{"id":302382,"date":"2011-10-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-10-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-serve-lead\/"},"modified":"2011-10-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-10-18T15:00:00","slug":"love-serve-lead","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-serve-lead\/","title":{"rendered":"Love, Serve, Lead"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you know your job description as a husband?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.5M","filesize_raw":"24638756","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901],"tags":[4284,4868,4698],"podcast_series":[7832],"cwp_profile":[9244],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302382","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","tag-father","tag-husband","tag-manhood","podcast_series-visionary-marriage","cwp_profile-rob-rienow","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302382\/love-serve-lead","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302382\/love-serve-lead","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2dGdwEqTxE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-serve-lead\/\">Love, Serve, Lead<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-serve-lead\/embed\/#?secret=2dGdwEqTxE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love, Serve, Lead&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2dGdwEqTxE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you trying to help your spouse<em> grow<\/em> in godliness?\u00a0 Should that even be your project?\u00a0 Rob Rienow says it should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the common myths about marriage out there is that you shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u00a0 You hear that all the time.\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I know what people mean by that\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t berate your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t control your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t manipulate your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am with you on all of that, but there is a mission that\u2014if you are a husband\u2014God has brought this woman into your life as the most important<em> ministry<\/em> He will ever give you, which is to <em>nurture <\/em>and encourage <em>faith <\/em>in her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 18<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Rob Rienow joins us today to talk about having a strategy\u2014having a <em>strategic<\/em> vision for our marriages.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, at most businesses, if you get hired for a job at the business, there is some kind of a sheet that they give you that tells you what the job description is.\u00a0 It gives you your assignment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What your responsibilities are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here, at the ministry, we call them Position Focus Sheets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It kind of keeps you focused on what you are supposed to be doing.\u00a0 When I got married, I did not get a Position Focus Sheet.\u00a0 Did you get one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, Barbara gave me one.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 She knew I needed help in focusing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was it right there at the altar that she said, \u201cBy the way\u2014\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, she didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cHere is what I am saying.\u00a0 Here is what you are saying, \u2018I do,\u2019 to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am kidding.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t know any more than I did what she was doing.\u00a0 You know, we didn\u2019t have that, Bob.\u00a0 At that point, we hadn\u2019t started FamilyLife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae marriage getaway, we spend nearly two hours on Sunday morning at the conference, talking to the men separately from the women about what their job description is; and we talk to the women about their job description.\u00a0 Really, I think\u2014for some of them\u2014I think it is a break-through to finally understand, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I am <em>exhausted<\/em> because I am trying to do my job and my spouse\u2019s job.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, if you are going to have marriage be what marriage is supposed to be, then both of you are going to have to be in the role you are assigned to play.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We are going to ask our guest today on the broadcast, Rob Rienow, to give us a high fly-by on the man\u2019s responsibility.\u00a0 I am looking at the clock, Rob.\u00a0 I am going to give you ten minutes for the men, and I am going to give you ten minutes for the women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust talk about, \u201cWhat is the job description for husbands and wives in a marriage relationship?\u201d\u00a0 And by the way, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you for having me back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Rob and his wife Amy are the founders of Visionary Family Ministries.\u00a0 They have been married since 1994.\u00a0 They have six children, ages 13 to 1\u2014which, \u201cThat\u2019s a load man.\u00a0 That\u2019s a load!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 You are going to have several teenagers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A lot of sanctification taking place at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>--at one time!\u00a0 He, along with Amy, is the author of <em>Visionary Marriage:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Capture a God-Sized Vision for Your Marriage.<\/em>\u00a0 Let\u2019s start with the men.\u00a0\u00a0 What is their responsibility, Rob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At the outset, I just need to say that I believe God created men and women with equal value, equal worth, equal dignity, and equal importance.\u00a0 That comes right out of Genesis, Chapter 1.\u00a0 I also believe we are equally sinful after the Fall, which means we contribute equally to the problems in marriages, in families, in churches, and in nations; but He also created us differently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe created us differently physically.\u00a0 He created us differently emotionally, even spiritually.\u00a0 The reason for that is that He has given us different roles and responsibilities in the world to help the family and the church succeed in the mission that God has called them to.\u00a0 In the Bible, God gives these job descriptions, as you gentlemen just referred to.\u00a0 Ephesians, Chapter 5, is filled with job descriptions for husbands and wives.\u00a0 We will start with the husband.\u00a0 It is in Ephesians 5:25 and 26 where we read this, \u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see three bullet points in the job description here.\u00a0 The first one is plain.\u00a0 Husbands, what?\u00a0 What is the first one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh, love your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Husbands, love your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We know the world has given us a poor definition of love with warm fuzzies and all of that.\u00a0 Well, God tells us what love is, right?\u00a0 First Corinthians 13:\u00a0 \u201cLove is patient, love is kind, does not envy, does not boast.\u201d\u00a0 So if a man says to a woman, \u201cI love you,\u201d what he is saying is, \u201cWhen it comes to you, I am patient.\u00a0 When it comes to you, I am kind.\u00a0 When it comes to you, I don\u2019t boast.\u00a0 I don\u2019t keep a record of the wrong things you have done.\u00a0 I don\u2019t delight when bad things happen to you; I rejoice when good things happen to you.\u00a0 I always persevere.\u00a0 I always hope.\u00a0 I always trust.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, when I think about that, in my relationship with Amy\u2014that this is the bar God has called me to get over, right?\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, <em>love<\/em> your wives\u201d\u2014it means those actions and those attitudes.\u00a0 I look at that bar, and I fall on my knees.\u00a0 I say, \u201cGod, I don\u2019t have it in me to love this woman like this.