{"id":302342,"date":"2011-08-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge\/"},"modified":"2011-08-16T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-16T15:00:00","slug":"pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge\/","title":{"rendered":"Pulling a Ruth:  Giving Your Relationship a Nudge"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You have to bait the hook if you want to catch the fish.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.43M","filesize_raw":"23518550","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807],"tags":[4018,4822,5152],"podcast_series":[7669],"cwp_profile":[3228],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302342","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-dating","tag-engagement","tag-young-adult","podcast_series-get-married-what-women-can-do-to-help-it-happen","cwp_profile-steve-and-candice-watters","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302342\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302342\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Lj38l5rtfm\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge\/\">Pulling a Ruth:  Giving Your Relationship a Nudge<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pulling-a-ruth-giving-your-relationship-a-nudge\/embed\/#?secret=Lj38l5rtfm\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Pulling a Ruth:  Giving Your Relationship a Nudge&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Lj38l5rtfm\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are single and you\u2019d like to be married, Steve and Candice Watters say, \u201cThere is nothing wrong with letting folks know\u2014spreading the word\u2014especially among your married friends.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is very important to let the older Christian couples in your life, whether it is your parents, or your pastor, or just a couple from your church, let them know that you want to be married.\u00a0 One, so they can be praying with you.\u00a0 Two, so they can counsel you if there are some blind spots you have that they might be able to help you polish some rough edges and make you more marriageable.\u00a0 Three, they might have a son, or a grandson, or a nephew, or a young man that they could arrange a low-pressure, non-embarrassing opportunity to just meet a good guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is the guy whose picture is on their refrigerator that they pray for everyday and say, \u201cLord, send this guy a godly girl.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<strong>\u00ae<\/strong>, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We have some other suggestions, tips and pointers for singles who would like to be married.\u00a0\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 As the father of four daughters, did your girls ever wish they were married and wondered why the guys wouldn\u2019t get it in gear?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh my goodness!\u00a0 Absolutely!\u00a0 They would say, \u201cDad, would you go talk to this guy?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Or \u201cWould you go talk to the guys?\u201d period. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They wanted you to be a recruiter?\u00a0 Is that what it was? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In a way I kind of feel sorry for single guys today because this is a tough culture for a young man to finish the process of stepping up and becoming a man.\u00a0 There are so many distractions that take him away from real relationships, real commitment, real risk, and real authenticity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI understand the lure.\u00a0 I really do see how a lot of young men gravitate towards safety; but we have been talking to young women, single women, about how they can become marriageable.\u00a0 May I say it that way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that is a good way to say it.\u00a0 We have the author of <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do\u2014<\/em><strong>not<\/strong> to make it happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Key distinction! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --but <em>to Help It Happen<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 Candice Watters joins us, along with her husband, Steve.\u00a0 Welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks so much!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They are authors.\u00a0 Candice used to work at <em>Focus on the Family;<\/em> Steve still does.\u00a0 They have a romantic relationship that started out as a friendship\u2014that ultimately ended up in marriage, and now four children, and ultimately this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am excited about this book because there really is a need for single women to have a plumb line and some godly counsel around healthy relationships.\u00a0 Earlier I asked you a question about \u201cflirting\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I danced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you did dance a little bit!\u00a0 Then Steve offered a story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me just start by saying, I am uncomfortable with the question because I never was good at it.\u00a0 So, I always sort of resented the women who were because they always \u201cseemed\u201d to get the guys.\u00a0\u00a0 So, I thought maybe something is wrong with me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think single women who find themselves single beyond their expectation are often in that situation wondering, \u201cIs it me?\u00a0 Am I too heavy?\u00a0 Am I too light?\u00a0 Am I too short?\u201d or, \u201cIs it something about my external that makes me unattractive to men?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wasn\u2019t good at flirting; but then I will say, when I first saw Steve, he walked into the classroom of the graduate program we were in.\u00a0 I leaned over to my friend, and this was the first week of school, and I said, \u201cWho is that?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh, that is Steve Watters.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 And I thought, \u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cBut he is engaged!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I kid you not; I had this thought drop into my head; I don\u2019t know where it came from. \u201cOh!\u00a0 He is not married yet!\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know his engagement was on the rocks.\u00a0 I mean, I knew nothing about this man; but there was a click there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let the competition begin!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are turning red.\u00a0 Why are you turning red, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am just so glad she had the vision for the potential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that must have been the Holy Spirit because I had never had a thought like that before.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there are a lot of young women who love going to romantic comedies because they want to watch how the girl in the movie does it.\u00a0 They forget that somebody wrote a script and at the end of the movie, they\u2019re not together really; but they\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019m just looking for somebody to give me a road map so that I can have the companionship that my heart is longing for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Although the one thing from the movie that played out in our relationship is so often a romantic comedy.\u00a0 The woman has to like, get on a plane and just take off in the relationship and see if the guy chases the plane.\u00a0 Candice gave me the opportunity to chase the plane.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad I caught it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so the story of whether or not she flirted or exactly how she went about being kind of friendly to you, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had an opportunity to get some classmates together.\u00a0 Candice knew that this grouping of people was disproportionately guys and girls.