{"id":302297,"date":"2011-06-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers\/"},"modified":"2011-06-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-30T15:00:00","slug":"why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Why Does My Mom Have Alzheimer&#8217;s?&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Alzheimer&#8217;s disease is the most common cause of dementia in older adults and, unfortunately, there is no cure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.66M","filesize_raw":"24809563","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[2872,4009,2607],"podcast_series":[7811],"cwp_profile":[3422,9004],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302297","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-addiction","tag-depression","tag-stress","podcast_series-blame-it-on-the-brain","cwp_profile-david-powlison","cwp_profile-ed-welch","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302297\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302297\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vOvi7SKROI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers\/\">&#8220;Why Does My Mom Have Alzheimer&#8217;s?&#8221;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-does-my-mom-have-alzheimers\/embed\/#?secret=vOvi7SKROI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;&#8220;Why Does My Mom Have Alzheimer&#8217;s?&#8221;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vOvi7SKROI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u00a0Jesus said \"Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for a friend.\"\u00a0 That's certainly the case if you are a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 Here is Dr. Ed Welch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Usually in our relationships there is some sort of perk.\u00a0 There's a give-and-take, and there's something enjoyable about that relationship.\u00a0 The first thing I think with Alzheimer's is this is a true servanting relationship that I need grace to be a servant to my parents where there is not a perk that we get back from it, but it brings great glory to Christ all the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 30th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about caring for and loving someone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've been talking this week about those things that -- well, it's kind of, Dennis, a cross between what's going on spiritually, what's going on emotionally, what's going on physically in a person's life, and trying to make some sense out of things like attention deficit disorder, which we talked about yesterday, depression and bipolar, we talked earlier about homosexuality, and is there something in the brain or in the genes that determines that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday we're going to talk about something that I know is personal for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back about a year and a half ago or so, my mom couldn't keep track of the thermostat, and just couldn't remember how to set the thermostat.\u00a0 So we wrote it in big letters with arrows pointing to the cool and the heat, being able to help her keep her home appropriately warm in the winter and cool in the summer.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen about a year ago it became clear, after I'd been up there a number of times, that my mom was suffering from dementia.\u00a0 A year ago last fall, went to the hospital, and the doctors said she now has Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I don't think anyone is ready for the diagnosis.\u00a0 It is a disease that really destroys a human being's dignity.\u00a0 My mom is a very funny person, a great sense of humor, bright, very connected emotionally in conversation.\u00a0 And yet as I've watched her grow older and older as she goes past the age of 90, you know, it just seems to me, as a child, just a real tragedy to watch someone that you love go through this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have with us a couple of counselors who have spent a great deal of time researching this subject as well as others.\u00a0 David Powlison and Ed Welch join us.\u00a0 David, Ed, I want to thank you for being on the broadcast all this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's been stimulating discussion.\u00a0 We've had several phone calls and e-mails, and I'm sure letters will be in the mailbox in the coming days about what we talked about yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good letters, right, Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Good letters about ADD and ADHD.\u00a0\u00a0 But it's been great to have you on the broadcast and have you with us all this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 A pleasure, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ed is the author of a book called, <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em>.\u00a0 He is also a counselor, a faculty member at Westminster Seminary.\u00a0 David Powlison edits the <em>Journal of Biblical Counseling.<\/em> They both reside in the great city of Philadelphia, where I had a Philly cheesesteak one time in downtown Philly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Where the natives eat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn't any kind of tourist trap.\u00a0 I was in line with the regulars.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and it was worth the wait, wasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was.\u00a0 It was a lot of fun.\u00a0 When we come to the subject of Alzheimer's, Ed, there's a great deal of -- well, I think of misconception, because I think we tend to kind of classify a lot of mental disorders of old age under this category.\u00a0 Am I right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 True, indeed, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What truly is the diagnosis of someone who has Alzheimer's?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well the diagnosis actually is predominantly made at autopsy.\u00a0 So what that means is if we see a loved one who is declining intellectually, we immediately say something is going on, and we want to send them to a physician who will ask all kinds of questions and do the appropriate tests.