{"id":302282,"date":"2011-05-31T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-31T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:56:32","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:56:32","slug":"what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Do When a Wife Won\u2019t Submit"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you do when a wife won\u2019t submit?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"63.64M","filesize_raw":"66734905","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901],"tags":[5176],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3287],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302282","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","tag-marital-challenges","cwp_profile-c-j-mahaney","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302282\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302282\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"QZ2rj20xcR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit\/\">What to Do When a Wife Won\u2019t Submit<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-when-a-wife-wont-submit\/embed\/#?secret=QZ2rj20xcR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What to Do When a Wife Won\u2019t Submit&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"QZ2rj20xcR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What do you do when a wife won\u2019t submit?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u00a0Is your relationship in your marriage characterized by grace and growth in godliness, or is it characterized by one or both of you trying to control the other one?\u00a0 Here is Pastor C. J. Mahaney.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>C.J.:<\/strong>\u00a0A woman commits adultery and repents.\u00a0 She and her husband re-build the marriage, painstakingly, patiently.\u00a0 Eight months later, the man finds himself plagued with subtle suspiciousness.\u00a0 The husband is grieved by his suspiciousness because he has no objective reasons for his suspicion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI have forgiven her.\u00a0 We have rebuilt our marriage.\u00a0 We have never communicated better.\u00a0 Why do I hold on to this mistrust?\u201d\u00a0 What finally emerges is that he is willing to forgive the past, but he is attempting to control the future.\u00a0 His cravings could be stated this way, \u201cI want to guarantee that betrayal never, ever happens again.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe very intensity of his cravings starts to poison the relationship.\u00a0 It places him in the stance of continually evaluating and judging his wife rather than caring for and loving her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 31st.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Today, C. J. Mahaney helps us look at what leading well looks like in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 It was more than a decade ago now when we were in Dallas for an event that has become somewhat of a landmark event, I think.\u00a0 About 1,000 pastors gathered for an event that we co-hosted with our friends at the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood called \u201cBuilding Strong Families in Your Church.\u201d\u00a0 Over the course of a couple of days, these church leaders had a chance to hear from dozens of well-respected pastors and theologians talking about how we can strengthen families through local churches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is right.\u00a0 One of the things we sought to do through that conference was go to the earthy, challenging issues that make up the local church.\u00a0 That isn\u2019t always picture-perfect marriages.\u00a0 In fact, most marriages in the local church are in process.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the issues we wanted to talk about was what a husband should do when his wife refuses to follow him.\u00a0 Now, all of this, Bob, assumes that the husband is leading.\u00a0 That is a major problem.\u00a0 We could \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 easily have a message today:\u00a0 \u201cWhat to Do When Your Husband Doesn\u2019t Lead\u201d.\u00a0 Well, that is not today\u2019s message.\u00a0 This is entitled, \u201cWhat to Do When a Wife Won\u2019t Submit.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHaving been one who has not always led Barbara in a way that has made it easy for her to submit, I can tell you it is a lot easier to make Christian marriage work if a husband is allowing his wife process time when it comes to decisions.\u00a0 It is much better if he brings her into the counsel of his own heart and makes her his\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tpartner in life.\u00a0 That way, he ensures that she will follow when he sets a course for their marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Now, this is something of a controversial topic in churches today.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Regular listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> are going to recognize that we believe that the Bible teaches that a husband is called to lovingly lead his wife and that a wife is called to respectfully submit to her husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we gathered together with these pastors, we asked a fellow pastor, C. J. Mahaney, who was at that time the senior pastor of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he served from more than a quarter of a century before moving on to become the head of Sovereign Grace Ministries and overseeing a group of churches.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe asked him to address this topic because he shares the same biblical conviction that we do\u2014that the husband has the responsibility to lovingly lead his wife and the wife has the responsibility to respond to her husband\u2019s leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 C.J. is also an author.\u00a0 He is a counselor.\u00a0 He and his wife, Caroline, have three daughters and a son.\u00a0 I think you\u2019re going to hear not only a biblically-sound message but you\u2019re also going to hear some practical application that I think will encourage you.\u00a0 Let\u2019s listen to C.J. Mahaney.