{"id":302291,"date":"2011-06-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment\/"},"modified":"2011-06-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-22T15:00:00","slug":"caregiving-a-divine-appointment","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiving:  A Divine Appointment"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do we have a responsibility to care for our aging loved ones?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.62M","filesize_raw":"22665170","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2821],"tags":[5180,5181],"podcast_series":[7810],"cwp_profile":[3476],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302291","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-reaching-out","tag-caregiving","tag-edlerly-parents","podcast_series-ambushed-by-grace","cwp_profile-shelly-beach","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302291\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302291\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DUxeFk3MJk\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment\/\">Caregiving:  A Divine Appointment<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/caregiving-a-divine-appointment\/embed\/#?secret=DUxeFk3MJk\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Caregiving:  A Divine Appointment&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DUxeFk3MJk\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When we care for an elderlymother or father we become what the apostle Paul called a living sacrifice.\u00a0 Here\u2019s author and caregiver Shelly Beach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I talked to a woman once who said she was terribly criticized for not showing up at church on Sundays because she was a caregiver for her mother.\u00a0 She would actually go visit on a regular basis and because she was a single woman she worked five days a week.\u00a0 The only time she could go visit her mother was on weekends.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told her, \u201cYou know what.\u00a0 That\u2019s an act of worship.\u00a0 When you\u2019re visiting with your mother, or whether you\u2019re caring for your mother physically in your home, that\u2019s worship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk today about the challenges and the spiritual rewards that come with caregiving.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I saw this morning that you\u2019d gotten an email from a friend of ours\u2019 looking for counsel on a particular issue.\u00a0\u00a0 I thought you get those emails from time to time, people who write to you and just say \u201cWhat\u2019s your advice on this situation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got to thinking if a husband wrote, and said, \u201cMy wife has an eighty-six year old mom who has some health problems and she wants to bring her mom to live at our house.\u00a0 I understand why she wants to do that but I\u2019m not all that sure it\u2019s a great idea.\u00a0 I just need your advice.\u00a0 Is that a good thing to do or not?\u00a0 Do we have a responsibility?\u00a0 Is it an obligation?\u00a0 What do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s how you\u2019d answer it?\u00a0 Just a kind of a quick and concise yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I would say here are a couple of things you need to do.\u00a0 First of all, you ought to go talk to, I think, a couple of other families who have done this and count the cost of what this is going to mean for your individual lives, your marriage, your family, what you\u2019ve been used to in your privacy.\u00a0 But then I\u2019d encourage them to pick up a copy of the book we\u2019re going to talk about today, <u>Ambushed by Grace<\/u>, by Shelly Beach.\u00a0 And then I\u2019d give them Shelly\u2019s phone number.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(All laughing)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shelly, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shelly is a write, a speaker, and she is the author of that book, <u>Ambushed by<\/u> <u>Grace<\/u>.\u00a0 She and her husband, Dan, have two children and they live in Sparta, Michigan.\u00a0 Your children are grown now so they don\u2019t live there.\u00a0 They\u2019re scattered to the different ends of the United States, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Shelly, let\u2019s go back to Bob\u2019s question.\u00a0 What would you say to someone who called you out of the blue and said, \u201cI think my wife\u2019s mom needs to come live with us?\u201d\u00a0 What coaching would you give that couple, just right off the bat, here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that it\u2019s good to talk to other people, as you suggested.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s one really good idea.\u00a0 But I think they have to determine, first of all, what kinds of things they have that are going to be resources for them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo they have a home that will accommodate another person?\u00a0 Do they have the actual facilities that are going to give them the ability to absorb another person in their home?\u00a0 What about children?\u00a0 Do they have children?\u00a0 Do they have adult children?\u00a0 Do they have small children?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes the health problem that\u2019s causing this parent to come stay with them, is it a mental health problem?\u00a0 Is it a physical issue?\u00a0 Is it going to have an impact on other family members or are they living alone by themselves in the house?\u00a0 They need to assess what kinds of things the parent can do for themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hear you saying there\u2019s really no default answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. Absolutely not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not a binary decision, yes, no.\u00a0 Even after you weight through all of that there\u2019s still a lot of individuality that goes into making this decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 There\u2019s no yes or no, right or wrong, answer to this. Sometimes the best care for a parent is given in a different setting, in an assisted living setting.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had parents, my parents, my father-in-law.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in assisted living.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in nursing homes.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in mental health facilities.\u00a0 They\u2019ve lived in our home for many, many years.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in and out of facilities because the situation fluctuates depending on the need.\u00a0 The need at a given moment might be different than it was three or four weeks ago.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there are a lot of things to consider, finances, emotional support, the actual physical facilities that you have to work with, the kind of support you have as an individual.\u00a0 Does your church support you in this?\u00a0 What kind of resources do you have available through the Area Agency on Aging in your community?\u00a0 Those things vary from state to state.