{"id":302377,"date":"2011-10-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-10-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/living-with-aids\/"},"modified":"2011-10-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-10-11T15:00:00","slug":"living-with-aids","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-aids\/","title":{"rendered":"Living With AIDS"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Back in the 80&#8217;s, AIDS was a death sentence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.74M","filesize_raw":"24891394","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848],"tags":[5076,4129],"podcast_series":[7831],"cwp_profile":[9243],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302377","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","tag-gay","tag-homosexuality","podcast_series-a-positive-life","cwp_profile-shane-stanford","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302377\/living-with-aids","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302377\/living-with-aids","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"QDlBpZUDSc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-aids\/\">Living With AIDS<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-aids\/embed\/#?secret=QDlBpZUDSc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Living With AIDS&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"QDlBpZUDSc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are a lot of ministry opportunities that Shane Stanford has that you and I may not have because he is HIV positive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think one of the doorways that was opened for me because of this disease was the fact that I could, as an evangelical, speak into communities and speak into the conversations in certain communities where other evangelicals are not going to be welcome.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what I\u2019ve learned about being able to minister and be active with individuals who are of alternative lifestyles is that number one, everyone is searching for something to complete that place in their soul that only God can fill.\u00a0 We will try to complete that with so many other things in our lives.\u00a0 The only thing that will make that whole is Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> for Tuesday, October 11th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Shane Stanford joins us to talk about serving the God who gave you the assignment of living with HIV.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Can you even imagine growing up from childhood as a hemophiliac, a bleeder, somebody, who whenever you get cut, you don\u2019t clot as quickly as everyone else does?\u00a0 That can be life threatening in some cases.\u00a0 Then, as a result of the treatment that\u2019s being applied for your hemophilia, you wind up HIV positive because of a tainted blood supply; and at age 16 being told by a doctor, \u201cTwo to three years, that\u2019s probably it for you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back in the 80\u2019s when someone was diagnosed HIV positive, it wasn\u2019t long before they had full blown AIDS.\u00a0 They were dead within, as you said, a couple of years.\u00a0 That is a part of the story, at least the diagnosis, of Shane Stanford, who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Shane, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shane has written a book called <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 I really like the title.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> <em>\u00a0<\/em><em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 He is the Senior Pastor of Gulf Breeze United Methodist Church in Gulf Breeze, Florida near Pensacola.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is the author of a half dozen other books.\u00a0 He and his wife, Pokey, have three daughters.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing I found fascinating about your book is despite bad news from the time you were six months old you\u2019ve been a man of faith.\u00a0 You\u2019ve turned toward God instead of turning away from God in the midst of that.\u00a0 To someone who doesn\u2019t have a faith, how would you explain that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are two things that I think are important in my story whenever it comes to people seeing the fact that I did turn to faith or that I had a positive attitude: number one, I think, I had always had people in my journey that God had placed at the right point.\u00a0 I had to accept that they were there for that purpose in my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s sort of like the story of when they held Moses\u2019 arms up in the wilderness.\u00a0 God will always provide, I believe, someone to be able to hold your arms up and to survive that. But you have to be willing for people do that for you.\u00a0 I guess, for one reason or another, I came into this world needing other people to help, you know?\u00a0 As a child, I was sick.\u00a0 Relationships\u2014so, I always knew the value of having someone standing the gap for you.\u00a0 I appreciated that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I would say, though, Dennis, is I had a mom who carried the mantle.\u00a0 She was not afraid to say that she loved Jesus.\u00a0 She was not afraid to call out to Jesus when she doubted, when she was afraid, but also to remind all of us that at the end of the day it\u2019s our relationship with Him that makes the difference.\u00a0 I think that more than anything, even when I was very far from God, at times, \u201cTrain up a child in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it;\u201d there was always an echo in the bottom of my soul.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were diagnosed at 16 as HIV positive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Tell our listeners what the progression would typically be if you had an HIV diagnosis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go untreated or if the medicines are not working, to die with AIDS is really a horrible death.\u00a0 What happens is, basically, your immune system shuts down, and you become susceptible to what they call opportunistic infections.\u00a0 There is a list of those infections that are things that you guys will fight off normally that a person with HIV or full blown AIDS cannot fight off -- a host of cancers, other types of viruses that attack your nervous system.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people that by the time a person with full blown AIDS dies they usually are completely blind; they are completely deaf; they\u2019ve gone into full dementia.\u00a0 It is a terrible, terrible way to die.\u00a0 I think for a lot of people it really is our modern day leprosy in so many different ways.