{"id":302289,"date":"2011-06-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1\/"},"modified":"2011-06-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-20T15:00:00","slug":"things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Things That Go Bump in the Night, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Class is back in session as Tim and Joy Downs take married listeners through a refresher course they call \u2018Serving in Bed 101\u2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.94M","filesize_raw":"25097748","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4066,2991],"podcast_series":[7809],"cwp_profile":[3233],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302289","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-intimacy","tag-sex","podcast_series-things-that-go-bump-in-the-night","cwp_profile-tim-and-joy-downs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302289\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302289\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NJfsLzjHWX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1\/\">Things That Go Bump in the Night, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=NJfsLzjHWX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Things That Go Bump in the Night, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NJfsLzjHWX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Class is back in session as Tim and Joy Downs take married listeners through a refresher course they call \u2018Serving in Bed 101\u2019.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-06-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A lot of what marriage is about is putting the needs of someone else ahead of your own.\u00a0 Author and speaker Tim Downs says that\u2019s true when we come together in marital intimacy as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 The truth is, you can\u2019t really serve someone until you know what their needs are, because if you don\u2019t know their needs, you\u2019ll assume their needs are the same as yours, and you\u2019ll just end up serving yourself.\u00a0 And that is often the mistake we make when it comes to sex.\u00a0 We make the mistake of assuming our spouse\u2019s needs are just the same as ours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Monday, June 20<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear today from Tim and Joy Downs about what we can do as husbands and wives to have an \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tother-centered approach to marital intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 This kind of takes me back a little bit.\u00a0 You know, a few months ago, when all of us had an opportunity to spend a few days together at sea \u2013 do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 On our cruise.\u00a0 We filled a boat with 2300 folks, and frankly, it was a hoot, Bob.\u00a0 One of the reasons it was so much fun was a message by Tim and Joy Downs called <em>Things That Go Bump in the Night.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here we were with about 1100 married couples.\u00a0 We were talking about marriage.\u00a0 Each evening we\u2019d get together for a session.\u00a0 We\u2019d be led in worship by a different artist and then have a different speaker speaking on a marriage topic.\u00a0 I think it was Wednesday night as we were at sea that Tim and Joy Downs talked about romance and intimacy and passion and sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And did it in such a fun, entertaining, but sensitive way.\u00a0 It was masterful, and it was one of those messages you just wish all your friends could hear.\u00a0 So you know what?\u00a0 We\u2019re making it available for our friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re going to let all our friends hear it, and before today\u2019s program is over I\u2019ll let you know about our plans for February of 2012 \u2013 the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise that will take off the day before Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you all the details before we\u2019re done here today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tim and Joy Downs speak, Bob, at our <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>Marriage Getaways<em>.<\/em>\u00a0 They\u2019ve been on the team for more than two decades, have three children, just a class act, and I think our listeners are really going to enjoy this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here are Tim and Joy Downs talking about marriage and intimacy and romance and trying to get all of that right as a married couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, if you remember your high school biology, you\u2019ll recall that the human brain is composed of two hemispheres, right?\u00a0 There\u2019s a left hemisphere and there\u2019s a right hemisphere, and each has a different role.\u00a0 The left hemisphere handles all the logical, factual, orderly, step-by-step processes.\u00a0 If you\u2019re an accountant or an engineer, we call you a left-brained person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe right brain cares nothing about those things.\u00a0 It\u2019s creative and temporal and spatial; the emotional center is in the right hemisphere of the brain.\u00a0 If you\u2019re an artist, we call you a right-brained person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSeveral years ago I read a study by a group of researchers who were trying to answer the question, <em>does a man\u2019s and a woman\u2019s brain actually work in different ways?<\/em>\u00a0 So to answer the question they wired electrodes to a woman\u2019s brain.\u00a0 Now, men, these were professionals; don\u2019t go trying this at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey wired electrodes to a woman\u2019s brain to answer the question first of all, <em>when a woman feels, what part of her brain does she use to feel?<\/em>\u00a0 What should the answer be?\u00a0 It should be the right hemisphere of your brain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo they needed to do something to elicit an emotional response.