{"id":302366,"date":"2011-09-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-09-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind\/"},"modified":"2011-09-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-09-22T15:00:00","slug":"playing-with-a-goal-in-mind","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"Playing With a Goal in Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Real men play through the pain. Married to Jen for 15 years, Brian Goins asks men to recall their courtship days and the way they &#8220;went out on a limb&#8221; for the women they loved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-09-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.06M","filesize_raw":"27323571","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2826],"tags":[4284,4868,4698],"podcast_series":[7826],"cwp_profile":[3274],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302366","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-men","tag-father","tag-husband","tag-manhood","podcast_series-playing-hurt","cwp_profile-brian-goins","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302366\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302366\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0jQ0KlvkXb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind\/\">Playing With a Goal in Mind<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/playing-with-a-goal-in-mind\/embed\/#?secret=0jQ0KlvkXb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Playing With a Goal in Mind&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0jQ0KlvkXb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-09-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-09-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you find that loving your wife as a husband is something that\u2019s easy to do or hard to do?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Brian Goins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 What tends to happen early in a marriage is that our motivation for love is about performance, because generally we\u2019re at our best early on.\u00a0 We look our best, we act our best, we still have that honeymoon phase.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then something shifts to \u201cOkay, now I\u2019m going to love out of obligation.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m supposed to.\u201d\u00a0 I think when we get to the duty stage as men we just die.\u00a0 And when things get hard, when Jen gets mad, that\u2019s when I either will retaliate or I\u2019ll just retreat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> for Thursday, September 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What does a husband do when loving your wife isn\u2019t as easy as it used to be?\u00a0 Well, Brian Goins is going to tell us on today\u2019s program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 You know in nearly 19 years of doing <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>there have been a handful of times when you have done the program and I haven\u2019t been here.\u00a0 Can you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, a thimble.\u00a0 A thimble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You interviewed Dr. Henry Blackaby and I wasn\u2019t here that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019ve been bitter ever since.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have been bitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I also interviewed Matt Jensen, who teaches at Biola.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there were just a handful of times where either my schedule or something came up, and there have been a couple of times when I\u2019ve done the program and you weren\u2019t here.\u00a0 Did you remember that, or did I clue you in on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, I knew you did it.\u00a0 Yes, you \u2013 it was a hostile takeover but I knew about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your schedule didn\u2019t allow it, and in fact, what we\u2019re going to hear today is one of those times when you weren\u2019t here and we had a special guest drop by.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did, and we thought, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Our audience is so important,\u201d and I mean this,\u00a0 we really wanted you to hear Brian Goins, who is a pastor in North Carolina.\u00a0 He and his wife, Jen, speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae marriage getaways, and he had written a book called <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, and we just felt like we wanted to make sure you heard these interviews.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I can\u2019t be there but Bob can.\u00a0 Take it Bob.\u201d\u00a0 And as you\u2019ll find in this broadcast, Bob is a trained professional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughing) All I did was \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A trained radio professional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 All I did was stop and think \u201cWhat questions would Dennis ask if he was here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\u00a0 Oh, sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then I asked them.\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh \u2013 Where\u2019s the confession rail, here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is part one of the conversation that I had with Brian Goins the day he stopped by.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to be honest.\u00a0 When I picked up the copy of your book and saw the title, it didn\u2019t instantly click in my mind that this is a book for husbands about marriage.\u00a0 I mean, <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, but you wrote this with that as a metaphor for what it means to be a husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I think all of us have some story that we remember of an athlete that played through pain.\u00a0 Maybe it was like Kirk Gibson when he was in the Dodger\u2019s playing the Athletics, down three to two, bottom of the ninth, and Lasorda is looking down the bench and he\u2019s got a pitcher, I think, that\u2019s going to come up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKirk Gibson\u2019s hurt; both of his legs I think were pretty much worthless, and he tells Lasorda \u201cI can hit.\u201d\u00a0 He goes down zero two to Eckersley, who was a Hall of Fame closer.\u00a0 Eventually he works it back to three two, bottom of the ninth, down three two, one winning run on base, and all upper body strength he nails it across the field.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, are you a Dodgers fan? Did you grow up \u2013?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 No, I\u2019m not a Dodgers fan at all, but my dad was, and so I\u2019m watching it.\u00a0 I mean, we\u2019re just cheering up and down, jumping up and down, and I knew even at age 16, I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s a man.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not a Red Sox fan either, but who can forget Curt Schilling \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- with blood coming through the sock and he\u2019s out there pitching his heart out in the World Series.\u00a0 That\u2019s an indelible image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so when you see that, you think, \u201cThis is what it means to be a husband.\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 Wives will probably look at this book going, \u201cWhat, do I make you play through pain?\u00a0 What\u2019s the big deal?\u201d\u00a0 No, and I\u2019m not meaning to put down wives at all, but more than anything just call husbands up, because I think as men we want the chance.