{"id":302339,"date":"2011-08-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again\/"},"modified":"2011-08-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-11T15:00:00","slug":"three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Steps to Fall in Love Again"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What happens when the butterflies you felt in courtship fade?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.15M","filesize_raw":"22178710","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4086,2877],"podcast_series":[7817],"cwp_profile":[3350],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302339","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-commitment","tag-marriage","podcast_series-love-is-something-you-do","cwp_profile-john-bisagno","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302339\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302339\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"EDYg2s49GS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again\/\">Three Steps to Fall in Love Again<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/three-steps-to-fall-in-love-again\/embed\/#?secret=EDYg2s49GS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Three Steps to Fall in Love Again&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"EDYg2s49GS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What happens when the butterflies you felt in courtship fade?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Pastor and author John Bisagno says, \u201cWhen a relationship gets stale, you got to refresh it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I confess.\u00a0 I don\u2019t treat my wife quite as well as I used to.\u00a0 I don\u2019t open every door; I don\u2019t call her many times a day.\u00a0 We tend to let up.\u00a0 But you pursue her just like you did\u2014do what you used to.\u00a0 Treat her like you used to.\u00a0 The first time you had that first date, you called her ten times a day; you sent her presents four times a week.\u00a0 Do what you used to do!\u00a0 That communicates love to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 11th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to hear today from Pastor John Bisagno about what the verb \u201clove\u201d looks like in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>Family Life Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been talking a lot in recent days about patriarchs\u2014about the Office of the Patriarch.\u00a0 That is something that men can aspire to beyond just being a man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is a part of the book that you wrote, <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\u00a0I feel like we\u2019ve got a patriarch with us today; don\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We do.\u00a0 We have a genuine Patriarch.\u00a0 In fact, well first of all, let me welcome John Bisagno to <em>Family Life Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I\u2019ve been looking forward to this for a number of months, John.\u00a0 Welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis.\u00a0 I\u2019m thrilled to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Both you and I, Bob, really admire John.\u00a0 He has been a faithful preacher of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for a number of years.\u00a0 He may be the most and the best \u201ccredentialized\u201d guest we have ever had on <em>Family Life Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You mean, like the most degrees.\u00a0 Is that what you\u2019re saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me just go through it here.\u00a0 He is the pastor, pastor emeritus of First Baptist Church of Houston, which has 22,000 members.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are up to 26,000 since I left.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He is the author of more than two dozen books.\u00a0 He has spoken internationally at more than three dozen crusades.\u00a0 He has three doctorates.\u00a0 He and his wife Aldine have three adult children and eight grandchildren.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has written a book called <em>Love is Something You Do<\/em>.\u00a0 I just encourage our listeners, Bob, if they have never heard John speak or met him personally, to pull up a chair and a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, just get a pen and a piece of paper out, and listen to the essence of wisdom about love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And, in fact, you spoke on this subject at First Baptist Church of \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHouston a while back and talked to the congregation about the difference between being in love and loving, which is one of the main themes of your book.\u00a0 I want our listeners to hear a little bit about what you shared with the congregation there in Houston.\u00a0 Listen to this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0(recorded message)\u00a0 Loving somebody is far better than just being in love with somebody.\u00a0 Now, I want you to get a hold of this.\u00a0 It is great to be in love; but young men and women, the romantic infatuation of being in love, the romantic appeal\u2014you see that cute new gal and you are so in love\u2014it is what draws you together but it is not what keeps you together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFactoid:\u00a0 Any man, normal human being, can fall in love with any drop-dead gorgeous gal.\u00a0 You put a normal male in a room with 150 beautiful, soft, tender, delicate, young women, he will fall in love with all of them.