\u00a0 The only chance I have of doing these things on this list is if You will supernaturally empower me and enable me to do things that I can\u2019t do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things we do with the righteous and holy commands of the Bible is we lower the bar so we can get over it, as opposed to saying, \u201cNo, that is the bar; and I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> get over it.\u201d\u00a0 So, \u201cJesus, I need help every day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That point of being on your knees, feeling helpless and hopeless to do it yourself, and crying out to God to do it in you and through you, is the place to begin.\u00a0 I just want to read Galatians 5:22, \u201cBut the fruit of the Spirit <em>is <\/em>love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.\u201d\u00a0 That is the fruit of the Spirit.\u00a0 If you know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord\u2014if you have placed your faith in Him\u2014you have the Holy Spirit in you.\u00a0 He was given by God to you to produce this fruit that Rob is talking about\u2014to help you love your wife the way Christ commanded you to in Ephesians 5.\u00a0 That is a great place to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We got to start out on our knees\u2014not lower the commands\u2014but keep them where God put them.\u00a0 Lower ourselves and ask God for help.\u00a0 The good news is that Jesus really did die on the cross, and He really did rise again from the dead\u2014which means there is forgiveness for the past and supernatural help for the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 So we are to love\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Husbands, love.\u201d\u00a0 Now the next one is, \u201cHusbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and <em>gave<\/em> Himself <em>up<\/em> for her.\u201d\u00a0 The word I am going to use for that is the word, \u201cserve,\u201d\u2014that a husband is to literally <em>lay down<\/em> his life for his wife.\u00a0 There are a lot of things in this\u2014of <em>provision<\/em> for his wife, to the best of his ability.\u00a0 One of the big ones is <em>protection<\/em> of his wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I will do in a lot of the marriage counseling I do is with couples who are real foggy in their roles.\u00a0 One of the questions I will ask, \u201cI want you to imagine you are lying in bed, and the window breaks in the other side of the house.\u00a0 There are heavy footsteps toward the baby\u2019s room.\u00a0 Which one of you grabs the baseball bat and goes out and deals with this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNinety-nine times out of a 100, the gal quickly points to her husband and says, \u201cThat is <em>his<\/em> job.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, because she has a natural\u2014and he kind of sits up taller in his chair, and he says, \u201cYeah, that\u2019s right,\u201d because he understands that God created men as the protector of women and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember one time in my office where the woman sat up straight in her chair and said, \u201cThat\u2019s my job.\u00a0 I\u2019m doing that.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget.\u00a0 This guy put his head in his hands and just wept.\u00a0 She had <em>emasculated<\/em> him.\u00a0 She had ripped away from him this God-given role of men as the protector of women and children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look down through history.\u00a0 You think of something like the <em>Titanic<\/em>, where\u2014most people don\u2019t know this\u2014but the vast majority of the people who survived the <em>Titanic<\/em> were women and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is that?\u2014because all the rich, fat-cat businessmen are on the deck shouting, \u201cWomen and children first!\u00a0 Women and children first!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 They were men!\u00a0 That\u2019s what men do\u2014they lay down their lives for their families.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it is love and serve; and then there is a purpose.\u00a0 In other words, \u201cWhy should a husband love his wife?\u00a0 Why should a husband <em>serve<\/em> his wife?\u201d\u00a0 That is the beginning of verse 26.\u00a0 It is, \u201cto make her <em>holy<\/em>, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\u00a0 In the book, we talk about the first mission of marriage being the mission of <em>spiritual<\/em> transformation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the common myths about marriage out there is that you shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u00a0 You hear that all the time.\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, unless you marry Jesus, your spouse needs changing!\u00a0 They have character\u2014I know I need changing.\u00a0 I have a <em>world <\/em>of character problems.\u00a0 God has blessed me with Amy, more than anybody else in the world, to <em>help <\/em>change me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know what people mean by that\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t berate your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t control your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t manipulate your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 I am with you on all of that, but there is a mission that God\u2014if you are a husband\u2014God has brought this woman into your life as the most important ministry He will ever give you, which is to <em>nurture <\/em>and encourage <em>faith<\/em> in her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and what you are saying there, Rob, is really important for men.\u00a0 Your love and serving of your wife authenticates your leadership.\u00a0 It creates the respect in her heart that ultimately empowers you back to <em>be able<\/em> to lead.\u00a0 Otherwise, you are going to be competing with her; but if she senses you want to nourish and cherish her, and care for her needs, then she will follow you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, when I <em>read<\/em>, \u201cMake her holy by the washing of the water with the Word,\u201d I go, \u201cI can\u2019t make my wife holy.\u00a0 I can\u2019t make her anything!\u201d\u00a0 But, you are saying, \u201cI can lead her in a spiritual direction.\u00a0 I can point her.\u201d\u00a0 I can say, \u201cCome with me and let\u2019s, together, grow in godliness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, and there is a critical word that you just said.\u00a0 \u201c\u2014to make her holy <em>by\u201d<\/em>\u2014The \u201cby\u201d word is a method word:\u00a0 Here is <em>how <\/em>you get it done, \u201cby the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\u00a0 Scholars disagree in the \u201cwashing with water\u201d part\u2014maybe it is a reference to baptism or something\u2014but the \u201cwith the Word\u201d part is really clear.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou get this picture in the Bible of husbands being responsible to make sure that God\u2019s Word is present in the relationship.\u00a0 Make sure that the supernatural Word of God is present in the marriage and present in the family because, as the Bible says in Hebrews, \u201cit is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, able to penetrate soul and spirit, joint and marrow.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a husband will just bumble and stumble\u2014even men, if you were to say to your wife today, \u201cHey, Honey, would you just be willing to sit down on the couch with me while I read a little bit of the Bible together?\u201d\u00a0 She might say, \u201cWho are you, and what have you done with my husband?!\u201d or have a heart attack or something\u2014I don\u2019t know; but she will probably <em>awkwardly<\/em> sit down with you and, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can just read this\u2014open this Book\u2014open it to the Gospel of John.\u00a0 Read a <em>paragraph<\/em>.\u00a0 When you get done, say, \u201cThank you, Honey.\u00a0 That was nice.\u201d\u00a0 She will awkwardly say, \u201cYes, that was nice.\u201d\u00a0 You go off on your separate ways.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to have this big, long, hour-long conversation about it; but the Book is supernatural.\u00a0 Reading it\u2014just bringing the Bible into your relationship with your wife\u2014according to Ephesians 5\u2014<em>has<\/em> supernatural, transformative power.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Time\u2019s up.\u00a0 Time\u2019s up for the men.\u00a0 It is time to turn to the women.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, where do we start with our wives because this is a challenge for a man to speak to a woman; but you are speaking from the Scripture.