\u00a0 She knew that she had roommates and friends who were also interested in finding someone, but she positioned the seating so that I would sit right beside her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I actually told someone, \u201cI am going to sit there, you sit over there.\u201d\u00a0 I wanted to sit by Steve.\u00a0 And really, the first time we ever had a real conversation, he mentioned a book he was reading.\u00a0 So, I went out and bought that book that day because I thought, \u201cWhat better thing than to have something in common to talk about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women don\u2019t necessarily feel they have the permission to be strategic; but it is okay to be strategic and to use the creative ways God gave you to demonstrate your gifts.\u00a0 If you can cook, throw a dinner party and invite the young man that you are interested in, along with a bunch of other friends.\u00a0 Let him see what you are good at.\u00a0 Let him see you shine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 At the end of the day, you don\u2019t want a relationship\u2014now, you answer this question, Candice\u2014\u201cYou don\u2019t want a relationship, at the end of the day, that you are the one doing the pursuing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely!\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be at the altar thinking, \u201cBoy!\u00a0 Did I rope him in!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 No woman wants to feel like she <em>made<\/em> it happen.\u00a0 That is why the subtitle is so key:\u00a0 <em>Help.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 God made women to be helpers, and men need helpers.\u00a0 Men need to be helped.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 If a woman can recognize areas where a man she is interested in needs help and sort of fit into that role and give him a taste of home\u2014give him a taste of what it could be like.\u00a0 Not so much that he loses the incentive to pursue, but enough to have his interest piqued to go, \u201cWow!\u00a0 When I am with her, I feel comfortable.\u00a0 I feel known.\u00a0 I feel deeply connected.\u201d\u00a0 To demonstrate, it is not the flirting, Dennis, it is the kindness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is the woman being other-centered and focusing on a man and really trying to pull out the good in him to see who God had in mind when He made this man.\u00a0 To say, \u201cI love who I see when I see who God made you to be, and I would love to partner with you.\u201d\u00a0 Now, obviously, do not say those words because that is just a proposal, really\u2014cloaked in spiritual language; but to start to live that out with him and to come alongside in friendship\u2014in a way that expresses belief in who he is as a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wrote something to Candice along those lines where I said, \u201cShe woke a sleeping giant by believing in my potential at a time when I didn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 That respectful motivation was really a big part of recognizing, \u201cThis is who God wants me to be with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here is where I think you can be the most help to our listeners today.\u00a0 I want you to imagine that we have three young women, sitting around the table, and they are all 25, 27, 28; they are in the workforce.\u00a0 They are in graduate school.\u00a0 They have looked around at two or three guys they see that they go, \u201cYou know, I could kind of be interested in him.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to get to know him, but I don\u2019t know what to do other than just try\u2014I can\u2019t go stand by his locker, like I used to do in high school.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 So coach me on how I get from feeling like, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t even know I am alive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to the by-line of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\u00a0\u00a0 How can I go from here to seeing if there might be a marriage here?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 For starters, I would say, \u201cEsteem marriage in the way that you speak about it.\u201d\u00a0 The Bible says, \u201cMarriage should be honored by all.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 At the very minimum, don\u2019t demean marriage.\u00a0 Don\u2019t joke about marriage.\u00a0 Be careful about the way feminism creeps into your joking and remember, \u201cYou want to marry a man.\u201d\u00a0 So, if you find yourself with your girlfriends, being catty about or toward men, you can\u2019t be surprised that men are not attracted to that because that doesn\u2019t bring them in.\u00a0 Esteem marriage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could I say something about that?\u00a0 I think there is a generation of singles right now who are undermining marriage by moving in with each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it is not merely the words we have about marriage, but it is the attitude about marriage\u2014that it really is held in honor\u2014and that that commitment of two people sharing the same address is really formed around a commitment and a covenant called marriage.\u00a0 That includes, perhaps, as you hear about friends who are moving in with each other.\u00a0 I think, within the community of faith today, there are tons of single people who are abandoning marriage in lieu of just moving in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it is really practice for divorce because you go in with the mindset of, \u201cIf this doesn\u2019t work, I am out of here\u201d.\u00a0 It is not really good prep.\u00a0 All the studies show that moving in together is probably the worst thing you can do if you are trying to divorce-proof your relationship.\u00a0 It has the opposite effect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to what you were saying though, about honoring marriage, and esteeming men, even in private.\u00a0 I think that it is so important because a lady will say, \u201cI would never act like that in front of a guy.\u00a0 I would do the right stuff in front of a guy.\u201d\u00a0 But if you are visiting all of that in private or with your girlfriends\u2014if that is a part of that undercurrent, that\u2019s going to seep out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 It does!\u00a0 Something happens in the spiritual realm when you have that attitude and the Scripture about, \u201cBe careful what you say in your bedroom because a bird on the wing will take your words to the ear of the king.\u201d\u00a0 You never know who is listening.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, too, as a group of singles within your social circle, hold marriage up as a goal, as something worthy of pursuing.\u00a0 Call one another to a higher place if you observe your friends interacting between the opposite sexes in a way that undermines marriage; talk about that.\u00a0 The thing is\u2014we are so intentional and purposeful about our careers and about our educational pursuits.\u00a0 And it is okay.\u00a0 It\u2019s like we have permission to be gangbusters about what we want to do with our life, as long it doesn\u2019t have to do with making a family.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to say, \u201cIt is okay to want marriage, and it is okay to say you want marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Because we hear from a lot of men at <em>Boundless<\/em> who say, \u201cAll the women I know don\u2019t seem interested in marriage at all.\u201d\u00a0 Then I hear from these women saying, \u201cIt is the thing I want most.\u201d\u00a0 I think we are missing each other.\u00a0 It is like the single men and women are missing each other because the men think the women don\u2019t want it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t you think though, a woman feels like, \u201cIf I admit that\u2019s what I want, and then it doesn\u2019t happen?\u2014\u201c \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You risk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yes!\u00a0 My heart is right\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You risk feeling like a failure!