{"id":302319,"date":"2011-07-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/marital-intimacy-part-3\/"},"modified":"2011-07-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-22T15:00:00","slug":"marital-intimacy-part-3","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Marital Intimacy, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes the sexual differences between men and women feel like a cruel joke.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-22.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.45M","filesize_raw":"22489827","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7813],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302319","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-weekend-to-remember-getaway-sampler","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302319\/marital-intimacy-part-3","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302319\/marital-intimacy-part-3","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hMifv3gkiB\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-3\/\">Marital Intimacy, Part 3<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-3\/embed\/#?secret=hMifv3gkiB\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Marital Intimacy, Part 3&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hMifv3gkiB\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Sometimes the sexual differences between men and women feel like a cruel joke.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We live in an era, in a culture that has really cheapened and undervalued God\u2019s great gift of sexuality in marriage.\u00a0 Today we\u2019re going to explore some of what God had in mind when he came up with the idea for human sexuality back in the Garden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Join us today as we look at the differences between men and women when it comes to marital intimacy, and why God created us so different in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to confess.\u00a0 There are times when I\u2019ll be standing in the supermarket check-out line and I see those magazines that are there, and they\u2019ve got some headline that says \u201cThese Six Tips Can Revolutionize Your Marriage Intimacy.\u201d\u00a0 Most of the time they\u2019re not talking about your marital intimacy, they\u2019re talking about immoral intimacy . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But I\u2019ve got to confess.\u00a0 I look at that and I go, \u201cI just want to know what they\u2019re suggesting.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t you just curious, that you want to pick it up and go . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Never.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re all curious.\u00a0 I think all of us have this illusion that if we could just find this one thing . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\u00a0 It\u2019s a formula.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The magic pill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This one thing . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . . would fix it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know what Barbara says about it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She says, \u201cIf it\u2019s A plus B plus C equal D tonight,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to change the formula tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to change the formula to Z plus Q plus . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember I heard her talking about this and she said, \u201cWomen don\u2019t want to be figured out, so as soon as a guy thinks \u2018I know, I know what does it for my wife,\u2019 she\u2019s going to go, \u2018uh-huh.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cNo way.\u201d\u00a0 You know, here\u2019s the thing:\u00a0 we\u2019ve been holding <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaways now since 1976.\u00a0 We\u2019ve trained over two million people through these conferences.\u00a0 This year we\u2019re going to have over 135 <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getawaysin nearly all 50 states.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s time you and your spouse set aside a weekend to go hear God\u2019s perspective on sex, on conflict resolution, on communication, on the roles of husband and wife.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s just a great conference, Bob, that\u2019s not just a data dump, but it also has very practical projects that help a husband and a wife who are coming at subjects like sex from two very different perspectives to work through a project and to come out on the other side with a better understanding of how to meet one another\u2019s needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say to those couples who might think, \u201cYou know, we don\u2019t really need that.\u00a0 We\u2019re doing okay,\u201d\u00a0 I would say, \u201cYou need it for yourself so you can keep doing okay, because you never know what\u2019s around the corner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, you don\u2019t.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want to keep the marriage tuned up.\u00a0 The second thing I would say is, \u201cDo you know somebody who you look at and go, \u2018They could really use an event like this.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 If you want them to attend, the best way to get your friend to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae is for you to call them and say, \u201cHey, we\u2019re going.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you go with us?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo not only will it be beneficial for you, but if you know somebody who would benefit, don\u2019t just call and say, \u201cHey, you guys ought to go. We don\u2019t need it, but you ought to go.\u201d\u00a0 No, call and say, \u201cWe\u2019re going.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you guys join us?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got a special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, and this will apply for your friends as well, if you want to take advantage of it.