{"id":302394,"date":"2011-11-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/10-friendly-warnings\/"},"modified":"2011-11-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-11-03T15:00:00","slug":"10-friendly-warnings","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-friendly-warnings\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Friendly Warnings"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Feeling a little anxious about fatherhood?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.93M","filesize_raw":"24040150","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[4284,4868,4698],"podcast_series":[7837],"cwp_profile":[3397],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302394","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-father","tag-husband","tag-manhood","podcast_series-first-time-dad","cwp_profile-john-fuller","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302394\/10-friendly-warnings","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302394\/10-friendly-warnings","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wOTVkLBsXX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-friendly-warnings\/\">10 Friendly Warnings<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-friendly-warnings\/embed\/#?secret=wOTVkLBsXX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;10 Friendly Warnings&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wOTVkLBsXX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Becoming a dad for the first time can be scary, intimidating.\u00a0 Here\u2019s John Fuller.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 What I\u2019ve seen is a lot of guys have two reactions to being a dad.\u00a0 One is, \u201cI\u2019m going to be so good at this,\u201d and they fail and then they run.\u00a0 The truth is you won\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 The other response is, \u201cI just don\u2019t even want to begin.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to try to fail; I\u2019m just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 So a lot of guys, I think, run away from fatherhood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, November 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 John Fuller joins us today with some counsel for first-time dads, \u201cHang in there.\u00a0 You can do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 And welcome to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He even blew the line.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, John.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh-h-h\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but who\u2019s doing your show?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s doing my show.\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s doing your show?\u201d is the question.\u00a0 If you had a trained professional doing this, they would have said, \u201cAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just wondering, \u201cAre you trying to tell me something?\u00a0 Is there something going on?\u00a0 Do I need to check my desk to see if there\u2019s a pink slip in there or something?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I wasn\u2019t sure how to break this to you, so I thought we\u2019d just do it live, here on the air.\u00a0 John Fuller joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you later, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve always wanted to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mr. Daly!\u00a0 Mr. Daly!\u00a0 Are you looking for anybody?\u00a0\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, it\u2019s this thing called <em>Job Swap<\/em>.\u00a0 So you and I are swapping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, okay.\u00a0 That would be fun for a day.\u00a0 I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that would be fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt about it.\u00a0 Well, I do want to welcome you to the broadcast, John.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you <em>very <\/em>much for having me.\u00a0 It\u2019s so great to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In case our listeners don\u2019t recognize that voice, which I can\u2019t imagine\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, how could that be?\u00a0 How could there be anybody in America\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the world!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who does not know the mellifluous sounds of John Fuller?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 The dulcet tones.\u00a0 Get the shovel out.\u00a0 Get the shovel out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The co-host of <em>FamilyLife\u2014Focus on the Family<\/em> broadcast.\u00a0 See, I almost blew it, to give you an outtake at that point.\u00a0 He is also Vice-President of Audio and New Media at <em>Focus<\/em>.\u00a0 He is a writer, a speaker.\u00a0 He has his Masters from the University of Northern Colorado; and the reason I like Greeley, Colorado, is because I have one of my favorite possessions that I have on the planet from Greeley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Greeley Hat Works.\u00a0 I have a cowboy hat that is a fine, a fine beaver pelt cowboy hat that my kids and Barbara gave me for Christmas one year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a <em>cool<\/em> hat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve never seen the hat, and I did not know there was a hat maker <em>in <\/em>Greeley; but I\u2019ll have to check that out now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You need to check that out.\u00a0 John is also an orphan care and adoption advocate.\u00a0 We share a lot of commonalities and things that we\u2019re kindred spirit about.\u00a0 He and Dena have six children, one of whom is adopted; and we have the same thing, John.\u00a0 Is it kind of like this at your family?\u00a0 You don\u2019t know which one it is that\u2019s adopted?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We really don\u2019t consider him adopted anymore.\u00a0 It is fun.\u00a0 Perhaps other families can relate to this.\u00a0 It is fun when somebody says, \u201cOh!\u00a0 He looks just like you.\u201d\u00a0 In this case, we didn\u2019t <em>try<\/em> to adopt a child that looked like us; but he does fit in the family very, very well, at least right now.\u00a0 He\u2019s only eight; maybe in a few years that will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 John is the author of a new book called <em>First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I sent a tweet; and John had tweeted and said, \u201cI\u2019m looking forward to the interview with Dennis and Bob.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cI hope he can remember what it was like to be a first-time dad, because it was oh so many years ago that that happened.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really, this came back to you as you were writing the book.\u00a0 Dena found some medical records from some 20 years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, actually I found them; and that tells you how bad a pack rat I am and how badly I keep files.\u00a0 I was sorting through some old files, trying to make room for new paperwork in the file cabinet; and I found these records from Dena\u2019s pregnancy with our first child.\u00a0 It took me back.\u00a0 It was something else to see Dr. Dalton\u2019s handwriting.\u00a0 We got all of these records, and we kept track of things.\u00a0 My goodness!\u00a0 That was a long time ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was something that was meaningful about that that you wrote about in your book.\u00a0 You guys struggled with infertility for a couple of years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 We got married; we wanted to have children.