{"id":302429,"date":"2011-12-27T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-12-27T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level\/"},"modified":"2011-12-27T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-12-27T17:00:00","slug":"getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Away to Connect on a Deeper Level"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Bill and Carolyn Wellons | Series: Getting Away to Get It Together | On today&#8217;s broadcast, Bill and Carolyn Wellons, married for over 30 years and co-authors of the book Getting Away to Get It Together, tell how their trips away as a couple helped them focus on their marriage and connect on a deeper level.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On today&#8217;s broadcast, Bill and Carolyn Wellons, married for over 30 years and co-authors of the book Getting Away to Get It Together, tell how their trips away as a couple helped them focus on their marriage and connect on a deeper level.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.71M","filesize_raw":"23812041","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4086,4527,4926,2877],"podcast_series":[7459],"cwp_profile":[9014],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302429","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-commitment","tag-communication","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","podcast_series-getting-away-to-get-it-together","cwp_profile-bill-and-carolyn-wellons","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302429\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302429\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"isJIro89QE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level\/\">Getting Away to Connect on a Deeper Level<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-away-to-connect-on-a-deeper-level\/embed\/#?secret=isJIro89QE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Getting Away to Connect on a Deeper Level&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"isJIro89QE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Every so often, on a schedule, you take the car in and have the oil\n\nchanged or you have your tires rotated so that the car doesn't break down.\u00a0 What\n\nabout your marriage?\u00a0 For Bill and Carolyn Wellons, there was a twice-a-year\n\ngetaway where their marriage got a tune-up.\u00a0 Here's Carolyn.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's so much daily living of taking care of children and cooking and\n\ncleaning and laundry and so forth, that having something to look forward to, to\n\nget out of town, was one of the highlights.\u00a0 That's part of the success of it, I think.\n\nSo we tried hard not to cancel it once it was on the calendar.\u00a0 Sometimes we'd\n\nhave to postpone it, but rarely. We really tried to keep that because it was such a\n\npriority for the health of our marriage and our communication.\u00a0 We needed it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 27.\u00a0 Our host is the\n\nPresident of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 If your marriage\n\ncould use some fresh spark plugs, maybe a wheel alignment, stay with us.\n\nWe've got some ideas for you.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about how you can take a little time away and breath some fresh life into your marriage relationship, which probably ought to be one of your New Year\u2019s resolutions, you know?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably should be!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Families are starting to think about what we need to do, some disciplines\n\nfor the New Year and maybe that ought to be one of them.\n\nBut before we get to the New Year we\u2019re hoping that before this week is over some of our listeners will go online or call us and help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a yearend donation.\u00a0 And, in fact, Dennis, there\u2019s a significant reason for them to get in touch with us this week.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is.\u00a0 Our matching challenge now is at a record number of over\n\nfour million dollars.\u00a0 In nineteen years of ministry here on FamilyLife Today we\u2019ve never had a matching challenge this large.\u00a0 It\u2019s why we don\u2019t need some of our listeners to make a donation.\u00a0 We really need ALL of our listeners to make a donation.\u00a0 Because you can go online and check us out here on FamilyLifeToday.com and you can see the thermometer and see where we are.\u00a0 We\u2019re not there.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not there yet.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re not there yet and we need our listeners to step up.\u00a0 And let me tell\n\nyou why I mean \u201cstep up.\u201d\u00a0 You need to step us to keep us on the air because in\n\nJanuary here\u2019s who\u2019s going to be on the broadcast and what we\u2019re going to be\n\ntalking about.\n\nMarvin Olasky, editor of World Magazine is going to share how he met Jesus\n\nChrist and how He changed his life.\n\nTim and Kathy Keller are going to share from their new book, <em>The Marriage Duet,<\/em>\n\nas does Mark and Grace Driscoll.\u00a0 They\u2019ve written a new book as well.\n\nAnd then we\u2019re going to end the month with Eric Metaxis, who has written a book\n\nabout Bonheoffer which is a great story of a Christian leader who was martyred\n\nfor his faith during World War II in Germany.\n\nBut here\u2019s why we\u2019re coming to you at the beginning of the broadcast.\u00a0 We need you to stand with us financially so we can take full advantage of this matching challenge. A number of families have stepped up and said \u201cWe want to keep you on the air.\u201d\u00a0 And so in order for us to take full advantage of more than four million dollars, we need to have four million dollars or more given here in the month of December.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So over the next couple of days we\u2019re hoping you will go to\n\nFamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation online or call 1-800-FL Today and\n\nmake a donation over the phone. Again, if you want to check out and see how\n\nwe\u2019re doing, there\u2019s a thermometer online at FamilyLifeToday.com that will show\n\nyou our progress toward that four million dollar matching fund goal.\n\nAnd we hope to hear from you and want to say thanks in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\n\nWe should probably let listeners know that over the next couple of days you\u2019re going to be taking a little time away, you and Barbara.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to be having a little marriage retreat.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'll still be on the broadcast.\u00a0 Don't make it sound like I'm not going to be\n\nhere.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that's true, but you and Barbara are \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But even the host gets away occasionally, you know?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're going to get away with your wife for a little \u2013 would you call \u2013 is this\n\na planning retreat?\u00a0 Is it a romantic getaway?\u00a0 Is it a \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm confident that all of the above will occur.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026will be accomplished within the course of this time.