\u00a0 When you sign up, find up when one of the getaway<em>s<\/em> is going to be in a location near you, someplace where you guys can go together, if you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, you can save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you\u2019re signing up for yourself online or signing up for your friends online, just make sure you type my name; type \u201cBOB\u201d in the group name box on the online registration form.\u00a0 Or, if you call 1-800-FLTODAY and get signed up over the phone, just mention that you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener and you want to take advantage of the special group offer that we\u2019re making to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if we hear from you before the end of the month, we\u2019ll also send along a copy of a game for couples called Spouse-ology.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fun, interactive game that a number of couples can play together and get to know one another better.\u00a0 It\u2019s our early-bird signing bonus for you if you\u2019ll go ahead and register for an up-coming fall <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make sure you sign up as a part of my group.\u00a0 Put \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box, or mention that you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener when you call in, and you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 And you\u2019ll have a great time at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway<em>.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, today we\u2019re going to listen to part three of a message that Bob Lepine gave that is the same content you\u2019ll hear at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriagegetaway.\u00a0 It\u2019s about how to experience sexual intimacy when you have a man and a woman in a marriage relationship with two sets of very different needs, very different expectations, how that works in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we should just say we all follow the same outline when we present this material, but the sixty-plus couples who speak at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway<em>, <\/em>all of them great communicators, they each bring something a little different \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- to their presentation.\u00a0 So if you hear the message once, the next time you hear it from somebody different, it will have some different insights as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s listen to Bob Lepine on sexual intimacy in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You understand that the fact that we are different, that we\u2019re men and women, that\u2019s an obstacle as well, right?\u00a0 Guys do think differently about sex than women think about sex, and until we understand that those differences were designed by God for our good, we can miss one another.\u00a0 And it\u2019s good that we\u2019re different.\u00a0 I mean, God made it that way.\u00a0 If we were both the same, it wouldn\u2019t be all it\u2019s supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, in terms of differences, when it comes to attitude, guys tend to be compartmentalized when it comes to this issue.\u00a0 Women tend to be more holistic when it comes to this issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I mean:\u00a0 For a guy, you can go through your day and you live your day in shoeboxes or in compartments.\u00a0 Each aspect of your life is a separate entity.\u00a0 So you get up in the morning, you\u2019ve got your morning routine, you open that shoebox, you go through it.\u00a0 When you\u2019re done with your morning routine, you put that away, you\u2019re done.\u00a0 You\u2019re done with that for the day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou drive to work.\u00a0 You spend the day at work, you go to meetings.\u00a0 That\u2019s your work shoebox.\u00a0 When you\u2019re done with that, at the end of the day, you put the lid on that shoebox, you put it away.\u00a0 When you\u2019re with the kids, you\u2019ve got that shoebox, you open it up \u2013 these are all separate compartments.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow you\u2019re doing at work really doesn\u2019t spill over all that much into your time with the kids.\u00a0 I mean, you can kind of compartmentalize that a little better than your wife can.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, at the end of a bad day, when things have not gone well at work and you got a ticket on the way to work and it\u2019s just been a bad day, you can still be in the mood.\u00a0 Because that\u2019s a different shoebox.\u00a0 That\u2019s a whole different thing.\u00a0 Yeah, you just put everything away, but that\u2019s okay.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get that sex thing out and let\u2019s go for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen are not like that.\u00a0 They are not compartmentalized.\u00a0 They are holistic.\u00a0 That\u2019s why, guys, we can say, \u201cSo what do you think about tonight?\u201d and she can say, \u201cAre you kidding?\u00a0 After what Susie said to me at lunch yesterday?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat Susie said to you at lunch yesterday?\u00a0 Why should that have any \u2013 are you --?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m still grieving over that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWell, okay, well, can we put that shoebox away?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNo.\u00a0 No.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s blended yogurt.\u00a0 I mean, you\u2019ve got yours on the top and not stirred up yet.\u00a0 No, it\u2019s all together for her, alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur stimulation is different.\u00a0 Men are more visually oriented, women are more relationally oriented.\u00a0 We are turned on by physical stuff; women are turned on by relational stuff.\u00a0 We\u2019re different in that regard.