{"id":302340,"date":"2011-08-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/celebrate-the-differences\/"},"modified":"2011-08-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-12T15:00:00","slug":"celebrate-the-differences","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/celebrate-the-differences\/","title":{"rendered":"Celebrate the Differences"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You like vanilla; he likes chocolate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.95M","filesize_raw":"24063986","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4086,4926,2877],"podcast_series":[7817],"cwp_profile":[3350],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302340","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","podcast_series-love-is-something-you-do","cwp_profile-john-bisagno","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302340\/celebrate-the-differences","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302340\/celebrate-the-differences","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"6WTuBigzcg\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/celebrate-the-differences\/\">Celebrate the Differences<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/celebrate-the-differences\/embed\/#?secret=6WTuBigzcg\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Celebrate the Differences&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"6WTuBigzcg\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"You like vanilla; he likes chocolate.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How would you define love?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Child\u2019s Voice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I love pizza!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Would you use a cultural definition?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man\u2019s Voice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, Paula!\u00a0 Paula, you know I have always loved you.\u00a0 (Kissing)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Child\u2019s Voice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ooh!\u00a0 That\u2019s mushey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Or a biblical definition?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Child\u2019s Voice:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s the right answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 John Bisagno reminds us that the Bible teaches, \u201cA greater love has no man than this that he lays down his life for his friends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John<\/strong>:\u00a0 And the husband is living out the cross every decision.\u00a0 Every action is, \u201cNot me, Honey.\u00a0 How can I bless you?\u00a0 How can I love you?\u00a0 How can I honor you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe will earn and deserve and win the passion of that woman.\u00a0 It is not demanding.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t\u00a0 deserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to do a little realigning today when it comes to understanding what it means to say to someone else, \u201cI love you.\u201d\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 This is just great! I mean, it's an opportunity to be mentored, to be schooled, if you will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By somebody who has\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Been there; done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Walked a few more laps around the track than I have walked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>John Bisagno joined us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 He is, as Bob mentioned on an earlier broadcast, a Patriarch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 A pastor of more than 30 years at First Baptist Church of Houston, a church of more than 22,000 people; has three doctorates.\u00a0 Well, you know what? John, first of all, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you very much.\u00a0 I am thrilled to be here again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am going to ask your bride of 57 years to introduce you to the audience.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know that we have had a wife introduce her husband to our listening audience; but Uldine joins us.\u00a0 Uldine, welcome to the broadcast; you are outside listening to this, watching this interview.\u00a0 Glad you are here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Uldine:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How would you introduce John to our listening audience?\u00a0 You have been married to him for more than 57 years.\u00a0 Go for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Uldine:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is a man come from God.\u00a0 His name is John.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are just quoting from John, Chapter 1, there.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I wish our listeners could see the red face that John Bisagno has right now.\u00a0 He is grinning from ear to ear.\u00a0 Well, he is a man of God; and he has written a book, <em>Love Is Something You Do<\/em>.\u00a0 It's not something you fall into\u2014you may start there.\u00a0 I mean, we are human beings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We all start there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes; but love is more than a feeling, isn\u2019t it John?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It sure is.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t understand the passion that draws us together fades into something that is better, not worse\u2014really, loving somebody, giving your life away, then you miss it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, when you were a student at Oklahoma Baptist University in Shawnee and you saw that cute young new student walking across campus\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ooh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHello!