{"id":302274,"date":"2011-05-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-05-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/letting-go\/"},"modified":"2011-05-13T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-05-13T15:00:00","slug":"letting-go","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You take care of your baby girl\u2019s every need.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-13.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"32.22M","filesize_raw":"33784237","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2836],"tags":[2918,4798],"podcast_series":[7804],"cwp_profile":[9233],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302274","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-girls","tag-conflict","tag-kids","podcast_series-the-mother-daughter-duet","cwp_profile-cheri-fuller-and-ali-plum","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302274\/letting-go","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302274\/letting-go","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Y8wFBwXJ6d\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go\/\">Letting Go<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go\/embed\/#?secret=Y8wFBwXJ6d\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Letting Go&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Y8wFBwXJ6d\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It can be difficult to experience harmony in a home when family members are facing challenges.\u00a0 That was the case for Cheri Fuller as her husband was battling depression, was starting to drink and her daughter, a young teenager, was starting to drink as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t drink a whole lot in high school.\u00a0 But when I would drink I would drink a lot and it would sometimes be blackout drinking sort of situations.\u00a0 I did start hiding it from the family pretty early on, and partly because that\u2019s what I saw my dad do.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think of myself as a problem drinker.\u00a0 I just thought, \u201cOh, maybe this is something we have in common.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you do when sin patterns in a mother-daughter relationship put a strain on that relationship?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear one mom and daughter share their story today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in a normal relationship between parents and adolescents there can often be strained relationships.\u00a0 There can often be tension in those relationships.\u00a0 But when you mix in some of the factors that we\u2019ve been hearing about this week, a dad who is depressed, a teenage daughter who has started binge drinking and blacking out, the mother-daughter relationship in that environment is typically not a real healthy relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, TSA, when you go through airports, used to have all these green, yellow and red ratings.\u00a0 Well, we\u2019re talking about a red warning at this point for this family.\u00a0 We have a mother and a daughter with us today who are going to share their story that I think a lot of people are going to be able to identify with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCheri Fuller is the mom.\u00a0 She\u2019s been married for 42 years, has three children, six grandchildren.\u00a0 She\u2019s an author and a speaker.\u00a0 Ali Plum, of course, is her daughter.\u00a0 She\u2019s married, has two children.\u00a0 The story they are sharing today, Bob, is really one that could be true of most families who are raising adolescents.\u00a0 But they really had a problem with alcohol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alcohol was kind of a symptom of this growing distance that was happening in the relationship that we\u2019ve already heard about this week.\u00a0 Cheri, I\u2019m just curious.\u00a0 When Ali was in high school and she was doing this binge drinking, this blackout drinking, were you even aware that this was going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, not at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was all under the radar?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 It happened at a few parties.\u00a0 I was more aware after she came back home when she was about twenty and I actually took her to an alcohol and drug counselor that works with young people and did what I could to try to intervene, praying up a storm, praying with my Moms in Touch group.\u00a0 That actually irritated her more than anything, that I was so anxious about her and she was my prayer project.\u00a0 That really annoyed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It seems to me, Ali, this is another part of the setup here.\u00a0 Here she is trying to fix a problem and you\u2019re trying to flee the penitentiary, so to speak.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be fixed.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be helped, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly!\u00a0 I was in my own process and at the time I was enjoying aspects of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here you are, Cheri, as you\u2019re watching her kind of spiral out of control, you\u2019re watching her move out of the house finally and you get a phone call one day and she sounds even more depressed and even more discouraged.\u00a0 She\u2019s four hundred miles away.\u00a0 What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 My friend and I got in the car and we drove four hundred miles to Kansas City to take her out to lunch.\u00a0 Now, as I look back at that, I go, \u201cOh, wow!\u201d\u00a0 I was a mom who was far too concerned yet that\u2019s just where I was.\u00a0 I had incredibly high stress in my life.\u00a0 I was seeing a husband spiral down.