{"id":302317,"date":"2011-07-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/marital-intimacy-part-2\/"},"modified":"2011-07-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-21T15:00:00","slug":"marital-intimacy-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Marital Intimacy, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you don&#8217;t have a strong, healthy, loving relationship in marriage outside the bedroom, you&#8217;re not going to be able to manufacture that kind of strong, healthy, loving relationship when you come together for marital intimacy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.63M","filesize_raw":"22683401","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7813],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302317","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-weekend-to-remember-getaway-sampler","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302317\/marital-intimacy-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302317\/marital-intimacy-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"UqzI5iCgJj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-2\/\">Marital Intimacy, Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/marital-intimacy-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=UqzI5iCgJj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Marital Intimacy, Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"UqzI5iCgJj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"If you don't have a strong, healthy, loving relationship in marriage outside the bedroom, you're not going to be able to manufacture that kind of strong, healthy, loving relationship when you come together for marital intimacy.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You understand that if you don\u2019t have a strong, healthy, warm, loving relationship in marriage outside of the bedroom; you\u2019re not going to be able to manufacture that kind of a warm, healthy, strong, loving relationship when you come together for marital intimacy, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 21<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 <sup>\u00a0<\/sup>Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about the factors that lead to and promote healthy marital intimacy on today\u2019s program.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 One of the challenges all of us face in marriage is that when we come together as husbands and wives to experience intimacy, to enjoy being with one another sexually, we find that we\u2019re not always thinking exactly alike\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, you think?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u2014about how that\u2019s going to work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will tell you what we determined.\u00a0 We are very different.\u00a0 We have different needs, different desires.\u00a0 We\u2019re male and female.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that God is a cosmic killjoy, wanting to play a joke on us.\u00a0 I think He\u2019s teaching us important, valuable lessons if we know how to apply Scripture in the midst of coming together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, Bob, it\u2019s one of the finest things we do at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway is give couples not only a biblical viewpoint of sexual intimacy in marriage, but also help them better understand what their spouses\u2019 needs are in the marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe say to the men what a wife can\u2019t possibly say as clearly to her husband.\u00a0 We explain what a wife\u2019s needs are in the sexual dimension of the relationship.\u00a0 We also talk to the women about what a man\u2019s needs are.\u00a0 We find that couples really are strengthened in their relationship, and they find lots of practical help as a result.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you start to understand the differences, then you can go, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re not really competing with one another here, we\u2019re not really on different pages.\u00a0 We just need to understand how we make a symphony out of this rather than trying to play solos.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Harmony is much better than having two competing, selfish people trying to get the other one to please them.\u00a0 That\u2019s the way most of us are bent in our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are hoping that as our listeners hear some of the content from the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway this week and next week on our program, they will pull back and go, \u201cYou know, we ought to go to one of those.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause you are a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, we\u2019re going to make a special offer to you.\u00a0 When you sign up to attend a getaway, if you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, you\u2019re going to save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up at FamilyLifeToday.com, all you have to do is type my name.\u00a0 You just type \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box, you\u2019ll be a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> group, and you\u2019ll get the group rate.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FL-TODAY, sign up over the phone, just mention that you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener or say, \u201cI want to be in Bob\u2019s group.\u201d\u00a0 Again, you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we hear from you before the end of the month, you go ahead and sign up now for one of these fall getaways, we\u2019ll send you a bonus gift.\u00a0 It\u2019s a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em> to help you get to know one another better.\u00a0 You can play it with other couples as well and get to know them better.\u00a0 They get to know you better.