{"id":302313,"date":"2011-07-19T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/threats-to-oneness-part-2\/"},"modified":"2011-07-19T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-19T15:00:00","slug":"threats-to-oneness-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Threats to Oneness, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Even if a couple stays together for decades, if they are merely living under the same roof, they&#8217;re missing out on the blessing God has intended marriage to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.39M","filesize_raw":"24528406","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7813],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302313","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-weekend-to-remember-getaway-sampler","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302313\/threats-to-oneness-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302313\/threats-to-oneness-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"AtavrBp6dd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-2\/\">Threats to Oneness, Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=AtavrBp6dd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Threats to Oneness, Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"AtavrBp6dd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Even if a couple stays together for decades, if they are merely living under the same roof, they're missing out on the blessing God has intended marriage to be.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you\u2019ve been married for any length of time, I\u2019m going to tell you something you\u2019re probably already aware of.\u00a0 Your spouse is selfish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what makes it worse is that the person your spouse is married to, well, that person is selfish too.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had no idea how selfish I was until I got married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then God gave me children, and he stripped away layer after layer, showing me how selfish I was.\u00a0 I used to think that God gave me six children so I could raise them.\u00a0 I think God gave us six children so he could finish the process of raising me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 19<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019re going to try to build a strong, healthy marriage, you\u2019re going to have to do something about the issue of selfishness.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I think most couples who find themselves at a tough spot in their marriage, if you ask them, \u201cWhat\u2019s caused the two of you to become isolated?\u201d they point immediately at the other person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Instead of stopping to think, \u201cThere may be some other factors that have played into this.\u201d\u00a0 And one of the things that we try to talk to couples about at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway is the fact that in this culture, there\u2019s a lot working against your marriage.\u00a0 If you can begin to see where some of the challenges are coming from, that can help you with the turnaround.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It can.\u00a0 In fact, if you understand what\u2019s driving you apart, then you know what?\u00a0 You as a couple can begin to put together an offensive game plan instead of being on the defense.\u00a0 Most couples get married today and immediately move to playing defense for most of their married lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m convinced, Bob.\u00a0 One of the best things we do at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway, is we give couples a common language, a common vocabulary, and a common plan to understand what\u2019s happening to marriages today, and why we naturally begin to move toward isolation rather than move toward oneness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This week and next week we\u2019re giving listeners an opportunity to hear a few of the things we talk about at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway, and at the same time we\u2019re encouraging <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners to register for an upcoming fall getaway<em>.<\/em>\u00a0 We\u2019re doing it by making a special rate available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, we\u2019ve kind of put a group together; we have a group rate.\u00a0 If you\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, we consider you part of the group, so all you have to do is you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, find out when a getawayis going to be held in a city near where you live or a city you\u2019d like to go to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re ready to register, there\u2019s a group name box.\u00a0 You just type my name; type \u201cBOB\u201d in that box, and you will save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee by becoming a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener group.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t have to sit together when you get to the getaway<em>,<\/em> but you\u2019ll be able to take advantage of the special group rate for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners.\u00a0 And if we hear from you before the end of the month and you register by then, we\u2019ll send out to you a copy of a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s kind of like a newlywed game for folks who aren\u2019t necessarily newlyweds.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe game is our free gift for your early registration.