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You kind of experienced some of those flutters, right?\u00a0 What did you call it\u2014the twitter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Twitterpated like the little <em>Bambi<\/em> rabbit \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were twitterpated, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Early on in your marriage, you actually saved your pennies to buy her a present?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, more than one time.\u00a0 We were pretty poor early in our marriage.\u00a0 When bought our first house we were going down to the closing; we stopped alongside the road and picked up coke bottles to sell them to have enough for the closing fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow!\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 So tell them the story about saving your pennies to buy that present, the coat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, this was my first gift.\u00a0 We were at Oklahoma Baptist University, fallen in love.\u00a0 She was on her Christmas break, going home for about two weeks.\u00a0 I wanted to buy her a coat, which was a suede coat; and it was over $100.\u00a0 I saved nickels, and pennies, and dimes.\u00a0 I looked through the car; I borrowed from friends; I sold coke bottles.\u00a0 I literally did everything I could do to scrape together that money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You were pretty smitten, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, was I!\u00a0 Long blonde hair, green eyes\u2014Wooh!\u2014drop-dead gorgeous, man\u2014and still is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But there did have to come a point in your marriage where that twitterpation began to subside and the differences between the two of you began to emerge; and you said, \u201cThis is a little different than I thought it was going to be.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but we learned to celebrate the differences.\u00a0 I suppose the most ridiculous thing in the world is judges granting divorces because, \u201cWe are different,\u201d when supposedly, \u201cWe are incompatible because we are so different.\u201d\u00a0 What are the options to being different?\u00a0 Being alike?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t want to be married to me; I am not in love with me.\u00a0 So, in a Christian marriage, God brings together two people, I think, with a totally different set of character traits and personality traits.\u00a0 I call them pluses, minuses, strengths and weaknesses, assets, liabilities.\u00a0 We are different.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, I am very impetuous; Uldine is slow to make decisions.\u00a0 Now, I rubbed off on her so she makes decision more quickly, so she doesn\u2019t let so many good things get by\u2014she always missed me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I slow down; and I make decisions more slowly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we are different, it works good; we help each other.\u00a0 But people\u2014they butt heads; they drive them away\u2014because it's like millions of pieces in the motor of a car.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t have oil in there\u2014that makes it all flow together smoothly\u2014it is going to clank, and grind, and head for the graveyard of cars.\u00a0 But, if the Holy Spirit of Jesus is there, He is the oil that makes it all flow smoothly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when you start to move from the romance to the real world of, \u201cHey, we are different,\u201d and understand it, \u201cThat\u2019s why we got married.\u00a0 We complement each other; we complete each other.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, I can tell you after more than 50 years of marriage, I began to realize that I can hardly stand to be away from this woman.\u00a0 I am dead serious.\u00a0 A night away from her is misery.\u00a0 I go off in a hotel and preach somewhere overnight and come back.\u00a0 I am what I am only as I exist in a relationship to her and she to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have this new little dog; and my two little grandsons came, 9-year-old twins.\u00a0 They played with her three or four days.\u00a0 When they went home, she wouldn\u2019t eat for a day; she just pouted.\u00a0 Well, when we are apart, I feel that way.\u00a0 I am not me!\u00a0 That\u2019s why I call home 10-15 times a day.\u00a0 Well, that blending, that oneness\u2014why God made two people for each other\u2014again, can only happen when the Holy Spirit makes those pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses, blend together like they are supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So John, what would you say to the listener right now who will say, \u201cWell, John, that sounds good for you.\u00a0 You have learned to appreciate the differences in your wife, and you have worked it through.\u00a0 You guys have \u201cmeshed,\u201d speaking of how the engine works in a car.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat would you say to somebody who is really hung up on the differences, is obsessed with how their mate\u2019s weaknesses are impacting them negatively and they\u2019d like a new deal?\u00a0 They\u2019d like out of this deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would say, \u201cWell, get over it.\u201d\u00a0 You have a choice to make here.\u00a0 You can go from person to person and you are just changing one set of problems for another set of problems.\u00a0 There are no perfect marriages; there are no perfect partners, no perfect mates out there.\u00a0 So work with the one God gave you and realize that if the Spirit of God is in the heart of the thing, it can work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommunicate.\u00a0 Many, many times at night we will turn off the TV and just go sit on the couch, maybe 9:30 or 10 for an hour.\u00a0 This is a corny thing, but it is a family-thing we do.\u00a0 Just turn the lights down soft and say, \u201cHoney, tell me about your hopes, and dreams, and plans for the future.