{"id":302418,"date":"2011-12-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-12-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col\/"},"modified":"2011-12-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-12-07T17:00:00","slug":"where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col\/","title":{"rendered":"Where Self-Centeredness and Marriage Col"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you taken your spouse for granted?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.24M","filesize_raw":"23323815","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901],"tags":[4284,4868,4698],"podcast_series":[7844],"cwp_profile":[8905],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302418","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","tag-father","tag-husband","tag-manhood","podcast_series-oops-i-forgot-my-wife-and-kids","cwp_profile-doyle-roth","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302418\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302418\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3ovfz30pQv\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col\/\">Where Self-Centeredness and Marriage Col<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-self-centeredness-and-marriage-col\/embed\/#?secret=3ovfz30pQv\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Where Self-Centeredness and Marriage Col&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3ovfz30pQv\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I read a Tweet the other day that said it\u2019s not enough just to know what the Bible teaches.\u00a0 You actually have to do what it says.\u00a0 So when it comes to verses like the ones that say, \u201cLove one another,\u201d \u201cEncourage one another,\u201d \u201cSupport one another,\u201d author, Doyle Roth, says we need to pay attention to those verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 We know the verses, but we do not apply them.\u00a0 We can apply them outside the home:\u00a0 we become good churchmen, people love us, we\u2019re happy and all of those different things; but in the home, we\u2019re different people.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it\u2019s important for the Spirit of God to do something in a man\u2019s life.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just the wife that nags him to death.\u00a0 Unless we confront what God says and submit ourselves to what God says, we\u2019re on a tough road and our wives are sort of stuck.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 7<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Doyle Roth joins us today to share what his marriage looked like before and after he started applying the Bible at home.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear his story today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I really love when lines converge.\u00a0 I was having lunch last week with a friend of mine who is in a tough spot in his marriage.\u00a0 He and his wife have been apart for a period of time.\u00a0 He\u2019s estranged from his children.\u00a0 We were talking about the issues, and what\u2019s going on, and whether there\u2019s hope for their marriage.\u00a0 I got back and I picked up a copy of the book that we\u2019re going to be talking about today; and I thought, \u201cThis guy needs this book.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s almost like it\u2019s telling his story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as I look at the title to this book, Bob, I reflected on a story that is supposedly a true story that happened in a foreign country of a guy and his wife who were on a journey across this particular country.\u00a0 They stopped at a service station to get gas and to use the restroom.\u00a0 He got back in the car and\u2014they must have had a real tight relationship because he drove for eight hours before he realized\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Eight hours?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Before he realized his wife was not in the back seat of the car.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t tell the rest of the story, like Paul Harvey would tell us.\u00a0 Like, \u201cI wonder what that ride back to pick her up was like?\u00a0 And then what that ride was like with her?\u201d\u00a0 But we do have the author of a book; and you\u2019ll understand this now folks\u2014what the name of the book is\u2014 <em>Oops!<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>I Forgot My Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 Doyle Roth joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t forget her and drive eight hours though, did you Doyle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I did not; but I forgot her for the first few years of my marriage.\u00a0 That is a summary of, really, our particular journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Doyle is a businessman with a heart and a passion for marriages and families.\u00a0 He is a speaker and counselor.\u00a0 He and his wife Nancy have been married for four decades.\u00a0 They have four adult children, only 12 grandchildren, and they live on a ranch in Colorado.\u00a0 I just want to know if you have any elk that need to be exterminated out there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do have elk.\u00a0 We have elk, bear, and mountain lion.\u00a0 You name it, we\u2019ve got it; but we don\u2019t exterminate them.\u00a0 We like to see them.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you don\u2019t want Dennis to come visit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to have Dennis come visit!\u00a0 No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I love it in your book that you compare marriage to elk hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s very true.\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because with elk hunting, you try to be as careful as you can, Bob, when you\u2019re walking through the woods.\u00a0 You don\u2019t like to break any trees.\u00a0 You don\u2019t like breaking any leaves.\u00a0 You try to sneak and be as careful as you can; but as soon as you pull the trigger, and as soon as that elk is on the ground, there is whooping and hollering.\u00a0 That\u2019s sort of like marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in courtship, you try to be as careful as you can.\u00a0 You try to be on your best behavior.\u00a0 You try to do the things that would please your fianc\u00e9.\u00a0 After the marriage, you often forget, and you just whoop and holler, and go your own self-centered way.\u00a0 That puts the marriage in trouble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your book is actually\u2014you say it\u2019s a fictional story, but it\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s very true.\u00a0 In fact, many of the issues in the story are merely snapshots from other counseling that I\u2019ve been involved with; but the story helps to put people into the mood of looking at their own marriages.\u00a0 You know, it\u2019s easier, for a man especially, to look at someone else\u2019s marriage and not just hold his own marriage under the light.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which is why, as I had lunch with my friend and then saw your book, I thought it would be perfect because a guy, in particular, can read someone else\u2019s story.\u00a0 If you get in his face and say, \u201cYou need to do this and you need to do that,\u201d he\u2019ll often tune you out.