\u00a0 I knew at 16, \u201cMan if I could have that opportunity to, when I\u2019m in excruciating pain and my body is saying \u2018no,\u2019 but I fight through it for the glory of the game.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think men are willing to fight when glory is on the line, and unfortunately in marriage, what happens is \u2013 I\u2019ve discovered that men are willing to play through pain in athletics, in the corporate room, but they\u2019re not willing to play through pain when it comes to marriage, that when their ego is bruised, when their libido is starved, when they feel like they\u2019ve been unjustly hurt, rather than look at the coach and say, \u201cPut me in the game, coach,\u201d they just sit on the bench.\u00a0 I mean I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just kind of pout their way over?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I\u2019ll wait until she comes back to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to read you a quote that-- Actually my son sent me this text message this morning, and I read it and I thought first of all, \u201cWay to go, son, for picking out a great quote to send me.\u201d\u00a0 This is from Dan Haseltine from Jars of Clay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWhen I spoke the words \u2018in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,\u2019 I wasn\u2019t thinking of the very worst version of the human soul and heart.\u00a0 I was thinking of bringing soup and extra blankets.\u00a0 I was thinking that we would argue over which movie we were going to watch.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t thinking that it would mean that I would ultimately have to die to myself, and that marriage was a means by which God can take the worst of who we are and bring it out into the light so that I\u2019d have to deal with it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think he\u2019s right.\u00a0 I think when we get married nobody imagines that there are going to be days when it\u2019s going to be hard \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and that men play when it gets hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The only way to love like Christ is to love when we\u2019re hurt.\u00a0 That\u2019s how He loved.\u00a0 I mean, He loved when -- the ultimate example of love, the quintessential example is the cross, and that\u2019s what Paul uses in Ephesians 5, but that\u2019s when I want to sit on the bench.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me take you back to when you were pursuing the woman who is today your wife.\u00a0 And you guys have been married how many years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope I get this right.\u00a0 It\u2019s 15 this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you don\u2019t get it right, you\u2019ll just be playing with pain tonight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right, exactly.\u00a0 She and I went out on one date before our college experience drew to a close, and she thought nothing of it.\u00a0 I thought everything of it.\u00a0 She was going to Thailand to serve as a teacher overseas for two years.\u00a0 I was going to get my masters degree in Dallas, Texas, and so she thought, \u201cHey, I got a free meal out of the deal but that\u2019s it.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to go after this girl.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I started writing and went over there to track her down, and I remember when she saw me for the first time after not seeing me since college she realized \u201cThis might not have been a good idea.\u201d\u00a0 She was not excited about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yeah.\u00a0 In fact she said to me, she said before I ever came, \u201cBrian, I want you to know that if you come to Thailand, nothing will come of this relationship.\u201d\u00a0 Exact words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you, like the stubborn hormone-driven boyfriend wannabe --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- you went.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And somebody said to me, \u201cWell, Brian, she didn\u2019t say \u2018don\u2019t come.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing how thick-headed we tend to be when our hormones are raging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so why do guys, do you think, have that impulse in pursuit, and once \u201cI do\u201d is done it starts to fade?\u00a0 What\u2019s going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there\u2019s something in guys that we feel like we\u2019ve conquered Everest on the wedding day and we think we crossed the tape.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the way our culture presents it.\u00a0 I mean, they epitomize; in fact all of the glory it seems like is about the wedding.\u00a0 Look at the royal wedding.\u00a0 We can\u2019t get enough of the royal wedding, and they\u2019re talking about this being the perfect wedding, but what about the marriage?\u00a0 We put so much preparation into the wedding day that it becomes the culmination rather than the initiation of the love that God calls us to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you talk early in the book about what you call the Freon Zone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s the Freon Zone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember I was watching this couple as I was writing this book and I noticed this girl.\u00a0 She was just shivering in the coffee shop.\u00a0 I could tell they were dating because they were sitting way too close to each other, and she turned and she said, \u201cCould we switch seats, because I\u2019m right underneath the air conditioner?\u201d\u00a0 And so the guy of course said, \u201cOh, absolutely,\u201d and jumped up and switched, and was willing to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think in dating that comes naturally for us to sacrifice, to be willing to hold open the door, to go back for the umbrella, to do whatever we need to do in order to win the girl.\u00a0 But that switch gets switched off when we say \u201cI do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so what does a guy have to do to recognize it\u2019s not a good thing for that switch to be switched off, that a part of what I\u2019ve signed on for is to make the switch \u2013 to hold the door, to go back for the umbrella, to do what Dan Haseltine says, and that is die to self, not in just the small things like umbrellas and air-conditioning, but in the big stuff where our flesh is saying, \u201cNo. I\u2019m tired.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to do this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaint the picture of why for a husband who is saying, \u201cMarriage is harder than I thought it was going to me, and my wife is less attractive to me today that she was when I was pursuing her, and in fact in a lot of ways she\u2019s repelling as opposed to being attractive.\u00a0 There are things about her that I don\u2019t like being around.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather go to the man cave and get the remote and be done with this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think what tends to happen early in a marriage is that our motivation for love is about performance, because generally we\u2019re at our best early on.\u00a0 We look our best, we act our best, we still have that honeymoon phase.\u00a0 But then something shifts, whether it\u2019s kids, or whether it\u2019s --- You know, you get to know somebody and you get to see the darker sides. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then it shifts to \u201cOkay, well now I\u2019m going to love out of obligation.