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and one of the reasons why it's a special getaway is we're going\n\nwith another couple,\u00a0 lifelong friends, Bill and Carolyn Wellons, and they join us\n\nagain on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You know, it's always great to have friends here in\n\nthe studio, new friends and friends who have been with us for a number of years.\n\nNotice I didn't say \"older\" friends.\n\n(laughter)\n\nBill and Carolyn, welcome.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be true.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 It is getting a little older, isn't it, indeed?\n\nBill and Carolyn have, for a number of years, served at Fellowship Bible Church here in Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 They were among the founding couples who helped start this church of now more than 6,000 people.\u00a0 Bill is a church planting consultant, having been a part of seeing more than 40 churches start around the country and undoubtedly going to see many, many more before it's over.\u00a0 And Carolyn speaks to women and women's ministries and loves teaching women of all ages.\u00a0 They've been married for, well, you've been married since 1970.\u00a0 You have three children and six grandchildren.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's correct.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the Rainey\u2019s have eight grandchildren, I'm sorry.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, we've got a little competition going here, don't we?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, they're at a disadvantage.\u00a0 They have half the number of children\n\nwe have.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the two of you have been advocates for a long time of the need for\n\ncouples to get away and spend a weekend together, just focusing on their\n\nmarriage and just building into their relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You guys, and we both admit it, that sometimes you go on these\n\nweekend getaways in the midst of stressful times.\u00a0 Certainly, getting a babysitter is incredibly stressful.\u00a0 But sometimes there's conflicts to be resolved as you get away.\n\nNow, Carolyn \u2026\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 I understand you and Bill had a little conflict one time.\u00a0 Was it during\n\nthe getaway or prior to the getaway where you needed to resolve some issues?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, well, one afternoon Bill rushed home from the office, and we were\n\nthrowing things in our suitcase, and the babysitter was there, and we were getting ready to head out the door, and Bill said, \"Okay, this time away we're going to have time to talk about which school we're going to put one of our children in.\"\u00a0 And my heart just sank, and I started feeling really nervous about it, and I thought, \"Okay, I've got two days to convince him that I\u2019m right on this subject.\"\u00a0 So I've got to get all guns loaded here \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, he's a pastor, so you know he's very spiritual and should\n\neasily be convinced at that point, because he'd be listening \u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was thinking, \"He's a pastor, so whatever he thinks is right should\n\nprobably be the right answer.\"\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, he's used to being that way at work.\n\n(All laughing)\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Guys, I've got to tell you that doesn't work.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it doesn't work at home, it doesn't work at home, okay.\u00a0 What's the\n\nrest of the story, Carolyn?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had already discussed this at home, and we were on totally\n\ndifferent pages about what would be the best decision for this child for the next year.\u00a0 So that's why I started thinking, \"Okay, this is the weekend.\u00a0 I've got to really convince him that I'm right about this.\"\n\nSo we got away, we started off with the positive, with our milestones, and some of the \u2013 a nice dinner the first night.\u00a0 And when we got to the issue, we really heard each other's hearts, and we really listened to it.\u00a0 This was one of the very few issues, I'd say, in all of our marriage \u2013 I can hardly remember any, where we ended up where we were still deadlocked on it.\u00a0 But I felt like he'd really heard me because we'd had the time to talk, and I certainly heard his reasons.\n\nAnd that was a spiritual decision for me.\u00a0 That was a real turning point in my life when I thought, \"Well, Lord, here we are.\u00a0 Am I going to follow him, knowing that he's wrong [laughs] \u2013 am I going to follow him and let this happen or am I going to just kick up my heels and say, 'No, we can't go this way\u2019.\"\u00a0 And I thought before the Lord, I'm going to \u2013 and I thought the worst-case scenario, we can put him school at this particular situation, and we'll just take him out in a few weeks when Bill realizes that I was right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, Carolyn, you and Barbara are kind of made out of the same bolt\n\nof cloth.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Neither one of you are pushovers.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even with our soft voices?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, oh, your sweet, demure voices that sound like, \"Oh, what a\n\nsweet, sweet woman,\" but if you dug your heels in, you know \u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They might still be on the weekend talking about it today, right?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But that was a real test of whether or not you were going to empower\n\nyour husband to truly lead.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was a test for me whether I was going to trust the Lord with this\n\nbeloved child and put him in a situation that I didn't think was the best situation.\n\nThe long story short of that is I followed my husband, we put him in this school,\n\nthe child thrived in that situation, and I, as the weeks went by, I just thought,\n\n\"Well, Lord, how about that?\u00a0 You were right, I was wrong, and thank you for\n\noverriding me.\"\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, it's \"Lord, you were right,\" not \"Bill, you were right.\"\n\n(all laughing)\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I still didn\u2019t get any credit.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You did that weekend, and you obviously had a big issue to deal with.\u00a0 You\n\ndescribe it today \u2013 he heard you, you heard him \u2013 was it an unpleasant weekend\n\nor was it a productive weekend?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I want to comment on that, because one of the things I was\n\nthinking about as Carolyn retraced our steps in that story, is that, as a guy, at home I don't know if I would have ever been able to have had that good of a healthy conversation about this subject. And here's why.\n\nAgain, at home, I'm distracted by a lot of things.\u00a0 I have a lot of things on my mind.\u00a0 I'm still finishing up today's work even though I've just arrived at home.\u00a0 And so you sit down, and you try and work through some of these more serious issues, and I just confess, I'm preoccupied.\u00a0 So I don't think I do a good job of listening.