{"id":302350,"date":"2011-08-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation\/"},"modified":"2011-08-26T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-26T15:00:00","slug":"courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation\/","title":{"rendered":"Courage: The Missing Link to Spiritual Formation"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes we know what to do, but lack the courage to do it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.03M","filesize_raw":"25192400","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[4798,2209,5001],"podcast_series":[7820],"cwp_profile":[9087],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302350","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-kids","tag-parenting","tag-protecting-kids","podcast_series-the-protectors","cwp_profile-paul-coughlin","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302350\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302350\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2Czgrt2VfK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation\/\">Courage: The Missing Link to Spiritual Formation<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/courage-the-missing-link-to-spiritual-formation\/embed\/#?secret=2Czgrt2VfK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Courage: The Missing Link to Spiritual Formation&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2Czgrt2VfK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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it.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Are your children ready to stand up to bullies this year in school?\u00a0 Not just when they are being bullied, but when someone else is being bullied?\u00a0 Here is Paul Coughlin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 We know we worry as Christians sometimes about our influence in public schools.\u00a0 Let me tell you how we get influence.\u00a0 We get influence by how the Christian kids, when they see bullying take place, assertively but non-violently intervene.\u00a0 You get enough kids in any school who do that and now you\u2019ve got a platform.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe world will want to hear what you have to say.\u00a0 It won\u2019t say \u201cOh, we\u2019ve got to let them in.\u201d\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to want to know what made you different.\u00a0 What made you different from the ninety-five percent of everyone else who won\u2019t do a thing about this cruelty?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae<\/em> for Friday, August 26<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 How can we respond and train our children to respond to a culture of bullies?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking some of our regular listeners may have picked up patterns of your bullying with me over the years because it\u2019s happened on occasion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This has not occurred.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Would you like me to get\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have bullied me though.\u00a0 And we do have witnesses in the audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bystanders who have\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026who have listened to you make fun of my illiteracy with music.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now that you mention it\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your superiority is clear!\u00a0 You do not need to expose my lack of knowledge of music.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just change the program to \u201cBullying Today.\u201d\u00a0 And here\u2019s your host Dennis Rainey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know we have had some fun with this over the years.\u00a0 But Bob, for a lot of people they have been bullied either growing up as a young person, in fact mostly likely they were.\u00a0 Nine out of ten, we\u2019re told, elementary age students today are being bullied.\u00a0 But I think a lot of adults have been bullied, too.\u00a0 There is the misuse of authority in people\u2019s lives with words.\u00a0 It may not involve physical harm but certainly emotional harm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can happen in the workplace.\u00a0 It can happen in a church environment.\u00a0 It can happen in all kinds of places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the interesting thing is in our lives, especially among those who try to follow Christ, we take a step back and we go. \u201cI just want to love this person as Jesus Christ would love them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reflecting back on a relationship I had for more than twenty years as an adult and I was doing my best to be a vessel of love to another person who was bullying me.\u00a0 It really wasn\u2019t until I got some other friends involved that I was actually the one who was set free from a prison of being bullied as an adult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t want to make too light of this because it was a big deal in my life as an adult, just as it can be in the life of a young person.\u00a0 Joining us again today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> are Paul and Sandy Coughlin.\u00a0 Sandy, Paul, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sandy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Paul is the founder of The Protectors which is a faith based approach to dealing with bullies in, really, in schools, Christian schools, public schools, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Also Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Awanas, summer camps, wherever kids congregate there will be bullying.\u00a0 We train all of the characters in the theater of bullying how to change their role and to help people who are targets and to diminish bullying overall.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You spent time earlier today\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026at a local school.\u00a0 What did you do and what did you tell the folks there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, what I do is I\u2019m kind of\u2014the presentations\u2014I\u2019m kind of like a John the Baptist figure, right?\u00a0 So I come in and I get some things excited and I really kick some stuff up in a very good way.