests, who you will listen to\u2014you will go to, you will seek out their advice, and you will listen to what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get the elders involved; right?\u00a0 Get the pastors involved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's pretty serious stuff there.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 We're chuckling about this, but I really view single people today as in desperate need of the body of Christ, not more so than married people, but certainly as much.\u00a0 They need the church as never before, and they need that outside godly counsel around critical life choices, like your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is not supposed to be a solo event.\u00a0 I mean, these kinds of decisions are things that we make in the context of community and doing life with other people.\u00a0 It also helps to have godly counsel, not only up-close but from a distance.\u00a0 You get a book like the one Chip has written called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships<\/em>; that\u2019ll help provide godly input into your life, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake plans to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway when that comes to your community, even as an engaged couple.\u00a0 There are lots of engaged couples who come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> as a part of their marriage preparation.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be hosting dozens of these events in cities all across the country this spring.\u00a0 So, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city near where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if there is not a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> that\u2019s in your area or at a date that\u2019s convenient to you, why don\u2019t you either consider attending or hosting an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u00ae video event in your community?\u00a0 This is a Friday night\/Saturday event that you can host at your church or in some other location.\u00a0 Invite your friends out to it, or you can look on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and find out when an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event is going to be happening nearby where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is, \u201cGet the input that you need.\u00a0 Get other people involved in speaking into these issues in your life.\u201d\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Chip\u2019s book, about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, about the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us toll-free at 1-800-358-6329 and ask for any information you need about these resources.\u00a0 Again, the phone number is 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; or find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking about doing life together and about partnership, this radio program is a community-effort.\u00a0 It\u2019s our team here at FamilyLife that puts the program together, and does the production work on it, and gets it syndicated to stations all across the country; and it\u2019s some of you, who as listeners, help support the ministry\u2014you make it possible for us to keep up with the costs associated with that kind of work.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 It\u2019s very much needed, very much appreciated.\u00a0 Whether you are a Legacy Partner and make a monthly donation or you make donations on occasion, we are grateful for your financial support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, with Valentine\u2019s Day just around the corner, we thought we ought to offer you a special thank-you gift, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to help support us, a couple of books that our team has put together that provide some practical suggestions on how you can express your love to your spouse.\u00a0 There is a book of romantic tips for husbands and another book of romantic tips for wives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlong with those books, we\u2019ll send you a couple of prayer cards that\u2019ll give you guidance on how to pray for one another more effectively.\u00a0 All of that comes your way when you request it after you make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014just go online and click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 When you make your online donation, we\u2019ll send these resources out to you.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the romance resources.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about, and we\u2019ll be happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Chip Ingram\u2019s going to be here again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to get him to tell the story about when he was 21 years old and just about every woman he met, he thought she might be the one.\u00a0 It\u2019s a <em>great story<\/em>, and we\u2019ll get Chip to fill you in on it tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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tests that let you know whether or not you truly have been hit by Cupid's arrow.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2012-02-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How can you know if you're really in love and if the person you think you're in love with, is really the right person?\u00a0 Here is some solid advice from Chip Ingram.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0You need enough time with a person to see the person in multiple venues and it's not an emotionally-infatuated motivated decision.\u00a0 Like anything, you can\u2019t run <em>one<\/em> test on a car and say, \u201cThe car is drivable.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cTest of Time\u201d is going to be one crucial one.\u00a0 You take that and begin to evaluate, \u201cIs this relationship on solid ground or is this infatuation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 So, how can you tell the difference between the real ooey-gooey feelings and the counterfeit?