\u00a0 I was concerned about a daughter who sounded in despair and, as Mom, I was doing the best I could, even though I was making mistakes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what I finally had to realize?\u00a0 This was a good step for me about a year and a half, two years later.\u00a0 She was back at home.\u00a0 They were both depressed.\u00a0 One day I realized, \u201cYou know, I can\u2019t do enough to change these two precious people who I love with all my heart.\u00a0 The only thing I can do is to let God change me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat day opened me to a whole different journey.\u00a0 I went to counseling myself and I really began to look deeply into me and God changed me.\u00a0 And, as a mom, that\u2019s what I needed to do.\u00a0 As a women, I needed to do that, and as a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ali, I listen to her tell the story of driving four hundred miles round trip to come visit you.\u00a0 It\u2019s a mother\u2019s love to drive that distance to try to rescue her daughter.\u00a0 How did you interpret that, though?\u00a0 Did you see it as a loving act on your mother\u2019s part or did it further anger you and cause you to feel controlled?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 That particular instance I felt incredibly loved because, at the time, I was having pretty manic highs and then I would have crashing, crashing lows and when we went out to lunch she actually really listened.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t this frenetic sort of conversation like, \u201cHow are you doing, how can I pray for you\u2026?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHow can I fix it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, \u201cHow can I fix it?\u00a0 Do you want to come home?\u201d\u00a0 So that was a day that she did come with a whole lot of love and surround me with it and it made a difference that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it breaks down into three areas that you guys talk about that really are the essence of the message of how a mother and a daughter can have a duet.\u00a0 First of all, clarify the expectations.\u00a0 As you get older, as you grow up as a young lady, you have to clarify what your expectations are in terms of having a relationship with your mom.\u00a0 What does that look like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not like you have one meeting with your mom or with your daughter and it all gets on the table.\u00a0 It is a dialogue.\u00a0 It is a duet.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to talk about it.\u00a0 If one person speaks words and the other draws charcoal drawings, you\u2019ve got to meet each other in the middle with both of those forms of communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there may be changes over time.\u00a0 You have to have that conversation on an ongoing basis because you may say here\u2019s what I want the relationship to be like now but a year from now that could change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, exactly.\u00a0 In fact, mothers and daughters are continually going through changes in their lives.\u00a0 I\u2019m going through changes.\u00a0 As a mom, I feel like we\u2019ve got to let go of a lot of expectations in order to just really accept and validate who they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the messages is trust God enough to know he\u2019s going to take care of your daughter.\u00a0 She\u2019s on her own spiritual journey and it may not look like yours but He loves her even more than you do.\u00a0 You can trust Him.\u00a0 And if you really trust Him then she\u2019s going to see the model of \u201cThis is what my mom has lived.\u00a0 My mom really does have faith in God because she can even trust Him with me when I\u2019m not doing what she might want me to!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the section in your book that I think you guys really nailed, that\u2019s the idea of letting go.\u00a0 One of the things that you wrote about and, Ali, you commented on this in the book, you said, \u201cIf we don\u2019t let go, our daughters hear control in everything we do and say, even if we\u2019re just trying to help.\u201d\u00a0 So your mom could drive all the way to Kansas City and the cool thing was she didn\u2019t try to control, she just listened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, looking back as I read your book that seems to be the point when you began to let go and began to say, \u201cYou know what God?\u00a0 She\u2019s your child, not just mine.\u00a0 But I\u2019m going to trust you with her.\u201d\u00a0 So you went to that meeting with Ali and you didn\u2019t have to fix it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just let Ali talk and, as a result, the word you just said a few minutes ago, Ali, you said you felt loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Felt loved.\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That really leads to the third aspect that you talk about in your book and that is that you keep the closets empty.\u00a0 In other words, you forgive.\u00a0 One of the things you talked about, Ali, in the book, was that you didn\u2019t know how to ask for forgiveness or express forgiveness because you really hadn\u2019t learned it or hadn\u2019t really grasped it as you grew up as a young lady.\u00a0 There can\u2019t be relationships ongoing if you don\u2019t know how to ask for forgiveness or you don\u2019t know how to grant forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\u00a0 I think a lot off that stems from not being able to forgive yourself of something and so then you sort of inadvertently stop communicating with words to someone else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I mean by that is I think for a while we were a family of perfectionists and we had such high expectations of ourselves that over time I think it flew over into each other.