{"id":302333,"date":"2011-08-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-mans-call-to-provide\/"},"modified":"2011-08-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-08-03T15:00:00","slug":"a-mans-call-to-provide","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-mans-call-to-provide\/","title":{"rendered":"A Man&#8217;s Call to Provide"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does it take to be a good husband?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.5M","filesize_raw":"27786189","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2808],"tags":[4034],"podcast_series":[7815],"cwp_profile":[3256],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302333","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-newlyweds","tag-newlyweds","podcast_series-put-the-seat-down","cwp_profile-jess-maccallum","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302333\/a-mans-call-to-provide","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302333\/a-mans-call-to-provide","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"A9B4Nd1MO7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-mans-call-to-provide\/\">A Man&#8217;s Call to Provide<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-mans-call-to-provide\/embed\/#?secret=A9B4Nd1MO7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Man&#8217;s Call to Provide&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"A9B4Nd1MO7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you\u2019re making plans to get married anytime soon, have you taken a good, hard, long look at the benefits of singleness that you\u2019re going to be giving up?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Jess MacCallum.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sacrifice is part of the deal.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want to sacrifice, you should have stayed single.\u00a0 There are a lot easier ways to move through the Christian life, and I think I have St. Paul on my side when I say the single man is easier to do whatever he has to do.\u00a0 He is more mobile, he can sleep on the sofa at his buddy\u2019s house, and he can call his own shots; but when you have another person to provide for, you\u2019ve taken on a responsibility.\u00a0 It causes you to grow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Wednesday, August 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Now understand me:\u00a0 We are pro-marriage, right?\u00a0 You also need to understand there are some sacrifices that come with saying, \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You think we\u2019ve got many newbies listening today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had to rank it on a degree of difficulty\u2014first year of marriage, scale of one to ten, degree of difficulty.\u00a0 What would you give it, for you and Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nine point five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was it hard for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, man.\u00a0 Was it tough!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 See, for us, it was just not that hard.\u00a0 I mean, if you asked Mary Ann to go back to the first year...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just told her she was right every time she said anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We were na\u00efve; and as long as you stay kind of oblivious, it\u2019s not that difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just attended a wedding not too long ago for a friend whose name is Molly, and she married Max.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about her as we speak to Max today about the first year of marriage.\u00a0 Let me just set the context for this because\u2014well, let me just ask our guest, Jess MacCallum, if he\u2019s aware of Deuteronomy 24:5.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sure I\u2019ve read it at some point, so I am aware of it in the subconscious level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, that\u2019s a highly-religious answer, Jess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure I\u2019ve read it at some point.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 The gist of it is that in Israel, during the first year of marriage, a young man was excused from military service or any severe duty so that he could stay at home and make his wife happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You got it.\u00a0 You nailed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t bluffing was he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought you were going to pull one over on old Jess, didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess called it up off the back screen there.\u00a0 Share with our listeners how you came upon this topic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes.\u00a0 It was a home group, and I knew this young man for some time.\u00a0 They\u2019d been coming to the home group; and one day, out of the blue, he pops in and says, \u201cI\u2019d like you to disciple me.\u201d\u00a0 I thought about it for a minute and I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s no way he really knows what that concept is.\u201d There was a young lady across the room; and I said, \u201cIt\u2019s her, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes, it\u2019s her.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re serious about her?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYep, I really am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, she was way ahead of him in terms of going and getting it.\u00a0 She was at a Bible college there in Columbia, South Carolina, where I lived for two years while her parents were missionaries in the Philippines.\u00a0 She lived with us during the summers, had a part-time job.\u00a0 She was just on about her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was in his early twenties, no college education to speak of, no job, still living at home, and was a musician.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have a lot together.\u00a0 He kind of came to me; and I said, \u201cAlright, we need to meet as long as you\u2019re dating my foster daughter,\u201d as we called her.\u00a0 Her curfew in the summers was two hours earlier than the Bible college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 He was not allowed to come in after that evening, and he was not allowed to see her if he didn\u2019t meet with me on Wednesday mornings for breakfast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you really laid down the law with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was my requirement for the time it would take to meet with him and get this thing, if he really wanted it.\u00a0 He was serious, and I think he was.\u00a0 He had a really noble heart, a very noble-hearted guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like where you start the book because you go immediately to what a man does in terms of his job.\u00a0 I really agree with you here.\u00a0 For a young man to start a marriage, he needs to have a vocation, a place of work where he\u2019s providing for the young lady.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a lot of people, their first jobs are not going to be their vocation; but their work ethic is important.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t show your wife, your new wife, or the woman you want to marry, and especially her parents, that you have a work ethic\u2014that you can and are willing to stick his neck out there and do it\u2014but we have a mentality, \u201cThat we\u2019ll just kind of\u2014well, we\u2019ll survive on our love.\u201d\u00a0 I thought it was important to lay the foundation as, \u201cYou might be able to do a first year unemployed, but I can tell you it\u2019s going to be one of the worst first years you could have ever had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you sat down with him at breakfast, he\u2019s a musician and working part-time somewhere?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, just some gigs here and there and a little part-time here and there.