{"id":302303,"date":"2011-07-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson\/"},"modified":"2011-07-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-08T15:00:00","slug":"to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson\/","title":{"rendered":"To Have and To Hold:  Tommy Nelson"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What does it mean to be the man of the family?  Tommy Nelson, author of The Book of Romance, will be instructing men on how to play the role of leader and protector of their families.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does it mean to be the man of the family?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.68M","filesize_raw":"23780681","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4086,4926,2877],"podcast_series":[7812],"cwp_profile":[8887],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302303","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","podcast_series-to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson","cwp_profile-tom-nelson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302303\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302303\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"frNRu7BBQn\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson\/\">To Have and To Hold:  Tommy Nelson<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/to-have-and-to-hold-tommy-nelson\/embed\/#?secret=frNRu7BBQn\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;To Have and To Hold:  Tommy Nelson&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"frNRu7BBQn\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it comes to communication, men and women are very different.\u00a0 Here's Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me tell you somethin' about us men, and we're bad about this, when women talk about listening, they talk about the total person focused on them, deeming them with personhood.\u00a0 Men just take incoming information.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can be sittin' there with the remote, watchin' a game, and we can just periodically give her, \"Yeah, okay.\u00a0 Mm hmm.\"\u00a0 One time my wife grabbed me, and she said, \"Listen with your face.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Friday, July 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Tommy Nelson offers some help for men today on how we can do a better job of loving our wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 Has Barbara ever grabbed you by the cheeks and said, \u201cListen with your face?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, but she\u2019s gotten my attention and made that point.\u00a0 There\u2019s no question.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard that same line, maybe not exactly like Tommy Nelson just expressed it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our wives do not like it when we try to multi-task during a conversation, do they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve just found that to be . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I think one of the chief ways we show love in a marriage relationship is by paying attention to our wives, and that means turning our face toward them and looking them eye-to-eye and being all there in the moment.\u00a0 That is not easy for a man to do when he\u2019s looking out of the corner of his eye at his cell phone or his email.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, stop it.\u00a0 Stop it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or his newspaper, or the news.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m the worst at TV.\u00a0 If TV is on, it\u2019s like it\u2019s got this magnet that draws my face and my ear in that direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019re going to get a lot of coaching today from a pastor and a speaker, Pastor Tommy Nelson, who is the pastor at Denton Bible Church in suburban Dallas, Texas.\u00a0 Tommy has spoken at conferences all across the country on relationships, on marriage.\u00a0 He has taught through the Song of Solomon I don\u2019t know how many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Today he is going to coach men on what it looks like for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019ve already heard from Tommy this week where he gave women six points, six ways to demonstrate their role as a wife with their husbands, and the guys were sitting there going, \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Give it to \u2018em Tommy.\u00a0 Tell them.\u00a0 Tell them how they\u2019re supposed to live.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the wives were going, \u201cWhen do you get \u2013 When\u2019s our turn?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Equal time.\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 It takes more points for men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is Pastor Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ten points.\u00a0 Ten ways to love your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk to the men.\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church.\u201d\u00a0 Fellows, do you know how we interpret that?\u00a0 We're always ready for some big, heroic act of martyrdom.\u00a0 We're always ready:\u00a0 If the bad guys start bombing our shores, we're headin' off.\u00a0 If some crazy guy comes after our wife, we're gonna throw ourselves between her and him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere probably won't be three or four times in your marriage you'll have to do that.\u00a0 You are probably not gonna have to physically lay your life down, so if you're looking for some big, heroic thing, you're probably not gonna find it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, gentlemen, what that means is, is that you turn from yourself and you honor her, you die a day at a time in doing what is best for your wife, as Jesus Christ did what was best for you and I.\u00a0 It means that your decisions are with her in mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you about 10 things, and ladies, in just a minute you\u2019re going to turn and comment to your husband on these.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one \u2013 you must work.\u00a0 You say, \"Tom, why don't you start with a more elaborate thing?\"\u00a0 No.\u00a0 You've got to work by the sweat of your brow.\u00a0 Fellas, do you know what it means when women talk to another woman and they said, \"She married a Peter Pan.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what it is to marry Peter Pan?