{"id":302276,"date":"2011-05-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness\/"},"modified":"2011-05-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-05-17T15:00:00","slug":"what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness\/","title":{"rendered":"What Do I Do With My Loneliness?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates share their personal experiences about entering the empty nest.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.51M","filesize_raw":"26744026","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2913],"tags":[4806],"podcast_series":[7575],"cwp_profile":[3052,3057],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302276","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empty-nest-and-midlife","tag-retirement","podcast_series-barbara-and-susans-guide-to-the-empty-nest","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-susan-yates","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302276\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302276\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3IdMemvfER\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness\/\">What Do I Do With My Loneliness?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-do-i-do-with-my-loneliness\/embed\/#?secret=3IdMemvfER\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Do I Do With My Loneliness?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3IdMemvfER\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2026 have written a wonderful new book \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2026 called <em>Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>, which kind of establishes them as the empty nest women, doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'll let you say that, I'm not going to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are joined in the studio by my wife, Barbara; and Susan Yates joins us.\u00a0 Welcome back, Susan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned Barbara as the empty nest woman \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the empty nest women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, she is not alone.\u00a0 Did you know that 78 million baby-boomers are already in the empty nest or will be?\u00a0 This is a huge number of people that are experiencing this time when the little birds do grow up, and they fly away, and they leave the nest.\u00a0 This article I was reading was talking about when do you sell the empty nest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there might be a time to downsize in terms of the house, but I think the empty nest can be a time to really supersize the life; and that's what Barbara and Susan are talking about in their book, <em>Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusan, I want to ask you about this.\u00a0 You and John speak at our Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage conferences.\u00a0 You've interacted with a lot of women around the country, you speaking at women's groups as well.\u00a0 There are a lot of issues that really converge upon women as they move toward the empty nest.\u00a0 What are some of those issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Boy, you are so right, Dennis; because it's a messy season in our life.\u00a0 It's not neat.\u00a0 It's not tidy.\u00a0 There are a number of issues that Barbara and I have identified \u2013 your age has an impact when you hit the empty nest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Well, do you hit it at 60?\u00a0 Do you hit it at 50?\u00a0 For some who are post- planning childbearing years, it's even later, and that impacts how you are physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you struggling with menopause at the same time that you're hitting the empty nest?\u00a0 Or have you already been through that?\u00a0 What about your parents' health?\u00a0 Some are hitting the empty nest and at the same time that they are sending their kids off, they are also caring for elderly or ill parents.\u00a0 So there are a whole lot of things that impact the empty nest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, what were some of the ones that made it a complicated season for you?\u00a0 Do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, there were a number of them.\u00a0 One of the ones that I found from other women that was also one that I identified with is the number of children that you raised.\u00a0 If you had an only child, your experience will be different transitioning into the empty nest.\u00a0 We had six and that made my transition a little more gradual rather than so abrupt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one that many women expressed was the whole idea of their husband's expectations of them or lack of expectations.\u00a0 Some husbands have absolutely nothing to say about what they're looking forward to or what they're thinking about regarding the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther husbands have a lot to say.\u00a0 They are saying things like, \"I get my girlfriend back; I get my wife back; I can't wait to do things with her.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that what you were saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, he did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought it was going to be a piece of cake.\u00a0 I thought, \"Oh, this is going to be great.\u00a0 I get my wife back.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt's the teenage years all over again.\u201d\u00a0 Is that what you're thinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I wasn't thinking that; but I do remember the transition when Barbara and I moved from no children to having children.\u00a0 They came pretty rapidly there over a 10-year period.\u00a0 As Barbara mentioned, we had six; and I was sharing the love of my life with these six children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, as they began to leave, I fully anticipated that, \"Hey,\" as Susan said, \"I'm getting my girlfriend back.\"\u00a0 I thought it was going to be a lot of fun and \u201cparty hard\u201d; but it was harder.\u00a0 It was more difficult than I anticipated because so much of our lives had been defined around our children.\u00a0 That doesn't mean that was our total identity, but you can't raise six children to adulthood without spending a lot of emotional energy on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, did you know that Dennis had in the back of his mind that as soon as these kids were gone, \u201cIt's you and me, baby; and we'll have our lives back together\"?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 It wasn't in the back of his mind, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was on the tip of his tongue because he spoke that expectation to me, you know; and I was excited about it. I was looking forward to it because we had a great time when we were dating and newlyweds before we had kids.\u00a0 But I knew that it was going to be very different, and you can't just change like that.\u00a0 You can't just flip a switch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I think men look at their wives; and I think they think, \"This is going to be great.