{"id":302292,"date":"2011-06-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving\/"},"modified":"2011-06-23T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-23T15:00:00","slug":"the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sacrificial Service of Caregiving"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Caregiving is difficult and messy work.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-23.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.45M","filesize_raw":"22493168","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2821],"tags":[5180,5181],"podcast_series":[7810],"cwp_profile":[3476],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302292","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reaching-out","tag-caregiving","tag-edlerly-parents","podcast_series-ambushed-by-grace","cwp_profile-shelly-beach","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302292\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302292\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"STf444rUs7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving\/\">The Sacrificial Service of Caregiving<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-sacrificial-service-of-caregiving\/embed\/#?secret=STf444rUs7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Sacrificial Service of Caregiving&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"STf444rUs7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-23.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-23.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As she was caring for her elderly parents, Shelly Beach says she found that some of the dross of her life was exposed.\u00a0 Even in the sacrificial gift of caregiving, she found her service was tainted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very much of what I was doing in life was all for myself.\u00a0 It was all about me.\u00a0 I had turned so much of life into the Shelly show, but I hid that from other people.\u00a0 I did that even with caregiving:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m Mother Teresa.\u00a0 Here I am taking care of my father-in-law with Parkinson\u2019s, and my mother with Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d It was a way to satisfy something deep within me that was really very sinful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 23rd.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Shelly Beach joins us today, talking about how she learned a lot about herself by caring for her needy parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know it was a number of years ago when we had the opportunity to talk to a husband, who was at that time right in the midst of being a caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer\u2019s disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dr. Robertson McQuilkin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Many of our listeners have heard those interviews and will remember what was a remarkable story.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking this week about caregiving, and particularly about caring for older parents.\u00a0 I remember within that interview with Dr. McQuilkin, you had asked him about some of the lessons he was learning and that God was teaching him as he was caring for his wife.\u00a0 I thought it would be good just for us to hear that again as we continue looking at caregiving and the responsibilities of being a caregiver.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause even with those responsibilities, God\u2019s at work doing something in our own hearts.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dr. McQuilkin:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson McQuilkin<\/strong> (excerpt of audio recording):\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBack in the early days, before I resigned, He taught me about love from a different end.\u00a0 It was how much Muriel wanted to be with me; how much she depended on me; how she expressed all day long her affection for me and her gratitude for every little thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually she would go in search of you, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 During that stage, she would.\u00a0 We were a half-mile away from the office to the home, and she would walk (she\u2019s a speed-walker).\u00a0 Sometimes she would walk up to ten times a day round-trip \u2013 that would be ten miles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In search of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 Coming to my office to find me.\u00a0 I might be inaccessible, but she would come.\u00a0 One time I was helping her with her shoes, taking off her shoes at night, and her feet were bloody from all that walking.\u00a0 I thought to myself, \u201cGod, is that how I love you?\u00a0 I must be with you, no matter what it costs? To constantly express my love and my appreciation and my thanksgiving and my trust.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m secure in Him.\u00a0 I asked Him to help me love Him the way she loved me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, of course, that\u2019s all gone.\u00a0 I think she may be a little more content when I\u2019m around, but she doesn\u2019t really know anything much.\u00a0 What\u2019s subterranean, we don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t speak to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not for about seven years, or six years.\u00a0 The focus of that has changed over the last two years as I\u2019ve contemplated how she doesn\u2019t love me back.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking here God is here pouring out care for me all day, every day; His love for me all day, every day, and all He gets out of me is a grunt if I don\u2019t like what He\u2019s doing to me, or a morning brief salute, a smile.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow sad \u2013 for God.\u00a0 He\u2019s taught me a lot about love for Him by my relationship with Muriel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned earlier that she hasn\u2019t spoken to you in seven years.\u00a0 There was a moment, however, on a Valentine\u2019s Day \u2013 and the reason that Valentine\u2019s Day is so important is that it goes all the way back to when you proposed to her back in 1947.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, yes.\u00a0 Actually, if you had a few hours, I\u2019d tell you about some of those Valentine\u2019s Days, because some of them were really extraordinary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she had come to the place where she couldn\u2019t say a sentence and even words were just occasional, and they didn\u2019t always make good sense.\u00a0 Sometimes \u201cyes\u201d when she meant to say \u201cno,\u201d and so forth.\u00a0 This particular Valentine\u2019s eve, I was contemplating an article I had just read which said that \u201cin Alzheimer\u2019s care, it\u2019s the caregiver that\u2019s the victim.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cHmmm.