\u00a0 We need to hear from you by the end of the month in order for you to take advantage of that, so call 1-800-FLTODAY, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, either way, register for one of our upcoming fall getaways, and when you do type my name.\u00a0 Just type \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box.\u00a0 You\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if we hear from you before the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you as a kind of an early-bird thank you this game called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>.\u00a0 The website: FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Our toll-free number is 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Plan to join us at one of our upcoming fall FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>Marriage Getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And my encouragement to you is, some of you have been listening to our broadcasts for a number of years, and you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em> as a couple.\u00a0 Trust me.\u00a0 This will be \u2013 I didn\u2019t say it\u2019d be an easy weekend, necessarily, but it will be one of the finest investments you ever make in your marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been doing these conferences since 1976.\u00a0 This is not one person\u2019s opinion about marriage; it\u2019s many students of the Bible, both men and women, who have studied the Scriptures and said, \u201cHere are the blueprints for how two selfish, sinful, broken people can build a marriage of oneness over a lifetime.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not easy work; in fact it\u2019s hard work.\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 With the right blueprints and the right architect and builder, you can make it happen.\u00a0 And the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>will equip you, will train you.\u00a0 It will give you the blueprints to be successful in life\u2019s most important commitments:\u00a0 your commitment to Christ, your spouse and your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I\u2019ll tell you, if you really want to get a two-fer out of this weekend, you know what I mean?\u00a0 Get a double bonus \u2013 you go as a couple and experience the weekend, but find another couple you know \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- And invite them.\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And invite them to come along with you and help build into their marriage.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be encouraging them.\u00a0 You\u2019ll get a chance to see them grow closer together.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a great way for you to spend time with one another as a couple but also invest in the lives of another couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and here\u2019s the thing, Bob.\u00a0 All of us in this culture look at what\u2019s happening to marriages and families and how divorce is rampant.\u00a0 You go, \u201cWhat can I do?\u00a0 What can I do?\u201d\u00a0 Well you know what?\u00a0 Here\u2019s something you can do.\u00a0 Ask God to guide you as a couple to the right other couple to invite to go with you, and then pray for them as they go, encourage them to get there because it will likely be a little bit of a spiritual battle for them to get to the conference, and then just sit back and see what God does, not only in your lives when you get away, but also the couple you took.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t have any idea what\u2019s taking place in the marriage next door to you, in the house next door to you, the apartment next door to you, or at church, some couple that you sit by week after week.\u00a0 You don\u2019t\u2019 know what\u2019s taking place in that marriage.\u00a0 They may be in need of a weekend like this, and you can help make it possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think couples are often mystified about why their marriages are drifting, and we\u2019re going to hear right now part two of a message from you on the things that threaten oneness in marriage, the things that cause us to drift apart.\u00a0 Here, from a recent <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae event, is Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Marriages fail because of difficult adjustments.\u00a0 Secondly, they\u2019re equipped only with the world\u2019s plan.\u00a0 They don\u2019t have God\u2019s plan.\u00a0 And the third reason, we don\u2019t anticipate the valley, and we have no plan to go through the valley together.\u00a0 It\u2019s back to Jesus\u2019 words again:\u00a0 It isn\u2019t a matter of if the storms, if the winds, if the floods are going to come.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a matter of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll not get into all of it because you don\u2019t need to hear it; you have your own dramas, but the last six years in our marriage, in our family, it has just been one thing right after another. This past summer, big time tests.\u00a0 The test reveals what you\u2019re building on.\u00a0 The rain, the winds, and the floods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the fourth reason why marriages fail:\u00a0 extramarital affairs.\u00a0 Now you\u2019re instantly thinking that it\u2019s an affair with the opposite sex, but an extramarital affair is this:\u00a0 It is an escape from reality and a search for fulfillment outside the marriage.\u00a0 Extramarital affairs can include addictions, pornography, alcohol, drugs, all kinds of addictions in this culture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can escape from reality and search for fulfillment elsewhere with a fantasy.\u00a0 It can be activities.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to shock some of you \u2013 it can even be church work.