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My heart is right out there, just getting stomped on all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is the risk of hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is. It is risky.\u00a0 That is what being human is about.\u00a0 It is like C.S. Lewis said, \u201cThe only place where you can be safe from the risk of love is Hell itself.\u201d\u00a0 And who wants to live there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do think, just on behalf of single women though, there is that time when they need to risk asking the question.\u00a0 You just can\u2019t keep dating for two, three years, or continue the friendship for that long, in kind of a \u201cquasi-dating relationship.\u201d\u00a0 A single woman needs to call for the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 Dennis, this brings up another really key principle for how women help it happen; and that is mentoring because I am not just talking about saying you want to be married among your peers.\u00a0 It is very important to let the older Christian couples in your life, whether it is your parents or your pastor, or just a couple from your church, let them know that you want to be married.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne, so they can be praying with you.\u00a0 Two, so they can counsel you if there are some blind spots you have\u2014they might be able to help you polish some rough edges and make you more marriageable.\u00a0 But three, they might have a son, or a grandson, or a nephew, or a young man that they could arrange a low-pressure, non-embarrassing opportunity to just meet a good guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is the guy whose picture is on their refrigerator that they pray for everyday and say, \u201cLord, send this guy a godly girl.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 So the mentoring is a key part of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Mary Morken was your mentor?\u00a0 Is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary was my mentor.\u00a0 When she first met Steve and me, she later told me she observed us interacting at this retreat.\u00a0 Steve was the emcee and I was kind of helping coordinate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI was so worried you would miss each other because you were almost like brother and sister because you got along so well.\u201d\u00a0 But she saw it very early on; and so I was able to share with her my desires.\u00a0 She was a safe place to go.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to DTR with Steve prematurely.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to air all this out with him.\u00a0 I was able to do that with her, and she gave me wise counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that counsel is so key because we have so little wise counsel in our culture about how to marry well.\u00a0 This is not about just get married.\u00a0 Marriage at all costs!\u00a0 Marriage is the ultimate.\u00a0 This is about marriage for God\u2019s glory.\u00a0 You really do need the counsel of older women and couples\u2014married couples who are married well themselves to help you marry well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you first met Steve, you felt like there were some things in your life\u2014that maybe you didn\u2019t realize it at the time\u2014but after you had met him realized, \u201cThere is some stuff I need to deal with in my own life.\u201d\u00a0 Didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 And I think that comes to another big principle of stewardship.\u00a0 I was not being the best steward of my health or fitness.\u00a0 I was not being the best steward of my finances.\u00a0 Thankfully, I was able to, through prayer and God\u2019s work in my life, and through Steve\u2019s friendship, and really his support, make some changes in those areas.\u00a0 I always assumed I would just marry a doctor and he would pay off my debts.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t happen.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And give you pills if you weren\u2019t feeling well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 She married a preacher\u2019s kid, instead.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s a woman of faith for you. No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 I had to have a reality check about that.\u00a0 Yes. I think something that we need to do as women is not just have this attitude of, \u201cLook!\u00a0 I am a Christian; and if the guy is a good man, he is just going to want me just the way I am.\u00a0 And he has got to take me just the way I am.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, we do have areas where we can improve.\u00a0\u00a0 I started getting healthy and paying more attention to what I was eating and my fitness.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t everything because if you go to the mall, or you go to church and you look around, all types marry.\u00a0 So, this is not at all to make a woman feel bad about her body or her image because marriage is a little bit about your externals and a lot about your internals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Speak to the issue of modesty.\u00a0 I think sometimes we kind of assume this is more of a teenage, young-lady issue; but it really is an issue today for single women as they may think that is a way to attract a young man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It is a dangerous way to attract a young man because the young man who is attracted to that may not be as strong\u2014likely won\u2019t be as strong in the areas of spiritual leadership that you desperately need when you are married\u2014that you want in a husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really goes against so much of Scripture for a young woman to try to lure a man with her sex appeal.\u00a0\u00a0 I think that\u2019s why I tripped, Dennis, on the flirting question because our culture defines \u201cflirting\u201d as being sexy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd God gives us a different standard.\u00a0 He wants men and women to come together because they see that as husband and wife they can do more for the Kingdom together then they can on their own.\u00a0 Sex is a wonderful part of marriage.\u00a0\u00a0 Song of Solomon is in the Bible\u2014right, smack, dab in the middle for a reason\u2014but outside of marriage, it is fire that burns you!\u00a0 God gives us so many warnings about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve, comment on Candice\u2019s dress and her modesty when you knew her as a single woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know she felt that she was in the middle of a competition with a lot of other girls at grad school who were, maybe, not as conscientious about their dress as she was; but I think she had a great confidence in what God had given her as she had really trusted this whole idea of being developed inwardly and not putting so much of the focus on the outside.\u00a0 That confidence really drew me to the whole package, instead of being distracted just by the externals that I was seeing in the other girls around her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and purity is such a key part of what women do to help it happen.\u00a0 When you have a pure heart, and the purity flows out from your heart into your choices about how you dress, and how you spend your time\u2014and this goes to issues of what you watch, and what you read, and what you\u2019re letting inform your ideas about marriage and men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you can present yourself as a pure bride\u2014not just in the sense of virginity\u2014that is important; and certainly, I would just pray that many, many women would hold on to that gift.\u00a0 It is such a huge part of marriage.\u00a0 But for the women who have already stumbled in that way, to say there is so much to a life of purity beyond just that one aspect\u2014and to be able to present yourself to a man as a pure bride is a reflection of how we are supposed to present ourselves to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know the single women who would say, \u201cI am trying to hold on to this purity standard, but guess who the guys are attracted to?\u00a0\u00a0 The women who aren\u2019t doing that.