{"id":302341,"date":"2011-08-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/are-we-just-friends\/"},"modified":"2011-08-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-15T15:00:00","slug":"are-we-just-friends","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-we-just-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"Are We Just Friends?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you tired of feeling like a lady-in-waiting?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.47M","filesize_raw":"25656092","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807],"tags":[4018,4822,5152],"podcast_series":[7669],"cwp_profile":[3228],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302341","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-dating","tag-engagement","tag-young-adult","podcast_series-get-married-what-women-can-do-to-help-it-happen","cwp_profile-steve-and-candice-watters","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302341\/are-we-just-friends","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302341\/are-we-just-friends","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Tj5ywUgy1V\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-we-just-friends\/\">Are We Just Friends?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-we-just-friends\/embed\/#?secret=Tj5ywUgy1V\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Are We Just Friends?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Tj5ywUgy1V\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you\u2019re a single, young woman in your 20\u2019s, someday you\u2019d like to be married.\u00a0 You have a lot of guys you are friends with\u2014maybe one guy, in particular, who is a special friend; but that\u2019s all? Take some advice from Candice Watters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Friendship is good; but if marriage is what you really want, you have to be vigilant that you don\u2019t let those friendships fritter away the decade of the 20\u2019s, when you really are at your height of marriage-ability with friendships, if those friendships don\u2019t have the promise of moving toward marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 15<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have a conversation that could be controversial today with Steve and Candice Watters about some of the ideas Candice shares in her book for singles called <em>Get Married<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition, probably the first time <em>The Rembrandts<\/em> have been played on this radio station.\u00a0 Do you remember back a couple of years ago when you kicked up all the dust about guys stepping up and getting married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I actually didn\u2019t kick up the dust; we just played a little message by Al Mohler. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually this was one of the more fun moments we\u2019ve ever had on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>because, I don\u2019t know if you remember this, but you came into the studio that day and I wouldn\u2019t tell you what we were going to talk about.\u00a0 You had not heard the Al Mohler clip that I had for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had not\u2014I am remembering this now.\u00a0 This was a set-up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m just going to play this, and then I want your reaction,\u201d because I wasn\u2019t exactly sure how you were going to react. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, oh sure you weren\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I hit you with it cold; and some of our listeners don\u2019t know this story.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t heard, but we have pulled out that clip from Dr. Mohler, who is the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville. We\u2019ll see if we can reengage the subject here today. Can you play that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This will stir up a little dust with our single listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Mohler:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>(Recorded message)\u00a0 If you\u2019re 17, 18, 19, 20, in your early 20\u2019s, what are you waiting for?\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean to get married this weekend; I mean to look for the spouse God has given you.\u00a0 What are you waiting for?\u00a0 Do you think all of a sudden you\u2019re going to be 25 or 26 and you\u2019re going to get a telegram from heaven, \u201cBy the way\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Do you think Ed McMahon\u2019s going to show up at your door or something like that? It\u2019s not going to happen! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be urgently seeking as much as you would seek what God would have you to do vocationally, as much as you would seek what God would have you to do in terms of your mission for life.\u00a0 Understand that you must be looking, guys, for that wife of your youth in whom you can find such fulfillment when the \u201cwe\u201d is created and a one-flesh relationship is given, and you grow up together in the faith, and in the Lord, and in your adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The dust is stirred sufficiently!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, when we played that and I asked you, \u201cWould you agree with Dr. Mohler that guys need to get after it, and find a wife and get married?\u201d\u00a0 You said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then we got all these letters from women going, \u201cThank you for playing that.\u00a0 Now, what do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cBecause we\u2019re sitting out here waiting and what do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what they need to do.\u00a0 They need to get a book by Candice Watters called <em>Get Married<\/em>: <em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen. <\/em>We just happen to have Candice and her husband Steve here in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Which is validation that your book works right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It works!\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you so much, Dennis.\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve works for <em>Focus on the Family<\/em> in their youth program, working with, really, single adults.\u00a0 This is really what you do for <em>Focus;<\/em> and Candice, you worked for <em>Focus<\/em> for a number of years until you became an author and a writer off-line as well as a mother of four children. In fact, I love the back of your book.\u00a0 It says, \u201cSo far the Watters have three children.\u201d\u00a0 This book is dated!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is dated. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have four now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 We have a new little miracle\u2014Theodore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did you think you were going to remain single?\u00a0 You found yourself in graduate school, and a professor kind of jarred you one day.\u00a0 You kind of had your world all set for yourself.\u00a0 You had worked on Capitol Hill for a couple of years.\u00a0 He made a statement that kind of jarred you to reality though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I was biding my time.\u00a0 I would have loved to have been married at that point, but I was not.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to go to a Christian graduate school.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get an advanced degree.\u00a0 I can get a better job, and I might meet a good man in the process.\u201d So there was both there\u2014I wanted the degree, but I also really wanted to be married\u2014and felt that was a calling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it hadn\u2019t happened; and this professor was talking about all the bad things in the news and all the horrible things happening with government.\u00a0 I raised my hand and I said, \u201cWhat is the solution?\u201d I\u2019m a very solution-oriented person. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and he said, \u201cCandice, get married, make babies, and do government.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was so offended!