\u00a0 It's to marry some gadfly guy that, like the Book of Proverbs says, \"He pursues vain things\" \u2013 he doesn't work, he's always lookin' for the lottery, you know.\u00a0 He's out there tryin' to make a million dollars overnight, and he doesn't work, and the burden falls on his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your wife wants to work, you worked it out within yourselves, if you have no problem, that's okay, but it's not her responsibility.\u00a0 It is your responsibility.\u00a0 No woman feels like giving herself to a bum.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two \u2013 you have got to lead \u2013 lead.\u00a0 No Christian woman has ever prayed, \u201cGod, send me a wimp, please.\u00a0 Make him lazy and make him dumb.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour wife does not have to drag you to church.\u00a0 You get up, you get ready, you bathe.\u00a0 Get that woman in that car, get those kids, you go to the front row.\u00a0 I see all of these women in my church singing with gusto sitting next to this mildewed kind of fig.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat infuriates a woman.\u00a0 You read your Bible.\u00a0 You be the scholar.\u00a0 You be the pray-er.\u00a0 You be the one that puts those kids down and prays with those kids.\u00a0 You bless the meal, and don't just fire up one of them little flares.\u00a0 I mean, you get into some doctrine and let your wife \u2013 her prayer wants to be \"God, let me stay up with this man.\"\u00a0 Women, Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Women:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 She wants to stay up with you.\u00a0 Write down this \u2013 number three \u2013 a woman wants to be treated with understanding.\u00a0 That's what it means to love her.\u00a0 We have a word for it; we call it \"tenderness.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeter put it like this \u2013 \"You husbands live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel.\"\u00a0 She's china, she's crystal, she's glass, and it means that she's not on your level physically \u2013 that emotionally there are some times, guys, you know it and I know it, there are times that your wife cries, and you don't know why; she don't know why; God doesn't know why; and that's okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVery few times have women said, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, dear?\u201d\u00a0 But we do with our wives, and you are to treat her like crystal, like china.\u00a0 Listen to this:\u00a0 In the Song of Solomon that man calls his wife \"a hind, a doe, a dove, a mare, a princess, a rose, a lily, a sister, a lamb, a friend.\"\u00a0 Can you be gentle with that woman in how you speak to her, how you treat her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four \u2013 your wife wants \u2013 understands \u2013 love to be honor or esteem.\u00a0 Fellows, we spend our lives getting patted on the back within sports, within business.\u00a0 Who is going to esteem your wife?\u00a0 Who is going to tell your wife that she's wonderful?\u00a0 Peter says, \"Live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel.\"\u00a0 You be tender, she's not on your level emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then he says, \"Grant her honor as a fellow heir in the grace of life.\"\u00a0 She's on your level as a human being enjoying the blessedness of life.\u00a0 \"In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free man, male nor female,\" and God loves her, and that is why Mary is the last one at the cross, and she's the first one at the tomb.\u00a0 Jesus delighted in those ladies, and you are to esteem your wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe is made from your rib \u2013 she is not made from the dirt \u2013 from the rib, so that you will naturally take her and pull her close to you.\u00a0 Are you fellows tender and honoring to that woman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPut down number five \u2013 your wife wants affection, and I didn't say sex, I said affection \u2013 non-sexual touching.\u00a0 Fellas, let me tell you somethin' that if you're doin' this, your wife's prayin' that I'll get around to it.\u00a0 Getting married does not give you the right to get grabby on that woman.\u00a0 When you come through the kitchen and go \u2013 whop!\u00a0 She does not say, \"Hallelujah.\u00a0 How's about some more?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's non-sexual \u2013 that you pat her hand, that you keep your arm around her, that you embrace her for no good reason.\u00a0 Somebody told my wife one time \u2013 I don\u2019t know who it was, but I praise God for him \u2013 that whenever you have a hug, there\u2019s a hemoglobin exchange, and it makes you healthier.\u00a0 And at times my wife goes through the house going, \u201cHemoglobin, hemoglobin, hemoglobin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber six \u2013 your wife needs help around the house.\u00a0 There's a couple in our church \u2013 Proverbs 31 says that this woman rises early to give portions to her household and to give portions to her maidens.\u00a0 A guy said to his wife in our church, he said, \"When are you gonna rise early to give some of them portions to your household?\"\u00a0 And she said, \"When are you gonna get me some of them maidens?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp your wife.\u00a0 Laura Schlessinger once said that, \u201cTo me, the sound of my husband vacuuming is foreplay.\"\u00a0 I like that.\u00a0 Help her.\u00a0 It\u2019s not beneath you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber seven \u2013 you need to be able to listen to your wife when she talks.\u00a0 Let me tell you something about us men, and we're bad about this.\u00a0 When women talk about listening, they talk about the total person focused on them, deeming them with personhood.\u00a0 Men just take incoming information, and we can be sittin' there with the remote, watchin' a game, and we can just periodically give her, \"Yeah, okay, mm-hm.\"\u00a0 One time my wife grabbed me, and she said, \"Listen with your face.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFellows, whenever you go out to eat with your wife, make sure that the TV is behind you.\u00a0 Am I smart or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber eight \u2013 your wife needs, as part of love, developing.\u00a0 Develop your wife.\u00a0 Proverbs 31 \u2013 that woman is allowed to be everything that she ever imagined.\u00a0 Y'all remember the old Glen Campbell song?\u00a0 \"These are the dreams of the everyday housewife, who gave up the good life for me.