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think most important is to have conversations within family with siblings and with husbands and with children about what this impact is going to have on your immediate family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One thing I want to make sure our listeners hear us saying for sure though, there is a responsibility\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026by the adult children to find out what is truly best for their parents in this situation.\u00a0 We\u2019re not saying that the adult children don\u2019t have any responsibility.\u00a0 Their\u2019s is to make the best, most well-informed decision they could possibly make.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now concerning you and your own background, your parents cared for their parents as you grew up as a little girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes they did.\u00a0 They did that in our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually shared a room with your grandmother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did, for a while. She shared the bed, right a couple of feet from me.\u00a0 That was an interesting thing.\u00a0 I was a teenager, about fourteen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was a little traumatic?\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to overblow it but it was a little intimidating for you to have a ninety year old grandmother in the bed next to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was and Swedish was her first language and English was her second language.\u00a0 There was a little bit of a cultural gap there between us.\u00a0 Grandma and I didn\u2019t always see eye to eye on things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was not in good health.\u00a0 I would frequently wake up in the morning, afraid to open my eyes, thinking that maybe Grandma, a few feet from me, might not have made it through the night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, you named your first chapter in the book out of an interesting experience you had with your grandmother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I have worn glasses from the time that I was very, very young.\u00a0 I would wake up in the morning fearful that I was going to find Grandma having slipped on off to heaven in the morning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I reached over one morning hoping to get my glasses off the bedside stand and, rather than putting my hand out and finding my glasses, I actually slipped them into a mason jar full of cold water.\u00a0 That so startled me that my hand clamped and I actually grabbed Grandma\u2019s dentures in my hand. That produced this kind of panic instinct in me and I took the denture in my hand and kind of screeched and flung them across the room screaming.\u00a0 She woke up with her eyeballs bulging out of her head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not being able to speak very well, either, even in Swedish\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 And it wasn\u2019t an optimal situation to have this teenager sharing a room with this ninety, she was actually like ninety-two at the time.\u00a0 That was just one of the realities of the fear that was there for me.\u00a0 I really was afraid that Grandma was going to die and didn\u2019t want to open my eyes in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if somebody came to you and said, \u201cHere is out situation.\u00a0 We can bring in my mom but she\u2019s going to share a bedroom with our fourteen year old daughter.\u201d\u00a0 Would you say that\u2019s probably not a good idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say that might not be a good idea.\u00a0 But you need to definitely talk that over with the daughter.\u00a0 You need to make sure that you\u2019re getting her honest feelings about it.\u00a0 That might not be an actually very healthy situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had people consult with me about having loved ones who are on Hospice, who are going to have their bed in the living room.\u00a0 Well, what about the loved one, their need for dignity?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s no bedroom space and you\u2019re setting up a Hospice situation in a living room, where their last days are going to be played out in public view and your children have no play area.\u00a0 There may be younger children, maybe six or seven or eight or eleven and you\u2019ve taken away their social venue.\u00a0 They have no ability to have friends come in our out of the house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son\u2026 When Dan\u2019s father, my father-in-law, was living with us, he had some mental health issues that prevented us from being able to have people freely come in and out of our home. Although my son was in his twenties at the time, he was deathly afraid that when he was home with Grandpa, Grandpa was going to die on his watch.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo talking through those issues honestly and openly is very important.\u00a0 Like you said, weighing the cost, knowing whether or not you\u2019re going to have the family support.\u00a0 Your family is going to invest in this and understand how your family dynamic is going to change.\u00a0 It will change.\u00a0 It will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It seems to me that when we come to a decision like this, there can be one of two extremes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne extreme, which is to feel like we\u2019ve just got to take them to a rest home or an assisted living situation, they just can\u2019t live with us.\u00a0 The other extreme, however, would be to say, \u201cOh it\u2019s my responsibility.\u00a0 They must live with us.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter what it does to our family, to us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the things I really liked about your book.\u00a0 You came at it from a no-nonsense, very level-headed approach, saying there isn\u2019t a one size fits all.\u00a0 That you really do need to work it through and you need to evaluate what is best for your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to move back to the big picture just for a moment.\u00a0 I think this is one of the gifts that you give the reader of your book, to help them think of their parents coming to live with them as a gift from God.\u00a0 Let me just read this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, \u201cCaregiving is a gift that comes wrapped with the price tag still dangling, a tag that reads \u2018inestimable cost, eternal value.\u2019\u00a0 To make caregiving simply a task is a distortion of its purpose.\u00a0 Rather, it\u2019s a divine appointment, a redemptive encounter, and an act of worship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really like that because you\u2019re talking about caring for another human being and, perhaps the most important human being in your life, in the early years of your life.\u00a0 Now you get a chance to return the favor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really is the most Christlike thing we will ever do because there is investment on our part for no real hope of reward or getting something back.\u00a0 We\u2019re being asked to pour out for the sake of love without really hope of getting some kind of value or service or material gain.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing really to win back in this.