\u00a0 We are just talking about what the Scripture calls women up to, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely; and you know what?\u00a0 The culture accuses Christianity of male dominance and women\u2019s subservience, right?\u00a0\u00a0 Because we are generally too cowardly to talk about it\u2014we just keep our mouths\u2019 shut\u2014and then the accusation sticks.\u00a0 Even though we just got done reading that the number one command from God to their husbands is to love them; number two\u2014to serve them\u2014laying their life down for them, if necessary.\u00a0 I\u2019m not seeing a lot of dominance and subservience there, but either way.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have got some very specific words that God gives to wives, in the Bible.\u00a0 These are treacherous.\u00a0 Ephesians 5\u2014you get this\u2014you get the \u201cR\u201d word in verse 33.\u00a0 \u201cWives are to <em>respect <\/em>their husbands.\u201d\u00a0 Verse 22, you get the \u201cS\u201d word, right?\u00a0 They are to \u201csubmit to their husbands.\u201d\u00a0 Back in Genesis, God creates the man.\u00a0 He says, \u201cIt is not good for man to be alone.\u00a0 I am going to make a\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Helper\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>--\u201chelper suitable for him.\u201d\u00a0 So you have these three words, which I think, really form the cornerstone of the wife\u2019s job description:\u00a0 to respect, to help, and to submit.\u00a0 The respect word\u2014if you look at this one in the Greek\u2014what it really means is, \u201cRespect,\u201d\u2014(Laughter)\u2014which is the <em>deeper<\/em> meaning of that; and all those things that go with it, which is to speak to him with a respectful tone of voice, and to be kind\u2014just like you would show respect to a stranger, or a teacher, a friend, or things like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, of course, when I do a lot of this marriage counseling, a lot of women will say, \u201cWell, you know, <em>respect<\/em> needs to be earned!\u00a0 How can I respect a man who doesn\u2019t deserve respect?\u201d\u00a0 I appreciate that, and I very much empathize with the wife\u2019s hurt that she is experiencing in that situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go back to the men for just a quick second.\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.\u201d\u00a0 Do we <em>deserve<\/em> the unconditional love of Christ?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>No, we do not.\u00a0 Wives, do you <em>deserve<\/em> the unconditional love of your husband?\u00a0 The answer is, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 The world says, \u201cYes\u201d; but the answer is, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 You haven\u2019t <em>earned<\/em> his love with your noble character and perfect behavior; and yet, your husband is commanded to love you, even though you have character problems.\u00a0 God says that he must love you, in spite of your character problems.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, men, have you <em>earned<\/em> the respect of your wives?\u00a0 Do you <em>deserve<\/em> it?\u00a0 Have you <em>earned<\/em> it with your noble character and perfect performance?\u00a0 I hope you are saying, \u201cNo,\u201d to that; and yet, despite the fact that you have not <em>earned<\/em> it, God says to your wife to give it to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, these other terms of help and submit\u2014this is where I believe a lot of Christian women are in a pretty maddening and difficult situation.\u00a0 These two terms are relative terms.\u00a0 What I mean by that\u2014Dennis, if I were to call you up and say, \u201cHey, can you come over next weekend and <em>help<\/em> me at my house?\u201d\u00a0 My friend, Dennis, would say,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sure.\u201d Then he would ask me a question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What do you want me to bring\u2014a chainsaw?\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>No power tools!\u00a0 Don\u2019t hurt yourself!\u00a0 Yes, you would say, \u201cWhat are we doing?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What do you need help with because \u201c<em>Help me,\u201d<\/em> doesn\u2019t mean anything yet.\u00a0 It needs something to relate to.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I need help moving wood.\u201d\u00a0 Dennis\u2014\u201cOh, now \u2018help me\u2019 means move wood,\u201d or, \u201cI need help watching the kids.\u201d\u00a0 Now, \u201cHelp me,\u201d means, \u201cWatch the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I can\u2019t use my chainsaw for helping with the kids.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Again, leave anything dangerous at home!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSame thing with \u201csubmit.\u201d\u00a0 Somebody comes to you, Bob; and says, \u201cBob, I want you to submit.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You are going to say\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Okay, maybe; but I need a little bit more information.\u00a0 What are you asking me to submit to?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh, huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is the situation that Christian women find themselves in, \u201cHelp with <em>what<\/em>?\u00a0 Submit to <em>what<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 The <em>what<\/em> is\u2014and I don\u2019t mean to bring it back to the man too quickly\u2014but this is where the role of husband and wife come together.\u00a0 This is the key.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHelp with what?\u201d and, \u201cSubmit to what?\u201d hinges on the husband\u2019s compelling vision for his life.\u00a0 If the man has, what I call, the dime-a-dozen vision, you ask the guy, \u201cWhat are you doing all this for?\u00a0 You have a home, you have a family, you are going to work, you are going to church\u2014what is this all about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf the guy says, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I guess I want to have a good marriage, a good family, and be good people, and raise some kids and have some grandkids, take some trips, and get some cars, and have a good life.\u201d\u00a0 If that is his compelling vision for success, that is not compelling enough for her to want to give her heart and soul to help you succeed.\u00a0 She can find 999 other guys who have that exact-same vision.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat it takes is for a man to come to a woman and say, \u201cHoney, let me tell you why I think God made me.\u00a0 I think He made me to glorify Him first and foremost by loving, serving, and nurturing faith in you; and I think God has brought us together for a mission.\u00a0 I think God has brought us together for the mission of raising this next generation for the glory of God.\u00a0 Our family, then, would pass faith on to grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and beyond; and that our family is going to be a blessing to our churches and bring the Gospel, ultimately, to the ends of the earth. Now, I have a big question for you, Sweetie.\u00a0 I have to ask you, \u2018Will you help me succeed in that mission God has given me?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 The heart of the Christian woman at that says what?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sure.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sign me up for that!\u00a0 Your mission is to love me?\u00a0 I\u2019m all over that!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Alright?\u00a0 She wants in because now what happens\u2014the mission of the man\u2014which is a family-centered Gospel mission\u2014and the mission of the woman to help him succeed with his family-centered Gospel mission\u2014come together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 So, are you saying then, because I can hear a wife who is listening to us right now, \u201cAre you saying, \u2018If my husband doesn\u2019t have that mission, that that lets me off the hook as a helper and as one who is supposed to submit?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely not.\u00a0 Here is why.\u00a0 Your mission is to <em>help<\/em> him <em>succeed.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Now, some of your husbands don\u2019t have this family-centered, Bible-driven mission.\u00a0 We talked a moment ago about, \u201cDon\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 Well, if your husband doesn\u2019t have this Bible-driven mission, he needs changing.