\u00a0 What right did he have to tell me, a woman who would have loved to have been married, to get married?\u00a0 It is like, \u201cI want to be married!\u00a0 Nobody is marrying me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, what do you think about a statement like Al Mohler just made that we just replayed here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I love the urgency of it; and I think, \u201cYes!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Today\u2014today you think that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Today.\u00a0 Well, I think I would have thought it then because he wasn\u2019t talking to me as a single woman.\u00a0 He was talking to the men and saying, \u201cStep up.\u201d\u00a0 The verse, \u201cHe who finds a wife,\u201d\u2014he says, \u201cGo out and look for a wife.\u201d\u00a0 I felt the problem was that the men weren\u2019t looking.\u00a0 I knew plenty of single men, but we weren\u2019t dating. There was no interaction going on between us, and there was certainly no urgency. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I was so offended with Dr. Morken\u2019s statement.\u00a0\u00a0 But after I had a chance to absorb it, and quit being offended and sort of cool down, I thought, \u201cWhat if what he\u2019s saying isn\u2019t just his opinion, but what if it\u2019s rooted in something deeper?\u00a0 What if it\u2019s biblical that most believers are supposed to get married and have families, and then change the world through their families?\u00a0 Maybe, if it\u2019s biblical, God would help me get married.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the switch that flipped for me in that conversation was, \u201cI don\u2019t have to be embarrassed about wanting to be married.\u201d\u00a0 Not only that, \u201cbut I can pray boldly about wanting to be married because if it\u2019s God\u2019s will, then what I\u2019m asking for is what He wants me to have.\u201d\u00a0 So the fear was gone, and suddenly I felt relief.\u00a0 It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, what I want is a good thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are a lot of\u2014and you know this\u2014a lot of single women today who look at their circumstance like you.\u00a0 They\u2019d like to be married; they don\u2019t feel like they have really any control over the issue at all.\u00a0 They hear Al Mohler; and they go, \u201cYes, you preach it, Al; and get those guys stirred up and send one my way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there more?\u00a0 You talk about praying; and I\u2019m hearing the women say; \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve been doing that for a while.\u201d\u00a0 What can a woman do if she is supposed to be the responder, not the initiator?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I really thought the only thing I could do was pray.\u00a0 So, again\u2014now feeling the freedom that, \u201cI actually have a role to play in this\u201d; that the men have a role to play as the initiator; that God has a role to play as the sovereign Lord over the whole process; that parents and members of the Christian community have a role to play; but also that women have a role to play.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not simply taking a guy at his word who says, \u201cI want to take you on a date.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not at that point that her activity starts.\u00a0 Before that, she is a nurturer; and she has things she can do that make it less likely that she\u2019ll marry.\u00a0 So, the first thing that a woman needs to know is there are things you can do when you\u2019re in the dating years that can make it less likely.\u00a0 Stop doing things that will undermine your desire for marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, being buddies with a guy\u2014hanging out as friends for a long time.\u00a0 Yes, friendship is a key to a healthy marriage; but there\u2019s a point at which you realize, \u201cIf I continue to let him take up all my time and have access to my intimate affections\u2014not sexual\u2014but just friendship affections\u2014nobody else will ask me out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther men will look at you and think you\u2019re an item even though you know you\u2019re not an item.\u00a0 Let me tell you a story.\u00a0 When Steve and I were good friends, and we were buddies\u2014this was really the beginning of it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, you were friends? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were best friends\u2014yes.\u00a0 We spent so much time together that all the other men in my circle thought we were dating, and I knew we weren\u2019t.\u00a0 So, that was a problem; but there was one conversation we had.\u00a0 I was, at this point, sad that another young man I was interested in hadn\u2019t reciprocated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteve and I were out to dinner; and I still remember sitting by Virginia Beach and the breeze from the ocean is coming in, and I looked at Steve and I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know why this guy didn\u2019t want to take our relationship to marriage. I am going to be a good wife!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started listing off the things that I knew I would bring to a marriage, and I was so passionate about it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what he was thinking, \u201cMaybe he wants to jump in and\u2014\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s find out what he was thinking!\u00a0 What are you thinking there with the sea breeze and this woman who is telling you, \u201cHere\u2019s the credentials!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I thought, \u201cShe was going to pull the portfolio out right then and say, \u2018This is what I have to offer,\u2019 and you know, \u2018Make me an offer right there.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you thinking that she was trying to persuade you to move along?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, I wasn\u2019t entirely na\u00efve that our friendship had potential, even though, especially as a southern guy, every stereotype I had about what a wife should be was being broken by Candice.\u00a0 I grew up expecting to marry a southern belle, someone with long flowing hair like my mom; and then I meet this girl.\u00a0 We\u2019re connecting; but she\u2019s got this Washington, D.C.,-power persona, these padded shoulders in her jackets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And a sparkle in her eyes, Nick! I\u2019m not saying southern belles don\u2019t have that, but it\u2019s been sharpened inside the Beltway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 She was a Beltway girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How old were you at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, now here\u2019s what I want to clarify. I like the way you said this, Candice. You said, \u201cSingle women should not just be buddies with guys.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yet, you all started out as friends.\u00a0 The key here is that the relationship must progress through friendship to go somewhere.\u00a0 Otherwise, you\u2019re just giving all your time to someone who wants the security of having a pal and a buddy but doesn\u2019t want to risk a real romantic relationship with the opposite sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had to step in and interrupt the inertia of this friendship because I think it would have continued indefinitely, potentially.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Comfort\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s comfortable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It was a good thing, but it wasn\u2019t the best thing.\u00a0 What it needed to have was the momentum of friendship moving towards something\u2014toward a goal.\u00a0 So often, in our culture, even within the church, friendship is seen as a great holding pattern.\u00a0 There is no real push or even encouragement to say, \u201cOkay, guys and gals\u2014 you are of the age now\u2014it\u2019s time to find a wife.\u00a0 It\u2019s time to let families be forming among you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have to tell you one of my favorite, all-time stories.\u00a0 I was at dinner one night with a number of couples, and we were sharing stories of how you got engaged.