\n\nAnd, again, Bob, what I would say is that retreat environment, at least for me, as a man, is it creates an environment that's much more distraction-free, and so then I'm free and can listen and can take some time to talk through a sensitive subject like this.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So the conversation you had that weekend wound up being much\n\nhealthier, much better, it sounds like, than what might have happened otherwise.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, much better for me, and a lot of it was because we got away to\n\na place where we could really focus on something that was priority and important\n\nto us and really talk it out without interruption.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, emotionally, on that weekend you realize you're at a point where\n\nyou're either going to trust your husband to make a wrong decision, or you're going to dig in your heels.\u00a0 Did that make it tougher for you to connect with him,\u00a0 to spend the rest of the weekend?\u00a0 I mean, here you've just, I don't want to say you've lost, but you know what I'm saying?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, really, just the opposite.\u00a0 I mean, even though I was still feeling\n\nlike I was right, and that he was wrong, I heard his heart, he heard mine. We both\n\nwanted the best for this child, and I knew that.\u00a0 And we had a wonderful weekend\n\ntogether.\n\nOne of the most important things about getting away is that the first morning, the thing that's important to me is getting alone by myself somewhere with my Bible and my journal.\u00a0 I just start that time off with praising the Lord and then asking Him to reveal anything in my heart that is amiss; that I need to repent of; and when He brings things to my mind, I want to get in line with Him, because it's important for me to be prepared spiritually and emotionally before Bill and I get together to talk about issues in our marriage and in our life.\n\nSo then when we get together for lunch that day, I feel more peaceful, more centered, more directed, to get involved and talking really more rationally about whatever the subjects are.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to make two very important observations about what Bill and\n\nCarolyn have shared here.\u00a0 One that's very obvious and one that's kind of below\n\nthe water line that our listeners wouldn't know.\u00a0 But, first of all, for a woman to\n\nfeel heard enables her to more fully trust the decision, when and if you disagree.\n\nAnd sometimes you can't fully feel heard without a weekend getaway.\u00a0 I mean,\n\nyou're grabbing conversations \u2013 it's like fast food \u2013 it's drive-through\n\nconversations where it's two people connecting on the run, and it's hard to feel\n\nheard in that situation.\n\nSo for a man who is listening to us right now, a husband, if he can understand, you know what?\u00a0 This is a great gift to your wife, because she can fully express herself if you will really listen and let her know you've heard her.\n\nThe second thing that our listeners wouldn't know necessarily is that Bill comes from a broken home.\u00a0 His mom and dad divorced, and so he didn't necessarily see a lot of these things modeled from a spiritual perspective.\u00a0 But Carolyn's response to him empowered him, as a young man starting out in their marriage together, to learn how to lead.\n\nA lot of men, I think, are afraid to lead, and don\u2019t know how to lead, and when they do try to lead their wives may not do a good job empowering them.\u00a0 And what I heard you saying, Bill, is your wife's life is so powerful in yours that she empowered you and does empower you, as a man, to step out and take the initiative even when you disagree.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, I would even go a step further \u2013 totally agree with that \u2013 and then I\n\nwould go to the next step where I learned, I wish I'd learned this a lot earlier in my marriage, but I began to learn in my marriage how valuable her input was regarding children, regarding decisions, and so forth, and began to tap into that.\n\nFor example, even on \u2013 remember, as the children were growing up and doing devotional times and things like that, oftentimes, the majority of the time I would say, Carolyn had been the researcher and the one who had found some excellent tools for me to use.\n\nSo it was a great partnership of her bringing ideas and suggesting ideas and bringing things into play for me, as a leader, and then being able to take those and us lead those times and share in those times together.\u00a0 I wasn't out doing a lot of research, so I'd go even a step further and say to husbands, as well, learn like I did.\u00a0 Your wife is a tremendous resource of information, not just to your marriage, but to your entire family.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That didn't threaten you?\u00a0 That encouraged you at that point.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, it was a huge plus.\u00a0 The more we can get off of win\/lose\/control-\n\nrelated issues and all that and see the incredible benefits that God has gifted a husband and a wife with in marriage and use those in a complementary way.\u00a0 You know, on the Weekend to Remember, Dennis, you say, \"And the two become one flesh.\"\u00a0 And if the two, if the man and the woman can become more one in their leadership of the home and their guiding of the children or even in a weekend away together, it's just such a blessing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That thing about \"two becoming one flesh,\" you got that from somebody\n\nelse, didn't you?\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think Moses may have heard from God on that situation.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I confess, as a young wife, there were many times when I\n\nwould think, \"Why is Bill not giving more creative attention and energy to this family?\u00a0 Why am I the one that's always thinking and planning and thinking about the family and so forth.\"\u00a0 And, finally, God just revealed to me in His gracious wisdom that He has created my husband to give his creative energy primarily to his ministry, to his job, his occupation, and He designed me to be a resource person for him for the family.\n\nSo when I notice things that a child needed, I could pull him aside and say, \"Could you give some special attention to Ben this evening, because I notice he's a little quiet, and I don't know what's going on.\"\n\nAnd this project that we did together, when we would get away, we would each separate, both of us would list strengths and weaknesses of each child, and then we would come back together and talk about those with each other, and then from those strengths and weaknesses and observations that we made about each child, we would plan an application, we would see what the gaps were in that child's life or what the needs were, and we would think of an application that we could do to build into that child's life, and that child would never know that we were doing that.\u00a0 It would be something subtle that we would just commit together that we want to address in this child's life.\n\nBut because I was with the children so much more that was very freeing to me to realize it's okay.\u00a0 God has given me that gift.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That project you're talking about is in your workbook, <em>Getting Away to <\/em>\n\n<em>Get It Together<\/em>.\u00a0 I have to ask you, Bill, because I have a wife who has also found resources and researched and pointed out areas where I needed to step in.