\u00a0 I told him the first thing he needs is to get a job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what did he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 He said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 He was ready, I\u2019ll tell you this.\u00a0 You don\u2019t find many young men who have the willingness to do what I asked him to do and to think about these things; but he was motivated.\u00a0 You know, a man in love is crazy.\u00a0 He\u2019ll do anything you tell him, even if it\u2019s wrong.\u00a0 He went out and got a job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you felt like that was important, foundational, because there does need to be a sense that, \u201cMy role as a provider is an important part of the equation of what this relationship is going to look like\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s critical that a man be a provider.\u00a0 I will make one footnote:\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to make more money than your wife.\u201d\u00a0 You may not even make enough money to survive on without a second income.\u00a0 There\u2019s just too wide a range for me to throw that out and say that has to be the case; but a man is supposed to be a provider because when he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, he\u2019s leaving the provision of his father and the caretaking of his mother and starting an entirely new unit in which he is the provider and she is the caregiver.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this society, you may not make as much money as your wife.\u00a0 If your wife is a lawyer, and you\u2019re a guy who does landscaping, it could be completely unequal; but your wife has to see you providing for her\u2014for her environment, for her security\u2014that you\u2019re willing to go out there and hack at it every single day, no matter what the financial results are.\u00a0 Now, of course, you can get into a long counseling session on careers and better options and more education.\u00a0 Anytime you can better yourself, that\u2019s fine; but the demonstration of provision is what I was getting at.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, just on a practical level, how are you going to make ends meet if you are still in school, for example?\u00a0 I know people who have gotten married while they were still in school.\u00a0 They graduate with more debt.\u00a0 It weighs down that first year of marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s probably better to postpone and to think, you know, \u201cIf we want to do this?\u201d and the right timing.\u00a0 It would be better to wait until you can get into something.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s not your lifetime vocation; but you must get into the work world because I\u2019m going to tell you, you\u2019ll learn something in the work world you haven\u2019t learned yet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually tie a man\u2019s work to his romance.\u00a0 Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know a work ethic can be sexy.\u00a0 My dad was an accountant, and in the traditional World War II style, you know\u2014just a very quiet guy; but he had the John Wayne-appeal of getting out there day after day after day.\u00a0 My mom respected that.\u00a0 She thought it was\u2014that was security.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, in the old-school way of thinking, your parents would ask you, \u201cWell, what does he do?\u00a0 Is he going to be able to provide for you and take care of you?\u201d\u00a0 That was a critical\u2014I mean, that\u2019s almost disappeared from young people\u2019s thinking today is, \u201cCan he provide for you?\u201d because women are supposed to be independent anyway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess, when Mary Ann and I were dating, she had graduated college a year before me.\u00a0 She was a registered nurse and was making decent money as a registered nurse.\u00a0 I was still getting my degree in communications, which doesn\u2019t come with registered- nurse income on the back side of that.\u00a0 We had dated for three years, she was ready, and she had the income.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 The reason I couldn\u2019t do it was there was something inside of me that said, \u201cUntil I know, kind of at my core, that I can provide for her, that I can get the job and sustain it, I can\u2019t take the plunge and ask her to be my wife.\u201d\u00a0 I do think that God has put in the heart of men a sense of responsibility that comes with getting married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with you, Bob.\u00a0 Ephesians 5:33 says, \u201cNevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.\u201d\u00a0 A part of what we\u2019re talking about here is a man who sacrificially goes out there and conquers kingdoms for his wife.\u00a0 It may be being a CPA, it may be being an entrepreneur\u2014but the point is, \u201cYou get a job and you provide.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second half of Ephesians 5:33 says, \u201cAnd the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.\u201d\u00a0 The wife is commanded to respect her husband\u2014period\u2014but a man needs to be a man worthy of that respect, in character and in his duty, and in that sacrificial love that that passage begins with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what kind of practical guidance did you give to this guy that you were counseling in terms of getting a job?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the first thing I told him was, \u201cDon\u2019t assume you have to do what you love for your first job.\u201d\u00a0 Because he\u2019s a musician, he wanted to make a living as a musician.\u00a0 After we talked through how that looked\u2014and he tried a couple of things that didn\u2019t work out so well\u2014I said, \u201cI think you realize that that\u2019s your love.\u00a0 You can pursue it, but your first job\u2014my first job was not one that I was in love with, but I did it because it was necessary.\u00a0 Then I looked for better opportunities and went from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you counsel young men to deny themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sacrifice is part of the deal.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want to sacrifice, you should have stayed single.\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot easier ways to move through the Christian life, and I think I have St. Paul on my side when I say that a single man is easier to do whatever he has to do.\u00a0 He is more mobile, he can sleep on the sofa on his buddy\u2019s house, and he can call his own shots; but when you have another person to provide for, you\u2019ve taken on a responsibility that, I think, is a biblical challenge.\u00a0 It causes you to grow up. So yes, you sacrifice and take a job that you don\u2019t love.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re not talking about locking in for 40 years.\u00a0 Get something, start, and you\u2019re going to learn something about yourself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had made a personal commitment when I was pursuing Ann for all those years\u2014we met when we were 15, so this kind of grew over time.\u00a0 I knew that I would not ask her to marry me, or even really pursue it seriously, until I had had a full-time career-based job for one year, at least.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also advise young men to, \u201cShut up and talk.\u201d\u00a0 What does that mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was my description of communication because there\u2019s a number of us men who could go on and on about the last movie we saw or this cool thing we did with fantasy football picks.\u00a0 We could talk, and talk, and talk and never communicate with our wives.\u00a0 What I learned, and have\u2014well, from the beginning, even up until, let\u2019s see, about an hour ago...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 My wife called me here to ask me something\u2014is that it helps to shut up about what you think is so fascinating and ask her questions, even if you dread the answer and the journalistic detail you\u2019re going to get.\u00a0 If your wife is talking, she\u2019s bonding.\u00a0 She\u2019s not an irritation or a waste of time; she\u2019s your covenant partner.