\u00a0 I hear you, but one by one, I am watching them get picked off by the Proverbs 7 dating woman who says, \u2018Come my way.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 And this is a good lead in to another pillar, a principle of what women do to help; and it is be in vibrant Christian community, where it is not just a peer group, where it is older couples, and younger couples, and singles, and marrieds, and the marrieds are helping the singles in this area.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I think it is so helpful if you are not doing this alone. You are not just one woman noticing how everybody is getting married, and everybody is flirting, and everybody is dating, and moving in, and shacking-up.\u00a0 And I am getting nothing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because you have the Elijah syndrome!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is right!\u00a0 \u201cI am the only one!\u201d\u00a0 God calls us to be in Christian community because then the women can band together and talk about these things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, a number of years ago, we interviewed Elisabeth Elliott, and of course her story with her husband, Jim, and their love story.\u00a0 It is a classic story.\u00a0 She had written a book called, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, which was the follow-up to <em>Passion and Purity, <\/em>where she told the stories of those who had followed the pattern God\u2019s way, and parts of it had been hard, but there was blessing at the end.\u00a0 Then, she told the stories of those who had tried to short-cut the process and were writing with regret.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the middle of it, you can feel desperate.\u00a0 You can feel like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t do this, it is never going to happen.\u201d\u00a0 But all you are doing is buying years of regret that you will look back on and go, \u201cOh, I wish somebody had said\u2014\u00a0 I wish I had done\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 With that regret!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I talk about living like you are planning to marry. What I mean, there is a mindset that daily you are going to the Lord and saying, \u201cGod, make me the woman You want me to be.\u00a0 Help me to be mature in my faith, pure in my lifestyle, help me to be walking in community.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of these things are how women can go about making an investment in marrying well; but if they never marry, they won\u2019t have lost anything because all of those things are basic Christian discipleship.\u00a0 A woman who lives her whole life that way, and has the heartache and the sadness of never marrying, will still have great rewards in heaven because she has been faithful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe woman who short-cuts that will end up with heartache and with pain and with breaking lives\u2014not just of herself, but the man she is with, the children that may be born, the divorce.\u00a0 There is nothing lost when you\u2019re living like you are planning to marry and being passionate about growing in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want our single listeners to know there really is hope and there is help.\u00a0 Practically, in this culture, they need both.\u00a0 The Scriptures provide it.\u00a0 And I am grateful for Steve and Candice\u2014for you guys and your gift of writing, your ministry to singles, and for just having a heart for them\u2014to see them utilize their gifts and abilities; but ultimately, be able to forge godly relationships and godly marriages and families\u2014and be used generationally to really share the good news of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am just curious.\u00a0 Have you gotten letters from women who have said, \u201cI bought the book, and it worked!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 If only I could have heard them, Bob.\u00a0 I am sure they would have sounded just like you.\u00a0 I tell the story of 30 women who, back in the January before I started writing this book, started praying boldly together.\u00a0 They made a commitment to pray for one another for godly husbands and godly families.\u00a0 Today, four years later, over half of the women are either engaged to be married, have gotten married, and some have even gotten married and now have had their first baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s cool.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we have copies of the book.\u00a0 It comes with a complete unconditional money-back guarantee\u2014\u00a0\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You could be a part of those 30. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Watters will refund your money.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Send your receipt to Bob.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The information about the book is available there.\u00a0 Again, it is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order from us online; or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, it is called, <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen.<\/em>\u00a0 Call us at 1-800-FLTODAY or get more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s always been interesting to me to see how many <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>listeners are single.\u00a0 When we do programs like this, we always hear from a lot of listeners who are regular listeners, listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>about marriage and parenting, and they\u2019re single; but there is a desire, there is a hope that they will be married.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always been encouraged that we\u2019ve got a lot of folks who support the ministry who are single, as well.\u00a0 We appreciate that financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, during the month of August, we are hoping to hear from some of you who have been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>regularly; but you\u2019ve just never identified yourself as a listener and never made a donation to help support the ministry.\u00a0 In fact, our goal this month is to hear from 2,000 new listeners who would step forward in August and say, \u201cWe\u2019d like to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>If that sounds like you, could I encourage you to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD sampler.\u00a0 It\u2019s four CDs with six messages from a recent FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><strong>\u00ae<\/strong>marriage getaway, where Dennis and I were both speaking. So, we take some of the highlight messages and provide them for you on four audio CDs.\u00a0 That\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for helping to support the ministry this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do, to request the CDs, is make a donation, either online or by phone.\u00a0 If you\u2019re online, type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the key code box on the donation form.\u00a0 If you\u2019re making a donation by phone, just ask for the CD sampler from the <em>Weekend to Remember, <\/em>and we\u2019ll send those to you as you make a donation.\u00a0 Again, thanks for your support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a first-time donor, and your donation this month is $100 or more, we\u2019d like to invite you to attend, as our guest, an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you a certificate for you and your spouse to come together, or you can pass that along to someone you know who would benefit from going to a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, all you have to do is be a first-time donor and make a donation of $100 or more.\u00a0 If you make that donation online, type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box.\u00a0 If you make the donation over the phone, just mention that you\u2019re a first-time donor and you\u2019d like to receive the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift certificate.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your support of the ministry, and we\u2019re grateful to hear from you.