{"id":302325,"date":"2011-07-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/resolving-conflict-part-3\/"},"modified":"2011-07-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-27T15:00:00","slug":"resolving-conflict-part-3","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/resolving-conflict-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Resolving Conflict, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When conflict happens, forgiveness is a crucial step toward reconciliation in every marriage relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"20.23M","filesize_raw":"21215690","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2902],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7813],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302325","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resolving-conflict","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-weekend-to-remember-getaway-sampler","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302325\/resolving-conflict-part-3","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302325\/resolving-conflict-part-3","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NtiKpXyA2F\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/resolving-conflict-part-3\/\">Resolving Conflict, Part 3<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/resolving-conflict-part-3\/embed\/#?secret=NtiKpXyA2F\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Resolving Conflict, Part 3&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NtiKpXyA2F\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When conflict happens, forgiveness is a crucial step toward reconciliation in every marriage relationship.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Forgiveness is a Christian virtue, a Christian grace.\u00a0 That is the first step in what may be a long process of reconciliation and reestablishing trust.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Forgiveness that does not conclude with reconciliation is not true forgiveness at all.\u00a0 In fact, if this isn\u2019t a part of the process of forgiveness, forgiveness will be robbed of its significance and meaning.\u00a0 As men, we think that our wives ought to be able to flip a switch like we do and forgive; but it doesn\u2019t work that way.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for July 27<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<em>\u00ae<\/em>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to look today at how we grant forgiveness to another person and how we begin the process of rebuilding trust in a marriage.\u00a0 Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 There is a lot of cheap, shallow forgiveness.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know if you can call it forgiveness\u2014imitation forgiveness that goes on in marriage, don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is.\u00a0 Frankly, when it occurs, it makes our spouses angry if they sense a lack of sincerity or a true lack of sorrow that we really did hurt them.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you, sometimes, in the midst of life, you\u2019ve just got to get off the merry-go-round, stop everything that\u2019s going on, take your spouse\u2019s face in your hands, and say, \u201cI want you to listen to me for a second.\u00a0 I really am sorry for\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Then, spell it out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t say, \u201cIf I hurt you.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t say, \u201cIf it was wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Just take responsibility for whatever was your responsibility\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014and ask for forgiveness.\u00a0 Then, get busy rebuilding the bridge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did not do this well in the early years of my marriage.\u00a0 There was a lot of, \u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry if I hurt you.\u201d\u00a0 Well, it was obvious she was hurt.\u00a0 I mean, the \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I hurt you\u201d was my way of really saying, \u201cGet over it, you over-sensitive person.\u201d\u00a0 That was really what was behind my statement.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t really sorry if I hurt her; I was sorry that she was being so over-sensitive.\u00a0 It took my wife gently, kindly, lovingly, but firmly saying, \u201cThat\u2019s not an apology.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary Ann is not alone in her experience.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s not just you.\u00a0 I think we grow up developing bad habits, and not all the habits are corrected by our parents.\u00a0 Not all those corrections are absorbed by us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the process, what I think has to happen in marriage, you have to work through these things.\u00a0 I think, \u201cCome up with a common vocabulary of words of what it means to forgive\u2014that forgiveness means you give up the right to punish the other person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you ask for forgiveness, you wait for the other person to absorb your request.\u00a0 You give them space, perhaps, to not grant forgiveness immediately.\u00a0 Then, when forgiveness is granted and you move forward, you don\u2019t just run roughshod over the other person and flip a switch, acting like nothing ever happened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The greater the offense, the more time must elapse before trust can begin to be rebuilt and the relationship can be refreshed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our listeners today are going to hear you talk about these biblical principles for how we are to resolve conflict.\u00a0 This is from a recent FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, where you and I were both speaking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur hope is that not only will today\u2019s program help them understand how to resolve conflict in their marriage, but our hope is that they will come out and join us at one of the upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways when it comes to a city near where they live this fall.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be in more than four dozen cities all across the country.