\"\u00a0 I don't ever want my wife saying that \u2013 \"What could I have been if I just hadn't have met this individual?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou fellows look at your wife, at her talents, her abilities, and I mean put some money into it and you develop this woman.\u00a0 If she wants to go to MIT, go get a second job.\u00a0 Send her to MIT.\u00a0 My wife got off one time on a photography kick.\u00a0 I bought her a darkroom.\u00a0 That\u2019s a fact.\u00a0 Anything that she wants.\u00a0 I'm going to make her everything that I can be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you, you and I as the bride of Christ, has he done us wrong or has he done us good?\u00a0 He has located what we are.\u00a0 He has ordained what we are, and he has gifted us for service.\u00a0 You do this with your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWrite this down \u2013 your wife \u2013 number nine \u2013 needs romance.\u00a0 And, again, I'm not sayin' sex, I mean romance.\u00a0 Back in the Middle Ages, Latin was the common language.\u00a0 In different geographic areas they had what were called \"vulgar\" languages that were common to the common man, and they were called \"rum-antic\u201d languages, and it got to where romance was something of the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour wife wants you to date her \u2013 and when I say \"date her,\" I don't mean at the drive-thru at Wendy's.\u00a0 I mean you put on a shirt that buttons and you sit down, and you look at her, and you listen to her, and you pat her hands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you guys write your wives love notes?\u00a0 It doesn't take long \u2013 take a little post-it, little stick-ems, and just write 'em. \"Love you, thinkin' about you,\" and just put 'em up.\u00a0 Do you surprise your wife for no reason?\u00a0 When I come back from Albertson's sometimes I'll buy my wife a 99-cent plant \u2013 that's it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, most men are very efficient \u2013 birthdays, valentines, for no good reason.\u00a0 I can bring her a 99-cent plant, and I say, \"Guess what I got?\" and she trembles \u2013 \"Ahh, ahh.\"\u00a0 Plant!\u00a0 She'll love me forever, for no good reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRomancing your wife \u2013 go in deep.\u00a0 Let me tell you fellows something about yourself.\u00a0 It's true about me, and I'll promise you, it's true about you.\u00a0 And I had to learn this, incidentally.\u00a0 I had three brothers and no sisters.\u00a0 I have two sons, no daughters.\u00a0 My one son is the shortstop for the University of Kansas; been drafted twice by the pros.\u00a0 My other son is a sniper.\u00a0 He kills people, all right?\u00a0 Now, that's my family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe're not the most gentle family, but I had to learn how to be tender with my wife; how to take her out, how to touch her hand, and still, to this day, men, and this is true for you, and I'll promise you, you can't do this, either.\u00a0 I can look at my wife in the eyes, try my best to tell her how deeply I love her, and I can't make it 25 seconds \u2013 I start crying.\u00a0 Now, let a woman do that, she's just gathering speed.\u00a0 She's getting more eloquent as she goes.\u00a0 A guy just starts squeakin' \u2013 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLastly, write this down \u2013 the Bible says that you and I are not to be over our own bodies but our wife is.\u00a0 We are to satisfy our wives sexually.\u00a0 Before I started doing these Song of Solomon conferences, I never thought I would ever have to say that.\u00a0 I, frankly, wondered why that verse was there in the Bible \u2013 a husband doesn't have authority over his own body but his wife does.\u00a0 I thought, \"Who cares?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's probably been three times in 26 years I said, \"Honey, I'm just tired.\u00a0 Thank you, no.\"\u00a0 It just don't happen.\u00a0 She says to me one time, \"You were sleepin'.\"\u00a0 Wake me up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what?\u00a0 I started doin' the Song of Solomon conferences, and I found out I had to be educated.\u00a0 I had all kinds of women come up to me and say to me, \"My husband \u2013 I haven't had sex with him in two months,\" and they would give me all of these things that I never realized about men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFellows \u2013 and if the shoe fits, wear this \u2013 some men, sexually, are just bored.\u00a0 They've had the same woman for all of these years, and they just don't have any creativity, they haven't laid the hearth of courteous conduct, and they're just lazy.\u00a0 I hope that's not you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome guys, God help them, don't have great passion because they have gotten into pornography.\u00a0 Let me tell you something about pornography.\u00a0 Pornography will not make you a great lover.\u00a0 It will kill you sexually with your wife, because you can't get excited now about normative, good, holy love that demands tenderness and affection.\u00a0 You're just a voyeur and all you can get off are is just to be this peepin' Tom \u2013 that's the only way you can do it is to see somethin' that never occurs in a bedroom.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's purely fantasm, and it will kill you sexually; and then, thirdly, there are some men that are just selfish.\u00a0 It's not even a \"Thank you, ma'am.\"\u00a0 It's just roll over, and he goes to sleep.\u00a0 That's just selfishness.\u00a0 You fellas are to learn your wives and satisfy your wives and delight your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, gentlemen, those are the things that God commands us to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure was quiet in there, wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, I was just thinking, \u201cI wish he\u2019d just speak his mind and be clear,\u201d don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 He was shooting about as forthrightly and as straight as you can shoot, man to man, with a man\u2019s wife sitting right next to him.\u00a0 Truthfully, Bob, I think this is one of the best things that occurs at our <em>Weekend to Remember \u00ae<\/em> Marriage Getaways, is that men have other men who are broken, who have fouled up and done dumb things and shared them with the audience at a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen are realizing, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not the only one.