\u00a0 Just talk to me.\u201d\u00a0 We talk and talk, and I learn her.\u00a0 I know this woman.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody says, \u201cWould you like to come over and do so and so?\u201d\u00a0 I have to call her and say, \u201cHoney, do you want to?\u201d I know her.\u00a0 I made the effort to listen, to know, to understand and realize that these things that are different are there for a purpose.\u00a0 They are good.\u00a0 The Holy Spirit can oil it and make it work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t try to change each other; accept each other.\u00a0 Accept those things\u2014see how that is a complement to you and just commit\u2014all in the context of\u2014that\u2019s why living together, you know, outside of marriage never works.\u00a0 It's all in the context of, \u201cWe are going through this.\u00a0 God brought us together, and it's for our good.\u00a0 It's the best one.\u201d\u00a0 Never forget that this one marriage God bought you into is the one he wants you in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, some of our listeners are thinking about their differences with their spouse and they are going, \u201cIt is fine if you are a couple, both of you committed to the Lord, both of you love the Lord, then you can accept those differences.\u00a0 But if you are in a spiritually-miss-matched-marriage, some of those differences strike right at the foundation of what's important to you.\u201d\u00a0 How do you deal with differences in that setting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think the bottom line, I would say, Bob, is don\u2019t try to change that person.\u00a0 Let God change them.\u00a0 Nothing motivates me like unqualified acceptance\u2014that she is not trying to change me; others aren't trying to change me\u2014to accept me, like we are.\u00a0 So you don\u2019t have to constantly point out, \u201cWhat I don\u2019t like about you.\u00a0 What I want you to change.\u201d\u00a0 Believe me, they already know that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fact that you don\u2019t point that out\u2014that you accept them\u2014that, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to change to please me,\u201d that makes my love and appreciation for you go up.\u00a0 That helps make you a better person, which makes me easier to love\u2014so you love me back.\u00a0 It does get \u201cgooder\u201d and \u201cgooder.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know I am thinking as you are talking, John, about First Peter, Chapter\u00a0 4, verse 8.\u00a0 It is a very simple passage, \u201cLove covers a multitude of sins.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is true, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What you are talking about in your book, as well as through your life, \u201cWhen we learn how to allow Jesus Christ to love another imperfect person through us, it really does become that of acceptance and a motivation to that person to want to do better and to change.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Nothing has motivated me to grow spiritually and please my Lord more than to know that while it hurts Him to be some things I am, He is not \u201con my case.\u201d\u00a0 He loves me and accepts me as I am--<em>Just as I Am<\/em>\u2014that great old song.\u00a0 He starts where we are and gently brings us along as our best friend.\u00a0 To treat your wife like that and to, \u201cGet off her case\u201d or \u201chis case,\u201d is the quickest and best way overall\u2014over the long haul\u2014to motivate that change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>John, one of the illustrations you use in the book, and I had to nod my head as you used it, was the illustration about <em>The Bachelor<\/em> because I happened to have been watching, and I never watch this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You watched <em>The Bachelor<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I confess, \u201cI was intrigued by this guy who flip-flopped, and you were too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It left me so confused.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know who loved who and how it turned out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, he didn\u2019t know who loved who either, and the women had no idea who was being loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are talking about\u2014What was his name?\u00a0\u00a0 Jason Mesnick or something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, beyond that, I heard the statistic the other day between <em>The Bachelor<\/em> and <em>The Bachelorette<\/em>, all the episodes, only one in 14 couples\u2014six months, a year, two years later\u2014were together\u2014that had proposed and said, \u201cI do,\u201d because the whole thing had been built on two or three months of staged romance\u2014flying around the world, cocktails in Tahiti and snow boarding in Alaska, and this and that, and concerts in Vienna, and roses, and wining and dining, and flying and seeing, and kissing and hugging.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, \u201cOh, I am in love.\u00a0 This is the one I am in love with.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you know most of them, somewhere between the first and last episode, are in love with two or three different ones.\u00a0 Finally, \u201cWhich one am I in love with the most?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut no matter how all that happened, when it's all over, a few months later, only one out of 14 is still together, which is a marquee to the people who have any sense out there, who listen and think, \u201cIt's not about emotion.\u201d\u00a0 The Devil has done a number on us\u2014movies and Hollywood, and books, sit-coms, and so forth, \u201cIt is passion and romance.\u201d\u00a0 No!\u00a0 It's about loving, and being and doing, giving yourself away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think the reason why <em>The Bachelor<\/em> and <em>The Bachelorette<\/em> are so popular\u2014is because I think it appeals to something within all of us.