{"id":302398,"date":"2011-11-09T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-09T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-healing-journey\/"},"modified":"2011-11-09T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-11-09T17:00:00","slug":"the-healing-journey","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-healing-journey\/","title":{"rendered":"The Healing Journey"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Imagine hiding a secret for 21 years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.34M","filesize_raw":"24469191","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[4129,2989,2320,2991],"podcast_series":[7838],"cwp_profile":[9247],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302398","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-homosexuality","tag-pornography","tag-purity","tag-sex","podcast_series-shattered","cwp_profile-bill-harbeck","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302398\/the-healing-journey","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302398\/the-healing-journey","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"R76dK1LNW9\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-healing-journey\/\">The Healing Journey<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-healing-journey\/embed\/#?secret=R76dK1LNW9\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Healing Journey&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"R76dK1LNW9\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For years, Bill Harbeck did not share with his wife about his experience of being sexually abused as a child.\u00a0 When it finally came out, Bill wanted to sweep it under the rug, to pretend like it was really no big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 What had worked for me for 21 years was the safe place to go.\u00a0 So, I went back there and started to shut down again\u2014moved to a new community, a new position in Arizona, and had the opportunity to start all over again; but the secret was out, much like the marriage.\u00a0 This was now, \u201cOh, it is out.\u00a0 Let\u2019s move on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s pretend like it never really happened.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until 2004\u2014eight years after\u2014that I came home; and she had bags packed and said, \u201cAlright.\u00a0 Either you\u2019re going to get some help, or I can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, November 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Bill Harbeck joins us to talk about how his wife Jill helped him shine a light into the dark places of his soul.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 This has been a\u2014well, it\u2019s been a sober week to hear recounted a story that as you said, Dennis, is both sad and evil.\u00a0 It\u2019s a story of a young man growing up who was abused by a family member from the time that he was an early teenager all the way up until he was married at age 19\u2014about the repercussions of that sexual abuse that he experienced on his life, on his marriage, until the point that he finally brought it all out in the open, and God began to do a redeeming and restoring work in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bill Harbeck joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to continue this story.\u00a0 Bill, as Bob said\u2014this just stirs up a lot of emotion in me\u2014maybe it is because FamilyLife has a ministry to orphans.\u00a0 We know what happens to orphans who aren\u2019t protected by family members.\u00a0 We hear about the sex slavery\u2014a trade that is taking place\u2014and the evil that is perpetrated on children; but your story is a story of a little boy who was protected, and it <em>still <\/em>happened to him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the broadcast today really is, I think, in some ways to moms and dads, who are raising the next generation of boys and girls, to just be vigilant.\u00a0 Pray about the friends your kids have, the family members that they develop relationships with.\u00a0 Keep your relationships intact with your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour book, <em>Shattered<\/em>, was really written as a story to share, not only what happened to you, but what happened to a young man growing up in his marriage who didn\u2019t expose the evil that was done to him.\u00a0 Your story was that you married Jill when you were 20.\u00a0 You were married for how long before you told her of the sexual abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twenty-one years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twenty-one years.\u00a0 How did it impact your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had a marriage that looked from the outside as if it was all together, as if we were living out the good, Christian marriage\u2014the elder in the church, the Sunday school teacher, the family that sings and travels together.\u00a0 We were what my parents were\u2014the pillars in their church\u2014we had become in our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re the basketball coach at Wheaton College\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014one of the leading evangelical Christian colleges in America.\u00a0 You, also, were a school administrator and a basketball coach at a number of Christian high schools.\u00a0 Again, the impression that everybody has is, \u201cThe Harbecks, if you need some help in your life, if you need somebody to help you with spiritual guidance and counsel\u2014\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019ve got it together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014you should go talk to Bill and Jill Harbeck because, obviously, they\u2019ve got things working.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We should have written a book then.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did anybody outside of the family know that there was anger going on in your marriage?\u00a0 Did anybody know that you were distant and the marriage had its cracks in the foundation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 None of my friends or relatives would have known.\u00a0 Jill may have shared with her sister.\u00a0 Her sister and she are very close, but I don\u2019t think it was anything that anyone would have thought twice about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t she blow the whistle on you?\u00a0 I mean, why didn\u2019t she, at year ten go, \u201cI\u2019m telling folks.\u00a0 I\u2019m doing something here?\u201d\u00a0 Do you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, we both grew up in the same environment.\u00a0 Her parents and my parents even went to the same high school.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s this long-standing tradition of, \u201cI don\u2019t walk out on a marriage.\u00a0 This is the way\u2014you get married like our parents did\u2014and they stay married forever.