\u00a0 So, I asked this couple, I said, \u201cHow did you get engaged?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, there was a particular weekend where we were going to be together for the weekend, and I pretty much knew he was going to ask me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, how did you know?\u201d She said, \u201cBecause I had given him a deadline.\u201d\u00a0 I went, \u201cHang on, what are you saying?\u201d\u00a0 She backed up\u2014she was 30; he was 30\u2014they\u2019d been dating for a couple of years.\u00a0 She finally said to him, \u201cLook\u2014I\u2019m not getting younger; so you have four months to decide.\u00a0 I\u2019m either the one, or I\u2019m not; but I get a ring by this date, or it\u2019s over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I think some people would be so offended by that, but Bob, didn\u2019t dads used to do that back in the day?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t someone stand up for the woman and say, \u201cWhat are your intentions?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>What are your intentions for my daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Nobody asks that for young women anymore.\u00a0 They are out there alone.\u00a0 It\u2019s like they are completely unprotected.\u00a0 So they do often have to step in.\u00a0 I call it \u201cpulling a Ruth.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did with Steve.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI love our friendship.\u00a0 It\u2019s great, but what I really want is to get married.\u00a0 I hope it\u2019s to you; but if our relationship isn\u2019t moving in that direction, I need to know because nobody else is going to ask me out because they all think we\u2019re dating.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew, though, that what we had was not what God designed us to be in at this age in our lives.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like we were 19.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The holding-pattern thing needed to get off the dime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 And so I didn\u2019t propose.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t try to step up as the leader and take over the relationship and say, \u201cHere\u2019s where we\u2019re going.\u201d\u00a0 I appealed to the leader in him and said, \u201cI need you to be in charge here.\u00a0 I need you to lead.\u00a0 I need to know where you\u2019re leading.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen need to be reminded, and empowered, and encouraged that friendship is good; but if marriage is what you really want, you have to be vigilant that you don\u2019t let those friendships fritter away the decade of the 20\u2019s, when you really are at your height of marriage-ability with friendships, if those friendships don\u2019t have the promise of moving toward marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me have Dennis tell you a story about a night in Dallas in 1972 when he was walking across a parking lot with this friend of his\u2014Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes\u2014North Park Shopping Center. Barbara and I had a friendship going.\u00a0 I reached over to hold her hand.\u00a0 The sun was going down and it was a little bit like the breeze on the beach that you were experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A little romantic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a little bit, you know.\u00a0 I reached over to hold her hand, and she turned to me. It really was the equivalent of what you\u2019re saying.\u00a0 She asked me a question, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u00a0 Why did you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Good for Barbara! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I immediately dropped her hand right there in the parking lot.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>I\u2019m sorry! I didn\u2019t mean to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t have a good answer. I mean, I really didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I think the easiest thing for young men to do is to define the relationship physically rather than define it verbally and be intentional about the direction the relationship is going.\u00a0 It\u2019s safe or safer to hold her hand rather than expose his intentions, or my intentions in this situation, of, \u201cYes, I\u2019d like to pursue this relationship;\u201d but you\u2019re out there as a man if you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve, I have to know, what did you say three months into the relationship when she said, \u201cLook, I have to know if this is going somewhere.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to be married and I think I might like it to be with you, but I have to know.\u201d\u00a0 Did you feel threatened by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did; but in some ways, I felt like the person who wants to get caught.\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 I asked, \u201cCan I have the afternoon to pray about it?\u201d\u00a0 We had a great friendship, and I enjoyed every minute we spent together.\u00a0 I had never been able to enjoy that much time with a woman before, but I knew that it was about to be fall.\u00a0 We were coming up on a new crop of students, and I had been\u2014\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He really used that word\u2014crop! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had been wired in the school system for my whole life to know that, \u201cEven if you have a good thing in the summertime,\u201d\u2014.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The new models are coming on the showroom\u2019s floor!\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s always fall!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but did you know what you were feeling towards her?\u00a0 Was a part of you calling, \u201cTime out\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you know, the thing I was realizing is that I was going to lose my option of continually test-driving the relationship.\u00a0 She was about to say, \u201cYou\u2019ve been test-driving this car for a while.\u00a0 Do you want to buy the car?\u201d\u00a0 I was about to realize I have to either decide, \u201cIs this the model; is this the car; or am I going to lose access to it altogether?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally realized, \u201cThat\u2019s how I\u2019ve been treating her\u2014like someone who is test-driving a car.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m putting all this wear and tear on her heart.\u201d\u00a0 As I prayed about it that afternoon, I just felt the heaviness of the conviction that I had been in this coasting mode, enjoying all the great things about this relationship, but not concentrating and being prepared to cut off all my options. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Candice, there are a lot of men listening right now.\u00a0 They\u2019re coasting.\u00a0 They\u2019re in the holding pattern.\u00a0 They\u2019re not defining it, but they do not have any idea how it makes a woman feel who is feeling like she\u2019s on a test ride or a test drive.\u00a0 Explain to the men how that makes a single woman feel after a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it makes her heartsick because the longer they stay in that pattern, the more reluctant they are to end it because they don\u2019t want to start all over.\u00a0 That can be many, many years of bad stewardship.\u00a0 That leaves a woman feeling heartsick.\u00a0 I think women, if they\u2019re honest with themselves, feel taken advantage of and they feel frustrated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s almost this, \u201cThe man who is the source of my joy, and the man I love, is also the source of my deepest grief and pain.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a very difficult place for a woman to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, it leaves a woman longing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It does\u2014definitely unfulfilled because God didn\u2019t make us for endless dating relationships.\u00a0 He made us for marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s where I have to wrap up the story I was telling earlier about the woman who said, \u201cYou either deliver the ring this date or it\u2019s over.