\u00a0 But he\u2019ll read somebody else\u2019s story and get the message; won\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, that\u2019s exactly right; and our study materials that come with this book, allow a group to look at these lives and how they have been affected rather than looking personally at their own, until the proper time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How much of this story is your story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, really the title is my story.\u00a0 <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife<\/em> really summarizes the early part of our marriage.\u00a0 We did not do well.\u00a0 I was involved in my businesses.\u00a0 I was involved, in even, Christian work; but I was not paying attention.\u00a0 I made assumptions about my wife.\u00a0 I took her for granted.\u00a0 The end result was she eventually said to me, Bob, \u201cI hate your God because He has taken you away from me.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s a pretty hard statement for somebody to hear; but that\u2019s really what happened.\u00a0 I was ignoring her, and that was devastating to our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How many years in before you had the kind of confrontation where she said, \u201cI hate your God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 This had been about five years into our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there conflict, or was it just this growing isolation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a little bit of both, but there was conflict.\u00a0 I was raised in a home where raising your voice was pretty typical, and so that conflict did ensue.\u00a0 There were problems as a result of that.\u00a0 There was a time in my life, then, where we decided that we needed to have some help.\u00a0 There was a man in Colorado Springs by the name of Jim Wright, who was familiar with our church, and we went to him for help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you were not a stubborn dug-in husband when your wife said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got issues.\u201d\u00a0 You said, \u201cLet\u2019s get help\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was stubborn and dug-in; but the problem was that my family life really affected the spiritual life.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t together.\u00a0 I mean, it was hypocritical for me to be out talking about what God can do in your life and then come home to a crying wife or a wife that\u2019s upset with me.\u00a0 That was so hypocritical.\u00a0 I just had to face reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there are a lot of marriages in the church that start out there.\u00a0 They assume they\u2019re singing off the same song sheet\u2014that they\u2019re coming out of the Scripture with a blueprint for their marriage.\u00a0 They turn around to take one another\u2019s hand, and it\u2019s not there.\u00a0 They\u2019re simply not equipped to deal with the issues of communication, conflict resolution, what the role of a husband or wife is.\u00a0 In the meantime, here comes life at you full boar\u2014making a living.\u00a0 Then children arrive.\u00a0 It\u2019s real easy to get\u2014what we\u2019ve called it at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>, Bob\u2014we call it an affair with ministry.\u00a0 You can have an affair with the opposite sex or you can have an affair, even in doing Christian work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Boy, Dennis, there\u2019s no question about that.\u00a0 You certainly can.\u00a0 I was an example of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you realize that your marriage needed some help before your wife really waved the flag hard at you or did you think, \u201cThis is just bumps, and they\u2019ll smooth out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I just think I was wrapped up in my own affairs.\u00a0 I became, in a sense, Bob, an image manager\u2014wanting to try to have everything look good on the outside when, inside, I knew things weren\u2019t right; but there were other things more important.\u00a0 It was all outside.\u00a0 It was other things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we had your wife here, and she was describing the first five years of your marriage, how would she describe it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019d describe it pretty much the same.\u00a0 She\u2019d say, \u201cHe was pretty tuned-out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was she trying to pull you back in or was she just letting you go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, she was trying to pull me back in.\u00a0 She would get real upset; but, again, I didn\u2019t pay attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there a point in your relationship when the pain finally got your attention?\u00a0 I mean, was there a kind of collision of all these crises that you were experiencing that said to you, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a major problem; and if you don\u2019t fix this, you\u2019re going to have an even bigger problem?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Well, yes.\u00a0 The term pain doesn\u2019t fit me as well, Dennis.\u00a0 What fits me is what really happened in the way of a Bible verse.\u00a0 I remember a distinct time when God drove into my heart and into my head the Ephesians passage\u2014Ephesians Five, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow that was a major turning point in my thinking about how marriage should be conducted because it couldn\u2019t be based on how I feel.\u00a0 It\u2019s based upon what I should do.\u00a0 It was a commitment that I had made to my wife when we got married that I was going to love her.\u00a0 So many Christians are familiar with those Bible verses, but they don\u2019t apply them to their Christian lives.\u00a0 I was a perfect illustration of that sort of hypocrite.\u00a0 I could quote that verse; but at my home, I was not one who was doing that\u2014sacrificially, totally, caring for my wife.\u00a0 I was not doing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did anybody confront you about that?\u00a0 I mean, other than Nancy, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, well Nancy confronted me on a lot of things!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 So did \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Grounds, and so did Jim Wright; but there was a moment when that Bible verse really took root in my heart and I realized that, \u201cThere has got to be some changes here if I\u2019m going to go on for God.\u201d\u00a0 I really did feel a heart for the Lord, but this was a real inconsistency in my walk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If your marriage had gotten out of sync, did it drift back into sync or was there a point where you sat down with Nancy and said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve realized some things.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not been the husband I need to be.\u201d\u00a0 You confessed.\u00a0 You asked for forgiveness.\u00a0 Was there a moment like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong> Well, yes, there were many moments like that; but there was only a few where I really meant it.\u00a0 You know, I see so many couples go through this drill in my office.\u00a0 They go through the \u201cI\u2019m sorry-thing\u201d; and yet, they turn right around a week or two later, they\u2019re right back in the same pit.\u00a0 There was really never the repentance that I think comes with godly sorrow.\u00a0 I just realized that my life needed to change.\u00a0 There was a godly sorrow before the Lord.\u00a0 I was not doing what God wanted me to do.\u00a0 The end result was that I had to make some changes.