\u00a0 The number of kids that we wanted was a little bit of a dispute; but we were anxious to have children at about two-and-a-half, three years into the marriage.\u00a0 At that mark, we both thought, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s time;\u201d and we tried, and we tried, and we tried, and the months kind of ticked by.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo technically, I believe if it\u2019s a year or more of trying and no babies, you\u2019re considered infertile, at least for that season.\u00a0 There were moments when I\u2019d come home and she\u2019d be in tears.\u00a0 \u201cI just want to have a baby.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t be this much work.\u00a0 If we were teenagers and we had had a fling in the back seat of the car, we\u2019d probably be pregnant; but here we are married, ready, wanting kids\u2014nothing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019d track her temperature, and there\u2019d be those moments of, \u201cWe have to work at it tonight, Hon.\u201d All those pressures, and struggles, and challenges; but the Lord eventually heard our cry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Dena came to you and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have a baby,\u201d first of all, where and when did that happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish I could tell you specifically on that first\u2014I remember some of the other kids.\u00a0 I do remember this, though, Bob.\u00a0 I sort of thought that I was going to be able to ease into parenthood, and it was going to be as natural as marrying Dena was.\u00a0 She and I developed a very close relationship over the course of months; and when it came time to get married, it was so easy, so natural.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it came time for parenting, I thought it would be the same thing.\u00a0 So I don\u2019t remember those circumstances of when she finally said, \u201cWe are going to have a child;\u201d but I do remember thinking, \u201cOh, great.\u00a0 No big deal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought, \u201cI\u2019m ready.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought, \u201cThis is going to be easy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a guy.\u00a0 I check things off.\u00a0 We do things by the task list, and that\u2019s, \u201cBaby.\u00a0 Okay, we had the baby; now onto the next thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Looking back, how ready were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in a good home.\u00a0 I had listened to Christian radio.\u00a0 I had read some books.\u00a0 I paid attention; I thought I was pretty ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So now, looking back, if you had to give yourself a percentage, had to say, \u201cWhen that baby arrived, I was\u201d\u2014were you 50 percent ready to be a dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I think 50 is probably a good one, because I thought I was about 80 or 90 percent.\u00a0 I really did; but it was only a few weeks into the process of learning to be a parent that I realized, \u201cThere\u2019s a lot to learn I didn\u2019t know about.\u201d\u00a0 For instance, when I am sleep-deprived, I\u2019m not so good at communication with my wife and I don\u2019t make such good decisions.\u00a0 Oh, we were sleep-deprived those first few weeks, years.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 It was more than weeks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then there\u2019s the matter of, \u201cHow do you read that baby\u2019s cry?\u201d\u00a0 When a child cries, what does that mean?\u00a0 I\u2019m the oldest of four kids, and so I\u2019d been around babies a little bit earlier on; but I didn\u2019t pay attention.\u00a0 Suddenly, there\u2019s this baby and the world just shifted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow everything is about this baby and what he needs and, \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d, and, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy.\u00a0 You\u2019re my wife, but <em>still<\/em> I don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying right now; and I\u2019m tired, and that rubbed me the wrong way.\u201d\u00a0 There are just all these dynamics that a new dad, I think, universally, has to endure, and encounter, and take care of; but I wasn\u2019t ready for most of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For me, as I was reading your book I was reflecting back on what I was thinking when we started having children.\u00a0 First of all, I thought it would be a lot easier than it was.\u00a0 I was totally na\u00efve, off the charts.\u00a0 Secondly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you think you were ready?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I thought I was ready.\u00a0 I was arrogant.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cBring \u2018em on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s being more honest, Bob, than I was because I was proud about it, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s the ultimate litmus test of my pride.\u00a0 I thought that my training, that our training as a couple, was going to overrule those selfish little rug rats and going to redirect the self-will.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like thinking you\u2019d redirect the Mississippi River; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne other way that I was reflecting on, I totally was na\u00efve about how children were going to impact me, my own selfish choices\u2014Barbara, my wife, and who she was as a person.\u00a0 She <em>changed<\/em> when she became a mother.\u00a0 There was this side of her that became alive.\u00a0 It was like, \u201cWhoa!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know anything about that.\u201d\u00a0 And then that began to impact our marriage.\u00a0 At that point you begin to take a step back and go, \u201cI\u2019m now <em>sharing<\/em> her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you\u2019re saying it\u2019s a family-altering experience when a child comes into the family.\u00a0 It reprioritizes and reorders just about everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, because it\u2019s an 18-, 20-year assignment.\u00a0 And if you have a number of children, as it was for us, it was a 30-year assignment.\u00a0 We were dealing with kids for almost 30 years; and if you\u2019re going to do it right, according to the Bible, you\u2019re going to labor much in prayer, you\u2019re going to struggle with how you help them get to know God, and your own assignment of how you fail, and trying not to pass on your own humanity to them, which that is going to happen regardless.\u00a0 They\u2019re related to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it was a life-altering experience for us.\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard me say it, Bob, many times on the broadcast.\u00a0 I thought God gave us six kids to help <em>them<\/em> grow up.\u00a0 He gave us six kids to finish the job of <em>me <\/em>growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s powerful, Dennis, and that is so true for me.\u00a0 Marrying Dena was a step toward maturity in my life, but the children have challenged <em>everything <\/em>about me.\u00a0 They\u2019ve challenged what I really believe, they\u2019ve challenged my values.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said time and again, \u201cKids will test your materialism.