\u00a0 Sometimes I just kind of go, you know, why does all this end up on my plate here at the end of the day when I'm totally whipped and exhausted.\u00a0 Have you ever felt like that?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 I think one of the greatest challenges for a man or a husband is\n\nto lead his household.\u00a0 He is working, and he's working hard, and he's trying to make his way and do a good job providing for his family and then comes home, and there is still more to do.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Carolyn's got this agenda for you.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's exactly right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And he's, like, \"Oh, sweetheart, look at this list.\"\u00a0 And you always\n\nembraced that, didn't you?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not always.\u00a0 [laughter]\n\nOn the project Carolyn mentioned a minute ago, I was thinking back as she was talking about that, and I recalled to mind an occasion where we were at our getaway, and we had physically separated \u2013 we just took a sheet of paper and divided it \u2013 we have three children, so we divided it into three columns.\u00a0 She would write down her insights, and I would write down mine separately.\u00a0 And we used to do strengths and weaknesses and all kinds of things.\n\nThen we would come together, as she said, and we would begin seeing where they overlapped to determine the needs that she spoke about.\u00a0 On one occasion, I remember her very wisely indicating one of our children was just sort of getting left out.\u00a0 This particular child wasn't as aggressive and outgoing and as talkative, and even at the dinner table.\u00a0 So what was helpful to me from the getaway was that we said, \"Okay, well, what we will do without anyone in the family knowing is that, as we have meals together, let's draw that child out by simply asking, 'Well what do you think about this?'\" and get them involved in the family.\n\nA lot of times, as parents, you're trying to help your children in school, help them walk with the Lord, memorize Scripture, read their Bible, learn their manners, and all these things.\u00a0 And there are so many things, you sort of end up going about a quarter of an inch deep in everything.\u00a0 And what we found, even in this just simple project is it gave us an area to focus on together.\u00a0 We just said, \"Okay, we're just going to focus on that area for the next six months\" or something and really try to build into that child's life.\u00a0 And, as a parent, it caused you to feel like you were doing something together, and you were winning.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, one of the things about this workbook that I think is helpful,\n\nespecially for guys, is if I didn't have some projects to pick from, and Mary Ann\n\nand I were going off for a weekend together, I might be able to drum up one or\n\ntwo things that we could talk about that would be meaningful to her.\u00a0 But I don't \u2013\n\nabout Saturday at lunch I'd think, \"Let's go fishing,\" or something.\u00a0 And this gives\n\nguys an opportunity to \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 go fishing.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 To go fishing relationally.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, but what you don't realize in this weekend there are times when, if\n\nyour wife want to read, and you want to go fishing, or she wants to go fishing, and the husband wants to read, it doesn't matter.\u00a0 The point is the weekend is not so structured, and you're not boxed in.\u00a0 Bill and Carolyn have kind of given you a smorgasbord of questions and projects that you can apply to your situation that will benefit you the most.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I know enough to know that as a guy if I'm going off for a couple day\n\ngetaway weekend with my wife \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Uh-huh, yeah, go ahead \u2013 go ahead and say it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I've got some stuff on the agenda that's not in your workbook, okay, a little\n\nromance is on my mind, okay, do you understand?\u00a0 And at some level these\n\nprojects are a part of that romantic equation, aren't they?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, absolutely.\u00a0 Anytime a couple comes together and has meaningful\n\nconversations it refreshes and is endearing to their relationship.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's kind of a pre-romantic encounter \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ask Carolyn what she thinks about this, Bob, instead of a couple of\n\nmen talking about this.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Carolyn, would you agree that this helps create a mood?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Talking first and feeling connected and on the same\n\nwavelength,\u00a0 just feeling understood and appreciated, having time for verbal appreciation is certainly the perfect prerequisite for romance.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm trying to be delicate here.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's worth one point, Bob.\u00a0 A good conversation is worth one point.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope the guys are getting the point, you know, even as we're delicate\n\nhere, that you ought to have some points before you try to cash in, right?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's all I'm trying to say.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You get lots of points for conversation.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn't put that in the book, Bob, but that's a good point.\n\n(All laughing)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do think that guys who look at this time away and think, \"I don't know if\n\nthat's really what I want to do for a weekend, go away and talk.\"\u00a0 There is more that you have planned into this weekend than just some talks together.\n\nWe have copies of your book, <em>Getting Away to Get It Together<\/em> in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and there\u2019s more information about how you can order a copy of the book.\n\nBut as Dennis mentioned at the beginning of today\u2019s program--with the matching gift we\u2019ve got going on this week.\u00a0 In fact, this is the last week we can tell you about the matching gift fund that has grown now to in excess of four million dollars, the largest matching gift fund we\u2019ve ever had access to.\n\nWe\u2019re hoping to hear from as many listeners as possible over the next couple of days, making a yearend donation to support FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 And if you\u2019ll do that this week, we\u2019ll send you a copy of this planning guide at no cost.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says \u201cI Care\u201d and make a yearend donation and we\u2019ll automatically send you a copy of the planning guide <em>Getting Away to Get It Together<\/em> as a thank you gift for your yearend donation.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.\n\nJust mention that you\u2019d like the <em>Getting Away To Get It Together<\/em> planning guide and we\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your help and your support.\u00a0 Help us take full advantage of this largest matching gift fund ever.