\u00a0 That\u2019s strange.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel like the victim; I never did feel like the victim.\u00a0 I wonder why?\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t feel like a victim.\u00a0 We sort of missed that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I began rehearsing all these Valentine\u2019s stories.\u00a0 The next morning, I was on my exercycle, and when she woke up there as she often did during those days, as soon as she saw me she would break into this big smile.\u00a0 Of course, that made my day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, when she smiles, I hang a flag out front so that my friends and neighbors can tell that\u2019s a \u201csmile day.\u201d\u00a0 So, it was a smile day \u2013 that was a smile.\u00a0 And while she was looking at me and smiling, she paused and just as clear as a crystal chime she said, \u201cLove, love, love!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hopped off and came over and hugged her.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, honey, you really do love me, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t do words like she wanted to, of course.\u00a0 She was looking for an affirmation, and she said, \u201cI\u2019m nice.\u201d\u00a0 Those were almost the last words she ever said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(End audio excerpt)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s Dr. Robertson McQuilkin reflecting on caring for his wife who had Alzheimer\u2019s, and eventually died from Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 Dennis, the reason I thought it would be good for us to hear that clip again is because our guest this week shares a lot of that same spiritual understanding that comes from the sacrificial service of caring for another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Shelly Beach joins us again.\u00a0 Shelly is a writer, a speaker, and the author of <em>Ambushed by Grace.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Shelly, welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to ask you.\u00a0 You wrote about this in your book \u2013 you actually say that caregiving brought spiritual life to you. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> . . . in a profound way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you view life before you became this caregiver, and then how did you change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well I saw caregiving itself as tasks to be performed \u2013 things that I was doing for people; things that I would do for my mother, for Norman.\u00a0 I think I viewed my spiritual life in that way as well.\u00a0 You know, we do things for one another; we do things for God, and we kind of move through life with a spiritual checklist.\u00a0 I check things off and I\u2019ve got my day-planner, and I can show you I\u2019m doing great things for God if I show you what I\u2019ve got going on there.\u00a0 But God slowed me down and stopped me dead in my tracks.\u00a0 He showed me that this was not what it\u2019s about.\u00a0 It\u2019s about much deeper things in relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually wrote in your book, \u201cI became content with smallness and wasn\u2019t sure that God could be trusted.\u00a0 I learned to serve my family, friends, and church from the parched recesses of my own need.\u201d\u00a0 It took caregiving to rescue you from that smallness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I began to see some of my own motives and agendas.\u00a0 I turned caregiving for a number of years into my Mother Teresa act.\u00a0 When I speak about this, I talk about taking on a role.\u00a0 I\u2019m a Harley biker chick, and I put on my Harley biker jacket. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold on.\u00a0 Still today you\u2019re a Harley biker chick?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, I recommend it to people for therapy because when my husband and I needed to get out of the house to talk somewhere (our house was not a place where we could be alone \u2013 it\u2019s where I did hard work), I found that I could listen to God and He began to speak to me and show me motives and agendas and that very much of what I was doing in life was all for myself.\u00a0 It was all about me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turned so much of life into the \u201cShelly show,\u201d but I hid that from other people.\u00a0 I did that even with caregiving:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m Mother Teresa.\u00a0 Here I am taking care of my father-in-law with Parkinson\u2019s, and my mother with Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d It was a way to satisfy something deep within me that was really very sinful in some ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod said, \u201cI need you to sit down and know who I am.\u00a0 Be still and know that I am God. . . to learn to love out of the overflow of your love for Me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not what the source had been.\u00a0 The source had not been loving out of the overflow of my love for God.\u00a0 It had been serving out of a need, as a matter of fact.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we just kind of need to pause here and consider what you\u2019re saying, because you were faithful, diligent, responsible, disciplined.\u00a0 You were doing everything you were supposed to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s hard for people to hear that and think, \u201cWhere\u2019s the sin in what you were doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was so much of it that was self-serving.\u00a0 I was doing it for self-serving motives.\u00a0 You can do a lot of really great things in life for really lousy motives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all tied up in a little knot.\u00a0 Of course I wanted to love my mother; of course I wanted to love Norman; of course I wanted to take good care of them.\u00a0 But intertwined in that, there was a lot of me.\u00a0 There was a lot of service for me going on, and I needed to look at that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Service for you in what way?\u00a0 Is this when people would pat you on the back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wanted affirmation from people.\u00a0 I wanted approval.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there was a little martyr complex going on, too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 Oh my goodness, I had a finely honed martyr act going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we made the decision to do caregiving \u2013 another thing I would really recommend that was very valuable to us was that we went into counseling.\u00a0 I wanted to make sure that we kind of were getting good feeding for ourselves.\u00a0 God used those experiences in the counseling environment to peel back layers and show me a lot of things about my martyrdom, my self-serving agenda \u2013 things about my own heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I\u2019m hearing you say, and it\u2019s an interesting \u201cA ha!