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, when that little child, that sweet little child reaches up and rips off a piece of your electronics or pokes a hole in the speaker, or drops something into your cherished car radio, then you have a choice to make there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So a new dad is going to hit that time and again, where every time he\u2019s turning around, \u201cWhat\u2019s really important here?\u00a0 What\u2019s the value here?\u201d\u00a0 I have to agree with you.\u00a0 My kids have caused much more spiritual growth and development in <em>me <\/em>than <em>anything else<\/em> in life.\u00a0 God has used those kids time and again to help me grow in ways that I didn\u2019t always want to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s something you cover in your book called \u201cTen Friendly Warnings for Parents.\u201d\u00a0 Bob knows this\u2014I kind of like lists.\u00a0 This is just a great list.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a lot of hope in this list because we\u2019re talking about how children bring about a challenge in our life.\u00a0 Share some of these with our listeners, if you would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me do this with a couple of things.\u00a0 First, let me say that I hope that your listeners catch how often you raise <em>up <\/em>the joys of parenting.\u00a0 It is an arduous task.\u00a0 It is a thankless task many times, but it is a <em>wonderful<\/em> thing to be a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Indeed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Despite that, there are some things that we\u2019ve touched on already that I think most guys aren\u2019t ready for.\u00a0 These are friendly warnings because a lot of guys just haven\u2019t gone there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one, if I were to paraphrase it, is that you don\u2019t have to do this perfectly.\u00a0 What I\u2019ve seen is a lot of guys have two reactions to being a dad.\u00a0 One is, \u201cI\u2019m going to be <em>so <\/em>good at this,\u201d and they fail; and then they run because we, as men, just run from failure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we can\u2019t win, we\u2019re not going to play the game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to do it if I can\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 The truth is, you won\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 The other response is, \u201cI just don\u2019t even want to begin.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to try to fail.\u00a0 I\u2019m just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 So a lot of guys, I think, run away from fatherhood.\u00a0 The truth is, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do it perfectly.\u00a0 If you just show up, and you have a good heart, and a good intent, and you try, kids are going to pick up on that; and they\u2019re going to <em>forget a lot<\/em> of your mistakes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, my children have seen me yell, throw things, slam doors, say things I shouldn\u2019t have said.\u00a0 They\u2019ve seen the worst in me, and they forget most of that.\u00a0 In fact, when I started writing this book, my oldest was in college at the time.\u00a0 I said, \u201cSo, I\u2019m writing a book.\u201d\u00a0 You can kind of hear him, \u201cSo-o-o, what about, Dad?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you have to say?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s going to listen to you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, it\u2019s going to be for new dads.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cOh, well that will be good.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cPick me up from the floor.\u00a0 My oldest just said, \u2018That will be good.\u00a0 You\u2019ll do fine at that.\u2019\u00a0 He\u2019s affirming what I did?\u00a0 All the mistakes I made\u2014the classic first-born mistakes?\u201d\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 What freedom there is for a guy to know, \u201cI don\u2019t have to do it perfectly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I just say, \u201cYou won\u2019t, and you won\u2019t ever\u201d\u2014again, I want to be careful because we do make mistakes that <em>can<\/em> permanently scar a child; but for the <em>most part<\/em>, your mistakes are going to be forgotten, and you probably have not blown it so badly, even if you\u2019ve yelled multiple times or something like that, that your kids are going to be adversely affected forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard the commercials on radio that are soliciting for Big Brothers or Big Sisters; and they make that very point that someone showing up and caring is better than somebody who says, \u201cBoy, if I can\u2019t do it perfectly, I\u2019m not going to show up.\u201d\u00a0 So dads who show up and care are probably going to be fine; aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely yes!\u00a0 You can see the social science research about that.\u00a0 For dads who are there, what a <em>world<\/em> of difference that is in a child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your next one is one that I want you to highlight here because it\u2019s easy for dads to dismiss their wives and their observations that they make when they say, as Barbara said to me, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, you really have been a little too busy recently.\u00a0 You really ought to spend some time; you ought to go on a date or two.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s easy for a dad to get defensive at that point, and go, \u201cNo, no, no, no.\u00a0 Look at my calendar, here.\u00a0 I did this, and this, and this.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, they have an intuition that we need to listen to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, and it starts with an intuition about what that child is all about, what that baby needs.\u00a0 But it does creep into areas that most men don\u2019t like being told about\u2014and that is shortcomings\u2014when we\u2019re not at the table enough, when we\u2019re not doing what we need to do.\u00a0 Dena is so good at this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s be honest here.\u00a0 Some guys just get nurturing better than others.\u00a0 Most of us, though, don\u2019t get it at all, really.\u00a0 So, the new baby comes; and we can hold that child and then, then what?\u00a0 You know, \u201cWhat am I going to do now?\u201d\u00a0 Dena is representative of those women who just naturally get that; and they have this intuition about what the baby needs and what, \u201cthe relationship is like now between you and me, my dear husband.\u00a0 It\u2019s not what it used to be, but I still want that relationship with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women are very, very good about that; and guys don\u2019t always tap into that.\u00a0 I think a lot of guys\u2014again, because we\u2019re checklist-oriented, because we\u2019re get-it-done kind of guys, we don\u2019t listen as much to our wife as we probably should when it comes to caring for that baby and what the child needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third item I have under the \u201cTen Friendly Warnings\u201d list would be, \u201cDon\u2019t think that these days are forever.\u201d\u00a0 When you have young kids, it just seems like everything is changed, and it\u2019s going to be this way <em>forever<\/em>.\u00a0 I can\u2019t <em>imagine<\/em> ever having my wife just <em>alon<\/em>e.\u00a0 I can\u2019t <em>imagine<\/em> ever being able to do whatever I want to do again and having the spontaneity I used to have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a big change for us.\u00a0 That was hard.\u00a0 I think the spontaneity, that loss of being able to just go off and have dinner or go to the park.\u00a0 I think that was one of the biggest things that I struggled with.