\u00a0 I had to repent, and then go on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 At that moment, when you felt that\u2014or when that, you said, it wasn\u2019t a matter of feeling, it was a matter of intellectually coming to grips with your responsibility\u2014did you go to Nancy at that point and make an attempt to repent with true, godly sorrow?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you\u2019d have to understand how insensitive I was, Dennis, to this whole thing.\u00a0 I made a statement to my wife, that I\u2019m ashamed of, but I\u2019ll tell it to you here because it expressed, really, my heart in the issue; but it was hurtful to her.\u00a0 That was, \u201cI\u2019m going to love you, whether I feel like it or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as you\u2019ve talked about this story, I kind of hear some of that\u2014that it\u2019s intellectual and that the heart\u2014the heart had to ultimately\u2014play catch up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there\u2019s a sense in which that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014before you actually begin to feel certain things for your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not the most romantic thing in the world to go to your wife and say, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, I\u2019m going to love you, whether I feel like it or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, and it didn\u2019t make her feel very good either; but the feelings were something that we experienced later on in our marital journey.\u00a0 You feel more in love after you intellectually are confronted by, \u201cThis is what God tells you to do as a Christian man, and this is what you need to be doing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a time, somewhere in the journey, when we were just getting started with our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, and you and your wife attended one of those?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we did.\u00a0 We attended those, and I remember some of that very specifically.\u00a0 I even remember writing those letters, Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a love letter, and you know that\u2019s not an intellectual exercise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a hard thing for me to do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can understand that, now that I\u2019ve heard your story!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was hard to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why was it so hard to express love to your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because I was such a self-centered man.\u00a0 I mean, I just thought in terms of myself.\u00a0 It\u2019s very hard to think in terms of where I am in relation to her because I was so involved with myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you have no need of her?\u00a0 Would she have described you as a self-sufficient man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I think she would have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s kind of what I\u2019m hearing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that\u2019s true.\u00a0 I was self-sufficient.\u00a0 I\u2019d be self-absorbed.\u00a0 You could go right down the list, self-righteous, self-willed\u2014I think all of those things.\u00a0 That\u2019s really the essence of why the<em>Oops!<\/em> book came into being was because self-centeredness has historically been such a huge part of my spiritual journey.\u00a0 I needed to wrestle with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s just take a step back and let\u2019s say there\u2019s a Nancy listening to us right now\u2014or maybe it\u2019s a Doyle who\u2019s married to a wife who\u2019s totally preoccupied with self\u2014totally self-centered, like you described yourself.\u00a0 What coaching would you give them in terms of attempting to be God\u2019s woman or God\u2019s man in that marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 If they are biblical people, and many of the people who come are biblical people\u2014I think they have to be confronted with\u2014for example, Mark, Chapter 8, Luke, Chapter 9.\u00a0 \u201cIf any man is going to be My disciple, he must deny self.\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s a real issue biblically, for the self-life.\u00a0 That\u2019s the message that I think men need to hear from my story, and they need to read from the book.\u00a0 It is, \u201cUnless we\u2019re willing to part with that, we\u2019ve got some spiritual issues.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if Nancy\u2019s listening right now, does she go to her Doyle and say, \u201cYou know what, Sweetheart?\u00a0 Your problem is you don\u2019t deny yourself\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that\u2019s true.\u00a0 It would certainly be in my case.\u00a0 My Nancy would agree with that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If she had come to you and said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve diagnosed what\u2019s wrong with you.\u00a0 You\u2019re just not dying to self like the Bible says.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, you\u2019ve got to understand you\u2019re talking to a pretty hard-headed guy here.\u00a0 I probably wouldn\u2019t have listened to her back then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a feeling that some of the women who are listening to us right now are married to hard-headed men, and a few men are married to hard-headed women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are, and that\u2019s why it\u2019s important for the Spirit of God to do something in the man\u2019s life.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just the wife that nags him to death.\u00a0 It\u2019s really that he exposes himself to, \u201cThis in what God teaches.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my work with couples, one of the things I find consistent is that we know the verses; but we do not apply them.\u00a0 We can apply them outside the home:\u00a0 we become good churchmen, people love us, we\u2019re happy and all of those different things; but in the home, we\u2019re different people.\u00a0 Some of the cartoons in the book point to this, that we are just wrapped up in ourselves.\u00a0 Unless we confront what God says and submit ourselves to what God says, we\u2019re on a tough road and our wives are sort of stuck.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some of our listeners hear the title of the book, <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife;<\/em> and they go, \u201cHere\u2019s another one of those shows where we\u2019re just beating up on the guys.\u00a0 If there\u2019s a marriage problem, it\u2019s always the guy\u2019s fault.\u00a0 How come you never talk about what the women are doing wrong in the marriage?\u00a0 It\u2019s always about what the guys are doing wrong.\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d say that men are primarily, I feel, the responsibility because, again, I look at my own marriage and I realize the home is built around healthy servant leadership.\u00a0 The Bible teaches that.\u00a0 The husband is to be the head of his wife, but the problem is that I was not a good servant leader.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t following what the Bible teaches about being a loving leader of my wife.\u00a0 I carry a great deal of responsibility for what happens in the relationship.\u00a0 I feel the responsibility does rest on my shoulders.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, does that mean that my wife is perfect, Dennis?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean that she\u2019s perfect.\u00a0 She had her own issues spiritually.\u00a0 She had to grow in her spiritual walk.\u00a0 I can encourage that, if I\u2019m a loving leader.