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to need everyone to do what you can do if we\u2019re going to be able to meet the match.\u00a0 So hope to you from you this week and want to say thanks in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\n\nAnd we want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Bill and Carolyn Wellons will be here again and will continue talking about husbands and wives and getaways and investing in your marriage.\u00a0 So I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for Today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\n________________________________________________________________\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.71M"],"filesize_raw":["23812041"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302429.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302429.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap 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today's broadcast, Bill and Carolyn Wellons, married for over 30 years and co-authors of the book Getting Away to Get It Together, tell how their trips away as a couple helped them focus on their marriage and connect on a deeper level.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-27.pdf","transcript_content":"\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Every so often, on a schedule, you take the car in and have the oil\n\nchanged or you have your tires rotated so that the car doesn't break down.\u00a0 What\n\nabout your marriage?\u00a0 For Bill and Carolyn Wellons, there was a twice-a-year\n\ngetaway where their marriage got a tune-up.\u00a0 Here's Carolyn.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's so much daily living of taking care of children and cooking and\n\ncleaning and laundry and so forth, that having something to look forward to, to\n\nget out of town, was one of the highlights.\u00a0 That's part of the success of it, I think.\n\nSo we tried hard not to cancel it once it was on the calendar.\u00a0 Sometimes we'd\n\nhave to postpone it, but rarely. We really tried to keep that because it was such a\n\npriority for the health of our marriage and our communication.\u00a0 We needed it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 27.\u00a0 Our host is the\n\nPresident of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 If your marriage\n\ncould use some fresh spark plugs, maybe a wheel alignment, stay with us.\n\nWe've got some ideas for you.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about how you can take a little time away and breath some fresh life into your marriage relationship, which probably ought to be one of your New Year\u2019s resolutions, you know?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably should be!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Families are starting to think about what we need to do, some disciplines\n\nfor the New Year and maybe that ought to be one of them.\n\nBut before we get to the New Year we\u2019re hoping that before this week is over some of our listeners will go online or call us and help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a yearend donation.\u00a0 And, in fact, Dennis, there\u2019s a significant reason for them to get in touch with us this week.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is.\u00a0 Our matching challenge now is at a record number of over\n\nfour million dollars.\u00a0 In nineteen years of ministry here on FamilyLife Today we\u2019ve never had a matching challenge this large.\u00a0 It\u2019s why we don\u2019t need some of our listeners to make a donation.\u00a0 We really need ALL of our listeners to make a donation.\u00a0 Because you can go online and check us out here on FamilyLifeToday.com and you can see the thermometer and see where we are.\u00a0 We\u2019re not there.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re not there yet.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re not there yet and we need our listeners to step up.\u00a0 And let me tell\n\nyou why I mean \u201cstep up.\u201d\u00a0 You need to step us to keep us on the air because in\n\nJanuary here\u2019s who\u2019s going to be on the broadcast and what we\u2019re going to be\n\ntalking about.\n\nMarvin Olasky, editor of World Magazine is going to share how he met Jesus\n\nChrist and how He changed his life.\n\nTim and Kathy Keller are going to share from their new book, <em>The Marriage Duet,<\/em>\n\nas does Mark and Grace Driscoll.\u00a0 They\u2019ve written a new book as well.\n\nAnd then we\u2019re going to end the month with Eric Metaxis, who has written a book\n\nabout Bonheoffer which is a great story of a Christian leader who was martyred\n\nfor his faith during World War II in Germany.\n\nBut here\u2019s why we\u2019re coming to you at the beginning of the broadcast.\u00a0 We need you to stand with us financially so we can take full advantage of this matching challenge. A number of families have stepped up and said \u201cWe want to keep you on the air.\u201d\u00a0 And so in order for us to take full advantage of more than four million dollars, we need to have four million dollars or more given here in the month of December.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So over the next couple of days we\u2019re hoping you will go to\n\nFamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation online or call 1-800-FL Today and\n\nmake a donation over the phone. Again, if you want to check out and see how\n\nwe\u2019re doing, there\u2019s a thermometer online at FamilyLifeToday.com that will show\n\nyou our progress toward that four million dollar matching fund goal.\n\nAnd we hope to hear from you and want to say thanks in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\n\nWe should probably let listeners know that over the next couple of days you\u2019re going to be taking a little time away, you and Barbara.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to be having a little marriage retreat.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'll still be on the broadcast.\u00a0 Don't make it sound like I'm not going to be\n\nhere.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that's true, but you and Barbara are \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But even the host gets away occasionally, you know?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're going to get away with your wife for a little \u2013 would you call \u2013 is this\n\na planning retreat?\u00a0 Is it a romantic getaway?\u00a0 Is it a \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm confident that all of the above will occur.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026will be accomplished within the course of this time.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and one of the reasons why it's a special getaway is we're going\n\nwith another couple,\u00a0 lifelong friends, Bill and Carolyn Wellons, and they join us\n\nagain on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You know, it's always great to have friends here in\n\nthe studio, new friends and friends who have been with us for a number of years.\n\nNotice I didn't say \"older\" friends.\n\n(laughter)\n\nBill and Carolyn, welcome.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be true.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 It is getting a little older, isn't it, indeed?\n\nBill and Carolyn have, for a number of years, served at Fellowship Bible Church here in Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 They were among the founding couples who helped start this church of now more than 6,000 people.