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a fun game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s our early bird gift for you if you\u2019ll sign up between now and the end of the month for an upcoming, fall <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener either type my name \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box online; or mention that you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY, and you will save at least $100 off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FL-TODAY or sign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Bob, your message on sexual intimacy in marriage from a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway has got so much great content.\u00a0 I want to cut right to the chase.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go listen to Bob Lepine on sexual intimacy in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 [recorded message]\u00a0 How many of you learned about sex for the first time, you learned about intercourse for the first time, from a church leader?\u00a0 How many of you had a church leader share with you about it?\u00a0 That was the first place you heard about it?\u00a0 Nobody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many of you heard about it from the first time in the classroom in school when they had a little discussion?\u00a0 Okay, a couple of you.\u00a0 How many of you learned about it for the first time from a mom or a dad?\u00a0 Raise your hand.\u00a0 Okay, a few of you.\u00a0 How many of you learned about it for the first time from a peer, somebody in your peer group?\u00a0 Most of you in the room.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where I heard about sex for the first time was from Arnold Beara.\u00a0 I was in the fifth grade.\u00a0 We walked out of our fifth grade class.\u00a0 It was on biology.\u00a0 It was on reproduction.\u00a0 We just talked about how if you cut a worm in half, it becomes two worms.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArnold said to me as we walked out; he said, \u201cYou know what we just learned, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWe learned how worms do it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that scared me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because I was thinking of who got\u2014\u201cDid my mom get cut in half?\u00a0 Did my dad?\u00a0 How did\u2014\u201d\u00a0 It was just a frightening image.\u00a0 So, you can come up with all kinds of incorrect information.\u00a0 It\u2019s not unusual for that to happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a book that we keep in our FamilyLife Resource Center by a doctor, a medical doctor, Dr. William Cutrer, who is on the faculty at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, now.\u00a0 He wrote a book called <em>Sexual Intimacy in Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great book from a Christian perspective to just say, \u201cHere\u2019s how the body works.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what sexuality is all about medically.\u201d\u00a0 We recommend it to folks who might have some misconceptions or wrong ideas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also recommend to a lot of folks (and I talked to some of you about this) <em>The Passport to Purity<\/em>\u00ae resource.\u00a0 How many of you are aware of this resource?\u00a0 Raise your hand.\u00a0 A few of you are.\u00a0 I\u2019ve talked to some of you who\u2019ve used this.\u00a0 This is a weekend getaway in a box that we\u2019ve put together for a mother and her pre-adolescent daughter or a father and a pre-adolescent son.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou take these CD\u2019s and the workbooks that go with them; and you do a getaway with your child right before the hormones hit.\u00a0 In this, you talk about peer pressure, you talk about dating, you talk about \u201cthe birds and the bees.\u201d\u00a0 Actually, here\u2019s what happens: Mr. Rainey talks about peer pressure, dating, and \u201cthe birds and the bees.\u201d On the CD, Barbara talks to the girls about it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s even a bonus track; so, that if you want to have the conversation about self-stimulation with son or your daughter, that\u2019s on here as well.\u00a0 We left that as one of those things that parents can decide, \u201cDo I want to go there or not?\u201d\u00a0 So, we cover all of that in these CD\u2019s.\u00a0 You listen to the CD together.\u00a0 Then, when it\u2019s done you can work through a project with your child or you can have some discussion questions.\u00a0 It just opens the door for some of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will tell you, the time to have that conversation is before the hormones hit, not afterwards.\u00a0 Let them decide what they want their lives to look like before the rush comes, okay?\u00a0 So, it\u2019s a great resource.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the resources that I\u2019m hoping over the next year we can actually do an update and an upgrade on because it has sold well.\u00a0 It\u2019s been used by a lot of folks; and I think it\u2019s time for a fresh look at this subject.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the things I wanted to let you know about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIncorrect information is an issue.\u00a0 Then, sex can be affected by emotional stuff, too.\u00a0 There can be emotional stuff going on in your relationship.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I should categorize this as emotional or not.\u00a0 The issue of sexual abuse and a past history of sexual abuse can have a dramatic impact on a husband and a wife\u2019s sexual relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe did an interview years ago with Dr. Dan Allender who is an author and a speaker who has looked at this subject of sexual abuse and wrote a great book called <em>The Wounded Heart<\/em>, where he talked about it.\u00a0 Dan said, \u201cDepending on how you define sexual abuse, anywhere from one in three to ten out of ten people have been sexually abused in the culture.