\u00a0 This is simply giving for the sake of love.\u00a0 This is investing for the big picture and for eternal purposes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what we\u2019re called to do. We\u2019re called to be image bearers.\u00a0 We\u2019re called to be Jesus, to be like Him.\u00a0 So there\u2019s a price that will come with this.\u00a0 It comes with a price tag.\u00a0 I will tell people from the very beginning, there is a price tag here.\u00a0 But you will never, ever, out give what you will get back in this, not that it won\u2019t be painful.\u00a0 It\u2019s a theological thing that you\u2019re carrying out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked to a woman once who said she was terribly criticized for not showing up at church on Sundays because she was a caregiver for her mother.\u00a0 She would actually go visit on a regular basis and because she was a single woman she worked five days a week, fulltime employment, caring for herself.\u00a0 The only time she could go visit her mother was on weekends.\u00a0 She had to drive a long distance to go do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told her, \u201cYou know what.\u00a0 That\u2019s an act of worship.\u00a0 When you\u2019re visiting with your mother, or whether you\u2019re caring for your mother physically in your home, those times when you\u2019re pouring out sacrificially and giving, that\u2019s worship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to go back to when you and your husband had the conversation about the choice you were facing.\u00a0 It was his father who had both physical and mental issues?\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What was your life situation like at that time?\u00a0 What did the conversation sound like as you guys tried to decide what was right to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had just recently moved to Iowa.\u00a0 We thought we were empty nesters.\u00a0 My son was kind of in a prodigal state in life and kind of bashing around and making some really unwise decisions.\u00a0 My daughter was on Neus Island right after the tsunami had hit, doing relief work.\u00a0 She came home from Neus Island with post traumatic stress disorder and landed in our home, just in a really very diminished state from what she had left.\u00a0 And then the call came from our son that he wanted to come home and come back from Michigan to Iowa to get his feet under himself again spiritually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So your health is not good.\u00a0 Your daughter is emotionally exhausted.\u00a0 She\u2019s just moved back in the house.\u00a0 Your prodigal has just turned the corner and he\u2019s back in the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then we get a phone call from Missouri from some of Norman, my father-in-law\u2019s friends, saying he\u2019s not himself, there\u2019s something wrong.\u00a0 It appears that there may be some kind of mental health issue at stake here.\u00a0 Can you come and take a look?\u00a0 His friends, people at church, just basically called us and said he\u2019s not himself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe drove down, we assessed the situation immediately.\u00a0 We knew that something was amiss.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t know there were some other issues in his past.\u00a0 He\u2019d been in our home for four to six months at a time in earlier years.\u00a0 But we knew that this was significant.\u00a0 We couldn\u2019t leave him in Missouri alone.\u00a0 He was going to have to come home with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe made that decision almost instantaneously.\u00a0 We had talked about this earlier on in our marriage, that when the time came for parents to be cared for, if it was their desire and the best situation, that we would take them into our home.\u00a0 Dan\u2019s sister could not do this.\u00a0 She lived in a big old Greek revival home with big old high thresholds and it wouldn\u2019t have been a safe home environment for him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait a second, Shelly.\u00a0 If you were counseling a couple who were going through what you were facing at that time, do you think you would counsel that couple to step forward, to bring this man who\u2019s got physical and emotional illnesses, into their home?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know you would today because you did it.\u00a0 But if you\u2019d been on the sidelines, counseling another family with your set of circumstances, like Bob just reviewed a few moments ago\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I probably wouldn\u2019t advise them to do it.\u00a0 But I\u2019d ask them to really check their spirit to know what God was telling them to do.\u00a0 We knew at that time that God had told us to do this.\u00a0 There was not a doubt in our mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you even check to see if there was some assisted living nearby that he could move into, a nursing home of some kind?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 He had no financial resources available to him. W e didn\u2019t know at the time that we were moving him into the county and the state that had some of the best support services that would be made available to him.\u00a0 I had to learn to navigate the system.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t know at the time that God had brought us to Blackhawk County, Iowa, that had great resources available for Norman.\u00a0 We knew that God was asking us to do this, not that there\u2019s always one right decision that you have to default to.\u00a0 But in this, Dan and I were unified as a couple.\u00a0 We knew that this was what we wanted to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the question, too, that I was also asked often was, \u201cHow long are you going to do this?\u201d\u00a0 We knew that God would tell us when we couldn\u2019t do it anymore.\u00a0 Maybe we\u2019d only be able to do it for three months.\u00a0 But we were going to attempt it.\u00a0 And we did it for as long as we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned something just very briefly.\u00a0 You scooted past it. But I want you to comment on it.\u00a0 You said you and Dan, your husband, were together on this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We had to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How dangerous is it for a couple to attempt to do this who aren\u2019t together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s extremely dangerous to do this not together, because even when you are together you can default to this attitude.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s your father, Dan.\u201d\u00a0 All the medical appointments\u2014Norman had at one time about nine specialists\u2014I took Norman to those medical appointments.\u00a0 Dan was the breadwinner.\u00a0 My job was a part time job.\u00a0 It would be very easy for me--and my husband was my boss.\u00a0 At the time he was a Christian school administrator.\u00a0 I was his English teacher--for me to go into work, close the door behind me, sit down in a chair, and start pointing my finger at him about his father, about his father.\u00a0 No, we made the decision together.\u00a0 Fast forward another five years.\u00a0 My mother was in our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We were together.