\u00a0 If I\u2019m the right servant, I can help with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve done enough marital counseling now with folks that you\u2019ve met guys who are really doing their best\u2014trying as hard as they can to love their wife in a God-honoring way, to die to self, and do all of that\u2014and their wife is just stuck.\u00a0 It seems like 95 percent of the issue is with her.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen situations like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely!\u00a0 That\u2019s a real important thing for us to realize.\u00a0 Women do play a very strong part, but you can change them only so much!\u00a0 It\u2019s God that really does the work in their heart.\u00a0 You have to pray.\u00a0 That\u2019s where prayer comes in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true of men, too.\u00a0 It\u2019s God who has to change their hearts, too.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking, Bob, of another interview we did a number of years ago where it was a hard-headed man whose name was Ken Sandy\u2014who was an elder in the church, married\u2014but practicing one type of religion at church and another type at home.\u00a0 He was not loving his wife, and you know what she did?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe looked him in the eye one time and she said, \u201cLook, we have a problem in our marriage.\u00a0 You are an elder in the church.\u00a0 You\u2019re called to care for me as your wife; and if you\u2019re not willing to address this, I\u2019m going to call the elders and we\u2019re going to have a meeting with the elders\u2014you and me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there would be some who would flinch at that; but, I think, at points, the church needs to be more central in helping couples who come to a stalemate\u2014who come to a point where one of the spouses is not listening; doesn\u2019t get it.\u00a0 It needs to be handled in a loving way.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like you pick up a spiritual two-by-four and whack the other person beside the head, hoping they\u2019ll get it just because they\u2019re hard-headed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, it has to be done in love\u2014has to have a process to it\u2014needs to have respect to it.\u00a0 But to that woman who is in a marriage where there is a husband who doesn\u2019t get it, refuses to get it\u2014she really needs, in my opinion, to use the church to address that issue before their marriage gets to a point of crisis, that\u2019s a point of no return.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, Dennis, I agree with you 100 percent.\u00a0 We\u2019ve done the very same thing.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done the very same thing as taking couples to their church, to their pastor\u2014getting other church members involved\u2014because many men, like me, in those early years, do not like to be exposed.\u00a0 They don\u2019t like to have somebody else involved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen your pastor gets involved, or your elders get involved, it changes the dynamic of the counseling session very, very quickly.\u00a0 God can use them.\u00a0 After all, these are spiritual men.\u00a0 They can come to your house and pray for you. The Bible teaches that in James.\u00a0 We encourage that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can hear a wife saying, though, \u201cYou know, Dennis, I couldn\u2019t begin to think about doing that.\u00a0 That\u2019s a silver bullet\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a, \u201cHard to play\u201d, right there\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt could cost me my marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know, before we came in here to do radio, we were talking.\u00a0 We were chatting about how so many couples ask for help when the disease is terminal, after it\u2019s too late.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s where isolation is the great killer of marriages.\u00a0 When you get a couple isolated\u2014that are not letting other people into their lives to sharpen them and shape them and speak truth to them\u2014it\u2019s at those moments when they\u2019re vulnerable to be convinced of anything by the Enemy.\u00a0 I think your point that you just made about how we, as men, don\u2019t like to be exposed\u2014I think that\u2019s an accurate statement that, \u201cSometimes what we don\u2019t like is the very thing we need.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No question about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you saw that in your own situation and you\u2019ve seen it as you\u2019ve worked with other couples.\u00a0 I really appreciate the way that you put your story in this fictional story.\u00a0 It\u2019s not exactly your story.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fiction story, but there are elements that are in there\u2014in the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 It is a little twist on a way of dealing with this issue\u2014but it\u2019s a way that maybe some husbands or wives will read\u2014where they wouldn\u2019t sit down and read a book that\u2019s full of marital advice, but they\u2019ll read a story of somebody else and what they went through.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Doyle Roth\u2019s book, <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife,<\/em> along with his book, <em>Oops!<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>We Forgot the Kids,<\/em> together in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these books.\u00a0 You can order them from us online if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us toll- free at 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800, \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.<br><br>Now, some of you have already heard about what is going on around here during the month of December.\u00a0 We\u2019re very excited.\u00a0 We have had some friends of the ministry who have come to us and they have said, \u201cWe want to encourage <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to make a year-end contribution to FamilyLife.\u201d\u00a0 To try to help make that happen, they have offered a matching gift of $2.5 million.\u00a0 We were very grateful for their generosity, and we want to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity that has been presented to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>In recent days, we\u2019ve started to hear that there are some other friends who are saying, \u201cWait, we\u2019d like to add to that and increase the matching-gift number.\u201d\u00a0 That hasn\u2019t all been put together yet, but we\u2019re hoping that can happen; and we\u2019re hoping that you will consider making a year-end contribution. When you do, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 So, if you give a $50 donation, we\u2019ll get $50 from the matching fund. That\u2019s the way that works.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a critical time of year for <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> as it is for many ministries like ours.\u00a0 What happens over the next few weeks will really set the course for what we\u2019re able to continue to do in 2012.\u00a0 Can we ask you to consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, and make a year-end contribution to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u00a0 Again, when you do that, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar up to a total of, right now, $2.5 million.