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember a number of years ago, we were talking with Dawson McAllister who had come and was a guest on our program.\u00a0 He said one of the questions he gets most often from teenagers is the question of, \u201cHow can I know if this\u2014if my boyfriend, my girlfriend\u2014is the one?\u00a0 How can I know if I'm <em>really <\/em>in love?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cMaybe it was the number-one question.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought later, \u201cI'm not sure that's just teenagers asking that question.\u201d\u00a0 I think a lot of us ask that question, up until the point we get married.\u00a0 We wonder, \u201cHow can I know if this is\u201d\u2014I remember the day I got married, going, \u201cCan I know this for sure?\u201d\u00a0 Here I am, about to walk down the aisle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and I'm thinking, \u201cHow does anybody make this decision for a lifetime?\u00a0 She may change\u201d\u2014and she did, by the way\u2014\u201cand I may change\u201d\u2014and I have, too.\u00a0 How do you know if this is the person and you're going to be able to make it work for a lifetime?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know we have the \u201cDoctor of Love\u201d with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 <em>I'm<\/em> the \u201cDoctor of Love\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, excuse me, Bob.\u00a0 You\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chip is the \u201cDuke of Love\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Duke\u2014the \u201cDuke of Love\u201d.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You like that one?\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> (sings) \u201cDuke, duke, duke, duke of love, love, love, duke of love\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my, this is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's so fun to be with you guys, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Chip Ingram joins us again.\u00a0 He came back for a third day.\u00a0 This is quite astounding.\u00a0 He has written a new book called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>In his book, he has the \u201cTests of Love\u201d\u2014the \u201cTests of Love\u201d.\u00a0 You actually describe 12 qualities to test people of whether or not they're in love or not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we've included all 12 of these on our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If you want to go to FamilyLife.com and take the test, it's there 24\/7; but I want to see how many of these 12 we can hit, Chip, on our broadcast today.\u00a0 What's the first one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first one is the \u201cTest of Time\u201d.\u00a0 Love grows, and all growth requires time.\u00a0 Infatuation may come on suddenly.\u00a0 It's just\u2014\u201cBoom!\u201d\u2014these feelings.\u00a0 Remember the old song\u2014since we're so musical\u2014 (sings) \u201cHello, I love you.\u00a0 Won't you tell me your name?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, that is the most ridiculous thought in the world; and here 20 years later, Bob\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re still singing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and I still know the words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's the idea that I can actually be in love with someone, and I don't even know them.\u00a0 The first test of genuine love\u2014now, you can have feelings, chemistry, infatuation; but it's <em>time<\/em> that lets you know whether you're really in love\u2014\u201cIs this the real thing or just a feeling?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know exactly what you're talking about, Chip, because people ask me, \u201cHow do you know when it's been enough time?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWith Mary Ann, I knew that when I had seen her in times where she was not very attractive,\u201d\u2014her attitude wasn't particularly attractive; she wasn't somebody that you really wanted to spend a lot of time with\u2014\u201cand I still wanted to spend time with her.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought, \u201cSomething's wrong.\u00a0 I must have fallen here,\u201d because even when life wasn't good, I still wanted to be with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, how long did you date Mary Ann before you actually proposed to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we dated for four-and-a-half years, but I'd probably seen that side of her in the first six\u2014no, maybe nine months.\u00a0 It may have taken nine months before I saw her on a really bad day.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cNo one would want to spend time with a woman like this today,\u201d but I still did.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cSomething's up here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it's very important to know, \u201cAre there exceptions?\u00a0 Are people going to give you anecdotal things who have been married 42 years\u2014\u2018It was six weeks\u2019?\u201d\u00a0 Of course, there are exceptions.\u00a0 Does God work in different ways?\u00a0 Of course, He does.\u00a0 By and large, what we're saying is you need enough time with the person to see the person in multiple venues and it's not an emotionally-infatuated motivated decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is there are 12 tests.\u00a0 Like anything, you can't run <em>one<\/em> test on a car and say, \u201cThe car is drivable.\u201d\u00a0 The \u201cTest of Time\u201d is going to be one crucial one, but you take that along with the other 11 tests and begin to evaluate, \u201cIs this relationship on solid ground or is this infatuation?\u00a0 Is this just ooey-gooey feelings that, \u2018I've got chemistry; and, Hey!\u00a0 It sure feels good,\u2019 but this is going to be gone in six to nine months and this is <em>not <\/em>going to be the basis for a lasting relationship?