\u00a0 In order for her to get out of her soul what needs to come out, it\u2019s going to be through talking.\u00a0 You have to ask questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you say, \u201cShut up and talk.\u201d\u00a0 What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, shut up on the stuff you think is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Such as.\u00a0 Such as...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your collection of Kung Fu movies, or what you\u2019d do if that guy\u2019s dog comes back in your yard, and all the stuff that just pops in your head.\u00a0 You need to say, \u201cWell, how was your day?\u201d instead of coming home and starting off complaining.\u00a0 Sometimes, she\u2019s going to want to communicate.\u00a0 As my wife says, \u201cThe first 20 minutes of what I have to say is like throwing up.\u00a0 You\u2019re just going to have to let it come out, as bad as it is.\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to fix it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know this is going to sound crazy, but after she\u2019s poured all this out, you have to ask her more questions.\u00a0 If she ever gets to the point where she says, \u201cHoney, I think we need to talk,\u201d do not ever reply, \u201cOkay, what do you want to talk about?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a trap.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou should start off with something like, \u201cWell, I have noticed that you\u2019ve been on such-and-such a topic lately,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve noticed that you\u2019ve been a little tense,\u201d or \u201cI think that there\u2019s something I need to apologize for before we get into any deep communication,\u201d or \u201cWould you like to go out and have a cup of coffee while we do talk about what you want to talk about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 In fact, one of the best things I could have done in my first year of marriage would have been to have practiced the discipline of taking a walk, or of going and getting a cup of coffee and removing all distractions, including this little device that we hold in our hands that has a screen on it.\u00a0 You can\u2019t listen to your wife and look at that thing at the same time, right Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m still working on that.\u00a0 I think there may be a way to do it.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to be absolute on that.\u00a0 I\u2019m just trying to\u2014you know\u2014well, we\u2019ll see.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s easier for men, as you know, to be the center of things.\u00a0 If you\u2019re in a group of men, you basically tolerate their discussion until you get to talk about your job, or what you do, or what you like\u2014just in the back of your mind is that setting.\u00a0 With your wife, she\u2019s got a whole list of things you\u2019ve never thought of, and things are evolving in your first year together that neither one of you thought of.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to pop up to her first, most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I thought you made a suggestion in the book that was helpful.\u00a0 Again, it may be counter-intuitive for a lot of guys or it may be scary for a lot of guys; but as your wife is unburdening her soul, as she\u2019s sharing about frustrations from the day or whatever is going on, one of the things you suggested is to let her do that and then say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Can we just pray about that?\u201d and take her by the hand and lead her in prayer.\u00a0 There is nothing that provides a sense of security and strength for a wife than for a husband to take that kind of initiative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just interrupt you for a moment.\u00a0 Do not offer those prayers too quickly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Make sure the boxcar has been unloaded before you offer to pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to land the plane when there\u2019s still some fuel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could sound like you\u2019ve been listening to Jess MacCallum, you\u2019ve read his book on <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and you\u2019ve reduced your relationship to an equation.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we\u2019re looking at \u2013the opportunity is to learn about your wife.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the communication is:\u00a0 to get her going, get her talking and processing\u2014because truthfully, you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re going to say until you open your mouth.\u00a0 No one can memorize the last 20 sentences we just had; but we have a concept and somehow, and this is the way God magically put us together, once the words come out of the mouth, that\u2019s the overflow of the heart, plus the brain, plus the concept, and then there it is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou learn a lot about your wife when you start to listen to that, without jumping in to fix it.\u00a0 Leading in prayer can be misconstrued as manipulation.\u00a0 It\u2019s a spiritual way of saying, \u201cConversation\u2019s over.\u00a0 We\u2019re done.\u00a0 It should be fixed by now; but if you bring it up again, it\u2019s going to be more of a spiritual issue for you, not a problem that I have.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also, Jess, talk about a topic that I think is very important for a young man starting out his marriage.\u00a0 You talk about, \u201cTelling the boys when to leave.\u201d\u00a0 Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, a lot of guys have a group of friends or a certain guy they hang out with a lot.\u00a0 Even while they\u2019re dating, they\u2019re either double dating or they\u2019re still kind of sharing time.\u00a0 Once that covenant begins and the marriage life begins, it\u2019s disloyal to make your wife say when enough is enough.\u00a0 You should be the one setting parameters to keep the household under the leadership God assigned to you.\u00a0 You never blame your wife and say, \u201cGuys, look, my wife\u2019s going to be really upset.\u00a0 Can we get...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you hide behind her skirts, it makes you look weak, it undermines your relationship, and those guys are laughing about it.\u00a0 If they need to be told privately and say, \u201cLook.\u00a0 This is the new lay of the land.\u00a0 You guys will never even compete with my wife.\u00a0 She will always be first; there is not even a second place.\u201d\u00a0 They need to be told that, perhaps even individually, if they don\u2019t get the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is a huge deal because young men are getting married later and later in life.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got all these video games they\u2019ve been playing with their buddies, things they go do\u2014they\u2019ve been used to doing on the weekends and during\u2014well, on weeknights.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA man\u2014and I want the young man to really hear what we said there.\u00a0 Jess just gave you an important piece of advice.\u00a0 Your loyalty is to be demonstrated toward your wife.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it means to leave, cleave, and become one.\u00a0 Your actions around that\u2014well, they will speak louder than your words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So do you have a \u201cboy\u2019s night out,\u201d you know, once a month, once a week?\u00a0 I mean, can you get together with the guys and just hang?\u00a0 Does she have a \u201cgirl\u2019s night out\u201d?\u00a0 Where does that fit in the first year of marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That fits in one of those conversations you go out to coffee and you talk about because every one of the relationships is unique.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a friend of mine who\u2019s going through that right now.\u00a0 It used to be \u201cGrand Central Station\u201d at his house, with a guy\u2019s night on Wednesdays on top of that.\u00a0 Now that he\u2019s married, he\u2019s scaled it back to Wednesday nights.