{"id":302349,"date":"2011-08-25T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-25T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying\/"},"modified":"2011-08-25T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-25T15:00:00","slug":"a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying\/","title":{"rendered":"A Faith-Based Solution to Bullying"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Whether done in a school yard or online, it hurts to be bullied.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.24M","filesize_raw":"24369659","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[4798,2209,5001],"podcast_series":[7820],"cwp_profile":[9087],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302349","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-kids","tag-parenting","tag-protecting-kids","podcast_series-the-protectors","cwp_profile-paul-coughlin","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302349\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302349\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ErFONOyUeS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying\/\">A Faith-Based Solution to Bullying<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-faith-based-solution-to-bullying\/embed\/#?secret=ErFONOyUeS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Faith-Based Solution to Bullying&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ErFONOyUeS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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bullied.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0As our children are heading back to school, some of them are heading back to bullying.\u00a0 Is there a difference between being picked on and being bullied?\u00a0 When, as a parent, do you step in?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Paul Coughlin:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 We should probably start with a definition of bullying because a lot of us think it\u2019s about anger management, miscommunication, misunderstanding.\u00a0 It\u2019s really the superior use of power with the intention to harm another person over a period of time.\u00a0 It is an ongoing campaign of cruelty.\u00a0 It is highly predatory.\u00a0 Bullies are highly selective of who they attack, when, and how.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today\u00ae <\/em>for Thursday, August 25<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 How can a mom and a dad prepare a son or a daughter for the possibility of bullying in the coming school year?\u00a0 When do you step in?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I know this happened to our guest.\u00a0 Did this ever happen to you when you were growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You bet.\u00a0 I was in the second grade, maybe third, and I was walking home from school one day.\u00a0 Mark and his thug buddy tried to beat me up and feed me a sparrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yeah.\u00a0 A dead sparrow was there on the sidewalk and, you know, I was younger and outnumbered.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t eat it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m glad to hear that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was in the seventh grade and the first year at junior high.\u00a0 I walked into the boys\u2019 bathroom, and there was Keith.\u00a0 Keith said, \u201cGive me your lunch money.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 Keith was bigger than I was and he said, \u201cGive me your lunch money.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I don\u2019t remember if I gave it to him or not, but . . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were held up in the boys\u2019 restroom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the boys\u2019 bathroom at junior high.\u00a0 I went home and I talked to my mom about it \u2013 I remember that.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cYou just tell him \u2018no\u2019.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cThey might hit me.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cIf they do, then you go tell the principal that they hit you.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cOK.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the next time Keith came, I said, \u201cNo,\u201d and he didn\u2019t hit me.\u00a0 We wound up being pretty good friends.\u00a0 That\u2019s how that worked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, nine out of ten elementary-aged students say they\u2019ve been bullied by their peers.\u00a0 I had no idea it was that prevalent but, if you think about it, probably most of our listeners who are hearing this have their own experience around being bullied.\u00a0 Those who are raising the next generation of young people need to have a game plan to know how to deal with the subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad that Paul Coughlin is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I really am, Paul.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I\u2019m looking forward to some solid answers because this was a tough issue for Barbara and me when we raised our six.\u00a0 Almost all of them were bullied at one point or another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 You know, it\u2019s interesting listening to both of your stories.\u00a0 You remember the name of the bully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s almost indelible when you have been the target of ongoing cruelty.\u00a0 We remember their name.\u00a0 Sometimes we remember their middle name.\u00a0 We remember the situation very, very clearly because of the fear, the anxiety, and, frankly, sometimes the dread that takes place with bullying.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of us think that bullying has to do with miscommunication, misunderstanding, and anger management.\u00a0 We tend to write it off as those things.\u00a0 It\u2019s not those things.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that case in your life and it wasn\u2019t the case for you in that bathroom, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That bully didn\u2019t need that money; he just did it because he could.\u00a0 He got his kicks from doing that.