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t talk with other people about what\u2019s going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just kind of\u2014you suck it up and you move ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Image is everything.\u00a0 Her family grew up as a ministering family that travelled all over, as a singing family.\u00a0 Everything was about what they looked like and how it was presented to the community.\u00a0 So, she, in that sense, was coming in with me the same way.\u00a0 We\u2014this was about what we looked like to the community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had to spend a lot of emotional energy keeping the image together.\u00a0 Was that exhausting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 In fact, the most difficult part in all of this was keeping the secret because you had to be conscious every moment of not letting down your guard to let people see what was really going on.\u00a0 Eventually, 21-years\u2019 worth of that wore me down to a point where I just couldn\u2019t do it anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What was the straw that broke the camel\u2019s back with Jill that forced this out in the open?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I left Wheaton College\u2014left education for a year\u2014got out there and slowly just started to deteriorate\u2014even less communication.\u00a0 I just shut down completely.\u00a0 The children noticed it.\u00a0 She noticed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was tearing me up to a point where, \u201cLook, it\u2019s either going to be me\u2014.\u201d\u00a0 I remember standing on the railroad tracks in Wheaton, just contemplating this, \u201cI can get this over real quick and easy.\u201d\u00a0 The children kept\u2014in my mind\u2014saying, \u201cNo, no.\u00a0 I can\u2019t do that to them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we were out for lunch or dinner at an Olive Garden restaurant.\u00a0 It was building, and building, and it just burst out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are talking about May 26, 1996\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014after you\u2019ve been married 21 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 It would have been 21 years in August.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We were coming up on our 21st anniversary.\u00a0 I had literally reached a point of explosion inside.\u00a0 It was so pressurized (I guess would be the word).\u00a0 I had to get it out.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t keep this a secret anymore.\u00a0 I looked\u2014I just blurted, \u201cI was abused as a kid.\u201d\u00a0 The next 15\u2014I can\u2019t recall the time\u2014I couldn\u2019t speak after that.\u00a0 The emotion was just flooding out in tears and almost shaking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe wasn\u2019t quite sure what to say.\u00a0 She said, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 Slowly, got out what exactly had happened.\u00a0 I left that position the next month to take a position in Arizona where we\u2019ve been for the last 13 years; but the healing journey began that day, May 26th.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously, Jill was completely stunned at the lunch.\u00a0 In the days that followed, what was her response?\u00a0 How did she process it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jill is a registered nurse, and she has the gift of mercy.\u00a0 So, she was going to fix me and restore whatever it was that had injured and wounded me.\u00a0 She went systematically to work.\u00a0 She confronted my uncle.\u00a0 She told my mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back to the uncle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did she contact him?\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 She wrote a letter, without me knowing\u2014a certified letter.\u00a0 She sent it off.\u00a0 She got a response from that.\u00a0 Then, she shared with me, my mother, and grandmother what she had done.\u00a0 In her mind, she was going to help me get whole again.\u00a0 \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t everyone want to know what happened to you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, she wrote a letter to your Uncle Sam.\u00a0 \u201cThe secret\u2019s out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 The secret\u2019s out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cBill has told me what happened.\u201d\u00a0 Did she vent; do you know?\u00a0 Was it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There were many words in there of, \u201cHow could you have possibly done something like this to an innocent little boy?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you read the letter before she sent it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you read it afterwards?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t read it until years later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She sent it registered.\u00a0 You said she heard back from him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 She didn\u2019t\u2014just the card, just the receipt card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just the receipt thing\u2014Your letter was delivered, and he had signed on it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 He never called.\u00a0 He never wrote back.\u00a0 He never\u2014there was nothing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 He never acknowledged it.\u00a0 Shortly thereafter, he passed away in the hospital.\u00a0 He had admitted himself and stopped eating.\u00a0 He starved himself to death.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you look at that letter as a triggering event?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 I think the truth was now out.\u00a0 He was well into his early 70s by then.\u00a0 If I came out, the idea that the others would come out probably\u2014I\u2019m speculating\u2014probably was enough to say, \u201cThat\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jill didn\u2019t just go to him.\u00a0 You said she went to\u2014was it your mother, your grandmother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unfortunately, that backfired.\u00a0 The family did not accept that well.\u00a0 I had a hard time with it, too, because I was caught between those.\u00a0 So, for the next eight years, I shut down again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, wait a second.\u00a0 Your grandmother reacted, and there was a reason for her reaction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a secret\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that the family had been keeping for years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 Well, I found out since then, yes.\u00a0 There was abuse that had taken part within that\u2014family members that my grandmother\u2014she was one of eight or nine.\u00a0 So, there was abuse that had gone on within the family as her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Her brother was not the only one who had abused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was abuse within that extended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to bring this to light would open up the whole thing.