\u201d\u00a0 And yet, they take men and point them back to the Scriptures and to the God who loves them and who redeems them and will meet them at their point of failure and point of weakness, and say, \u201cI delight in redemption.\u00a0 I\u2019m the God of the resurrection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some marriages who are listening to us right now who are not on the brink of divorce.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just settled in.\u00a0 And they need to realize that the good sometimes is the enemy of the best.\u00a0 You can have the very best God has designed for your marriage, but to do that, you have to invest in it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to take some time away.\u00a0 And one of the best ways you can do that is to sit and soak in a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>Marriage Getawayand hear what the Scriptures say about your responsibility in a marriage relationship as the loving servant-leader of your wife and family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think a lot of couples \u2013 it\u2019s like if you had a car and you said, \u201cWell, sure it wobbles at high speed,\u201d or \u201cIt misfires and I\u2019m not getting as good gas mileage as I could, but it runs.\u201d \u2013 They settle for \u201cit runs,\u201d when all they have to do is take it into the shop, let them align the wheels, let them do the tune-up, and you can walk out and go, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This thing really runs good.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s what we need to be doing with our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Instead of just saying, \u201cWell, it runs,\u201d let\u2019s say, \u201cLet\u2019s get it tuned up.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get the wheels aligned, and let\u2019s get this thing running the way it\u2019s supposed to run.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And what better way to do it than at a conference that has now trained over two million people.\u00a0 The<em> Weekend to <\/em>Remember has had a dramatic impact on a lot of good marriages.\u00a0 Good marriages that have become better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you, Bob.\u00a0 Just a few minutes ago I received an email from Barbara.\u00a0 She had just heard from a friend who had taken their new marriage, their brand-new marriage to one of our conferences, and had really had an encounter with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 She wrote me and she said, \u201cWe have to find a way of getting tens of thousands of more couples to these conferences, because it really is the very finest biblical teaching on marriage and family available in a weekend package today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it works.\u00a0 It really does work, and so if you\u2019ve never been to one, now is the time to be able to pick up a phone or go online and take a look at one of the 140 locations that we\u2019ll have in the coming 12 months, and sign you and your spouse up for a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our website has information about the Getaway<em>,<\/em> about the schedule and what it looks like.\u00a0 And it has the locations and the weekends where we\u2019re going to be in different cities.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019d encourage you to plan ahead.\u00a0 Instead of waiting until fall and hearing about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and going, \u201cOh, I meant to sign up for that,\u201d go ahead and do it now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and look for the link there for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to get all the information you need about the event.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY and we can have information sent out to you.\u00a0 Again, the toll-free number is 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask for more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage the guys who listened to today\u2019s program and heard Tommy Nelson talking about how a man can step up and be the man his wife needs him to be and that God wants him to be.\u00a0 I want to encourage those guys to get a copy of your new book, which is called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, written by our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a book that challenges all of us as men to understand our role and then to step up and embrace it.\u00a0 Again, the title of the book is <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, and there\u2019s more information about the book online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow before we wrap up the week, let me say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make this program possible.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLifeToday <\/em>is listener-supported.\u00a0 The way we pay the bills, cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, is by receiving donations from listeners like you, and then using that money to pay the bills.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 65% of our annual revenue comes from people like you who will occasionally send us $20 or $50 or $100, or whatever it is you can afford to send as a way to help keep <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> on the air, on this station, on our network of stations all across the country, keep our website up and running.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you\u2019re able to support us with a donation, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you either an audio CD or a DVD of a message from Dr. John Piper, a message on what it looks like for marriage to be lived to the glory of God.\u00a0 What does it mean to really have a God-centered marriage?\u00a0 This is a classic message from Dr. Piper, presented at an event that we co-sponsored about a decade ago, and we\u2019re making the DVD or the audio CD available as a thank you gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> online and you\u2019d like to receive the DVD, we\u2019re going to ask you to type the words \u201cGLORY DVD\u201d into the key code box that you see on the online donation form.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like the audio CD, type \u201cGLORY CD\u201d in the key code box, and we\u2019ll send you the audio.\u00a0 Or, call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation by phone, and just ask for the CD or the DVD of Dr. Piper\u2019s message.