{"id":302312,"date":"2011-07-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/threats-to-oneness-part-1\/"},"modified":"2011-07-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-18T15:00:00","slug":"threats-to-oneness-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Threats to Oneness, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What would happen if you built a house with two different sets of blueprints, two different architects, and two different builders constructing the house?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.38M","filesize_raw":"24518899","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7813],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302312","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-weekend-to-remember-getaway-sampler","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302312\/threats-to-oneness-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302312\/threats-to-oneness-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"53IDCNF9tW\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-1\/\">Threats to Oneness, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/threats-to-oneness-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=53IDCNF9tW\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Threats to Oneness, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"53IDCNF9tW\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What would happen if you built a house with two different sets of blueprints, two different architects, and two different builders constructing the house?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t start a business without a business plan.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t head off into battle without a battle plan.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t go out and play a football game without a game plan; yet, a lot of couples head into a marriage with no marriage plan.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What would happen if you built a physical house with two different sets of blueprints, two different architects, two different builders constructing that house?\u00a0 What kind of house would you get?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen people get married, the husband has a set of blueprints, and the wife has a set of blueprints.\u00a0 You know what the problem is with that?\u00a0 They\u2019re not the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 18<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about how a husband and wife can get on the same page when it comes to trying to build a strong marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 If you had to boil down what it is we try to do as a ministry (I\u2019m thinking particularly when we have our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> \u00ae marriage getaways), is there a main message, a main theme, one big idea we want folks to leave the getaway with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are several, but I\u2019ll do my best.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s that God created marriage for a noble purpose: for a husband and wife who are very different to become one and that all your marriage you are going to battle isolation versus oneness.\u00a0 The question is \u201cWhere you going to end up?\u201d\u00a0 You going to end up isolated from one another?\u00a0 Or are you going to battle it through using God\u2019s plan; God\u2019s blueprints; submit to Jesus Christ; and end up, as a couple, one with one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, when we speak to couples on this subject, we really start off by talking about the factors in the culture that cause us not to grow closer together but try to push us apart.\u00a0 We\u2019re really swimming upstream when we try to pursue oneness, aren\u2019t we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We begin the conference with a message called Five Reasons Why Marriages Fail, Five Reasons Why Couples Aren\u2019t Naturally One, Five Threats that Move Your Marriage to Isolation.\u00a0 I mean, a lot of couples sit there, and they go, \u201cThat\u2019s me! That\u2019s me! That\u2019s us!\u00a0 That explains a lot.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what, Bob?\u00a0 Today, as never before, couples need someone from the outside to explain to them what happens in a marriage relationship where two people who started out with such high expectations, high hope, and great love for one another can within a matter of hours, days, weeks, months, or years be at war with one another; and be isolated from one another in marriage; and instead of experiencing intimacy, be alone in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Over the next couple of weeks, we\u2019re going to have our listeners listen into a couple of the messages that we share at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 You and I had an opportunity to get with a group of couples not long ago and go through some of this material; so, we thought we\u2019d share that with our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, our team has decided to make available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners a special group rate for those who would like to go ahead and sign up now for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway this fall.\u00a0 If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and you register for an upcoming event, you and your spouse together will save at least $100 per couple on the registration fee for attending an upcoming <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou do that by joining my group.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a special group for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 You just have to put my name in the group box.\u00a0 Just type \u201cBOB\u201d in there, and you will get the group rate, which is the lowest rate we offer on attending a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you sign up right now, between now and the end of the month, in addition to getting the special group rate, we\u2019ll send you a game for couples called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a fun game where you and other couples can get to know each other better.\u00a0 So, you get the game, and you get the special rate if you sign up for my group.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, and type \u201cBOB\u201d into the group box.\u00a0 You\u2019ll save at least $100 per couple on the regular registration fee.\u00a0 If you get in touch with us before the end of the month, we\u2019ll send you the <em>Spouse-ology<\/em> game as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Look for the suitcase there that says <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae, click there for more information.\u00a0 Or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make plans now to attend one of our upcoming fall <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 You just need to decide to do this thing.