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, explain what you mean.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, one in three that would be direct, physical, sexual abuse, where somebody as a child was preyed upon by somebody else who touched them or who abused them in some other way sexually.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s one in three.\u00a0 Mostly with women, but a growing number of young boys experiencing that kind of thing\u2014means in your church; that means in this room, one out of three.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if those numbers would add up, but I know it\u2019s more common than we realize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, what about the ten in ten?\u00a0 What are you saying?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWell, every beer commercial on TV today is sexual abuse.\u00a0 Every time that there\u2019s a woman up in a bikini on a billboard, it\u2019s making a statement that\u2019s an abusive statement.\u00a0 It\u2019s objectifying.\u00a0 It\u2019s making a statement about the physical body that\u2019s an abusive, wrong statement.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve experienced sexual abuse in your life, if you\u2019re haunted my memories\u2014there are some of you in this room, you\u2019ve experienced it, and maybe you\u2019ve never told your spouse about it.\u00a0 It\u2019s shameful, it\u2019s hurtful.\u00a0 You just want to leave it buried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan I just tell you?\u00a0 Leaving it buried will not fix it.\u00a0 All it allows is that the toxins that are in there just continue to seep into the soil of your relationship; and you may not even know where they are coming from, but they just ooze in there.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to get it out in the open.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to dig it up.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to deal with it.\u00a0 When you do, that\u2019s where liberation comes.\u00a0 That\u2019s where healing comes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan\u2019s book may be a helpful resource.\u00a0 There\u2019s a book and a workbook that goes along with it.\u00a0 I\u2019d just encourage you: if abuse is a part of your past, it\u2019s something that\u2019s got to be dealt with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition to abuse, anger.\u00a0 Anger can, obviously, have an impact on your sexual relationship.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019ve never met somebody who says, \u201cWhen my husband is just livid and angry, I just get so turned on by that.\u201d\u00a0 Alright?\u00a0 That\u2019s not the time when you\u2019re drawn to somebody.\u00a0 That\u2019s the time when you move to safety.\u00a0 You see, safety is such a key part of the sexual relationship that anger sabotages that.\u00a0 So, if there are anger issues in a relationship, that can impact your sexual relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr there could be issues of either real or false guilt.\u00a0 You may be haunted by things in your past; not sexual abuse now but maybe promiscuity that was a part of your past.\u00a0 You\u2019ve carried that in.\u00a0 You\u2019ve never dealt with it, repented of it, or acknowledged it as sin before God.\u00a0 That can affect your bedroom.\u00a0 That can affect your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, there are issues of self-perception or body image.\u00a0 I read an article in <em>USA Today<\/em> a number of years ago where they were interviewing a number of supermodels.\u00a0 They asked them, \u201cWhat do you think about your body on a scale of one to ten?\u201d\u00a0 The average score that these supermodels, the women who are the highest paid objects of beauty in our culture\u2014average score was a seven on a scale of one to ten.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey could tell you every flaw.\u00a0 This one said, \u201cMy lips are too pouty.\u201d\u00a0 This other one said, \u201cMy nose is crooked.\u201d\u00a0 This other one said, \u201cThis is\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 They saw the flaws in their bodies.\u00a0 You know, I think that\u2019s common for women to see the flaws and to not see themselves as beautiful or as desirable.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d say to husbands, \u201cBe very wise, guys.\u00a0 Be very kind and wise.\u00a0 Don\u2019t make comments about your wife\u2019s physical beauty that are hurtful.\u201d\u00a0 For a guy to say, \u201cAre you putting on a little weight?\u201d\u00a0 Okay, not only is that stupid, right?\u00a0 But it is hurtful.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have any idea how something like that plants a seed in the heart of your wife.\u00a0 That then, does she want to take off her clothes and be with you?\u00a0 She\u2019s ashamed.\u00a0 You just said she\u2019s getting fatter.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 So, these are some of the things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, spiritual\u2014there are spiritual issues related to this as well.\u00a0 Unconfessed sin.\u00a0 When there is unconfessed sin in our relationship, where we\u2019ve either sinned against one another or where we\u2019ve sinned against God, that can actually have an impact on our sexual relationship because it is one of those things that preoccupies us and burdens the soul with guilt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, pornography or romantic fantasies.\u00a0 I just have to speak about this because this is so prevalent in our culture.\u00a0 I mention both pornography and romantic fantasies because typically we think of guys related to pornography; women related to romantic fantasies.\u00a0 Really, it\u2019s the same issue presented in two different ways.\u00a0 It is lust for someone other than your spouse in an unwholesome and ungodly way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRomantic fantasies can be soap operas, they can be those romance novels, or they can be some romantic comedies that just present an unreal picture of a romantic relationship.