\u00a0 Men are sight and actions; women are words and expressions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I have laughed about this.\u00a0 We were in a Bible study together one time, and the question for the group was, \u201cWhat\u2019s the most romantic thing your spouse has done recently?\u201d\u00a0 And we were going around the room and I was sitting going, \u201cMan, what have I done recently?\u201d\u00a0 I was just thinking, \u201cWhat is she going to come up with?\u00a0 Is she going to have to go back decades to find something that I\u2019ve done romantic?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m trying to come up with a list in my own mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally they get to Mary Ann.\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait to hear what she\u2019s going to say.\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, the other night he was watching TV and I was in doing the dishes, and without me saying anything he turned off the TV and he came in and started drying the dishes.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cThat was so \u2013\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cNow, honey, they\u2019re asking about romantic stuff.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cThat was so romantic for me.\u201d\u00a0 And I went, \u201cYou\u2019re kidding me.\u201d\u00a0 Now every time I pick up a dish towel, she just looks at me and goes, \u201cI know what you\u2019re thinking.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor her, acts of service \u2013 that\u2019s a love language, so when I came in without prompting and started to do it, she just wanted \u2013 she wanted me.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 Okay, so we\u2019ve got to understand we\u2019re different in that regard.\u00a0 If I was working out in the yard and she came and picked up a rake, that wouldn\u2019t cause me to go, \u201cI want you.\u201d\u00a0 You know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it comes to our needs in the area of sexuality \u2013 now listen to me on this.\u00a0 This is so important.\u00a0 When you dig past all of the sexual stuff and you go to what\u2019s at the core here?\u00a0 What is it that\u2019s really at the core of a man\u2019s soul?\u00a0 What\u2019s he want, sexually?\u00a0 What\u2019s he desiring?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what it is?\u00a0 It\u2019s not the orgasm, okay?\u00a0 You know what it is?\u00a0 He wants to be respected.\u00a0 There\u2019s something in his heart and soul that he wants to be affirmed, admired and respected.\u00a0 And women, listen to me.\u00a0 When you respond to your husband sexually, that ministers to him at that level like nothing else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I have talked about this, and I have said, \u201cYou know, you can go throughout the day and you can say things to me like, \u2018I think you are a wonderful husband and father.\u00a0 You\u2019re so smart.\u00a0 You did such a good job.\u201d\u00a0 She can be complimenting and affirming and all of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she does that all day long and then I say to her, \u201cSo are you in the mood tonight?\u201d and she goes, \u201cNot really,\u201d my thought is, \u201cWell, then why did you lie to me all day?\u00a0 Because if that was true, I can\u2019t understand why you wouldn\u2019t want to be with that guy sexually.\u201c\u00a0 There\u2019s something at the core of our being that sexual responsiveness ministers to our need to be respected, admired, and affirmed like nothing else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I will say this; sexual rejection \u2013 to be non-responsive \u2013 stabs a man at the core of his being.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m not saying that every time your husband reaches the hand over that you have to go, \u201cOkay, here I go.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to do this.\u201d\u00a0 There are times when you can say, \u201cLook, tonight not\u2019s good for me, but can we plan maybe for tomorrow and I\u2019ll be ready?\u201d\u00a0 You see, to say that to your husband is so much easier for him to hear than \u201cNot tonight,\u201d because \u201cNot tonight\u201d means to him, \u201cYou\u2019re not desirable,\u201d at the core of his being.\u00a0 Got that, ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow men.\u00a0 Got to talk to you.\u00a0 The core need for a woman in the sexual area:\u00a0 She has got to know that in her relationship with you she is safe and secure and protected.\u00a0 How can she give herself to you if she\u2019s worried about what you\u2019re going to be thinking, who else you\u2019re thinking about, what you\u2019re going to say to other people.\u00a0 If she doesn\u2019t feel safe, if she doesn\u2019t feel protected, if she doesn\u2019t feel cherished and nourished outside the bedroom, how can she be open and give herself to you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSafety and security is at the core of her need, and so you can\u2019t just be one way with her, treat her like one of the guys, joke around and kid with her in a way that is somehow hurtful, and then expect her to respond to you sexually.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a switch she can turn on.\u00a0 You have got to be affirming and admiring and respecting and cherishing and nourishing her for her to be able to say, \u201cYes, I want to be with you.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what\u2019s going on underneath the whole deal, okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it comes to sexual excitement \u2013 men are acyclical, which basically means any time, any place, you name it.\u00a0 That\u2019s what acyclical means.\u00a0 Women are cyclical; they go through moods and times and cycles in terms of their sexual interest.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to be aware of that.\u00a0 God built that in.\u00a0 One of the reasons God built that in, gentlemen, is so that we can learn self-control, so that we can learn that if it\u2019s not the right time, okay, we\u2019ve got to deal with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fact that you have sexual interest doesn\u2019t mean that you should always get that fulfilled.