\u00a0 Your grandmother didn\u2019t want the lid off of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Any part of that.\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you okay?\u00a0 I mean, here is Jill on a crusade to get this out in the open.\u00a0 Was she doing this with your agreement or doing it whether you like it or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little of both.\u00a0 Part of me knew, \u201cI needed to do it.\u201d\u00a0 The other part was still holding on to, \u201cI\u2019m afraid to let this out.\u201d\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 It sent me back into the old behaviors, and I started to shut down again\u2014moved to a new community, a new position in Arizona, and had the opportunity to start all over again; but the secret was out, much like the marriage.\u00a0 This was now, \u201cOh, it is out.\u00a0 Let\u2019s move on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s pretend like it never really happened.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until 2004\u2014eight years after\u2014that I came home; and she had bags packed and said, \u201cAlright, either you are going to get some help, or I can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, bringing it out in the open didn\u2019t make everything work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unfortunately, no.\u00a0 For me, it was such a long period of time of having lived that way that my behavior had actually molded itself into my own protective behaviors\u2014wrong, but still protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering about Jill and how she\u2019s processing this personally.\u00a0 I mean, first of all, she\u2019s lived for 21 years with a man that had a huge secret that you didn\u2019t divulge to her.\u00a0 Now, you\u2019ve got it out in the open, but you are still hiding.\u00a0 She really must be a remarkable human being to have hung in there and stayed in that situation with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 She\u2019s amazing.\u00a0 Even today, she\u2019s texting me saying, \u201cI\u2019m praying that what you\u2019re doing there will benefit others, the way it\u2019s helped us.\u201d\u00a0 So, you can see that\u2019s who she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m moving forward in this ministry because she\u2019s back there pushing.\u00a0 She\u2019s back there supporting.\u00a0 She\u2019s doing what she\u2019s always done.\u00a0 It has not been easy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear that at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 The last 15 years we\u2019ve had some real, real tough moments where we\u2019ve had to spend time away to just walk through the tears.\u00a0 This was my responsibility.\u00a0 I sinned against my wife for all those years.\u00a0 Now, I have to reconcile, \u201cYes, I was a victim and she\u2014I should be able to get away with this.\u201d\u00a0 I had to understand that, \u201cNo, what you did to your wife was unacceptable.\u00a0 You need to repent from that.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to stop you there because there are some who are listening who are going, \u201cYou sinned against your wife?\u00a0 How did you sin against your wife?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Emotionally, physically, all the things that belong within God\u2019s design of intimacy, I withheld from her.\u00a0 I had no right to do that.\u00a0 We were in a marriage together.\u00a0 My body, my soul belongs to her, but I withheld that.\u00a0 That\u2019s not right.\u00a0 That\u2019s sinning against her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to that man or woman today who has that secret locked up, there really is the issue of obedience to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bringing your spouse into the sorrow, the sadness, the anger, the grief of that evil.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is part of the two becoming one; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, I have no right to withhold those things from her when she has all the right in the world to know that and would have helped me through that the first two years of our marriage.\u00a0 We would have saved so much of that trouble and turmoil if I had just let it out early on.\u00a0 When I didn\u2019t, and it transferred\u2014now, we\u2019ve spent\u2014I think the healing journey is more excruciating than the actual abuse itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a burn victim\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014how a burn occurs instantly and, then, how the healing process is so excruciating; except, this is an unseen wound of the soul brought into the marriage.\u00a0 I\u2019m also thinking about when we stand before a pastor\u2014we take the other person\u2019s hand and we say, \u201cFor better, for worse, until death do us part.\u201d\u00a0 We have no idea what the other person is bringing into the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe may be in denial about what <em>we\u2019re<\/em> bringing into the marriage, but it is the <em>commitment<\/em> to love and to journey on in grace that ultimately can bring the healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your first attempt at counseling did not go so well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It was just shortly after the meeting in May.\u00a0 The counselors, for whatever reason, decided that this was some type of demon possession issue and wanted to spend time exorcising out of me.\u00a0 So, I fled from that just out of sheer anger.\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo.\u00a0 You don\u2019t get this.\u201d\u00a0 It helped me defend my position against counseling with Jill for the next eight years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that is what I\u2019m wondering.\u00a0 It shut you back down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shut me back down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, eight years later, when she said, \u201cWe are going to see a counselor.\u201d\u00a0 This time, the counselor was able to get you started in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Remarkable couple\u2014that met me right where I was\u2014but was not sympathetic or not really compassionate in terms of the healing process.\u00a0 In fact, told me, \u201cJill came down here to be healed.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want any part of this; fine.\u00a0 You can just leave.\u00a0 We\u2019ll take care of her and bring her home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy competitive nature at that moment said, \u201cNo, no, no.\u00a0 You\u2019re not going to win this one.\u00a0 I need to be in control of my own healing.