\u201d You remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes, what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I turned to the guy at dinner and I said, \u201cSo, when you got the ultimatum,\u201d I said, \u201cHow did you respond to it?\u201d He said, \u201cIt was the best thing she could have done.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI was 30, and I was okay test-driving,\u201d just like you are talking about. He said, \u201cI\u2019d kind of gotten used to it; it was comfortable; it was nice.\u201d\u00a0 This was a platonic relationship.\u00a0 I mean, they were not sexually-active with one another, and he was okay with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s like going to the lobby of a Broadway show and never going in and taking your seats, right?\u00a0 You\u2019re missing out on the best thing.\u00a0 I mean, \u201cYes, the lobby\u2019s beautiful, but let\u2019s get the show on the road!\u201d\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s a show inside!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The posters don\u2019t tell the whole story.\u00a0 They only lure you in there.\u00a0 Well, what moved you off the dime?\u00a0 What happened at the end of \u201cthe half a day to pray about it,\u201d Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as I prayed about it, I realized, \u201cI have got a good thing. I have heard a lot from the culture around me about what I should look for in a wife, and I have got a great opportunity in front of me.\u00a0 While I\u2019ve been distracted, thinking, \u2018Maybe there\u2019s a better deal out there\u2014maybe there\u2019s a better deal out there\u2014\u2018\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Maybe, there\u2019s more crops!\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, \u201cThere\u2019s always that fall class.\u201d\u00a0 I realized, \u201cI\u2019m trying to keep all my options open, and I have got this incredible opportunity right in front of me I haven\u2019t been focusing in on.\u201d\u00a0 So, I went back to Candice that night and I said, \u201cLet\u2019s call this what it is.\u00a0 I mean, really, we have been dating.\u00a0 I just haven\u2019t been honest that this is dating. I want to focus in and see if this is a right fit.\u201d I said, \u201cThere are still some things I don\u2019t understand\u2014why we\u2019re so different; why we have such different backgrounds.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why you wear those padded shoulders?\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had given them up by this point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Which helped; but, I said, \u201cI want to focus on those things that I\u2019ve been wondering, \u2018If we could be a good fit,\u2019 because of all of our differences.\u00a0 Instead of just trying to ignore those and just enjoy hanging out as buddies, I think it\u2019s time that we are honest about what the relationship is.\u201d\u00a0 It was only three months after that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We dated six months, and then were engaged for three months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, I proposed to Candice.\u00a0 It took that idea that, \u201cI\u2019m going to lose her.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to lose this opportunity right in front of me unless I\u2019m serious about it.\u201d\u00a0 I could finally appreciate it because I could tune out everything else around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s at this point I wish I had a little sign\u2014course it wouldn\u2019t matter on radio! (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe we could put it on the internet.\u00a0 I could hold it up:\u00a0 \u201cBob and I love single people.\u201d\u00a0 Just a little sign to say, \u201cWe really do love you.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we\u2019re talking about this.\u201d\u00a0 I think today the singles scene is so treacherous\u2014and to have any sense of having a compass, of having clear direction, good counsel, wholesome counsel, godly counsel.\u00a0 There are so many singles who are being used and using one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a tremendous need today within the community of faith\u2014first of all, to set the standard\u2014and to be men and women of integrity and nobility in relationships.\u00a0 But, beyond that, infiltrate the culture, and call others out of it back to the biblical blueprints.\u00a0 I think, too, to some good reading material that will help them kind of recalibrate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there are a lot of single women like you, Candice, who really did long to do the right thing.\u00a0 They just needed somebody to step into their lives and challenge them to the right standards and the right stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, when I saw the title of this book <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em> I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s a smart person right there who knows how to title her book.\u201d\u00a0 Who\u2019s not going to not want to buy that? What single woman is not going to go, \u201cOkay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019ll be some single men who\u2019ll read this book!\u00a0 (laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have copies of it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If our listeners are interested in getting a copy, you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about the book. You can order online if you\u2019d like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 We can make arrangements over the phone to have a copy of Candice\u2019s book sent to you. Again, the title is <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em>. Order a copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me talk for just a minute to those of you who have been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for a while.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been tuned in; you like the program; you\u2019ve found it helpful; but you\u2019ve just never let us know that you\u2019re listening.\u00a0 During the month of August, we\u2019re hoping that some of you will step forward and say, \u201cWe\u2019re listening.\u00a0 We wanted you to know we\u2019re out here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re also hoping that you can make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve set a goal to try to hear from 2,000 new listeners this month, and we\u2019ve got a thermometer on our website that\u2019s keeping track of how many we\u2019ve heard from.\u00a0 So if you\u2019re a new listener but you\u2019ve never made a donation, never helped support <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> we\u2019re hoping that the month of August can be the month when you would do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD sampler that features a handful of the messages that we present at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><strong>\u00ae<\/strong> marriage getaway.\u00a0 Recently, Dennis and I spoke together at one of these getaways; and we\u2019ve taken some of the messages and put them on audio CD.\u00a0 We\u2019d love to send those to you as our way of saying, \u201cThanks,\u201d for your support this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive them, type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form; or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY, just ask for the CDs from the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and we\u2019ll get those to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a first-time donor to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and your donation this month is $100 or more, you can request a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 Either use it for yourself or pass it on to someone you know.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive the gift certificate, type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form, or ask for it when you make a donation at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Again, this is for first-time donors who make a donation of $100 or more.