\u00a0 The kids are going to leave.\"\u00a0 In fact, I gave the illustration for probably two or three years that when we took Laura to college, I was going to cry with her, I was going to weep with her as I said goodbye and we launched her out to the college campus, and then we were going to hug her and cry some more and say goodbye and wave, and drive around the corner.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was going to stop the car.\u00a0 I was going to put it in park, and I was going to get out of the car and walk around to the front of the car and click\u2014jump up in the air and click my heels together, if I still could at that point.\u00a0 Just as a sign of going, \u201cYee-hee!\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 We've got a new season here!\u201d\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 We had a new season; I just didn't realize all that was wrapped up in that season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the dominant things that is wrapped up in that season is a profound sense, for a lot of women, of loneliness.\u00a0 That's got to hit virtually every woman as she moves into the empty nest because a big part of what's been at the core of her life is now\u2014not gone\u2014but very different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very different because her world revolved around those kids for so many years.\u00a0 Even if she had a full-time job and a career, the children were never far from her mind.\u00a0 All mothers know it's a 24\/7 job; so it doesn't really matter if you were a full-time, stay-at-home mom, and you homeschooled, or if you had kids, and you had a full-time job\u2014those children were on your mind all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they leave, and they're not there, there is a real adjustment that has to take place because you may be thinking about them a lot; but they're not there.\u00a0 You can't check on them, and you don't know what they're doing, and you don't know where they are, and you don't know who they're with.\u00a0 That sense of not knowing, of not being connected like you once were, leaves you feeling very lonely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that a lot of women feel in addition to loneliness, that I think magnifies the loneliness, is we don't feel needed anymore.\u00a0 I think that's part of why we feel that loneliness because it's like, \"Okay, what do I do now?\u00a0 I had these people who were so dependent on me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe discovered, Susan and I have, that we, in turn, became dependent on them because of this needing-each-other relationship.\u00a0 When they leave, we're wondering, \"Okay, now what do I do?\u00a0 Now what am I good at?\u00a0 How do I use my time?\u00a0 Where do I go?\u00a0 Who do I talk to?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Susan, I've always thought that when the kids leave, stuff around the house would get a whole lot easier because there's not as much mess being made, not as much laundry being done, not as much activity \u2013 it just wouldn't get as dirty and keeping up with the house would be a whole lot easier.\u00a0 You found the opposite was true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I did.\u00a0 I think, as mothers, we are created in many ways by God to multi-task.\u00a0 We have to!\u00a0 Just being a mother means being a multi-tasker.\u00a0 I remember cooking in the kitchen, or cleaning out a kitchen cabinet, or preparing a meal while the kids did homework at the table.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you were sort of doing two things at once.\u00a0 But then to clean out a kitchen cabinet or to cook a meal, it was just one thing; and it was lonely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there wasn't anybody there to cheer you on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, there was nobody there to rave or cheer you on; and I noticed this when I was \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that why a lot of empty-nest moms stop cooking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I knew that was coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Barbara and I know you and John have really suffered through us working on this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it was one of the symptoms for me because I really have not\u2014it is true.\u00a0 I had to cook because I had to feed so many people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we had to set a good example; and we had to make nutritional meals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We no longer have to set good examples.\u00a0 We can eat junk food!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is harder to make a meal for two than it is to make a meal for four.\u00a0 Most recipes are a portion for four.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Remember, Bob, the chicken biscuit and peas\u00a0 [laughter]\u00a0 that Barbara made?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The famous four-day chicken biscuits and peas.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t make that anymore because it would last eight days now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But both of you, in addition to having your kids, you've got a network of friends.\u00a0 I mean, you're a pastor's wife.\u00a0 You've got a lot of women in your life, a lot of women you've discipled and spent time with and poured into.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara, you've got a lot of friends, a lot of women you're connected to.\u00a0 Doesn't that fill up some of the empty places, the loneliness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does; but, you know, I'll tell you a little story that illustrates this in terms of how this book actually came about.\u00a0 Barbara and a friend of ours, Mary Jensen, and I went on a walk at a conference a few years ago.\u00a0 We knew each other not at a deep level; but we were also in the empty nest season at various stages.\u00a0 As we walked, we just threw out the question, \u201cWhat has been a theme in your life that past year?\u201d\u00a0 We were just sort of trying to catch up because we hadn't really seen each other for a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt became obviously clear to all three of us that we were all lonely.\u00a0 Although we were all very busy people with lots of acquaintances in our life, we were lonely at the core for someone just to go really deeper with.\u00a0 I think it was sort of an aha! moment for us because we realized, \"Gosh, if we feel this way, there's an awful lot of other women out there that feel that way.\u201d\u00a0 Do you remember that walk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do, yes, I do, very well.\u00a0 I think part of it, too, in addition to that, is that the friends that we have, and so many women have, are in lots of different stages.\u00a0 I have a number of friends here locally who aren't empty nesters yet.