\u00a0 I speak to all four characters in the theater of bullying.\u00a0 But I focus on the bystander because they have the most potential power to create change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 Go back and explain to our audience what those four characters are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, of course the star we think is the bully and it shouldn\u2019t be.\u00a0 They actually don\u2019t have the most power.\u00a0 And then of course you have the target, you have authority, and then you\u2019ve got the bystander.\u00a0 Primarily what we do, though, is we help everyone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe help the bystander become what we call an \u201calong-side-stander\u201d of a child who is the target of ongoing cruelty.\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did in these schools.\u00a0 I had these wonderful kids come up to me afterward and said, \u201cI\u2019m going to be a protector.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to protect people who are being picked on.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to intervene with assertive, but non violent, words.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You really believe today that one of the missing ingredients in the family is courage.\u00a0 It\u2019s too bad that my wife Barbara is not here at the table with us because none of us would get a word in edgewise.\u00a0 She is passionate about calling the Christian community to courage, especially moms and dads with their children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She wrote a devotional book for families called <em>Growing Together in Courage<\/em> where she highlighted stories of courageous individuals and, really, the passion here was to try to inspire courage in the lives of young people and parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She really believes that what\u2019s happening today is the culture is just sucking the courage out of families, epically families of faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Earlier I said that cowardice is a sin.\u00a0 Courage, rather, is the virtue the underpins all other virtues.\u00a0 We look at the life of Christ and we look, for example, at the woman caught in adultery and we weep over the grace and the mercy--and rightly so.\u00a0 It has captivated the entire world, this amazing story, where Jesus protects this woman, all the while forgetting that if He didn\u2019t have the courage to stand up to the biggest bullies of His day, the Pharisees, there would have been no mercy and compassion.\u00a0 If He didn\u2019t have the courage to stand up for her there\u2019d be no mercy and compassion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCourage is the virtue that underpins all the other virtues.\u00a0 Pontius Pilate wanted to be merciful to Jesus until it required courage.\u00a0 He found no fault in Jesus.\u00a0 He said, \u201cThis man is innocent.\u00a0 I want to let Him go.\u201d\u00a0 His own wife has a dream and says, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m pretty sure He\u2019s divine.\u00a0 You probably want to leave this one alone.\u201d\u00a0 But it became politically difficult for him to let Jesus go.\u00a0 He knew the right thing to do.\u00a0 He felt the right thing to do.\u00a0 He just didn\u2019t act upon what he knew and he felt.\u00a0 And the reason, more than any other reason, is a lack of courage, the virtue that underpins all other virtues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Paul.\u00a0 So you\u2019re a father of three teenagers, two boys and a girl.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take this courage down to where the rubber meets the road.\u00a0 How have you been challenged?\u00a0 And Sandy I want you to answer this question as well.\u00a0 Have you guys been challenged as parents to be courageous\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026in not being bystanders as you raised your sons and your daughter all the way through the teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 We expected our kids to not be passive, fearful, cowardice bystanders and we expected them to be courageous, along-side-standers.\u00a0 And what is remarkable is a lot of kids, in particular, think, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t do the right thing because I\u2019m feeling fear.\u201d\u00a0 And your wife hits upon it in this book which I\u2026\u00a0 No one\u2019s taking this book from me.\u00a0 She hits upon it, is that, you know what, you actually can\u2019t be courageous unless you feel fear.\u00a0 So we\u2019ve taught our kids do the right thing, afraid.\u00a0 Do it afraid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFear is a jail cell locked from the inside.\u00a0 When we give in to fear, over and over and over, we become smaller, diminished people.\u00a0 Literally our souls are darkened in a kind of strange and tangible way, but it\u2019s still true. As soon as you learn to push back against fear and realize that it\u2019s often false evidence appearing real\u2014a great acronym for fear\u2014the sooner our kids realize that the larger their lives are going to be when they grow to be adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to my kids, I\u2019ve said courage is not the absence of fear.\u00a0 Courage is actually fearing one thing more than you fear something else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, usually the right thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you fear God and as a result, you respond in faith.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to experience fear.\u00a0 The question is how debilitating is it and how do we respond to it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Courage is doing your duty in the face of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s absolutely right.\u00a0 It\u2019s what stops most of us from moving forward.\u00a0 It stops us from being a courageous along-side-stander and it keeps us a passive bystander.\u00a0 By the way, when we give in to the fear of cowardice, it\u2019s almost indelible in our lives.\u00a0 If you want to talk to someone about one of the hardest things to talk about, ask someone when were you a coward?\u00a0 We can almost not even talk about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting because Dennis always asks them the opposite question.