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We so much appreciate your support of this ministry, particularly here in the summer months when we\u2019re hearing from fewer people than normal.\u00a0 If you can help with a donation today, we would appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can be back with us on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about what happens in a family when somebody in the family goes into a depression, when they\u2019re in a dark place.\u00a0 What\u2019s going on, and how can we help?\u00a0 Dr. Ed Welch is going to join us, along with Leslie Vernick, as we talk about dealing with depression in a family.\u00a0 I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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does it mean to be the man of the family?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-07-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it comes to communication, men and women are very different.\u00a0 Here's Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me tell you somethin' about us men, and we're bad about this, when women talk about listening, they talk about the total person focused on them, deeming them with personhood.\u00a0 Men just take incoming information.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can be sittin' there with the remote, watchin' a game, and we can just periodically give her, \"Yeah, okay.\u00a0 Mm hmm.\"\u00a0 One time my wife grabbed me, and she said, \"Listen with your face.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Friday, July 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Tommy Nelson offers some help for men today on how we can do a better job of loving our wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 Has Barbara ever grabbed you by the cheeks and said, \u201cListen with your face?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, but she\u2019s gotten my attention and made that point.\u00a0 There\u2019s no question.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard that same line, maybe not exactly like Tommy Nelson just expressed it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our wives do not like it when we try to multi-task during a conversation, do they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve just found that to be . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I think one of the chief ways we show love in a marriage relationship is by paying attention to our wives, and that means turning our face toward them and looking them eye-to-eye and being all there in the moment.\u00a0 That is not easy for a man to do when he\u2019s looking out of the corner of his eye at his cell phone or his email.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alright, stop it.\u00a0 Stop it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or his newspaper, or the news.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m the worst at TV.\u00a0 If TV is on, it\u2019s like it\u2019s got this magnet that draws my face and my ear in that direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019re going to get a lot of coaching today from a pastor and a speaker, Pastor Tommy Nelson, who is the pastor at Denton Bible Church in suburban Dallas, Texas.\u00a0 Tommy has spoken at conferences all across the country on relationships, on marriage.\u00a0 He has taught through the Song of Solomon I don\u2019t know how many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Today he is going to coach men on what it looks like for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we\u2019ve already heard from Tommy this week where he gave women six points, six ways to demonstrate their role as a wife with their husbands, and the guys were sitting there going, \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Give it to \u2018em Tommy.\u00a0 Tell them.\u00a0 Tell them how they\u2019re supposed to live.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the wives were going, \u201cWhen do you get \u2013 When\u2019s our turn?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Equal time.\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 It takes more points for men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is Pastor Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ten points.\u00a0 Ten ways to love your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk to the men.\u00a0 \u201cHusbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church.\u201d\u00a0 Fellows, do you know how we interpret that?\u00a0 We're always ready for some big, heroic act of martyrdom.\u00a0 We're always ready:\u00a0 If the bad guys start bombing our shores, we're headin' off.\u00a0 If some crazy guy comes after our wife, we're gonna throw ourselves between her and him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere probably won't be three or four times in your marriage you'll have to do that.\u00a0 You are probably not gonna have to physically lay your life down, so if you're looking for some big, heroic thing, you're probably not gonna find it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, gentlemen, what that means is, is that you turn from yourself and you honor her, you die a day at a time in doing what is best for your wife, as Jesus Christ did what was best for you and I.\u00a0 It means that your decisions are with her in mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you about 10 things, and ladies, in just a minute you\u2019re going to turn and comment to your husband on these.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one \u2013 you must work.\u00a0 You say, \"Tom, why don't you start with a more elaborate thing?\"\u00a0 No.\u00a0 You've got to work by the sweat of your brow.\u00a0 Fellas, do you know what it means when women talk to another woman and they said, \"She married a Peter Pan.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you know what it is to marry Peter Pan?\u00a0 It's to marry some gadfly guy that, like the Book of Proverbs says, \"He pursues vain things\" \u2013 he doesn't work, he's always lookin' for the lottery, you know.\u00a0 He's out there tryin' to make a million dollars overnight, and he doesn't work, and the burden falls on his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your wife wants to work, you worked it out within yourselves, if you have no problem, that's okay, but it's not her responsibility.\u00a0 It is your responsibility.\u00a0 No woman feels like giving herself to a bum.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two \u2013 you have got to lead \u2013 lead.\u00a0 No Christian woman has ever prayed, \u201cGod, send me a wimp, please.\u00a0 Make him lazy and make him dumb.