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You may have dated somebody for three years.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that they\u2019re the right person, just because you\u2019ve gone that long.\u00a0 The second test you talk about is a \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It's a \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d, and I think they're interrelated because love grows out of the appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person.\u00a0 Infatuation may arise from an acquaintance with only a few or only one of these characteristics.\u00a0 So, you get attracted to one thing, and your heart explodes\u2014and it's true.\u00a0 Let's identify, let's not get so spiritual here.\u00a0 It happens.\u00a0 Everything <em>feels<\/em> wonderful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're making me need to lie down here.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask both you guys, \u201cHow much of your wives did you know at the point you asked her to marry you?\u201d\u00a0 Now, looking back\u2014let's just apply this \u201cTest of Knowledge\u201d.\u00a0 How well did you know her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will say I knew my wife <em>very<\/em> well.\u00a0 There was a lot on the line.\u00a0 We knew each other <em>extremely<\/em> well for two years, but what I will say\u2014this is interesting\u2014the first time I saw her, I had a light go off.\u00a0 There was some chemistry, and I literally slammed on the brakes and said, \u201cYou know something?\u00a0 I need\u201d\u2014because I had been through a few relationships, and I wasn't going to deny that there was an <em>immediate<\/em> attraction.\u00a0 She had this\u2014in my mind's eye\u2014long blond hair, blue dress, and I can tell you where she was standing; okay?\u00a0 So, I mean, I'm not discounting\u2014but what I learned the hard way was\u2014I'd had that same experience with a lot of girls; and they weren't the right ones.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I stopped.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI will not\u201d\u2014and here's the principle\u2014\u201cI will not allow my emotions to engage or my mind to pursue until I get to know this person, her relationship with God, how she relates to family, how she treats other people, her commitments, her loyalty.\u201d\u00a0 Because I had finally learned, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I'm going to do this God's way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those are the knowledge kinds of things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014you were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0When I saw her in a Bible study, when I saw her respond under tough times, when I saw her go through, in her case, a horrendous situation and her heart for God, it was then that I knew that little light of attraction\u2014there was some real basis for it, underneath the ground.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s where I want to\u2014I just wish I could reach through the radio and gently grab a young man or a young lady\u2019s hands and say, \u201cNow, listen carefully.\u00a0 Look me in the eyes and listen very carefully.\u00a0 Just because what you see you like, doesn\u2019t mean you are seeing everything the other person or about that other person, that they need to share with you.\u00a0 If they are hiding things from you, if there are things about their lives that are taking place\u201d\u2014and here\u2019s the real wild card in this, \u201cHow do you know?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How do you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know a couple whose daughter married a young man, who had a <em>horrific<\/em> problem with credit cards.\u00a0 He had tens of thousands of dollars of indebtedness with credit cards.\u00a0 I know another situation where a young man was addicted to pornography, another one to alcohol, to drugs.\u00a0 I mean there are issues in people\u2019s lives that are hidden because we all want to be loved; and we so want to be loved that sometimes we can be guilty of hiding the truth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to a single person listening, \u201cYou need to ask the other person\u201d\u2014if you\u2019re into these \u201cTests of Love\u201d\u2014\u201cask them, \u2018Do you have anything\u2014any kind of knowledge about yourself that you are hiding from me?\u00a0 Is there something about you from your past, from your present, that you haven't shared with me that you think I need to know?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the problems here is not just that they're hiding\u2014when you are infatuated, if you think you're in love\u2014when you're infatuated, you look through a lens that, \u201cYou don't want to see it.\u201d\u00a0 So, that's why it's so important that you look at all 12 because it's not just that, \u201cI don\u2019t\u201d\u2014if there is anything that's not very appealing, when I'm infatuated, I just say, \u201cOh, that will be better,\u201d or, \u201cWhen we get married,\u201d or\u2014you know,\u00a0 \u201cPeople say, \u2018That's a problem.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 When other people are telling you, \u201cThis is an issue,\u201d\u2014people who really know you\u2014you need to listen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ways to test that, to find out this deal, is to look at the third test.\u00a0 The third test is \u201cFocus\u201d.\u00a0 Because love has an other-centered focus\u2014it's outgoing.\u00a0 It results in sharing.\u00a0 Infatuation is self-centered.\u00a0 When you have these feelings and you're thinking about the \u201cTest of Time\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m thinking about the knowledge of this person\u2014When a person is infatuated, the issue is, \u201cHow do I look?\u00a0 What do you think about my hair?\u00a0 Should I wear these shoes or those shoes?\u00a0 Do you think we ought to go here or go there?\u00a0 I don't know?\u00a0 Will he like this?\u00a0 I wonder if she\u2019ll like that.