\u00a0 They still have kids at home; and so whereas we had a natural avenue for relationship before when my kids were also home, we had things we could talk about and carpools we did together and all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the kids are gone and my three friends in the neighborhood all still have their kids at home, we don't have that natural avenue for connection, and I just didn't see them anymore.\u00a0 It absolutely dries up.\u00a0 That's part of the issue\u2014is that even though a lot of us may have a lot of friends and acquaintances, when so much of your relationship revolves around children, when the kids are gone, all of that automatic stuff you had in common vaporizes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as you're describing this, let me see if this is making sense because I'm kind of going, \u201cAha, yeah, I see what you're talking about.\u201d\u00a0 When you're raising your kids, and you're interacting with other women, you know about each other's lives; but I don't know how much you really know about each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct, that's good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When the kids are gone, lives change, and now it's, \u201cWho really knows me?\u201d\u00a0 That may be where some of the loneliness comes in because there's really nothing left to relate around because it's all been about our stuff and not as much about us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and it was mostly all about our children:\u00a0 \u201cHow are you raising your children; what are you teaching your children; what books have you read that have been helpful; what are you doing about curfew; what are you doing about spanking?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, the whole gamut of parenting was the realm in which we operated with other women.\u00a0 When you take that away\u2014but, you're right in expressing it\u2014that's the core of the loneliness because it's been about our task, it's been about our job, it's been about our career.\u00a0 When that's removed, that's the source of the loneliness is, \"Well, who really knows me?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, you know, it's been really interesting because we have found this equally true of the woman who stays at home or perhaps homeschools, who has been totally involved with their children; and exactly the same truth applies to the woman who has worked full-time outside the home.\u00a0 It doesn't seem to make a difference; they still feel that lonely void.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You'd think that a woman who is working outside the home still has, again, the work environment\u2014she's got a lot to keep her busy and keep her mind occupied.\u00a0 Why is she feeling lonely?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, again, because\u2014even though she's worked outside the home, her primary identity has still been \u201cMom.\u201d\u00a0 That's my primary identity.\u00a0 I think there is some truth in that she does have an easier time of adjustment because she is busy, and she has tasks, and she has accomplishments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But don't you think that could be dangerous as well?\u00a0 She might not ever really get into the meaningful discussions that we're talking about here because she's busy. She may not have time to go deep with some friends to really hammer out what the adventure is all about from here forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a very good point; and that's what we want to encourage these women to do\u2014is not to see this as, \"Oh, woe is me, now I'm lonely,\" but \"Oh, my goodness!\u00a0 Now I have the time, in a way, to start over and go deeper with women in an intentional way, deeper, perhaps than I ever have in my whole life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know that, for both of you, you kind of wanted to write a book that would be the equivalent of what Bob Buford wrote for men.\u00a0 He wrote a book called <em>Halftime<\/em>.\u00a0 Of course, <em>Halftime<\/em> is the sports metaphor for a break in the action between the first half and the second half and redefining your life for the second half and living a purposeful life.\u00a0 That, really, was what you two wanted to do as you wrote this book was write a <em>Halftime <\/em>book for women.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that's really true because we are realizing, as we did the research, that as you mentioned at the beginning, that there are millions of women\u2014literally, millions of women who are in our season of life, who are between 40 and 60, who either are empty nesters or soon will be.\u00a0 It's a new generation where most of us are healthier, most of us have more resources and more time, and will live longer than our parents\u2019 and grandparents\u2019 generations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe will have the opportunity to have a second career\u2014to have a second life, so to speak, giving our lives to something else after our kids are gone.\u00a0 So we want to challenge women to consider that and not just ease into whatever happens to be around the corner but to really think it through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, as you described the feeling of loneliness that comes during this season, you talked about there being a loss of identity, a loss of confidence, a loss of motivation.\u00a0 Unpack some of that.\u00a0 What's going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think, again, what it is for us who are mothers and we've raised our children\u2014that role, that job of taking care of those little people, whether it was one or two or five or six or more, was our reason for existing.\u00a0 It became the thing that got us out of bed every morning.\u00a0 I mean, there were many times when our kids were little and we wished they wouldn't get us out of bed in the morning because we wanted to sleep in; but they got us out of bed every morning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so when you do that for that many years, that becomes who you are.\u00a0 It's an interesting transition that we experienced as mothers because our children need us; but then slowly, subtly, over the years, we realize that\u2014and we see this as empty nesters\u2014I didn't see it at the time, and I don't know that Susan would say she did, either.\u00a0 In hindsight, we realize we needed them, too, because they gave meaning to our existence.\u00a0 They gave meaning to all the cooking, and all the laundry, and all the things that we had to do.\u00a0 We were doing it for a noble cause because we were raising the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTheir existence fueled my identity and helped me feel like what I was doing\u2014all the menial tasks\u2014made it feel like it was really important.\u00a0 So my identity became wrapped up in who my children were, and who they were becoming, and what I was doing day in and day out.\u00a0 And so when the kids leave, our position goes with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We've already said that this issue of loneliness can be dominant during this time.