\u00a0 Same thing.\u00a0 We were totally together on the decision.\u00a0 My mom and dad came to live in our home.\u00a0 But my mom came to be very hard for me to manipulate physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember sitting down with Dan one day and saying, \u201cI know that the modestly issues are going to be hard for you but I dealt with the modesty issues with your father.\u00a0 Just because I\u2019m a woman didn\u2019t made it easy.\u00a0 But I had to deal with those issues with your dad.\u00a0 Will you be with me on this?\u00a0 I need help.\u00a0 I need you to help me navigate my mother and it will be hard for you.\u00a0 Will you be with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re\u2019 talking about bathing and continence-type issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just as you\u2019re describing what it was like with Norman and nine different specialists and I\u2019m thinking it\u2019s a little bit like becoming the mother of triplets or having a child with a severe chronic condition where all of a sudden that\u2019s the dominant feature of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s absolutely the dominant feature of life.\u00a0 I watched yesterday as I checked into the hotel, a gentleman in a wheelchair getting into the wheelchair and then taking his wheels off of his wheelchair and putting his wheelchair into the car behind him and remembering the days when Norman was wheelchair-bound for a good portion of the time that he lived with us.\u00a0 I had to lift him.\u00a0 He was at one point in his life, like 6\u20192\u201d and weighed 175 pounds.\u00a0 I was lifting him.\u00a0 I was doing all the transfers.\u00a0 I was taking him to his appointments.\u00a0 It does become the primary\u2026\u00a0 That\u2019s why I ended up giving up my job later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So there had to be days where you though, \u201cI did not sign up for this.\u00a0 I would like to be teaching English to high school kids\u201d or later on you had a college position. \u201cThat\u2019s what I want to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to stay home and change the diapers,\u201d and I\u2019m not trying to sound cold hearted, but there have to be days like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are days like that.\u00a0 The first time I was asked to write a book on caregiving I told my friends, first of all, I can\u2019t write this book for a several reasons.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, my relatives didn\u2019t ask to be exposed.\u00a0 My mother didn\u2019t raise her hand and say, \u201cPlease write a book about me having Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d\u00a0 There are some issues having to do with respecting her dignify.\u00a0 And Norman as well.\u00a0 I had to get permission from family members to write about those things because I had to be honest about what this is like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody deals with Alzheimer\u2019s that doesn\u2019t deal with issues of nudity, people\u00a0 disrobing, people cursing, people swearing, how language changes.\u00a0 How you are embarrassed about certain things about their behavior.\u00a0 How you become resentful.\u00a0 I\u2019d tell people that when I first wrote my first book of caregiving I wanted the title to be this raging scream followed by \u201cbut God is good.\u201d\u00a0 Because God is good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe provided everything I needed every step of the day.\u00a0 But there were days, yes, when I thought \u201cI can\u2019t get up in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 But whenever I needed my strength renewed God was always there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t cash in a moment of that time, as difficult as it was.\u00a0 There is an eternal investment that I made in my family members and I cherish those days and those moments, as difficult as they were, as painful as they were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Their lives had dignity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the assignment is a God-given assignment, like you said.\u00a0 There\u2019s couple of things you\u2019ve said I just want to remind our listeners of here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, Exodus chapter twenty, verse twelve, is the fifth commandment out of the Ten Commandments.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t talked about it but we\u2019ve talked all around it.\u00a0 \u201cHonor your mother and your father.\u201d\u00a0 I think this is a part of honoring them, of showing courtesy, grace, love to them in some very difficult years of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen a second, and I think this is real important that you highlighted this, Shelly, and that is as a couple, when you make this decision, you need to be one.\u00a0 And undoubtedly we\u2019re talking to some listeners right now we are either facing this decision or they\u2019re in it, and they may not be one.\u00a0 I would really encourage them to get a copy of your book and perhaps as a couple start to read this together.\u00a0 See if together they can\u2019t embrace the assignment and make the decision of what needs to be done together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now I\u2019m thinking this would be a perfect book for somebody to give to a person or a couple you know who is in the caregiving role.\u00a0 If you know somebody who is taking care of her mom and dad or an elderly relative get a copy of the book <u>Ambushed by<\/u> <u>Grace<\/u> and give it as a gift to that person.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Shelly Beach\u2019s book, <u>Ambushed by Grace<\/u>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The audio of our conversation with Shelly is available for free mp3 download, again on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you have an iPhone, you can get an iPhone app for FamilyLifeToday and that way recent programs are immediately available with just a couple of pushes of the touchscreen on your iPhone.\u00a0 Again, all the information about Shelly\u2019s book and the resources we have available can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month we have been encouraging men to step up.\u00a0 One of the ways we\u2019ve been calling men to step up is by praying regularly for their family.\u00a0 Our friend John Yates has written a helpful book called <u>How a Man Prays for His Family<\/u> and we\u2019ve been making that book available, along with a CD that features a conversation we had with John Yates on that subject, and a couple of laminated prayer cards for dads.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose resources have been our gift this month for those listeners who are able to help us with a donation to support this ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are listener supported and without your financial help we could not continue this radio ministry.\u00a0 So we appreciate those of you who, from time to time, will go online at FamilyLfieToday.com and make an online donation or who call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, this month, if you are able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to send you the prayer resources for men. Just type the work \u201cPRAY\u201d on the key code box that you find on the online donation form or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send these resources out to you thanking you for your financial support of this ministry. We really do appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Shelly Beach about caregiving and about how God meets us in that spiritual assignment.