\u201d\u00a0 God came in through the back door, through the back door of you loving another human being (which you\u2019re supposed to do anyway).\u00a0 But in the process of being confronted with why you were loving another human being, you realized that you didn\u2019t have the capacity spiritually that you should have had. .\u00a0 .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . . that should come from first loving God.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you really teach in your book.\u00a0 You call it \u201cThe Double Love Command?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the most important command according to what Jesus said \u2013 we find it in the Old Testament and then Jesus repeats it in the New Testament \u2013 is \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talk about an artesian well story in my book about driving the pipe deeply into the character of God and being rooted in Who He is, and trusting Him - trusting His character, knowing Him.\u00a0 Not knowing about Him \u2013 I knew a lot about Him, but I didn\u2019t <em>know <\/em>Him as intimately as I needed to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat refreshment, that knowledge of Who He is springing up from that galvanized pipe restoring my soul, refreshing me, and giving me the resources I need to love other people well \u2013 to love Norman well, to love my mother well, to love my father well.\u00a0 To give me what I needed every day.\u00a0 That\u2019s what God brought to me through caregiving.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about care-giving for our elderly parents, but I\u2019m thinking here as you talk about that, there are a lot of our listeners right now who are being asked to love someone. . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . .who is very difficult. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> . . . and who need to drive that pipe down into the character of God and love Him first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I hope they\u2019re not reaching over to the dial saying, \u201cThis doesn\u2019t have anything to do with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh, yes, it may.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could be a spouse who\u2019s difficult to love . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could be a teenager who\u2019s difficult to love . . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yea, that works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There could be all kinds of people.\u00a0 The principle applies no matter who the difficult person is, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, and you know if you ask anybody the question, \u201cWho is it you find most difficult to forgive?,\u201d everybody\u2019s going to have an answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs there somebody in your life that\u2019s difficult to love?\u00a0 Is there somebody in your life that\u2019s difficult to forgive?\u00a0 Who are you struggling with?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll find an answer to those questions.\u00a0 One or two people will immediately pop to mind.\u00a0 That\u2019s another thing that caregiving gives you an opportunity to do \u2013 it gives you an opportunity to reconcile relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s talk about that for a moment because \u2013 and you write about this in your book \u2013 you know of circumstances and situations where a daughter has been expected to bring the elderly father back into her home to care for him and he had sexually abused her as a little girl growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s with that?\u00a0 How is that supposed to be handled by this adult daughter looking at a potentially evil situation again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 That circumstance actually unfolded with a friend of mine.\u00a0 In her case, she felt God calling her to bring her father into her home and to love him well.\u00a0 He was expecting to be treated harshly.\u00a0 He was expecting this to be a time \u2013 because he was incapacitated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . .payback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, \u201cThis is a little time for payback.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat actually happened was that she drove that pipe deeply into the character of God.\u00a0 She loved him well.\u00a0 She found a way to forgive him and to pour out love into his life.\u00a0 He saw Jesus in her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know that this is a route that everyone can take, or that everyone should take necessarily \u2013 I\u2019m not recommending it \u2013 but I\u2019m telling people that it is possible and Jesus may call some of us to do that.\u00a0 He may call some of us to do that.\u00a0 I know that in my experience as a sexual abuse victim, I have not had the opportunity to come face-to-face with the person who attacked me.\u00a0 But if the opportunity arose, I would like to take advantage of that opportunity to speak with them and express my forgiveness personally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome people might not make that same choice.\u00a0 It\u2019s one I would like to make face-to-face.\u00a0 Some people might want to do it through a letter.\u00a0 We all can walk out that grace in the way that God calls us to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that may be the unusual circumstance, where there\u2019s somebody who feels compelled by the Lord to bring home somebody who has really violated them.\u00a0 But, you know, I\u2019m thinking of your parents \u2013 your mom and dad were good, godly mom and dad \u2013 yet you bring them into the home and they\u2019re older, and life is hard, and there\u2019s lots of opportunity for our flesh to get revealed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For what is a loving relationship as long as we can keep our distance, to all of a sudden become a very challenging relationship because we\u2019re with each other each day and we say things we shouldn\u2019t say and we do things we shouldn\u2019t do, and we offend one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s always complicated because caregiving in a situation where you bring a parent into our home involves role reversal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is the issue of boundary setting.\u00a0 You know, my husband is the head of my home and he and I make the decisions, so when we bring a parent into the home sometimes those boundary issues become difficult to navigate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to learn how to negotiate; sometimes you need to set down boundaries; and sometimes boundaries have not been set down, or people have not navigated well into an adult relationship with a parent.\u00a0 You have to learn how to do that.