\u00a0 There are those who can have an affair with the ministry, doing \u201cGod\u2019s work.\u201d\u00a0 Escape the reality at home to search for fulfillment elsewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt can be materialism.\u00a0 It can be a career affair.\u00a0 This gets a lot of men.\u00a0 A lot of men aren\u2019t wooed to give their hearts to a woman who is outside the marriage; they give their hearts to the pursuit of their careers.\u00a0 For a woman, it can be children \u2013 it could be her affair, or her family.\u00a0 Escaping from the reality of a marriage and searching for fulfillment and just giving your life away to your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr it could be a real affair with the opposite sex.\u00a0 The romance at home fades; attraction and feelings are stirred by someone else, by the twinkle of an eye.\u00a0 You know what, I\u2019ve talked to too many people who have had these.\u00a0 I really understand why this happens.\u00a0 Some people get set up because the thing that they\u2019re handling at home is so painful, anything to escape it.\u00a0 So they escape to others.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is in this culture, we are programmed to expect that we deserve a fantasy.\u00a0 We\u2019re programmed to think that you can have it your way, that everyone wants to do it all for you.\u00a0 So how it happens is, I go to work as a businessman.\u00a0 I leave home having had some words with my wife, where we\u2019re not clicking.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a few kids.\u00a0 The drag on our relationship is occurring, and a secretary or someone I work with there begins to click with me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe start talking.\u00a0 Soon we have a meeting by ourselves, and then we have a meal or just get together, and a relationship starts, and all of a sudden, what\u2019s happening at home dims in comparison to the puppy love and the stirring of an adrenaline rush because of a relationship that\u2019s set up around a fantasy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you know what I do?\u00a0 I go divorce her, and go over here and establish a real relationship with the person I\u2019ve been having a fantasy with, and guess what\u2019s going to happen?\u00a0 Difficult adjustments, 50-50, a valley.\u00a0 Except this time, the valley is going to be deeper, because we\u2019re dragging kids and an ex through the valley with us.\u00a0 And that\u2019s why the success rate of second marriages is even less than first marriages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSuccess in life is never found in escaping reality.\u00a0 It\u2019s in the tough commitment of two people who are imperfect who learn how to love each other in the midst of that imperfection.\u00a0 It\u2019s what the Bible teaches, I think, Christian marriage really is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, finally, the last thing that happens and that causes marriages to fail \u2013 and this is pretty simple \u2013 it\u2019s one word: selfishness -- the natural tendency of our flesh.\u00a0 Isaiah 53:6 \u2013 some of you could quote it.\u00a0 You memorized it as a child.\u00a0 \u201cAll of us like sheep have\u201d what?\u00a0 \u201cGone astray.\u00a0 Each of us has turned to his own way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to read this to you.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know where I got this, but this is so true of children and of us.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Toddler\u2019s Creed<\/em>.\u00a0 Are you ready for this?\u00a0 This will explain why some of you came here tired.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>The Toddler\u2019s Creed:<\/em>\u00a0 If I want it, it\u2019s mine.\u00a0 If I give it to you and change my mind later, it\u2019s mine.\u00a0 If I can take it away from you, it\u2019s what?\u00a0 It\u2019s mine.\u00a0 If I had it a little while ago, it\u2019s still mine.\u00a0 If we\u2019re building something together, all the pieces are mine.\u00a0 If it looks like mine, what?\u00a0 It\u2019s mine.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the problem is, is when you bring two toddlers and you make them husband and wife.\u00a0 Leave, cleave, receive?\u00a0 Leave, cleave, become one?\u00a0 How\u2019s that going to happen with two people who are intensely selfish?\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 This is where the Bible makes so much sense.\u00a0 Remember what Jesus said?\u00a0 \u201cNo one can be my disciple who does not first deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the core of being a Christ-follower, according to this book, and fulfilling the words of Jesus in Matthew chapter seven, is self-denial.\u00a0 It is the basis of a great marriage.\u00a0 It really is, and that\u2019s why the Gospel makes so much sense.\u00a0 It redeems us from ourselves.\u00a0 Jesus came to redeem me from my selfish self.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had no idea how selfish I was until I got married.\u00a0 And then God gave me children, and he stripped away layer after layer showing me how selfish I was.\u00a0 I used to think that God gave me six children so I could raise them.\u00a0 I think God gave us six children so he could finish the process of raising me.\u00a0 You see, all of life around marriage and family is redemptive.\u00a0 It redeems us from our toxic self, and calls us to a noble calling of self-denial to love another person, an imperfect person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to close with something that\u2019s very personal.\u00a0 I suppose at the ministry we\u2019ve received literally thousands of letters, maybe hundreds of thousands of letters.