\u00a0 We just want to say we appreciate your partnership with us and the investment that you make in this ministry, and we do love hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about what a young single woman, who has a desire to get married, can do to at least let guys know that she\u2019s out there and, at the same time, to protect her heart, to guard it from being trampled on by too many guys.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow; hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.47M"],"filesize_raw":["25656092"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302341.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302341.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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you tired of feeling like a lady-in-waiting?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you\u2019re a single, young woman in your 20\u2019s, someday you\u2019d like to be married.\u00a0 You have a lot of guys you are friends with\u2014maybe one guy, in particular, who is a special friend; but that\u2019s all? Take some advice from Candice Watters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Friendship is good; but if marriage is what you really want, you have to be vigilant that you don\u2019t let those friendships fritter away the decade of the 20\u2019s, when you really are at your height of marriage-ability with friendships, if those friendships don\u2019t have the promise of moving toward marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 15<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to have a conversation that could be controversial today with Steve and Candice Watters about some of the ideas Candice shares in her book for singles called <em>Get Married<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition, probably the first time <em>The Rembrandts<\/em> have been played on this radio station.\u00a0 Do you remember back a couple of years ago when you kicked up all the dust about guys stepping up and getting married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I actually didn\u2019t kick up the dust; we just played a little message by Al Mohler. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually this was one of the more fun moments we\u2019ve ever had on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>because, I don\u2019t know if you remember this, but you came into the studio that day and I wouldn\u2019t tell you what we were going to talk about.\u00a0 You had not heard the Al Mohler clip that I had for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had not\u2014I am remembering this now.\u00a0 This was a set-up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI\u2019m just going to play this, and then I want your reaction,\u201d because I wasn\u2019t exactly sure how you were going to react. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, oh sure you weren\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I hit you with it cold; and some of our listeners don\u2019t know this story.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t heard, but we have pulled out that clip from Dr. Mohler, who is the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville. We\u2019ll see if we can reengage the subject here today. Can you play that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This will stir up a little dust with our single listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Mohler:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>(Recorded message)\u00a0 If you\u2019re 17, 18, 19, 20, in your early 20\u2019s, what are you waiting for?\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean to get married this weekend; I mean to look for the spouse God has given you.\u00a0 What are you waiting for?\u00a0 Do you think all of a sudden you\u2019re going to be 25 or 26 and you\u2019re going to get a telegram from heaven, \u201cBy the way\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Do you think Ed McMahon\u2019s going to show up at your door or something like that? It\u2019s not going to happen! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to be urgently seeking as much as you would seek what God would have you to do vocationally, as much as you would seek what God would have you to do in terms of your mission for life.\u00a0 Understand that you must be looking, guys, for that wife of your youth in whom you can find such fulfillment when the \u201cwe\u201d is created and a one-flesh relationship is given, and you grow up together in the faith, and in the Lord, and in your adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The dust is stirred sufficiently!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, when we played that and I asked you, \u201cWould you agree with Dr. Mohler that guys need to get after it, and find a wife and get married?\u201d\u00a0 You said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then we got all these letters from women going, \u201cThank you for playing that.\u00a0 Now, what do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cBecause we\u2019re sitting out here waiting and what do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what they need to do.\u00a0 They need to get a book by Candice Watters called <em>Get Married<\/em>: <em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen. <\/em>We just happen to have Candice and her husband Steve here in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Which is validation that your book works right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It works!\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you so much, Dennis.\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve works for <em>Focus on the Family<\/em> in their youth program, working with, really, single adults.\u00a0 This is really what you do for <em>Focus;<\/em> and Candice, you worked for <em>Focus<\/em> for a number of years until you became an author and a writer off-line as well as a mother of four children. In fact, I love the back of your book.\u00a0 It says, \u201cSo far the Watters have three children.\u201d\u00a0 This book is dated!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is dated. That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have four now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 We have a new little miracle\u2014Theodore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did you think you were going to remain single?\u00a0 You found yourself in graduate school, and a professor kind of jarred you one day.\u00a0 You kind of had your world all set for yourself.\u00a0 You had worked on Capitol Hill for a couple of years.\u00a0 He made a statement that kind of jarred you to reality though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, I was biding my time.\u00a0 I would have loved to have been married at that point, but I was not.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to go to a Christian graduate school.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get an advanced degree.\u00a0 I can get a better job, and I might meet a good man in the process.\u201d So there was both there\u2014I wanted the degree, but I also really wanted to be married\u2014and felt that was a calling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it hadn\u2019t happened; and this professor was talking about all the bad things in the news and all the horrible things happening with government.\u00a0 I raised my hand and I said, \u201cWhat is the solution?\u201d I\u2019m a very solution-oriented person. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and he said, \u201cCandice, get married, make babies, and do government.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was so offended!\u00a0 What right did he have to tell me, a woman who would have loved to have been married, to get married?\u00a0 It is like, \u201cI want to be married!\u00a0 Nobody is marrying me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, what do you think about a statement like Al Mohler just made that we just replayed here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I love the urgency of it; and I think, \u201cYes!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Today\u2014today you think that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Today.\u00a0 Well, I think I would have thought it then because he wasn\u2019t talking to me as a single woman.\u00a0 He was talking to the men and saying, \u201cStep up.