\u00a0 It\u2019s another reason why I suggest counseling for people.\u00a0 You might want to go into counseling to learn how to do that gracefully.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one thing you want to still remember:\u00a0 I don\u2019t care how rough or ragged my relationship was with my parent, I\u2019m responsible to respect and honor them.\u00a0 I\u2019m not responsible necessarily to have them in my home; I\u2019m not responsible necessarily to live a boundary-less life, but I\u2019m responsible to honor them, respect them, and love them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I do have to learn how to do that sometimes with a tool kit.\u00a0 I have to learn sometimes how to put certain tools in my tool kit.\u00a0 I know that was important for me, for my husband and me to be in counseling, for me to learn how to navigate some rough spots; to know how to lay down boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about boundaries a little more later, but I want to talk about a tool in the tool kit that we\u2019ve created here at FamilyLife that could be very, very useful for someone who is facing, perhaps, the reality of caregiving of their elderly parents.\u00a0 It\u2019s writing a tribute.\u00a0 I wrote a book a number of years ago that actually moves people to the fifth commandment (\u201chonor your father and mother, that it may go well with you\u201d).\u00a0 It talks about honoring them regardless of how mean they were or whatever, because in the process of moving to honor, you have to understand where they came from; you have to have compassion on them; and, ultimately, in order to get to honor, you\u2019re going to have to forgive them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can see how someone who\u2019s listening to our broadcast today might be listening and thinking, \u201cI could never even entertain the thought of inviting my parent into my home because of the feelings that are instantly stirred within my soul.\u201d\u00a0 It could be that in going through the process of writing a formal, printed, framed tribute that you read to them face-to-face, eye-to-eye, your heart could be open to giving them a return gift of honor in the way of caring for them in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, absolutely.\u00a0 I did something similar to that with one of my family members, and it was very important.\u00a0 I think it cracked the ice in the relationship actually.\u00a0 In word and in a permanent form, acknowledge \u201cthese are the positive things you\u2019ve built into my life.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taken the time to think through this and to acknowledge this in a way that I want you to remember.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really changed the dynamic of the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This can take a serious step of faith, but as you\u2019ve mentioned it takes faith to be able to invite the parents into your home as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of the health of the marriage, there was a point in your relationship with your husband Dan where you were being tempted to resent him because of a corner he put you in with his father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It was Dan\u2019s dad and Dan\u2019s decision and Dan who created the problems.\u00a0 I had to get over that.\u00a0 I had to learn that I was telling myself lies.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had made the decision together, actually.\u00a0 Just because things had gotten tough and difficult, I did not have the right to start shifting blame to my husband and start accusing him.\u00a0 I had to look at how we could negotiate duties, responsibilities, and the weight of this equally.\u00a0 We needed to up the communication.\u00a0 We needed to find better ways to communicate and a lot of that responsibility fell equally to both of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we\u2019re really calling all of us to here as adult children, in relating to our parents, is to be obedient to the fifth commandment, \u201chonor your mother and your father.\u201d\u00a0 It could be that you give them care in your home; it could be that you supply that caregiving through another solution; but in all ways, you forgive them, you honor them, you value them as human beings made in the image of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes \u2013 how you care for them is not spelled out in Scripture, but the requirement to honor them is.\u00a0 So I think all of have to think through, \u201cHow can I fulfill that assignment?\u00a0 How can I do what God would have me do in this situation and do it in a way that does honor my father and my mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think reading a book like the one Shelly has written can help you in that process.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of Shelly\u2019s book.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Ambushed by Grace<\/em>.\u00a0 You can go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy.\u00a0 Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com and the book is called <em>Ambushed by Grace.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call us toll free at 1-800-FL-TODAY - 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Ask how you can get a copy of Shelly Beach\u2019s book <em>Ambushed by Grace<\/em>.\u00a0 When you contact us, we\u2019ll make arrangements to get a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think most of you are aware that our radio program, like most of the programs you hear on this station, is supported by listeners like you.\u00a0 If it weren\u2019t for listeners like you contacting us from time to time to make an online donation or to make a donation over the phone, we couldn\u2019t continue this outreach here on this local radio station.\u00a0 So we appreciate those of you who get in touch with us and help support this ministry.\u00a0 I just want to say here, if there\u2019s another program you hear here on this station and God is using that program in your life, then you ought to get in touch with them and find out how you can support their ministry as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you (as a thank you gift) a copy of John Yates\u2019 helpful book <em>How a Man Prays for His Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Along with the book, we\u2019ll send an audio CD of a conversation we had with John about that subject and a couple of laminated prayer cards for dads to keep with them so they can pray more effectively for their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, these resources are sent to you as a way of saying thank you for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to receive the resources when you make your online donation, type the word \u201cPRAY\u201d in the key code box that you find on the online donation form.