\u00a0 She sets up something, he has his friends over, and it\u2019s been very amiable for their relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I think it\u2019s really key in the midst of this for your wife not to have the sense that your night out with the guys\u2014man, \u201cYou love that!\u201d\u00a0 Spending time with her\u2014you know, \u201cThat\u2019s okay, but you really can\u2019t wait until Friday night when you get to go out with the guys!\u201d\u00a0 That sends a message in marriage that says, \u201cMarriage is okay, but I\u2019m still kind of a single guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, there\u2019s a little bit of singleness left in all guys when they\u2019re first married.\u00a0 You\u2019ve really taken on a whole new dimension.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I did.\u00a0 I think you guys probably started off much better than I did, but...\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a dangerous assumption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we do is:\u00a0 We learn each other that first year, especially.\u00a0 This is why it takes a little patience and a lot of communication on both sides to come out with a solution that fits both of you.\u00a0\u00a0 But yes, you don\u2019t want to communicate competition with your wife on any level\u2014not the guy\u2019s night, not her family, not your family, not your job.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of becoming a loyal leader, a protector, so she doesn\u2019t feel like she\u2019s being supplanted or competed with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The big idea of this broadcast\u2014I want our listeners to catch this.\u00a0 First of all, you need to be, as a newly-married, under the wing of someone who is preparing you and walking you through those first months and the first years of marriage.\u00a0 A mentor will make all the difference in the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond big idea, though all of us are called to be disciples of Jesus Christ, the word disciple means\u201d learner\u201d and to be learning about how Christ called you to love your bride or your husband.\u00a0 That\u2019s all a part of the disciple-making process that the Holy Spirit wants to accomplish in your soul and in your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re both, as a husband and wife, engaged in following Christ, you know what?\u00a0 The road will still be steep at times, it will be dark at others; but you know, it will be meaningful, you will be growing, and you\u2019ll become a better person in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve said many times on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>that marriage was part of God\u2019s process to finish growing you up\u2014that you weren\u2019t there and you had a few years to go before you got grown up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Jess helped his friend out, who was the musician\u2014helped him grow up in advance of getting married.\u00a0 I hate to think what would have happened, Jess, if he hadn\u2019t run across you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the Lord provides.\u00a0 What\u2019s the old saying?\u00a0 \u201cWhen a student is ready, a teacher will appear.\u201d\u00a0 The Lord will bring a teacher to someone who has a heart like his, I believe; but I learned a lot in the process of what\u2019s missing in this generation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of this book may not apply to older people who are getting married for the first time because they have a career or they have established good communication.\u00a0 One of my best friends just got married a week-and-a-half ago.\u00a0 He\u2019s 51 years old. Even he didn\u2019t think he was ever going to get married, and God completely opened up this relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book doesn\u2019t apply to him in some areas because he\u2019s an outstanding teacher, has a great established career.\u00a0 He is a provider; but the communication part, some of the other relationship issues with other people coming and going\u2014these are universal principles that, when I reread the book once in a while, I get a lot of what I learned from taking this guy through this a few years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a half a dozen of my sons\u2019 friends who are right in the middle of this.\u00a0 They\u2019re either getting married or have recently gotten married.\u00a0 This kind of practical counsel\u2014these reminders\u2014are helpful for any husband.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of Jess MacCallum\u2019s book, <em>Put the Seat Down, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a companion book to this called <em>He\u2019s Not a Mind Reader<\/em> that offers counsel for women in the first months or years of marriage as well.\u00a0 There\u2019s information available about both of these books online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Go to the website or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY,\u201d\u00a0 to get more information about either or both of these books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve said for years that one of the best things that a couple can do before they get married, or in the first year of marriage, is to attend one of our FamilyLife<em> Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways<em>. <\/em>\u00a0The getaways are about to launch here in the month of September.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got, I think, about four dozen events taking place between now and Christmas.\u00a0 There\u2019s more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>\u00a0marriage getaways<em>.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk for just a minute to those of you who have listened to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for any length of time but have never gotten in touch with us to make a donation.\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 Those donations are what make it possible for us to be on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country.\u00a0 During the month of August, we\u2019re hoping to hear from 2,000 listeners who have listened for a while but have never made a first-time donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ll do that this month\u2014you make a donation for the first time\u2014and if that donation is $100 or more, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank-you gift a certificate so that you and your spouse, or friends you know, can attend one of these upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways as our guests.\u00a0 It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for stepping up and making a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com and, as you fill out the donation form, again, if you\u2019re a first-time donor, your donation is $100 or more, all you have to do is type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you that certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can\u2019t make a $100 donation but you do want to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> we\u2019d like to send you a CD set that features six of the messages from the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway<em>, <\/em>messages that Dennis and I shared recently at one of these getaways, talking about resolving conflict in marriage, improving your communication, sexual intimacy, and understanding God\u2019s plan for marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive that CD set, just type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 We will send that out to anybody who requests it this month when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A<\/em>gain, we\u2019re hoping that those of you who have never made a donation will step forward and do that this month.\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve got a goal:\u00a0 We\u2019d like to hear from 2,000 of you who are regular listeners but have never made a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a little thermometer on our website that\u2019s keeping track of how we\u2019re doing toward that goal.