\u201d\u00a0 The verse, \u201cHe who finds a wife,\u201d\u2014he says, \u201cGo out and look for a wife.\u201d\u00a0 I felt the problem was that the men weren\u2019t looking.\u00a0 I knew plenty of single men, but we weren\u2019t dating. There was no interaction going on between us, and there was certainly no urgency. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I was so offended with Dr. Morken\u2019s statement.\u00a0\u00a0 But after I had a chance to absorb it, and quit being offended and sort of cool down, I thought, \u201cWhat if what he\u2019s saying isn\u2019t just his opinion, but what if it\u2019s rooted in something deeper?\u00a0 What if it\u2019s biblical that most believers are supposed to get married and have families, and then change the world through their families?\u00a0 Maybe, if it\u2019s biblical, God would help me get married.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the switch that flipped for me in that conversation was, \u201cI don\u2019t have to be embarrassed about wanting to be married.\u201d\u00a0 Not only that, \u201cbut I can pray boldly about wanting to be married because if it\u2019s God\u2019s will, then what I\u2019m asking for is what He wants me to have.\u201d\u00a0 So the fear was gone, and suddenly I felt relief.\u00a0 It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, what I want is a good thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are a lot of\u2014and you know this\u2014a lot of single women today who look at their circumstance like you.\u00a0 They\u2019d like to be married; they don\u2019t feel like they have really any control over the issue at all.\u00a0 They hear Al Mohler; and they go, \u201cYes, you preach it, Al; and get those guys stirred up and send one my way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there more?\u00a0 You talk about praying; and I\u2019m hearing the women say; \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve been doing that for a while.\u201d\u00a0 What can a woman do if she is supposed to be the responder, not the initiator?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I really thought the only thing I could do was pray.\u00a0 So, again\u2014now feeling the freedom that, \u201cI actually have a role to play in this\u201d; that the men have a role to play as the initiator; that God has a role to play as the sovereign Lord over the whole process; that parents and members of the Christian community have a role to play; but also that women have a role to play.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not simply taking a guy at his word who says, \u201cI want to take you on a date.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not at that point that her activity starts.\u00a0 Before that, she is a nurturer; and she has things she can do that make it less likely that she\u2019ll marry.\u00a0 So, the first thing that a woman needs to know is there are things you can do when you\u2019re in the dating years that can make it less likely.\u00a0 Stop doing things that will undermine your desire for marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, being buddies with a guy\u2014hanging out as friends for a long time.\u00a0 Yes, friendship is a key to a healthy marriage; but there\u2019s a point at which you realize, \u201cIf I continue to let him take up all my time and have access to my intimate affections\u2014not sexual\u2014but just friendship affections\u2014nobody else will ask me out.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther men will look at you and think you\u2019re an item even though you know you\u2019re not an item.\u00a0 Let me tell you a story.\u00a0 When Steve and I were good friends, and we were buddies\u2014this was really the beginning of it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, you were friends? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were best friends\u2014yes.\u00a0 We spent so much time together that all the other men in my circle thought we were dating, and I knew we weren\u2019t.\u00a0 So, that was a problem; but there was one conversation we had.\u00a0 I was, at this point, sad that another young man I was interested in hadn\u2019t reciprocated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteve and I were out to dinner; and I still remember sitting by Virginia Beach and the breeze from the ocean is coming in, and I looked at Steve and I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know why this guy didn\u2019t want to take our relationship to marriage. I am going to be a good wife!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started listing off the things that I knew I would bring to a marriage, and I was so passionate about it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what he was thinking, \u201cMaybe he wants to jump in and\u2014\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s find out what he was thinking!\u00a0 What are you thinking there with the sea breeze and this woman who is telling you, \u201cHere\u2019s the credentials!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I thought, \u201cShe was going to pull the portfolio out right then and say, \u2018This is what I have to offer,\u2019 and you know, \u2018Make me an offer right there.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you thinking that she was trying to persuade you to move along?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, I wasn\u2019t entirely na\u00efve that our friendship had potential, even though, especially as a southern guy, every stereotype I had about what a wife should be was being broken by Candice.\u00a0 I grew up expecting to marry a southern belle, someone with long flowing hair like my mom; and then I meet this girl.\u00a0 We\u2019re connecting; but she\u2019s got this Washington, D.C.,-power persona, these padded shoulders in her jackets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And a sparkle in her eyes, Nick! I\u2019m not saying southern belles don\u2019t have that, but it\u2019s been sharpened inside the Beltway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 She was a Beltway girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How old were you at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, now here\u2019s what I want to clarify. I like the way you said this, Candice. You said, \u201cSingle women should not just be buddies with guys.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yet, you all started out as friends.\u00a0 The key here is that the relationship must progress through friendship to go somewhere.\u00a0 Otherwise, you\u2019re just giving all your time to someone who wants the security of having a pal and a buddy but doesn\u2019t want to risk a real romantic relationship with the opposite sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had to step in and interrupt the inertia of this friendship because I think it would have continued indefinitely, potentially.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Comfort\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s comfortable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right. It was a good thing, but it wasn\u2019t the best thing.\u00a0 What it needed to have was the momentum of friendship moving towards something\u2014toward a goal.\u00a0 So often, in our culture, even within the church, friendship is seen as a great holding pattern.\u00a0 There is no real push or even encouragement to say, \u201cOkay, guys and gals\u2014 you are of the age now\u2014it\u2019s time to find a wife.\u00a0 It\u2019s time to let families be forming among you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have to tell you one of my favorite, all-time stories.\u00a0 I was at dinner one night with a number of couples, and we were sharing stories of how you got engaged.\u00a0 So, I asked this couple, I said, \u201cHow did you get engaged?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, there was a particular weekend where we were going to be together for the weekend, and I pretty much knew he was going to ask me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, how did you know?\u201d She said, \u201cBecause I had given him a deadline.\u201d\u00a0 I went, \u201cHang on, what are you saying?\u201d\u00a0 She backed up\u2014she was 30; he was 30\u2014they\u2019d been dating for a couple of years.\u00a0 She finally said to him, \u201cLook\u2014I\u2019m not getting younger; so you have four months to decide.