\u00a0 If you were coaching a mom who is either headed in that direction or is already there and saying, \"You've got to get a band of sisters\u2014\u201c I don't know how else to say it, but, \u201csome other women who know you and know the interior of your life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA mom goes, \"That seems scary to me.\u00a0 Walk me through that process of connecting with those women.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a great question. I think the first step is simply to realize that they're normal in feeling lonely and they're not the only one that feels lonely.\u00a0 Actually, in the book, we give seven tips to re-engaging with other women.\u00a0 The first one is simply to pray\u2014pray for God to give you a good friend, and pray that you'll be a good friend to other women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, secondly, which is the hard one, is to take the first step.\u00a0 What that might look like, Bob, is calling up a woman that you know just a little bit and saying, \"Hey, I'd love to go for a walk,\" or \"I'd love to have coffee at Starbuck's.\"\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou think, \u201cWhat are we going to talk about?\u201d\u00a0 We have found it really helpful to think in terms of two words that are great conversation breakers.\u00a0 One is relationships, and one is schedules.\u00a0 A relationship question might be, \u201cYou know, tell me about your family,\u201d or \u201cTell me about someone who has meant a lot to you, has been a model to you your whole life.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWho do you spend time with on vacations?\u201d\u00a0 Those are relationship questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA schedule question might be, \u201cWhat is a typical week like for you? Are you working part-time?\u00a0 What are your hobbies?\u201d\u00a0 Those are schedule questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou keep at it until you have spent time with two or three women; and then, I think, out of that will grow a new friendship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, if you're going to do that, you've got to be open.\u00a0 You've got to be ready to peel back some of what's in your own life and say, \"I'd like a relationship that doesn't just stay on the surface.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and I think that's what is part of the adjustment for so many of us is that we're taken back by the loneliness and the emotions that we're feeling; and so we've become paralyzed and isolated, and we kind of don't know what to do.\u00a0 I think these suggestions are really healthy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother way to do it would be to get two or three women who all had students in the same school as your last child and say, \u201cLet's all go get coffee and talk about what's happening with your child at school, and yours that's in the service, and how we're all feeling about it.\"\u00a0 It doesn't even have to be something that goes on after that one initial meeting, but just taking the initiative with some other women who you know are in your same season of life can be very encouraging to them and to you as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's an interesting passage in Ecclesiastes 3 where it talks about there are seasons in life\u2014you know, a time to love and a time to hate, a time to keep and a time to cast away, and it just goes through all these contrasts back and forth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the empty nest is a new season.\u00a0 It's a time to do some inventory, a time to not withdraw but instead to reach out, and then to begin to make some plans and to begin to get some hills to conquer, and to decide, \u201cWhat does God have for me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI personally believe that what your book is going to do for a lot of women is not only capture that emotional state where they are, but it's going to cast a vision for what their lives can become.\u00a0 Personally, I believe one of the greatest agents for change that God placed on the planet is women.\u00a0 There are a lot of great things that have been accomplished by women when they become passionate and visionary and begin to experience the adventure for which God designed them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there is some expanded capacity for women in this season of life that they can devote to Kingdom work.\u00a0 In fact, you guys talk a lot about that in the book.\u00a0 Again, we want to encourage listeners, \u201cGet a copy of <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em> so that you can begin to prepare yourself for what you are going to experience emotionally, but also so you can begin to reposition your life and re-prioritize your life for the chapter that God has ahead for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>.\u00a0 The website again is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call toll-free at 1-800-358-6329 and order a copy.\u00a0 That is 1-800-358-6329 which is also 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask for a copy of the book <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>.\u00a0 We will let you know how you can get a copy sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are in the final couple of weeks here in the month of May; and we are hoping that over the next two weeks we are going to hear from a lot of listeners so that we will be able to take full advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that was presented to us back a few weeks ago.\u00a0 We had some friends of the ministry who came to us and said, \u201cWe would like to help FamilyLife out, especially as you head toward the summer months.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese folks know that during the summer we will often see a decrease in the donations to the ministry.\u00a0 They said, \u201cLet\u2019s try and get ahead of the wave here.\u201d\u00a0 They agreed that they would match every donation that we receive during the month of May on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $750,000, which by the way is the largest matching gift that we have ever received outside of December.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cIt is going to be a stretch because we know folks are busy in May and they have things going on; but we will go to our listeners and see if we can encourage folks to make a $20-, or $30-, or $50-, or $100-, or $200-donation, whatever they can do to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 When you do that, the donation is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar.\u00a0 We still have a ways to go to get to our $750,000 goal, and that is why we are asking you to do whatever you can do either online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation and support the ministry of <em>FamilyLifeToday.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Keep it on the air on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We appreciate your generosity and your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 It means a lot to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we talk about the emotions that often come as a mom enters into this season of the empty nest\u2014things like depression, or grief, or a sense of loss\u2014coping with that.