\u00a0 Just as a medical diagnosis, it is such a powerful, difficult disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the 1980\u2019s, did they have anything\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to give\u2014interferon wasn\u2019t being used\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 AZT came about in the late 80\u2019s, like 1989, around 1990.\u00a0 That was the earliest.\u00a0 Yet, it would only prolong for a little while.\u00a0 It did not fight the disease from so many different angles that the medicines do now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you were left with the diagnosis with no known treatment and you\u2019re 16 years old.\u00a0 Did you start to experience anything that led you to think, \u201cThis is the beginning of the end?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my doctor that day looked at me and said, \u201cYou will die from this.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cBarring a miracle, barring anything coming along.\u201d\u00a0 He was always very direct.\u00a0 He became a very dear friend in my life, but he said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to die from this.\u00a0 I want to tell you the truth on the front end.\u201d\u00a0 I can remember feeling almost like someone had hit me, but again as I said, in those weeks after the diagnosis I just got back to life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would think anytime you coughed, sneezed, or had a runny nose, you\u2019d go, \u201cUh-oh.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Can you imagine being my mom, who every time I got sick, got a rash, or\u2014I can remember playing golf.\u00a0 I would get sunburned, and I would get these little brown spots.\u00a0 Immediately, that was going to be Kaposi's sarcoma, which is the skin cancer that most people with AIDS get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can only imagine what it was like, and the fact on top of that that we couldn\u2019t tell anybody.\u00a0 My aunts didn\u2019t know.\u00a0 The church members did not know.\u00a0 We told my pastor at the time, but he was very nervous about this diagnosis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because of the stigma\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because of the stigma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then, nobody would want to get near you?\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t come to church and do all of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We would sit\u2014I can remember we would sit around because we\u2014I grew up Southern Baptist.\u00a0 We would sit around on Sunday nights after Sunday night church.\u00a0 People would come over to our house, and there would be jokes made.\u00a0 I can remember there would be a joke made about AIDS.\u00a0 We would all laugh nervously at that time.\u00a0 I would catch my mom\u2019s eye.\u00a0 We would be thinking the same thing, \u201cThese people would not be around us.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what we felt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCome to find out years later, probably most of them would have held in there with us, but fear does that to you.\u00a0 It causes you to think irrationally.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it is so dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had come to faith in Christ some three months prior to the diagnosis; and you had a significant relationship with a young lady by the name of Pokey, who you told\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014that you had tested positive to HIV.\u00a0 There was a sweet description in your book of what took place after you told her.\u00a0 I got emotional about it because I\u2019m sitting here reflecting back on what I was like at 16.\u00a0 I was so self-absorbed.\u00a0 I just admired both of your responses to each other.\u00a0 You shared with her that you had tested positive; she shared with you almost immediately that there was brokenness in her life that she hadn\u2019t been honest with you about.\u00a0 Then, tell our audience what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We simply sat there and put our foreheads together; just spent that moment there together embraced.\u00a0 I can remember that Pokey prayed at that particular point; and I have to say that intimacy as a response for people, we always sort of conjure up what intimacy is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a more intimate moment in my life than that moment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was nothing else going on except knowing that here were two individuals as absolutely as vulnerable as two people could possibly be.\u00a0 I tell people that we became 40 overnight after that news.\u00a0 We grew up almost immediately.\u00a0 I did not know the full scope of what Pokey had been through.\u00a0 We\u2019ve since\u2014she\u2019s shared that all over the country.\u00a0 It\u2019s become part of her testimony that she was a sexual abuse survivor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019d been abused from the time she was in the second grade, had never told anyone, had never told her mother, her father, no one.\u00a0 She had lived with that.\u00a0 So, as I had this disease rattling around in my blood system, she had this disease rattling around in her soul.\u00a0 Here we were two individuals that God had put together in that time and place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So then, jump ahead to the end of high school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you and Pokey had to be talking about, \u201cOkay, so what do we do with these feelings we have for one another; and you\u2019ve got HIV.\u00a0 How do we\u2014what do we do with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had gone to a <em>True Love Waits<\/em> conference.\u00a0 I remember not only feeling so good about the fact that we had waited, that we had not been sexually active; but also, it gave us a frame work for why that\u2019s important.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel like, \u201cOkay, we have to do this because I\u2019m HIV positive.\u201d\u00a0 We felt like, \u201cWe have to do this because we are children of God.\u00a0 This is the way God has ordained for human sexuality to exist, so that when you are married you get to experience the full measure of this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow that I am the father of daughters it is an important issue for me that I talk a lot about in my congregation, because we frame so much of our lives in terms of that physical intimacy.\u00a0 We do it to our daughters even when we don\u2019t know we\u2019re doing it to them, by the way that we allow them to dress, by the types of shows we\u2019re watching on television, by what we say attractiveness is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember that being such a profound moment in our life, and it probably saved Pokey\u2019s life because we would have made other decisions probably.