\u00a0 We hope to hear from you this month, and we just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 We appreciate you and are glad to have you listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope that you\u2019ll be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Jess MacCallum is going to be here.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue providing counsel for husbands in the early years of marriage\u2014and some good reminders for all of us, for that matter.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.5M"],"filesize_raw":["27786189"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302333.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302333.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px 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does it take to be a good husband?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-08-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you\u2019re making plans to get married anytime soon, have you taken a good, hard, long look at the benefits of singleness that you\u2019re going to be giving up?\u00a0 Here\u2019s Jess MacCallum.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sacrifice is part of the deal.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want to sacrifice, you should have stayed single.\u00a0 There are a lot easier ways to move through the Christian life, and I think I have St. Paul on my side when I say the single man is easier to do whatever he has to do.\u00a0 He is more mobile, he can sleep on the sofa at his buddy\u2019s house, and he can call his own shots; but when you have another person to provide for, you\u2019ve taken on a responsibility.\u00a0 It causes you to grow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Wednesday, August 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife\u00ae, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Now understand me:\u00a0 We are pro-marriage, right?\u00a0 You also need to understand there are some sacrifices that come with saying, \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You think we\u2019ve got many newbies listening today?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had to rank it on a degree of difficulty\u2014first year of marriage, scale of one to ten, degree of difficulty.\u00a0 What would you give it, for you and Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nine point five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was it hard for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, man.\u00a0 Was it tough!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 See, for us, it was just not that hard.\u00a0 I mean, if you asked Mary Ann to go back to the first year...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You just told her she was right every time she said anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We were na\u00efve; and as long as you stay kind of oblivious, it\u2019s not that difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just attended a wedding not too long ago for a friend whose name is Molly, and she married Max.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about her as we speak to Max today about the first year of marriage.\u00a0 Let me just set the context for this because\u2014well, let me just ask our guest, Jess MacCallum, if he\u2019s aware of Deuteronomy 24:5.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m sure I\u2019ve read it at some point, so I am aware of it in the subconscious level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, that\u2019s a highly-religious answer, Jess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure I\u2019ve read it at some point.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 The gist of it is that in Israel, during the first year of marriage, a young man was excused from military service or any severe duty so that he could stay at home and make his wife happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You got it.\u00a0 You nailed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t bluffing was he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You thought you were going to pull one over on old Jess, didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess called it up off the back screen there.\u00a0 Share with our listeners how you came upon this topic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes.\u00a0 It was a home group, and I knew this young man for some time.\u00a0 They\u2019d been coming to the home group; and one day, out of the blue, he pops in and says, \u201cI\u2019d like you to disciple me.\u201d\u00a0 I thought about it for a minute and I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s no way he really knows what that concept is.\u201d There was a young lady across the room; and I said, \u201cIt\u2019s her, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes, it\u2019s her.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re serious about her?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYep, I really am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, she was way ahead of him in terms of going and getting it.\u00a0 She was at a Bible college there in Columbia, South Carolina, where I lived for two years while her parents were missionaries in the Philippines.\u00a0 She lived with us during the summers, had a part-time job.\u00a0 She was just on about her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was in his early twenties, no college education to speak of, no job, still living at home, and was a musician.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have a lot together.\u00a0 He kind of came to me; and I said, \u201cAlright, we need to meet as long as you\u2019re dating my foster daughter,\u201d as we called her.\u00a0 Her curfew in the summers was two hours earlier than the Bible college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 He was not allowed to come in after that evening, and he was not allowed to see her if he didn\u2019t meet with me on Wednesday mornings for breakfast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you really laid down the law with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was my requirement for the time it would take to meet with him and get this thing, if he really wanted it.\u00a0 He was serious, and I think he was.\u00a0 He had a really noble heart, a very noble-hearted guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like where you start the book because you go immediately to what a man does in terms of his job.\u00a0 I really agree with you here.\u00a0 For a young man to start a marriage, he needs to have a vocation, a place of work where he\u2019s providing for the young lady.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a lot of people, their first jobs are not going to be their vocation; but their work ethic is important.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t show your wife, your new wife, or the woman you want to marry, and especially her parents, that you have a work ethic\u2014that you can and are willing to stick his neck out there and do it\u2014but we have a mentality, \u201cThat we\u2019ll just kind of\u2014well, we\u2019ll survive on our love.\u201d\u00a0 I thought it was important to lay the foundation as, \u201cYou might be able to do a first year unemployed, but I can tell you it\u2019s going to be one of the worst first years you could have ever had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you sat down with him at breakfast, he\u2019s a musician and working part-time somewhere?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, just some gigs here and there and a little part-time here and there.\u00a0 I told him the first thing he needs is to get a job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what did he say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 He said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 He was ready, I\u2019ll tell you this.\u00a0 You don\u2019t find many young men who have the willingness to do what I asked him to do and to think about these things; but he was motivated.\u00a0 You know, a man in love is crazy.\u00a0 He\u2019ll do anything you tell him, even if it\u2019s wrong.