\u00a0 Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates are going to be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you will be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow with another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twww.FamilyLife.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.51M"],"filesize_raw":["26744026"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302276.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302276.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Rainey and Susan Yates share their personal experiences about entering the empty nest.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2026 have written a wonderful new book \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0\u2026 called <em>Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>, which kind of establishes them as the empty nest women, doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'll let you say that, I'm not going to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are joined in the studio by my wife, Barbara; and Susan Yates joins us.\u00a0 Welcome back, Susan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned Barbara as the empty nest woman \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0One of the empty nest women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, she is not alone.\u00a0 Did you know that 78 million baby-boomers are already in the empty nest or will be?\u00a0 This is a huge number of people that are experiencing this time when the little birds do grow up, and they fly away, and they leave the nest.\u00a0 This article I was reading was talking about when do you sell the empty nest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there might be a time to downsize in terms of the house, but I think the empty nest can be a time to really supersize the life; and that's what Barbara and Susan are talking about in their book, <em>Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSusan, I want to ask you about this.\u00a0 You and John speak at our Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage conferences.\u00a0 You've interacted with a lot of women around the country, you speaking at women's groups as well.\u00a0 There are a lot of issues that really converge upon women as they move toward the empty nest.\u00a0 What are some of those issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Boy, you are so right, Dennis; because it's a messy season in our life.\u00a0 It's not neat.\u00a0 It's not tidy.\u00a0 There are a number of issues that Barbara and I have identified \u2013 your age has an impact when you hit the empty nest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Well, do you hit it at 60?\u00a0 Do you hit it at 50?\u00a0 For some who are post- planning childbearing years, it's even later, and that impacts how you are physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAre you struggling with menopause at the same time that you're hitting the empty nest?\u00a0 Or have you already been through that?\u00a0 What about your parents' health?\u00a0 Some are hitting the empty nest and at the same time that they are sending their kids off, they are also caring for elderly or ill parents.\u00a0 So there are a whole lot of things that impact the empty nest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, what were some of the ones that made it a complicated season for you?\u00a0 Do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes, there were a number of them.\u00a0 One of the ones that I found from other women that was also one that I identified with is the number of children that you raised.\u00a0 If you had an only child, your experience will be different transitioning into the empty nest.\u00a0 We had six and that made my transition a little more gradual rather than so abrupt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother one that many women expressed was the whole idea of their husband's expectations of them or lack of expectations.\u00a0 Some husbands have absolutely nothing to say about what they're looking forward to or what they're thinking about regarding the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther husbands have a lot to say.\u00a0 They are saying things like, \"I get my girlfriend back; I get my wife back; I can't wait to do things with her.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that what you were saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, he did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought it was going to be a piece of cake.\u00a0 I thought, \"Oh, this is going to be great.\u00a0 I get my wife back.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cIt's the teenage years all over again.\u201d\u00a0 Is that what you're thinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I wasn't thinking that; but I do remember the transition when Barbara and I moved from no children to having children.\u00a0 They came pretty rapidly there over a 10-year period.\u00a0 As Barbara mentioned, we had six; and I was sharing the love of my life with these six children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, as they began to leave, I fully anticipated that, \"Hey,\" as Susan said, \"I'm getting my girlfriend back.\"\u00a0 I thought it was going to be a lot of fun and \u201cparty hard\u201d; but it was harder.\u00a0 It was more difficult than I anticipated because so much of our lives had been defined around our children.\u00a0 That doesn't mean that was our total identity, but you can't raise six children to adulthood without spending a lot of emotional energy on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, did you know that Dennis had in the back of his mind that as soon as these kids were gone, \u201cIt's you and me, baby; and we'll have our lives back together\"?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 It wasn't in the back of his mind, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was on the tip of his tongue because he spoke that expectation to me, you know; and I was excited about it. I was looking forward to it because we had a great time when we were dating and newlyweds before we had kids.\u00a0 But I knew that it was going to be very different, and you can't just change like that.\u00a0 You can't just flip a switch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0I think men look at their wives; and I think they think, \"This is going to be great.\u00a0 The kids are going to leave.\"\u00a0 In fact, I gave the illustration for probably two or three years that when we took Laura to college, I was going to cry with her, I was going to weep with her as I said goodbye and we launched her out to the college campus, and then we were going to hug her and cry some more and say goodbye and wave, and drive around the corner.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was going to stop the car.\u00a0 I was going to put it in park, and I was going to get out of the car and walk around to the front of the car and click\u2014jump up in the air and click my heels together, if I still could at that point.\u00a0 Just as a sign of going, \u201cYee-hee!