\u00a0 Should I wear my muscle t-shirt, or do you think I ought to wear just the other one?\u201d\u2014and on, and on, and on, and on.\u00a0 Guess where the focus is?\u00a0 When you're infatuated, the focus is on you.\u00a0 If you are all uptight and totally consumed with how you come off, I have news for you.\u00a0 \u201cYou are infatuated, but you're not in love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your focus is, \u201cI wonder what <em>she's<\/em> feeling.\u00a0 I wonder what's going on.\u00a0 What would help <em>her<\/em> on this date?\u00a0 You know, I know she's struggling in school.\u00a0 I think I'll swing by and get her a chicken sandwich on the way.\u00a0 You know, I'd like to go out tonight; but I think the best thing to do is just drop it off and I'll pray for her.\u00a0 I'm going to head\u00a0 back to the dorm.\u201d\u00a0 That's the kind of attitude that tells you, you know, \u201cI care about this person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Chip, if your daughter\u2014let's say she was 25 years old, and you maybe had a suspicion that perhaps the guy she is dating has his focus in the wrong place\u2014he's pretty self-absorbed.\u00a0 How would you coach her?\u00a0 How would you help her get outside of that infatuation, those feelings, to be able to see what's really going on in the guy's life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to share very, very honestly here because I think we better do most all of that training on the frontend.\u00a0 My experience is, even as her father\u2014my best friends\u2014people I have been involved with in ministry\u2014when infatuation hits, if you haven't thought this through and talked about it in advance, I'm telling you, people literally shut down and will not hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I would say is I would go through this test with her, and I would give her a few tests to throw at this guy to find out, \u201cIs he in love with the feelings, or does he really care about her?\u201d\u00a0 Give him some opportunities where he has to exercise a focus, and a focus that's sacrificial, and you find out pretty quickly where people's hearts are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have given young ladies this advice in similar situations.\u00a0 I have said, \u201cI am less interested in how the guy you're spending time with treats you.\u00a0 I'm more interested in finding out how does he treats his mother, how does he treat the waitress at the restaurant, how does he treat <em>other<\/em> people who are <em>less significant<\/em> to him, and who he is not pursuing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf he's rude to the lady at the restaurant when she says, \u201cHow's the food?\u201d, if he shouts at his mom, you just need to be aware that one day, he's going to be rude to you.\u00a0 He's going to shout at you because he's not going to be pursuing you any longer.\u00a0 Don't be fooled into thinking that the way he\u2014\u201cI know he's got a problem with his mom, but he <em>loves me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Well, one day, he is not going to love you.\u00a0 He's going to shout at you, and he's going to be rude to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Here is where Chip's advice, I think, is really important.\u00a0 If you, as a single person, are \u201cin love\u201d or you're being swept away into this deep, swift stream called infatuation, it's almost like you need to have another person outside the relationship, like your father, like your mother, like someone who is a godly mentor in your local church, who you could go to and say, \u201cNow, I really need you to help me make sure my head is screwed on straight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Can I tell you a great story related to that?\u00a0 There was a young woman I know who, a number of years ago, decided that God was calling her into a mission-field environment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe got her affairs together and went off to the mission field.\u00a0 She came home on furlough.\u00a0 She had been on the mission field for two years, and she came to the elders at her church and was reporting on her experience of being on the mission field.\u00a0 She was talking about a new assignment, being in a new medical facility, and one of the doctors there that was going to be a co-worker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the elders just kind of\u2014his antennae went up, and he said, \u201cIs there something starting to happen between you and the doctor?\u201d\u00a0 Her eyes got wide, kind of like, \u201cHow did you know?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, as a matter of fact, yes, we have become friends.\u00a0 We have started talking about the possibility of getting married.\u201d\u00a0 Well, she actually came back to the elders and said, \u201cListen, I want you men to be a part of the process.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe've been talking, and he'd like to come over and would like to meet you.\u00a0 We'd like you to ask him questions and find out about his life and his character.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe've decided that unless we have your go-ahead, we're not going to get married.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, some people may hear that and go, \u201cOh, this sounds like a pretty legalistic situation.\u201d\u00a0 No, nobody was making her do this.\u00a0 She was just saying, \u201cI want to be so sure about where I'm headed that I\u2019d like to get a bunch of godly men, the elders of my church, to help me out in this situation.\u00a0 If you see a problem, let me know; and I\u2019ll call it off.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I've got a very present application for this because it's not just\u2014I know we're focusing on single people, and we've got a broad listening audience.\u00a0 I want to say something to parents because the time to really do this\u2014we just went through this, okay?\u00a0 My daughter has heard this twice.\u00a0 My daughter has her own copy of this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014highlighted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014highlighted.