\u00a0 Thanks for calling in or going online.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about how you can keep your kids safe online.\u00a0 Donna Hughes joins us to talk about what\u2019s out there, where the dangers are on the internet, and to talk about what you can do to make sure your kids are protected.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.43M"],"filesize_raw":["23518550"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302342.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302342.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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have to bait the hook if you want to catch the fish.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are single and you\u2019d like to be married, Steve and Candice Watters say, \u201cThere is nothing wrong with letting folks know\u2014spreading the word\u2014especially among your married friends.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is very important to let the older Christian couples in your life, whether it is your parents, or your pastor, or just a couple from your church, let them know that you want to be married.\u00a0 One, so they can be praying with you.\u00a0 Two, so they can counsel you if there are some blind spots you have that they might be able to help you polish some rough edges and make you more marriageable.\u00a0 Three, they might have a son, or a grandson, or a nephew, or a young man that they could arrange a low-pressure, non-embarrassing opportunity to just meet a good guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is the guy whose picture is on their refrigerator that they pray for everyday and say, \u201cLord, send this guy a godly girl.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<strong>\u00ae<\/strong>, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We have some other suggestions, tips and pointers for singles who would like to be married.\u00a0\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 As the father of four daughters, did your girls ever wish they were married and wondered why the guys wouldn\u2019t get it in gear?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh my goodness!\u00a0 Absolutely!\u00a0 They would say, \u201cDad, would you go talk to this guy?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Or \u201cWould you go talk to the guys?\u201d period. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They wanted you to be a recruiter?\u00a0 Is that what it was? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In a way I kind of feel sorry for single guys today because this is a tough culture for a young man to finish the process of stepping up and becoming a man.\u00a0 There are so many distractions that take him away from real relationships, real commitment, real risk, and real authenticity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI understand the lure.\u00a0 I really do see how a lot of young men gravitate towards safety; but we have been talking to young women, single women, about how they can become marriageable.\u00a0 May I say it that way?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that is a good way to say it.\u00a0 We have the author of <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do\u2014<\/em><strong>not<\/strong> to make it happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Key distinction! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --but <em>to Help It Happen<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 Candice Watters joins us, along with her husband, Steve.\u00a0 Welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks so much!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They are authors.\u00a0 Candice used to work at <em>Focus on the Family;<\/em> Steve still does.\u00a0 They have a romantic relationship that started out as a friendship\u2014that ultimately ended up in marriage, and now four children, and ultimately this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am excited about this book because there really is a need for single women to have a plumb line and some godly counsel around healthy relationships.\u00a0 Earlier I asked you a question about \u201cflirting\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I danced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you did dance a little bit!\u00a0 Then Steve offered a story.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me just start by saying, I am uncomfortable with the question because I never was good at it.\u00a0 So, I always sort of resented the women who were because they always \u201cseemed\u201d to get the guys.\u00a0\u00a0 So, I thought maybe something is wrong with me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think single women who find themselves single beyond their expectation are often in that situation wondering, \u201cIs it me?\u00a0 Am I too heavy?\u00a0 Am I too light?\u00a0 Am I too short?\u201d or, \u201cIs it something about my external that makes me unattractive to men?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wasn\u2019t good at flirting; but then I will say, when I first saw Steve, he walked into the classroom of the graduate program we were in.\u00a0 I leaned over to my friend, and this was the first week of school, and I said, \u201cWho is that?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh, that is Steve Watters.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 And I thought, \u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cBut he is engaged!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I kid you not; I had this thought drop into my head; I don\u2019t know where it came from. \u201cOh!\u00a0 He is not married yet!\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know his engagement was on the rocks.\u00a0 I mean, I knew nothing about this man; but there was a click there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let the competition begin!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Absolutely! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are turning red.\u00a0 Why are you turning red, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am just so glad she had the vision for the potential.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that must have been the Holy Spirit because I had never had a thought like that before.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there are a lot of young women who love going to romantic comedies because they want to watch how the girl in the movie does it.\u00a0 They forget that somebody wrote a script and at the end of the movie, they\u2019re not together really; but they\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019m just looking for somebody to give me a road map so that I can have the companionship that my heart is longing for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Although the one thing from the movie that played out in our relationship is so often a romantic comedy.\u00a0 The woman has to like, get on a plane and just take off in the relationship and see if the guy chases the plane.\u00a0 Candice gave me the opportunity to chase the plane.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad I caught it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so the story of whether or not she flirted or exactly how she went about being kind of friendly to you, Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had an opportunity to get some classmates together.\u00a0 Candice knew that this grouping of people was disproportionately guys and girls.\u00a0 She knew that she had roommates and friends who were also interested in finding someone, but she positioned the seating so that I would sit right beside her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I actually told someone, \u201cI am going to sit there, you sit over there.\u201d\u00a0 I wanted to sit by Steve.\u00a0 And really, the first time we ever had a real conversation, he mentioned a book he was reading.\u00a0 So, I went out and bought that book that day because I thought, \u201cWhat better thing than to have something in common to talk about.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women don\u2019t necessarily feel they have the permission to be strategic; but it is okay to be strategic and to use the creative ways God gave you to demonstrate your gifts.