\u00a0 You see it every night on <em>The Bachelor<\/em>, remember?\u00a0 How many times?\u00a0 \u201cOh, I am just in love with you. I am in love with you.\u00a0 I am in love with you.\u00a0 I\u2019m in love with you.\u201d\u00a0 He said it to all of them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what happens.\u00a0 We marry on that and inevitably, in every heart, after six months, a year, one or two, it starts to fade, it starts to change; and we panic.\u00a0 It is not quite there like it used to be.\u00a0 So, they hire a cute new girl down at the office.\u00a0 Men go, \u201cWhoa!\u00a0 Hello! I\u2019m in love again.\u201d\u00a0 So, there is the slipping around, the secret note, the rendezvous, the affair, the lipstick traces on the collar, the discovery, the confrontation, the accusation, and the divorce court.\u00a0 He breaks up and falls in love with \u201cNo. 2\u201d\u2014leaves his wife and marries her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, \u201cHello!\u00a0 Have I got news for you!\u201d\u00a0 In about six months or a year or two there is going to be \u201cNo. 3,\u201d and \u201cNo. 4,\u201d and \u201cNo. 5.\u201d\u00a0 You are going to spend your life going from affair to affair\u2014\u201ctwitterpation\u201d to crush.\u00a0 You are going to spend your life in this romantic illusionary world, and you are going to miss the best part of marriage.\u00a0 Trust me.\u00a0 I have been married almost 500 years!\u00a0 I\u2019m telling you, being in love is great; but learning to love somebody is a far deeper, richer, experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis gal I married was the beauty queen of every contest she was ever in\u2014eevery school she ever went to. Now that she is almost 100, I got to tell you, it is better than it ever was.\u00a0 Listen to me, we were so in love; we couldn\u2019t stand it.\u00a0 Today, kids, listen to me, after 55 \u00bd years of marriage, loving somebody is 1,000 times better than just being in love with somebody.\u00a0 Loving somebody, caring about them, giving your life to them and being blessed in that relationship is 10,000 times better than any kind of romantic infatuation you will ever know.\u00a0 Please, don\u2019t ever forget that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is better than I remembered.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I am watching you nod.\u00a0 You agree with yourself.\u00a0 Don\u2019t\u2019 you, John? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0I agree with myself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You were throwing in a few \u201cAmens!\u201d there, yourself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t go back and trade all the feelings that you had there in those early months and early years of marriage for just the substance of love for a lifetime.\u00a0 It really is\u2014love for a lifetime really does have a sense of greatness to it.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0It does, Dennis.\u00a0 I tell you why I think that is true.\u00a0 Being in love is about me.\u00a0 \u201cPlease me.\u00a0 Satisfy me.\u00a0 Make me happy.\u00a0 Make me tingle.\u201d\u00a0 Loving somebody is about them:\u00a0 Blessing them; Exalting them; Honoring them; Loving them; Lifting them; Making them happy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing in love pleases me.\u00a0 Loving somebody is about pleasing you.\u00a0 That is what the cross is all about.\u00a0 It is life after death.\u00a0 It is Easter after Calvary.\u00a0 It is the greatest joy in life\u2014is to live for someone else not for yourself.\u00a0 You cannot develop what we are talking about without developing in your faith and your Christian commitment to Jesus Christ.\u00a0 That is what makes it work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You say in your book that the most common thing you have heard in marital counseling in your years in the pastorate is, \u201cI just don\u2019t love her anymore, Pastor.\u201d\u00a0 What do you say to somebody who tells you, \u201cI am just not in love with her anymore\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0That was the first problem I ever confronted as a young pastor in Oklahoma\u2014trying to counsel with my young congregation, all in their 20s and early 30s.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t find anywhere in the world about, \u201cHow to fall in love again,\u201d\u2014no psychiatrist, no counselor, no preacher.\u00a0 Well, I am a preacher.\u00a0 I might think of that when, \u201cAll else fails, read the directions.\u201d\u00a0 I got the idea, \u201cMaybe, there is something in the Bible.\u00a0 I found a prescription in Revelation 2 that does work, and I\u2019ve used it, and people do fall in love again.\u00a0 It can happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to go to that prescription in just a moment, but you describe a young couple you were counseling one time.\u00a0 You quickly saw through this guy.\u00a0 You said he was more in love with himself than he was his wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Oh yes.\u00a0 He was lying to her\u2014saying he had money.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to be redundant and sound like a preacher, but it always keeps coming back to the cross.\u00a0 Unless there is honesty, integrity, love, selflessness\u2014which this guy didn\u2019t have.\u00a0 It is so classic\u2014of how many people are that it doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 It won\u2019t work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0And Jesus said, \u201cIf you want to be my disciple, a man has to pick up his cross, deny himself and follow Him.