\u00a0 Bill is a church planting consultant, having been a part of seeing more than 40 churches start around the country and undoubtedly going to see many, many more before it's over.\u00a0 And Carolyn speaks to women and women's ministries and loves teaching women of all ages.\u00a0 They've been married for, well, you've been married since 1970.\u00a0 You have three children and six grandchildren.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's correct.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the Rainey\u2019s have eight grandchildren, I'm sorry.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, we've got a little competition going here, don't we?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, they're at a disadvantage.\u00a0 They have half the number of children\n\nwe have.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the two of you have been advocates for a long time of the need for\n\ncouples to get away and spend a weekend together, just focusing on their\n\nmarriage and just building into their relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You guys, and we both admit it, that sometimes you go on these\n\nweekend getaways in the midst of stressful times.\u00a0 Certainly, getting a babysitter is incredibly stressful.\u00a0 But sometimes there's conflicts to be resolved as you get away.\n\nNow, Carolyn \u2026\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 I understand you and Bill had a little conflict one time.\u00a0 Was it during\n\nthe getaway or prior to the getaway where you needed to resolve some issues?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, well, one afternoon Bill rushed home from the office, and we were\n\nthrowing things in our suitcase, and the babysitter was there, and we were getting ready to head out the door, and Bill said, \"Okay, this time away we're going to have time to talk about which school we're going to put one of our children in.\"\u00a0 And my heart just sank, and I started feeling really nervous about it, and I thought, \"Okay, I've got two days to convince him that I\u2019m right on this subject.\"\u00a0 So I've got to get all guns loaded here \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, he's a pastor, so you know he's very spiritual and should\n\neasily be convinced at that point, because he'd be listening \u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was thinking, \"He's a pastor, so whatever he thinks is right should\n\nprobably be the right answer.\"\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, he's used to being that way at work.\n\n(All laughing)\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Guys, I've got to tell you that doesn't work.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it doesn't work at home, it doesn't work at home, okay.\u00a0 What's the\n\nrest of the story, Carolyn?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had already discussed this at home, and we were on totally\n\ndifferent pages about what would be the best decision for this child for the next year.\u00a0 So that's why I started thinking, \"Okay, this is the weekend.\u00a0 I've got to really convince him that I'm right about this.\"\n\nSo we got away, we started off with the positive, with our milestones, and some of the \u2013 a nice dinner the first night.\u00a0 And when we got to the issue, we really heard each other's hearts, and we really listened to it.\u00a0 This was one of the very few issues, I'd say, in all of our marriage \u2013 I can hardly remember any, where we ended up where we were still deadlocked on it.\u00a0 But I felt like he'd really heard me because we'd had the time to talk, and I certainly heard his reasons.\n\nAnd that was a spiritual decision for me.\u00a0 That was a real turning point in my life when I thought, \"Well, Lord, here we are.\u00a0 Am I going to follow him, knowing that he's wrong [laughs] \u2013 am I going to follow him and let this happen or am I going to just kick up my heels and say, 'No, we can't go this way\u2019.\"\u00a0 And I thought before the Lord, I'm going to \u2013 and I thought the worst-case scenario, we can put him school at this particular situation, and we'll just take him out in a few weeks when Bill realizes that I was right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, Carolyn, you and Barbara are kind of made out of the same bolt\n\nof cloth.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Neither one of you are pushovers.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even with our soft voices?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, oh, your sweet, demure voices that sound like, \"Oh, what a\n\nsweet, sweet woman,\" but if you dug your heels in, you know \u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They might still be on the weekend talking about it today, right?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But that was a real test of whether or not you were going to empower\n\nyour husband to truly lead.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was a test for me whether I was going to trust the Lord with this\n\nbeloved child and put him in a situation that I didn't think was the best situation.\n\nThe long story short of that is I followed my husband, we put him in this school,\n\nthe child thrived in that situation, and I, as the weeks went by, I just thought,\n\n\"Well, Lord, how about that?\u00a0 You were right, I was wrong, and thank you for\n\noverriding me.\"\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, it's \"Lord, you were right,\" not \"Bill, you were right.\"\n\n(all laughing)\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I still didn\u2019t get any credit.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You did that weekend, and you obviously had a big issue to deal with.\u00a0 You\n\ndescribe it today \u2013 he heard you, you heard him \u2013 was it an unpleasant weekend\n\nor was it a productive weekend?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I want to comment on that, because one of the things I was\n\nthinking about as Carolyn retraced our steps in that story, is that, as a guy, at home I don't know if I would have ever been able to have had that good of a healthy conversation about this subject. And here's why.\n\nAgain, at home, I'm distracted by a lot of things.\u00a0 I have a lot of things on my mind.\u00a0 I'm still finishing up today's work even though I've just arrived at home.\u00a0 And so you sit down, and you try and work through some of these more serious issues, and I just confess, I'm preoccupied.\u00a0 So I don't think I do a good job of listening.\n\nAnd, again, Bob, what I would say is that retreat environment, at least for me, as a man, is it creates an environment that's much more distraction-free, and so then I'm free and can listen and can take some time to talk through a sensitive subject like this.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So the conversation you had that weekend wound up being much\n\nhealthier, much better, it sounds like, than what might have happened otherwise.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, much better for me, and a lot of it was because we got away to\n\na place where we could really focus on something that was priority and important\n\nto us and really talk it out without interruption.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, emotionally, on that weekend you realize you're at a point where\n\nyou're either going to trust your husband to make a wrong decision, or you're going to dig in your heels.