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour wife does not have to drag you to church.\u00a0 You get up, you get ready, you bathe.\u00a0 Get that woman in that car, get those kids, you go to the front row.\u00a0 I see all of these women in my church singing with gusto sitting next to this mildewed kind of fig.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat infuriates a woman.\u00a0 You read your Bible.\u00a0 You be the scholar.\u00a0 You be the pray-er.\u00a0 You be the one that puts those kids down and prays with those kids.\u00a0 You bless the meal, and don't just fire up one of them little flares.\u00a0 I mean, you get into some doctrine and let your wife \u2013 her prayer wants to be \"God, let me stay up with this man.\"\u00a0 Women, Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Women:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tommy:<\/strong>\u00a0 She wants to stay up with you.\u00a0 Write down this \u2013 number three \u2013 a woman wants to be treated with understanding.\u00a0 That's what it means to love her.\u00a0 We have a word for it; we call it \"tenderness.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeter put it like this \u2013 \"You husbands live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel.\"\u00a0 She's china, she's crystal, she's glass, and it means that she's not on your level physically \u2013 that emotionally there are some times, guys, you know it and I know it, there are times that your wife cries, and you don't know why; she don't know why; God doesn't know why; and that's okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVery few times have women said, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, dear?\u201d\u00a0 But we do with our wives, and you are to treat her like crystal, like china.\u00a0 Listen to this:\u00a0 In the Song of Solomon that man calls his wife \"a hind, a doe, a dove, a mare, a princess, a rose, a lily, a sister, a lamb, a friend.\"\u00a0 Can you be gentle with that woman in how you speak to her, how you treat her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber four \u2013 your wife wants \u2013 understands \u2013 love to be honor or esteem.\u00a0 Fellows, we spend our lives getting patted on the back within sports, within business.\u00a0 Who is going to esteem your wife?\u00a0 Who is going to tell your wife that she's wonderful?\u00a0 Peter says, \"Live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel.\"\u00a0 You be tender, she's not on your level emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then he says, \"Grant her honor as a fellow heir in the grace of life.\"\u00a0 She's on your level as a human being enjoying the blessedness of life.\u00a0 \"In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free man, male nor female,\" and God loves her, and that is why Mary is the last one at the cross, and she's the first one at the tomb.\u00a0 Jesus delighted in those ladies, and you are to esteem your wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe is made from your rib \u2013 she is not made from the dirt \u2013 from the rib, so that you will naturally take her and pull her close to you.\u00a0 Are you fellows tender and honoring to that woman? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPut down number five \u2013 your wife wants affection, and I didn't say sex, I said affection \u2013 non-sexual touching.\u00a0 Fellas, let me tell you somethin' that if you're doin' this, your wife's prayin' that I'll get around to it.\u00a0 Getting married does not give you the right to get grabby on that woman.\u00a0 When you come through the kitchen and go \u2013 whop!\u00a0 She does not say, \"Hallelujah.\u00a0 How's about some more?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's non-sexual \u2013 that you pat her hand, that you keep your arm around her, that you embrace her for no good reason.\u00a0 Somebody told my wife one time \u2013 I don\u2019t know who it was, but I praise God for him \u2013 that whenever you have a hug, there\u2019s a hemoglobin exchange, and it makes you healthier.\u00a0 And at times my wife goes through the house going, \u201cHemoglobin, hemoglobin, hemoglobin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber six \u2013 your wife needs help around the house.\u00a0 There's a couple in our church \u2013 Proverbs 31 says that this woman rises early to give portions to her household and to give portions to her maidens.\u00a0 A guy said to his wife in our church, he said, \"When are you gonna rise early to give some of them portions to your household?\"\u00a0 And she said, \"When are you gonna get me some of them maidens?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp your wife.\u00a0 Laura Schlessinger once said that, \u201cTo me, the sound of my husband vacuuming is foreplay.\"\u00a0 I like that.\u00a0 Help her.\u00a0 It\u2019s not beneath you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber seven \u2013 you need to be able to listen to your wife when she talks.\u00a0 Let me tell you something about us men, and we're bad about this.\u00a0 When women talk about listening, they talk about the total person focused on them, deeming them with personhood.\u00a0 Men just take incoming information, and we can be sittin' there with the remote, watchin' a game, and we can just periodically give her, \"Yeah, okay, mm-hm.\"\u00a0 One time my wife grabbed me, and she said, \"Listen with your face.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFellows, whenever you go out to eat with your wife, make sure that the TV is behind you.\u00a0 Am I smart or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber eight \u2013 your wife needs, as part of love, developing.\u00a0 Develop your wife.\u00a0 Proverbs 31 \u2013 that woman is allowed to be everything that she ever imagined.\u00a0 Y'all remember the old Glen Campbell song?\u00a0 \"These are the dreams of the everyday housewife, who gave up the good life for me.\"\u00a0 I don't ever want my wife saying that \u2013 \"What could I have been if I just hadn't have met this individual?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou fellows look at your wife, at her talents, her abilities, and I mean put some money into it and you develop this woman.\u00a0 If she wants to go to MIT, go get a second job.\u00a0 Send her to MIT.\u00a0 My wife got off one time on a photography kick.\u00a0 I bought her a darkroom.\u00a0 That\u2019s a fact.\u00a0 Anything that she wants.\u00a0 I'm going to make her everything that I can be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you, you and I as the bride of Christ, has he done us wrong or has he done us good?