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m supposed to.\u201d\u00a0 I think when we get to the duty stage as men, we just die.\u00a0 When things get hard, when Jen gets mad, that\u2019s when I either will retaliate or I\u2019ll just retreat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019ve found in Ephesians 5 is that the most important verb in that passage wasn\u2019t \u201cHusbands, love your wives.\u201d\u00a0 That was the activity that we need to do, but the most important verb was a couple of verses later where he gives the reason.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, because at some point in time Jesus is going to present the bride back to God, and the glory in marriage isn\u2019t the wedding day.\u00a0 The glory in marriage that I\u2019m living for is that one day God\u2019s going to call me to return the bride back to Him, and the question is, will I return her more beautiful than when He gave her to me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard that Rodney Atkins country song, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t* (Chorus)<br>Come on in boy sit on down<br>And tell me about yourself<br>So you like my daughter do you now?<br>Yeah we think she's something else<br>She's her daddy's girl<br>Her momma's world<br>She deserves respect<br>That\u2019s what she'll get<br>Ain\u2019t it son?<br>Hey y'all run along and have some fun<br>I'll see you when you get back<br>Bet I\u2019ll be up all night<br>Still cleanin' this gun\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twhere the man is talking to the hormonally charged boy that is coming to take his daughter out, and they sit down on the porch and he talks about how, \u201cHey, you like my daughter, do you now?\u00a0 She\u2019s her mother\u2019s world, and I love her and you\u2019re going to respect her, son.\u00a0 That\u2019s what she\u2019ll get, ain\u2019t it son?\u201d\u00a0 And of course the boy\u2019s nodding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 Yes, sir.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, yes sir. Yes sir.\u00a0 And he says, \u201cOkay, well go.\u00a0 You guys have some fun.\u00a0 I bet I\u2019ll be up here on this porch all night still cleanin\u2019 this gun.\u201d\u00a0 Because the daughter\u2019s his treasure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you think about your bride \u2013 God knew what Jen would be like far before I ever met her, far before eternity He drew her up.\u00a0 He knew how many hairs and what color it would be, and when it would start falling out, and what color her eyes would be and what her personality would be like, and He shaped her.\u00a0 The feelings that I have for my daughter don\u2019t even come close to the feelings that God has for His daughter.\u00a0 So He\u2019s giving her to me and saying, \u201cWhat will you do with my daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if we can\u2019t get the glory of marriage back, I don\u2019t think men are willing to die for duty.\u00a0 I mean Michael Jordan didn\u2019t play through pain because he thought, \u201cAw, it\u2019s what I should do.\u201d\u00a0 It was because he was devoted to the game.\u00a0 He was devoted to his team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And because he saw championships on the horizon and there was a reward and he was playing with the goal in mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, we\u2019ve been having these conversations long enough that I know that when we start talking to men about you need to die to self and you need to sacrifice and you need to do this, even if your wife\u2019s this or that or non-responsive, we get the letters, the emails from guys going, a.\u201cWhy are you guys always beating up on men?\u201d\u00a0 and b. \u201cYou don\u2019t know my circumstances.\u201d\u00a0 It raises the hackles on the back of the necks of guys when you say to a guy, \u201cLook.\u00a0 This is what you signed up for.\u00a0 You need to play hurt.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 There are a lot of guys who are going, \u201cYou\u2019re just beating up on men.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is that what you\u2019re doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope not.\u00a0 I think in our gut we as men want to be called up.\u00a0 As a man I\u2019m not supposed to cry at women\u2019s gymnastics, but I\u2019ll never forget the \u201996 deal where Kerri Strug misses the vault, breaks her ankle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has to get a 9.6, I think it was, for the Americans to win gold, and she gets up there, hobbles up, runs down, hits the vault, does her triple whatever and then lands it.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure that you need both your feet to land on one of those deals, but she lands on one foot.\u00a0 I\u2019m bawling.\u00a0 I\u2019m like \u201cI\u2019m not supposed to be crying.\u201d\u00a0 But why?\u00a0 Because there\u2019s something in me that goes, \u201cGosh, there\u2019s a glory there.\u201d\u00a0 And to fight through when we see the picture.\u00a0 I think that the problem is that we come to our wedding day thinking, \u201cWell, this is how Jen will always be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Jesus, and God himself with the Children of Israel, when He entered into a covenant relationship with them, it wasn\u2019t because of their performance.\u00a0 I mean, I chased Jen.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 She was good-looking to me, I loved the way she talked to me, she couldn\u2019t find any fault with me before we got married.\u00a0 Who doesn\u2019t want to be with that person?\u00a0 After we got married she found faults I didn\u2019t even know I have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so God says to His children, \u201cOver time I have made you beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 And when you look at the passage in Ephesians, Jesus says that He is going to beautify the bride.\u00a0 And men love beautiful women.\u00a0 Godly men are willing to do whatever it takes to beautify their bride.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so the guy today who\u2019s been listening to the conversation and goes, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 I hear you.\u00a0 I just need to suck it up.\u00a0 I need to play hurt.\u00a0 I need to just grit my teeth and get through this and do my duty, because that\u2019s what you\u2019re telling me.\u201d\u00a0 Is that what you\u2019re telling him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Man, No, I hope not.\u00a0 I hope I\u2019m painting a new picture or the idea that there\u2019s glory on the line, that really if we would step back and see what\u2019s being crafted \u2013 I was thinking about this today.\u00a0 I was thinking about how nobody would want to make bricks.\u00a0 I mean that\u2019s pretty ordinary, mundane, painful work at times.\u00a0 And when you think about marriage, it really moves quickly from the extraordinary wedding to kind of an ordinary feel \u2013 taking out the trash, paying the bills, dealing with arguments, dealing with kids.\u00a0 It\u2019s like \u201cWhy do I do all this stuff?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at the great structures in history, architecture, that are made from bricks \u2013 The guys that are making them the whole time, I\u2019m sure at times they feel like it\u2019s drudgery, but when they step back to see the pyramid or to see the National Cathedral or to see Westminster Abbey, or whatever it might be, that they\u2019re creating a structure that\u2019s far bigger than themselves that will impact generations forever.