\u00a0 God has brought you, as his wife, into his life\u2014more than anybody else in the whole world\u2014to <em>help<\/em> him grow as a godly man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And you don\u2019t do that by coming to him tonight and saying, \u201cI heard on the radio you need to have a Bible-centered mission.\u00a0 I am here to help you.\u00a0 What do you need me to do?\u201d\u00a0 That is not the way you would start it.\u00a0 Is it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With the couples we have done counseling with so much over the years, we have found two extremes.\u00a0 We have a lot of women who are in their husband\u2019s face, making it very clear to them that they are not living up to expectations; and, \u201cYou need to be doing \u2018x, y, and z.\u2019\u00a0 I am very disappointed with you.\u201d\u00a0 The guy is kind of in the dog house.\u00a0 He knows he is in the dog house.\u00a0 It is incredibly de-motivating to him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other end of the spectrum, they tried that for a while.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t seem to work.\u00a0 So, some loving girlfriend comes and says, \u201cWell, you just need to trust him to the Lord, Honey.\u00a0 You just need to pray and give it to God.\u201d\u00a0 She closes her mouth for a year or so and just prays in her closet.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t seem to be going so good.\u00a0 So, then, she goes back to the other side\u2014not that prayer is not powerful\u2014don\u2019t get me wrong.\u00a0 They go back and forth between these two extremes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife was a wonderful example to me of how a woman, how a wife, in a godly way, can <em>help<\/em> her husband grow.\u00a0 She definitely spent time in those two extremes\u2014no doubt about it.\u00a0 But a couple of things that Amy did:\u00a0 Number one\u2014when I would take some bumbling, stumbling attempts at spiritual leadership in the home, she would praise me.\u00a0 She would tell me how much it meant to her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked before about prayer together.\u00a0 Maybe three months would go by and I wouldn\u2019t have prayed; but maybe one night I did because I felt like I should and feeling guilty about it.\u00a0 She would oftentimes tell me, \u201cIt just meant the world to me that you prayed.\u00a0 You are such a good man.\u00a0 Thank you for doing that.\u201d\u00a0 That made me puff out my chest.\u00a0 \u201cThat is spiritual leadership, Baby, right there!\u201d\u00a0 It motivated me, basically, to do more of that\u2014and to come back around and do more of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Catch your husband doing something right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I think a lot of women in our counseling practice say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to <em>affirm<\/em> him, because if I affirm him, he will get complacent.\u201d\u00a0 I just plead with them.\u00a0 I say, \u201cYou got it all backwards!\u00a0 If you find these little flickers of light that you see\u2014praise him.\u00a0 Praise him for those things, especially in the spiritual area.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I don\u2019t think\u2014wives, I just encourage you to hear this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think women understand the <em>intense<\/em> spiritual attack their husbands are under in this area.\u00a0 Your husband is under assault every single day to stay <em>passive<\/em> in your home.\u00a0 Anything he does, which represents active spiritual leadership, he had to fight a tremendous battle inside his heart to pull that off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI even know of some situations\u2014let\u2019s say it is Thanksgiving dinner\u2014the guy usually doesn\u2019t pray before meals because he feels awkward about it\u2014but he bumbles and stumbles a prayer out.\u00a0 There have been situations where a wife will go to him afterwards and say, \u201cWell, that was kind of short.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, he just climbed Mt. Everest!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He was probably anxious about that moment for a month and a half.\u00a0 Rather than come to him and say, \u201cI am so proud of you.\u00a0 I <em>know<\/em> that was hard for you, and you did it!\u00a0 I am proud of you for praying,\u201d she rips the guts out of him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is real power in a wife doing that.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, it is incredible!\u00a0 It is incredible.\u00a0 Another thing that Amy did:\u00a0 She gave me her heart.\u00a0 What I mean by that is\u2014rather than say, \u201cHere is your job description.\u00a0 You need to be doing these things,\u201d and, \u201cI\u2019m upset and angry that you are not,\u201d she would say things to me like, \u201cHoney, I am feeling lonely\u2014lonely spiritually.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat wasn\u2019t an order, wasn\u2019t a command.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t a criticism.\u00a0 She was just giving me her heart.\u00a0 Because I loved her, it stirred in me a desire to reach out to her.\u00a0 It stirred in me a desire to step up.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my wife feeling lonely.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my wife feeling discouraged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are in a situation, wives, where it is <em>safe <\/em>to give your husband your heart and there is no fear of reprisal\u2014you are not in any sort of dangerous situation\u2014I encourage you to do that.\u00a0 Let him into how you are feeling about the situation in your marriage.\u00a0 Tap into that noble manhood.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As you have talked about this, Rob, it is really amazing to me that the Bible is so <em>practical<\/em>.\u00a0 Even though it was written 2,000 years ago, here is Ephesians Chapter 5 that calls the man to love, serve, and lead; and here is the command to wives to respect their husbands, to be a helper, and to submit.\u00a0 If a husband and a wife in their imperfect state\u2014in their selfishness, their sinfulness, their own brokenness\u2014can allow God to begin to work these responsibilities out in their relationship, they become powerful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mentioned earlier that a husband and wife praying together are dangerous.\u00a0 Well, a husband and a wife who are working out their responsibilities as husband and wife together are really dangerous as well.\u00a0 They are dangerous to make an impact for Jesus Christ and to push back against evil and to <em>also<\/em> give their children a picture of what it means to be a man, a husband, and a father and what it means to be a woman, wife, and mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a generation of young people today who <em>desperately, who desperately<\/em> need to see a man and a woman working out life together, as imperfect as they are\u2014but not quitting and not giving up\u2014but just hanging in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They need to see the model, but they also need the mentoring that both you and Rob have provided.\u00a0 Rob, you wrote a book called <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>, which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 A listener can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about your book.\u00a0 <em>Visionary Marriage <\/em>is the title, and our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and Barbara wrote a book called <em>Two Hearts Praying as One<\/em>, where you give specific coaching advice to husbands and wives about praying together and cultivating that spiritual foundation in your marriage relationship.\u00a0 This week, we are making your book available to those who help support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation.\u00a0 You go to FamilyLifeToday.com and you make a donation online.\u00a0 Type the word, \u201cONE\u201d (O-N-E) in the key code box.\u00a0 We will send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Two Hearts Praying as One<\/em>; or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are interested in a copy of <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There is information about the resource available there.\u00a0 You can order it from us, or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Just ask about <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 We will make arrangements to get it sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to encourage you to be back with us.