\u00a0 I\u2019m either the one, or I\u2019m not; but I get a ring by this date, or it\u2019s over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I think some people would be so offended by that, but Bob, didn\u2019t dads used to do that back in the day?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t someone stand up for the woman and say, \u201cWhat are your intentions?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>What are your intentions for my daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Nobody asks that for young women anymore.\u00a0 They are out there alone.\u00a0 It\u2019s like they are completely unprotected.\u00a0 So they do often have to step in.\u00a0 I call it \u201cpulling a Ruth.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did with Steve.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI love our friendship.\u00a0 It\u2019s great, but what I really want is to get married.\u00a0 I hope it\u2019s to you; but if our relationship isn\u2019t moving in that direction, I need to know because nobody else is going to ask me out because they all think we\u2019re dating.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew, though, that what we had was not what God designed us to be in at this age in our lives.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like we were 19.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The holding-pattern thing needed to get off the dime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 And so I didn\u2019t propose.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t try to step up as the leader and take over the relationship and say, \u201cHere\u2019s where we\u2019re going.\u201d\u00a0 I appealed to the leader in him and said, \u201cI need you to be in charge here.\u00a0 I need you to lead.\u00a0 I need to know where you\u2019re leading.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen need to be reminded, and empowered, and encouraged that friendship is good; but if marriage is what you really want, you have to be vigilant that you don\u2019t let those friendships fritter away the decade of the 20\u2019s, when you really are at your height of marriage-ability with friendships, if those friendships don\u2019t have the promise of moving toward marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me have Dennis tell you a story about a night in Dallas in 1972 when he was walking across a parking lot with this friend of his\u2014Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes\u2014North Park Shopping Center. Barbara and I had a friendship going.\u00a0 I reached over to hold her hand.\u00a0 The sun was going down and it was a little bit like the breeze on the beach that you were experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A little romantic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a little bit, you know.\u00a0 I reached over to hold her hand, and she turned to me. It really was the equivalent of what you\u2019re saying.\u00a0 She asked me a question, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u00a0 Why did you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Good for Barbara! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I immediately dropped her hand right there in the parking lot.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>I\u2019m sorry! I didn\u2019t mean to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t have a good answer. I mean, I really didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I think the easiest thing for young men to do is to define the relationship physically rather than define it verbally and be intentional about the direction the relationship is going.\u00a0 It\u2019s safe or safer to hold her hand rather than expose his intentions, or my intentions in this situation, of, \u201cYes, I\u2019d like to pursue this relationship;\u201d but you\u2019re out there as a man if you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Steve, I have to know, what did you say three months into the relationship when she said, \u201cLook, I have to know if this is going somewhere.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to be married and I think I might like it to be with you, but I have to know.\u201d\u00a0 Did you feel threatened by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did; but in some ways, I felt like the person who wants to get caught.\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 I asked, \u201cCan I have the afternoon to pray about it?\u201d\u00a0 We had a great friendship, and I enjoyed every minute we spent together.\u00a0 I had never been able to enjoy that much time with a woman before, but I knew that it was about to be fall.\u00a0 We were coming up on a new crop of students, and I had been\u2014\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He really used that word\u2014crop! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had been wired in the school system for my whole life to know that, \u201cEven if you have a good thing in the summertime,\u201d\u2014.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The new models are coming on the showroom\u2019s floor!\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s always fall!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but did you know what you were feeling towards her?\u00a0 Was a part of you calling, \u201cTime out\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you know, the thing I was realizing is that I was going to lose my option of continually test-driving the relationship.\u00a0 She was about to say, \u201cYou\u2019ve been test-driving this car for a while.\u00a0 Do you want to buy the car?\u201d\u00a0 I was about to realize I have to either decide, \u201cIs this the model; is this the car; or am I going to lose access to it altogether?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally realized, \u201cThat\u2019s how I\u2019ve been treating her\u2014like someone who is test-driving a car.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m putting all this wear and tear on her heart.\u201d\u00a0 As I prayed about it that afternoon, I just felt the heaviness of the conviction that I had been in this coasting mode, enjoying all the great things about this relationship, but not concentrating and being prepared to cut off all my options. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Candice, there are a lot of men listening right now.\u00a0 They\u2019re coasting.\u00a0 They\u2019re in the holding pattern.\u00a0 They\u2019re not defining it, but they do not have any idea how it makes a woman feel who is feeling like she\u2019s on a test ride or a test drive.\u00a0 Explain to the men how that makes a single woman feel after a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it makes her heartsick because the longer they stay in that pattern, the more reluctant they are to end it because they don\u2019t want to start all over.\u00a0 That can be many, many years of bad stewardship.\u00a0 That leaves a woman feeling heartsick.\u00a0 I think women, if they\u2019re honest with themselves, feel taken advantage of and they feel frustrated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s almost this, \u201cThe man who is the source of my joy, and the man I love, is also the source of my deepest grief and pain.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a very difficult place for a woman to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, it leaves a woman longing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It does\u2014definitely unfulfilled because God didn\u2019t make us for endless dating relationships.\u00a0 He made us for marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s where I have to wrap up the story I was telling earlier about the woman who said, \u201cYou either deliver the ring this date or it\u2019s over.\u201d You remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes, what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I turned to the guy at dinner and I said, \u201cSo, when you got the ultimatum,\u201d I said, \u201cHow did you respond to it?\u201d He said, \u201cIt was the best thing she could have done.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI was 30, and I was okay test-driving,\u201d just like you are talking about. He said, \u201cI\u2019d kind of gotten used to it; it was comfortable; it was nice.\u201d\u00a0 This was a platonic relationship.