\u00a0 Maybe you went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae five years ago, ten years ago, fifteen.\u00a0 Well, guess what?\u00a0 Life has changed you, and there has been a lot of water under the bridge.\u00a0 You need a refresher.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell you, \u201cThere\u2019s a lot coming at us today in life that just wears down a couple and moves them toward isolation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019re going to understand better today some of the reasons why marriages drift toward isolation as we listen to you talk about that at a recent conference with couples.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey talking about why our marriages drift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 [recorded message]\u00a0 As I talk about what\u2019s happening in marriages and families today, I hearken back to my days when I was growing up as a boy in southwest Missouri.\u00a0 I used to say I grew up fifteen miles south of Springfield, Missouri, and a few people knew where that was.\u00a0 I actually tell people, now, that I grew up thirty miles north of Branson, and most people know where that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was a boy, we used to watch color TV.\u00a0 It was called \u201ccolor.\u201d\u00a0 Ed Sullivan would come out (some of you know who he is).\u00a0 He would come out and welcome everyone to the really big shoe, the really big show.\u00a0 He had an entertainer on there from Germany.\u00a0 His name was Erich Brenn.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had an unusual act.\u00a0 As soon as I bring this out, you\u2019ll know exactly and remember what I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 He brought out a number of plates.\u00a0 He had a table that was real long in front of the cameras.\u00a0 He would get a stick, he would take that stick, and he\u2019d begin to spin the stick and spin the plate.\u00a0 He\u2019d be able to leave it, and it would just be whirling along.\u00a0 How many of you remember this?\u00a0 A few of you.\u00a0 Some of you are wondering, \u201cWhat\u2019s he even talking about up there?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, he\u2019d get a second plate.\u00a0 He\u2019d get a stick.\u00a0 He\u2019d spin that; and then, a third, a fourth, and so on until he had maybe a dozen plates spinning.\u00a0 Much of the act (Hey, this was a number of years ago.\u00a0 This was high entertainment back then.\u00a0 Okay?)\u2014much of the act was running back and forth keeping all these dozen plates spinning.\u00a0 Just at the moment you thought, \u201cThere\u2019s no way he could keep all those plates spinning.\u201d\u00a0 He would start at one end of the table, and he would gather them up like he was going to the cupboard.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve thought often about that as we minister to marriages and families around the country because spinning plates is what a lot of us do when we get married.\u00a0 He meets her in college, work.\u00a0 They develop a relationship, fall in love, and decide to become one.\u00a0 So, they get this little thing called marriage going.\u00a0 It just has all the focus, all the energy, all the attention.\u00a0 They start spinning those plates.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, there\u2019s the career that begins to expand, and job pressures enter in.\u00a0 Then, there\u2019s civic responsibilities.\u00a0 Maybe some responsibility back to the parents or the in laws.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s not long before you\u2019ve got several plates spinning and humming along at a pretty good clip.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, something interesting happens.\u00a0 Some of these come along.\u00a0 Some of us don\u2019t know what causes saucers.\u00a0 Barbara and I had six of them, six little saucers.\u00a0 Now, I do know that these saucers do spin.\u00a0 You can spin them, but what do they take to spin them?\u00a0 A lot of energy to spin these plates, especially these saucers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what started out as this couple madly in love, where they got all the focus and all the attention as marriage relationship, this plate called marriage, now, begins to get the leftovers.\u00a0 So, what we have happening today in our culture, in my opinion, is a crisis.\u00a0 Because when this plate called marriage wobbles and falls to the floor, it is not merely a marriage that shatters.\u00a0 Its impact goes all the way down the line into succeeding generations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s why FamilyLife began to develop a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage conference a number of years ago back in 1976, where we could begin to take the blueprints as found in the Scripture and begin to equip couples with the blueprints for building a godly marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus spoke very clearly about building a house.\u00a0 In Matthew, chapter seven, the last words on the Sermon the Mount were very clear about home building.\u00a0 He said this: \u201cEveryone, then, who hears these words of mine and does them, will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.\u00a0 The rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall because it had been founded upon the rock.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cEveryone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.\u00a0 The same rain fell, the same floods came, the same winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell; and great was its fall.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is not a matter in this culture whether or not you will face a hurricane in your marriage, in your family.\u00a0 It is just a matter of time.\u00a0 So, what you are about to receive are the words of Christ and how he challenged us to hear His words and to build our house on the rock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen people get married, the husband has a set of blueprints, and the wife has a set of blueprints.\u00a0 You know what the problem is with that?\u00a0 They\u2019re not the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 What would happen if you built a physical house with two different sets of blueprints, two different architects, two different builders constructing that house?\u00a0 Is it any wonder why marriages are failing today?\u00a0\u00a0 Two people building a house out of two different sets of blueprints.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, in the brief time we have here I just want to share with you five reasons why marriages fail, five reasons why achieving oneness in marriage is so elusive.\u00a0 In Genesis 2, it says, \u201cWe\u2019re to leave, we\u2019re to cleave, and we\u2019re to receive.