\u00a0 Winston Smith is going to be here.\u00a0 He is an author, speaker, and a marriage counselor.\u00a0 We are going to talk about how couples can get their marriage \u201cunstuck.\u201d\u00a0 If you are in a situation where your marriage is \u201cstuck,\u201d what can you do to help get it dislodged?\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.5M"],"filesize_raw":["24638756"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302382.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302382.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 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you know your job description as a husband?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you trying to help your spouse<em> grow<\/em> in godliness?\u00a0 Should that even be your project?\u00a0 Rob Rienow says it should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the common myths about marriage out there is that you shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u00a0 You hear that all the time.\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 Now, I know what people mean by that\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t berate your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t control your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t manipulate your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am with you on all of that, but there is a mission that\u2014if you are a husband\u2014God has brought this woman into your life as the most important<em> ministry<\/em> He will ever give you, which is to <em>nurture <\/em>and encourage <em>faith <\/em>in her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 18<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Rob Rienow joins us today to talk about having a strategy\u2014having a <em>strategic<\/em> vision for our marriages.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, at most businesses, if you get hired for a job at the business, there is some kind of a sheet that they give you that tells you what the job description is.\u00a0 It gives you your assignment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What your responsibilities are\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here, at the ministry, we call them Position Focus Sheets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It kind of keeps you focused on what you are supposed to be doing.\u00a0 When I got married, I did not get a Position Focus Sheet.\u00a0 Did you get one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, Barbara gave me one.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 She knew I needed help in focusing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was it right there at the altar that she said, \u201cBy the way\u2014\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, she didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cHere is what I am saying.\u00a0 Here is what you are saying, \u2018I do,\u2019 to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am kidding.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t know any more than I did what she was doing.\u00a0 You know, we didn\u2019t have that, Bob.\u00a0 At that point, we hadn\u2019t started FamilyLife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae marriage getaway, we spend nearly two hours on Sunday morning at the conference, talking to the men separately from the women about what their job description is; and we talk to the women about their job description.\u00a0 Really, I think\u2014for some of them\u2014I think it is a break-through to finally understand, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I am <em>exhausted<\/em> because I am trying to do my job and my spouse\u2019s job.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, if you are going to have marriage be what marriage is supposed to be, then both of you are going to have to be in the role you are assigned to play.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We are going to ask our guest today on the broadcast, Rob Rienow, to give us a high fly-by on the man\u2019s responsibility.\u00a0 I am looking at the clock, Rob.\u00a0 I am going to give you ten minutes for the men, and I am going to give you ten minutes for the women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust talk about, \u201cWhat is the job description for husbands and wives in a marriage relationship?\u201d\u00a0 And by the way, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you for having me back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Rob and his wife Amy are the founders of Visionary Family Ministries.\u00a0 They have been married since 1994.\u00a0 They have six children, ages 13 to 1\u2014which, \u201cThat\u2019s a load man.\u00a0 That\u2019s a load!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 You are going to have several teenagers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A lot of sanctification taking place at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>--at one time!\u00a0 He, along with Amy, is the author of <em>Visionary Marriage:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Capture a God-Sized Vision for Your Marriage.<\/em>\u00a0 Let\u2019s start with the men.\u00a0\u00a0 What is their responsibility, Rob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At the outset, I just need to say that I believe God created men and women with equal value, equal worth, equal dignity, and equal importance.\u00a0 That comes right out of Genesis, Chapter 1.\u00a0 I also believe we are equally sinful after the Fall, which means we contribute equally to the problems in marriages, in families, in churches, and in nations; but He also created us differently.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe created us differently physically.\u00a0 He created us differently emotionally, even spiritually.\u00a0 The reason for that is that He has given us different roles and responsibilities in the world to help the family and the church succeed in the mission that God has called them to.\u00a0 In the Bible, God gives these job descriptions, as you gentlemen just referred to.\u00a0 Ephesians, Chapter 5, is filled with job descriptions for husbands and wives.\u00a0 We will start with the husband.\u00a0 It is in Ephesians 5:25 and 26 where we read this, \u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see three bullet points in the job description here.\u00a0 The first one is plain.\u00a0 Husbands, what?\u00a0 What is the first one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh, love your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Husbands, love your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We know the world has given us a poor definition of love with warm fuzzies and all of that.\u00a0 Well, God tells us what love is, right?\u00a0 First Corinthians 13:\u00a0 \u201cLove is patient, love is kind, does not envy, does not boast.\u201d\u00a0 So if a man says to a woman, \u201cI love you,\u201d what he is saying is, \u201cWhen it comes to you, I am patient.\u00a0 When it comes to you, I am kind.\u00a0 When it comes to you, I don\u2019t boast.\u00a0 I don\u2019t keep a record of the wrong things you have done.\u00a0 I don\u2019t delight when bad things happen to you; I rejoice when good things happen to you.\u00a0 I always persevere.\u00a0 I always hope.\u00a0 I always trust.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, when I think about that, in my relationship with Amy\u2014that this is the bar God has called me to get over, right?\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, <em>love<\/em> your wives\u201d\u2014it means those actions and those attitudes.\u00a0 I look at that bar, and I fall on my knees.\u00a0 I say, \u201cGod, I don\u2019t have it in me to love this woman like this.\u00a0 The only chance I have of doing these things on this list is if You will supernaturally empower me and enable me to do things that I can\u2019t do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things we do with the righteous and holy commands of the Bible is we lower the bar so we can get over it, as opposed to saying, \u201cNo, that is the bar; and I <em>can\u2019t<\/em> get over it.\u201d\u00a0 So, \u201cJesus, I need help every day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That point of being on your knees, feeling helpless and hopeless to do it yourself, and crying out to God to do it in you and through you, is the place to begin.\u00a0 I just want to read Galatians 5:22, \u201cBut the fruit of the Spirit <em>is <\/em>love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.\u201d\u00a0 That is the fruit of the Spirit.