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.62M"],"filesize_raw":["22665170"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302291.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302291.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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we have a responsibility to care for our aging loved ones?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When we care for an elderlymother or father we become what the apostle Paul called a living sacrifice.\u00a0 Here\u2019s author and caregiver Shelly Beach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I talked to a woman once who said she was terribly criticized for not showing up at church on Sundays because she was a caregiver for her mother.\u00a0 She would actually go visit on a regular basis and because she was a single woman she worked five days a week.\u00a0 The only time she could go visit her mother was on weekends.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told her, \u201cYou know what.\u00a0 That\u2019s an act of worship.\u00a0 When you\u2019re visiting with your mother, or whether you\u2019re caring for your mother physically in your home, that\u2019s worship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk today about the challenges and the spiritual rewards that come with caregiving.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I saw this morning that you\u2019d gotten an email from a friend of ours\u2019 looking for counsel on a particular issue.\u00a0\u00a0 I thought you get those emails from time to time, people who write to you and just say \u201cWhat\u2019s your advice on this situation?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got to thinking if a husband wrote, and said, \u201cMy wife has an eighty-six year old mom who has some health problems and she wants to bring her mom to live at our house.\u00a0 I understand why she wants to do that but I\u2019m not all that sure it\u2019s a great idea.\u00a0 I just need your advice.\u00a0 Is that a good thing to do or not?\u00a0 Do we have a responsibility?\u00a0 Is it an obligation?\u00a0 What do we do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s how you\u2019d answer it?\u00a0 Just a kind of a quick and concise yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I would say here are a couple of things you need to do.\u00a0 First of all, you ought to go talk to, I think, a couple of other families who have done this and count the cost of what this is going to mean for your individual lives, your marriage, your family, what you\u2019ve been used to in your privacy.\u00a0 But then I\u2019d encourage them to pick up a copy of the book we\u2019re going to talk about today, <u>Ambushed by Grace<\/u>, by Shelly Beach.\u00a0 And then I\u2019d give them Shelly\u2019s phone number.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(All laughing)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shelly, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Shelly is a write, a speaker, and she is the author of that book, <u>Ambushed by<\/u> <u>Grace<\/u>.\u00a0 She and her husband, Dan, have two children and they live in Sparta, Michigan.\u00a0 Your children are grown now so they don\u2019t live there.\u00a0 They\u2019re scattered to the different ends of the United States, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Shelly, let\u2019s go back to Bob\u2019s question.\u00a0 What would you say to someone who called you out of the blue and said, \u201cI think my wife\u2019s mom needs to come live with us?\u201d\u00a0 What coaching would you give that couple, just right off the bat, here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that it\u2019s good to talk to other people, as you suggested.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s one really good idea.\u00a0 But I think they have to determine, first of all, what kinds of things they have that are going to be resources for them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo they have a home that will accommodate another person?\u00a0 Do they have the actual facilities that are going to give them the ability to absorb another person in their home?\u00a0 What about children?\u00a0 Do they have children?\u00a0 Do they have adult children?\u00a0 Do they have small children?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes the health problem that\u2019s causing this parent to come stay with them, is it a mental health problem?\u00a0 Is it a physical issue?\u00a0 Is it going to have an impact on other family members or are they living alone by themselves in the house?\u00a0 They need to assess what kinds of things the parent can do for themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I hear you saying there\u2019s really no default answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. Absolutely not.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s not a binary decision, yes, no.\u00a0 Even after you weight through all of that there\u2019s still a lot of individuality that goes into making this decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 There\u2019s no yes or no, right or wrong, answer to this. Sometimes the best care for a parent is given in a different setting, in an assisted living setting.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had parents, my parents, my father-in-law.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in assisted living.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in nursing homes.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in mental health facilities.\u00a0 They\u2019ve lived in our home for many, many years.\u00a0 They\u2019ve been in and out of facilities because the situation fluctuates depending on the need.\u00a0 The need at a given moment might be different than it was three or four weeks ago.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there are a lot of things to consider, finances, emotional support, the actual physical facilities that you have to work with, the kind of support you have as an individual.\u00a0 Does your church support you in this?\u00a0 What kind of resources do you have available through the Area Agency on Aging in your community?\u00a0 Those things vary from state to state.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think most important is to have conversations within family with siblings and with husbands and with children about what this impact is going to have on your immediate family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One thing I want to make sure our listeners hear us saying for sure though, there is a responsibility\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026by the adult children to find out what is truly best for their parents in this situation.\u00a0 We\u2019re not saying that the adult children don\u2019t have any responsibility.\u00a0 Their\u2019s is to make the best, most well-informed decision they could possibly make.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now concerning you and your own background, your parents cared for their parents as you grew up as a little girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes they did.