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 That is: 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\u00a0 We hope to hear from you, and we do appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Doyle Roth is going to be back with us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear more about how God intervened in his own marriage and about how he is coaching couples today when their marriages have drifted toward isolation.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.24M"],"filesize_raw":["23323815"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302418.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302418.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top 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you taken your spouse for granted?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-12-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I read a Tweet the other day that said it\u2019s not enough just to know what the Bible teaches.\u00a0 You actually have to do what it says.\u00a0 So when it comes to verses like the ones that say, \u201cLove one another,\u201d \u201cEncourage one another,\u201d \u201cSupport one another,\u201d author, Doyle Roth, says we need to pay attention to those verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 We know the verses, but we do not apply them.\u00a0 We can apply them outside the home:\u00a0 we become good churchmen, people love us, we\u2019re happy and all of those different things; but in the home, we\u2019re different people.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it\u2019s important for the Spirit of God to do something in a man\u2019s life.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just the wife that nags him to death.\u00a0 Unless we confront what God says and submit ourselves to what God says, we\u2019re on a tough road and our wives are sort of stuck.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 7<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Doyle Roth joins us today to share what his marriage looked like before and after he started applying the Bible at home.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear his story today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I really love when lines converge.\u00a0 I was having lunch last week with a friend of mine who is in a tough spot in his marriage.\u00a0 He and his wife have been apart for a period of time.\u00a0 He\u2019s estranged from his children.\u00a0 We were talking about the issues, and what\u2019s going on, and whether there\u2019s hope for their marriage.\u00a0 I got back and I picked up a copy of the book that we\u2019re going to be talking about today; and I thought, \u201cThis guy needs this book.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s almost like it\u2019s telling his story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as I look at the title to this book, Bob, I reflected on a story that is supposedly a true story that happened in a foreign country of a guy and his wife who were on a journey across this particular country.\u00a0 They stopped at a service station to get gas and to use the restroom.\u00a0 He got back in the car and\u2014they must have had a real tight relationship because he drove for eight hours before he realized\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Eight hours?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Before he realized his wife was not in the back seat of the car.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t tell the rest of the story, like Paul Harvey would tell us.\u00a0 Like, \u201cI wonder what that ride back to pick her up was like?\u00a0 And then what that ride was like with her?\u201d\u00a0 But we do have the author of a book; and you\u2019ll understand this now folks\u2014what the name of the book is\u2014 <em>Oops!<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>I Forgot My Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 Doyle Roth joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t forget her and drive eight hours though, did you Doyle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I did not; but I forgot her for the first few years of my marriage.\u00a0 That is a summary of, really, our particular journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Doyle is a businessman with a heart and a passion for marriages and families.\u00a0 He is a speaker and counselor.\u00a0 He and his wife Nancy have been married for four decades.\u00a0 They have four adult children, only 12 grandchildren, and they live on a ranch in Colorado.\u00a0 I just want to know if you have any elk that need to be exterminated out there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do have elk.\u00a0 We have elk, bear, and mountain lion.\u00a0 You name it, we\u2019ve got it; but we don\u2019t exterminate them.\u00a0 We like to see them.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you don\u2019t want Dennis to come visit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to have Dennis come visit!\u00a0 No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I love it in your book that you compare marriage to elk hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s very true.\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because with elk hunting, you try to be as careful as you can, Bob, when you\u2019re walking through the woods.\u00a0 You don\u2019t like to break any trees.\u00a0 You don\u2019t like breaking any leaves.\u00a0 You try to sneak and be as careful as you can; but as soon as you pull the trigger, and as soon as that elk is on the ground, there is whooping and hollering.\u00a0 That\u2019s sort of like marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in courtship, you try to be as careful as you can.\u00a0 You try to be on your best behavior.\u00a0 You try to do the things that would please your fianc\u00e9.\u00a0 After the marriage, you often forget, and you just whoop and holler, and go your own self-centered way.\u00a0 That puts the marriage in trouble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your book is actually\u2014you say it\u2019s a fictional story, but it\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s very true.\u00a0 In fact, many of the issues in the story are merely snapshots from other counseling that I\u2019ve been involved with; but the story helps to put people into the mood of looking at their own marriages.\u00a0 You know, it\u2019s easier, for a man especially, to look at someone else\u2019s marriage and not just hold his own marriage under the light.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which is why, as I had lunch with my friend and then saw your book, I thought it would be perfect because a guy, in particular, can read someone else\u2019s story.\u00a0 If you get in his face and say, \u201cYou need to do this and you need to do that,\u201d he\u2019ll often tune you out.\u00a0 But he\u2019ll read somebody else\u2019s story and get the message; won\u2019t he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, that\u2019s exactly right; and our study materials that come with this book, allow a group to look at these lives and how they have been affected rather than looking personally at their own, until the proper time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How much of this story is your story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, really the title is my story.\u00a0 <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife<\/em> really summarizes the early part of our marriage.\u00a0 We did not do well.\u00a0 I was involved in my businesses.\u00a0 I was involved, in even, Christian work; but I was not paying attention.\u00a0 I made assumptions about my wife.\u00a0 I took her for granted.\u00a0 The end result was she eventually said to me, Bob, \u201cI hate your God because He has taken you away from me.