\u00a0 It was unattainable.\u00a0 We\u2019re all so incredibly human.\u00a0 My brokenness is what led me back to Jesus physically and literally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sitting in a less than desirable place in a treatment facility that, let\u2019s just say it, wasn\u2019t like this California posh treatment facility by any means.\u00a0 There were white walls and I was detoxing.\u00a0 I was encouraged by my counselor to go into this little chapel they had and just sit in the chapel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took me about three weeks into it where I finally went in there.\u00a0 The Jesus that I heard Bible stories about, when my faith didn\u2019t waver yet, it was preadolescent faith I\u2019d call it, which was actually full of imagination and it was full of vivid imagery of this Jesus who loved unconditionally.\u00a0 I had lost that Jesus and that was a real experience.\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t revisit the truth of that experience until I was in this treatment facility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI sat in that chapel and all of a sudden Jesus was really the one who was there.\u00a0 He was with us.\u00a0 The funny thing was I saw him in there with me like, \u201cOh, yeah.\u00a0 You do accept me.\u00a0 You really do.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t here, then I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I can still do this believing gig.\u201d\u00a0 But then I walked out of the chapel and down into this area when people are playing ping pong.\u00a0 I was in the nut house and I was a nut.\u00a0 All of a sudden for me, I experienced Jesus was there so real that he was like there with skin on.\u00a0 He had this smile on His face, looking at us, nut job addicts and He was enjoying us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo this day, that\u2019s where my heart connects the most, is in still remembering the most broken part of me that remet Jesus.\u00a0 Maybe my mom tried for a lot of years to hold a candle right by my face that I could kind of see parts of my way.\u00a0 Then I sat in treatment and it was all of a sudden like this beacon of light that, even though things were at the most awful probably for a mom to see her daughter not be able to be with her kids, because she\u2019s been too drunk.\u00a0 Yet that\u2019s where the beacon came and where I actually found some purpose for the very first time in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you\u2019re talking about it, I think, the place where all of us need to go when we find a relationship that is beyond human control.\u00a0 It\u2019s in a quite masterful way, Jesus Christ, brings all of us over our lifetimes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s found in Matthew, chapter eleven, verse twenty-eight, these are the words of Christ.\u00a0 Only He could make this statement.\u00a0 \u201cCome to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.\u00a0 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your soles.\u00a0 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.\u201d\u00a0 The problem with all of us is we get involved in these relationships and we try to fix them ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do.\u00a0 And you, know, Dennis, at that same treatment center I share a scene in our chapter, The Power of Forgiveness, that was very significant as a turnaround in our relationship and it was a very low moment for me as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was in Dallas and we had a little apartment there because my husband was there doing some consulting on building.\u00a0 Ali had gone into the treatment center and I was just like, \u201cOh, what have I done?\u00a0 How did this happen?\u201d\u00a0 One day it was raining real hard and I was just on my face on the carpet before the Lord, just asking His forgiveness for the ways I\u2019d failed in spite of trying to be a good mom and just saying, \u201cLord, show me my part.\u00a0 Show me my part.\u201d\u00a0 And, you know, He began to do just that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA little while later I dried my tears and I drove across Dallas to the mid city where this treatment center was with just the express purpose of asking Allison\u2019s forgiveness.\u00a0 I drove up and she was outside on the smoking porch with some people.\u00a0 She saw my car and walked over in the rain and I didn\u2019t make excuses.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do any of that.\u00a0 I just said, \u201cWould you forgive me?\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry for the things that I missed or over focusing on your dad\u2019s problems or whatever.\u201d\u00a0 She put her arms around me and she graciously forgave me.\u00a0 That moment of forgiveness between us was really, really a turning point into a deeper relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ali, I\u2019ve got a question for you and I have an assignment for you, alright?\u00a0 But the question is, your mom just told a story of when she asked your forgiveness.\u00a0 Was there a moment when you went to her and asked her to forgive you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It was actually in writing the book.\u00a0 One reason why that took a while, I think, is my mom would often take responsibility for things that were my responsibility.\u00a0 When she stopped apologizing for other people\u2019s mistakes then that\u2019s when, all of a sudden, I started looking around like, \u201cWhoa!\u00a0 I\u2019ve been doing some damage here!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you took responsibility for what you\u2019d done?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to move you a step further away from where you\u2019d been in terms of letting your mom take the rap to turning the tables here.