\u00a0 If you can cook, throw a dinner party and invite the young man that you are interested in, along with a bunch of other friends.\u00a0 Let him see what you are good at.\u00a0 Let him see you shine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 At the end of the day, you don\u2019t want a relationship\u2014now, you answer this question, Candice\u2014\u201cYou don\u2019t want a relationship, at the end of the day, that you are the one doing the pursuing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely!\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be at the altar thinking, \u201cBoy!\u00a0 Did I rope him in!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 No woman wants to feel like she <em>made<\/em> it happen.\u00a0 That is why the subtitle is so key:\u00a0 <em>Help.<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 God made women to be helpers, and men need helpers.\u00a0 Men need to be helped.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with that!\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 If a woman can recognize areas where a man she is interested in needs help and sort of fit into that role and give him a taste of home\u2014give him a taste of what it could be like.\u00a0 Not so much that he loses the incentive to pursue, but enough to have his interest piqued to go, \u201cWow!\u00a0 When I am with her, I feel comfortable.\u00a0 I feel known.\u00a0 I feel deeply connected.\u201d\u00a0 To demonstrate, it is not the flirting, Dennis, it is the kindness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is the woman being other-centered and focusing on a man and really trying to pull out the good in him to see who God had in mind when He made this man.\u00a0 To say, \u201cI love who I see when I see who God made you to be, and I would love to partner with you.\u201d\u00a0 Now, obviously, do not say those words because that is just a proposal, really\u2014cloaked in spiritual language; but to start to live that out with him and to come alongside in friendship\u2014in a way that expresses belief in who he is as a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wrote something to Candice along those lines where I said, \u201cShe woke a sleeping giant by believing in my potential at a time when I didn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 That respectful motivation was really a big part of recognizing, \u201cThis is who God wants me to be with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here is where I think you can be the most help to our listeners today.\u00a0 I want you to imagine that we have three young women, sitting around the table, and they are all 25, 27, 28; they are in the workforce.\u00a0 They are in graduate school.\u00a0 They have looked around at two or three guys they see that they go, \u201cYou know, I could kind of be interested in him.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to get to know him, but I don\u2019t know what to do other than just try\u2014I can\u2019t go stand by his locker, like I used to do in high school.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 So coach me on how I get from feeling like, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t even know I am alive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to the by-line of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\u00a0\u00a0 How can I go from here to seeing if there might be a marriage here?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 For starters, I would say, \u201cEsteem marriage in the way that you speak about it.\u201d\u00a0 The Bible says, \u201cMarriage should be honored by all.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 At the very minimum, don\u2019t demean marriage.\u00a0 Don\u2019t joke about marriage.\u00a0 Be careful about the way feminism creeps into your joking and remember, \u201cYou want to marry a man.\u201d\u00a0 So, if you find yourself with your girlfriends, being catty about or toward men, you can\u2019t be surprised that men are not attracted to that because that doesn\u2019t bring them in.\u00a0 Esteem marriage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could I say something about that?\u00a0 I think there is a generation of singles right now who are undermining marriage by moving in with each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it is not merely the words we have about marriage, but it is the attitude about marriage\u2014that it really is held in honor\u2014and that that commitment of two people sharing the same address is really formed around a commitment and a covenant called marriage.\u00a0 That includes, perhaps, as you hear about friends who are moving in with each other.\u00a0 I think, within the community of faith today, there are tons of single people who are abandoning marriage in lieu of just moving in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it is really practice for divorce because you go in with the mindset of, \u201cIf this doesn\u2019t work, I am out of here\u201d.\u00a0 It is not really good prep.\u00a0 All the studies show that moving in together is probably the worst thing you can do if you are trying to divorce-proof your relationship.\u00a0 It has the opposite effect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to what you were saying though, about honoring marriage, and esteeming men, even in private.\u00a0 I think that it is so important because a lady will say, \u201cI would never act like that in front of a guy.\u00a0 I would do the right stuff in front of a guy.\u201d\u00a0 But if you are visiting all of that in private or with your girlfriends\u2014if that is a part of that undercurrent, that\u2019s going to seep out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 It does!\u00a0 Something happens in the spiritual realm when you have that attitude and the Scripture about, \u201cBe careful what you say in your bedroom because a bird on the wing will take your words to the ear of the king.\u201d\u00a0 You never know who is listening.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, too, as a group of singles within your social circle, hold marriage up as a goal, as something worthy of pursuing.\u00a0 Call one another to a higher place if you observe your friends interacting between the opposite sexes in a way that undermines marriage; talk about that.\u00a0 The thing is\u2014we are so intentional and purposeful about our careers and about our educational pursuits.\u00a0 And it is okay.\u00a0 It\u2019s like we have permission to be gangbusters about what we want to do with our life, as long it doesn\u2019t have to do with making a family.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to say, \u201cIt is okay to want marriage, and it is okay to say you want marriage.\u201d\u00a0 Because we hear from a lot of men at <em>Boundless<\/em> who say, \u201cAll the women I know don\u2019t seem interested in marriage at all.\u201d\u00a0 Then I hear from these women saying, \u201cIt is the thing I want most.\u201d\u00a0 I think we are missing each other.\u00a0 It is like the single men and women are missing each other because the men think the women don\u2019t want it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t you think though, a woman feels like, \u201cIf I admit that\u2019s what I want, and then it doesn\u2019t happen?\u2014\u201c \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You risk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yes!\u00a0 My heart is right\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You risk feeling like a failure!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My heart is right out there, just getting stomped on all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is the risk of hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is. It is risky.\u00a0 That is what being human is about.\u00a0 It is like C.S. Lewis said, \u201cThe only place where you can be safe from the risk of love is Hell itself.\u201d\u00a0 And who wants to live there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do think, just on behalf of single women though, there is that time when they need to risk asking the question.\u00a0 You just can\u2019t keep dating for two, three years, or continue the friendship for that long, in kind of a \u201cquasi-dating relationship.