\u00a0 This one is one of my favorites.\u00a0 I think you\u2019ll understand why as I read it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDear Dennis:\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what you did with my real mom and dad, but I love the new ones you\u2019ve sent to me.\u00a0 My parents were among the hundreds of couples at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em> conference this past weekend in Washington, D.C., and boy are they different.\u00a0 I\u2019m convinced you switched my real parents with people who look like them, because\u201d \u2013 and then she lists seven things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber one \u2013 every day since the conference my mom and dad have been talking over what they learned and comparing notes from their workbooks over dinner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber two \u2013 they\u2019ve been talking instead of arguing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber three -- my dad calls my mom \u2018my wife\u2019 instead of \u2018your mother.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber four \u2013 they talk about legacies.\u00a0 They talk about communication, about understanding one another.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber five \u2013 my mom actually asked my dad to do things instead of expecting him to offer and then getting mad at him for not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNumber six \u2013 They\u2019re even holding hands.\u201d\u00a0 And then she has in parentheses: \u201cCreepy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAnd number seven \u2013 They\u2019re clinging to each other instead of us kids.\u00a0 HALLELUJAH,\u201d in all caps.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you do to them?\u00a0 God has truly worked a marital miracle through your ministry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow listen to this:\u00a0 This is from a 27-year-old woman, single, who\u2019s writing us about what had happened in her parents\u2019 life.\u00a0 And this is why there is so much at stake in your relationship.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got little radar units that are watching you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe goes on.\u00a0 She says, \u201cBoth of my parents were taught to believe that once a couple was married they stayed married, even if that meant living bitter and dying together.\u201d\u00a0 Now listen to this confession:\u00a0 \u201cI remember praying as a little girl that their fighting would stop, that their constant tension between them would dissipate, and that they could just show love to each other.\u00a0 Both of them were always leery about seeking outside help, and they resigned themselves to the idea of being good parents but of having an unfulfilled marriage relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThough I am now out of the house and living my own life, the Lord never forgot the prayers of my childhood.\u00a0 I was blessed to have been listening to WAVA,\u201d which is a huge FM station in Washington, D.C.\u00a0 We\u2019re on at 7:30 in the morning in D.C.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got hundreds of bureaucrats, thousands of them, trapped on the Beltway, forced to listen to us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe says, \u201cI was stuck in traffic and I was listening on Thursday before the conference started on Friday.\u00a0 They offered a free registration to the sixth caller.\u00a0 Stuck in traffic on the Beltway I fumbled around for my mobile phone, frantically dialed the toll-free number, and when they answered the phone I held my breath and said, \u2018What caller am I?\u2019\u00a0 The guy started laughing and said, \u2018Oh, about the 112<sup>th<\/sup>.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHe asked me how long I\u2019d been married.\u00a0 I told him I wasn\u2019t married; I\u2019d hoped to win the registration for my parents, married 27 years.\u00a0 Out of compassion he told me that the giveaway was mine.\u00a0 The miracle was just beginning.\u00a0 I wondered how I would ever actually get them to go to the conference.\u00a0 I told the Lord that only he could have arranged for me to get the reservations, so I could trust him to see that my parents made it there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI called them both from work that morning, told them that we had won a free registration, and informed them they had about 28 hours to prepare themselves for three days together.\u00a0 Surprisingly, they agreed.\u00a0 They asked me if the cost of the hotel was included in the registration.\u00a0 I hesitated.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to give either of them a reason to decline the offer, so I said, \u2018Yeah, it\u2019s all paid.\u2019\u00a0 They agreed to go.\u00a0 Hallelujah again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cImmediately I asked forgiveness for the small lie I had just told them, and phoned the hotel to make arrangements for their stay.\u00a0 \u2018Charge everything to me,\u2019 I told the manager.\u00a0 To my heart\u2019s delight, they went off to the conference on Friday night.\u00a0 I was grateful they didn\u2019t have longer to think about it or else they\u2019d change their minds.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow listen to this.\u00a0 \u201cI sent to you a man and a woman who had been married 27 years, who\u2019d given up all hope of happiness.\u00a0 You\u2019ve returned to me two people, committed to the goal of having a fulfilling and godly relationship with each other, and to living out the rest of their days in love and hope.\u00a0 Hallelujah three times.