\u00a0 It seemed like that was going to be the way of life <em>forever<\/em>; but it\u2019s not that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She was all <em>yours<\/em> when you didn\u2019t have any kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And when the baby came along, she was not\u2014it wasn\u2019t like she was half yours.\u00a0 You were a 10-percenter, a 20-percenter.\u00a0 This baby <em>needed<\/em> her <em>desperately<\/em>, and you were kind of marginalized for a while\u2014not just you, I was, you were marginalized.\u00a0 It\u2019s a part of what dads have to learn to adjust to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 And not just marginalized.\u00a0 We are second fiddle for now and the immediate future.\u00a0 I want to be gentle here; but I think a lot of us guys just need to tough it out, man up and say, \u201cThis is what it is for this season.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For a season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the truth is, as you said, Dennis, really, in 15 years, that child is not going to be around much.\u00a0 If you\u2019re like us, you\u2019ve got a 15-year spread.\u00a0 So it\u2019s going to be close to 35 years before our youngest lets us kind of have freedom back.\u00a0 But still, when the kids hit a certain age, they\u2019re not around much.\u00a0 You get your wife back, and you get some of those freedoms back.\u00a0 You can maybe even go to the golf course and not feel guilty about it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo drink it in, be grateful for every step along the way, and engage as you can, and don\u2019t, \u201cThis isn\u2019t part of the list,\u201d\u2014but don\u2019t forget that, at the end of the day, it\u2019s back to you and the wife.\u00a0 If you haven\u2019t cultivated that relationship, you\u2019re going to be a sad man because she\u2019s naturally going to pour into the baby who grows up and becomes a toddler and then a middle-schooler.\u00a0 She\u2019s not naturally going to say, \u201cLet\u2019s go out for a date.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe she will, but <em>you<\/em> need to own that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You said it, \u201cMan up and pursue your wife, and keep romance alive,\u201d because if you don\u2019t, your kids can steal romance from you; and they can steal your relationship as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, you mentioned that she\u2019s\u2014\u201cI have to share.\u201d\u00a0 Well I have to share <em>all of her.<\/em>\u00a0 I have to get over the fact that, if she delivered this child, she\u2019s now got some weight to lose; and by the way, baby wants to eat a lot.\u00a0 That which used to be, \u201cAll mine,\u201d is now shared; and then, when I want to enjoy my wife\u2019s company in a physical way, she\u2019s looking at me like, \u201cI\u2019ve been touched by this baby all day.\u00a0 Leave me alone.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a little bit of a shock to the system.\u00a0 Nobody told me it was going to be that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are adjustments that have to be made in the process.\u00a0 The marriage needs to be nurtured and kept as the centerpiece of the relationship; and yet a man has to learn that his wife has an assignment here, and she\u2019s drawn to that assignment.\u00a0 He has to release her for that, and encourage her in that, and not be so selfish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at the clock here, Bob, and I\u2019m\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You weren\u2019t thinking we were going to get through all ten, were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I bogged down.\u00a0 Sorry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, you didn\u2019t bog down.\u00a0 With your permission, John, I\u2019d like to put these on our website, all ten of them, \u201cTen Friendly Warnings\u201d about becoming a parent.\u00a0 I just want to remind the dads, and for that matter, the moms.\u00a0 There\u2019s a statement by Neil Postman that I quote frequently, and it\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cOur children are the living messengers we send to a time we will not see.\u201d\u00a0 All this cost we\u2019re talking about\u2014and the self-sacrifice\u2014we\u2019re building into a time we will not see.\u00a0 We\u2019re sending these arrows over the horizon, and it really is worth it.\u00a0 To do it right, we need good resources; and we need mentors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what John has done in his book, <em>First Time Dad\u2014<\/em>he\u2019s kind of taken\u2014well, he has had heart surgery.\u00a0 It seems to me it\u2019s his heart between two covers here.\u00a0 You\u2019ve done a great job, and I think this is just chocked full of all kinds of practical advice you\u2019ve given here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait for the day when John calls me and says, \u201cMy son called today, and he said, \u2018Hey Dad, I\u2019m reading your book because I\u2019m getting ready for becoming a first-time dad.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 That will be one of those great\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 That will be a rich moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies.\u00a0 In fact, when the time comes, have him come to FamilyLifeToday.com to get his copy of your book.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got it on our website.\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com is the site.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 John Fuller\u2019s book is called <em>First Time Dad<\/em>; and you can order it from us online, again at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call toll-free at 1-800-358-6329; that's \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that a lot of the stores are already starting to look a lot like Christmas, but keep in mind there is a special day for families that comes between here and Christmas; and that is the celebration of Thanksgiving.\u00a0 It\u2019s a rich opportunity for families to really make the holiday a holy day, a spiritual day\u2014to focus on the character quality of gratitude and to cultivate gratefulness and thanksgiving in our own hearts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara Rainey wrote a devotional a couple of years ago for families called <em>Growing Together in Gratitude<\/em>, seven stories about being grateful that are designed to be read aloud to the family at dinnertime or during family devotions.\u00a0 This month we are making copies of Barbara\u2019s book available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLifeToday.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported.\u00a0 The costs that go into producing and syndicating a daily radio program like this\u2014getting it out to more than a thousand stations and outlets all across the country and having it appear online or available as an app on your iPhone\u00ae\u2014all of those costs are covered by folks like you who will from time to time call us or go online and make a donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can do that today, if you would do that today, we\u2019d love to send you Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Growing Together in Gratitude<\/em>, as a thank-you gift, along with a couple of Thanksgiving prayer cards.\u00a0 All you need to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d\u00a0 That will take you where you need to go to make an online donation.\u00a0 Everything is set up there for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FLTODAY, and you can make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just ask for a copy of Barbara\u2019s devotional book when you get in touch with us.