\u201d\u00a0 A single woman needs to call for the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 Dennis, this brings up another really key principle for how women help it happen; and that is mentoring because I am not just talking about saying you want to be married among your peers.\u00a0 It is very important to let the older Christian couples in your life, whether it is your parents or your pastor, or just a couple from your church, let them know that you want to be married.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne, so they can be praying with you.\u00a0 Two, so they can counsel you if there are some blind spots you have\u2014they might be able to help you polish some rough edges and make you more marriageable.\u00a0 But three, they might have a son, or a grandson, or a nephew, or a young man that they could arrange a low-pressure, non-embarrassing opportunity to just meet a good guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is the guy whose picture is on their refrigerator that they pray for everyday and say, \u201cLord, send this guy a godly girl.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 So the mentoring is a key part of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Mary Morken was your mentor?\u00a0 Is that right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary was my mentor.\u00a0 When she first met Steve and me, she later told me she observed us interacting at this retreat.\u00a0 Steve was the emcee and I was kind of helping coordinate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI was so worried you would miss each other because you were almost like brother and sister because you got along so well.\u201d\u00a0 But she saw it very early on; and so I was able to share with her my desires.\u00a0 She was a safe place to go.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to DTR with Steve prematurely.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to air all this out with him.\u00a0 I was able to do that with her, and she gave me wise counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that counsel is so key because we have so little wise counsel in our culture about how to marry well.\u00a0 This is not about just get married.\u00a0 Marriage at all costs!\u00a0 Marriage is the ultimate.\u00a0 This is about marriage for God\u2019s glory.\u00a0 You really do need the counsel of older women and couples\u2014married couples who are married well themselves to help you marry well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you first met Steve, you felt like there were some things in your life\u2014that maybe you didn\u2019t realize it at the time\u2014but after you had met him realized, \u201cThere is some stuff I need to deal with in my own life.\u201d\u00a0 Didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 And I think that comes to another big principle of stewardship.\u00a0 I was not being the best steward of my health or fitness.\u00a0 I was not being the best steward of my finances.\u00a0 Thankfully, I was able to, through prayer and God\u2019s work in my life, and through Steve\u2019s friendship, and really his support, make some changes in those areas.\u00a0 I always assumed I would just marry a doctor and he would pay off my debts.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t happen.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And give you pills if you weren\u2019t feeling well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 She married a preacher\u2019s kid, instead.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s a woman of faith for you. No doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 I had to have a reality check about that.\u00a0 Yes. I think something that we need to do as women is not just have this attitude of, \u201cLook!\u00a0 I am a Christian; and if the guy is a good man, he is just going to want me just the way I am.\u00a0 And he has got to take me just the way I am.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, we do have areas where we can improve.\u00a0\u00a0 I started getting healthy and paying more attention to what I was eating and my fitness.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t everything because if you go to the mall, or you go to church and you look around, all types marry.\u00a0 So, this is not at all to make a woman feel bad about her body or her image because marriage is a little bit about your externals and a lot about your internals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Speak to the issue of modesty.\u00a0 I think sometimes we kind of assume this is more of a teenage, young-lady issue; but it really is an issue today for single women as they may think that is a way to attract a young man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It is a dangerous way to attract a young man because the young man who is attracted to that may not be as strong\u2014likely won\u2019t be as strong in the areas of spiritual leadership that you desperately need when you are married\u2014that you want in a husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really goes against so much of Scripture for a young woman to try to lure a man with her sex appeal.\u00a0\u00a0 I think that\u2019s why I tripped, Dennis, on the flirting question because our culture defines \u201cflirting\u201d as being sexy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd God gives us a different standard.\u00a0 He wants men and women to come together because they see that as husband and wife they can do more for the Kingdom together then they can on their own.\u00a0 Sex is a wonderful part of marriage.\u00a0\u00a0 Song of Solomon is in the Bible\u2014right, smack, dab in the middle for a reason\u2014but outside of marriage, it is fire that burns you!\u00a0 God gives us so many warnings about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve, comment on Candice\u2019s dress and her modesty when you knew her as a single woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know she felt that she was in the middle of a competition with a lot of other girls at grad school who were, maybe, not as conscientious about their dress as she was; but I think she had a great confidence in what God had given her as she had really trusted this whole idea of being developed inwardly and not putting so much of the focus on the outside.\u00a0 That confidence really drew me to the whole package, instead of being distracted just by the externals that I was seeing in the other girls around her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and purity is such a key part of what women do to help it happen.\u00a0 When you have a pure heart, and the purity flows out from your heart into your choices about how you dress, and how you spend your time\u2014and this goes to issues of what you watch, and what you read, and what you\u2019re letting inform your ideas about marriage and men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you can present yourself as a pure bride\u2014not just in the sense of virginity\u2014that is important; and certainly, I would just pray that many, many women would hold on to that gift.\u00a0 It is such a huge part of marriage.\u00a0 But for the women who have already stumbled in that way, to say there is so much to a life of purity beyond just that one aspect\u2014and to be able to present yourself to a man as a pure bride is a reflection of how we are supposed to present ourselves to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know the single women who would say, \u201cI am trying to hold on to this purity standard, but guess who the guys are attracted to?\u00a0\u00a0 The women who aren\u2019t doing that.\u00a0 I hear you, but one by one, I am watching them get picked off by the Proverbs 7 dating woman who says, \u2018Come my way.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 And this is a good lead in to another pillar, a principle of what women do to help; and it is be in vibrant Christian community, where it is not just a peer group, where it is older couples, and younger couples, and singles, and marrieds, and the marrieds are helping the singles in this area.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I think it is so helpful if you are not doing this alone. You are not just one woman noticing how everybody is getting married, and everybody is flirting, and everybody is dating, and moving in, and shacking-up.