\u00a0 It was just an issue that there are just certain people in this world who enjoy inflicting pain on other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re absolutely right \u2013 we have to have a game plan with such people.\u00a0 Otherwise they\u2019re going to take us by surprise and ruin the lives of those around them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re also joined by your wife Sandy, who is going to keep you honest here in the studio, Paul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSandy, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sandy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks for having us here today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Paul, you\u2019re the leader of a ministry called The Protectors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re a father of three; you\u2019re a soccer coach, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain to our listeners, really, what The Protectors is all about, because I really like this concept.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 We provide both a faith-based and a values-based solution to adolescent bullying.\u00a0 It\u2019s unique because we work in private Christian schools; we work in private schools; and we work in public schools.\u00a0 Now the presentation and the curriculum is not the same, so we have the faith-based component and the values-based component.\u00a0 It\u2019s a two-part program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI come in and provide a live presentation and I provide great challenges to the characters in what we call \u201cThe Theater of Bullying.\u201d\u00a0 Four main characters \u2013 Authority, Bully, the Target, and Bystanders.\u00a0 So we explain to all four characters in \u201cThe Theater of Bullying\u201d that they play a role.\u00a0 There really is no such thing as an innocent bystander, because by merely being present while another person is being tormented in one way or another, the bystander almost always by their mere presence encourages the bully to keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what we do is to help all four characters in \u201cThe Theater of Bullying\u201d change their role.\u00a0 Like the poor, bullying will be with us always.\u00a0 Our goal is to diminish it.\u00a0 We can substantially diminish it.\u00a0 What\u2019s exciting for The Protectors is the faith-based component.\u00a0 We believe that if you look at history \u2013 for most of history \u2013 it has been people of faith who have defended human dignity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here, really \u2013 the defense of human dignity, and bringing His love and His mercy and especially His justice into this \u201cTheater of Bullying.\u201d\u00a0 Many of these targets are incapable of self-rescue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you a target growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was a target mostly in the home.\u00a0 I had a sibling and a parent who \u2013 it wasn\u2019t just being picked on every once in a while; it was an ongoing campaign of cruelty.\u00a0 That does something to a person.\u00a0 So I know what it\u2019s like to not want to go on for another day.\u00a0 I know what it\u2019s like to be a target and to feel worthless.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s one thing for Dennis to have a couple of older boys sit on him and want to feed him a sparrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But when your family is targeting you, where do you turn?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got nowhere to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve got nowhere to go \u2013 at least that\u2019s how you feel when you\u2019re young.\u00a0 I guess I just had a sense that this was temporary, you know?\u00a0 But you do fatigue.\u00a0 You fatigue out.\u00a0 Martin Luther King in regard to segregation said there\u2019s the \u201cfatigue of despair.\u201d\u00a0 There comes a point where you really do begin to fall apart.\u00a0 You begin to lose your strength, your courage.\u00a0 You just accept this awful behavior that takes place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the case for many targets.\u00a0 Again, we were talking about Dennis earlier \u2013 every one of us is going to experience bullying at some time in our life.\u00a0 Statistically, every once in a while doesn\u2019t really sear a person\u2019s psychological flesh.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t really damage them necessarily.\u00a0 It\u2019s ongoing campaigns of cruelty that, from a psychological perspective, really hurts a person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a study out of Australia.\u00a0 They followed targets of serial bullying into adult life from as young as third grade.\u00a0 They found that seven out of ten had difficulty keeping adult relationships; difficulty with resentment; difficulty with anger management; and with trusting other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes people of faith will say, well, \u201cThat which does not kill us makes us stronger.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s actually not found in the Bible.\u00a0 That\u2019s Friedrich Nietzsche, who died insane in a ditch, I think, in Austria.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it really does ruin the lives of many people and it really should be people of faith who should be on the front lines defending the dignity of other people.\u00a0 Number one group of kids picked on in any school?\u00a0 Physically and mentally challenged kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, Paul, I asked my friend, \u201cSo what would you say to your son if at ten years of age he was being bullied?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe actually said to me (and he smiled when he said it), \u201cYou know, I grew up and it was kind of like if I didn\u2019t protect myself where I lived, I would have been dead meat.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was my mom\u2019s advice to me, \u201cStand up for yourself and if a little fist-to-cuffs happens, defend yourself and then maybe go tell the authorities.\u201d\u00a0 Is that the right way to handle bullying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, thank goodness, 80% of bullying is verbal, not physical.