\u201d That is really what you are talking about here:\u00a0 two imperfect people, in the most intimate of all relationships, learning the art, over a lifetime, of self-denial in loving another person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0I learned that in my own Christian faith before I met my wife.\u00a0 I had a dance band in college.\u00a0 I played with some name bands, one-nighters, and things.\u00a0 It was all about clubs, and babes, and booze, and thrills, and, \u201cLook at me;\u201d but when I met Jesus Christ at Falls Creek Baptist Assembly in Oklahoma, it all became about Him.\u00a0 The joy of following Him now is transferred in the joy of, as well, following her, loving her, pleasing her, serving her\u2014just like in the Christian faith.\u00a0 This is where it is at.\u00a0 This is what makes it rich.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>John, that occurred how many years ago, your conversion to Christ? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0August 1st, 1952, at one minute after 9:00.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As I was looking at your face, you became emotional as you kind of closed your eyes and reflected back on your conversion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Everything that was to have pleased me, to thrill me, failed me; and it left me empty.\u00a0 Everything\u2014it was all artificial\u2014and left me more disappointed than when I went in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNothing did what it promised me to do until I met Jesus Christ and started giving my life away for Him. It is all back to the cross.\u00a0 I learned that when I met Christ as my Savior; and then, I experienced that in my relationship with my wife.\u00a0 I got to tell you guys, \u201cIt is getting \u2018gooder\u2019 and \u2018gooder\u2019 every day.\u00a0 I guarantee.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I want to take you back to Revelation, Chapter 2, because you said this is the formula in Scripture for falling in love again.\u00a0 So somebody who says, \u201cI am just not in love with my wife anymore,\u201d what do you find in Revelation 2 that helps them out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0The letters to the churches in Revelation have different needs.\u00a0 In Revelation 2, the need was to the church at Ephesus.\u00a0 It says\u2014He brags on them.\u00a0 He commends them as a wise groom will do with his bride before he discusses any difficult issue.\u00a0 He says, \u201cNevertheless, however, Honey we got a problem.\u00a0 I have somewhat against you because you have left your first love.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, when I read that, I said, \u201cWhat is the Ultimate Groom going to tell his bride about how to fall in love again, who has fallen out of love with him?\u00a0 Thereupon, Bob, I found three things in that passage, the first few verses of Revelation 2\u2014not in this order, but I like to deal with them this way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst one is:\u00a0 \u201cRepent.\u201d\u00a0 To repent\u2014that is a pretty hard word, a falling out of love.\u00a0 I figured out the only thing you can repent of is a sin.\u00a0 So Jesus Christ is head on dealing with falling out of love is a sin.\u00a0 How can that be?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it can only be because it has to be a symptom of the fact you have fallen out of love with the Lord.\u00a0 The man who loves the Lord is passionate about his family, the kids\u2019 little league game, his job, his country.\u00a0 The man who doesn\u2019t love Christ has no passion for hardly anything, except himself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you repent.\u00a0 A husband or a wife has got to go back and find the place\u2014be honest before God, \u201cWhere did I lose my passion for Jesus Christ?\u00a0 What sin drew me away?\u00a0 What caused me to quit reading my Bible?\u00a0 Why don\u2019t I love Christ?\u201d\u00a0 When you identify that, and repent and deal with that, and get back on the Gospel train with Jesus Christ, then you are setting yourself up for the first step of being able to fall back in love again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0So the person who says, \u201cI am falling out of love with my spouse,\u201d\u2014that should be a sign.\u00a0 This is a symptom that something is broken in your relationship with God.\u00a0 If you are going to address the husband\/wife relationship, you got to address the relationship with Christ first, right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0That is precisely what Jesus Christ said.\u00a0 Now some psychologists or experts may disagree, but I will just go with what Jesus said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0After you repent, then what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Okay, the next step is to \u201cRemember.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cRemember the state from which you are fallen.\u201d\u00a0 Well, from where were they fallen?\u2014from when they were in love.\u00a0 So you use the memory.\u00a0 You can think your way to new acting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou play those video tapes over, and you choose to do this over and over again. \u201cI will concentrate.\u00a0 I will remember the first time I saw her across the crowded room, the first time I spoke to her, the first time I touched her, the first time I kissed her.\u00a0 I remember the engagement, the honeymoon, the first night, the second night, the third night, the nights after, the days after, the weeks after.