\u00a0 The tables are going to get turned around something you already have heard growing up.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the Ten Commandments. It says, \u201cHonor your father and your mother that it may go well with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m going to ask you to do right now is turn to your mom and I want you to give her a tribute.\u00a0 It\u2019s too bad you can\u2019t use\u00a0 a charcoal pencil to do it.\u00a0 Unfortunately I\u2019m going to ask you to use some words to do it to the best of your ability.\u00a0 The word honor means to put it heavy on them, to esteem them and value them.\u00a0 Even though your mom made some mistakes, there was a mother\u2019s heart coming through toward a little girl growing up and a bigger girl and her adolescent years and then a young lady going off on her own.\u00a0 Can you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The microphone is yours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Mom.\u00a0 I think that you\u2019re the strongest woman that I know.\u00a0 You\u2019ve taught me how to be a woman by your life, by the way that you\u2019ve lived it and not just by words.\u00a0 I think words have failed us before when we\u2019ve tried to connect.\u00a0 But I just want you to know that your life inspires my daily actions as a mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy embracing me in my darkest hour and by praying for me all those years, even though I acted so annoyed, I\u2019m thankful for every prayer because there could have been a lot things happen in my addiction.\u00a0 So I really do want to say thank you because you\u2019ve been patient and you\u2019ve been loving in the process of being unloved by me when I have, on purpose or on accident, not been loving to you as my mother and not honored you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou never stopped believing in me or my brothers.\u00a0 Thank you for loving my dad and for really keeping the family unit together.\u00a0 I\u2019m really, really thankful for the grandmother that you are to my boys.\u00a0 I\u2019m really proud of the work that you do and that I\u2019ve always seen you do with the widows and the orphans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd even through our relationship turmoil one thing you might not know is that inside, deep inside, I\u2019ve always said I want to be just like my mom when I grow up because you have been Jesus with skin on to so many people for so many years.\u00a0 So, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Ali.\u00a0 That means the world to me.\u00a0 And you mean the world to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, what we hear the two of you expressing to one another even here is reflected in the book that you have written, <em>The Mother-Daughter Duet<\/em>, which really opens up and shares a lot of your story that you\u2019ve shared this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I want to encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.Com.\u00a0 Look for the book, <em>The<\/em> <em>Mother-Daughter Duet<\/em>, by Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum.\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can also call if you\u2019d like more information bout the book.\u00a0 The toll free number is 1-800-FLToday, 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask about the book <em>The Mother Daughter Duet<\/em> when you call us and we can make arrangements to have a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick reminder that the month of May is a strategic month here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who are aware of the fact that for ministries like ours, summer months tend to be a time when donations start to slip a little bit.\u00a0 Folks get busy with other things.\u00a0 We understand how that happens.\u00a0 These friends wanted to make sure that during the summer we wouldn\u2019t have to made adjustments because there was a fall off in donations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo they agreed that this month they would match the donations that we receive from listeners on a dollar for dollar basis up to a total of $750,000!\u00a0 That\u2019s a huge opportunity for us but, in order for us to take full advantage of that matching gift, we need to hear from as many listeners as possible between now and the end of May.\u00a0 So we\u2019re asking you, if you can today, to go online at FamilyLfieToday.com or call 1-800-FLToday.\u00a0 Make a donation on the internet or over the phone.\u00a0 Let us know that you believe in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and you want to see us stay financially strong over the summer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you make that donation today, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 So if it\u2019s a twenty dollar donation you make, we\u2019ll get a $20 donation from our friends.\u00a0 If it\u2019s $50, we\u2019ll get another $50.\u00a0 If it\u2019s $100, another $100. That\u2019s the way it works up until we get to that total of $750,000.\u00a0 We do hope to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can make a donation online at FamilyLfieToday.com or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Either way, we want to say thanks so much for your support of this ministry.\u00a0 We really do appreciate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 We hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about a season of life that will come for every mother at some point.\u00a0 It\u2019s the season when the last child says \u201cSee ya!\u201d and the nest gets empty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may be years away from that happening.\u00a0 But trust me the years go by quick and this is a good time to start thinking about that chapter in your life.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that on Monday with Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates.\u00a0 We hope you can be here for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfor our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tdonating today to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["32.22M"],"filesize_raw":["33784237"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302274.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302274.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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take care of your baby girl\u2019s every need.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-05-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It can be difficult to experience harmony in a home when family members are facing challenges.\u00a0 That was the case for Cheri Fuller as her husband was battling depression, was starting to drink and her daughter, a young teenager, was starting to drink as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t drink a whole lot in high school.\u00a0 But when I would drink I would drink a lot and it would sometimes be blackout drinking sort of situations.\u00a0 I did start hiding it from the family pretty early on, and partly because that\u2019s what I saw my dad do.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think of myself as a problem drinker.\u00a0 I just thought, \u201cOh, maybe this is something we have in common.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you do when sin patterns in a mother-daughter relationship put a strain on that relationship?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear one mom and daughter share their story today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in a normal relationship between parents and adolescents there can often be strained relationships.\u00a0 There can often be tension in those relationships.\u00a0 But when you mix in some of the factors that we\u2019ve been hearing about this week, a dad who is depressed, a teenage daughter who has started binge drinking and blacking out, the mother-daughter relationship in that environment is typically not a real healthy relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, TSA, when you go through airports, used to have all these green, yellow and red ratings.\u00a0 Well, we\u2019re talking about a red warning at this point for this family.\u00a0 We have a mother and a daughter with us today who are going to share their story that I think a lot of people are going to be able to identify with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCheri Fuller is the mom.\u00a0 She\u2019s been married for 42 years, has three children, six grandchildren.\u00a0 She\u2019s an author and a speaker.\u00a0 Ali Plum, of course, is her daughter.\u00a0 She\u2019s married, has two children.\u00a0 The story they are sharing today, Bob, is really one that could be true of most families who are raising adolescents.\u00a0 But they really had a problem with alcohol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Alcohol was kind of a symptom of this growing distance that was happening in the relationship that we\u2019ve already heard about this week.\u00a0 Cheri, I\u2019m just curious.\u00a0 When Ali was in high school and she was doing this binge drinking, this blackout drinking, were you even aware that this was going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, not at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was all under the radar?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 It happened at a few parties.\u00a0 I was more aware after she came back home when she was about twenty and I actually took her to an alcohol and drug counselor that works with young people and did what I could to try to intervene, praying up a storm, praying with my Moms in Touch group.\u00a0 That actually irritated her more than anything, that I was so anxious about her and she was my prayer project.\u00a0 That really annoyed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It seems to me, Ali, this is another part of the setup here.\u00a0 Here she is trying to fix a problem and you\u2019re trying to flee the penitentiary, so to speak.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be fixed.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be helped, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly!\u00a0 I was in my own process and at the time I was enjoying aspects of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And here you are, Cheri, as you\u2019re watching her kind of spiral out of control, you\u2019re watching her move out of the house finally and you get a phone call one day and she sounds even more depressed and even more discouraged.\u00a0 She\u2019s four hundred miles away.\u00a0 What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 My friend and I got in the car and we drove four hundred miles to Kansas City to take her out to lunch.\u00a0 Now, as I look back at that, I go, \u201cOh, wow!\u201d\u00a0 I was a mom who was far too concerned yet that\u2019s just where I was.\u00a0 I had incredibly high stress in my life.\u00a0 I was seeing a husband spiral down.\u00a0 I was concerned about a daughter who sounded in despair and, as Mom, I was doing the best I could, even though I was making mistakes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what I finally had to realize?\u00a0 This was a good step for me about a year and a half, two years later.\u00a0 She was back at home.\u00a0 They were both depressed.\u00a0 One day I realized, \u201cYou know, I can\u2019t do enough to change these two precious people who I love with all my heart.\u00a0 The only thing I can do is to let God change me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat day opened me to a whole different journey.\u00a0 I went to counseling myself and I really began to look deeply into me and God changed me.\u00a0 And, as a mom, that\u2019s what I needed to do.