\u00a0 I am so happy for them, and so grateful to God and to you for helping this miracle happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen to this statement:\u00a0 \u201cLooking at them now has made me rethink my own dreaded fears concerning marriage.\u00a0 I cannot express to you or repay what your ministry has wrought, but do know I will tell every married and pre-married couple I know about your conferences.\u00a0 God bless you, and keep in touch.\u00a0 Eternally grateful,\u201d and then it\u2019s signed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the reason I read you that letter is because there are a lot of spectators looking at your marriage.\u00a0 You have no idea who is watching, and that\u2019s why you can\u2019t settle in and be satisfied with mediocrity.\u00a0 You have to get the blueprints.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re going to be able to apply everything you hear here, but you have to just start building.\u00a0 You have to learn some fundamental principles around the basics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve been listening to part two of a message from Dennis Rainey from a recent <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting how many couples have been married for a lot of years and they\u2019ve never gotten the basics.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember an interview you and I did years ago with a couple.\u00a0 They\u2019d been married for ten years.\u00a0 They\u2019d been youth leaders in their local church for five of those ten years.\u00a0 Their marriage was almost over.\u00a0 They came to a <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway, and what they said to us was, \u201cWhen we walked out, we looked at each other and said, \u2018How come nobody\u2019s ever told us this before?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve been in the church for ten years.\u00a0 How come nobody ever told us this basic information about marriage?\u201d\u00a0 I think there are a lot of couples who have just never heard that the Bible has a plan for making a marriage work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the reality is, every marriage takes place in the midst of the storms, the floods, the winds that beat on their houses, and there\u2019s a lot of casualties because they do not build their house on the rock according to God\u2019s blueprints.\u00a0 Jesus not only summarized the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapter seven with that illustration, Bob, but really all of Scripture is designed by him to give us those blueprints to know how to build our house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the problem is, most couples, as you just said, don\u2019t know what the blueprints are, don\u2019t know how to resolve conflict, what their role is as a husband, as a wife, how the sexual dimension of the marriage works biblically, how communication works.\u00a0 I mean, on and on it goes, and we cover these topics thoroughly, completely and practically in an authentic way at the FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>Marriage Getaway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and this week and next week we are giving listeners an opportunity to hear some of what it is we talk about at the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway.\u00a0 And we\u2019re also encouraging <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to sign up for an upcoming fall <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaway, and to save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee by signing up as a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener group.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou listen to <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> you\u2019re a part of the group.\u00a0 That\u2019s all it takes, so when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and get the information about when a getaway is happening in a city near where you live or a city you\u2019d like to travel to to attend a weekend <em>Getaway<\/em>, once you\u2019re ready to lock that in as you fill out the registration form, just type my name in the group box.\u00a0 Just type in \u201cBOB.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ll be a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener group, and you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, if you go ahead and sign up now, between now and the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>, a fun game for couples to play where you can learn more about one another and have some fun in the process.\u00a0 That\u2019s an early-bird gift we\u2019ll send you if you go ahead and register now for one of these upcoming fall <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain our website: FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY, and we can answer any questions you have.\u00a0 And if you register now, be sure to put my name, \u201cBOB,\u201d in the group box and you\u2019ll qualify for the group rate, you\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee, and again, if we hear from you between now and the end of the month we\u2019ll send you the <em>Spouse-ology<\/em> game as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo plan to join us this fall at one of our upcoming FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>marriage getaways.\u00a0 Let us hear from you so you can take advantage of the special savings we\u2019re offering to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about one of the areas where husbands and wives begin to realize just how different we are, and that\u2019s the area of marital intimacy.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear about that tomorrow; hope you can be back for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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