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>(Pre-recorded Message)<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>C.J.:<\/strong>\u00a0 In my reading experience, most of the popular Christian books that are published today addressing the topic of marriage and married couples are woefully deficient theologically in general; and they assume or neglect the Gospel in particular.\u00a0 The Gospel is the only essential message in all of history; yet, we allow thousands of professing Christians to live their entire lives without clearly understanding it and experiencing the joy of living in it.\u00a0 We must not allow that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t ever assume that those you have the privilege to care for and counsel have a sufficient understanding of or appreciation for the Gospel.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ever assume that.\u00a0 Paul did not assume that regardless of whom he was addressing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeginning with his letter to the Galatians and ending with his letter to Second Timothy, he never assumed that there was on the part of his readers, those he was addressing, a sufficient understanding and appreciation of the Gospel.\u00a0 And we must\u2014we must emulate his example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Corinthians, Chapter 2, please.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to draw your attention to a church that was being seduced by human wisdom\u2014that was drifting from the centrality of the Gospel.\u00a0 Actually, the primary theme, theologically, of 1 Corinthians is frighteningly relevant to the church today.\u00a0 To this church, he writes, \u201cFor I resolve to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.\u201d\u00a0 Paul intentionally\u2014Paul strategically\u2014Paul theologically focused on that which was central.\u00a0 Paul is Gospel-centered.\u00a0 Paul is cross-centered.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question this afternoon is, \u201cIs it of first importance to me?\u00a0 Is it of first importance to you?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn understanding of the Gospel is far from exhaustive.\u00a0 It provides:\u00a0 No. 1, an appreciation of grace; No. 2, the assurance of God\u2019s love; and No. 3, particularly relevant to our topic, protection from legalism because I think this is a peculiar temptation and tendency related to a husband whose wife is not following him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLegalism involves seeking to achieve forgiveness from God, justification before God, and acceptance by God through my obedience to God.\u00a0 Evidences of legalism are as follows:\u00a0 You are more aware of your past sin than you are the finished work of the cross.\u00a0 An individual who is more aware of his or her past sin than the finished work of the cross is evidencing legalism.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you think, believe, or feel that God is disappointed with you rather than delighting over you\u2014an evidence of legalism.\u00a0 No. 3, you assume that his acceptance is dependent upon your obedience.\u00a0 No. 4, you consistently experience condemnation.\u00a0 An individual characterized by condemnation, consistently paralyzed by condemnation, evidences legalism.\u00a0 No. 5\u2014again, this is not exhaustive, but I hope helpful\u2014you lack joy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEveryone here is vulnerable to legalism, but I submit to you that a husband whose wife isn\u2019t following him is particularly vulnerable to legalism and all of the above effects.\u00a0 It is critical that he understands the difference between justification and sanctification.\u00a0 It is critical.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJustification is complete upon conversion.\u00a0 It is immediate upon conversion.\u00a0 The moment one trusts in the person and finished work of Christ, they are justified.\u00a0 Sanctification is progressive.\u00a0 There is nothing progressive about justification.\u00a0 The moment you were converted, you were justified by the grace of God.\u00a0 You will never be more justified than you were at that moment.\u00a0 Nobody in history will ever be more justified than you are at this moment if you are trusting in the person and the finished work of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is different from sanctification.\u00a0 Sanctification is progressive; obviously, throughout our lifetime.\u00a0 We make no contribution to the grounds or basis of our justification, except as Luther writes, \u201c...the sins God so graciously forgives.\u201d\u00a0 That is our only contribution to justification\u2014the sins God so graciously forgives.\u00a0 We make no contribution.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat husband must maintain that distinction or else he will become self-righteous as he assumes God\u2019s approval through his obedience, or he will be paralyzed through condemnation as he is preoccupied and overwhelmed with his sinfulness and their consequences.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Point No. 1, don\u2019t assume the Gospel.\u00a0 Until he understands how the guilt of sin is resolved through the Gospel, he will never be able to overcome the power of sin which will occupy your attention obviously through this process.\u00a0 So, No. 1, don\u2019t assume the Gospel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 2, develop the Doctrine of Sin and Sanctification.\u00a0 Develop the Doctrine of Sin and Progressive Sanctification. We begin with the Doctrine of Sin.\u00a0 Obviously, not as a Christian, nor was this individual addressing the church; but the following statement by \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge Orwell, sadly, I think, has great relevance to us today.\u00a0 He writes, \u201cWe have now sunk to such a depth that the restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men.\u201d\u00a0 I think due to doctrinal ignorance, indifference, and the uncritical acceptance and popularity of the therapeutic movement by evangelicals, we have sadly sunk to such a depth that the restatement of the obvious is my duty here this afternoon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe obvious is this:\u00a0 Our root problem, our most serious problem, is sin.\u00a0 That is the irreducible heart of human problems.\u00a0 J. C. Ryle writes, \u201cDim or indistinct views of sin are the origin of most of the errors, heresies, and false doctrines of the present day.