\u00a0 He has located what we are.\u00a0 He has ordained what we are, and he has gifted us for service.\u00a0 You do this with your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWrite this down \u2013 your wife \u2013 number nine \u2013 needs romance.\u00a0 And, again, I'm not sayin' sex, I mean romance.\u00a0 Back in the Middle Ages, Latin was the common language.\u00a0 In different geographic areas they had what were called \"vulgar\" languages that were common to the common man, and they were called \"rum-antic\u201d languages, and it got to where romance was something of the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour wife wants you to date her \u2013 and when I say \"date her,\" I don't mean at the drive-thru at Wendy's.\u00a0 I mean you put on a shirt that buttons and you sit down, and you look at her, and you listen to her, and you pat her hands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you guys write your wives love notes?\u00a0 It doesn't take long \u2013 take a little post-it, little stick-ems, and just write 'em. \"Love you, thinkin' about you,\" and just put 'em up.\u00a0 Do you surprise your wife for no reason?\u00a0 When I come back from Albertson's sometimes I'll buy my wife a 99-cent plant \u2013 that's it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, most men are very efficient \u2013 birthdays, valentines, for no good reason.\u00a0 I can bring her a 99-cent plant, and I say, \"Guess what I got?\" and she trembles \u2013 \"Ahh, ahh.\"\u00a0 Plant!\u00a0 She'll love me forever, for no good reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRomancing your wife \u2013 go in deep.\u00a0 Let me tell you fellows something about yourself.\u00a0 It's true about me, and I'll promise you, it's true about you.\u00a0 And I had to learn this, incidentally.\u00a0 I had three brothers and no sisters.\u00a0 I have two sons, no daughters.\u00a0 My one son is the shortstop for the University of Kansas; been drafted twice by the pros.\u00a0 My other son is a sniper.\u00a0 He kills people, all right?\u00a0 Now, that's my family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe're not the most gentle family, but I had to learn how to be tender with my wife; how to take her out, how to touch her hand, and still, to this day, men, and this is true for you, and I'll promise you, you can't do this, either.\u00a0 I can look at my wife in the eyes, try my best to tell her how deeply I love her, and I can't make it 25 seconds \u2013 I start crying.\u00a0 Now, let a woman do that, she's just gathering speed.\u00a0 She's getting more eloquent as she goes.\u00a0 A guy just starts squeakin' \u2013 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLastly, write this down \u2013 the Bible says that you and I are not to be over our own bodies but our wife is.\u00a0 We are to satisfy our wives sexually.\u00a0 Before I started doing these Song of Solomon conferences, I never thought I would ever have to say that.\u00a0 I, frankly, wondered why that verse was there in the Bible \u2013 a husband doesn't have authority over his own body but his wife does.\u00a0 I thought, \"Who cares?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's probably been three times in 26 years I said, \"Honey, I'm just tired.\u00a0 Thank you, no.\"\u00a0 It just don't happen.\u00a0 She says to me one time, \"You were sleepin'.\"\u00a0 Wake me up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what?\u00a0 I started doin' the Song of Solomon conferences, and I found out I had to be educated.\u00a0 I had all kinds of women come up to me and say to me, \"My husband \u2013 I haven't had sex with him in two months,\" and they would give me all of these things that I never realized about men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFellows \u2013 and if the shoe fits, wear this \u2013 some men, sexually, are just bored.\u00a0 They've had the same woman for all of these years, and they just don't have any creativity, they haven't laid the hearth of courteous conduct, and they're just lazy.\u00a0 I hope that's not you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome guys, God help them, don't have great passion because they have gotten into pornography.\u00a0 Let me tell you something about pornography.\u00a0 Pornography will not make you a great lover.\u00a0 It will kill you sexually with your wife, because you can't get excited now about normative, good, holy love that demands tenderness and affection.\u00a0 You're just a voyeur and all you can get off are is just to be this peepin' Tom \u2013 that's the only way you can do it is to see somethin' that never occurs in a bedroom.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's purely fantasm, and it will kill you sexually; and then, thirdly, there are some men that are just selfish.\u00a0 It's not even a \"Thank you, ma'am.\"\u00a0 It's just roll over, and he goes to sleep.\u00a0 That's just selfishness.\u00a0 You fellas are to learn your wives and satisfy your wives and delight your wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, gentlemen, those are the things that God commands us to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure was quiet in there, wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, I was just thinking, \u201cI wish he\u2019d just speak his mind and be clear,\u201d don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 He was shooting about as forthrightly and as straight as you can shoot, man to man, with a man\u2019s wife sitting right next to him.\u00a0 Truthfully, Bob, I think this is one of the best things that occurs at our <em>Weekend to Remember \u00ae<\/em> Marriage Getaways, is that men have other men who are broken, who have fouled up and done dumb things and shared them with the audience at a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen are realizing, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not the only one.\u201d\u00a0 And yet, they take men and point them back to the Scriptures and to the God who loves them and who redeems them and will meet them at their point of failure and point of weakness, and say, \u201cI delight in redemption.\u00a0 I\u2019m the God of the resurrection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some marriages who are listening to us right now who are not on the brink of divorce.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just settled in.\u00a0 And they need to realize that the good sometimes is the enemy of the best.\u00a0 You can have the very best God has designed for your marriage, but to do that, you have to invest in it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to take some time away.