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you ask her to marry you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had no money; you can imagine.\u00a0 We had decided at the age of 19 that we were going to get married.\u00a0 We convinced our parents, primarily because my immune system was starting to take\u2014the reports were showing there was some infection, some impact on the immune system.\u00a0 So, I took her out to dinner one night and surprised her with an engagement ring.\u00a0 I asked her to marry me.\u00a0 I had taken two and three jobs extra to be able to afford it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had been asked to serve as a student pastor at a church, and that was how we were going to get married because I was going to get health insurance.\u00a0 I was going to have a place to live and I was going to have a little salary.\u00a0 I had no intention of going into the pastorate.\u00a0 This was just a job, a job move, a career opportunity.\u00a0 I was going to be a lawyer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you thinking, I mean, \u201cInfection starting to show up?\u201d\u00a0 There had to be this thought in the back of your mind, \u201cI\u2019ll ask her to marry me, and I\u2019ll have one year before I go home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly.\u00a0 Certainly.\u00a0 Pokey will tell you today, too, that she thought she was going to be a 22-year-old widow.\u00a0 She was fully prepared for that.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of those things; now she jokes and says, \u201cYou stayed around so long now that I\u2019m losing my looks.\u00a0 You\u2019ve gone so long now that I don\u2019t have any other options.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, she\u2019s just\u2014she\u2019s funny.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been married 20 years.\u00a0 We\u2019re best friends.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been through such struggles together.\u00a0 In our marriage, we\u2019ve been through some struggles, but I think the thing that we thought at that time was, \u201cHere we are.\u00a0 We\u2019re facing this.\u00a0 We\u2019re not going to beat it.\u201d\u00a0 No one was telling us we were going to beat it.\u00a0 Everyone was telling us, \u201cYou\u2019re putting up a great fight, but you cannot win this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, we fully expected that it was going end very soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s so much more to the story that we could grab hold of here, but I have to take you out to the time when you talked about having children.\u00a0 Immediately, I\u2019m sure the listeners are exactly like I was -- \u201cHow does that work?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We went through a procedure where, basically what happened was that the virus was washed out of my system and then artificially inseminated, and Pokey was able to be pregnant.\u00a0 She\u2019s safe.\u00a0 The girls are 100% safe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis particular procedure was found for us by a friend, a doctor friend, who at a dinner party one night (you can only imagine the way the conversation went) said to us, \u201cHey, if you guys want to have children, here\u2019s something that I found.\u201d\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 We now have three children.\u00a0 We\u2019re extremely blessed.\u00a0 They\u2019re healthy, wonderful, beautiful girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Go back to the doctor who gave you the diagnosis.\u00a0 You said you\u2019ve remained friends over the years, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What does he say about your story? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 His name is Ronnie Kent.\u00a0 He is a pediatrician, or was a pediatrician.\u00a0 He is now a specialist for behavior disorders.\u00a0 Ronnie and I are still the best of friends, but he will tell you that one of the aches in his soul (that\u2019s what he calls it) is knowing that he probably ordered the factor that was contaminated with HIV.\u00a0 He tells me that all the time, that that\u2019s something he\u2019ll probably live with the rest of his life, that he prescribed the factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell him, \u201cYou know, you were just doing what you knew to do.\u00a0 There was no way to know that you were ordering that contaminated factor.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s another part, Dennis, that you said just a minute ago about being broken.\u00a0 We also all carry something.\u00a0 We all carry something in the back of our minds that is a regret, that says \u201cif only\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I love the part there at Lazarus\u2019s tomb, where Jesus basically says, \u201cNo matter what, no more.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re just not going to live that way anymore, and He weeps.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t weep for Lazarus because he\u2019s dead; He weeps for everybody who is very much alive because they live like they\u2019re dead.\u00a0 That\u2019s what people do when they live with regrets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Shane, I\u2019ve read your book.\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious because the disease that you contracted as the result of hemophilia was pretty much a homosexually-transmitted disease in the 80\u2019s and early 90\u2019s.\u00a0 What did you learn about the homosexual community and about loving homosexuals?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well I think one of the doorways that was opened for me because of this disease was the fact that I could as an evangelical speak into communities and speak into the conversations in certain communities where other evangelicals are not going to be welcome.\u00a0 The number one thing that I learned is that we all have sacred value.\u00a0 Every person on this planet is loved by God.\u00a0 Period.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what the choices are that we make in our life, God does not abandon us.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t walk away from the shorelines, I say, of our lives.\u00a0 He stands there and He calls out to us to cast our nets on the right side of the boat.\u00a0 He does that not because He wants to make a show of it; but because that\u2019s where we\u2019re going to be able to be the most successful, where we\u2019re going to be the healthiest, where we\u2019re going to be the most complete.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what I\u2019ve learned about being able to minister and be active with individuals who are of alternative lifestyles, as I say, is that number one, everyone is searching for something to complete that missing part, that place in their soul that only God can fill.