\u00a0 They did that in our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually shared a room with your grandmother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did, for a while. She shared the bed, right a couple of feet from me.\u00a0 That was an interesting thing.\u00a0 I was a teenager, about fourteen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was a little traumatic?\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to overblow it but it was a little intimidating for you to have a ninety year old grandmother in the bed next to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was and Swedish was her first language and English was her second language.\u00a0 There was a little bit of a cultural gap there between us.\u00a0 Grandma and I didn\u2019t always see eye to eye on things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was not in good health.\u00a0 I would frequently wake up in the morning, afraid to open my eyes, thinking that maybe Grandma, a few feet from me, might not have made it through the night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, you named your first chapter in the book out of an interesting experience you had with your grandmother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I have worn glasses from the time that I was very, very young.\u00a0 I would wake up in the morning fearful that I was going to find Grandma having slipped on off to heaven in the morning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I reached over one morning hoping to get my glasses off the bedside stand and, rather than putting my hand out and finding my glasses, I actually slipped them into a mason jar full of cold water.\u00a0 That so startled me that my hand clamped and I actually grabbed Grandma\u2019s dentures in my hand. That produced this kind of panic instinct in me and I took the denture in my hand and kind of screeched and flung them across the room screaming.\u00a0 She woke up with her eyeballs bulging out of her head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not being able to speak very well, either, even in Swedish\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 And it wasn\u2019t an optimal situation to have this teenager sharing a room with this ninety, she was actually like ninety-two at the time.\u00a0 That was just one of the realities of the fear that was there for me.\u00a0 I really was afraid that Grandma was going to die and didn\u2019t want to open my eyes in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if somebody came to you and said, \u201cHere is out situation.\u00a0 We can bring in my mom but she\u2019s going to share a bedroom with our fourteen year old daughter.\u201d\u00a0 Would you say that\u2019s probably not a good idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say that might not be a good idea.\u00a0 But you need to definitely talk that over with the daughter.\u00a0 You need to make sure that you\u2019re getting her honest feelings about it.\u00a0 That might not be an actually very healthy situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had people consult with me about having loved ones who are on Hospice, who are going to have their bed in the living room.\u00a0 Well, what about the loved one, their need for dignity?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s no bedroom space and you\u2019re setting up a Hospice situation in a living room, where their last days are going to be played out in public view and your children have no play area.\u00a0 There may be younger children, maybe six or seven or eight or eleven and you\u2019ve taken away their social venue.\u00a0 They have no ability to have friends come in our out of the house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son\u2026 When Dan\u2019s father, my father-in-law, was living with us, he had some mental health issues that prevented us from being able to have people freely come in and out of our home. Although my son was in his twenties at the time, he was deathly afraid that when he was home with Grandpa, Grandpa was going to die on his watch.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo talking through those issues honestly and openly is very important.\u00a0 Like you said, weighing the cost, knowing whether or not you\u2019re going to have the family support.\u00a0 Your family is going to invest in this and understand how your family dynamic is going to change.\u00a0 It will change.\u00a0 It will change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It seems to me that when we come to a decision like this, there can be one of two extremes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne extreme, which is to feel like we\u2019ve just got to take them to a rest home or an assisted living situation, they just can\u2019t live with us.\u00a0 The other extreme, however, would be to say, \u201cOh it\u2019s my responsibility.\u00a0 They must live with us.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter what it does to our family, to us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the things I really liked about your book.\u00a0 You came at it from a no-nonsense, very level-headed approach, saying there isn\u2019t a one size fits all.\u00a0 That you really do need to work it through and you need to evaluate what is best for your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to move back to the big picture just for a moment.\u00a0 I think this is one of the gifts that you give the reader of your book, to help them think of their parents coming to live with them as a gift from God.\u00a0 Let me just read this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, \u201cCaregiving is a gift that comes wrapped with the price tag still dangling, a tag that reads \u2018inestimable cost, eternal value.\u2019\u00a0 To make caregiving simply a task is a distortion of its purpose.\u00a0 Rather, it\u2019s a divine appointment, a redemptive encounter, and an act of worship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI really like that because you\u2019re talking about caring for another human being and, perhaps the most important human being in your life, in the early years of your life.\u00a0 Now you get a chance to return the favor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really is the most Christlike thing we will ever do because there is investment on our part for no real hope of reward or getting something back.\u00a0 We\u2019re being asked to pour out for the sake of love without really hope of getting some kind of value or service or material gain.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing really to win back in this.\u00a0 This is simply giving for the sake of love.\u00a0 This is investing for the big picture and for eternal purposes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what we\u2019re called to do. We\u2019re called to be image bearers.\u00a0 We\u2019re called to be Jesus, to be like Him.\u00a0 So there\u2019s a price that will come with this.\u00a0 It comes with a price tag.\u00a0 I will tell people from the very beginning, there is a price tag here.\u00a0 But you will never, ever, out give what you will get back in this, not that it won\u2019t be painful.