\u00a0 Actually, what they present, ladies, is this unreal picture of a man because the guys you read about in the books or the guys you see in the romantic comedies, they are actors and the stories are fictional.\u00a0 I\u2019m just letting you in on this.\u00a0 These are not documentaries, okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor that handsome man in that romantic comedy to be the charming, wonderful guy he is, they have to give him a lot of money for him to do that.\u00a0 Then, they have to tell him exactly what to say.\u00a0 If they left him to his own, he could never come up with that stuff.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lie.\u00a0 It\u2019s a romantic fantasy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou watch it, and here is what you do: you watch it, and you go, \u201cHow come my husband never talks like that?\u201d\u00a0 Well, because people aren\u2019t paying him a lot of money and giving him the words to say, okay?\u00a0 \u201cHow come my husband doesn\u2019t act like that?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHow come he\u2019s not that sweet?\u201d\u00a0 Because that is a fantasy.\u00a0 It can start to undermine your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, got to turn it around.\u00a0 The same thing is true about pornography.\u00a0 Pornography is the biggest lie on the planet.\u00a0 What is presented in pornography is women who are hypersexual, who are exhibitionists.\u00a0 They, by the way, are paid a lot of money and often times are drug addicted women who are in that kind of environment.\u00a0 It\u2019s how they are making their living, and they hate their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, 60% of men in the culture in the last 60 days have looked at pornography, 60%.\u00a0 Three out of five guys in the last 30 days have looked at pornography.\u00a0 It\u2019s so accessible right now.\u00a0 If you have a fourteen year old son, the question is not \u201cHas he seen pornography,\u201d but \u201cWhen was the last time?\u201d\u00a0 Because it is so available, it\u2019s so out there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus said this about it\u2014He said, \u201cTo look on a woman with lust,\u201d is what?\u00a0 \u201cAdultery.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s unfaithfulness.\u00a0 When you look at a woman with a desire to have sex with her (pornography), that\u2019s unfaithfulness.\u00a0 That\u2019s undermining your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to say something here.\u00a0 When I talk to guys who are struggling with this issue (I\u2019ve talked to a lot of guys), they say, \u201cI would love to be free from it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried to be free from it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve prayed and asked God to deliver me, and I just keep getting sucked back into the vortex.\u00a0 What can I do?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say, \u201cWell, the first thing you need to do is you need to not just pray and ask God to deliver you from it; but you need to recognize and acknowledge that when you look, you are sinning against God.\u00a0 You are openly rebelling against what God has said.\u00a0 You are\u2014what you are doing is one of the reasons Jesus had to die.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNot only that, you need two allies.\u00a0 You need some other guys who will give some accountability, who will call you, who will check up on you, who will hold you accountable if you are going to get free.\u00a0 You got to get the issue out in the open.\u00a0 You got to go to some guys.\u00a0 You got to say, \u201cLook, I need help on this.\u00a0 I\u2019m stuck.\u00a0 Will you be my accountability guys?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to call one another.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to hold each other accountable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a third thing.\u00a0 God.\u00a0 Some godly guys.\u00a0 I really think you\u2019ve got to talk to your wife about it.\u00a0 I think she\u2019s got to know this is an issue.\u00a0 Now, ladies, if your husband was to come to you in the next week and say, \u201cThis is an issue in my life.\u201d\u00a0 For some of you, that would be one of the most hurtful things that ever happened.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the reasons your husband doesn\u2019t want to say it to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe needs you to be his ally in this area.\u00a0 He needs you to understand that it is a temptation for every man.\u00a0 He needs you to help him in the battle.\u00a0 Not to be one who sits and is hurt and angry because he\u2019s tempted; but one who will help him, will help hold him accountable, will pray with him, pray for him, and recognize that this is not about the fact that he does or doesn\u2019t love you; this is about a strong temptation in a man\u2019s life, okay?\u00a0 So, I just think we got to deal with that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would also say that when your relationship with one another is spiritually dry that\u2019s going to affect your sexual relationship.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019d turn it around the other way.\u00a0 I would say when your relationship with one another is spiritually vibrant, when you\u2019re praying together, when you\u2019re in the Word together, when you\u2019re going to church, when you\u2019re talking about the things of God, when your spiritual lives are together, you are more sexually desirable to one another than at any other time in life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, don\u2019t listen to this.\u00a0 Guys, I\u2019ve told a lot of guys this, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this manipulatively.\u201d\u00a0 All guys have been looking.