\u00a0 We will try to complete that with so many other things in our lives, and the only thing that will make that whole is Jesus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that I am completely convinced of is that everyone has some yearning and some hunger for something that is deeper and bigger and better than they are.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the imprint of God\u2019s soul.\u00a0 Now, most people who are far from God are never going to admit that, because if they admit that, then they go down a road that becomes very fragile and very vulnerable.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you that some of the most profound conversations that I\u2019ve had in my life, spiritually, have been in those places where\u2014with people who are the farthest from God that you can possibly imagine, who have been broken, who\u2019ve been torn apart, the tattered edges of their life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they are wondering\u2014because they are looking at life like you look at the back of a tapestry, the ugly side of a tapestry.\u00a0 They want to know, \u201cIs there something beautiful on the other side?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the privilege that I have of having this disease, to be able to step into those communities and say, \u201cThere is something beautiful on the other side of that tapestry, and I want you to have that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I know Him.\u00a0 He is a God of love; and to the best of my ability, I want to be able to express that love to you as well.\u00a0 As I read your book, I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s a great message and a great reminder for the Christian community, who tends to pick up stones\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014to throw at people who are broken, who have made their own choices, wrong ones, lived contrary to Scripture.\u201d\u00a0 But haven\u2019t we all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In the story of the woman caught in adultery, there really are only two places you can be in the story.\u00a0 Either you\u2019re going to be the one laying in the dirt at the feet of Jesus, or you\u2019re going to be throwing down a stone starting with the oldest first.\u00a0 One way or the other, no one leaves that place the same.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you face something like HIV or you face something like a broken relationship, or a broken heart, whatever it might be, or a life filled with sin and bad decisions, you\u2019re not going to be the same.\u00a0 That\u2019s why God looks at us through the eyes of Jesus because all He sees are the beautiful things that we were intended to be from the very beginning.\u00a0 He wants to repair those broken places and to give us hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, I don\u2019t know where people will find hope today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014if it\u2019s not found at the feet of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 He is the God man who died on a cross for our sins, rose again on the third day, is seated on the right hand of God the Father, and offers us eternal life and forgiveness of sins, right now, today, if we\u2019ll cry out to Him in faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, whenever we talk about the transformed life that comes when we pledge our allegiance to Jesus and become His follower, there are always folks who are listening and something starts stirring inside of them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf that\u2019s you today, we want to encourage you to get in touch with us.\u00a0 Either go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI was hearing you guys talk about what it means to be a Christian, and I realized that I need that, that I need to be following Jesus and I haven\u2019t been.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019d love to send you a copy of a book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em> by our friend Jim Elliff that talks about what it means to be a follower of Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust call 1-800-FL-TODAY and request the book.\u00a0 It will come to you free with no obligation on your part.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Just say, \u201cI\u2019d like that book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might also ask about Shane Stanford\u2019s book called <em>A Positive Life <\/em>where he talks about many of the powerful lessons he has learned since he was diagnosed as being HIV positive back when he was sixteen years old.\u00a0 The book again is called <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 You can order a copy from us when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always enjoy when I am travelling for whatever reason, and I get a chance to interact with some of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 A few weeks ago I was in San Diego speaking at a pastors\u2019 event there, and then in Seattle that same week, speaking at another pastors\u2019 event.\u00a0 Many of these pastors who came are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a chance to talk about how God has used the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in their lives, in their marriages, and in the lives of people in their congregations: folks who have been to our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways or those who have used our resources.\u00a0 Some of these pastors have hosted an <em>Art of Marriage\u00ae<\/em> weekend conference at their church or used some of the video resources that we have been creating for churches like the new <em>LifeReady<\/em>\u00ae <em>Woman<\/em> curriculum.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s always great to connect with listeners and get a chance to meet folks face-to-face.\u00a0 We also appreciate it very much when you get in touch with us either online over at FamilyLifeToday.com or by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation to help support the ministry, those donations are what keep us on the air on this station and our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 You help cover the production and syndication costs for these programs.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who do help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month if you make a donation we want to invite you to request a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new devotional book for families called <em>Growing Together in Truth, s<\/em>even great stories that you can read aloud to your family that reinforce the idea that God\u2019s word is absolutely true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like a copy of the devotional, when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word TRUTH into the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the devotional from Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We just want to say thanks for getting in touch with us and for supporting the ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk more with Shane Stanford about something that was potentially more destructive in his marriage than his HIV- positive diagnosis ever was.