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlzheimer's, essentially, is when all the other diseases have been considered, and the person truly is declining intellectually, then Alzheimer's is usually the final diagnosis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is there a difference medically between Alzheimer's and dementia?\u00a0 I sometimes hear those used almost interchangeably.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dementia is the broader category.\u00a0 Dementia simply means your intellect is declining and senile dementia means it's declining and you\u2019re older than age 65.\u00a0 So dementia -- you can be a heavy drinker, and you have dementia.\u00a0 Your intellect has declined; however, it's just an acute problem.\u00a0 Your intellect goes back to normal when you are no longer intoxicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo dementia is the very general word.\u00a0 Alzheimer's is a more specific word that is characterized by an incessant, progressive, downhill decline of the intellect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So there's no way to diagnose Alzheimer's other than to say it's dementia that's getting worse.\u00a0 There is nothing that we can look at and say, \"We can tell this person has Alzheimer's.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 More or less -- things are progressing rapidly.\u00a0 There are some hints on MRIs that will suggest Alzheimer's disease at this point.\u00a0 So the technology is advancing rapidly.\u00a0 I suspect at some point in the near future the diagnosis will be able to be much more definitive early on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And you said you can tell at autopsy, they've found what's really going on.\u00a0 There is something happening in the brain that's causing memory loss and an inability to function with full motor skills, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 The brain has atrophied significantly, and the neurons, the neuronal paths in the brain, they look strangely tangled and chaotic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ed, you've written a book that has a chapter that discusses Alzheimer's as well as dementia, and I found it fascinating as I was reading through here that you called the reader back to the Bible.\u00a0 What exactly were you trying to do there?\u00a0 Because you have a disease that is diagnosed today and yet you believe we need to look at this biblically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Scripture gives us even contours for how to think about something like Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 For example, the image of God persists in somebody with Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 There continues to be the knowledge of God.\u00a0 There continues to be an accountability before God.\u00a0 A brain that's not working very well does not limit our accountability before God.\u00a0 What is right is right before the Lord; what is wrong continues to be wrong.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the Scripture enlarges our perspective of Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 In other words, we cannot say that Alzheimer\u2019s disease turns us into some sort of sexualized beast who\u2019s always making sexualized comments when any woman walks by.\u00a0 The Alzheimer\u2019s disease did not make us do that.\u00a0 That continues to be an issue of the heart.\u00a0 Scripture allows us to see those dynamics a bit more clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It occurs to me, as we talk about this that it's easy to miss those that are left behind with a memory and with a relationship.\u00a0 As I have dealt with my mom, and I go back to see her, it's almost like each trip results in deeper loss and grief and a reminder that \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026\u00a0 and it's a long-term grief.\u00a0 Where death, there's a certain finality to it and you can begin to deal with that in a godly way, but when a person is declining like that over a long period of time, it's like a long-term death, many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 And you've experienced this sense yourself, not just in a clinical environment, but your dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly he has, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And that diagnosis has been in place for how long?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Four years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Uh-huh, okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's really interesting to go home and to drive up in front of the home you've been going back to for a number of years, to walk in beside my mom's bed and to perhaps be there as she awakens from a nap, to be holding her hand and stroking it and looking into her eyes and have her go, \"Who are you?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's a grief that is almost unexplainable -- to watch someone you've had so much fun with and have such a great relationship with -- you lose them, not all at once, but as you just described, inch by inch you're watching your mom or your dad die, and you're watching them leave you, but they're still here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, Dennis, we say as Christians, and we can let the words roll off our lips that \"I believe in the resurrection of the dead.\"\u00a0 But we often don't bring into a situation such as we're talking about here that in the Bible, for example, in Romans 8, that\u2019s linked with groaning.\u00a0 This is not right.\u00a0 This is terrible what's happening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr in Revelation that it is a day in the future when every tear is wiped away and death is no more, and that sense that -- that would be another way where Scripture certainly speaks to it.\u00a0 Not as a medical phenomenon, obviously, but as a human phenomenon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is an intense pain, and yet one that your mom is in Christ, and your mom will live, and that means something.\u00a0 We don't grieve as those who have no hope.\u00a0 That means something to those left behind as they go through the sort of thing you're speaking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0David, we\u2019ve talked this week about depression and ADHD.\u00a0 We\u2019ve talked about the fact that the medical community has treatment for those diagnoses.