\u00a0 We\u2019ve watched enough James Bond movies that we see James walk into the room and every woman in the room stops and looks at him.\u00a0 Her eyes are saying, \u201cTake me, James.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 We\u2019ve been wondering, \u201cOkay, is it the clothes?\u00a0 Is he wearing something?\u00a0 What is it about James that causes women\u2014\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Because we want that power, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, when you go to your wife and you say, \u201cCan we pray?\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s something in the heart of woman that goes, \u201cI love that.\u00a0 I\u2019m so drawn to you right now.\u201d\u00a0 Now, don\u2019t go, \u201cHow \u2018bout a little prayer?\u00a0 Huh, baby?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat ain\u2019t going to work.\u00a0 I\u2019m just telling you there is something so attractive\u2014here\u2019s what I think it is: a woman feels so safe (so safe) with a man who is leading a relationship spiritually that she feels like she can be free sexually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to step in here.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been listening to Part Two today of a message on intimacy in marriage from a recent <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 I know when we\u2019re talking about this you can look out in the audience and you can\u2014you watch some heads nod, you see some eyes register, and you see some folks starting to get it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey go, \u201cYes.\u00a0 We thought this part of marriage was just going to be simple.\u00a0 It\u2019s not as simple as we thought it was going to be.\u201d\u00a0 When you get a little time together, you start exploring it, and you get some understanding; it does make a big difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are a lot of couples who are missing one another in this area.\u00a0 There are wives who are waiting for their husband.\u00a0 Their husbands are passive in this area.\u00a0 There are some husbands who are wondering what\u2019s going on in their wives because she\u2019s not expressing desire in the same way that he does.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis message alone is worth the price of the registration to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 It is anchored in the Scriptures.\u00a0 It explains how God created us male and female and how we can better understand how to meet one another\u2019s needs in this all important area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, there are some listeners right now in their marriage that have settled in and have decided to just to experience mediocrity.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 You need to get out of your rut.\u00a0 You need to find a way to energize your marriage and your relationship and add some romance by going to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is much more than one talk on sex.\u00a0 There\u2019s talks on communication, on the roles of a husband and a wife, on God\u2019s purpose for marriage, how to resolve conflict, on legacy.\u00a0 There\u2019s tons of practical, biblical, authentic content that you can apply in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re hoping that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners will take advantage of a special offer that we\u2019re making to our radio listeners.\u00a0 If you will identify yourself as a part of the listener group, just let folks know you listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; you can sign up and save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration.\u00a0 So, that\u2019s a pretty good deal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, find out when one of these getaways is going to be either in a city near where you live or a city you\u2019d like to go to or a weekend that works for you.\u00a0 Once you\u2019ve got the date, the location figured out, then, go ahead and sign up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re signing up online, type my name.\u00a0 Type \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box, and you\u2019ll be a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener group.\u00a0 You\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cThis is the location we want to go to on this weekend, and I listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Again, you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you contact us between now and the end of the month, in addition, we\u2019ll add in a copy of a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a fun game for couples to play with other couples where you get to know one another better.\u00a0 You learn about your differences.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot of fun.\u00a0 It is an early bird gift that we\u2019re making available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; find out when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway is going to be near you or in a weekend that works for you this fall; get signed up; identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener; save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 If you do all of that before the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you the <em>Spouse-ology<\/em> game as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-FL-TODAY is the number.\u00a0 Our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We hope you\u2019ll plan to come out and be a part of one of our upcoming FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about the essential elements, the ingredients, that go into making a healthy, vibrant, intimate relationship in marriage.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can tune in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302317"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302317"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302317"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302317"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}