\u00a0 If you know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord\u2014if you have placed your faith in Him\u2014you have the Holy Spirit in you.\u00a0 He was given by God to you to produce this fruit that Rob is talking about\u2014to help you love your wife the way Christ commanded you to in Ephesians 5.\u00a0 That is a great place to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We got to start out on our knees\u2014not lower the commands\u2014but keep them where God put them.\u00a0 Lower ourselves and ask God for help.\u00a0 The good news is that Jesus really did die on the cross, and He really did rise again from the dead\u2014which means there is forgiveness for the past and supernatural help for the future.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 So we are to love\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Husbands, love.\u201d\u00a0 Now the next one is, \u201cHusbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and <em>gave<\/em> Himself <em>up<\/em> for her.\u201d\u00a0 The word I am going to use for that is the word, \u201cserve,\u201d\u2014that a husband is to literally <em>lay down<\/em> his life for his wife.\u00a0 There are a lot of things in this\u2014of <em>provision<\/em> for his wife, to the best of his ability.\u00a0 One of the big ones is <em>protection<\/em> of his wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I will do in a lot of the marriage counseling I do is with couples who are real foggy in their roles.\u00a0 One of the questions I will ask, \u201cI want you to imagine you are lying in bed, and the window breaks in the other side of the house.\u00a0 There are heavy footsteps toward the baby\u2019s room.\u00a0 Which one of you grabs the baseball bat and goes out and deals with this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNinety-nine times out of a 100, the gal quickly points to her husband and says, \u201cThat is <em>his<\/em> job.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, because she has a natural\u2014and he kind of sits up taller in his chair, and he says, \u201cYeah, that\u2019s right,\u201d because he understands that God created men as the protector of women and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember one time in my office where the woman sat up straight in her chair and said, \u201cThat\u2019s my job.\u00a0 I\u2019m doing that.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget.\u00a0 This guy put his head in his hands and just wept.\u00a0 She had <em>emasculated<\/em> him.\u00a0 She had ripped away from him this God-given role of men as the protector of women and children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look down through history.\u00a0 You think of something like the <em>Titanic<\/em>, where\u2014most people don\u2019t know this\u2014but the vast majority of the people who survived the <em>Titanic<\/em> were women and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is that?\u2014because all the rich, fat-cat businessmen are on the deck shouting, \u201cWomen and children first!\u00a0 Women and children first!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 They were men!\u00a0 That\u2019s what men do\u2014they lay down their lives for their families.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it is love and serve; and then there is a purpose.\u00a0 In other words, \u201cWhy should a husband love his wife?\u00a0 Why should a husband <em>serve<\/em> his wife?\u201d\u00a0 That is the beginning of verse 26.\u00a0 It is, \u201cto make her <em>holy<\/em>, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\u00a0 In the book, we talk about the first mission of marriage being the mission of <em>spiritual<\/em> transformation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the common myths about marriage out there is that you shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u00a0 You hear that all the time.\u00a0 \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, unless you marry Jesus, your spouse needs changing!\u00a0 They have character\u2014I know I need changing.\u00a0 I have a <em>world <\/em>of character problems.\u00a0 God has blessed me with Amy, more than anybody else in the world, to <em>help <\/em>change me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know what people mean by that\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t berate your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t control your spouse,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t manipulate your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 I am with you on all of that, but there is a mission that God\u2014if you are a husband\u2014God has brought this woman into your life as the most important ministry He will ever give you, which is to <em>nurture <\/em>and encourage <em>faith<\/em> in her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and what you are saying there, Rob, is really important for men.\u00a0 Your love and serving of your wife authenticates your leadership.\u00a0 It creates the respect in her heart that ultimately empowers you back to <em>be able<\/em> to lead.\u00a0 Otherwise, you are going to be competing with her; but if she senses you want to nourish and cherish her, and care for her needs, then she will follow you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, when I <em>read<\/em>, \u201cMake her holy by the washing of the water with the Word,\u201d I go, \u201cI can\u2019t make my wife holy.\u00a0 I can\u2019t make her anything!\u201d\u00a0 But, you are saying, \u201cI can lead her in a spiritual direction.\u00a0 I can point her.\u201d\u00a0 I can say, \u201cCome with me and let\u2019s, together, grow in godliness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, and there is a critical word that you just said.\u00a0 \u201c\u2014to make her holy <em>by\u201d<\/em>\u2014The \u201cby\u201d word is a method word:\u00a0 Here is <em>how <\/em>you get it done, \u201cby the washing with water through the Word.\u201d\u00a0 Scholars disagree in the \u201cwashing with water\u201d part\u2014maybe it is a reference to baptism or something\u2014but the \u201cwith the Word\u201d part is really clear.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou get this picture in the Bible of husbands being responsible to make sure that God\u2019s Word is present in the relationship.\u00a0 Make sure that the supernatural Word of God is present in the marriage and present in the family because, as the Bible says in Hebrews, \u201cit is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, able to penetrate soul and spirit, joint and marrow.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a husband will just bumble and stumble\u2014even men, if you were to say to your wife today, \u201cHey, Honey, would you just be willing to sit down on the couch with me while I read a little bit of the Bible together?\u201d\u00a0 She might say, \u201cWho are you, and what have you done with my husband?!\u201d or have a heart attack or something\u2014I don\u2019t know; but she will probably <em>awkwardly<\/em> sit down with you and, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can just read this\u2014open this Book\u2014open it to the Gospel of John.\u00a0 Read a <em>paragraph<\/em>.\u00a0 When you get done, say, \u201cThank you, Honey.\u00a0 That was nice.\u201d\u00a0 She will awkwardly say, \u201cYes, that was nice.\u201d\u00a0 You go off on your separate ways.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to have this big, long, hour-long conversation about it; but the Book is supernatural.\u00a0 Reading it\u2014just bringing the Bible into your relationship with your wife\u2014according to Ephesians 5\u2014<em>has<\/em> supernatural, transformative power.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Time\u2019s up.\u00a0 Time\u2019s up for the men.\u00a0 It is time to turn to the women.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, where do we start with our wives because this is a challenge for a man to speak to a woman; but you are speaking from the Scripture.\u00a0 We are just talking about what the Scripture calls women up to, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely; and you know what?\u00a0 The culture accuses Christianity of male dominance and women\u2019s subservience, right?\u00a0\u00a0 Because we are generally too cowardly to talk about it\u2014we just keep our mouths\u2019 shut\u2014and then the accusation sticks.\u00a0 Even though we just got done reading that the number one command from God to their husbands is to love them; number two\u2014to serve them\u2014laying their life down for them, if necessary.\u00a0 I\u2019m not seeing a lot of dominance and subservience there, but either way.