\u00a0 There are prescriptions that are given and things that seem to influence the behavior.\u00a0 With Alzheimer\u2019s, there\u2019s nothing that medical science today can give that makes it any better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be a wonderful common grace of God as and if treatments can \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If something breaks through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 We hope that they do, yes.\u00a0 But yet until then, both the sufferer and those who love the sufferer and suffer in that way, need to live with something which, yes, it\u2019s one part of medicine that is often not stressed where it is really a custodial function.\u00a0 It\u2019s a caretaking function, not a curative function.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alzheimer's feels a little different as well -- at least different from things like depression and ADHD, because there we say a person has a certain level of responsibility for what they're manifesting.\u00a0 Even if there are impulses pulling them in one direction, they still have a responsibility before God not to sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about with Alzheimer's?\u00a0 How do we deal with that?\u00a0 I mean, here is a person who is just losing all kinds of memory and control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first thing I think with Alzheimer's is the grief of it, as David was pointing out.\u00a0 The second thing with Alzheimer's disease is that I need grace to be a servant to my parents in a way that I have not been a servant before.\u00a0 Usually in our relationships, there is some sort of perk.\u00a0 There's a give-and-take, and there's something enjoyable about that relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a true servanting relationship, where there is not a perk that we get back from it, but it brings great glory to Christ all the same.\u00a0 So that's the second thing that I think.\u00a0 But as a minister to my father, in particular, I need great grace to be able to bring glory to Christ by washing his feet and not get credit for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next thing that I think, and this is probably the third thing rather than the first -- there have been times when my father has been simply cruel to his wife.\u00a0 Now, one of the themes that we try to consider as we consider the brain, is let's consider more normal things first, rather than look at things by way of a diagnosis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf my father was being cruel to my mother when I was 25 years old and I would witness it, I would say, \"Dad, what are you doing?\u00a0 Why are you treating Mom this way?\u00a0 That's not right.\u00a0 No matter what she did, that's not a right way to treat her.\"\u00a0 I would try to, with honor and respect, I would try to bring that to my father's attention.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the question is, why wouldn't I do that if he's struggling with Alzheimer's disease?\u00a0 I would suggest the norm is I would continue to do the same thing, but I might use different language to speak to him.\u00a0 So one of the things I do is I treat him normally as a person who continues to be responsible for the abilities he continues to have before the Lord.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Scripture does speak against abusive speech and abusive behavior toward anyone, especially to a spouse.\u00a0 And so there have been times when I've gone to my father and said, \"Dad, I'm not sure exactly why you're angry with Mom,\" and I don't know how he's interpreting it all, \u201cbut you are called to be a peacemaker, you are called to be a forgiver.\u00a0 You are called to be a person who speaks blessing to her when she frustrates you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd my father doesn't say, \"Hold it, you can't say that to me because I have Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 I don't have the ability to do those kinds of things.\"\u00a0 What my dad does is he says, \"That's true, that's true,\u201d and \u201cWould you pray with me for that?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things I've noticed with my mom is I'm relating to her in a very simple way.\u00a0 I used to carry on a conversation where I could speak to her in terms of paragraphs -- several sentences strung together to complete a thought.\u00a0 Now my relationship with her is a simple sentence with a simple idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you're saying here with your dad is he still has the capability of understanding right and wrong -- of how he is kind or not kind to your mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's part of humanness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what I think we have to do is we need to meet our parents where they are and to love them, to respect them, speak to them as you did, with honor,\u00a0 but at the same time speak the truth in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, there may be, with my father -- the same way I am with other people -- there may be some ways he sins against me, for example, if I visit him, and I just overlook those sins.\u00a0 I cover the offense.\u00a0 There's no reason we have to raise every sin we find in another person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, when I find that it is somewhat mean or cruel to my mother, I believe that's not necessarily sin that should be covered.\u00a0 That's one that he should be able to consider.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One thing I've noticed in my relationship with my mom that has really never been there to the degree it has been now is because of how life is becoming very simple to her, I'm finding that my touch of her is increasing -- holding her hand, sitting next to her on the couch, hugging her, just stroking her face, kissing her.\u00a0 We're far more affectionate, and it's kind of, like, that wasn't allowed to happen before to the degree because she was so busy, and now she's not busy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's like a very young child, where when they\u2019re a year old, they can't process all kinds of language, but they do know when their parents love them.\u00a0 They can process that.