\u00a0 As a women, I needed to do that, and as a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ali, I listen to her tell the story of driving four hundred miles round trip to come visit you.\u00a0 It\u2019s a mother\u2019s love to drive that distance to try to rescue her daughter.\u00a0 How did you interpret that, though?\u00a0 Did you see it as a loving act on your mother\u2019s part or did it further anger you and cause you to feel controlled?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 That particular instance I felt incredibly loved because, at the time, I was having pretty manic highs and then I would have crashing, crashing lows and when we went out to lunch she actually really listened.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t this frenetic sort of conversation like, \u201cHow are you doing, how can I pray for you\u2026?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHow can I fix it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, \u201cHow can I fix it?\u00a0 Do you want to come home?\u201d\u00a0 So that was a day that she did come with a whole lot of love and surround me with it and it made a difference that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it breaks down into three areas that you guys talk about that really are the essence of the message of how a mother and a daughter can have a duet.\u00a0 First of all, clarify the expectations.\u00a0 As you get older, as you grow up as a young lady, you have to clarify what your expectations are in terms of having a relationship with your mom.\u00a0 What does that look like?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not like you have one meeting with your mom or with your daughter and it all gets on the table.\u00a0 It is a dialogue.\u00a0 It is a duet.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to talk about it.\u00a0 If one person speaks words and the other draws charcoal drawings, you\u2019ve got to meet each other in the middle with both of those forms of communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there may be changes over time.\u00a0 You have to have that conversation on an ongoing basis because you may say here\u2019s what I want the relationship to be like now but a year from now that could change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, exactly.\u00a0 In fact, mothers and daughters are continually going through changes in their lives.\u00a0 I\u2019m going through changes.\u00a0 As a mom, I feel like we\u2019ve got to let go of a lot of expectations in order to just really accept and validate who they are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the messages is trust God enough to know he\u2019s going to take care of your daughter.\u00a0 She\u2019s on her own spiritual journey and it may not look like yours but He loves her even more than you do.\u00a0 You can trust Him.\u00a0 And if you really trust Him then she\u2019s going to see the model of \u201cThis is what my mom has lived.\u00a0 My mom really does have faith in God because she can even trust Him with me when I\u2019m not doing what she might want me to!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the section in your book that I think you guys really nailed, that\u2019s the idea of letting go.\u00a0 One of the things that you wrote about and, Ali, you commented on this in the book, you said, \u201cIf we don\u2019t let go, our daughters hear control in everything we do and say, even if we\u2019re just trying to help.\u201d\u00a0 So your mom could drive all the way to Kansas City and the cool thing was she didn\u2019t try to control, she just listened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, looking back as I read your book that seems to be the point when you began to let go and began to say, \u201cYou know what God?\u00a0 She\u2019s your child, not just mine.\u00a0 But I\u2019m going to trust you with her.\u201d\u00a0 So you went to that meeting with Ali and you didn\u2019t have to fix it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You just let Ali talk and, as a result, the word you just said a few minutes ago, Ali, you said you felt loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Felt loved.\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That really leads to the third aspect that you talk about in your book and that is that you keep the closets empty.\u00a0 In other words, you forgive.\u00a0 One of the things you talked about, Ali, in the book, was that you didn\u2019t know how to ask for forgiveness or express forgiveness because you really hadn\u2019t learned it or hadn\u2019t really grasped it as you grew up as a young lady.\u00a0 There can\u2019t be relationships ongoing if you don\u2019t know how to ask for forgiveness or you don\u2019t know how to grant forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\u00a0 I think a lot off that stems from not being able to forgive yourself of something and so then you sort of inadvertently stop communicating with words to someone else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I mean by that is I think for a while we were a family of perfectionists and we had such high expectations of ourselves that over time I think it flew over into each other.\u00a0 It was unattainable.\u00a0 We\u2019re all so incredibly human.\u00a0 My brokenness is what led me back to Jesus physically and literally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was sitting in a less than desirable place in a treatment facility that, let\u2019s just say it, wasn\u2019t like this California posh treatment facility by any means.\u00a0 There were white walls and I was detoxing.\u00a0 I was encouraged by my counselor to go into this little chapel they had and just sit in the chapel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took me about three weeks into it where I finally went in there.