\u201d\u00a0 She handed me a book from\u2014that Dr. Allender had written called <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 I read the book through the night, the entire evening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We met the next morning and went to work for a couple\u2014two, three days\u2014of really intense searching into my soul.\u00a0 She walked me through that.\u00a0 That began the <em>real<\/em> process of healing.\u00a0 I\u2019m seven years down the road from there and still working on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still on the journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve articulated the excruciating pain of healing.\u00a0 Can you articulate the delightful celebration of healing, as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can tell you that in my marriage, which is 36 years now, the understanding of intimacy the way, I think, God designed it (or as close as I could get it as a human) sexually, intimately\u2014only happened two or three times\u2014where that experience\u2014 where I felt an intimate connection.\u00a0 I can tell you, now, that that is happening for us almost on a regular basis\u2014that my wife and I intimately are connected physically, spiritually, emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t even share with you the joy, the satisfaction, the peace that has come with that, after all these years.\u00a0 I just wish I had 50 more to live with her.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 So that we could share this\u2014what we have <em>now<\/em> from what we experienced for those years.\u00a0 It has led me into this ministry to reach out to kids, in particular, that are at the stage I was at\u2014or men, most of them are men between 42 and 55, who are just for the first time letting it out.\u00a0 I know right where they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is another piece in this, too.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019ll help.\u00a0 My daughter\u2014I have a disabled daughter\u2014came into my life just a few years before I exposed this.\u00a0 She is severely disabled; and she has taught me, over the years of the healing journey, that this is really all about dependency.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s completely dependent on my wife and me for her daily needs.\u00a0 She reminds me every day, \u201cDad, you\u2019re completely dependent on God, whether you want to admit it or not.\u00a0 Your healing is only going to come from Him.\u00a0 Just like you take care of me, He will take care of you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, her piece in this whole healing journey is so important and crucial that I clearly see God\u2019s hand at every one of the different stages.\u00a0 What He has from here\u2014I\u2019m excited about knowing just because I\u2019m in a good place right now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish our listeners could see your face.\u00a0 There is a big grin on his face right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re smiling at the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 There\u2019s still the journey, and there is still the pain.\u00a0 I said\u2014even before when you asked me\u2014I don\u2019t really feel what I used to feel.\u00a0 I remember it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It no longer has you imprisoned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not in bondage anymore.\u00a0 I\u2019m not being held by the Enemy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the message for the listener who is thinking of his or her own sexual abuse right now is, \u201cYou aren\u2019t alone.\u00a0 You are not the only person\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014and there is a God of grace and compassion.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is hope.\u00a0 Bill, thank you for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014giving hope and sharing about the God of all hope and how He brought it to you.\u00a0 You\u2019re a good man.\u00a0 I want you to know I\u2019m sad for what happened to you.\u00a0 I really am, but I\u2019m really proud of your courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Way to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Thank you for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you need to know you\u2019ve helped a lot of folks this week who have tuned in and listened to the program.\u00a0 In fact, I have been reading some comments online on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 They\u2019re down below the transcript of today\u2019s program.\u00a0 There is a place for folks to leave comments.\u00a0 There are folks who have been leaving comments, talking about how much this program has helped them.\u00a0 I appreciate you sharing with our listeners; and thanks for writing the book, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Shattered<\/em>.\u00a0 In it, Bill Harbeck shares the story that you\u2019ve heard him tell us about this week.\u00a0 It would be a great book for you to read if you have experienced sexual abuse.\u00a0 Let me also recommend Dan Allender\u2019s book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, which we also have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 These are both great books for folks who want to experience a kind of breakthrough that you\u2019ve experienced as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about both of these books.\u00a0 You can order them from us online, if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com; or call toll-free 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and, then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of those listeners who have benefitted from what you\u2019ve shared with us this week, Bill, I want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of our listeners who help support this ministry.\u00a0 Your financial participation, your support of <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> is what makes programs like this possible.\u00a0 You should know that you are just one of a small percentage of folks who don\u2019t just listen but who help pitch in to make the program possible.\u00a0 We\u2019re grateful for your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you can help us with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank-you gift of our own, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional guide for families called <em>Growing Together in <\/em>Gratitude\u2014seven stories that you can read as part of family devotions or just at the dinner table to help cultivate a heart of thankfulness in all of us.\u00a0 Along with the book, we\u2019ll send some Thanksgiving prayer cards.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cWe appreciate your support of this ministry.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s always great to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 When you go to the website, just click the button that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d\u00a0 You can make your donation from there; or call 1-800-\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFLTODAY and make your donation by phone.