\u00a0 They sat the woman down in front of a TV, they had her watch, I don\u2019t know, <em>The Bachelorette,<\/em> to get a feeling going here.\u00a0 They\u2019re watching the meter, looking for electrical activity, expecting it to be just a blip in the right hemisphere.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut guess what?\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t just in the right hemisphere.\u00a0 It was also in the left hemisphere, and the northern hemisphere and the southern hemisphere.\u00a0 That electrical activity was spread evenly throughout the woman\u2019s brain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen they asked that woman to think about something abstract or complex, probably her husband, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\texpecting this time to find electrical activity in the left hemisphere of the brain.\u00a0 But guess what?\u00a0 It was also in the right hemisphere, and the north, and the south, and those researchers said, \u201cThat\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 Women don\u2019t seem to have specific parts of their brain reserved for specific tasks.\u00a0 Women seem to use their whole brain, all at the same time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, some of those researchers even said, \u201cYou know that old idea of a woman\u2019s intuition?\u00a0 That thing we\u2019ve discarded as folklore for the last fifty years?\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s not folklore.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s real.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s a form of logic not available to men.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s a form of logic you can only obtain when you can think while you feel and feel while you think.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd men, you know what I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 You\u2019ve had conversations with your wife where she went from A to Z and you have no idea how she got there, and you\u2019re going, \u201cHang on a minute here, honey.\u00a0 Just let me get the other half of my brain fired up, alright?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause, you see, they\u2019ve done the same studies with men.\u00a0 They\u2019ve wired electrodes to our brains, they sat us down and had us watch <em>The Bachelorette,<\/em> and it just triggered a gag reflex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just feel around for the remote to change the channel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd when they finally get us to feel something, guess what?\u00a0 It\u2019s localized in the right hemisphere of the brain.\u00a0 And when they ask us to think about something, guess what?\u00a0 It\u2019s localized in the left hemisphere of the brain, and those researchers said, \u201cYou know, women seem to be global thinkers, but men seem to be compartmentalized.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Well, women, we can think of it like this:\u00a0 We are like the radar array on the Starship Enterprise.\u00a0 We are really collecting data from far distant galaxies.\u00a0 We can pick up distant signals everywhere.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow if you\u2019re a mom, you know what I mean, because we have something called Mom-nipresence.\u00a0 We can be down in the basement doing laundry, we can be doing our business down there, and we know there\u2019s something going on up on the third floor, don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, while we\u2019re watching the kids, we are all there, aren\u2019t we?\u00a0 But our husbands might not have that knack.\u00a0 Tim was home watching the kids.\u00a0 They were a lot younger back then.\u00a0 We had about a 4-year-old daughter and an 18-month-old little girl, and Tim was watching the kids.\u00a0 I was on a field trip with our oldest, Tommy, at the time.\u00a0 Well, Erin even came up and told Tim while he was reading the newspaper, \u201cDaddy, I think I\u2019m going to cut Kelsey\u2019s hair,\u201d and Tim said, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUntil 15 minutes later he realized, \u201cWhat? What did she say?\u00a0 Cut somebody\u2019s hair?\u201d\u00a0 And so Kelsey, our youngest, had billowing clouds of curly brown hair.\u00a0 It was just beautiful, even at 18 months old.\u00a0 But not anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim went running to find the girls and found that little Erin had gotten a pair of scissors, and Kelsey was just happily sitting in a pile of her own hair.\u00a0 She had hair cut to the scalp.\u00a0 I\u2019m not kidding \u2013 to the scalp.\u00a0 She looked like a dog with mange.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe had been sheared like a sheep, except for one little patch of curl, right in the back, here, that I just had to let it grow.\u00a0 To this day our daughter Kelsey says, \u201cMom, why didn\u2019t you just cut the whole thing, just give me a buzz, instead of leaving that curl?\u201d\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t part with it; I just couldn\u2019t part with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, the book of Genesis tells us two amazing things in one sentence.\u00a0 It tells us that God made man in his own image, and male and female he created them.\u00a0 In other words, we are like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and each of us has one part of the image of God.\u00a0 But when we come together in marriage and learn to live together in harmony and oneness, we complete the image and reflect what God is like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 We want to show you a challenging passage of Scripture that comes from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians chapter seven.\u00a0 I\u2019m showing it to you from Eugene Peterson\u2019s paraphrase of the New Testament called <em>The Message<\/em>, because I really think it captures the essence of what the passage is about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen to what it says:\u00a0 \u201cThe marriage bed must be a place of mutuality, the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.