\u00a0 Did that make it tougher for you to connect with him,\u00a0 to spend the rest of the weekend?\u00a0 I mean, here you've just, I don't want to say you've lost, but you know what I'm saying?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, really, just the opposite.\u00a0 I mean, even though I was still feeling\n\nlike I was right, and that he was wrong, I heard his heart, he heard mine. We both\n\nwanted the best for this child, and I knew that.\u00a0 And we had a wonderful weekend\n\ntogether.\n\nOne of the most important things about getting away is that the first morning, the thing that's important to me is getting alone by myself somewhere with my Bible and my journal.\u00a0 I just start that time off with praising the Lord and then asking Him to reveal anything in my heart that is amiss; that I need to repent of; and when He brings things to my mind, I want to get in line with Him, because it's important for me to be prepared spiritually and emotionally before Bill and I get together to talk about issues in our marriage and in our life.\n\nSo then when we get together for lunch that day, I feel more peaceful, more centered, more directed, to get involved and talking really more rationally about whatever the subjects are.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to make two very important observations about what Bill and\n\nCarolyn have shared here.\u00a0 One that's very obvious and one that's kind of below\n\nthe water line that our listeners wouldn't know.\u00a0 But, first of all, for a woman to\n\nfeel heard enables her to more fully trust the decision, when and if you disagree.\n\nAnd sometimes you can't fully feel heard without a weekend getaway.\u00a0 I mean,\n\nyou're grabbing conversations \u2013 it's like fast food \u2013 it's drive-through\n\nconversations where it's two people connecting on the run, and it's hard to feel\n\nheard in that situation.\n\nSo for a man who is listening to us right now, a husband, if he can understand, you know what?\u00a0 This is a great gift to your wife, because she can fully express herself if you will really listen and let her know you've heard her.\n\nThe second thing that our listeners wouldn't know necessarily is that Bill comes from a broken home.\u00a0 His mom and dad divorced, and so he didn't necessarily see a lot of these things modeled from a spiritual perspective.\u00a0 But Carolyn's response to him empowered him, as a young man starting out in their marriage together, to learn how to lead.\n\nA lot of men, I think, are afraid to lead, and don\u2019t know how to lead, and when they do try to lead their wives may not do a good job empowering them.\u00a0 And what I heard you saying, Bill, is your wife's life is so powerful in yours that she empowered you and does empower you, as a man, to step out and take the initiative even when you disagree.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, I would even go a step further \u2013 totally agree with that \u2013 and then I\n\nwould go to the next step where I learned, I wish I'd learned this a lot earlier in my marriage, but I began to learn in my marriage how valuable her input was regarding children, regarding decisions, and so forth, and began to tap into that.\n\nFor example, even on \u2013 remember, as the children were growing up and doing devotional times and things like that, oftentimes, the majority of the time I would say, Carolyn had been the researcher and the one who had found some excellent tools for me to use.\n\nSo it was a great partnership of her bringing ideas and suggesting ideas and bringing things into play for me, as a leader, and then being able to take those and us lead those times and share in those times together.\u00a0 I wasn't out doing a lot of research, so I'd go even a step further and say to husbands, as well, learn like I did.\u00a0 Your wife is a tremendous resource of information, not just to your marriage, but to your entire family.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That didn't threaten you?\u00a0 That encouraged you at that point.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, it was a huge plus.\u00a0 The more we can get off of win\/lose\/control-\n\nrelated issues and all that and see the incredible benefits that God has gifted a husband and a wife with in marriage and use those in a complementary way.\u00a0 You know, on the Weekend to Remember, Dennis, you say, \"And the two become one flesh.\"\u00a0 And if the two, if the man and the woman can become more one in their leadership of the home and their guiding of the children or even in a weekend away together, it's just such a blessing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That thing about \"two becoming one flesh,\" you got that from somebody\n\nelse, didn't you?\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think Moses may have heard from God on that situation.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I confess, as a young wife, there were many times when I\n\nwould think, \"Why is Bill not giving more creative attention and energy to this family?\u00a0 Why am I the one that's always thinking and planning and thinking about the family and so forth.\"\u00a0 And, finally, God just revealed to me in His gracious wisdom that He has created my husband to give his creative energy primarily to his ministry, to his job, his occupation, and He designed me to be a resource person for him for the family.\n\nSo when I notice things that a child needed, I could pull him aside and say, \"Could you give some special attention to Ben this evening, because I notice he's a little quiet, and I don't know what's going on.\"\n\nAnd this project that we did together, when we would get away, we would each separate, both of us would list strengths and weaknesses of each child, and then we would come back together and talk about those with each other, and then from those strengths and weaknesses and observations that we made about each child, we would plan an application, we would see what the gaps were in that child's life or what the needs were, and we would think of an application that we could do to build into that child's life, and that child would never know that we were doing that.\u00a0 It would be something subtle that we would just commit together that we want to address in this child's life.\n\nBut because I was with the children so much more that was very freeing to me to realize it's okay.\u00a0 God has given me that gift.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That project you're talking about is in your workbook, <em>Getting Away to <\/em>\n\n<em>Get It Together<\/em>.\u00a0 I have to ask you, Bill, because I have a wife who has also found resources and researched and pointed out areas where I needed to step in.\u00a0 Sometimes I just kind of go, you know, why does all this end up on my plate here at the end of the day when I'm totally whipped and exhausted.\u00a0 Have you ever felt like that?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 I think one of the greatest challenges for a man or a husband is\n\nto lead his household.\u00a0 He is working, and he's working hard, and he's trying to make his way and do a good job providing for his family and then comes home, and there is still more to do.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Carolyn's got this agenda for you.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's exactly right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And he's, like, \"Oh, sweetheart, look at this list.