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if as men, I think what the Bible does is it calls us to step back and say, \u201cDon\u2019t look at the mundane that you might -- or the ordinary feelings that you might have, or the ordinary activities that you are doing.\u00a0 Step back and see the structure that\u2019s being created; that you get to help create a picture of what it looks like to love an imperfect person unconditionally for a lifetime.\u00a0 You get to help create a picture of glory on earth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage is the only place you can do that.\u00a0 God set it up as a covenant relationship between two people that it mirrors and pictures His love.\u00a0 And it serves as a beacon for not just your kids, but generations to come that that\u2019s a masterpiece.\u00a0 I think as men we just forget that.\u00a0 I forget it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You cite Hebrews 12 in the first part of your book as a reminder to all of us that Jesus was on mission even in the face of the obstacle, the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a great verse for us as men to remember the mission.\u00a0 Part of the mission God has given us is to love our wives, to present the daughters, as you have said, back to the Father as spotless and blameless.\u00a0 And so Jesus, for the goal that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame.\u00a0 He played hurt because the goal was what He was here for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you\u2019re right.\u00a0 If we\u2019re looking and saying \u201cI guess I\u2019m stuck with this duty\u201d and don\u2019t see the goal, don\u2019t see that being husbands for the glory of God, caring for God\u2019s daughters well, that that\u2019s an assignment God\u2019s given us, that it\u2019s a noble and high calling.\u00a0 When we see that and say, \u201cOkay, ultimately what I\u2019m doing this for is because it delights, it brings joy, it honors the Father to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cAnd it\u2019s hard, but I\u2019m going to press through and get it done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it shows my affection, not just for my bride, but really more importantly for my God.\u00a0 And to say that I do this because I\u2019ve got a love for what God has done for me and it\u2019s a picture of the love that God has shown for me.\u00a0 And think about this \u2013 think about the alternative.\u00a0 I mean, is the alternative better?\u00a0 That I live a mundane, antagonistic marriage?\u00a0 Is that better?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Jen and I were coming back from a road from Atlanta, and we were going down there to look at a job.\u00a0 I was far more excited about it than Jen was.\u00a0 I at least wanted to look at it and see the opportunity.\u00a0 She was not happy about it, not happy about uprooting our family and all that kind of jazz.\u00a0 Our kids were with us.\u00a0 The only words I said to Jen in that three-and-a-half hours was, \u201cHoney, what do you want your kids to eat for dinner tonight?\u201d and silence the rest of the trip.\u00a0 After that three-and-a-half hours I didn\u2019t feel better about myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 The whole time I\u2019m hearing in the back of my head, \u201cHey, Goins.\u00a0 Get in the game.\u00a0 That\u2019s my daughter that you\u2019re hurting.\u201d\u00a0 And so I hear the call of God, and if I look at it as duty like I did that day, of course I\u2019m not going to do that, I\u2019m not going to get in the game.\u00a0 But if I look at it and realize what it\u2019s doing to me and doing to our relationship and doing to our kids, is that really the step I want to take?\u00a0 Is that the card that I want to play, the silent treatment?\u00a0 I never feel good after I play that card.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo God gives me an opportunity to actually go for the glory by going against my self and getting in the game and saying, \u201cOkay. This doesn\u2019t feel right.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m going to say here.\u00a0 I\u2019m not excited about getting in this conversation.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather build my deposition about why I\u2019m right and you\u2019re wrong, and I\u2019d rather get into an argument, but I never feel good after those moments.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And some guys it may be hard every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For most of us, there are more days when the sun\u2019s shining and the game\u2019s fun than when it\u2019s painful, but the thing that makes the sun shine better is when we play through the pain on the hard days and get to the other side and go, \u201cThis was worth it.\u00a0 It was worth it to get to where we are here today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And those are the ones that you look back as the great victories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re not saying it\u2019s easy, but you\u2019re saying it\u2019s what God calls us to do as men, and that\u2019s really the thesis of the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>Playing Hurt.<\/em>\u00a0 I know some people read that title and they think you mean \u201cpretending you are hurt.\u201d\u00a0 No, it means playing even when you are hurt.\u00a0 It means getting in the game even when you are limping, and at some level all of us as husbands are limping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a great book for men, and we\u2019ve got it in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like a copy of Brian Goins\u2019 book <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy of the book.\u00a0 You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and order by phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd don\u2019t forget Dennis Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, which would be a great book to read alongside of Brian\u2019s book.\u00a0 That book is available in the eBook format this month for $1.99, and you can find out more about how to download a copy of the eBook for your Kindle, or for your Nook, or for your iBook again, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There\u2019s more information online about how to download a copy of the book <em>Stepping Up<\/em> from Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, if you\u2019d like to receive a hardback copy of Dennis\u2019 book, that\u2019s available as well, and this week we\u2019re making the book available to those of you who make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Because we\u2019re listener-supported, your donations are what help underwrite the cost of producing and syndicating the program.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, when you make a donation, we want you to request a copy of Dennis\u2019 hardback book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em>\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it sent out to you; in fact, you may have it before the movie <em>Courageous<\/em> comes to theaters next week.\u00a0 So you\u2019ll have the book in hand and give you something to read either before or after you go see the movie next weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says \u201cdonate,\u201d and be sure to type the word STEP in the key code box that you find on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation over the phone, and just ask for a copy of Dennis\u2019 book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and again we\u2019ll get it sent out to you.\u00a0 And we do appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to invite you back tomorrow.