\u00a0 We\u2019ll find out about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife\u00ae.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.74M"],"filesize_raw":["24891394"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302377.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302377.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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in the 80's, AIDS was a death sentence.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-10-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are a lot of ministry opportunities that Shane Stanford has that you and I may not have because he is HIV positive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think one of the doorways that was opened for me because of this disease was the fact that I could, as an evangelical, speak into communities and speak into the conversations in certain communities where other evangelicals are not going to be welcome.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what I\u2019ve learned about being able to minister and be active with individuals who are of alternative lifestyles is that number one, everyone is searching for something to complete that place in their soul that only God can fill.\u00a0 We will try to complete that with so many other things in our lives.\u00a0 The only thing that will make that whole is Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> for Tuesday, October 11th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Shane Stanford joins us to talk about serving the God who gave you the assignment of living with HIV.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Can you even imagine growing up from childhood as a hemophiliac, a bleeder, somebody, who whenever you get cut, you don\u2019t clot as quickly as everyone else does?\u00a0 That can be life threatening in some cases.\u00a0 Then, as a result of the treatment that\u2019s being applied for your hemophilia, you wind up HIV positive because of a tainted blood supply; and at age 16 being told by a doctor, \u201cTwo to three years, that\u2019s probably it for you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back in the 80\u2019s when someone was diagnosed HIV positive, it wasn\u2019t long before they had full blown AIDS.\u00a0 They were dead within, as you said, a couple of years.\u00a0 That is a part of the story, at least the diagnosis, of Shane Stanford, who joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Shane, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shane has written a book called <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 I really like the title.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> <em>\u00a0<\/em><em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 He is the Senior Pastor of Gulf Breeze United Methodist Church in Gulf Breeze, Florida near Pensacola.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is the author of a half dozen other books.\u00a0 He and his wife, Pokey, have three daughters.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing I found fascinating about your book is despite bad news from the time you were six months old you\u2019ve been a man of faith.\u00a0 You\u2019ve turned toward God instead of turning away from God in the midst of that.\u00a0 To someone who doesn\u2019t have a faith, how would you explain that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are two things that I think are important in my story whenever it comes to people seeing the fact that I did turn to faith or that I had a positive attitude: number one, I think, I had always had people in my journey that God had placed at the right point.\u00a0 I had to accept that they were there for that purpose in my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s sort of like the story of when they held Moses\u2019 arms up in the wilderness.\u00a0 God will always provide, I believe, someone to be able to hold your arms up and to survive that. But you have to be willing for people do that for you.\u00a0 I guess, for one reason or another, I came into this world needing other people to help, you know?\u00a0 As a child, I was sick.\u00a0 Relationships\u2014so, I always knew the value of having someone standing the gap for you.\u00a0 I appreciated that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I would say, though, Dennis, is I had a mom who carried the mantle.\u00a0 She was not afraid to say that she loved Jesus.\u00a0 She was not afraid to call out to Jesus when she doubted, when she was afraid, but also to remind all of us that at the end of the day it\u2019s our relationship with Him that makes the difference.\u00a0 I think that more than anything, even when I was very far from God, at times, \u201cTrain up a child in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it;\u201d there was always an echo in the bottom of my soul.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were diagnosed at 16 as HIV positive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Tell our listeners what the progression would typically be if you had an HIV diagnosis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you go untreated or if the medicines are not working, to die with AIDS is really a horrible death.\u00a0 What happens is, basically, your immune system shuts down, and you become susceptible to what they call opportunistic infections.\u00a0 There is a list of those infections that are things that you guys will fight off normally that a person with HIV or full blown AIDS cannot fight off -- a host of cancers, other types of viruses that attack your nervous system.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people that by the time a person with full blown AIDS dies they usually are completely blind; they are completely deaf; they\u2019ve gone into full dementia.\u00a0 It is a terrible, terrible way to die.\u00a0 I think for a lot of people it really is our modern day leprosy in so many different ways.\u00a0 Just as a medical diagnosis, it is such a powerful, difficult disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the 1980\u2019s, did they have anything\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to give\u2014interferon wasn\u2019t being used\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 AZT came about in the late 80\u2019s, like 1989, around 1990.\u00a0 That was the earliest.\u00a0 Yet, it would only prolong for a little while.\u00a0 It did not fight the disease from so many different angles that the medicines do now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you were left with the diagnosis with no known treatment and you\u2019re 16 years old.\u00a0 Did you start to experience anything that led you to think, \u201cThis is the beginning of the end?