\"\u00a0 And you always\n\nembraced that, didn't you?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not always.\u00a0 [laughter]\n\nOn the project Carolyn mentioned a minute ago, I was thinking back as she was talking about that, and I recalled to mind an occasion where we were at our getaway, and we had physically separated \u2013 we just took a sheet of paper and divided it \u2013 we have three children, so we divided it into three columns.\u00a0 She would write down her insights, and I would write down mine separately.\u00a0 And we used to do strengths and weaknesses and all kinds of things.\n\nThen we would come together, as she said, and we would begin seeing where they overlapped to determine the needs that she spoke about.\u00a0 On one occasion, I remember her very wisely indicating one of our children was just sort of getting left out.\u00a0 This particular child wasn't as aggressive and outgoing and as talkative, and even at the dinner table.\u00a0 So what was helpful to me from the getaway was that we said, \"Okay, well, what we will do without anyone in the family knowing is that, as we have meals together, let's draw that child out by simply asking, 'Well what do you think about this?'\" and get them involved in the family.\n\nA lot of times, as parents, you're trying to help your children in school, help them walk with the Lord, memorize Scripture, read their Bible, learn their manners, and all these things.\u00a0 And there are so many things, you sort of end up going about a quarter of an inch deep in everything.\u00a0 And what we found, even in this just simple project is it gave us an area to focus on together.\u00a0 We just said, \"Okay, we're just going to focus on that area for the next six months\" or something and really try to build into that child's life.\u00a0 And, as a parent, it caused you to feel like you were doing something together, and you were winning.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, one of the things about this workbook that I think is helpful,\n\nespecially for guys, is if I didn't have some projects to pick from, and Mary Ann\n\nand I were going off for a weekend together, I might be able to drum up one or\n\ntwo things that we could talk about that would be meaningful to her.\u00a0 But I don't \u2013\n\nabout Saturday at lunch I'd think, \"Let's go fishing,\" or something.\u00a0 And this gives\n\nguys an opportunity to \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 go fishing.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 To go fishing relationally.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, but what you don't realize in this weekend there are times when, if\n\nyour wife want to read, and you want to go fishing, or she wants to go fishing, and the husband wants to read, it doesn't matter.\u00a0 The point is the weekend is not so structured, and you're not boxed in.\u00a0 Bill and Carolyn have kind of given you a smorgasbord of questions and projects that you can apply to your situation that will benefit you the most.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I know enough to know that as a guy if I'm going off for a couple day\n\ngetaway weekend with my wife \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Uh-huh, yeah, go ahead \u2013 go ahead and say it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I've got some stuff on the agenda that's not in your workbook, okay, a little\n\nromance is on my mind, okay, do you understand?\u00a0 And at some level these\n\nprojects are a part of that romantic equation, aren't they?\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, absolutely.\u00a0 Anytime a couple comes together and has meaningful\n\nconversations it refreshes and is endearing to their relationship.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's kind of a pre-romantic encounter \u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ask Carolyn what she thinks about this, Bob, instead of a couple of\n\nmen talking about this.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Carolyn, would you agree that this helps create a mood?\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Talking first and feeling connected and on the same\n\nwavelength,\u00a0 just feeling understood and appreciated, having time for verbal appreciation is certainly the perfect prerequisite for romance.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm trying to be delicate here.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's worth one point, Bob.\u00a0 A good conversation is worth one point.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope the guys are getting the point, you know, even as we're delicate\n\nhere, that you ought to have some points before you try to cash in, right?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's all I'm trying to say.\n\n<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You get lots of points for conversation.\n\n<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn't put that in the book, Bob, but that's a good point.\n\n(All laughing)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do think that guys who look at this time away and think, \"I don't know if\n\nthat's really what I want to do for a weekend, go away and talk.\"\u00a0 There is more that you have planned into this weekend than just some talks together.\n\nWe have copies of your book, <em>Getting Away to Get It Together<\/em> in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and there\u2019s more information about how you can order a copy of the book.\n\nBut as Dennis mentioned at the beginning of today\u2019s program--with the matching gift we\u2019ve got going on this week.\u00a0 In fact, this is the last week we can tell you about the matching gift fund that has grown now to in excess of four million dollars, the largest matching gift fund we\u2019ve ever had access to.\n\nWe\u2019re hoping to hear from as many listeners as possible over the next couple of days, making a yearend donation to support FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 And if you\u2019ll do that this week, we\u2019ll send you a copy of this planning guide at no cost.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click the button that says \u201cI Care\u201d and make a yearend donation and we\u2019ll automatically send you a copy of the planning guide <em>Getting Away to Get It Together<\/em> as a thank you gift for your yearend donation.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.\n\nJust mention that you\u2019d like the <em>Getting Away To Get It Together<\/em> planning guide and we\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your help and your support.\u00a0 Help us take full advantage of this largest matching gift fund ever.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to need everyone to do what you can do if we\u2019re going to be able to meet the match.\u00a0 So hope to you from you this week and want to say thanks in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\n\nAnd we want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Bill and Carolyn Wellons will be here again and will continue talking about husbands and wives and getaways and investing in your marriage.\u00a0 So I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for Today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\n________________________________________________________________\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\n<a 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