\u00a0 And one of the best ways you can do that is to sit and soak in a <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>Marriage Getawayand hear what the Scriptures say about your responsibility in a marriage relationship as the loving servant-leader of your wife and family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think a lot of couples \u2013 it\u2019s like if you had a car and you said, \u201cWell, sure it wobbles at high speed,\u201d or \u201cIt misfires and I\u2019m not getting as good gas mileage as I could, but it runs.\u201d \u2013 They settle for \u201cit runs,\u201d when all they have to do is take it into the shop, let them align the wheels, let them do the tune-up, and you can walk out and go, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 This thing really runs good.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s what we need to be doing with our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Instead of just saying, \u201cWell, it runs,\u201d let\u2019s say, \u201cLet\u2019s get it tuned up.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get the wheels aligned, and let\u2019s get this thing running the way it\u2019s supposed to run.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And what better way to do it than at a conference that has now trained over two million people.\u00a0 The<em> Weekend to <\/em>Remember has had a dramatic impact on a lot of good marriages.\u00a0 Good marriages that have become better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you, Bob.\u00a0 Just a few minutes ago I received an email from Barbara.\u00a0 She had just heard from a friend who had taken their new marriage, their brand-new marriage to one of our conferences, and had really had an encounter with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 She wrote me and she said, \u201cWe have to find a way of getting tens of thousands of more couples to these conferences, because it really is the very finest biblical teaching on marriage and family available in a weekend package today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it works.\u00a0 It really does work, and so if you\u2019ve never been to one, now is the time to be able to pick up a phone or go online and take a look at one of the 140 locations that we\u2019ll have in the coming 12 months, and sign you and your spouse up for a <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our website has information about the Getaway<em>,<\/em> about the schedule and what it looks like.\u00a0 And it has the locations and the weekends where we\u2019re going to be in different cities.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019d encourage you to plan ahead.\u00a0 Instead of waiting until fall and hearing about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>and going, \u201cOh, I meant to sign up for that,\u201d go ahead and do it now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and look for the link there for the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to get all the information you need about the event.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY and we can have information sent out to you.\u00a0 Again, the toll-free number is 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask for more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage the guys who listened to today\u2019s program and heard Tommy Nelson talking about how a man can step up and be the man his wife needs him to be and that God wants him to be.\u00a0 I want to encourage those guys to get a copy of your new book, which is called <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, written by our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a book that challenges all of us as men to understand our role and then to step up and embrace it.\u00a0 Again, the title of the book is <em>Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, and there\u2019s more information about the book online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow before we wrap up the week, let me say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make this program possible.\u00a0 <em>FamilyLifeToday <\/em>is listener-supported.\u00a0 The way we pay the bills, cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, is by receiving donations from listeners like you, and then using that money to pay the bills.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore than 65% of our annual revenue comes from people like you who will occasionally send us $20 or $50 or $100, or whatever it is you can afford to send as a way to help keep <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> on the air, on this station, on our network of stations all across the country, keep our website up and running.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you\u2019re able to support us with a donation, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you either an audio CD or a DVD of a message from Dr. John Piper, a message on what it looks like for marriage to be lived to the glory of God.\u00a0 What does it mean to really have a God-centered marriage?\u00a0 This is a classic message from Dr. Piper, presented at an event that we co-sponsored about a decade ago, and we\u2019re making the DVD or the audio CD available as a thank you gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> online and you\u2019d like to receive the DVD, we\u2019re going to ask you to type the words \u201cGLORY DVD\u201d into the key code box that you see on the online donation form.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like the audio CD, type \u201cGLORY CD\u201d in the key code box, and we\u2019ll send you the audio.\u00a0 Or, call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a donation by phone, and just ask for the CD or the DVD of Dr. Piper\u2019s message.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We so much appreciate your support of this ministry, particularly here in the summer months when we\u2019re hearing from fewer people than normal.\u00a0 If you can help with a donation today, we would appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can be back with us on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about what happens in a family when somebody in the family goes into a depression, when they\u2019re in a dark place.\u00a0 What\u2019s going on, and how can we help?\u00a0 Dr. Ed Welch is going to join us, along with Leslie Vernick, as we talk about dealing with depression in a family.\u00a0 I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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