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, let us know that you\u2019d like Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to encourage you to be back with us as we are going to talk to a couple of moms who had the experience of watching their teenagers begin to experiment with illegal drugs.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about how that impacted their family and about God\u2019s work in their life during that time as well.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.34M"],"filesize_raw":["24469191"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302398.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302398.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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hiding a secret for 21 years.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For years, Bill Harbeck did not share with his wife about his experience of being sexually abused as a child.\u00a0 When it finally came out, Bill wanted to sweep it under the rug, to pretend like it was really no big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 What had worked for me for 21 years was the safe place to go.\u00a0 So, I went back there and started to shut down again\u2014moved to a new community, a new position in Arizona, and had the opportunity to start all over again; but the secret was out, much like the marriage.\u00a0 This was now, \u201cOh, it is out.\u00a0 Let\u2019s move on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s pretend like it never really happened.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until 2004\u2014eight years after\u2014that I came home; and she had bags packed and said, \u201cAlright.\u00a0 Either you\u2019re going to get some help, or I can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, November 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Bill Harbeck joins us to talk about how his wife Jill helped him shine a light into the dark places of his soul.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 This has been a\u2014well, it\u2019s been a sober week to hear recounted a story that as you said, Dennis, is both sad and evil.\u00a0 It\u2019s a story of a young man growing up who was abused by a family member from the time that he was an early teenager all the way up until he was married at age 19\u2014about the repercussions of that sexual abuse that he experienced on his life, on his marriage, until the point that he finally brought it all out in the open, and God began to do a redeeming and restoring work in his life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bill Harbeck joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to continue this story.\u00a0 Bill, as Bob said\u2014this just stirs up a lot of emotion in me\u2014maybe it is because FamilyLife has a ministry to orphans.\u00a0 We know what happens to orphans who aren\u2019t protected by family members.\u00a0 We hear about the sex slavery\u2014a trade that is taking place\u2014and the evil that is perpetrated on children; but your story is a story of a little boy who was protected, and it <em>still <\/em>happened to him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the broadcast today really is, I think, in some ways to moms and dads, who are raising the next generation of boys and girls, to just be vigilant.\u00a0 Pray about the friends your kids have, the family members that they develop relationships with.\u00a0 Keep your relationships intact with your kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour book, <em>Shattered<\/em>, was really written as a story to share, not only what happened to you, but what happened to a young man growing up in his marriage who didn\u2019t expose the evil that was done to him.\u00a0 Your story was that you married Jill when you were 20.\u00a0 You were married for how long before you told her of the sexual abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twenty-one years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twenty-one years.\u00a0 How did it impact your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had a marriage that looked from the outside as if it was all together, as if we were living out the good, Christian marriage\u2014the elder in the church, the Sunday school teacher, the family that sings and travels together.\u00a0 We were what my parents were\u2014the pillars in their church\u2014we had become in our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re the basketball coach at Wheaton College\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014one of the leading evangelical Christian colleges in America.\u00a0 You, also, were a school administrator and a basketball coach at a number of Christian high schools.\u00a0 Again, the impression that everybody has is, \u201cThe Harbecks, if you need some help in your life, if you need somebody to help you with spiritual guidance and counsel\u2014\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019ve got it together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014you should go talk to Bill and Jill Harbeck because, obviously, they\u2019ve got things working.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 We should have written a book then.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did anybody outside of the family know that there was anger going on in your marriage?\u00a0 Did anybody know that you were distant and the marriage had its cracks in the foundation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 None of my friends or relatives would have known.\u00a0 Jill may have shared with her sister.\u00a0 Her sister and she are very close, but I don\u2019t think it was anything that anyone would have thought twice about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t she blow the whistle on you?\u00a0 I mean, why didn\u2019t she, at year ten go, \u201cI\u2019m telling folks.\u00a0 I\u2019m doing something here?\u201d\u00a0 Do you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, we both grew up in the same environment.\u00a0 Her parents and my parents even went to the same high school.\u00a0 So, there\u2019s this long-standing tradition of, \u201cI don\u2019t walk out on a marriage.\u00a0 This is the way\u2014you get married like our parents did\u2014and they stay married forever.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t talk with other people about what\u2019s going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just kind of\u2014you suck it up and you move ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Image is everything.\u00a0 Her family grew up as a ministering family that travelled all over, as a singing family.\u00a0 Everything was about what they looked like and how it was presented to the community.\u00a0 So, she, in that sense, was coming in with me the same way.\u00a0 We\u2014this was about what we looked like to the community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had to spend a lot of emotional energy keeping the image together.