\u00a0 We do appreciate those of you who are Legacy partners and get in touch with us each month to make a donation or those of you who just get in touch with us from time to time.\u00a0 Thanks for your support.\u00a0 We <em>do <\/em>appreciate your partnership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk more about the experience of being a dad for the very first time.\u00a0 John Fuller will be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.93M"],"filesize_raw":["24040150"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302394.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302394.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 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a little anxious about fatherhood?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-11-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Becoming a dad for the first time can be scary, intimidating.\u00a0 Here\u2019s John Fuller.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 What I\u2019ve seen is a lot of guys have two reactions to being a dad.\u00a0 One is, \u201cI\u2019m going to be so good at this,\u201d and they fail and then they run.\u00a0 The truth is you won\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 The other response is, \u201cI just don\u2019t even want to begin.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to try to fail; I\u2019m just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 So a lot of guys, I think, run away from fatherhood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, November 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 John Fuller joins us today with some counsel for first-time dads, \u201cHang in there.\u00a0 You can do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 And welcome to <em>FamilyLife<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He even blew the line.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, John.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh-h-h\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but who\u2019s doing your show?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s doing my show.\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s doing your show?\u201d is the question.\u00a0 If you had a trained professional doing this, they would have said, \u201cAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us.\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m just wondering, \u201cAre you trying to tell me something?\u00a0 Is there something going on?\u00a0 Do I need to check my desk to see if there\u2019s a pink slip in there or something?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I wasn\u2019t sure how to break this to you, so I thought we\u2019d just do it live, here on the air.\u00a0 John Fuller joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you later, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve always wanted to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mr. Daly!\u00a0 Mr. Daly!\u00a0 Are you looking for anybody?\u00a0\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, it\u2019s this thing called <em>Job Swap<\/em>.\u00a0 So you and I are swapping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, okay.\u00a0 That would be fun for a day.\u00a0 I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that would be fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt about it.\u00a0 Well, I do want to welcome you to the broadcast, John.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you <em>very <\/em>much for having me.\u00a0 It\u2019s so great to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In case our listeners don\u2019t recognize that voice, which I can\u2019t imagine\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, how could that be?\u00a0 How could there be anybody in America\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the world!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014who does not know the mellifluous sounds of John Fuller?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 The dulcet tones.\u00a0 Get the shovel out.\u00a0 Get the shovel out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The co-host of <em>FamilyLife\u2014Focus on the Family<\/em> broadcast.\u00a0 See, I almost blew it, to give you an outtake at that point.\u00a0 He is also Vice-President of Audio and New Media at <em>Focus<\/em>.\u00a0 He is a writer, a speaker.\u00a0 He has his Masters from the University of Northern Colorado; and the reason I like Greeley, Colorado, is because I have one of my favorite possessions that I have on the planet from Greeley.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 What\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Greeley Hat Works.\u00a0 I have a cowboy hat that is a fine, a fine beaver pelt cowboy hat that my kids and Barbara gave me for Christmas one year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a <em>cool<\/em> hat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve never seen the hat, and I did not know there was a hat maker <em>in <\/em>Greeley; but I\u2019ll have to check that out now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You need to check that out.\u00a0 John is also an orphan care and adoption advocate.\u00a0 We share a lot of commonalities and things that we\u2019re kindred spirit about.\u00a0 He and Dena have six children, one of whom is adopted; and we have the same thing, John.\u00a0 Is it kind of like this at your family?\u00a0 You don\u2019t know which one it is that\u2019s adopted?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We really don\u2019t consider him adopted anymore.\u00a0 It is fun.\u00a0 Perhaps other families can relate to this.\u00a0 It is fun when somebody says, \u201cOh!\u00a0 He looks just like you.\u201d\u00a0 In this case, we didn\u2019t <em>try<\/em> to adopt a child that looked like us; but he does fit in the family very, very well, at least right now.\u00a0 He\u2019s only eight; maybe in a few years that will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 John is the author of a new book called <em>First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I sent a tweet; and John had tweeted and said, \u201cI\u2019m looking forward to the interview with Dennis and Bob.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cI hope he can remember what it was like to be a first-time dad, because it was oh so many years ago that that happened.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really, this came back to you as you were writing the book.\u00a0 Dena found some medical records from some 20 years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, actually I found them; and that tells you how bad a pack rat I am and how badly I keep files.\u00a0 I was sorting through some old files, trying to make room for new paperwork in the file cabinet; and I found these records from Dena\u2019s pregnancy with our first child.\u00a0 It took me back.\u00a0 It was something else to see Dr. Dalton\u2019s handwriting.\u00a0 We got all of these records, and we kept track of things.\u00a0 My goodness!\u00a0 That was a long time ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was something that was meaningful about that that you wrote about in your book.\u00a0 You guys struggled with infertility for a couple of years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 We got married; we wanted to have children.\u00a0 The number of kids that we wanted was a little bit of a dispute; but we were anxious to have children at about two-and-a-half, three years into the marriage.\u00a0 At that mark, we both thought, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s time;\u201d and we tried, and we tried, and we tried, and the months kind of ticked by.