\u00a0 This is a great getaway weekend for couples, where you\u2019ll join with hundreds of other couples from all around your area.\u00a0 Together, you\u2019ll learn the biblical blueprints for building a stronger marriage.\u00a0 It\u2019s fun; it\u2019s relaxing; it\u2019s enjoyable.\u00a0 It is a great tune-up for a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to do anything publicly.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to stand up and confess something in front of the whole group.\u00a0 Also, by the way, you are going to be in a ballroom filled with other couples who have never been to a weekend getaway like this in all their married lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll be with couples who are married, everything from a few hours to 50 or 60 years.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got people of all ages and all walks of life, facing all kinds of issues.\u00a0 They\u2019re there to make a good marriage better or to turn a struggling marriage into a hope-filled marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re not kidding about a few hours, either.\u00a0 I remember being at a conference where the couple had gotten married at 4:00 that afternoon, and they came straight to the conference.\u00a0 She was in her wedding dress, and he was in his suit.\u00a0 I looked at them; and I said, \u201cYou know, we\u2019re going until 9:00 or 9:30 tonight.\u201d\u00a0 I think they left early.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener to join us and to try to do that.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what we\u2019re doing:\u00a0 If you will register and identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, you will save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 All you have to do is let us know that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 If you register online at FamilyLifeToday.com, you let us know you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> by typing my name.\u00a0 Type \u201cBOB\u201d in the online key code box.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and I want to register as a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> group.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we hear from you before the end of this month, in addition to the savings, we\u2019re going to send you a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>\u00ae.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fun game that couples can play together to learn more about one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is register online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Type my name, \u201cBOB\u201d, in the key code box.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Register over the phone and mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You\u2019ll save $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 Again, if we hear from you before the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you the <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>\u00ae game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you\u2019ll hear about improving communication in your marriage.\u00a0 You\u2019ll learn about God\u2019s purpose and plan for marriage.\u00a0 You\u2019ll learn about sexual intimacy, the role of a husband, the role of a wife.\u00a0 You\u2019ll learn about resolving conflict.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we\u2019re going to hear today.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear Part Three of a message from the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway on resolving conflict in your marriage.\u00a0 Here is Dennis Rainey with Part Three of that message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 (recorded message)\u00a0 Don\u2019t ever accuse your spouse.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ever do it in public;\u00a0 but approach confrontation carefully.\u00a0 Resist the urge, if you are confronted, by the way, to defend, manipulate, or accuse back.\u00a0 Some of us are attorneys, not by virtue of our career, but in terms of how we approach conflict.\u00a0 Basically, we think, \u201cIf you are going to take me down with evidence, I\u2019m going to pull out the fingerprints and take you down with me.\u201d\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t build a marriage.\u00a0 That tears it down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgree on the timing of when you will talk about your conflict.\u00a0 Sometimes, Barbara and I have had to realize we are both too tired, too emotionally-spent to talk about something.\u00a0 I know what the Bible says, \u201cDon\u2019t let the sun go down on your anger.\u201d\u00a0 I believe the Bible is very practical at this point to point us to a time when we can have a discussion so that we don\u2019t fuel additional anger.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber One:\u00a0 \u201cPray Together.\u201d\u00a0 Number Two:\u00a0 \u201cUnderstand the Anatomy of Anger.\u201d\u00a0 Number Three:\u00a0 \u201cApproach It with Loving Confrontation.\u201d\u00a0 Number Four:\u00a0 \u201cForgiveness,\u201d forgiveness.\u00a0 Ephesians 4:32 follows the verse I read earlier.\u00a0 \u201cAnd be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible teaches that Christians are responsible to seek and to grant forgiveness.\u00a0 It is not an option in the Christian faith.\u00a0 In fact, the Bible is all about forgiveness\u2014God forgiving us so that we can forgive others.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me ask you a question, \u201cWhat does it mean to ask forgiveness of someone?\u00a0 What does it mean to forgive someone?\u201d\u00a0 This is very important.\u00a0 Forgiveness, literally, means we give up the right to punish the other person.\u00a0 Some of us may say we\u2019ve forgiven, but we\u2019re still holding on and still having the other person in prison.\u00a0 We have not released them and said to them, \u201cI forgive you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in order to grant that, the other person has to come and talk about how they\u2019ve offended.\u00a0 They have to be specific.\u00a0 They have to ask for forgiveness and then wait for the other person to process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will never forget speaking at one of our conferences, and I was met up-front by a man who came up to me.\u00a0 He had\u2014he was engineer.\u00a0 He had a bunch of pens and pencils in his pocket.