\u00a0 What\u2019s the most courageous thing you\u2019ve ever done?\u00a0 He\u2019ll ask that.\u00a0 You ask that around a table at dinner, in part to just inspire people with stories of courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it does.\u00a0 I think it was Billy Graham who said, \u201cWhen someone does a courageous work the spines of others are stiffened.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s so true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, we are encouraged by hearing stories of other people\u2019s courage.\u00a0 Sandy, I wanted to go back to you and find out, as a mom, when were you courageous in helping your boys or your daughter perhaps deal with bullying or something they encountered as they were growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sandy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think for our youngest daughter, she stood up for a child on the playground.\u00a0 She came home from school with a big scratch on her cheek and we were like, \u201cWhat is that, Abby?\u00a0 Where did you get that?\u201d\u00a0 It happened to be a girl that had just one arm that some girls were going after, I guess picking a fight with her.\u00a0 Abby intervened and jumped in there.\u00a0 So she came home and we talked about it around the table.\u00a0 That was a lesson.\u00a0 She was probably about eight years old at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 If I could add to that.\u00a0 I was asked to speak in her class from her teacher a little later on, who didn\u2019t know about this incident.\u00a0 So as an author I get to go in there.\u00a0 And then at the end, the teacher says, \u201cDoes anyone have any questions for Mr. Coughlin?\u201d\u00a0 The girl, with her only arm, raised her only arm and she said, \u201cI think his daughter (and there\u2019s a beautiful little pause) is a good person.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that girl saw the character of Christ, who stands up for the weak and the timid and the shackled and the broken and intervenes on their behalf.\u00a0 My daughter just wasn\u2019t a passive bystander.\u00a0 She used some courage and she intervened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey studied the lives of the people who rescued the Jews under German occupation.\u00a0 They found three character traits in particular.\u00a0 One of them was that their parents expected them to do the right thing.\u00a0 I think, from a universal historical perspective, those rescuers of the Jews are considered among the greatest of all time.\u00a0 And one of the reasons why is their parents expected them to do the right thing.\u00a0 The number one story they were told?\u00a0 The Good Samaritan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Paul, one of the things that surprised me as I was reading through your literature is what you\u2019re talking about right now.\u00a0 I actually thought we\u2019d be talking about how you help a child who\u2019s being bullied.\u00a0 You are talking about that.\u00a0 But you both have illustrated from your own parenting of helping your children intervene on behalf of others.\u00a0 Protect them.\u00a0 Be a protector. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think as parents, we don\u2019t necessarily think of ourselves as equipping our children to know how to handle situations when they see another person being bullied.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that I even had a conversation with any of my kids about that.\u00a0 But that\u2019s what you\u2019re talking about doing here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 Most of it is assertive but non-violent words.\u00a0 \u201cLeave him alone.\u00a0 Leave her alone.\u00a0 That\u2019s\u2019 wrong.\u00a0 Stop it.\u201d\u00a0 And you can do that same thing on line with cyber-bullying.\u00a0 You can type that in and defend that target, that kid whose been an ongoing target of campaigns of cruelty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYeah, we all focus of the bully.\u00a0 We think if we can just reform the bully, everything will okay.\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t that be okay, if we could do that?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t work that way unfortunately.\u00a0 Most bullies are highly resistant to change.\u00a0 They\u2019re not interested in changing.\u00a0 What will change them is when their peers denounce their behavior,\u00a0 to use peer pressure to bring about change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe call it positive deviance.\u00a0 Right now bystanders are most likely to support the bully than to disagree with the bully.\u00a0 We are trying to use peer pressure, and we\u2019re doing it throughout schools.\u00a0 We have schools that are literally changing across the country, where bullies are apologizing to targets.\u00a0 Usually by the time I leave the school, they\u2019ve already apologized to their target.\u00a0 So we\u2019re changing this theater of bullying.\u00a0 But we\u2019re focusing on the bystanders as opposed to the bully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, I want to go back to a question I asked earlier.\u00a0 Your ten year old son or daughter comes home from school and explains how they\u2019ve been bullied during the day.\u00a0 You\u2019ve first of all said you need to document through other eye witnesses what took place.\u00a0 What are you going to say to that son or that daughter, though, as they go back to school the next day.\u00a0 How do you equip them to handle the situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is a great question.\u00a0 The number one character trait that bullies look for in a target is that they\u2019re non-assertive.\u00a0 So they\u2019re kind of shy.\u00a0 They don\u2019t hold eye contact.\u00a0 They walk kind of like a penguin.\u00a0 So what you have to do is you\u2019ve got to coach your child out of the theater of bullying. You have to make them appear stronger than what they might already be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what does that mean?\u00a0 Maintaining eye contact for at least eight seconds.\u00a0 Sometimes parents are going to have to practice that with their kid.\u00a0 It means that they learn how to walk with their shoulders further back.