\u00a0 Again, you do that at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the resources on praying for your family and we\u2019ll send those out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your support of this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when Shelly Beach is going to join us and we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about being a caregiver to elderly parents.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.45M"],"filesize_raw":["22493168"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302292.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302292.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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is difficult and messy work.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As she was caring for her elderly parents, Shelly Beach says she found that some of the dross of her life was exposed.\u00a0 Even in the sacrificial gift of caregiving, she found her service was tainted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very much of what I was doing in life was all for myself.\u00a0 It was all about me.\u00a0 I had turned so much of life into the Shelly show, but I hid that from other people.\u00a0 I did that even with caregiving:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m Mother Teresa.\u00a0 Here I am taking care of my father-in-law with Parkinson\u2019s, and my mother with Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d It was a way to satisfy something deep within me that was really very sinful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 23rd.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Shelly Beach joins us today, talking about how she learned a lot about herself by caring for her needy parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know it was a number of years ago when we had the opportunity to talk to a husband, who was at that time right in the midst of being a caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer\u2019s disease.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dr. Robertson McQuilkin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Many of our listeners have heard those interviews and will remember what was a remarkable story.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking this week about caregiving, and particularly about caring for older parents.\u00a0 I remember within that interview with Dr. McQuilkin, you had asked him about some of the lessons he was learning and that God was teaching him as he was caring for his wife.\u00a0 I thought it would be good just for us to hear that again as we continue looking at caregiving and the responsibilities of being a caregiver.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause even with those responsibilities, God\u2019s at work doing something in our own hearts.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dr. McQuilkin:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson McQuilkin<\/strong> (excerpt of audio recording):\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBack in the early days, before I resigned, He taught me about love from a different end.\u00a0 It was how much Muriel wanted to be with me; how much she depended on me; how she expressed all day long her affection for me and her gratitude for every little thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually she would go in search of you, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 During that stage, she would.\u00a0 We were a half-mile away from the office to the home, and she would walk (she\u2019s a speed-walker).\u00a0 Sometimes she would walk up to ten times a day round-trip \u2013 that would be ten miles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In search of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 Coming to my office to find me.\u00a0 I might be inaccessible, but she would come.\u00a0 One time I was helping her with her shoes, taking off her shoes at night, and her feet were bloody from all that walking.\u00a0 I thought to myself, \u201cGod, is that how I love you?\u00a0 I must be with you, no matter what it costs? To constantly express my love and my appreciation and my thanksgiving and my trust.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m secure in Him.\u00a0 I asked Him to help me love Him the way she loved me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut now, of course, that\u2019s all gone.\u00a0 I think she may be a little more content when I\u2019m around, but she doesn\u2019t really know anything much.\u00a0 What\u2019s subterranean, we don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t speak to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not for about seven years, or six years.\u00a0 The focus of that has changed over the last two years as I\u2019ve contemplated how she doesn\u2019t love me back.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking here God is here pouring out care for me all day, every day; His love for me all day, every day, and all He gets out of me is a grunt if I don\u2019t like what He\u2019s doing to me, or a morning brief salute, a smile.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow sad \u2013 for God.\u00a0 He\u2019s taught me a lot about love for Him by my relationship with Muriel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned earlier that she hasn\u2019t spoken to you in seven years.\u00a0 There was a moment, however, on a Valentine\u2019s Day \u2013 and the reason that Valentine\u2019s Day is so important is that it goes all the way back to when you proposed to her back in 1947.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robertson<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, yes.\u00a0 Actually, if you had a few hours, I\u2019d tell you about some of those Valentine\u2019s Days, because some of them were really extraordinary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she had come to the place where she couldn\u2019t say a sentence and even words were just occasional, and they didn\u2019t always make good sense.\u00a0 Sometimes \u201cyes\u201d when she meant to say \u201cno,\u201d and so forth.\u00a0 This particular Valentine\u2019s eve, I was contemplating an article I had just read which said that \u201cin Alzheimer\u2019s care, it\u2019s the caregiver that\u2019s the victim.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cHmmm.\u00a0 That\u2019s strange.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel like the victim; I never did feel like the victim.\u00a0 I wonder why?\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t feel like a victim.\u00a0 We sort of missed that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I began rehearsing all these Valentine\u2019s stories.\u00a0 The next morning, I was on my exercycle, and when she woke up there as she often did during those days, as soon as she saw me she would break into this big smile.\u00a0 Of course, that made my day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, when she smiles, I hang a flag out front so that my friends and neighbors can tell that\u2019s a \u201csmile day.\u201d\u00a0 So, it was a smile day \u2013 that was a smile.