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo technically, I believe if it\u2019s a year or more of trying and no babies, you\u2019re considered infertile, at least for that season.\u00a0 There were moments when I\u2019d come home and she\u2019d be in tears.\u00a0 \u201cI just want to have a baby.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t be this much work.\u00a0 If we were teenagers and we had had a fling in the back seat of the car, we\u2019d probably be pregnant; but here we are married, ready, wanting kids\u2014nothing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019d track her temperature, and there\u2019d be those moments of, \u201cWe have to work at it tonight, Hon.\u201d All those pressures, and struggles, and challenges; but the Lord eventually heard our cry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Dena came to you and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to have a baby,\u201d first of all, where and when did that happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish I could tell you specifically on that first\u2014I remember some of the other kids.\u00a0 I do remember this, though, Bob.\u00a0 I sort of thought that I was going to be able to ease into parenthood, and it was going to be as natural as marrying Dena was.\u00a0 She and I developed a very close relationship over the course of months; and when it came time to get married, it was so easy, so natural.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it came time for parenting, I thought it would be the same thing.\u00a0 So I don\u2019t remember those circumstances of when she finally said, \u201cWe are going to have a child;\u201d but I do remember thinking, \u201cOh, great.\u00a0 No big deal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought, \u201cI\u2019m ready.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought, \u201cThis is going to be easy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a guy.\u00a0 I check things off.\u00a0 We do things by the task list, and that\u2019s, \u201cBaby.\u00a0 Okay, we had the baby; now onto the next thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Looking back, how ready were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I grew up in a good home.\u00a0 I had listened to Christian radio.\u00a0 I had read some books.\u00a0 I paid attention; I thought I was pretty ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So now, looking back, if you had to give yourself a percentage, had to say, \u201cWhen that baby arrived, I was\u201d\u2014were you 50 percent ready to be a dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I think 50 is probably a good one, because I thought I was about 80 or 90 percent.\u00a0 I really did; but it was only a few weeks into the process of learning to be a parent that I realized, \u201cThere\u2019s a lot to learn I didn\u2019t know about.\u201d\u00a0 For instance, when I am sleep-deprived, I\u2019m not so good at communication with my wife and I don\u2019t make such good decisions.\u00a0 Oh, we were sleep-deprived those first few weeks, years.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 It was more than weeks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then there\u2019s the matter of, \u201cHow do you read that baby\u2019s cry?\u201d\u00a0 When a child cries, what does that mean?\u00a0 I\u2019m the oldest of four kids, and so I\u2019d been around babies a little bit earlier on; but I didn\u2019t pay attention.\u00a0 Suddenly, there\u2019s this baby and the world just shifted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow everything is about this baby and what he needs and, \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d, and, \u201cYou\u2019re not my enemy.\u00a0 You\u2019re my wife, but <em>still<\/em> I don\u2019t like what you\u2019re saying right now; and I\u2019m tired, and that rubbed me the wrong way.\u201d\u00a0 There are just all these dynamics that a new dad, I think, universally, has to endure, and encounter, and take care of; but I wasn\u2019t ready for most of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For me, as I was reading your book I was reflecting back on what I was thinking when we started having children.\u00a0 First of all, I thought it would be a lot easier than it was.\u00a0 I was totally na\u00efve, off the charts.\u00a0 Secondly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you think you were ready?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I thought I was ready.\u00a0 I was arrogant.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cBring \u2018em on.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s being more honest, Bob, than I was because I was proud about it, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s the ultimate litmus test of my pride.\u00a0 I thought that my training, that our training as a couple, was going to overrule those selfish little rug rats and going to redirect the self-will.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like thinking you\u2019d redirect the Mississippi River; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne other way that I was reflecting on, I totally was na\u00efve about how children were going to impact me, my own selfish choices\u2014Barbara, my wife, and who she was as a person.\u00a0 She <em>changed<\/em> when she became a mother.\u00a0 There was this side of her that became alive.\u00a0 It was like, \u201cWhoa!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know anything about that.\u201d\u00a0 And then that began to impact our marriage.\u00a0 At that point you begin to take a step back and go, \u201cI\u2019m now <em>sharing<\/em> her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you\u2019re saying it\u2019s a family-altering experience when a child comes into the family.\u00a0 It reprioritizes and reorders just about everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, because it\u2019s an 18-, 20-year assignment.\u00a0 And if you have a number of children, as it was for us, it was a 30-year assignment.\u00a0 We were dealing with kids for almost 30 years; and if you\u2019re going to do it right, according to the Bible, you\u2019re going to labor much in prayer, you\u2019re going to struggle with how you help them get to know God, and your own assignment of how you fail, and trying not to pass on your own humanity to them, which that is going to happen regardless.\u00a0 They\u2019re related to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it was a life-altering experience for us.\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard me say it, Bob, many times on the broadcast.\u00a0 I thought God gave us six kids to help <em>them<\/em> grow up.\u00a0 He gave us six kids to finish the job of <em>me <\/em>growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s powerful, Dennis, and that is so true for me.\u00a0 Marrying Dena was a step toward maturity in my life, but the children have challenged <em>everything <\/em>about me.\u00a0 They\u2019ve challenged what I really believe, they\u2019ve challenged my values.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said time and again, \u201cKids will test your materialism.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, when that little child, that sweet little child reaches up and rips off a piece of your electronics or pokes a hole in the speaker, or drops something into your cherished car radio, then you have a choice to make there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So a new dad is going to hit that time and again, where every time he\u2019s turning around, \u201cWhat\u2019s really important here?\u00a0 What\u2019s the value here?\u201d\u00a0 I have to agree with you.\u00a0 My kids have caused much more spiritual growth and development in <em>me <\/em>than <em>anything else<\/em> in life.