\u00a0 Think of guys who are serving in Iraq right now.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been over there for 11 months, and God would call them to be faithful.\u00a0 Well, they had better have learned some self-control before they went, right?\u00a0 So it\u2019s not like every time you have a desire there should be someone there to fulfill it for you.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to learn some self-control, and that cyclical part is a part of what God built that in for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then our sexual responsiveness is different.\u00a0 Men are quick to excite and women are slow to excite.\u00a0 A guy can go from nothing to done in about three minutes, right?\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m not trying to be crass, but you can go from zero to sixty in three minutes.\u00a0 Women it takes about fifteen minutes for them to have been nowhere to a point of arousal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what that means, guys, is that we\u2019ve got to be patient and we\u2019ve got to be loving, and we\u2019ve got to wait.\u00a0 If our goal is just to get my thing done and then I\u2019m done, that\u2019s no good.\u00a0 Our goal should be for each other to have a mutually fulfilling sexual experience, however that\u2019s defined for that particular time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, when it comes to the orgasm, for men it\u2019s shorter, it\u2019s more intense.\u00a0 For women it\u2019s longer and it\u2019s more emotionally in depth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, I mentioned the four things:\u00a0 commitment, companionship, passion and spiritual intimacy.\u00a0 You remember those at the beginning?\u00a0 Let me just quickly touch on those, because here\u2019s what I want you to see.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommitment \u2013 for a husband and wife, this is why the best sex happens in a marriage relationship, because the marriage relationship begins with a commitment to one another, where we say things like \u201cFor better, for worse, rich or poor, sick or in health.\u201d\u00a0 We say those things \u2013 \u201cForsaking all others, I\u2019m yours.\u00a0 This is it.\u00a0 I\u2019m committed.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going anywhere until death do us part.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo have that commitment in place provides the security groundwork for somebody to be open with one another sexually.\u00a0 Now there are plenty of people who are being sexual outside of marriage, and they can have an orgasm and they can have passion, but I guarantee you what they can\u2019t have is intimacy at the deepest level.\u00a0 They can\u2019t.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in the 60s when Carole King wrote the pop song that was on the radio that said, \u201cTonight you\u2019re mine, completely.\u00a0 You give your love so sweetly.\u00a0 Tonight, the look of love is in your eyes, but will you still love me tomorrow?\u201d\u00a0 That question, that question is in the heart of every man and every woman, and you have to, when you come together sexually, you have to know that you know that \u201cYeah, I\u2019m going to be here tomorrow.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to be here tomorrow.\u00a0 She\u2019s going to be here tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 If you\u2019re doubting that, that\u2019s going to have an impact.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to make sex risky.\u00a0 Okay?\u00a0 So commitment is key.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecond thing that\u2019s key is companionship.\u00a0 You want to be having sex with a friend, somebody you like being with, somebody who you have common interest in, someone you laugh with, someone you can enjoy spending time with.\u00a0 There are a lot of people who are so busy they\u2019re not doing anything to cultivate companionship in their relationship, and they\u2019re trying to throw a little sex in there and it\u2019s not fulfilling.\u00a0 Why? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause when you were dating and you had these long period of time when you\u2019d just walk in the park together and hold hands and talk and \u2013 that draws you together.\u00a0 Then being together sexually is easier.\u00a0 But when you\u2019re trying to cram it in to an already overcrowded schedule, when you\u2019re not taking time out for date nights or for couples retreats or for things like that \u2013 when that\u2019s not happening, then it\u2019s going to make sex shallow and empty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, passion.\u00a0 I mean, it was designed to be passionate.\u00a0 If your sexual relationship is just a little boring and routine, then it\u2019s less fulfilling than it ought to be, and it may be that you need to find ways to spice things up a little bit.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about getting weird.\u00a0 We created this resource called <em>Simply Romantic Nights: License for Creative Intimacy.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this box there are 12 dates for a man to initiate, 12 dates for a woman to initiate, designed to come up with some fresh romantic date nights together.\u00a0 I will tell you ladies, all 12 of yours end in sex, okay?\u00a0 Because a romantic date night with your husband that doesn\u2019t end in sex is a disappointment for him, okay?\u00a0 Just telling you.\u00a0 Guys, there are some of yours that don\u2019t end in sex, because that can be okay for her, and you can deal with that.\u00a0 But this is just a way to help spice things up a little bit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have Mary Ann\u2019s permission to tell this story.\u00a0 One night, when our kids were little, they were involved in Awana, and it was a Wednesday night and Mary Ann said, \u201cDo you want to drive them to Awana?\u201d and I said, \u201cSure, I\u2019ll do that.