\u00a0 We moved to Atlanta; and my daughter, by admission, she looks like her mom.\u00a0 She's very beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How old is she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0She's 16.\u00a0 It was a group-type thing\u2014new school, public high school, and this guy, with a group, wants to be involved in taking her to this event.\u00a0 It wasn't quite pairing off, but you know my antennas are going up.\u00a0 I'm asking this, this, this, and that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe're at the supper table.\u00a0 Now, listen carefully, parents.\u00a0 We're at the supper table.\u00a0 That means you have to eat together.\u00a0 Second, we're talking.\u00a0 You've got to talk.\u00a0 Third is, this information is out.\u00a0 We've gone through it together.\u00a0 So, I've got opportunity and access.\u00a0 That's one of the reasons why you need to do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says this; and as she is talking, I said to her, \u201cWhat about this guy?\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know, I found out a little bit about his background; and he was not a committed believer at this point, and it was just a group.\u00a0 Still, she was going\u2014you know, we've got real clear guidelines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0I asked her something.\u00a0 I said, \u201cAnnie, do you have any feelings at all toward this guy?\u201d\u00a0 It got real quiet around the table.\u00a0 I mean, that's a pretty uncomfortable question to ask a 16-year-old; but she's a neat, mature girl.\u00a0 She looked at me and goes, \u201cYes, I kind of like him.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay, let's think this through,\u201d because we were talking about should this happen or shouldn't, or why, or when.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 So, you don't think he's really walking with the Lord; right?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYes, but it's a group thing,\u201d and she gave me all the reasons and just the event.\u00a0 I said, \u201cSo, aren't you putting yourself in a difficult position, and aren't you then setting him up for failure because what if he's attracted to you?\u201d\u00a0 You've already made a pre-decision about any kind of relationship with any guy that's not totally committed to the Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked through this together, and at the end of the whole dinner, my daughter leaned back and said, \u201cYes, you know, they're just feelings.\u201d\u00a0 We then walked through what was the right thing to do; but it was because we had the test.\u00a0 It was open season, and we're talking about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to tell most parents is, \u201cWe have to walk through these tests with our kids, and this has to be open season information, where it's as natural to talk about this as, \u2018And, by the way, do you want some more iced tea?\u00a0 Pass the butter.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 If we don't, once they get locked into the infatuation, then you become the enemy, parents.\u00a0 Then, you're, \u201cPrying into my life.\u00a0 <em>You<\/em> don't understand.\u201d\u00a0 Then, guess what?\u00a0 When they align that, when your feelings get pitted against that, then, it's you and God. We set ourselves up, and the Enemy comes in\u2014and he literally is robbing our kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014out of our Christian homes because the normal kid who doesn't watch much TV, that doesn't go to <em>bad<\/em> movies, is shot through with this.\u00a0 They walk out of the checkout stand, and there's <em>People<\/em>, there's <em>Cosmo,<\/em> there's even nighttime TV.\u00a0 Well, guess what?\u00a0 We have got to\u2014you know, I'm preaching your stuff.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Preach it.\u00a0 Preach it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0We have got to get inside the heart of the families.\u00a0 Moms and dads, this starts at 12, 13, 14\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014not when they\u2019re 15, 16, 17\u2014going to do anything remotely close to dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The questions you're talking about going through with our kids are the \u201cTests of Love\u201d that are in your book, and we've got them on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Parents can use them as part of the dinnertime conversation.\u00a0 Don't wait until your daughter is 16 to start talking about it.\u00a0 Start talking about it when they're eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 See, I already had her heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 We pre-agreed on this commitment.\u00a0 She had heard it.\u00a0 We had talked about it.\u00a0 Yet, with all of that, at the moment of truth, when a young man came in to sweep her off her feet\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hello.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014her emotions were tilting to the left\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and it wasn't until\u2014I literally felt like I was, in the moment at the table, pulling her back to center\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were in a wrestling match.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014the light came back on, and it was like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cOh, yes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chip:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014thank you, Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had to go into the ring, and actually go to my daughter's corner, where she was in the ring, and say, \u201cSweetheart, I'm not fighting you.\u00a0 I'm in your corner, and I'm pulling you in the direction you need to go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are really two exhortations we've talked about today.\u00a0 The first one, as you've well said here, Chip, is to moms and dads to not be negligent\u2014don't be passive.