\u201d\u00a0 I submit to you that dim or indistinct views of sin abound today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, in my reading experience of popular Christian literature today, you will read more references to one\u2019s past, one\u2019s parents, one\u2019s pain, low self-esteem, than you will references to sin as biblically defined; but if you read your Bible, there isn\u2019t a dim or indistinct view of sin in your Bible.\u00a0 Mark Chapter 7, our Lord says, \u201cWhat comes out of a man is what makes him unclean for from within, out of a man\u2019s heart come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, (the list continues), envy, slander, arrogance, and folly.\u00a0 All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven at one moment when our Lord is commending the disciples, he doesn\u2019t deviate from the Doctrine of Sin.\u00a0 He says to the disciples, \u201cIf you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, then how much more shall your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul writes that it is a \u201ctrustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.\u201d\u2014Paul, chief of sinners.\u00a0 If the husband isn\u2019t convinced that he is the chief of sinners, he will probably be convinced that his wife is the chief of sinners.\u00a0 They will make no progress relationally until he is convinced that he is the chief of sinners, and the Doctrine of Sin will serve him in this regard.\u00a0 So, develop the Doctrines of Sin and Sanctification.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo. 3, and I am not going to elaborate on this because it has been well taught by teachers who are more effective than I\u2014define biblical leadership.\u00a0 I want him to memorize, meditate, and apply Ephesians 5:25-33.\u00a0 I do not want him meditating on verses 22, 23 and 24.\u00a0 I want him meditating and applying 25 through 33.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd in a word\u2014as Paul describes love and the example of Christ\u2019s love for the Church\u2014in a word, this love is sacrifice. What I would seek to do in serving the husband is ask him what he can do for his wife each day, what he can do for his wife each week, that can be truly defined as sacrifice.\u00a0 For in that way, he will be emulating the Savior\u2019s love for the Church.\u00a0 So I would emphasize that point alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo. 4, decide to forgive.\u00a0 We need to prepare this husband for the inevitable; and the inevitable is that his wife is going to sin against him; and he is going to be tempted to retaliate.\u00a0 I was reading a story of an airline pilot.\u00a0 This was according to this pilot his favorite story.\u00a0 It was about an elderly couple who were flying first class.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were sitting behind a businessman who was enormously frustrated with them.\u00a0 They had been just ahead of him in line at the gate and again boarding the plane.\u00a0 They moved slowly, but he was in a hurry.\u00a0 When the meal was served, they delayed the businessman again by having to get some pills from the overhead storage, inadvertently dropping a battered duffle bag.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you people?\u201d he exploded loudly enough for the whole cabin to hear.\u00a0 \u201cI am amazed you ever get anywhere.\u00a0 Why can\u2019t you just stay home?\u201d\u00a0 To register his anger, the man sat down and reclined his seat back as hard as he could\u2014so hard that the elderly husband\u2019s tray of food spilled all over him and his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe flight attendant apologized to the couple profusely.\u00a0 \u201cIs there anything we can do?\u201d she asked.\u00a0 The husband explained that it was their 50th wedding anniversary.\u00a0 They were flying for the first time.\u00a0 \u201cLet me at least bring you a bottle of wine,\u201d the flight attendant offered.\u00a0 She did so.\u00a0 When it was uncorked, the old husband stood up; and he proposed a toast.\u00a0 He poured the bottle of wine over the head of the impatient businessman sitting in front of him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the husband you are counseling, he is not allowed to do that to his wife!\u00a0 Okay?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 But aren\u2019t you glad somebody does do that?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 I derive a sinful joy from that story.\u00a0 I am not endorsing that.\u00a0 That was sinful activity, but it sure feels good to read about it!\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis will be the husband\u2019s temptation.\u00a0 We can impress upon him the importance of forgiveness and forgiving his wife because what Mathew 18 teaches is that those who have been forgiven the immeasurable should never be reluctant to forgive the trivial.\u00a0 That is Matthew 18.\u00a0 That is that passage related to forgiveness.\u00a0 Scripture is clear.\u00a0 Because we are the most forgiven people in the world, we should be the most forgiving people in the world.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, determine to glorify God.\u00a0 This is where counseling must begin, particularly when a husband is experiencing the resistance or the rejection of his leadership by his wife.\u00a0 His motive must be God-centered and God-glorifying, not wife-centered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe must ultimately seek to please and glorify God, not convict or convert his wife.\u00a0 Listen carefully.\u00a0 I cannot guarantee that his wife ultimately will respond to his leadership; but I can help him to align his motive with God\u2019s purpose.\u00a0 I can help him to be God-centered.\u00a0 I can help him to be God-glorifying, not man-centered or wife-centered.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA restored relationship with his wife must not be his ultimate passion and priority.\u00a0 If it is, he\u2019s an idolater.\u00a0 My counseling then cultivates idolatry in his life.\u00a0 I must help him to discern his motive.\u00a0 I must help him to align his motive with God\u2019s will and the chief end of man which is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPuritan Thomas Watson wrote, \u201cThe glory of God is a silver thread which must run through all of our actions.