\u00a0 Was that exhausting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 In fact, the most difficult part in all of this was keeping the secret because you had to be conscious every moment of not letting down your guard to let people see what was really going on.\u00a0 Eventually, 21-years\u2019 worth of that wore me down to a point where I just couldn\u2019t do it anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What was the straw that broke the camel\u2019s back with Jill that forced this out in the open?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I left Wheaton College\u2014left education for a year\u2014got out there and slowly just started to deteriorate\u2014even less communication.\u00a0 I just shut down completely.\u00a0 The children noticed it.\u00a0 She noticed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was tearing me up to a point where, \u201cLook, it\u2019s either going to be me\u2014.\u201d\u00a0 I remember standing on the railroad tracks in Wheaton, just contemplating this, \u201cI can get this over real quick and easy.\u201d\u00a0 The children kept\u2014in my mind\u2014saying, \u201cNo, no.\u00a0 I can\u2019t do that to them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we were out for lunch or dinner at an Olive Garden restaurant.\u00a0 It was building, and building, and it just burst out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are talking about May 26, 1996\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014after you\u2019ve been married 21 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 It would have been 21 years in August.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We were coming up on our 21st anniversary.\u00a0 I had literally reached a point of explosion inside.\u00a0 It was so pressurized (I guess would be the word).\u00a0 I had to get it out.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t keep this a secret anymore.\u00a0 I looked\u2014I just blurted, \u201cI was abused as a kid.\u201d\u00a0 The next 15\u2014I can\u2019t recall the time\u2014I couldn\u2019t speak after that.\u00a0 The emotion was just flooding out in tears and almost shaking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe wasn\u2019t quite sure what to say.\u00a0 She said, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 Slowly, got out what exactly had happened.\u00a0 I left that position the next month to take a position in Arizona where we\u2019ve been for the last 13 years; but the healing journey began that day, May 26th.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously, Jill was completely stunned at the lunch.\u00a0 In the days that followed, what was her response?\u00a0 How did she process it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jill is a registered nurse, and she has the gift of mercy.\u00a0 So, she was going to fix me and restore whatever it was that had injured and wounded me.\u00a0 She went systematically to work.\u00a0 She confronted my uncle.\u00a0 She told my mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back to the uncle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did she contact him?\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 She wrote a letter, without me knowing\u2014a certified letter.\u00a0 She sent it off.\u00a0 She got a response from that.\u00a0 Then, she shared with me, my mother, and grandmother what she had done.\u00a0 In her mind, she was going to help me get whole again.\u00a0 \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t everyone want to know what happened to you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, she wrote a letter to your Uncle Sam.\u00a0 \u201cThe secret\u2019s out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 The secret\u2019s out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cBill has told me what happened.\u201d\u00a0 Did she vent; do you know?\u00a0 Was it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There were many words in there of, \u201cHow could you have possibly done something like this to an innocent little boy?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you read the letter before she sent it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you read it afterwards?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t read it until years later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She sent it registered.\u00a0 You said she heard back from him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 She didn\u2019t\u2014just the card, just the receipt card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just the receipt thing\u2014Your letter was delivered, and he had signed on it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 He never called.\u00a0 He never wrote back.\u00a0 He never\u2014there was nothing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 He never acknowledged it.\u00a0 Shortly thereafter, he passed away in the hospital.\u00a0 He had admitted himself and stopped eating.\u00a0 He starved himself to death.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you look at that letter as a triggering event?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 I think the truth was now out.\u00a0 He was well into his early 70s by then.\u00a0 If I came out, the idea that the others would come out probably\u2014I\u2019m speculating\u2014probably was enough to say, \u201cThat\u2019s it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jill didn\u2019t just go to him.\u00a0 You said she went to\u2014was it your mother, your grandmother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unfortunately, that backfired.\u00a0 The family did not accept that well.\u00a0 I had a hard time with it, too, because I was caught between those.\u00a0 So, for the next eight years, I shut down again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, now, wait a second.\u00a0 Your grandmother reacted, and there was a reason for her reaction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a secret\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that the family had been keeping for years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 Well, I found out since then, yes.\u00a0 There was abuse that had taken part within that\u2014family members that my grandmother\u2014she was one of eight or nine.\u00a0 So, there was abuse that had gone on within the family as her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Her brother was not the only one who had abused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was abuse within that extended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to bring this to light would open up the whole thing.\u00a0 Your grandmother didn\u2019t want the lid off of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Any part of that.\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you okay?\u00a0 I mean, here is Jill on a crusade to get this out in the open.\u00a0 Was she doing this with your agreement or doing it whether you like it or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 A little of both.\u00a0 Part of me knew, \u201cI needed to do it.\u201d\u00a0 The other part was still holding on to, \u201cI\u2019m afraid to let this out.