\u00a0 The Jesus that I heard Bible stories about, when my faith didn\u2019t waver yet, it was preadolescent faith I\u2019d call it, which was actually full of imagination and it was full of vivid imagery of this Jesus who loved unconditionally.\u00a0 I had lost that Jesus and that was a real experience.\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t revisit the truth of that experience until I was in this treatment facility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI sat in that chapel and all of a sudden Jesus was really the one who was there.\u00a0 He was with us.\u00a0 The funny thing was I saw him in there with me like, \u201cOh, yeah.\u00a0 You do accept me.\u00a0 You really do.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t here, then I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if I can still do this believing gig.\u201d\u00a0 But then I walked out of the chapel and down into this area when people are playing ping pong.\u00a0 I was in the nut house and I was a nut.\u00a0 All of a sudden for me, I experienced Jesus was there so real that he was like there with skin on.\u00a0 He had this smile on His face, looking at us, nut job addicts and He was enjoying us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo this day, that\u2019s where my heart connects the most, is in still remembering the most broken part of me that remet Jesus.\u00a0 Maybe my mom tried for a lot of years to hold a candle right by my face that I could kind of see parts of my way.\u00a0 Then I sat in treatment and it was all of a sudden like this beacon of light that, even though things were at the most awful probably for a mom to see her daughter not be able to be with her kids, because she\u2019s been too drunk.\u00a0 Yet that\u2019s where the beacon came and where I actually found some purpose for the very first time in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you\u2019re talking about it, I think, the place where all of us need to go when we find a relationship that is beyond human control.\u00a0 It\u2019s in a quite masterful way, Jesus Christ, brings all of us over our lifetimes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s found in Matthew, chapter eleven, verse twenty-eight, these are the words of Christ.\u00a0 Only He could make this statement.\u00a0 \u201cCome to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.\u00a0 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your soles.\u00a0 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.\u201d\u00a0 The problem with all of us is we get involved in these relationships and we try to fix them ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 We do.\u00a0 And you, know, Dennis, at that same treatment center I share a scene in our chapter, The Power of Forgiveness, that was very significant as a turnaround in our relationship and it was a very low moment for me as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was in Dallas and we had a little apartment there because my husband was there doing some consulting on building.\u00a0 Ali had gone into the treatment center and I was just like, \u201cOh, what have I done?\u00a0 How did this happen?\u201d\u00a0 One day it was raining real hard and I was just on my face on the carpet before the Lord, just asking His forgiveness for the ways I\u2019d failed in spite of trying to be a good mom and just saying, \u201cLord, show me my part.\u00a0 Show me my part.\u201d\u00a0 And, you know, He began to do just that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA little while later I dried my tears and I drove across Dallas to the mid city where this treatment center was with just the express purpose of asking Allison\u2019s forgiveness.\u00a0 I drove up and she was outside on the smoking porch with some people.\u00a0 She saw my car and walked over in the rain and I didn\u2019t make excuses.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do any of that.\u00a0 I just said, \u201cWould you forgive me?\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry for the things that I missed or over focusing on your dad\u2019s problems or whatever.\u201d\u00a0 She put her arms around me and she graciously forgave me.\u00a0 That moment of forgiveness between us was really, really a turning point into a deeper relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ali, I\u2019ve got a question for you and I have an assignment for you, alright?\u00a0 But the question is, your mom just told a story of when she asked your forgiveness.\u00a0 Was there a moment when you went to her and asked her to forgive you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It was actually in writing the book.\u00a0 One reason why that took a while, I think, is my mom would often take responsibility for things that were my responsibility.\u00a0 When she stopped apologizing for other people\u2019s mistakes then that\u2019s when, all of a sudden, I started looking around like, \u201cWhoa!\u00a0 I\u2019ve been doing some damage here!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you took responsibility for what you\u2019d done?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to move you a step further away from where you\u2019d been in terms of letting your mom take the rap to turning the tables here.\u00a0 The tables are going to get turned around something you already have heard growing up.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the Ten Commandments. It says, \u201cHonor your father and your mother that it may go well with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m going to ask you to do right now is turn to your mom and I want you to give her a tribute.\u00a0 It\u2019s too bad you can\u2019t use\u00a0 a charcoal pencil to do it.\u00a0 Unfortunately I\u2019m going to ask you to use some words to do it to the best of your ability.\u00a0 The word honor means to put it heavy on them, to esteem them and value them.