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my doctor that day looked at me and said, \u201cYou will die from this.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cBarring a miracle, barring anything coming along.\u201d\u00a0 He was always very direct.\u00a0 He became a very dear friend in my life, but he said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to die from this.\u00a0 I want to tell you the truth on the front end.\u201d\u00a0 I can remember feeling almost like someone had hit me, but again as I said, in those weeks after the diagnosis I just got back to life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would think anytime you coughed, sneezed, or had a runny nose, you\u2019d go, \u201cUh-oh.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Can you imagine being my mom, who every time I got sick, got a rash, or\u2014I can remember playing golf.\u00a0 I would get sunburned, and I would get these little brown spots.\u00a0 Immediately, that was going to be Kaposi's sarcoma, which is the skin cancer that most people with AIDS get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can only imagine what it was like, and the fact on top of that that we couldn\u2019t tell anybody.\u00a0 My aunts didn\u2019t know.\u00a0 The church members did not know.\u00a0 We told my pastor at the time, but he was very nervous about this diagnosis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because of the stigma\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because of the stigma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then, nobody would want to get near you?\u00a0 You couldn\u2019t come to church and do all of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We would sit\u2014I can remember we would sit around because we\u2014I grew up Southern Baptist.\u00a0 We would sit around on Sunday nights after Sunday night church.\u00a0 People would come over to our house, and there would be jokes made.\u00a0 I can remember there would be a joke made about AIDS.\u00a0 We would all laugh nervously at that time.\u00a0 I would catch my mom\u2019s eye.\u00a0 We would be thinking the same thing, \u201cThese people would not be around us.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what we felt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCome to find out years later, probably most of them would have held in there with us, but fear does that to you.\u00a0 It causes you to think irrationally.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it is so dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had come to faith in Christ some three months prior to the diagnosis; and you had a significant relationship with a young lady by the name of Pokey, who you told\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014that you had tested positive to HIV.\u00a0 There was a sweet description in your book of what took place after you told her.\u00a0 I got emotional about it because I\u2019m sitting here reflecting back on what I was like at 16.\u00a0 I was so self-absorbed.\u00a0 I just admired both of your responses to each other.\u00a0 You shared with her that you had tested positive; she shared with you almost immediately that there was brokenness in her life that she hadn\u2019t been honest with you about.\u00a0 Then, tell our audience what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We simply sat there and put our foreheads together; just spent that moment there together embraced.\u00a0 I can remember that Pokey prayed at that particular point; and I have to say that intimacy as a response for people, we always sort of conjure up what intimacy is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a more intimate moment in my life than that moment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was nothing else going on except knowing that here were two individuals as absolutely as vulnerable as two people could possibly be.\u00a0 I tell people that we became 40 overnight after that news.\u00a0 We grew up almost immediately.\u00a0 I did not know the full scope of what Pokey had been through.\u00a0 We\u2019ve since\u2014she\u2019s shared that all over the country.\u00a0 It\u2019s become part of her testimony that she was a sexual abuse survivor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019d been abused from the time she was in the second grade, had never told anyone, had never told her mother, her father, no one.\u00a0 She had lived with that.\u00a0 So, as I had this disease rattling around in my blood system, she had this disease rattling around in her soul.\u00a0 Here we were two individuals that God had put together in that time and place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So then, jump ahead to the end of high school\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and you and Pokey had to be talking about, \u201cOkay, so what do we do with these feelings we have for one another; and you\u2019ve got HIV.\u00a0 How do we\u2014what do we do with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had gone to a <em>True Love Waits<\/em> conference.\u00a0 I remember not only feeling so good about the fact that we had waited, that we had not been sexually active; but also, it gave us a frame work for why that\u2019s important.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel like, \u201cOkay, we have to do this because I\u2019m HIV positive.\u201d\u00a0 We felt like, \u201cWe have to do this because we are children of God.\u00a0 This is the way God has ordained for human sexuality to exist, so that when you are married you get to experience the full measure of this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow that I am the father of daughters it is an important issue for me that I talk a lot about in my congregation, because we frame so much of our lives in terms of that physical intimacy.\u00a0 We do it to our daughters even when we don\u2019t know we\u2019re doing it to them, by the way that we allow them to dress, by the types of shows we\u2019re watching on television, by what we say attractiveness is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember that being such a profound moment in our life, and it probably saved Pokey\u2019s life because we would have made other decisions probably.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you ask her to marry you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had no money; you can imagine.\u00a0 We had decided at the age of 19 that we were going to get married.\u00a0 We convinced our parents, primarily because my immune system was starting to take\u2014the reports were showing there was some infection, some impact on the immune system.\u00a0 So, I took her out to dinner one night and surprised her with an engagement ring.\u00a0 I asked her to marry me.\u00a0 I had taken two and three jobs extra to be able to afford it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had been asked to serve as a student pastor at a church, and that was how we were going to get married because I was going to get health insurance.