\u201d\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 It sent me back into the old behaviors, and I started to shut down again\u2014moved to a new community, a new position in Arizona, and had the opportunity to start all over again; but the secret was out, much like the marriage.\u00a0 This was now, \u201cOh, it is out.\u00a0 Let\u2019s move on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s pretend like it never really happened.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until 2004\u2014eight years after\u2014that I came home; and she had bags packed and said, \u201cAlright, either you are going to get some help, or I can\u2019t do this anymore.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, bringing it out in the open didn\u2019t make everything work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Unfortunately, no.\u00a0 For me, it was such a long period of time of having lived that way that my behavior had actually molded itself into my own protective behaviors\u2014wrong, but still protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering about Jill and how she\u2019s processing this personally.\u00a0 I mean, first of all, she\u2019s lived for 21 years with a man that had a huge secret that you didn\u2019t divulge to her.\u00a0 Now, you\u2019ve got it out in the open, but you are still hiding.\u00a0 She really must be a remarkable human being to have hung in there and stayed in that situation with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 She\u2019s amazing.\u00a0 Even today, she\u2019s texting me saying, \u201cI\u2019m praying that what you\u2019re doing there will benefit others, the way it\u2019s helped us.\u201d\u00a0 So, you can see that\u2019s who she is.\u00a0 I\u2019m moving forward in this ministry because she\u2019s back there pushing.\u00a0 She\u2019s back there supporting.\u00a0 She\u2019s doing what she\u2019s always done.\u00a0 It has not been easy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear that at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 The last 15 years we\u2019ve had some real, real tough moments where we\u2019ve had to spend time away to just walk through the tears.\u00a0 This was my responsibility.\u00a0 I sinned against my wife for all those years.\u00a0 Now, I have to reconcile, \u201cYes, I was a victim and she\u2014I should be able to get away with this.\u201d\u00a0 I had to understand that, \u201cNo, what you did to your wife was unacceptable.\u00a0 You need to repent from that.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to stop you there because there are some who are listening who are going, \u201cYou sinned against your wife?\u00a0 How did you sin against your wife?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Emotionally, physically, all the things that belong within God\u2019s design of intimacy, I withheld from her.\u00a0 I had no right to do that.\u00a0 We were in a marriage together.\u00a0 My body, my soul belongs to her, but I withheld that.\u00a0 That\u2019s not right.\u00a0 That\u2019s sinning against her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, to that man or woman today who has that secret locked up, there really is the issue of obedience to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bringing your spouse into the sorrow, the sadness, the anger, the grief of that evil.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is part of the two becoming one; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, I have no right to withhold those things from her when she has all the right in the world to know that and would have helped me through that the first two years of our marriage.\u00a0 We would have saved so much of that trouble and turmoil if I had just let it out early on.\u00a0 When I didn\u2019t, and it transferred\u2014now, we\u2019ve spent\u2014I think the healing journey is more excruciating than the actual abuse itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a burn victim\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014how a burn occurs instantly and, then, how the healing process is so excruciating; except, this is an unseen wound of the soul brought into the marriage.\u00a0 I\u2019m also thinking about when we stand before a pastor\u2014we take the other person\u2019s hand and we say, \u201cFor better, for worse, until death do us part.\u201d\u00a0 We have no idea what the other person is bringing into the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe may be in denial about what <em>we\u2019re<\/em> bringing into the marriage, but it is the <em>commitment<\/em> to love and to journey on in grace that ultimately can bring the healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your first attempt at counseling did not go so well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It was just shortly after the meeting in May.\u00a0 The counselors, for whatever reason, decided that this was some type of demon possession issue and wanted to spend time exorcising out of me.\u00a0 So, I fled from that just out of sheer anger.\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo.\u00a0 You don\u2019t get this.\u201d\u00a0 It helped me defend my position against counseling with Jill for the next eight years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that is what I\u2019m wondering.\u00a0 It shut you back down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shut me back down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, eight years later, when she said, \u201cWe are going to see a counselor.\u201d\u00a0 This time, the counselor was able to get you started in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Remarkable couple\u2014that met me right where I was\u2014but was not sympathetic or not really compassionate in terms of the healing process.\u00a0 In fact, told me, \u201cJill came down here to be healed.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want any part of this; fine.\u00a0 You can just leave.\u00a0 We\u2019ll take care of her and bring her home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy competitive nature at that moment said, \u201cNo, no, no.\u00a0 You\u2019re not going to win this one.\u00a0 I need to be in control of my own healing.\u201d\u00a0 She handed me a book from\u2014that Dr. Allender had written called <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 I read the book through the night, the entire evening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We met the next morning and went to work for a couple\u2014two, three days\u2014of really intense searching into my soul.\u00a0 She walked me through that.\u00a0 That began the <em>real<\/em> process of healing.\u00a0 I\u2019m seven years down the road from there and still working on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still on the journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve articulated the excruciating pain of healing.