\u00a0 Brian Goins is going to be here again, and we\u2019re going to talk about how a husband can lead well and love well, even in the midst of marital conflict, so I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t**Song: Cleaning this Gun\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArtist: Rodney Atkins\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlbum: If You're Going Through Hell (p) \u00a02006 Curb Records\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.06M"],"filesize_raw":["27323571"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302366.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302366.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 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men play through the pain. Married to Jen for 15 years, Brian Goins asks men to recall their courtship days and the way they \"went out on a limb\" for the women they loved.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-09-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you find that loving your wife as a husband is something that\u2019s easy to do or hard to do?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Brian Goins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 What tends to happen early in a marriage is that our motivation for love is about performance, because generally we\u2019re at our best early on.\u00a0 We look our best, we act our best, we still have that honeymoon phase.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then something shifts to \u201cOkay, now I\u2019m going to love out of obligation.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m supposed to.\u201d\u00a0 I think when we get to the duty stage as men we just die.\u00a0 And when things get hard, when Jen gets mad, that\u2019s when I either will retaliate or I\u2019ll just retreat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> for Thursday, September 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What does a husband do when loving your wife isn\u2019t as easy as it used to be?\u00a0 Well, Brian Goins is going to tell us on today\u2019s program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 You know in nearly 19 years of doing <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>there have been a handful of times when you have done the program and I haven\u2019t been here.\u00a0 Can you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, a thimble.\u00a0 A thimble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You interviewed Dr. Henry Blackaby and I wasn\u2019t here that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019ve been bitter ever since.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have been bitter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I also interviewed Matt Jensen, who teaches at Biola.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there were just a handful of times where either my schedule or something came up, and there have been a couple of times when I\u2019ve done the program and you weren\u2019t here.\u00a0 Did you remember that, or did I clue you in on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, I knew you did it.\u00a0 Yes, you \u2013 it was a hostile takeover but I knew about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your schedule didn\u2019t allow it, and in fact, what we\u2019re going to hear today is one of those times when you weren\u2019t here and we had a special guest drop by.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We did, and we thought, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Our audience is so important,\u201d and I mean this,\u00a0 we really wanted you to hear Brian Goins, who is a pastor in North Carolina.\u00a0 He and his wife, Jen, speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae marriage getaways, and he had written a book called <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, and we just felt like we wanted to make sure you heard these interviews.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I can\u2019t be there but Bob can.\u00a0 Take it Bob.\u201d\u00a0 And as you\u2019ll find in this broadcast, Bob is a trained professional. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughing) All I did was \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A trained radio professional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 All I did was stop and think \u201cWhat questions would Dennis ask if he was here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\u00a0 Oh, sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then I asked them.\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh \u2013 Where\u2019s the confession rail, here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is part one of the conversation that I had with Brian Goins the day he stopped by.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to be honest.\u00a0 When I picked up the copy of your book and saw the title, it didn\u2019t instantly click in my mind that this is a book for husbands about marriage.\u00a0 I mean, <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, but you wrote this with that as a metaphor for what it means to be a husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I think all of us have some story that we remember of an athlete that played through pain.\u00a0 Maybe it was like Kirk Gibson when he was in the Dodger\u2019s playing the Athletics, down three to two, bottom of the ninth, and Lasorda is looking down the bench and he\u2019s got a pitcher, I think, that\u2019s going to come up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKirk Gibson\u2019s hurt; both of his legs I think were pretty much worthless, and he tells Lasorda \u201cI can hit.\u201d\u00a0 He goes down zero two to Eckersley, who was a Hall of Fame closer.\u00a0 Eventually he works it back to three two, bottom of the ninth, down three two, one winning run on base, and all upper body strength he nails it across the field.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, are you a Dodgers fan? Did you grow up \u2013?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 No, I\u2019m not a Dodgers fan at all, but my dad was, and so I\u2019m watching it.\u00a0 I mean, we\u2019re just cheering up and down, jumping up and down, and I knew even at age 16, I thought, \u201cThat\u2019s a man.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m not a Red Sox fan either, but who can forget Curt Schilling \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- with blood coming through the sock and he\u2019s out there pitching his heart out in the World Series.\u00a0 That\u2019s an indelible image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so when you see that, you think, \u201cThis is what it means to be a husband.\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u00a0 You just suffer through it.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 Wives will probably look at this book going, \u201cWhat, do I make you play through pain?\u00a0 What\u2019s the big deal?\u201d\u00a0 No, and I\u2019m not meaning to put down wives at all, but more than anything just call husbands up, because I think as men we want the chance.\u00a0 I knew at 16, \u201cMan if I could have that opportunity to, when I\u2019m in excruciating pain and my body is saying \u2018no,\u2019 but I fight through it for the glory of the game.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think men are willing to fight when glory is on the line, and unfortunately in marriage, what happens is \u2013 I\u2019ve discovered that men are willing to play through pain in athletics, in the corporate room, but they\u2019re not willing to play through pain when it comes to marriage, that when their ego is bruised, when their libido is starved, when they feel like they\u2019ve been unjustly hurt, rather than look at the coach and say, \u201cPut me in the game, coach,\u201d they just sit on the bench.