\u00a0 God has used those kids time and again to help me grow in ways that I didn\u2019t always want to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s something you cover in your book called \u201cTen Friendly Warnings for Parents.\u201d\u00a0 Bob knows this\u2014I kind of like lists.\u00a0 This is just a great list.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a lot of hope in this list because we\u2019re talking about how children bring about a challenge in our life.\u00a0 Share some of these with our listeners, if you would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me do this with a couple of things.\u00a0 First, let me say that I hope that your listeners catch how often you raise <em>up <\/em>the joys of parenting.\u00a0 It is an arduous task.\u00a0 It is a thankless task many times, but it is a <em>wonderful<\/em> thing to be a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Indeed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Despite that, there are some things that we\u2019ve touched on already that I think most guys aren\u2019t ready for.\u00a0 These are friendly warnings because a lot of guys just haven\u2019t gone there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one, if I were to paraphrase it, is that you don\u2019t have to do this perfectly.\u00a0 What I\u2019ve seen is a lot of guys have two reactions to being a dad.\u00a0 One is, \u201cI\u2019m going to be <em>so <\/em>good at this,\u201d and they fail; and then they run because we, as men, just run from failure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we can\u2019t win, we\u2019re not going to play the game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to do it if I can\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 The truth is, you won\u2019t do it perfectly.\u00a0 The other response is, \u201cI just don\u2019t even want to begin.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to try to fail.\u00a0 I\u2019m just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 So a lot of guys, I think, run away from fatherhood.\u00a0 The truth is, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do it perfectly.\u00a0 If you just show up, and you have a good heart, and a good intent, and you try, kids are going to pick up on that; and they\u2019re going to <em>forget a lot<\/em> of your mistakes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, my children have seen me yell, throw things, slam doors, say things I shouldn\u2019t have said.\u00a0 They\u2019ve seen the worst in me, and they forget most of that.\u00a0 In fact, when I started writing this book, my oldest was in college at the time.\u00a0 I said, \u201cSo, I\u2019m writing a book.\u201d\u00a0 You can kind of hear him, \u201cSo-o-o, what about, Dad?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you have to say?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s going to listen to you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, it\u2019s going to be for new dads.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cOh, well that will be good.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cPick me up from the floor.\u00a0 My oldest just said, \u2018That will be good.\u00a0 You\u2019ll do fine at that.\u2019\u00a0 He\u2019s affirming what I did?\u00a0 All the mistakes I made\u2014the classic first-born mistakes?\u201d\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 What freedom there is for a guy to know, \u201cI don\u2019t have to do it perfectly.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I just say, \u201cYou won\u2019t, and you won\u2019t ever\u201d\u2014again, I want to be careful because we do make mistakes that <em>can<\/em> permanently scar a child; but for the <em>most part<\/em>, your mistakes are going to be forgotten, and you probably have not blown it so badly, even if you\u2019ve yelled multiple times or something like that, that your kids are going to be adversely affected forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve heard the commercials on radio that are soliciting for Big Brothers or Big Sisters; and they make that very point that someone showing up and caring is better than somebody who says, \u201cBoy, if I can\u2019t do it perfectly, I\u2019m not going to show up.\u201d\u00a0 So dads who show up and care are probably going to be fine; aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely yes!\u00a0 You can see the social science research about that.\u00a0 For dads who are there, what a <em>world<\/em> of difference that is in a child\u2019s life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your next one is one that I want you to highlight here because it\u2019s easy for dads to dismiss their wives and their observations that they make when they say, as Barbara said to me, \u201cYou know, Sweetheart, you really have been a little too busy recently.\u00a0 You really ought to spend some time; you ought to go on a date or two.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s easy for a dad to get defensive at that point, and go, \u201cNo, no, no, no.\u00a0 Look at my calendar, here.\u00a0 I did this, and this, and this.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, they have an intuition that we need to listen to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, and it starts with an intuition about what that child is all about, what that baby needs.\u00a0 But it does creep into areas that most men don\u2019t like being told about\u2014and that is shortcomings\u2014when we\u2019re not at the table enough, when we\u2019re not doing what we need to do.\u00a0 Dena is so good at this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s be honest here.\u00a0 Some guys just get nurturing better than others.\u00a0 Most of us, though, don\u2019t get it at all, really.\u00a0 So, the new baby comes; and we can hold that child and then, then what?\u00a0 You know, \u201cWhat am I going to do now?\u201d\u00a0 Dena is representative of those women who just naturally get that; and they have this intuition about what the baby needs and what, \u201cthe relationship is like now between you and me, my dear husband.\u00a0 It\u2019s not what it used to be, but I still want that relationship with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women are very, very good about that; and guys don\u2019t always tap into that.\u00a0 I think a lot of guys\u2014again, because we\u2019re checklist-oriented, because we\u2019re get-it-done kind of guys, we don\u2019t listen as much to our wife as we probably should when it comes to caring for that baby and what the child needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third item I have under the \u201cTen Friendly Warnings\u201d list would be, \u201cDon\u2019t think that these days are forever.\u201d\u00a0 When you have young kids, it just seems like everything is changed, and it\u2019s going to be this way <em>forever<\/em>.\u00a0 I can\u2019t <em>imagine<\/em> ever having my wife just <em>alon<\/em>e.\u00a0 I can\u2019t <em>imagine<\/em> ever being able to do whatever I want to do again and having the spontaneity I used to have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was a big change for us.\u00a0 That was hard.\u00a0 I think the spontaneity, that loss of being able to just go off and have dinner or go to the park.\u00a0 I think that was one of the biggest things that I struggled with.\u00a0 It seemed like that was going to be the way of life <em>forever<\/em>; but it\u2019s not that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She was all <em>yours<\/em> when you didn\u2019t have any kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And when the baby came along, she was not\u2014it wasn\u2019t like she was half yours.\u00a0 You were a 10-percenter, a 20-percenter.\u00a0 This baby <em>needed<\/em> her <em>desperately<\/em>, and you were kind of marginalized for a while\u2014not just you, I was, you were marginalized.