\u00a0 And I am getting nothing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because you have the Elijah syndrome!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is right!\u00a0 \u201cI am the only one!\u201d\u00a0 God calls us to be in Christian community because then the women can band together and talk about these things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, a number of years ago, we interviewed Elisabeth Elliott, and of course her story with her husband, Jim, and their love story.\u00a0 It is a classic story.\u00a0 She had written a book called, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, which was the follow-up to <em>Passion and Purity, <\/em>where she told the stories of those who had followed the pattern God\u2019s way, and parts of it had been hard, but there was blessing at the end.\u00a0 Then, she told the stories of those who had tried to short-cut the process and were writing with regret.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the middle of it, you can feel desperate.\u00a0 You can feel like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t do this, it is never going to happen.\u201d\u00a0 But all you are doing is buying years of regret that you will look back on and go, \u201cOh, I wish somebody had said\u2014\u00a0 I wish I had done\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 With that regret!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I talk about living like you are planning to marry. What I mean, there is a mindset that daily you are going to the Lord and saying, \u201cGod, make me the woman You want me to be.\u00a0 Help me to be mature in my faith, pure in my lifestyle, help me to be walking in community.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of these things are how women can go about making an investment in marrying well; but if they never marry, they won\u2019t have lost anything because all of those things are basic Christian discipleship.\u00a0 A woman who lives her whole life that way, and has the heartache and the sadness of never marrying, will still have great rewards in heaven because she has been faithful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe woman who short-cuts that will end up with heartache and with pain and with breaking lives\u2014not just of herself, but the man she is with, the children that may be born, the divorce.\u00a0 There is nothing lost when you\u2019re living like you are planning to marry and being passionate about growing in Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want our single listeners to know there really is hope and there is help.\u00a0 Practically, in this culture, they need both.\u00a0 The Scriptures provide it.\u00a0 And I am grateful for Steve and Candice\u2014for you guys and your gift of writing, your ministry to singles, and for just having a heart for them\u2014to see them utilize their gifts and abilities; but ultimately, be able to forge godly relationships and godly marriages and families\u2014and be used generationally to really share the good news of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am just curious.\u00a0 Have you gotten letters from women who have said, \u201cI bought the book, and it worked!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 If only I could have heard them, Bob.\u00a0 I am sure they would have sounded just like you.\u00a0 I tell the story of 30 women who, back in the January before I started writing this book, started praying boldly together.\u00a0 They made a commitment to pray for one another for godly husbands and godly families.\u00a0 Today, four years later, over half of the women are either engaged to be married, have gotten married, and some have even gotten married and now have had their first baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s cool.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we have copies of the book.\u00a0 It comes with a complete unconditional money-back guarantee\u2014\u00a0\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You could be a part of those 30. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Watters will refund your money.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Send your receipt to Bob.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The information about the book is available there.\u00a0 Again, it is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order from us online; or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, it is called, <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen.<\/em>\u00a0 Call us at 1-800-FLTODAY or get more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s always been interesting to me to see how many <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>listeners are single.\u00a0 When we do programs like this, we always hear from a lot of listeners who are regular listeners, listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>about marriage and parenting, and they\u2019re single; but there is a desire, there is a hope that they will be married.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always been encouraged that we\u2019ve got a lot of folks who support the ministry who are single, as well.\u00a0 We appreciate that financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, during the month of August, we are hoping to hear from some of you who have been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>regularly; but you\u2019ve just never identified yourself as a listener and never made a donation to help support the ministry.\u00a0 In fact, our goal this month is to hear from 2,000 new listeners who would step forward in August and say, \u201cWe\u2019d like to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.\u201d<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>If that sounds like you, could I encourage you to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD sampler.\u00a0 It\u2019s four CDs with six messages from a recent FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><strong>\u00ae<\/strong>marriage getaway, where Dennis and I were both speaking. So, we take some of the highlight messages and provide them for you on four audio CDs.\u00a0 That\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for helping to support the ministry this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do, to request the CDs, is make a donation, either online or by phone.\u00a0 If you\u2019re online, type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the key code box on the donation form.\u00a0 If you\u2019re making a donation by phone, just ask for the CD sampler from the <em>Weekend to Remember, <\/em>and we\u2019ll send those to you as you make a donation.\u00a0 Again, thanks for your support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a first-time donor, and your donation this month is $100 or more, we\u2019d like to invite you to attend, as our guest, an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you a certificate for you and your spouse to come together, or you can pass that along to someone you know who would benefit from going to a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, all you have to do is be a first-time donor and make a donation of $100 or more.\u00a0 If you make that donation online, type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box.\u00a0 If you make the donation over the phone, just mention that you\u2019re a first-time donor and you\u2019d like to receive the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>gift certificate.\u00a0 Again, we appreciate your support of the ministry, and we\u2019re grateful to hear from you.\u00a0 Thanks for calling in or going online.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about how you can keep your kids safe online.\u00a0 Donna Hughes joins us to talk about what\u2019s out there, where the dangers are on the internet, and to talk about what you can do to make sure your kids are protected.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302342"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302342"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302342"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302342"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}