\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 We've got a new season here!\u201d\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 We had a new season; I just didn't realize all that was wrapped up in that season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the dominant things that is wrapped up in that season is a profound sense, for a lot of women, of loneliness.\u00a0 That's got to hit virtually every woman as she moves into the empty nest because a big part of what's been at the core of her life is now\u2014not gone\u2014but very different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very different because her world revolved around those kids for so many years.\u00a0 Even if she had a full-time job and a career, the children were never far from her mind.\u00a0 All mothers know it's a 24\/7 job; so it doesn't really matter if you were a full-time, stay-at-home mom, and you homeschooled, or if you had kids, and you had a full-time job\u2014those children were on your mind all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they leave, and they're not there, there is a real adjustment that has to take place because you may be thinking about them a lot; but they're not there.\u00a0 You can't check on them, and you don't know what they're doing, and you don't know where they are, and you don't know who they're with.\u00a0 That sense of not knowing, of not being connected like you once were, leaves you feeling very lonely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing that a lot of women feel in addition to loneliness, that I think magnifies the loneliness, is we don't feel needed anymore.\u00a0 I think that's part of why we feel that loneliness because it's like, \"Okay, what do I do now?\u00a0 I had these people who were so dependent on me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe discovered, Susan and I have, that we, in turn, became dependent on them because of this needing-each-other relationship.\u00a0 When they leave, we're wondering, \"Okay, now what do I do?\u00a0 Now what am I good at?\u00a0 How do I use my time?\u00a0 Where do I go?\u00a0 Who do I talk to?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Susan, I've always thought that when the kids leave, stuff around the house would get a whole lot easier because there's not as much mess being made, not as much laundry being done, not as much activity \u2013 it just wouldn't get as dirty and keeping up with the house would be a whole lot easier.\u00a0 You found the opposite was true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I did.\u00a0 I think, as mothers, we are created in many ways by God to multi-task.\u00a0 We have to!\u00a0 Just being a mother means being a multi-tasker.\u00a0 I remember cooking in the kitchen, or cleaning out a kitchen cabinet, or preparing a meal while the kids did homework at the table.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo you were sort of doing two things at once.\u00a0 But then to clean out a kitchen cabinet or to cook a meal, it was just one thing; and it was lonely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there wasn't anybody there to cheer you on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, there was nobody there to rave or cheer you on; and I noticed this when I was \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that why a lot of empty-nest moms stop cooking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I knew that was coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Barbara and I know you and John have really suffered through us working on this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it was one of the symptoms for me because I really have not\u2014it is true.\u00a0 I had to cook because I had to feed so many people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we had to set a good example; and we had to make nutritional meals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We no longer have to set good examples.\u00a0 We can eat junk food!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is harder to make a meal for two than it is to make a meal for four.\u00a0 Most recipes are a portion for four.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Remember, Bob, the chicken biscuit and peas\u00a0 [laughter]\u00a0 that Barbara made?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The famous four-day chicken biscuits and peas.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t make that anymore because it would last eight days now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But both of you, in addition to having your kids, you've got a network of friends.\u00a0 I mean, you're a pastor's wife.\u00a0 You've got a lot of women in your life, a lot of women you've discipled and spent time with and poured into.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara, you've got a lot of friends, a lot of women you're connected to.\u00a0 Doesn't that fill up some of the empty places, the loneliness?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does; but, you know, I'll tell you a little story that illustrates this in terms of how this book actually came about.\u00a0 Barbara and a friend of ours, Mary Jensen, and I went on a walk at a conference a few years ago.\u00a0 We knew each other not at a deep level; but we were also in the empty nest season at various stages.\u00a0 As we walked, we just threw out the question, \u201cWhat has been a theme in your life that past year?\u201d\u00a0 We were just sort of trying to catch up because we hadn't really seen each other for a year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt became obviously clear to all three of us that we were all lonely.\u00a0 Although we were all very busy people with lots of acquaintances in our life, we were lonely at the core for someone just to go really deeper with.\u00a0 I think it was sort of an aha! moment for us because we realized, \"Gosh, if we feel this way, there's an awful lot of other women out there that feel that way.\u201d\u00a0 Do you remember that walk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do, yes, I do, very well.\u00a0 I think part of it, too, in addition to that, is that the friends that we have, and so many women have, are in lots of different stages.\u00a0 I have a number of friends here locally who aren't empty nesters yet.\u00a0 They still have kids at home; and so whereas we had a natural avenue for relationship before when my kids were also home, we had things we could talk about and carpools we did together and all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the kids are gone and my three friends in the neighborhood all still have their kids at home, we don't have that natural avenue for connection, and I just didn't see them anymore.\u00a0 It absolutely dries up.\u00a0 That's part of the issue\u2014is that even though a lot of us may have a lot of friends and acquaintances, when so much of your relationship revolves around children, when the kids are gone, all of that automatic stuff you had in common vaporizes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as you're describing this, let me see if this is making sense because I'm kind of going, \u201cAha, yeah, I see what you're talking about.