\u00a0 It\u2019s a theological thing that you\u2019re carrying out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI talked to a woman once who said she was terribly criticized for not showing up at church on Sundays because she was a caregiver for her mother.\u00a0 She would actually go visit on a regular basis and because she was a single woman she worked five days a week, fulltime employment, caring for herself.\u00a0 The only time she could go visit her mother was on weekends.\u00a0 She had to drive a long distance to go do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI told her, \u201cYou know what.\u00a0 That\u2019s an act of worship.\u00a0 When you\u2019re visiting with your mother, or whether you\u2019re caring for your mother physically in your home, those times when you\u2019re pouring out sacrificially and giving, that\u2019s worship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to go back to when you and your husband had the conversation about the choice you were facing.\u00a0 It was his father who had both physical and mental issues?\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What was your life situation like at that time?\u00a0 What did the conversation sound like as you guys tried to decide what was right to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had just recently moved to Iowa.\u00a0 We thought we were empty nesters.\u00a0 My son was kind of in a prodigal state in life and kind of bashing around and making some really unwise decisions.\u00a0 My daughter was on Neus Island right after the tsunami had hit, doing relief work.\u00a0 She came home from Neus Island with post traumatic stress disorder and landed in our home, just in a really very diminished state from what she had left.\u00a0 And then the call came from our son that he wanted to come home and come back from Michigan to Iowa to get his feet under himself again spiritually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So your health is not good.\u00a0 Your daughter is emotionally exhausted.\u00a0 She\u2019s just moved back in the house.\u00a0 Your prodigal has just turned the corner and he\u2019s back in the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then we get a phone call from Missouri from some of Norman, my father-in-law\u2019s friends, saying he\u2019s not himself, there\u2019s something wrong.\u00a0 It appears that there may be some kind of mental health issue at stake here.\u00a0 Can you come and take a look?\u00a0 His friends, people at church, just basically called us and said he\u2019s not himself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe drove down, we assessed the situation immediately.\u00a0 We knew that something was amiss.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t know there were some other issues in his past.\u00a0 He\u2019d been in our home for four to six months at a time in earlier years.\u00a0 But we knew that this was significant.\u00a0 We couldn\u2019t leave him in Missouri alone.\u00a0 He was going to have to come home with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe made that decision almost instantaneously.\u00a0 We had talked about this earlier on in our marriage, that when the time came for parents to be cared for, if it was their desire and the best situation, that we would take them into our home.\u00a0 Dan\u2019s sister could not do this.\u00a0 She lived in a big old Greek revival home with big old high thresholds and it wouldn\u2019t have been a safe home environment for him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait a second, Shelly.\u00a0 If you were counseling a couple who were going through what you were facing at that time, do you think you would counsel that couple to step forward, to bring this man who\u2019s got physical and emotional illnesses, into their home?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know you would today because you did it.\u00a0 But if you\u2019d been on the sidelines, counseling another family with your set of circumstances, like Bob just reviewed a few moments ago\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 I probably wouldn\u2019t advise them to do it.\u00a0 But I\u2019d ask them to really check their spirit to know what God was telling them to do.\u00a0 We knew at that time that God had told us to do this.\u00a0 There was not a doubt in our mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you even check to see if there was some assisted living nearby that he could move into, a nursing home of some kind?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 He had no financial resources available to him. W e didn\u2019t know at the time that we were moving him into the county and the state that had some of the best support services that would be made available to him.\u00a0 I had to learn to navigate the system.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t know at the time that God had brought us to Blackhawk County, Iowa, that had great resources available for Norman.\u00a0 We knew that God was asking us to do this, not that there\u2019s always one right decision that you have to default to.\u00a0 But in this, Dan and I were unified as a couple.\u00a0 We knew that this was what we wanted to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the question, too, that I was also asked often was, \u201cHow long are you going to do this?\u201d\u00a0 We knew that God would tell us when we couldn\u2019t do it anymore.\u00a0 Maybe we\u2019d only be able to do it for three months.\u00a0 But we were going to attempt it.\u00a0 And we did it for as long as we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned something just very briefly.\u00a0 You scooted past it. But I want you to comment on it.\u00a0 You said you and Dan, your husband, were together on this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We had to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How dangerous is it for a couple to attempt to do this who aren\u2019t together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s extremely dangerous to do this not together, because even when you are together you can default to this attitude.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s your father, Dan.\u201d\u00a0 All the medical appointments\u2014Norman had at one time about nine specialists\u2014I took Norman to those medical appointments.\u00a0 Dan was the breadwinner.\u00a0 My job was a part time job.\u00a0 It would be very easy for me--and my husband was my boss.\u00a0 At the time he was a Christian school administrator.\u00a0 I was his English teacher--for me to go into work, close the door behind me, sit down in a chair, and start pointing my finger at him about his father, about his father.\u00a0 No, we made the decision together.\u00a0 Fast forward another five years.\u00a0 My mother was in our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 We were together.\u00a0 Same thing.\u00a0 We were totally together on the decision.\u00a0 My mom and dad came to live in our home.\u00a0 But my mom came to be very hard for me to manipulate physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember sitting down with Dan one day and saying, \u201cI know that the modestly issues are going to be hard for you but I dealt with the modesty issues with your father.\u00a0 Just because I\u2019m a woman didn\u2019t made it easy.\u00a0 But I had to deal with those issues with your dad.\u00a0 Will you be with me on this?\u00a0 I need help.\u00a0 I need you to help me navigate my mother and it will be hard for you.