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019re to leave our father and mother.\u00a0 We\u2019re to cleave and make a commitment to each other, and we\u2019re to receive our spouse; so, we can become one.\u00a0 Yet, is oneness easy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I have been married thirty-six years.\u00a0 I can\u2019t begin to tell you the number of arguments we\u2019ve had, the currents that we have fought to maintain oneness in our relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the first reason why marriages fail are difficult adjustments, difficult adjustments.\u00a0 I wish I had Jake and Rebecca for Jake to tell the story.\u00a0 You know when you play baseball or football or basketball, everybody gets in their first year, whether it\u2019s in the pros or in college.\u00a0 What do they call them?\u00a0 Rookies, right?\u00a0 You have a rookie season.\u00a0 Well, in marriage, you get a rookie season, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem in marriage is some of the mistakes we make our rookie season can be carried forward.\u00a0 For Jake, who married our daughter, Rebecca, his rookie season started early about an hour and a half into the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was a glorious ceremony; so, as Rebecca and Jake stood in front about three hundred people cutting the cake, do you know what he did?\u00a0 When they crossed their arms to feed each other the cake, she took a little bit of the cake; and she smooshed it on his lips a little bit.\u00a0 This was chocolate cake.\u00a0 Jake in front of the entire wedding party took the chocolate cake and smooshed it a little bit on her face, all over her face, all over her shoulders, and down her arms.\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 You brides here, what would you have thought about that?\u00a0 You\u2019re shaking your heads.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it all got cleaned up, and everything was okay.\u00a0 But I told Jake before they left to get on a plane to go to New Zealand on their honeymoon to stop by.\u00a0 I had a little gift for him at the house.\u00a0 So, Jake came by the house, and there was this giant box that I had for him.\u00a0 He began to fish through the box; and finally, he pulled out of the box the finest crystal goblet I could find.\u00a0 With it was a statement: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cJake, Rebecca is a crystal goblet.\u00a0 Treat her with care, and she\u2019ll increase in value.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just begun.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEverybody gets a few rookie mistakes.\u00a0 Okay?\u00a0 Even your son in law gets some rookie mistakes.\u00a0 But to be married, five, ten, fifteen years and to be clashing with each other, that can threaten your marriage if it continues on in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Barbara and I got married, we had different backgrounds.\u00a0 We have come to a very profound conclusion as we have run into our backgrounds now, some thirty-six years into our relationship.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very profound statement.\u00a0 You might want to write this down: \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t wrong; it\u2019s just different.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve studied this book, the Bible, from cover to cover.\u00a0 There are no biblically approved personalities in this book, only biblically approved character, only a biblically approved way to make wise choices.\u00a0 The problem is we marry each other because we\u2019re what?\u00a0 Different.\u00a0 Before you get married, it\u2019s like two magnets that attract to each other; but there\u2019s something that happens after we get married, someone takes the magnets\u2014remember when you were a kid, and you\u2019d flip them?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m an adventurer.\u00a0 Barbara likes to stay home.\u00a0 Thirty-six years of marriage has made me learn to enjoy staying home and do yard work.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 Last summer, a year ago, Barbara went to Alaska with me.\u00a0 She really liked it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDifferent isn\u2019t wrong; it\u2019s just different.\u00a0 Difficult adjustments can threaten your marriage and your oneness.\u00a0 All kinds of ways we\u2019re different: our values about where we spend our time, how we spend our money.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love the statement Lou Holtz made.\u00a0 I was at a meeting where he was speaking.\u00a0 He said, \u201cHe didn\u2019t want to say that his wife had a little different philosophy of use of a credit card than he did, but\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cSome thieves broke into their house the other day and that he checked with the credit card company.\u00a0 The thieves were spending less money than his wife; so, he hasn\u2019t reported it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNot a good idea, guys, to say that publically.\u00a0 Difficult adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber Two, second reason why marriages fail is the world\u2019s plan.\u00a0 Couples get married equipped only with the world\u2019s plan.\u00a0 This is just a simple concept.\u00a0 Do you know what the world\u2019s plan is for marriage?\u00a0 When couples stand there and say \u201cI do,\u201d they both come to build their marriage based upon the 50\/50 performance relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s real simple.\u00a0 \u201cSweetheart, you do your part, and I\u2019ll do my part.\u201d\u00a0 What\u2019s the problem with her part?\u00a0 It\u2019s never as much as my part.\u00a0 It has been said, \u201cThe person who says, \u2018I\u2019ll meet you half way\u2019 is usually a poor judge of distance.\u201d\u00a0 Anyone who operates their marriage on a scale, typically, puts his fingers in his hands on his side of the scale.\u00a0 So, the 50\/50 doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAcceptance can\u2019t be based in a marriage relationship upon the other person\u2019s performance.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 There will be times when (Barbara and I have experienced this) because of illness, because of an emotional valley, because of difficulty with kids, because of challenges at work; one is not going to be able to give to meet the other\u2019s needs.\u00a0 That\u2019s not going to work as a 50\/50 relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarly in our marriage, this became a reality as I began to practice what I thought was every man\u2019s right on Saturday afternoon.\u00a0 I\u2019d grown up watching my dad.\u00a0 He\u2019d come home from work.\u00a0 He worked very hard for five and a half days; but on Saturday at noon, he\u2019d shut his business down and he would come home to watch what was then called \u201cThe Game of the Week.