\u00a0 It means that they need to walk with a little longer stride.\u00a0 Fearful people take short strides.\u00a0 Confident people take little longer strides.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt means that they need to not be so isolated at school.\u00a0 Most kids who are targets of bullying are isolated.\u00a0 They need to make at least one good friend.\u00a0 They need to stay out of areas where there\u2019s more bullying that others.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally quickly, if you would take a blue print of the school and ask the teachers and others where does bullying take place?\u00a0 You\u2019d find a lot of \u201cx\u201ds but you would also find a high concentration in certain areas.\u00a0 Avoid those areas.\u00a0 They\u2019re usually certain parts of a locker room, certain bathrooms, certain hallways, certain parts of a cafeteria, and a playground.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, another thing is targets tend not to smile.\u00a0 They tend to be a little bit gloomy.\u00a0 So they need to smile more.\u00a0 They need to remember a very funny word.\u00a0 The word is \u201ccheesewhiz.\u201d\u00a0 So after you say the word cheesewhiz it puts a slight smile on your face, bullies don\u2019t like to go after people who tend to be happy and confident.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sandy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Paul, I also like your analogy of the power of two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this is great, where you make an agreement with another person at school.\u00a0 If I see you being picked on, I will intervene.\u00a0 If you see me being picked on, you will intervene with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, see, even the world will do that, right?\u00a0 Even the world protects itself. This is the Christian part.\u00a0 When the two of us see someone else being bullied, we will intervene with assertive but non-violent words.\u00a0 Bullies do not like other people to intervene.\u00a0 In fact, they bank on other people not intervening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me put the worries of some of our listeners at bay.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about having our children walk between two rivaling gang and say, \u201cLeave!\u00a0 Stop it!\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s criminal activity and that\u2019s not bullying. That\u2019s not what I\u2019m talking about. We\u2019re talking garden variety bullying that takes places just everywhere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know there\u2019s something inside of us that when we see it happening and it doesn\u2019t involve us, we think to ourselves, \u201cThat\u2019s not my deal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it harms us, Bob, it harms.\u00a0 Studies have shown that children who see bullying take place oftentimes take on the emotional radiation, so to speak, of the target and it actually fills them with great fear and dread themselves.\u00a0 When we see it happening and we don\u2019t do something, we are harmed as well by that.\u00a0 We all make a choice.\u00a0 If I see it happening and I intervene, that\u2019s a choice.\u00a0 If I see it happening and I don\u2019t intervene, that\u2019s a choice as well.\u00a0 The Christian choice is intervention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think because people are made in the image of God, because there is a fundamental dignity of all human begins, that\u2019s what elevates it and, all of a sudden now, it is your deal because there\u2019s a spiritual principle that\u2019s being addressed.\u00a0 You may not be right in the middle of it but testifying, standing up for God, is to say, \u201cThis is wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 We know we worry as Christians sometimes about our influence in public schools.\u00a0 Let me tell you how we get influence.\u00a0 We get influence by how the Christian kids, when they see bullying take place, assertively but non-violently, intervene.\u00a0 You get enough kids in any school who do that and now you\u2019ve got a platform.\u00a0 For those people of faith who really feel very strongly about evangelizing, you get kids doing that, the world will want to hear what you have to say.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt won\u2019t say, \u201cOh, we\u2019ve got to let them in.\u201d\u00a0 No, no, no.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to want to know what made you different.\u00a0 What made you different form the ninety-five percent of everyone else who won\u2019t do a thing about this problem?\u00a0 God gave us His dignity and His value and His worth.\u00a0 It needs to be defended.\u00a0 You\u2019re cooking with gas right there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, you really are.\u00a0 As you were talking\u2026\u00a0 this is one of Bob\u2019s favorite verses.\u00a0 But he doesn\u2019t own this passage in Scripture so I want to read it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s Philippians, chapter two, verse three, \u201cDo nothing from rivalry or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.\u00a0 Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.\u00a0 I just think what we need to challenge our young people with today, to be others oriented and now so self-absorbed, so self focused, that as they watch something unfold in front of them, it does call something out of their chest\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 that courage.\u00a0 Barbara\u2019s not the only one in our family that\u2019s\u2026well, gets on her soapbox about courage.\u00a0 I just finished a book for men and the subtitle to the book speaks about courage.\u00a0 The book is called <em>Stepping Up, a Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Excellent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do think there are a lot of things today just filling us with fear.\u00a0 Cowardice is not a politically correct word to use today because it somehow means you\u2019ve really failed.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to admit failure.\u00a0 But, you know what, there is a lot of cowardice in the Christian community.\u00a0 There is a lot of cowardice in families today.