\u00a0 And while she was looking at me and smiling, she paused and just as clear as a crystal chime she said, \u201cLove, love, love!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hopped off and came over and hugged her.\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, honey, you really do love me, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t do words like she wanted to, of course.\u00a0 She was looking for an affirmation, and she said, \u201cI\u2019m nice.\u201d\u00a0 Those were almost the last words she ever said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(End audio excerpt)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s Dr. Robertson McQuilkin reflecting on caring for his wife who had Alzheimer\u2019s, and eventually died from Alzheimer\u2019s.\u00a0 Dennis, the reason I thought it would be good for us to hear that clip again is because our guest this week shares a lot of that same spiritual understanding that comes from the sacrificial service of caring for another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Shelly Beach joins us again.\u00a0 Shelly is a writer, a speaker, and the author of <em>Ambushed by Grace.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Shelly, welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to ask you.\u00a0 You wrote about this in your book \u2013 you actually say that caregiving brought spiritual life to you. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> . . . in a profound way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you view life before you became this caregiver, and then how did you change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well I saw caregiving itself as tasks to be performed \u2013 things that I was doing for people; things that I would do for my mother, for Norman.\u00a0 I think I viewed my spiritual life in that way as well.\u00a0 You know, we do things for one another; we do things for God, and we kind of move through life with a spiritual checklist.\u00a0 I check things off and I\u2019ve got my day-planner, and I can show you I\u2019m doing great things for God if I show you what I\u2019ve got going on there.\u00a0 But God slowed me down and stopped me dead in my tracks.\u00a0 He showed me that this was not what it\u2019s about.\u00a0 It\u2019s about much deeper things in relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually wrote in your book, \u201cI became content with smallness and wasn\u2019t sure that God could be trusted.\u00a0 I learned to serve my family, friends, and church from the parched recesses of my own need.\u201d\u00a0 It took caregiving to rescue you from that smallness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I began to see some of my own motives and agendas.\u00a0 I turned caregiving for a number of years into my Mother Teresa act.\u00a0 When I speak about this, I talk about taking on a role.\u00a0 I\u2019m a Harley biker chick, and I put on my Harley biker jacket. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hold on.\u00a0 Still today you\u2019re a Harley biker chick?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, I recommend it to people for therapy because when my husband and I needed to get out of the house to talk somewhere (our house was not a place where we could be alone \u2013 it\u2019s where I did hard work), I found that I could listen to God and He began to speak to me and show me motives and agendas and that very much of what I was doing in life was all for myself.\u00a0 It was all about me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turned so much of life into the \u201cShelly show,\u201d but I hid that from other people.\u00a0 I did that even with caregiving:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m Mother Teresa.\u00a0 Here I am taking care of my father-in-law with Parkinson\u2019s, and my mother with Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d It was a way to satisfy something deep within me that was really very sinful in some ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod said, \u201cI need you to sit down and know who I am.\u00a0 Be still and know that I am God. . . to learn to love out of the overflow of your love for Me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not what the source had been.\u00a0 The source had not been loving out of the overflow of my love for God.\u00a0 It had been serving out of a need, as a matter of fact.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we just kind of need to pause here and consider what you\u2019re saying, because you were faithful, diligent, responsible, disciplined.\u00a0 You were doing everything you were supposed to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s hard for people to hear that and think, \u201cWhere\u2019s the sin in what you were doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was so much of it that was self-serving.\u00a0 I was doing it for self-serving motives.\u00a0 You can do a lot of really great things in life for really lousy motives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was all tied up in a little knot.\u00a0 Of course I wanted to love my mother; of course I wanted to love Norman; of course I wanted to take good care of them.\u00a0 But intertwined in that, there was a lot of me.\u00a0 There was a lot of service for me going on, and I needed to look at that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Service for you in what way?\u00a0 Is this when people would pat you on the back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wanted affirmation from people.\u00a0 I wanted approval.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there was a little martyr complex going on, too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 Oh my goodness, I had a finely honed martyr act going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we made the decision to do caregiving \u2013 another thing I would really recommend that was very valuable to us was that we went into counseling.\u00a0 I wanted to make sure that we kind of were getting good feeding for ourselves.\u00a0 God used those experiences in the counseling environment to peel back layers and show me a lot of things about my martyrdom, my self-serving agenda \u2013 things about my own heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I\u2019m hearing you say, and it\u2019s an interesting \u201cA ha!\u201d\u00a0 God came in through the back door, through the back door of you loving another human being (which you\u2019re supposed to do anyway).\u00a0 But in the process of being confronted with why you were loving another human being, you realized that you didn\u2019t have the capacity spiritually that you should have had. .\u00a0 .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . . that should come from first loving God.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you really teach in your book.\u00a0 You call it \u201cThe Double Love Command?