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can still remember smelling the propane on his hands because he used to sell propane to farmers and people in the community.\u00a0 I\u2019d kind of snuggle up next to my dad, and we\u2019d both kind of take a nap together zoning out, watching TV.\u00a0 So, in our first year of marriage, I kind of settled in.\u00a0 You know what I mean, guys?\u00a0 I mean I was exercising what was my picture of what was every man\u2019s right in marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tExcept in this case, Barbara came in, and she would kind of hover around my easy chair and circle it.\u00a0 You know a little bit like road-kill.\u00a0 I\u2019d say, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, sweetheart?\u201d\u00a0 She used to say the shortest word in the English vocabulary, \u201cNothing!\u201d\u00a0 She would go in the kitchen and start banging pans.\u00a0 I was sitting in there feeling guilty for watching TV.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell you, it caused some interesting discussions in our first year of marriage.\u00a0 Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt like it was my right to become a giant amoeba on Saturday afternoon, but that was not her experience.\u00a0 Her father, you know what he used to do?\u00a0 He was engineer for US Steel, Baytown, Texas.\u00a0 His idea of having fun would be just tear down an engine and rebuild it.\u00a0 I, on the other hand, score in lower two percentile of all the people on the planet being able to fix things with my hands.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re in serious trouble here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDifferent isn\u2019t wrong; it\u2019s just different.\u00a0 My performance was not up to the level Barbara thought it ought to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message from Dennis Rainey about the things that threaten our oneness in marriage.\u00a0 I think all of us can fall into that trap over and over again of where we\u2019re not going to perform if you\u2019re not going to perform, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget a couple coming to the conference in Milwaukee.\u00a0 Their names were Jim and Debbie.\u00a0 By the time that message was over, Jim said, \u201cYou know, I kept looking up there as you were speaking; and I was thinking, \u2018There ought to be a picture of us on the podium because you were so talking about our marriage and who we were and how we were isolated.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing, Bob, if you don\u2019t have a plan to counter the world\u2019s plan, if you don\u2019t have God\u2019s plan to be able to handle and know how to adjust to the difference in your marriage; then, you\u2019re going to become a casualty.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to miss one another.\u00a0 It\u2019s why I think the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways are such a great investment in making your marriage all that God intended it to be.\u00a0 Just because you\u2019re both Christians and go to church, doesn\u2019t mean you have a Christian marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need God\u2019s plan.\u00a0 You need God\u2019s vocabulary of what a Christian marriage is and how two imperfect people relate to one another.\u00a0 Personally, here\u2019s the offer: if you go to the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em> and it\u2019s not one of the best investments you\u2019ve ever made in your marriage, we\u2019ll give you your money back.\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s that simple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a great getaway.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great investment not only today for your marriage, but for generations to come because your kids are watching you live out the message of what your marriage is all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because you are a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, we\u2019re making a group rate available for our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners.\u00a0 You will save at least $100 per couple on the regular registration fee if you sign up to be part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> group.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to sit together when you go to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 It just gives you access to this special group rate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you fill out your registration form and you see the group name box, just type my name.\u00a0 Just type \u201cBOB\u201d in there.\u00a0 Not only will you get the group rate and save at least $100 per couple off the regular registration fee; but if you sign up between now and the end of the month, we\u2019ll also send you a copy of a game called <em>Spouse-ology<\/em>, which is a fun game for couples to play to get to know one another better.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of like a newly-wed game, but you don\u2019t have to be newly-weds to play it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can get more information when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see the blue suitcase there that says <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae.\u00a0 Click on that.\u00a0 It\u2019ll take you to the area of the website where you can get information about dates and locations: when the conference is going to be in an area that is either near you or an area you\u2019d like to travel to, to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaway.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce you sign up, if you type \u201cBOB\u201d in the group box, you will save at least $100 off the regular registration fee for a couple.\u00a0 If we hear from you before the end of the month, we\u2019ll also send you the <em>Spouse-ology<\/em> game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you call, just mention that you\u2019re a part of my group.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Say, \u201cWe\u2019re in Bob\u2019s group\u201d or \u201cWe want Bob\u2019s special group rate.\u201d\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY, again, is the number to call.\u00a0 If you have any questions about the getaway, about when it\u2019s going to be in a location near you; again, just call 1-800-FL-TODAY and plan to join us for one of these upcoming FamilyLife <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to hear Part Two of Dennis Rainey\u2019s message on the things that cause us to drift apart in marriage, the things that lead to isolation in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302312"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302312"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302312"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302312"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}