\u00a0 We all as men \u2013 particularly as men, I notice \u2013 focus on the physical side because boys tend to, at least at a younger age, bully each other physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first lesson in The Protectors curriculum, we go straight into that issue, because this is a very difficult issue for some Christians.\u00a0 What do I do when I am being treated unjustly?\u00a0 Do I turn the other cheek?\u00a0 That\u2019s the first lesson in The Protectors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about, \u201cWhat does \u2018turn the other cheek\u2019 actually mean?\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re left in a bit of a vacuum \u2013 not a complete vacuum, a little bit - because Jesus never came out and said what that meant.\u00a0 So we kind of think that we are required to take bad behavior on the part of other people.\u00a0 So if someone literally hits us on our face we are to turn our cheek so that they can hit us again.\u00a0 The problem is there\u2019s great difficulty with that because when Jesus was struck on the face by the guard of the High Priest, He did not turn His cheek.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was struck on the face because apparently He said something that was disrespectful to the High Priest.\u00a0 The guard hit him and basically said, \u201cIs that any way to speak to this man?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus said, and this is a paraphrase, \u201cEverything I\u2019ve done, I\u2019ve done in public.\u00a0 I\u2019ve done nothing in secret.\u00a0 If so, why do you strike me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Jesus, there, did not turn His cheek but gave a verbal defense for mistreatment against Him.\u00a0 I don\u2019t exactly know what \u201cturn the other cheek\u201d meant, but if we mean that we are to literally turn our cheek when we are hit, then Jesus broke His own rules and was a hypocrite.\u00a0 And He\u2019s not a hypocrite.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to go with C.S. Lewis on this one, who basically said that when Jesus was talking about turning the other cheek, He was talking about not returning an \u201ceye for an eye\u201d and a \u201ctooth for a tooth.\u201d\u00a0 We are not supposed to get into revenge.\u00a0 I am not an expert in Middle East affairs, but I know this for sure:\u00a0 It isn\u2019t working.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you have a philosophy, \u201cAn eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,\u201d it just escalates violence and difficulty and pain and misery.\u00a0 Also, revenge is not <em>for <\/em>the believer. It ruins your life.\u00a0 Revenge is kind of like sitting across the table from your enemy and you drinking poison while expecting them to die!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jesus doesn\u2019t want that for His followers, but here\u2019s the big point.\u00a0 Defending your own value and defending the value of other people is not revenge.\u00a0 So as long as you know what your motives are \u2013 if I were to stand up to a bully, and my motives were to defend myself, I believe that Christians have the freedom to do so.\u00a0 But if I\u2019m going after them for revenge, I\u2019m not supposed to.\u00a0 We\u2019re not supposed to go into that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind, too, that particularly in 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 2<sup>nd<\/sup> Peter, there is talk about Christians laying down their rights.\u00a0 But what he\u2019s talking about there is in regard to the faith.\u00a0 People are being persecuted in regard to their faith.\u00a0 Most of our children in school, and I hope our listeners hear me here \u2013 most of our children in school are <em>not <\/em>being persecuted for their faith.\u00a0 So for us to expect them to go in and accept that bad behavior, I believe, at times that fits the definition of child abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is clearly unfair to expect our kids to undergo that misery.\u00a0 Studies show that later on \u2013 their lives are miserable then \u2013 and their lives tend to be broken as adults.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want that for our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m going to illustrate that with one of our daughters, but before I tell that story, I want to ask you, Sandy \u2013 we don\u2019t think of girls being bullied.\u00a0 We typically think it\u2019s more of a guy thing, but girls really are bullied as well, aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sandy:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are, and for girls, I would say it\u2019s more verbal as Paul said earlier.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s the whole \u201cmean girls\u201d phenomenon, where one group will pick on and assault \u2013 I remember being in the hallway in high school.\u00a0 I was talking to a friend of mine, a classmate, and as we were standing there talking, a group of her girlfriends walked by and they said, loud enough so that she could hear, something catty about her.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t say it <em>to <\/em>her, but they made sure that the message was there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember kind of looking and seeing who they were and then looking back to her to see if a fight was going to break out in the hall.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t but that\u2019s an example of that kind of mean girl behavior that is that mean girl, bullying behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Going back to what you said, Sandy, about words being used \u2013 that\u2019s what happened with my daughter.\u00a0 When she was in mid-adolescence she was a little slow in developing.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a girl who made fun of her body, it was a guy.\u00a0 She came home and - to your point, Paul, about Christians really needing to uphold the dignity \u2013 I felt like, as a father, as I heard the story that I needed to protect my daughter\u2019s dignity and her innocence.\u00a0 She was being taken advantage of, and I had the choice at that point as a parent to either be an authority who steps in, or a bystander who just lets it happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for many parents the easiest thing to do on a lot of these deals is nothing.\u00a0 I was tempted to do that.