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the most important command according to what Jesus said \u2013 we find it in the Old Testament and then Jesus repeats it in the New Testament \u2013 is \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talk about an artesian well story in my book about driving the pipe deeply into the character of God and being rooted in Who He is, and trusting Him - trusting His character, knowing Him.\u00a0 Not knowing about Him \u2013 I knew a lot about Him, but I didn\u2019t <em>know <\/em>Him as intimately as I needed to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat refreshment, that knowledge of Who He is springing up from that galvanized pipe restoring my soul, refreshing me, and giving me the resources I need to love other people well \u2013 to love Norman well, to love my mother well, to love my father well.\u00a0 To give me what I needed every day.\u00a0 That\u2019s what God brought to me through caregiving.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about care-giving for our elderly parents, but I\u2019m thinking here as you talk about that, there are a lot of our listeners right now who are being asked to love someone. . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . .who is very difficult. . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> . . . and who need to drive that pipe down into the character of God and love Him first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I hope they\u2019re not reaching over to the dial saying, \u201cThis doesn\u2019t have anything to do with me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh, yes, it may.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could be a spouse who\u2019s difficult to love . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It could be a teenager who\u2019s difficult to love . . . \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yea, that works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There could be all kinds of people.\u00a0 The principle applies no matter who the difficult person is, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, and you know if you ask anybody the question, \u201cWho is it you find most difficult to forgive?,\u201d everybody\u2019s going to have an answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs there somebody in your life that\u2019s difficult to love?\u00a0 Is there somebody in your life that\u2019s difficult to forgive?\u00a0 Who are you struggling with?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll find an answer to those questions.\u00a0 One or two people will immediately pop to mind.\u00a0 That\u2019s another thing that caregiving gives you an opportunity to do \u2013 it gives you an opportunity to reconcile relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let\u2019s talk about that for a moment because \u2013 and you write about this in your book \u2013 you know of circumstances and situations where a daughter has been expected to bring the elderly father back into her home to care for him and he had sexually abused her as a little girl growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s with that?\u00a0 How is that supposed to be handled by this adult daughter looking at a potentially evil situation again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 That circumstance actually unfolded with a friend of mine.\u00a0 In her case, she felt God calling her to bring her father into her home and to love him well.\u00a0 He was expecting to be treated harshly.\u00a0 He was expecting this to be a time \u2013 because he was incapacitated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . .payback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, \u201cThis is a little time for payback.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat actually happened was that she drove that pipe deeply into the character of God.\u00a0 She loved him well.\u00a0 She found a way to forgive him and to pour out love into his life.\u00a0 He saw Jesus in her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know that this is a route that everyone can take, or that everyone should take necessarily \u2013 I\u2019m not recommending it \u2013 but I\u2019m telling people that it is possible and Jesus may call some of us to do that.\u00a0 He may call some of us to do that.\u00a0 I know that in my experience as a sexual abuse victim, I have not had the opportunity to come face-to-face with the person who attacked me.\u00a0 But if the opportunity arose, I would like to take advantage of that opportunity to speak with them and express my forgiveness personally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome people might not make that same choice.\u00a0 It\u2019s one I would like to make face-to-face.\u00a0 Some people might want to do it through a letter.\u00a0 We all can walk out that grace in the way that God calls us to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that may be the unusual circumstance, where there\u2019s somebody who feels compelled by the Lord to bring home somebody who has really violated them.\u00a0 But, you know, I\u2019m thinking of your parents \u2013 your mom and dad were good, godly mom and dad \u2013 yet you bring them into the home and they\u2019re older, and life is hard, and there\u2019s lots of opportunity for our flesh to get revealed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 For what is a loving relationship as long as we can keep our distance, to all of a sudden become a very challenging relationship because we\u2019re with each other each day and we say things we shouldn\u2019t say and we do things we shouldn\u2019t do, and we offend one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s always complicated because caregiving in a situation where you bring a parent into our home involves role reversal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is the issue of boundary setting.\u00a0 You know, my husband is the head of my home and he and I make the decisions, so when we bring a parent into the home sometimes those boundary issues become difficult to navigate.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to learn how to negotiate; sometimes you need to set down boundaries; and sometimes boundaries have not been set down, or people have not navigated well into an adult relationship with a parent.\u00a0 You have to learn how to do that.\u00a0 It\u2019s another reason why I suggest counseling for people.\u00a0 You might want to go into counseling to learn how to do that gracefully.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one thing you want to still remember:\u00a0 I don\u2019t care how rough or ragged my relationship was with my parent, I\u2019m responsible to respect and honor them.\u00a0 I\u2019m not responsible necessarily to have them in my home; I\u2019m not responsible necessarily to live a boundary-less life, but I\u2019m responsible to honor them, respect them, and love them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I do have to learn how to do that sometimes with a tool kit.\u00a0 I have to learn sometimes how to put certain tools in my tool kit.