\u00a0 I was going to have a place to live and I was going to have a little salary.\u00a0 I had no intention of going into the pastorate.\u00a0 This was just a job, a job move, a career opportunity.\u00a0 I was going to be a lawyer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you thinking, I mean, \u201cInfection starting to show up?\u201d\u00a0 There had to be this thought in the back of your mind, \u201cI\u2019ll ask her to marry me, and I\u2019ll have one year before I go home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly.\u00a0 Certainly.\u00a0 Pokey will tell you today, too, that she thought she was going to be a 22-year-old widow.\u00a0 She was fully prepared for that.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of those things; now she jokes and says, \u201cYou stayed around so long now that I\u2019m losing my looks.\u00a0 You\u2019ve gone so long now that I don\u2019t have any other options.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, she\u2019s just\u2014she\u2019s funny.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been married 20 years.\u00a0 We\u2019re best friends.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been through such struggles together.\u00a0 In our marriage, we\u2019ve been through some struggles, but I think the thing that we thought at that time was, \u201cHere we are.\u00a0 We\u2019re facing this.\u00a0 We\u2019re not going to beat it.\u201d\u00a0 No one was telling us we were going to beat it.\u00a0 Everyone was telling us, \u201cYou\u2019re putting up a great fight, but you cannot win this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, we fully expected that it was going end very soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s so much more to the story that we could grab hold of here, but I have to take you out to the time when you talked about having children.\u00a0 Immediately, I\u2019m sure the listeners are exactly like I was -- \u201cHow does that work?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 We went through a procedure where, basically what happened was that the virus was washed out of my system and then artificially inseminated, and Pokey was able to be pregnant.\u00a0 She\u2019s safe.\u00a0 The girls are 100% safe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis particular procedure was found for us by a friend, a doctor friend, who at a dinner party one night (you can only imagine the way the conversation went) said to us, \u201cHey, if you guys want to have children, here\u2019s something that I found.\u201d\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 We now have three children.\u00a0 We\u2019re extremely blessed.\u00a0 They\u2019re healthy, wonderful, beautiful girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Go back to the doctor who gave you the diagnosis.\u00a0 You said you\u2019ve remained friends over the years, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What does he say about your story? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 His name is Ronnie Kent.\u00a0 He is a pediatrician, or was a pediatrician.\u00a0 He is now a specialist for behavior disorders.\u00a0 Ronnie and I are still the best of friends, but he will tell you that one of the aches in his soul (that\u2019s what he calls it) is knowing that he probably ordered the factor that was contaminated with HIV.\u00a0 He tells me that all the time, that that\u2019s something he\u2019ll probably live with the rest of his life, that he prescribed the factor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell him, \u201cYou know, you were just doing what you knew to do.\u00a0 There was no way to know that you were ordering that contaminated factor.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s another part, Dennis, that you said just a minute ago about being broken.\u00a0 We also all carry something.\u00a0 We all carry something in the back of our minds that is a regret, that says \u201cif only\u201d.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I love the part there at Lazarus\u2019s tomb, where Jesus basically says, \u201cNo matter what, no more.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re just not going to live that way anymore, and He weeps.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t weep for Lazarus because he\u2019s dead; He weeps for everybody who is very much alive because they live like they\u2019re dead.\u00a0 That\u2019s what people do when they live with regrets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Shane, I\u2019ve read your book.\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious because the disease that you contracted as the result of hemophilia was pretty much a homosexually-transmitted disease in the 80\u2019s and early 90\u2019s.\u00a0 What did you learn about the homosexual community and about loving homosexuals?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well I think one of the doorways that was opened for me because of this disease was the fact that I could as an evangelical speak into communities and speak into the conversations in certain communities where other evangelicals are not going to be welcome.\u00a0 The number one thing that I learned is that we all have sacred value.\u00a0 Every person on this planet is loved by God.\u00a0 Period.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what the choices are that we make in our life, God does not abandon us.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t walk away from the shorelines, I say, of our lives.\u00a0 He stands there and He calls out to us to cast our nets on the right side of the boat.\u00a0 He does that not because He wants to make a show of it; but because that\u2019s where we\u2019re going to be able to be the most successful, where we\u2019re going to be the healthiest, where we\u2019re going to be the most complete.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what I\u2019ve learned about being able to minister and be active with individuals who are of alternative lifestyles, as I say, is that number one, everyone is searching for something to complete that missing part, that place in their soul that only God can fill.\u00a0 We will try to complete that with so many other things in our lives, and the only thing that will make that whole is Jesus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing that I am completely convinced of is that everyone has some yearning and some hunger for something that is deeper and bigger and better than they are.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the imprint of God\u2019s soul.\u00a0 Now, most people who are far from God are never going to admit that, because if they admit that, then they go down a road that becomes very fragile and very vulnerable.