\u201d\u00a0 When you're raising your kids, and you're interacting with other women, you know about each other's lives; but I don't know how much you really know about each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct, that's good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When the kids are gone, lives change, and now it's, \u201cWho really knows me?\u201d\u00a0 That may be where some of the loneliness comes in because there's really nothing left to relate around because it's all been about our stuff and not as much about us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and it was mostly all about our children:\u00a0 \u201cHow are you raising your children; what are you teaching your children; what books have you read that have been helpful; what are you doing about curfew; what are you doing about spanking?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, the whole gamut of parenting was the realm in which we operated with other women.\u00a0 When you take that away\u2014but, you're right in expressing it\u2014that's the core of the loneliness because it's been about our task, it's been about our job, it's been about our career.\u00a0 When that's removed, that's the source of the loneliness is, \"Well, who really knows me?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, you know, it's been really interesting because we have found this equally true of the woman who stays at home or perhaps homeschools, who has been totally involved with their children; and exactly the same truth applies to the woman who has worked full-time outside the home.\u00a0 It doesn't seem to make a difference; they still feel that lonely void.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You'd think that a woman who is working outside the home still has, again, the work environment\u2014she's got a lot to keep her busy and keep her mind occupied.\u00a0 Why is she feeling lonely?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think, again, because\u2014even though she's worked outside the home, her primary identity has still been \u201cMom.\u201d\u00a0 That's my primary identity.\u00a0 I think there is some truth in that she does have an easier time of adjustment because she is busy, and she has tasks, and she has accomplishments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But don't you think that could be dangerous as well?\u00a0 She might not ever really get into the meaningful discussions that we're talking about here because she's busy. She may not have time to go deep with some friends to really hammer out what the adventure is all about from here forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a very good point; and that's what we want to encourage these women to do\u2014is not to see this as, \"Oh, woe is me, now I'm lonely,\" but \"Oh, my goodness!\u00a0 Now I have the time, in a way, to start over and go deeper with women in an intentional way, deeper, perhaps than I ever have in my whole life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know that, for both of you, you kind of wanted to write a book that would be the equivalent of what Bob Buford wrote for men.\u00a0 He wrote a book called <em>Halftime<\/em>.\u00a0 Of course, <em>Halftime<\/em> is the sports metaphor for a break in the action between the first half and the second half and redefining your life for the second half and living a purposeful life.\u00a0 That, really, was what you two wanted to do as you wrote this book was write a <em>Halftime <\/em>book for women.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that's really true because we are realizing, as we did the research, that as you mentioned at the beginning, that there are millions of women\u2014literally, millions of women who are in our season of life, who are between 40 and 60, who either are empty nesters or soon will be.\u00a0 It's a new generation where most of us are healthier, most of us have more resources and more time, and will live longer than our parents\u2019 and grandparents\u2019 generations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe will have the opportunity to have a second career\u2014to have a second life, so to speak, giving our lives to something else after our kids are gone.\u00a0 So we want to challenge women to consider that and not just ease into whatever happens to be around the corner but to really think it through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, as you described the feeling of loneliness that comes during this season, you talked about there being a loss of identity, a loss of confidence, a loss of motivation.\u00a0 Unpack some of that.\u00a0 What's going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think, again, what it is for us who are mothers and we've raised our children\u2014that role, that job of taking care of those little people, whether it was one or two or five or six or more, was our reason for existing.\u00a0 It became the thing that got us out of bed every morning.\u00a0 I mean, there were many times when our kids were little and we wished they wouldn't get us out of bed in the morning because we wanted to sleep in; but they got us out of bed every morning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so when you do that for that many years, that becomes who you are.\u00a0 It's an interesting transition that we experienced as mothers because our children need us; but then slowly, subtly, over the years, we realize that\u2014and we see this as empty nesters\u2014I didn't see it at the time, and I don't know that Susan would say she did, either.\u00a0 In hindsight, we realize we needed them, too, because they gave meaning to our existence.\u00a0 They gave meaning to all the cooking, and all the laundry, and all the things that we had to do.\u00a0 We were doing it for a noble cause because we were raising the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTheir existence fueled my identity and helped me feel like what I was doing\u2014all the menial tasks\u2014made it feel like it was really important.\u00a0 So my identity became wrapped up in who my children were, and who they were becoming, and what I was doing day in and day out.\u00a0 And so when the kids leave, our position goes with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We've already said that this issue of loneliness can be dominant during this time.\u00a0 If you were coaching a mom who is either headed in that direction or is already there and saying, \"You've got to get a band of sisters\u2014\u201c I don't know how else to say it, but, \u201csome other women who know you and know the interior of your life.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA mom goes, \"That seems scary to me.\u00a0 Walk me through that process of connecting with those women.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Susan:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's a great question. I think the first step is simply to realize that they're normal in feeling lonely and they're not the only one that feels lonely.\u00a0 Actually, in the book, we give seven tips to re-engaging with other women.