\u00a0 I know that was important for me, for my husband and me to be in counseling, for me to learn how to navigate some rough spots; to know how to lay down boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk more about boundaries a little more later, but I want to talk about a tool in the tool kit that we\u2019ve created here at FamilyLife that could be very, very useful for someone who is facing, perhaps, the reality of caregiving of their elderly parents.\u00a0 It\u2019s writing a tribute.\u00a0 I wrote a book a number of years ago that actually moves people to the fifth commandment (\u201chonor your father and mother, that it may go well with you\u201d).\u00a0 It talks about honoring them regardless of how mean they were or whatever, because in the process of moving to honor, you have to understand where they came from; you have to have compassion on them; and, ultimately, in order to get to honor, you\u2019re going to have to forgive them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can see how someone who\u2019s listening to our broadcast today might be listening and thinking, \u201cI could never even entertain the thought of inviting my parent into my home because of the feelings that are instantly stirred within my soul.\u201d\u00a0 It could be that in going through the process of writing a formal, printed, framed tribute that you read to them face-to-face, eye-to-eye, your heart could be open to giving them a return gift of honor in the way of caring for them in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely, absolutely.\u00a0 I did something similar to that with one of my family members, and it was very important.\u00a0 I think it cracked the ice in the relationship actually.\u00a0 In word and in a permanent form, acknowledge \u201cthese are the positive things you\u2019ve built into my life.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taken the time to think through this and to acknowledge this in a way that I want you to remember.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really changed the dynamic of the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This can take a serious step of faith, but as you\u2019ve mentioned it takes faith to be able to invite the parents into your home as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of the health of the marriage, there was a point in your relationship with your husband Dan where you were being tempted to resent him because of a corner he put you in with his father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It was Dan\u2019s dad and Dan\u2019s decision and Dan who created the problems.\u00a0 I had to get over that.\u00a0 I had to learn that I was telling myself lies.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had made the decision together, actually.\u00a0 Just because things had gotten tough and difficult, I did not have the right to start shifting blame to my husband and start accusing him.\u00a0 I had to look at how we could negotiate duties, responsibilities, and the weight of this equally.\u00a0 We needed to up the communication.\u00a0 We needed to find better ways to communicate and a lot of that responsibility fell equally to both of us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we\u2019re really calling all of us to here as adult children, in relating to our parents, is to be obedient to the fifth commandment, \u201chonor your mother and your father.\u201d\u00a0 It could be that you give them care in your home; it could be that you supply that caregiving through another solution; but in all ways, you forgive them, you honor them, you value them as human beings made in the image of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes \u2013 how you care for them is not spelled out in Scripture, but the requirement to honor them is.\u00a0 So I think all of have to think through, \u201cHow can I fulfill that assignment?\u00a0 How can I do what God would have me do in this situation and do it in a way that does honor my father and my mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think reading a book like the one Shelly has written can help you in that process.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of Shelly\u2019s book.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Ambushed by Grace<\/em>.\u00a0 You can go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy.\u00a0 Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com and the book is called <em>Ambushed by Grace.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call us toll free at 1-800-FL-TODAY - 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Ask how you can get a copy of Shelly Beach\u2019s book <em>Ambushed by Grace<\/em>.\u00a0 When you contact us, we\u2019ll make arrangements to get a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think most of you are aware that our radio program, like most of the programs you hear on this station, is supported by listeners like you.\u00a0 If it weren\u2019t for listeners like you contacting us from time to time to make an online donation or to make a donation over the phone, we couldn\u2019t continue this outreach here on this local radio station.\u00a0 So we appreciate those of you who get in touch with us and help support this ministry.\u00a0 I just want to say here, if there\u2019s another program you hear here on this station and God is using that program in your life, then you ought to get in touch with them and find out how you can support their ministry as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you (as a thank you gift) a copy of John Yates\u2019 helpful book <em>How a Man Prays for His Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Along with the book, we\u2019ll send an audio CD of a conversation we had with John about that subject and a couple of laminated prayer cards for dads to keep with them so they can pray more effectively for their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, these resources are sent to you as a way of saying thank you for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to receive the resources when you make your online donation, type the word \u201cPRAY\u201d in the key code box that you find on the online donation form.\u00a0 Again, you do that at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the resources on praying for your family and we\u2019ll send those out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we appreciate your support of this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when Shelly Beach is going to join us and we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about being a caregiver to elderly parents.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302292","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302292"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302292"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302292"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302292"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302292"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302292"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302292"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}