\u00a0 He came up boasting.\u00a0 He goes, \u201cIn 31 years of marriage, I have never once apologized or asked my wife to forgive me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was proud of it.\u00a0 He had a smirk on his face.\u00a0 He said, \u201cFor all the years I\u2019ve been telling her, \u2018I\u2019m sorry I hurt you.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 He was like a weasel, like a little 13-year-old who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.\u00a0 For 31 years, the guy had never admitted a mistake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to show you a great picture of kind of the rest of the story of Caleb, in <em>Fireproof,<\/em> and his wife Catherine.\u00a0 They were separated for a period of time.\u00a0 She almost has an affair.\u00a0 In fact, she does have an emotional affair; but what happens with Caleb is Caleb\u2019s father brings him a book, a hand-written book that he created called <em>The Love Dare\u2014<\/em>40 days of looking at what the Bible says about love, about conflict, and about forgiveness.\u00a0 It just walks Caleb through how he can win his wife\u2019s heart back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Caleb goes through this book in spite of the rejection from his wife, who is dead emotionally.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t want the relationship to work.\u00a0 This is the scene where Caleb, actually, closes the deal; and ultimately, begins to see her heart respond.\u00a0 Let\u2019s watch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(movie begins playing)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Catherine:<\/strong>\u00a0 Caleb, I want to believe that this is real, but I\u2019m not ready to say that I trust you again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Caleb:<\/strong>\u00a0 I understand that; but whether you ever reach that point or not, I need you to understand something, \u201cI am sorry.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been so selfish.\u00a0 For the past seven years, I have trampled on you with my words and with my actions.\u00a0 I\u2019ve loved other things when I should\u2019ve loved you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the last few weeks, God has given me a love for you that I\u2019d never had before.\u00a0 I\u2019ve asked Him to forgive me; and I am hoping and praying that somehow you would be able to forgive me, too.\u00a0 Catherine, I do not want to live the rest of my life without you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Catherine:<\/strong>\u00a0 Caleb, I\u2019m supposed to give those divorce papers to my lawyer next week.\u00a0 I just need some time to think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Caleb:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can have all the time you need.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 (recorded message)\u00a0 Hollywood is known for producing fantasy.\u00a0 That is about as close to reality as you can get because the story is all about a big God who reached down and forgave him so he could seek forgiveness of his wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRuth Bell Graham, Billy Graham\u2019s wife, made a profound statement.\u00a0 It\u2019s very simple.\u00a0 She said, \u201cA good marriage is the union of two forgivers.\u201d\u00a0 If there is anything I fear in our marriage for the long haul, it would be somehow losing the ability to either fail to ask for forgiveness when I\u2019ve hurt Barbara or hold on and not grant forgiveness when she needs it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cPray Together Every Day as a Couple,\u201d \u201cUnderstand the Anatomy of Anger,\u201d \u201cLoving Confrontation,\u201d \u201cSeek and Grant Forgiveness when Hurt\u201d.\u00a0 As the rest of the story goes on (and I\u2019ll not tell you the rest of the story in <em>Fireproof<\/em>), there\u2019s a fifth thing that Caleb illustrates.\u00a0 Point Number Five:\u00a0 that is, \u201cReconciliation.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tForgiveness that does not conclude with reconciliation is not true forgiveness at all.\u00a0 In fact, if this isn\u2019t a part of the process of forgiveness, forgiveness will be robbed of its significance and meaning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReconciliation rebuilds trust.\u00a0 It takes responsibility, solely and wholly, for rebuilding trust with the other person.\u00a0 The offending partner, the one who has hurt the other person, takes that initiative and, also, realizes that it takes time to rebuild trust.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs men, we think that our wives ought to be able to flip a switch, like we do, and forgive; but it doesn\u2019t work that way.\u00a0 The offended party must resist the natural tendency to rehearse the hurt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a number of years, we did some arena events.\u00a0 We had about 425,000 people at arena events all over the United States\u201418,000 people at the MCI Arena in Washington, D.C.\u2014for arena events that were called <em>I Still Do; <\/em>some others were called <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was in Cincinnati, sitting on the front row, listening to the speaker give a message that I\u2019d heard about six or seven times, my mind was wandering.\u00a0 As he was speaking, my eyes went down to the base of the podium.\u00a0 Right at the base of the podium was a vase with about three dozen roses in the vase.\u00a0 As my mind was wandering, it went through this logic, just about this fast.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cI wonder if there is a way I can get those on the airplane and take those back to Barbara.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I thought, \u201cThat is pretty selfish.\u00a0 The ministry paid for those.\u00a0 So, we really ought to give them to volunteers who helped here.\u201d\u00a0 I thought, \u201cYes, but that\u2019d be really good because it takes 300 volunteers to put these things on with 12,000 people here.\u201d\u00a0 Then, I thought, \u201cNo, there may be some people in attendance who need to come get one of these roses.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my message, as I concluded the day, I reached down at the end of my message, tugged and pulled one of those roses out and held it up.\u00a0 I said, \u201cThis is a rose of reconciliation.