\u201d\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s a pretty hard statement for somebody to hear; but that\u2019s really what happened.\u00a0 I was ignoring her, and that was devastating to our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How many years in before you had the kind of confrontation where she said, \u201cI hate your God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 This had been about five years into our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there conflict, or was it just this growing isolation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a little bit of both, but there was conflict.\u00a0 I was raised in a home where raising your voice was pretty typical, and so that conflict did ensue.\u00a0 There were problems as a result of that.\u00a0 There was a time in my life, then, where we decided that we needed to have some help.\u00a0 There was a man in Colorado Springs by the name of Jim Wright, who was familiar with our church, and we went to him for help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you were not a stubborn dug-in husband when your wife said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got issues.\u201d\u00a0 You said, \u201cLet\u2019s get help\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I was stubborn and dug-in; but the problem was that my family life really affected the spiritual life.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t together.\u00a0 I mean, it was hypocritical for me to be out talking about what God can do in your life and then come home to a crying wife or a wife that\u2019s upset with me.\u00a0 That was so hypocritical.\u00a0 I just had to face reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there are a lot of marriages in the church that start out there.\u00a0 They assume they\u2019re singing off the same song sheet\u2014that they\u2019re coming out of the Scripture with a blueprint for their marriage.\u00a0 They turn around to take one another\u2019s hand, and it\u2019s not there.\u00a0 They\u2019re simply not equipped to deal with the issues of communication, conflict resolution, what the role of a husband or wife is.\u00a0 In the meantime, here comes life at you full boar\u2014making a living.\u00a0 Then children arrive.\u00a0 It\u2019s real easy to get\u2014what we\u2019ve called it at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>, Bob\u2014we call it an affair with ministry.\u00a0 You can have an affair with the opposite sex or you can have an affair, even in doing Christian work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Boy, Dennis, there\u2019s no question about that.\u00a0 You certainly can.\u00a0 I was an example of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you realize that your marriage needed some help before your wife really waved the flag hard at you or did you think, \u201cThis is just bumps, and they\u2019ll smooth out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I just think I was wrapped up in my own affairs.\u00a0 I became, in a sense, Bob, an image manager\u2014wanting to try to have everything look good on the outside when, inside, I knew things weren\u2019t right; but there were other things more important.\u00a0 It was all outside.\u00a0 It was other things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we had your wife here, and she was describing the first five years of your marriage, how would she describe it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019d describe it pretty much the same.\u00a0 She\u2019d say, \u201cHe was pretty tuned-out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was she trying to pull you back in or was she just letting you go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, she was trying to pull me back in.\u00a0 She would get real upset; but, again, I didn\u2019t pay attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was there a point in your relationship when the pain finally got your attention?\u00a0 I mean, was there a kind of collision of all these crises that you were experiencing that said to you, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a major problem; and if you don\u2019t fix this, you\u2019re going to have an even bigger problem?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Well, yes.\u00a0 The term pain doesn\u2019t fit me as well, Dennis.\u00a0 What fits me is what really happened in the way of a Bible verse.\u00a0 I remember a distinct time when God drove into my heart and into my head the Ephesians passage\u2014Ephesians Five, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow that was a major turning point in my thinking about how marriage should be conducted because it couldn\u2019t be based on how I feel.\u00a0 It\u2019s based upon what I should do.\u00a0 It was a commitment that I had made to my wife when we got married that I was going to love her.\u00a0 So many Christians are familiar with those Bible verses, but they don\u2019t apply them to their Christian lives.\u00a0 I was a perfect illustration of that sort of hypocrite.\u00a0 I could quote that verse; but at my home, I was not one who was doing that\u2014sacrificially, totally, caring for my wife.\u00a0 I was not doing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did anybody confront you about that?\u00a0 I mean, other than Nancy, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, well Nancy confronted me on a lot of things!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 So did \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Grounds, and so did Jim Wright; but there was a moment when that Bible verse really took root in my heart and I realized that, \u201cThere has got to be some changes here if I\u2019m going to go on for God.\u201d\u00a0 I really did feel a heart for the Lord, but this was a real inconsistency in my walk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If your marriage had gotten out of sync, did it drift back into sync or was there a point where you sat down with Nancy and said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve realized some things.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not been the husband I need to be.\u201d\u00a0 You confessed.\u00a0 You asked for forgiveness.\u00a0 Was there a moment like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong> Well, yes, there were many moments like that; but there was only a few where I really meant it.\u00a0 You know, I see so many couples go through this drill in my office.\u00a0 They go through the \u201cI\u2019m sorry-thing\u201d; and yet, they turn right around a week or two later, they\u2019re right back in the same pit.\u00a0 There was really never the repentance that I think comes with godly sorrow.\u00a0 I just realized that my life needed to change.\u00a0 There was a godly sorrow before the Lord.\u00a0 I was not doing what God wanted me to do.\u00a0 The end result was that I had to make some changes.\u00a0 I had to repent, and then go on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 At that moment, when you felt that\u2014or when that, you said, it wasn\u2019t a matter of feeling, it was a matter of intellectually coming to grips with your responsibility\u2014did you go to Nancy at that point and make an attempt to repent with true, godly sorrow?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you\u2019d have to understand how insensitive I was, Dennis, to this whole thing.\u00a0 I made a statement to my wife, that I\u2019m ashamed of, but I\u2019ll tell it to you here because it expressed, really, my heart in the issue; but it was hurtful to her.