\u00a0 We long for this ultra- long romance that somehow lasts a lifetime and just keeps on occurring in Switzerland, and sun-downs in Hawaii, etc.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, there is something\u2014that when you felt that romantic passionate feeling, it's a nice feeling.\u00a0 You think, \u201cI would like for that to be there every day\u201d; but the reality of life is, \u201cIf that was there every day, you\u2019d get tired to that too.\u201d\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think you would.\u00a0 No doubt about it.\u00a0 That\u2019s why you are really calling\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John<\/strong>:\u00a0 If that\u2019s all you got.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right, but love is a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.And you can have, and should have the giving, the doing, what you are, what you are enjoying, plus that.\u00a0 That\u2019s not the main thing, but you can have that as well.\u00a0 We still have it.\u00a0 I guarantee!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Fifty-seven years later, and your wife was nodding her head.\u00a0 So, she affirmed what you just said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\u00a0 We are having a blast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Explain to our listeners what you mean by the Plus and Minus Principle.\u00a0 You talk about the balanced marriage being, \u201cWhere the plus is connected to the positive terminal and the minus is connected to the negative terminal.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it is great that we are different.\u00a0 I hate to use the word \u201cminus\u201d\u2014 because the man is a plus and the woman is a minus\u2014because it makes a woman feel inferior.\u00a0 So, think of it in terms of the head and the helper\u2014is the concept.\u00a0 I think of it as a plus and a minus.\u00a0 I always think of it as a red post on a battery\u2014the energy, the leader, the fire and the black post which is like the deep that grounds it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI may be the aggressor, the fire, the \u201cgo-get-her.\u201d\u00a0 My wife is the deep grounds in our marriage.\u00a0 If you pull out either plug, you haven\u2019t got it.\u00a0 The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5, verse 20\u2014that whole issue of submission.\u00a0 The first verse says, \u201cSubmit yourselves, one to another,\u201d then explains out how that is supposed to happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, to the wife, \u201cHonor your husband as head of the home.\u00a0 And you, husbands, you honor your wife like Christ did for the church in dying for it.\u201d\u00a0 It didn\u2019t say, \u201cShe is supposed to die for him.\u201d\u00a0 It says, \u201cHe is supposed to die for her.\u201d\u00a0 Any woman would only be too happy to honor her husband who is pouring out his life\u2014whose every decision is, \u201cHow can I honor you?\u00a0 How can I bless you?\u201d\u00a0 Jesus was subordinate, if you will, to the Father; but He was not inferior to the Father.\u00a0 They were equal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>John, you have been married for 57 years.\u00a0 Can you think of a moment or a story in your marriage that best encapsulates what you are calling men to do\u2014to die for their wives, to give up their lives for their wives, and to love them like Christ love the church?\u00a0 Was there a moment in your marriage when you had to do that for Uldine?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Honey?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 Can you think of something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Uldine:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The latest one\u2014and that was when I got shingles a couple of months ago.\u00a0 He just stopped everything and took such good care of me.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter what was on his agenda.\u00a0 He was there by my side.\u00a0 In the same way, when I broke my knee cap about four years ago, he was my crutch.\u00a0 I held on to his back, and he walked with me.\u00a0 It was just awesome that we were together in those times, but he is like that so many times. I am just thinking of the latest ones that meant a lot to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We did cancel some things on the agenda\u2014appointments on the schedule\u2014and say, \u201cI am sorry, but this is first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have listened to you as we have interacted around your book, <em>Love Is Something You Do<\/em>.\u00a0 You constantly call both men and women to the cross because the cross represents self-sacrifice, self-denial, pain, suffering on behalf of another.\u00a0 It is the picture of the greatest love that has ever been expressed toward a human being.\u00a0 In a marriage, how do two people, who are imperfect\u2014 they are not Jesus Christ, but they have Him in their lives\u2014How do they submit to him and allow Him to love another imperfect person through them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John: <\/strong>\u00a0I guess it starts with keeping a constant vision before your mind of what He has done for me, which greatly enhances how unworthy I am.\u00a0 How could I do?\u00a0 Frankly, I never got over the wonder of the cross.\u00a0 I still shake my head in awe when I hear <em>Amazing Grace<\/em>.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u00a0 How could You do this for me? I am so undeserving.\u201d\u00a0 I think that affects my relationship to her.\u00a0 Again, it all comes back to the cross.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus rose from the grave.\u00a0 Jesus is Lord.\u00a0 Jesus is ruling in heaven.\u00a0 Jesus\u2019 coming to earth; but the cross\u2014the cross is what makes Christianity the thing.\u00a0 Never get over the awe and the wonder that, \u201cJesus could love me.