\u00a0 Even though your mom made some mistakes, there was a mother\u2019s heart coming through toward a little girl growing up and a bigger girl and her adolescent years and then a young lady going off on her own.\u00a0 Can you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The microphone is yours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ali:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Mom.\u00a0 I think that you\u2019re the strongest woman that I know.\u00a0 You\u2019ve taught me how to be a woman by your life, by the way that you\u2019ve lived it and not just by words.\u00a0 I think words have failed us before when we\u2019ve tried to connect.\u00a0 But I just want you to know that your life inspires my daily actions as a mother.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy embracing me in my darkest hour and by praying for me all those years, even though I acted so annoyed, I\u2019m thankful for every prayer because there could have been a lot things happen in my addiction.\u00a0 So I really do want to say thank you because you\u2019ve been patient and you\u2019ve been loving in the process of being unloved by me when I have, on purpose or on accident, not been loving to you as my mother and not honored you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou never stopped believing in me or my brothers.\u00a0 Thank you for loving my dad and for really keeping the family unit together.\u00a0 I\u2019m really, really thankful for the grandmother that you are to my boys.\u00a0 I\u2019m really proud of the work that you do and that I\u2019ve always seen you do with the widows and the orphans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd even through our relationship turmoil one thing you might not know is that inside, deep inside, I\u2019ve always said I want to be just like my mom when I grow up because you have been Jesus with skin on to so many people for so many years.\u00a0 So, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheri:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Ali.\u00a0 That means the world to me.\u00a0 And you mean the world to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, what we hear the two of you expressing to one another even here is reflected in the book that you have written, <em>The Mother-Daughter Duet<\/em>, which really opens up and shares a lot of your story that you\u2019ve shared this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I want to encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.Com.\u00a0 Look for the book, <em>The<\/em> <em>Mother-Daughter Duet<\/em>, by Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum.\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can also call if you\u2019d like more information bout the book.\u00a0 The toll free number is 1-800-FLToday, 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask about the book <em>The Mother Daughter Duet<\/em> when you call us and we can make arrangements to have a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a quick reminder that the month of May is a strategic month here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who are aware of the fact that for ministries like ours, summer months tend to be a time when donations start to slip a little bit.\u00a0 Folks get busy with other things.\u00a0 We understand how that happens.\u00a0 These friends wanted to make sure that during the summer we wouldn\u2019t have to made adjustments because there was a fall off in donations.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo they agreed that this month they would match the donations that we receive from listeners on a dollar for dollar basis up to a total of $750,000!\u00a0 That\u2019s a huge opportunity for us but, in order for us to take full advantage of that matching gift, we need to hear from as many listeners as possible between now and the end of May.\u00a0 So we\u2019re asking you, if you can today, to go online at FamilyLfieToday.com or call 1-800-FLToday.\u00a0 Make a donation on the internet or over the phone.\u00a0 Let us know that you believe in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and you want to see us stay financially strong over the summer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you make that donation today, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 So if it\u2019s a twenty dollar donation you make, we\u2019ll get a $20 donation from our friends.\u00a0 If it\u2019s $50, we\u2019ll get another $50.\u00a0 If it\u2019s $100, another $100. That\u2019s the way it works up until we get to that total of $750,000.\u00a0 We do hope to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can make a donation online at FamilyLfieToday.com or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 Either way, we want to say thanks so much for your support of this ministry.\u00a0 We really do appreciate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 We hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about a season of life that will come for every mother at some point.\u00a0 It\u2019s the season when the last child says \u201cSee ya!\u201d and the nest gets empty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may be years away from that happening.\u00a0 But trust me the years go by quick and this is a good time to start thinking about that chapter in your life.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that on Monday with Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates.\u00a0 We hope you can be here for that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfor our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tdonating today to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 2011FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302274"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302274"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302274"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302274"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}