\u00a0 He went out and got a job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you felt like that was important, foundational, because there does need to be a sense that, \u201cMy role as a provider is an important part of the equation of what this relationship is going to look like\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it\u2019s critical that a man be a provider.\u00a0 I will make one footnote:\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to make more money than your wife.\u201d\u00a0 You may not even make enough money to survive on without a second income.\u00a0 There\u2019s just too wide a range for me to throw that out and say that has to be the case; but a man is supposed to be a provider because when he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, he\u2019s leaving the provision of his father and the caretaking of his mother and starting an entirely new unit in which he is the provider and she is the caregiver.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this society, you may not make as much money as your wife.\u00a0 If your wife is a lawyer, and you\u2019re a guy who does landscaping, it could be completely unequal; but your wife has to see you providing for her\u2014for her environment, for her security\u2014that you\u2019re willing to go out there and hack at it every single day, no matter what the financial results are.\u00a0 Now, of course, you can get into a long counseling session on careers and better options and more education.\u00a0 Anytime you can better yourself, that\u2019s fine; but the demonstration of provision is what I was getting at.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, just on a practical level, how are you going to make ends meet if you are still in school, for example?\u00a0 I know people who have gotten married while they were still in school.\u00a0 They graduate with more debt.\u00a0 It weighs down that first year of marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s probably better to postpone and to think, you know, \u201cIf we want to do this?\u201d and the right timing.\u00a0 It would be better to wait until you can get into something.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s not your lifetime vocation; but you must get into the work world because I\u2019m going to tell you, you\u2019ll learn something in the work world you haven\u2019t learned yet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually tie a man\u2019s work to his romance.\u00a0 Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know a work ethic can be sexy.\u00a0 My dad was an accountant, and in the traditional World War II style, you know\u2014just a very quiet guy; but he had the John Wayne-appeal of getting out there day after day after day.\u00a0 My mom respected that.\u00a0 She thought it was\u2014that was security.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, in the old-school way of thinking, your parents would ask you, \u201cWell, what does he do?\u00a0 Is he going to be able to provide for you and take care of you?\u201d\u00a0 That was a critical\u2014I mean, that\u2019s almost disappeared from young people\u2019s thinking today is, \u201cCan he provide for you?\u201d because women are supposed to be independent anyway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess, when Mary Ann and I were dating, she had graduated college a year before me.\u00a0 She was a registered nurse and was making decent money as a registered nurse.\u00a0 I was still getting my degree in communications, which doesn\u2019t come with registered- nurse income on the back side of that.\u00a0 We had dated for three years, she was ready, and she had the income.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 The reason I couldn\u2019t do it was there was something inside of me that said, \u201cUntil I know, kind of at my core, that I can provide for her, that I can get the job and sustain it, I can\u2019t take the plunge and ask her to be my wife.\u201d\u00a0 I do think that God has put in the heart of men a sense of responsibility that comes with getting married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree with you, Bob.\u00a0 Ephesians 5:33 says, \u201cNevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.\u201d\u00a0 A part of what we\u2019re talking about here is a man who sacrificially goes out there and conquers kingdoms for his wife.\u00a0 It may be being a CPA, it may be being an entrepreneur\u2014but the point is, \u201cYou get a job and you provide.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second half of Ephesians 5:33 says, \u201cAnd the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.\u201d\u00a0 The wife is commanded to respect her husband\u2014period\u2014but a man needs to be a man worthy of that respect, in character and in his duty, and in that sacrificial love that that passage begins with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what kind of practical guidance did you give to this guy that you were counseling in terms of getting a job?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the first thing I told him was, \u201cDon\u2019t assume you have to do what you love for your first job.\u201d\u00a0 Because he\u2019s a musician, he wanted to make a living as a musician.\u00a0 After we talked through how that looked\u2014and he tried a couple of things that didn\u2019t work out so well\u2014I said, \u201cI think you realize that that\u2019s your love.\u00a0 You can pursue it, but your first job\u2014my first job was not one that I was in love with, but I did it because it was necessary.\u00a0 Then I looked for better opportunities and went from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you counsel young men to deny themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sacrifice is part of the deal.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want to sacrifice, you should have stayed single.\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot easier ways to move through the Christian life, and I think I have St. Paul on my side when I say that a single man is easier to do whatever he has to do.\u00a0 He is more mobile, he can sleep on the sofa on his buddy\u2019s house, and he can call his own shots; but when you have another person to provide for, you\u2019ve taken on a responsibility that, I think, is a biblical challenge.\u00a0 It causes you to grow up. So yes, you sacrifice and take a job that you don\u2019t love.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re not talking about locking in for 40 years.\u00a0 Get something, start, and you\u2019re going to learn something about yourself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had made a personal commitment when I was pursuing Ann for all those years\u2014we met when we were 15, so this kind of grew over time.\u00a0 I knew that I would not ask her to marry me, or even really pursue it seriously, until I had had a full-time career-based job for one year, at least.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also advise young men to, \u201cShut up and talk.\u201d\u00a0 What does that mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was my description of communication because there\u2019s a number of us men who could go on and on about the last movie we saw or this cool thing we did with fantasy football picks.\u00a0 We could talk, and talk, and talk and never communicate with our wives.\u00a0 What I learned, and have\u2014well, from the beginning, even up until, let\u2019s see, about an hour ago...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 My wife called me here to ask me something\u2014is that it helps to shut up about what you think is so fascinating and ask her questions, even if you dread the answer and the journalistic detail you\u2019re going to get.\u00a0 If your wife is talking, she\u2019s bonding.\u00a0 She\u2019s not an irritation or a waste of time; she\u2019s your covenant partner.\u00a0 In order for her to get out of her soul what needs to come out, it\u2019s going to be through talking.\u00a0 You have to ask questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but you say, \u201cShut up and talk.\u201d\u00a0 What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, shut up on the stuff you think is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Such as.\u00a0 Such as...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your collection of Kung Fu movies, or what you\u2019d do if that guy\u2019s dog comes back in your yard, and all the stuff that just pops in your head.