\u00a0 I mean, they were not sexually-active with one another, and he was okay with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it\u2019s like going to the lobby of a Broadway show and never going in and taking your seats, right?\u00a0 You\u2019re missing out on the best thing.\u00a0 I mean, \u201cYes, the lobby\u2019s beautiful, but let\u2019s get the show on the road!\u201d\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s a show inside!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The posters don\u2019t tell the whole story.\u00a0 They only lure you in there.\u00a0 Well, what moved you off the dime?\u00a0 What happened at the end of \u201cthe half a day to pray about it,\u201d Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as I prayed about it, I realized, \u201cI have got a good thing. I have heard a lot from the culture around me about what I should look for in a wife, and I have got a great opportunity in front of me.\u00a0 While I\u2019ve been distracted, thinking, \u2018Maybe there\u2019s a better deal out there\u2014maybe there\u2019s a better deal out there\u2014\u2018\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Maybe, there\u2019s more crops!\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, \u201cThere\u2019s always that fall class.\u201d\u00a0 I realized, \u201cI\u2019m trying to keep all my options open, and I have got this incredible opportunity right in front of me I haven\u2019t been focusing in on.\u201d\u00a0 So, I went back to Candice that night and I said, \u201cLet\u2019s call this what it is.\u00a0 I mean, really, we have been dating.\u00a0 I just haven\u2019t been honest that this is dating. I want to focus in and see if this is a right fit.\u201d I said, \u201cThere are still some things I don\u2019t understand\u2014why we\u2019re so different; why we have such different backgrounds.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why you wear those padded shoulders?\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had given them up by this point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Which helped; but, I said, \u201cI want to focus on those things that I\u2019ve been wondering, \u2018If we could be a good fit,\u2019 because of all of our differences.\u00a0 Instead of just trying to ignore those and just enjoy hanging out as buddies, I think it\u2019s time that we are honest about what the relationship is.\u201d\u00a0 It was only three months after that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We dated six months, and then were engaged for three months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, I proposed to Candice.\u00a0 It took that idea that, \u201cI\u2019m going to lose her.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to lose this opportunity right in front of me unless I\u2019m serious about it.\u201d\u00a0 I could finally appreciate it because I could tune out everything else around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it\u2019s at this point I wish I had a little sign\u2014course it wouldn\u2019t matter on radio! (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe we could put it on the internet.\u00a0 I could hold it up:\u00a0 \u201cBob and I love single people.\u201d\u00a0 Just a little sign to say, \u201cWe really do love you.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we\u2019re talking about this.\u201d\u00a0 I think today the singles scene is so treacherous\u2014and to have any sense of having a compass, of having clear direction, good counsel, wholesome counsel, godly counsel.\u00a0 There are so many singles who are being used and using one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a tremendous need today within the community of faith\u2014first of all, to set the standard\u2014and to be men and women of integrity and nobility in relationships.\u00a0 But, beyond that, infiltrate the culture, and call others out of it back to the biblical blueprints.\u00a0 I think, too, to some good reading material that will help them kind of recalibrate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there are a lot of single women like you, Candice, who really did long to do the right thing.\u00a0 They just needed somebody to step into their lives and challenge them to the right standards and the right stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, when I saw the title of this book <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em> I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s a smart person right there who knows how to title her book.\u201d\u00a0 Who\u2019s not going to not want to buy that? What single woman is not going to go, \u201cOkay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019ll be some single men who\u2019ll read this book!\u00a0 (laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have copies of it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If our listeners are interested in getting a copy, you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information about the book. You can order online if you\u2019d like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 We can make arrangements over the phone to have a copy of Candice\u2019s book sent to you. Again, the title is <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em>. Order a copy online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me talk for just a minute to those of you who have been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for a while.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been tuned in; you like the program; you\u2019ve found it helpful; but you\u2019ve just never let us know that you\u2019re listening.\u00a0 During the month of August, we\u2019re hoping that some of you will step forward and say, \u201cWe\u2019re listening.\u00a0 We wanted you to know we\u2019re out here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re also hoping that you can make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve set a goal to try to hear from 2,000 new listeners this month, and we\u2019ve got a thermometer on our website that\u2019s keeping track of how many we\u2019ve heard from.\u00a0 So if you\u2019re a new listener but you\u2019ve never made a donation, never helped support <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> we\u2019re hoping that the month of August can be the month when you would do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a CD sampler that features a handful of the messages that we present at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><strong>\u00ae<\/strong> marriage getaway.\u00a0 Recently, Dennis and I spoke together at one of these getaways; and we\u2019ve taken some of the messages and put them on audio CD.\u00a0 We\u2019d love to send those to you as our way of saying, \u201cThanks,\u201d for your support this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive them, type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form; or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY, just ask for the CDs from the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and we\u2019ll get those to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a first-time donor to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and your donation this month is $100 or more, you can request a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 Either use it for yourself or pass it on to someone you know.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive the gift certificate, type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form, or ask for it when you make a donation at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Again, this is for first-time donors who make a donation of $100 or more.\u00a0 We just want to say we appreciate your partnership with us and the investment that you make in this ministry, and we do love hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about what a young single woman, who has a desire to get married, can do to at least let guys know that she\u2019s out there and, at the same time, to protect her heart, to guard it from being trampled on by too many guys.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow; hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302341"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302341"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302341"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302341"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}