\u00a0 They do respond to a parent that looks them in the eye, that cuddles them, that touches them with love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it's interesting -- you know, you stroke her face and kiss her and talk about how pretty she is and then comb her hair.\u00a0 She has still not lost that womanly ability to appreciate that her hair looks nice.\u00a0 She still needs to know that and still needs to be affirmed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 What are you saying?\u00a0 My mother is a human being, and I am called to honor and to love her and you study her -- what she's able to understand, what she doesn't understand \u2013 and you vary your love according to her abilities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And you treat her with as high a degree of human dignity as you can provide, even if you don't know how much of that is getting anywhere, right?\u00a0 I'm thinking about, David, those people who are listening, and their parents may have never known Christ, and they're watching the dementia take over.\u00a0 They're watching, maybe, the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.\u00a0 Maybe it's gone from forgetfulness now to just a loss of carrying on a conversation that makes any sense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, it's one of those -- the very thing we're speaking of that, in a sense, you become the adult and they the child.\u00a0 It will give you a freedom to be able to pray for the person and to hold out promises in a way that you may have never been able to do when they were much more mentally competent and resistant, and there may be a softness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'll tell a brief anecdote -- my grandmother -- it was not Alzheimer's, it was a stroke, but she was in a coma, and she had been a person resistant to the Christian faith.\u00a0 And in her coma she could hear, and I visited her daily for a number of weeks before she died, and the day before she died, I'd been bringing the Lord to her, day after day praying for her, reading Psalms, and I brought the Lord much more pointedly to her, and the only part of her body she could move -- and you could tell she was awake -- she could squeeze with her right hand very faintly.\u00a0 You'd say, \"If you're awake, squeeze three times,\" and get three little faint squeezes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read Psalm 23. I talked about Christ the good shepherd, and that particular day I had to pry her hand off of my hand, and she died that night.\u00a0 And, you know, I don't know what happened.\u00a0 I'm not privy to her heart, but clearly there was something in her weakness that there was an openness that I had not gotten in the previous years that I'd sought to speak to her about the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to express my appreciation to both of you gentlemen.\u00a0 You are true professionals.\u00a0 You have taken us back to the authoritative word on life, the Bible, as our ultimate counsel.\u00a0 I appreciate your ministry and your work there in Philadelphia, training seminarians, counseling, writing.\u00a0 I hope you guys will come back and join us again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEd, keep cranking out the books.\u00a0 <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em>, I predict, Bob, is going to cause some people to think about the brain in a different way than they\u2019ve ever thought about before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Made my brain hurt, you know, just trying to read through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have copies of the book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and you can get more information about the book <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em> when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call 1-800- F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll also find a couple of links on our website.\u00a0 One of the links will take you to a part of our website that deals specifically with the issues we have been talking about this week, the issues that you might go to a professional counselor to try to seek some help.\u00a0 Our friends at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation help us with articles that we\u2019ve posted on our website that we hope will help you as you address some of these issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo again, look for that link.\u00a0 And then look for a link that will get you more information about the upcoming 2011 CCEF national conference, where they\u2019re going to be addressing psychiatric disorders and the issues we\u2019ve talked about this week.\u00a0 That conference is open to anybody who would like to attend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and you\u2019ll want to look for the links you find there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, for those folks who are tuned in this week and you may be a new listener to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and you may be thinking, \u201cIs this the kind of stuff you talk about every week on the program?\u201d\u00a0 Well, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is here to provide practical, biblical help for your marriage and your family.\u00a0 And so we try to deal with issues that are very real issues facing couples and facing moms and dads.\u00a0 Our goal is to see every home become a godly home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to find out more about <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and there\u2019s information available there.\u00a0 This week, because of the subject we\u2019ve been talking about, we thought it would be good to make available a booklet by our friend, Randy Alcorn, called <em>If God is Good, Why Do We Hurt?<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know folks who are wrestling with all that we\u2019ve talked about this week and sometimes ask that question.