\u00a0 Marriage is not a place to stand up for your rights.\u00a0 Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow look at that last sentence again:\u00a0 \u201cMarriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow as Christian people it\u2019s a familiar idea to us that marriage is a decision to serve one another, but what in the world does it mean to serve one another in bed?\u00a0 The truth is, you can\u2019t really serve someone until you know what their needs are, because if you don\u2019t know their needs, you\u2019ll assume their needs are the same as yours, and you\u2019ll just end up serving yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that is often the mistake we make when it comes to sex.\u00a0 We make the mistake of assuming our spouse\u2019s needs are just the same as ours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 But they\u2019re not.\u00a0 And the difficulty with that has been that part of the problem is our culture.\u00a0 Years ago it was expected that we would come to marriage as a novice in the area of sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And now, because of the way our culture has gone, it has really told us erroneously that we should come to marriage as a sex expert.\u00a0 We should be experienced, we should know everything about sex, and that\u2019s not God\u2019s intention.\u00a0 In fact, God says in Proverbs 26, \u201cDo you see a man who is wise in his own eyes?\u00a0 There is more hope for a fool than for him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that makes it hard to be a student, doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 If we\u2019re supposed to know everything there is supposed to be out there about sex, it makes it hard to be humble.\u00a0 We think that we\u2019re supposed to know everything, especially about our mate or how to please them, and so we\u2019re a little bit sheepish about saying, \u201cYou know, even after 15 years of marriage, I\u2019m not sure I understand you or how you work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 So a good approach in this whole area of marriage is to be able to say to your spouse, \u201cTeach me to make love with you.\u201d\u00a0 I think that\u2019s a good approach.\u00a0 We should think about the idea that when we marry, we begin a lifelong course of study.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>How to Make Love to My Spouse.<\/em>\u00a0 Hey, you thought school was boring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNobody skips this class, and everybody looks forward to the homework.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut sometimes we get behind on our studies here, don\u2019t we?\u00a0 Or sometimes we forget some lessons.\u00a0 Or maybe there are lessons that we\u2019ve never learned.\u00a0 So what we\u2019re doing with you tonight is really just a little bit of a refresher course.\u00a0 It\u2019s a course in our different needs.\u00a0 You cannot serve your spouse in bed until you understand how their needs are different from your own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo our little refresher course we just call <em>Serving in Bed 101.<\/em>\u00a0 Welcome to class.\u00a0 And we\u2019re going to describe for you four fundamental differences between men and women, and you need to get these straight if you plan to serve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo here\u2019s difference number one:\u00a0 We have different attitudes toward sex.\u00a0 Ladies, I don\u2019t think this will surprise you, but men often think of sex as a physical act.\u00a0 It\u2019s that thing we do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoy and I have a policy in our marriage \u2013 we don\u2019t make it up \u2013 we stole it from the book of Ephesians.\u00a0 You can find it there too.\u00a0 It goes like this:\u00a0 \u201cDo not let the sun set on your anger.\u201d\u00a0 Good advice, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 As one comedian said, \u201cNever go to bed angry.\u00a0 Stay up and fight.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we do a pretty good job of applying this principal, I think, but there are certain nights where I am especially ornery.\u00a0 Do you have one of those?\u00a0 One of those moments of intense fellowship, and it\u2019s late, and it\u2019s time for bed, and we should bring it up but I\u2019m not bringing it up because I\u2019m supposed to bring it up.\u00a0 Have you ever been there?\u00a0 Don\u2019t just stare at me like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there we are.\u00a0 We\u2019re in the bathroom, and I\u2019m not bringing it up.\u00a0 We\u2019re not talking to each other.\u00a0 And now God has designed bathrooms very small to force couples to apply biblical advice.\u00a0 So I need to brush my teeth, but the toothpaste is on the other side of my wife.\u00a0 So I decide that I\u2019m not going to brush my teeth tonight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would rather let my teeth rot in my skull than ask that woman for anything.\u00a0 So we go out and we get in our queen-size bed.\u00a0 And when you\u2019re having a moment of intense fellowship and you get into the queen-size bed, you know what you\u2019re thinking, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \u201cShould have bought the king-size bed.\u00a0 I could be twelve inches farther away from that woman right now.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause when you\u2019re having a fight, you don\u2019t cuddle like spoons in the middle of the mattress, do you?\u00a0 You skooch to the outer edges of the universe, and you pull the sheets tight around your neck, and you jerk \u2018em back and forth a little.\u00a0 You start leaning out over the edge of the bed until you\u2019re like those cliff climbers who sleep in their sleeping bags on the face of the cliff.\u00a0 And the sheet is so tight that if somebody took a scissors and just snipped it, you\u2019d both fall out on the floor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow you do the worst thing of all, you turn off the lights.\u00a0 Oh-h-h.\u00a0 Because as long as the light was on, there was visual distraction.