\u00a0 You need to say, \u201cWell, how was your day?\u201d instead of coming home and starting off complaining.\u00a0 Sometimes, she\u2019s going to want to communicate.\u00a0 As my wife says, \u201cThe first 20 minutes of what I have to say is like throwing up.\u00a0 You\u2019re just going to have to let it come out, as bad as it is.\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to fix it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know this is going to sound crazy, but after she\u2019s poured all this out, you have to ask her more questions.\u00a0 If she ever gets to the point where she says, \u201cHoney, I think we need to talk,\u201d do not ever reply, \u201cOkay, what do you want to talk about?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a trap.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou should start off with something like, \u201cWell, I have noticed that you\u2019ve been on such-and-such a topic lately,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve noticed that you\u2019ve been a little tense,\u201d or \u201cI think that there\u2019s something I need to apologize for before we get into any deep communication,\u201d or \u201cWould you like to go out and have a cup of coffee while we do talk about what you want to talk about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go.\u00a0 In fact, one of the best things I could have done in my first year of marriage would have been to have practiced the discipline of taking a walk, or of going and getting a cup of coffee and removing all distractions, including this little device that we hold in our hands that has a screen on it.\u00a0 You can\u2019t listen to your wife and look at that thing at the same time, right Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m still working on that.\u00a0 I think there may be a way to do it.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to be absolute on that.\u00a0 I\u2019m just trying to\u2014you know\u2014well, we\u2019ll see.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s easier for men, as you know, to be the center of things.\u00a0 If you\u2019re in a group of men, you basically tolerate their discussion until you get to talk about your job, or what you do, or what you like\u2014just in the back of your mind is that setting.\u00a0 With your wife, she\u2019s got a whole list of things you\u2019ve never thought of, and things are evolving in your first year together that neither one of you thought of.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to pop up to her first, most of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I thought you made a suggestion in the book that was helpful.\u00a0 Again, it may be counter-intuitive for a lot of guys or it may be scary for a lot of guys; but as your wife is unburdening her soul, as she\u2019s sharing about frustrations from the day or whatever is going on, one of the things you suggested is to let her do that and then say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 Can we just pray about that?\u201d and take her by the hand and lead her in prayer.\u00a0 There is nothing that provides a sense of security and strength for a wife than for a husband to take that kind of initiative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just interrupt you for a moment.\u00a0 Do not offer those prayers too quickly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Make sure the boxcar has been unloaded before you offer to pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to land the plane when there\u2019s still some fuel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could sound like you\u2019ve been listening to Jess MacCallum, you\u2019ve read his book on <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and you\u2019ve reduced your relationship to an equation.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we\u2019re looking at \u2013the opportunity is to learn about your wife.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the communication is:\u00a0 to get her going, get her talking and processing\u2014because truthfully, you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re going to say until you open your mouth.\u00a0 No one can memorize the last 20 sentences we just had; but we have a concept and somehow, and this is the way God magically put us together, once the words come out of the mouth, that\u2019s the overflow of the heart, plus the brain, plus the concept, and then there it is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou learn a lot about your wife when you start to listen to that, without jumping in to fix it.\u00a0 Leading in prayer can be misconstrued as manipulation.\u00a0 It\u2019s a spiritual way of saying, \u201cConversation\u2019s over.\u00a0 We\u2019re done.\u00a0 It should be fixed by now; but if you bring it up again, it\u2019s going to be more of a spiritual issue for you, not a problem that I have.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also, Jess, talk about a topic that I think is very important for a young man starting out his marriage.\u00a0 You talk about, \u201cTelling the boys when to leave.\u201d\u00a0 Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, a lot of guys have a group of friends or a certain guy they hang out with a lot.\u00a0 Even while they\u2019re dating, they\u2019re either double dating or they\u2019re still kind of sharing time.\u00a0 Once that covenant begins and the marriage life begins, it\u2019s disloyal to make your wife say when enough is enough.\u00a0 You should be the one setting parameters to keep the household under the leadership God assigned to you.\u00a0 You never blame your wife and say, \u201cGuys, look, my wife\u2019s going to be really upset.\u00a0 Can we get...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you hide behind her skirts, it makes you look weak, it undermines your relationship, and those guys are laughing about it.\u00a0 If they need to be told privately and say, \u201cLook.\u00a0 This is the new lay of the land.\u00a0 You guys will never even compete with my wife.\u00a0 She will always be first; there is not even a second place.\u201d\u00a0 They need to be told that, perhaps even individually, if they don\u2019t get the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is a huge deal because young men are getting married later and later in life.\u00a0 They\u2019ve got all these video games they\u2019ve been playing with their buddies, things they go do\u2014they\u2019ve been used to doing on the weekends and during\u2014well, on weeknights.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA man\u2014and I want the young man to really hear what we said there.\u00a0 Jess just gave you an important piece of advice.\u00a0 Your loyalty is to be demonstrated toward your wife.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it means to leave, cleave, and become one.\u00a0 Your actions around that\u2014well, they will speak louder than your words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So do you have a \u201cboy\u2019s night out,\u201d you know, once a month, once a week?\u00a0 I mean, can you get together with the guys and just hang?\u00a0 Does she have a \u201cgirl\u2019s night out\u201d?\u00a0 Where does that fit in the first year of marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 That fits in one of those conversations you go out to coffee and you talk about because every one of the relationships is unique.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got a friend of mine who\u2019s going through that right now.\u00a0 It used to be \u201cGrand Central Station\u201d at his house, with a guy\u2019s night on Wednesdays on top of that.\u00a0 Now that he\u2019s married, he\u2019s scaled it back to Wednesday nights.\u00a0 She sets up something, he has his friends over, and it\u2019s been very amiable for their relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I think it\u2019s really key in the midst of this for your wife not to have the sense that your night out with the guys\u2014man, \u201cYou love that!\u201d\u00a0 Spending time with her\u2014you know, \u201cThat\u2019s okay, but you really can\u2019t wait until Friday night when you get to go out with the guys!