\u00a0 If anyone ought to be stepping up and standing up on behalf of another person and the dignity that God created in that person\u2019s live, it ought to be a follower of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 Personally, I\u2019m really thrilled you\u2019re doing this work in training schools, Paul, because honestly I think the subject of bullying is going to become much more front and center in a lot of different realms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re so right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We may find ourselves protecting people that we disagree with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 No one should be bullied for any reason at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I think for that to be a reality we have to be proactive.\u00a0 We have to think it through.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think our instincts will lead us in that direction.\u00a0 I think we have to reflect on the subject, like we\u2019ve tried to do today with what we\u2019ve talked about here on the program or what you\u2019ve done in your book, which is called <em>Raising Bully-Proof Kids<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got that in our FamilyLifeToday Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, the whole issue of courage that we\u2019ve talked about today is at the heart of the book that you wrote for men called <em>Stepping Up, A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em> that a lot of guys are reading through with their sons now to help them understand what it means to be a courageous man and to stand up to injustice when that\u2019s happening.\u00a0 That\u2019s really what\u2019s at the heart of all of this, somebody treating somebody less unjustly, unrighteously.\u00a0 God calls us to stand up to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have an additional resource we want to mention and that\u2019s the devotional book that Barbara Rainey write called <em>Growing Together in Courage<\/em> that\u2019s deigned to be read as a family devotional. Seven stories of courage and, in some cases, heroic actions, on the part of people who, in some cases, you may be heard of them and in other cases they are people you haven\u2019t heard about.\u00a0 These kinds of stories will inspire and spark courage in the heart of your own child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of these resources are in our FamilyLife Today resource center and you can find the information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com is the website or call 1-800-FLTODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Ask for information about Paul\u2019s\u2019 book about bullying, about the book that Dennis has written for men called <em>Stepping Up, a Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, or Barbara\u2019s devotional on courage and we\u2019ll make arrangements to have any of those books you need sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow as we wrap this week up and as we get close to wrapping up the month of August, I want to quickly remind you about the efforts we have had going on all month long.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been asking those of you who are regular listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but who have never called in and said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m listening.\u00a0 I like what you guys are going and I\u2019d be happy to support you, either with a onetime donation or as a legacy Partner,\u201d we\u2019ve asked you to make August the month in which you do that.\u00a0 We\u2019ve set a goal of trying to hear from two thousand new folks.\u00a0 Many of you have called and made a donation.\u00a0 We appreciate that.\u00a0 We\u2019re keeping tabs on that with a thermometer that\u2019s on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we\u2019re down to the wire so we\u2019re asking you, if you haven\u2019t called this month, would you still do that?\u00a0 Would you go online at FamilyLfieToday.com and make a donation?\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn either case, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank you gift, a CD sampler that features messages from our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 Dennis and I spoke at one recently.\u00a0 There are six of those messages that are included in this CD sampler.\u00a0 That\u2019s our thank you gift to you when you help support the ministry this month.\u00a0 So if you\u2019re making a donation online type \u201cSAMPLER\u201d in the key code box and we\u2019ll know to send you those CDs.\u00a0 Or if you make your donation over the phone just ask for the CD set and we\u2019ll get that out to you as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re making a first time donation and it\u2019s a hundred dollars or more, you can request a certificate to attend a Weekend to Remember marriage getaway as our guest.\u00a0 We\u2019ll cover the registration costs for you and your spouse or for another couple you know.\u00a0 All you have to do to receive that is to type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box on the online donation dorm.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr when you call to make a donation over the phone, just mention that you\u2019d like the certificate for the Weekend to Remember.\u00a0 Let me just say again how much we appreciate your financial support and your partnership with us here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 We hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend and I hope you can join us back on Monday.\u00a0 Mary Flo Ridley is going to be here to talk about how we can talk more easily and more effectively with elementary aged students about where babies come from.\u00a0 She does this in school settings and she\u2019s got some great ideas for us.\u00a0 So I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twww.FamilyLife.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302350","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302350"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302350"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302350"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302350"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302350"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302350"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302350"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}