\u00a0 But you turn off the light, and it\u2019s just you and the problem.\u00a0 And the problem is floating over the bed like a mosquito in your tent, and you can actually hear it, can\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(mosquito noise)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut three minutes of silence will go by, and then from Joy\u2019s side of the bed you\u2019ll hear \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can you just go to sleep?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 And from my side of the bed you hear -- (snoring noise).\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd women always want to know, how is that possible?\u00a0 Easy.\u00a0 If you look inside the male brain \u2013 now this is very technical, and I know it\u2019s late, so try to stay with me here \u2013 if you look inside the male brain, what you\u2019ll find is a series of cardboard boxes.\u00a0 Any brain surgeon will tell you this is true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach box represents one of the activities or interests of life, and they\u2019re marked accordingly.\u00a0 There\u2019s one for work.\u00a0 There\u2019s one for food.\u00a0 There\u2019s one for sports.\u00a0 There\u2019s one for this fight, and there\u2019s one for sleep.\u00a0 So when I\u2019m tired of the fight, I put that one on the shelf.\u00a0 I get out the one marked \u201csleep,\u201d and I\u2019m out of there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s even one for sex.\u00a0 See, ladies, that\u2019s why you can be having a conflict with your husband.\u00a0 Maybe you haven\u2019t even talked for a couple of weeks, but maybe he wants to have time with you at the end of the evening, and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cBrain damage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHow is that possible?\u201d\u00a0 Easy.\u00a0 Relationship.\u00a0 (pantomining putting box on shelf and taking new one out)\u00a0 Sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, why can\u2019t women think like that?\u00a0 Well, because women think of sex as a part of the overall relationship, don\u2019t we?\u00a0 Now, if you would look inside the female brain you would see something entirely different.\u00a0 You don\u2019t see a lot of little boxes.\u00a0 You see one gigantic box, and it\u2019s called \u201cLife.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this is what makes it difficult for us, because we can think of the past and the present and the future all at the same time.\u00a0 We can think about a lot of things at once.\u00a0 We\u2019re using our whole brain, like we said.\u00a0 So it\u2019s very difficult for us just to go into the bedroom and compartmentalize that little \u2013 \u201cOkay, intimacy with my husband\u201d \u2013 because we\u2019re dragging that whole big box of life in there with us, aren\u2019t we?\u00a0 It\u2019s very difficult.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s very hard, because we think of sex as a part of the relationship, if we felt like business partners all day long.\u00a0 It\u2019s more been like, \u201cWell, can you pick Billy up from soccer?\u201d and \u201cWhat time are we going to eat?\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t forget the PTA meeting,\u201d and \u201cWho\u2019s going to pay that bill?\u201d and \u201cI have this trip that I\u2019m planning, \u201cand \u201cOh, yes, you have to do the airline flights,\u201d and we become more like business partners than romantic lovers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd for a wife, that just puts a heap of water on the burning coals, because we feel like there\u2019s no romance.\u00a0 The romance well has run dry.\u00a0 Well, why is that difficult?\u00a0 Those romantic feelings are really a direct link to how we feel about our man sexually.\u00a0 Sex is an extension of our conversation, not a replacement for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 When the warmth is lacking, we\u2019re just not interested.\u00a0 You know, for men, sometimes -- Tim and I have had this discussion \u2013 It\u2019s not that we\u2019re deliberately trying to manipulate you or punish you for you not doing those things for us, by pursuing us or giving us the warmth that we need, but we just honestly really don\u2019t feel that immediate attraction or warmth toward you without the overall relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what are the lessons we should learn about this difference?\u00a0 Well men, us first.\u00a0 We need to learn that we tend to count too much on sex to do our communication of love.\u00a0 We kind of like the Elvis method, you know, a little less conversation, honey.\u00a0 But the truth is, your wife would like to have some communication before she has sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr maybe I should say it a different way.\u00a0 Your wife would like to see you communicate love in some other way than just sex.\u00a0 I had a woman come up to me at our <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>Conference and say to me once, \u201cThe only time my husband ever says the words \u2018I love you\u2019 is during the act of making love.\u201d\u00a0 The problem is, if that\u2019s the only time he ever says \u201cI love you,\u201d is that love?\u00a0 Or is that just enthusiasm?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, men, the problem is, after two weeks of marriage every woman learns that for a man, sex can be a deep, intimate, emotional experience, or it can be a purely mechanical act.\u00a0 So in this specific case, what is it?\u00a0 If you haven\u2019t found a way to say, \u201cI love you, I need you, and I desire you\u201d before you come together physically, she doesn\u2019t know what you mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joy:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what can we learn as women?\u00a0 Well, we know that it\u2019s hard for us to separate sex from the relationship.\u00a0 Things that prevent us from being warm with our husbands could be anger or unresolved conflict, bitterness, or a lack of connection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it\u2019s kind of ironic that we want the relationship first and then we want to have intimacy, but our husbands often want that intimacy before they\u2019ll want to connect on a more emotional and conversational level.