\u00a0 That was, \u201cI\u2019m going to love you, whether I feel like it or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as you\u2019ve talked about this story, I kind of hear some of that\u2014that it\u2019s intellectual and that the heart\u2014the heart had to ultimately\u2014play catch up\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there\u2019s a sense in which that\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014before you actually begin to feel certain things for your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not the most romantic thing in the world to go to your wife and say, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, I\u2019m going to love you, whether I feel like it or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, and it didn\u2019t make her feel very good either; but the feelings were something that we experienced later on in our marital journey.\u00a0 You feel more in love after you intellectually are confronted by, \u201cThis is what God tells you to do as a Christian man, and this is what you need to be doing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a time, somewhere in the journey, when we were just getting started with our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, and you and your wife attended one of those?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we did.\u00a0 We attended those, and I remember some of that very specifically.\u00a0 I even remember writing those letters, Dennis!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a love letter, and you know that\u2019s not an intellectual exercise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a hard thing for me to do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can understand that, now that I\u2019ve heard your story!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was hard to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why was it so hard to express love to your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because I was such a self-centered man.\u00a0 I mean, I just thought in terms of myself.\u00a0 It\u2019s very hard to think in terms of where I am in relation to her because I was so involved with myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you have no need of her?\u00a0 Would she have described you as a self-sufficient man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I think she would have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s kind of what I\u2019m hearing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that\u2019s true.\u00a0 I was self-sufficient.\u00a0 I\u2019d be self-absorbed.\u00a0 You could go right down the list, self-righteous, self-willed\u2014I think all of those things.\u00a0 That\u2019s really the essence of why the<em>Oops!<\/em> book came into being was because self-centeredness has historically been such a huge part of my spiritual journey.\u00a0 I needed to wrestle with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s just take a step back and let\u2019s say there\u2019s a Nancy listening to us right now\u2014or maybe it\u2019s a Doyle who\u2019s married to a wife who\u2019s totally preoccupied with self\u2014totally self-centered, like you described yourself.\u00a0 What coaching would you give them in terms of attempting to be God\u2019s woman or God\u2019s man in that marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 If they are biblical people, and many of the people who come are biblical people\u2014I think they have to be confronted with\u2014for example, Mark, Chapter 8, Luke, Chapter 9.\u00a0 \u201cIf any man is going to be My disciple, he must deny self.\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s a real issue biblically, for the self-life.\u00a0 That\u2019s the message that I think men need to hear from my story, and they need to read from the book.\u00a0 It is, \u201cUnless we\u2019re willing to part with that, we\u2019ve got some spiritual issues.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if Nancy\u2019s listening right now, does she go to her Doyle and say, \u201cYou know what, Sweetheart?\u00a0 Your problem is you don\u2019t deny yourself\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that\u2019s true.\u00a0 It would certainly be in my case.\u00a0 My Nancy would agree with that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If she had come to you and said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve diagnosed what\u2019s wrong with you.\u00a0 You\u2019re just not dying to self like the Bible says.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, you\u2019ve got to understand you\u2019re talking to a pretty hard-headed guy here.\u00a0 I probably wouldn\u2019t have listened to her back then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a feeling that some of the women who are listening to us right now are married to hard-headed men, and a few men are married to hard-headed women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are, and that\u2019s why it\u2019s important for the Spirit of God to do something in the man\u2019s life.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just the wife that nags him to death.\u00a0 It\u2019s really that he exposes himself to, \u201cThis in what God teaches.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my work with couples, one of the things I find consistent is that we know the verses; but we do not apply them.\u00a0 We can apply them outside the home:\u00a0 we become good churchmen, people love us, we\u2019re happy and all of those different things; but in the home, we\u2019re different people.\u00a0 Some of the cartoons in the book point to this, that we are just wrapped up in ourselves.\u00a0 Unless we confront what God says and submit ourselves to what God says, we\u2019re on a tough road and our wives are sort of stuck.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some of our listeners hear the title of the book, <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife;<\/em> and they go, \u201cHere\u2019s another one of those shows where we\u2019re just beating up on the guys.\u00a0 If there\u2019s a marriage problem, it\u2019s always the guy\u2019s fault.\u00a0 How come you never talk about what the women are doing wrong in the marriage?\u00a0 It\u2019s always about what the guys are doing wrong.\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d say that men are primarily, I feel, the responsibility because, again, I look at my own marriage and I realize the home is built around healthy servant leadership.\u00a0 The Bible teaches that.\u00a0 The husband is to be the head of his wife, but the problem is that I was not a good servant leader.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t following what the Bible teaches about being a loving leader of my wife.\u00a0 I carry a great deal of responsibility for what happens in the relationship.\u00a0 I feel the responsibility does rest on my shoulders.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, does that mean that my wife is perfect, Dennis?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean that she\u2019s perfect.\u00a0 She had her own issues spiritually.\u00a0 She had to grow in her spiritual walk.\u00a0 I can encourage that, if I\u2019m a loving leader.\u00a0 If I\u2019m the right servant, I can help with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve done enough marital counseling now with folks that you\u2019ve met guys who are really doing their best\u2014trying as hard as they can to love their wife in a God-honoring way, to die to self, and do all of that\u2014and their wife is just stuck.\u00a0 It seems like 95 percent of the issue is with her.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen situations like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely!\u00a0 That\u2019s a real important thing for us to realize.\u00a0 Women do play a very strong part, but you can change them only so much!\u00a0 It\u2019s God that really does the work in their heart.