\u00a0 Will you be with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re\u2019 talking about bathing and continence-type issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just as you\u2019re describing what it was like with Norman and nine different specialists and I\u2019m thinking it\u2019s a little bit like becoming the mother of triplets or having a child with a severe chronic condition where all of a sudden that\u2019s the dominant feature of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s absolutely the dominant feature of life.\u00a0 I watched yesterday as I checked into the hotel, a gentleman in a wheelchair getting into the wheelchair and then taking his wheels off of his wheelchair and putting his wheelchair into the car behind him and remembering the days when Norman was wheelchair-bound for a good portion of the time that he lived with us.\u00a0 I had to lift him.\u00a0 He was at one point in his life, like 6\u20192\u201d and weighed 175 pounds.\u00a0 I was lifting him.\u00a0 I was doing all the transfers.\u00a0 I was taking him to his appointments.\u00a0 It does become the primary\u2026\u00a0 That\u2019s why I ended up giving up my job later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So there had to be days where you though, \u201cI did not sign up for this.\u00a0 I would like to be teaching English to high school kids\u201d or later on you had a college position. \u201cThat\u2019s what I want to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to stay home and change the diapers,\u201d and I\u2019m not trying to sound cold hearted, but there have to be days like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are days like that.\u00a0 The first time I was asked to write a book on caregiving I told my friends, first of all, I can\u2019t write this book for a several reasons.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, my relatives didn\u2019t ask to be exposed.\u00a0 My mother didn\u2019t raise her hand and say, \u201cPlease write a book about me having Alzheimer\u2019s.\u201d\u00a0 There are some issues having to do with respecting her dignify.\u00a0 And Norman as well.\u00a0 I had to get permission from family members to write about those things because I had to be honest about what this is like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody deals with Alzheimer\u2019s that doesn\u2019t deal with issues of nudity, people\u00a0 disrobing, people cursing, people swearing, how language changes.\u00a0 How you are embarrassed about certain things about their behavior.\u00a0 How you become resentful.\u00a0 I\u2019d tell people that when I first wrote my first book of caregiving I wanted the title to be this raging scream followed by \u201cbut God is good.\u201d\u00a0 Because God is good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe provided everything I needed every step of the day.\u00a0 But there were days, yes, when I thought \u201cI can\u2019t get up in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 But whenever I needed my strength renewed God was always there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t cash in a moment of that time, as difficult as it was.\u00a0 There is an eternal investment that I made in my family members and I cherish those days and those moments, as difficult as they were, as painful as they were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Their lives had dignity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelly:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the assignment is a God-given assignment, like you said.\u00a0 There\u2019s couple of things you\u2019ve said I just want to remind our listeners of here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, Exodus chapter twenty, verse twelve, is the fifth commandment out of the Ten Commandments.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t talked about it but we\u2019ve talked all around it.\u00a0 \u201cHonor your mother and your father.\u201d\u00a0 I think this is a part of honoring them, of showing courtesy, grace, love to them in some very difficult years of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen a second, and I think this is real important that you highlighted this, Shelly, and that is as a couple, when you make this decision, you need to be one.\u00a0 And undoubtedly we\u2019re talking to some listeners right now we are either facing this decision or they\u2019re in it, and they may not be one.\u00a0 I would really encourage them to get a copy of your book and perhaps as a couple start to read this together.\u00a0 See if together they can\u2019t embrace the assignment and make the decision of what needs to be done together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now I\u2019m thinking this would be a perfect book for somebody to give to a person or a couple you know who is in the caregiving role.\u00a0 If you know somebody who is taking care of her mom and dad or an elderly relative get a copy of the book <u>Ambushed by<\/u> <u>Grace<\/u> and give it as a gift to that person.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Shelly Beach\u2019s book, <u>Ambushed by Grace<\/u>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The audio of our conversation with Shelly is available for free mp3 download, again on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you have an iPhone, you can get an iPhone app for FamilyLifeToday and that way recent programs are immediately available with just a couple of pushes of the touchscreen on your iPhone.\u00a0 Again, all the information about Shelly\u2019s book and the resources we have available can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month we have been encouraging men to step up.\u00a0 One of the ways we\u2019ve been calling men to step up is by praying regularly for their family.\u00a0 Our friend John Yates has written a helpful book called <u>How a Man Prays for His Family<\/u> and we\u2019ve been making that book available, along with a CD that features a conversation we had with John Yates on that subject, and a couple of laminated prayer cards for dads.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose resources have been our gift this month for those listeners who are able to help us with a donation to support this ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are listener supported and without your financial help we could not continue this radio ministry.\u00a0 So we appreciate those of you who, from time to time, will go online at FamilyLfieToday.com and make an online donation or who call 1-800-FLToday and make a donation over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, this month, if you are able to help with a donation, we\u2019d love to send you the prayer resources for men. Just type the work \u201cPRAY\u201d on the key code box that you find on the online donation form or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send these resources out to you thanking you for your financial support of this ministry. We really do appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Shelly Beach about caregiving and about how God meets us in that spiritual assignment.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302291"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302291"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302291"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302291"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}