\u00a0 It\u2019s a part of what dads have to learn to adjust to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 And not just marginalized.\u00a0 We are second fiddle for now and the immediate future.\u00a0 I want to be gentle here; but I think a lot of us guys just need to tough it out, man up and say, \u201cThis is what it is for this season.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For a season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 But the truth is, as you said, Dennis, really, in 15 years, that child is not going to be around much.\u00a0 If you\u2019re like us, you\u2019ve got a 15-year spread.\u00a0 So it\u2019s going to be close to 35 years before our youngest lets us kind of have freedom back.\u00a0 But still, when the kids hit a certain age, they\u2019re not around much.\u00a0 You get your wife back, and you get some of those freedoms back.\u00a0 You can maybe even go to the golf course and not feel guilty about it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo drink it in, be grateful for every step along the way, and engage as you can, and don\u2019t, \u201cThis isn\u2019t part of the list,\u201d\u2014but don\u2019t forget that, at the end of the day, it\u2019s back to you and the wife.\u00a0 If you haven\u2019t cultivated that relationship, you\u2019re going to be a sad man because she\u2019s naturally going to pour into the baby who grows up and becomes a toddler and then a middle-schooler.\u00a0 She\u2019s not naturally going to say, \u201cLet\u2019s go out for a date.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe she will, but <em>you<\/em> need to own that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You said it, \u201cMan up and pursue your wife, and keep romance alive,\u201d because if you don\u2019t, your kids can steal romance from you; and they can steal your relationship as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, you mentioned that she\u2019s\u2014\u201cI have to share.\u201d\u00a0 Well I have to share <em>all of her.<\/em>\u00a0 I have to get over the fact that, if she delivered this child, she\u2019s now got some weight to lose; and by the way, baby wants to eat a lot.\u00a0 That which used to be, \u201cAll mine,\u201d is now shared; and then, when I want to enjoy my wife\u2019s company in a physical way, she\u2019s looking at me like, \u201cI\u2019ve been touched by this baby all day.\u00a0 Leave me alone.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a little bit of a shock to the system.\u00a0 Nobody told me it was going to be that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are adjustments that have to be made in the process.\u00a0 The marriage needs to be nurtured and kept as the centerpiece of the relationship; and yet a man has to learn that his wife has an assignment here, and she\u2019s drawn to that assignment.\u00a0 He has to release her for that, and encourage her in that, and not be so selfish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking at the clock here, Bob, and I\u2019m\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You weren\u2019t thinking we were going to get through all ten, were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I bogged down.\u00a0 Sorry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, you didn\u2019t bog down.\u00a0 With your permission, John, I\u2019d like to put these on our website, all ten of them, \u201cTen Friendly Warnings\u201d about becoming a parent.\u00a0 I just want to remind the dads, and for that matter, the moms.\u00a0 There\u2019s a statement by Neil Postman that I quote frequently, and it\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cOur children are the living messengers we send to a time we will not see.\u201d\u00a0 All this cost we\u2019re talking about\u2014and the self-sacrifice\u2014we\u2019re building into a time we will not see.\u00a0 We\u2019re sending these arrows over the horizon, and it really is worth it.\u00a0 To do it right, we need good resources; and we need mentors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what John has done in his book, <em>First Time Dad\u2014<\/em>he\u2019s kind of taken\u2014well, he has had heart surgery.\u00a0 It seems to me it\u2019s his heart between two covers here.\u00a0 You\u2019ve done a great job, and I think this is just chocked full of all kinds of practical advice you\u2019ve given here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait for the day when John calls me and says, \u201cMy son called today, and he said, \u2018Hey Dad, I\u2019m reading your book because I\u2019m getting ready for becoming a first-time dad.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 That will be one of those great\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 That will be a rich moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies.\u00a0 In fact, when the time comes, have him come to FamilyLifeToday.com to get his copy of your book.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got it on our website.\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com is the site.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 John Fuller\u2019s book is called <em>First Time Dad<\/em>; and you can order it from us online, again at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call toll-free at 1-800-358-6329; that's \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that a lot of the stores are already starting to look a lot like Christmas, but keep in mind there is a special day for families that comes between here and Christmas; and that is the celebration of Thanksgiving.\u00a0 It\u2019s a rich opportunity for families to really make the holiday a holy day, a spiritual day\u2014to focus on the character quality of gratitude and to cultivate gratefulness and thanksgiving in our own hearts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara Rainey wrote a devotional a couple of years ago for families called <em>Growing Together in Gratitude<\/em>, seven stories about being grateful that are designed to be read aloud to the family at dinnertime or during family devotions.\u00a0 This month we are making copies of Barbara\u2019s book available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLifeToday.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported.\u00a0 The costs that go into producing and syndicating a daily radio program like this\u2014getting it out to more than a thousand stations and outlets all across the country and having it appear online or available as an app on your iPhone\u00ae\u2014all of those costs are covered by folks like you who will from time to time call us or go online and make a donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can do that today, if you would do that today, we\u2019d love to send you Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Growing Together in Gratitude<\/em>, as a thank-you gift, along with a couple of Thanksgiving prayer cards.\u00a0 All you need to do is go to FamilyLifeToday.com, click the button that says, \u201cI Care.\u201d\u00a0 That will take you where you need to go to make an online donation.\u00a0 Everything is set up there for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FLTODAY, and you can make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just ask for a copy of Barbara\u2019s devotional book when you get in touch with us.\u00a0 We do appreciate those of you who are Legacy partners and get in touch with us each month to make a donation or those of you who just get in touch with us from time to time.\u00a0 Thanks for your support.\u00a0 We <em>do <\/em>appreciate your partnership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk more about the experience of being a dad for the very first time.\u00a0 John Fuller will be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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