\u00a0 You have to pray.\u00a0 That\u2019s where prayer comes in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true of men, too.\u00a0 It\u2019s God who has to change their hearts, too.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking, Bob, of another interview we did a number of years ago where it was a hard-headed man whose name was Ken Sandy\u2014who was an elder in the church, married\u2014but practicing one type of religion at church and another type at home.\u00a0 He was not loving his wife, and you know what she did?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe looked him in the eye one time and she said, \u201cLook, we have a problem in our marriage.\u00a0 You are an elder in the church.\u00a0 You\u2019re called to care for me as your wife; and if you\u2019re not willing to address this, I\u2019m going to call the elders and we\u2019re going to have a meeting with the elders\u2014you and me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there would be some who would flinch at that; but, I think, at points, the church needs to be more central in helping couples who come to a stalemate\u2014who come to a point where one of the spouses is not listening; doesn\u2019t get it.\u00a0 It needs to be handled in a loving way.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like you pick up a spiritual two-by-four and whack the other person beside the head, hoping they\u2019ll get it just because they\u2019re hard-headed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, it has to be done in love\u2014has to have a process to it\u2014needs to have respect to it.\u00a0 But to that woman who is in a marriage where there is a husband who doesn\u2019t get it, refuses to get it\u2014she really needs, in my opinion, to use the church to address that issue before their marriage gets to a point of crisis, that\u2019s a point of no return.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, Dennis, I agree with you 100 percent.\u00a0 We\u2019ve done the very same thing.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done the very same thing as taking couples to their church, to their pastor\u2014getting other church members involved\u2014because many men, like me, in those early years, do not like to be exposed.\u00a0 They don\u2019t like to have somebody else involved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen your pastor gets involved, or your elders get involved, it changes the dynamic of the counseling session very, very quickly.\u00a0 God can use them.\u00a0 After all, these are spiritual men.\u00a0 They can come to your house and pray for you. The Bible teaches that in James.\u00a0 We encourage that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can hear a wife saying, though, \u201cYou know, Dennis, I couldn\u2019t begin to think about doing that.\u00a0 That\u2019s a silver bullet\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a, \u201cHard to play\u201d, right there\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt could cost me my marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know, before we came in here to do radio, we were talking.\u00a0 We were chatting about how so many couples ask for help when the disease is terminal, after it\u2019s too late.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s where isolation is the great killer of marriages.\u00a0 When you get a couple isolated\u2014that are not letting other people into their lives to sharpen them and shape them and speak truth to them\u2014it\u2019s at those moments when they\u2019re vulnerable to be convinced of anything by the Enemy.\u00a0 I think your point that you just made about how we, as men, don\u2019t like to be exposed\u2014I think that\u2019s an accurate statement that, \u201cSometimes what we don\u2019t like is the very thing we need.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Doyle:<\/strong>\u00a0 No question about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you saw that in your own situation and you\u2019ve seen it as you\u2019ve worked with other couples.\u00a0 I really appreciate the way that you put your story in this fictional story.\u00a0 It\u2019s not exactly your story.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fiction story, but there are elements that are in there\u2014in the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife<\/em>.\u00a0 It is a little twist on a way of dealing with this issue\u2014but it\u2019s a way that maybe some husbands or wives will read\u2014where they wouldn\u2019t sit down and read a book that\u2019s full of marital advice, but they\u2019ll read a story of somebody else and what they went through.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got Doyle Roth\u2019s book, <em>Oops! I Forgot My Wife,<\/em> along with his book, <em>Oops!<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>We Forgot the Kids,<\/em> together in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these books.\u00a0 You can order them from us online if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us toll- free at 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800, \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.<br><br>Now, some of you have already heard about what is going on around here during the month of December.\u00a0 We\u2019re very excited.\u00a0 We have had some friends of the ministry who have come to us and they have said, \u201cWe want to encourage <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to make a year-end contribution to FamilyLife.\u201d\u00a0 To try to help make that happen, they have offered a matching gift of $2.5 million.\u00a0 We were very grateful for their generosity, and we want to take full advantage of that matching-gift opportunity that has been presented to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>In recent days, we\u2019ve started to hear that there are some other friends who are saying, \u201cWait, we\u2019d like to add to that and increase the matching-gift number.\u201d\u00a0 That hasn\u2019t all been put together yet, but we\u2019re hoping that can happen; and we\u2019re hoping that you will consider making a year-end contribution. When you do, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 So, if you give a $50 donation, we\u2019ll get $50 from the matching fund. That\u2019s the way that works.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a critical time of year for <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> as it is for many ministries like ours.\u00a0 What happens over the next few weeks will really set the course for what we\u2019re able to continue to do in 2012.\u00a0 Can we ask you to consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking the button that says, \u201cI Care\u201d, and make a year-end contribution to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u00a0 Again, when you do that, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar up to a total of, right now, $2.5 million.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 That is: 1-800-358-6329; 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do.\u00a0 We hope to hear from you, and we do appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Doyle Roth is going to be back with us.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear more about how God intervened in his own marriage and about how he is coaching couples today when their marriages have drifted toward isolation.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302418","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302418"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302418"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302418"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302418"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}