\u201d\u00a0 Remember; remember; remember.\u00a0 If you remember, you build into your soul a pattern that starts to act out the memory.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0It is interesting you bring that up.\u00a0 Dennis, I am thinking of the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae, marriage getaways that we do.\u00a0 One of the projects we have couples do is to write a love letter.\u00a0 Part of that love letter involves spending time reflecting, remembering, bringing it to mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I hadn\u2019t thought about that, Bob; but in a way, we are guiding people to go back and rehearse those things that initially attracted a husband and a wife to one another.\u00a0 Rather than relive the disappointments, the unmet expectations, those places where your spouse is not fulfilling all of your needs and all of your desires, instead, what you are saying the Scriptures are commanding us to do is to go back, and relive, and rehearse those great moments we have shared together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Can I tell you an \u201cAha\u201d moment I just had?\u00a0 What he is saying is, \u201cto think your way to new action.\u201d The third part of the prescription and, \u201cDo again what you used to,\u201d says actuate to new thinking.\u00a0 Actuate to new thinking; thinking to new action.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third part: \u201cDo what you used to.\u00a0 Treat her like you used to.\u201d\u00a0 I confess, \u201cI don\u2019t treat my wife quite as well as I used to.\u201d I don\u2019t open every door; I don\u2019t call as many times a day.\u00a0 We tend to let up.\u00a0 I think Little League, and sports, and other things build into us a \u201cWin the trophy; put it in the case,\u201d mentality and \u201cMove on to the next challenge.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>The quest is over;\u201d therefore, \u201cQuit competing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s right, but you pursue her just like you did and act like you did the first time you had that first date.\u00a0 You called her ten times a day; you sent her presents four times a week.\u00a0 Do what you used to do.\u00a0 Treat her like a queen.\u00a0\u00a0 You are acting your way to new thinking\u2014in the remembering and the doing\u2014and thinking your way to new acting\u2014and the remembering.\u00a0 It works together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright, John, you are a veteran of 57 years of marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What three things communicate love to Aldine? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Definitely service.\u00a0 Her spiritual gift is service; mine is being served.\u00a0 So we make a great couple.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 I am not naturally a server, and so I have to work at that\u2014I have to do that; but I can tell you, that communicates love to her.\u00a0 Maybe, a couple of nights a week, or once a week without even being asked, I just go do the dishes I know she put in.\u00a0 I will carry in the groceries.\u00a0 I don\u2019t carry out the trash every day; but every once in a while I do, and she likes it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like the idea about the love languages. Hers\u2014one of her main ones is service.\u00a0 So serving communicates love.\u00a0 Another important thing is, \u201cBeing out of control and not trying to control her and tell her what to do.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m a kind of leader and so leaders tend to be controllers and they kind of tell people what to do.\u00a0 We have learned, sometimes are more difficult than other times, \u201cHey, I don\u2019t need to be told what to do.\u00a0 I know how to do it. I will do this by myself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am looking over your shoulder right now. She is outside the studio.\u00a0 She is grinning, Bob, nodding her head.\u00a0 So you are two for two, John.\u00a0 She is giving it the hand pump right now.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \u201cHe has finally got it!\u201d she said.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0I think that second thing just boils down to having enough respect for her.\u00a0 She is a wonderful all-together woman.\u00a0 I did two or three times today; I have done that. We have been traveling with our little dog for the first time, and, \u201cHoney, go take him out to the potty; and don\u2019t forget to get this.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She has got the dog on her lap right now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 She is saying in her heart, \u201cI know to do that.\u00a0 Hello!\u201d\u00a0 It is hard for me to restrain that.\u00a0 So just letting her do and serving\u2014that would be two of them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What\u2019s number three? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Good question.\u00a0 Honey, what\u2019s number three?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe loves my noticing little things and doing little things.\u00a0 She will go shopping, and everything is very understated in Aldine\u2019s world. I am, \u201cAye-Yi-Yi!\u201d\u2014over-the-top; dramatic.\u00a0 She is understated.\u00a0 She will bring home a little knick-knack, a little picture she found, something she likes and just hang it over there.\u00a0 A month or two later, I will notice it there.\u00a0 \u201cWow, that\u2019s great!\u00a0 Where did you get that?