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you that some of the most profound conversations that I\u2019ve had in my life, spiritually, have been in those places where\u2014with people who are the farthest from God that you can possibly imagine, who have been broken, who\u2019ve been torn apart, the tattered edges of their life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they are wondering\u2014because they are looking at life like you look at the back of a tapestry, the ugly side of a tapestry.\u00a0 They want to know, \u201cIs there something beautiful on the other side?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the privilege that I have of having this disease, to be able to step into those communities and say, \u201cThere is something beautiful on the other side of that tapestry, and I want you to have that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I know Him.\u00a0 He is a God of love; and to the best of my ability, I want to be able to express that love to you as well.\u00a0 As I read your book, I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s a great message and a great reminder for the Christian community, who tends to pick up stones\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014to throw at people who are broken, who have made their own choices, wrong ones, lived contrary to Scripture.\u201d\u00a0 But haven\u2019t we all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In the story of the woman caught in adultery, there really are only two places you can be in the story.\u00a0 Either you\u2019re going to be the one laying in the dirt at the feet of Jesus, or you\u2019re going to be throwing down a stone starting with the oldest first.\u00a0 One way or the other, no one leaves that place the same.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you face something like HIV or you face something like a broken relationship, or a broken heart, whatever it might be, or a life filled with sin and bad decisions, you\u2019re not going to be the same.\u00a0 That\u2019s why God looks at us through the eyes of Jesus because all He sees are the beautiful things that we were intended to be from the very beginning.\u00a0 He wants to repair those broken places and to give us hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, I don\u2019t know where people will find hope today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shane:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014if it\u2019s not found at the feet of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 He is the God man who died on a cross for our sins, rose again on the third day, is seated on the right hand of God the Father, and offers us eternal life and forgiveness of sins, right now, today, if we\u2019ll cry out to Him in faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, whenever we talk about the transformed life that comes when we pledge our allegiance to Jesus and become His follower, there are always folks who are listening and something starts stirring inside of them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf that\u2019s you today, we want to encourage you to get in touch with us.\u00a0 Either go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI was hearing you guys talk about what it means to be a Christian, and I realized that I need that, that I need to be following Jesus and I haven\u2019t been.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019d love to send you a copy of a book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em> by our friend Jim Elliff that talks about what it means to be a follower of Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust call 1-800-FL-TODAY and request the book.\u00a0 It will come to you free with no obligation on your part.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Just say, \u201cI\u2019d like that book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might also ask about Shane Stanford\u2019s book called <em>A Positive Life <\/em>where he talks about many of the powerful lessons he has learned since he was diagnosed as being HIV positive back when he was sixteen years old.\u00a0 The book again is called <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 You can order a copy from us when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>A Positive Life<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always enjoy when I am travelling for whatever reason, and I get a chance to interact with some of our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 A few weeks ago I was in San Diego speaking at a pastors\u2019 event there, and then in Seattle that same week, speaking at another pastors\u2019 event.\u00a0 Many of these pastors who came are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a chance to talk about how God has used the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in their lives, in their marriages, and in the lives of people in their congregations: folks who have been to our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways or those who have used our resources.\u00a0 Some of these pastors have hosted an <em>Art of Marriage\u00ae<\/em> weekend conference at their church or used some of the video resources that we have been creating for churches like the new <em>LifeReady<\/em>\u00ae <em>Woman<\/em> curriculum.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s always great to connect with listeners and get a chance to meet folks face-to-face.\u00a0 We also appreciate it very much when you get in touch with us either online over at FamilyLifeToday.com or by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation to help support the ministry, those donations are what keep us on the air on this station and our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 You help cover the production and syndication costs for these programs.\u00a0 We appreciate those of you who do help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month if you make a donation we want to invite you to request a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new devotional book for families called <em>Growing Together in Truth, s<\/em>even great stories that you can read aloud to your family that reinforce the idea that God\u2019s word is absolutely true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like a copy of the devotional, when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word TRUTH into the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the devotional from Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 We\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We just want to say thanks for getting in touch with us and for supporting the ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk more with Shane Stanford about something that was potentially more destructive in his marriage than his HIV- positive diagnosis ever was.\u00a0 We\u2019ll find out about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife\u00ae.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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