\u00a0 You <em>must<\/em> enter into these discussions when they're young.\u00a0 Tell them when they're six, seven, and eight that you're going to interview these young men, you're going to talk with them about who they're dating and the caliber of the opposite sex they're going out with, and you're going to have an opinion there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, secondly, if you're single, if you\u2019re 8 years old, 16, 26, 45\u2014doesn\u2019t matter\u2014if you\u2019re single, you need to make sure you have some godly, mature people in your life\u2014preferably, your parents\u2014but some godly, mature, spiritual people in your life who are looking out for your best interests, who you will listen to\u2014you will go to, you will seek out their advice, and you will listen to what they say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get the elders involved; right?\u00a0 Get the pastors involved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's pretty serious stuff there.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 We're chuckling about this, but I really view single people today as in desperate need of the body of Christ, not more so than married people, but certainly as much.\u00a0 They need the church as never before, and they need that outside godly counsel around critical life choices, like your spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is not supposed to be a solo event.\u00a0 I mean, these kinds of decisions are things that we make in the context of community and doing life with other people.\u00a0 It also helps to have godly counsel, not only up-close but from a distance.\u00a0 You get a book like the one Chip has written called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships<\/em>; that\u2019ll help provide godly input into your life, as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake plans to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway when that comes to your community, even as an engaged couple.\u00a0 There are lots of engaged couples who come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> as a part of their marriage preparation.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be hosting dozens of these events in cities all across the country this spring.\u00a0 So, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out more about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city near where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if there is not a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> that\u2019s in your area or at a date that\u2019s convenient to you, why don\u2019t you either consider attending or hosting an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>\u00ae video event in your community?\u00a0 This is a Friday night\/Saturday event that you can host at your church or in some other location.\u00a0 Invite your friends out to it, or you can look on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and find out when an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event is going to be happening nearby where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe point is, \u201cGet the input that you need.\u00a0 Get other people involved in speaking into these issues in your life.\u201d\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Chip\u2019s book, about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, about the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us toll-free at 1-800-358-6329 and ask for any information you need about these resources.\u00a0 Again, the phone number is 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; or find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking about doing life together and about partnership, this radio program is a community-effort.\u00a0 It\u2019s our team here at FamilyLife that puts the program together, and does the production work on it, and gets it syndicated to stations all across the country; and it\u2019s some of you, who as listeners, help support the ministry\u2014you make it possible for us to keep up with the costs associated with that kind of work.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 It\u2019s very much needed, very much appreciated.\u00a0 Whether you are a Legacy Partner and make a monthly donation or you make donations on occasion, we are grateful for your financial support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, with Valentine\u2019s Day just around the corner, we thought we ought to offer you a special thank-you gift, if you\u2019re able to make a donation to help support us, a couple of books that our team has put together that provide some practical suggestions on how you can express your love to your spouse.\u00a0 There is a book of romantic tips for husbands and another book of romantic tips for wives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlong with those books, we\u2019ll send you a couple of prayer cards that\u2019ll give you guidance on how to pray for one another more effectively.\u00a0 All of that comes your way when you request it after you make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014just go online and click the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d.\u00a0 When you make your online donation, we\u2019ll send these resources out to you.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the romance resources.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know what you\u2019re talking about, and we\u2019ll be happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your partnership with us and your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Chip Ingram\u2019s going to be here again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to get him to tell the story about when he was 21 years old and just about every woman he met, he thought she might be the one.\u00a0 It\u2019s a <em>great story<\/em>, and we\u2019ll get Chip to fill you in on it tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2012 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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