\u201d\u00a0 So we finished dinner, I took the kids to Awana, I came back, and as I came into the garage, on the back door of the garage hanging on the back door was a sweatshirt on the door knob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cWhat\u2019s a sweatshirt doing hanging here?\u201d\u00a0 I picked it off the doorknob and I went in, and there in the laundry room, which is where you walk through, was a pair of blue jeans, just laying on the floor.\u00a0 \u201cSweatshirt,\u201d I thought, \u201cMary Ann was wearing this when I left.\u201d\u00a0 I just followed the trail, okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t cost anything, didn\u2019t take any time, but that little bit of creativity, that little bit of spark, that little bit of passion, that little love note, that little \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking of you,\u201d that\u2019s some of the magic of a passionate relationship.\u00a0 So you\u2019ve got to find some ways to inject that back in, bring a little creativity and spark back in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, spiritual intimacy.\u00a0 As I said, when you\u2019re praying together, when you\u2019re connected spiritually, that brings a depth to your sexual relationship that you won\u2019t find anyplace else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we\u2019ve been listening to part three of a message on sexual intimacy in marriage from a recent FamilyLife<em> Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway.\u00a0 I was at one of these events recently and one of our speakers had just presented this material, and he said, \u201cAlright, those of you who are in the room who are premarrieds, engaged couples, I want you to turn to page \u2013\u201c and I forget which page he said \u2013 \u201cI want you to turn to this page, because it will outline what we want you to do in response to this message.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, the application for the message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so they turned to that page, and it was blank.\u00a0 He said, \u201cThat\u2019s what we want you to do.\u00a0 Nothing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, what we end up saying at that point, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway, is \u201cWe\u2019d like you to meet us out in front of the hotel at about six o\u2019clock.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to jog until tomorrow morning when the session starts.\u201d\u00a0 Because they need to jog after hearing this message at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know, Bob, seriously, there are two groups of people who hear this message.\u00a0 One are the married couples who desperately need a better understanding of sexual intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 But secondly, there are those engaged couples or those contemplating engagement, who have the most distorted view of sex \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- because of what the world has done, and they need to hear what the Bible teaches about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 I think you quoted Dr. Howard Hendricks in your message, but it\u2019s worth repeating.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWe should not be ashamed to discuss that which God was not ashamed to create.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what we do at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getawayis we unashamedly discuss the most intimate issue of all in a marriage relationship, and that\u2019s your sexual relationship with your spouse, and help you move to an application of what God teaches in his Word.\u00a0 For that reason alone, Bob, couples ought to plan to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00aemarriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And make sure when you get in touch with us that you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, and that way you can take advantage of a special offer we\u2019re making where you save at least $100 per couple on the regular registration fee.\u00a0 So if you\u2019re signing up online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type my name, \u201cBOB,\u201d in the group box on the online registration form.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is after you\u2019ve figured out what weekend you want to attend and the right location for you.\u00a0 All that information is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Just make sure when you fill out the registration form you put \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box so that you can take advantage of the special offer that we\u2019re making for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 We can answer any questions you have about the getaway over the phone, and again, make sure you mention that you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and you\u2019ll be eligible for the group rate for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 Again our website: FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY to register.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if we hear from you before the end of the month and you identify as part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listening group, we\u2019ll also send you a game for couples called Spouse-ology.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fun, interactive game that a number of couples can play together and get to know one another better.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of an early-bird bonus that you get if you sign up now for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY to get registered for one of these upcoming events.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear a message from Dennis Rainey about how couples can work through conflict when it occurs in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 What does the Bible have to say about how we resolve conflict in marriage?\u00a0 That comes up Monday, and I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back on Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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