\u00a0 And so we thought making a copy of this booklet available as a free gift would be a way to help you understand what God is sometimes up to when we go through hard things in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to get a copy of the booklet by Randy Alcorn, <em>If God is Good, Why Do We Hurt?, <\/em>you can request it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy, and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, new listeners, we are glad that you\u2019re tuned in, and hope you\u2019ll continue to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and hope you\u2019ll stop by the website and find out more about what we have available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to encourage you to join us back tomorrow, when Chuck Colson is going to join us and we\u2019re going to talk about a document that has been drafted, designed to voice support for the sanctity of life, for the biblical definition of marriage, and for the need for religious freedom in our culture.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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disease is the most common cause of dementia in older adults and, unfortunately, there is no cure.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u00a0Jesus said \"Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for a friend.\"\u00a0 That's certainly the case if you are a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 Here is Dr. Ed Welch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Usually in our relationships there is some sort of perk.\u00a0 There's a give-and-take, and there's something enjoyable about that relationship.\u00a0 The first thing I think with Alzheimer's is this is a true servanting relationship that I need grace to be a servant to my parents where there is not a perk that we get back from it, but it brings great glory to Christ all the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 30th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about caring for and loving someone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've been talking this week about those things that -- well, it's kind of, Dennis, a cross between what's going on spiritually, what's going on emotionally, what's going on physically in a person's life, and trying to make some sense out of things like attention deficit disorder, which we talked about yesterday, depression and bipolar, we talked earlier about homosexuality, and is there something in the brain or in the genes that determines that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday we're going to talk about something that I know is personal for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back about a year and a half ago or so, my mom couldn't keep track of the thermostat, and just couldn't remember how to set the thermostat.\u00a0 So we wrote it in big letters with arrows pointing to the cool and the heat, being able to help her keep her home appropriately warm in the winter and cool in the summer.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen about a year ago it became clear, after I'd been up there a number of times, that my mom was suffering from dementia.\u00a0 A year ago last fall, went to the hospital, and the doctors said she now has Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I don't think anyone is ready for the diagnosis.\u00a0 It is a disease that really destroys a human being's dignity.\u00a0 My mom is a very funny person, a great sense of humor, bright, very connected emotionally in conversation.\u00a0 And yet as I've watched her grow older and older as she goes past the age of 90, you know, it just seems to me, as a child, just a real tragedy to watch someone that you love go through this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have with us a couple of counselors who have spent a great deal of time researching this subject as well as others.\u00a0 David Powlison and Ed Welch join us.\u00a0 David, Ed, I want to thank you for being on the broadcast all this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's been stimulating discussion.\u00a0 We've had several phone calls and e-mails, and I'm sure letters will be in the mailbox in the coming days about what we talked about yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good letters, right, Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Good letters about ADD and ADHD.\u00a0\u00a0 But it's been great to have you on the broadcast and have you with us all this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 A pleasure, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ed is the author of a book called, <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em>.\u00a0 He is also a counselor, a faculty member at Westminster Seminary.\u00a0 David Powlison edits the <em>Journal of Biblical Counseling.<\/em> They both reside in the great city of Philadelphia, where I had a Philly cheesesteak one time in downtown Philly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Where the natives eat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It wasn't any kind of tourist trap.\u00a0 I was in line with the regulars.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and it was worth the wait, wasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was.\u00a0 It was a lot of fun.\u00a0 When we come to the subject of Alzheimer's, Ed, there's a great deal of -- well, I think of misconception, because I think we tend to kind of classify a lot of mental disorders of old age under this category.\u00a0 Am I right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 True, indeed, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What truly is the diagnosis of someone who has Alzheimer's?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well the diagnosis actually is predominantly made at autopsy.\u00a0 So what that means is if we see a loved one who is declining intellectually, we immediately say something is going on, and we want to send them to a physician who will ask all kinds of questions and do the appropriate tests.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlzheimer's, essentially, is when all the other diseases have been considered, and the person truly is declining intellectually, then Alzheimer's is usually the final diagnosis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is there a difference medically between Alzheimer's and dementia?\u00a0 I sometimes hear those used almost interchangeably.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dementia is the broader category.\u00a0 Dementia simply means your intellect is declining and senile dementia means it's declining and you\u2019re older than age 65.\u00a0 So dementia -- you can be a heavy drinker, and you have dementia.\u00a0 Your intellect has declined; however, it's just an acute problem.