\u00a0 I mean I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just kind of pout their way over?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. I\u2019ll wait until she comes back to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to read you a quote that-- Actually my son sent me this text message this morning, and I read it and I thought first of all, \u201cWay to go, son, for picking out a great quote to send me.\u201d\u00a0 This is from Dan Haseltine from Jars of Clay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWhen I spoke the words \u2018in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,\u2019 I wasn\u2019t thinking of the very worst version of the human soul and heart.\u00a0 I was thinking of bringing soup and extra blankets.\u00a0 I was thinking that we would argue over which movie we were going to watch.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t thinking that it would mean that I would ultimately have to die to myself, and that marriage was a means by which God can take the worst of who we are and bring it out into the light so that I\u2019d have to deal with it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think he\u2019s right.\u00a0 I think when we get married nobody imagines that there are going to be days when it\u2019s going to be hard \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and that men play when it gets hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The only way to love like Christ is to love when we\u2019re hurt.\u00a0 That\u2019s how He loved.\u00a0 I mean, He loved when -- the ultimate example of love, the quintessential example is the cross, and that\u2019s what Paul uses in Ephesians 5, but that\u2019s when I want to sit on the bench.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me take you back to when you were pursuing the woman who is today your wife.\u00a0 And you guys have been married how many years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope I get this right.\u00a0 It\u2019s 15 this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you don\u2019t get it right, you\u2019ll just be playing with pain tonight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right, exactly.\u00a0 She and I went out on one date before our college experience drew to a close, and she thought nothing of it.\u00a0 I thought everything of it.\u00a0 She was going to Thailand to serve as a teacher overseas for two years.\u00a0 I was going to get my masters degree in Dallas, Texas, and so she thought, \u201cHey, I got a free meal out of the deal but that\u2019s it.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to go after this girl.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I started writing and went over there to track her down, and I remember when she saw me for the first time after not seeing me since college she realized \u201cThis might not have been a good idea.\u201d\u00a0 She was not excited about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yeah.\u00a0 In fact she said to me, she said before I ever came, \u201cBrian, I want you to know that if you come to Thailand, nothing will come of this relationship.\u201d\u00a0 Exact words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you, like the stubborn hormone-driven boyfriend wannabe --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- you went.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And somebody said to me, \u201cWell, Brian, she didn\u2019t say \u2018don\u2019t come.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing how thick-headed we tend to be when our hormones are raging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so why do guys, do you think, have that impulse in pursuit, and once \u201cI do\u201d is done it starts to fade?\u00a0 What\u2019s going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there\u2019s something in guys that we feel like we\u2019ve conquered Everest on the wedding day and we think we crossed the tape.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the way our culture presents it.\u00a0 I mean, they epitomize; in fact all of the glory it seems like is about the wedding.\u00a0 Look at the royal wedding.\u00a0 We can\u2019t get enough of the royal wedding, and they\u2019re talking about this being the perfect wedding, but what about the marriage?\u00a0 We put so much preparation into the wedding day that it becomes the culmination rather than the initiation of the love that God calls us to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you talk early in the book about what you call the Freon Zone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s the Freon Zone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember I was watching this couple as I was writing this book and I noticed this girl.\u00a0 She was just shivering in the coffee shop.\u00a0 I could tell they were dating because they were sitting way too close to each other, and she turned and she said, \u201cCould we switch seats, because I\u2019m right underneath the air conditioner?\u201d\u00a0 And so the guy of course said, \u201cOh, absolutely,\u201d and jumped up and switched, and was willing to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think in dating that comes naturally for us to sacrifice, to be willing to hold open the door, to go back for the umbrella, to do whatever we need to do in order to win the girl.\u00a0 But that switch gets switched off when we say \u201cI do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so what does a guy have to do to recognize it\u2019s not a good thing for that switch to be switched off, that a part of what I\u2019ve signed on for is to make the switch \u2013 to hold the door, to go back for the umbrella, to do what Dan Haseltine says, and that is die to self, not in just the small things like umbrellas and air-conditioning, but in the big stuff where our flesh is saying, \u201cNo. I\u2019m tired.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to do this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaint the picture of why for a husband who is saying, \u201cMarriage is harder than I thought it was going to me, and my wife is less attractive to me today that she was when I was pursuing her, and in fact in a lot of ways she\u2019s repelling as opposed to being attractive.\u00a0 There are things about her that I don\u2019t like being around.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather go to the man cave and get the remote and be done with this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think what tends to happen early in a marriage is that our motivation for love is about performance, because generally we\u2019re at our best early on.\u00a0 We look our best, we act our best, we still have that honeymoon phase.\u00a0 But then something shifts, whether it\u2019s kids, or whether it\u2019s --- You know, you get to know somebody and you get to see the darker sides. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then it shifts to \u201cOkay, well now I\u2019m going to love out of obligation.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m supposed to.\u201d\u00a0 I think when we get to the duty stage as men, we just die.\u00a0 When things get hard, when Jen gets mad, that\u2019s when I either will retaliate or I\u2019ll just retreat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019ve found in Ephesians 5 is that the most important verb in that passage wasn\u2019t \u201cHusbands, love your wives.\u201d\u00a0 That was the activity that we need to do, but the most important verb was a couple of verses later where he gives the reason.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, because at some point in time Jesus is going to present the bride back to God, and the glory in marriage isn\u2019t the wedding day.