\u00a0 But instead, I got on the phone.\u00a0 I called the boy.\u00a0 His father answered the phone.\u00a0 His father said, \u201cWhat do you want to talk to my son about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told him the name of my daughter and said, \u201cI\u2019m her father.\u00a0 Your son said some things about her body that I think were inappropriate.\u201d\u00a0 The next thing I know, the phone is being handed to the young man.\u00a0 I just told him that my daughter was a beautiful woman and it was really inappropriate for him to say those kinds of things to her and I really would appreciate it if he wouldn\u2019t do that anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well Dennis, I have got to tell you that we met a number of years ago, and it\u2019s not surprising to me that you would do that.\u00a0 You seem to be that kind of person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me say, I\u2019m so glad that worked out well.\u00a0 In most cases, most of the time (sadly), contacting the parents of the other kid often doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 I think in certain parts of the country it tends to be a little better than others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany parents have simply abdicated their responsibilities as parents and their children have run wild in hurting, harming, other people.\u00a0 Then we send these kids off to school and we expect the teachers to possess this magic wand.\u00a0 Whether it\u2019s private school or public school, it almost doesn\u2019t matter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not what we used to be as a nation.\u00a0 I think we\u2019re not what we used to be as parents.\u00a0 I think there was a time you could rely on other parents more.\u00a0 It\u2019s just not quite there like it used to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThrough The Protectors we usually don\u2019t recommend contacting the parents, but I love to hear the stories when it does take place.\u00a0 That shows a real parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So if Dennis\u2019 daughter came home and said, \u201cDaddy, here\u2019s what happened,\u201d what is your recommendation at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well you want to document it.\u00a0 The number one thing is to document.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe should probably start with a definition of bullying because a lot of us think it\u2019s about anger management, miscommunication, misunderstanding.\u00a0 It\u2019s really \u201cthe superior use of power with the intention to harm another person over a period of time.\u201d\u00a0 It is an ongoing campaign of cruelty.\u00a0 It is highly predatory.\u00a0 Bullies are highly selective of who they attack, when, and how.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a study that asked schools to identify a bully, a target, and bystanders.\u00a0 They mixed them up so that they would take a bully from one school way from the north and put them in with a target from the west \u2013 never met them before.\u00a0 Within two hours, all five bullies found all five of the kids who had been previous targets.\u00a0 They look for a certain kind of person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we need to realize that this is highly orchestrated; they are highly selective.\u00a0 They\u2019re selective of when they attack as well.\u00a0 If our child is the recipient of ongoing bullying, they need to document what happened to them.\u00a0 One of the best ways to do it is to also find out, \u201cWho else saw or heard what took place?\u201d\u00a0 Because bullies will frame what they do in terms of, \u201cI was just joking around,\u201d or \u201cI was just doing this or that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt needs to not be a \u201che said; she said.\u201d\u00a0 It needs to be \u201cthis group of people saw this one person committing anti-social behavior.\u201d\u00a0 As a result, you\u2019re going to give authority to the information they need to truly intervene in \u201cThe Theater of Bullying\u201d and help the target.\u00a0 Targets \u2013 many targets \u2013 are incapable of self-rescue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob and I were talking earlier about Frank Peretti and his experience.\u00a0 For those of you who are familiar with Frank Peretti, he went through an awful time.\u00a0 He was physically disabled.\u00a0 He had a tongue that would ooze a kind of black ink.\u00a0 That was not his fault, but that\u2019s how his life was and he was bullied mercilessly.\u00a0 It was only due to intervention on behalf of his PE teacher, who (I think) had the last name \u201cJustice\u201d \u2013 God does have a sense of humor if that\u2019s the case.\u00a0 He intervened, and because of that, Peretti was released from what we call \u201cThe Theater of Bullying.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrankly, if there hadn\u2019t been intervention, we may not have the wonderful work of Frank Peretti and what he represented.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Paul, as you\u2019re talking about this, really it\u2019s an interesting issue emotionally.\u00a0 I\u2019m reflecting back on all the different people in my life who have bullied me.\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting, everybody can be a target.\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to be small in stature or be young.\u00a0 If somebody gets the upper hand in that power position, they can do what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 They can bring harm, either emotionally using words or physically using bodily harm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you hit a great word.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t say \u201churt,\u201d you said \u201charm.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019re absolutely right.\u00a0 You know, we\u2019re all going to be hurt in this life.\u00a0 That\u2019s life and in fact, being hurt from time to time in life actually <em>can<\/em> make you a little stronger.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about harm here - an ongoing campaign of cruelty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, it psychologically damages people.\u00a0 I think it spiritually damages them.