\u00a0 Your intellect goes back to normal when you are no longer intoxicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo dementia is the very general word.\u00a0 Alzheimer's is a more specific word that is characterized by an incessant, progressive, downhill decline of the intellect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So there's no way to diagnose Alzheimer's other than to say it's dementia that's getting worse.\u00a0 There is nothing that we can look at and say, \"We can tell this person has Alzheimer's.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 More or less -- things are progressing rapidly.\u00a0 There are some hints on MRIs that will suggest Alzheimer's disease at this point.\u00a0 So the technology is advancing rapidly.\u00a0 I suspect at some point in the near future the diagnosis will be able to be much more definitive early on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And you said you can tell at autopsy, they've found what's really going on.\u00a0 There is something happening in the brain that's causing memory loss and an inability to function with full motor skills, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 The brain has atrophied significantly, and the neurons, the neuronal paths in the brain, they look strangely tangled and chaotic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ed, you've written a book that has a chapter that discusses Alzheimer's as well as dementia, and I found it fascinating as I was reading through here that you called the reader back to the Bible.\u00a0 What exactly were you trying to do there?\u00a0 Because you have a disease that is diagnosed today and yet you believe we need to look at this biblically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Scripture gives us even contours for how to think about something like Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 For example, the image of God persists in somebody with Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 There continues to be the knowledge of God.\u00a0 There continues to be an accountability before God.\u00a0 A brain that's not working very well does not limit our accountability before God.\u00a0 What is right is right before the Lord; what is wrong continues to be wrong.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the Scripture enlarges our perspective of Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 In other words, we cannot say that Alzheimer\u2019s disease turns us into some sort of sexualized beast who\u2019s always making sexualized comments when any woman walks by.\u00a0 The Alzheimer\u2019s disease did not make us do that.\u00a0 That continues to be an issue of the heart.\u00a0 Scripture allows us to see those dynamics a bit more clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It occurs to me, as we talk about this that it's easy to miss those that are left behind with a memory and with a relationship.\u00a0 As I have dealt with my mom, and I go back to see her, it's almost like each trip results in deeper loss and grief and a reminder that \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026\u00a0 and it's a long-term grief.\u00a0 Where death, there's a certain finality to it and you can begin to deal with that in a godly way, but when a person is declining like that over a long period of time, it's like a long-term death, many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 And you've experienced this sense yourself, not just in a clinical environment, but your dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly he has, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And that diagnosis has been in place for how long?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Four years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Uh-huh, okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's really interesting to go home and to drive up in front of the home you've been going back to for a number of years, to walk in beside my mom's bed and to perhaps be there as she awakens from a nap, to be holding her hand and stroking it and looking into her eyes and have her go, \"Who are you?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's a grief that is almost unexplainable -- to watch someone you've had so much fun with and have such a great relationship with -- you lose them, not all at once, but as you just described, inch by inch you're watching your mom or your dad die, and you're watching them leave you, but they're still here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, Dennis, we say as Christians, and we can let the words roll off our lips that \"I believe in the resurrection of the dead.\"\u00a0 But we often don't bring into a situation such as we're talking about here that in the Bible, for example, in Romans 8, that\u2019s linked with groaning.\u00a0 This is not right.\u00a0 This is terrible what's happening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr in Revelation that it is a day in the future when every tear is wiped away and death is no more, and that sense that -- that would be another way where Scripture certainly speaks to it.\u00a0 Not as a medical phenomenon, obviously, but as a human phenomenon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is an intense pain, and yet one that your mom is in Christ, and your mom will live, and that means something.\u00a0 We don't grieve as those who have no hope.\u00a0 That means something to those left behind as they go through the sort of thing you're speaking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0David, we\u2019ve talked this week about depression and ADHD.\u00a0 We\u2019ve talked about the fact that the medical community has treatment for those diagnoses.\u00a0 There are prescriptions that are given and things that seem to influence the behavior.\u00a0 With Alzheimer\u2019s, there\u2019s nothing that medical science today can give that makes it any better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be a wonderful common grace of God as and if treatments can \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If something breaks through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 We hope that they do, yes.\u00a0 But yet until then, both the sufferer and those who love the sufferer and suffer in that way, need to live with something which, yes, it\u2019s one part of medicine that is often not stressed where it is really a custodial function.