\u201d\u00a0 That sends a message in marriage that says, \u201cMarriage is okay, but I\u2019m still kind of a single guy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, there\u2019s a little bit of singleness left in all guys when they\u2019re first married.\u00a0 You\u2019ve really taken on a whole new dimension.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I did.\u00a0 I think you guys probably started off much better than I did, but...\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a dangerous assumption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we do is:\u00a0 We learn each other that first year, especially.\u00a0 This is why it takes a little patience and a lot of communication on both sides to come out with a solution that fits both of you.\u00a0\u00a0 But yes, you don\u2019t want to communicate competition with your wife on any level\u2014not the guy\u2019s night, not her family, not your family, not your job.\u00a0 That\u2019s part of becoming a loyal leader, a protector, so she doesn\u2019t feel like she\u2019s being supplanted or competed with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The big idea of this broadcast\u2014I want our listeners to catch this.\u00a0 First of all, you need to be, as a newly-married, under the wing of someone who is preparing you and walking you through those first months and the first years of marriage.\u00a0 A mentor will make all the difference in the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond big idea, though all of us are called to be disciples of Jesus Christ, the word disciple means\u201d learner\u201d and to be learning about how Christ called you to love your bride or your husband.\u00a0 That\u2019s all a part of the disciple-making process that the Holy Spirit wants to accomplish in your soul and in your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re both, as a husband and wife, engaged in following Christ, you know what?\u00a0 The road will still be steep at times, it will be dark at others; but you know, it will be meaningful, you will be growing, and you\u2019ll become a better person in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve said many times on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>that marriage was part of God\u2019s process to finish growing you up\u2014that you weren\u2019t there and you had a few years to go before you got grown up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Jess helped his friend out, who was the musician\u2014helped him grow up in advance of getting married.\u00a0 I hate to think what would have happened, Jess, if he hadn\u2019t run across you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jess:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the Lord provides.\u00a0 What\u2019s the old saying?\u00a0 \u201cWhen a student is ready, a teacher will appear.\u201d\u00a0 The Lord will bring a teacher to someone who has a heart like his, I believe; but I learned a lot in the process of what\u2019s missing in this generation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of this book may not apply to older people who are getting married for the first time because they have a career or they have established good communication.\u00a0 One of my best friends just got married a week-and-a-half ago.\u00a0 He\u2019s 51 years old. Even he didn\u2019t think he was ever going to get married, and God completely opened up this relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book doesn\u2019t apply to him in some areas because he\u2019s an outstanding teacher, has a great established career.\u00a0 He is a provider; but the communication part, some of the other relationship issues with other people coming and going\u2014these are universal principles that, when I reread the book once in a while, I get a lot of what I learned from taking this guy through this a few years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of a half a dozen of my sons\u2019 friends who are right in the middle of this.\u00a0 They\u2019re either getting married or have recently gotten married.\u00a0 This kind of practical counsel\u2014these reminders\u2014are helpful for any husband.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of Jess MacCallum\u2019s book, <em>Put the Seat Down, <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a companion book to this called <em>He\u2019s Not a Mind Reader<\/em> that offers counsel for women in the first months or years of marriage as well.\u00a0 There\u2019s information available about both of these books online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Go to the website or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY,\u201d\u00a0 to get more information about either or both of these books.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve said for years that one of the best things that a couple can do before they get married, or in the first year of marriage, is to attend one of our FamilyLife<em> Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways<em>. <\/em>\u00a0The getaways are about to launch here in the month of September.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got, I think, about four dozen events taking place between now and Christmas.\u00a0 There\u2019s more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>\u00a0marriage getaways<em>.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk for just a minute to those of you who have listened to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for any length of time but have never gotten in touch with us to make a donation.\u00a0 We\u2019re listener-supported.\u00a0 Those donations are what make it possible for us to be on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country.\u00a0 During the month of August, we\u2019re hoping to hear from 2,000 listeners who have listened for a while but have never made a first-time donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ll do that this month\u2014you make a donation for the first time\u2014and if that donation is $100 or more, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank-you gift a certificate so that you and your spouse, or friends you know, can attend one of these upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways as our guests.\u00a0 It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for stepping up and making a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com and, as you fill out the donation form, again, if you\u2019re a first-time donor, your donation is $100 or more, all you have to do is type the word \u201cHUNDRED\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 We\u2019ll send you that certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can\u2019t make a $100 donation but you do want to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> we\u2019d like to send you a CD set that features six of the messages from the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway<em>, <\/em>messages that Dennis and I shared recently at one of these getaways, talking about resolving conflict in marriage, improving your communication, sexual intimacy, and understanding God\u2019s plan for marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive that CD set, just type the word \u201cSAMPLER\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 We will send that out to anybody who requests it this month when you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A<\/em>gain, we\u2019re hoping that those of you who have never made a donation will step forward and do that this month.\u00a0 In fact, we\u2019ve got a goal:\u00a0 We\u2019d like to hear from 2,000 of you who are regular listeners but have never made a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a little thermometer on our website that\u2019s keeping track of how we\u2019re doing toward that goal.\u00a0 We hope to hear from you this month, and we just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 We appreciate you and are glad to have you listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope that you\u2019ll be back with us again tomorrow.\u00a0 Jess MacCallum is going to be here.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue providing counsel for husbands in the early years of marriage\u2014and some good reminders for all of us, for that matter.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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