\u201d\u00a0 I think the third thing would probably be attention to the little things\u2014observation, and expression, and appreciation for those little things that she does and is\u2014that are important to her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think how you have taken Revelation, Chapter 2, and applied it to marriage is really brilliant, John, because Christ is, of course, speaking of his relationship with the \u201cBride\u201d\u2014the Church.\u00a0 He is calling the Bride back into a love relationship with Him.\u00a0 He said, \u201cI have this against you that you have left your first love.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe basically said those same three points you just made.\u00a0 Number one:\u00a0 \u201cRepent.\u00a0 Repent of your selfishness.\u201d\u00a0 Repent of just doing things and not doing it whole-heartedly, in love with Me.\u00a0 Number two:\u00a0 \u201cRemember from where you have fallen.\u201d\u00a0 Remember what attracted us in the first place over and over and over again.\u00a0 And number three:\u00a0 \u201cRepeat.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0Repeat.\u00a0 Do what you used to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do what you used to do and win them back. Win their hearts back.\u00a0 Go after them. I think it is easy to get slothful, lazy in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 And as you said, just put the trophy in the trophy case and say, \u201cThe trophy is won.\u00a0 Now, let\u2019s get on with life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, it is easy to think that love is something you feel rather than something you do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>John:<\/strong>\u00a0That is right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0That is the realigning that you are doing for couples in this book that you have written, Dr. Bisagno, called <em>Love Is Something You <\/em>Do. We have got it in our <em>Family Life Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 Folks are invited to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of the book <em>Love is Something You Do<\/em> by Dr. John Bisagno. Again, our website is FamilyLIfeToday.com<em>, <\/em>or call for more information about the book at 1-800-FLTODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 That is: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to take just a minute here and acknowledge those of you who have been listening for a long time to <em>Family Life Today<\/em> but have just in recent days let us know about that.\u00a0 It is always great to hear from a new listener.\u00a0 Whenever we are out speaking somewhere, or we run into listeners and they say, \u201cWe have been listening for a long time,\u201d it is always fun to meet folks.\u00a0 I know there are many listeners, many of you who are regular but you have just never gotten in touch with us and let us know that you are tuned in and that God is using the program in your life and that you appreciate what <em>Family Life Today<\/em> is all about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are hoping during the month of August to hear from some of you. In fact, we are hoping that at least 2,000 of you who are \u201cstealth listeners\u201d will step up and say, \u201cNot only have we been listening for a while, but we want to help support the ministry of <em>Family Life Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 If you are able to do that here in the month of August, identify yourself as a first-time listener, and if your donation to the ministry is $100 or more, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d for stepping up by sending you a certificate so that you and your spouse can attend a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway as our guests.\u00a0 It is our way of saying, \u201cThanks,\u201d for your support and \u201cThanks,\u201d for letting us know you listen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you have got to be a first-time donor to <em>Family Life Today<\/em> and your donation needs to be at least $100 for you to receive the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway gift certificate.\u00a0 If you do make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u00a0and you type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box, we will get that certificate off to you; or if you call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone, just mention that you are a <em>Family Life Today <\/em>listener, that this is your first donation and that you would like the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway certificate.\u00a0 We will make sure that that gets sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, this month, we are making available to anybody who makes a donation a four-CD series of messages from a recent <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway where both Dennis and I were speaking.\u00a0 You will get six messages on four CDs.\u00a0 Again, that is our way of saying, \u2018Thanks,\u201d for your support of the ministry.\u00a0 All you have to do to request the CD sampler is to type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d into the online key code box, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone and ask for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> CDs.\u00a0 We will get those sent to you.\u00a0 Once again, we do appreciate your support for the ministry of <em>Family Life Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to continue to get some very practical insights from Dr. John Bisagno on marriage and on what real love looks like in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? 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