\u00a0 It\u2019s a caretaking function, not a curative function.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alzheimer's feels a little different as well -- at least different from things like depression and ADHD, because there we say a person has a certain level of responsibility for what they're manifesting.\u00a0 Even if there are impulses pulling them in one direction, they still have a responsibility before God not to sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat about with Alzheimer's?\u00a0 How do we deal with that?\u00a0 I mean, here is a person who is just losing all kinds of memory and control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 The first thing I think with Alzheimer's is the grief of it, as David was pointing out.\u00a0 The second thing with Alzheimer's disease is that I need grace to be a servant to my parents in a way that I have not been a servant before.\u00a0 Usually in our relationships, there is some sort of perk.\u00a0 There's a give-and-take, and there's something enjoyable about that relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a true servanting relationship, where there is not a perk that we get back from it, but it brings great glory to Christ all the same.\u00a0 So that's the second thing that I think.\u00a0 But as a minister to my father, in particular, I need great grace to be able to bring glory to Christ by washing his feet and not get credit for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next thing that I think, and this is probably the third thing rather than the first -- there have been times when my father has been simply cruel to his wife.\u00a0 Now, one of the themes that we try to consider as we consider the brain, is let's consider more normal things first, rather than look at things by way of a diagnosis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf my father was being cruel to my mother when I was 25 years old and I would witness it, I would say, \"Dad, what are you doing?\u00a0 Why are you treating Mom this way?\u00a0 That's not right.\u00a0 No matter what she did, that's not a right way to treat her.\"\u00a0 I would try to, with honor and respect, I would try to bring that to my father's attention.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the question is, why wouldn't I do that if he's struggling with Alzheimer's disease?\u00a0 I would suggest the norm is I would continue to do the same thing, but I might use different language to speak to him.\u00a0 So one of the things I do is I treat him normally as a person who continues to be responsible for the abilities he continues to have before the Lord.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Scripture does speak against abusive speech and abusive behavior toward anyone, especially to a spouse.\u00a0 And so there have been times when I've gone to my father and said, \"Dad, I'm not sure exactly why you're angry with Mom,\" and I don't know how he's interpreting it all, \u201cbut you are called to be a peacemaker, you are called to be a forgiver.\u00a0 You are called to be a person who speaks blessing to her when she frustrates you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd my father doesn't say, \"Hold it, you can't say that to me because I have Alzheimer's disease.\u00a0 I don't have the ability to do those kinds of things.\"\u00a0 What my dad does is he says, \"That's true, that's true,\u201d and \u201cWould you pray with me for that?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things I've noticed with my mom is I'm relating to her in a very simple way.\u00a0 I used to carry on a conversation where I could speak to her in terms of paragraphs -- several sentences strung together to complete a thought.\u00a0 Now my relationship with her is a simple sentence with a simple idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you're saying here with your dad is he still has the capability of understanding right and wrong -- of how he is kind or not kind to your mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's part of humanness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what I think we have to do is we need to meet our parents where they are and to love them, to respect them, speak to them as you did, with honor,\u00a0 but at the same time speak the truth in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, there may be, with my father -- the same way I am with other people -- there may be some ways he sins against me, for example, if I visit him, and I just overlook those sins.\u00a0 I cover the offense.\u00a0 There's no reason we have to raise every sin we find in another person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, when I find that it is somewhat mean or cruel to my mother, I believe that's not necessarily sin that should be covered.\u00a0 That's one that he should be able to consider.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One thing I've noticed in my relationship with my mom that has really never been there to the degree it has been now is because of how life is becoming very simple to her, I'm finding that my touch of her is increasing -- holding her hand, sitting next to her on the couch, hugging her, just stroking her face, kissing her.\u00a0 We're far more affectionate, and it's kind of, like, that wasn't allowed to happen before to the degree because she was so busy, and now she's not busy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's like a very young child, where when they\u2019re a year old, they can't process all kinds of language, but they do know when their parents love them.\u00a0 They can process that.\u00a0 They do respond to a parent that looks them in the eye, that cuddles them, that touches them with love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it's interesting -- you know, you stroke her face and kiss her and talk about how pretty she is and then comb her hair.\u00a0 She has still not lost that womanly ability to appreciate that her hair looks nice.\u00a0 She still needs to know that and still needs to be affirmed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ed:<\/strong>\u00a0 What are you saying?