\u00a0 The glory in marriage that I\u2019m living for is that one day God\u2019s going to call me to return the bride back to Him, and the question is, will I return her more beautiful than when He gave her to me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard that Rodney Atkins country song, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t* (Chorus)<br>Come on in boy sit on down<br>And tell me about yourself<br>So you like my daughter do you now?<br>Yeah we think she's something else<br>She's her daddy's girl<br>Her momma's world<br>She deserves respect<br>That\u2019s what she'll get<br>Ain\u2019t it son?<br>Hey y'all run along and have some fun<br>I'll see you when you get back<br>Bet I\u2019ll be up all night<br>Still cleanin' this gun\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twhere the man is talking to the hormonally charged boy that is coming to take his daughter out, and they sit down on the porch and he talks about how, \u201cHey, you like my daughter, do you now?\u00a0 She\u2019s her mother\u2019s world, and I love her and you\u2019re going to respect her, son.\u00a0 That\u2019s what she\u2019ll get, ain\u2019t it son?\u201d\u00a0 And of course the boy\u2019s nodding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, sir.\u00a0 Yes, sir.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, yes sir. Yes sir.\u00a0 And he says, \u201cOkay, well go.\u00a0 You guys have some fun.\u00a0 I bet I\u2019ll be up here on this porch all night still cleanin\u2019 this gun.\u201d\u00a0 Because the daughter\u2019s his treasure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you think about your bride \u2013 God knew what Jen would be like far before I ever met her, far before eternity He drew her up.\u00a0 He knew how many hairs and what color it would be, and when it would start falling out, and what color her eyes would be and what her personality would be like, and He shaped her.\u00a0 The feelings that I have for my daughter don\u2019t even come close to the feelings that God has for His daughter.\u00a0 So He\u2019s giving her to me and saying, \u201cWhat will you do with my daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if we can\u2019t get the glory of marriage back, I don\u2019t think men are willing to die for duty.\u00a0 I mean Michael Jordan didn\u2019t play through pain because he thought, \u201cAw, it\u2019s what I should do.\u201d\u00a0 It was because he was devoted to the game.\u00a0 He was devoted to his team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And because he saw championships on the horizon and there was a reward and he was playing with the goal in mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, we\u2019ve been having these conversations long enough that I know that when we start talking to men about you need to die to self and you need to sacrifice and you need to do this, even if your wife\u2019s this or that or non-responsive, we get the letters, the emails from guys going, a.\u201cWhy are you guys always beating up on men?\u201d\u00a0 and b. \u201cYou don\u2019t know my circumstances.\u201d\u00a0 It raises the hackles on the back of the necks of guys when you say to a guy, \u201cLook.\u00a0 This is what you signed up for.\u00a0 You need to play hurt.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 There are a lot of guys who are going, \u201cYou\u2019re just beating up on men.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is that what you\u2019re doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hope not.\u00a0 I think in our gut we as men want to be called up.\u00a0 As a man I\u2019m not supposed to cry at women\u2019s gymnastics, but I\u2019ll never forget the \u201996 deal where Kerri Strug misses the vault, breaks her ankle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has to get a 9.6, I think it was, for the Americans to win gold, and she gets up there, hobbles up, runs down, hits the vault, does her triple whatever and then lands it.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure that you need both your feet to land on one of those deals, but she lands on one foot.\u00a0 I\u2019m bawling.\u00a0 I\u2019m like \u201cI\u2019m not supposed to be crying.\u201d\u00a0 But why?\u00a0 Because there\u2019s something in me that goes, \u201cGosh, there\u2019s a glory there.\u201d\u00a0 And to fight through when we see the picture.\u00a0 I think that the problem is that we come to our wedding day thinking, \u201cWell, this is how Jen will always be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Jesus, and God himself with the Children of Israel, when He entered into a covenant relationship with them, it wasn\u2019t because of their performance.\u00a0 I mean, I chased Jen.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 She was good-looking to me, I loved the way she talked to me, she couldn\u2019t find any fault with me before we got married.\u00a0 Who doesn\u2019t want to be with that person?\u00a0 After we got married she found faults I didn\u2019t even know I have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so God says to His children, \u201cOver time I have made you beautiful.\u201d\u00a0 And when you look at the passage in Ephesians, Jesus says that He is going to beautify the bride.\u00a0 And men love beautiful women.\u00a0 Godly men are willing to do whatever it takes to beautify their bride.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, so the guy today who\u2019s been listening to the conversation and goes, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 I hear you.\u00a0 I just need to suck it up.\u00a0 I need to play hurt.\u00a0 I need to just grit my teeth and get through this and do my duty, because that\u2019s what you\u2019re telling me.\u201d\u00a0 Is that what you\u2019re telling him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Man, No, I hope not.\u00a0 I hope I\u2019m painting a new picture or the idea that there\u2019s glory on the line, that really if we would step back and see what\u2019s being crafted \u2013 I was thinking about this today.\u00a0 I was thinking about how nobody would want to make bricks.\u00a0 I mean that\u2019s pretty ordinary, mundane, painful work at times.\u00a0 And when you think about marriage, it really moves quickly from the extraordinary wedding to kind of an ordinary feel \u2013 taking out the trash, paying the bills, dealing with arguments, dealing with kids.\u00a0 It\u2019s like \u201cWhy do I do all this stuff?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when I look at the great structures in history, architecture, that are made from bricks \u2013 The guys that are making them the whole time, I\u2019m sure at times they feel like it\u2019s drudgery, but when they step back to see the pyramid or to see the National Cathedral or to see Westminster Abbey, or whatever it might be, that they\u2019re creating a structure that\u2019s far bigger than themselves that will impact generations forever.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if as men, I think what the Bible does is it calls us to step back and say, \u201cDon\u2019t look at the mundane that you might -- or the ordinary feelings that you might have, or the ordinary activities that you are doing.\u00a0 Step back and see the structure that\u2019s being created; that you get to help create a picture of what it looks like to love an imperfect person unconditionally for a lifetime.\u00a0 You get to help create a picture of glory on earth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage is the only place you can do that.\u00a0 God set it up as a covenant relationship between two people that it mirrors and pictures His love.