\u201d\u00a0 You try to prioritize your life for her\u2014that she loves me and that affects everything in our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHad we not been Christians, we probably would have divorced years ago.\u00a0 We have differences, we have problems, we have issues; but the constant memory and priority of Jesus Christ on the cross\u2014living that out.\u00a0 That\u2019s the best way I know how to answer that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When I first saw your book and the title, <em>Love Is Something You Do<\/em>, what flashed into my mind was Jesus\u2019 statement, \u201cGreater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus\u2019 love for us was not demonstrated in romantic feeling.\u00a0 It was demonstrated in commitment and self-sacrifice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ultimately, as you write in your book, John, love is a commitment.\u00a0 I look back at how Barbara and I started our marriage some 39 years ago.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know anything about love.\u00a0 Now, I had been schooled by Hollywood quite well.\u00a0 Our generation grew up, going to the movies and taking our cues from how Hollywood portrayed love as being a romantic feeling that just swept you off your feet and would carry you for a lifetime.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to tell you, those feelings didn\u2019t last long.\u00a0 There has to be a different type of love that takes up residence in a home between two imperfect people for them to be able to love another for 39 years as Barbara and I have attempted to or like you and Uldine for 57 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that the whole secret is that being in love, and Hollywood romance, and movie, and passion is, \u201cPleasing me,\u201d and loving somebody is, \u201cPleasing you.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the history of the Christian faith.\u00a0 He gave His life to please us, to bless us for our good, not for His.\u00a0 He paid\u2014it hurt Him.\u00a0 How can I do less than give that same thing back to him and to my spouse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cLove is something you do.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 I mean, that\u2019s the point that we have been making here today; and it's a point you make so clearly in the book by the same title.\u00a0 We have copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Again, the website:\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Get in touch with us, and we will make arrangements to have a copy of Dr. Bisagno\u2019s book sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, a quick word of thanks to those of you who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners but who are just now stepping up and saying, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 We are tuned in, and we like what you are doing.\u201d\u00a0 During the month of August, we have been asking <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, those of you who have been listening for a while but you have never made a donation to help support the ministry.\u00a0 We are asking you to pitch in and do that during the month of August.\u00a0 We have heard from a number of you.\u00a0 Our goal is to hear from 2,000 folks this month.\u00a0 We are keeping tabs on that on a thermometer on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you want to check out and see how we are doing, you can do that; but it has been fun to hear from many of you who are long-time listeners and have just never made a donation.\u00a0 Of course, this month, we are saying, \u201cThanks,\u201d to all of you who make a donation by making available a four-CD series that features six messages from a recent FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway, where both Dennis and I spoke.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com and you would like to receive those CDs this month, just type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the key code box or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and request the CD sampler from the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, and we will send that to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a first-time donor, and if your donation happens to be a $100 or more, we would also like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a certificate so that you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 We are about to kick off our fall season here in the next couple of weeks, and we would love to have you attend as our guests.\u00a0 This is for those of you who are first-time donors to the ministry and your donation is a $100 or more.\u00a0 You can request the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway certificate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form when you make your donation, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 If you are a first-time donor, and it's a $100 or more, ask for your <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway gift certificate; and we will get that out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your support of the ministry; and it's always nice to hear from new listeners who are getting in touch with us, as well.\u00a0 Thanks for stepping up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 I hope you can join us back on Monday when Steve and Candice Waters are going to be here to talk about what single women can do to help make marriage happen.\u00a0 Candice has some thoughts about that, and we will explore that subject on Monday.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302340","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302340"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302340"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302340"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302340"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302340"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302340"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302340"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}