\u00a0 After all, they wonder, \u201cWhere is this God that I\u2019ve heard about?\u00a0 Where is this God of mercy and justice and compassion?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy answer to that is that many times God\u2019s will is done through His people.\u00a0 It needs to be His people that intervene and that provide that love and that mercy and that compassion and that justice.\u00a0 Unfortunately, what stops us from getting there sometimes is a lack of courage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you\u2019re exactly right; in fact, as I reflect back on those situations where I\u2019ve been the target, it has been the very thing you\u2019re talking about where people who could have been bystanders instead inserted their lives, came alongside, and helped me as a young man or as an older man to step out of a harmful situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just appreciate your work, and I want to talk some more about this, especially around the need for courage because that\u2019s what I think people need to be imbued with.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost like they need a shot to give them courage to be able to handle these situations instead of backing away and backing off and being that bystander.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I think they need wisdom as well.\u00a0 They need some help and a strategy and someone to help them think through so that they can know in advance what they\u2019re going to do if a particular circumstance occurs.\u00a0 Paul, you\u2019ve helped us do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book that you\u2019ve written, called <em>Raising Bully-proof Kids,<\/em> we\u2019ve got in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 If our listeners are interested, they can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of Paul\u2019s book <em>Raising Bully-proof Kids.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY for more information about how to get a copy of Paul\u2019s book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of the subject of courage and giving people a shot of courage, Dennis, you\u2019ve tried to do that for men in the book that you\u2019ve just written called <em>Stepping Up:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a book that we\u2019re hearing back about from a lot of fathers who are reading through this book with their sons to help cast a vision for what godly manhood should look like in the heart and life of a younger man \u2013 a junior high or a high school student.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen your wife, Barbara, has put together a devotional for families called <em>Growing Together in Courage <\/em>that brings stories of courageous, heroic people who stood up in the midst of difficult circumstances.\u00a0 This book is designed to be read as a story book or as a devotional book for families.\u00a0 The stories are very compelling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, all of these resources can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com or by calling 1-800-FLTODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-F as in \u201cfamily,\u201d L as in \u201clife,\u201d and then the word \u201ctoday.\u201d\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, we\u2019ll let you know how you can get any of these books sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we have been encouraged this month as we\u2019ve heard from a lot of listeners who\u2019ve been listening for a while, but have just gotten in touch with us for the very first time to say, \u201cWe\u2019re out here; we\u2019re listening; we like what\u2019s going on.\u00a0 In fact, we would be willing to help support the ministry with a donation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you have called; some of you have gone online.\u00a0 Our goal has been to hear from many listeners who are contacting us for the first time.\u00a0 We\u2019re hoping to hear from 2,000 of you and we\u2019ve had a thermometer keeping tabs of that this month.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t looked at that lately to know where the number is, but last time I looked we still had a little way to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re hoping that if you\u2019ve not gotten in touch with us this month and you\u2019re a regular <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener and have never made a donation to help support the ministry \u2013 would you consider doing that this month and being one of that group of 2,000?\u00a0 If you do that and then you check back tomorrow, you\u2019ll see that you bumped the thermometer up a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we just have a few days left in August, so if you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation, we would appreciate your support very much.\u00a0 In fact, this month, when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>we want you to request audio CDs that feature some of the messages from our Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 Dennis and I recently spoke at one of these getaways and we\u2019ve taken six of the messages from the weekend and put them in a CD sampler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can request the CDs when you make a donation this month.\u00a0 Just type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form or mention that you\u2019d like the CDs when you make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making a first-time donation and it\u2019s $100 or more, we want you to feel free to request a certificate for an upcoming Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 Just type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form or mention that you\u2019d like the Weekend to Remember\u00ae certificate when you make a first-time donation of $100 or more this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your support of the ministry.\u00a0 We\u2019re glad to hear from you.\u00a0 Thanks for helping to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk more about bullying.\u00a0 Paul Coughlin\u2019s going to be back with us and we\u2019re going to talk more about how we should train our children to respond in school when someone else is being bullied.\u00a0 That\u2019s tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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