\u00a0 My mother is a human being, and I am called to honor and to love her and you study her -- what she's able to understand, what she doesn't understand \u2013 and you vary your love according to her abilities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And you treat her with as high a degree of human dignity as you can provide, even if you don't know how much of that is getting anywhere, right?\u00a0 I'm thinking about, David, those people who are listening, and their parents may have never known Christ, and they're watching the dementia take over.\u00a0 They're watching, maybe, the diagnosis of Alzheimer's.\u00a0 Maybe it's gone from forgetfulness now to just a loss of carrying on a conversation that makes any sense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, it's one of those -- the very thing we're speaking of that, in a sense, you become the adult and they the child.\u00a0 It will give you a freedom to be able to pray for the person and to hold out promises in a way that you may have never been able to do when they were much more mentally competent and resistant, and there may be a softness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'll tell a brief anecdote -- my grandmother -- it was not Alzheimer's, it was a stroke, but she was in a coma, and she had been a person resistant to the Christian faith.\u00a0 And in her coma she could hear, and I visited her daily for a number of weeks before she died, and the day before she died, I'd been bringing the Lord to her, day after day praying for her, reading Psalms, and I brought the Lord much more pointedly to her, and the only part of her body she could move -- and you could tell she was awake -- she could squeeze with her right hand very faintly.\u00a0 You'd say, \"If you're awake, squeeze three times,\" and get three little faint squeezes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read Psalm 23. I talked about Christ the good shepherd, and that particular day I had to pry her hand off of my hand, and she died that night.\u00a0 And, you know, I don't know what happened.\u00a0 I'm not privy to her heart, but clearly there was something in her weakness that there was an openness that I had not gotten in the previous years that I'd sought to speak to her about the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to express my appreciation to both of you gentlemen.\u00a0 You are true professionals.\u00a0 You have taken us back to the authoritative word on life, the Bible, as our ultimate counsel.\u00a0 I appreciate your ministry and your work there in Philadelphia, training seminarians, counseling, writing.\u00a0 I hope you guys will come back and join us again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEd, keep cranking out the books.\u00a0 <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em>, I predict, Bob, is going to cause some people to think about the brain in a different way than they\u2019ve ever thought about before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Made my brain hurt, you know, just trying to read through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have copies of the book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and you can get more information about the book <em>Blame It on the Brain<\/em> when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call 1-800- F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll also find a couple of links on our website.\u00a0 One of the links will take you to a part of our website that deals specifically with the issues we have been talking about this week, the issues that you might go to a professional counselor to try to seek some help.\u00a0 Our friends at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation help us with articles that we\u2019ve posted on our website that we hope will help you as you address some of these issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo again, look for that link.\u00a0 And then look for a link that will get you more information about the upcoming 2011 CCEF national conference, where they\u2019re going to be addressing psychiatric disorders and the issues we\u2019ve talked about this week.\u00a0 That conference is open to anybody who would like to attend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and you\u2019ll want to look for the links you find there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, for those folks who are tuned in this week and you may be a new listener to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and you may be thinking, \u201cIs this the kind of stuff you talk about every week on the program?\u201d\u00a0 Well, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is here to provide practical, biblical help for your marriage and your family.\u00a0 And so we try to deal with issues that are very real issues facing couples and facing moms and dads.\u00a0 Our goal is to see every home become a godly home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to find out more about <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and there\u2019s information available there.\u00a0 This week, because of the subject we\u2019ve been talking about, we thought it would be good to make available a booklet by our friend, Randy Alcorn, called <em>If God is Good, Why Do We Hurt?<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know folks who are wrestling with all that we\u2019ve talked about this week and sometimes ask that question.\u00a0 And so we thought making a copy of this booklet available as a free gift would be a way to help you understand what God is sometimes up to when we go through hard things in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to get a copy of the booklet by Randy Alcorn, <em>If God is Good, Why Do We Hurt?, <\/em>you can request it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy, and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, new listeners, we are glad that you\u2019re tuned in, and hope you\u2019ll continue to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and hope you\u2019ll stop by the website and find out more about what we have available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want to encourage you to join us back tomorrow, when Chuck Colson is going to join us and we\u2019re going to talk about a document that has been drafted, designed to voice support for the sanctity of life, for the biblical definition of marriage, and for the need for religious freedom in our culture.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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