\u00a0 So what can we as women do to help?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can help this by not always waiting for the time to be perfect, for there to be the exact warmth and the emotional conditions there, for the timing to be perfect and all the kids to be in bed.\u00a0 So sometimes if we can really approach our husbands and respond to their initiation, sometimes that warmth and those feelings actually come.\u00a0 And then, often taking this time produces a connection between the two of us that God has really intended to build that oneness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message from Tim and Joy Downs about marital intimacy.\u00a0 You know, this is an issue where a lot of couples struggle in their marriage, and where do they go to get help on this?\u00a0 I mean, this is not the kind of thing that you feel like you can sit down with your friends or a pastor at your church and say, \u201cHey, can you help us out in this area?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ve got a couple of thoughts for you.\u00a0 Number one, I wish I had heard this message as a newly-married man or maybe even as an engaged man \u2013 both Barbara and me.\u00a0 When you get married, you know you just assume it\u2019s going to be real simple, and boy, it\u2019s not simple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean you\u2019re talking about two imperfect, selfish human beings.\u00a0 What I\u2019d encourage our listeners to do is, if you know a young couple, tell them to go online and listen to this first half, and then tune in again as we listen to the second half of the message by Tim and Joy Downs, because, frankly, this is a biblical perspective of sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s God\u2019s view of sex.\u00a0 And if there\u2019s ever been a time in America\u2019s history when we needed to cut through all the murky, muddy thinking about sex that the world promotes, it\u2019s today.\u00a0 We need to hear what the Bible has to say about something that God designed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You and Barbara wrote a book on this subject a number of years ago called <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em>, and I thought you guys did a great job of helping both husbands and wives understand that we are different when it comes to this issue.\u00a0 And in understanding our differences, we can love and serve one another more effectively.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, half of the book is for men; half of the book is for women, but as it turns out, the men tend to read the women\u2019s half as well as their own, and the women tend to read what you\u2019re saying to the guys as well as what Barbara is saying to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of the book <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 If our listeners are interested, I think it\u2019s a very helpful book.\u00a0 You can order a copy from us when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY to request a copy from us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you when I mentioned to our team that we were going to be airing the message today from Tim and Joy Downs, the message that they shared on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise this year, the team said, \u201cWell, can you tell people about the cruise that\u2019s coming up next Valentine\u2019s week, February 13-17, 2012?\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cWell, yeah.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cCan you encourage folks to sign up, because already 60 percent of the boat is full.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got 1300 people signed up, and we want to let <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners know.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, can we do anything special for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, if I\u2019m going to tell them about it?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said, \u201cHow about this?\u00a0 If they go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and they click on the link there to the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise, and they let us know that they\u2019re a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, \u201c \u2013 Here\u2019s how you do that:\u00a0 you just type the word \u2018UPGRADE\u2019 in the promo code box that you find when you click on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise information.\u00a0 \u201cIf you do that between now and Friday, you will get an ocean view cabin for the price of an interior cabin.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I said, \u201cThat sounds like a pretty good deal.\u00a0 I\u2019ll pass that along.\u201d\u00a0 So if you\u2019d like to join us next year for the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise, February 13<sup>th<\/sup> through the 17<sup>th<\/sup>, all the information is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 And when you click on the link, be sure to type the word \u201cUPGRADE\u201d in the promo code box, and they\u2019ll upgrade your cabin from an interior stateroom to an ocean view stateroom.\u00a0 Not a bad deal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can come along.\u00a0 As we mentioned, Tim and Joy Downs are going to be there, Dennis and Barbara Rainey are going to be there, I\u2019m going to be there with my wife, Mary Ann, Voddie Baucham will be there, Gary Thomas is going to be there, a lot of musicians are going to be joining us as well.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be a great week.\u00a0 The <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Cruise next year, Valentine\u2019s week, 2012.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we are going to hear part two of Tim and Joy Downs\u2019 message on intimacy and differences in marriage.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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