\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have got some very specific words that God gives to wives, in the Bible.\u00a0 These are treacherous.\u00a0 Ephesians 5\u2014you get this\u2014you get the \u201cR\u201d word in verse 33.\u00a0 \u201cWives are to <em>respect <\/em>their husbands.\u201d\u00a0 Verse 22, you get the \u201cS\u201d word, right?\u00a0 They are to \u201csubmit to their husbands.\u201d\u00a0 Back in Genesis, God creates the man.\u00a0 He says, \u201cIt is not good for man to be alone.\u00a0 I am going to make a\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Helper\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>--\u201chelper suitable for him.\u201d\u00a0 So you have these three words, which I think, really form the cornerstone of the wife\u2019s job description:\u00a0 to respect, to help, and to submit.\u00a0 The respect word\u2014if you look at this one in the Greek\u2014what it really means is, \u201cRespect,\u201d\u2014(Laughter)\u2014which is the <em>deeper<\/em> meaning of that; and all those things that go with it, which is to speak to him with a respectful tone of voice, and to be kind\u2014just like you would show respect to a stranger, or a teacher, a friend, or things like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, of course, when I do a lot of this marriage counseling, a lot of women will say, \u201cWell, you know, <em>respect<\/em> needs to be earned!\u00a0 How can I respect a man who doesn\u2019t deserve respect?\u201d\u00a0 I appreciate that, and I very much empathize with the wife\u2019s hurt that she is experiencing in that situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go back to the men for just a quick second.\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.\u201d\u00a0 Do we <em>deserve<\/em> the unconditional love of Christ?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>No, we do not.\u00a0 Wives, do you <em>deserve<\/em> the unconditional love of your husband?\u00a0 The answer is, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 The world says, \u201cYes\u201d; but the answer is, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 You haven\u2019t <em>earned<\/em> his love with your noble character and perfect behavior; and yet, your husband is commanded to love you, even though you have character problems.\u00a0 God says that he must love you, in spite of your character problems.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, men, have you <em>earned<\/em> the respect of your wives?\u00a0 Do you <em>deserve<\/em> it?\u00a0 Have you <em>earned<\/em> it with your noble character and perfect performance?\u00a0 I hope you are saying, \u201cNo,\u201d to that; and yet, despite the fact that you have not <em>earned<\/em> it, God says to your wife to give it to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, these other terms of help and submit\u2014this is where I believe a lot of Christian women are in a pretty maddening and difficult situation.\u00a0 These two terms are relative terms.\u00a0 What I mean by that\u2014Dennis, if I were to call you up and say, \u201cHey, can you come over next weekend and <em>help<\/em> me at my house?\u201d\u00a0 My friend, Dennis, would say,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sure.\u201d Then he would ask me a question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What do you want me to bring\u2014a chainsaw?\u00a0 (Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>No power tools!\u00a0 Don\u2019t hurt yourself!\u00a0 Yes, you would say, \u201cWhat are we doing?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What do you need help with because \u201c<em>Help me,\u201d<\/em> doesn\u2019t mean anything yet.\u00a0 It needs something to relate to.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I need help moving wood.\u201d\u00a0 Dennis\u2014\u201cOh, now \u2018help me\u2019 means move wood,\u201d or, \u201cI need help watching the kids.\u201d\u00a0 Now, \u201cHelp me,\u201d means, \u201cWatch the kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I can\u2019t use my chainsaw for helping with the kids.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Again, leave anything dangerous at home!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSame thing with \u201csubmit.\u201d\u00a0 Somebody comes to you, Bob; and says, \u201cBob, I want you to submit.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 You are going to say\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Okay, maybe; but I need a little bit more information.\u00a0 What are you asking me to submit to?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Uh, huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is the situation that Christian women find themselves in, \u201cHelp with <em>what<\/em>?\u00a0 Submit to <em>what<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 The <em>what<\/em> is\u2014and I don\u2019t mean to bring it back to the man too quickly\u2014but this is where the role of husband and wife come together.\u00a0 This is the key.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHelp with what?\u201d and, \u201cSubmit to what?\u201d hinges on the husband\u2019s compelling vision for his life.\u00a0 If the man has, what I call, the dime-a-dozen vision, you ask the guy, \u201cWhat are you doing all this for?\u00a0 You have a home, you have a family, you are going to work, you are going to church\u2014what is this all about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf the guy says, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I guess I want to have a good marriage, a good family, and be good people, and raise some kids and have some grandkids, take some trips, and get some cars, and have a good life.\u201d\u00a0 If that is his compelling vision for success, that is not compelling enough for her to want to give her heart and soul to help you succeed.\u00a0 She can find 999 other guys who have that exact-same vision.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat it takes is for a man to come to a woman and say, \u201cHoney, let me tell you why I think God made me.\u00a0 I think He made me to glorify Him first and foremost by loving, serving, and nurturing faith in you; and I think God has brought us together for a mission.\u00a0 I think God has brought us together for the mission of raising this next generation for the glory of God.\u00a0 Our family, then, would pass faith on to grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and beyond; and that our family is going to be a blessing to our churches and bring the Gospel, ultimately, to the ends of the earth. Now, I have a big question for you, Sweetie.\u00a0 I have to ask you, \u2018Will you help me succeed in that mission God has given me?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 The heart of the Christian woman at that says what?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sure.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Sign me up for that!\u00a0 Your mission is to love me?\u00a0 I\u2019m all over that!\u201d\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Alright?\u00a0 She wants in because now what happens\u2014the mission of the man\u2014which is a family-centered Gospel mission\u2014and the mission of the woman to help him succeed with his family-centered Gospel mission\u2014come together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 So, are you saying then, because I can hear a wife who is listening to us right now, \u201cAre you saying, \u2018If my husband doesn\u2019t have that mission, that that lets me off the hook as a helper and as one who is supposed to submit?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely not.\u00a0 Here is why.\u00a0 Your mission is to <em>help<\/em> him <em>succeed.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Now, some of your husbands don\u2019t have this family-centered, Bible-driven mission.\u00a0 We talked a moment ago about, \u201cDon\u2019t try to change your spouse.\u201d\u00a0 Well, if your husband doesn\u2019t have this Bible-driven mission, he needs changing.\u00a0 God has brought you, as his wife, into his life\u2014more than anybody else in the whole world\u2014to <em>help<\/em> him grow as a godly man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And you don\u2019t do that by coming to him tonight and saying, \u201cI heard on the radio you need to have a Bible-centered mission.\u00a0 I am here to help you.\u00a0 What do you need me to do?\u201d\u00a0 That is not the way you would start it.\u00a0 Is it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With the couples we have done counseling with so much over the years, we have found two extremes.