\u00a0 Can you articulate the delightful celebration of healing, as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can tell you that in my marriage, which is 36 years now, the understanding of intimacy the way, I think, God designed it (or as close as I could get it as a human) sexually, intimately\u2014only happened two or three times\u2014where that experience\u2014 where I felt an intimate connection.\u00a0 I can tell you, now, that that is happening for us almost on a regular basis\u2014that my wife and I intimately are connected physically, spiritually, emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can\u2019t even share with you the joy, the satisfaction, the peace that has come with that, after all these years.\u00a0 I just wish I had 50 more to live with her.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 So that we could share this\u2014what we have <em>now<\/em> from what we experienced for those years.\u00a0 It has led me into this ministry to reach out to kids, in particular, that are at the stage I was at\u2014or men, most of them are men between 42 and 55, who are just for the first time letting it out.\u00a0 I know right where they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is another piece in this, too.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019ll help.\u00a0 My daughter\u2014I have a disabled daughter\u2014came into my life just a few years before I exposed this.\u00a0 She is severely disabled; and she has taught me, over the years of the healing journey, that this is really all about dependency.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s completely dependent on my wife and me for her daily needs.\u00a0 She reminds me every day, \u201cDad, you\u2019re completely dependent on God, whether you want to admit it or not.\u00a0 Your healing is only going to come from Him.\u00a0 Just like you take care of me, He will take care of you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, her piece in this whole healing journey is so important and crucial that I clearly see God\u2019s hand at every one of the different stages.\u00a0 What He has from here\u2014I\u2019m excited about knowing just because I\u2019m in a good place right now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish our listeners could see your face.\u00a0 There is a big grin on his face right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re smiling at the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 There\u2019s still the journey, and there is still the pain.\u00a0 I said\u2014even before when you asked me\u2014I don\u2019t really feel what I used to feel.\u00a0 I remember it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It no longer has you imprisoned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not in bondage anymore.\u00a0 I\u2019m not being held by the Enemy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the message for the listener who is thinking of his or her own sexual abuse right now is, \u201cYou aren\u2019t alone.\u00a0 You are not the only person\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014and there is a God of grace and compassion.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is hope.\u00a0 Bill, thank you for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014giving hope and sharing about the God of all hope and how He brought it to you.\u00a0 You\u2019re a good man.\u00a0 I want you to know I\u2019m sad for what happened to you.\u00a0 I really am, but I\u2019m really proud of your courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Way to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bill:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Thank you for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you need to know you\u2019ve helped a lot of folks this week who have tuned in and listened to the program.\u00a0 In fact, I have been reading some comments online on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 They\u2019re down below the transcript of today\u2019s program.\u00a0 There is a place for folks to leave comments.\u00a0 There are folks who have been leaving comments, talking about how much this program has helped them.\u00a0 I appreciate you sharing with our listeners; and thanks for writing the book, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Shattered<\/em>.\u00a0 In it, Bill Harbeck shares the story that you\u2019ve heard him tell us about this week.\u00a0 It would be a great book for you to read if you have experienced sexual abuse.\u00a0 Let me also recommend Dan Allender\u2019s book, <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, which we also have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 These are both great books for folks who want to experience a kind of breakthrough that you\u2019ve experienced as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about both of these books.\u00a0 You can order them from us online, if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com; or call toll-free 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and, then, the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of those listeners who have benefitted from what you\u2019ve shared with us this week, Bill, I want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of our listeners who help support this ministry.\u00a0 Your financial participation, your support of <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> is what makes programs like this possible.\u00a0 You should know that you are just one of a small percentage of folks who don\u2019t just listen but who help pitch in to make the program possible.\u00a0 We\u2019re grateful for your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you can help us with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank-you gift of our own, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional guide for families called <em>Growing Together in <\/em>Gratitude\u2014seven stories that you can read as part of family devotions or just at the dinner table to help cultivate a heart of thankfulness in all of us.\u00a0 Along with the book, we\u2019ll send some Thanksgiving prayer cards.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cWe appreciate your support of this ministry.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s always great to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 When you go to the website, just click the button that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d\u00a0 You can make your donation from there; or call 1-800-\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFLTODAY and make your donation by phone.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, let us know that you\u2019d like Barbara Rainey\u2019s devotional.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to encourage you to be back with us as we are going to talk to a couple of moms who had the experience of watching their teenagers begin to experiment with illegal drugs.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about how that impacted their family and about God\u2019s work in their life during that time as well.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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