\u00a0 And it serves as a beacon for not just your kids, but generations to come that that\u2019s a masterpiece.\u00a0 I think as men we just forget that.\u00a0 I forget it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You cite Hebrews 12 in the first part of your book as a reminder to all of us that Jesus was on mission even in the face of the obstacle, the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s a great verse for us as men to remember the mission.\u00a0 Part of the mission God has given us is to love our wives, to present the daughters, as you have said, back to the Father as spotless and blameless.\u00a0 And so Jesus, for the goal that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame.\u00a0 He played hurt because the goal was what He was here for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you\u2019re right.\u00a0 If we\u2019re looking and saying \u201cI guess I\u2019m stuck with this duty\u201d and don\u2019t see the goal, don\u2019t see that being husbands for the glory of God, caring for God\u2019s daughters well, that that\u2019s an assignment God\u2019s given us, that it\u2019s a noble and high calling.\u00a0 When we see that and say, \u201cOkay, ultimately what I\u2019m doing this for is because it delights, it brings joy, it honors the Father to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cAnd it\u2019s hard, but I\u2019m going to press through and get it done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it shows my affection, not just for my bride, but really more importantly for my God.\u00a0 And to say that I do this because I\u2019ve got a love for what God has done for me and it\u2019s a picture of the love that God has shown for me.\u00a0 And think about this \u2013 think about the alternative.\u00a0 I mean, is the alternative better?\u00a0 That I live a mundane, antagonistic marriage?\u00a0 Is that better?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Jen and I were coming back from a road from Atlanta, and we were going down there to look at a job.\u00a0 I was far more excited about it than Jen was.\u00a0 I at least wanted to look at it and see the opportunity.\u00a0 She was not happy about it, not happy about uprooting our family and all that kind of jazz.\u00a0 Our kids were with us.\u00a0 The only words I said to Jen in that three-and-a-half hours was, \u201cHoney, what do you want your kids to eat for dinner tonight?\u201d and silence the rest of the trip.\u00a0 After that three-and-a-half hours I didn\u2019t feel better about myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 The whole time I\u2019m hearing in the back of my head, \u201cHey, Goins.\u00a0 Get in the game.\u00a0 That\u2019s my daughter that you\u2019re hurting.\u201d\u00a0 And so I hear the call of God, and if I look at it as duty like I did that day, of course I\u2019m not going to do that, I\u2019m not going to get in the game.\u00a0 But if I look at it and realize what it\u2019s doing to me and doing to our relationship and doing to our kids, is that really the step I want to take?\u00a0 Is that the card that I want to play, the silent treatment?\u00a0 I never feel good after I play that card.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo God gives me an opportunity to actually go for the glory by going against my self and getting in the game and saying, \u201cOkay. This doesn\u2019t feel right.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m going to say here.\u00a0 I\u2019m not excited about getting in this conversation.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather build my deposition about why I\u2019m right and you\u2019re wrong, and I\u2019d rather get into an argument, but I never feel good after those moments.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And some guys it may be hard every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For most of us, there are more days when the sun\u2019s shining and the game\u2019s fun than when it\u2019s painful, but the thing that makes the sun shine better is when we play through the pain on the hard days and get to the other side and go, \u201cThis was worth it.\u00a0 It was worth it to get to where we are here today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And those are the ones that you look back as the great victories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re not saying it\u2019s easy, but you\u2019re saying it\u2019s what God calls us to do as men, and that\u2019s really the thesis of the book that you\u2019ve written called <em>Playing Hurt.<\/em>\u00a0 I know some people read that title and they think you mean \u201cpretending you are hurt.\u201d\u00a0 No, it means playing even when you are hurt.\u00a0 It means getting in the game even when you are limping, and at some level all of us as husbands are limping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a great book for men, and we\u2019ve got it in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like a copy of Brian Goins\u2019 book <em>Playing Hurt<\/em>, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy of the book.\u00a0 You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and order by phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd don\u2019t forget Dennis Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, which would be a great book to read alongside of Brian\u2019s book.\u00a0 That book is available in the eBook format this month for $1.99, and you can find out more about how to download a copy of the eBook for your Kindle, or for your Nook, or for your iBook again, when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There\u2019s more information online about how to download a copy of the book <em>Stepping Up<\/em> from Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, if you\u2019d like to receive a hardback copy of Dennis\u2019 book, that\u2019s available as well, and this week we\u2019re making the book available to those of you who make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Because we\u2019re listener-supported, your donations are what help underwrite the cost of producing and syndicating the program.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, when you make a donation, we want you to request a copy of Dennis\u2019 hardback book, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em>\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it sent out to you; in fact, you may have it before the movie <em>Courageous<\/em> comes to theaters next week.\u00a0 So you\u2019ll have the book in hand and give you something to read either before or after you go see the movie next weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and click where it says \u201cdonate,\u201d and be sure to type the word STEP in the key code box that you find on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation over the phone, and just ask for a copy of Dennis\u2019 book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and again we\u2019ll get it sent out to you.\u00a0 And we do appreciate your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to invite you back tomorrow.\u00a0 Brian Goins is going to be here again, and we\u2019re going to talk about how a husband can lead well and love well, even in the midst of marital conflict, so I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t**Song: Cleaning this Gun\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArtist: Rodney Atkins\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlbum: If You're Going Through Hell (p) \u00a02006 Curb Records\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302366"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302366"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302366"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302366"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}