\u201d\u00a0 The practical benefits are three, and then I close.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe will be less vulnerable to intimidation by his wife and manipulation from his wife.\u00a0 If his motive is to glorify God, he will be less vulnerable to intimidation and to manipulation.\u00a0 What the Scriptures refer to as the fear of man.\u00a0 No. 2, he will be protected from sinful reaction if and when she doesn\u2019t respond appropriately to his care, to his service and to his leadership.\u00a0 He can be satisfied with and secure in the knowledge that God is pleased with his motive and his obedience, regardless of his wife\u2019s response and even experiencing his wife\u2019s rejection of his care, his service, and his leadership.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo. 3, if he determines to glorify God, he will be less likely to seek or demand from her what only God can provide.\u00a0 He will be satisfied with and by God, and he will seek to simply serve his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0We have been listening today to a message C. J. Mahaney presented more than a decade ago at the \u201cBuilding Strong Families in Your Church\u201d event that FamilyLife hosted along with the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood in Dallas, Texas.\u00a0 C. J. was speaking on how a husband can kindly and lovingly lead his wife, even when she is resistant to his leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I love what C.J. did as he lifted our eyes away from the horizontal back to the vertical and who God is because it is God\u2019s image that is at stake in our marriages.\u00a0 Marriage is not just a physical institution.\u00a0 It is intensely spiritual.\u00a0 That is why our choices, and how we react, and how we respond to our mates is very, very important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0I think he needs to see clearly what his assignment as a husband is.\u00a0 It is one of the things that here at FamilyLife we have tried hard to provide men with helpful instruction and counsel in understanding their role as a husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobert Lewis has written a very helpful book called <em>Rocking the Roles<\/em> that clearly defines a husband\u2019s responsibility and a wife\u2019s responsibility in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 I worked a number of years ago on a book called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em> and talked in that book what loving your wife looks like.\u00a0 Let me just encourage our listeners.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you would like to order one of the resources we have talked about or look at some of the articles we have online to better understand this issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, our website:\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Let me just say that while we believe that the Bible clearly indicates that a husband has a responsibility for leadership, that does not mean that husband has any license to be uncaring, unloving, dictatorial, or selfish in his leadership.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis model for this is Jesus Christ.\u00a0 I think sometimes there are men who read that they have a responsibility to lead and they take that as a license to be a dictator.\u00a0 That is not what the Bible teaches at all.\u00a0 We address that, again, in these books and articles that I have mentioned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about a husband\u2019s responsibilities in marriage.\u00a0 I also encourage listeners to get a copy of your new book, Dennis, <em>Stepping Up:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Call to Courageous Manhood<\/em>, because you talk about what courageous leadership ought to look like in a husband\u2019s life, not just in a marriage relationship, but in every aspect of a man\u2019s life.\u00a0 It is a great book.\u00a0 It is called <em>Stepping Up:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Call to Courageous Manhood.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You can find out more online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday is the last day of the month of May.\u00a0 As many of our listeners know, this month we have been asking listeners to consider helping us take advantage of a matching-gift opportunity that was presented to us back several weeks ago\u2014some listeners came along and said, \u201cWe want to encourage <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to help provide the ministry with funds that can get us through the summer months when donations tend to drop.\u201d\u00a0 They offered a matching gift of $750,000, the largest matching gift we have ever received outside of the month of December.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have been trying to get the word out.\u00a0 Many of you have responded; and we want to say, \u201cThank you so much,\u201d to those of you who have sent in a $20-, $50-, or $100-donation.\u00a0 Some of you have sent in more than that.\u00a0 We are so grateful, so encouraged by the response we have gotten.\u00a0 Of course, today is the last day.\u00a0 Whatever we wind up with at the end of today, that is how much of that matching gift we are going to be able to take advantage of.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you, if you can do anything today to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation, either online or over the phone.\u00a0 We would appreciate it.\u00a0 There is a thermometer on the website that we are updating regularly today so that folks can see how close we are getting to our $750,000 matching-gift goal.\u00a0 We do hope to hear from you.\u00a0 If there is anything you can do, and we do appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate you very much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us tomorrow when Ron Deal is going to join us.\u00a0 We are going to talk particularly to step-fathers about some of the challenges step-dads face and about how a man can be a wise step-father.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302282"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302282"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302282"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302282"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}