\u00a0 We have a lot of women who are in their husband\u2019s face, making it very clear to them that they are not living up to expectations; and, \u201cYou need to be doing \u2018x, y, and z.\u2019\u00a0 I am very disappointed with you.\u201d\u00a0 The guy is kind of in the dog house.\u00a0 He knows he is in the dog house.\u00a0 It is incredibly de-motivating to him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other end of the spectrum, they tried that for a while.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t seem to work.\u00a0 So, some loving girlfriend comes and says, \u201cWell, you just need to trust him to the Lord, Honey.\u00a0 You just need to pray and give it to God.\u201d\u00a0 She closes her mouth for a year or so and just prays in her closet.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t seem to be going so good.\u00a0 So, then, she goes back to the other side\u2014not that prayer is not powerful\u2014don\u2019t get me wrong.\u00a0 They go back and forth between these two extremes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife was a wonderful example to me of how a woman, how a wife, in a godly way, can <em>help<\/em> her husband grow.\u00a0 She definitely spent time in those two extremes\u2014no doubt about it.\u00a0 But a couple of things that Amy did:\u00a0 Number one\u2014when I would take some bumbling, stumbling attempts at spiritual leadership in the home, she would praise me.\u00a0 She would tell me how much it meant to her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked before about prayer together.\u00a0 Maybe three months would go by and I wouldn\u2019t have prayed; but maybe one night I did because I felt like I should and feeling guilty about it.\u00a0 She would oftentimes tell me, \u201cIt just meant the world to me that you prayed.\u00a0 You are such a good man.\u00a0 Thank you for doing that.\u201d\u00a0 That made me puff out my chest.\u00a0 \u201cThat is spiritual leadership, Baby, right there!\u201d\u00a0 It motivated me, basically, to do more of that\u2014and to come back around and do more of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Catch your husband doing something right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I think a lot of women in our counseling practice say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to <em>affirm<\/em> him, because if I affirm him, he will get complacent.\u201d\u00a0 I just plead with them.\u00a0 I say, \u201cYou got it all backwards!\u00a0 If you find these little flickers of light that you see\u2014praise him.\u00a0 Praise him for those things, especially in the spiritual area.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I don\u2019t think\u2014wives, I just encourage you to hear this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think women understand the <em>intense<\/em> spiritual attack their husbands are under in this area.\u00a0 Your husband is under assault every single day to stay <em>passive<\/em> in your home.\u00a0 Anything he does, which represents active spiritual leadership, he had to fight a tremendous battle inside his heart to pull that off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI even know of some situations\u2014let\u2019s say it is Thanksgiving dinner\u2014the guy usually doesn\u2019t pray before meals because he feels awkward about it\u2014but he bumbles and stumbles a prayer out.\u00a0 There have been situations where a wife will go to him afterwards and say, \u201cWell, that was kind of short.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, he just climbed Mt. Everest!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He was probably anxious about that moment for a month and a half.\u00a0 Rather than come to him and say, \u201cI am so proud of you.\u00a0 I <em>know<\/em> that was hard for you, and you did it!\u00a0 I am proud of you for praying,\u201d she rips the guts out of him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is real power in a wife doing that.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, it is incredible!\u00a0 It is incredible.\u00a0 Another thing that Amy did:\u00a0 She gave me her heart.\u00a0 What I mean by that is\u2014rather than say, \u201cHere is your job description.\u00a0 You need to be doing these things,\u201d and, \u201cI\u2019m upset and angry that you are not,\u201d she would say things to me like, \u201cHoney, I am feeling lonely\u2014lonely spiritually.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat wasn\u2019t an order, wasn\u2019t a command.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t a criticism.\u00a0 She was just giving me her heart.\u00a0 Because I loved her, it stirred in me a desire to reach out to her.\u00a0 It stirred in me a desire to step up.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my wife feeling lonely.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want my wife feeling discouraged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are in a situation, wives, where it is <em>safe <\/em>to give your husband your heart and there is no fear of reprisal\u2014you are not in any sort of dangerous situation\u2014I encourage you to do that.\u00a0 Let him into how you are feeling about the situation in your marriage.\u00a0 Tap into that noble manhood.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As you have talked about this, Rob, it is really amazing to me that the Bible is so <em>practical<\/em>.\u00a0 Even though it was written 2,000 years ago, here is Ephesians Chapter 5 that calls the man to love, serve, and lead; and here is the command to wives to respect their husbands, to be a helper, and to submit.\u00a0 If a husband and a wife in their imperfect state\u2014in their selfishness, their sinfulness, their own brokenness\u2014can allow God to begin to work these responsibilities out in their relationship, they become powerful!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mentioned earlier that a husband and wife praying together are dangerous.\u00a0 Well, a husband and a wife who are working out their responsibilities as husband and wife together are really dangerous as well.\u00a0 They are dangerous to make an impact for Jesus Christ and to push back against evil and to <em>also<\/em> give their children a picture of what it means to be a man, a husband, and a father and what it means to be a woman, wife, and mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a generation of young people today who <em>desperately, who desperately<\/em> need to see a man and a woman working out life together, as imperfect as they are\u2014but not quitting and not giving up\u2014but just hanging in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They need to see the model, but they also need the mentoring that both you and Rob have provided.\u00a0 Rob, you wrote a book called <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>, which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 A listener can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about your book.\u00a0 <em>Visionary Marriage <\/em>is the title, and our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, you and Barbara wrote a book called <em>Two Hearts Praying as One<\/em>, where you give specific coaching advice to husbands and wives about praying together and cultivating that spiritual foundation in your marriage relationship.\u00a0 This week, we are making your book available to those who help support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation.\u00a0 You go to FamilyLifeToday.com and you make a donation online.\u00a0 Type the word, \u201cONE\u201d (O-N-E) in the key code box.\u00a0 We will send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>Two Hearts Praying as One<\/em>; or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are interested in a copy of <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There is information about the resource available there.\u00a0 You can order it from us, or you can call 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Just ask about <em>Visionary Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 We will make arrangements to get it sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to encourage you to be back with us.\u00a0 Winston Smith is going to be here.\u00a0 He is an author, speaker, and a marriage counselor.\u00a0 We are going to talk about how couples can get their marriage \u201cunstuck.\u201d\u00a0 If you are in a situation where your marriage is \u201cstuck,\u201d what can you do to help get it dislodged?\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302382"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302382"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302382"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302382"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}