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cEarlier today, I was sitting here thinking about it\u2014that maybe, there is one person that needs to come forward and get this rose from me\u2014in this vast arena, who needs to get the rose and go back to their spouse and say, \u2018Our marriage was over when we came here.\u00a0 I need to ask your forgiveness.\u00a0 I need you to forgive me.\u00a0 I want to make things right.\u00a0 I want to be reconciled.\u00a0 I want to build our marriage on the rock of Jesus Christ.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cIf there is only one of you who needs to get it, I just want you to come up.\u201d\u00a0 No sooner had those words left my lips, out of the corner of my eye I could see up in the arena, big basketball arena, a guy who was hitting about every third step.\u00a0 He walked out on the floor; and as he did, the audience begin to applaud.\u00a0 He started tugging.\u00a0 He pulled it out, started his way up there.\u00a0 He went all the way back up near the top; and she met him mid-row in mid air.\u00a0 Like this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy that point, others had come.\u00a0 In a matter of 45 seconds, the roses were gone.\u00a0 So, the next time we did it; we had 300 roses.\u00a0 They were gone in 90 seconds.\u00a0 So, the next time in Portland, which is the City of Roses, we had 1,000 roses.\u00a0 With 10,000 people there, 1,000 roses.\u00a0 There were couples down and kneeling down front, wrapping arms together and exchanging roses with each other.\u00a0 There are some great stories.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, finally, were able to buy enough roses for these things so that we had some left over.\u00a0 It was astounding.\u00a0 You know what it convinced me of?\u00a0 Even within the community of faith that professes to follow Jesus Christ, we have a fresh need to revisit the Gospel.\u00a0 We can forgive because He first forgave us.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 You need to be practicing that in your marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve been listening together to Part Three of a message on resolving conflict from a recent FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 You know, some of these tools that we provide for couples at the <em>Weekend to <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Remember<\/em>\u00ae--tools about how to resolve conflict\u2014these help set new patterns in couples\u2019 marriages that can adjust the trajectory of the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They can.\u00a0 What happens is we get in ruts, like the one I heard the other day on the Alaskan highway\u2014you know, the one that goes all the way up through British Columbia and the territories up in northern Canada.\u00a0 It says, \u201cChoose your rut carefully.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be in it for the next 200 miles.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens in a lot of marriages is that we get in a rut.\u00a0 We stay in them for two to three years or two or three decades.\u00a0 We develop patterns in how we handle conflict, anger, or when we disappoint one another.\u00a0 We don\u2019t really resolve the issue.\u00a0 We just kind of sweep it under the rug.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI kind of envision the rug in some peoples\u2019 homes.\u00a0 Maybe, it has a mountain because they\u2019ve been sweeping a lot of stuff, for a lot of years.\u00a0 They need to get out of the rut and get some tools to resolve those issues and move forward with hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is one of the things you\u2019ll get at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 You get some time alone together, the two of you, to work through some projects.\u00a0 You get some biblical coaching on how your marriage can be all God wants it to be.\u00a0 You wind up with a weekend that really is a weekend you\u2019ll never forget, a great weekend getaway for couples.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we mentioned earlier, if you sign up and identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, we have a special group rate that we are making available.\u00a0 You and your spouse will save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 All you have to do is identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what you need to do is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Find out when the conference is going to be either in a city near where you live or a weekend that works out for you and you can travel to a particular city.\u00a0 You sign up online.\u00a0 When you get to the key code box, on the online registration form, type in my name.\u00a0 Type in \u201cBOB\u201d, and you will automatically save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Say, \u201cI want to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 We can talk over dates and locations with you.\u00a0 Get you all signed up over the phone.\u00a0 Just mention that you are a regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, and you want to take advantage of the group rate.\u00a0 Again, you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee when you do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up before the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you as a thank-you gift for signing up early, a copy of the game, <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>\u00ae--a fun game for couples to play with other couples so you can get to know one another better.\u00a0 It really is a lot of fun.\u00a0 It is our way saying, \u201cThanks,\u201d for signing up early for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 Again, online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and come join us at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to spend a little time looking at how we can more effectively communicate in a marriage relationship, how we can do a better job of expressing ourselves, and how we can do a better job of listening to one another.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about improving our marital communication tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302325"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302325"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302325"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302325"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}