\u00a0 The first one is simply to pray\u2014pray for God to give you a good friend, and pray that you'll be a good friend to other women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, secondly, which is the hard one, is to take the first step.\u00a0 What that might look like, Bob, is calling up a woman that you know just a little bit and saying, \"Hey, I'd love to go for a walk,\" or \"I'd love to have coffee at Starbuck's.\"\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou think, \u201cWhat are we going to talk about?\u201d\u00a0 We have found it really helpful to think in terms of two words that are great conversation breakers.\u00a0 One is relationships, and one is schedules.\u00a0 A relationship question might be, \u201cYou know, tell me about your family,\u201d or \u201cTell me about someone who has meant a lot to you, has been a model to you your whole life.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWho do you spend time with on vacations?\u201d\u00a0 Those are relationship questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA schedule question might be, \u201cWhat is a typical week like for you? Are you working part-time?\u00a0 What are your hobbies?\u201d\u00a0 Those are schedule questions.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou keep at it until you have spent time with two or three women; and then, I think, out of that will grow a new friendship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, if you're going to do that, you've got to be open.\u00a0 You've got to be ready to peel back some of what's in your own life and say, \"I'd like a relationship that doesn't just stay on the surface.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and I think that's what is part of the adjustment for so many of us is that we're taken back by the loneliness and the emotions that we're feeling; and so we've become paralyzed and isolated, and we kind of don't know what to do.\u00a0 I think these suggestions are really healthy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother way to do it would be to get two or three women who all had students in the same school as your last child and say, \u201cLet's all go get coffee and talk about what's happening with your child at school, and yours that's in the service, and how we're all feeling about it.\"\u00a0 It doesn't even have to be something that goes on after that one initial meeting, but just taking the initiative with some other women who you know are in your same season of life can be very encouraging to them and to you as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's an interesting passage in Ecclesiastes 3 where it talks about there are seasons in life\u2014you know, a time to love and a time to hate, a time to keep and a time to cast away, and it just goes through all these contrasts back and forth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the empty nest is a new season.\u00a0 It's a time to do some inventory, a time to not withdraw but instead to reach out, and then to begin to make some plans and to begin to get some hills to conquer, and to decide, \u201cWhat does God have for me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI personally believe that what your book is going to do for a lot of women is not only capture that emotional state where they are, but it's going to cast a vision for what their lives can become.\u00a0 Personally, I believe one of the greatest agents for change that God placed on the planet is women.\u00a0 There are a lot of great things that have been accomplished by women when they become passionate and visionary and begin to experience the adventure for which God designed them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there is some expanded capacity for women in this season of life that they can devote to Kingdom work.\u00a0 In fact, you guys talk a lot about that in the book.\u00a0 Again, we want to encourage listeners, \u201cGet a copy of <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em> so that you can begin to prepare yourself for what you are going to experience emotionally, but also so you can begin to reposition your life and re-prioritize your life for the chapter that God has ahead for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>.\u00a0 The website again is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call toll-free at 1-800-358-6329 and order a copy.\u00a0 That is 1-800-358-6329 which is also 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask for a copy of the book <em>Barbara and Susan\u2019s Guide to the Empty Nest<\/em>.\u00a0 We will let you know how you can get a copy sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are in the final couple of weeks here in the month of May; and we are hoping that over the next two weeks we are going to hear from a lot of listeners so that we will be able to take full advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that was presented to us back a few weeks ago.\u00a0 We had some friends of the ministry who came to us and said, \u201cWe would like to help FamilyLife out, especially as you head toward the summer months.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese folks know that during the summer we will often see a decrease in the donations to the ministry.\u00a0 They said, \u201cLet\u2019s try and get ahead of the wave here.\u201d\u00a0 They agreed that they would match every donation that we receive during the month of May on a dollar-for-dollar basis, up to a total of $750,000, which by the way is the largest matching gift that we have ever received outside of December.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cIt is going to be a stretch because we know folks are busy in May and they have things going on; but we will go to our listeners and see if we can encourage folks to make a $20-, or $30-, or $50-, or $100-, or $200-donation, whatever they can do to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 When you do that, the donation is going to be matched dollar-for-dollar.\u00a0 We still have a ways to go to get to our $750,000 goal, and that is why we are asking you to do whatever you can do either online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation and support the ministry of <em>FamilyLifeToday.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Keep it on the air on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 We appreciate your generosity and your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 It means a lot to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us again tomorrow when we talk about the emotions that often come as a mom enters into this season of the empty nest\u2014things like depression, or grief, or a sense of loss\u2014coping with that.\u00a0 Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates are going to be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you will be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow with another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twww.FamilyLife.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302276"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302276"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302276"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302276"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}